If it were the men who had periods you can bet they would be celebrating that time of the month and proudly declaring how special they are compared to the women!
The two weeks after starting your period is CREEPY. That takes you to the date youre likely ovulating so it’s like they secretly made it so every MUST have sex at that time.
That's a good point I think. In any group, organization, etc., it seems to be the people in charge who cause most of the problems, but bad leaders never recognize this.
THANKS SO MUCH!!! I'm a 72 yo survivor of a high control religion in the 50s and 60s. Broke free at 18 when I got married. It was the only way i was allowed to leave my natal home. The 70s allowed me to explore other POV s and societies. You're doing an invaluable service to people who sometimes don't even know they need your help. Education is EVERYTHING!!!!
New to the channel - I really love how the interviewer just lets Beatrice talk and tell her stories. All the late night hosts could take lessons from how good she is. Doesn't interrupt, just listens. Well done.
She always let's people share their stories. It makes their conversations so interesting because she actually listens before talking. A lot of people in this business could learn from her.
I'm really glad that i discovered this channel. I was ultra Orthodox Jewish until my late 40s! I was also a practicing rabbi. In watching the interviews here, i can relate to all the interviewees. Each group controls their adherents through identical or at least similar tactics. It helps me feel less alone and more empowered when i watch people from such diverse backgrounds, all sharing the same elements of mind control. But i especially resonated with Beatrice's story as i have a similar back story with my journey of breaking free of the Orthodox hassidic religion of my youth and how i finally managed in my late 40s to leave it all behind. I know it's tough to leave that late but you, Beatrice, have managed to and i commend you for having the strength to follow through and to save at least some of your children! I'm looking forward to part 2!
@sarah2.017 In certain aspects, I do. Though, it's increasingly more cultural than anything. It is similar to how an Italian American might still consider themselves to be Italian.
Same. Even now since my brother died they still try to convince me to return. I believe in soul trap theory so for me religion is all just a guilt trip to trick me to reincarnate constantly
The host is like a therapist. She listens, validates, and asks important questions. Plus she doesn’t interrupt. She’s awesome. What a great video. Beatrice is a brave strong woman. I hope she is happy and living a good life.
If a religion proscribes a morning prayer to thank God for not being born a woman, you should know that the same man will feel entitled to treat women as lesser beings.
You don't understand that blessing at all, it is acknowledging that men have more commandments than women as women have a different role in life and are therefore created closer to perfection than men and we are therefore thanking G-d "anyway' for our role, orthodox jews hold their wives on a pedestal and have super respect for them.
@menachemfeuer4395 Why then are they thanking God that they have more rules and are less "perfect" than women? Your logic in your response is lacking.
What her husband did in not taking her to the hospital during her miscarriage is 100% against Jewish law. You are allowed to break any law to save a life. Many orthodox communities even have volunteer ambulance services and you will see the people on call in synagogue on the sabbath with their walkie talkies. However, I do believe that in these extreme communities its such a fishbowl and theres such a sense of trying to outdo others with how pious you are that many might hesitate in these kinds of situations.
Thank you for saying this. I’ve definitely heard that before even though I’m not Jewish. I have a feeling her husband’s lack of loving investment in her as a person was the real reason. His loss, tho, cuz Beatrice seems like an amazing person.
This is ancient history, I'm 80 now, but stuck in my brain & heart is a sadness from high school. My best friend was a Jew and the brightest girl in our class. She'd been accepted to the best colleges but was told to go to one beneath her brilliance because she was only going to marry and have children but no career. This was shocking to our entire class that was sad and befuddled. She was admired by the entire class and we just knew she would accomplish great things. Finally, she was not permitted to even attend graduation. Julia if you're out there, we haven't forgotten!
@sarah2.017 in general that doesn't matter. i grew up hasidic. the women who didn't marry live with their parents until they die and then live with their siblings (usually only saw happen with profoundly disabled people) and if the husband became disabled then the family would move in with their parents or another family member or friend.
I remember my father paying for my brothers to go to college but not me. I was going to get married and have children. Why did I bother to get straight A’s?
Thank you for sharing your story… I resonate with so much of what you have experienced. My own siblings kidnapped my daughter when I left my abusive ex-husband and the hasidic community. I had to fight my own family and ex husband to get her back. The pain is unbearable. This isn’t a one off story. This is the story of so many women who escaped from the Hasidic community. I too wanted to leave my marriage. Not the community. But ended up having to leave the community. The way I was treated was horrific. My kids went through hell. Almost 10 years later and my life is on track. I try not to let this affect my life even though it is what made me the woman I am today. I’m in London and this is a worldwide tragedy that happens to so many of us. It’s not just mothers. It’s fathers too. Thank you for being an avenue for survivors of cults and closed communities to speak out.
Thank you your story. I'm assuming you were from Stamford Hill area? I was always fascinated with that community but I've never spoken to any of them and I'm interested in cultural differences. Alot of people look up or aspire to be like you community so I would like to hear from those who experienced the lifestyle.
I'm a librarian in Antwerp, Belgium - where there is one of those Hassidic/ultra Orthodox (I'm sorry I don't know the difference) enclaves Beatrice talks about. It makes me sl happy when young girls come in to borrow and read books. At least this way they can get a glimpse of the outside world.
I wonder how many little Muslim girls come in to read books... yeah I'm sure your biggest worry for your country and especially for your city is the few Jews😂
Hi I am an orthodox Jewish woman raising orthodox Jewish children. My kids’ yeshiva (ultra orthodox Jewish school) has reading for 20 minutes as part of their daily homework. And they don’t only have to read Jewish texts. They can read whatever they want. I do limit exposure in my home to what I feel is wholesome and age-appropriate. A lot of Roahl Dahl right now. I take my toddler to story time at our local library every week. And I never liked going to the public library until an admin at my daughter’s school told me that if I didn’t expose my children to the public library they wouldn’t grow up to love reading (I love reading but I prefer to buy my books online so I never had the need). Please don’t feel badly for orthodox girls. Most of us love our lives and we aren’t oppressed or submissive or any other derogatory and disrespectful word the secular world likes to define us by. In fact, I’ve never seen such a large and generalized group of women with so many post-secondary degrees as I have seen in the orthodox world. Many of them don’t use their degrees because they have CHOSEN to put their formal education into raising their children. They become stay at home mothers who nurture and educate their children and go back to work when their children are grown. We choose this. We like this. - an orthodox Jewish woman who studied Biology in college.
I remember a big “scandal” in Montreal. There was a gym, close to an Hasidic community. They asked the gym owner to cover the windows so the Hasidic men could not see the women working out… It did not fly! Boy did that create a controversy!
I remember that 😂 i was still part of the community and i think i was still living in Boisbriand, but the news was so “outrageous” that even in that little community they were worried about the implications of this gym in Montreal in the Hasidic area - that was refusing to cover their windows 🙈
That’s pretty comical considering a LOT of those men they’re worried about have IG, Snap, Fetlife (which specifically has Frum hookup groups) etc accounts in secret trying to hookup & do plenty of “looking”. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
Could you imagine being a woman or teen girl with a bleeding disorder??? There was a period in my life that I bled every single day for over ten months. There were also times I went extended periods of time without. I grew up in fundie/purity culture and it would have been so humiliating for the world, or even my own family, to know what I was going through. Don't even get me started on the state of women's health care, or lack there of
In Islam we have special status during menstruation, too. However, a period if you have a bleeding disorder, has a max of 8 days. Then bath and resume normal life.
Look..... what makes you special is the environment you grew up in. Look how watched over you were. In todays modern secular world no one cares what you eat etc. Look at how holy your family was. You were fortunate.
How could any family turn their back on their daughter in such a cold and cruel manner,is something I will never understand.This woman is incredibly brave for taking such an incredible leap of faith in her own ability to leave such a controlling environment.
So many groups do it, too, the Amish being another. Some stricter Evangelical groups will cut their children off. It's like they're dead. So hard to understand.
Such burdens to bear ... thank you for sharing. My Christian daughter converted to Orthodox Judaism and is kosher. She says that if I buy Matzos for Passover, I defile the Jewish shop because I am "an idolator who worships the man Yeshua." My mother put her teacup in my daughter's non-dairy kitchen sink and the cup had to be broken. These rules of men don't earn salvation and I don't believe G-d is pleased by them, when they create difficulty, division and false guilt.
This is a large part of why Christians are Christian. Early Christians were Jews with a different take on things, one of those things became not following their dietary law. That was more popular, so Christianity spread as it is more palatable for most people. I don’t say this lightly. I grew up Jewish and keeping kosher and I find these rituals infuriating.
That is very very extreme. This family has not learned the actual laws. I was raised modern orthodox and I have never heard about breaking a teacup because it was placed in the wrong sink.
@@yoninacohenarnheim2460 glad to hear it 🙂 It's hard to know sometimes, how best to apply a rule. And yes, my Jewish friends have not been strict to the point of unkindness, at all. They've been lovely!
That’s the sad part that most Jews miss by not understanding that Jesus Christ was their Messiah, sent to free them from the Mosaic Laws, and give them the gift of salvation through His substitutionary death on the cross for their sins, for all our sins. Some recognize that gift and know that these laws don’t apply anymore, as believers understand no “religious laws” buy anyone salvation. It’s simply believing in Christ’s gift of salvation, not about eating orange popsicles.
@@zuzuspetals9281 true that salvation can't be earned by our good works because we are sinful beings, but is a gift we receive by believing that He has made full atonement for our wrongdoing. But I don't believe that the Messiah freed us from God's Law (which is good and perfect ... see Psalm 119). Instead, we are freed from the death/punishment we deserve for breaking the Torah/Law given through Moses. Yeshua/Jesus said He did not come to abolish the Law .... and that not the tiniest detail of it would change until heaven and earth pass away. And they have not yet passed away.
@@dfreeman13 If one person learns they’re not alone, it helps. The more we listen the sooner we get to a time where we don’t have to. If that makes sense.
I would think that her father would have started to question the character of her ex husband. Not his moral character but his lack of character that would allow his wife's father to ensure that his wife and children are fed and clothed. The marriage agreement was for a house and 5 years of support but it sounds like it went on much longer..and then to have the audacity to not even use the money he was given to buy his children shoes but have no qualms about spending it on himself. I don't know how her father could continue to respect him because of his inability or maybe even lack of drive to contribute to the well being of his family. I guess you don't think much about having 10 kids when you don't have to worry about making the money to feed, clothes, and educate them.
I grew up hassidic . I was so excited to see this new upload. Beatrice, thank you for sharing. You're very brave. Cults to consciousness is my favorite youtube channel
The more of these stories that come out, the more people can see the patriarchy doesn’t work and spiritual manipulation is real and everywhere! Thank you so much for sharing 🖤🖤
Actually, patriarchy DOES work: patriarchal Jewish communities are the only ones that are growing! The more egalitarian minded Jews are vanishing due to sub - replacement fertility. Some people may not like this, but math doesn't care what people like. This is how evolution works.
Thank you for an interview that was handled with such sensitivity. Beatrice is such a thoughtful, articulate, strong woman. The fact that she left all she had known, regardless of how frightening it must have been, took such strength and courage. She is magnificent.
unpure, not unclean. men who loose semen during the night also become unpure, just a different kind of impurity. all this is from the Torah. so you accept the law of God or you don't, but don't blame the people or the rabbis.
@anniemoultray3437 yes so it was his wife's job as a principal that supported them and his philanthropic offerings. However her Dad may have been a translator or cantor or paid for some other service to the community
This program is truly enlightening. I am a Black woman, raised on the edge of a Jewish neighborhood. My neighbors were friendly and welcoming. As a preschooler, I was cared for by my GM. We spent some portion of each day with Jewish GMs who were caring for their grandchildren. In my world Jews were an educated, professional class. I was astonished to learn that there is any Jewish sect that does’t value education. My home was in Washington DC. My mother was a mathematician, my neighbors were engineers, physicists, lawyers, etc, those who were not black were Jewish. How does the undereducated segment of the Jewish community interact with the more educated?
