I was always OK with being lonely and like Asmon would prefer to be by myself. As I get older though, what I've realized is that I was always comfortable with being alone because I *knew* I had friends that I could hang out with if I felt like being social. Now I'm 37, have moved from my home town, don't know many people, and I'm less comfortable with the loneliness. It's one thing when you choose it, and another when it's the only real choice.
Yeah but as you said although you prefer to be alone you still had friends you can hang with Today they normalize having no friends since you know ADHD Depression idk what else introverted personality ig Did you even hear the words ADHD and Introverted extroverted bullshit back in 2010? No Anyway my point is today’s generation normalize these things like they normalize obesity and if you dare say anything against them you finna regret it the same as if you were to be a real racist they put it on the same level
I agree a lot w ur final statement. I'm 28 now, but 2 years ago I moved from Europe to The US all on my own, knowing absolutely no one. I thought I'd be fine w making new friends (or just coping w the loneliness), but it was harder than predicted and I've moved back to my friends and family now. It does indeed suck when you don't even have the Option to physically interact w others
@@crilleedara is it harder to make friends in the US? I am from Germany, 42 years old. I am so fed up of the society here, think about leaving and thought the US people are more socialising outside and more open to new people but holiday and living/working at a place is not the same.
I don't think Asmon fully acknowledges how "not alone" he truly is though. He actually has quite a few real life friends, friends he's gamed with his whole life, childhood friends he still talks to, his dad, a streamer group that he does podcasts and other activities with. Despite being this embodiment of a gamer troll living in his mom's basement, the dude still has a pretty healthy social life. He has the freedom to say "I want to stay at home all day today" because the other option of going out and seeing some friends is there whenever he wants it. I see way too many people nowadays confusing "introverted" with "solitary" or "isolated". Introverts and Extroverts are both equally dependent on social interaction to maintain a healthy mind, the difference is all in the way they express themselves, the frequency in which they hang out with others, the type of activities and environments they like to be in, things like that. Being alone is just being alone, and it takes a toll on human beings and any other social animal when you're in that state for too long.
Well said, although I don’t think he should be discredited entirely. He hasn’t been a popular streamer forever, I don’t know if he’s always had accessible friends. Rich people get lonely, poor people get lonely, popular people get lonely, isolated people get lonely. Everyone gets lonely, but like you said, loneliness is a scale and some people are ok with more of it than others based upon their social personality traits.
I agree that he probably has a normal social life and won't understand someone who has no friends or anyone to talk to at all. But it was the same before the internet, even more so. If you were lonely in the 90s, you just killed yourself and no one even knew you existed. Now everyone is talking about this online, hence the loneliness epidemic.
This was my take immediately as well - Asmon has many communities, constant interaction, RL friends that live close, etc. Honest human take but I think his perspective is a little off for sure. Love you Asmon ❤
Most college dropout influencers like asmon here think that it makes perfect sense to say a kid can't consent to getting a tattoo but it's fine for them to consent to genital mutilation. They also can't figure out dental care to the point that their teeth start falling out
Robin Williams was quoted before he killed himself. People think being alone is the worst, it's not. It's being surrounded by people that make you feel alone.
This is painfully true. I was surrounded by ppl who made me feel brutally alone for the majority of 2022. Probably the loneliest, worst period in my entire life.
That's a good point. It's like most people don't want to be poor but you have to admit that 20% people on earth possess majority resources ＆ money. Capitalism forces you to be poor.
@@ReikiMaulana After moving abroad and knowing no one, my very extrovert and attractive female co-worker Daily reminded me of how she was so popular it was hard just holding ppl back. I was okayy w the loneliness, but the frequent reminder of it was wat exhausted me.
Yeah, I ONLY feel alone when I'm surrounded by other people who kind of just don't see me. Have sat in my apartment for weeks, literally never even stepping outside my door, and I haven't felt alone. Go to the club with that one annoying friend (who is really less my friend than I am hers), though? Misery. I'm thankful for those sorts of experiences, though, because otherwise I would have no experiential frame of reference to help me empathise with the huge amount of people who do suffer from loneliness.
@@Loooeeeeeee3674You would be surprised. If you ever had some sort of cancer or disorder go to a support group. Go to an Alcoholics Anonymous. You don’t have to prove you are a drunk. Either way sometimes it’s the disease that brings people together but you would be surprised how many commonalities a suburban white guy has with an inner city black chick. If only a sense of humor or some other odd interest. People think they are so different and special but they really aren’t. Most people are on the center of the bell curve for almost everything. Listening to Taylor Swift, Kendrick Lamar, or sea shanties in the end all follow verse chorus verse and similar structures. Just because someone likes Australian stoner rock over Taylor Swift means very little.
"Not a single close friend" is a common complaint I hear especially from extroverts, but i've noticed the issue with extroverts is many don't know how to act as a close friend despite making friends easily.
@@JAYg33t4rThat's because people don't know how to like be real with people and in order to have a close friend you got to be real with them. You got to be willing to lose an acquaintant in order to share the stuff that is necessary to become a close friend. It's the acceptance of yourself in your weakest moments that upgrade someone from acquaintance or somewhat friend to close friend. You are close friends with people that know what kind of p*** you like.
Yeah I think one of the differences between Introverts and Extroverts is that what extroverts call friends we(the introverts) would probably call an Acquaintance and our actual friends we treat like what extroverts would treat close friends. Like I have "friends" at college, but they really are just Acquaintances more than anything tbh. I can count the actual friends I have on like a single hand, which sounds sad, but I respect the friends that I have a lot more than most extroverts do and I am much more willing to help them in their time of need than you would see an extrovert do. Now of course not all extroverts or introverts are like this, but it's what I have observed in my 24 years of living on this god forsaken rock.
I don't have any close friends cause I'm moving a lot. I'm not feeling lonely because I'm more real than a lot of people and people suronding me are often naturaly open with me. I think this is a crucial diference, just be yourself, don't be judgemental and talk freely and you'll see people do the same.
This is true I was always cool with everyone in school for the most part I would talk to them but looking back I can't say I ever really had many friends
This is very accurate to me. I will never forget what my therapist told me 10 years ago: "There's a difference between being alone, and making the choice to be alone" I never made the choice to be alone, I just had to learn and accept the fact that I was. And it was hard, and tiring, and I've been suffering from depression and generalised anxiety disorder because of this for many years. Alot of people may not understand how exhausting it can be, becuase people cannot relate to the difference between choosing, and not having a choice.
When I moved to a new country (Japan), I also have this problem of being alone because of circumstances But in my case I have the option to do something myself and change my situation. I know our situation might be different, but I hope you can have the option for the change as well.
Asmon just doesn’t get it, and I’m glad he doesn’t experience loneliness. But god damn an hour and a half of him saying how great it is to be completely isolated felt like a guy saying he enjoys closing his eyes because it helps with overstimulation to a blind guy.
The only reason I can watch his reactions is because many times, he will admit that he "doesn't get it" and can only respond based on what he personally knows or feels. I never feel that he comes off like, "That feeling is stupid because I have never felt that."
He REALLY just doesn't get it though. at 9:50 he makes an insanely reductive statement about how he thinks people choose to be disconnected. It's so far off the mark I nearly stopped watching. @@justifiedkill7766
I understand the viewpoint but we are intentionally watching his reaction to the video and he is being honest about how it applies to him. I do t see how we can be mad about that. As long as he acknowledges that not everyone is the same, which he did
For me loneliest stems from feeling like I don't belong anywhere. I didn't really learn how to socialize until I started working at 18. Before then I'd go to school then immediately go home and play video games. I have plenty of friends and a lot of people have told me they enjoy my company but in group settings I always feel like I'm the odd one out
Who cares if you belong or not, once you feel comfortable with yourself in your solitude, you’ll fit anywhere. It’s like that saying "home is wherever I go" you won’t look for that social approval of you being good enough anymore. You just won’t care and you’ll feel comfortable anywhere
I can still remember the neighbourhood BBQ we had when I was about 6 years old. My father had temporarily removed a section of our fence that divided our yard with the neighbours so that more people could fit and freely move around between houses without having to go inside. We had a roast pig and shaved ice with tons of different syrups to pour on top. Fast forward to today. I have lived in the same house for 12 years and have never even had conversations with the majority of the people who live on my street.
Moved into a new neighborhood 2 years ago. I've got chickens so I gave eggs to all my neighbors and it's an old neighborhood so they are all retired boomers and we just had everyone over to meet me and my wife's first baby and they all brought homemade gifts with quilts and knitted goods. We do a huge 4th of July BBQ every year and it draws most of our neighbors. You just need to be the one to break the ice. Make pies and go introduce yourself you sperg
@@tclfan0180 it's a good-natured jab. Never had one before? Me and my friends have always given each other shit in a constructive way. If you don't understand the concept that's fine. Besides sperg is in no way a serious insult
@@lobotomite9767only boomers would appreciate the company of someone like a neighbor. At the very least older people appreciate it more while younger people just find it to be a waste of time (for lack of a better word) if it's not feeding constant dopamine it's a nuisance
I empathize with the girl crying about being unable to make friends. I'm the same age as Asmon, and I don't have any friends left in my state. I've tried going to meetups and everyone just shows up once or twice then never again. Tried bumble bff, everyone just wanted a texting buddy or would hang out with me once, be like 'wow this was so much fun!", then never hang out with me again. And it's not like I'm some ugly socially awkward girl, I'm normal looking and shower daily, wear clean clothes, employed, etc. Making friends feels impossible and since I'm a extrovert, it's led to me having depression.
Yea. This is exactly why I hate the people that say "lol just go outside" If it were that simple we wouldnt be having this problem lol. People in general are more standoffish and off in their own worlds even at social gatherings, clubs, etc. I went to a party fairly recently and everyone there was just ducked off in different parts of the house on their phones barely socializing with eachother.
I'd say a big difficulty with loneliness is that now it feels easier to think about other people on a more complex level to the point where you begin to overthink small interactions because you understand that people can be doing anything for any reason and that idea plants a fear of getting the wrong idea in a social situation
That and that same hyper awareness can lead you to being overly sensitive to your *own* signals you put out during interactions, and trying to be focused on acting a certain way can make you subconsciously avoid interacting with people altogether
This is why I continue to advocate to stop overthinking things and take stuff at face value, but that requires people to communicate themselves and their feelings upfront which most people are too afraid to do because they are afraid of backlash or offending someone. We need to collectively get over those fears and get used to people asking for what they want and communicating how they feel, and that starts with discussing an appropriate way of doing it that we can collectively agree on.
Just get off the internet and actually experience life more and these fears will slowly go away. It's easy now to be a leader because so many people over think social interactions
I think the environment that you’re raised in has a huge impact. As someone who has lived in the middle of nowhere my whole life I think it’s just easier to be alone since that’s always been my environment because I only get lonely when I’m surrounded by people who I just don’t connect with
Or you just like idea of truly being yourself. You don't get to be truly yourself around other people, you have to conform to things, that other people expect of you.
Yup, definitely. It's always about which environment you're born in. I see a lot of ppl disagreeing with asmon don't see the bigger picture. And now, especially with the rise of entertainment, fewer people have the need to go out talk to other ppl.
That’s the irony of loneliness right? Out alone in nature or the countryside, one never really feels lonely. It’s when you’re surrounded by people who do understand you or care about you, that’s when you feel the loneliest.
I’m 25. I have a great job, but I cannot afford a god damn thing. Groceries alone kill a huge chunk of my paychecks. I’m approved for a house up to 200k, which you’d think is awesome, until you realize anything 200k and under is a dilapidated yard shed that needs at least an extra 50k to fix, and realistically I can’t afford anything over 160k. I try to do something, ANYTHING with anyone almost every weekend, but they’re either too busy, not interested, can’t make it, or working or it’s too expensive. It slowly eats away at you until it hurts too much to even ask because you’re so used to people declining. I’m lucky I do have at least a few amazing close friends and an amazing family, I can’t imagine what you guys without that support have to deal with.
I don't have any friends anymore, the only people I am around for an extended period are coworkers. Otherwise I spend my time alone at home with my dog. Before COVID I had a handful of friends, and at least somewhat of a social life, I was still introverted and it wasn't super active but I'd still see friends and do stuff socially maybe once a week or two weeks. Now I don't see anybody, I don't talk to anyone, I just work, sleep, eat, repeat. I sometimes feel lonely, and I know it's not a healthy way to exist but I just don't know what to do about it anymore, and I've kind of convinced myself into believing this is all life has to offer now while I patiently await sweet oblivion.
I honestly started crying when I saw the clip at 45:23 When I was in high school and after in my twenties I couldn't imagine what it must feel like to be lonely. And now I'm sitting here homeless in my car looking at ducks in a park in winter. And now I wonder what it must feel like now to just hug somebody.
If you happen to be in Central Cali I'll come give ya a hug buddy. Remember when you're at rock bottom the only way to go is up. Hopefully living in your car isn't holding you back from getting a job. Also now that the internet way bigger there are tons of ways to make money online. You can try dropshipping from your phone or even take photos and videos with inspirational quotes. If you need help let me know what I can do.
@Lambert-hr7sm I'm about to start electrical in alameda in February. To OP: trades jobs is amazing and won't take long to get money in your pocket. Even if you're in your car they WILL help. They have been there in your situation. Show that determination and I promise you'll surpass most people there. I have faith in you!
After a point you become scared of making friends, making a mental/emotional connection that you know will eventually break is scary. Slowly you stop making new friends, lose older ones and so on
I feel ya. A lot of people or friends aren’t good friends. If they’re really friends at all. A lot of enemies in disguises to hide their true colors…. Best people I ever got along with we either clashed or didn’t like. Though sometimes those are real friends because they won’t just go along to get along and speak up if they don’t agree. If a simple fight breaks your friendship. Then they were never really your friend.
Well in my case, that doesn't stop me from making friends. The difference is that nowadays i always keep my friendships at arms length. I try to never get too emotionally attached to anyone so should the relationship breaks, it was only casual anyway
@Reaper_T2 i disagree i am 42 and i made a New Really Really good Friendship with a 30 Year old 1 Year ago. When i thought i was to old to connect with people.
Growing up I was always the new kid since I moved so often. 2 elementary's, 3 middle schools, and 3 high schools. A couple of times I was able to make friends for a few years then have to say bye. s
It's just like pain. Voluntary acceptance of pain is "courage", and it trains us to become stronger. A forced pain when we are not ready results in "trauma", and it keeps us weak. People want to choose to be alone, not forced to be one. Putting that comparison aside, loneliness is something a bit complicated, as being alone makes us wonder "what am I doing wrong?" This usually ends with conclusion of "I need to hide my true self so that others can accept me better", but this usually backfires completely. What's really hard is that if you truly want to not feel alone, you need to express yourself truly, and embrace the rejection entirely. When you are truthful, you will receive a fair acceptance or rejection. However, the problem is that when you are alone, that one rejection can feel so painful that you do want to avoid it all together. Only when you have close folks you realize that there are people who are not meant to be together. A sad reality of "winners win, losers lose". There is no easy way out of this. One somehow just needs to be resolute enough to face rejection of their true-self and go out there. You don't need tons of friend to make you feel not lonely. You only need one. The moment you get that one true friend, the positive cycle will begin.
There is a huge difference between choosing to be alone and being forced to be alone. It can feel like the difference between choosing to go for a swim, and being tossed in the water.
Being alone is addicting. You isolate yourself from others and find a lot of enjoyment in it. At somepoint you may be at a point where you want to share that peace and that is where I think. Well off loners start to feel lonely.
I've gone full circle, felt alone my whole life, met someone shared my peace, broke up, felt alone again for years, now I feel safe and secure being alone and having actual people to care about makes me anxious.
Ironically, I do this with my girlfriend. Me and her don't really have friends outside our relationship but we love being in each other's company. Sometimes we just enjoy our presence, without being actively talking or engaging
One thing i've noticed about IRL relationships is that all real-life relationships will naturally have problems that you'll have to face and deal with, whether it be drama in friend groups, or family or spouse, or co-workers,etc. But online, if you have an issue with a community, you can literally just leave the community with a click of a button and the problem (seemingly) goes away. I think people appreciate that convenience. They never have to "work-out" the problems that come with building a genuine relationship with someone or growing a community, they can just hang out in an online forum until a problem or disagreement arises, and then just move on to the next one. There's also no responsibility to check-in or hang out with someone online. In person, if someone makes plans with you, or an event is scheduled in you're community, there's like this implied responsibility that you show up. Not everyone see's it that way, but a lot of people will make an effort to go to a party, or wedding, or get-together if invited. And I think that helps alot in building community and building strong relationships and maybe helps alleviate loneliness. But online, if you host an event on a discord server or have a stream celebrating something and ask people on the internet to come, somehow (at least to me) it feels way less serious. Maybe that makes people online less motivated to show up for things or to engage in online communities to a degree where a real relationship could form, and thus they feel lonelier. Its just my two cents though, could be way off mark here.
