You are trying to mislead me by entirely difffent meaning to what i have already been forwarded to you. Attention never meets with intention unless in.a situation of a boy.meeting with a girl not with specificaly to every other situations of life. But.intention.can.bring out a greater influence.to your investment in order to connect your thought with investment which persuade you through progression.which blooming with positive results
This JUST happened to me. 6 weeks of amazing. Then poof. He completely freaked out. At least was honest (hopefully) and said he had some things to work on first. Avoidant.
I hear you. Sending you a hug! Manipulators dislike standards boundaries and a backbone, speaking your truth without sugar coating anything. Stand in your power! The dating pool is mostly full of Dismissive Avoidant and Fearful Avoidant men. Learning to spot them early on is dodging the bullets.Weeding them out ASAP. Ken Reids podcasts are informative. Date like a detective. Investigate like the FBI. A background check is essential. Common sense before emotions. Discernment and facts. Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships. What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? by Jonathon Aslay Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record. Common sense before emotions. Always pay attention to how you feel about someone. How they make you feel. Intuition is 100% correct. Getting their relationship history ASAP is essential. David Tian, Dr Ramani and Sam Vaknin have informative podcasts. Know yourself and your attachment style. Questions:. 1. What does a relationship look like for you and mean to you? 2. What does commitment look like for you and mean to you? 3. What have you learned from your past relationships? 4. How have you healed from your past relationships? 5. What are your relationship goals? 6 What are your relationship skills? 7 What do you really enjoy doing in your free time ( this is lifestyle) 8 What do you enjoy spending money on?
Feel the same. Tried hard for two years. But I was alone in the relationship became I could not understand the differences... Be happy that you left that early! 🎉
@@jessicagriffith Run and never look back. What was "amazing" was just him pretending. He "freaked out" because he felt his mask slipping. You deserve better. He will come back with a new mask and it will repeat.
Something I learned the hard way, just because a person is intentional in other areas of their life, like their job or fitness, does NOT mean they'll be intentional in relationships. Always look at how they are actually treating you. A seemingly impressive person might be a terrible partner.
Yes, I dated a teacher VERY passionate about his job and workout routine but who placed his work and friendships above me and then left the moment I asked to be treated with respect. Sad thing is, a lot of people like this do a great job in treating you well until they sense you are invested in them, then they reveal their true selves. It's not our fault we fall for it.
Guys will give you all of those things and then after they feel they "won" you, a lot will still leave. Avoidants and even narcissistic people can be exclusive and make sacrifices to get the pride of making you fall for them. There are not many honest players out there, and even the ones who are all talk are still really good at making sacrifices early on to win you over.
Spot on! You’ll just feel it in your heart that something’s way, way off. Don’t believe what is said, words are so cheap at times, instead feel all their energies. I learned that a person’s vibrations or energies never lie. it reveals what’s truly inside them.
I became friends with a man and was casually dating another. My friend showed me over 1.5 years that he cares. I honestly fell in love with who he shows me he is by his actions. He says he's not in love with me but his actions speak louder than words ❤ I quit dating the guy and am exclusively seeing my friend now. 🥰
@@indyd9322 yes we did. It's actually not dating. He calls me every morning and we discuss what we want to eat for breakfast and dinner and then he invites me over most of the time. We eat almost every dinner together and some mornings I go over and we cook breakfast together. I don't sleep there as I prefer my bed and the dogs don't allow a restful night. It's a wonderful relationship 😍🍽️🍳🥞😴💤🛏️🌉🌃😊👍
The guy can have a crush on you but not want to be in a relationship with you. He can be in a relationship with you but not want to be in it for the long term. He can be in it for the long term with you but not want to marry you. He can marry you but not stay married with you. In the distant past during my parents' era, love was easy and uncomplicated. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married and stay married till death do they part.
You forget the part when people stayed married because of social or religious pressure while they were very unhappy an for a lot of them, unfaithful to each other. It wasn't better before, just is people had less freedom and enslaved in situationships.
My ex was a good actor in the beginning but after awhile the cracks started to show. His intentions were to use me. Every time I called him out on it, he denied it.
You deserve better than that. I've had to deal with crap like that too. Some of them will never even admit the crap they do, let alone change. Let's show these manipulators and users the door!
This is where chemistry and infatuation are mistaken as love. Love is the cherry and the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. What he has described as necessary is the cake . People tend to avoid pragmatism when it comes to relationships.
Story of my life with men. I just want to give up on love. When you get treated disrespectfully the same way too many times by men you loose hope. The damage is done for me. I cant say i beleive in love i used to untill i met people who showed me different.