It's very disturbing that the more strict modest dress for girls and segregation of the sexes would start at 3. This implies that a 3 year old needs to be modest bc there is something sexual about them.
Interesting, in Islam it is as early as 9 years old but schools initiate it from 6 years old. Imagine objectifying kids into sexual objects even before they realise what does being a girl or a boy mean!! Pathetic how religious institutions control us in the name of God.
@@helyns1416 haha what that's crazy, I thought it might be about their belief that the hymen grows back until they are 3. I can't remember exactly how it's worded but all the religious text are online now, and you can read them yourselves. Essentially it says that a girl can not lose her virginity from birth to 3 years old, because her hymen will grow back.... so creepy
Still watching and wont ever stop. Keep spreading the truth and providing a platform for the voiceless to share their truths. The community is expanding. They can't hide under their rocks forever!
I cannot imagine growing up in a society that subjugates women to such a degree. Congratulations for getting out and thank you for sharing your story. I grew up in a section of the country where the few Jewish people who were there were either non observant or attended a very progressive temple. I didn’t even learn about Hasidic Judaism until I was a young adult. My first thought was, “Wow, they must be so blessed living such righteous lives.” How wrong I was. Extremism in any faith tends to be abusive, it would seem.
Don't ascribe this to all Chassidim. Trust me on this. Women, in general, run the Jewish World, even amongst most Chassidim. It may not seem like it on the surface at times, but we (men) have to work harder at being good Jews just to be worthy of the women in our lives. I am also going to try to find time to dig in on this former Rebbetzin. In another video, she ascribed actions to the community that were blatantly WRONG. Now this video, I still see things that I am not sure that I really believe. However, I do know that there are some idiots out there (I personally try to help with those who refuse to provide Getts to their former spouses), so it is possible that most of what she says is true and she either misspoke or is embellishing to try to gain more sympathy.
I grew up chassidic and left in my 30s. I can't say I ever felt women were specifically subjugated. It's an extreme rule based society. The men r just as controlled as the women.. my arranged marraige was hell for me. But let's not blame it on misogyny
@@artofmybody2882 don't you think there are good and bad marriages everywhere? And don't you think there are happy chassidim, who don't feel controlled?
When I look at that group on Eastern Parkway everyday, I always thank God I was not a part of it. I did not see blessed, I saw darkness, no happiness, no love, just sadness.
As a mother, I simply cannot imagine raising my children with fear in their hearts, especially fear of disobeing, fear of "being a bad kid", fear of disappointing your family. That flies in the face of the *unconditionnal* love and support every child needs in order to build secure attachments, a strong sense of self and self confidence. My heart breaks for all the children, in whatever circumstances, who grow up without true unconditionnal love and affection. Thank you for sharing your story, Béatrice.
you cant problem solve when you have cognitive and emotional overload; "keeping sweet" equates survival. I am always so impressed with the strength, determination, resiliency and sheer power of the individuals on your show
Historically, I believe these rules were put in place to protect women from needing to provide sex for their husbands at vulnerable times (it's similar around childbirth as well). I completely agree that they are degrading and it's incredibly harmful to teach women (and men) that periods are dirty. I just thought the context of the rules (which are sad for yet more reasons) may be interesting
I think the same, it is so degrading to say we are impure when we have our periods, when really, they are a part of the cycle that allows us to give life!!! I am so sad that girls and women live thinking that they are dirty during their periods 😢
So the Rabi is an expert in periods? You need an outside authority to determine if the blood has stopped, and a male authority for that matter... 🤷🤔 That's absolutely crazy and creepy and degrading of course.
There’s something so powerful about you Beatrice. You are someone who has been to hell and back, you not only survived, you thrived. Unbreakable, graceful, kindness embodied. Thank you for being you, you’re an inspiration
Oh, well said. I was fascinated listening to her and can't wait to watch part 2. (Reminds me also of the book 'Unorthodox'.) On a lighter note, how on earth could Beatrice keep that beautiful hair hidden for 20 years!? Everything she is now, is what came out of who she had to be and I'm thrilled for her that she found herself.
He not only wasn't a good husband, he wasn't even a good Jew. Has he never heard of פיקוח נפש?? He absolutely should have gotten you medical help. What an awful human being. Who looks at anyone needing medical help and do nothing, let alone their spouse??
Beatrice you are so strong and sharing your story is priceless! I’m so jealous of your beautiful hair and I can’t believe you shaved your hair for 20 years. I’m so happy that after 20 years of not letting your hair grow you have the blessing of such beautiful curls. You look so healthy and happy, your skin glows. I hope you are able to enjoy each day and that your children understand you always did the best in being their mother at every stage of life you were in. Do good, when you know better, do better. That seems like what you have done.
No one should have access to those baths when another man/child is using them. Those men who knew about the abuse and did NOTHING should be behind bars too!!!
I'm so excited for episode 2! This one was excellent (as usual), and I look forward to hearing Beatrice talking about how she left and her life after leaving. ❤
So much this!! I grew up going to catholic school and the varied practices between families were pretty astounding. Even within a smaller community some of the girls weren’t allowed to be friends with me (since I was Protestant, which isn’t the right flavour of Christian)
I grew up in IBLP. I struggle with I still have a belief that God is with me. However, I can't accept organized religion. I went to Easter service with my mother, and all I thought was are they being abused when I looked at the children. I looked at the women, and I felt pitty. Then I was thinking I'm so sorry God that I am having these negative feelings. It's been a struggle.
@missamanda2703 I can really empathise with this. I've always believed in God (grew up Christian, but in a pretty liberal community), and to be honest, I've never really found any organised religion that aligns with my core beliefs and principles. The final straw for me was when my daughter died and I was told "God has a plan" by several people of different faiths/backgrounds. That solidified my belief that I wouldn't ever be able to align myself with a particular religion, because I don't believe God chose for my perfectly healthy child to die. I've never understood the notion that God "plans" horrific things to happen to us all.
@@missamanda2703Jesus came and dismantled institutional organized religion/legalism. Stick to the word of God, read your Bible. You don’t need a church building, a “pastor”, “authority” over you. We are held accountable to the Lord God almighty. Pray and ask Him all your questions and read read read His word ✨🩷✨
yep, same here, I grew up Jewish. Got into fundamentalist Christianity as an adult. Just as with any religion, it's always the extremes in Judaism. Most of these horror stories are coming from the very insular groups.
I am Jewish and whilst my grandparents were raised in the Orthodox tradition growing up in Hungary, they later became less religious after arriving in Australia. I cannot imagine being Frum ( ultra religious). I don’t think I would cope, even though I believe In G-d and celebrate all the holidays.
I was a "Gentile" who married a Jewish boy from the Nth Beaches Sydney, his family wasn't Orthodox but some of the rules were hard for me to live with. However his Aunty and cousins were full on Orthodox and they left this little Presbyterian mind boggling. I couldn't live like that.
Though I'm not Jewish by race, I practice Judaism as a belief. I do not feel a need to convert, but I love the closeness with G-d that I never had in Christianity. So, I am not familiar with all the different "sects" of Judaism per se, but just simply enjoy worshipping Him the way Tanakh says, too. I find the Talmud interesting, but I do not follow it for how I worship.
@littleredpixie3116 come on into the Jewish world! It's so much richer than anything Christian. My husband and I wish we had left that world long before we did!
When she said “there’s nothing more powerful than a woman getting a job and going to college” 🥹 I’ve been a stay at home mom for 20 years and I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship. I’m 38 and I start my first classes at the end of this month. I’ve gone through so much heartache and personal growth over the last few years. Those words were powerful to me and although I didn’t come from a controlling religion I relate with a lot of what Beatrice is saying.
That’s amazing! I went to school in my 30’s and it was perfect timing for me, I was finally in a good place to focus on my own schooling. Good luck, you’ve got this! 💙
What an incredible strength Beatrice has shown in breaking out of this mysegonistic sect! Thank you for sharing your story, teaching us the reality of this type of life. She looks happy, which gives hope and shows trauma can be overcome.
I'm a secular Jew from Rockland County who taught special education in some of the Hasidic communities through the public schools. I met some wonderful women there, some people were warm and friendly. It did feel like a different world going there, for the most part the children seemed happy, but I always knew it was a community that getting out of would be almost impossible. I truly believe that the entire culture of some of the sects is a massive trauma response to the Holocaust. The trauma is passed from generation to generation and is just a way of life now. Good for Beatrice for freeing herself!❤️
The is somewhat the same for Black Americas. Many of us advocate for insularity and gate keeping if our culture, food, music, dialect, etc. Many of us only feel comfortable with other blacks and actively choose to interact and marry within our own and to not do so is to be subjected to a huge amount of disapproval and disappointment. It’s absolutely a trauma response to the racism and violence we were and continue to be subjected to. A lot of Black people are legitimately afraid and distrustful of white people. Mind you, not white Europeans or South Americans. White Americans only.
What i learned listening to your videos is that the difference between boys and girls, modesty and sex is the same in all the cults, only the ages it begins are different. My opinion is that these rules makes abuse much more happening because the twisted way the cults look at the body. Such a shame.
Very true. And take note: what she said was that at 12&13 the kids are considered “adults” regarding religious laws - however the sexualization starts a lot earlier! For Hasidic girls it’s at age 3 and boys age 7 Here’s my husband sharing - on Cults to Consciousness - some of the challenges he faced growing up a Hasidic boy ruclips.net/video/MLyBzMFbJdM/видео.htmlsi=BigtOxqIzc417kYM
Thanks for having more ex orthodox jewish ppl on the show. I grew up in an orthodox community (though not chassidish) and what she said about the ritual baths is so real. It was always so uncomfortable and dehumanizing to me. But when I talked to my other married friends, they always viewed it as a beautiful spa-like ritual. And they viewed it as healthy for the marriage. In fact that jewish ppl had more healthy marriages because of this ritual time apart (absence make the heart grow fonder and all that). And i could never wrap my head around how they were having such a drastically different experience than me. It made me feel like i was only valuable for my reproductive abilities.
The ritual baths are the most amazing spiritual experience.. you cleans within rain pure water, and it is a very spiritual experience... you are all not being honest and missing the deeper meaning to all these laws which are beautiful.
I LOVE going to the mikvah! It's a beautiful, refreshing experience. It's time to do self-care and take my time. Reconnecting with my husband is like a wedding night, each month. It's respectful and wonderful. I have never experienced anything other than the utmost respect from the mikvah ladies who assist at the mikvah.
You are not trapped, unless you are in an unhealthy relationship. Following the doctrines of Jewish law, doesn't make a woman be treated like dirt, on the contrary, Jewish women enjoy a special status.
Outsiders are afraid to criticize the Jewish community and help to protect the victims because the labels of antisemitism. I’m sorry you were so isolated and was years before you found your place in the world and that peace.
Criticizing the entire Jewish community as a whole IS antisemitic. This lady grew up in an extremist cult. Most jews don't live this way as you know and do criticize these extremists. I agree though that ppl should continue to criticize cults like this.
Exactly! Just look at the war crimes of today. I’m not opening a discussion. But if any western country would commit these acts Israel commits right now. It would be crazy out cry. I’m not even talking about a 3 world country.