I think you're right. There's a huge difference I've noticed between people my own age (gen x/older millennials) and younger people. The younger ones are much happier just throwing away a friendship if things don't go perfectly, believing they deserve better or don't have to deal with anyone who has baggage. Social media and to a lesser extent, the internet, is teaching people that there is always more choice and they can just keep looking for the perfect "ready-meal" of a relationship, without having to do the hard work. Which is contributing to so many people being lonely. We're creating a society where relationships are becoming disposable and replaceable and those being disposed and replaced are becoming increasingly bitter and cynical. That's the opposite of how humans are meant to work socially. We're tribal and cooperative, we're meant to build strong bonds over our lives because that was the only way our ancestors could survive. So without those strong bonds that come from relationships that overcome adversity, our mental health suffers and the result is what we see in this video.
I think this is more prominent of a problem than is being discussed. I see it like this: online you can be your complete and full self. You can be as charismatic, annoying, mean or caring at the most extremes which you can't outside of that. So it's easier to be a dick online for example cause not only will you find people who will have your back but if you get pushed out you can just go somewhere else. You can absolutely sperg out online, you can't in real life and I think that people not wanting to regulate their behavior to better assimilate into society are the people with a lot of these issues.
Needed this video, I stopped talking to my friends and got wrapped up in my girlfriend's life and her friends, now six years later - we are breaking up and other than my family in a different country, it's just me and my cat this Christmas. I'm 31. Merry Christmas folks!
Enjoy your Christmas with cat, it's not the worst thing out there. You should be able to recover and rebuild your social life, but next time don't be stupid and live someone else's life instead your own. Your career, hobbies, friends and yourself should remain VERY high in priority list. Real women will respect you more if you keep your integrity instead of wrapping up with her life and friends. It was stupid thing to do, but you are relatively young and such mistake is forgivable and fixable.
I know it's a few days late, but hang in there. Life can have some major swings, and it sounds like you're going through one right now. Try to reconnect with friends or family you haven't talked to in a while. I know for me, my friends that i didn't talk to in years were the only thing that kept me sane in a similar situation as yours. and most of all, try to make some new friends too. you got this
Thankfully the nerd community has better openings for finding new friends than most. We have arcades, lans, board game cards, D&D gatherings etc. You're better off going to one of those events than anything else to give a new tribe IMO, though yeah that first step can feel hard
Huge mistake you'll never repeat again. I did it too. Ex-girlfriend wasn't the one, was very high maintenance just to keep around, I'm glad it's over. I found a much sweeter smarter woman who doesn't compromise my platonic relationships. When a person is too high maintenance for you to keep your friends around, run. They'll eventually leave you anyways, and you'll have lost your friends with them. Just had this happen last year with my former best friend. He got a girlfriend who he thinks is far too good for him, so he tries much too hard and has become emotionally unavailable for anyone else. They'll end up breaking up, not because she's actually that much better but because desperation/trying too hard never works romantically.
The quality of human contact has deteriorated significantly. I think this is why people feel alone. Im 46 and I feel sorry for the kids now growing up. Growing up in the 80's and 90's we still had non scrupulous bonds with people. It could be that people are scared to be alone because when they arent alone they still feel alone. I cant remember feeling this way 20-30 years ago.
I love how people resort to "those dang phones with those dang internets" as a cause of loneliness. I personally think there's a fallacy there. Sure, the lack of real-life socialisation impacts a lot of people greatly, and teh Internets may enhance it, but only in susceptible individuals. It's more of a rabbithole lonely people can fall down than the sole cause of the problem. It's like saying "video games make people angry". You're missing the bigger picture. If there's anything the Internet has shown me, it's that there's a lot of sad people out there, and I'm pretty sure a lot of them aren't sad _because_ of it. They may not realise it enhances the effect, making a positive feedback loop, but they sure as hell don't go on there if they have a life to begin with. It's not about people "not having a life because they sit in front of their computer", it's the exact opposite. The cause and the consequence are switched here. If you phrase it like that, then it obviously means you don't have a problem with going outside or talking to people. There's basically one step from that statement to "just have friends 4Head", which is a whole issue on its own, I hate when people say stuff this way, it means they can't see a problem with that. I can say from experience that severe social anxiety and self-loathing and all that sort of stuff can be present long before someone goes on social media or starts playing games or whatever. I never had friends or a girlfriend _ever_ in my life, obviously this might be a result of me being a horrible piece of trash human being, but we'll deal with that issue later. I felt miserable way before there were even smartphones, like when I was in elementary school touchscreens weren't a thing, some kids had these immortal ass NOKIA phones and that's about it, and if anything, the eventual mass cellphone craze kinda helped me distract myself from those thoughts, which I am still very much relying on to this day. Sure, it may have dealt some psychological damage in the long run, especially when mobile games started to implement GAMBA and I got massively addicted to spending money on pixels, but thankfully I'm more or less out of that pit for now. What I was trying to say is this: I don't think technology is the problem here, at least, not the primary one.
Loneliness is happening because the options of “keeping busy” solo has exponentially expanded. Entertainment moved from being outside to technology, technology went from local LAN setups to online multiplayer, movies at a cinema turned to streaming, and the lack to go out and do the things that still remain outdoor activities due to a platitude of reasons, has all culminated in a dispersed social environment. Social media made it easy to meet people but not make friends. You don’t like the way they talk, delete, while before if you wanted enough people in the game you just dealt with it and they became good friends once you got to know them. Short term friendships.
When im doing alright, i enjoy being alone where i can focus on my hobbies and improving myself. Its when something bad happens that i feel very lonely. I think a lot of people are having a hard time finding meaningful connections in their life. We are surrounded by each other in person and online, yet how many people do you speak honestly to and form real connections with. The internet might have made some completely stay inside but this is a problem bigger than just technology making people not wanna go outside. It feels like we lost the ability to connect, which i guess could be the internets fault.
I think you're totally right. There probably isn't one answer to why it's so hard to have meaningful connections now, but a lot of reasons that compound. I try and check in with everyone I spend time with when I can. Even if it's just asking someone how life has been, but it's up to that person to open up or not. I think the Internet has led people to think they have to put up a persona of their best self even when they aren't doing ok, and it leads to a lot of inauthenticity and shallow relationships.
Id say 90% of the friends have been friends only because the interactions were convenient. For example the neiborhood kids' i played with the kids in my class' and now work friends. Some of them became more aka i stayed in contact with them after they left the job or graduation. I've got no issues talking to people as a works a retail job but as a gamer outside of work its really just direct family i talk to.
I mean, that's how you make friends, you get to know the people around you, because they are around you, and a few of them you really enjoy interacting with, and when they really enjoy interacting with you too, you spend more time with them than others, and you get to know them better. At somepoint that turns from acquaintances to friends.
For real, most of my friends i have now were school friends, we're friends only because we went to the same school. They aren't into the same things as me so i just go to metal shows alone and befriend randomers while i wait til 5am for the first bus back and never see them again
This is another reason, many people just want family and kids and don't care about having friends, maybe 1-2. But people who don't have a family or don't want one, feel lonely in a society where the only way to have a family is through sexual and romantic relationships. You can't live with friends and call it a family for instance and if you do, it is considered a phase you have in your early 20s.
There is a difference in feeling loneliness and wanting to be alone. I love being alone however I do get lonely at times when I am having certain situations in my life.
My bf is extroverted and he tells me all the time, when we hang out with friends you need to be more friendly I just dont like talking over people so i end up just being quiet..
Asmon you are talking to and being heard by thousands of people daily. You are never alone. Your parasociality levels are out the charts and it satisfies your social needs. Others dont have that.
I'm sure it probably helps, but it's not the same as looking someone in the eyes and breathing the same air as them; there's no replacement for that. Like he said, he just doesn't feel a strong need for that in the first place.
@@Maelthorn1337he sees his dad regularly and at least hangs out with friends once a week via his podcast. Not to mention interacting with people due to his businesses. A lot of people have much less than that.
@@SpaceTimeDroste I'm not gonna argue with that. I think if those things were taken away from him somehow he'd almost certainly be horribly lonely. I think a person would either have to be some form of psychotic _or_ well on their way to spiritual enlightenment in order to be comfortable in complete solitude.
Asmon has a real friend group though, he still keeps up with friends that he grew up with, friends he's gamed with his whole life, his dad, etc. etc. He might view it as him "liking being alone more" but the reality is, he wouldn't feel that way if he didn't actually have a healthy social life outside of streaming.
That's positive but also saddening. I think we all should reach out to one another more, but boundaries are necessary. I wish you all the happiness and luck, friend.
Nobody's brains are wired for isolation, that's been well established in the literature. Introvert doesn't mean you want literally 0 human interaction, it just means that social interaction tires you out rather than invigorates you. Humans are evolutionarily evolved tribal animals, and isolationism is not in our program.
@@Awful.Productions It’s even sadder when those people have had people in their lives who were the same either far away or in real life and never appreciated it because of feeling lonely still or depressed,Sometimes it’s no one’s fault but being human.
Asmon cannot compare himself to people that are really lonely, as he gets a lot of contact and it looks like he has people that care for him, being self-sufficient by choice and being forced to self-sufficiency are two different beasts.
While true that he’s self sufficient by choice, I think it’s ignorant to assume that just because you have people care about you doesn’t mean you can’t be lonely. You can feel lonely in a full room. Celebrities commit suicide, of which loneliness plays a role, yet they have millions of people who would eagerly have lunch with them at a moments notice. Don’t discredit people. He wasn’t comparing himself to nullify the issue, he was sharing the experience of his life on earth.
@@JakoMacroI think discrediting is something different, and yes I agree with you that you can be lonely even in a full room, but it didn't look like he was talking about people having friends etc. and again he cannot compare his situation with those people doesn't mean he cannot have an opinion and isn't right in what he says, my whole point is he is in a much better situation then the people we are talking about here.
@@joshanonlineThe thing is he doesn't invalidate the way others feel just because he can't relate. I think that's why I enjoy watching his reactions so much
I haven't been out in months because the last time I did, I watched dozens of young 20 somethings just stand in circles on their phones. My group wanted to dance and have a great time. But everyone was zombified, drinking a can of hard seltzer and scrolling through social media. That wasn't what it was like ten years ago when we were their age. My partner and I prefer staying home and playing video games. That's our Fri night.
i has no friends anymore as everyone already busy with life and their "new" family. my bestfriend already left the earth. no friend, no job, social anxious problem , and i lived in third world country with its ranked on the top 10 most corrupt politician. But i still grateful that i'm not giving up
Mental health issues are high, and empathy is low. People who have dont understand those who have not. Thankfully there are still many really great people out there. If youve never experienced lonliness youre a lucky one. Check in with your friends especially at this time of the year. No ones guarenteed tomorrow.
empathy is a difficult one, at the moment with the economy in tatters people have very low tolerance for people who dont work, especially when the excuse for not working is "bad mental health" theres a lot of people out there who exploit this and its very difficult to work out which people are genuine and which are playing the system so most people just lump them all into the category of playing the system which is why empathy is low. its also kind of an insult to people who worked extrodinarily hard in the past to give you the best life you can have all for you to say "im not going to work today, im having a mental health day". its a difficult one.
To be fair, empathy is a resource like any other. Most people have a lot on their proverbial plates, and extending that emotional resource towards others is often taxing. And fair or not, some have more or less emotional capacity than others. And let's not pretend "empathy" means shit if all it is is lip service. Anyone can say they feel bad for people who are lonely. Only a hero is willing to put in the time and effort helping a person claw their way out of that horrible state. I guess my point is, be mindful of the picture you paint of humanity, as often the negatives are far more visible than the positives and neutrals, and this can lead to a warped perspective as well as a depressing one.
Tbh, for the past half of this year, i've actively stopped interacting with my coworkers. As a dishwasher, i'm usually in my area doing mindless work, and nobody really has much reason to talk with me. For the most part at places of employment, especially in restaurants, everyone socializes with the people working directly with them, so for dishwashers, you're usually left out of the conversation, since the cooks are talking with each other as they work, the servers are talking with each other and with the cooks, but the dishperson is usually working by themself in the back. This sense of disconnect likely plays a part in why the job can feel so overwelming and alone in ways. I usually have to juggle everything incoming, put dishes away so the cooks and servers can reuse them. It can feel a bit disheartening when the only reason anyone talks with you is to ask you to prioritize something, or when theyre shoving things they want you to do in your space. Almost as if you're nothing more than the machine you operate to wash the dishes. On one particular day, i walked in to my area flooded with dishes, and everyone else was just meandering around, bullshitting with each other and laughing. In my frustration, not wanting to listen to their BS as I slaved away. i put my huge earmuff headphones on, set it to max volume, and worked the entire day just blasting my music. Funnily enough, that was the happiest night i'd had at work in a long time. Drowning out everything else around me and just doing my work coincidentally shut up the feelings of loneliness and frustration in my head. Nobody complained, even though headphones are generally frowned upon in the workplace, so I've switched to using bluetooth earbuds, listening to youtube videos that i dont need to watch to follow along with, or my spotify playlists. Where i used to feel like everyone was working against me at work, my overall mood has improved considerably.
I'd be curious to hear an update on this in a year or two. It doesn't sound sustainable emotionally, especially if you don't have close friends outside work.
What a read, I worked at a restaurant for about 3 months as a cook and absolutely noticed what you mentioned on who interacts with who. The dishwasher guy was in the corner by himself and I was always cooking talking with the 4 other cooks next to me. Have to say you got your facts straight 😅 Hopefully you're doing something better now.
I've had a personal experience of loneliness that was so profound and it was honestly so stressful. I don't think many people can grasp how it actually feels going through it at the moment. I was at a bar with some friends for my wedding, the last night of being a free man before the big day. We were talking but when I noticed i was sitting back and letting them talk without me, I had the overwhelming sensation that I didn't belong with these people anymore and if I left without saying anything that they wouldn't notice or care. It was about almost 2 hours of this and I was so incredibly stressed out and heart broken from the loneliness. I can never truly explain how it felt to other people but man It fucking sucked to go through.
Someone has never been to a party full of people and felt completely alone, and it shows ... Some of loneliness is physical isolation but a larger part is a mental health factor where you do not know how to form connections with people who are right there with you, feel like you can't properly express how you think and feel in a way that you can relate to others.
Lol mental health issues. Start working out and work on your skills to get a better career and then see how you feel. Stop blaming your lack of social abilities on mental health. So much nonsense nowadays . I'm the biggest introvert ever and I don't have a problem with social situations because I'm confident in myself and comfortable in my own skin
From my perspective (an antisocial game addict) People are straight up uncomfortable beeing with each other. We all instinctively fear loneliness. Religion itself had nothing to do with connecting to each other, if anything different beliefs make people more devided. It was the community time religion created. Simply said we spend less time with each other company now than at any other time in human history.
It all feeds into itself. You spend less time around people which results in you being worse and spending time around people which makes you scared to spend time around people or not want to. But I do think religion gave us a shared framework which makes it easier to fit together.
@@lucadesanctis563 right. i don’t disagree. i’m saying, maybe he’s never suffered the feeling because he’s genuinely always liked being alone. i’m not a social media star and i’ve always had a general appreciation for my aloneness. sure a few times i wished i had more people, but overall i valued it.
When you're in a busy high street, you generally don't see many people interacting. Where as if you're in the countryside, you see a lot more people idly chatting. I think a large component is small and large community differences.
The irony is that a busy high street there are far more people interacting and chatting all over the place. They are just not being idle while doing so.
"I try to figure out what fits together rather than what sets me apart, whenever I'm interacting with another person"....Asmongold. This is exactly the answer that would help to bring people together and solve a lot of issues. I have 20 yrs on Zack, yes I'm old and considered a "dad gamer", but have consistently tried to do the same thing my entire life. When enough of us do this very thing, society will benefit in a very profound and positive way. Unfortunately I decided a long time ago, it would be best not to hold my breath.
agreed, I had to WANT to get along with people in order to do so. It feels really good to be able to meet someone and can make them smile or share a piece of understanding/approval. Even something as simple as enjoying their choice of color in their outfit, could even be a stained old sweatshirt that has a goofy character on it you vibe with.
