Is "get your ex back" advice healthy?
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
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In this video, I react to some of TikTok's dating coaches providing their advice on how to "get your ex back," as a doctor of clinical psychology who has worked with therapy clients going through breakups.
Intro music: Church of 8 Wheels by Otis McDonald
Outro music: Lensko Let’s Go
Never go to social media for relationship advice. 90% of the time, you will find toxic crap.
Hi Dr Ana!
I was the guy that met you on the gondola on Saturday! It was a surreal experience haha
I heard someone that sounded like you, then I was like “no way, she’s from Arizona. Why would she be here.” And then you asked your friend what he thought Romanian sounded like and I was like “insane coincidence!” Until you all got off and one of your group said your name and I was just shocked!
Anyways, thank you so much for the content! Huge fan, even if I was a bit antisocial on the day haha
It was so nice meeting you, thanks for saying hi! :) For your sake, I sincerely hope I didn't have COVID yet when we met.
(Also, I'm not from Arizona! We drive up from Seattle a lot)
When you said gondola, did you mean Whistler? If so, small world 😆
If someone tells you they never want to see you again please respect that, please respect their boundaries
Yeah obviously, I just can’t imagine traumatizing someone by not telling them why
@@enbykenzOr telling them why countless times but they never seem to remember any of it.
Getting back with my ex, who broke up with me via text, and ghosted me, would have been so detrimental to my whole being.
He's the one who has tried crawling back to me (3-5 long sad boi texts)
After I politely told him our chapter was over, we were now just strangers, do not contact me anymore please.
He then showed up at the small shop I worked at (I wasn't working, thankfully), and sent me a birthday gift + letter a year after the breakup
@@DragonFlightRider You did get back with him?!
Amen
I needed to hear this. I was watching so many videos that all had the same message, that literally prey on peoples feelings when in a time of need.They try to fill needy minds with useless thoughts to make a buck. Thank you
I hope you feel better. What an awesome video title though haha
Thank you!
Is it just me, or has social media driven the romanticization of ex-partners and getting back with your ex? I feel like the average chronically online person is terrified of making new connections so they view the past more positively than it actually was
It's the complete opposite. Everybody dehumanizes ex-partners.
I hope u get feel better soon, I had Covid like 3-5 times and it’s terrible.
Thank you, and oof that's a lot of times! This is my second time getting it and it truly is so much worse than a regular virus
Great video as always! I was expecting to see some commentary on figures in the actual "Get Your Ex Back" industry, like Craig Kenneth, Corey Wayne, Apollonia Ponti, and the others. There are people that have extensive video catalogs and run actual businesses providing consultations on getting an ex back, and I think they go several steps beyond your usual TikTok creators.
I hope you get well soon doc, take care
Please get well soon Doctor ❤
Weeelllll breakup more than two years ago and still want that person back. But I think the video is very valuable, thank you Ana, I think putting all this online advice in perspective is very importanz work
Hi Ana, would you consider making a video on dating coaches who talk about anxious/avoidant dynamics?
I feel like there's a lot of misinformation being spread, with a justification of abusive behavior.
It's like they're trying to give false hope to "the anxious partner" (which a lot of times just sounds like person reacting to emotional abuse), by explaining the inner workings of "avoidants".
So yeah, I would absolutely love to hear your take on this.
Anyway thank you for another banger video, I appreciate you for calling out these people.
I think that the first video which is LOA based should not be applied to an ex I don’t really know why but I’ve always found it very weird that people broke up because of some reasons and won’t accept that these reasons were valid !
It’s completely okay to aim to manifest something NEW into your life, something that you might want to try because you’ve never tried it before, but applying it to something that failed for obvious reasons is a bit... Idk.
I’ve manifested things myself but they were always new and I measured myself wether they were healthy or not for me and if they weren’t I just returned back to focusing on myself and my aspirations, I wouldn’t get attached to something that clearly harmed me. I think that the people who want an ex back are not healed and they don’t see the variety of possibilities they still have in this life. They only focus on one toxic thing, not realizing it is toxic and they won’t accept that better things could come. That’s low key sad for them.
High vibrational beings, we meet once again
I'd love to see your view on getting back with exes. If its something a person should entertain especially if its been months or years since youve seen each other and youve re connected.
Alot of this type of content is coming from "loa" law of assumption type accounts where people obsessively manifest their ex back, I once interacted with these type of people on twitter, arising concerns that they are not ''manifesting'' they are just disrespecting peoples boundaries and acting like creeps, and the way I got dogpiled on for saying that simple thing was crazy
I'm sorry but this video was so funny, some of this advice is so unhinged, watching your down to earth, analytical personality go through is it really entertaining
Never don't try to get your ex back😂
thank you great video!
Some of the advice given from the first videos are law of attraction techniques.
The other guy tends to place the blame on the dumpee and making them the problem. 😮
Law of attraction is cringe
law of anything is just snake oil. It's actually so sad how desperate people fall into that so hard.
