Wedding Diaries | A Breakdown & A Rant
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
- The moment I was anticipating has finally happened, I had my first wedding breakdown of 2022.
Kewl. I do think once I accept the inevitability of raising our budget, I think I'll feel less stressed.
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As for the cake, when you go to a bakery don’t ask for a “wedding”cake, they will jack ip the prices. Try asking for a sheet cake . A lot of bakeries offer lending you a fake styrofoam cake just to show on your dessert table and it will be much cheaper. For your bar, try asking a bartender if they can work for you that day. You can buy the liquor yourself and save thousands. See if you can rent the glassware. You can do the same for servers. Your family of friends may know people who currently work as servers or did in the recent past. Paying them to serve for your event will be cheaper than paying the catering company.
These are great tips! 😄
We also did a small 2 layer simple cake added flowers and did a large sheet cake for serving the guests..a tip from the bakery, remarkably cheaper and we still got those cake photos 😀
Unfortunately vendors need to remain “competitive” so they have to present a lower price in order to be considered. Back track if you need to! Stress + cost, is it worth it? Weddings should bring joy. Wishing you guys the best!
The wedding industry is the biggest scam ever. My best friend called a bakery and said "hi I need a wedding cake for the weekend of July 16th" and gave them the specs. They replied "oh ok! $900"... She waited a week and called back and asked for the same cake "for her grandma's birthday"... they replied "oh ok! $150". Nothing you want should be above your budget but because capitalism and the patriarchy have convinced women that this is the biggest event of their lives, that they should spend way beyond their budget. Everything is marked up like crazy. I'm so sorry. You and Brian definitely deserve to be celebrated. Is it too late to elope and have a party in your grandma's backyard?
FACTSSSS
Save your $$$ and just elope! Use that $$$ to buy a house.
We married young, at 19, and we were making probably just above minimum wage.. I kid you not when I say we spent $2000 on our wedding. We had immediate family, we had a pastor come out and marry us, my dad switched out of his suit and into regular clothes to grill food 😂🥰 I purchased a dress for $100 and got out simple white gold wedding bands. Our cake was made by my grandmother (she use to do wedding cakes). We will celebrate 14 years of marriage and both got a ring upgrade 🤣 we saved our money for our first home in 2011. Over the years, with friends and family getting married… I am so grateful for the small intimate wedding we had. My husband always says that he wished he could have given me a dream wedding… but truly our wedding was just perfect. It was all about us ❤️
Thats awesome to hear! It really just proves that it really is about love and celebration not about the "show" for others.
Beautiful! We did the same and we are still happy and grateful we did a small intimate wedding (about $5k) and didn’t have debt! We’ll be married 11 years this year, together for 21!
How beautiful!!!
me and my husband did something similar too! married at 19 and 20 did a backyard wedding for only $1000 but sometimes i do wish we had a bigger wedding but that just means our anniversary party will be bigger😉
I get it! I’m getting married in November of this year and it’s disgusting how much a wedding costs.
I understand it’s too late to elope because you already put all of your deposits down and you wouldn’t get that money back. Some suggestions:
-Maybe push back your honeymoon so it’s not another big expense after the wedding.
-If it’s 80 people, don’t get a second photographer! Keep it intimate and one should be enough.
-Find what you can cut out of your wedding that is not important to you - for us, it was a videographer.
-Do a cash bar after a certain time at your wedding aka for the “after party” portion.
Also, I know a lot of my friends said they recovered a lot of money from monetary gifts from friends and family attending the wedding. Sending you good vibes from one bride to another! 💕
After having my dream wedding, and spending 60k+ it was hands down the best night, we laughed, we cried, we danced the night away.
However being able to now reflect, in retrospect we could have used those funds for so many other things. We could have had just as magical of a night without certain elements, unfortunately this only became clear after having the experience.
So while I have no regrets and am so grateful to have had my dream wedding, if we could go back, would I do it differently? Most likely yes.
It’s the people, the atmosphere, good music , tasty food or snacks and the drinks - having a room (or area) filled with love is what matters.
I completely agree!!
Girl… just ELOPE!!!! It’s about you 2 and friends and family will understand. If it makes you physically ill paying for all this stuff its not worth it! Spend your money on a luxury suite and an amazing dinner for the night in Hawaii. You’ll feel better with all that money in your bank account.
And they'll be that much closer to purchasing their home, which she has said is very important to her.
Although, I totally I agree with this comment. I think that we have to be mindful and support her at this stage of her wedding process! I'm sure she knows all that. Reminding her that her money can be put into a down payment or elsewhere can add more stress and guilt on her end imo. At the end, they will have a wonderful wedding and buy a home when they are ready.
Aja, I think you and your mom are right about your expensive taste. There is nothing wrong with it, but I think you need to be honest with yourself. If you are worried about the budget increasing too much, I would recommend planning out a debt repayment process for your wedding. I would look into your other sinking funds or savings and ask if you are willing to take money from those funds. If they are non-negotiable for you, then you will have to accept that you can only afford 30k. Reflect on your expectations.