City builds $10,000,000 "third space" for people to hang out Average person who feels "lonely" goes there Looks around at all the "normies" and feels bored/disgusted Sits down in the corner of hangout full of people and posts on phone "I'M SO LONELY"
I haven't had any friends since high school. Social isolation is terrible, because the deeper you sink into this hole, the harder it becomes to get out of it. It becomes difficult for me even to formulate my thoughts and scary enough to meet other people. No motivation to change, to study, to work, no desire to live. Only apathy and loneliness. Now I’m 24, and after all this years of depression I still don’t have any friends in real life, and it's hard for me even to write smth on the internet, but at least I can be heard here. Asmon simply doesn’t understand what the real loneliness is, when you can't even talk to someone, because you forgot how to do it. He has a 24/7 connection with his audience, he can feel its presence and share his thoughts with thousands of people at any time he wants.
@@helpme-helpyou622 That rarely works anymore, most people you try to talk to or socialise with won't want to interact with you no matter how much you improve these skills as people just see you as a stranger. What you need to do is join somewhere that acts as pre-vetting, somewhere like work, or a hobby are great because although you're with strangers, you've been pre-vetted by the fact you've joined said club and that means you'll be seeing these people routinely
Today, people "socialize" in impenetrable cliques. You have to have known people since childhood. The only way to break in is to be exceptionally outgoing and have some circumstantial reason to. The normal average guy is shunned as an outcast simply for not being part of a clique. Once you are seen in that way, you are forever that way.
I been struggling with this my whole life....its like i crave this brotherhood that dosent exist anymore, its the type of thing where i feel like people have mistaken my kindness for weakness 1 to many times and im just burnt out on dealing with people. Iv lived in 6 different states and met more people in my life then i can remember. At the end of the day if some shit went down and i needed to call someone i thought would 100% be there for me, the answer is no one.
Damn i feel you man. I have very few friends,and every time they needed me,i dropped everything and meet them,helped them moving etc. But when i think about it,i dont think they would do the same for me. People are hard to deal with and you never know who is genuine or just use you.
I was used and abused so many times by "friends" growing up I don't trust anyone anymore at this point, they all just want something from you... to use your resources and kindness to benefit themselves.
@@JoshDragRace0688 Brother this is because you are a perfect victim for these things. You need to develop yourself and improve your mental health. This can require a lot of work. However, it is not bad luck if everyone abuses you and takes advantage of you. It's because you attract these people. You know these people acted in ways which are logically inconsistent with the behaviour of a genuine person long before they hurt you. You can and probably did spot that. Understand that. Be kind, but enforce boundaries unapologetically. Develop your social skills. Improve mental health. Develop your skills, become knowledgeable, invest time and effort in yourself. When you do these things you develop resilience and confidence, which causes manipulative people to become uninterested. It also makes it trivial in most cases to spot malicious/abusive actors.
@@domerame5913 Ya I know, I do that now, I have to act not like myself to even exist in this f'd up world full of sociopaths and psychopaths that will abuse the nice person at any moment for their own gain. The majority anyway.
I can't hardly get a job these days and it's purely due to the fact I don't want a shitty job and there are no avenues for higher pay at the jobs I can get.
I can be in a room with a hundred people i know, and still feel lonely. It's not about having people around you are being social, but more so about feeling like no one truely knows or understands you. That no matter what, the real you and the you you present outwards, will never be able to coexist. It makes you feel a huge disconnect, as if whenever you talk or interact with people, they are never truely talking or interacting with you, but just a shell of who you are expected to be instead. I hope this helped put some perspective on the feeling for you. I'd love to hear other peoples experience on this.
Structural loneliness is a cause, primarily of social media; it is DESIGNED it simulate real-life socialization, but to a much more extreme extent, optimizing engagement through dopamine and outrage. It happening right now to me watching this video. At the end of the day, ANY amount of social media use is not a replacement for real-life community.
damn, i must feel lonely because of the dopamine im getting from typing this comment out to you... i didn't know the B.C era of humans had their structural loneliness stemming from primarily social media...
@scottbuck1572, this comment isn't intended for you.... this bozo really thinks he's a genius by acting like SOCIAL MEIDA is the primal cause for all of this 'structural loneliness' - imagine believing that social media is 'just' the primal cause of this
Exactly, the more dopamine people receives the worse it is for them, as an example; it is not as special to receive a compliment nowadays like it was before Social media because is way more common so when it comes to flirt or make friends everyone is so used to read such words they feel nothing about it. Its F+cked up tbh
I had a breakdown about 3 years ago due to an extensive feeling of loneliness myself (currently 30years old). I was a socially awkward kid at school, bullied during college and high school because I was a fat kid and an easy target for bullying. The group of friends I had during primary school went to a different one, and so the only people I could turn to at the time were my parents, and that's where the problem began to worsen. When I was young, I was already growing depressed and addicted to video games because they were my only way to entertain and express myself in creative ways. My parents had offered me a gaming console back when I was 6, and it was the only entertainment I had apart from watching TV with my parents or doing homework everyday. I had only one friend who was an extrovert, and his friends had a bad opinion of me so they didn't want me to go out with them. In the end, the choice I had was to either force myself to make friends while being a target of bullying, or stay alone and focus on being a diligent student. I took the second. My mother would work 5 to 6 days every week, 1 weekend every 2 weekends, going out to work at 5am and only coming home between 9 and 10pm, but most of the time I was already in bed by then. I barely had contact with my mother when growing up except for the days she wasn't at work, but even when she was at home she would think about her workplace. As a nurse, she could be called anytime to work in case of emergencies. My father was dismissive of me until recent years. Every time I'd do a mistake in anything, he would shout at me. He'd beat me or insult me when I talked about the video games I played to my mother. When he'd find me playing video games instead of doing homework, even if I had already done it, he would look at me as if shaming me, and dismiss my existence altogether. I was scared of him. But when I'd bring back good grades in every test, he never congratulated me, it didn't even look like he cared. Twice he wanted to throw out my consoles and games because I was spending more time playing video games than watching boring TV with my parents. I didn't have any access to the internet until I was 16. Anytime our home had internet connection problems, I had to call the support centers myself, as my father had no patience for it nor cared because in his own words, he wasn't using the internet box, I was. Video games and consoles were my refuge to everything happening around me. Fortunately, I had met another group of friends online back in college, playing CoD MW2, and one person in that group quickly became my best friend. We participated in small online tournaments, we'd always play together after school. We kept in touch for 15 years, and I've been able to move out of my parents' home since 2 years ago, after having a complete meltdown on discord with him there. I was desperate at that moment. Ashamed to ask for his help. "But that's what friends do. Don't worry about it.", he said, and he did. Now I live in his appartment, participating to his rent while I look for work and continue to rebuild myself. The group of friends we have here is cemented, willing to help each other anytime. I've not been able to find motivation to work out and improve my body yet and I still miss the spark of motivation to work, and it's something I wish to find again. I'm still socially awkward, but that's something I have to work with now. I won't say my parents didn't take good care of me. They lodged me, fed me and bought me toys and games. But I realize now that this kind of treatment should be expected, even if I'm thankful for it. What I missed was having a connection with my parents, a connection I couldn't have since my mother would mostly think about her work even during her free time, and whenever she showed interest in what I did in my own free time, my father was quick to shut me up and shame me for liking things he didn't want me to like. Even despite being content being by myself for a long time, the breakdown I had made me realize I missed having a deep connection to a real person, until I was able to make that real later in life. I'm glad to be out of my parents' toxicity, and I hope that I'll be able to build a future for myself one day. Don't give up. Your brain is your own worst enemy. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. You have your own life, your set of parameters, and each of us has our own. If something outside of your control affects you and you're unable to do anything about it, that is not your fault. I believe in you.
Too bad i didnt hv the luck to meet online friends that live in my town. Life do whateva it takes to make u commit suicide at times...and to think there's ppl outside there who deserve nothing.. God, it makes me so angry
I’m just wired differently I guess. I don’t really get lonely, but I do start getting a high level of anxiety the longer I’m around people without getting any time to myself.
It's OK that's normal, you're an Introvert. We can't be around people too long it's draining. You can either slowly get better about it and find your limit. Or accept the limit you have. It can even depend on the people you are around. I had friends who were very understanding of the Introverted people in our group so we could be comfortable for hours. 😊
7:20 I'm in this situation. A nonstop feeling of disconnect with others and the inability to feel like i can talk to someone. I used to feel that my being alone was my own choice. But eventually i started feeling that i had a disconnect with people, i couldn't communicate even if i wanted to. The mention of third spaces makes it worse imo. I go to concerts frequently and attend events. But the issue is people usually go with group of friends and thus i feel like the odd person for going alone and increases my anxiety. To cope with the anxiety and keep my mind from wondering i usually listen to music but that only further isolates myself from others.
Im blessed with a friend group that has been together for over a decade now, ive personally known a few of them for basically my whole life and can confidently say ive never been truly lonely.
Re: the girl breaking down saying she doesn't know how to make friends. I completely empathize and relate to her. A couple of years ago, I had a similar breakdown where I just realized I was SO lonely, and it was affecting my mental health...I felt so sad and scared for myself and realized how many dark thoughts I was having during that time due to the stress of feeling alone. I'm in my early 30's and I don't have social anxiety, but I don't really like the typical "going out" and during the pandemic, I did my best to avoid going out as much as possible. It just became a habit that fed into itself. I realized that other than my partner, I didn't have any close friends who I could really confide in, that I could support and gain support from, and in turn that I didn't really know how to make friendships with people. In gaming, sure I had many associates I'd met through mmo's, but everyone had their friend groups and didn't seem interested in investing the time into developing anything new. I would say that now, I create more opportunities for myself to meet people, and I try to be more open with people and put myself out there more. I'm hoping that the reciprocal nature of relationships makes making friends easier for me. But damn, it feels like the culture now is so geared towards surface level relationships and that hardly anyone wants to make those connections even though I know so many people are lonely as well.
I'm the same, I'm not really social awkward or have anxiety, but at the same time, I've recently within the past year since the start of 2023 began approaching and talking to more people, but so far out of the 500+ people I'd say I've approached so far, nothing has come of it. Most people don't want to interact, the way people make friends has completely changed in my opinion, if you didn't go to school, college/university, or work with someone, they don't want to know you
Social anxiety is a bitch but it can be beat. I am living proof. I got sick of it in my late teens. I forced myself to look people in the eye when we spoke. I put myself in uncomfortable situations on purpose. I realized things about myself and began to understand why I was the way I was. That was HUGE! I started thinking about how I was mostly raised around women and I am actually comfortable around them. This for example gave me just enough confidence I needed to go get out there and be less shy and more out going with girls. Try practicing with family or close friends. Get out of your comfort zone with them. Practice with speaking and learning to make small talk or learning to empathize with people all will help. Meditation has also been a game changer. I was like 19 when I decided to buck up and I am now 35 with no issues communicating anywhere. I can feel that mother f'n anxiety linger there but I have had the skill to supress it for years now. It gets better if you can find things that work for you. Please trust me. Good luck yo
I am 24 and I have a mild case of Autism and ADHD(most people don't notice unless I tell them). And like I have no fucking clue how to make friends as an adult lmao, like I am a gamer and nerd, I don't drink alcohol and I hate going to clubs/loud music. I still have some friends from school, but we mostly just meet online due to living 4 hours apart. Since I am an introvert it definitely doesn't make me depressed, but it sure as hell makes me feel empty to some degree knowing I am missing out on a lot of shit.
Exactly! He has thousands of people that are waiting to listen and interact with him everyday. He can invite as many people to his house or to hangout and they would show.If he was a normal dude working a 9-5 he would realize that's his friends have kids now and his old man is the only person he could hangout
No i don't think so. Of course i Stream too. But most of time i alone too. I stream alone i live alone but i don't feel loneliness. I'm Happy to be alone. I got my budgies. And i got 1 friend and my family its enough. I was always alone. Thats okay i can Zack fully understand here. I was alone before Smartphones 😄
It’s easy to assume that, but I’d say he probably knows himself more than you know him. I also prefer spending time alone and I don’t stream, so it may not be as big a variable as you think. Be careful not to discredit people’s opinions.
That’s enough for him. And that’s okay. But that’s not enough for a lot of people, and that’s the truth. Since he’s not a very social person, little social interaction is enough for him to not feel alone. But for other people who are more social (and maybe can’t be social due to other factors, such as anxiety, shyness, lack of assertiveness or confidence, etc) it’s really painful because they need more. And that’s also valid, but you won’t achieve happiness following Asmon’s advice if you aren’t like him already. If you need more, you should lose that fear and go out and reach out, because following Asmon’s path will only lead you to more loneliness. Most humans NEED each other, and the fact that solitary people like Asmon exist is just a side of humans. Other humans want and need other humans for emotional support, in fact is the majority. Solitary people aren’t that common (true solitary like hermits) if you are alone or feel alone you aren’t really solitary, you just happen to be in isolation due to other factors, as mentioned before.
“Loneliness can be as deadly as cigarettes.” The thing with these statistics is that it assume causation, whereas it can be explained without. The kind of person who doesn’t have any friends and is unsatisfied with it are the same kinds of people who stay inside all day overeating and smoking. Loner behaviors are almost always unhealthy, and so being alone is correlated with increased death.
I've been bouncing between you and Josh Strife for weeks now, he brought up "quit moments" in game design in one of his videos, and how they prevent people ever getting into your game, and then i watch this and its just starting to seem that there are more of those moments in the development of connections between people irl then ever before and its just burning people out on other people even if it really isn't that harsh.
Asmon makes a good point, used to be that you could be friends with people with whom you occasionally passionately disagreed with. Doesn't seem as common now and it's easier to just cancel people when they disagree with you
So fkn true. Had a friend i argued with almost daily for 6 years, always disagreeing on something but still spending time together be it videogames or a trip to find some chthonic wood working instrument. Then he hanged himself because of family and college related stuff, now i'm just sitting there alone most of the time, still have some other friends but i spend at most 5% of the time with them compared to what i spent with him.
I went through my teens and beginning of my 20s with the I need friends mindset, but then when I hit 25 I realized that there is a peace in being alone. No drama from others. I think it is definitely possible to thrive in being alone and not succumb to loneliness. Of course this is just my opinion.
For me, I really need moments to myself. It's draining for me when I go so long interacting and socialiszing with people. The times I'm alone or by myself, I use that time to recharge and process everything. It's a balance between socializing and taking time for yourself.
When you're hanging out with a group that is your friend's friends and none of the people in that group has 0 common interests with you that is the best example being lonely while not being alone.
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." Robin Williams
Previous generations had: Churches Real life social events, arcades, roller rinks, etc. Forced offline interaction. No flaunting of people's lives on social media. Even nerds used to have lan parties, meet ups and things like that. I remember people waiting at gamestops excited at preorder of new games, those lines no longer exist since these games are all online now.
and still do. if you look for it you'll find it. arcades still exist although very different from what they were and people still go there. every time i go to a hobby store on weekends it's packed with people playing warhammer and other table top games. i see a lot group activities in sites like meetup for pub quizzes or dancing meet ups, some of them every week. occasionally i just show up to one of those with a friend or two just to experience something different. it's easier to engage with people when you go to a place where everyone has one thing in common. pub quizzes are a great place, everyone's there for the same thing. most likely you'll get put together in a team with strangers. or you can simply ask if you can join their group. the trick is to search for something that suits you and that it's somewhat regular, like once or twice a week, or every two weeks. you'll meet new people and eventually you'll start to see always the same people and gradually get to know each other
If nobody else will mention it, I guess I will. Feminism. Feminism promised men that their lot in life wouldn't matter, it's okay if they're no longer the breadwinner, women will love them for their souls. That was a boldfaced lie.
That wasn't love to begin with...... Ijs... Love is more "unconditional".... selfless.. give & take / compromise. Anything else -- it is not love. Lack of income is irrelevant.. except when it comes to greed. (Lazy, unwilling to do anything, etc.. -- that's a different story) Ijs
@@tomogburn2462I don't think feminism is the cause of loneliness or the reason men struggle on dating apps. But he is partially right: the promose for men was always that in an equal society women would not care about how much money we make, or how masculine we are, and that we would be judged by our personalities. The pressures put on men were supposed to go down. Our society is more equal than ever before in the history of humanity. Women even have advantages in some fields. Now it's not just about money, but also about looks, ridiculously high expectations for your mental well being, social skills, fashion sense, and also pressures to be masculine, while not having any negative traits associated with masculinity like being emotionally stunted. I mean, this promise was clearly a lie. Yet I still see women make the argument that if we take care of their issues and make society more equal, that somehow our issues are fixed automatically. We just need to be quiet, not talk about anything we go through, and someday evil patriarchy is vanished and we are all free. This equation doesn't add up, because women are never pressured to reflect their share of holding up gender roles. How is this an incel believe? What does that word even matter? It's the reality and we should be able to talk about it.
