This is really insightful. I found even in hospital we were told to distract ourselves after meals and I always dreaded finishing meals. I now realise this was probably unsatiated hunger and being devastated then 'eating was over'. So important to highlight.
I think I (and a lot of other people with an ED) can write a book about recovery eventhough we're not recovered yet. But I find myself in a difficult situation (aka the quasi state). I've been in "recovery" for a while now and things are better then before but there is still a long way to go. Most of the time I find myself not hungry or I feel physically full (it has been a lot of force feeding myself). Sometimes my mental hunger goes crazy and sometimes it's not even there. And with my physical hunger not helping me or being there, it is hard to eat enough for recovery. And then I get doubts of what to eat and how much of it. Also because ever since I gained some weight (Idk how much) my appetite slowly has been decreasing (which should be a good sign). Eventhough there are still rules in my head about "timing of eating", "amound of eating" and "how much I may rest" what should I do in my situation? I can't rely on my physical hunger but also a lot of times not on my mental hunger neither. (Because it's not there or super unclear or switches up 1000x in a day) Staying on a rule based schedule also doesn't get rid of my restriction based rules. Like a minimum suggested meal plan or how much to minimum rest a day or planned times to eat. I'm looking for something that gets rid of the rules in my head and also makes me finally spontanious again. Because right now it has always been restricted and planned and calculated (in amound of food, timing of eating, and timing of rest)
I’m in a similar situation as you - I “recovered” like three years ago (and by that I mean I gained enough weight and eat enough food for people not to worry about me anymore), but I still don’t feel entirely free around food and my hunger cues are both present and absent - I can only describe it as “wanting to be hungry.” It’s been tricky trying to navigate my hunger when my hunger is, as is the case with you, not as high as it was in early recovery. I hope we’re able to get through this and (re)learn normal, spontaneous, flexible eating because we deserve happiness and freedom!
@@mickeedoooExactly! But I do have to say you're not recovered yet, you're just like me doing better then before but still not there yet. And I also think we can not go from restricted eating to normal eating. I guess there still needs to be a period of "recovery" eating to heal our body and mind first and after that our body will hopefully trust us again and give us normal hunger and satiation cues and not give us this delayed emptying of the stomach and other stuff. But I just find it so difficult to be spontaneous in this recovery eating fase. It's always I don't know what, when and how much to eat. And yes also I have that "wanting to be hungry" it would make eating easier. But I also know that's a mental hunger sign.
Emily....thank you so much!!! Seriously you and Tabitha have helped me so much on my journey to full recovery. If I ever met you I would give you a huge hug xx
I really love the way you break these things down. You make it sound so simple yet so insightful and it's really helped me understand my own behaviours. I have anorexia but i'm not professionally diagnosed so these videos are really informative for me and they make me much less anxious about food
Ding ding ding! Gosh, this rung so true for me....having every tiny piece /scrap on the plate. I've just committed to physical rest which is a HUGE behavioural step change for me (LLM is a big problem for me). I've occasionally managed to reduce my activity in the past, BUT it has always led to me then reducing what I eat because my head says what those stupid government ads say "energy in=energy out' , and I believe that idea that if I'm doing less physically I don't need as much food. However I talked to my parents about this and acknowledged that as someone in energy deficit, if I reduce what I eat even more to 'make sitting down and resting acceptable ' then I'm depriving myself of nutrients to heal sufficiently. I won't be getting the nutrients/equipment my body needs to rebuild and restore. This video has also helped me see that I'm still hungry a lot of the time and even after a meal. Therefore it helps clarify that nomatter how much I do or don't do physically I need to eat as much as I can force myself to. There is no 'too much'?!? I get so scared that I I am having 'more than my body needs' and especially when I'm less active. But I'm going to try to see this as an experiment- what will happen if for 5 days I do very little and still eat what I was eating when very active? The worst that can happen if I feel extremely terrible agitation and panic. Can I do instead of rushing around, walking etc? .....reading, watching films on a free trial streaming service I have for 7 days, writing reviews, writing letters, journalling, art, etc. Having a list of things I want to do but haven't been able to because im to busy out and about, cleaning, hanging out in supermarkets trying to buy what I want but walking out with the usual apples and veg, etc. I'm scared though. Every part if me is itching to get up and do things. I feel so so lazy and gross. Does this ease? What if I become a really lazy person? Sorry I'm seeing it as an opportunity one minute and then freaking out the next! I guess it is accepting I will get these distressing feelings and thoughts I must reduce what I eat but see this as an exercise in enduring the emotions and beliefs and still not reacting in the way they make me feel compelled to. How can that be lazy? I am literally doing the hardest thing- learning tk tolerate distress and not respond to ED compulsions. Sorry. I'm goingnon. Just trying to get through this torture until it feelsok and I can actually focus on a book or film or creative project. Thanks Emily
A wonderful and beautifully reassuring insightful video Emily, thanks so much for recovering and putting into words what it takes to recover. This video literally made me get up and honor my hunger cue right now, despite the doubt and fear, thanks so much again Emily :)
Hey Emily your videos have TRULY inspired me. I wanted to know if you could touch on the topic of excessive liquid consumption? I feel like this is a way that the ED tries to make me feel like calories are being flushed out and such and I’d love to hear your take on it as someone who is recovered. I can’t tell if I’m just drinking water because I’m thirsty sometimes or if I’m drinking it thinking that if I don’t something will go wrong.
