OMG! Yes! My dad would say that I don't have asthma and his cigar smoking doesn't have any effect on me! Even though the pediatrician clearly told him and even gave a FREE inhaler because I was so bad! Fast forward I had gestational hypertension and he would argue all the time, he said my BP spiking was all in my head! Dude, wtf??
I so wish you had been able to go non contact. Hearing that you were in the company of such a monster as an adult while pregnant is hard to hear. But no judgement. It’s a very difficult move. I so hope you are out of striking distance from this abuser now and are asthma free.
facts. my father helped my ex destroy my life and career in a different hemisphere from his. that's how sick they are. full blown sick in the fucking head
Finally did this to my Dad. Weeks went by I put up fake cameras is all I cld afford because I knew any time he wld show up & send my head through the glass door. Women/children have always been easy targets. I thought at 60yr old he evolved into a more understanding person. No not at all. 3wk before Xmas he snapped when I said no sorry I'm going to sit out (1st time saying no to xmas cookies too much going on) He 1st mocked my failed suicide attempt in that childish high pitch voice, It was mandatory every 2wks to visit him but said 'when you have time for your dear old dad call me!!' Hung up on me after calling me a whiney bitch. Mentally messed with me until after his bday I stood my ground & did not call. My bday shortly after his I was so nervous he wld try calling, I've given him the courtesy of not blocking his # like I did to my addict mother who only reached out when she knew days of my DR apmts. I can tell you how powerful it feels to not have this negativity in my life & pray it goes no contact the rest of my life. Thank you guys for your time. This video & comments helped alot 🫶
It's the hardest thing to get your head around. All society tells us is nobody loves us like a mother. No one cares about you like a parent. When you have to come to terms that your parent doesn't and never had your best interest at heart, it does a number on you. But I can see it all now. What's sad is everyone around me saw it but me.
You just described my mother! She diminished and ridiculed my achievements in life constantly, especial in front of other people. I am her oldest child with one younger golden child sister who is also a full blown narc. My mother was so sneaky she would tell other relatives, “I wish Graham had an older brother”. It made it sound like she cared about me and at the same time put me down, so sneaky! Eventually I went no contact and even legally changed my last name. I recommend this to all victims. Not sharing the family name helps you move on from the toxic family environment you grew up in as you start your new life emotional free from their abuse.
Once a psychiatrist told me the advice about changing my last name from the different one given me when married back to my maiden name. Then I started to wonder why so many people still insist that everyone take a title to go with their name right away when reaching voting age. After hearing what some narcissist doctors are determined to be doing about that I better not touch that one with a ten foot pole until another psychiatrist starts rebelling against the academia establishment for me again.
I relate to this so much. I am the oldest and my younger sister is my mother’s golden child. I have been the scapegoat since I was a child. Things got so bad that I moved to a different state just to get away from them. My mom is still trying to make my life hell. I never thought of changing my name, that is a good idea. Things have gotten so bad that I’m actually scared
To those in this situation, don't worry. I know it's bad but don't feel bad re-creating a new identity for yourself. I turned 30 but I really wish I could change my family name. My name is so rare no one else has my name combination on the planet. I hate it. My mother went as far to make fake social media platforms pretending to be me when i was 24. I went no contact age 25 when I was ignored as if i was invisible by my entire family. They played deaf. Oh that and my mother making racist unfunny jokes. I am biracial. If one has a problem with brown men then why marry one and treat your darker child as a leper? I'm not even visibly anything being able to change up my identity these days. Mostly for my protection of course. I was taken out of every hobby I loved and I strived at...because I was a girl doing better than my younger golden bro brother. The irony is everyone has degrees in psychology and my brother is doing his master's now. Whereas I was left to struggle on the streets treated as dumb! The guy is a full blown megalomaniac overt narcissist. I have two channels. One is a video diary Rage Against The Narc on here and another is my above channel. I have no idea if what I am saying can help anyone because I am in the midst of getting treatment for ptsd. So yeah....maybe I should change my name. I am fed up. The worst is being taken out of school multiple times and psychological torture. That and being forced into a cult. I have to get the truth out there. My question is... Do I continue to stay zero contact after 5 years? It's getting lonely out here. But their madness did propel me to move to the other side of the planet age 18.
@@AccidentalWarrior144 You must stay no contact. Narcs get worse with age. Move on, without the Narc strangling you emotionally, you’ll be able to breath and grow.
I’ve noticed a majority of adults I know (adults up to age 50) I’m 25...I’ve noticed adults can go to their parents and ask for a place to stay until financially stable, or ask for money to cover the bills if an emergency happens. I can’t even allow my parents to babysit, not that they would. But I’m sorry your family holds financial help over your head, it’s wrong. While living with my dad, to keep me emeshed, as soon as I got my tax return he went out and bought a car (I didn’t ask for it, he didn’t even mention before hand) he just buys the car (a metal death trap, terrible car for me while pregnant, transmission was dying when he bought it) then he demanded ($2,000) which was More than my whole tax return. I didn’t ask for him to buy anything, I was so confused why he would do that...until I learned what a co-dependent narcissism is. I got a P.O. Box so he couldn’t open or steal my mail anymore, I got married to my child’s father without my dad knowing, and Now I’m finally about to leave. I have all my ducks in line and an EPO in place since Nov. my dad took out multiple life insurance policies on me without my consent or knowledge, so after I leave I need to immediately start writing letters to these life insurance companies and start the identity theft process. I’m still alive. Just remember, it could always b worse.
Devalue when your getting realy good at something then it's no good and they shame you for being good and that hurt me so bàd I never picked up art for twenty years it's like a wound on the inside a bad one though iv forgiven them I still feel the pain inside
They'll sabotage you too just so they can come to the rescue to look like a martyr or leave you alone to " teach you a lesson." The lesson I've learned is these people are very sick and feel very threatened when you can see through them.
My mother actually once told me that “I’ll treat you however I wanna treat you”! If that’s not the very definition of a narcissist, I don’t know what is.
My mother is a narc. Let me tell you when I grew into my womanhood got into shape she became so envious. I realized she not once said anything nice about the way I look. She does now that I’m married and she knows that my husband would not stand for her negativity. I’m not falling for her fake kindness
my mom said that parents should never comment on their children's looks, but then would ridicule random people's appearances. eventually, she started talking to me about how beee-yooo-tiful one of our friends from childhood had become. just no consistency. if it's not cool to comment on appearances and if we're to focus on real beauty instead (and we are) ... then do that in every single case.. instead of kinda rubbing it into my face that someone from our lives is so outwardly whatever.
My mother could never keep a promise but she could always keep a threat. She was full of rage, especially when she was jealous of me, which was most of the time.
The only reason Narcissists have children is for supply. This video also accurately applies to Narc siblings. The Narc parent will also withhold healthcare, clothes, basic sundries, housing, education, finances, opportunities, absolutely anything! IT WAS HORRIBLE! I was never so grateful but to be done with my childhood and move out of my mother’s house. My only fault was not going no contact on that day.
Yup. No matter what job I work, or where it is, eventually there will be an envious coworker of some kind that will surface. I can literally show up on time, do my job, not talk to anybody (unless necessary), and leave, without partaking in any work drama. And STILL eventually a narc coworker will become envious of my exceptional job performance, or my punctuality, etc. Its really exhausting. And of course once I’m on their radar, they will try to sabotage any and all opportunities for me at work.
I was there the other day and she just kept saying “you’re so ugly. Your hair is ugly. You’ll never be able to run a buisness. Your crazy. Your a psycho”. This happened the whole weekend recently. Safe to say I’m recovering and realizing it’s been a lifetime of this and I really must stay away.
Thanks god for growth and healing. The thick skin we need to have to deal with these malevolent creatures!!! I can imagine the suicide rates with these dysfunctional families. Not everyone has the tools or resources to heal. If i didn't have the survival spirit I have....I would probably be dead!
The family member who must be available for abuse is me. When I began to keep myself away more, I noticed that after a while, right when I, of course, was starting to relax, I was hearing huffing and puffing (huffs and irritable sighs). Being stared at in silence. And other similar kinds of behaviors, not so subtle. And all the other warning signs that typically have always been present prior to when she's getting ready to go into a rage. And unfortunatly, just as I was concerned would happen, but was hoping wouldnt happen, now there are actual passive aggressive acts. This person has been passive aggressive toward me and to me since I was a little girl, but it got a lot worse in my late teens. So there's been a pattern of this stuff for years and years.
I'm glad you specify the "pathological envy" because everyone is capable of experiencing some envy but there's a real difference to the pathological envy that a narcissist feels and will use as an excuse to undermine other people.
I'm so glad this topic/knowledge is becoming more and more mainstream. During my youth we were shamed with 'but they are family' type BS and I am so happy to see this is turning around everywhere on the world stage.
That shaming & accusing is alive & well. Rolled who do that are almost always those were themselves abused as children and cannot face it. They’re working out their shame & trauma on your back. Anyone who ever did that is also on the no contact list immediately. However these days I discuss it with no one. If I’m cornered by a nosy, abhorrent person I simply lie and say my family died in a plane crash when I was small. End of subject.
After understanding and breaking free from the narcissist comes healing. Congratulations to all those brave souls out there. Love yourself, keep good company and live your life.
These kind of parents want their children to commit suicide. They push you to the edge of a cliff and will temp you to throw yourself down. They mess up anything in your life they can get to. I pray for all those with a mother like mine. Please don't give up. There is a God name Yahweh, and he sees all. He said he is not mocked. What ever anyone sow they will reap. He also says he laughs at the wicked, because he knows their end. He also says anyone that wait for him will not be ashamed. He is the one that put us in these families, and he has a plan. He will use all of us with these nasty abusive parents. Yahweh heal everyone that watch this video, and bring good out of all the evil you all faced. Shalom.
I agree. I had a friend who committed suicide. When I met her dad, I realized what a horrible person he was. He hated her for some reason. I really don't know why. My friend was smart, funny, and kind.... :( What's strange is her father was a pastor emeritus at a church. He was also a liar. On his website profile, he put that he graduated from "Harvard." He didn't. He graduated from some small school called "Harvard College." Typical narcissist. People always say "Honor your mother and father." But the New Testament says we should leave unGodly parents. Matthew 19:29-30 "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first." No one should have to endure evil people.
My covert narcissist mother was 46 years old when she pushed me very hard at age 19 to hook up with her narcissist coworker. Between the 2 of them they sabotaged and ruined my life before my 29th birthday. In hindsight, I see clearly now how she manipulated and destroyed the lives of all 4 of her children, including the golden child daughter. She has even driven a wedge between her grandchildren against their "evil parents" that the holy roller Christian happened to give birth to. It is a disgusting mess they leave behind them. She passed away Dec 24th, and now I'm an evil devil for not joining the family at the weeping whaling wall. None of them spent the last 6 years of daily abuse and exposure as did I. They all believe she is in heaven now, but I know better. I appreciate your understanding of what people like me have suffered through. I can tell you have been there.
Did i understood it right and you didn't went to her funeral and mourned your loss? If so..you rather decided to take care of yourself..i totally support that...what do all these fools think? I always say that the damage the narc caused is not gone because they are..pfff people. You did it right, sweety..no need and place for social expected grief.
Its the beginning of healing to finally admit that they have no ability to love and they actually believe they can wear that mask in front of their maker and get stars in tbeir crowns and that is their problem. Trying to Self focus and healing is my problem and with Gods strength i will get there!