Covid still exist 😅
Facts 😅
굿👍
Honestly, this is why people need a solid group of friends or non romantic connections to get their needs met instead of relying on one single person that has to be in a romantic setting. This over reliance and attachment to relationships is so unhealthy for your own personal growth and gnosis.
Apparently obsessions are rooted in childhood neglect. It goes much deeper and even those with friends will distance themselves from friends and family when they're obsessed.
Truest words 🥲
This sound, clinically-based, reputable advice is keeping me sane.
I was set on getting married and after the breakup I sought this type of advice for a few years. It just makes it worse, keeps you obsessed. Ironically it was only once I genuinely moved on and was over her that was when she tried to get back in my life 😂
Same thing happened to me.
Same here. I tried a lot of stuff to get her back. But after she got together with her now husband (two months after the breakup), I quit all hopes and moved on.
I hope you got back with her lol 😆 😂
@@antoniobrasse7157 Do you mean me? No I didnt got back with her... Cant you read?
@@simons2829 props to you for moving on, it’s not easy but hopefully you’ll find someone better 😉
Getting blocked on LinkedIn for your excessive behavior is WILD
I couldnt even follow what the girl was saying in the first TikTok because the music was so loud 😭😂
Right? And I don’t know if it’s just me, but the music sounds like something out of the OG Sonic The Hedgehog.
Absolutely!! So dramatic and COO COO 😵💫😵💫
@@MCGreggy28😂😂
"Sorry i look like death" girl bye 😆. You with covid literally > me on my best day
Another downside is that getting caught up in trying to get someone who is inherently emotionally unavailable back. “Rejection is God’s protection.” That saying has proven to be true in my life. Don’t put these people on a pedestal or give them all of your power. ❤❤
exactly. let life flow
Amen, whether if it was for a prior relationship or asking someone out. You ain't lie.
I’d love if you made a video about how to stop obsessing over your ex/crush on your head! I feel like you’d give very healthy and helpful advice
Whenever you just let that person go and fix the mistakes you did during the relationship someone better comes along
Thank you for addressing this! When I went through a breakup and was consuming content about healing and moving forward, there was SO much of this get your ex back stuff popping up onto my feed. I knew it was absurd and not for me, but it's understandable that when someone's really vulnerable they can fall for it. The content is so predatory and gross :(
I wish some of my friends were open minded about watching this video, because it would benefit them greatly. Thanks for the content.
I broke up with tik tok 2 months ago, should I go back?
The best forms of this content are often in disguise. They’ll be titled “get your ex back blah blah” but often focus on no contact and self improvement through awareness and new healthy habits. Ironically this is the only way to get them back but by the time you move on that’s when they try to return.
While I agree that sometimes clickbait is good to rope in a specific audience and surprise them with good advice, I don't think taking part in these behaviors with the mindset of "I'm going to get my ex back" is quite as effective as going into them with the mindset of "I'm going to heal myself as a person." Though I'm sure there are some people who inadvertently heal as a result, and if so, whatever works!
Thank you so much for this sobering and grounding take. I have fallen into the wormhole of ex back and law of attraction content and it completely destroyed my mental health when I was already in a really vulnerable place. I have found the law of attraction/manifestation content to be especially harmful. Everyone is encouraging people to just “be delusional”… it is so messed up
It depends on how the message is interpreted. Law of attraction is actually about attracting what is good for you by letting go of what no longer serves you. The main theme of law of attraction is to make space for what is actually meant for you by releasing what is toxic. People who cling to an ex are doing the opposite of that by attaching their own meaning to an idea so they can pretend they're doing what they're supposed to.
your videos always ground me in reality, and i appreciate it so much. but speaking of being delulu, I really wanna know your thoughts on "men's first love" theory. i'm not sure where that idea first came from, but this video really got me thinking about that. anyways, i hope you'll get well soon! thanks for another wonderful video
Great video and excellent channel! I just subscribed I'm really impressed so far. I'm in the later stages of a forensic psychology graduate program and I share your concerns about these videos and the proliferation of "coaches" who lack professional credentials and education. Most of this is no better than taking advice from friends or family, which is often questionable. A professional who understands relevant issues such as human development, the role of attachment to caregivers. the significance of attachment in later relationships, and how people grieve would be better suited to help if you are experiencing significant, long-term distress from a break-up. The obvious lack of research, the endorsement of manipulative behaviors, and the "pop psychology" on display in these videos is likely to do more harm than good. And, as a security professional, I would add that some of these behaviors may result in orders of protection or other unpleasant consequences. Caveat emptor!
Thank you for sharing your perspective! I agree with all you said, and that last part made me chuckle a little. Not taking no for an answer is definitely a good way to get an order of protection...
would you ever consider doing a Q&A style video where we could submit more specefic relationship questions?