On a side note and in my opinion. If I had a partner who likes sweets as much as your partner. I would not lower to a Whole Food cake. Saving $100-200 will not lower your 37k wedding, and if you spend that additional money on a cake that Bryan will truly enjoy then I think it is justified.
I agree about the cake ! The cake cutting make beautiful photos and memories.
I didn’t want to be the lone voice of reason on this but I agree. $30K for a wedding in Hawaii seems a stretch when I first heard it. Yes there is room for improvement in the wedding industry practice however, if your vision exceeds the budget (and it sounds like Aja did do her research/shopping to find reasonable rates) then be prepared to pay the difference. OR adjust the vision to the budget. It will only continue to be stressful to herself (and the vendors too) to accommodate specific requests to a specific budget. With all that said, Aja relax, breathe, you’ll be okay. You aren’t the first to underestimate wedding expenses nor will you be the last. Speaking from someone who hasn’t specifically hosted a wedding but quinceañeras (an example of large one day expense).
Hi Aja, I’m also recently engaged and have had the same issue with secret wedding costs! I thought I was booking an affordable urban venue and loved the vision of it, but once you tally the cost for bringing in catering/rentals/servers/bartending/DJ/day of wedding planner/event set up and break down it adds up quick. Here’s what I’m doing instead:
- scrap the empty venue that doesn’t provide anything else
- go with an all-inclusive venue and celebrate both ceremony and reception in the same location
- doing most of the planning myself and only booking for a day-of coordinator
- dried florals and candles for decorations
- smaller bridal party
- smaller guest list (70-80 max; only inviting people we both know and genuinely want to be there - NO familial/work obligations or 2nd cousins we’ve only met once)
- no wedding cake, just mini pies cause we fucking love pie lol
- cheapest dinner plating option
- no videography
- gown was bought off the rack on sample sale and definitely
Bride that got married during COVID here! 🤚🏻 We went from 300 guest to 45 guest. And let me tell you everyone that went to our wedding said it was best wedding they had been to. And it wasn’t the food or the flowers or the entertainment. None of the wedding details that I spent days agonizing over did they remember. What they remembered was the time they got to spend with us and everyone there. We ditched our wedding venue and rented an Airbnb with an amazing view in Temecula. It was intimate and the focus was really on our friends and family.
So don’t stress on the details your guest won’t remember them. They won’t even know if you cut back on items because it was over budget.
I also got married during the pandemic. We had only essential people at ours as well, about 45 people. The best part was actually spending time with everyone, and everyone catching up with each other. Nobody cares or remembers the little mishaps but you. I am recommending this to every couple getting married even outside of this never ending pandemic!!
“Grasping at straws” and “blow a gasket” 😂 girl you are definitely too bougie for $30,000 in Hawaii. I hope you can figure out a way to destress and get what you want out of your day❤️❤️❤️
For anyone reading this trying to plan a wedding…NEVER mention the word “wedding” at any point to a vendor. They will charge you more for literally no reason. I swear it will save you money😁👍🏾
thats so frustrating that the invoice doesnt entail everything that the service would require!! I WOULD BE SO SO ANNOYED and I wish vendors would be more upfront! My best friend whos getting married was complaining about the same thing!! YOURE NOT ALONE
Okay tip from our wedding. I got this from another bride about the cake. Safeway did our for $40. Two tiered and they will quote your for a bigger one. It was great! No frill but for the cutting and serving it was great. It came plane white and we just added flowers. It was perfect.
My sister just had a wedding in California and she ended up spending $70k. My own wedding cost $55k and I don’t have crazy high expectations or taste. Unfortunately the industry is very expensive and any chance you say it’s a wedding, that will sky rocket the price, especially if you’re destination in Hawaii. Honestly, you prob have $50k taste, Aja. Just being honest .
you planned a 30,000 budget but in your mind you ENVISIONED a 50,000 wedding. some things in life you save on so you can splurge on things like a wedding or a home or honeymoon! i wouldnt say you are a bridezilla at all! i think your wedding will be a DREAM
Best of luck to you in this planning process! I only made it halfway through this video because it started looking/sounding like what I went through, and that was like PTSD, lol! I ended up having an insanely small wedding and was so thankful I cut back. Because honestly, no one remembered what they ate or drank, we just had fun. DJ/Photog and invite list are the only elements that last beyond the day of. I tried to justify spending a lot on a curated culinary experience, and realized there is not one wedding I've gone to where the food was so exceptional that it stood out over the experience of the actual occasion.
I agree completely with you!! Lots of people take advantage of you when planning a wedding! Stay positive. All will work out!
Do whatever you need to do to protect your mental space - HEALTH IS WEALTH💕
the Whole Foods berry chantilly cake is the best and they have sheet cakes for cutting!
this is what I'm doing for our wedding!
Girl I spent 5K total on my wedding (but I only had 40 guests) - pick 3 things you have to have and stick to it. Really the most important thing is good pics so don’t skimp on the photographer. Every thing else you won’t care / use and it won’t matter in the long run.
