When my NPD/BPD ex boyfriend used to give me the silent treatment and be dismissive I would honestly act borderline at times, texting too much and blocking and unblocking. It’s the number one reason why I ended it and walked away. I honestly felt like I was going insane. It was awful. Zero anxiety now that I am away from him!!!
Hi Emma, relationships must have security and its the responsibility of both to provide security and he explored this about you,of course you were insecure and he didn't care. Good its over and I'm sorry if it still hurt.
I had a friend with borderline that would blow up my phone if I didn't answer quickly enough. Or, if I didn't answer that day, he would ask me if he should delete my number. Sometimes I would wait longer to answer BECAUSE of the barrage of texts he sent. I didn't want him to think that blowing up my phone would get him a faster answer. It felt like manipulation when he threatened to block me unless I responded, and he tried all sorts of tactics to force me to respond quicker. I have dismissive avoidant tendencies so when people cling I freak out and avoid them until they pull back. What a mess, on both our parts 🤦🏻♀️ To his credit he never sent 13 messages, so I recognize that he was attempting to regulate emotionally. Thank you for the video! 🌷
Borderlines also love to leave you hanging mid conversation especially after you had confided in them. I think it’s because the closeness repulsed them to feel as though they will eventually get abandoned. Great points David I’ve actually googled this before to try and understand there conversation methods,it all seems in hindsight that there always manipulating you in some form or another.
Emotionally avoidant is what you are describing. They cannot regulate their emotions and many have suffered from severe neglect and become avoidant of intimacy and have fears like abandonment issues. Thank you!
@@daviddemars So what is the solution to properly deal with that attachment style. Or does it consistently change so you can’t really grab a hold of what to do
Her: "Are you mad at me?" Me: "No? Why?" Her: "I feel like you're mad at me." Me: "No baby, all good." Her: "Are you sure you're not mad at me?" Me: "No but if you keep doing this you'll make me mad." Her: "I knew you were mad at me."
Hi David it’s 10 months now since I went no contact with a borderline,you helped by saying break off that attachment I have completely and feel I’m a hundred % back to my old self I feel great no rollercoaster going around my head , thanks for all your advice David keep doing your videos you probably don’t realise how much it really helps when your caught up in the borderlines turmoil big thanks once again David 😉👌
Thank you David. My ex was like this and it was bad. He drained me to the core and I have still not fully recovered. He wanted to text all the time and demanded my attention all the time, if I could not give it to him, he got mad and played the victim. Constantly accused me of cheating. "Who are you with?", "Send me a photo of Amanda, if you are hanging out with her!", *Sends photo of Amanda's shoes because I'm too embarrassed to ask her again for a picture*, "That looks like a mans shoes!?", "Why are you lying to me?!", "Screw this relationship!" ,"Oh ok, now I see... Thanks baby, I love you. You know I get so insecure, I can't help it, I just love you so much! 😢", "Babe? Why are you not answering? Aren't you home yet? Are you still with her?", "I have a bad feeling right now.... I feel like you are lying. Babe?! Call me.", "Still no answer? Fine. Good night.", "Can't believe you are doing this to me.... F*ck my life.... I better just end it all instead." And all of this could happen in less than 30 minutes... On and on and on.....Sucked the life out of me and got me completely burned out.
@@silverlining5796 Nope. He had never been cheated on before. He was very mean to them too, he didn't care that they were scared of him... :/ His mother is an alcoholic tho but she is very kind and babys him a lot.... I don't know the cause of his behaviour exactly, all I know is that it damaged me a lot to the point that I got mentally ill and he didn't care to seek treatment.
The most frustrating is getting that phone call asking “did you get my text” or “ I texted you why aren’t you answering me” then after call you go back and look at your texts to realize it had been sent only 2 or 3 minutes before they called you. Do not I repeat Do not date a borderline if you think the stuff he mentioned will frustrate you. The stuff he said about them constantly needing reassurance is 100% on the bullseye. It will make a sane person crazy if your not used to it. I was with a borderline woman for 5 years and I’m still 5 months no contact trying to get my head right. These people are dangerous to a sane mind. Know that.
Dangerous?! Thanks.... It's a mental illness, would you say the same about someone with cancer or diabetes?! I recently discovered I have BPD and I am trying to work on myself, comments like that do not help. No one chooses to be mentally ill.
No offense, but I think you’re comparing apples and oranges. People who have cancer and diabetes don’t have the same effect/impact on the people around them that those with cluster b personality types can. I’ve never had to recover from being emotionally burned to the ground by a friend with cancer or diabetes. I am sorry about how some of the comments are hurtful for you, just know that we’re all here to find support and healing. Cluster B doesn’t just affect the person who has it, unfortunately not all of us who have experienced the side effects from it have come to that place in our own healing that allows us to give some grace to the people we’ve been hurt by, even if unintentional.
Funny, I HAD diagnosed BPD until this past year and it was a narcissistic friend that would send me texts “why aren’t you answering me etc” exactly what he is describing not me “the borderline” I always liked my space even and especially at the height of the episodes.
I cannot believe how much I enjoy your content. It is so eye-opening for me. They make it seem like they’re texting. Behavior is normal. I’ve never dated anybody who needed to text so much throughout the day even while working. And I would question myself at first thinking OK maybe he just wants to be close to me and connect and that’s some thing that I should appreciate. But when real life hits and you just don’t have time if you’re not texting them, they will find somebody else to converse with. Thank you for this content. I am thoroughly enjoying your channel! My eyes are opening!
Your channel has helped me understood what I went though with my borderline npd ex. I thought I was losing my mind. Your videos and learn how to love yourself and heal helped me realize that I was not insane. And now my life is much better thanks too many of your videos. I thank you, David!!
Holy crap. Toward the end of my marriage with the ex-narc, I started acting like a borderline. My texts started sounding like that. Yikes! I worked through it with therapy and it was Cptsd. Still...
It's okay, sounds like there was no security and you need it and reassurance. Also sound slide you are learning this and hopefully forgive yourself and not allow someone to make you feel that way again. Thank you!
Your definitely not alone. I went through the same thing. Even for years after in other relationships and friendships. I believe a lot of it is due to the fact that any toxic or abusive relationships with narcissistic individuals can become addicting like a drug. It's from the lovebombs, trauma bonding, gaslighting and so much more. It's very damaging over time and when you feel unsafe you seek validation from the abuser and are addicted to when they showered you with attention. They do it on purpose and even pull back to keep you stuck chasing feeling like you got to prove that your worthy. And even going into the next relationship if you don't get it together other people will see you as a toxic red flag and run away. It's difficult to trust again after abuse. If we don't learn to set ourselves some boundaries it can get bad. It did for me. I became very toxic bitter and angry over time. I would drink and text crazy crap to people. Most abusers were abused themselves, but not all choose to become one themselves. And some "humans" aren't human. Your doing the best thing, educating yourself, and taking accountability, stay strong 💪🌺🌻🌈🦋
I went through the same thing. I thought there was something very wrong with me and I was so ashamed but now I know it was ptsd. I think I do have abandonment issues though but I've been working on that for years. Now I know that if someone isn't interested in me anymore then I don't want that for myself and goodbye.
Great vid.. Made me think about the crazy things I've done Being codependent. I've come along way but from your vid I can see I used to be like a crazy woman but then he was a narc who wouldn't give any loving attention!!😖🤬
Thats right, no emotional attention, no security, and probably no emotional connection. These are your emotional needs that must be met in all your relationships. Thank you Cassie.
Oh this is like deja vu David. She used to text me if i could go shop for her, help move something or whatever and when i respond, somebody else already did it. I stopped responding because i knew if it took too long i was off the hook anyways.
What about the "splitting" texts? The demeaning ugly, vile texts that come after he's picked a fight, but calls you a sh''starter and says that you started a fight.
Again another excellent video David. A video like this could only really be made by someone who has lived this experience along with some of us who also have! Thank you!
She texted me "let's talk on the phone". I fell asleep earlier (she couldn't know) so I didnt respond. An hour later she wrote "ok that's it then. Thanks for making it clear." and blocked me (again).
My borderline ex was so abrasive and passive aggressive over text that I would start to dread when I heard the ding go off. Later he got angry when I texted a joke to a friend that made me smile because that smile should only be for him, despite the fact that I was the one making myself laugh and showed the conversation to him to prove it.
Hello David! I have not had experience with overtexting but I have heard about this from my colleagues and friends. I would feel anxious if someone would text me excessively. Thank you very much for making this video! ❤
The reassurance they need is never enough. And if you don’t reassure in time, and somebody else beat you to it, a.k.a. another woman, they will seek a reassurance from her and from you, and whoever else will give it to them. No amount is ever enough. It’s not humanly possible in a relationship to give these people enough reassurance.
I would have to go in basement to do laundry, but also a break from two babies(multi tasking). He would holler for me. I’d walk over to steps to hear him, and he’d yell I love you, or I miss you! Really he just didn’t want to be a lone with babies! Me either! Great timing! 14 minutes for 13 texts!! Thanks David!
Hi David Diane from UK love to listen to your talks..4 years out now and he constantly text if I didn't answer within few seconds he would accuse me of all sorts🙄 recently started texting me again..I replied asked him if he was still seeing a lady he was seeing from Scotland? Ye replied yes I trust her 100 per cent and she's good company but not sure where it is going 🤔he's sees her every few months as she lives in Scotland, yet he's started texting me asking how I am..messed with my head again sadly😞
@@dianeedwards1226 So sorry, Diane! That is so hard, cuz it’s probably bringing up good and not so good memories! Stay strong! Maybe think about how good it’s gotten for you being 4 years out. The things you’ve accomplished, the love you’ve given to yourself. Trust yourself 100% and that you are sure of yourself forever!
@@dianeedwards1226 I'm sorry Diane, please talk to someone. Lesrn all you can from this experience and try to make a different choice. I hope you have support.
I've been listening to a lot of your videos the last month ... I can't believe what I'm hearing ... like listening to my experience in 100%... it's 2 months since the breakup and no contact and I still have days when I feel like a drug addict who need i dose of her toxic treatment... i know now everything, but still missing this extreme flase feeling of sexual connection.... i just wanna tell you that i will support you with all new videos! Your help is priceless!
