i was expecting an over-arching, this is how you raise perfect children and this was refreshing to see someone say, "kids need mud and livestock," and. "If your children don't have the potential to fail, you haven't succeeded as a parent." I have almost 20 years of exp. working with school age children and trying to teach my staff that their decisions should be focused on cultivating independence is always this HUGE deal. Some people refuse to work with me because I set a child's independence above other things. very encouraging!!!
I often tell my kids, "I don't do you any favors by doing for you that which I know you can do for yourself." When you instill a sense of independence and self-reliance you automatically foster initiative, problem solving skills, and real accomplishment when they ultimately achieve their goals.
On the other hand, part of being a success is also being able to delegate responsibilities. The phrase is "nobody gets rich of the sweat of their own back" because it takes hundreds of years of work hours to create one single rich person within their own lifetime. Obviously it's not possible for a single person to do that themselves. Proper delegation requires discerning what is the best use of time. In the case of big business, that means training people to do your own job, removing yourself from the process, then repeating the formula to grow the company. Meanwhile ensuring that no single employee can act independently lest they gain too much power. If you compare the laziest of manipulative benefits recipients to the most successful business people, what you're mostly going to notice is that neither of them do any actual work. Meanwhile, they're both benefiting from the blood sweat & tears of others and their job, if you want to call it that, is making sure that everybody in their circle keeps supporting them.
Yea, I worked as a psychologist, and parents always want to know what is wrong with and how to fix their child. They get fussy if you imply it has anything to do with the parents' behavior as well. Many want you to work within their power structure and not alter it, even when it's the cause of the problem.
Id love to be a family psychologist and i think im gonna work towards that for a long while until i can afford schooling for that. Im 28 right now but seeing and experiencing what i have i would love to be a positive forming factor in the generations to come.
Martin Lichtblau yeah except children are a brand new learning being they need a very near perfect area in the start to teach them good behaviour and slowly learn the imperfection because kids are a lot of work and it is sad that couples are extremely pressured into having kids and treating them like a purchase
Martin Lichtblau cause guess what they don’t know how to handle life that’s why the need a figure to rely on not someone who is always right but someone who tries their best and when they are wrong they own up to it
Acknowledging success I feel is just as important, and not in the everybody gets a trophy for participating. When a child does something exceptional, it should be treated as exceptional.
And mediocrity should not be celebrated...let alone encouraged. Unfortunately our public education system has attempted to harness children's potential by stuffing their heads with facts and figures...without encouraging them to actually THINK about any of it. An inquisitive and analytical mind will absorb all the knowledge it will ever need...and more...while a head full of "stuffing" will seldom absorb (or apply) anything particularly impressive.
Very well put, the essence of success is to have the courage to take risks and be in the possibility of failure...and as a parent accept and support that possibility too. And that makes a difference in the confidence of both parents and children: support and encourage to thrive no matter the outcome. Thank you for remaind ing us that it is a foundation on everyones life.
Well this is interesting ideal parentalism. My question is has child abuse cases gone down? I'm from the generation where child abuse was rampant and spit out the other end was a semi broken person in the self help section of Barnes an noble.
Baraborn Its a universal problem. I'm white and have many white friends who have been abused by their parents in one form or another by either the father or mother or both.
The psycological abuse is much more .Like when they say you are nothing you dont matter i wish you werent born they might as well slap me that wouldnt hurt that much. Get my point
buckybone89 I have to agree, most of human history things did work that way, and i am talking about last 100 thousand years. I meant specifically that line, it sounds like an excuse.
The problem is that when your kid is like 5 years old and scraches his knee you gotta let him cry sometimes and say it's not such a big deal and then smack him in the head
My father prohibited baby talk around us kids...to the tune of nearly inviting his own mother to leave. He knew that the only way we'd learn to speak properly is to be surrounded by people who speak properly. I've continued this tradition, and my eleven-year-old daughter just tested at a 12th Grade reading level. If we give kids credit for their capabilities...rather than dumbing down their education (and personal responsibilities)...parents will be constantly amazed and proud.
It truely is a conundrum. Do you simply make yourself emotionally available or do you actually take initiative in showing your emotional engagement? And if you engage, how much engagement is overbearing? I think there is no asolute answer. There probably is a different way for every child, depending on their needs and how they express them (personality). I guess, all one can do is practice 'reading' one's child so as to understand what they are trying to express.
@@pennymac16 i think be there for them when they come to you but in your actions outside of that dont control them or instill a fear that would prevent them from coming to you. If they see you as a threat they wont be open with you. Always love them. Check out Dr. John Delony. He has a lot of intances in which he discusses parenting.
I´m sorry but I think you idealize the villige life... The children only want to participate partly, and in the villige they had to, so less childhood and bevome gown up quickly like lerning cooking, sewing or working to get food...