FYI - things I skipped- 1. invitations- just use an email service to track your RSVPS! 2. Center pieces & flowers (not my bouquet tho) - made my own with flowers purchased locally! And had a family member officiate (for free) 😊
I say that you get to choose how you celebrate your relationship and it doesn't have to be a wedding if the process is hurting you more than allowing you to really focus on the joy of how hard you both have worked to make it work xx It's never too late to say no but I hope whatever you choose, you put your needs and happiness first!
We were debating whether to elope or have a traditional reception. We ended up going with the big wedding mostly due to parental pressures. But we end up loving seeing all our family and friends in one room. We especially appreciated it after the passing of both our grandmothers a few years later. It was special to have them there.
Do what's best and feels right to you!! Not anyone else 💕 it's YOUR day, and will be beautiful however much you spend
Never too late to back track if it's not right for you. It's YOUR wedding and you can do whatever you want & best for you now and the future :)
To be honest as someone who got married at the courthouse… I’m still torn. Wish I had a wedding but also we ended up saving so much money not having one. It def gave us a jump start on saving for a house. Best of luck.
Awww hugs Aja! As my friend says it, You’re not really planning a wedding if you don’t cry at least once, you’re just planning for a big elaborate party if you didn’t. You can do this girl!!
As a bride to be and a wedding vendor, I’ve been having some sticker shock with pricing and how not transparent the industry can be! I think it’s so so important to have your full pricing available to couples!
I just got married last year and I can relate. I just want to remind you of the reason why you guys are getting married. Stay within budget. If it doesn’t make sense, then don’t do it. Have fun and enjoy the journey. When this is all and done, you can look back and laugh and giggle at those moments: vendors invoices, wedding cake, and bridezilla. It is normal. Happy wedding planning! You got this!
As someone who went through the stress of a wedding (17 years ago), I will tell you I wish I had eloped. Not because of the money, we had a very inexpensive wedding/reception, but because of the stress. If I could do it all again, I would elope to get married and then invite friends and family to a big casual party to celebrate! The most important thing at the end of the day is that you and your partner love each other and commit to a life time together. Good Luck!
When you went, “Am I bridezilla?” I LOLed. Love you Aja! You’re hilarious!
OMG I feel you completely. I am currently planning a wedding as well and am so frustrated with how much everything costs. As a side note, I don't have any friends who are getting married/are married to talk to about things like this, so it is really nice to see your videos and see someone going through the same thing I am! Thank you for sharing!!
xoxo
My sister made a model of a wedding cake for the pictures (styrofoam layers plus fondant), but the actual cake itself was a sheet cake from either Sam's Club, Costco, or Meijer. But you could also order a small nice cake for the two of you and get a (supposedly cheaper) dessert sampler for the guests.
I dont think its just you. i agree that the wedding industry OVERALL needs to be more transparent and be more fair on costs! Like it doesnt make any sense why the wedding needs to cost as much as a down payment for a house 🤦🏻♀️
I feel ya sis! Wedding planning is an emotional rollercoaster. Just be happy with whatever your decision is. Get whatever makes you happy. I love the cake idea, do you! Dont let other people who are not contributing $ make decisions you are paying for. I'm in the same boat. Don't stress, honestly it'll come together. 2022 is our year!!
A thought to consider from a 2020 Covid Bride - it’s ok to cut your losses and go to a smaller wedding plan. We had to go from 100 people down to 16. We did lose some money but the day was still super special and we found ways to include our friends in a unique way so it was still special. It forced us to get honest on what’s important and overall we saved money!
Thoughts from someone who also worries about money - if you have the money and can make it work, think about how the extra money will enhance your life! Are you splitting hairs over something you could afford? You’ve worked hard, let your money work for you.
Two opposing thoughts to think on. Either way, you’ve got this!!! Enjoy the process!!
ya, I think fundamentally I just have an issue with spending so much money on a wedding but we could afford it if we wanted to. I just don't want to.
We are also having a wedding in Hawaii and originally aimed for 30k wedding. However our wedding planner told us it wasn’t realistic with the current climate of supply chain issues and inflation, esp in Hawaii where everything has to be imported. Realistic budget would be 40-50k starting.
This is where you need to lean on your wedding coordinator. Ask her exactly what you need to get this event going. She’s the one who is going to say “you need ABC for the this. You need ABC for that. Vendor A needs to include warmers. Vendor B needs to bring extension cords.” Because a lot of the itemized lists are for the bare minimum and unfortunately it is up to you and your coordinator to ensure everyone is on the same page. But also … don’t babysit any vendor who can’t give you specifics. It’s their job to tell you what you need so they can do their service all the way.
Stay raw !! This is so helpful and im glad to see transparency instead of how people try to "kid" themselves into a fantasy or make it seem like all these cost aren't outrageous even if it is your spcial day. Stay focused on the energy you hope to achieve on your special day rather than the logistical things you wish to see.
It's honestly so stressful and all adds up so quickly and it feels like people aren't always hoenst about costs but you're going to figure it out and you're going to have the best day ever. Like you mentioned, just take a step back - forget what you've seen in movies, delete the pinterest app for a bit (most weddings shown on there are well above the $100-$200k mark), forget what you think others want to see and what you're worried people will judge you on and get down to what do YOU want that will make the day the most enjoyable and that won't leave you stressed out or upset.