Yes this is sooo true. narcissist seem to not know how to separate themselves from others in a healthy way in most situations. They feel like they are entitled to your success even though they never worked for it. SO while they spent forever sitting at home playing video games, eating pizza and wacking off at the same time as you were grinding and working your butt off with blood sweat and tears they feel like its not fair that the end results you got didnt just fall out of the sky for them. Can you make this make sense??? And now since what you worked your tail off for didnt just fall out of the sky for them with no work required its time to be mad at you, jealous of you and hate u and try and punish u in some way. The smear campaign was the weapon of choice for a couple of these narcissist in the past I had the displeasure of ever even meeting. But its funny because narcs know how to healthily separate themselves form you in other situations. Say for instance I got a fake jealous "friend thats a narc and Im away from him one weekend and I rob a bank. I get arrested and charged and convicted and sentenced to 10 years in the slammer WHile fighting back a smile and trying to pretend they are not happy you had a fall from grace. That "friend of mines isn't gonna say hey I wanna take some of those years of jail time or do time with him even though I didnt commit the crime. They will healthily and emphatically separate themself from you in that situation and say he did the crime he will do the time! Now take the same narc jealous "friend in a different situation. Say im away from this fake jealous "friend one weekend and go do some legal work for a wealthy individual and they compensate me handsomely and I purchase a new vehicle. WHen the narc "friend finds out about this first they are gonna look like they are sucking on a lime and be mad and jealous and a hater and feel like I should have :consulted with them before even buying the car. Then they are gonna feel entitled to my car EVEN THOUGH THEY DIDNT DO THE WORK FOR IT. U see just how deranged and warped a narcissist mind is??? They see life through a dark distorted lens and although it seems they are at war with you they are not . THEY ARE ACTUALLY AT WAR WITH REALITY AND U ARE A CASUALTY. They see things like u two on a imaginary seesaw. If they view you as up they feel down and have to try and sabotage you and bring you down and when they view you as down they feel up and good and have to try and keep you down. If you are doing good they feel bad and if you are doing bad they feel good. WHAT TYPA SHYYYT IS THAT??? just SICK!!!
That is a very apt analogy...... seeing everyone else on an imaginary see-saw with them.... and yeah... that SHOVING off to make themselves look superior and make you look "less than." But you're also right... It's all a DELUSION. These people are delusional nut jobs living in a fantasy world, not real life. And their flying monkeys become their partners in their "folie a deux."
This is so sad because as an only child I was scapegoat and golden child. My children were also subjected to this as well unfortunately. My daughter has been my mother’s scapegoat from birth, my son was the golden child but since he couldn’t tolerate her controlling so he’s been scapegoated. They both went limited to no contact and I support them completely.
My mother is a insane narc no contact 3 years super envious psycho I left the state I'm healing from cptsd I am a empath you are totally correct my mother tried to gaslight my son we fled I'm the successful one my brother is the goldenchild he is emeshed and he is a narc
My mother a narc who envied me for all i did and her mother my grandmother was the same. No contact with narcm. Since 7years and still healing. I have dreams of her where i ask her to go away because she cannot be where i am. Unfortenately my lil sister turned out to be like her. Expected me to be there..always but if i wanted to get in touch with she never reacted.
They love to Target the empathic personality and a person who has morals and ideals and most importantly innocence my mother did everything she could to destroy my childhood and my wife she loved every moment of my pain I did have my revenge one day I got a phone call from a social worker telling me that my mother was dying she was on her deathbed I can hear my mother talking to her begging her to get me to talk to her I didn't I just hung up in the end she died of HIV completely alone
My father went before and behind me to ruin my good reputation well into adulthood. People in my orbit liked me, those in my father's orbit avoided me.
Failing to provide narcissistic supply (I'm an aspie) makes me the black sheep of the family. I have a mother and 2 sisters with well developed pathology. My older sister tells folks incredible damaging lies about me. My mother would treat my son so nastily that I could not expose him to her for any length of time. In fact my mother would attack anyone I had regard for other than her. I've stopped making allowances for them and accept that I am basically an orphan.
I realised that I was actually an orphan I turned to God. Since childhood I walked with God and have been blessed. Today I look back at my life and see the golden thread
That is so interesting .. I have aspergers as well, and was also made the scapegoat of the family. I had a logical mind and I never adapted to the lies, the gaslightning etc. I must have been horrible supply, now that I think about it !
@@marilouaurorah869 when you're dealing with pathological gaslighting, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Most of our society live in a huge codependent gaslighting cluster. Aspies are the few souls who do not engage in the 'group think' and have authentic beliefs of their own. Important thing is to not beat yourself up over the behaviour of others Marilou. Just love yourself for the unique creature you are ;)
I was wondering why my son hated my husband. My mother brainwashed him. He's the only man have ever took care of him. My mother never had a good man . So she tried to destroy me through my own son. These people or sick!
This explains what I could never wrap my head around. The narcs kids had no rules, no boundaries, no expectations, no responsibilities and everything is replaceable, even people. The lying, stealing, denying everything and always being the victim. These were only my step kids, but the narc ruined them. Now they are all adults and move in and out and it was like being surrounded by nothing but bad. This video gave me clarity and made it easier to understand, except what happened and to move on.
...I always called it 'living with the enemy' Sabotage and triangulation so insidious and pervasive the only metaphor I can think of is a fly in a spider's web... except the spider keeps it alive for years feeding... Nightmare fuel
This is so true. I wish I didn’t wait till my mother passed to break free. It’s really taken a toll on my life my health. My mother was so vicious she even would go behind my back to my friends and try to turn them against me. When I was little my mother would pick up my friends bring them for ice cream and talk bad about me. My friend told me she was so upset when my mother had called her and told her horrible things about me she couldn’t even go out that night she was so shook up. Also i was dating this guy in high school my mother was supposed to pick me up and here comes my boyfriend driving my mothers car and he told me that they had spent the day together that did not sit well with me. I could go on and on. Now my daughter is a narcissist person and has such evil in her. She has done such horrible things to me. I’m so concerned for my granddaughter. My granddaughter is such a sweet smart loving three year old. I try to protect her the best I can but my daughter is so jealous and envious. Thank God my daughters stepmom is awesome but she is also a target with my daughter. Yesterday the stepmom called me crying and I told her to not pay attention and do not let it in what my daughter says. My daughter is jealous of her stepmom very envious. My daughter has blocked me from seeing my granddaughter from day one when ever she feels like it. It’s devastating and now she’s doing it to the step grandmother.
It's so weird right? I just realized recently I think my mom was trying to make jealous by incinuating that something was going on between her and my kids dad a while back. I think my reaction was like cool whatever 😂
My therapist told me they do not do what they do purposefully. Even if that is true which is not, why should I care if they do it. Why should we again need to be the bigger person and understand. I always thought that they just do not have clear intentions that’s why they behave the way they do. I really did not realize that they actively sabotage me.
It is false that they do not do what they do purposefully. They act nice towards some people, and evil towards others. THEY KNOW what they are doing. They even know when not to abuse you in public. They CHOOSE to be evil, and they choose who they hurt with their actions.
Everything you are saying is absolutely ON POINT. My narc mother was totally envious when I told her I was travelling to bali with my boyfriend and started to stir up drama in our home targeting my daughter. She started saying my daughter was being disrespectful and saying I was a bad example. Plus she got mad when we started locking our door when we leave ,it was pretty amazing to see how unreasonable she can get. Thankfully my kids know better now than to believe a liar. 😊she is a true pathological sociopath.
I was financially abused by my mother upon coming home from another state and caring for my father after he had a major stroke. My parents were both elderly and my grandmother was in a nursing home. My mother also had congestive heart failure so she was not well either. I am an only child. I came home and at first had some unemployment from a previous teaching job. I only received unemployment money for 6 months, most of which went to getting my father's car in working condition and getting powers of attorney set up, etc. After the 6 months of unemployment ran out, I was penniless. Also had no health insurance. I did not think there would be a problem because my mom had control over my father's money and her own money. However, my mom accused me of stealing some jewelry and some hidden cash which I knew nothing about. I was denied any money. If I asked for as little as $2.00 for the bus, my mother replied that she had no money and that I shouldn't look to her for anything because I am an adult. At one point, I was unable to leave the house for 9 months. I was not asking for her to support me financially, just help me to get on my feet after helping my family with a few dollars. My father's car stopped working when I was unable to put any money into its upkeep. I was using it to take my parents to the hospital and for check-ups, etc. My mother, who never drove, then used Access services to visit my grandmother in the nursing home, doctor's visits for herself and my father, and cab service to do the shopping. The situation got much worse and more humiliating than this but I will say for now that it can be a real shock when you find that you are being controlled financially and have no means of getting out of that situation. I never thought my mother would turn against me like that.
@@sodonewithit4370 Thank you so much for your reply. What happened to me happened many years ago. My friends listened to me tell them what I was going through but no one offered to help. I learned a valuable lesson. That lesson was to make sure I have my own independent financial means and to NEVER put myself in such a position again to lose control over my finances. That is why I made my original comment. I posted it as a warning to others to not place themselves in such situations where they may encounter abuse of any kind. When I was being controlled financially, it was very humiliating and I did not understand what was happening right away. it took some time for me to understand. So I posted my comment to help others who might be dealing with a similar situation to know that this is abuse and to make arrangements to get out of that situation as soon as possible and not get into a situation like that again. Thank you so much for your concern. God bless you. 🧡🙏
@@rozchristopherson648 My mother tried to do that to me as well. Luckily an issue came up with my husband (whom she tried to isolate me from) and I love him and my kids more than I cared about my parents. I returned the following year to help them again, and she lied to me again about selling the house, and so I put so much of my personal savings into helping her, only to have her say she never wanted to sell the house. Literally sabotaging my retirement for her gain. Sick woman. I have three kids. She cares NOTHING for them. If that wasn't bad enough, my dad asked me to contact his last remaining sister before he died. My mother had vilified my dad's relatives all my life, and so I almost didn't want to do it! Turns out my aunt is not the horrible monster my mother made her out to be. So I helped my aunt visit my dad before he died. My mother TURNED ON ME, tried to smear me to my dad. So many things she did..... it was insane. Last of all, she wanted me to give her control over my bank account. When I refused, she started restricting my ability to talk to my dad. She didn't let me talk to him the night he died. I will NEVER forget that. That is how evil she is towards ANYONE who tries to expose her false self. I am permanently no-contact since January 2024. I will not allow her to hurt anyone in my family ever again. She can be taken care of by the state.
In my family being a Narcissist is apparently the norm and they hate me because I'm not like them. They think I'm psychologically disturbed because I'm not a Narcissist. It used to make me sick but now its starting to be kind of funny especially when they get on their two-faced book spewing their "fantasty world" (no I don't go on there I just know how they are) and put me down because I want nothing to do with them and their drama. This past Christmas I showed up and was told "We will bring your present tomorrow because yours got left at home". I was thinking "I wish I'd left myself at home". lol. BTW haven't gotten it yet and who cares it's probably laced with Anthrax. Hopefully soon I can totally go no contact with these idiots.
@@hugmc Not a direct statement. Just saying things like" I don't know what's wrong with you". " Why don't you think we love you"? etc. it's all the same message whether implied or actually stated.
My mother and her husband treat me similarly, I am the only one in the family who isn't narcissistic or a drunk. I think one of the reasons they hate me is that just by existing and being different to them, they take it as an attack on how they behave and live, as if I'm implying there is something wrong with them by not choosing to behave the same. Being a good person who isn't manipulative and hateful inadvertently shines a light on those who are and they don't like it so they have to make it seem like you're the one who's all bad. One Christmas my mother actually took me aside as soon as I arrived, and told me she was giving everyone cheques(checks in american). I was like "oh, okay", thinking it was odd. Then later when she was drunk she's like "time to sign the cheques!" and I see her writing one to my step-brother. I got an empty card (I had done absolutely nothing wrong). So the reason she told me was to make sure I knew she was willfully excluding me. I swore last Christmas when they made me feel unwelcome that it would be the last one I spend with them.