@@ritawing1064see I have an issue with people likening unconsenting male circumcision to in any way as bad as female genital mutilation. Which is what saying make genital mutilation implies. FGM is literally removing entire part of anatomy purely for men's pleasure and purity culture. There is no circumstance that a doctor would perform FGM for a medical reason. It's perfectly reasonable to say it is not ethically wrong to perform male circumcision on an infant but you can do that using different language that doesn't downplay FGM. Because there are some circumstances a urologist would recommend circumcision for medical reasons which was why it started to be done routinely. Now we know it's not necessary. So use non- consensual elective. People who do this clearly have never met a woman who has been through FGM it's disgusting you are trying to compare them its like comparing assault to murder
@farhana6913 I know what you mean and of course FGM is far worse than infant circumcision (although the traditional form has caused fatalities), but it's important to acknowledge the lack of consent and the actual mutilation, not least because, as Brian Earp's research found, rabid proponents of infant male circumcision will try to justify it by comparison with the less extreme forms of female genital mutilation. No one should be messing unnecessarily with children's anatomy, not fgm, not ear piercing, not circumcision, nothing! Concentrating on the degree of harm will not get to the root of it all - though of course the most strenuous efforts should be made to do away with the most egregious offences - fgm.
I can only imagine the depth and breadth of your courage to assume becoming the owner of your life. You are an inspiration. I am a man, 74, a practicing artist through out my entire life and culturally Jewish. My life has been blessed and sustained nothing even remotely as challenging as yours. Your journey is deeply moving and inspirational, thank you.
As a licensed therapist x 20+ yrs, I always share a universal truth w/ my clients that is especially critical to those who are abuse survivors; shame can not remain in the light, as it operates & is fueled only in the dark. Shining light on our struggles & asking for help are the keys to a path of healing & growth. As one of my mentors, Dr. Brene Brown, once said, “You either walk inside your story & own it, or you stand outside your story & hustle for your worthiness.” It’s such a powerful statement & Beatrice is a shining example of doing just that. I’m beyond grateful & in awe of her choice to turn the light on & show that healing, growth, & thriving are possible when we stop living in the dark, alone w/ past secrets & shame. Fantastic interview & can’t wait to see part two!!!
@@ElisabeteSuzana - I couldn’t agree more & appreciate you adding that. Cultural &/or religious background is critical to being able to connect w/ & help clients.
This is a misconception. Kosher food does not get blessed. The inspections are to make sure that the various ritual laws are being followed. While the person doing the inspection is often a rabbi it doesn't have to be. It just needs to be a person who has been well trained in the laws of kosher.
@@sianmilne4879that's fair. I think I just wanted to make the distinction that any prayers said are not what makes the food kosher per se. Kosher is what I like to call a sort of religious pseudoscience where foods have certain statuses due to a variety of rules and factors. So a kosher certification means that the food has been monitored essentially from farm to table to make sure no rules were broken.
It is not really as bad as it sounds. Being an empowered woman doesn’t mean to show the most skin, being an empowered woman is to choose when I want to show and to whom. I love modesty as a Jewish Woman
@@rayzelpion8825 The concern here is that 3 yo’s are expected to be all covered up because the implication is that men would find them tempting. It’s not at all a concern about women having their own clothing standards.
I appreciate that this channel has been exploring more diversity in the religious groups and sects and sharing more stories from people outside of Christianity or “Christianity adjacent”. It makes it easier to see what the similarities and differences are and what the actual core problems are in these high control groups and a how they oppress and take advantage of people. Edited to make things more clear.
@@ghighiannemorrison4922 I mean a religion takes a lot of the same themes and maybe still worships Jesus or considers him an important figure, but doesn’t actually identify as a Christian sect. Not left as in political left or anything! I realize that could have been very unclear so I edited my original comment. I mean to the left as in “diverges from Christianity” or “Christianity adjacent” sort of like Mormonism or jehovahs witnesses etc
Your husband was not a good Jew. Life is the exception to Shabbat. Protection of life takes precedence over EVERYTHING. I’m so sorry for what you went through.
But it’s good to control women by allowing man to control their body with roles about every single part of women purity and how we dress and what we eat all are the most basic human rights and you have no freedoms and man has the power of choice which food is כשר or what is צנוע לבנות or what is ok במחזור or it you allow to get גט as women form orthodox community not חסדים או חרדים but extremely religious I left the community but married a man who was sociopathic violence and abuse in every aspect and control in every part of life and I was normal because it’s what I know growing up as a child and in the community it all makes the most impact growing up in this community as a woman you’re only role is being good and do what you told a good girl and good women and wife I don’t know how I survive I still don’t feel free form my ex husband or from the brainwash of the community I grew up in it better than before but it’s stragglers every day and it’s taking me re ejected myself first to get to escape from the nightmare I lived under so good it the first thing that they said about each person to get their way or how is good it not enough so i sick about feeling guilty or bad person just because I was speaking out good girl stay silent and stay married no matter what happens
Wow, had no idea that the brides family were responsible for supporting the new marriage financially for 5 YEARS!!!! So orthodox men do not work to support the family, and not only does she have to bear 10-15 children under impossible rules and regulations, but the male head of the household virtually does nothing financially to support that huge family? Living like a slave, living off her parents and stipends so that he could “study”, demeaned by a passive aggressive male……no wonder they isolate so that they can keep a medieval patriarchal society going.
Can't stop my brain from pulling images from "Unorthodox" to illustrate parts of the stories described ❤️ Thanks for sharing!! It's so important to lift the veil on lives different to your own❤️
Beatrice, thank you for sharing your story and for your advocacy for those that are helpless in this cult. Shelise, you are one of the best interviewers I’ve ever seen. The way you ask questions that focus solely on the guest’s story and then give them TIME to answer in their own manner. You honour every single guest that you have on.
I worked in an "extreme" Kosher food facility and I can tell you, the rules are no joke. We would have entire shipments of lettuce/herbs rejected because a rabbi found one or two MICROSCOPIC mites in it... Was depressing honestly as the producer of that food but that's what my honestly irresponsible bosses (who were Jewish but definitely not orthodox) deserved for promising them that we could produce insect-free produce without washing
Love that you’re doing another video on Hassidic women & the dark side that can come living in that community. While there are plenty of women who identify as happy & fulfilled living a Hassidic life, & not all Hassidic me are abusive, there are many in that community suffering in silence. Great job as usual, Shelise!!!
I live in Israel and for 6 months I worked in the city of Bnei Brak that it is a very religious place, there are no coffee shops to sit in the main streets-not allowed, the place is so filthy with wraps of snacks, mountains of snack wraps between the buildings, the women are just plain exhausted there-tons of children and they are the bread winners of the family, very small children walking alone in the main streets without supervision like the 5 yers old taking care of the 3 year olds..., tons of mental disable children with down syndrome beyond statistics, many stores vandalized by extremists as for example shops that sell "non kosher" cell phones (that are not restricted), threatening posters on the streets to warn women that do not wear humble clothes and the consequences ,the bus is always full of children with filthy diapers and it smells awful, they thrive on gossip and men who work with you and talk to you at the office will totally ignore you in the street because they afraid what others will say, and all this is nonsense in relation of what REALLY happens there, it was a very unpleasant experience.
And still people believe the war crimes they commit are fairytales very sad. I think the women are the key to stopping the violence cause they clearly are suffering too…
This comment engages in classic anti-Semitic stereotypes, though that might not have been the intention. Try to step back and think about what you write.
@@David99356 This is the tactic that tries to silence any critical comment by invoking "stereotype" or "trope." Someone saying they saw snack wrappers in Bnei Brak -- Whoa! that's the classic stereotype about Jews and snack wrappers! And on it goes, gagging humanitarians who criticize |DF violence (that's the medieval "blood libel" myth!); silencing democrats who criticize AIPAC donations (that's the Shylock money-lender trope!). Actual anti-Jewish stereotypes do crop up in public culture, but not all critical observations are "anti-semitic."
I'm in my early 60s and the more stories I hear the more aware I am of the abuse I survived. Before I blamed myself as being inadequate. Thank you for waking me up.
Wow! This breaks my heart reading about you feeling inadequate, not knowing the problem was with the system and not you 💔 Very relatable. I felt inadequate/incompetent/broken as well when i was growing up in the Hasidic community, never being able to be “good enough” to meet so many unrealistic expectations
Great guest! Thanks so much for sharing your story with us! I always feel like I get a lot of insight, but can also relate with what happens in any group when they become insular to the degree that they are a law unto themselves and “deal” with things internally, which leaves it up to non-objectivity, and/or no justice in many matters or situations within that group.
Beatrice is so inspirational. I'm so sorry to hear of everything she has gone through, but I am so grateful that you are sharing. I am going through a tough time with work and family (luckily nothing compared to the speakers on this channel). If people can go through stuff like this and come out ok, it makes me feel hopeful that I can get better. Thanks for all the work you guys do. It's so important
The more that I hear about religion, the more I’m glad that I’m an atheist. Too many people use faith as a justification for being abusive and elitist, particularly towards women.
there is a lot of sexism behind science 🧬 or rather “scientism”. A lot of universities were sponsored by the catholic church. They wiped out our biological relation to the sun, moon and earth and classified this knowledge as the occult and witchcraft. They wipe out matriarchal cultures and pretend they have never existed. Sexism can be re-branded in any belief system where people blindly follow and do not challenge.
Oh my goodness What a treat! Beatrice has been my inspiration since 2019 when I was lucky to “meet” her in a program that we both took part in. She has taught me so much how to be gentle with myself (back when she did group coaching) and has been a role model to me how not to give up hope and stay strong no matter the challenges that life throws at you. I have so much more to say about this marvellous woman and incredible soul that she is, but I’m pressed for time ATM, so for now i will just add how delighted and grateful I am for this in depth piece, shared with so much grace! And boy am I looking forward to part 2 😍
Having grown up keeping kosher as a modern orthodox Jew, I have never heard anything like the Popsicle color rule and cannot think of a law that would relate to that issue. But I do know that some of these extremist sects will see taking on extra stringencies as a virtuous thing to do. I will also say that we were fine with all produce (just washed it first) and most kosher certifications. And if we messed up we didn't have to repent. We just stopped eating the thing if we realized halfway through that there was an issue and tried to do better next time. Also, there's a general concept that even if a child made a mistake it is not that serious and is ultimately the responsibility of the parents. The whole point of a bar or bat mitzvah is that the child has become old enough to keep all of the laws and be responsible for their own observance. I'm also disturbed that she was taught that only observant Jews go to heaven. Growing up we really were not heaven/hell focused much at all and there was never a question that non-Jews could also go to heaven. Just want to give some perspective at the diversity that exists even among observant Jews bc many ppl have such culture shock when they hear these extreme stories and they struggle to understand how any of these practices could exist within a more moderate and healthy framework. I'm not exactly orthodox anymore and I do have a bit of trauma/baggage around that but i do wany ppl to understand that it is possible to engage in this kind of lifestyle without it being full of terror and restriction and stringency. There is even an orthodox feminist movement which I was very involved with when I was younger and many of my friends are still doing great things to make the community more inclusive and just.
Toronto in the 70's and 80's did not have access to all the ou products and such. There were these popsicles available in those years that were not stamped with a hechsher. There were lots of stupid rumors about which food colors were kosher or not. Purple absolutely not - from grapes without supervision. Red absolutely not - from insects. These kinds of weird BS is what I grew up with in Toronto. She is telling 100% the truth. I was there and I lived a similar life though not chassidic like her.
Our religion ( Orthodox);is beautiful! Listening to this interview is an exaggeration of our. Orthodox life. Shes making everything sound so severe, but there is so much falsehood in this interview. Usually people who are suffering some other traumas, are the ones that rebel. We have a beautiful heritage and we don't feel stifled in any way. IT IS NOT A CULT.
Wowww I was born & raised in Brooklyn and Williamsburg is definitely their community I’ll say I’m not at all shocked it’s super sad that women have no voice or rights and indeed it is a prison. I commend this woman for being so strong 💪 Blessings 🙏
I work in a Hasidic community near the northern part of BedStuy and yesterday I saw two young girls (no older than 12 or 13), each pushing a stroller and it made me sad. Like they should be playing, enjoying their summer, not caring for siblings. I mean, babysitting can be cool but I'm familiar with the dynamics.