When we got engaged our initial plan was a low key air bnb backyard affair, it snowballed so quickly (partially due to air bnb rules) but also with the outside pressure and the internet, once we started seeing the costs pile up we quickly realised we were going to be stressing ourselves out financially for things we didn't even care about so we figured out what we actually wanted, why we wanted it and whether it was worth the financial stress we had been feeling. At this point we reduced our floral order, removed dessert from catering as we planned to offer our own cakes/desserts (wedding cake is ridiculous we went with local doughnuts and store bought cakes and didn't worry about a 'cake cutting photo cake' because we weren't emotionally attached to getting that photo), opted for cheaper BM dresses (they will honestly wear them once) and decided to reuse existing shoes and shop accessories/jewellery on Etsy rather than from bridal stores.
Once covid hit we reassessed again, we lost our formal reception and catering due to rules and ended up with an outside party with pizza and chips (fries) buffet (this saved us thousands though) I initially lost sleep over this because I was worried about how it would look in pictures (pinterest issue again), what people would say etc - the pictures we got of me in a wedding dress eating pizza were amazing and apart from that barely any other pictures were taken and people LOVED it because the truth is it's a long day, people are starving, they want filling and tasty food and to be honest don't really care about table set up or what food they are actually eating as long as they like it. What did we really want pictures of a fancy table set up and meals for? To put in a photo album to be looked at once every few years? Instead we fed our photographers and asked for no further photos until the food was away, it was worth the thousands saved We also lost our entertainment due to covid rules, we instead did a spotify playlist and included a question box on our website to collect song requests, this got everyone dancing because they knew their song would be coming up! If covid showed us anything it's that weddings really are about the love of those involved - the other stuff really isn't important, a good photographer + videographer can make any location and any set up look great!
The things you're willing to cut might be totally different to what we removed but I'm certain there will be something - remember you initially wanted to elope, touch base with those feelings again and that desire, if you had eloped you wouldn't have had a lot of this stuff so is it only important now because of the other guests or is it because it's what you really want now that your plans have changed?
If you find that there isn't anything you can change without it compromising how much you'll enjoy the day then that's okay too you've just underestimated your budget but you'll need to increase it, see if you can save more before the payments are due, otherwise you may unfortunately need to go the debt/loan route and instead make a payoff plan for that!
Please don't let the stress get to you over this, you'll figure it all out!
Aja, you’re not a bridezilla. I think we all underestimate how much a wedding actually costs. My husband and I set a $40k wedding budget when we first got engaged…we quickly realized what we actually wanted was going to cost us $60k-$70k. I was incredibly stressed. We ultimately left our venue deposit on the table ($3,500) and had a micro-wedding in Sonoma. It was boujee and beautiful and still cost us about $15k, but I was so happy with the direction we went. If you’re in too deep to step away, I’d say just increase the budget and try your best to just accept the costs so you can enjoy the season!
This vlog is too relatable damn
The saying is blow a gasket, but I like yours better “blowing caskets” that was the laugh I needed, thank you Aja.
just making up my own sayings
I was watching one of your old videos today and you were talking about how insane a $30K budget is and that you’d never consider a destination wedding but things change and if an expensive, bouji wedding is important to you then go for it - it’s your money! X
Hi Aja! I’m a wedding planner so I’m finding your series very interesting. When you initially mentioned your budget I felt it was too low for Hawaii unfortunately. What I usually do with clients within our first meeting is I present them a budget with the current avg market rates for what they’re looking for and I tell them that this is realistically what they would be spending. If they say they want to go lower, I’m always in support but I don’t guarantee that we’ll find vendors in that price range. So I think having your planner lay it out from beginning to end can reduce the shock of the quotes and also give more insight for where you can cut down. Hope that helps!
In addition to reconsidering your budget, you might also want to reconsider what you consider necessary. Is a videographer really necessary, or would you be happy with videos your guests take on their phones? Is table service necessary, or would you be happy with a buffet? Do you care about having real ones, or are silk flowers okay? What are you willing to DIY for decorations and table gifts and such?
When we eloped, the only things I cared about were looking good outfit-wise, and getting lots of great photos. Afterwards, we just went to dinner at our favorite Thai restaurant where we had our first date - and if we hadn't eloped, I probably would have just rented that restaurant out for an afternoon and called it a day.
Love your videos ❤️
I’m also planning an Oahu wedding this May 22. I started off by booking affordable vendors and was on budget, but am now 10k above. It’s gonna be expensive and stressful, esp with the theme you are going with, you’re not alone. Also keep in mind that anything “wedding” related will cost more. Happy planning
Aja, all you have to ask yourself is what’s more important? The day or the budget? If you’re going to commit to having this day the way you actually want it and not eloping then you need to commit to a more realistic budget. You are a rockstar at paying down debt and saving money. It will be way less stressful for you to save for a $50K budget then to try to squeeze yourself in to a $30K budget. Saving money and paying down debt are your strengths! Play to your strengths and you will be way less stressed! In the future what do you want to remember more? The stress of planning your wedding or your actual wedding?