Wow! This was the primary facet of my mother's relationship with many people, including her children, friends and ex-friends. Up to just a couple years ago, there were no obvious online lay resources to help us understand her problems, but Mom's practice of envy, slander, gaslighting, and need for informants and codependents were so compelling I started calling her "Miss Information, the Queen of Envy". I walked away from her after 46 years of abuse, including what you describe and many other blatant abuses. The final nail was her telling her friends that I was a "weirdo who likes to hang out in cemeteries", because I had succeeded breaking down some brick walls in her family genealogy by surveying family cemeteries, proving the decades-old hypotheses she developed but couldn't prove. A few months later, following the conviction of the man who killed our father (her husband) in a car wreck, the prosecutor made the mistake of praising me for promulgating the argument for murder: immediately, my mother stood up and said, "It doesn't matter what he (I) said (to the trial participants), he doesn't represent the family." She was off the rails! Mom died in September last year, due to COVID given to her by one of her codependents; but even in her moribund state she was determined to drive wedges between her children, and is still succeeding.
This video brought tears to my eyes ...... as a single mother , my wealthy remarried narc mother alienated my 10yr old son . He is now 22 still lives with her , and he and my sisters are brainwashed completely IMO. I am alone and grieving and doing my gut wrenching recovery work with therapist. I get “ bashed” and alternately loved by my son with his texts. At this present time , I never hear from him at all . He is severely spoiled /enmeshed with her. She is 78. I am no contact with all family and it is brutal and liberating paradoxically. Thank you so much for the hope!
This is revelatory for me. I’ve never encountered anything that describes my life as the son of such a monster than this. Thank you. I’m in a place in which I must overcome the damage done to survive.
Thank you so much for this video. Really. About 6 months ago I went no contact with my parents, in short: because I had a daughter I want to protect. I just found out about narcissism via my psycologist a year and a half ago and it is mindboggling.This gives me recognision and reassurance in a road full of selfdoubt (still!!) and guilt (still!). Thank you this is much needed!
My first day when I was recovered from my step 12 program. I went on a 3 hour walk, felt the best I ever felt. The moment I got home my mother screamed at me for an hour OUT OF THE BLUE calling me a bitch, saying I'm jealous of my sister. It sent me back into my addiction and I haven't been able to recover since. She was so envious she couldn't stand I was happy for one day. I do I get back to where I was?
You have to understand when you change it's a threat to a narcissist. Take care of YOU. That's all you can control. Educate yourself about narcissistic parents.
Hey i know it’s months later but i wanted to tell you that I completely understand and definitely relate to your story , i hope you’re able to recover now. What I learned is that you have to build a resilient mind as well as constant self forgiveness. Speak to your inner child and comfort them. Learn about the things that bring you comfort and actively practice that so when the narcissist attacks , your mind automatically knows how to handle the emotions you feel. Hoped that helped 🥰❤️ Also validating yourself and telling yourself how you feel is real is also very helpful since narc LOVE to make it seem like we’re the crazy ones
It is so wonderful to know that it is not my fault! My parents are both narcissistic abusers and I saw it early on but I have been on a roller coaster my whole life with it until now at 47 I see the light and a lot of it is thanks to you and lightning target God bless you Jon thank you!
This was my mother towards me. This was my older brother who was her golden child. This was both ex mother's in law and both my ex husbands. This is how my 2 older and youngest children treat me. My father enabled my mother. At least l have found this out and heard it articulated. Answers so many questions l had through my life. I fell into the patterning. Thank you for your insight and explanation.
Isn't it crazy how people who are supposed to " love you" team up with those who openly hate you to attack you and wonder why you're upset? The flying monkeys don't think anything is strange about this.. Talk about victim blaming.
"Break Free"--easier said than done for me. My mother has been a misandric, orthorexic, junctistic narcissist most of my life. She's always obsessed with making me the ultimate scapegoat. No contact doesn't seem to be enough. She always finds others to do her dirty work for her.
My ex gaslighted the hell out of me when he was having his affair. I am a reminder of the truth I know about him. Now he and my daughter teamed up. I moved out of the state.
Yes, the ex that's the narc will use your children against you. Since they never forgive they use what you love most, your children or grandchildren as weapons. They spin a good tail and play a vicious game with everyone's lives as revenge. All the while playing the good guy. I'm sorry you have and are going through this. It's very painful. You did the right thing by distancing yourself.
One thing that no one talks about is how the children sometimes end up being narcissists. I am a codependent person, and I ended up with a narcissist. She discarded me after 25 yrs of marriage. Anyways, people always talk about the children being victims; however, in my case, even my children turned out to be narcissists, and they were born that way. Looking back, I can see that they were narcissists from birth. Today, they are in their early 20's, and they are just as abusive towards me as my ex-wife. I had no choice but to go no contact with them. My point is that everyone talks about the poor children as victims of narc abuse; however, I feel that many codependent parents are suffering abuse from their children, just as in my case. Please consider researching this topic and making a video, because I believe it's a real problem that is not being addressed. Thank you.
I am so glad that you brought up this heartbreaking reality for many parents. My heart absolutely breaks for you. I know I had extreme concerns for my son for several years. I am one of the lucky ones, because I think it has escaped contaminating my child. But, I do know many parents, like yourself, who are dealing with this. At the end of the day, when you are dealing with any narcissist, the only way to stop being abused is to go no contact, including with your own children. I know that decision could not have been an easy one. I would be happy to do a video about this topic. I am very familiar with how this happens, because many immediate members of my family have become this also. So, I absolutely will do a video about this. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate it so much.
Jason Hart Jason I am so sorry for what you are going through. My covert narc wife of 32 years discarded me last May. I filed for divorce in August. I am still waiting for my first court date. I hope you can find peace and open yourself up to the life you deserve. Best of luck. Keep your head up and never give up. Remember to be thankful for what you have.
@@byronbutterfield4006 Thank you. I wish you the best, too. By the way, one of the hardest things I have found is how one day everyone's telling me what a good father I am, and husband. Then, literally days later, when they find out my wife is divorcing me, those same people treat me like I'm the worst guy who ever lived. I literally ended up going no contact with everyone in my life, everyone. My parents, friends, etc. all turned on me. I know it's really not a big loss because these people were all narcissists, come to find out, but still it's very difficult to face the discard alone, with no one to turn to. I guess what I'm going through is pretty typical for men. Men do not have support for the things we go through. We're just supposed to be bulletproof, with no emotions.
Mine omg, really messed me up, I ended up attracting more 🤦♂️ it's never too late to accept you've been wrongfully damaged and it means you need to be honest about it and heal yourself everyday
Guilt, obligation and pity is used on me and my children. He is envious of my oldest daughter. And has always thought that she was trying to break us up, which is furthest from the truth!! He slams doors stomps past us with flaring nostrils and heavy breathing trying to scare the shit outta us!! To comply with him or to rush to quiet/calm himself!!
This video is true!! This sad reality is how I grew up and was subjected to this form of abuse. And seeing it for what it really is took some time because at first I was in denial to the point I would start questioning my self,, narcissistic people want you to be confused and second guess yourself, this keeps them in control. I have decided to have no contact because every time, I end up being scolded and hurt behind the lack of love and care!!!
The Narc keeping family members close by to rage on and make (her) feel superior, wow 😩 This is happening. The pathological envy is so real, gosh everything you said, I can see it all so clearly! Omg I think you literally just explained my Mother and my relationship, the money, the control, down to the last word!
My reality was upside down for 30 years, quite the shock when the mask dropped and I was discarded, all that suffering for nothing other than I found myself more or less. Already wrote my book Escaping the grip of control.
My parents tactics involved the appropriation of tgeir childrens' achievements and the use of these to aggrandise themselves but never, ever to acknowledge any of us directly for those achievements. I never heard praise from my parents, but I overheard them boasting to others about me. As I grew into my teens, my incipient womanhood and my outer appearance threatened my mother, so she set out to humiliate me for my physicality on a grand and crushing scale. My youngest brother achieved well academically, but my parents did not wish to have any financial burden of supporting him in tertiary education... so they made up a lie that he was an academic nobody who had not succeeded sufficiently well to go on to university. He has had this thrown at him by so many family friends who believed this deliberate and cruel lie.
TY for the validation. I wish I went "No Contact" w my mother & sister( My sister was the new n improved duchebag Model) decades ago! Best life altering decision I could of made in my life. Sick & Twisted people. It was a pure life long psychological Molestation. I wonder who their getting their bottomless Pit supply from now? 10 years and happy as hell!
I would like to add to my previous comment. It was not until my cousin some years later happened to remark that she believed my mother to be jealous of me that I started to understand what was going on. My cousin said she believed my mother was jealous of my ability to go to college and live on my own and travel while my mother had been dependent of my father and her own mother all her adult life. I decided to make a comment here because I am in complete agreement with the message in this video. This type of narcissism and pathological envy is very dangerous and life-threatening in so many ways. If anyone feels that they are experiencing something like the financial abuse that I detailed in my previous comment, get out of that situation fast, even if you must seek outside help.
Yup, just checking in! so sad, isn’t it, to have that kind of parents. The only way to healing is to get away from them, which I successfully did! Yay me!
" Life begins after you go no contact" I have just not contacted my Covert narcissist mother for some weeks since I discovered that she is a Covert narcissist. And it IS already better.
I’m the only child and daughter of a narc birth vessel. She does not deserve to be called mother. She hated me so much growing up that as soon as I graduated high school I joined the military. I’ve always tried to do right by her and that always ended in disaster. I now live about 800 miles from her and am low contact. She is in the hospital now and will probably transition to a nursing home. People keep suggesting that I move her to my state. Nope! She is still just as mean and passive aggressive as ever and I’m not spending any of my good days on her!
Make no mistake, malignant narcissists are extremely dangerous, they cam and will be detrimental to your health and well being. Genetics should never matter when it comes to narcissistic abuse and no contact is the only solution, period!
Thank you. My goal is to have peace in my life before I kick the buckict. You have helped greatly. I only wish my kids can grow by learning more As well as be at a point of joy with out there mother continuing to put them down . you would think a mother would always want the best for her kids. Sadly that's not always the case. Sometimes I want to luck her up. Then the kids would be free from the mental abuse. The starters thing they did was to move away. There doing great. Now I hope she stops bugging me.
Yes unfortunately my eldest son was influenced by his narc grandparents and still lashes out at me...whenever he gets a chance...but used me whenever he got married to each of his 3 wives. I have broken off all contact.
Wow, you just described my life's story (with my mother). Mother possessed tremendous skills in completely controlling me well into my adulthood. I hated it, so I would occasionally break free, only to be reeled back in by some of the most horrible methods imaginable (I can't even talk about them, they are so horrible). Well, Mother finally died 15 years ago, and I breathed a sigh of relief thinking that I was free of the horrors. Think again! My narc husband and children picked up the smoldering torch and began a relay race that continues to this day. The race is all about keeping me in my place, and slapping me down whenever I try to deviate from it....because somebody has to be the scapegoat. I need a miracle, and a good lawyer. Please pray for me.
Best video I’ve ever seen on this stuff. I struggle with the push and pull of Complex PTSD when it comes to processing what’’s happening to me during abusive encounters. I understand every dynamic in painstaking detail, intellectually, but the message gets distorted, psychologically. This video is like a translator that decodes the distorted information into what I’ve worked on in therapy (perspective, sense of self, immunity to gaslighting). I’m so excited to explore this channel! I have a playlist called Vitamins that I use to store mantra-like content when I need mental nourishment and undisputed clarity. This is going at the top of the list.
I have that, I always felt my daughter was jealous of me but it didnt make sense to me. My daughter has achieved so much more college, money, independence then me.
@@thereadiane288 It doesn't matter what they achieve. It'is never enough. I was celebrating my daughter's achievements. Glowing for her. I was SO happy that she had come such a long way from being the little girl with ADD who was falling through the cracks and losing her confidence. I spent my life encouraging her, assuring her, supporting her, praising her when ever we hit a mile stone. I WAS SO HAPPY THAT SHE WAS LAUNCHING. The last thing she said to me as she walked out the door after trashing me? "In fact, I no longer even want you to derive HAPPINESS from watching me perform on stage. There you have it. It was MY HAPPINESS, my JOY that she was out to destroy in her Self Sabotage. That negative little voice in her head won. Everyone loved her, believed in her, BUT: She didn't believe in herself. ENVIOUS of my happiness, she had to destroy everything about me, ESPECIALLY my happiness.