@@lizzybeary I see it where I live in families with many children, some moms sort seem to give up once they have a certain number and the older girls (and sometimes boys too) do a lot of the child rearing. One child I know, I didn't recognize his mother until he was perhaps 3-4 but knew his sister from when he was a couple months old. She was always outside with him and even went with him to baby activities like baby song. I first even thought she was his mother but found out she was his sister when talking to her. I am glad to see that since there was no new baby after him that his mother did start being a bit more active in his life at about 3-4. He has a great relationship to his sister still but I think he should have had that with his mother too.
@@lizzybearybelieve me they’re enjoying their summer a lot more than kids who are glued to their devices. They love taking their little siblings out in matching clothes and showing them off. Save your pity for those who really need it.
Thank you S. Your interview style is the best of any ex-mo I’ve watched. (Of the many) delightful not to have a former “priesthood” head call the interview shots and over speak the guest with a still subservient wife at his side speaking when he allows. Beatrice is a gem. Found her website and offerings valuable. (author In Polygamy’s Shadow)
Beautifully articulated..... Loved how you pointed out that there is so much pressure, and duties that you dont even have time for yourself..... To think. Time for yourself.
Heck fucking yeah to going to college and getting a job as a woman. It was my way out of an abusive household as well. I am grateful. I know there are many paths to independance but this one works well for now.
I'm actually going down that path now, I'm hoping to receive chapter 35 benefits through my father. It's likely the only way I'll get to go, but this way I can have a life away from the people who hurt me.
Might write more, but I wanted already to stop the video to thank Beatrice for the intake of air she took when talking about the shame over eating a yellow popsicle and getting her sisters one, then getting ratted out. I see you from our weird rules that for us constantly changed, with goal posts ever moving. Orange was my favorite, and we didn't often get one. How devastating to children to be allowed one AND get money, then the stupid flavor isn't there, the parentified child seeing their own sense of loss reflected on the face of babier sisters. You did the in charge, bestest of sisters thing. The right thing. I'm so sorry, because this experience is just one stich in a motif that will play along the tapestry of a whole childhood, young adulthood and then spark pain as an adult. That one gesture says it all about the pain of living under the intense rules that coercive control is established upon. All the tears. All of them. Air sucked in to feed a central nervous system that already had reasons to dysregulate brought in by inevitable inter-generational changes to DNA. One central nervous system to hold it all. I can imagine a group of people who have extra legit reasons to draw together for safety, reasons that only go back a few decades (still piled on top of the preceding struggles, never forget that). legit sources for the compulsions behind extra rules, drawing them in. My grandfather came home from WW2 with gingivitis and OCD. My grandmother came back from being evacuated from the London bombings with no understanding of nurturing and a sharp, sadistic streak. This all seeps down generations, changing our DNA, impacting stress and trauma response. I'm not comparing my grandparents to anyone else, but I am interested in what even the milder by contrast experiences do to families and I guess, now, probably religious groups. I've long held the belief that these PTSD's (so many kinds and I know we are going to have that understanding soon, not just single event, not just compound, but developmental and so, so, so much more) come in through colonialism, racial hatred, through war. I'm sorry. I see the child inside people because my own family mayhem resulted in me ending up a multiple, living with DID. A lot of us fragment, a lot don't, but there is usually one child left inside us, at least. I want yours to have one of those multicoloured, huge popsicles, sisters too, and hugs. For you all to make a sticky mess and feel loved and free.
When your piety determines your salvation and status it’s natural that people will create new rules to puff themselves up in their eyes and the communities eyes to prove they are the most pious.
I live in a very strong Hasidic area ,I was always perplexed why the young children are frightened of me if I say hi ,they literally run away from me ,Thankyou for your courage as ,it helps me understand my neighbours more and have compassion for them .I was stuck thinking maybe they just didn't like me as I'm a Goy and as Goy I'm less than but I see things differently now so Thank you so much I think you are an amazing courageous strong eloquent woman
It’s fear. We grew up in the shadow of the Holocaust when our grandparents gentile neighbors betrayed them in the worst possible ways. Now Covid and Oct 7 have brought it to the surface again.
I watch Jewish women, orthodox and Hasidic, on Tik Tok justify and minimize the extremism of the ways that they are treated and I had to stop. It disturbs me to see how they are controlled and manipulated in the name of god.
@@wiki-ex4tqAlmost all hassisim are askkenazim. Ashkenaz designate the eastern European jews whilst sefaradim designates the jews from maghreb, middle east who originated from the iberic peninsula.
@Faigyfeig in an open secular society (at least hopefully) individuals can pursue their own goals, happiness, etc... it shouldn't make everyone the same, vs what an insular, orthodox society does.
so educational! thank you from the people who may be in a position to need to understand this religion. And huge Kudos for the interviewer who is so wonderful and respectful that there is a better flow of information.
I grew up in a Christian family, more strict than common I guess, but everything you say is entirely familiar to me, the clothes, the modesty, the restrictions on available roles, the separation from boys, the total absence of information or mention of anything to do with sex, ..it wasn’t written down, I don’t know how it was communicated, it was just the way it was. I went to university and in a lecture we were asked who there was an atheist and many raised their hands and I was terrified. I’d heard of that but I had never known to be in the same room as them. Times have changed for everyone.
It's no good conflating all religions like that. This channel features people who left extreme groups, but for the vast majority of modern Christians for example, religion is barely any more restrictive than the moral code any upstanding person would try to follow - and actually very liberating in many ways.
You are so amazing, thank you for sharing your perilous upbringing. Had no idea the level of shame and control. I love that through therapy you found your own voice and did what you had to do 💗 cant wait for part 2! You are such a strong and inspiring person ❤️
Beatrice! I'm so grateful that you found your freedom, and I'm so proud of the work you are doing around education. You are such an inspiration! I'm so grateful to know you, IRL, and I love that you are sharing a story that I relate to on many levels. So much of what you relayed speaks to me deeply.
Thank you so much for sharing your intense story. I think you are such a great advocate and voice for so many people suffering in this/your situation...
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
If it were the men who had periods you can bet they would be celebrating that time of the month and proudly declaring how special they are compared to the women!
Exactly. Males are the source of most evil.
The two weeks after starting your period is CREEPY. That takes you to the date youre likely ovulating so it’s like they secretly made it so every MUST have sex at that time.
Oh you know it!! I remind my sons quite a bit how much women have to go through, so they'll have an appreciation.
while i get your point, if my penis started bleeding, i would be in the ER
😂
Fascinating that bad things happened because women weren't modest enough, but not because the men weren't pious enough.
That's a good point I think. In any group, organization, etc., it seems to be the people in charge who cause most of the problems, but bad leaders never recognize this.
Men usuallly dress modestly.
God retrieves his protection because of immodesty Deut 23:15
Men are blamed for immodesty just as much as women and even more. In Judaism there are more sexual prohibitions on men than on women
@@LoiDivine🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂?@@LoiDivine
THANKS SO MUCH!!! I'm a 72 yo survivor of a high control religion in the 50s and 60s. Broke free at 18 when I got married. It was the only way i was allowed to leave my natal home. The 70s allowed me to explore other POV s and societies.
You're doing an invaluable service to people who sometimes don't even know they need your help.
Education is EVERYTHING!!!!
You should contact Shelise and go on the show!! We would all love to hear your story!
@@therestlessspiritvintage Fundies are fundies regardless of their headgear or lack there of.
The courage it took to leave all this behind after having had 10 children..... Respect, Beatrice.
How is leaving 10 kids power?😢
@@rstefanskyshe took the four youngest with her, the other 6 were adults
Beatrice you're not bitter at all... how amazing... feel for you and admire your strength and intelligence
@@rstefansky she saved her self and her 4 youngest children. What have you done in your life
@
Definitely more than that.
Defaming people
Is not saving anyone
New to the channel - I really love how the interviewer just lets Beatrice talk and tell her stories. All the late night hosts could take lessons from how good she is. Doesn't interrupt, just listens. Well done.
She always let's people share their stories. It makes their conversations so interesting because she actually listens before talking. A lot of people in this business could learn from her.
My absolute favorite podcast host!
Yes, the host only asks pertinent questions, and allows the guests to speak freely. Love this format.
Indeed. Excellent!
I'm really glad that i discovered this channel. I was ultra Orthodox Jewish until my late 40s! I was also a practicing rabbi. In watching the interviews here, i can relate to all the interviewees. Each group controls their adherents through identical or at least similar tactics. It helps me feel less alone and more empowered when i watch people from such diverse backgrounds, all sharing the same elements of mind control. But i especially resonated with Beatrice's story as i have a similar back story with my journey of breaking free of the Orthodox hassidic religion of my youth and how i finally managed in my late 40s to leave it all behind. I know it's tough to leave that late but you, Beatrice, have managed to and i commend you for having the strength to follow through and to save at least some of your children! I'm looking forward to part 2!
Do you still consider yourself Jewish?
@sarah2.017 In certain aspects, I do. Though, it's increasingly more cultural than anything. It is similar to how an Italian American might still consider themselves to be Italian.
Same. Even now since my brother died they still try to convince me to return. I believe in soul trap theory so for me religion is all just a guilt trip to trick me to reincarnate constantly
I'd love to read about the cult leader behind the cult. He had ISSUES
I really recommend you follow “Mormon stories” he also covers really interesting testimonies from people leaving this high demand religion
Red might be an “immodest” color, but it’s definitely your color Beatrice
I love wearing red!
@@beatriceweber1 yeees! The red lip + blazer combo is so classy
Right? ! I though so too.
@@beatriceweber1 And the red lip!
Sets off her beautiful, dark curls.
The host is like a therapist. She listens, validates, and asks important questions. Plus she doesn’t interrupt. She’s awesome.
What a great video. Beatrice is a brave strong woman. I hope she is happy and living a good life.
That’s so kind of you to say. Thank you! I do my best ❤️
If a religion proscribes a morning prayer to thank God for not being born a woman, you should know that the same man will feel entitled to treat women as lesser beings.
Bloody obvious, JS.
I hope they understand how hard it is to be a woman specially in a man’s world.
You don't understand that blessing at all, it is acknowledging that men have more commandments than women as women have a different role in life and are therefore created closer to perfection than men and we are therefore thanking G-d "anyway' for our role, orthodox jews hold their wives on a pedestal and have super respect for them.
@menachemfeuer4395 Why then are they thanking God that they have more rules and are less "perfect" than women? Your logic in your response is lacking.
How are you closer to "perfect" whilst also considered impure or dirty for half of a month?! @@menachemfeuer4395
What her husband did in not taking her to the hospital during her miscarriage is 100% against Jewish law. You are allowed to break any law to save a life. Many orthodox communities even have volunteer ambulance services and you will see the people on call in synagogue on the sabbath with their walkie talkies. However, I do believe that in these extreme communities its such a fishbowl and theres such a sense of trying to outdo others with how pious you are that many might hesitate in these kinds of situations.
Pious is not the right word, culty is more like it.
All religions are cults!!!
Thank you for saying this. I’ve definitely heard that before even though I’m not Jewish. I have a feeling her husband’s lack of loving investment in her as a person was the real reason. His loss, tho, cuz Beatrice seems like an amazing person.
@@muriel5826 When you thank g-d every day you weren't born female it messes you up.
Brainwashed cult.
Sounds like he was a narcissist who thought it was beneath him.
This is ancient history, I'm 80 now, but stuck in my brain & heart is a sadness from high school. My best friend was a Jew and the brightest girl in our class.
She'd been accepted to the best colleges but was told to go to one beneath her brilliance because she was only going to marry and have children but no career.
This was shocking to our entire class that was sad and befuddled. She was admired by the entire class and we just knew she would accomplish great things.
Finally, she was not permitted to even attend graduation. Julia if you're out there, we haven't forgotten!
Sadly, this story is shared by millions of women your age, regardless of their religion.
