The small habit that could be hurting your relationships
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- Опубликовано: 13 мар 2024
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In this video, I share one small habit that could be hurting your relationships, providing real-life examples and questions to help you gain clarity.
Intro music: Church of 8 Wheels by Otis McDonald
Outro music: Lensko Let’s Go
One habit that can hurt.the relationship is when the other person is always on the cellphone checking Facebook etc. I am sitting next to.him but it is like I'm not even here.
Apologies for laughing, this just caught me off guard
🫂
SAYS THE PERSON WATCHING RUclips WHILE SITTING NEXT TO YOUR PARTNER!
I had this happen to me with my ex gf. She wanted to play a game together on the couch and she got bored 30 seconds in and started browsing Facebook
My ex did this with Reddit it was genuinely infuriating
There were many issues in my past relationship with my ex, but this video perfectly articulates the small instance that was one of the final straws for me.
We were at a store together and I had a can of Coca Cola that I was sipping on. I needed to use the bathroom and I asked if they could hold it for a moment while I went to the bathroom and they said "No, you should've thought about how you'd handle that before you got it." It was such a small, simple request that they would not budge on and something I would've done for anyone without thinking twice, much less for my partner. I would watch a drink for a stranger if they asked me to. I went to the bathroom holding my soda trying not to cry and I broke up with them that night.
If they can't do something that small and inconsequential for you, how can you rely on them to pull through for something big?
(This was after over 2 years of behavior like this, and being let down in multiple ways throughout that time.)
sounds like your ex couldn't do the bare minimum for you
Thank god you got rid of that mess. Good for you !
My God they are so selfish and petty
I don't think this is case of bending the rules. What you ex did was just jerk move in general. Thoughtless.
i had an uber driver who did the same. i went to the wrong DMV…. it was for truckers 😂 she said “oh i knew you weren’t at the right place because im a truck driver” and she drove me to the correct place…. i would’ve been completely stranded if she didn’t help me. i love to extend goodwill to people, not everyone has everything going right in their day and it’s so easy to pass along something better for them.
That’s so funny😂 completely agree, that’s awesome that she did that
Sometimes bending the rules and going out of your way for someone can really show that you actually care for and have consideration for others, which fosters warmth and goodwill hence improving relationships and also benefits you as well.
Idk if you did this deliberately but there was one bit in the video that threw me for a loop:
Ana: "so my husband and I split up..."
Me: oh, I'm so sorry for you, you must be so raw, how brave to be so open about this kind of traumatic event. Thank you, Ana ❤
Ana: "...the duties when we feed our cats."
Me: ...oh. Never mind, then 🤷♂️
I haven't been to your channel for while and I just noticed.
YOU'RE A DOCTOR NOW?!
That's so awesome. Congratulations, Ana!!!!
It means she has a PhD, she's not an actual MD kind of doctor:)
06:15 This is super interesting to me, what we're basically covering here is the topic of compromise
Good compromise "expands the slice of the pie" that is available to both people
Bad compromise "shrinks the slice of the pie" available for both people in the future
This is why the classic example of a good compromise is "a small sacrifice that makes a huge difference to the other person"
Very good video! The art of good compromise is really make-or-break for relationships when real life rears is complex, ugly, confusing and convoluted head
I always used to do small rule-bending every now and then at work just to get along with co-workers(and because some rules were pointless). nothing bad but just small stuff.
I bend the rules too much when I like a person too much and too little for more casual friendships I think
On the other extreme, bending rules for people is easy if you have trouble setting boundaries 😮💨
This tho
This came up recently when reading about all or nothing cognitive distortion. Seeing things too black and white. Makes you more human and relatable too
In the examples you gave, I thought that the common thing is that there was no nagging when the other side makes a mistake or ask for a favor or for some more grace of any kind.. I really think that nagging is really bad for romantic relationships.
Me too!
In dr.Ana we trust
This is really helping me 😩 I get really anxious thinking about solidly upholding the rules
my mind clickbaited this video for you, i read “if you don’t watch this your relationships might suffer” lol
Very good thing to remember! These small sacrifices often feel pretty fulfilling when they make someone elses life that more seamless / enjoyable.