Na Narcissistic parent falsely diagnosed child with ADHD when they don't want to listen to the hateful language. They hold them back and discouraging them from working with anyone but within the family. I don't let them socialize at school And do everything to keep the housebound. Talk not even to try to learn a certain subject. Then ironically the grandchild is diagnosed by professionals with AdD that child is still doted on and given private lessons from sports to music. They are special
On the outside my husband's covert narc mother could be that overbearing, annoying person you didn't want to be around, passive aggressive, etc. But she did have some people fooled into thinking she was a giving kind person. Then there was the side of her that I unfortunately got to know. My husband was the Invisible Child. I came from a very dysfunctional family myself so when my husband would hush me up whenever I told him about the things his mother would say or do to me. He would even lie to cover her behavior. This started when I was 16 years old. He was normally a sweet person and does ssi much for the family but add his mother into the mix and he'd lose his evening mind, especially once she got sick. Anyway, back to the beginning. At first, MIL didn't like me. I think she hated that her Invisible Child son had gotten a decent girl and that wasn't allowed in her world. I was successful in school. She very much made me husband (and his older brother) feel like a loser. Their success was not okay with her. I didn't know any of this and in fact didn't even figure out that MIL was a narcissist until a few years ago. MIL used to say that my BIL, her own son, couldn't do anything. Wow! I just heard you say they don't teach their kids about money so they can't succeed! 🤯 This is what they did to my husband! His father was a comptroller for the city's water district but my husband has no idea how to budget or keep on top of his bills! I'd never put those two things together. Mind blown! Still recovering from that. I'm just stunned. 😳 You're absolutely right that they only get worse. I tried to tell my husband that but he wouldn't listen. MIL only allowed for her Golden Child daughter and that beach if the family to be successful at anything. MIL actually walked by my husband and me as we were looking at a scrap book with his newspaper clippings and racing bibs and spat at us in a harsh whisper that my husband had never participated in triathlons like his sister did. MIL disliked our oldest daughter but she'd sometimes buy her really decent presents. So no one could accuse her of mistreating her when though she did mistreat hey all the time. She'd speak harshly to my child, tell her she was fat, "accidentally" hurt her. MIL was a functional alcoholic and she'd get really drink then run in and scoop our kids up when we'd let our guard down (she was inhumanly fast especially for her age) and she'd run off and stumble around the house with my babies until my husband is I could chase her down and get the baby back. She timed it all very well. Psycho. MIL would always take us down a peg, covertly of course, whenever the Scapegoat grandchildren did anything right. My daughter got a job while on college at a pizza place and she was so happy to have finally gotten a job. MIL knew she'd gotten hired but not where. She called my daughter up and asked where was working and when she heard it was a pizza place she said after a pause, " Welllll that's okay!" Super fake. Like my child was such a failure for not getting a better job. MIL was pissy when my oldest was getting married and tried screwing with our heads multiple times throughout the planning and at the wedding. I recently heard that many years ago when my oldest was about 15 and had made our small church worship team, MIL used to get my daughter alone and tell her that the only end for a musician is to die alone in the street. More recently, MIL started in on one of my younger girls. My child had fallen in love with ballet and at age 10, landed a solo in her tiny dance school's Nutcracker show. MIL acted all excited about it but paused for taking her down a peg to ask if she'd gotten the party in the large Nutcracker production put on every year in our city. Anyway, MIL demanded to know all the details about when and where the show would be. I relayed the info to my meticulous planner MIL in the summer within hours of getting the information myself. My child was so excited that her grandparents were actually coming to the show. Normally the in-laws ignored or were busy when we'd invite them to our kids' activities. They went to our two oldest kids' events but once Golden Grandchildren outgrew that kinds of events, MIL outgrew them too. She had no interest in our younger kids'events. But when MIL got sick they actually went to one recital the summer before so I fully believed she was turning over a new leaf in light of her serious illness. Nope. She was just plotting an ugly mind game against my sweet dancer child. This woman who used to always announce months in advance whenever she was going on a cruise did not mention a word about any other plans besides cunning to see our children (3 of our girls) in the Nutcracker. MIL waited until a week or two before the Nutcracker, at Thanksgiving dinner, to grab our second youngest child, the one who'd earned the solo, the one who was so excited that her grandparents were coming to watch the dance she'd worked in so hard. MIL grabbed it child and pulled her side to tell her that she was so sorry but due to all the stress of her medical treatments, she and FIL couldn't make it to the show. Instead they *had* to go on a cruise and it was going to be *on the day* of the show. MIL of course waited until SIL and her family were going it for a walk to minimize witnesses. It took a while for it so to sink in. After this MIL continued to pick at our child every time she thought I wasn't looking. Like, she literally got after my baby girl for not having ham on her plate at Christmas dinner. I tried to minimize contact and in retaliation MIL kept messing with my child. She made sure we knew she'd given away her seeing machine and even gave me some of her quilting material. Then she skipped over my dancer daughter and have her very last handmade quilt to our youngest child. All the older kids had gotten beautiful handmade quilts from their grandmother. We knew that it dancer works be forever left out and she was the one who raised it first. I never asked for not expected these lovely quilts. I sew and I know how expensive fabric is and how long these things take to make. I appreciated those keepsakes for my kids because both of my grandmothers were gone, one before I was born and the other when I was 2. I had nothing of theirs and nothing from them. My dancer daughter is a kind, sweet child. She was my biggest Rainbow Baby after my younger son was stillborn. She's sandwiched between two special needs siblings and she has helped with both of them since she was small because she loves them. This kid never says, "It's not fair" or "What about me?" But she noticed that her grandmother had left her out. I hate that this is the legacy that woman left behind.
If you have had a childhood with a malignant NPD father or mother and you get children with one, thats what I call insanity. I would NEVER EVER chose to put a child in the same horrible childhood as I had. If you did, please consider divorce and choose for the HEALTH of your CHILDREN before they get damaged and the cycle goes on at the next generations. If you choose to be with a NPD partner, don't get children please ! Me, my aunt and my sis are still addicted to NPD and took our responsibility to not have any children and therefor broke the cycle of abuse in our family.
This video made me cry,,,I had to cut contact with my narc Mum who has made my life a living hell,,,What followed can only be described as a hate campaign, tried to take my son off me. We spoke again after 10 years, it lasted 6 months before the beast raised it's ugly head again. After a year I cut contact totally, without any regret at all. This video made me cry because I feel so lucky that I am out and amazed that I managed to survive so many years of double binds, dissacioation and gaslighting....she certainly put a target on back, every adult romantic relationship I have had, they have been abusive, and she trained me so well that I didn't even realise it was abuse. My last serious relationship with a covert narc brought it to light because I typed into Google "Why can my boyfriend be so horrible to me and so nice to everyone else?" and it came up with articles about abuse. I have learnt so much, but they are still around me. I can kind of see them now, but it doesn't stop me from being attracted to them. I really want to heal but everyone talks about "addressing the trauma" and I have literally no memories of my childhood. Thank you for your videos and I am so happy for you and your son that you have come back together. Any tips for healing and setting boundaries would be gratefully received. (I tried to think about what boundaries I need and the only thing I could come up with was "I don't want to be punched in the face!!!!!" oh dear!) Un saludo y gracias :)
This is my husband's mom ever since we got a house. She financially abused him and continues to do so to his remaining siblings who live at home. She knew she destroyed his credit and gave him sabotaging financial advice knowing full well how credit works. We got a house and its like she's angry at us over it. She's even more angry since we have been here over a year and she hasn't seen it yet (she has herself to thank for that). She continues to give my husband sabotaging financial advice, like to take out all his retirement and take a "break" from work (ordinary 40hr work week). She asks a million questions about our house and since she knows we plan to stay here long term she has to challenge that and say oh we can sell it and move back to her area! I'm sick of her nonsense. I have had to gently educate my husband. He's seeing the light little by little, especially after we got a debt collector letter in the mail for him from HER debt (prior to me- they have no financial info together).
I didn’t realize this until I was in my 40’s. She HATED my sister(s). Still hates them. Makes me sick to my stomach thinking about them as little girls and their mother didn’t love them. :( She also alienated all her children from our 2 fathers. I’m 51 and it still hurts. Does it ever go away? 😢
I don't think these sword🤺 blows go completely away, but as you move forward and live your best life these scars move further away and get *much* smaller. There *is* hope!! 🐛🦋
You are absolutely right! My narcissistic mother is kept at arms length and she is only allowed brief periods of contact with my daughter, one day generally is max bc that’s all she can handle to be nice to my daughter. And it’s several months in between visits. I told my mother that the abuse she put me through may have been good enough for me as a kid but that if she didn’t step up and smile and be a grandma even just for that day then she doesn’t get to be around my little girl, she deserves better than I got growing up. She realized I meant it and has been okay overall, time will tell
So that's why my aunt dearest hated me (even tried to poison me I suspect) because I was competition to her "precious" golden son, awwww! Don't worry I outrun him in almost every imaginable way - yay way to go for me! 💯💥😆
My family & old friend group to a T. They would do anything to attack and take me down & I’ve gone through hell but I’m at the point where I just laugh it off. I’m realizing how miserable these people are
Even sabotaging their own children's health is not beyond them.
OMG! Yes! My dad would say that I don't have asthma and his cigar smoking doesn't have any effect on me! Even though the pediatrician clearly told him and even gave a FREE inhaler because I was so bad! Fast forward I had gestational hypertension and he would argue all the time, he said my BP spiking was all in my head! Dude, wtf??
I can vouch for that entirely.
I so wish you had been able to go non contact. Hearing that you were in the company of such a monster as an adult while pregnant is hard to hear. But no judgement. It’s a very difficult move. I so hope you are out of striking distance from this abuser now and are asthma free.
facts. my father helped my ex destroy my life and career in a different hemisphere from his. that's how sick they are. full blown sick in the fucking head
We know
They are envious of your peace of mind.
OMG really???
Yes! They are NEVER content- constantly on the move for extra anything to distract the squirrels in their head
@@hawaiigirl8089 squirrels in her Head 😂😂 (I know this is serious but that got me)
Noticed that myself
👆🏾this!
"Life begins when you go no contact." So true.
Amen 🙏
So true
That’s NOT always realistic. I am not talking about a bf & gf sleeping together in shacking up. I
Mean in marriage- grown up stuff
amen say that peace of mind and FREEDOM
Finally did this to my Dad. Weeks went by I put up fake cameras is all I cld afford because I knew any time he wld show up & send my head through the glass door. Women/children have always been easy targets. I thought at 60yr old he evolved into a more understanding person. No not at all.
3wk before Xmas he snapped when I said no sorry I'm going to sit out (1st time saying no to xmas cookies too much going on) He 1st mocked my failed suicide attempt in that childish high pitch voice, It was mandatory every 2wks to visit him but said 'when you have time for your dear old dad call me!!' Hung up on me after calling me a whiney bitch. Mentally messed with me until after his bday I stood my ground & did not call. My bday shortly after his I was so nervous he wld try calling, I've given him the courtesy of not blocking his # like I did to my addict mother who only reached out when she knew days of my DR apmts. I can tell you how powerful it feels to not have this negativity in my life & pray it goes no contact the rest of my life.
Thank you guys for your time. This video & comments helped alot 🫶
My narcissistic mother and grandmother would yell at me “why are you so happy” just for smiling.
You grew up in hell
It's the hardest thing to get your head around. All society tells us is nobody loves us like a mother. No one cares about you like a parent. When you have to come to terms that your parent doesn't and never had your best interest at heart, it does a number on you. But I can see it all now. What's sad is everyone around me saw it but me.