People like this boggle my mind. What if, for whatever reason, she never got married, and what if she did and he died or became disabled?
@sarah2.017 in general that doesn't matter. i grew up hasidic. the women who didn't marry live with their parents until they die and then live with their siblings (usually only saw happen with profoundly disabled people) and if the husband became disabled then the family would move in with their parents or another family member or friend.
That is so sweet of you to mention her ❤🎉
I remember my father paying for my brothers to go to college but not me. I was going to get married and have children. Why did I bother to get straight A’s?
Do the mysogynistic religions ever notice how much they have in common regarding the treatment of women?
I don’t think so. They truly believe that their way is correct
It's true. Men try to overcontrol it's happening most religions
Nope. They're too focused on their own pride and sel-importance
no, because the women are part of the oppression of younger women... it is a cycle
Got news for you - they're all misogynistic
Thank you for sharing your story… I resonate with so much of what you have experienced. My own siblings kidnapped my daughter when I left my abusive ex-husband and the hasidic community. I had to fight my own family and ex husband to get her back. The pain is unbearable. This isn’t a one off story. This is the story of so many women who escaped from the Hasidic community. I too wanted to leave my marriage. Not the community. But ended up having to leave the community. The way I was treated was horrific. My kids went through hell. Almost 10 years later and my life is on track. I try not to let this affect my life even though it is what made me the woman I am today. I’m in London and this is a worldwide tragedy that happens to so many of us. It’s not just mothers. It’s fathers too. Thank you for being an avenue for survivors of cults and closed communities to speak out.
TRUE, ,OUR FAMILY WAS AND ARE BLACK LIUSTED STILL AFTER V110 YRS
Thank you for being brave enough to choose freedom for yourself and your children. I wish you nothing but the absolute best!
Thank you your story. I'm assuming you were from Stamford Hill area? I was always fascinated with that community but I've never spoken to any of them and I'm interested in cultural differences. Alot of people look up or aspire to be like you community so I would like to hear from those who experienced the lifestyle.
That happened to me and I'm not hasidic
I'm a librarian in Antwerp, Belgium - where there is one of those Hassidic/ultra Orthodox (I'm sorry I don't know the difference) enclaves Beatrice talks about. It makes me sl happy when young girls come in to borrow and read books. At least this way they can get a glimpse of the outside world.
I wonder how many little Muslim girls come in to read books... yeah I'm sure your biggest worry for your country and especially for your city is the few Jews😂
Hi I am an orthodox Jewish woman raising orthodox Jewish children. My kids’ yeshiva (ultra orthodox Jewish school) has reading for 20 minutes as part of their daily homework. And they don’t only have to read Jewish texts. They can read whatever they want. I do limit exposure in my home to what I feel is wholesome and age-appropriate. A lot of Roahl Dahl right now. I take my toddler to story time at our local library every week. And I never liked going to the public library until an admin at my daughter’s school told me that if I didn’t expose my children to the public library they wouldn’t grow up to love reading (I love reading but I prefer to buy my books online so I never had the need).
Please don’t feel badly for orthodox girls. Most of us love our lives and we aren’t oppressed or submissive or any other derogatory and disrespectful word the secular world likes to define us by. In fact, I’ve never seen such a large and generalized group of women with so many post-secondary degrees as I have seen in the orthodox world. Many of them don’t use their degrees because they have CHOSEN to put their formal education into raising their children. They become stay at home mothers who nurture and educate their children and go back to work when their children are grown. We choose this. We like this. - an orthodox Jewish woman who studied Biology in college.
I remember a big “scandal” in Montreal. There was a gym, close to an Hasidic community. They asked the gym owner to cover the windows so the Hasidic men could not see the women working out… It did not fly! Boy did that create a controversy!
How did that play out? Who won?
I remember that 😂 i was still part of the community and i think i was still living in Boisbriand, but the news was so “outrageous” that even in that little community they were worried about the implications of this gym in Montreal in the Hasidic area - that was refusing to cover their windows 🙈
They can just look away or close their curtains
Forcing their beliefs in others? Ridiculous.
That’s pretty comical considering a LOT of those men they’re worried about have IG, Snap, Fetlife (which specifically has Frum hookup groups) etc accounts in secret trying to hookup & do plenty of “looking”. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
Could you imagine being a woman or teen girl with a bleeding disorder??? There was a period in my life that I bled every single day for over ten months. There were also times I went extended periods of time without. I grew up in fundie/purity culture and it would have been so humiliating for the world, or even my own family, to know what I was going through. Don't even get me started on the state of women's health care, or lack there of
That’s a really great point! Thanks for sharing
That is a good question. What do woman do who have irregular, or missing periods?
In Islam we have special status during menstruation, too. However, a period if you have a bleeding disorder, has a max of 8 days. Then bath and resume normal life.
There's really no excuse you couldn't find good health care for your gyno needs. It should have been there.
I have endo and I think over the last two years I have barely had a period of seven days with no trace of blood.
Beatrice, you are the definition of a strong woman! I truly hope all of your children can someday find it within themselves to be a part of your life.
Look..... what makes you special is the environment you grew up in. Look how watched over you were. In todays modern secular world no one cares what you eat etc. Look at how holy your family was. You were fortunate.
@@leahsiegel9068 I don't think you meant to reply to me.
How could any family turn their back on their daughter in such a cold and cruel manner,is something I will never understand.This woman is incredibly brave for taking such an incredible leap of faith in her own ability to leave such a controlling environment.
Because they hate women. Pure and simple.
So many groups do it, too, the Amish being another. Some stricter Evangelical groups will cut their children off. It's like they're dead. So hard to understand.
Such burdens to bear ... thank you for sharing. My Christian daughter converted to Orthodox Judaism and is kosher. She says that if I buy Matzos for Passover, I defile the Jewish shop because I am "an idolator who worships the man Yeshua." My mother put her teacup in my daughter's non-dairy kitchen sink and the cup had to be broken. These rules of men don't earn salvation and I don't believe G-d is pleased by them, when they create difficulty, division and false guilt.
This is a large part of why Christians are Christian. Early Christians were Jews with a different take on things, one of those things became not following their dietary law. That was more popular, so Christianity spread as it is more palatable for most people. I don’t say this lightly. I grew up Jewish and keeping kosher and I find these rituals infuriating.
That is very very extreme. This family has not learned the actual laws. I was raised modern orthodox and I have never heard about breaking a teacup because it was placed in the wrong sink.
@@yoninacohenarnheim2460 glad to hear it 🙂 It's hard to know sometimes, how best to apply a rule. And yes, my Jewish friends have not been strict to the point of unkindness, at all. They've been lovely!
That’s the sad part that most Jews miss by not understanding that Jesus Christ was their Messiah, sent to free them from the Mosaic Laws, and give them the gift of salvation through His substitutionary death on the cross for their sins, for all our sins. Some recognize that gift and know that these laws don’t apply anymore, as believers understand no “religious laws” buy anyone salvation. It’s simply believing in Christ’s gift of salvation, not about eating orange popsicles.
@@zuzuspetals9281 true that salvation can't be earned by our good works because we are sinful beings, but is a gift we receive by believing that He has made full atonement for our wrongdoing. But I don't believe that the Messiah freed us from God's Law (which is good and perfect ... see Psalm 119). Instead, we are freed from the death/punishment we deserve for breaking the Torah/Law given through Moses. Yeshua/Jesus said He did not come to abolish the Law .... and that not the tiniest detail of it would change until heaven and earth pass away. And they have not yet passed away.
Break the silence. Break the cycle.
I always look forward to seeing this comment.✊🏾
@@dfreeman13 If one person learns they’re not alone, it helps. The more we listen the sooner we get to a time where we don’t have to. If that makes sense.
I would think that her father would have started to question the character of her ex husband. Not his moral character but his lack of character that would allow his wife's father to ensure that his wife and children are fed and clothed. The marriage agreement was for a house and 5 years of support but it sounds like it went on much longer..and then to have the audacity to not even use the money he was given to buy his children shoes but have no qualms about spending it on himself. I don't know how her father could continue to respect him because of his inability or maybe even lack of drive to contribute to the well being of his family. I guess you don't think much about having 10 kids when you don't have to worry about making the money to feed, clothes, and educate them.
See the work of Jewish historian Guyenot.
Fully agree with you
@@terireed3740
I grew up hassidic . I was so excited to see this new upload.
Beatrice, thank you for sharing. You're very brave. Cults to consciousness is my favorite youtube channel
Which group? How old were you when you went off the derech?
I think it is very unusual for a woman in her forties to leave.
@stephenfisher3721 it is unusual, but it's her story.
Any idea which group she's from? Just curious. Not Chabad, I suppose.
@hma237 definitely not chabbad. I don't know her personally so I wouldn't know but why would it matter?
@@hma237
I thought she said Satmar.
The more of these stories that come out, the more people can see the patriarchy doesn’t work and spiritual manipulation is real and everywhere! Thank you so much for sharing 🖤🖤
@@MotherOfBaggins 💜
A normal patriarchy works not this toxic version of it.
So glad to hear that. Patriarchy doesn't work.
Actually, patriarchy DOES work: patriarchal Jewish communities are the only ones that are growing! The more egalitarian minded Jews are vanishing due to sub - replacement fertility. Some people may not like this, but math doesn't care what people like. This is how evolution works.
Thank you for an interview that was handled with such sensitivity. Beatrice is such a thoughtful, articulate, strong woman. The fact that she left all she had known, regardless of how frightening it must have been, took such strength and courage. She is magnificent.
They want you to have babies yet consider you unclean for the process a baby comes about.
I’m guessing “unclean” is some kind of ritual state, and not like a “You’re a demon now 😡” kind of thing.
@@alephmale3171Doesn't make it any better...
Typical misogynistic thinking unfortunately...
@@lauraelder7634 🎯🎯🎯🎯
unpure, not unclean.
men who loose semen during the night also become unpure, just a different kind of impurity.
all this is from the Torah. so you accept the law of God or you don't, but don't blame the people or the rabbis.
My Ancestor Mary Barnes was hanged in 1662 for having opinions. Women never get a break.
probably all witch hunt was about that back in time
No, they do not. And a lot of men still want to control women
Im so sorry about Mary, my condolences. Gone but not firgotten
why do they hate/envy women so much? it's mental
@@erah4994Absolutely true. When you strip away the religious language, any witch trials boil down to women who have their own ideas.
Shelise,you do such a great job at asking the right questions and listening to your guests stories.Loved the episode!
Thank you so much!☺️🙏
Thank you so much to both of you for shining the light on religious control and abuse.
So her and her husband had 10 kids he didn’t work. Her parents had to support a family of 12+ themselves. This is outrageous.😮
The question is, what job did her father have.
@@drthomason7043the men study the Torah. That is their whole “job”. That’s how the community works, generally
@anniemoultray3437 yes so it was his wife's job as a principal that supported them and his philanthropic offerings. However her Dad may have been a translator or cantor or paid for some other service to the community
What a useless job. @@anniemoultray3437
@@anniemoultray3437men are lazy asses that’s what they are
This program is truly enlightening. I am a Black woman, raised on the edge of a Jewish neighborhood. My neighbors were friendly and welcoming. As a preschooler, I was cared for by my GM. We spent some portion of each day with Jewish GMs who were caring for their grandchildren. In my world Jews were an educated, professional class. I was astonished to learn that there is any Jewish sect that does’t value education. My home was in Washington DC. My mother was a mathematician, my neighbors were engineers, physicists, lawyers, etc, those who were not black were Jewish. How does the undereducated segment of the Jewish community interact with the more educated?
It's very disturbing that the more strict modest dress for girls and segregation of the sexes would start at 3. This implies that a 3 year old needs to be modest bc there is something sexual about them.