I went to see my son for the afternoon, we had just gotten together, 42 text messages in an hour, no joke !!! Its there thoughts they text you sentences as apposed to a paragraph...oh boy....its a ride....
Thank you so much for this video. It's highly appreciated , my mother who raised me often abandoned me in shopping malls and school fetes as I can remember at the age of six having panic attacks. I suffer from borderline BPD, CPTSD, Panic Disorder, and Bipolar 1. My mother told me that I would suffer because I'm gay and recently told me that she wishes the worst for me in life. My doctor had a heart to heart with me after many prior conversations and helped me make the decision to cut her off. She gaslighted me, manipulated me, hoovered me, complained about me, criticized me for many years. She triangulated my father and brother with whom I tried to have exclusive relationships with but they said without mum in the picture you can't have us. I try my best with doing my part to regularly talk to my doctor and journal, pray, go to Mass, listen to hypnosis and music, and life has been tough because of all that. This video, your video has shown me an awareness that I can take, that I don't need to be so needy because I can just simply be me, in hermit mode, doing the things I love, without those texts to those friends who aren't friends but are really "faux" friends. I just end up digging myself in a hole by acting on those types of texts. Thank you, may God bless your Soul.
They make their loved ones abandoned them they can fly into a rage over nothing they can have a drinking and drug problem that only makes things worst, they do things that make no sense at all. I went through it for many years with my husband, I loved him but because of all the abuse I was not in love with him, I feel very sad and still cry he took his life from a drug overdose most with this disorder end up that way, suicide is very high with a Borderline!
Flying into rage over nothing is right! And out of the blue! Mine refused to take care of himself health wise, expected everyone to take-on that responsibility, that is what ended his life. I cared about him as a human being but not as a husband.
My daughter is borderline. Shes such a lovely person but lately because i chose to divorce (long story) her step Dad our relationship folded. Now i either dont hear from her or i get abusive texts. Its very hurtful. I was such a bad mother! Are one of these comments with alit of swearing. 😭😭😭
Tasmania Thank you! David. He would send a load of text messages. The Marco Polo game" is a very good depiction And so spot on! lol! as he would say: "I love you" "I love you".... And wanting or demanding a response back. I had never asked him for photos of where he was,but he would ask me to send photos of where I was or he would call me. He would send loads of photos to me of where he was And also selfies of himself. Great videos, as always!
Hi! Thats funny, the Marco Polo game for constant reassurance. Say it too many times and it loses its meaning I think. Thank you for your comment and support!
@@daviddemars Absolutely! 💯 They're never satisfied,even when you show more than 💯 attention, care,help And love.... You are so welcome! And thank you so much,for all you do! 🌟❤
I met a BPD guy less than a month ago on holiday. He's already said he wants to move in with me; I should move in with him; then said he can't visit me and I can't visit him - we have to meet back at the holiday place. He says he loves me, can't live without me, then he's asking other women for s*x and telling me it's my fault. He's also tried to end his life and got sectioned because he' knows he'll never see me again'. WTH does a person do with all that? It's pure chaos, what a shame.
Husband: “I really do love you, I will be supportive of you. I really hope you have fun”- me: “thank you, it helps me a lot when you’re supportive”- 1 hour later, “YOU NEVER EVEN ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO JOIN YOU!- you are one selfish person! If you don’t start doing things with me, I will find someone who will, it’s YOUR CHOICE!”
Hi David. If it wasn’t controlling, berating texts to antagonize me into text wars… the NPD ex would always impatiently text “hello” if he didn’t get his timely response, yet he would purposely take his time replying to something he knew legitimately needed an urgent response.. further intentionally antagonizing me. His responses would also be intentionally vague providing the least amount of distorted information possible or extremely confusing minimal directions . He would constantly send selfie’s of himself on trips he took for himself bragging about where he was , eating, etc… As my children and I were always left at home As in his delusional selfish mind he expected us to be so happy for him And jealous of what he got to do leaving us behind
Hi Nancy! Good to see you here. His grandiosity is overcompensation of how he really feels. He also tries to stay safe by always keeping an emotional leg out the door to not get hurt and his jealousy is total insecurities, fear you won't like him or accept him because he doesn't like himself or accept himself.
So it looks like the borderlines weren't assured in theirs childhood, especially by the mother...so actually they look for this assurance in a relationship... It's not toxique but so annoying and so difficult no to lose the patience... it's like... why actually I have to do a job of theirs mother ? Difficult to blame them because it was not their fault that they were neglected...but sooo annoying really !
Very compassionate Anna, you're right. This is when a personal problem interferes in the relationship. We can only reassure someone so much but they need to learn it themselves, its called object constancy. Most were horribly neglected and never validated.
I remember when we very first got together the first week or two it was constant texting we were both texting each other constantly and then she was always talking about she can’t wait to come over and have sex and blah blah blah, this went on for days, and then one text she said I’ll just wear a skirt with no underwear so you have fast access, and I text her back and said I’m not looking for a prostitute lol and she pretty much cooled down on that on that subject, because it was becoming a turn off, it was so persistent, And I thought it was tacky.
I would wake up to over 100+ texts telling me how much hated me. Over the smallest conflict, when I asked him to not look at his phone when I talk to him. Next day, acted like nothing happened.
Hi! I went carnivore ( it’s another topic ) but it is healing my nervous system. I now feel I was so reactive ( scared ) in personal matters. Not in an aggressive way, it was internal. It was more like being neurotic or confused..scared. Now I find myself very calm and clear minded so I don’t confuse nor contaminate human interactions. Sugar is POISON! It’s a whole topic. Sugar is in every food from Supermarket. Sugar stresses our nerves and brain. People don’t see the danger in it cause they are addicted!! In my case my neuroticism ( which I find in this society as a default mode due to our lifestyle ), is gone. Completely gone. And I suspect many disorders start in the nervous system being highly stressed disregulated… it’s sound so simplistic but it’s not. The system being poisoned! I suggest anyone to research and watch the amazing stories of people healing even from Bipolar through this diet! This are contra culture doctors speaking with real people. Many people are not bad people, moreover I would say they are sick on basic levels and that does not allow them to self-regulate and see clearly. Not saying is everyone case, many people have a sick mindset. But many many people are just on the edge cause the body is just on adrenaline, disregulated and the mind is reflecting that chaos through behavior. I’ve been resting, sleeping, eating tones of meat, not any sugar nor anything inflammatory. Just calming down, and many things in my life I see through a diff light! Tons of self reflection and education, but health and being at peace.. helps so so much to get out of our own way. Healing ourselves is possible and it’s our own responsibility. It has been life changing.
mine would flip out over text, it would be many many messages basically blaming me, criticising me - it was so rough to read and hard to defend myself or explain anything. It could be over something minor. I hated it. 80% of our relationship was by text. Round n round in circles. Never any real resolution. No warm. Madnesssss I think he had ocd or adhd or narcissism
my Borderline ex just discarded me. I treated her so good and took care of her kids and all. After the breakup, she texted me to say she missed me and asked if we can revisit the relationship later on. After that she blocked me and then told all my friends that I'm a narcissist!! Why would she do this?? I uprooted my life for her by moving from NYC to Cali. 3 months later, she discards me like I'm nothing. Any insight?
I'm sorry for the trauma and abuse you endured. She sounds like she plays the victim and you were not allowed to do anything for yourself. She us completely reliant on others for everything she needs and is full of hate and anger. I hope she is very far away from you and you are healing from this.
@@daviddemars she went on video saying that she was never attracted to me and had to look past it. and that I'm creepy and give her rapist vibes. like wtf?
@@jcdezmen 😱 I think she said the things she did because she thinks it justifies her irrational behaviors and to annihilate you. My Ex Best Friend did the same thing when she discarded me. It was over the top.
So sorry you have had to go through this pain Jay ! I know it so well ! Our BPD exes rejection is GODs protection !! I know the moving on and healing isn’t easy but trust the process, work on yourself, reconnect with God family friends and hobbies ! You are the prize my good man Know it Live it!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙌❤️✝️❤️🙌🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Before I learned this stuff from you, I went through it all... I would send pics of what I was working on to avoid the "suspicion" and would still get grilled or accused when I would get home. If I only knew then..... But at least I know now.
My husband communicates better by text than face to face when we are going through a bad patch (which sadly are more and more frequent now). If I try to communicate my feelings face to face I just get shouted/screamed at to leave him alone which, after watching your videos, I have learned to walk away. His text messages are mostly very brief,in fact too brief sometimes so I end up getting the wrong message across and then I’m the stupid one! The communication is less and less these days as I believe I am now being put through the devaluing stage - I’m visiting family and elderly father (something he hates me doing) and in 5 days I have had very little communication from him - only when he was updating me on how our soccer team were doing or when he had a few situations that arose - no water, road being dug up outside house etc. and then boy did I get some texts! What could I do over 200 miles away! Still not calling but communicating by text. Guess I am his mother figure who he comes to when things go wrong! Thank you for your amazing videos and helping me after all these years understand what is going on and help deal with my situation. Sue, England.
My ex would of txted to say we need to talk I hated these text as they were always about my wrong doing etc I always replied to txt because it was honest that way if I said anything to him to his face he would of threw something at me or square up to me for me to back down I was afraid of him I have ms and he would of been at the gym so I cleaned the house when he came back he would say we are doing a deep clean I was already tired from cleaning while he was out sometimes I used to sneak down to his mums so I didnt have to clean anymore he would ring his mum and tell her to send me home I hated living with him it was Jackill or hyde I had panic attacks while pregnant with his second child and he was an early riser I needed all the sleep I could get he would of shouted in my face before my alarm woke me up shouting I'm a fat lazy fucker and to get up and sort my son up my first alarm had just gone off after he shouted me and I asked him why he was shouting at me before my alarm went off he said cus I new you wouldnt get up my stress levels while pregnant was really high and left him when I was 7 months pregnant best thing I ever done and I have watched you and nova since best thing I ever done was learn red flags i am concentrating on me and my 2 sons now i would be to scared to be in another relationship like this i tried to leave for years but wouldnt and i never want to be in that position again sounds selfish but i need to concentrate on me and the boys great video as always
Thank you for sharing your experience. Me too, I asked my ex narcissist to leave my house, and now I raise 2 daughters on mu own. It has been no contact for 18 months now, life is much better.❤
The i love u is so true . Even in chat with my undiiagnosed ex partner , he keeps saying i love u every after reply. I just have broken up with him and i know in my heart it’s the right direction. No more gaslighting, blaming me for his misery, tge jealousy, the phone checking which i really hate bec he never trusted me.