I hope you find a good man who treats you well. Dating these days seems fraught with landmines. People who are emotionally wounded and haven't healed, people who don't know what they want, game players and manipulators, etc. Finding the people who would make good partners in that haystack seems daunting sometimes.
Don't date for love, date for lifestyle and yes, companionship but love exclusively it's a bad investment. Date for strategy, date for convenience. Of course, you need to like the person but don't put looks on pedestal, he must like you way more and love you more than you do. I actually get you, I've been in the field around 10 years and I've single, this year officially I started dating with purpose to find my husband and i get you, a very frequent story is the one you likes doesn't like you amd the one that likes you, you don't like him 😂 but I'm good, thank god internet exist, otherwise and we have access to precious advice. Don't get discouraged, focus on getting prettier, more intelligent, find a passion, for me it's dancing and fitness, some people do a side hustle. Date to train yourself, accept as many dates you can without the expectation, just put yourself in the field to learn
I actively avoid dating. My life is a mess and I am looking for medical help to help get my life better together before investing on a crush. I'm convinced I hurt everyone currently who I have in my life maybe not physically but with unstability. My sense of self sucks and I have little experience so I don't invest. Its lucky that I don't have that kind of relationship/family dream and I feel bad for those who want one really badly but don't have one.
This is so true. We have the most incredible chemistry. I make the mistake every time thinking we have something special. But he always distances himself from me during the week. Then tries to control when we will see each other next. Latelywhen the weekend is comingup he says he will be seeing his children and grandkids. Of course I am very understanding. But now i see a woman posting a profile picture of herself with him. I don't know if I should ignore it or ask him about it. He will say i need to stop being insecure. What should I do?
🎉❤ yes just because you talked with me for 3 years almost every night your only intention was to get to know me enough to convince yourself I was not what you were looking for.
Sacrifice transperancy progress one vision one goal consistency which are allign with making a combination to investment to meet our life time intentions which again should be meaningful and making sense.
They don’t put your concerns before there’s. He doesn’t anticipate your needs and prepare a place for your peace of mind. He doesn’t give you a reason to submit to him.
I actually just experienced this. They gave me attention but no intention was available. Talked yes, but the convos were not quality... At times It felt forced for the sake of talking. Sadly I used this to try and make it to something as I felt they are communicating.
OKAY BUT HOW ABOUT TELLING US WHAT TO DO if we listen to you and realise all we have is their attention. Someone has given me their attention for two long years. The friendship would hurt badly to lose, do I just trash it? I literally don't know what to do. I don't think he would be good at telling me what is inside his heart and mind.
Oh and if you're thinking just stay friends and move on it is a romantic friendship. Meaning I can't really move on, it would feel like cheating on him, even though it's not. And he takes it like that, too, if I am with someone else. Ugh upsetting! Sounds really dumb, but friendship is all you end up with when you're married and he has never stopped being my friend the whole time we are both flawed but I have attachment issues as have many of my sexual partners (and no we haven't gone all the way) which cause me to push people away before I realise it and he hung in there and has special qualities that are actually pretty compatible. I am very confused. He works a lot as a carpenter but we talk at the end of his day usually, or we used to, we just had our first actual not good fight. Partly cause I'm just too puzzled to want to put up with this and it hurts, I don't want to feel used as a placecard or potential sex and that's it. Lastly, the last time we hung out it was pretty nice, we got pretty tender, talking. He said he was waiting for me. I don't know what he means.(!). I then got my anxiety come in and dismissed it softly saying 'I *wish you were waiting for me' What does it mean?!?!??!! I thought he meant he was waiting for me to stop being scared to kiss and love him, to make the move that shows I am ready. But now, hurt, (our fight was after this, relating to a one sided semisexual crazy situation same conversation hanging out in his truck, in the dark :/...) I wonder if he meant he is waiting for me to let him go. The only thing I can say is he was mad after the 'fight' where I was hurt and stomped off, wouldnt talk to me and needed space for a week(or maybe more i dont know he won'ttalk much, but two weeks after we finally had a prettysweet chat actually however NOT addressing the conflict, but cared in between that I have loss issues and picked up the phone twice when I couldn't handle the break of silence and called. To me that is a horrible way to handle conflict: not talk. I feel strongly we should have resolved it the next day (it was late).
Therapy maybe? To determine what you actually both want and why you’ve wasted so much time getting to the nitty gritty of the issue and moving the relationship onto the next stage of full commitment - or not. The question I would be asking myself is ´do I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who can’t/won’t communicate about what really matters and determine whether or not he’s going to commit fully to you both making a life together.’