Yes. This comes from a biblical interpretation that Rebecca was married to Isaac when she was 3
@@helyns1416iiiiiiiiiiick
3 is the age allowed to start pedo sexualizing
Interesting, in Islam it is as early as 9 years old but schools initiate it from 6 years old. Imagine objectifying kids into sexual objects even before they realise what does being a girl or a boy mean!! Pathetic how religious institutions control us in the name of God.
@@helyns1416 haha what that's crazy, I thought it might be about their belief that the hymen grows back until they are 3. I can't remember exactly how it's worded but all the religious text are online now, and you can read them yourselves. Essentially it says that a girl can not lose her virginity from birth to 3 years old, because her hymen will grow back.... so creepy
Still watching and wont ever stop. Keep spreading the truth and providing a platform for the voiceless to share their truths. The community is expanding. They can't hide under their rocks forever!
💯💯💯
I cannot imagine growing up in a society that subjugates women to such a degree. Congratulations for getting out and thank you for sharing your story.
I grew up in a section of the country where the few Jewish people who were there were either non observant or attended a very progressive temple. I didn’t even learn about Hasidic Judaism until I was a young adult. My first thought was, “Wow, they must be so blessed living such righteous lives.” How wrong I was. Extremism in any faith tends to be abusive, it would seem.
If you thought they were blessed, maybe they WERE really blessed. This woman doesn't speak for every hasidic woman
Don't ascribe this to all Chassidim. Trust me on this. Women, in general, run the Jewish World, even amongst most Chassidim. It may not seem like it on the surface at times, but we (men) have to work harder at being good Jews just to be worthy of the women in our lives. I am also going to try to find time to dig in on this former Rebbetzin. In another video, she ascribed actions to the community that were blatantly WRONG. Now this video, I still see things that I am not sure that I really believe. However, I do know that there are some idiots out there (I personally try to help with those who refuse to provide Getts to their former spouses), so it is possible that most of what she says is true and she either misspoke or is embellishing to try to gain more sympathy.
I grew up chassidic and left in my 30s. I can't say I ever felt women were specifically subjugated. It's an extreme rule based society. The men r just as controlled as the women.. my arranged marraige was hell for me. But let's not blame it on misogyny
@@artofmybody2882 don't you think there are good and bad marriages everywhere? And don't you think there are happy chassidim, who don't feel controlled?
When I look at that group on Eastern Parkway everyday, I always thank God I was not a part of it. I did not see blessed, I saw darkness, no happiness, no love, just sadness.
As a mother, I simply cannot imagine raising my children with fear in their hearts, especially fear of disobeing, fear of "being a bad kid", fear of disappointing your family. That flies in the face of the *unconditionnal* love and support every child needs in order to build secure attachments, a strong sense of self and self confidence. My heart breaks for all the children, in whatever circumstances, who grow up without true unconditionnal love and affection. Thank you for sharing your story, Béatrice.
you cant problem solve when you have cognitive and emotional overload; "keeping sweet" equates survival. I am always so impressed with the strength, determination, resiliency and sheer power of the individuals on your show
Those menstruation rules are very degrading
Being in a normal public school I felt ashamed of my period sometimes still do I’m almost thirty being in this religion would be rough
Historically, I believe these rules were put in place to protect women from needing to provide sex for their husbands at vulnerable times (it's similar around childbirth as well). I completely agree that they are degrading and it's incredibly harmful to teach women (and men) that periods are dirty. I just thought the context of the rules (which are sad for yet more reasons) may be interesting
@@hannahluck1240"provide sex for their husbands" sounds like a Pez dispenser.
I think the same, it is so degrading to say we are impure when we have our periods, when really, they are a part of the cycle that allows us to give life!!! I am so sad that girls and women live thinking that they are dirty during their periods 😢
So the Rabi is an expert in periods? You need an outside authority to determine if the blood has stopped, and a male authority for that matter... 🤷🤔 That's absolutely crazy and creepy and degrading of course.
There’s something so powerful about you Beatrice. You are someone who has been to hell and back, you not only survived, you thrived. Unbreakable, graceful, kindness embodied. Thank you for being you, you’re an inspiration
@@obsidianbutterfly2857 🙏thanks for your kind words
Oh, well said. I was fascinated listening to her and can't wait to watch part 2. (Reminds me also of the book 'Unorthodox'.) On a lighter note, how on earth could Beatrice keep that beautiful hair hidden for 20 years!? Everything she is now, is what came out of who she had to be and I'm thrilled for her that she found herself.
He not only wasn't a good husband, he wasn't even a good Jew. Has he never heard of פיקוח נפש?? He absolutely should have gotten you medical help. What an awful human being. Who looks at anyone needing medical help and do nothing, let alone their spouse??
Brainwashing is a real thing. It even affects the conscience.
Beatrice you are so strong and sharing your story is priceless! I’m so jealous of your beautiful hair and I can’t believe you shaved your hair for 20 years. I’m so happy that after 20 years of not letting your hair grow you have the blessing of such beautiful curls. You look so healthy and happy, your skin glows. I hope you are able to enjoy each day and that your children understand you always did the best in being their mother at every stage of life you were in. Do good, when you know better, do better. That seems like what you have done.
Thank you 🙏
No one should have access to those baths when another man/child is using them. Those men who knew about the abuse and did NOTHING should be behind bars too!!!
I'm so excited for episode 2! This one was excellent (as usual), and I look forward to hearing Beatrice talking about how she left and her life after leaving. ❤
Extremism is never good. This is a sect. They want to be purer than the purer. I’m a modern orthodox Jewish woman. I feel blessed being Jewish.
So much this!! I grew up going to catholic school and the varied practices between families were pretty astounding. Even within a smaller community some of the girls weren’t allowed to be friends with me (since I was Protestant, which isn’t the right flavour of Christian)
I grew up in IBLP. I struggle with I still have a belief that God is with me. However, I can't accept organized religion. I went to Easter service with my mother, and all I thought was are they being abused when I looked at the children. I looked at the women, and I felt pitty. Then I was thinking I'm so sorry God that I am having these negative feelings. It's been a struggle.
@missamanda2703 I can really empathise with this. I've always believed in God (grew up Christian, but in a pretty liberal community), and to be honest, I've never really found any organised religion that aligns with my core beliefs and principles. The final straw for me was when my daughter died and I was told "God has a plan" by several people of different faiths/backgrounds. That solidified my belief that I wouldn't ever be able to align myself with a particular religion, because I don't believe God chose for my perfectly healthy child to die. I've never understood the notion that God "plans" horrific things to happen to us all.
@@missamanda2703Jesus came and dismantled institutional organized religion/legalism. Stick to the word of God, read your Bible. You don’t need a church building, a “pastor”, “authority” over you. We are held accountable to the Lord God almighty. Pray and ask Him all your questions and read read read His word ✨🩷✨
yep, same here, I grew up Jewish. Got into fundamentalist Christianity as an adult. Just as with any religion, it's always the extremes in Judaism. Most of these horror stories are coming from the very insular groups.
I am Jewish and whilst my grandparents were raised in the Orthodox tradition growing up in Hungary, they later became less religious after arriving in Australia. I cannot imagine being Frum ( ultra religious). I don’t think I would cope, even though I believe In G-d and celebrate all the holidays.
I was a "Gentile" who married a Jewish boy from the Nth Beaches Sydney, his family wasn't Orthodox but some of the rules were hard for me to live with. However his Aunty and cousins were full on Orthodox and they left this little Presbyterian mind boggling. I couldn't live like that.
Wow, Beatrice! SO glad you are safe and doing well after escaping all of your trauma. Looking forward to your next interview! 🥰
Though I'm not Jewish by race, I practice Judaism as a belief. I do not feel a need to convert, but I love the closeness with G-d that I never had in Christianity. So, I am not familiar with all the different "sects" of Judaism per se, but just simply enjoy worshipping Him the way Tanakh says, too. I find the Talmud interesting, but I do not follow it for how I worship.
Do teshuva
Look around you
Assimilation will not save you from the jihadists
@littleredpixie3116 come on into the Jewish world! It's so much richer than anything Christian. My husband and I wish we had left that world long before we did!
When she said “there’s nothing more powerful than a woman getting a job and going to college” 🥹 I’ve been a stay at home mom for 20 years and I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship. I’m 38 and I start my first classes at the end of this month. I’ve gone through so much heartache and personal growth over the last few years. Those words were powerful to me and although I didn’t come from a controlling religion I relate with a lot of what Beatrice is saying.
Congratulations for starting college! What a brave decision
Crystal that’s amazing that you’re taking that leap! Sending love ❤️
@@beatriceweber1 Thank you both so much! I’m eager to get started and work towards a new life for myself and my children.
That’s amazing! I went to school in my 30’s and it was perfect timing for me, I was finally in a good place to focus on my own schooling. Good luck, you’ve got this! 💙
Amazing!!
What an incredible strength Beatrice has shown in breaking out of this mysegonistic sect! Thank you for sharing your story, teaching us the reality of this type of life. She looks happy, which gives hope and shows trauma can be overcome.
I'm a secular Jew from Rockland County who taught special education in some of the Hasidic communities through the public schools. I met some wonderful women there, some people were warm and friendly. It did feel like a different world going there, for the most part the children seemed happy, but I always knew it was a community that getting out of would be almost impossible. I truly believe that the entire culture of some of the sects is a massive trauma response to the Holocaust. The trauma is passed from generation to generation and is just a way of life now. Good for Beatrice for freeing herself!❤️
The is somewhat the same for Black Americas. Many of us advocate for insularity and gate keeping if our culture, food, music, dialect, etc. Many of us only feel comfortable with other blacks and actively choose to interact and marry within our own and to not do so is to be subjected to a huge amount of disapproval and disappointment. It’s absolutely a trauma response to the racism and violence we were and continue to be subjected to. A lot of Black people are legitimately afraid and distrustful of white people. Mind you, not white Europeans or South Americans. White Americans only.
What i learned listening to your videos is that the difference between boys and girls, modesty and sex is the same in all the cults, only the ages it begins are different. My opinion is that these rules makes abuse much more happening because the twisted way the cults look at the body. Such a shame.
True. The abuse in Hasidic strict sects starts a lot earlier than 12&13
Girls are sexualized from age 3 and boys from around age 7
Very true. And take note: what she said was that at 12&13 the kids are considered “adults” regarding religious laws - however the sexualization starts a lot earlier! For Hasidic girls it’s at age 3 and boys age 7
Here’s my husband sharing - on Cults to Consciousness - some of the challenges he faced growing up a Hasidic boy
ruclips.net/video/MLyBzMFbJdM/видео.htmlsi=BigtOxqIzc417kYM
Thanks for having more ex orthodox jewish ppl on the show. I grew up in an orthodox community (though not chassidish) and what she said about the ritual baths is so real. It was always so uncomfortable and dehumanizing to me. But when I talked to my other married friends, they always viewed it as a beautiful spa-like ritual. And they viewed it as healthy for the marriage. In fact that jewish ppl had more healthy marriages because of this ritual time apart (absence make the heart grow fonder and all that). And i could never wrap my head around how they were having such a drastically different experience than me. It made me feel like i was only valuable for my reproductive abilities.
Everyone’s different, I think it’s beautiful
The ritual baths are the most amazing spiritual experience.. you cleans within rain pure water, and it is a very spiritual experience... you are all not being honest and missing the deeper meaning to all these laws which are beautiful.
@@rife9855 except that the mikvahs (ritual baths) were reported the source of lots of infections in Brooklyn, Borough Park, etc.
I LOVE going to the mikvah! It's a beautiful, refreshing experience. It's time to do self-care and take my time. Reconnecting with my husband is like a wedding night, each month. It's respectful and wonderful. I have never experienced anything other than the utmost respect from the mikvah ladies who assist at the mikvah.
@@rife9855 They're being honest. To themselves, not some ritual that was designed to keep the brood stock healthy.
It's really sad how people become trapped in these cults and believe it's actually a good thing to be treated like dirt by your family and community.