My ex borderline used to leave panic voice mails when she needed my attention. She married a much older man in September and it shows the daddy issues. She used to parentify me as well.
Hey David, David from Kanata (CAn-A-Ta) Canada, my ex used to send four or five texts each time often breaking the sentence over many messages hey...how are you...today? that would have been three texts LOL so impulsive she needed to send the message before she could finish it. looking back did not really notice it until you pointed it out.
@@daviddemars LOL they sure do, constant need of attention. So tiring. Thanks mate I am always in the wings, love the string of videos you have been putting lately. i so appreciate your dedication to spreading the word.
Oh man, the marco polo text explanation blows my mind 😅😂😂😂...and it's exactly like that around the house " honey, are you there?" ...the less funny part is that it's me saying that 😢
This guy is totally unprofessional. His use of anecdotal personal experiences, and given that he's not a psychologist, just shows him up as some guy with an axe to grind. Go somewhere else for information.
My wife would come home from work every day and say, "I did a damn good job at work today," and then explain something very mundane and average that she had done. Obviously, I could never respond well enough. I would say something like, "well, isn't that what you are supposed to do at work?" It was never going to be enough. She also always expected me to immediately answer the phone or return a text, otherwise it meant I was bleeding to death on the floor and she should call the rescue squad. Sound familiar?
My ex-narcissist cheated on me with crazy borderline, a mean woman. I thought she narcissistic but his sister a psychologist said after meeting her on Thanksgiving 2018 said had a borderline personality disorder
I wish people had more compassion in these comments. BPD is a mental illness, like cancer or diabetes, you can't help it. I recently discovered I have BPD and I am trying to work on myself, comments like that do not help. No one chooses to be mentally ill.
Stop trying to control how people express themselves. Deal with the downside. That is reality. The sooner you get a grip on reality, the better things will be. No one ever got better living in a delusion.
I can simply tell my story but I wont. At the end times of my relationship with her I tough I was crazy, I didn't know what was happening and what i'm doing wrong, I lost a bunch of weight, felt anxious, my libido dropped, I couldn't have a conversation with a stranger or someone I knew like I use to before. I was walking and feeling like I was something like a phycopath, I looked at everyone but I was looking trough them, why did she do the things she did and why she told me she didn't do them? All the questions in my mind, felt terrible....
A person with NPD would be the exact opposite. Few initiated texts if any, and 99% of those would be cold, robotic, indifferent, or an interrogation if you missed THEIR call, or just an out of the blue random insult of some kind. For instance my BPD/NPD ex texted me four days later just to remind me I made the coffee wrong for her in the morning! lol
intermittently texting. Usually, after you have texted putting boundaries or letting them know that you are not OK with something....they will send messages at intervals . The more you ignore them the more they send . They can send you like this messages every hour or 2 hours ...not asking what happened or what they did to bother you...noooo.... you did this you did that, you are this you are that....and on and on
Guilty. Well wait. I do these behaviors but I get that person to call me..it's a test, to hear the background, see how he is acting .. "are you mad at me? Are you breaking up with me? How pretty is your ex? * Etc etc. Yeah I'm a phone call girl. The selfies oh yeah. I want to remind who ever I'm with that they already got a pretty girl who loves them, and I need to hear him tell me I'm pretty (Unfortunately the guys I fall for I don't think have standards, but maybe thats me projecting :) ) anyway.. I'm bad about when I'm hurt and triggered, disappointed I say and I mean it at the time "I can't believe I let myself trust you, I knew this would happen" and be one big ball of emotion. Totally obsessing about whatever it was. Psycho texting. Psycho calling and to self soothe, I'd turn to drugs usually, rarely did I cut but alot do when in this state. But I'm walking, had to comment. Ahhhhh guilty... And David, I think your empathy is attractive (In a friend way) to a borderline. Your not out to try to sleep with her, you know how to be just friends and listen and not play us while in an emotional state to do something vile. I can see why borderlines like you. I have told both my psychiatrist and therapist about your channel. And they should check it out :)
Hi Becca, thank you for what you said and for recommending me! Try to understand that we all need security in relationships and cna ask for reassurance, its healthy. The photos and trying to hear where they are, are unhealthy ways but they dont work. Its never enough but communicating and being vulnerable to receiv me security works, feels better, and lasts.
The “ test” usually will just push good guys away. If he is into you and is a good guy you won’t need to demand a timely response or gesture. Stop with the tests hun be your true self .
@@eaksgeeks8674 that maybe true. It does do that. :/ Its wrong to test ppl. Because I am learning everyone is different and may respond in a way that I decide badly.
Yes I dated a girl like this in 2014 and she would ask me up to 20 times a day if I love her or missed her when we weren’t together. Plus she was very clingy. When we were together she would be constantly hugging me attached to me like a koala bear on a tree trunk. At first it was cute but then it got kinda draining.
My borderline daughter in law will take my son's phone and start angry texting. She pretends to be him. It's not an effective deception because of her odd grammar and spelling. I sure wish that she would limit these text to 13. At least she has finally stopped smashing his phone when she is done.
Mine is male bpd/ npd not officially diagnosed but every criteria he checks off. He almost never texts. It's like I don't exist when we aren't together and he never calls. He's also really careful to never say anything mean or incriminating. In person he's extremely violent sometimes and classic npd and bpd rage/ injury , entitlement etc. Multiple demeanors. Almost even like there's a male and female personality. He intentionally sabotages and abuses and will then ghost me and I'll be the one sending confrontational texts and the entire time felt that was a set up for a future smear campaign. I've known 2 males that almost never texted but in the beginning when they're love bombing it's constant but they train you to do all communication for them more and more until only you text. The reason is to cover their behavior up bc it doesn't show in text and it's about control. If you disappeared they'd freak out. Mines a hobo sexual ( entitled below bare minimal effort male that lives off of women). I don't know if I've known many male bpd that weren't also comorbid with narcissism, though. My experience was once they got a girlfriend,aka me ,or seeing me for a while , they push away constantly and control like crazy when you want any boundaries or space. Will do everything to sabotage you from leaving so you have to depend on them. Will get family or friends to make you " owe them " too and then pretty soon they're all billing you basically when you were the one taking care of the bpd male hobosexual. Edit: i online dated a bpd male years ago and come to think of it, this one would bomb my phone with texts if i didn't quickly respond and it would be condescending or extremely paranoid or flat out insulting . I kept getting hoovered in and then later left him a nasty but truthful letter and blocked him. Another bombed me with texts when i called him out on his rude behavior and how inconsiderate it was because i was at work because he had been sending long texts at lightning speed constantly and actually was trying to get me fired so id be broke and dependent on him. Well after i chewed him out quickly and briefly he sent me a book. They act like a knight in shining armor and once they have you , they bounce between tyrannical father ,waif , helpless child , psychotic child and who knows how many people are in there ,so to speak. They make you bounce between being the mother and daughter. The relationship feels incestuous. You start to wonder if they are secretly bisexual, attracted to minors or both. Bpd males are terrifying. I was raised by grandparents where the grandma was bpd and i had no idea i kept encountering bpd males from a psychological wound from her crazy behavior. My grandpa was npd and i was with npd men later in life as well. Im on disability from ptsd due to cluster b's mainly bpd and npd, literally. Never have them near you or your children. If you're a woman and pregnant run away and dont tell him or he'll destroy you and your child. Bpd males are extremely jealous of children that take attention away from him. Npd are like this as well. They will sabotage your relationship and destroy you both. Another one, every one i met i met when i was going through a rough time and they offered to be my everything, literally. Translation, they want to be literally all you have. Also they are big on unconsensual sx . If you consent they will absolutely try to make you do something randomly humiliating or painful. They will try to baby trap you , too. ( Reproductive coersion. ) Heal your ptsd and self esteem and boundaries or you will be a walking target. They can spot someone vulnerable with ptsd a mile away.
I used to ask my ex to send me pictures of where she was only because she was a compulsive liar and covert narcissist so I had lots of fears of her, leaving me and cheating on me as she often did, but I would get back together with her over and over again, and she would promise changes that never happened.
Yes. The biggest things for me were the constant reassurance. You could tell them how beautiful they were and how much you loved them and it would. never. help. It started to make me angry that my love wasnt enough for this person. I know you shouldnt take things personally but I started to feel rejected somehow that maybe if I were good enough for this person, they would feel worthy enough. The other thing was the constant need to look through your phone, know about past relationships, know where you are, who you are talking to, Providing reassurance there did not help and just made things worse. If you give them passwords to your account, 100% they will find things that make them go off the wall, which is what I did and thats what happened. The other thing was the abdadonnment texts "If i have to study for a week and cant talk to you much, will you leave me?" Like what kind of adult leaves their partner if theyre legit busy and cant communicate normally for awhile? Or "I havent been treating you right, im so afraid youre going to leave me" or the "I cant breathe just thinking how we mightve never met" that kinda stuff.
Would some or these behaviors also stem from being emotionally and psychologically abused by someone with BPD, NPD or high traits of either or? With all the confusion, triangulation and devaluing, couldn’t someone under such duress and trauma bonded react in a similar pattern? Makes me wonder if I might be undiagnosed BPD (and codependent) based on how crazy my toxic entanglement made me through all the manipulation and abuse from my partner. Chasing the love bombing phase. Of course being INFP and HSP doesn’t help matters through relationships like this and the recovery. Seems like there is no true line between the disordered and the survivors. It blurs across the board except when it pertains to intent and motives. Face value actions always have motivation behind them.
Thank you for asking, yes. Relationships require emotional security which is the responsibility of both people and people will become insecure without it.
Hi, David, thank you for the videos, they are revealing and helpful, would you mind mentioning the use of punctuation marks in texts? As far as I have noticed, they are also used excessively.
I've just ended a three year relationship with my former girlfriend who's been recently diagnosed with BPD, PTSD.shes assaulted me multiple times, cheated multiple times, got me arrested by making false allegations and police statements. The one thing the police always seem to say us, why do I keep going back to her?. If only it was that simple. I've learnt about codependency, trauma bonding. I thinking I've finally got it eg no contact at all. But I'm struggling with why the police haven't worked it out eg whos getting abused and who the real abuser is.