Wow SO MUCH OVER THINKING 😮TODAY ITS WHY PPL HAVE ANXIETY 😬 CANNOT MAKE EVEN SMALL DECISIONS WITHOUT NEUROTICALLY ANGST-ING before making a decision. Thank technology for this melt down in society today
Attention is NOT intention. Intention is NOT investment. Hard truth. Thank you, Matthew ❤❤
You are trying to mislead me by entirely difffent meaning to what i have already been forwarded to you. Attention never meets with intention unless in.a situation of a boy.meeting with a girl not with specificaly to every other situations of life. But.intention.can.bring out a greater influence.to your investment in order to connect your thought with investment which persuade you through progression.which blooming with positive results
People lie, cheat, use and abuse, that's the main problem.
Attention is not intention, got it.
This JUST happened to me. 6 weeks of amazing. Then poof. He completely freaked out. At least was honest (hopefully) and said he had some things to work on first. Avoidant.
I hear you. Sending you a hug!
Manipulators dislike standards boundaries and a backbone, speaking your truth without sugar coating anything. Stand in your power!
The dating pool is mostly full of Dismissive Avoidant and Fearful Avoidant men.
Learning to spot them early on is dodging the bullets.Weeding them out ASAP.
Ken Reids podcasts are informative. Date like a detective. Investigate like the FBI. A background check is essential. Common sense before emotions. Discernment and facts.
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships.
What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? by Jonathon Aslay
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast
Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record.
Common sense before emotions. Always pay attention to how you feel about someone. How they make you feel. Intuition is 100% correct. Getting their relationship history ASAP is essential.
David Tian, Dr Ramani and Sam Vaknin have informative podcasts. Know yourself and your attachment style.
Questions:.
1. What does a relationship look like for you and mean to you?
2. What does commitment look like for you and mean to you?
3. What have you learned from your past relationships?
4. How have you healed from your past relationships?
5. What are your relationship goals?
6 What are your relationship skills?
7 What do you really enjoy doing in your free time ( this is lifestyle)
8 What do you enjoy spending money on?
Feel the same. Tried hard for two years. But I was alone in the relationship became I could not understand the differences... Be happy that you left that early! 🎉
He's not worth your heart. Protect it and tarry on.
@@jessicagriffith Run and never look back. What was "amazing" was just him pretending. He "freaked out" because he felt his mask slipping. You deserve better. He will come back with a new mask and it will repeat.
Something I learned the hard way, just because a person is intentional in other areas of their life, like their job or fitness, does NOT mean they'll be intentional in relationships. Always look at how they are actually treating you. A seemingly impressive person might be a terrible partner.
Yes, I dated a teacher VERY passionate about his job and workout routine but who placed his work and friendships above me and then left the moment I asked to be treated with respect. Sad thing is, a lot of people like this do a great job in treating you well until they sense you are invested in them, then they reveal their true selves. It's not our fault we fall for it.
Everyone should watch this. EVERYONE.
❤ consistency is very important ❤
Guys will give you all of those things and then after they feel they "won" you, a lot will still leave. Avoidants and even narcissistic people can be exclusive and make sacrifices to get the pride of making you fall for them. There are not many honest players out there, and even the ones who are all talk are still really good at making sacrifices early on to win you over.
Spot on! You’ll just feel it in your heart that something’s way, way off. Don’t believe what is said, words are so cheap at times, instead feel all their energies. I learned that a person’s vibrations or energies never lie. it reveals what’s truly inside them.
I became friends with a man and was casually dating another. My friend showed me over 1.5 years that he cares. I honestly fell in love with who he shows me he is by his actions. He says he's not in love with me but his actions speak louder than words ❤
I quit dating the guy and am exclusively seeing my friend now. 🥰
🫣
Did you and your friend agree to start dating each other?
@@indyd9322 yes we did. It's actually not dating. He calls me every morning and we discuss what we want to eat for breakfast and dinner and then he invites me over most of the time. We eat almost every dinner together and some mornings I go over and we cook breakfast together. I don't sleep there as I prefer my bed and the dogs don't allow a restful night. It's a wonderful relationship 😍🍽️🍳🥞😴💤🛏️🌉🌃😊👍
Handsome. Intelligent, wise, kind. 😮😮
Too good to be true 😂 but yeah, he's a beauty
Actions over words. Plug your ears and watch
Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
The guy can have a crush on you but not want to be in a relationship with you.