You just described my mother! She diminished and ridiculed my achievements in life constantly, especial in front of other people. I am her oldest child with one younger golden child sister who is also a full blown narc. My mother was so sneaky she would tell other relatives, “I wish Graham had an older brother”. It made it sound like she cared about me and at the same time put me down, so sneaky! Eventually I went no contact and even legally changed my last name. I recommend this to all victims. Not sharing the family name helps you move on from the toxic family environment you grew up in as you start your new life emotional free from their abuse.
Once a psychiatrist told me the advice about changing my last name from the different one given me when married back to my maiden name. Then I started to wonder why so many people still insist that everyone take a title to go with their name right away when reaching voting age. After hearing what some narcissist doctors are determined to be doing about that I better not touch that one with a ten foot pole until another psychiatrist starts rebelling against the academia establishment for me again.
I relate to this so much. I am the oldest and my younger sister is my mother’s golden child. I have been the scapegoat since I was a child. Things got so bad that I moved to a different state just to get away from them. My mom is still trying to make my life hell. I never thought of changing my name, that is a good idea. Things have gotten so bad that I’m actually scared
@@apeach3336 Stay strong and never break no contact. You’ll come through this, we all do.
To those in this situation, don't worry. I know it's bad but don't feel bad re-creating a new identity for yourself. I turned 30 but I really wish I could change my family name. My name is so rare no one else has my name combination on the planet. I hate it. My mother went as far to make fake social media platforms pretending to be me when i was 24. I went no contact age 25 when I was ignored as if i was invisible by my entire family. They played deaf. Oh that and my mother making racist unfunny jokes. I am biracial. If one has a problem with brown men then why marry one and treat your darker child as a leper? I'm not even visibly anything being able to change up my identity these days. Mostly for my protection of course.
I was taken out of every hobby I loved and I strived at...because I was a girl doing better than my younger golden bro brother. The irony is everyone has degrees in psychology and my brother is doing his master's now. Whereas I was left to struggle on the streets treated as dumb! The guy is a full blown megalomaniac overt narcissist. I have two channels. One is a video diary Rage Against The Narc on here and another is my above channel.
I have no idea if what I am saying can help anyone because I am in the midst of getting treatment for ptsd. So yeah....maybe I should change my name. I am fed up. The worst is being taken out of school multiple times and psychological torture. That and being forced into a cult. I have to get the truth out there. My question is...
Do I continue to stay zero contact after 5 years? It's getting lonely out here. But their madness did propel me to move to the other side of the planet age 18.
@@AccidentalWarrior144 You must stay no contact. Narcs get worse with age. Move on, without the Narc strangling you emotionally, you’ll be able to breath and grow.
Or they provide you with the financial support to keep you enmeshed by using guilt and false kindness to keep u in their debt
I tell them keep it! The universe always finds a way when you haven't got money,I know this from experience. never ask these people for financal help
@@shiannepalmer3253 you're absolutely correct. Nothing is free
I’ve noticed a majority of adults I know (adults up to age 50) I’m 25...I’ve noticed adults can go to their parents and ask for a place to stay until financially stable, or ask for money to cover the bills if an emergency happens. I can’t even allow my parents to babysit, not that they would. But I’m sorry your family holds financial help over your head, it’s wrong. While living with my dad, to keep me emeshed, as soon as I got my tax return he went out and bought a car (I didn’t ask for it, he didn’t even mention before hand) he just buys the car (a metal death trap, terrible car for me while pregnant, transmission was dying when he bought it) then he demanded ($2,000) which was More than my whole tax return. I didn’t ask for him to buy anything, I was so confused why he would do that...until I learned what a co-dependent narcissism is. I got a P.O. Box so he couldn’t open or steal my mail anymore, I got married to my child’s father without my dad knowing, and Now I’m finally about to leave. I have all my ducks in line and an EPO in place since Nov. my dad took out multiple life insurance policies on me without my consent or knowledge, so after I leave I need to immediately start writing letters to these life insurance companies and start the identity theft process. I’m still alive. Just remember, it could always b worse.
Devalue when your getting realy good at something then it's no good and they shame you for being good and that hurt me so bàd I never picked up art for twenty years it's like a wound on the inside a bad one though iv forgiven them I still feel the pain inside
No way, own up that you take it. Grow up.
That explains why mine never helped me with anything! She wanted me to fail...didn't happen! No contact!
They'll sabotage you too just so they can come to the rescue to look like a martyr or leave you alone to " teach you a lesson." The lesson I've learned is these people are very sick and feel very threatened when you can see through them.
My mother actually once told me that “I’ll treat you however I wanna treat you”! If that’s not the very definition of a narcissist, I don’t know what is.
My mother is a narc. Let me tell you when I grew into my womanhood got into shape she became so envious. I realized she not once said anything nice about the way I look. She does now that I’m married and she knows that my husband would not stand for her negativity. I’m not falling for her fake kindness
My mother would tell me I looked sick whenever I would get into physical shape.
my mom said that parents should never comment on their children's looks, but then would ridicule random people's appearances. eventually, she started talking to me about how beee-yooo-tiful one of our friends from childhood had become.
just no consistency. if it's not cool to comment on appearances and if we're to focus on real beauty instead (and we are) ... then do that in every single case.. instead of kinda rubbing it into my face that someone from our lives is so outwardly whatever.
Sounds like my mom. Not a nurturing bone in her body
My mother could never keep a promise but she could always keep a threat. She was full of rage, especially when she was jealous of me, which was most of the time.
So disgusting I can't believe I've lived this life for so long this way with my parents*step maybe that's why *Cinderella x 3.14
The only reason Narcissists have children is for supply. This video also accurately applies to Narc siblings. The Narc parent will also withhold healthcare, clothes, basic sundries, housing, education, finances, opportunities, absolutely anything! IT WAS HORRIBLE! I was never so grateful but to be done with my childhood and move out of my mother’s house. My only fault was not going no contact on that day.
Yup. No matter what job I work, or where it is, eventually there will be an envious coworker of some kind that will surface.
I can literally show up on time, do my job, not talk to anybody (unless necessary), and leave, without partaking in any work drama. And STILL eventually a narc coworker will become envious of my exceptional job performance, or my punctuality, etc.
Its really exhausting.
And of course once I’m on their radar, they will try to sabotage any and all opportunities for me at work.
The coworkers were terrible mothers to you. Lmao
But the pain is close to the hatefulness that oozes out of your own parent.
I was there the other day and she just kept saying “you’re so ugly. Your hair is ugly. You’ll never be able to run a buisness. Your crazy. Your a psycho”. This happened the whole weekend recently. Safe to say I’m recovering and realizing it’s been a lifetime of this and I really must stay away.
Thanks god for growth and healing. The thick skin we need to have to deal with these malevolent creatures!!! I can imagine the suicide rates with these dysfunctional families. Not everyone has the tools or resources to heal. If i didn't have the survival spirit I have....I would probably be dead!
The family member who must be available for abuse is me. When I began to keep myself away more, I noticed that after a while, right when I, of course, was starting to relax, I was hearing huffing and puffing (huffs and irritable sighs). Being stared at in silence. And other similar kinds of behaviors, not so subtle. And all the other warning signs that typically have always been present prior to when she's getting ready to go into a rage. And unfortunatly, just as I was concerned would happen, but was hoping wouldnt happen, now there are actual passive aggressive acts. This person has been passive aggressive toward me and to me since I was a little girl, but it got a lot worse in my late teens. So there's been a pattern of this stuff for years and years.
It's so painful when it's your parents. The people who are supposed to Protect you from harm and ensure your safety 😢.
I'm glad you specify the "pathological envy" because everyone is capable of experiencing some envy but there's a real difference to the pathological envy that a narcissist feels and will use as an excuse to undermine other people.
I'm so glad this topic/knowledge is becoming more and more mainstream. During my youth we were shamed with 'but they are family' type BS and I am so happy to see this is turning around everywhere on the world stage.
That shaming & accusing is alive & well. Rolled who do that are almost always those were themselves abused as children and cannot face it. They’re working out their shame & trauma on your back. Anyone who ever did that is also on the no contact list immediately. However these days I discuss it with no one. If I’m cornered by a nosy, abhorrent person I simply lie and say my family died in a plane crash when I was small. End of subject.
After understanding and breaking free from the narcissist comes healing. Congratulations to all those brave souls out there.
Love yourself, keep good company and live your life.
These kind of parents want their children to commit suicide. They push you to the edge of a cliff and will temp you to throw yourself down. They mess up anything in your life they can get to. I pray for all those with a mother like mine. Please don't give up. There is a God name Yahweh, and he sees all. He said he is not mocked. What ever anyone sow they will reap. He also says he laughs at the wicked, because he knows their end. He also says anyone that wait for him will not be ashamed. He is the one that put us in these families, and he has a plan. He will use all of us with these nasty abusive parents. Yahweh heal everyone that watch this video, and bring good out of all the evil you all faced. Shalom.
I agree. I had a friend who committed suicide. When I met her dad, I realized what a horrible person he was. He hated her for some reason. I really don't know why. My friend was smart, funny, and kind.... :( What's strange is her father was a pastor emeritus at a church. He was also a liar. On his website profile, he put that he graduated from "Harvard." He didn't. He graduated from some small school called "Harvard College." Typical narcissist. People always say "Honor your mother and father." But the New Testament says we should leave unGodly parents. Matthew 19:29-30 "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first." No one should have to endure evil people.
My covert narcissist mother was 46 years old when she pushed me very hard at age 19 to hook up with her narcissist coworker. Between the 2 of them they sabotaged and ruined my life before my 29th birthday. In hindsight, I see clearly now how she manipulated and destroyed the lives of all 4 of her children, including the golden child daughter. She has even driven a wedge between her grandchildren against their "evil parents" that the holy roller Christian happened to give birth to. It is a disgusting mess they leave behind them. She passed away Dec 24th, and now I'm an evil devil for not joining the family at the weeping whaling wall. None of them spent the last 6 years of daily abuse and exposure as did I. They all believe she is in heaven now, but I know better. I appreciate your understanding of what people like me have suffered through. I can tell you have been there.
Did i understood it right and you didn't went to her funeral and mourned your loss? If so..you rather decided to take care of yourself..i totally support that...what do all these fools think? I always say that the damage the narc caused is not gone because they are..pfff people. You did it right, sweety..no need and place for social expected grief.
Its the beginning of healing to finally admit that they have no ability to love and they actually believe they can wear that mask in front of their maker and get stars in tbeir crowns and that is their problem. Trying to
Self focus and healing is my problem and with Gods strength i will get there!
thank you Phineas, I lived this almost precisely. keep on keepin on -
Yes this is sooo true. narcissist seem to not know how to separate themselves from others in a healthy way in most situations. They feel like they are entitled to your success even though they never worked for it. SO while they spent forever sitting at home playing video games, eating pizza and wacking off at the same time as you were grinding and working your butt off with blood sweat and tears they feel like its not fair that the end results you got didnt just fall out of the sky for them. Can you make this make sense??? And now since what you worked your tail off for didnt just fall out of the sky for them with no work required its time to be mad at you, jealous of you and hate u and try and punish u in some way. The smear campaign was the weapon of choice for a couple of these narcissist in the past I had the displeasure of ever even meeting. But its funny because narcs know how to healthily separate themselves form you in other situations. Say for instance I got a fake jealous "friend thats a narc and Im away from him one weekend and I rob a bank. I get arrested and charged and convicted and sentenced to 10 years in the slammer WHile fighting back a smile and trying to pretend they are not happy you had a fall from grace. That "friend of mines isn't gonna say hey I wanna take some of those years of jail time or do time with him even though I didnt commit the crime. They will healthily and emphatically separate themself from you in that situation and say he did the crime he will do the time! Now take the same narc jealous "friend in a different situation. Say im away from this fake jealous "friend one weekend and go do some legal work for a wealthy individual and they compensate me handsomely and I purchase a new vehicle. WHen the narc "friend finds out about this first they are gonna look like they are sucking on a lime and be mad and jealous and a hater and feel like I should have :consulted with them before even buying the car. Then they are gonna feel entitled to my car EVEN THOUGH THEY DIDNT DO THE WORK FOR IT. U see just how deranged and warped a narcissist mind is??? They see life through a dark distorted lens and although it seems they are at war with you they are not . THEY ARE ACTUALLY AT WAR WITH REALITY AND U ARE A CASUALTY. They see things like u two on a imaginary seesaw. If they view you as up they feel down and have to try and sabotage you and bring you down and when they view you as down they feel up and good and have to try and keep you down. If you are doing good they feel bad and if you are doing bad they feel good. WHAT TYPA SHYYYT IS THAT??? just SICK!!!