You are not trapped, unless you are in an unhealthy relationship. Following the doctrines of Jewish law, doesn't make a woman be treated like dirt, on the contrary, Jewish women enjoy a special status.
Her hair is natural, full of beautiful curls is her crown 👑.
New to this Chanel - brilliantly shared Beatrice! Beautifully interviewed! Xx
😮😮 another story that has me on the edge of my seat! Also TEN KIDS!! I'm speechless 😂😮
I'll never stop of being intrigued who similar all these "cults" are.
Thank you for sharing your story.
It’s all about control
All about MALES having control.
And if you notice, they All lead by Males. A coincidence or a show case of Male Nature in real time
Outsiders are afraid to criticize the Jewish community and help to protect the victims because the labels of antisemitism. I’m sorry you were so isolated and was years before you found your place in the world and that peace.
Criticizing the entire Jewish community as a whole IS antisemitic. This lady grew up in an extremist cult. Most jews don't live this way as you know and do criticize these extremists. I agree though that ppl should continue to criticize cults like this.
Exactly! Just look at the war crimes of today. I’m not opening a discussion. But if any western country would commit these acts Israel commits right now. It would be crazy out cry. I’m not even talking about a 3 world country.
Yes, indeed: folk who challenge infant male genital mutilation get nowhere, either.
@@ritawing1064see I have an issue with people likening unconsenting male circumcision to in any way as bad as female genital mutilation. Which is what saying make genital mutilation implies. FGM is literally removing entire part of anatomy purely for men's pleasure and purity culture. There is no circumstance that a doctor would perform FGM for a medical reason. It's perfectly reasonable to say it is not ethically wrong to perform male circumcision on an infant but you can do that using different language that doesn't downplay FGM. Because there are some circumstances a urologist would recommend circumcision for medical reasons which was why it started to be done routinely. Now we know it's not necessary. So use non- consensual elective. People who do this clearly have never met a woman who has been through FGM it's disgusting you are trying to compare them its like comparing assault to murder
@farhana6913 I know what you mean and of course FGM is far worse than infant circumcision (although the traditional form has caused fatalities), but it's important to acknowledge the lack of consent and the actual mutilation, not least because, as Brian Earp's research found, rabid proponents of infant male circumcision will try to justify it by comparison with the less extreme forms of female genital mutilation. No one should be messing unnecessarily with children's anatomy, not fgm, not ear piercing, not circumcision, nothing! Concentrating on the degree of harm will not get to the root of it all - though of course the most strenuous efforts should be made to do away with the most egregious offences - fgm.
I can only imagine the depth and breadth of your courage to assume becoming the owner of your life. You are an inspiration. I am a man, 74, a practicing artist through out my entire life and culturally Jewish. My life has been blessed and sustained nothing even remotely as challenging as yours. Your journey is deeply moving and inspirational, thank you.
As a licensed therapist x 20+ yrs, I always share a universal truth w/ my clients that is especially critical to those who are abuse survivors; shame can not remain in the light, as it operates & is fueled only in the dark. Shining light on our struggles & asking for help are the keys to a path of healing & growth.
As one of my mentors, Dr. Brene Brown, once said, “You either walk inside your story & own it, or you stand outside your story & hustle for your worthiness.” It’s such a powerful statement & Beatrice is a shining example of doing just that. I’m beyond grateful & in awe of her choice to turn the light on & show that healing, growth, & thriving are possible when we stop living in the dark, alone w/ past secrets & shame.
Fantastic interview & can’t wait to see part two!!!
You need to know specifically about people’s cultural and religious backgrounds though.
@@ElisabeteSuzana - I couldn’t agree more & appreciate you adding that. Cultural &/or religious background is critical to being able to connect w/ & help clients.
Yep I worked in a kosher food factory when I was young and we had a rabbi come once a week to inspect the ingredients and bless everything.
This is a misconception. Kosher food does not get blessed. The inspections are to make sure that the various ritual laws are being followed. While the person doing the inspection is often a rabbi it doesn't have to be. It just needs to be a person who has been well trained in the laws of kosher.
@@helyns1416 maybe it's not "blessed" per se but the rabbis did pray over the facility/certain shipments at our facility as well
@@sianmilne4879that's fair. I think I just wanted to make the distinction that any prayers said are not what makes the food kosher per se. Kosher is what I like to call a sort of religious pseudoscience where foods have certain statuses due to a variety of rules and factors. So a kosher certification means that the food has been monitored essentially from farm to table to make sure no rules were broken.
My step uncle was a rabbi, butchershop owner and avid playboy magazine collector, in the 60s. Some ritual practices are simply smoke screens
@@helyns1416 thank you for the clarification!
40:34 resonated with me as a Mormon girl who wanted to get married in the temple and say "I did it! I got one!" And in the end regretted it so much.
❤️❤️❤️
The implication of little girls having to cover up 😢😢
Right!?! Good lord, that’s awful.
So sad 😢
It is not really as bad as it sounds. Being an empowered woman doesn’t mean to show the most skin, being an empowered woman is to choose when I want to show and to whom. I love modesty as a Jewish Woman
@@rayzelpion8825the comment was about children. It’s sad & sick that children are viewed as sexual objects.
@@rayzelpion8825 The concern here is that 3 yo’s are expected to be all covered up because the implication is that men would find them tempting. It’s not at all a concern about women having their own clothing standards.
What a sad traumatic story. Glad to be part of the generation that is breaking the cycle and refusing to do to our kids what was done to us.
This was so well presented and with such respect and a simple retelling of her story and without sensationalism. Congratulations to you Beatrice.
I appreciate that this channel has been exploring more diversity in the religious groups and sects and sharing more stories from people outside of Christianity or “Christianity adjacent”. It makes it easier to see what the similarities and differences are and what the actual core problems are in these high control groups and a how they oppress and take advantage of people.
Edited to make things more clear.
What is "Chistianity but to the left"?
@@ghighiannemorrison4922 I mean a religion takes a lot of the same themes and maybe still worships Jesus or considers him an important figure, but doesn’t actually identify as a Christian sect. Not left as in political left or anything! I realize that could have been very unclear so I edited my original comment. I mean to the left as in “diverges from Christianity” or “Christianity adjacent” sort of like Mormonism or jehovahs witnesses etc
Your husband was not a good Jew. Life is the exception to Shabbat. Protection of life takes precedence over EVERYTHING. I’m so sorry for what you went through.
But it’s good to control women by allowing man to control their body with roles about every single part of women purity and how we dress and what we eat all are the most basic human rights and you have no freedoms and man has the power of choice which food is כשר or what is צנוע לבנות or what is ok במחזור or it you allow to get גט as women form orthodox community not חסדים או חרדים but extremely religious I left the community but married a man who was sociopathic violence and abuse in every aspect and control in every part of life and I was normal because it’s what I know growing up as a child and in the community it all makes the most impact growing up in this community as a woman you’re only role is being good and do what you told a good girl and good women and wife I don’t know how I survive I still don’t feel free form my ex husband or from the brainwash of the community I grew up in it better than before but it’s stragglers every day and it’s taking me re ejected myself first to get to escape from the nightmare I lived under so good it the first thing that they said about each person to get their way or how is good it not enough so i sick about feeling guilty or bad person just because I was speaking out good girl stay silent and stay married no matter what happens
Thank you for saying that. I’m not Jewish but I’ve definitely heard this before.
💯
Pikuach nefesh trumps just about everything.
Yes Pikuach nefesh!
In Judaism, life is the exception in every law.
Such a great interview. Thank you Beatrice for sharing your story❤
Wow, had no idea that the brides family were responsible for supporting the new marriage financially for 5 YEARS!!!! So orthodox men do not work to support the family, and not only does she have to bear 10-15 children under impossible rules and regulations, but the male head of the household virtually does nothing financially to support that huge family? Living like a slave, living off her parents and stipends so that he could “study”, demeaned by a passive aggressive male……no wonder they isolate so that they can keep a medieval patriarchal society going.
This was her personal experience. It doesn’t happen in every household, absolutely not!!
It's only ultra-orthodox and not all sects and It's not families even among ultra orthodox.
Can't stop my brain from pulling images from "Unorthodox" to illustrate parts of the stories described ❤️
Thanks for sharing!! It's so important to lift the veil on lives different to your own❤️
Thank you so much for this channel it has completely changed my life for the better❤
Beatrice, thank you for sharing your story and for your advocacy for those that are helpless in this cult. Shelise, you are one of the best interviewers I’ve ever seen. The way you ask questions that focus solely on the guest’s story and then give them TIME to answer in their own manner. You honour every single guest that you have on.
I worked in an "extreme" Kosher food facility and I can tell you, the rules are no joke. We would have entire shipments of lettuce/herbs rejected because a rabbi found one or two MICROSCOPIC mites in it... Was depressing honestly as the producer of that food but that's what my honestly irresponsible bosses (who were Jewish but definitely not orthodox) deserved for promising them that we could produce insect-free produce without washing
Would you then sell the reject batches on to regular supermarkets?
The massive amounts of pesticides sprayed on the crops are way more dangerous to our health than a few bugs. 🤷🏻♀️
Love that you’re doing another video on Hassidic women & the dark side that can come living in that community. While there are plenty of women who identify as happy & fulfilled living a Hassidic life, & not all Hassidic me are abusive, there are many in that community suffering in silence.
Great job as usual, Shelise!!!
I live in Israel and for 6 months I worked in the city of Bnei Brak that it is a very religious place, there are no coffee shops to sit in the main streets-not allowed, the place is so filthy with wraps of snacks, mountains of snack wraps between the buildings, the women are just plain exhausted there-tons of children and they are the bread winners of the family, very small children walking alone in the main streets without supervision like the 5 yers old taking care of the 3 year olds..., tons of mental disable children with down syndrome beyond statistics, many stores vandalized by extremists as for example shops that sell "non kosher" cell phones (that are not restricted), threatening posters on the streets to warn women that do not wear humble clothes and the consequences ,the bus is always full of children with filthy diapers and it smells awful, they thrive on gossip and men who work with you and talk to you at the office will totally ignore you in the street because they afraid what others will say, and all this is nonsense in relation of what REALLY happens there, it was a very unpleasant experience.
Woah. Thanks for sharing
And still people believe the war crimes they commit are fairytales very sad. I think the women are the key to stopping the violence cause they clearly are suffering too…
This comment engages in classic anti-Semitic stereotypes, though that might not have been the intention. Try to step back and think about what you write.
@@David99356 This is the tactic that tries to silence any critical comment by invoking "stereotype" or "trope." Someone saying they saw snack wrappers in Bnei Brak -- Whoa! that's the classic stereotype about Jews and snack wrappers! And on it goes, gagging humanitarians who criticize |DF violence (that's the medieval "blood libel" myth!); silencing democrats who criticize AIPAC donations (that's the Shylock money-lender trope!). Actual anti-Jewish stereotypes do crop up in public culture, but not all critical observations are "anti-semitic."
@David99356 how is that comment anti semetic? I can't see it.
I'm in my early 60s and the more stories I hear the more aware I am of the abuse I survived. Before I blamed myself as being inadequate. Thank you for waking me up.
❤️❤️❤️
Wow! This breaks my heart reading about you feeling inadequate, not knowing the problem was with the system and not you 💔
Very relatable. I felt inadequate/incompetent/broken as well when i was growing up in the Hasidic community, never being able to be “good enough” to meet so many unrealistic expectations
same, I keep watching these to remind myself "It's not you, it's them"
I'm glad you are healing.
Great guest! Thanks so much for sharing your story with us! I always feel like I get a lot of insight, but can also relate with what happens in any group when they become insular to the degree that they are a law unto themselves and “deal” with things internally, which leaves it up to non-objectivity, and/or no justice in many matters or situations within that group.
Beatrice is so inspirational. I'm so sorry to hear of everything she has gone through, but I am so grateful that you are sharing.