I’m a project manager for HOA communities…I know it is not the same event coordinator. But my logic is…everything went up this year 10-20%. So what $30k would have gotten you last year isn’t going to get you the same stuff as this year. As their manager, I strongly suggested increasing their budget. I would suggest the same… increasing your budget to $36k-$40k. And maybe you are expecting that, but one thing I’ve noticed no one realized HOW much that effected everything.
Im also planning my own wedding and the venue/restaurant we picked, went up 20% in all their prices for 2022. Luckily, we locked it in July 2021. But that $3k-$4k is a HUGE difference.
Best of luck. Xxx
I got married back in October and if I had a dollar for each breakdown, for each time I asked my now husband "can we elope", and for each time I said "let's buy a house instead"... im pretty sure I could've paid off one of my vendors... a lot of my family and friends who got married told us that whatever budget we set out for... plan to go AT LEAST 20% over because of all the unexpected things that could pop up (ie. TIPS, meals for vendors + helpers, overtime/after hour fees). And girrrrl, it's true. We ended up going over budget. Unless you plan to cut down the number of guests to stay within budget, you may need to deprioritize some things. We skimped on florals (since they die) and decor and prioritized food, alcohol and our photographer/videographer. OH and tip for dessert: We "under ordered" cake for our guests (ordered a cake for 90 servings for 190 guests)... because not everyone eats cake at a wedding. I had my event coordinator tell our venue to cut smaller slices of cake for our guests... guess what we still had a lot of cake leftover!
At the end of the day, you and Brian deserve this wedding. As long as you walk away with an amazing experience of the day, whatever amount you spend (even if it's ridiculous), will be worth it. Wishing ya'll the best on the wedding planning!
Aja, I know what you’re going through. My wedding was a couple of months ago. Planning it in the midst of a pandemic was so stressful but just know it’ll all be worth it in the end. It’s priceless moments that you can always look back at.
Haven’t gotten married yet, but I am a wedding makeup artist so am around a lot of different budgets of weddings. I would say, make a list of the things you would upset to not have or regret if you look back. If including those things warrants going over by 10,000 that is not a huge amount for a wedding! You should still be proud if you keep it under 40,000 😉
I have to elope, and do an elegant dinner thing after because I can't afford it any other way. I feel for you Aja and hope the wedding process can bring you more joy and less stress. Praying for you and Brian because I know he wants to support you any way that he can. You both love each other so very much. I hope that guides your process in planning the perfect wedding for the both of you
I believe I had the type of wedding you are planning. I had around 125 guests at a nice restaurant with open bar. Entertainment was a DJ and a string quartet (only to walk down the aisle), I had a wedding planner and 2 photographers, a friend baked my cake and another friend did my minimal flowers ( I paid for the flowers, she did the arrangements and decor for free ). This was 9.5 years ago. I spent $30K. I think your budget of $30K in 2022 may not get you all you need. I did prioritize the most important thing to us which was excellent food and lots of good, premium alcohol. I was the exact same as you, stressed about money and constantly asking myself why I was putting myself through this. I did not even know how we were going to pay for all of it, TBH. In the end we used the money we got as gifts to cover what we didn't have saved and netted out at $0.
Yess, thank you for this rant! I have been with my partner for years and everytime someone asks why we aren't getting married, I just think about all this stress, money and planning; and it is never worth it yet I just don't want to elope and really want a wedding party eventually.
Pick one area to spend money on that matters most: food, venue, flowers. Unless you have huge budget, it’s hard to have all 3. If you mention “wedding” cake it will be a huge price. I asked for 3 Chocolate raspberry cakes with plain buttercream frosting and stacked and my florist added flowers on them which was so gorgeous!! We had 250 guests and honestly I couldn’t even remember who was all there lol. The best part was the dancing and my friend Dj for us which was free. Most of all remember to enjoy your day and good luck to you and Brian💚
My husband and I went with Nothing Bundt cakes for our wedding. Got 3 different kinds and everyone LOVED them. Also picking a chain whose menu doesn't really change allowed us to be able to buy the same flavor cake for our anniversary.
I would LOVE to have a Nothing Bundt cake but sadly they don't have any locations in Hawaii
Aja, let me just tell you i see you and i feel you about the fine print on wedding vendors! You are not being a bridezilla. We calculated catering costs to what the average is to make sure we're under budget, then talked with a contact and realize that's just for the food! So now we have to factor in the staffing costs...AND we need a separate petition for vendors to list costs on their site...I am tired of reaching out to photographers I like and have them be out of my budget and waste my time AND theirs. Okay, rant over!
Aja, I understand you… just know that even eloping is a competitive market and if you are anything like me… eloping is still going to be expensive (of course cheaper than a large wedding). Unfortunately the wedding industry is in demand and going over budget is a done deal. It’s either keep the tab rolling or cutting out things to fit your budget. You got this (: overall what matters is your celebration, and I’m sure you’ll be happy with either decision (increasing budget or cutting out)
Aja...the video next in recs is your 'How I Plan & Organize My Life Without Crying" lol!