That is a very apt analogy...... seeing everyone else on an imaginary see-saw with them.... and yeah... that SHOVING off to make themselves look superior and make you look "less than." But you're also right... It's all a DELUSION. These people are delusional nut jobs living in a fantasy world, not real life. And their flying monkeys become their partners in their "folie a deux."
This is so sad because as an only child I was scapegoat and golden child. My children were also subjected to this as well unfortunately. My daughter has been my mother’s scapegoat from birth, my son was the golden child but since he couldn’t tolerate her controlling so he’s been scapegoated. They both went limited to no contact and I support them completely.
My mother is a insane narc no contact 3 years super envious psycho I left the state I'm healing from cptsd I am a empath you are totally correct my mother tried to gaslight my son we fled I'm the successful one my brother is the goldenchild he is emeshed and he is a narc
Tomiko Eaton you’re so strong. I’m so happy for you and your son!!!
My mother a narc who envied me for all i did and her mother my grandmother was the same. No contact with narcm. Since 7years and still healing. I have dreams of her where i ask her to go away because she cannot be where i am. Unfortenately my lil sister turned out to be like her. Expected me to be there..always but if i wanted to get in touch with she never reacted.
They love to Target the empathic personality and a person who has morals and ideals and most importantly innocence my mother did everything she could to destroy my childhood and my wife she loved every moment of my pain I did have my revenge one day I got a phone call from a social worker telling me that my mother was dying she was on her deathbed I can hear my mother talking to her begging her to get me to talk to her I didn't I just hung up in the end she died of HIV completely alone
Me too. No contact since 2013
Most all usually are to you insane, Its not your fault and don;t ever blame yourself. Its what they wanted all along of you.
My father went before and behind me to ruin my good reputation well into adulthood. People in my orbit liked me, those in my father's orbit avoided me.
People who meet me and have heard about me from family are meeting a different person from who my family wants me to be. It's sad.
Failing to provide narcissistic supply (I'm an aspie) makes me the black sheep of the family. I have a mother and 2 sisters with well developed pathology.
My older sister tells folks incredible damaging lies about me.
My mother would treat my son so nastily that I could not expose him to her for any length of time. In fact my mother would attack anyone I had regard for other than her.
I've stopped making allowances for them and accept that I am basically an orphan.
I realised that I was actually an orphan I turned to God. Since childhood I walked with God and have been blessed. Today I look back at my life and see the golden thread
That is so interesting .. I have aspergers as well, and was also made the scapegoat of the family. I had a logical mind and I never adapted to the lies, the gaslightning etc. I must have been horrible supply, now that I think about it !
@@marilouaurorah869 when you're dealing with pathological gaslighting, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Most of our society live in a huge codependent gaslighting cluster. Aspies are the few souls who do not engage in the 'group think' and have authentic beliefs of their own.
Important thing is to not beat yourself up over the behaviour of others Marilou. Just love yourself for the unique creature you are ;)
Are you also a twin flame? I think I have noticed a relevance between being the family scapegoat and being a twin flame.
@@xrc7445 not familiar with what a 'twinflame' is.
What beautiful gift from your son, I'm so happy he's in your life again!
The inner self is miserable. That is why they make you miserable. The misery you get from them is what they really feel deep down.
yep...they are so miserable...misery loves company
I was wondering why my son hated my husband. My mother brainwashed him. He's the only man have ever took care of him. My mother never had a good man . So she tried to destroy me through my own son. These people or sick!
Thank you for your video and
lovely gifts ❤
This explains what I could never wrap my head around. The narcs kids had no rules, no boundaries, no expectations, no responsibilities and everything is replaceable, even people. The lying, stealing, denying everything and always being the victim. These were only my step kids, but the narc ruined them. Now they are all adults and move in and out and it was like being surrounded by nothing but bad. This video gave me clarity and made it easier to understand, except what happened and to move on.
Thank you for this.
...I always called it 'living with the enemy'
Sabotage and triangulation so insidious and pervasive the only metaphor I can think of is a fly in a spider's web... except the spider keeps it alive for years feeding...
Nightmare fuel
This is so true. I wish I didn’t wait till my mother passed to break free. It’s really taken a toll on my life my health. My mother was so vicious she even would go behind my back to my friends and try to turn them against me. When I was little my mother would pick up my friends bring them for ice cream and talk bad about me. My friend told me she was so upset when my mother had called her and told her horrible things about me she couldn’t even go out that night she was so shook up. Also i was dating this guy in high school my mother was supposed to pick me up and here comes my boyfriend driving my mothers car and he told me that they had spent the day together that did not sit well with me. I could go on and on. Now my daughter is a narcissist person and has such evil in her. She has done such horrible things to me. I’m so concerned for my granddaughter. My granddaughter is such a sweet smart loving three year old. I try to protect her the best I can but my daughter is so jealous and envious. Thank God my daughters stepmom is awesome but she is also a target with my daughter. Yesterday the stepmom called me crying and I told her to not pay attention and do not let it in what my daughter says. My daughter is jealous of her stepmom very envious. My daughter has blocked me from seeing my granddaughter from day one when ever she feels like it. It’s devastating and now she’s doing it to the step grandmother.
It's so weird right? I just realized recently I think my mom was trying to make jealous by incinuating that something was going on between her and my kids dad a while back. I think my reaction was like cool whatever 😂
I pray my children remove themselves against their sick mentally ill grandparents. I pray everyday!
My therapist told me they do not do what they do purposefully. Even if that is true which is not, why should I care if they do it. Why should we again need to be the bigger person and understand. I always thought that they just do not have clear intentions that’s why they behave the way they do. I really did not realize that they actively sabotage me.
It is false that they do not do what they do purposefully. They act nice towards some people, and evil towards others. THEY KNOW what they are doing. They even know when not to abuse you in public. They CHOOSE to be evil, and they choose who they hurt with their actions.
Everything you are saying is absolutely ON POINT. My narc mother was totally envious when I told her I was travelling to bali with my boyfriend and started to stir up drama in our home targeting my daughter. She started saying my daughter was being disrespectful and saying I was a bad example. Plus she got mad when we started locking our door when we leave ,it was pretty amazing to see how unreasonable she can get. Thankfully my kids know better now than to believe a liar. 😊she is a true pathological sociopath.
I was financially abused by my mother upon coming home from another state and caring for my father after he had a major stroke. My parents were both elderly and my grandmother was in a nursing home. My mother also had congestive heart failure so she was not well either. I am an only child. I came home and at first had some unemployment from a previous teaching job. I only received unemployment money for 6 months, most of which went to getting my father's car in working condition and getting powers of attorney set up, etc. After the 6 months of unemployment ran out, I was penniless. Also had no health insurance. I did not think there would be a problem because my mom had control over my father's money and her own money. However, my mom accused me of stealing some jewelry and some hidden cash which I knew nothing about. I was denied any money. If I asked for as little as $2.00 for the bus, my mother replied that she had no money and that I shouldn't look to her for anything because I am an adult. At one point, I was unable to leave the house for 9 months. I was not asking for her to support me financially, just help me to get on my feet after helping my family with a few dollars. My father's car stopped working when I was unable to put any money into its upkeep. I was using it to take my parents to the hospital and for check-ups, etc. My mother, who never drove, then used Access services to visit my grandmother in the nursing home, doctor's visits for herself and my father, and cab service to do the shopping. The situation got much worse and more humiliating than this but I will say for now that it can be a real shock when you find that you are being controlled financially and have no means of getting out of that situation. I never thought my mother would turn against me like that.
My heart goes out to you. Could you find a friend to talk to who can also help you with some cash or a job?
@@sodonewithit4370 Thank you so much for your reply. What happened to me happened many years ago. My friends listened to me tell them what I was going through but no one offered to help. I learned a valuable lesson. That lesson was to make sure I have my own independent financial means and to NEVER put myself in such a position again to lose control over my finances. That is why I made my original comment. I posted it as a warning to others to not place themselves in such situations where they may encounter abuse of any kind. When I was being controlled financially, it was very humiliating and I did not understand what was happening right away. it took some time for me to understand. So I posted my comment to help others who might be dealing with a similar situation to know that this is abuse and to make arrangements to get out of that situation as soon as possible and not get into a situation like that again. Thank you so much for your concern. God bless you. 🧡🙏
@@rozchristopherson648 My mother tried to do that to me as well. Luckily an issue came up with my husband (whom she tried to isolate me from) and I love him and my kids more than I cared about my parents. I returned the following year to help them again, and she lied to me again about selling the house, and so I put so much of my personal savings into helping her, only to have her say she never wanted to sell the house. Literally sabotaging my retirement for her gain. Sick woman. I have three kids. She cares NOTHING for them. If that wasn't bad enough, my dad asked me to contact his last remaining sister before he died. My mother had vilified my dad's relatives all my life, and so I almost didn't want to do it! Turns out my aunt is not the horrible monster my mother made her out to be. So I helped my aunt visit my dad before he died. My mother TURNED ON ME, tried to smear me to my dad. So many things she did..... it was insane. Last of all, she wanted me to give her control over my bank account. When I refused, she started restricting my ability to talk to my dad. She didn't let me talk to him the night he died. I will NEVER forget that. That is how evil she is towards ANYONE who tries to expose her false self. I am permanently no-contact since January 2024. I will not allow her to hurt anyone in my family ever again. She can be taken care of by the state.
In my family being a Narcissist is apparently the norm and they hate me because I'm not like them. They think I'm psychologically disturbed because I'm not a Narcissist. It used to make me sick but now its starting to be kind of funny especially when they get on their two-faced book spewing their "fantasty world" (no I don't go on there I just know how they are) and put me down because I want nothing to do with them and their drama. This past Christmas I showed up and was told "We will bring your present tomorrow because yours got left at home". I was thinking "I wish I'd left myself at home". lol. BTW haven't gotten it yet and who cares it's probably laced with Anthrax. Hopefully soon I can totally go no contact with these idiots.
sad
Krisluvsutube have you had the privilege of them saying too you yet, if you were like us you would be normal. 😂😂😂😂
@@hugmc Not a direct statement. Just saying things like" I don't know what's wrong with you". " Why don't you think we love you"? etc. it's all the same message whether implied or actually stated.
My mother and her husband treat me similarly, I am the only one in the family who isn't narcissistic or a drunk. I think one of the reasons they hate me is that just by existing and being different to them, they take it as an attack on how they behave and live, as if I'm implying there is something wrong with them by not choosing to behave the same. Being a good person who isn't manipulative and hateful inadvertently shines a light on those who are and they don't like it so they have to make it seem like you're the one who's all bad. One Christmas my mother actually took me aside as soon as I arrived, and told me she was giving everyone cheques(checks in american). I was like "oh, okay", thinking it was odd. Then later when she was drunk she's like "time to sign the cheques!" and I see her writing one to my step-brother. I got an empty card (I had done absolutely nothing wrong). So the reason she told me was to make sure I knew she was willfully excluding me. I swore last Christmas when they made me feel unwelcome that it would be the last one I spend with them.
Oh yes it certainly is.
Wow! This was the primary facet of my mother's relationship with many people, including her children, friends and ex-friends. Up to just a couple years ago, there were no obvious online lay resources to help us understand her problems, but Mom's practice of envy, slander, gaslighting, and need for informants and codependents were so compelling I started calling her "Miss Information, the Queen of Envy".