He can be in a relationship with you but not want to be in it for the long term.
He can be in it for the long term with you but not want to marry you.
He can marry you but not stay married with you.
In the distant past during my parents' era, love was easy and uncomplicated. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married and stay married till death do they part.
Only the reality of their marriages was no less complicated than today except for the fact they believed they had to stay together.
You forget the part when people stayed married because of social or religious pressure while they were very unhappy an for a lot of them, unfaithful to each other. It wasn't better before, just is people had less freedom and enslaved in situationships.
It takes a life time to really know someone....
My ex was a good actor in the beginning but after awhile the cracks started to show. His intentions were to use me. Every time I called him out on it, he denied it.
You deserve better than that. I've had to deal with crap like that too. Some of them will never even admit the crap they do, let alone change. Let's show these manipulators and users the door!
Need to learn that for sure. When and if I start dating again..TY
This is where chemistry and infatuation are mistaken as love. Love is the cherry and the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. What he has described as necessary is the cake . People tend to avoid pragmatism when it comes to relationships.
Story of my life with men. I just want to give up on love. When you get treated disrespectfully the same way too many times by men you loose hope. The damage is done for me. I cant say i beleive in love i used to untill i met people who showed me different.
I hope you find a good man who treats you well. Dating these days seems fraught with landmines. People who are emotionally wounded and haven't healed, people who don't know what they want, game players and manipulators, etc. Finding the people who would make good partners in that haystack seems daunting sometimes.
I'm the same as you. Been hurt too many times. Been there done that!
Don't date for love, date for lifestyle and yes, companionship but love exclusively it's a bad investment. Date for strategy, date for convenience. Of course, you need to like the person but don't put looks on pedestal, he must like you way more and love you more than you do.
I actually get you, I've been in the field around 10 years and I've single, this year officially I started dating with purpose to find my husband and i get you, a very frequent story is the one you likes doesn't like you amd the one that likes you, you don't like him 😂 but I'm good, thank god internet exist, otherwise and we have access to precious advice. Don't get discouraged, focus on getting prettier, more intelligent, find a passion, for me it's dancing and fitness, some people do a side hustle. Date to train yourself, accept as many dates you can without the expectation, just put yourself in the field to learn
Attention-only short form vision and fast food appetite, intention-long term desire with investment, progress,
Sacrifice…
Thank you!! Was looking for this!! 🙌🏽✨
Very well said, 😊👍🙌 giving both their best' makes the relationship work and they both can make it as partners. 💕🌹🌷
I actively avoid dating. My life is a mess and I am looking for medical help to help get my life better together before investing on a crush. I'm convinced I hurt everyone currently who I have in my life maybe not physically but with unstability. My sense of self sucks and I have little experience so I don't invest. Its lucky that I don't have that kind of relationship/family dream and I feel bad for those who want one really badly but don't have one.
I absolutely love your words mathew! Thank you! ❤
So freaking true...Thanks Matthew ❤🎉
Thanks for this wise information 🎉❤God bless❤🎉
Watching you paint and decorate your home is just so relaxing ☺️
Your space looks really lovely!
Matthew you are amazing! your clarity is so so helpful to me thank you for your help..❤
I like this man spot on 🙏
So spot on!!
This is so true. We have the most incredible chemistry. I make the mistake every time thinking we have something special. But he always distances himself from me during the week. Then tries to control when we will see each other next. Latelywhen the weekend is comingup he says he will be seeing his children and grandkids. Of course I am very understanding. But now i see a woman posting a profile picture of herself with him. I don't know if I should ignore it or ask him about it. He will say i need to stop being insecure. What should I do?
🎉❤ yes just because you talked with me for 3 years almost every night your only intention was to get to know me enough to convince yourself I was not what you were looking for.
Right? So confusing.
Wow, good point!!!❤❤❤
Wanting/expecting the same things is THE ONLY part of the relationship that matters.
Best advice / explanation EVER !!!
Thank you for help🌹
Sacrifice transperancy progress one vision one goal consistency which are allign with making a combination to investment to meet our life time intentions which again should be meaningful and making sense.
You did very good explanation for a
countable relationship
Great Thank you!
This guy is on fire 🎉
Spot on 😊
They don’t put your concerns before there’s. He doesn’t anticipate your needs and prepare a place for your peace of mind. He doesn’t give you a reason to submit to him.
😮
Mmm what? 😅
Submit? Is that the correct term?
Very precise forrmulations. Wish many people understand. 😊
Brilliant 😅
Awesomely Correct Advise Matt
Very true
Truth slap
Looking back, the signs were there for me, but I didn't know any better. But, better late than never.