Pretty funny - but agree this is so frustrating. Wishing you the best!
omg haha. I need to watch that video.
Our wedding cake was from Whole Foods, we did some customizations which was just to change the berry chantilly cake filling to lemon curd and the design was white. We bought a cute topper on Etsy for 150 (bunny & bear thing) where the bulk of that price came from shipping. We had three other cake tasting/apts before hand and the quotes were ridiculous.
Also don’t buy too much cake! Our caterer said they will cut enough pieces from the cake and we had a dessert table as well so no need for a giant slice of cake.
I just got married last year, and understand the frustration. I'm not sure, that your budget will accommodate the things you want in a wedding. I had to re-evaluate myself once I started budgeting out overall costs. Have a think of must haves! Even the smallest things can start to add up! For us, we were able to DIY a lot of things that would have cost us an arm and a leg for. They turned out amazing the day of, and I am really particular about things! Best of luck. Just remember that no matter how your wedding turns out, what's most important is getting to start your marriage together with your best friend.
Eloping brought my husband and I so much joy ❤️ wishing you guys the best!
I remember when I was planning for my wedding and I thought I wanted ro be a wedding planner. It's been 5 months since the wedding which turned out amaaazing and well worth the stress. But I can't even look at another wedding post wirhout remembering all the stress. You got this!!!!
Edit: Weddings are freaking ridiculously expensive! I had my 150 guest wedding at an all inclusive venue and all together we had spent nearly $27,000 but it didn't even seem like it would cost $10,000. I would raise the budget because you deserve the wedding you want asia ❤
We are doing a Haupia cake from Zippys! Less than $20! And we are handing out Uncles Ice Cream sandwiches (located in Waialua).
Aja girl I feel you!!! I’m planning my wedding in Italy next year and I’m residing in Asia. The planning process is crazy stressful because you have no idea what is happening on the other side or what you will get on the wedding day - everything is virtual at the moment. On the budget as well, we are cutting down on guests and items as we do the math. You’re not alone in this, I know it’s a lot of money to pound out for a day but at the end of it, you’ll have such a great time and such beautiful memories to keep forever 💕
My take is, relook at all line items and rethink a max cap budget. All the best! ✨
Your wedding planner should have that insight and review your quotes with you to be sure you're not missing anything. And true, some vendors' quotes can be vague while others are very detailed so that unfortunately isn't consistent.
Your experience reminds me of an episode from The Financial Diet about the wedding industry. I get that weddings have unique needs that may require more $$$ than a retirement party, etc., but they can at least be transparent about their pricing so you can budget appropriately. It's fine for them to price their services at a certain rate because of the quality they offer and their experience, but if it's out of my budget, I Wana know sooner that later so I don't waste everyone's time.
Totally feel you on all this. This is where working with a Hawaii based wedding planner is super helpful because they work with the vendors and they can communicate that you just want the point blank cost of everything. That’s kind of what I expressed to my planner early on and she was like - great I’ll just give you options that fit everything you can manage. There’s nothing wrong with boujie taste either - you just might have to cut some stuff out and get creative of where/how you cut. Good luck Aja!!!
Your taste + having a Hawaii wedding is more 50k+ ballpark. That's just being honest. Especially if you don't like DIY. You pay for the convenience. As simple as it may seem... everything just adds up. You can refocus what is most important: food + alcohol. You can see if there's a corkage fee and just buy your alcohol in bulk and have a bottle at the table instead of having a bartender. Just have simple table decor and no centerpieces. I was planning my wedding with vendors via emails so I get the stress.
But I think you'll be glad you did it after because you two do deserve to celebrate this day with your family and friends. As much as I wanted to cry after making installments for the wedding back then, it was a really fun day. One of the best. Make it a party to celebrate love, you paying off debt journey, your business - everything. Take a deep breath. Good luck.
Aja, same boat as you! Getting married in Oahu in May. Engaged since 2019. Fiance's family is on the island. We are in WA. Sunset Ranch was our 1st choice but decided against it because of cost. We are STILL approaching the $50k mark w eliminating the frills. I HATE wedding planning and have hated the whole process. We wish we would have planned an elopement but also feel it is much too late. I feel your pain and agree w your thoughts/reviews.
Video like this is so relatable and wish I had this when I was planning my wedding 3 years ago. I think any wedding that isn't DIY will end up going over budget regardless how simple we want to make it. I realized that "my taste" ended up being closer to the $70k range which was $20k over and we didn't even have a wedding party or a live band.
I signed a contract for vendors on the spot when they were like so if you want all of that it’s gonna be this much increase … HONESTY is so important to me like tell me what I want is not possible with my budget !! My florist was literally like I get your vision but honey that’s a 5000 increase and I was literally like thank you.
see, that's all I want. Just tell me what it's gonna cost me to get my vision.
Girl, ELOPE!!! $30K is A LOOOOOT!!!! More than that?? Crazy! I mean, it's your money, so do as you see fit, but, you started as a "Budget" channel, and seeing that amount of money being spent on a day, is kind of insane....