Sounds like your way of trying to self soothe. Its better than drugs or alcohol but a healthier way can be communicating how you feel and try to fix this together with the person that may be causing how you feel.
I might be missing something in the comment section. Does anyone here have bpd? I was looking for people experiencing it who could share tips on how they manage their own disorder but I may be in the wrong place. While I understand all of the comments, please just keep in mind that people are suffering constantly. Incessant flashbacks, fear at all times, uncertainty. I know you are all dealing with your issues, but please remember we are talking about human beings too. This is not to deny your experience at all, I have full compassion as I have been on the receiving end as well. Just wanted to mention that for future comments.
A part of them (not all of their personality) is trapped in early childhood and abandoned/unloved. They have to relearn for themselves that they are an adult now, and as such they can't be abandoned. They have all the tools to look after themselves. love themselves, etc. Hope this helped. IFS therapy really helps without labeling them anything negative.
The people getting abused by these people also need to vent. Everyone REALIZES we are talking about people. Because our pets don’t act like this. So people here are just explaining “their” experience as well.
PEOPLE WHO TEXT ME TOO MUCH IN ONE DAY IRRITATE ME. IT MAKES ME WANT TO GO NO CONTACT. MY IRRITATION TEACHES ME TO AVOID TEXTING TOO MUCH & BOTHER OTHER PEOPLE. I TRY TO INCLUDE ALL INFO. & COMMENTS WITH 1 TEXT. TREE LOVER-USA.
Mine is probably In the devalue stage with me. She hasn't texted me in a week but before that it was 24/7 and I live with her. Usually she texts me while she as work all the time
Texas here. I have been watching all your videos. They are so helpful. My question is how do I respond to my bpd relative when during a "good" conversation, they say things you know are untrue (small things, irrelevant things) you try to correct them and they just stick to the absurd statement and look at me like I am the fool. It happens all the time. Examples. "Cats can survive falling off of high rise buildings". Or "a gorillas chest sounds like a ping pong ball when you hit it" or arguing bigfoot facts... It's just random stuff. These are all RUclips videos he watches and then shows me. And wants me to agree they are true. They clearly are not. I want to have a friendly conversation but am at a loss to continue it when my reality is trying to altered. I usually just say "Oh, ok" like he is right. Which makes me feel stupid for agreeing with this crazy idea.
Hi Riley, thank you very much. Try to not give them the reaction they are looking for and they will eventually stop trying. Either express yourself, your opinions, feelings, wants, needs, and values. I would consider separating more from them after telling them that you are a separate person with separate opinions and we do not share the same. Please try to stop forming my opinion and respect it. If that doesn't work, try to stay further away.
Watched a couple of your previous videos. Obviously you have been very hurt by someone with BPD and that is sad. I have BPD and struggle with abandonment issues and absolutely hate this but feel powerless to do anything about it. I have been with my husband for 27 years. Borderline relationships can work but I’m sorry you feel the way you do. I wish you all the best.
I wouldn’t even feel comfortable sharing some of the texting strategy that I received from a malignant narcissist “girlfriend”. You wouldn’t even believe the persona that she put on.
Ive had textibg experience of texting where im trying to sort things out with them in a mature way and they just want ti argue or project onto me. Its like they don't know whats realky going on and miss the whole point.
I sometimes get a plain generic word in a text message from new acquaintances/co-workers. Someone could text me a two-letter word "Hi" and then have nothing after that. And it feels so strange, but I am not sure why. "Hi" is not a bad word, but to use a cell phone just for that seems pretty wasteful, or am I wrong? I get texts like this, but not yet voice messages.But a voicemail with someone calling and saying "hi" only would be just as weird...Imagine someone leaves a voice message on your phone saying only one word, or maybe a phrase that is like this: "Hello. I am just calling because I want to say something - and that is - HI!" END OF CALL. Wouldn't that be weird or even comical🤣 or a bad sign? "Hi" is something I would say without anything else afterwards while greeting people face-to-face , passing me by in real life: on the streets, in public transit, at work, etc.. But a phone is a tool I use for either a direct conversation or for leaving a message. And a message is more than just one greeting word, in my opinion. I have so many things to do in a day, I do not like to get distracted by technology just to see a text message without an actual message... Since one word "Hi" in a text message does not represent a conversation NOR it is a message, why bother with that at all? Is it also a sign that a person, perhaps, sends these generic hi's to a bunch of people at the same time just to see who'll be over-available with their time to give back a greet if not start a full conversation? It's like fishing with bait, or maybe, a form of catfishing 🤔...
i’m a victim from a bpd friend from high school that i truly regret telling him my secret struggle of addiction at the time. he holds it against me and now that i didn’t respond to his 13 text shit he blocked me. he’s more of a narcissist though and refuses to apologize or show weakness, he doesn’t say anything about the relationship and assumes black n white so fucking annoying hate these bpd people don’t get involved unless they family doesn’t excuse them from being an asshole, they need to be responsible and treat their own mental illness not take it and spread it to others
My now ex once sent me a chakra poster that said leave the past in the past. Then she sent a text about do you think we will make it? I was annoyed because it was the 5th time asking for reassurance. I said you know what if you have to continually ask no. She then was mad because I didn’t give her reassurance for 5th time that day.
What are you doing? Where you at? Where you at? Are you home? Did you leave? I can't trust you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. Does this look familiar to anyone reading this?
My mom does the Marco polo I love you texts. We could've ended the conversation hours ago and then she'll text me "I made it to work, I love you" and I have to respond with the obligatory "love you too". It's awkward AF
My ex (for only 2 months fortunately, I ended it, sick stuff): "What's in your head right now?" What the hell am I supposed to answer to a text like that?? And as for Marco Polo: he was able to ask me in every five minutes "Where are you?" in a 1 bedroom condo (!) when I went to the restroom or to the bedroom to roll down the shades. Draining is an understatement. No offense, really, but IMO untreated BPD-s are real nightmares.
Do I have this? I’d text my ex gf and she would usually block me or was cheating and lying all the time And I’d try to text her example- Hey Are u there??? Did u block me again? Wtf did I do? I thought u loved me? I can’t be with u if this is how it is Ok blocked Then unblock Really??? And I’d call a lot …. I was like this with her only And we ended 3 years ago I reached out to apologize for how I was and I wanted to thank her for the good she did give me Didn’t want to mess with her head or mine She called 2 days later and I missed it She never responded to me or answered my calls Her silent treatment is making me Wanna flip out or tell her off Lie to her like oh I’m doing so and so now But I kno that won’t make it right…and it’s immature and it’ll push her more But the silent treatment is pissing me off Idk wtf is wrong with me anymore… I should mention my ex lived a double life and lied all the time…she never told me who she was And I was complete opposite She would send me texts like this tho too And she would say I hate you Or you’re dead to me I’d ask for proof when she went out Cause she was always lying to me So idk if we both have this or if I was reacting normally to the situation Idk anymore
I wonder what happens if you borderline a borderline .... Still getting over one. Thought we were really close but had to set boundaries and now she's gone ...
9:40 -- nailed it -- always had to send a photo of where I was and who i was with. The more embarrassing thing is… Is why I had to explain it. I love and hate your channel at the same time. Amazing how people with BPD….. act so similar.
When my NPD/BPD ex boyfriend used to give me the silent treatment and be dismissive I would honestly act borderline at times, texting too much and blocking and unblocking. It’s the number one reason why I ended it and walked away. I honestly felt like I was going insane. It was awful. Zero anxiety now that I am away from him!!!
Good job!!
So glad I never had cell phone til much later in life!
Hi Emma, relationships must have security and its the responsibility of both to provide security and he explored this about you,of course you were insecure and he didn't care. Good its over and I'm sorry if it still hurt.
Good job girl you got this
I had a friend with borderline that would blow up my phone if I didn't answer quickly enough. Or, if I didn't answer that day, he would ask me if he should delete my number. Sometimes I would wait longer to answer BECAUSE of the barrage of texts he sent. I didn't want him to think that blowing up my phone would get him a faster answer. It felt like manipulation when he threatened to block me unless I responded, and he tried all sorts of tactics to force me to respond quicker.
I have dismissive avoidant tendencies so when people cling I freak out and avoid them until they pull back. What a mess, on both our parts 🤦🏻♀️
To his credit he never sent 13 messages, so I recognize that he was attempting to regulate emotionally. Thank you for the video! 🌷
Narcissists and BPD are underdeveloped little toddlers trapped in an adult body.
They are needy little babies.
Thank you for this video
Borderlines also love to leave you hanging mid conversation especially after you had confided in them. I think it’s because the closeness repulsed them to feel as though they will eventually get abandoned. Great points David I’ve actually googled this before to try and understand there conversation methods,it all seems in hindsight that there always manipulating you in some form or another.
Emotionally avoidant is what you are describing. They cannot regulate their emotions and many have suffered from severe neglect and become avoidant of intimacy and have fears like abandonment issues. Thank you!
@@daviddemars So what is the solution to properly deal with that attachment style. Or does it consistently change so you can’t really grab a hold of what to do
Had someone do that when I asked if they were suicidal. Did the same thing when I asked on the phone too.
Her: "Are you mad at me?"
Me: "No? Why?"
Her: "I feel like you're mad at me."
Me: "No baby, all good."
Her: "Are you sure you're not mad at me?"
Me: "No but if you keep doing this you'll make me mad."
Her: "I knew you were mad at me."
Same... Almost word for word. On the regular. Off and on for 12+ years now.
Hi David it’s 10 months now since I went no contact with a borderline,you helped by saying break off that attachment I have completely and feel I’m a hundred % back to my old self I feel great no rollercoaster going around my head , thanks for all your advice David keep doing your videos you probably don’t realise how much it really helps when your caught up in the borderlines turmoil big thanks once again David 😉👌
Thank you very much for telling me Mark and good for you to stop it and I hope you are well now, thank you for your support Mark.
Thank you David. My ex was like this and it was bad. He drained me to the core and I have still not fully recovered.
He wanted to text all the time and demanded my attention all the time, if I could not give it to him, he got mad and played the victim. Constantly accused me of cheating.