I walked away from her after 46 years of abuse, including what you describe and many other blatant abuses. The final nail was her telling her friends that I was a "weirdo who likes to hang out in cemeteries", because I had succeeded breaking down some brick walls in her family genealogy by surveying family cemeteries, proving the decades-old hypotheses she developed but couldn't prove. A few months later, following the conviction of the man who killed our father (her husband) in a car wreck, the prosecutor made the mistake of praising me for promulgating the argument for murder: immediately, my mother stood up and said, "It doesn't matter what he (I) said (to the trial participants), he doesn't represent the family." She was off the rails!
Mom died in September last year, due to COVID given to her by one of her codependents; but even in her moribund state she was determined to drive wedges between her children, and is still succeeding.
This video brought tears to my eyes ...... as a single mother , my wealthy remarried narc mother alienated my 10yr old son . He is now 22 still lives with her , and he and my sisters are brainwashed completely IMO. I am alone and grieving and doing my gut wrenching recovery work with therapist. I get “ bashed” and alternately loved by my son with his texts. At this present time , I never hear from him at all . He is severely spoiled /enmeshed with her. She is 78. I am no contact with all family and it is brutal and liberating paradoxically. Thank you so much for the hope!
Narcissists are sneaky. NM always called me sneaky. I have no reason to sneak to do anything. I'm a grown woman!
This woman is amazing.
This is revelatory for me. I’ve never encountered anything that describes my life as the son of such a monster than this. Thank you. I’m in a place in which I must overcome the damage done to survive.
Thank you so much for this video. Really. About 6 months ago I went no contact with my parents, in short: because I had a daughter I want to protect. I just found out about narcissism via my psycologist a year and a half ago and it is mindboggling.This gives me recognision and reassurance in a road full of selfdoubt (still!!) and guilt (still!). Thank you this is much needed!
My first day when I was recovered from my step 12 program. I went on a 3 hour walk, felt the best I ever felt. The moment I got home my mother screamed at me for an hour OUT OF THE BLUE calling me a bitch, saying I'm jealous of my sister. It sent me back into my addiction and I haven't been able to recover since. She was so envious she couldn't stand I was happy for one day. I do I get back to where I was?
You have to understand when you change it's a threat to a narcissist. Take care of YOU. That's all you can control. Educate yourself about narcissistic parents.
Hey i know it’s months later but i wanted to tell you that I completely understand and definitely relate to your story , i hope you’re able to recover now. What I learned is that you have to build a resilient mind as well as constant self forgiveness. Speak to your inner child and comfort them. Learn about the things that bring you comfort and actively practice that so when the narcissist attacks , your mind automatically knows how to handle the emotions you feel. Hoped that helped 🥰❤️ Also validating yourself and telling yourself how you feel is real is also very helpful since narc LOVE to make it seem like we’re the crazy ones
It is so wonderful to know that it is not my fault! My parents are both narcissistic abusers and I saw it early on but I have been on a roller coaster my whole life with it until now at 47 I see the light and a lot of it is thanks to you and lightning target God bless you Jon thank you!
This was my mother towards me. This was my older brother who was her golden child. This was both ex mother's in law and both my ex husbands. This is how my 2 older and youngest children treat me. My father enabled my mother.
At least l have found this out and heard it articulated. Answers so many questions l had through my life. I fell into the patterning. Thank you for your insight and explanation.
Isn't it crazy how people who are supposed to " love you" team up with those who openly hate you to attack you and wonder why you're upset? The flying monkeys don't think anything is strange about this.. Talk about victim blaming.
"Break Free"--easier said than done for me. My mother has been a misandric, orthorexic, junctistic narcissist most of my life. She's always obsessed with making me the ultimate scapegoat. No contact doesn't seem to be enough. She always finds others to do her dirty work for her.
Voodoo her with banish ritual
My ex gaslighted the hell out of me when he was having his affair. I am a reminder of the truth I know about him. Now he and my daughter teamed up. I moved out of the state.
Yes, the ex that's the narc will use your children against you. Since they never forgive they use what you love most, your children or grandchildren as weapons. They spin a good tail and play a vicious game with everyone's lives as revenge. All the while playing the good guy. I'm sorry you have and are going through this. It's very painful. You did the right thing by distancing yourself.
One thing that no one talks about is how the children sometimes end up being narcissists. I am a codependent person, and I ended up with a narcissist. She discarded me after 25 yrs of marriage. Anyways, people always talk about the children being victims; however, in my case, even my children turned out to be narcissists, and they were born that way. Looking back, I can see that they were narcissists from birth. Today, they are in their early 20's, and they are just as abusive towards me as my ex-wife. I had no choice but to go no contact with them. My point is that everyone talks about the poor children as victims of narc abuse; however, I feel that many codependent parents are suffering abuse from their children, just as in my case. Please consider researching this topic and making a video, because I believe it's a real problem that is not being addressed. Thank you.
I am so glad that you brought up this heartbreaking reality for many parents. My heart absolutely breaks for you. I know I had extreme concerns for my son for several years. I am one of the lucky ones, because I think it has escaped contaminating my child. But, I do know many parents, like yourself, who are dealing with this. At the end of the day, when you are dealing with any narcissist, the only way to stop being abused is to go no contact, including with your own children. I know that decision could not have been an easy one. I would be happy to do a video about this topic. I am very familiar with how this happens, because many immediate members of my family have become this also. So, I absolutely will do a video about this. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate it so much.
@@theenlightenedtarget Thank you for the reply.
Jason Hart Jason I am so sorry for what you are going through. My covert narc wife of 32 years discarded me last May. I filed for divorce in August. I am still waiting for my first court date. I hope you can find peace and open yourself up to the life you deserve. Best of luck. Keep your head up and never give up. Remember to be thankful for what you have.
@@byronbutterfield4006 Thank you. I wish you the best, too. By the way, one of the hardest things I have found is how one day everyone's telling me what a good father I am, and husband. Then, literally days later, when they find out my wife is divorcing me, those same people treat me like I'm the worst guy who ever lived. I literally ended up going no contact with everyone in my life, everyone. My parents, friends, etc. all turned on me. I know it's really not a big loss because these people were all narcissists, come to find out, but still it's very difficult to face the discard alone, with no one to turn to. I guess what I'm going through is pretty typical for men. Men do not have support for the things we go through. We're just supposed to be bulletproof, with no emotions.
@@BEEBEE159 I feel your pain and loneliness. Makes you question your whole life and future and god
Mine omg, really messed me up, I ended up attracting more 🤦♂️ it's never too late to accept you've been wrongfully damaged and it means you need to be honest about it and heal yourself everyday
Guilt, obligation and pity is used on me and my children. He is envious of my oldest daughter. And has always thought that she was trying to break us up, which is furthest from the truth!! He slams doors stomps past us with flaring nostrils and heavy breathing trying to scare the shit outta us!! To comply with him or to rush to quiet/calm himself!!
This video is true!! This sad reality is how I grew up and was subjected to this form of abuse. And seeing it for what it really is took some time because at first I was in denial to the point I would start questioning my self,, narcissistic people want you to be confused and second guess yourself, this keeps them in control. I have decided to have no contact because every time, I end up being scolded and hurt behind the lack of love and care!!!
My success and that of my son drives my narc mother wild
The Narc keeping family members close by to rage on and make (her) feel superior, wow 😩 This is happening. The pathological envy is so real, gosh everything you said, I can see it all so clearly! Omg I think you literally just explained my Mother and my relationship, the money, the control, down to the last word!
Thank you Jill. You are such a blessing! You have saved my life ♥️♥️
This video is amazing and you are truly gifted. Me and my children have always been the Grade A supply, starting with me.
👏👏👏👏💫Awesome video thanks so much for sharing 😁
This is spot on!
You are referring to the worst kind of narcissists and not those somewhere on the spectrum. That helps clear up some questions I had. Thank you.
My reality was upside down for 30 years, quite the shock when the mask dropped and I was discarded, all that suffering for nothing other than I found myself more or less. Already wrote my book Escaping the grip of control.
Your opening statements described my mother. They also described my three spouses. I have been choosing my mother's personality again and again.
I'm went through this with my mom. Grandmother, aunt. My ex in-laws and ex husband.
Great video. Thank you!!
My parents tactics involved the appropriation of tgeir childrens' achievements and the use of these to aggrandise themselves but never, ever to acknowledge any of us directly for those achievements. I never heard praise from my parents, but I overheard them boasting to others about me. As I grew into my teens, my incipient womanhood and my outer appearance threatened my mother, so she set out to humiliate me for my physicality on a grand and crushing scale. My youngest brother achieved well academically, but my parents did not wish to have any financial burden of supporting him in tertiary education... so they made up a lie that he was an academic nobody who had not succeeded sufficiently well to go on to university. He has had this thrown at him by so many family friends who believed this deliberate and cruel lie.
TY for the validation. I wish I went "No Contact" w my mother & sister( My sister was the new n improved duchebag Model) decades ago! Best life altering decision I could of made in my life. Sick & Twisted people. It was a pure life long psychological Molestation.
I wonder who their getting their bottomless Pit supply from now?
10 years and happy as hell!
Yes, MIRRORS, what a great analogy describing narcissistic supply.
Ever seen how much a pet bird *loves* a mirror? They get *so* excited in a mirror. Narcs are like that.
I'm so happy for you that you and your son are reconnected. 😊 Praise God. ❤️
I needed to hear that... Thank you so much! 💐
I would like to add to my previous comment. It was not until my cousin some years later happened to remark that she believed my mother to be jealous of me that I started to understand what was going on. My cousin said she believed my mother was jealous of my ability to go to college and live on my own and travel while my mother had been dependent of my father and her own mother all her adult life. I decided to make a comment here because I am in complete agreement with the message in this video. This type of narcissism and pathological envy is very dangerous and life-threatening in so many ways. If anyone feels that they are experiencing something like the financial abuse that I detailed in my previous comment, get out of that situation fast, even if you must seek outside help.
Yup, just checking in! so sad, isn’t it, to have that kind of parents. The only way to healing is to get away from them, which I successfully did! Yay me!
" Life begins after you go no contact"
I have just not contacted my Covert narcissist mother for some weeks since I discovered that she is a Covert narcissist. And it IS already better.
Thank you soooo much!!!
I’m the only child and daughter of a narc birth vessel. She does not deserve to be called mother. She hated me so much growing up that as soon as I graduated high school I joined the military. I’ve always tried to do right by her and that always ended in disaster. I now live about 800 miles from her and am low contact. She is in the hospital now and will probably transition to a nursing home. People keep suggesting that I move her to my state. Nope! She is still just as mean and passive aggressive as ever and I’m not spending any of my good days on her!
Your inner strength is impressive 💪 nice work
“Anger is cruel and wrath overwhelming but who can stand before jealousy”
Prov 27:4
Make no mistake, malignant narcissists are extremely dangerous, they cam and will be detrimental to your health and well being. Genetics should never matter when it comes to narcissistic abuse and no contact is the only solution, period!
Thank you. My goal is to have peace in my life before I kick the buckict. You have helped greatly. I only wish my kids can grow by learning more As well as be at a point of joy with out there mother continuing to put them down . you would think a mother would always want the best for her kids. Sadly that's not always the case. Sometimes I want to luck her up. Then the kids would be free from the mental abuse. The starters thing they did was to move away. There doing great. Now I hope she stops bugging me.
Yes unfortunately my eldest son was influenced by his narc grandparents and still lashes out at me...whenever he gets a chance...but used me whenever he got married to each of his 3 wives. I have broken off all contact.
I love the way, you articulate . Greetings from Germany
You speak in my words. Makes complete sense . So good. TY. I'm the daughter of a NF-ather. Siblings too. Yes! I love my daughter.