I am going through a tough time with work and family (luckily nothing compared to the speakers on this channel).
If people can go through stuff like this and come out ok, it makes me feel hopeful that I can get better.
Thanks for all the work you guys do. It's so important
The more that I hear about religion, the more I’m glad that I’m an atheist. Too many people use faith as a justification for being abusive and elitist, particularly towards women.
there is a lot of sexism behind science 🧬 or rather “scientism”. A lot of universities were sponsored by the catholic church. They wiped out our biological relation to the sun, moon and earth and classified this knowledge as the occult and witchcraft. They wipe out matriarchal cultures and pretend they have never existed. Sexism can be re-branded in any belief system where people blindly follow and do not challenge.
To me, this is not Judaism; it is a fanatical cult.
Oh my goodness
What a treat!
Beatrice has been my inspiration since 2019 when I was lucky to “meet” her in a program that we both took part in. She has taught me so much how to be gentle with myself (back when she did group coaching) and has been a role model to me how not to give up hope and stay strong no matter the challenges that life throws at you.
I have so much more to say about this marvellous woman and incredible soul that she is, but I’m pressed for time ATM, so for now i will just add how delighted and grateful I am for this in depth piece, shared with so much grace! And boy am I looking forward to part 2 😍
I wrote “meet” because it was online at first
@@shifralowen Thank you for your kind words
Cannot wait to hear part 2 💜🤷🏼♀️ She’s a wonderful speaker.
Beatrice thank you for being so brave I went on soft white underbelly outing the Lakewood community and boy did I get attacked
Those poor kids growing up with such restrictions. It breaks my heart!!!
They know no different.
Thats the reason Wendi Adelson filed for divorce
Having grown up keeping kosher as a modern orthodox Jew, I have never heard anything like the Popsicle color rule and cannot think of a law that would relate to that issue. But I do know that some of these extremist sects will see taking on extra stringencies as a virtuous thing to do. I will also say that we were fine with all produce (just washed it first) and most kosher certifications. And if we messed up we didn't have to repent. We just stopped eating the thing if we realized halfway through that there was an issue and tried to do better next time. Also, there's a general concept that even if a child made a mistake it is not that serious and is ultimately the responsibility of the parents. The whole point of a bar or bat mitzvah is that the child has become old enough to keep all of the laws and be responsible for their own observance. I'm also disturbed that she was taught that only observant Jews go to heaven. Growing up we really were not heaven/hell focused much at all and there was never a question that non-Jews could also go to heaven. Just want to give some perspective at the diversity that exists even among observant Jews bc many ppl have such culture shock when they hear these extreme stories and they struggle to understand how any of these practices could exist within a more moderate and healthy framework. I'm not exactly orthodox anymore and I do have a bit of trauma/baggage around that but i do wany ppl to understand that it is possible to engage in this kind of lifestyle without it being full of terror and restriction and stringency. There is even an orthodox feminist movement which I was very involved with when I was younger and many of my friends are still doing great things to make the community more inclusive and just.
Toronto in the 70's and 80's did not have access to all the ou products and such. There were these popsicles available in those years that were not stamped with a hechsher. There were lots of stupid rumors about which food colors were kosher or not. Purple absolutely not - from grapes without supervision. Red absolutely not - from insects. These kinds of weird BS is what I grew up with in Toronto. She is telling 100% the truth. I was there and I lived a similar life though not chassidic like her.
Torah specifically prohibits taking 'extra' stringents' on. It also prohibits removing those stringentcies already on the books.
Our religion ( Orthodox);is beautiful! Listening to this interview is an exaggeration of our. Orthodox life. Shes making everything sound so severe, but there is so much falsehood in this interview. Usually people who are suffering some other traumas, are the ones that rebel. We have a beautiful heritage and we don't feel stifled in any way. IT IS NOT A CULT.
@@sarahp.4486Sure.
@@sarahp.4486 you are a gaslighter. If feel you are in the right place for yourself, that is great.
You are a beautiful, articulate, dignified woman. Thank you so much for your insights. ❤❤❤❤😊
Great interviewer. You really understand different perspectives. Beatrice is very clear and a good speaker
Wowww I was born & raised in Brooklyn and Williamsburg is definitely their community I’ll say I’m not at all shocked it’s super sad that women have no voice or rights and indeed it is a prison. I commend this woman for being so strong 💪 Blessings 🙏
I work in a Hasidic community near the northern part of BedStuy and yesterday I saw two young girls (no older than 12 or 13), each pushing a stroller and it made me sad. Like they should be playing, enjoying their summer, not caring for siblings. I mean, babysitting can be cool but I'm familiar with the dynamics.
@@lizzybeary I see it where I live in families with many children, some moms sort seem to give up once they have a certain number and the older girls (and sometimes boys too) do a lot of the child rearing. One child I know, I didn't recognize his mother until he was perhaps 3-4 but knew his sister from when he was a couple months old. She was always outside with him and even went with him to baby activities like baby song. I first even thought she was his mother but found out she was his sister when talking to her. I am glad to see that since there was no new baby after him that his mother did start being a bit more active in his life at about 3-4. He has a great relationship to his sister still but I think he should have had that with his mother too.
@@lizzybearybelieve me they’re enjoying their summer a lot more than kids who are glued to their devices. They love taking their little siblings out in matching clothes and showing them off. Save your pity for those who really need it.
Wow what a brave strong woman thank you for sharing part of your story! I’m definitely eagerly awaiting part 2!
Same here! 😊
This 💯💯💯
Thank you S. Your interview style is the best of any ex-mo I’ve watched. (Of the many) delightful not to have a former “priesthood” head call the interview shots and over speak the guest with a still subservient wife at his side speaking when he allows. Beatrice is a gem. Found her website and offerings valuable. (author In Polygamy’s Shadow)
Wow, thank you!
Beautifully articulated.....
Loved how you pointed out that there is so much pressure, and duties that you dont even have time for yourself..... To think. Time for yourself.
What a wonderful story teller Beatrice is! I was enthralled with her story. I'm so glad she got out and found the life she deserved. 😊
Heck fucking yeah to going to college and getting a job as a woman. It was my way out of an abusive household as well. I am grateful. I know there are many paths to independance but this one works well for now.
I'm actually going down that path now, I'm hoping to receive chapter 35 benefits through my father. It's likely the only way I'll get to go, but this way I can have a life away from the people who hurt me.
What kind of language is this. You are worse than the people this lady was subject too.
This was wonderful. Such an informative and important show. Thank you so much for sharing the testimony of this truly lovely woman with us.
Might write more, but I wanted already to stop the video to thank Beatrice for the intake of air she took when talking about the shame over eating a yellow popsicle and getting her sisters one, then getting ratted out.
I see you from our weird rules that for us constantly changed, with goal posts ever moving. Orange was my favorite, and we didn't often get one. How devastating to children to be allowed one AND get money, then the stupid flavor isn't there, the parentified child seeing their own sense of loss reflected on the face of babier sisters. You did the in charge, bestest of sisters thing. The right thing. I'm so sorry, because this experience is just one stich in a motif that will play along the tapestry of a whole childhood, young adulthood and then spark pain as an adult.
That one gesture says it all about the pain of living under the intense rules that coercive control is established upon. All the tears. All of them. Air sucked in to feed a central nervous system that already had reasons to dysregulate brought in by inevitable inter-generational changes to DNA. One central nervous system to hold it all.
I can imagine a group of people who have extra legit reasons to draw together for safety, reasons that only go back a few decades (still piled on top of the preceding struggles, never forget that). legit sources for the compulsions behind extra rules, drawing them in.
My grandfather came home from WW2 with gingivitis and OCD. My grandmother came back from being evacuated from the London bombings with no understanding of nurturing and a sharp, sadistic streak. This all seeps down generations, changing our DNA, impacting stress and trauma response.
I'm not comparing my grandparents to anyone else, but I am interested in what even the milder by contrast experiences do to families and I guess, now, probably religious groups. I've long held the belief that these PTSD's (so many kinds and I know we are going to have that understanding soon, not just single event, not just compound, but developmental and so, so, so much more) come in through colonialism, racial hatred, through war.
I'm sorry. I see the child inside people because my own family mayhem resulted in me ending up a multiple, living with DID. A lot of us fragment, a lot don't, but there is usually one child left inside us, at least. I want yours to have one of those multicoloured, huge popsicles, sisters too, and hugs. For you all to make a sticky mess and feel loved and free.
Awe, I love that you see Beatrice as being the best sister she could be. I agree, she just wanted to have a little normalcy and a cold summer treat.
When your piety determines your salvation and status it’s natural that people will create new rules to puff themselves up in their eyes and the communities eyes to prove they are the most pious.
I live in a very strong Hasidic area ,I was always perplexed why the young children are frightened of me if I say hi ,they literally run away from me ,Thankyou for your courage as ,it helps me understand my neighbours more and have compassion for them .I was stuck thinking maybe they just didn't like me as I'm a Goy and as Goy I'm less than but I see things differently now so Thank you so much I think you are an amazing courageous strong eloquent woman
It’s fear. We grew up in the shadow of the Holocaust when our grandparents gentile neighbors betrayed them in the worst possible ways. Now Covid and Oct 7 have brought it to the surface again.
I watch Jewish women, orthodox and Hasidic, on Tik Tok justify and minimize the extremism of the ways that they are treated and I had to stop. It disturbs me to see how they are controlled and manipulated in the name of god.
Miriam?
Is Miriam hassidic?
@@raeunderpressure she is ashkenazi but its really strict like hasidic
@@wiki-ex4tqAlmost all hassisim are askkenazim. Ashkenaz designate the eastern European jews whilst sefaradim designates the jews from maghreb, middle east who originated from the iberic peninsula.
@@raeunderpressureyes she is Chabad, but her community is considered more liberal than the one Beatrice is from
she speaks so eloquently. so so so much respect for this woman. thank you for sharing your story 💜
I grew up in Williamsburg and would be around the Hasidic Jews and it’s so sad to think of how different my life and the life of those women were😢
Wouldn’t it be sad and boring if we were all the same?
@Faigyfeig in an open secular society (at least hopefully) individuals can pursue their own goals, happiness, etc... it shouldn't make everyone the same, vs what an insular, orthodox society does.
so educational! thank you from the people who may be in a position to need to understand this religion. And huge Kudos for the interviewer who is so wonderful and respectful that there is a better flow of information.
I grew up in a Christian family, more strict than common I guess, but everything you say is entirely familiar to me, the clothes, the modesty, the restrictions on available roles, the separation from boys, the total absence of information or mention of anything to do with sex, ..it wasn’t written down, I don’t know how it was communicated, it was just the way it was. I went to university and in a lecture we were asked who there was an atheist and many raised their hands and I was terrified. I’d heard of that but I had never known to be in the same room as them. Times have changed for everyone.
Whether Jewish, Christian or Islamic it's all about being more pious than your neighbour. All chasing status and acclaim.
I enjoyed listening to your story. Religion is so oppressive, especially for women. So glad you could break free.
It's no good conflating all religions like that. This channel features people who left extreme groups, but for the vast majority of modern Christians for example, religion is barely any more restrictive than the moral code any upstanding person would try to follow - and actually very liberating in many ways.
@@aszechyread the Bible
You are so amazing, thank you for sharing your perilous upbringing. Had no idea the level of shame and control. I love that through therapy you found your own voice and did what you had to do 💗 cant wait for part 2! You are such a strong and inspiring person ❤️
Thank you.
Beatrice! I'm so grateful that you found your freedom, and I'm so proud of the work you are doing around education. You are such an inspiration! I'm so grateful to know you, IRL, and I love that you are sharing a story that I relate to on many levels. So much of what you relayed speaks to me deeply.
Thanks!
Thank you so much for sharing your intense story. I think you are such a great advocate and voice for so many people suffering in this/your situation...
This was FASCINATING! Thank you both.