"Who are you with?", "Send me a photo of Amanda, if you are hanging out with her!", *Sends photo of Amanda's shoes because I'm too embarrassed to ask her again for a picture*, "That looks like a mans shoes!?", "Why are you lying to me?!", "Screw this relationship!" ,"Oh ok, now I see... Thanks baby, I love you. You know I get so insecure, I can't help it, I just love you so much! 😢", "Babe? Why are you not answering? Aren't you home yet? Are you still with her?", "I have a bad feeling right now.... I feel like you are lying. Babe?! Call me.", "Still no answer? Fine. Good night.", "Can't believe you are doing this to me.... F*ck my life.... I better just end it all instead."
And all of this could happen in less than 30 minutes... On and on and on.....Sucked the life out of me and got me completely burned out.
Attachment issues + burned by earlier negative experiences possibly also caused by his attachment issues with the wrong women. Very sad
@@silverlining5796 Nope. He had never been cheated on before. He was very mean to them too, he didn't care that they were scared of him... :/ His mother is an alcoholic tho but she is very kind and babys him a lot.... I don't know the cause of his behaviour exactly, all I know is that it damaged me a lot to the point that I got mentally ill and he didn't care to seek treatment.
This is my husband. He is now on day two of silent treatment
"hey" "are you mad" "ok" "fine'" "what are you doing" "you're angry at me aren't you" "are you ignoring me again" constantly while I was at work.
Same man
The most frustrating is getting that phone call asking “did you get my text” or “ I texted you why aren’t you answering me” then after call you go back and look at your texts to realize it had been sent only 2 or 3 minutes before they called you. Do not I repeat Do not date a borderline if you think the stuff he mentioned will frustrate you. The stuff he said about them constantly needing reassurance is 100% on the bullseye. It will make a sane person crazy if your not used to it. I was with a borderline woman for 5 years and I’m still 5 months no contact trying to get my head right. These people are dangerous to a sane mind. Know that.
Dangerous?! Thanks.... It's a mental illness, would you say the same about someone with cancer or diabetes?! I recently discovered I have BPD and I am trying to work on myself, comments like that do not help. No one chooses to be mentally ill.
No offense, but I think you’re comparing apples and oranges. People who have cancer and diabetes don’t have the same effect/impact on the people around them that those with cluster b personality types can. I’ve never had to recover from being emotionally burned to the ground by a friend with cancer or diabetes. I am sorry about how some of the comments are hurtful for you, just know that we’re all here to find support and healing. Cluster B doesn’t just affect the person who has it, unfortunately not all of us who have experienced the side effects from it have come to that place in our own healing that allows us to give some grace to the people we’ve been hurt by, even if unintentional.
@dazza8551 you have emotional leprosy. You should not be close to others
Funny, I HAD diagnosed BPD until this past year and it was a narcissistic friend that would send me texts “why aren’t you answering me etc” exactly what he is describing not me “the borderline”
I always liked my space even and especially at the height of the episodes.
NEVER date a borderline.
I cannot believe how much I enjoy your content. It is so eye-opening for me. They make it seem like they’re texting. Behavior is normal. I’ve never dated anybody who needed to text so much throughout the day even while working. And I would question myself at first thinking OK maybe he just wants to be close to me and connect and that’s some thing that I should appreciate. But when real life hits and you just don’t have time if you’re not texting them, they will find somebody else to converse with. Thank you for this content. I am thoroughly enjoying your channel! My eyes are opening!
Your channel has helped me understood what I went though with my borderline npd ex. I thought I was losing my mind. Your videos and learn how to love yourself and heal helped me realize that I was not insane. And now my life is much better thanks too many of your videos. I thank you, David!!
Thank you Isiah! I appreciate all your feedback and support.
Holy crap. Toward the end of my marriage with the ex-narc, I started acting like a borderline. My texts started sounding like that. Yikes!
I worked through it with therapy and it was Cptsd. Still...
It's okay, sounds like there was no security and you need it and reassurance. Also sound slide you are learning this and hopefully forgive yourself and not allow someone to make you feel that way again. Thank you!
Your definitely not alone. I went through the same thing. Even for years after in other relationships and friendships. I believe a lot of it is due to the fact that any toxic or abusive relationships with narcissistic individuals can become addicting like a drug. It's from the lovebombs, trauma bonding, gaslighting and so much more. It's very damaging over time and when you feel unsafe you seek validation from the abuser and are addicted to when they showered you with attention. They do it on purpose and even pull back to keep you stuck chasing feeling like you got to prove that your worthy. And even going into the next relationship if you don't get it together other people will see you as a toxic red flag and run away. It's difficult to trust again after abuse. If we don't learn to set ourselves some boundaries it can get bad. It did for me. I became very toxic bitter and angry over time. I would drink and text crazy crap to people. Most abusers were abused themselves, but not all choose to become one themselves. And some "humans" aren't human. Your doing the best thing, educating yourself, and taking accountability, stay strong 💪🌺🌻🌈🦋
I went through the same thing. I thought there was something very wrong with me and I was so ashamed but now I know it was ptsd. I think I do have abandonment issues though but I've been working on that for years. Now I know that if someone isn't interested in me anymore then I don't want that for myself and goodbye.
I also have cpsd.Have been with a narcissist for 10years.i am now codependent in relationship's but I am working on myself and going for therapy
Great vid.. Made me think about the crazy things I've done Being codependent. I've come along way but from your vid I can see I used to be like a crazy woman but then he was a narc who wouldn't give any loving attention!!😖🤬
Thats right, no emotional attention, no security, and probably no emotional connection. These are your emotional needs that must be met in all your relationships. Thank you Cassie.
Oh this is like deja vu David. She used to text me if i could go shop for her, help move something or whatever and when i respond, somebody else already did it. I stopped responding because i knew if it took too long i was off the hook anyways.
Thank you Christian, that must have felt gross. Dont forget that feeling and do something different next time.
What about the "splitting" texts? The demeaning ugly, vile texts that come after he's picked a fight, but calls you a sh''starter and says that you started a fight.
Again another excellent video David. A video like this could only really be made by someone who has lived this experience along with some of us who also have! Thank you!
She texted me "let's talk on the phone". I fell asleep earlier (she couldn't know) so I didnt respond. An hour later she wrote "ok that's it then. Thanks for making it clear." and blocked me (again).
My borderline ex was so abrasive and passive aggressive over text that I would start to dread when I heard the ding go off. Later he got angry when I texted a joke to a friend that made me smile because that smile should only be for him, despite the fact that I was the one making myself laugh and showed the conversation to him to prove it.
you legit nailed it.
Hello David! I have not had experience with overtexting but I have heard about this from my colleagues and friends. I would feel anxious if someone would text me excessively. Thank you very much for making this video! ❤
I HAD a friend who would blow up my phone. Great information, David! Lisa from KS
Hi Lisa, thank you very much.
The reassurance they need is never enough. And if you don’t reassure in time, and somebody else beat you to it, a.k.a. another woman, they will seek a reassurance from her and from you, and whoever else will give it to them. No amount is ever enough. It’s not humanly possible in a relationship to give these people enough reassurance.
I would have to go in basement to do laundry, but also a break from two babies(multi tasking). He would holler for me. I’d walk over to steps to hear him, and he’d yell I love you, or I miss you! Really he just didn’t want to be a lone with babies! Me either! Great timing! 14 minutes for 13 texts!! Thanks David!
Lol you're funny Rory, I feel like I was there, good description.
@@daviddemars Thank you David! I enjoy listening to all your videos! Your humor also helps so much!
Hi David Diane from UK love to listen to your talks..4 years out now and he constantly text if I didn't answer within few seconds he would accuse me of all sorts🙄 recently started texting me again..I replied asked him if he was still seeing a lady he was seeing from Scotland? Ye replied yes I trust her 100 per cent and she's good company but not sure where it is going 🤔he's sees her every few months as she lives in Scotland, yet he's started texting me asking how I am..messed with my head again sadly😞
@@dianeedwards1226 So sorry, Diane! That is so hard, cuz it’s probably bringing up good and not so good memories! Stay strong! Maybe think about how good it’s gotten for you being 4 years out. The things you’ve accomplished, the love you’ve given to yourself. Trust yourself 100% and that you are sure of yourself forever!
@@dianeedwards1226 I'm sorry Diane, please talk to someone. Lesrn all you can from this experience and try to make a different choice. I hope you have support.
HI DAVID. THANKS FOR THE EDUCATION IN THESE VIDEOS.
Hi Tree Lover!
I've been listening to a lot of your videos the last month ... I can't believe what I'm hearing ... like listening to my experience in 100%... it's 2 months since the breakup and no contact and I still have days when I feel like a drug addict who need i dose of her toxic treatment... i know now everything, but still missing this extreme flase feeling of sexual connection.... i just wanna tell you that i will support you with all new videos! Your help is priceless!
I went to see my son for the afternoon, we had just gotten together, 42 text messages in an hour, no joke !!! Its there thoughts they text you sentences as apposed to a paragraph...oh boy....its a ride....
It’s the absolute worst when they text you a full dissertation and then you have to match it or be put on silent treatment .
That sounds stressful, im sorry Jay, have those boundaries and try to not respond.
Thank you so much for this video. It's highly appreciated , my mother who raised me often abandoned me in shopping malls and school fetes as I can remember at the age of six having panic attacks. I suffer from borderline
BPD, CPTSD, Panic Disorder, and Bipolar 1. My mother told me that I would suffer because I'm gay and recently told me that she wishes the worst for me in life. My doctor had a heart to heart with me after many prior conversations and helped me make the decision to cut her off. She gaslighted me, manipulated me, hoovered me, complained about me, criticized me for many years. She triangulated my father and brother with whom I tried to have exclusive relationships with but they said without mum in the picture you can't have us. I try my best with doing my part to regularly talk to my doctor and journal, pray, go to Mass, listen to hypnosis and music, and life has been tough because of all that. This video, your video has shown me an awareness that I can take, that I don't need to be so needy because I can just simply be me, in hermit mode, doing the things I love, without those texts to those friends who aren't friends but are really "faux" friends. I just end up digging myself in a hole by acting on those types of texts. Thank you, may God bless your Soul.
David, you been looking through my text history? Had 20+ texts of abuse from my NPD wife, quite often
I'm sorry Bobby, try to never allow someone to make you feel that way again.