There was a time when i didn’t know how to make friends and never really had any. One day I became self aware of the loneliness associated with not really having any friends and decided I was over it. I just literally started talking to folks. I’m naturally an awkward person and that really got in the way at first but after some time some accepted that awkwardness and some even appreciated it and found it funny. All of a sudden I had some buddies and later close friends. It was difficult at first but only because I didn’t u sweat and that really everyone wants contact with people and I wasn’t special in that way. I realized that I was the only thing holding me back. Once that clicked with me, it was never a problem again.
I feel like making friends gets harder as you grow older. Back in school and college it kinda happened naturally. Then everyone moves apart, gets married, has kids, has a bunch of other priorities and you have to be content with a biannual plan for hanging out. While the new people you meet often already have an established social circle and are so to say not "dependant" on being with you. If you don't have a family or a partner that can be quite challenging.
Being alone is great when you have the opportunity to just contact a friend to hang out when you feel like it, but once you lose that ability that is when the loneliness really kicks in. I have never had many friends, and I now have only one left. This friend however has had health issues for the last 8 years, and it has become extremely difficult to meet up with him since. Ever since that has happened is when I started feeling lonely. I am still actively trying to make friends, and I have had small successes here and there, but they never stick. Its tough out there.
Probably most people who say they love being alone in reality have plenty of social opportunities that they simply choose not to engage with. True loneliness is lack of opportunities. For example, health issues preventing you from going out regularly, or lack of community events, lack of money.
@thetrashcanman7537 I was about to write a long form, well thought out response , but I think your quick, short response is probably the only thing this person would understand. You summed up about everything I wanted to say in just a few words.
the worst thing about being lonely is the longer you suffer from it the harder it becomes to change it, until eventually theres a time where you no longer exist to the world. Make sure to build friendships and relationships, it's the most important thing in life
Honestly in all my self reflection I believe what made me this socially awkward was that my self awareness early developed very early in my life. I didn't wanna be perceived as a cry baby and shy which made me isolate myself very early on in life. On the other hand some points in my life were I let loose and didn't worry about it was the most friends I had ever, just joking around acting like a goofball really helped. Well this spiralled in to this inability to to converse which just got worse with the pandemic. It also feels much worse when you have a friends you hang out with where you know you aren't their main friend.
The reason to me is simply because the people I meet seem less and less likely to share similar values as I get older. I'm into computers/games/space/other thought-provoking things, and 99% of the people I meet today are into fishing, football, the beach, kayaking, etc., aka normies. I keep telling myself, if I have these interests, surely there are others like me, doing the same things, living the same kind of life I am. But I never see them. It's like a mini version of the Fermi paradox. I don't understand it and it's incredibly lonely.
I remember this influencer with a STEM background making friends with another similar influencer. They hit it off and decided to hang out. She opened up to her and the other secretly recorded her and put up their entire conversation on the internet for the validation from fans. She told the other to take it down but she was like nah, this is good a conversation. Her privacy was violated and they stopped hanging out. I feel this way around my cousins now. We grew up without any devices but these days when we hang out, they start recording anything that's remotely interesting about our interactions. It's not fun anymore. I stopped hanging out with them and they often ask why I stopped.
im someone who records alot I guess but, obviously I don't record personal things, but I do it to keep memories. the brain can only remember so much. Its nice to look back especially when loved ones pass away, their essence and life is kept forever you know? i have a lot of videos of my friends and I hanging out dancing in the rain, and later that year they died unexpectedly at 18. I keep those memories not just for me, but to those who never had anything of that person. I don't go out anymore and I spend my college life by myself and online only, but I cherish those memories. I don't know if your cousins record stuff just to keep memories like I do. but maybe its just something they do to look back on.
i get so angry when i see people on tiktok & twitter posting private screenshots, personal convos, etc. b/c clearly the other person/people didn't give permission! why have we normalized getting rid of privacy for the sake of internet clout?
Like the video said loneliness is a mental state, you can be around others and feel lonely. I don't really know how it feels entirely personally because I don't really care much for interacting with others. If people are there then I'll also be there as well it's only common courtesy but feeling alone has never really registered as a thing to me. Hope this kind of explains what Asmongold might also be feeling towards this issue as well because I don't really fully understand the complexity of the condition on people individually.
I was lonely for a few years but in the end I made a friend of loneliness. It never let me down and I really got to know myself. I like myself. Loneliness made me stronger than I could ever believe. I think it's improved my life
I used to enjoy being alone alot, never felt lonely. Then I met a certain someone. Someone really special. Before losing them again And since then I feel lonely all the time. Meaning, for me, loneliness boils down to a desire. The desire for a deeper connection to someone
For me, like many others, have lost so many friends over the years because online friendships are so fragile and also built on nothing substantial. I used to be the one to try my best to keep the friendship going but around 2016, I noticed things starting to shift. People became less open to wanting to talk to strangers on the internet on places like Discord which was quite new at that time. As the years went on, I stopped trying to be the one holding friendships together. I put less and less effort into friendships that eventually, I lost most friends. The thing is, there's so many others who experienced this same thing. Even though it's unfair on us, it's a lot of our fault why everyone is feeling lonely nowadays. I feel extremely lonely quite often to a dangerous degree. I just don't have the energy to try with friendships any more and it's the same with many others too. Someone like me could be great friends with me but we don't want to try anymore, resulting in many potential good friendships never happening. Also people are a lot more selfish today, including me :/
3:19 I'm inclined to agree with you... cause (weird admission dont judge) I used to be an addict. During which I was always around a lot of people and had a lot of "friends" so I was basically never alone for more than maybe an hour in a day. But when I finally got clean (been like 7 years ago) I felt more lonely than I had ever felt before. My marriage had been over already. I split up with my girlfriend and stopped talking to all my "friends" cause I couldn't be around them and stay sober... all of which made me feel extremely lonely. Cause I delt lime I was missing out on being around other people... even though I was around other people... it wasn't the people or women I was used to being around. I felt like I was missing out on life cause I wasn't out hanging out with friends. Looking back on it now I realize how much better it was that I wasn't and now I don't feel lonely often at all... but at the time I really thought I was about to die of loneliness all cause I wasn't around other people and wasn't high and wasn't trying to get girls all the time. Anyway I feel like I've shared more about my personal life than I probably ever should... but that statement just kinda clicked for me and I wanted to give a good example of what you were saying in action so to speak I never had a problem with making friends tbh. But 95% of that comes with social and communication skills. If you can communicate easily with others and you have a decent understanding of how to be social and not come off as weird
I have ALWAYS been a loner, even as a child. I got one true, good friend IRL for life, some online people i talk to every now and then and that's all i need. However growing older i really miss my family more and more. Looking through my grandmother's family albums you see that families really stuck together in her time. They'd all eat together, work together, play boardgames etc. together. It makes me nostalgic for a time i never got to experience.
Because no matter how introverted someone is, a critical element of the human condition is personal social interaction, and a huge amount of that mental and emotional support came from the nuclear family. Back then, in the case of men's mental health problems, sure the man had to be strong outside the home, but back home the man could let down his walls and have a family to just open up to and cry if he needed it. The same went for women who pushed to enter classically male work fields and found success, or rose to be a leader in some area, they had to put on a mask of emotional stability and stoicism and be a pillar of support in the workplace, and they'd come home to a family that supports them and lets them unwind. These days, especially after the lockdowns, people can't unwind or open up because we've been forcefully separated from each other for long enough that its hard to reconnect, and worse is how the babies and toddlers born in that time will turn out having been unable to see their parents' faces in that early time where they should've been imprinting their parents' faces into their memories, I shudder to think how it will affect their neurological development since its a largely unstudied sub-field of neurology. But anyways, I also get very nostalgic about times before I was born, because I can see how happy my mom and dad were with their families and I just don't see the same closeness in my own family pictures, and that happiness is also there in my grandparents' family photos. Where did it all go, after the 1970s? Why did the nuclear family begin to fall apart? Was it the Free Love movement that ironically made everyone have less love to give to everyone else? What in the Sam Hell happened to our world?
Honestly, I think that if humanity wants to actually solve this problem, we need to ban/delete all social media. If the only benefit you can name is "the economy", then it's not doing any actual good. It's actually crazy how dystopian this stuff is. I feel so bad for future generations. They don't even have a chance.
I dont know if social media needs to go entirely, cause I think its ultimately filling the void of a community long gone. One thing off the top of my head is to find a way to get involved in community easier. I grew up in a religious household, and I found that the one thing I actually miss about church after leaving is the sense of community that came with it. Activities were planned, service was done for our neighbors, etc. With religion just not being as popular as a thing, I kinda wish we had some level of community on that level that didn't have to be church.
The internet is full of attractive things so if you want to spend time on some entertainment you just need a pc or phone. Decades ago the best thing to do was hanging out with friends
It just takes a few bad interactions with people to make some realize they just hate people. We took evolution from Darwin's hand with technology and now we have a huge amount of weak people. Blaming social media is a cop out, social media prays on the weak and we have no shortage of the weak.
"There are circumstances pushing people away from the real world" yeah, it's called the internet/social media. You are saying that the very thing that is causing the problem is also the solution. Also, I'm baffled that you think people are "becoming more independent" as a result of social media. People were more independent back during the stone age then they are now. In fact, the internet makes people significantly less independent since that's where everyone else is and where everything happens now. Feeling like you have to be connected is not independence. Saying that the internet is a viable place for lonely people to escape too is like saying alcohol is good medicine for alcoholics. @@Shizlgizl
I get intimately lonely or worried about not having appropriate friends who are loyal to me at times. Yet usually I enjoy my life with the people I know.
looking back on times when i had more friends than i could count (not bragging at all, i have far less now that im older with a 9-5, et.c). a large component of what made that seemingly effortless to me was being involved in things i enjoyed. eg: playing on a sports team, joining a club/fraternity/etc., doing something that gives you a regular struggle and commonality with others. Meeting up just to meet up ive found is harder to establish a true connection because it's based in far less than before. TL;DR: go out and get involved in something positive, you will meet people there
Too hard to start a conversation with strangers of your same age. Either they never leave their homes without their friend group and shut themselves off alone or perpetually on social media.
Yep. People "socialize" in impenetrable cliques. You have to have known people since childhood. The only way to break in is to be exceptionally outgoing and have some circumstantial reason to. The normal average guy is shunned as an outcast simply for not being part of a clique.
Well written and concise summary of the problem our modern society is facing. I've foreseen this at the advent of social media, but actually living through it is more painful than I thought it'd be.
@@cobain2261 Yep, I've only got 2 friends, and one of them who went of to uni made a bunch of "friends" and he's never been more lonely, he's told me on many occasions how they were pretty much only friends because they lived in the same dorm, that after uni most of them went back to their original cliques, and their level of friendship is surface level at best, even when they were at uni, if they went out as a group, it would quickly disperse as people would go to there friends from other dorms and he'd be left by himself. I met this guy at college (college and Uni are different things in the UK) and I started college with a group of 5 friends and made an effort to invite him into our group and introduce him to my friends, which I feel people don't do anymore, people have separate categories of friends; Work Friends, School Friends, Hobby friends, when really you should try to introduce as many people to each other as possible so that you don't end up having to choose between either group
I think it's because back in the day you were alone so you got used to it, we always have a way to talk to everyone now, the way I see it is that being alone was moved up from "'being near no one and being unable to talk to anyone" to "I have no people I can hangout with weekly" or something of that sort. It's not a bad thing for the goal point to move but it results in a lot more lonely people
I'm the same with Asmongold in regards to being alone. I'm completely fine being alone and being with people draining. I'm married with young kids so it's incredibly challenging not having lot more alone time. However, I still want a family so just need to pay the price for now. I should get more autonomy and free time as kids get older looking at other older dads. Gotta pay the price for the things you find valuable.
Yo Imma be honest 44:00 I'm 5'2" and I'm with an actual baddie so. I am not even going to say fuck that copium shit because it IS hard. you got to spec your character in everything else. And even when you fail at it, some people still are okay with that
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
I was always OK with being lonely and like Asmon would prefer to be by myself. As I get older though, what I've realized is that I was always comfortable with being alone because I *knew* I had friends that I could hang out with if I felt like being social. Now I'm 37, have moved from my home town, don't know many people, and I'm less comfortable with the loneliness.
It's one thing when you choose it, and another when it's the only real choice.
Yeah but as you said although you prefer to be alone you still had friends you can hang with
Today they normalize having no friends since you know
ADHD Depression idk what else introverted personality ig
Did you even hear the words ADHD and Introverted extroverted bullshit back in 2010? No
Anyway my point is today’s generation normalize these things like they normalize obesity and if you dare say anything against them you finna regret it the same as if you were to be a real racist they put it on the same level
Yeah, I am in that situation. 35 now. Trying to stop drinking. It's really screwed me up.
EDIT: ASS MONG OLD SUCKS. HIS MODS ARE DEGENS TOO.
I agree a lot w ur final statement.
I'm 28 now, but 2 years ago I moved from Europe to The US all on my own, knowing absolutely no one. I thought I'd be fine w making new friends (or just coping w the loneliness), but it was harder than predicted and I've moved back to my friends and family now.
It does indeed suck when you don't even have the Option to physically interact w others
@@crilleedara is it harder to make friends in the US? I am from Germany, 42 years old. I am so fed up of the society here, think about leaving and thought the US people are more socialising outside and more open to new people but holiday and living/working at a place is not the same.
@@PopLock2481there are better places to move to, Philippines, Brazil, or here Czech rep, Hungary, Poland..
I don't think Asmon fully acknowledges how "not alone" he truly is though. He actually has quite a few real life friends, friends he's gamed with his whole life, childhood friends he still talks to, his dad, a streamer group that he does podcasts and other activities with. Despite being this embodiment of a gamer troll living in his mom's basement, the dude still has a pretty healthy social life. He has the freedom to say "I want to stay at home all day today" because the other option of going out and seeing some friends is there whenever he wants it.
I see way too many people nowadays confusing "introverted" with "solitary" or "isolated". Introverts and Extroverts are both equally dependent on social interaction to maintain a healthy mind, the difference is all in the way they express themselves, the frequency in which they hang out with others, the type of activities and environments they like to be in, things like that.
Being alone is just being alone, and it takes a toll on human beings and any other social animal when you're in that state for too long.
Well said, although I don’t think he should be discredited entirely. He hasn’t been a popular streamer forever, I don’t know if he’s always had accessible friends.
Rich people get lonely, poor people get lonely, popular people get lonely, isolated people get lonely. Everyone gets lonely, but like you said, loneliness is a scale and some people are ok with more of it than others based upon their social personality traits.
I agree that he probably has a normal social life and won't understand someone who has no friends or anyone to talk to at all. But it was the same before the internet, even more so. If you were lonely in the 90s, you just killed yourself and no one even knew you existed. Now everyone is talking about this online, hence the loneliness epidemic.
Very well said.
This was my take immediately as well -
Asmon has many communities, constant interaction, RL friends that live close, etc.
Honest human take but I think his perspective is a little off for sure.
Love you Asmon ❤
Most college dropout influencers like asmon here think that it makes perfect sense to say a kid can't consent to getting a tattoo but it's fine for them to consent to genital mutilation. They also can't figure out dental care to the point that their teeth start falling out
Robin Williams was quoted before he killed himself.
People think being alone is the worst, it's not. It's being surrounded by people that make you feel alone.
This is painfully true. I was surrounded by ppl who made me feel brutally alone for the majority of 2022. Probably the loneliest, worst period in my entire life.
That's a good point. It's like most people don't want to be poor but you have to admit that 20% people on earth possess majority resources ＆ money. Capitalism forces you to be poor.
Real, being alone is nice and dandy until you hear a group of fellas started laughing and do dumb shit, then it fucking hits you
@@ReikiMaulana After moving abroad and knowing no one, my very extrovert and attractive female co-worker Daily reminded me of how she was so popular it was hard just holding ppl back. I was okayy w the loneliness, but the frequent reminder of it was wat exhausted me.
