the daddy issues club. - 20 something diaries 🎙️🎧
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- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
- In this episode of the 20 something diaries I'm opening up about my personal "daddy issues", why I never talked about my dad online, how this relationship affected me and using therapy to help me continue to heal and grow.
A podcast chatting to you about all the things I experience in life as a 20-something year old. Let's heal, grow & glow together bestie. 🤍
Watch (uncensored) on Spotify: open.spotify.c...
Listen on Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple...
All social links: linktr.ee/lisa...
For business inquiries:
lisa@musetheagency.com
Intro song: Skotta - Vaxla
Epidemic sound: bit.ly/3Ao8yH7
I honestly wanna tell you one thing: your mom went through all of that so that you don't have to go through that with anyone else but him. Like think about it as your dad has given you the key to identify what type of man you would never allow into your life. You truly have the power there girl. Thank your for sharing this part of your story Lisa 🤍 You are healing for real
Girl I love this ❤
This whole situation has made you such a strong independent woman. Your going to help so many others by sharing your story ❤ speak your truth sis! Much love! Cant wait for the next pod ❤️
The best thing you should do is take a personal, private trip to Nigeria. Not to meet with relatives but to take in the other part of who you are. It will help you heal, grow and give you better boundaries on how to deal with your relationship with your dad.
I'm currently 15 years old and havent talked to my father in over 2 years because of the way he abused me and my siblings our whole lives. Watching this and listening helped me know that it's okay to not forgive someone who has done you so wrong for years and years. Listening helped me know that I'm not the only one who struggles with a sh*tty a** father, thank you for making this video as you and your videos really help me out a lot, Lisa 💓
I’m Nigerian and I completely understand you. You are so strong for talking about this girl!!
Watching this from South Africa 🇿🇦🇿🇦❤
Same ❤️
We here.
Present ❤
He is a book narcissist... even having "flying monkeys" watching you, wow. Protect yourself for real and don't give him attention at all. So proud of you for opening up Lisa 🥹🥹🥹
i feel like most nigerian dads are closet narcissists
@@JimiSunsets yeah... my Nigerian ex was too 🥹 Took me 2 years to realise he was living a double, triple, or whatever life. 🫣
I definitely hear you and see where you’re coming from when you speak about having a kid on your own.
I really hope you find a partner who will be great to a child with you. A single mom is okay, but a child needs the love of both parents, they teach the child different things. A dads love is truly beautiful when you have it. I wouldn’t trade it for the world I cherish the relationship so much. I hope you continue to heal and are able to find/ open your heart to a potential partner.
This is a nice episode Lisa, I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share, I’ve been watching you for AWHILE and over the past bit of time, I can really see your growth and it’s nice to see you more vulnerable with us. Sending lots of love to you. 💗💗
I felt what you said about your mom , Im a mommas girl and I love it. She’s always been strong and committed while my dad just went off and had other children it’s just crazy
My father is also Nigerian and I feel and can relate to every single thing that you have said. I am 19 and I still can't open up to my dad about anything because I never felt that way ever in my life anyways. I have always been afraid of him and there are sooo many things that I want to tell him that have hurt me through the years. I haven't had the courage to do it yet because I feel like even if I did, nothing would change. I know he has sacrificed a lot for me but the way that does it and portrays it is what is wrong. Just like you, he wanted me to be a doctor, do this, be that... but in reality he just wants me to be what he couldn't be nad that made me realize that he doesn't know me at all and never tried to. You have no idea how many fights we have had and in all of them I was not able to tell him how I felt. The only person who I could talk to was my mom but she passed away when I was 12. That alone destroyed my life, because from that moment I wasn't me, I was going to be the "mom" of the house and take care of everything and everyone.
so proud of u for opening up and being honest, it isn't easy being vulnerable 🤍
I relate to this a bit my Nigerian father has not been in my life for over 10 years. I turned 18 years old this month and i found out he has a new family. It was really sad. My whole life is not where it's meant to be because my mum has been doing everything on her own with no help. When I say I won't forgive my father people think i'm crazy lol. Call me crazy but I won't make friends with my half siblings, I don't even want to know them.
therapy is not enough i personally need to fight my dad 😂😂😂
😂😂😂same
Well I did it and obviously he woohep my ass but I don’t regret because I was able to kick him even once and it felt so good🫣🤭
I feel you, my dad & I had a huge fight where he said something absolutely disgusting to me. Now I’m basically done with the relationship but feel so free, def not healed & wanna smack him but therapy/self work to do lol.