I'd be having a worse breakdown and I agree it's difficult to justify the cost, I hope you feel better soon and the nice thing is once you're married the stress of the wedding and planning will be gone but don't burn yourself out. Be present on that day, be in the moment that day.
I am 100% all for eloping. I completely agree that it's hard to justify all the time and money spent on planning for that ONE day. Yes, it's a memorable moment and you're spending that special day with all your loved ones but is it worth resenting yourself (and possibly your partner) later in the future? Hell no. Wishing you the best and it'll come together in the end.
Oh girllllll same. I had my wedding breakdown last week after I got a florist quote for several thousand dollars. I feel similar to you because I also figured I would always elope but now we are committed. At the end of the day, it's going to be so special to share this moment with 50 of our loved ones, so I'm glad we are gonna have the actual wedding. But mannnn is it so much money. We decided to handle the florals ourselves and I'm even more excited about it now because I think it's going to be even more beautiful with dried flowers than fresh! Focus on your love and your family ❤
I must say my husband and I got lucky to have had our wedding booked during COVID time.. back last summer when we could only have max 50 people. So we just narrowed it down to immediate family and bam 23 guests only. My wedding dress was $200 from chichi London, and spent 50 on alterations. My husband wore a suit he had and bought a new dress shirt and tie. We went to a local part for wedding pictures did not even obtain a permit. We paid a little more here and there for photography, those don’t come cheap and decorations at the restaurant too. Back to this day I look back on it and I do not regret what we did. I don’t think spending more would’ve done anything for me. We’re simple down to earth. Yes our friends were sad that didn’t join us but if they love you they’ll have your back no matter what.
Don’t stress in the end of the day it’s about who you’re marrying.
I think you should put all your wedding diaries video earnings toward the wedding to make it seem more reasonable!
My husband and I married almost 5 years now got married at the courthouse. I still got my hair, make up, and nails done locally and wore a wedding dress and he wore a suit. My family came and they took all the pictures for us and then we treated them to a super fancy dinner on us of course and I think all in it was like $4k. Then a few months later we did a cruise for a honeymoon and then we closed on our house later that year. It was worth it. Yes my family made rude comments but all that stuff faded once they saw us making moves. I’m glad we did it our way. I think maybe $40k might be the way for you guys and your wedding planner may have advice and tips too.
Yes Aja! Raise the budget if you can! Also, see if any of the groomsmen and bridesmaids can cover their tux and gowns. Maybe they can contribute (a little) towards airfare and accommodations. Also let all family and guests know you only want cash as gifts, that way you can apply what you gather towards some of your cost. (Can you tell I have never had a wedding before? LOL!) Oh! Imma be in Waikiki 3/2 to 3/8 visiting my daughter. She is a Marine and I miss her so much!!! Keep us updated Aja! It will all workout! Fighting!
aja you are on the right track! alternative medicine isn’t frufru, there are soo many studies regarding the benefits of chiro, acupuncture, supplements, all that. in the end, it’s your body and do what works for you!!
I vote for increasing the budget. When you were doing the numbers and said $37k was over, on top of the fact that that's not even with other essentials, I initially was thinking raise to $50k. But, understandably, that is high. You might need to at least consider $42.5k or $45k. I know you're a budgeting queen but idk if $3k more will really cover everything else you need. Take this with a grain of salt cause I have never had a wedding but the tips from those who are also planning their own weddings sound pretty good. Best of luck and looking forward to what you decide in your next video ❤
Totally relatable. My fiance and I are getting married this May and had multiple breakdowns early into wedding planning. It's tiring to reach out to the many vendors and since the wedding industry is bouncing back this year, it's a fight to get the vendors you want for an affordable cost. Honestly I had to scale back a lot on what I had envision the day to look like and I'm okay with that. I know you're having a destination wedding and lugging things over to Hawaii can be hard, but a tip that I've learned that helped a lot with my wedding decor planning is utilizing/ buying decor that can be repurposed for your home after the wedding. Also my fiance is a wedding videographer, so we decided to just pay a videographer to film only our wedding and my fiance will edit. Bless his soul for saving us a pretty penny!
We got married with just our parents…lovely lunch after in a nice restaurant…I got my dress in ted baker…..it was a perfect day…I was home on my couch by 5pm…
Weddings are ridiculously expensive. Look at where you can cost cost and what is truly important to have at your wedding. Your wedding is going to be amazing either way!
I got married 7 years ago in March,in Texas where everything is bigger is better, not necessarily, our budget was 6000 yes you heard right and my brother provided catering at about 2000….over here down in the valley people make party’s for 15 year olds for around $20,000 but we had a small budget and we stuck with it and even like that I wished we hadn’t spent everything for the wedding….at the end me and my husband agreed if we could do it all over again we would have a back yard wedding of course with a little more glam ,with good food and save the money for a home and honeymoon, because in reality the people that really love you are not going to see how good the food is or how pretty the place is or how much you spent on entertainment, they go to see a couple become a husband and wife. I had to learn this the hard way, I was trying to put everyone else first and making them feel happy when all along they were happy if we were happy.