Yeah, I ONLY feel alone when I'm surrounded by other people who kind of just don't see me. Have sat in my apartment for weeks, literally never even stepping outside my door, and I haven't felt alone. Go to the club with that one annoying friend (who is really less my friend than I am hers), though? Misery. I'm thankful for those sorts of experiences, though, because otherwise I would have no experiential frame of reference to help me empathise with the huge amount of people who do suffer from loneliness.
People don't converse in public because there is no longer a common culture. Small towns where it's still one culture, people can connect easily.
true
Not true, people just don’t look for commonalities
@@xsnipersgox people don't look for commonalities because the culture is no longer common 🤔
@@xsnipersgoxme and Tyrone Antoine jeermarcus dont have a ton of similarities
@@Loooeeeeeee3674You would be surprised. If you ever had some sort of cancer or disorder go to a support group. Go to an Alcoholics Anonymous. You don’t have to prove you are a drunk. Either way sometimes it’s the disease that brings people together but you would be surprised how many commonalities a suburban white guy has with an inner city black chick. If only a sense of humor or some other odd interest. People think they are so different and special but they really aren’t. Most people are on the center of the bell curve for almost everything. Listening to Taylor Swift, Kendrick Lamar, or sea shanties in the end all follow verse chorus verse and similar structures. Just because someone likes Australian stoner rock over Taylor Swift means very little.
"Not a single close friend" is a common complaint I hear especially from extroverts, but i've noticed the issue with extroverts is many don't know how to act as a close friend despite making friends easily.
Most people know how to fake being a close friend whoch creates loneliness.
@@JAYg33t4rThat's because people don't know how to like be real with people and in order to have a close friend you got to be real with them.
You got to be willing to lose an acquaintant in order to share the stuff that is necessary to become a close friend.
It's the acceptance of yourself in your weakest moments that upgrade someone from acquaintance or somewhat friend to close friend.
You are close friends with people that know what kind of p*** you like.
Yeah I think one of the differences between Introverts and Extroverts is that what extroverts call friends we(the introverts) would probably call an Acquaintance and our actual friends we treat like what extroverts would treat close friends. Like I have "friends" at college, but they really are just Acquaintances more than anything tbh.
I can count the actual friends I have on like a single hand, which sounds sad, but I respect the friends that I have a lot more than most extroverts do and I am much more willing to help them in their time of need than you would see an extrovert do.
Now of course not all extroverts or introverts are like this, but it's what I have observed in my 24 years of living on this god forsaken rock.
I don't have any close friends cause I'm moving a lot. I'm not feeling lonely because I'm more real than a lot of people and people suronding me are often naturaly open with me. I think this is a crucial diference, just be yourself, don't be judgemental and talk freely and you'll see people do the same.
This is true I was always cool with everyone in school for the most part I would talk to them but looking back I can't say I ever really had many friends
This is very accurate to me. I will never forget what my therapist told me 10 years ago: "There's a difference between being alone, and making the choice to be alone"
I never made the choice to be alone, I just had to learn and accept the fact that I was. And it was hard, and tiring, and I've been suffering from depression and generalised anxiety disorder because of this for many years. Alot of people may not understand how exhausting it can be, becuase people cannot relate to the difference between choosing, and not having a choice.
True
Find a certificate program and find your way
When I moved to a new country (Japan), I also have this problem of being alone because of circumstances
But in my case I have the option to do something myself and change my situation.
I know our situation might be different, but I hope you can have the option for the change as well.
Asmon just doesn’t get it, and I’m glad he doesn’t experience loneliness. But god damn an hour and a half of him saying how great it is to be completely isolated felt like a guy saying he enjoys closing his eyes because it helps with overstimulation to a blind guy.
The only reason I can watch his reactions is because many times, he will admit that he "doesn't get it" and can only respond based on what he personally knows or feels. I never feel that he comes off like, "That feeling is stupid because I have never felt that."
Hes not isolated... hes full of it.
He REALLY just doesn't get it though. at 9:50 he makes an insanely reductive statement about how he thinks people choose to be disconnected. It's so far off the mark I nearly stopped watching. @@justifiedkill7766
I understand the viewpoint but we are intentionally watching his reaction to the video and he is being honest about how it applies to him. I do t see how we can be mad about that. As long as he acknowledges that not everyone is the same, which he did
@@Zzsnake217 Someone with millions of fans can't be isolated, unless they're Enya.
For me loneliest stems from feeling like I don't belong anywhere. I didn't really learn how to socialize until I started working at 18. Before then I'd go to school then immediately go home and play video games. I have plenty of friends and a lot of people have told me they enjoy my company but in group settings I always feel like I'm the odd one out
You definitely belong.
@@phvntom__ it's something I've been slowly convincing myself. Learning how to cook and going to the gym have helped a lot.
Who cares if you belong or not, once you feel comfortable with yourself in your solitude, you’ll fit anywhere. It’s like that saying "home is wherever I go" you won’t look for that social approval of you being good enough anymore. You just won’t care and you’ll feel comfortable anywhere
That's the problem - if you rely on outside sources for validation, you become vulnerable.
I Gonna see with i can begin working next year
I can still remember the neighbourhood BBQ we had when I was about 6 years old. My father had temporarily removed a section of our fence that divided our yard with the neighbours so that more people could fit and freely move around between houses without having to go inside. We had a roast pig and shaved ice with tons of different syrups to pour on top. Fast forward to today. I have lived in the same house for 12 years and have never even had conversations with the majority of the people who live on my street.
Make BBQING great again
Moved into a new neighborhood 2 years ago. I've got chickens so I gave eggs to all my neighbors and it's an old neighborhood so they are all retired boomers and we just had everyone over to meet me and my wife's first baby and they all brought homemade gifts with quilts and knitted goods. We do a huge 4th of July BBQ every year and it draws most of our neighbors. You just need to be the one to break the ice. Make pies and go introduce yourself you sperg
@@lobotomite9767man this comment was so wholesome and helpful and then you had to go throw the nasty unnecessary insult at the end? What a shame
@@tclfan0180 it's a good-natured jab. Never had one before? Me and my friends have always given each other shit in a constructive way. If you don't understand the concept that's fine. Besides sperg is in no way a serious insult
@@lobotomite9767only boomers would appreciate the company of someone like a neighbor. At the very least older people appreciate it more while younger people just find it to be a waste of time (for lack of a better word) if it's not feeding constant dopamine it's a nuisance
"loneliness can be as harmful as smoke 15 cigs a day"
I do both.
hold by beer
I empathize with the girl crying about being unable to make friends. I'm the same age as Asmon, and I don't have any friends left in my state. I've tried going to meetups and everyone just shows up once or twice then never again. Tried bumble bff, everyone just wanted a texting buddy or would hang out with me once, be like 'wow this was so much fun!", then never hang out with me again. And it's not like I'm some ugly socially awkward girl, I'm normal looking and shower daily, wear clean clothes, employed, etc. Making friends feels impossible and since I'm a extrovert, it's led to me having depression.
Well I hope your doing ok >.< I can relate at times lol
Yea. This is exactly why I hate the people that say "lol just go outside" If it were that simple we wouldnt be having this problem lol. People in general are more standoffish and off in their own worlds even at social gatherings, clubs, etc. I went to a party fairly recently and everyone there was just ducked off in different parts of the house on their phones barely socializing with eachother.
@@SolidSnake240 I been going to psychedelic bluegrass festivals, best thing everrrrrr
@@ayemane2828I really wanna hit up some festivals. Only been to a couple and those were some of the best times I've had tbh
I’m like Asmon but my gf is like you and the girl in the video, it’s heart breaking
I'd say a big difficulty with loneliness is that now it feels easier to think about other people on a more complex level to the point where you begin to overthink small interactions because you understand that people can be doing anything for any reason and that idea plants a fear of getting the wrong idea in a social situation
That and that same hyper awareness can lead you to being overly sensitive to your *own* signals you put out during interactions, and trying to be focused on acting a certain way can make you subconsciously avoid interacting with people altogether
This is why I continue to advocate to stop overthinking things and take stuff at face value, but that requires people to communicate themselves and their feelings upfront which most people are too afraid to do because they are afraid of backlash or offending someone. We need to collectively get over those fears and get used to people asking for what they want and communicating how they feel, and that starts with discussing an appropriate way of doing it that we can collectively agree on.
Just get off the internet and actually experience life more and these fears will slowly go away. It's easy now to be a leader because so many people over think social interactions
Bro that's just social anxiety.
@@LordRykard9376yeah just straight up lol
I think the environment that you’re raised in has a huge impact. As someone who has lived in the middle of nowhere my whole life I think it’s just easier to be alone since that’s always been my environment because I only get lonely when I’m surrounded by people who I just don’t connect with
yeah. A majority of the US population grew up in a city, so their personality isn't built to handle being socially isolated.
Or you just like idea of truly being yourself. You don't get to be truly yourself around other people, you have to conform to things, that other people expect of you.
Yup, definitely. It's always about which environment you're born in. I see a lot of ppl disagreeing with asmon don't see the bigger picture. And now, especially with the rise of entertainment, fewer people have the need to go out talk to other ppl.
This is a super interesting take on this. It really shows the variables is psychology, and how cities really affect that.
That’s the irony of loneliness right? Out alone in nature or the countryside, one never really feels lonely. It’s when you’re surrounded by people who do understand you or care about you, that’s when you feel the loneliest.
I’m 25. I have a great job, but I cannot afford a god damn thing. Groceries alone kill a huge chunk of my paychecks. I’m approved for a house up to 200k, which you’d think is awesome, until you realize anything 200k and under is a dilapidated yard shed that needs at least an extra 50k to fix, and realistically I can’t afford anything over 160k. I try to do something, ANYTHING with anyone almost every weekend, but they’re either too busy, not interested, can’t make it, or working or it’s too expensive. It slowly eats away at you until it hurts too much to even ask because you’re so used to people declining. I’m lucky I do have at least a few amazing close friends and an amazing family, I can’t imagine what you guys without that support have to deal with.
I don't have any friends anymore, the only people I am around for an extended period are coworkers. Otherwise I spend my time alone at home with my dog. Before COVID I had a handful of friends, and at least somewhat of a social life, I was still introverted and it wasn't super active but I'd still see friends and do stuff socially maybe once a week or two weeks. Now I don't see anybody, I don't talk to anyone, I just work, sleep, eat, repeat. I sometimes feel lonely, and I know it's not a healthy way to exist but I just don't know what to do about it anymore, and I've kind of convinced myself into believing this is all life has to offer now while I patiently await sweet oblivion.
I honestly started crying when I saw the clip at 45:23
When I was in high school and after in my twenties I couldn't imagine what it must feel like to be lonely. And now I'm sitting here homeless in my car looking at ducks in a park in winter.
And now I wonder what it must feel like now to just hug somebody.
If you happen to be in Central Cali I'll come give ya a hug buddy. Remember when you're at rock bottom the only way to go is up. Hopefully living in your car isn't holding you back from getting a job. Also now that the internet way bigger there are tons of ways to make money online. You can try dropshipping from your phone or even take photos and videos with inspirational quotes. If you need help let me know what I can do.
If you live anywhere near Sacramento please feel free to reach out I can get you a job in the trades asap and get you out of living in your car.
@Lambert-hr7sm I'm about to start electrical in alameda in February. To OP: trades jobs is amazing and won't take long to get money in your pocket. Even if you're in your car they WILL help. They have been there in your situation. Show that determination and I promise you'll surpass most people there. I have faith in you!
Man that really hurts to read. I hope you're doing ok despite your circumstance. If you're in Sweden let me know and i'll come give you a hug mate
Love you man, I don’t know you but I have been where you are. Don’t give up.
After a point you become scared of making friends, making a mental/emotional connection that you know will eventually break is scary. Slowly you stop making new friends, lose older ones and so on
having emotions get you taken advantage of
I feel ya. A lot of people or friends aren’t good friends. If they’re really friends at all. A lot of enemies in disguises to hide their true colors…. Best people I ever got along with we either clashed or didn’t like. Though sometimes those are real friends because they won’t just go along to get along and speak up if they don’t agree. If a simple fight breaks your friendship. Then they were never really your friend.
Well in my case, that doesn't stop me from making friends. The difference is that nowadays i always keep my friendships at arms length. I try to never get too emotionally attached to anyone so should the relationship breaks, it was only casual anyway
@Reaper_T2
i disagree i am 42 and i made a New Really Really good Friendship with a 30 Year old 1 Year ago. When i thought i was to old to connect with people.
Growing up I was always the new kid since I moved so often. 2 elementary's, 3 middle schools, and 3 high schools. A couple of times I was able to make friends for a few years then have to say bye. s
It's just like pain.
Voluntary acceptance of pain is "courage", and it trains us to become stronger.
A forced pain when we are not ready results in "trauma", and it keeps us weak.
People want to choose to be alone, not forced to be one.
Putting that comparison aside, loneliness is something a bit complicated, as being alone makes us wonder "what am I doing wrong?"
This usually ends with conclusion of "I need to hide my true self so that others can accept me better", but this usually backfires completely.
What's really hard is that if you truly want to not feel alone, you need to express yourself truly, and embrace the rejection entirely.
When you are truthful, you will receive a fair acceptance or rejection.
However, the problem is that when you are alone, that one rejection can feel so painful that you do want to avoid it all together.
Only when you have close folks you realize that there are people who are not meant to be together.
A sad reality of "winners win, losers lose".
There is no easy way out of this.
One somehow just needs to be resolute enough to face rejection of their true-self and go out there.
You don't need tons of friend to make you feel not lonely. You only need one.
The moment you get that one true friend, the positive cycle will begin.
My close friend group saved my life, they helped me to parent myself where my parents failed spectacularly. Amen to that.
Asmon has soooo many friends and a dad who loves him. Most people don’t have that. He has a choice to have time to himself. Most people don’t
There is a huge difference between choosing to be alone and being forced to be alone.
It can feel like the difference between choosing to go for a swim, and being tossed in the water.
Being alone is addicting. You isolate yourself from others and find a lot of enjoyment in it. At somepoint you may be at a point where you want to share that peace and that is where I think. Well off loners start to feel lonely.
I've gone full circle, felt alone my whole life, met someone shared my peace, broke up, felt alone again for years, now I feel safe and secure being alone and having actual people to care about makes me anxious.
anything that doesn't require you to use your mental faculties to a higher degree than you're able to, is addictive.
For very few people, i guess.
Ironically, I do this with my girlfriend. Me and her don't really have friends outside our relationship but we love being in each other's company. Sometimes we just enjoy our presence, without being actively talking or engaging
One thing i've noticed about IRL relationships is that all real-life relationships will naturally have problems that you'll have to face and deal with, whether it be drama in friend groups, or family or spouse, or co-workers,etc. But online, if you have an issue with a community, you can literally just leave the community with a click of a button and the problem (seemingly) goes away. I think people appreciate that convenience. They never have to "work-out" the problems that come with building a genuine relationship with someone or growing a community, they can just hang out in an online forum until a problem or disagreement arises, and then just move on to the next one.
There's also no responsibility to check-in or hang out with someone online. In person, if someone makes plans with you, or an event is scheduled in you're community, there's like this implied responsibility that you show up. Not everyone see's it that way, but a lot of people will make an effort to go to a party, or wedding, or get-together if invited. And I think that helps alot in building community and building strong relationships and maybe helps alleviate loneliness. But online, if you host an event on a discord server or have a stream celebrating something and ask people on the internet to come, somehow (at least to me) it feels way less serious. Maybe that makes people online less motivated to show up for things or to engage in online communities to a degree where a real relationship could form, and thus they feel lonelier.
Its just my two cents though, could be way off mark here.
I think you're right. There's a huge difference I've noticed between people my own age (gen x/older millennials) and younger people. The younger ones are much happier just throwing away a friendship if things don't go perfectly, believing they deserve better or don't have to deal with anyone who has baggage. Social media and to a lesser extent, the internet, is teaching people that there is always more choice and they can just keep looking for the perfect "ready-meal" of a relationship, without having to do the hard work. Which is contributing to so many people being lonely. We're creating a society where relationships are becoming disposable and replaceable and those being disposed and replaced are becoming increasingly bitter and cynical. That's the opposite of how humans are meant to work socially. We're tribal and cooperative, we're meant to build strong bonds over our lives because that was the only way our ancestors could survive. So without those strong bonds that come from relationships that overcome adversity, our mental health suffers and the result is what we see in this video.