Omg the part where you shared how you are uncomfortable around men, I related to that so much. I’m currently 20 and I’m still uncomfortable to date and the idea of being viewed sexually attractive makes my skin crawl. I’m definitely a momma’s girl and I mean I still love my dad but I refused to put up with his baggage. Not having a good father figure has truly left an impact on my life but I’ve learned a lot and grown in ways that I’m proud of.
hmmmm daddy issue? let me roll my joint...
It is so weird to actually find someone who has the EXACT same daddy issues as u, like the way I have been pausing in shock of how similar my daddy issues and ur daddy issues are.. love this podcast so much xx
My dad is definitely a narcissist and it’s sad that he is still with my mom, torturing her and my younger brother, but I won’t change it for anything because it made me who I am today, and i now have this need to work so hard to take my younger brother and mom out of that situation, because I got out
Honestly, when I started watching the video I didn’t think I would relate because My dad and I have a great relationship. But there are some things you said and I was like « yeah I know how it feels » bc I believe that many african parents even though they come from different countries, have the same habits and mindsets that are complicated for us as European children disagree with. Whatever, thanks for sharing. You’re helping a lot of people ❤️
Loved this so much, Lisa! I relate to the daddy issues segment because I noticed over the years I have been very annoyed and bothered by the presence of men due to my poor relationship with my dad. My mom would have this nasty way of saying "but it's your dad" but if that person wasn't blood-related she would have told me to cut them off. I know I don't know the future but currently, the thought of living with a man disgusts me because they constantly disappoint me but I need to heal. It's messed up but I am thrilled you have an outlet to express this, wishing you healing on this journey love. No more extending my energy to people or things who don't appreciate nor see the importance of my feelings or even the importance grow. "Life is too short to be tied to one thing when the world obtains all I need and all I am deserving of" - my therapist's repeating statement to me whenever I keep holding on to the past/hurt. Wishing everyone listening/watching genuine peace, we deserve it.
My mom also says the "your dad will always be your dad" thing. It upsets me so much
@@lindzlindz and it don’t make no sense, just creating excuse for underserving ppl…..stay safe love 💗
That cord hanging near and above the candle is giving me anxietyyyyyy 😅
it looks like that from the camera's perspective, in reality it's nowhere near the candle haha
Thank you so much for this episode. I related with you so much and I’m still working through my emotions too. ❤
Hey Lisa, Love the 20 Something Diaries ❤️❤️!! Thank you for sharing this Ep.2 about your dad! You didn't have to do so. I hope you get healed eventually mentally, emotionally, etc. Love you from Manhattan, NY 🤗💛! Blessings to you.
I’ve just cut off my real dad today, my step dad is the only father I appreciate honestly😢
Being South African, don't they hold the “you'll need him one day thing" because of ancestors and stuff?
@@lindzlindz honestly I’ve checked out a long time ago and yesterday was the last straw, I got tired of running after him….he was never there whether emotionally or financially…and if ever I need ancestral stuff done I’ll go to his home….it’s not like I’ll need him to perform anything…most of the times they are done by elders in the family
U don't even understand how i relate to everything u said.Also i hate how we as children have the responsibility to keep the relationship going,like i have to be the one to constantly text him qnd check on him because what?i am the oldest daughter and all makes no sense to me to do something that belong to a parent job.Also blaming me for not being open when he didn't give the chance to beacuse everything i say he doesn't get it or turn it into lecture like....that's y i never got close to no man in general cause i don't trust them and feel like they will eventually cheat on me like my dad did with my mom multiples time
My dad was never in the picture from my memory. I'm 22 yrs old and he and I don't have a relationship. I wish it was different because not having a male figure in my life growing up makes it hard for me as a young adult. It's been a struggle for me to learn how to navigate life around men. I'm learning as I go but I could have done fine without some of these traumatic experiences with men. Love you Lisa xxx
The freest I've felt was when I allowed myself to be MAD! I've moved on now and was able to even dealt with similar feelings I had about becoming a parent. I'm in a healthy relationship and have met great men who are great fathers who showed me that I can also have that. But I got here because I allowed myself to be angry.. for years. So take your time, Lisa. You will get here with time.