Wow, you just described my life's story (with my mother). Mother possessed tremendous skills in completely controlling me well into my adulthood. I hated it, so I would occasionally break free, only to be reeled back in by some of the most horrible methods imaginable (I can't even talk about them, they are so horrible). Well, Mother finally died 15 years ago, and I breathed a sigh of relief thinking that I was free of the horrors. Think again! My narc husband and children picked up the smoldering torch and began a relay race that continues to this day. The race is all about keeping me in my place, and slapping me down whenever I try to deviate from it....because somebody has to be the scapegoat. I need a miracle, and a good lawyer. Please pray for me.
Best video I’ve ever seen on this stuff. I struggle with the push and pull of Complex PTSD when it comes to processing what’’s happening to me during abusive encounters. I understand every dynamic in painstaking detail, intellectually, but the message gets distorted, psychologically. This video is like a translator that decodes the distorted information into what I’ve worked on in therapy (perspective, sense of self, immunity to gaslighting). I’m so excited to explore this channel! I have a playlist called Vitamins that I use to store mantra-like content when I need mental nourishment and undisputed clarity. This is going at the top of the list.
Pathological envy of adult daughter toward Mother.
When great admiration turns to intense ENVY
I have that, I always felt my daughter was jealous of me but it didnt make sense to me. My daughter has achieved so much more college, money, independence then me.
@@thereadiane288 It doesn't matter what they achieve. It'is never enough.
I was celebrating my daughter's achievements. Glowing for her. I was SO happy that she had come such a long way from being the little girl with ADD who was falling through the cracks and losing her confidence. I spent my life encouraging her, assuring her, supporting her, praising her when ever we hit a mile stone.
I WAS SO HAPPY THAT SHE WAS LAUNCHING.
The last thing she said to me as she walked out the door after trashing me?
"In fact, I no longer even want you to derive HAPPINESS from watching me perform on stage.
There you have it. It was MY HAPPINESS, my JOY that she was out to destroy in her Self Sabotage.
That negative little voice in her head won. Everyone loved her, believed in her, BUT: She didn't believe in herself.
ENVIOUS of my happiness, she had to destroy everything about me, ESPECIALLY my happiness.
Na Narcissistic parent falsely diagnosed child with ADHD when they don't want to listen to the hateful language. They hold them back and discouraging them from working with anyone but within the family. I don't let them socialize at school And do everything to keep the housebound. Talk not even to try to learn a certain subject.
Then ironically the grandchild is diagnosed by professionals with AdD that child is still doted on and given private lessons from sports to music. They are special
This is a great video
On the outside my husband's covert narc mother could be that overbearing, annoying person you didn't want to be around, passive aggressive, etc. But she did have some people fooled into thinking she was a giving kind person.
Then there was the side of her that I unfortunately got to know. My husband was the Invisible Child. I came from a very dysfunctional family myself so when my husband would hush me up whenever I told him about the things his mother would say or do to me. He would even lie to cover her behavior. This started when I was 16 years old. He was normally a sweet person and does ssi much for the family but add his mother into the mix and he'd lose his evening mind, especially once she got sick.
Anyway, back to the beginning. At first, MIL didn't like me. I think she hated that her Invisible Child son had gotten a decent girl and that wasn't allowed in her world. I was successful in school. She very much made me husband (and his older brother) feel like a loser. Their success was not okay with her.
I didn't know any of this and in fact didn't even figure out that MIL was a narcissist until a few years ago.
MIL used to say that my BIL, her own son, couldn't do anything.
Wow! I just heard you say they don't teach their kids about money so they can't succeed! 🤯 This is what they did to my husband! His father was a comptroller for the city's water district but my husband has no idea how to budget or keep on top of his bills! I'd never put those two things together. Mind blown! Still recovering from that. I'm just stunned. 😳
You're absolutely right that they only get worse. I tried to tell my husband that but he wouldn't listen.
MIL only allowed for her Golden Child daughter and that beach if the family to be successful at anything.
MIL actually walked by my husband and me as we were looking at a scrap book with his newspaper clippings and racing bibs and spat at us in a harsh whisper that my husband had never participated in triathlons like his sister did.
MIL disliked our oldest daughter but she'd sometimes buy her really decent presents. So no one could accuse her of mistreating her when though she did mistreat hey all the time. She'd speak harshly to my child, tell her she was fat, "accidentally" hurt her. MIL was a functional alcoholic and she'd get really drink then run in and scoop our kids up when we'd let our guard down (she was inhumanly fast especially for her age) and she'd run off and stumble around the house with my babies until my husband is I could chase her down and get the baby back. She timed it all very well. Psycho.
MIL would always take us down a peg, covertly of course, whenever the Scapegoat grandchildren did anything right. My daughter got a job while on college at a pizza place and she was so happy to have finally gotten a job. MIL knew she'd gotten hired but not where. She called my daughter up and asked where was working and when she heard it was a pizza place she said after a pause, " Welllll that's okay!" Super fake. Like my child was such a failure for not getting a better job.
MIL was pissy when my oldest was getting married and tried screwing with our heads multiple times throughout the planning and at the wedding.
I recently heard that many years ago when my oldest was about 15 and had made our small church worship team, MIL used to get my daughter alone and tell her that the only end for a musician is to die alone in the street.
More recently, MIL started in on one of my younger girls. My child had fallen in love with ballet and at age 10, landed a solo in her tiny dance school's Nutcracker show. MIL acted all excited about it but paused for taking her down a peg to ask if she'd gotten the party in the large Nutcracker production put on every year in our city.
Anyway, MIL demanded to know all the details about when and where the show would be. I relayed the info to my meticulous planner MIL in the summer within hours of getting the information myself. My child was so excited that her grandparents were actually coming to the show. Normally the in-laws ignored or were busy when we'd invite them to our kids' activities. They went to our two oldest kids' events but once Golden Grandchildren outgrew that kinds of events, MIL outgrew them too. She had no interest in our younger kids'events. But when MIL got sick they actually went to one recital the summer before so I fully believed she was turning over a new leaf in light of her serious illness.
Nope. She was just plotting an ugly mind game against my sweet dancer child.
This woman who used to always announce months in advance whenever she was going on a cruise did not mention a word about any other plans besides cunning to see our children (3 of our girls) in the Nutcracker. MIL waited until a week or two before the Nutcracker, at Thanksgiving dinner, to grab our second youngest child, the one who'd earned the solo, the one who was so excited that her grandparents were coming to watch the dance she'd worked in so hard. MIL grabbed it child and pulled her side to tell her that she was so sorry but due to all the stress of her medical treatments, she and FIL couldn't make it to the show. Instead they *had* to go on a cruise and it was going to be *on the day* of the show.
MIL of course waited until SIL and her family were going it for a walk to minimize witnesses.
It took a while for it so to sink in.
After this MIL continued to pick at our child every time she thought I wasn't looking. Like, she literally got after my baby girl for not having ham on her plate at Christmas dinner.
I tried to minimize contact and in retaliation MIL kept messing with my child. She made sure we knew she'd given away her seeing machine and even gave me some of her quilting material. Then she skipped over my dancer daughter and have her very last handmade quilt to our youngest child. All the older kids had gotten beautiful handmade quilts from their grandmother. We knew that it dancer works be forever left out and she was the one who raised it first. I never asked for not expected these lovely quilts. I sew and I know how expensive fabric is and how long these things take to make. I appreciated those keepsakes for my kids because both of my grandmothers were gone, one before I was born and the other when I was 2. I had nothing of theirs and nothing from them.
My dancer daughter is a kind, sweet child. She was my biggest Rainbow Baby after my younger son was stillborn. She's sandwiched between two special needs siblings and she has helped with both of them since she was small because she loves them. This kid never says, "It's not fair" or "What about me?" But she noticed that her grandmother had left her out.
I hate that this is the legacy that woman left behind.
If you have had a childhood with a malignant NPD father or mother and you get children with one, thats what I call insanity. I would NEVER EVER chose to put a child in the same horrible childhood as I had. If you did, please consider divorce and choose for the HEALTH of your CHILDREN before they get damaged and the cycle goes on at the next generations.
If you choose to be with a NPD partner, don't get children please ! Me, my aunt and my sis are still addicted to NPD and took our responsibility to not have any children and therefor broke the cycle of abuse in our family.
What beautiful flowers 💐 & Jewlry! warms my heart ❤️ that there can be healing ❤️🩹 your son had good taste btw! Love the necklace
THANK GOD FOR YOU!
totally you speak the truth.
I prefer this to doctor romani, clear and loud and with closed captions =)
This video made me cry,,,I had to cut contact with my narc Mum who has made my life a living hell,,,What followed can only be described as a hate campaign, tried to take my son off me. We spoke again after 10 years, it lasted 6 months before the beast raised it's ugly head again. After a year I cut contact totally, without any regret at all. This video made me cry because I feel so lucky that I am out and amazed that I managed to survive so many years of double binds, dissacioation and gaslighting....she certainly put a target on back, every adult romantic relationship I have had, they have been abusive, and she trained me so well that I didn't even realise it was abuse. My last serious relationship with a covert narc brought it to light because I typed into Google "Why can my boyfriend be so horrible to me and so nice to everyone else?" and it came up with articles about abuse. I have learnt so much, but they are still around me. I can kind of see them now, but it doesn't stop me from being attracted to them. I really want to heal but everyone talks about "addressing the trauma" and I have literally no memories of my childhood. Thank you for your videos and I am so happy for you and your son that you have come back together. Any tips for healing and setting boundaries would be gratefully received. (I tried to think about what boundaries I need and the only thing I could come up with was "I don't want to be punched in the face!!!!!" oh dear!) Un saludo y gracias :)
This is my husband's mom ever since we got a house. She financially abused him and continues to do so to his remaining siblings who live at home. She knew she destroyed his credit and gave him sabotaging financial advice knowing full well how credit works. We got a house and its like she's angry at us over it.
She's even more angry since we have been here over a year and she hasn't seen it yet (she has herself to thank for that). She continues to give my husband sabotaging financial advice, like to take out all his retirement and take a "break" from work (ordinary 40hr work week).
She asks a million questions about our house and since she knows we plan to stay here long term she has to challenge that and say oh we can sell it and move back to her area! I'm sick of her nonsense.
I have had to gently educate my husband. He's seeing the light little by little, especially after we got a debt collector letter in the mail for him from HER debt (prior to me- they have no financial info together).
I didn’t realize this until I was in my 40’s. She HATED my sister(s). Still hates them. Makes me sick to my stomach thinking about them as little girls and their mother didn’t love them. :( She also alienated all her children from our 2 fathers. I’m 51 and it still hurts. Does it ever go away? 😢
I was 50. No contact since 54
I don't think these sword🤺 blows go completely away, but as you move forward and live your best life these scars move further away and get *much* smaller. There *is* hope!! 🐛🦋
I also want to remind you that your are only responsible for your own choices and actions. You are not responsible for anyone else's! 🕊
My father and aunts are very pathological of me 😢unfortunately they make everything about them .
You are absolutely right! My narcissistic mother is kept at arms length and she is only allowed brief periods of contact with my daughter, one day generally is max bc that’s all she can handle to be nice to my daughter. And it’s several months in between visits. I told my mother that the abuse she put me through may have been good enough for me as a kid but that if she didn’t step up and smile and be a grandma even just for that day then she doesn’t get to be around my little girl, she deserves better than I got growing up. She realized I meant it and has been okay overall, time will tell
So that's why my aunt dearest hated me (even tried to poison me I suspect) because I was competition to her "precious" golden son, awwww!
Don't worry I outrun him in almost every imaginable way - yay way to go for me! 💯💥😆
THEY THRIVE ON FEAR AND CONTROL..LOW LIFE MONEY OR NOT..DO-NOT TAKE THE BAIT..
My family & old friend group to a T. They would do anything to attack and take me down & I’ve gone through hell but I’m at the point where I just laugh it off. I’m realizing how miserable these people are
I relate to it completely and know hell you’re talking about
You are beautiful and strong because you were able to break through
I like this message of hope. Not all grandparents are like that. Unlike what some leaders too would have us believe.