@@Toxichobbit. Cooperation is necessary only until task is completed.
I think you are on the right track. It’s similar to how people interact online in ways they would never interact in person. I.e. instant toxicity.
I think this is more prominent of a problem than is being discussed. I see it like this: online you can be your complete and full self. You can be as charismatic, annoying, mean or caring at the most extremes which you can't outside of that. So it's easier to be a dick online for example cause not only will you find people who will have your back but if you get pushed out you can just go somewhere else. You can absolutely sperg out online, you can't in real life and I think that people not wanting to regulate their behavior to better assimilate into society are the people with a lot of these issues.
Exactly, just block someone online and move on lol.
Needed this video, I stopped talking to my friends and got wrapped up in my girlfriend's life and her friends, now six years later - we are breaking up and other than my family in a different country, it's just me and my cat this Christmas. I'm 31. Merry Christmas folks!
Enjoy your Christmas with cat, it's not the worst thing out there. You should be able to recover and rebuild your social life, but next time don't be stupid and live someone else's life instead your own. Your career, hobbies, friends and yourself should remain VERY high in priority list. Real women will respect you more if you keep your integrity instead of wrapping up with her life and friends. It was stupid thing to do, but you are relatively young and such mistake is forgivable and fixable.
you're not wrong brother @@GoranStosic85
I know it's a few days late, but hang in there. Life can have some major swings, and it sounds like you're going through one right now. Try to reconnect with friends or family you haven't talked to in a while. I know for me, my friends that i didn't talk to in years were the only thing that kept me sane in a similar situation as yours. and most of all, try to make some new friends too. you got this
Thankfully the nerd community has better openings for finding new friends than most. We have arcades, lans, board game cards, D&D gatherings etc.
You're better off going to one of those events than anything else to give a new tribe IMO, though yeah that first step can feel hard
Huge mistake you'll never repeat again. I did it too. Ex-girlfriend wasn't the one, was very high maintenance just to keep around, I'm glad it's over.
I found a much sweeter smarter woman who doesn't compromise my platonic relationships. When a person is too high maintenance for you to keep your friends around, run. They'll eventually leave you anyways, and you'll have lost your friends with them. Just had this happen last year with my former best friend. He got a girlfriend who he thinks is far too good for him, so he tries much too hard and has become emotionally unavailable for anyone else. They'll end up breaking up, not because she's actually that much better but because desperation/trying too hard never works romantically.
The quality of human contact has deteriorated significantly. I think this is why people feel alone. Im 46 and I feel sorry for the kids now growing up. Growing up in the 80's and 90's we still had non scrupulous bonds with people. It could be that people are scared to be alone because when they arent alone they still feel alone. I cant remember feeling this way 20-30 years ago.
I love how people resort to "those dang phones with those dang internets" as a cause of loneliness. I personally think there's a fallacy there. Sure, the lack of real-life socialisation impacts a lot of people greatly, and teh Internets may enhance it, but only in susceptible individuals. It's more of a rabbithole lonely people can fall down than the sole cause of the problem. It's like saying "video games make people angry". You're missing the bigger picture. If there's anything the Internet has shown me, it's that there's a lot of sad people out there, and I'm pretty sure a lot of them aren't sad _because_ of it. They may not realise it enhances the effect, making a positive feedback loop, but they sure as hell don't go on there if they have a life to begin with. It's not about people "not having a life because they sit in front of their computer", it's the exact opposite. The cause and the consequence are switched here. If you phrase it like that, then it obviously means you don't have a problem with going outside or talking to people. There's basically one step from that statement to "just have friends 4Head", which is a whole issue on its own, I hate when people say stuff this way, it means they can't see a problem with that. I can say from experience that severe social anxiety and self-loathing and all that sort of stuff can be present long before someone goes on social media or starts playing games or whatever. I never had friends or a girlfriend _ever_ in my life, obviously this might be a result of me being a horrible piece of trash human being, but we'll deal with that issue later. I felt miserable way before there were even smartphones, like when I was in elementary school touchscreens weren't a thing, some kids had these immortal ass NOKIA phones and that's about it, and if anything, the eventual mass cellphone craze kinda helped me distract myself from those thoughts, which I am still very much relying on to this day. Sure, it may have dealt some psychological damage in the long run, especially when mobile games started to implement GAMBA and I got massively addicted to spending money on pixels, but thankfully I'm more or less out of that pit for now. What I was trying to say is this: I don't think technology is the problem here, at least, not the primary one.
Loneliness is happening because the options of “keeping busy” solo has exponentially expanded.
Entertainment moved from being outside to technology, technology went from local LAN setups to online multiplayer, movies at a cinema turned to streaming, and the lack to go out and do the things that still remain outdoor activities due to a platitude of reasons, has all culminated in a dispersed social environment.
Social media made it easy to meet people but not make friends. You don’t like the way they talk, delete, while before if you wanted enough people in the game you just dealt with it and they became good friends once you got to know them. Short term friendships.
We are doing it to overselves. Im playing board games with my friends, going outside. I dont feel lonely.
When im doing alright, i enjoy being alone where i can focus on my hobbies and improving myself. Its when something bad happens that i feel very lonely. I think a lot of people are having a hard time finding meaningful connections in their life. We are surrounded by each other in person and online, yet how many people do you speak honestly to and form real connections with. The internet might have made some completely stay inside but this is a problem bigger than just technology making people not wanna go outside. It feels like we lost the ability to connect, which i guess could be the internets fault.
I think you're totally right. There probably isn't one answer to why it's so hard to have meaningful connections now, but a lot of reasons that compound.
I try and check in with everyone I spend time with when I can. Even if it's just asking someone how life has been, but it's up to that person to open up or not.
I think the Internet has led people to think they have to put up a persona of their best self even when they aren't doing ok, and it leads to a lot of inauthenticity and shallow relationships.
Id say 90% of the friends have been friends only because the interactions were convenient. For example the neiborhood kids' i played with the kids in my class' and now work friends. Some of them became more aka i stayed in contact with them after they left the job or graduation. I've got no issues talking to people as a works a retail job but as a gamer outside of work its really just direct family i talk to.
I mean, that's how you make friends, you get to know the people around you, because they are around you, and a few of them you really enjoy interacting with, and when they really enjoy interacting with you too, you spend more time with them than others, and you get to know them better.
At somepoint that turns from acquaintances to friends.
For real, most of my friends i have now were school friends, we're friends only because we went to the same school. They aren't into the same things as me so i just go to metal shows alone and befriend randomers while i wait til 5am for the first bus back and never see them again
This is another reason, many people just want family and kids and don't care about having friends, maybe 1-2. But people who don't have a family or don't want one, feel lonely in a society where the only way to have a family is through sexual and romantic relationships. You can't live with friends and call it a family for instance and if you do, it is considered a phase you have in your early 20s.
@@Bombay.Badboysuch is the beauty of life
There is a difference in feeling loneliness and wanting to be alone. I love being alone however I do get lonely at times when I am having certain situations in my life.
My bf is extroverted and he tells me all the time, when we hang out with friends you need to be more friendly
I just dont like talking over people so i end up just being quiet..
Asmon you are talking to and being heard by thousands of people daily. You are never alone. Your parasociality levels are out the charts and it satisfies your social needs. Others dont have that.
I'm sure it probably helps, but it's not the same as looking someone in the eyes and breathing the same air as them; there's no replacement for that.
Like he said, he just doesn't feel a strong need for that in the first place.
@@Maelthorn1337he sees his dad regularly and at least hangs out with friends once a week via his podcast. Not to mention interacting with people due to his businesses. A lot of people have much less than that.
@@SpaceTimeDroste I'm not gonna argue with that. I think if those things were taken away from him somehow he'd almost certainly be horribly lonely.
I think a person would either have to be some form of psychotic _or_ well on their way to spiritual enlightenment in order to be comfortable in complete solitude.
Asmon has a real friend group though, he still keeps up with friends that he grew up with, friends he's gamed with his whole life, his dad, etc. etc. He might view it as him "liking being alone more" but the reality is, he wouldn't feel that way if he didn't actually have a healthy social life outside of streaming.
Or even worse they try to be a streamers to build a community to not feel lonely then fail.
So glad I was born an introvert, being in this increasingly isolated society has to be tough for people whose brains are not wired for isolation.
That's positive but also saddening. I think we all should reach out to one another more, but boundaries are necessary. I wish you all the happiness and luck, friend.
Nobody's brains are wired for isolation, that's been well established in the literature.
Introvert doesn't mean you want literally 0 human interaction, it just means that social interaction tires you out rather than invigorates you.
Humans are evolutionarily evolved tribal animals, and isolationism is not in our program.
@@Awful.Productions It’s even sadder when those people have had people in their lives who were the same either far away or in real life and never appreciated it because of feeling lonely still or depressed,Sometimes it’s no one’s fault but being human.
@@kutark I don't get lonely, like ever though. During covid I spent a year alone totally isolated and I felt fine.
Humans are not meant to be alone. We're social animals. If you never feel lonely that's good for you, I guess, but kinda weird, no offence.
Asmon cannot compare himself to people that are really lonely, as he gets a lot of contact and it looks like he has people that care for him, being self-sufficient by choice and being forced to self-sufficiency are two different beasts.
While true that he’s self sufficient by choice, I think it’s ignorant to assume that just because you have people care about you doesn’t mean you can’t be lonely. You can feel lonely in a full room.
Celebrities commit suicide, of which loneliness plays a role, yet they have millions of people who would eagerly have lunch with them at a moments notice.
Don’t discredit people. He wasn’t comparing himself to nullify the issue, he was sharing the experience of his life on earth.
@@JakoMacroI think discrediting is something different, and yes I agree with you that you can be lonely even in a full room, but it didn't look like he was talking about people having friends etc.
and again he cannot compare his situation with those people doesn't mean he cannot have an opinion and isn't right in what he says, my whole point is he is in a much better situation then the people we are talking about here.
Asmon: oh, people can feel that??!!
Basically in every video showing problems of other people.
@@joshanonlineThe thing is he doesn't invalidate the way others feel just because he can't relate. I think that's why I enjoy watching his reactions so much
@@JalenKenobiye like he isn't saying "I don't experience this so it isn't real" he's just saying that he doesn't experience it and that's that
I haven't been out in months because the last time I did, I watched dozens of young 20 somethings just stand in circles on their phones. My group wanted to dance and have a great time. But everyone was zombified, drinking a can of hard seltzer and scrolling through social media. That wasn't what it was like ten years ago when we were their age. My partner and I prefer staying home and playing video games. That's our Fri night.
i has no friends anymore as everyone already busy with life and their "new" family.
my bestfriend already left the earth.
no friend, no job, social anxious problem , and i lived in third world country with its ranked on the top 10 most corrupt politician.
But i still grateful that i'm not giving up
Mental health issues are high, and empathy is low. People who have dont understand those who have not. Thankfully there are still many really great people out there. If youve never experienced lonliness youre a lucky one. Check in with your friends especially at this time of the year. No ones guarenteed tomorrow.
Decente ppl are 1 out of 10. I've never met truly dedicated ppl in almost 33 years... All thinking bout themselves and ready to insult
empathy is a difficult one, at the moment with the economy in tatters people have very low tolerance for people who dont work, especially when the excuse for not working is "bad mental health" theres a lot of people out there who exploit this and its very difficult to work out which people are genuine and which are playing the system so most people just lump them all into the category of playing the system which is why empathy is low. its also kind of an insult to people who worked extrodinarily hard in the past to give you the best life you can have all for you to say "im not going to work today, im having a mental health day". its a difficult one.
To be fair, empathy is a resource like any other. Most people have a lot on their proverbial plates, and extending that emotional resource towards others is often taxing. And fair or not, some have more or less emotional capacity than others.
And let's not pretend "empathy" means shit if all it is is lip service. Anyone can say they feel bad for people who are lonely. Only a hero is willing to put in the time and effort helping a person claw their way out of that horrible state.
I guess my point is, be mindful of the picture you paint of humanity, as often the negatives are far more visible than the positives and neutrals, and this can lead to a warped perspective as well as a depressing one.
Tbh, for the past half of this year, i've actively stopped interacting with my coworkers. As a dishwasher, i'm usually in my area doing mindless work, and nobody really has much reason to talk with me. For the most part at places of employment, especially in restaurants, everyone socializes with the people working directly with them, so for dishwashers, you're usually left out of the conversation, since the cooks are talking with each other as they work, the servers are talking with each other and with the cooks, but the dishperson is usually working by themself in the back.
This sense of disconnect likely plays a part in why the job can feel so overwelming and alone in ways. I usually have to juggle everything incoming, put dishes away so the cooks and servers can reuse them. It can feel a bit disheartening when the only reason anyone talks with you is to ask you to prioritize something, or when theyre shoving things they want you to do in your space. Almost as if you're nothing more than the machine you operate to wash the dishes.
On one particular day, i walked in to my area flooded with dishes, and everyone else was just meandering around, bullshitting with each other and laughing. In my frustration, not wanting to listen to their BS as I slaved away. i put my huge earmuff headphones on, set it to max volume, and worked the entire day just blasting my music. Funnily enough, that was the happiest night i'd had at work in a long time. Drowning out everything else around me and just doing my work coincidentally shut up the feelings of loneliness and frustration in my head. Nobody complained, even though headphones are generally frowned upon in the workplace, so I've switched to using bluetooth earbuds, listening to youtube videos that i dont need to watch to follow along with, or my spotify playlists. Where i used to feel like everyone was working against me at work, my overall mood has improved considerably.
I'd be curious to hear an update on this in a year or two. It doesn't sound sustainable emotionally, especially if you don't have close friends outside work.
What a read, I worked at a restaurant for about 3 months as a cook and absolutely noticed what you mentioned on who interacts with who. The dishwasher guy was in the corner by himself and I was always cooking talking with the 4 other cooks next to me.
Have to say you got your facts straight 😅 Hopefully you're doing something better now.
I've had a personal experience of loneliness that was so profound and it was honestly so stressful. I don't think many people can grasp how it actually feels going through it at the moment.
I was at a bar with some friends for my wedding, the last night of being a free man before the big day. We were talking but when I noticed i was sitting back and letting them talk without me, I had the overwhelming sensation that I didn't belong with these people anymore and if I left without saying anything that they wouldn't notice or care.
It was about almost 2 hours of this and I was so incredibly stressed out and heart broken from the loneliness. I can never truly explain how it felt to other people but man It fucking sucked to go through.
"Last day of being a free man"? That's a really sad way of looking at it. Maybe that had something to do with the experience, even if only by proxy.
Real
Someone has never been to a party full of people and felt completely alone, and it shows ... Some of loneliness is physical isolation but a larger part is a mental health factor where you do not know how to form connections with people who are right there with you, feel like you can't properly express how you think and feel in a way that you can relate to others.
He dis say this in the video...that he doesn't understand cause he never experienced any of this...its still nice to see other people's opinions😂
Lol mental health issues. Start working out and work on your skills to get a better career and then see how you feel. Stop blaming your lack of social abilities on mental health. So much nonsense nowadays . I'm the biggest introvert ever and I don't have a problem with social situations because I'm confident in myself and comfortable in my own skin
From my perspective (an antisocial game addict) People are straight up uncomfortable beeing with each other. We all instinctively fear loneliness. Religion itself had nothing to do with connecting to each other, if anything different beliefs make people more devided. It was the community time religion created. Simply said we spend less time with each other company now than at any other time in human history.
It all feeds into itself. You spend less time around people which results in you being worse and spending time around people which makes you scared to spend time around people or not want to. But I do think religion gave us a shared framework which makes it easier to fit together.
"I like being alone" saids the social media star.
Ye, they're all hypocrites
Expecting him to have some great big understanding for a position he's never been in is a little naive.
probably shouldn’t imply that he hasn’t always felt this way.. yanno even before the “stardom”.
@@RedactedMemo if u suffered before, u know what's like and therefore, u don't shit on other ppl that are in the same condition where u were
@@lucadesanctis563 right. i don’t disagree. i’m saying, maybe he’s never suffered the feeling because he’s genuinely always liked being alone. i’m not a social media star and i’ve always had a general appreciation for my aloneness. sure a few times i wished i had more people, but overall i valued it.
When you're in a busy high street, you generally don't see many people interacting. Where as if you're in the countryside, you see a lot more people idly chatting. I think a large component is small and large community differences.
The irony is that a busy high street there are far more people interacting and chatting all over the place. They are just not being idle while doing so.