I relate to your story so much... this episode literally healed me. It makes me feel like I'm not the only person who's going through this❤️❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this. As someone who also had an absent father this hits so hard. It's so depressing when there's so little effort put into creating a bond. Glad that you and your siblings had such a strong system in your mom and your younger siblings mom. Proud of you for standing your ground, it was his responsibility to take care of you not yours to bond with him. Fuck him, proud of you! I think it's important to acknowledge that you're not healed from the situation, and that shows that you're growing! Forgiveness is not necessary for your healing journey, but if it is what you decide to go with then good luck
Girl it's crazy... when you were talking about the talk in 2021 right before you said he gaslighted you, I swear I was thinking: now he goes and turns everything around. Ugh, it's a very toxic pattern that Nigerian men need to break for real. It's gonna take years for them cause I feel it's too rooted in their survival mode and culture. Like you have not told the full story and somehow I can see where it comes from. Some men need to grow up, not even having kids makes them grow up🫡
I feel so much peace seeing how you lost that fear for him in that convo. You literally broke a generational curse there. You should be so proud for believing in energy and protecting YOUR energy.
I relate to your situation with your dad so much. My father is a narcissist, gaslights me, and never takes accountability. He will literally hurt you then blame it on you. And just like you, I have my own opinions and I will not just agree with you coz you are "older" and that upsets him because he can't comprehend that I even dare to oppose him. I don't get along with him and get irritated every time I am around him. I am glad that you are independent and I hope I get my own independence soon. I've watched him treat my mom in the worst way, she'd come and vent to me about what he does to her. Imagine having to live with that as a child and they expect you to be okay and not have any mental issues???
We appreciate you opening about this sensitive topic✨💗
First of all, so proud of you for sharing such a vulnerable topic Lisa. I'm from East Africa, and am unfortunately familiar with the twisted behavior a lot of African fathers have with their daughters in the name of "respect or discipline". It is disgusting and future generations need to do better. I hope you know that your peace and freedom should always comes first.
I really think a deep psychological dive needs to be done on the narcissistic and often misogynistic Nigerian father epidemic. Just look at these comments, it’s ridiculous.
It’s not a pathology or psychological thing. It’s simply culture this is how they were raised. It’s not their fault
Nah, I know all about the “culture”. As someone who has seen the same issues play out over and over again in Nigerian households of mine, relatives & friends, my comment still stands. If people keep pacifying this behavior nothing will ever change.
I love reading the comments. Not having a father has impacted me to my core. Firstly I feel like i wasn’t allowed to ask why I didn’t have a father in my life. I felt embarrassed asking people around me why my father wasn’t around. I was told to be grateful that I wasn’t an orphan. My father left my family when I was born. It affected my mum and she had soo many other priorities. My mums a narcissist btw so I stopped speaking to her when I was 22, I’m 25 now. I constantly feel empty and alone. I really struggle building relationships, I’ve never had one. I just don’t get along with men. It’s sad to know that I’ll be battling with triggers for the rest of my life.
My dad doesn’t know my birthday either, I blocked him after that lmao 🤪🤟😭
Love you lisa ❤
This really helped me feel less alone, wish i could talk to you in person and tell you how much of a connection i think we have the only downside is that both of my parents are narcissistic and we are in Nigeria a very toxic country that don't take mental health seriously or that don't teach parents the value of emotional balance and unconditional love when it comes to their kids instead the praise child abuse and control and teaching their kids through fear, gaslight and a whole lot of negative formats in raising up a child which is so sad and I'm a victim to this with no acess to therapy or anyone to help put the pieces of my shattered and confused soul together, I'm just so happy that you had your mum and you got the help you needed through therapy so with all this I'm just grateful you shined a light to this topic cus there are many of us out there who are still struggling from this issue that many people don't seem to talk about.
I’m Nigerian, I relate to every single thing you said💗
Lisa thank you so much for sharing this and opening up about such a deep topic. I have the similar issues with my dad. Hes always in and out, never consistent. Him not being being consistent and not giving me genuine love and affection has definitely showed in my relationships. Ive decided to step away from dating only because its always been a struggle, Ive always accepted the bare minimum and settled for it and they all ended up toxic relationships. Now Im in a phase of my life where I need to love on ME and understand and accept that I have daddy issues and its time for me to no matter what, accept and be opened to accepting more than the bare minimum. I forgave my dad and was willing to build our relationship but he let me down again, its to a point where I no longer care to even be opened to anything wiht him anymore. Ive cried with this video and I love you so much for being you and being so real. I have always been embarrassed to say i have daddy issues, this video makes me not alone
Thank you for this Episode ❤
Yeah nah keep the rest for therapy
Keep getting better💕
Sounds like we have the same dad except mine is Ghanaian 😅😅
Hey babe, I agree on censored RUclips vids , we def want the expansions going forward🥰
And wow ,I appreciated this podcast sm since I’ve been actively working on my absent dad issues and still healing from it. He as well made no effort to be closer to me and we haven’t spoken in years. I haven’t had the chance to hash out and said what I’d wanna say and it terrifies me still at my big 23 years age😂We’re in this together! Super proud of you and Hope you heal eventually in every way🤍
Going to Nigeria might help with healing
Wow Lisa I never thought you'd speak about this ...there's a time I asked you in your comments why you shut down any topic pertaining your dad....which is perfectly valid....I myself am part of the daddy issues club...to sad I still live with him under the same roof but hope to make this the final year then finally erasing myself from him all together....thanks for sharing it really helps..it goes to show how messed up some African households can be thinking it's ok to hit their kids...he did that to me so many times when I was young to a point of not having a relationship with him...but I'll be well someday 💓❤️love u and ur mum
Thank you so much for your honesty, it's so unfortunate that so many of us can relate but it's so good to know that we are not alone❤! May God bless us and grant us peace and the ability to forgive and move on 🙏🏼!