Hey! So pleased you are find my videos helpful :) I will certainly add it to my list of topics to cover but will also say at this point that 1) this is indeed a very common restrictive behaviour that many people identify and have to disengage from in recovery, and 2) the very fact that you are questioning it as you are here suggests that your core self knows somethings up with it... pay attention to her (she is wise!) and know that a good motto to follow in recovery is "if in doubt, ED''s about". Thanks again and sending love x
Im struggling at the moment after a very short relapse, i feel like maybe its extreme hunger but i also feel so much fear that I'm just developing a binge disorder. I find my brain cares less about how much I've started to consume (~3000 - 7000 cals a day) than usual and I can't tell if that's recovery or a sign of something else. Most of my fear is balancing on my weight as I was only used to having "permission" in my head to eat this much when I was severely underweight
Can I ask , did you experience these before any weight gain or after some or most of the weight gain? And how long into your recovery did you notice these signs? Also can these signs be present during extreme hunger and/or during times of less hunger/apathy around food? Thanks so much ! ♥️
This is really insightful. I found even in hospital we were told to distract ourselves after meals and I always dreaded finishing meals. I now realise this was probably unsatiated hunger and being devastated then 'eating was over'. So important to highlight.
Really pleased you found it helpful Anna :) x
I think I (and a lot of other people with an ED) can write a book about recovery eventhough we're not recovered yet. But I find myself in a difficult situation (aka the quasi state). I've been in "recovery" for a while now and things are better then before but there is still a long way to go.
Most of the time I find myself not hungry or I feel physically full (it has been a lot of force feeding myself).
Sometimes my mental hunger goes crazy and sometimes it's not even there. And with my physical hunger not helping me or being there, it is hard to eat enough for recovery.
And then I get doubts of what to eat and how much of it. Also because ever since I gained some weight (Idk how much) my appetite slowly has been decreasing (which should be a good sign).
Eventhough there are still rules in my head about "timing of eating", "amound of eating" and "how much I may rest" what should I do in my situation?
I can't rely on my physical hunger but also a lot of times not on my mental hunger neither. (Because it's not there or super unclear or switches up 1000x in a day)
Staying on a rule based schedule also doesn't get rid of my restriction based rules. Like a minimum suggested meal plan or how much to minimum rest a day or planned times to eat.
I'm looking for something that gets rid of the rules in my head and also makes me finally spontanious again. Because right now it has always been restricted and planned and calculated (in amound of food, timing of eating, and timing of rest)
I’m in a similar situation as you - I “recovered” like three years ago (and by that I mean I gained enough weight and eat enough food for people not to worry about me anymore), but I still don’t feel entirely free around food and my hunger cues are both present and absent - I can only describe it as “wanting to be hungry.” It’s been tricky trying to navigate my hunger when my hunger is, as is the case with you, not as high as it was in early recovery. I hope we’re able to get through this and (re)learn normal, spontaneous, flexible eating because we deserve happiness and freedom!
@@mickeedoooExactly! But I do have to say you're not recovered yet, you're just like me doing better then before but still not there yet. And I also think we can not go from restricted eating to normal eating. I guess there still needs to be a period of "recovery" eating to heal our body and mind first and after that our body will hopefully trust us again and give us normal hunger and satiation cues and not give us this delayed emptying of the stomach and other stuff. But I just find it so difficult to be spontaneous in this recovery eating fase. It's always I don't know what, when and how much to eat. And yes also I have that "wanting to be hungry" it would make eating easier. But I also know that's a mental hunger sign.