Terrible thumbnail? Parenting is a job, and not a relationship. When things don't work out in a relationship, you go your separate ways. When things don't work out in a relationship between a kid and their parents, the parents can't go their separate ways, because it's their "job" to raise that kid and do it properly. Parenting is moreso about teaching and protecting than it is about making friends. It's absolutely normal for a kid to "hate" their parents at some point in their life, and it doesn't mean the parents are doing a bad job if they are still properly taking care of that kid, which the kid will realize to appreciate when they are older. I've seen plenty of cases where a mother is her kid's best friend so to speak, but she does a terrible job of raising the kid and they end up getting off on the wrong foot when they enter adulthood. Teach kids that failure is ok is a good lesson, but trying to say parenting is a relationship and not a job is crap. What a dumb thumbnail.
You can go your separate ways from your dysfunctional family too. Check out the book "Divorcing parents". I think the idea is that, parenting is a lifetime relationship, not a job for about 20 years until the kids got a job and married.
Parenting isn't a job it's a relationship. The only way to be successful at parenting is not to treat your child like a child. You have to respect them, treat them the way you would like to be treated. If they don't listen give them consequences.Teach them to be leaders not a sheep. Teach them it's ok to fail and good to take risk. Teach them to believe in themselves, teach them anything and everything is possible and only you can make it happen, maybe not the first time but, if you be positive and keep trying it will happen. Make them feel important. Spend one on one time with them. Encourage them. When you talk to your child you have to be in adult ego type and so is your child, not parent and child ego. You the conversation should be like two adults talking, even if you're talking about they're school grades, or messy room or not finishing their food and it doesn't matter even if they're a 4 year old. They want respect and be treated like an adult. That's how you become a successful parent/s.
![Twenty One Pilots - “The Line” (from Arcane Season 2) [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/E2Rj2gQAyPA/mqdefault.jpg)
i was expecting an over-arching, this is how you raise perfect children and this was refreshing to see someone say, "kids need mud and livestock," and. "If your children don't have the potential to fail, you haven't succeeded as a parent."
I have almost 20 years of exp. working with school age children and trying to teach my staff that their decisions should be focused on cultivating independence is always this HUGE deal. Some people refuse to work with me because I set a child's independence above other things.
very encouraging!!!
I refuse to give my kids easy answers when I know they can figure it out themselves. Because given every opportunity they will be lazy as hell.
I often tell my kids, "I don't do you any favors by doing for you that which I know you can do for yourself." When you instill a sense of independence and self-reliance you automatically foster initiative, problem solving skills, and real accomplishment when they ultimately achieve their goals.
On the other hand, part of being a success is also being able to delegate responsibilities.
The phrase is "nobody gets rich of the sweat of their own back" because it takes hundreds of years of work hours to create one single rich person within their own lifetime. Obviously it's not possible for a single person to do that themselves.
Proper delegation requires discerning what is the best use of time. In the case of big business, that means training people to do your own job, removing yourself from the process, then repeating the formula to grow the company. Meanwhile ensuring that no single employee can act independently lest they gain too much power.
If you compare the laziest of manipulative benefits recipients to the most successful business people, what you're mostly going to notice is that neither of them do any actual work. Meanwhile, they're both benefiting from the blood sweat & tears of others and their job, if you want to call it that, is making sure that everybody in their circle keeps supporting them.
Yea, I worked as a psychologist, and parents always want to know what is wrong with and how to fix their child. They get fussy if you imply it has anything to do with the parents' behavior as well. Many want you to work within their power structure and not alter it, even when it's the cause of the problem.
Id love to be a family psychologist and i think im gonna work towards that for a long while until i can afford schooling for that. Im 28 right now but seeing and experiencing what i have i would love to be a positive forming factor in the generations to come.
The problem is that the parents are afraid of failure themselves. It's engrained in our culture.
We are all just human beings, imperfect from the start and covered in scars
Martin Lichtblau yeah except children are a brand new learning being they need a very near perfect area in the start to teach them good behaviour and slowly learn the imperfection because kids are a lot of work and it is sad that couples are extremely pressured into having kids and treating them like a purchase
Martin Lichtblau cause guess what they don’t know how to handle life that’s why the need a figure to rely on not someone who is always right but someone who tries their best and when they are wrong they own up to it
I Am and aim in my relationship with my kids.on Process not result...thank you for reminding parents and schools...
this was so refreshing to watch and learn. If only most of society and parents weren't so against and fearful of failure.
Acknowledging success I feel is just as important, and not in the everybody gets a trophy for participating. When a child does something exceptional, it should be treated as exceptional.
And mediocrity should not be celebrated...let alone encouraged. Unfortunately our public education system has attempted to harness children's potential by stuffing their heads with facts and figures...without encouraging them to actually THINK about any of it. An inquisitive and analytical mind will absorb all the knowledge it will ever need...and more...while a head full of "stuffing" will seldom absorb (or apply) anything particularly impressive.
This lady is great, very insightful.