I'm Nigerian too and honestly I can relate alot to this. Not sure when last he told me or my mum happy birthday.
Honestly I think their upbringing and the mysogynistic culture here has alot to play here. If you so ever want to talk about it. I'm (yes a complete stranger on the internet) but I understand ...even the unsaid things. Hugs x
This podcast has literally saved my mental health the past couple weeks. Thank you 🥹❤️
Sending you love Lisa.. thanks for sharing this part of you.. it takes time but you will be okay.
I don't have any kind of relationship with my dad at all.. and he doesn't even know my birthday or what I am doing with my life and I'm at a point where I just continuously choose myself. I won't ever forgive them and I'm okay with that.
I support you either way girl! You’re very inspiring and have influenced me in certain ways love you very much and wish you the best!
Showing us we can move on and be strong 🥺❤️
Thank you for this podcast, i'ts my new favorite.
We appreciate you opening up 🤎
Love hon....these daddy issues are no joke. I have them
Girl, do we have the same dad ? Because wow 🚮
i relate to this so much already! i’m not finished but i’m at the part where you said that he didn’t know you like that to dictate your life & i feel the same way because it’s like the only time he’d care enough to speak to me was when he felt like he needed to control something about me & my decisions
The 20 something candle is a good business idea.❤❤
Thanks Lisa for being so vulnerable and transparent. Ths podcast is so relatable. It's a blessing you had your mom I have my mom as well. 💕 Also thanks for the therapist advice.
This countdown is so extra!!! Lol I love it!!!
I understand, not with my father by my grandmother. She has always belittled, dismissed, and played the victim. Some point you have to forgive and find your peace. Those type of people will never change.
My dad was never bad to me, but did a lot of things wrong regarding me, and it’s been an issue for me to even talk about marriage and kids and if kid is to come but I don’t think a man is worth to lay with me , so I get it so much,been trying to adopt a child since 23 so yeah I can very well relate, made me want to so make money, I can’t even explain the feelings, this independent thing grows and over shadow you from a place of pain,so until I get a therapist, I’m just keeping it in ,love you tho
I don’t know if you’ll see this Lisa. But there is one who loves you more than anyone could ever. That’s the love that God has for us. I’ve been through my own journey, living in so much hurt and pain but I’ve learnt how to surrender my burdens to Christ so that I can have rest and peace of mind. And the thing about him is that He loves us just the way we are and accepts, He doesn’t expect anything in return. I know that sounds like such a cliche girl hahaha, I know trust me, it sounds insane but just know that you are loved and in moments when you feel, lost and alone, call on Him to give you rest, peace and strength. Am sorry if this was too much. We love you, we admire you and you’re such an inspiration to us all. 😊
haven't listened to this ep yet haha(: I just started tuning into the pod today, but ughh I'm so glad you're going on this venture Lis!!