I'd disagree, I'm from the countryside in the UK and people here are just as stand-offish and not interested in interacting as they are in the city
Asmongold hitting us with this on Christmas Eve is really making the AI algorithm work hard 🤣
"I try to figure out what fits together rather than what sets me apart, whenever I'm interacting with another person"....Asmongold. This is exactly the answer that would help to bring people together and solve a lot of issues. I have 20 yrs on Zack, yes I'm old and considered a "dad gamer", but have consistently tried to do the same thing my entire life. When enough of us do this very thing, society will benefit in a very profound and positive way. Unfortunately I decided a long time ago, it would be best not to hold my breath.
agreed, I had to WANT to get along with people in order to do so. It feels really good to be able to meet someone and can make them smile or share a piece of understanding/approval. Even something as simple as enjoying their choice of color in their outfit, could even be a stained old sweatshirt that has a goofy character on it you vibe with.
City builds $10,000,000 "third space" for people to hang out
Average person who feels "lonely" goes there
Looks around at all the "normies" and feels bored/disgusted
Sits down in the corner of hangout full of people and posts on phone "I'M SO LONELY"
your channel is dead
I haven't had any friends since high school. Social isolation is terrible, because the deeper you sink into this hole, the harder it becomes to get out of it. It becomes difficult for me even to formulate my thoughts and scary enough to meet other people. No motivation to change, to study, to work, no desire to live. Only apathy and loneliness. Now I’m 24, and after all this years of depression I still don’t have any friends in real life, and it's hard for me even to write smth on the internet, but at least I can be heard here. Asmon simply doesn’t understand what the real loneliness is, when you can't even talk to someone, because you forgot how to do it. He has a 24/7 connection with his audience, he can feel its presence and share his thoughts with thousands of people at any time he wants.
Hello mate I really hope you can strengthen your social skills and improve them
@@helpme-helpyou622 Thanks for your kindness, I really appreciate it
@@helpme-helpyou622 That rarely works anymore, most people you try to talk to or socialise with won't want to interact with you no matter how much you improve these skills as people just see you as a stranger.
What you need to do is join somewhere that acts as pre-vetting, somewhere like work, or a hobby are great because although you're with strangers, you've been pre-vetted by the fact you've joined said club and that means you'll be seeing these people routinely
Hey, it's been 7 months since you posted this. Do you still need friends? I'm going through the same things and also struggle with depression.
Today, people "socialize" in impenetrable cliques. You have to have known people since childhood. The only way to break in is to be exceptionally outgoing and have some circumstantial reason to. The normal average guy is shunned as an outcast simply for not being part of a clique. Once you are seen in that way, you are forever that way.
I been struggling with this my whole life....its like i crave this brotherhood that dosent exist anymore, its the type of thing where i feel like people have mistaken my kindness for weakness 1 to many times and im just burnt out on dealing with people. Iv lived in 6 different states and met more people in my life then i can remember. At the end of the day if some shit went down and i needed to call someone i thought would 100% be there for me, the answer is no one.
Damn i feel you man. I have very few friends,and every time they needed me,i dropped everything and meet them,helped them moving etc. But when i think about it,i dont think they would do the same for me. People are hard to deal with and you never know who is genuine or just use you.
I was used and abused so many times by "friends" growing up I don't trust anyone anymore at this point, they all just want something from you... to use your resources and kindness to benefit themselves.
@@JoshDragRace0688 Brother this is because you are a perfect victim for these things. You need to develop yourself and improve your mental health. This can require a lot of work. However, it is not bad luck if everyone abuses you and takes advantage of you. It's because you attract these people. You know these people acted in ways which are logically inconsistent with the behaviour of a genuine person long before they hurt you. You can and probably did spot that. Understand that. Be kind, but enforce boundaries unapologetically. Develop your social skills. Improve mental health. Develop your skills, become knowledgeable, invest time and effort in yourself. When you do these things you develop resilience and confidence, which causes manipulative people to become uninterested. It also makes it trivial in most cases to spot malicious/abusive actors.
@@domerame5913 Ya I know, I do that now, I have to act not like myself to even exist in this f'd up world full of sociopaths and psychopaths that will abuse the nice person at any moment for their own gain.
The majority anyway.
I can't hardly get a job these days and it's purely due to the fact I don't want a shitty job and there are no avenues for higher pay at the jobs I can get.
I can be in a room with a hundred people i know, and still feel lonely. It's not about having people around you are being social, but more so about feeling like no one truely knows or understands you. That no matter what, the real you and the you you present outwards, will never be able to coexist. It makes you feel a huge disconnect, as if whenever you talk or interact with people, they are never truely talking or interacting with you, but just a shell of who you are expected to be instead.
I hope this helped put some perspective on the feeling for you. I'd love to hear other peoples experience on this.
Structural loneliness is a cause, primarily of social media; it is DESIGNED it simulate real-life socialization, but to a much more extreme extent, optimizing engagement through dopamine and outrage. It happening right now to me watching this video. At the end of the day, ANY amount of social media use is not a replacement for real-life community.
damn, i must feel lonely because of the dopamine im getting from typing this comment out to you...
i didn't know the B.C era of humans had their structural loneliness stemming from primarily social media...
@scottbuck1572, this comment isn't intended for you....
this bozo really thinks he's a genius by acting like SOCIAL MEIDA is the primal cause for all of this 'structural loneliness' - imagine believing that social media is 'just' the primal cause of this
Correct. Social Media is a poison. We'd all be in a better place without it honestly.
Exactly, the more dopamine people receives the worse it is for them, as an example; it is not as special to receive a compliment nowadays like it was before Social media because is way more common so when it comes to flirt or make friends everyone is so used to read such words they feel nothing about it.
Its F+cked up tbh
I had a breakdown about 3 years ago due to an extensive feeling of loneliness myself (currently 30years old). I was a socially awkward kid at school, bullied during college and high school because I was a fat kid and an easy target for bullying. The group of friends I had during primary school went to a different one, and so the only people I could turn to at the time were my parents, and that's where the problem began to worsen.
When I was young, I was already growing depressed and addicted to video games because they were my only way to entertain and express myself in creative ways. My parents had offered me a gaming console back when I was 6, and it was the only entertainment I had apart from watching TV with my parents or doing homework everyday. I had only one friend who was an extrovert, and his friends had a bad opinion of me so they didn't want me to go out with them. In the end, the choice I had was to either force myself to make friends while being a target of bullying, or stay alone and focus on being a diligent student. I took the second.
My mother would work 5 to 6 days every week, 1 weekend every 2 weekends, going out to work at 5am and only coming home between 9 and 10pm, but most of the time I was already in bed by then. I barely had contact with my mother when growing up except for the days she wasn't at work, but even when she was at home she would think about her workplace. As a nurse, she could be called anytime to work in case of emergencies.
My father was dismissive of me until recent years. Every time I'd do a mistake in anything, he would shout at me. He'd beat me or insult me when I talked about the video games I played to my mother. When he'd find me playing video games instead of doing homework, even if I had already done it, he would look at me as if shaming me, and dismiss my existence altogether. I was scared of him. But when I'd bring back good grades in every test, he never congratulated me, it didn't even look like he cared. Twice he wanted to throw out my consoles and games because I was spending more time playing video games than watching boring TV with my parents.
I didn't have any access to the internet until I was 16. Anytime our home had internet connection problems, I had to call the support centers myself, as my father had no patience for it nor cared because in his own words, he wasn't using the internet box, I was.
Video games and consoles were my refuge to everything happening around me.
Fortunately, I had met another group of friends online back in college, playing CoD MW2, and one person in that group quickly became my best friend. We participated in small online tournaments, we'd always play together after school. We kept in touch for 15 years, and I've been able to move out of my parents' home since 2 years ago, after having a complete meltdown on discord with him there. I was desperate at that moment. Ashamed to ask for his help. "But that's what friends do. Don't worry about it.", he said, and he did. Now I live in his appartment, participating to his rent while I look for work and continue to rebuild myself. The group of friends we have here is cemented, willing to help each other anytime.
I've not been able to find motivation to work out and improve my body yet and I still miss the spark of motivation to work, and it's something I wish to find again. I'm still socially awkward, but that's something I have to work with now.
I won't say my parents didn't take good care of me. They lodged me, fed me and bought me toys and games. But I realize now that this kind of treatment should be expected, even if I'm thankful for it. What I missed was having a connection with my parents, a connection I couldn't have since my mother would mostly think about her work even during her free time, and whenever she showed interest in what I did in my own free time, my father was quick to shut me up and shame me for liking things he didn't want me to like.
Even despite being content being by myself for a long time, the breakdown I had made me realize I missed having a deep connection to a real person, until I was able to make that real later in life.
I'm glad to be out of my parents' toxicity, and I hope that I'll be able to build a future for myself one day.
Don't give up. Your brain is your own worst enemy. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. You have your own life, your set of parameters, and each of us has our own.
If something outside of your control affects you and you're unable to do anything about it, that is not your fault.
I believe in you.
Wow, this was inspiring, thank you.
TLDR:
Take the time and read the whole thing. It's truly inspiring, especially if you are feeling lonely.
I'm glad I read the whole thing God bless thanks for sharing. Much love and respect for everything you have been through
Too bad i didnt hv the luck to meet online friends that live in my town. Life do whateva it takes to make u commit suicide at times...and to think there's ppl outside there who deserve nothing.. God, it makes me so angry
woah man, thats sad to hear. I hope the best for you in life, much love and respect for you ;) Keep on rockin
I’m just wired differently I guess. I don’t really get lonely, but I do start getting a high level of anxiety the longer I’m around people without getting any time to myself.
It's OK that's normal, you're an Introvert. We can't be around people too long it's draining. You can either slowly get better about it and find your limit. Or accept the limit you have. It can even depend on the people you are around.
I had friends who were very understanding of the Introverted people in our group so we could be comfortable for hours. 😊
I have the same thing with large groups of people.
Same, dude.
We grew up differently and was taught differently when surrounded by people
7:20
I'm in this situation. A nonstop feeling of disconnect with others and the inability to feel like i can talk to someone.
I used to feel that my being alone was my own choice. But eventually i started feeling that i had a disconnect with people, i couldn't communicate even if i wanted to.
The mention of third spaces makes it worse imo. I go to concerts frequently and attend events. But the issue is people usually go with group of friends and thus i feel like the odd person for going alone and increases my anxiety.
To cope with the anxiety and keep my mind from wondering i usually listen to music but that only further isolates myself from others.
Im blessed with a friend group that has been together for over a decade now, ive personally known a few of them for basically my whole life and can confidently say ive never been truly lonely.
"Men wanna be alone. But we dont wanna be by ourselves" - Patrice O'Neal
Re: the girl breaking down saying she doesn't know how to make friends. I completely empathize and relate to her. A couple of years ago, I had a similar breakdown where I just realized I was SO lonely, and it was affecting my mental health...I felt so sad and scared for myself and realized how many dark thoughts I was having during that time due to the stress of feeling alone. I'm in my early 30's and I don't have social anxiety, but I don't really like the typical "going out" and during the pandemic, I did my best to avoid going out as much as possible. It just became a habit that fed into itself. I realized that other than my partner, I didn't have any close friends who I could really confide in, that I could support and gain support from, and in turn that I didn't really know how to make friendships with people. In gaming, sure I had many associates I'd met through mmo's, but everyone had their friend groups and didn't seem interested in investing the time into developing anything new.
I would say that now, I create more opportunities for myself to meet people, and I try to be more open with people and put myself out there more. I'm hoping that the reciprocal nature of relationships makes making friends easier for me. But damn, it feels like the culture now is so geared towards surface level relationships and that hardly anyone wants to make those connections even though I know so many people are lonely as well.
I'm the same, I'm not really social awkward or have anxiety, but at the same time, I've recently within the past year since the start of 2023 began approaching and talking to more people, but so far out of the 500+ people I'd say I've approached so far, nothing has come of it.
Most people don't want to interact, the way people make friends has completely changed in my opinion, if you didn't go to school, college/university, or work with someone, they don't want to know you
Social anxiety is a bitch but it can be beat. I am living proof. I got sick of it in my late teens. I forced myself to look people in the eye when we spoke. I put myself in uncomfortable situations on purpose. I realized things about myself and began to understand why I was the way I was. That was HUGE! I started thinking about how I was mostly raised around women and I am actually comfortable around them. This for example gave me just enough confidence I needed to go get out there and be less shy and more out going with girls. Try practicing with family or close friends. Get out of your comfort zone with them. Practice with speaking and learning to make small talk or learning to empathize with people all will help. Meditation has also been a game changer. I was like 19 when I decided to buck up and I am now 35 with no issues communicating anywhere. I can feel that mother f'n anxiety linger there but I have had the skill to supress it for years now. It gets better if you can find things that work for you. Please trust me. Good luck yo
“Other than my partner” 😅
Imagine those not having a partner as well...
I am 24 and I have a mild case of Autism and ADHD(most people don't notice unless I tell them). And like I have no fucking clue how to make friends as an adult lmao, like I am a gamer and nerd, I don't drink alcohol and I hate going to clubs/loud music. I still have some friends from school, but we mostly just meet online due to living 4 hours apart. Since I am an introvert it definitely doesn't make me depressed, but it sure as hell makes me feel empty to some degree knowing I am missing out on a lot of shit.
Zach, it's because you stream and interact with us on Twitch. If you were doing things alone without interaction things would be different.
Exactly! He has thousands of people that are waiting to listen and interact with him everyday. He can invite as many people to his house or to hangout and they would show.If he was a normal dude working a 9-5 he would realize that's his friends have kids now and his old man is the only person he could hangout
No i don't think so. Of course i Stream too. But most of time i alone too. I stream alone i live alone but i don't feel loneliness. I'm Happy to be alone. I got my budgies. And i got 1 friend and my family its enough. I was always alone. Thats okay i can Zack fully understand here. I was alone before Smartphones 😄
It’s easy to assume that, but I’d say he probably knows himself more than you know him. I also prefer spending time alone and I don’t stream, so it may not be as big a variable as you think.
Be careful not to discredit people’s opinions.
That’s enough for him. And that’s okay. But that’s not enough for a lot of people, and that’s the truth. Since he’s not a very social person, little social interaction is enough for him to not feel alone. But for other people who are more social (and maybe can’t be social due to other factors, such as anxiety, shyness, lack of assertiveness or confidence, etc) it’s really painful because they need more. And that’s also valid, but you won’t achieve happiness following Asmon’s advice if you aren’t like him already. If you need more, you should lose that fear and go out and reach out, because following Asmon’s path will only lead you to more loneliness. Most humans NEED each other, and the fact that solitary people like Asmon exist is just a side of humans. Other humans want and need other humans for emotional support, in fact is the majority. Solitary people aren’t that common (true solitary like hermits) if you are alone or feel alone you aren’t really solitary, you just happen to be in isolation due to other factors, as mentioned before.
@@PossibleBat Asmon is never isolated. He runs multiple organizations and interacts with people all the time.
Me at 19: "I'm gonna die alone" 😢
Me at 27: "I would rather die alone" 🤢
“Loneliness can be as deadly as cigarettes.”
The thing with these statistics is that it assume causation, whereas it can be explained without.
The kind of person who doesn’t have any friends and is unsatisfied with it are the same kinds of people who stay inside all day overeating and smoking. Loner behaviors are almost always unhealthy, and so being alone is correlated with increased death.
Exactly, this is too misleading.
I've been bouncing between you and Josh Strife for weeks now, he brought up "quit moments" in game design in one of his videos, and how they prevent people ever getting into your game, and then i watch this and its just starting to seem that there are more of those moments in the development of connections between people irl then ever before and its just burning people out on other people even if it really isn't that harsh.
Asmon makes a good point, used to be that you could be friends with people with whom you occasionally passionately disagreed with. Doesn't seem as common now and it's easier to just cancel people when they disagree with you
So true
So fkn true. Had a friend i argued with almost daily for 6 years, always disagreeing on something but still spending time together be it videogames or a trip to find some chthonic wood working instrument.
Then he hanged himself because of family and college related stuff, now i'm just sitting there alone most of the time, still have some other friends but i spend at most 5% of the time with them compared to what i spent with him.
I went through my teens and beginning of my 20s with the I need friends mindset, but then when I hit 25 I realized that there is a peace in being alone. No drama from others. I think it is definitely possible to thrive in being alone and not succumb to loneliness. Of course this is just my opinion.
You can share peace. A friend isn't just drama
Real life is getting closer and closer to cyberpunk 2077 in social and corporate areas and its damn scary
Will probably get worse than that.