They make their loved ones abandoned them they can fly into a rage over nothing they can have a drinking and drug problem that only makes things worst, they do things that make no sense at all. I went through it for many years with my husband, I loved him but because of all the abuse I was not in love with him, I feel very sad and still cry he took his life from a drug overdose most with this disorder end up that way, suicide is very high with a Borderline!
Hi Alice, thank you for sharing. Im sorry for your trauma, how he treated you, and especially for your loss. I hope you are healing from this.
Flying into rage over nothing is right! And out of the blue! Mine refused to take care of himself health wise, expected everyone to take-on that responsibility, that is what ended his life. I cared about him as a human being but not as a husband.
@@rorywright5692 He is a little boy that relied on you for everything like he used ot do with his Mommy
@@daviddemars I agree! What about his Daddy! A World War II Pearl Harbor Veteran, Retired Policeman.
@@rorywright5692 Cold as ice... no connection, total neglect and abandonment
My daughter is borderline. Shes such a lovely person but lately because i chose to divorce (long story) her step Dad our relationship folded. Now i either dont hear from her or i get abusive texts. Its very hurtful.
I was such a bad mother! Are one of these comments with alit of swearing. 😭😭😭
I'm so sorry for all your loss. Please love yourself and don't let anyone hurt you. There is help for you if you want it. Take care of yourself Mom!
I presume she wants your attention. Give it to her, she will most probably come around once she will feel assured.
This is Great info, So True
Thanks!
Tasmania
Thank you! David.
He would send a load of text messages.
The Marco Polo game" is a very good depiction And so spot on! lol! as he would say: "I love you" "I love you"....
And wanting or demanding a response back.
I had never asked him for photos of where he was,but he would ask me to send photos of where I was or he would call me.
He would send loads of photos to me of where he was And also selfies of himself.
Great videos, as always!
Hi! Thats funny, the Marco Polo game for constant reassurance. Say it too many times and it loses its meaning I think. Thank you for your comment and support!
@@daviddemars Absolutely! 💯
They're never satisfied,even when you show more than 💯 attention, care,help And love....
You are so welcome! And thank you so much,for all you do!
🌟❤
@@elleonard9568 Thank you!!
I met a BPD guy less than a month ago on holiday. He's already said he wants to move in with me; I should move in with him; then said he can't visit me and I can't visit him - we have to meet back at the holiday place. He says he loves me, can't live without me, then he's asking other women for s*x and telling me it's my fault. He's also tried to end his life and got sectioned because he' knows he'll never see me again'. WTH does a person do with all that? It's pure chaos, what a shame.
Please do some podcasts about male borderline.
Yes! ❤ Love this idea. MY EX WAS diagnosed male.
Husband: “I really do love you, I will be supportive of you. I really hope you have fun”- me: “thank you, it helps me a lot when you’re supportive”- 1 hour later, “YOU NEVER EVEN ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO JOIN YOU!- you are one selfish person! If you don’t start doing things with me, I will find someone who will, it’s YOUR CHOICE!”
yep, accurate!
Hi David. If it wasn’t controlling, berating texts to antagonize me into text wars… the NPD ex would always impatiently text “hello” if he didn’t get his timely response, yet he would purposely take his time replying to something he knew legitimately needed an urgent response.. further intentionally antagonizing me.
His responses would also be intentionally vague providing the least amount of distorted information possible or extremely confusing minimal directions .
He would constantly send selfie’s of himself on trips he took for himself bragging about where he was , eating, etc…
As my children and I were always left at home
As in his delusional selfish mind he expected us to be so happy for him
And jealous of what he got to do leaving us behind
Hi Nancy! Good to see you here. His grandiosity is overcompensation of how he really feels. He also tries to stay safe by always keeping an emotional leg out the door to not get hurt and his jealousy is total insecurities, fear you won't like him or accept him because he doesn't like himself or accept himself.
So it looks like the borderlines weren't assured in theirs childhood, especially by the mother...so actually they look for this assurance in a relationship... It's not toxique but so annoying and so difficult no to lose the patience... it's like... why actually I have to do a job of theirs mother ? Difficult to blame them because it was not their fault that they were neglected...but sooo annoying really !
Very compassionate Anna, you're right. This is when a personal problem interferes in the relationship. We can only reassure someone so much but they need to learn it themselves, its called object constancy. Most were horribly neglected and never validated.
As sum1 with bpd your def right about that and seem to have a very good understanding about it
What's up David Paul from Wisconsin not doing well in hospital Since Monday hopefully get out tomorrow
Hope you’re feeling better soon!
Oh no Paul, im sorry and I hope you recover quickly and can get out of there. Keep us posted and get better soon.
Feel better soon! Paul, And take good care of yourself.
@@daviddemars Whet back to work this week it was a long week but I'm still recovering but I'm feeling much better thank you 😊
@@daviddemars Unfortunately I need a surgery Schedule November 1st
I had to send a video of our home to show that I were alone. Still it was never enough.
Never again?
I left 5years ago, never agian i will let someone treat me like that!
@@emma5404 Because you are worthy of everything you want and need!
I remember when we very first got together the first week or two it was constant texting we were both texting each other constantly and then she was always talking about she can’t wait to come over and have sex and blah blah blah, this went on for days, and then one text she said I’ll just wear a skirt with no underwear so you have fast access, and I text her back and said I’m not looking for a prostitute lol and she pretty much cooled down on that on that subject, because it was becoming a turn off, it was so persistent, And I thought it was tacky.
I lived something very similar. It's crazy how many comment I read and almost everyone remind me of my ex.
I would wake up to over 100+ texts telling me how much hated me. Over the smallest conflict, when I asked him to not look at his phone when I talk to him. Next day, acted like nothing happened.
Hi! I went carnivore ( it’s another topic ) but it is healing my nervous system.
I now feel I was so reactive ( scared ) in personal matters. Not in an aggressive way, it was internal. It was more like being neurotic or confused..scared.
Now I find myself very calm and clear minded so I don’t confuse nor contaminate human interactions.
Sugar is POISON! It’s a whole topic. Sugar is in every food from Supermarket. Sugar stresses our nerves and brain. People don’t see the danger in it cause they are addicted!!
In my case my neuroticism ( which I find in this society as a default mode due to our lifestyle ), is gone. Completely gone.
And I suspect many disorders start in the nervous system being highly stressed disregulated… it’s sound so simplistic but it’s not.
The system being poisoned!
I suggest anyone to research and watch the amazing stories of people healing even from Bipolar through this diet! This are contra culture doctors speaking with real people.
Many people are not bad people, moreover I would say they are sick on basic levels and that does not allow them to self-regulate and see clearly.
Not saying is everyone case, many people have a sick mindset.
But many many people are just on the edge cause the body is just on adrenaline, disregulated and the mind is reflecting that chaos through behavior.
I’ve been resting, sleeping, eating tones of meat, not any sugar nor anything inflammatory. Just calming down, and many things in my life I see through a diff light!
Tons of self reflection and education, but health and being at peace.. helps so so much to get out of our own way.
Healing ourselves is possible and it’s our own responsibility.
It has been life changing.
mine would flip out over text, it would be many many messages basically blaming me, criticising me - it was so rough to read and hard to defend myself or explain anything. It could be over something minor. I hated it. 80% of our relationship was by text. Round n round in circles. Never any real resolution. No warm. Madnesssss I think he had ocd or adhd or narcissism
All this.. same exact experience...crazy making
my Borderline ex just discarded me. I treated her so good and took care of her kids and all. After the breakup, she texted me to say she missed me and asked if we can revisit the relationship later on. After that she blocked me and then told all my friends that I'm a narcissist!! Why would she do this?? I uprooted my life for her by moving from NYC to Cali. 3 months later, she discards me like I'm nothing. Any insight?
I'm sorry for the trauma and abuse you endured. She sounds like she plays the victim and you were not allowed to do anything for yourself. She us completely reliant on others for everything she needs and is full of hate and anger. I hope she is very far away from you and you are healing from this.
@@daviddemars she went on video saying that she was never attracted to me and had to look past it. and that I'm creepy and give her rapist vibes. like wtf?
@@jcdezmen 😱 I think she said the things she did because she thinks it justifies her irrational behaviors and to annihilate you. My Ex Best Friend did the same thing when she discarded me. It was over the top.
So sorry you have had to go through this pain Jay !
I know it so well !
Our BPD exes rejection is GODs protection !!
I know the moving on and healing isn’t easy but trust the process, work on yourself, reconnect with God family friends and hobbies !
You are the prize my good man
Know it
Live it!!
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙌❤️✝️❤️🙌🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Everyone that don't do their every wish is narcissist.
Before I learned this stuff from you, I went through it all... I would send pics of what I was working on to avoid the "suspicion" and would still get grilled or accused when I would get home. If I only knew then..... But at least I know now.
Hindsight is 20/20 and helps us learn to be a better person an dnot repeat mistakes in the future.
I was a nurse and I would have to work at patients houses. If I were late hed call me up and demand to know if I was at a patients house.
My husband communicates better by text than face to face when we are going through a bad patch (which sadly are more and more frequent now). If I try to communicate my feelings face to face I just get shouted/screamed at to leave him alone which, after watching your videos, I have learned to walk away. His text messages are mostly very brief,in fact too brief sometimes so I end up getting the wrong message across and then I’m the stupid one! The communication is less and less these days as I believe I am now being put through the devaluing stage - I’m visiting family and elderly father (something he hates me doing) and in 5 days I have had very little communication from him - only when he was updating me on how our soccer team were doing or when he had a few situations that arose - no water, road being dug up outside house etc. and then boy did I get some texts! What could I do over 200 miles away! Still not calling but communicating by text. Guess I am his mother figure who he comes to when things go wrong! Thank you for your amazing videos and helping me after all these years understand what is going on and help deal with my situation. Sue, England.