its so amazing how you have sourced your feelings and traumas. that within its self is you healing and growing. Im in my late 20s and suppressed all of my sh*t until I coudlnt anymore. You need to talk about it!! thanks for this
Girl thank u for talking about this I relate to this so much I hv had no contact with my dad for 3 years. I never liked him but always had hope but he ain’t gonna change. Nice to knw tht u relate
I loooove this ❤️ me to I had a lot of ups and downs with my dad and after 10 years we got back talking again
Nigerian women have been trying to educate Nigerian men that money is not the only way to gain love or respect from their children but they won’t listen. Children will grow up and gravitate towards their moms because mothers are usually the ones who provide emotional support for and nurture their children. These men need to do better ❤
I can relate to this heavily. Thank you for sharing this ❤️ my Nigerian dad is exactly the same
Thank you for sharing your story 🥺
Lisa, am I allowed to do a video response to this video? to add my thoughts to it and my story? or would it be not appropriate? I'd rather ask for your permission first
This helped me so much ❤️
Thanks for sharing love this was akways wondering why you don't mention your dad but now i know love you girly,😍❤
If you're gonna have a baby without a dad, it's more likely to give them daddy issues because the dad is absent in their life
God bless you so much Lisa and give you strength and heal your heart! This is a hard topic to speak on
These bad experiences with dads is what has shaped you, me and so many other people. Thank you for talking about this, daddy issues are real and should be treated as such
Also just me and mommy since I was 16, even before that we all lived together it didn't work out, so mommy and I moved. Even tho we lived together we didn't communicate we just argued alll the time he is a narsisist and possessive, controlling all that bad stuff, didn't want to work. My father I don't get along and I'm turning 22 this year and he still haven't grown up.. 🙄🤦🏽♀️ but yes so you are not alone babygirl. Even tho our fathers aren't in our lifes, They didn't and won't ruin us. Our mothers raised us the warriors that we are, blessed we are to have strong, mature, God loving mommies that loves and protect us to the fullest🙏🏼❤️🤍
Love and Light Lisa🫶🏽❤️
i love your podcast 💗
Been wanting to watch this
I completely understand how you must’ve felt, having a “traditional” Nigerian das myself. There’s a bunch of entitlement there which is extremely laughable given the fact that he made a consensual decision to have 4 children. I understand the difference in culture but it took a really long time for my dad to grasp the idea that I don’t owe him a thing for being a parent. I’m glad you’re continuing to heal and have such a beautiful relationship with your mom and siblings.
Amazing episode Lisa!!! It takes a lot to share your experience and how you have navigated it and how you understand yourself, very motivating for others❤
Thankyou for this video and normalizing this topic.. it’s insane how much I can relate to the things you’re saying 🫶🏼
Heel mooi dat je dit deelt ♥️
Hi Lisa, you seem like an amazing human being who is just human. Your feelings and response to our father is valid. Thanks for the transparency.
Girl my dad. He is in my life. But he was on drugs and he was mean. But I wish I had the guts to tell him like it is.. it’s not disrespectful because sometimes your parents wil think they can control you because they gave you life… he only calls when he needs something never to just talk to me.. but yea had to get that out. Loved this podcast.
Thank you for being so open & vulnerable with us. I can draw parallels between your story and mine and it’s definitely helped me understand how I even feel. Thank you Lisa ❤️
I'm really sorry you had to go through all that emotional abuse,I don't mean any hate for this but why are you still baring his name,correct me if I'm wrong but "Onuoha" is his name yea....
my daddy issues rant:
the problem with fathers like this is they miss out on so much being the inconsistent parent and creating instability with your kids at a young age sets the foundation for your relationship in the future. personally, for me, it hurt seeing my mom struggle and suffer with no help to raise me and my sibling, while my dad popped his head in when he felt like it. although my mom struggled she was always consistent and naturally our relationship was stronger. he decided to move far af and rarely saw us, then checked in with us every now and then on the phone for my entire childhood. I felt like a burden to him my entire life but I've never had the want to vocalize this. like I genuinely don't understand how he thought our relationship would be normal? truly the most difficult feeling ever but I just keep saying "we move" loool.
continue growing and being the best person you can be 💕
Girl you have no idea how close to home this hits home 😅 laugh to keep from crying…I commend you for talking about such a private part of your life ❤
i love (sarcasm) when the adults who have done wrong in situations blame the literal child! my dad did similar things to me and i haven't spoken to him in about 10 or 12 years now.
444 likes 44 comments 🫶🏽
I haven’t watched all this yet, but I remember you mentioned you didn’t have a healthy relationship with your dad. One reason why I followed you cause I can relate to that. I don’t ever want to speak to my dad again cause he don’t deserve my presence.
we’ve had almost the exact same experience :( i’m sorry you also had to go through that. as painful as these experiences are, i can tell that you choose to lead your life with peace and happiness instead of letting the trauma from him control you. i’m doing the same
i have a lot of similar experiences with my dad and I recently broke off all contact with him because of it. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to share your story online but I really feel supported and I feel like I am not alone in this because of this episode so I just wanted to say thank you for sharing ❤
I really enjoyed this episode, couldn't help but re-watch:)
Love ya!❤️
Hi Lisa. Thank for talking about this issue with dads. Some of us we don't even have the courage to speak it out but seeing you do this, am just oooow!
It's takes up a lot of courage to do this.
Thank you! I needed to here this from someone.
thus was very relatable 🥰sending you hugs and healing cause i know i could use it too lol
Love and appreciate thr vulnerability and you being able to share your story❤
i thin you should put it on as censored so you can make money plus ppl will be more inclined to listen to the uncensored on other platforms