Very well put, the essence of success is to have the courage to take risks and be in the possibility of failure...and as a parent accept and support that possibility too. And that makes a difference in the confidence of both parents and children: support and encourage to thrive no matter the outcome. Thank you for remaind ing us that it is a foundation on everyones life.
Smart lady, well thought out discussion
Gopnik rocks.
This is a great Channel to be subscribed to
just like the saying "it takes a tribe to raise a child" its not just a saying it is a way of life.
Well this is interesting ideal parentalism. My question is has child abuse cases gone down? I'm from the generation where child abuse was rampant and spit out the other end
was a semi broken person in the self help section of Barnes an noble.
Black community is still like that (I am a black person).
Baraborn
Its a universal problem. I'm white and have many white friends who have been abused by their parents in one form or another by either the father or mother or both.
The psycological abuse is much more .Like when they say you are nothing you dont matter i wish you werent born they might as well slap me that wouldnt hurt that much. Get my point
"It's okay to make mistakes sometimes"
BIG THINK my ass.
did you even listen through the thing?
Yeah, because people are perfect, right?
Lol, its meant to sound big. But as soon as you start to think it falls apart. Its that new-agey sort of goo that means nothing...
It isn't "new-agey" at all, it's a lot closer to how pre-Boomer generations were raised (without the physical abuse, of course) than how we were.
buckybone89 I have to agree, most of human history things did work that way, and i am talking about last 100 thousand years. I meant specifically that line, it sounds like an excuse.
The problem is that when your kid is like 5 years old and scraches his knee you gotta let him cry sometimes and say it's not such a big deal and then smack him in the head
I hated cooking, but I was never was a normal kid I suppose.
Some good points made here I think.
So little humans should just be with a lot of big humans and everything will be fine?
I think you are onto something.
My father prohibited baby talk around us kids...to the tune of nearly inviting his own mother to leave. He knew that the only way we'd learn to speak properly is to be surrounded by people who speak properly. I've continued this tradition, and my eleven-year-old daughter just tested at a 12th Grade reading level. If we give kids credit for their capabilities...rather than dumbing down their education (and personal responsibilities)...parents will be constantly amazed and proud.
It's been shown that baby talk helps children learn a language faster...
How can I do to make my daughter feel the love but not being overprotecting her ? That's something hard to do
It truely is a conundrum. Do you simply make yourself emotionally available or do you actually take initiative in showing your emotional engagement? And if you engage, how much engagement is overbearing? I think there is no asolute answer. There probably is a different way for every child, depending on their needs and how they express them (personality). I guess, all one can do is practice 'reading' one's child so as to understand what they are trying to express.
@@pennymac16 i think be there for them when they come to you but in your actions outside of that dont control them or instill a fear that would prevent them from coming to you. If they see you as a threat they wont be open with you. Always love them.
Check out Dr. John Delony. He has a lot of intances in which he discusses parenting.
This video looks like a jpeg slideshow.
Me gusta este video. :) Los de edad avanzada estan en la segunda niñez.
and by the way, you failed with the title of the video
I came here to drink vodka and find gopnikas
I´m sorry but I think you idealize the villige life... The children only want to participate partly, and in the villige they had to, so less childhood and bevome gown up quickly like lerning cooking, sewing or working to get food...
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Terrible thumbnail? Parenting is a job, and not a relationship. When things don't work out in a relationship, you go your separate ways. When things don't work out in a relationship between a kid and their parents, the parents can't go their separate ways, because it's their "job" to raise that kid and do it properly.
Parenting is moreso about teaching and protecting than it is about making friends. It's absolutely normal for a kid to "hate" their parents at some point in their life, and it doesn't mean the parents are doing a bad job if they are still properly taking care of that kid, which the kid will realize to appreciate when they are older. I've seen plenty of cases where a mother is her kid's best friend so to speak, but she does a terrible job of raising the kid and they end up getting off on the wrong foot when they enter adulthood.
Teach kids that failure is ok is a good lesson, but trying to say parenting is a relationship and not a job is crap. What a dumb thumbnail.
You can go your separate ways from your dysfunctional family too. Check out the book "Divorcing parents". I think the idea is that, parenting is a lifetime relationship, not a job for about 20 years until the kids got a job and married.
Parenting isn't a job it's a relationship. The only way to be successful at parenting is not to treat your child like a child. You have to respect them, treat them the way you would like to be treated. If they don't listen give them consequences.Teach them to be leaders not a sheep. Teach them it's ok to fail and good to take risk. Teach them to believe in themselves, teach them anything and everything is possible and only you can make it happen, maybe not the first time but, if you be positive and keep trying it will happen. Make them feel important. Spend one on one time with them. Encourage them. When you talk to your child you have to be in adult ego type and so is your child, not parent and child ego. You the conversation should be like two adults talking, even if you're talking about they're school grades, or messy room or not finishing their food and it doesn't matter even if they're a 4 year old. They want respect and be treated like an adult. That's how you become a successful parent/s.
at ; 4:44, tell that to all the irish women on dating sites! lol. Now,..hmm, what better, can i get.