Thank you Susan, I'm very sorry for how stressful your life is now. Please consider hiring help and support, you are worth it.
nothing we do is ever enough
My ex would of txted to say we need to talk I hated these text as they were always about my wrong doing etc I always replied to txt because it was honest that way if I said anything to him to his face he would of threw something at me or square up to me for me to back down I was afraid of him I have ms and he would of been at the gym so I cleaned the house when he came back he would say we are doing a deep clean I was already tired from cleaning while he was out sometimes I used to sneak down to his mums so I didnt have to clean anymore he would ring his mum and tell her to send me home I hated living with him it was Jackill or hyde I had panic attacks while pregnant with his second child and he was an early riser I needed all the sleep I could get he would of shouted in my face before my alarm woke me up shouting I'm a fat lazy fucker and to get up and sort my son up my first alarm had just gone off after he shouted me and I asked him why he was shouting at me before my alarm went off he said cus I new you wouldnt get up my stress levels while pregnant was really high and left him when I was 7 months pregnant best thing I ever done and I have watched you and nova since best thing I ever done was learn red flags i am concentrating on me and my 2 sons now i would be to scared to be in another relationship like this i tried to leave for years but wouldnt and i never want to be in that position again sounds selfish but i need to concentrate on me and the boys great video as always
Thank you Amber. Good for you and your Children to choose a future without him. Please don't be too scared of people and let them love you.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Me too, I asked my ex narcissist to leave my house, and now I raise 2 daughters on mu own. It has been no contact for 18 months now, life is much better.❤
But why do they flip the story and make the non borderline (me) feel like crap??
The i love u is so true . Even in chat with my undiiagnosed ex partner , he keeps saying i love u every after reply. I just have broken up with him and i know in my heart it’s the right direction. No more gaslighting, blaming me for his misery, tge jealousy, the phone checking which i really hate bec he never trusted me.
My ex borderline used to leave panic voice mails when she needed my attention. She married a much older man in September and it shows the daddy issues. She used to parentify me as well.
Hey David, David from Kanata (CAn-A-Ta) Canada, my ex used to send four or five texts each time often breaking the sentence over many messages hey...how are you...today? that would have been three texts LOL so impulsive she needed to send the message before she could finish it. looking back did not really notice it until you pointed it out.
A lot of borderline actions really shout "Look at me, I am here, give me your attention!" Good to see you David.
@@daviddemars LOL they sure do, constant need of attention. So tiring. Thanks mate I am always in the wings, love the string of videos you have been putting lately. i so appreciate your dedication to spreading the word.
@@Ravid394 Thank you David, I appreciate you too!
Why David from Kanata? What’s the reason for the origin spelling?
@@dudewithcup spelling of what? Kanata is the name of the town i live in.
Oh man, the marco polo text explanation blows my mind 😅😂😂😂...and it's exactly like that around the house " honey, are you there?" ...the less funny part is that it's me saying that 😢
This guy is totally unprofessional. His use of anecdotal personal experiences, and given that he's not a psychologist, just shows him up as some guy with an axe to grind. Go somewhere else for information.
I switch after 48 hours and I just block them😅
My wife would come home from work every day and say, "I did a damn good job at work today," and then explain something very mundane and average that she had done. Obviously, I could never respond well enough. I would say something like, "well, isn't that what you are supposed to do at work?" It was never going to be enough. She also always expected me to immediately answer the phone or return a text, otherwise it meant I was bleeding to death on the floor and she should call the rescue squad. Sound familiar?
My ex-narcissist cheated on me with crazy borderline, a mean woman. I thought she narcissistic but his sister a psychologist said after meeting her on Thanksgiving 2018 said had a borderline personality disorder
I wish people had more compassion in these comments. BPD is a mental illness, like cancer or diabetes, you can't help it. I recently discovered I have BPD and I am trying to work on myself, comments like that do not help. No one chooses to be mentally ill.
Stop trying to control how people express themselves. Deal with the downside. That is reality. The sooner you get a grip on reality, the better things will be. No one ever got better living in a delusion.
BPD is not like diabetes. Diabetes is manageable and only affects who have it. BPD is pain in the ass for everybody around.
I can simply tell my story but I wont. At the end times of my relationship with her I tough I was crazy, I didn't know what was happening and what i'm doing wrong, I lost a bunch of weight, felt anxious, my libido dropped, I couldn't have a conversation with a stranger or someone I knew like I use to before. I was walking and feeling like I was something like a phycopath, I looked at everyone but I was looking trough them, why did she do the things she did and why she told me she didn't do them? All the questions in my mind, felt terrible....
Ohio here!!
Hi Ohio!
A person with NPD would be the exact opposite. Few initiated texts if any, and 99% of those would be cold, robotic, indifferent, or an interrogation if you missed THEIR call, or just an out of the blue random insult of some kind. For instance my BPD/NPD ex texted me four days later just to remind me I made the coffee wrong for her in the morning! lol
intermittently texting. Usually, after you have texted putting boundaries or letting them know that you are not OK with something....they will send messages at intervals . The more you ignore them the more they send . They can send you like this messages every hour or 2 hours ...not asking what happened or what they did to bother you...noooo.... you did this you did that, you are this you are that....and on and on
Guilty. Well wait. I do these behaviors but I get that person to call me..it's a test, to hear the background, see how he is acting .. "are you mad at me? Are you breaking up with me? How pretty is your ex? * Etc etc. Yeah I'm a phone call girl. The selfies oh yeah. I want to remind who ever I'm with that they already got a pretty girl who loves them, and I need to hear him tell me I'm pretty (Unfortunately the guys I fall for I don't think have standards, but maybe thats me projecting :) ) anyway.. I'm bad about when I'm hurt and triggered, disappointed I say and I mean it at the time "I can't believe I let myself trust you, I knew this would happen" and be one big ball of emotion. Totally obsessing about whatever it was. Psycho texting. Psycho calling and to self soothe, I'd turn to drugs usually, rarely did I cut but alot do when in this state. But I'm walking, had to comment. Ahhhhh guilty... And David, I think your empathy is attractive (In a friend way) to a borderline. Your not out to try to sleep with her, you know how to be just friends and listen and not play us while in an emotional state to do something vile. I can see why borderlines like you. I have told both my psychiatrist and therapist about your channel. And they should check it out :)
Hi Becca, thank you for what you said and for recommending me! Try to understand that we all need security in relationships and cna ask for reassurance, its healthy. The photos and trying to hear where they are, are unhealthy ways but they dont work. Its never enough but communicating and being vulnerable to receiv me security works, feels better, and lasts.
The “ test” usually will just push good guys away. If he is into you and is a good guy you won’t need to demand a timely response or gesture. Stop with the tests hun be your true self .
@@eaksgeeks8674 that maybe true. It does do that. :/ Its wrong to test ppl. Because I am learning everyone is different and may respond in a way that I decide badly.
@@eaksgeeks8674 Suburb advice!
@@daviddemars thank you David looking forward to your next BPD video .
Yes I dated a girl like this in 2014 and she would ask me up to 20 times a day if I love her or missed her when we weren’t together. Plus she was very clingy. When we were together she would be constantly hugging me attached to me like a koala bear on a tree trunk. At first it was cute but then it got kinda draining.
My borderline daughter in law will take my son's phone and start angry texting. She pretends to be him. It's not an effective deception because of her odd grammar and spelling. I sure wish that she would limit these text to 13. At least she has finally stopped smashing his phone when she is done.
Mine is male bpd/ npd not officially diagnosed but every criteria he checks off. He almost never texts. It's like I don't exist when we aren't together and he never calls. He's also really careful to never say anything mean or incriminating. In person he's extremely violent sometimes and classic npd and bpd rage/ injury , entitlement etc. Multiple demeanors. Almost even like there's a male and female personality. He intentionally sabotages and abuses and will then ghost me and I'll be the one sending confrontational texts and the entire time felt that was a set up for a future smear campaign. I've known 2 males that almost never texted but in the beginning when they're love bombing it's constant but they train you to do all communication for them more and more until only you text. The reason is to cover their behavior up bc it doesn't show in text and it's about control. If you disappeared they'd freak out. Mines a hobo sexual ( entitled below bare minimal effort male that lives off of women). I don't know if I've known many male bpd that weren't also comorbid with narcissism, though. My experience was once they got a girlfriend,aka me ,or seeing me for a while , they push away constantly and control like crazy when you want any boundaries or space. Will do everything to sabotage you from leaving so you have to depend on them. Will get family or friends to make you " owe them " too and then pretty soon they're all billing you basically when you were the one taking care of the bpd male hobosexual.
Edit: i online dated a bpd male years ago and come to think of it, this one would bomb my phone with texts if i didn't quickly respond and it would be condescending or extremely paranoid or flat out insulting . I kept getting hoovered in and then later left him a nasty but truthful letter and blocked him.
Another bombed me with texts when i called him out on his rude behavior and how inconsiderate it was because i was at work because he had been sending long texts at lightning speed constantly and actually was trying to get me fired so id be broke and dependent on him. Well after i chewed him out quickly and briefly he sent me a book.
They act like a knight in shining armor and once they have you , they bounce between tyrannical father ,waif , helpless child , psychotic child and who knows how many people are in there ,so to speak. They make you bounce between being the mother and daughter. The relationship feels incestuous. You start to wonder if they are secretly bisexual, attracted to minors or both.
Bpd males are terrifying.
I was raised by grandparents where the grandma was bpd and i had no idea i kept encountering bpd males from a psychological wound from her crazy behavior. My grandpa was npd and i was with npd men later in life as well. Im on disability from ptsd due to cluster b's mainly bpd and npd, literally. Never have them near you or your children. If you're a woman and pregnant run away and dont tell him or he'll destroy you and your child. Bpd males are extremely jealous of children that take attention away from him. Npd are like this as well. They will sabotage your relationship and destroy you both.
Another one, every one i met i met when i was going through a rough time and they offered to be my everything, literally. Translation, they want to be literally all you have.
Also they are big on unconsensual sx . If you consent they will absolutely try to make you do something randomly humiliating or painful. They will try to baby trap you , too. ( Reproductive coersion. )
Heal your ptsd and self esteem and boundaries or you will be a walking target. They can spot someone vulnerable with ptsd a mile away.
I used to ask my ex to send me pictures of where she was only because she was a compulsive liar and covert narcissist so I had lots of fears of her, leaving me and cheating on me as she often did, but I would get back together with her over and over again, and she would promise changes that never happened.
Yes. The biggest things for me were the constant reassurance. You could tell them how beautiful they were and how much you loved them and it would. never. help. It started to make me angry that my love wasnt enough for this person. I know you shouldnt take things personally but I started to feel rejected somehow that maybe if I were good enough for this person, they would feel worthy enough.