Service to others?
What I also see in all these examples is the positive effect generosity.
just had to mention, your hair looks amazing!
Off topic but, your videos are my safe place. I always learn something. Sometimes I watch your older videos if I am up to date with your videos but, I just want to hear your thoughts. I would be so down to pay if you made a patreon. Currently trying to save up to buy your course!
I totally agree with this habbit, but reasoning that it's beneficial to be give people thr needed leeway because it personally benefits you seems a bit selfish. Kindness should be done as a matter of principle
I stumbled over your channel recently through the technique to intimacy video (it's super helpful, as an autistic woman) and there you introduced yourself as a doctoral intern - i just wanted to say congratulations on your doctorate!
Love your advice💗 thanks for making such insightful videos😊
I always assumed most people did this by default
Absolutely right 👌 this right here, bending relationships can strengthen the relationship because you need goodwill and trust in order to have a good relationship.
thanks for this video I understand it too well people never bend rules for me :(
I find it almost better to frame it as there are even more "underlying" rules under which all of the behaviour in the relationship should fall under, which is being conscious of what the other party needs in that moment and how you could help them out.
Fully agree with this! We're not robots with programming, we must see nuance and understand where the philosophy behind the rule or the purpose of the rule is undermined by rigidly following it when we shouldn't.
This reminds me of Kakashi's principle of bending some rules to save some teammates. He gave this "steal 2 bells from me test" on his 3 students; the remaining one who failed to steal a bell won't be eating lunch as a punishment. Consequently, 2 of them have stolen the bells and the other one is just tied to a pole and had his lunch denied to him.
As for passing the test as a team? Feeding that "loser" behind the back of the proctor; the other two who "won" secretly shared their lunch to the tied-up "loser". The team passed.
This is a very good point. Having flexibility is important, like Ana says.
eyeliner so perfecttttt
I feel like I already do this without realising, great video
And with yourself too!
Oooh can you please do a video about icks? And why we get them
Your videos were always incredible but lately have been slapping hard 😂
Hey Ana, This is a bit off topic but I just finished playing recently Disco Elysium and its amazing .. you can say its an interactive book with a lot of dialogs and choices that could turn your character to the one you want. what is interesting is how psychology and every part of your body is talking to you. I recommend the game plus that would be cool if you make an analysis on the ideas that in there.
Can you please do a video on codependency? And what is okay and how to break out of that?
So basically it works like the body armor/shield/force field in the Dune saga. If you come at me with the knife trying to stab violently you'll break your wrist. If you go slowly, you can go through those barriers and get better results.
Not sure the violence in the analogy applies, but you get the point
My entire Status quo described detailed in one video
Bend the rules? Depends on the rule, or example "Don't Cheat" seems like a pretty important rule in a relationship.
Yes, I'm guessing you didn't reach the part of the video where I discuss the nuances of when you can consider bending the rules
What a cool video!
Could you do a video on child psychology/development and real life applications. Maybe discuss how to build the best attachment styles in babies or something applicable to new parents? If it’s something you’re interested in!
i thought attachment styles were debunked?
Hi Anna, can you please point us to some testimonials for your course as it's a lot of money for me. Thanks
The course ratings that I've received so far are on my website: www.dranayudin.com/courses
However, if it's a lot of money for you, I definitely don't encourage you to overextend yourself for it! Please email me at psychologywithana@gmail.com if you need additional pay-over-time options
@@AnaPsychology Thankyou for you response 🙏🏼
Hey Ana! This a bit random but I was wondering what you thought about the ‘feminine and masculine energy’ coaches on RUclips/tiktok etc? Some seem to say they have sources for what they’re claiming but I’d be interested to hear your thoughts:))
Run! 😂😂😂
Hey! Cool video. I'd like you to make a video about one specific topic, that's been lately on my mind. Self-rewarding system. I'd like to know more about it, because recently I've been having exams (unfortunately I still have some coming up) and I discovered the way I can maintain motivation and study literally for hours. Every single study session of an hour or so that I do, I give myself a little break and eat a small piece of chocolate. That may sound like not a big thing, but my concern is that this well-working-so-far system can set me up for failure in the future, when I'll need more chocolate (since it's a sorta addiction) and I won't be able to work without these "rewards" at all.