Emily....thank you so much!!! Seriously you and Tabitha have helped me so much on my journey to full recovery. If I ever met you I would give you a huge hug xx
Aw this is so wonderful to hear Sarah
I really love the way you break these things down. You make it sound so simple yet so insightful and it's really helped me understand my own behaviours. I have anorexia but i'm not professionally diagnosed so these videos are really informative for me and they make me much less anxious about food
I'm super pleased to hear that you are finding them to helpful and thank you for your support! :) x
I'm so so sorry. Happy anniversary!!!!! I can't believe it's a year!!!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉
Thank you! I really can't either; it's absolutely whizzed by!
Ding ding ding! Gosh, this rung so true for me....having every tiny piece /scrap on the plate.
I've just committed to physical rest which is a HUGE behavioural step change for me (LLM is a big problem for me). I've occasionally managed to reduce my activity in the past, BUT it has always led to me then reducing what I eat because my head says what those stupid government ads say "energy in=energy out' , and I believe that idea that if I'm doing less physically I don't need as much food.
However I talked to my parents about this and acknowledged that as someone in energy deficit, if I reduce what I eat even more to 'make sitting down and resting acceptable ' then I'm depriving myself of nutrients to heal sufficiently. I won't be getting the nutrients/equipment my body needs to rebuild and restore.
This video has also helped me see that I'm still hungry a lot of the time and even after a meal. Therefore it helps clarify that nomatter how much I do or don't do physically I need to eat as much as I can force myself to. There is no 'too much'?!? I get so scared that I I am having 'more than my body needs' and especially when I'm less active. But I'm going to try to see this as an experiment- what will happen if for 5 days I do very little and still eat what I was eating when very active? The worst that can happen if I feel extremely terrible agitation and panic.
Can I do instead of rushing around, walking etc? .....reading, watching films on a free trial streaming service I have for 7 days, writing reviews, writing letters, journalling, art, etc. Having a list of things I want to do but haven't been able to because im to busy out and about, cleaning, hanging out in supermarkets trying to buy what I want but walking out with the usual apples and veg, etc.
I'm scared though. Every part if me is itching to get up and do things. I feel so so lazy and gross. Does this ease? What if I become a really lazy person? Sorry I'm seeing it as an opportunity one minute and then freaking out the next! I guess it is accepting I will get these distressing feelings and thoughts I must reduce what I eat but see this as an exercise in enduring the emotions and beliefs and still not reacting in the way they make me feel compelled to. How can that be lazy? I am literally doing the hardest thing- learning tk tolerate distress and not respond to ED compulsions. Sorry. I'm goingnon. Just trying to get through this torture until it feelsok and I can actually focus on a book or film or creative project. Thanks Emily
A wonderful and beautifully reassuring insightful video Emily, thanks so much for recovering and putting into words what it takes to recover. This video literally made me get up and honor my hunger cue right now, despite the doubt and fear, thanks so much again Emily :)
YES Philip! Awesome job for turning your listening into doing and thank you for your kind words of support, it really does means so much to me :) x
Those flowers really are beautiful!!
This is such a helpful video! Thank you ♥️
Happy to help! And I know right; they were such a lovely surprise when the doorbell went :D x
Happy Anniversary to you both.👏🍻🍷
I recognise so many of these signs Emily. Now to create reminders to steer the thinking...
Thank you Pauline :) x
Hey Emily your videos have TRULY inspired me. I wanted to know if you could touch on the topic of excessive liquid consumption? I feel like this is a way that the ED tries to make me feel like calories are being flushed out and such and I’d love to hear your take on it as someone who is recovered. I can’t tell if I’m just drinking water because I’m thirsty sometimes or if I’m drinking it thinking that if I don’t something will go wrong.
Hey! So pleased you are find my videos helpful :) I will certainly add it to my list of topics to cover but will also say at this point that 1) this is indeed a very common restrictive behaviour that many people identify and have to disengage from in recovery, and 2) the very fact that you are questioning it as you are here suggests that your core self knows somethings up with it... pay attention to her (she is wise!) and know that a good motto to follow in recovery is "if in doubt, ED''s about". Thanks again and sending love x
Im struggling at the moment after a very short relapse, i feel like maybe its extreme hunger but i also feel so much fear that I'm just developing a binge disorder. I find my brain cares less about how much I've started to consume (~3000 - 7000 cals a day) than usual and I can't tell if that's recovery or a sign of something else. Most of my fear is balancing on my weight as I was only used to having "permission" in my head to eat this much when I was severely underweight
Can I ask , did you experience these before any weight gain or after some or most of the weight gain? And how long into your recovery did you notice these signs? Also can these signs be present during extreme hunger and/or during times of less hunger/apathy around food?
Thanks so much ! ♥️
No wayyyy, I did all of those lmao. But it's so hard to honour it all.
It is indeed challenging but the freedom is worth the fight and identification/awareness is a powerful step towards making change happen.