Long time viewer, super excited for you both! Has anyone recommended looking into all inclusive resorts? I was married in the Carribean with 50 guest and the wedding itself was like $3000 (the properties make money off booked rooms) But I believe the short answer would be, up it. EVERYTHING is going up and everything in Hawaii is generally more expensive. Congratulations!!! Your not a bride bridezilla! Weddings are like this. Stressful and Expensive :)
Definitely seems like you need to raise the budget to 1) get the quality of things you want but more importantly 2) to relieve your stress.
Also if possible, try not to view raising the budget as a “failure”. You have the ability to save 30-40k in a year to pay for a wedding debt free. That’s AMAZING. If you would have told yourself that 4 years ago, you would have been so proud.
Vendors definitely need to be more up front tho. That’s nonsense that they don’t include things.
I don't comment very often on videos but I relate to this so much! We got married in December with a six month engagement and honestly nothing about this process is fun. The wedding industry is pretty much designed around the idea of weddings costing XXX amount in like two or three different budget categories. Some things that cut down our costs:
- We didn't do a traditional wedding cake. We store bought a few different types of cakes from a chain cake maker and that was perfect for us.
- Food truck (like a market). It did mean that we had to ask our parents to collect rubbish and put it in the bin - but it was a 5 minute job tbh. We also had grazing tables. Not as fancy as a sit down restaurant but definitely nicer on the budget.
- BYO bar. They provided everything but the alcohol which means we directly controlled what we had and the quantity (aka cost).
- Online invitations. We threw a surprise wedding so FB was appropriate, but you can always use an online invitation.
Why not elope in Hawaii in an intimate wedding with just family (or even just yourselves) and then throw a party later? Much cheaper and you get the best of both worlds with what you want and what you feel you should do.
We got married on Oahu and got a single tier white cake (coconut chiffon) from a local bakery like Liliha and had our florist put flowers around it. That’s the cake we cut and guests got fresh made malasadas, saved us a ton of money and no one missed the cake.
My wedding was in Maui in a private property for $32K (40 ppl) & this was almost 8 yrs ago now. I think for Hawaii, having 80 guests would be $50-60K now even on a more conservative budget. Your wedding planner also gets a commission of I think 20% of the total cost as well; at least that’s what it was for us. A wedding is one of the most expensive events you’ll ever host but if you do it the way you envision it, no matter how grand or intimate (like it was for my wedding), you’ll be happy with it years and years later as you look back at it. Good luck! I hope your wedding planner can give you a more realistic expectation of how much everything is really going to cost. I would be very annoyed and frustrated too if all these hidden costs are coming out of left field. Hope you get things sorted out and have your dream wedding as you imagine it to be.
get a liliha cake - get the passion fruit cake -- the best cake and add flowers to it
I feel you, Aja! I remember my wedding, it was a revelation figuring out how much things really cost. For example, our venue quoted just the place itself. Eventually we had to hire sounds and lights and even a projector on top of the venue cost (we thought all of that was included). And yes we also discovered that if we wanted a particular kind of look or service, we wouldn't be able to get it at our budget, no matter how much we try to scrimp on other things. Our initial budget almost doubled, but we got a wedding where we were happy with everything and didn't settle. The key thing was that we accepted that since it was our first time doing wedding planning, we didn't really know everything when we started our initial budget and we underestimated it. After knowing all the details and what goes into things, the budget we ended up with was actually the real budget.
I so agree with you on taking a more holistic approach to our problems rather than just automatically turning to prescriptions. For about 5 years I struggled with extreme depression. Got prescribed medication but I didn’t keep up with that and then years later I felt worst mentally, went back then the doctor told me I had bipolar 2 and wanted to put me on medication with in 10 minutes of us talking. That didn’t feel right to me, it didn’t sit right with me. It felt so rushed. Anyways I prayed and fasted and I found out my soul was a mess, I had like 20 years of repressed emotions and serious trauma from childhood that I never dealt with/healed from. Journaling has helped me a lot, and every time I have a problem I self evaluate. It’s helped me lower the depression and double mind. I do have my days but they are very rare and when I’m in that head space I know how to get out of. Before I never knew how to get out it, I would just smoke it away or go on a tinder date or hurt myself. I feel like in this day and age a lot of these doctors prescribe medicine to not really fix the problem but just put a halt...But then again I get it cause ppl are so busy and don’t really have the time to do the work and upkeep. Anyways thanks for coming to my Ted talks
Omg. I just discovered you and I feel like we’re going through the EXACT thing and have the same kind of mindset towards weddings (I wondered if I’m a Bridezilla too but I’m just very money conscious!). I’m also planning a wedding in Honolulu for July! The frustrations of communicating with vendors via email only and finding all the extra costs of things… you’re not alone!
Im in the middle of planning my wedding too and I really needed this video!!!!! I feel every inch of your frustration and I am sooooo over this whole processssss 😭🙃
I hated dealing with vendors for the specific reasons your saying. Luckily the venue we chose provided everything for us or I would have snapped.
Maybe by your cake from Foodland instead of Whole foods? Just a thought as they have awesome desserts for a supermarket chain in Hawaii!
“I like the fru fru shit” 🤣🤣🤣