“Men wanna be alone, but we don’t wanna be by ourself. We want you…somewhere…”
-Patrice O’Neal
For me, I really need moments to myself. It's draining for me when I go so long interacting and socialiszing with people. The times I'm alone or by myself, I use that time to recharge and process everything. It's a balance between socializing and taking time for yourself.
When you're hanging out with a group that is your friend's friends and none of the people in that group has 0 common interests with you that is the best example being lonely while not being alone.
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."
Robin Williams
Without insurance, a good therapist will run you three hundred dollars an hour
Funny how all the people who talk about how bad exploitation is are completely cool with lonely men being exploited.
Previous generations had:
Churches
Real life social events, arcades, roller rinks, etc.
Forced offline interaction.
No flaunting of people's lives on social media.
Even nerds used to have lan parties, meet ups and things like that.
I remember people waiting at gamestops excited at preorder of new games, those lines no longer exist since these games are all online now.
and still do. if you look for it you'll find it. arcades still exist although very different from what they were and people still go there. every time i go to a hobby store on weekends it's packed with people playing warhammer and other table top games. i see a lot group activities in sites like meetup for pub quizzes or dancing meet ups, some of them every week. occasionally i just show up to one of those with a friend or two just to experience something different. it's easier to engage with people when you go to a place where everyone has one thing in common. pub quizzes are a great place, everyone's there for the same thing. most likely you'll get put together in a team with strangers. or you can simply ask if you can join their group. the trick is to search for something that suits you and that it's somewhat regular, like once or twice a week, or every two weeks. you'll meet new people and eventually you'll start to see always the same people and gradually get to know each other
If nobody else will mention it, I guess I will.
Feminism.
Feminism promised men that their lot in life wouldn't matter, it's okay if they're no longer the breadwinner, women will love them for their souls.
That was a boldfaced lie.
lol found the incel
@@tomogburn2462 I mean, I'm paraphrasing a quote said by a woman (Hannah Wallen) but go off i guess lol
@@tomogburn2462 Jumping to a seemingly negative conclusion about someone when you have very minimal data about them isn't reasonable or helpful
That wasn't love to begin with......
Ijs...
Love is more "unconditional".... selfless.. give & take / compromise.
Anything else -- it is not love.
Lack of income is irrelevant.. except when it comes to greed.
(Lazy, unwilling to do anything, etc.. -- that's a different story)
Ijs
@@tomogburn2462I don't think feminism is the cause of loneliness or the reason men struggle on dating apps. But he is partially right: the promose for men was always that in an equal society women would not care about how much money we make, or how masculine we are, and that we would be judged by our personalities. The pressures put on men were supposed to go down.
Our society is more equal than ever before in the history of humanity. Women even have advantages in some fields. Now it's not just about money, but also about looks, ridiculously high expectations for your mental well being, social skills, fashion sense, and also pressures to be masculine, while not having any negative traits associated with masculinity like being emotionally stunted.
I mean, this promise was clearly a lie. Yet I still see women make the argument that if we take care of their issues and make society more equal, that somehow our issues are fixed automatically. We just need to be quiet, not talk about anything we go through, and someday evil patriarchy is vanished and we are all free. This equation doesn't add up, because women are never pressured to reflect their share of holding up gender roles.
How is this an incel believe? What does that word even matter? It's the reality and we should be able to talk about it.
Things are a bit better in Third World and Second World countries, because of population density and family values are still important.
There was a time when i didn’t know how to make friends and never really had any. One day I became self aware of the loneliness associated with not really having any friends and decided I was over it. I just literally started talking to folks. I’m naturally an awkward person and that really got in the way at first but after some time some accepted that awkwardness and some even appreciated it and found it funny. All of a sudden I had some buddies and later close friends.
It was difficult at first but only because I didn’t u sweat and that really everyone wants contact with people and I wasn’t special in that way. I realized that I was the only thing holding me back. Once that clicked with me, it was never a problem again.
I feel like making friends gets harder as you grow older. Back in school and college it kinda happened naturally. Then everyone moves apart, gets married, has kids, has a bunch of other priorities and you have to be content with a biannual plan for hanging out. While the new people you meet often already have an established social circle and are so to say not "dependant" on being with you. If you don't have a family or a partner that can be quite challenging.
Being alone is great when you have the opportunity to just contact a friend to hang out when you feel like it, but once you lose that ability that is when the loneliness really kicks in. I have never had many friends, and I now have only one left. This friend however has had health issues for the last 8 years, and it has become extremely difficult to meet up with him since. Ever since that has happened is when I started feeling lonely. I am still actively trying to make friends, and I have had small successes here and there, but they never stick. Its tough out there.
Probably most people who say they love being alone in reality have plenty of social opportunities that they simply choose not to engage with. True loneliness is lack of opportunities. For example, health issues preventing you from going out regularly, or lack of community events, lack of money.
I do believe loneliness is one of the biggest killers in the world.
nope thats religion
@@rayallan3650nope that’s the government clown
@thetrashcanman7537 I was about to write a long form, well thought out response , but I think your quick, short response is probably the only thing this person would understand. You summed up about everything I wanted to say in just a few words.
@@rayallan3650you have to have gone to college to have a take that basic
@@rayallan3650were you dropped on your head as a child?
the worst thing about being lonely is the longer you suffer from it the harder it becomes to change it, until eventually theres a time where you no longer exist to the world. Make sure to build friendships and relationships, it's the most important thing in life
I like to be alone, i will be single until i die.
1:08:33 State and country are synonyms. So yes, each state is a different country, literally
Honestly in all my self reflection I believe what made me this socially awkward was that my self awareness early developed very early in my life. I didn't wanna be perceived as a cry baby and shy which made me isolate myself very early on in life. On the other hand some points in my life were I let loose and didn't worry about it was the most friends I had ever, just joking around acting like a goofball really helped. Well this spiralled in to this inability to to converse which just got worse with the pandemic. It also feels much worse when you have a friends you hang out with where you know you aren't their main friend.
The reason to me is simply because the people I meet seem less and less likely to share similar values as I get older. I'm into computers/games/space/other thought-provoking things, and 99% of the people I meet today are into fishing, football, the beach, kayaking, etc., aka normies. I keep telling myself, if I have these interests, surely there are others like me, doing the same things, living the same kind of life I am. But I never see them. It's like a mini version of the Fermi paradox. I don't understand it and it's incredibly lonely.
I remember this influencer with a STEM background making friends with another similar influencer. They hit it off and decided to hang out. She opened up to her and the other secretly recorded her and put up their entire conversation on the internet for the validation from fans. She told the other to take it down but she was like nah, this is good a conversation. Her privacy was violated and they stopped hanging out.
I feel this way around my cousins now. We grew up without any devices but these days when we hang out, they start recording anything that's remotely interesting about our interactions. It's not fun anymore. I stopped hanging out with them and they often ask why I stopped.
im someone who records alot I guess but, obviously I don't record personal things, but I do it to keep memories. the brain can only remember so much. Its nice to look back especially when loved ones pass away, their essence and life is kept forever you know? i have a lot of videos of my friends and I hanging out dancing in the rain, and later that year they died unexpectedly at 18. I keep those memories not just for me, but to those who never had anything of that person. I don't go out anymore and I spend my college life by myself and online only, but I cherish those memories. I don't know if your cousins record stuff just to keep memories like I do. but maybe its just something they do to look back on.
i get so angry when i see people on tiktok & twitter posting private screenshots, personal convos, etc. b/c clearly the other person/people didn't give permission! why have we normalized getting rid of privacy for the sake of internet clout?
@@UwU-catgirl-OwO Yes but I don't want to be recorded? They'll only end up looking back on how offended I was.
Like the video said loneliness is a mental state, you can be around others and feel lonely. I don't really know how it feels entirely personally because I don't really care much for interacting with others. If people are there then I'll also be there as well it's only common courtesy but feeling alone has never really registered as a thing to me. Hope this kind of explains what Asmongold might also be feeling towards this issue as well because I don't really fully understand the complexity of the condition on people individually.
I was lonely for a few years but in the end I made a friend of loneliness. It never let me down and I really got to know myself. I like myself. Loneliness made me stronger than I could ever believe. I think it's improved my life
guy played the most popular MMO as his main game, streams to thousands of viewers daily and is running 3 businesses
of course he isn't lonely
0:30 No dude, you've got it all twisted, that is the main issue of loneliness, that you can feel absolutely alone in a crowd of family and friends.
I used to enjoy being alone alot, never felt lonely. Then I met a certain someone. Someone really special. Before losing them again
And since then I feel lonely all the time. Meaning, for me, loneliness boils down to a desire. The desire for a deeper connection to someone
You are a sage, brother
@@TheXantaur I'm afraid I don't know how to take that
@@TrainerVanyou should take it as “big brain old creepy dude” LOL!
For me, like many others, have lost so many friends over the years because online friendships are so fragile and also built on nothing substantial. I used to be the one to try my best to keep the friendship going but around 2016, I noticed things starting to shift. People became less open to wanting to talk to strangers on the internet on places like Discord which was quite new at that time. As the years went on, I stopped trying to be the one holding friendships together. I put less and less effort into friendships that eventually, I lost most friends. The thing is, there's so many others who experienced this same thing. Even though it's unfair on us, it's a lot of our fault why everyone is feeling lonely nowadays. I feel extremely lonely quite often to a dangerous degree. I just don't have the energy to try with friendships any more and it's the same with many others too. Someone like me could be great friends with me but we don't want to try anymore, resulting in many potential good friendships never happening.
Also people are a lot more selfish today, including me :/
3:19 I'm inclined to agree with you... cause (weird admission dont judge) I used to be an addict. During which I was always around a lot of people and had a lot of "friends" so I was basically never alone for more than maybe an hour in a day. But when I finally got clean (been like 7 years ago) I felt more lonely than I had ever felt before. My marriage had been over already. I split up with my girlfriend and stopped talking to all my "friends" cause I couldn't be around them and stay sober... all of which made me feel extremely lonely. Cause I delt lime I was missing out on being around other people... even though I was around other people... it wasn't the people or women I was used to being around. I felt like I was missing out on life cause I wasn't out hanging out with friends. Looking back on it now I realize how much better it was that I wasn't and now I don't feel lonely often at all... but at the time I really thought I was about to die of loneliness all cause I wasn't around other people and wasn't high and wasn't trying to get girls all the time. Anyway I feel like I've shared more about my personal life than I probably ever should... but that statement just kinda clicked for me and I wanted to give a good example of what you were saying in action so to speak
I never had a problem with making friends tbh. But 95% of that comes with social and communication skills. If you can communicate easily with others and you have a decent understanding of how to be social and not come off as weird
I have ALWAYS been a loner, even as a child. I got one true, good friend IRL for life, some online people i talk to every now and then and that's all i need.
However growing older i really miss my family more and more.
Looking through my grandmother's family albums you see that families really stuck together in her time. They'd all eat together, work together, play boardgames etc. together. It makes me nostalgic for a time i never got to experience.
Because no matter how introverted someone is, a critical element of the human condition is personal social interaction, and a huge amount of that mental and emotional support came from the nuclear family. Back then, in the case of men's mental health problems, sure the man had to be strong outside the home, but back home the man could let down his walls and have a family to just open up to and cry if he needed it. The same went for women who pushed to enter classically male work fields and found success, or rose to be a leader in some area, they had to put on a mask of emotional stability and stoicism and be a pillar of support in the workplace, and they'd come home to a family that supports them and lets them unwind. These days, especially after the lockdowns, people can't unwind or open up because we've been forcefully separated from each other for long enough that its hard to reconnect, and worse is how the babies and toddlers born in that time will turn out having been unable to see their parents' faces in that early time where they should've been imprinting their parents' faces into their memories, I shudder to think how it will affect their neurological development since its a largely unstudied sub-field of neurology. But anyways, I also get very nostalgic about times before I was born, because I can see how happy my mom and dad were with their families and I just don't see the same closeness in my own family pictures, and that happiness is also there in my grandparents' family photos. Where did it all go, after the 1970s? Why did the nuclear family begin to fall apart? Was it the Free Love movement that ironically made everyone have less love to give to everyone else? What in the Sam Hell happened to our world?
keep telling yourself that cope, lonely man
I am 37. I have always spent most of my time alone. I enjoyed it. Now I have no friends. It feels like I am existing to death.
based
Honestly, I think that if humanity wants to actually solve this problem, we need to ban/delete all social media. If the only benefit you can name is "the economy", then it's not doing any actual good. It's actually crazy how dystopian this stuff is. I feel so bad for future generations. They don't even have a chance.
Youre kind of there.
I dont know if social media needs to go entirely, cause I think its ultimately filling the void of a community long gone. One thing off the top of my head is to find a way to get involved in community easier. I grew up in a religious household, and I found that the one thing I actually miss about church after leaving is the sense of community that came with it. Activities were planned, service was done for our neighbors, etc. With religion just not being as popular as a thing, I kinda wish we had some level of community on that level that didn't have to be church.
The internet is full of attractive things so if you want to spend time on some entertainment you just need a pc or phone. Decades ago the best thing to do was hanging out with friends
It just takes a few bad interactions with people to make some realize they just hate people. We took evolution from Darwin's hand with technology and now we have a huge amount of weak people. Blaming social media is a cop out, social media prays on the weak and we have no shortage of the weak.
"There are circumstances pushing people away from the real world" yeah, it's called the internet/social media. You are saying that the very thing that is causing the problem is also the solution. Also, I'm baffled that you think people are "becoming more independent" as a result of social media. People were more independent back during the stone age then they are now. In fact, the internet makes people significantly less independent since that's where everyone else is and where everything happens now. Feeling like you have to be connected is not independence. Saying that the internet is a viable place for lonely people to escape too is like saying alcohol is good medicine for alcoholics. @@Shizlgizl
"Loneliness isn't feeling like you don't have anyone, it's feeling like no one has you." - Theovon
I get intimately lonely or worried about not having appropriate friends who are loyal to me at times. Yet usually I enjoy my life with the people I know.
looking back on times when i had more friends than i could count (not bragging at all, i have far less now that im older with a 9-5, et.c). a large component of what made that seemingly effortless to me was being involved in things i enjoyed. eg: playing on a sports team, joining a club/fraternity/etc., doing something that gives you a regular struggle and commonality with others. Meeting up just to meet up ive found is harder to establish a true connection because it's based in far less than before. TL;DR: go out and get involved in something positive, you will meet people there
Too hard to start a conversation with strangers of your same age. Either they never leave their homes without their friend group and shut themselves off alone or perpetually on social media.
Yep. People "socialize" in impenetrable cliques. You have to have known people since childhood. The only way to break in is to be exceptionally outgoing and have some circumstantial reason to. The normal average guy is shunned as an outcast simply for not being part of a clique.
Well written and concise summary of the problem our modern society is facing.
I've foreseen this at the advent of social media, but actually living through it is more painful than I thought it'd be.
Yea everybody just stays with the group they came with, no interaction with anybody else in the building
@@cobain2261 Yep, I've only got 2 friends, and one of them who went of to uni made a bunch of "friends" and he's never been more lonely, he's told me on many occasions how they were pretty much only friends because they lived in the same dorm, that after uni most of them went back to their original cliques, and their level of friendship is surface level at best, even when they were at uni, if they went out as a group, it would quickly disperse as people would go to there friends from other dorms and he'd be left by himself.
I met this guy at college (college and Uni are different things in the UK) and I started college with a group of 5 friends and made an effort to invite him into our group and introduce him to my friends, which I feel people don't do anymore, people have separate categories of friends; Work Friends, School Friends, Hobby friends, when really you should try to introduce as many people to each other as possible so that you don't end up having to choose between either group
I think it's because back in the day you were alone so you got used to it, we always have a way to talk to everyone now, the way I see it is that being alone was moved up from "'being near no one and being unable to talk to anyone" to "I have no people I can hangout with weekly" or something of that sort. It's not a bad thing for the goal point to move but it results in a lot more lonely people
I'm the same with Asmongold in regards to being alone. I'm completely fine being alone and being with people draining. I'm married with young kids so it's incredibly challenging not having lot more alone time. However, I still want a family so just need to pay the price for now. I should get more autonomy and free time as kids get older looking at other older dads. Gotta pay the price for the things you find valuable.
Yo Imma be honest 44:00 I'm 5'2" and I'm with an actual baddie so. I am not even going to say fuck that copium shit because it IS hard. you got to spec your character in everything else. And even when you fail at it, some people still are okay with that