I actually just experienced this. They gave me attention but no intention was available.
Talked yes, but the convos were not quality... At times It felt forced for the sake of talking.
Sadly I used this to try and make it to something as I felt they are communicating.
Absolutely correct
Thanksssssss 👌
Wow! So true
Yupp. So hard to remember sometimes
A little golden nugget 👌
Attraction is really say attention nice words Matthew💖
wowwww😊... attention-intention/vision-investment..
Yes true❤
Well said, Matthew Wisely Discriminated. 😮
💯💯🎯
❤❤❤
Handsome ❤
How do you determine someone’s intention?
Dang, to have had all of this clarified as a younger person!
🎉🎉
Yup
Amen!!
❤
😢
Come to my country pls
wow
Wow
Wow.
👏👏👏👏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
And what do you do when you both have the same Intention and not the chemistry (attention) ?
OKAY BUT HOW ABOUT TELLING US WHAT TO DO if we listen to you and realise all we have is their attention.
Someone has given me their attention for two long years. The friendship would hurt badly to lose, do I just trash it? I literally don't know what to do. I don't think he would be good at telling me what is inside his heart and mind.
Oh and if you're thinking just stay friends and move on it is a romantic friendship. Meaning I can't really move on, it would feel like cheating on him, even though it's not. And he takes it like that, too, if I am with someone else. Ugh upsetting!
Sounds really dumb, but friendship is all you end up with when you're married and he has never stopped being my friend the whole time we are both flawed but I have attachment issues as have many of my sexual partners (and no we haven't gone all the way) which cause me to push people away before I realise it and he hung in there and has special qualities that are actually pretty compatible. I am very confused.
He works a lot as a carpenter but we talk at the end of his day usually, or we used to, we just had our first actual not good fight. Partly cause I'm just too puzzled to want to put up with this and it hurts, I don't want to feel used as a placecard or potential sex and that's it.
Lastly, the last time we hung out it was pretty nice, we got pretty tender, talking. He said he was waiting for me.
I don't know what he means.(!).
I then got my anxiety come in and dismissed it softly saying 'I *wish you were waiting for me'
What does it mean?!?!??!!
I thought he meant he was waiting for me to stop being scared to kiss and love him, to make the move that shows I am ready.
But now, hurt, (our fight was after this, relating to a one sided semisexual crazy situation same conversation hanging out in his truck, in the dark :/...) I wonder if he meant he is waiting for me to let him go.
The only thing I can say is he was mad after the 'fight' where I was hurt and stomped off, wouldnt talk to me and needed space for a week(or maybe more i dont know he won'ttalk much, but two weeks after we finally had a prettysweet chat actually however NOT addressing the conflict, but cared in between that I have loss issues and picked up the phone twice when I couldn't handle the break of silence and called.
To me that is a horrible way to handle conflict: not talk.
I feel strongly we should have resolved it the next day (it was late).
Therapy maybe? To determine what you actually both want and why you’ve wasted so much time getting to the nitty gritty of the issue and moving the relationship onto the next stage of full commitment - or not.
The question I would be asking myself is ´do I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who can’t/won’t communicate about what really matters and determine whether or not he’s going to commit fully to you both making a life together.’
Read his book Get the Guy. He gives great advice on what to do, say, texts to write etc
I COULD HAVE USED THIS ADVICE ALMOST A YEAR AGO
👏👏👏
🎬 actions speak volumes. What real investments are they making?
🙏🏼🕊️🤍🕊️🙏🏼
🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞
This.
Wow SO MUCH OVER THINKING 😮TODAY ITS WHY PPL HAVE ANXIETY 😬 CANNOT MAKE EVEN SMALL DECISIONS WITHOUT NEUROTICALLY ANGST-ING before making a decision.
Thank technology for this melt down in society today
You don’t have the the jackpot of 3, only the 1 😢😢😢
እኔ፡ለማን፡እንደምፆፍ፡ግራ፡ገባኝ፡አሁን፡ልዘጋ፡ነው፡ሰው፡ላይ፡ቅሬታ፡እየመጣ፡ነው፡እባክህ፡ስሙን፡ንገረኝ፡ደህና፡እደር፡ማንንም፡ማስቀየም፡አልፈልግም፡ይቅርታ፡
Yes I was I told me what he wanted , I thought he would change his mind . Silly me . I know I'm damage d goods x
I know its true future fake my mind . I just wanted him to meet a need laugh chill split bills