Maybe it doesn't deserve a whole video, but I'd like just someone (or even you) to asnwer and give me an advice on what I can do or if it's bad at all.
In your case, video might contain not only answer, but also explanation of motivation in terms of dopamine effects and Self-rewarding systems. Thank you for rrading that and I'll go back to my studies loll
toodles
I'd need this video too, great idea!
This entire video can be summarized into:
Learn virtue ethics to better your relationships and life.
Just as a precautionary warning: bending rules can also lead you down a terrible relationship that you should have quit rather than letting things slide that are theoretically insignificant but really indicate that you should break up. For example, when my ex-girlfriend didn't agree with me, she used to flick her wrist to hit my arm or sternum with her knuckles. I had made my boundaries about respect for each others' bodies very clear from the start, but I fell for the "where I come from, everyone does it, and it's difficult to unlearn it immediately" excuse and hence I bent my rules to accommodate her. Same goes for letting her into my house and for having sex, for which my rule was that it should take a long time before any of that happens, whilst she insisted to expedite the process and got her way.
In all of these, I did not think bending the rules was a big inconvenience to me. "What's the worst that can happen?" is what I thought in all of these. She was going to come over eventually anyway, we were going to have sex eventually anyway, and her attempts to wack me didn't hurt (her being petite), so why not just compromise? Well, I can sure tell you that I'm not making that mistake twice.
I simply saw it as rather than bending the rule they were doing the right thing.
The circumstantials of the uber driver story made it so that the human thing to do there was to watch out and wait for you. The bartender story doesn't seem to be an act based on principles but rather on a consequentialist basis. The committal story is justified to be the right thing because of your principles.
Now I think the main point to retain is that doing the things that make people feel good about you is good. The way to figure out if an act is good is mostly by making sure you're doing something that's going out of your way for someone else.
I don't have these kinds of relationships. Why did this show in my recommendations?
you guys have relationships?
Do emotions affect energy levels throughout the day and productivity? How does this apply to people with personality disorders? Negative emotions take time? Do you feel more sleepy because of them? How does it manifest?
These are super broad questions with nuanced answers that change depending on the individual.
I agree, but I would like to know.
It's fine to break the rules so long as you know you're breaking them
Last year a place I went to made it a big deal when we asked to individually wrap some hand made soap bars we bought as gifts. Instead the person wrapped 4 bars together rudely saying "no I am not going to wrap them individually". It would have taken 2 mins extra to do it and the shop was basically empty so we weren't even holding anyone back. In the same suburb people are complaining about businesses closing down how locals are not using local businesses. It is clearly because businesses not going the extra mile to stay competitive and be nice to customers. I never went back there.
🧡🙂
Answer: NEVER BEND THE RULES.
SAVED you 10 minutes of your time ... clicking through to learn that "one thing"
LOLZ
Did she just rant because people weren't good towards her and didn't give her a big bag. Damn even I wanna do this.
Hey, I recommend you change the outro song. It's just too 'gamey'. Imo it doesn't fit the tone of the video.
TBH I don’t think you’re describing a “habit” so much as an evident lack of problem-solving abilities. Strict adherence to rules screams low intelligence to me 🤷♀️ of course low empathy could also be at play
I don't have a girlfriend so these videos don't help me at all 😿👍
kind of clickbaity title. you have good content, please dont lean on these thumbnails to gain views. i am sure you will be followed without clickbait
How is this click bait? Calm down
I think actual clickbait is supposed to be misleading or sensationalist. The title seems to match the video’s content
Not clickbait
One suggestion....... mic stand.....❤
why can’t she just hold it? 😂 genuinely curious
Can’t use one when I’m sitting on the floor, sorry
@@charlie-jd3ls keeps switching hands... obviously it's a strain to hold....
@@AnaPsychology no problem... we weren't allowed to use the word can't as kids... you can do anything ...You set your mind to ... =)
How about a mic arm ? Or hanging mic . Gaffer with a boom arm ?
you should watch the video why youtubers hold mics now
Compassion