The other thing was the constant need to look through your phone, know about past relationships, know where you are, who you are talking to, Providing reassurance there did not help and just made things worse. If you give them passwords to your account, 100% they will find things that make them go off the wall, which is what I did and thats what happened.
The other thing was the abdadonnment texts "If i have to study for a week and cant talk to you much, will you leave me?" Like what kind of adult leaves their partner if theyre legit busy and cant communicate normally for awhile? Or "I havent been treating you right, im so afraid youre going to leave me" or the "I cant breathe just thinking how we mightve never met" that kinda stuff.
Would some or these behaviors also stem from being emotionally and psychologically abused by someone with BPD, NPD or high traits of either or? With all the confusion, triangulation and devaluing, couldn’t someone under such duress and trauma bonded react in a similar pattern? Makes me wonder if I might be undiagnosed BPD (and codependent) based on how crazy my toxic entanglement made me through all the manipulation and abuse from my partner. Chasing the love bombing phase. Of course being INFP and HSP doesn’t help matters through relationships like this and the recovery. Seems like there is no true line between the disordered and the survivors. It blurs across the board except when it pertains to intent and motives. Face value actions always have motivation behind them.
Thank you for asking, yes. Relationships require emotional security which is the responsibility of both people and people will become insecure without it.
Hi, David, thank you for the videos, they are revealing and helpful, would you mind mentioning the use of punctuation marks in texts? As far as I have noticed, they are also used excessively.
Thank you! They use lots of Punctuation
And David here knows all about games of texting! Especially his biological mother 😅😂
What?
My ex BPD text sent a wonderful message" hope you die a painful death and rot in hell" I got that today. I'm in day 2.
It was a narcissistic friend who would always send me, the borderline, texts where are you etc not me
Again, a lot of misinformation here.
BPD people have a way of twisting and misinterpreting even the simplest texts
I've just ended a three year relationship with my former girlfriend who's been recently diagnosed with BPD, PTSD.shes assaulted me multiple times, cheated multiple times, got me arrested by making false allegations and police statements. The one thing the police always seem to say us, why do I keep going back to her?. If only it was that simple. I've learnt about codependency, trauma bonding. I thinking I've finally got it eg no contact at all. But I'm struggling with why the police haven't worked it out eg whos getting abused and who the real abuser is.
from south africa
Hi David
I tend to a lot of games or buy sweets or deserts when I am stressed or nervous, why do I act this way?
Sounds like your way of trying to self soothe. Its better than drugs or alcohol but a healthier way can be communicating how you feel and try to fix this together with the person that may be causing how you feel.
I might be missing something in the comment section. Does anyone here have bpd? I was looking for people experiencing it who could share tips on how they manage their own disorder but I may be in the wrong place. While I understand all of the comments, please just keep in mind that people are suffering constantly. Incessant flashbacks, fear at all times, uncertainty. I know you are all dealing with your issues, but please remember we are talking about human beings too. This is not to deny your experience at all, I have full compassion as I have been on the receiving end as well. Just wanted to mention that for future comments.
A part of them (not all of their personality) is trapped in early childhood and abandoned/unloved. They have to relearn for themselves that they are an adult now, and as such they can't be abandoned. They have all the tools to look after themselves. love themselves, etc. Hope this helped. IFS therapy really helps without labeling them anything negative.
The people getting abused by these people also need to vent. Everyone REALIZES we are talking about people. Because our pets don’t act like this. So people here are just explaining “their” experience as well.
PEOPLE WHO TEXT ME TOO MUCH IN ONE DAY IRRITATE ME. IT MAKES ME WANT TO GO NO CONTACT. MY IRRITATION TEACHES ME TO AVOID TEXTING TOO MUCH & BOTHER OTHER PEOPLE. I TRY TO INCLUDE ALL INFO. & COMMENTS WITH 1 TEXT. TREE LOVER-USA.
My problem is that I blocked a multi texter and then the number stayed blocked even though I’d called & texted that number.
Mine is probably In the devalue stage with me. She hasn't texted me in a week but before that it was 24/7 and I live with her. Usually she texts me while she as work all the time
Texas here. I have been watching all your videos. They are so helpful. My question is how do I respond to my bpd relative when during a "good" conversation, they say things you know are untrue (small things, irrelevant things) you try to correct them and they just stick to the absurd statement and look at me like I am the fool. It happens all the time. Examples. "Cats can survive falling off of high rise buildings". Or "a gorillas chest sounds like a ping pong ball when you hit it" or arguing bigfoot facts... It's just random stuff. These are all RUclips videos he watches and then shows me. And wants me to agree they are true. They clearly are not. I want to have a friendly conversation but am at a loss to continue it when my reality is trying to altered. I usually just say "Oh, ok" like he is right. Which makes me feel stupid for agreeing with this crazy idea.
Hi Riley, thank you very much. Try to not give them the reaction they are looking for and they will eventually stop trying. Either express yourself, your opinions, feelings, wants, needs, and values. I would consider separating more from them after telling them that you are a separate person with separate opinions and we do not share the same. Please try to stop forming my opinion and respect it. If that doesn't work, try to stay further away.
Watched a couple of your previous videos. Obviously you have been very hurt by someone with BPD and that is sad. I have BPD and struggle with abandonment issues and absolutely hate this but feel powerless to do anything about it. I have been with my husband for 27 years. Borderline relationships can work but I’m sorry you feel the way you do. I wish you all the best.
I wouldn’t even feel comfortable sharing some of the texting strategy that I received from a malignant narcissist “girlfriend”. You wouldn’t even believe the persona that she put on.
That is fantastic, thank you for telling me and supporting what I do, thanks Mike
Yikes
@@daviddemars You’re welcome.
Ive had textibg experience of texting where im trying to sort things out with them in a mature way and they just want ti argue or project onto me. Its like they don't know whats realky going on and miss the whole point.
I sometimes get a plain generic word in a text message from new acquaintances/co-workers. Someone could text me a two-letter word "Hi" and then have nothing after that. And it feels so strange, but I am not sure why. "Hi" is not a bad word, but to use a cell phone just for that seems pretty wasteful, or am I wrong? I get texts like this, but not yet voice messages.But a voicemail with someone calling and saying "hi" only would be just as weird...Imagine someone leaves a voice message on your phone saying only one word, or maybe a phrase that is like this: "Hello. I am just calling because I want to say something - and that is - HI!" END OF CALL. Wouldn't that be weird or even comical🤣 or a bad sign?
"Hi" is something I would say without anything else afterwards while greeting people face-to-face , passing me by in real life: on the streets, in public transit, at work, etc.. But a phone is a tool I use for either a direct conversation or for leaving a message. And a message is more than just one greeting word, in my opinion. I have so many things to do in a day, I do not like to get distracted by technology just to see a text message without an actual message... Since one word "Hi" in a text message does not represent a conversation NOR it is a message, why bother with that at all? Is it also a sign that a person, perhaps, sends these generic hi's to a bunch of people at the same time just to see who'll be over-available with their time to give back a greet if not start a full conversation? It's like fishing with bait, or maybe, a form of catfishing 🤔...
13 texts ..... oh my ... young people text more and people are unavailable these days.
i’m a victim from a bpd friend from high school that i truly regret telling him my secret struggle of addiction at the time. he holds it against me and now that i didn’t respond to his 13 text shit he blocked me. he’s more of a narcissist though and refuses to apologize or show weakness, he doesn’t say anything about the relationship and assumes black n white
so fucking annoying hate these bpd people don’t get involved unless they family doesn’t excuse them from being an asshole, they need to be responsible and treat their own mental illness not take it and spread it to others
How accurate is your analysis on their texting behavior 😮
My now ex once sent me a chakra poster that said leave the past in the past. Then she sent a text about do you think we will make it? I was annoyed because it was the 5th time asking for reassurance. I said you know what if you have to continually ask no. She then was mad because I didn’t give her reassurance for 5th time that day.
Great video.
I think my fiance has this.
13 texts ???? Try 100 plus texts smh oh my freaking GOD
What are you doing? Where you at? Where you at? Are you home? Did you leave? I can't trust you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. Does this look familiar to anyone reading this?
My mom does the Marco polo I love you texts. We could've ended the conversation hours ago and then she'll text me "I made it to work, I love you" and I have to respond with the obligatory "love you too". It's awkward AF
My ex (for only 2 months fortunately, I ended it, sick stuff): "What's in your head right now?" What the hell am I supposed to answer to a text like that?? And as for Marco Polo: he was able to ask me in every five minutes "Where are you?" in a 1 bedroom condo (!) when I went to the restroom or to the bedroom to roll down the shades. Draining is an understatement. No offense, really, but IMO untreated BPD-s are real nightmares.
Do I have this?
I’d text my ex gf and she would usually block me or was cheating and lying all the time
And I’d try to text her example-
Hey
Are u there???
Did u block me again?
Wtf did I do?
I thought u loved me?
I can’t be with u if this is how it is
Ok blocked
Then unblock
Really???
And I’d call a lot ….
I was like this with her only
And we ended 3 years ago
I reached out to apologize for how I was and I wanted to thank her for the good she did give me
Didn’t want to mess with her head or mine
She called 2 days later and I missed it
She never responded to me or answered my calls
Her silent treatment is making me
Wanna flip out or tell her off
Lie to her like oh I’m doing so and so now
But I kno that won’t make it right…and it’s immature and it’ll push her more
But the silent treatment is pissing me off
Idk wtf is wrong with me anymore…
I should mention my ex lived a double life and lied all the time…she never told me who she was
And I was complete opposite
She would send me texts like this tho too
And she would say I hate you
Or you’re dead to me
I’d ask for proof when she went out
Cause she was always lying to me
So idk if we both have this or if I was reacting normally to the situation
Idk anymore
I wonder what happens if you borderline a borderline .... Still getting over one. Thought we were really close but had to set boundaries and now she's gone ...
All borderlines are not alike. Please be stigma aware. Clearly this is a personal issue for you.
omg I do this 🤦🏼♀️
9:40 -- nailed it -- always had to send a photo of where I was and who i was with. The more embarrassing thing is… Is why I had to explain it. I love and hate your channel at the same time. Amazing how people with BPD….. act so similar.
U have a great voice man
Thank you Jon!