I wish I had this 4 years ago but its good now (:
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
Really? How do i find one please?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Oh, glad to know you've heard of her. She helped me as well.
This was a really good video that deconstructed a lot of the bullshit advice thats out there. Thanks for making helpful content!
I'm gonna hazard a guess of "no"?
I use to watch this type of content. Coach Craig Kenneth i feel like provides good advice. He talks about dating, & healing your attachment wounds.
The others ive watched not so much
My favorite dating coach (Blaine Anderson) would never give advice like this. Her four favorite words are 'level up, move on.'
IMO this is a sign that the people haven't moved on.
I was also in this situation. However I gradually moved on and realised my ex kinda sucks and it would've imploded anyways given a long enough time frame
I'm no expert but based on this I think that generally it might be better to focus more on what NOT to do if you want your ex back...
You have Covid?
Are you not fully vaxed and boosted 🤣
I’m one of those people who after a year still want someone back 💔 or actually just find someone like them again (with whom it just clicks)
Thank you cuz everyone else been weird about it and tbh I end confused it I love your honesty
Hi Ana can you please do a video on law of assumption? And law of attraction content
I'm not a psychiatrist, but those coaches either unwittingly express or exploit the borderline feature of desperately clinging to someone.
This gave me flashbacks of going through a breakup a few years ago, & naturally I came to RUclips to cope. There is no shortage of this stuff lol, thankfully I was able to discern earlier on what was useful & what was problematic. Also it's a short hop from this stuff to the red pill & the pick up artist muck. It was when I started wading into those murky waters that I was like nope, not for me.
Always fun to roll my eyes with you 😆
The correct answer is: You should not want your ex back and if she tries to contact you keep her as an acquaintance and nothing more.
that sigh at 10:05 :D :D
😵💫 Anxious Attachment activate 😵💫😵💫
do you watch love is blind ana?
“They kind of sound like delusion” 😂
I am currently being stalked by my ex because of this. I fear for my life and my children’s safety. Everyone keeps telling him that we belong together and that I just need time to realize he’s the one. For some reason, he chooses to listen to all of them instead of me. I told him point-blank so many times that it’s over and I am never getting back with him. However, he just will not accept that it’s so frustrating. He thinks that because I haven’t dated anyone in the two years since I left him that means I still have feelings for him. that’s not the reason at all. I just honestly fear for the safety of any guy because of him.
Do these people in these TikToks even care about like... love? Intimacy? Connection? What world do these people live in, seriously 😭
Can you review Dr. Joe Dispenas "Breaking the habit of being yourself" ? 😊
Why would I get somebody back if they decided to leave me?? Omg. Crazy advice...
Dear Ana, thanks for your feedback❤
Yeah thinking back, most of the "get your ex back" advice I kept watching was honestly a waste of time. Even initiating the breakup, it kept dilluding me into feeling like I made the wrong choice. After finding new friends and building myself up, though I don't even want them back, which is crazy to me
Another great video grounded in psychology! 👏 Thank you!
I always love your reaction videos, they make me laugh ☺️ While getting some good information!
Feel better soon, Ana! Covid really sucks ❤️
timing is just unbelievable. got out of my first relationship and im in my early 20's so it felt special. very short lived though. slowly getting things back in order following everything mentioned in the video. grateful for the content.
Mama Ana giving amazing advice. As usual. From a fellow Romanian based in Montreal ❤
Please make a video about BPD
Dr. Ana always keeping it real , never selling us a dream 💜💯
This was so entertianing haha. All of this "get your ex back" advice is basically just people trying to control or manipulate the other person which is a terrible way to re-establish a romantic connection. The way to potentially get your ex back is to let go of the need to control the outcome of the situation, respect their boundaries, and focus on your own growth and development. If youre meant to be together it'll happen organically, you wont have to force anything or use manipulation tactics
Great video! Hope u recover well from COVID 🫂
no
Great video for the delulus
hm?
Dont get back with your ex, NEVER, or in fact, do it always..if you think you are trash and want to be cheated and misteatred repeatly again and again...depends of the person honestly...
It’s not a right thing to generalise.
@@hollyss1975 is what i said, depends of the person if want it or not
It is dangerous to limit freedom of speech/ideas, to government only allow those that are sanctioned & regulated.
You are sweet, but very naive in having not realized that the majority of the world operates like this, or are attracted to it... Even when they know better.
&...
Idk where he got the stat of 95%...
But it is very rare for an ex to not circle back, regularly to hoover, even if they find someone new.
I'd say "sweet" and "naive" is a disservice to her.
Patronising actually.
She's earned her Doctorate and I'd say goes well beyond the call of duty for skepticism and rationale in her field.
But I agree, that for someone whose family lived through a Communist autocracy, and who has been trained in following the Falsification process, there's still a thin-layer of abiding face before truth and appealing to authority on certain "No-no" topics.
As you said though, Truth before Face is very uncommon across the world.
I don't know if we can teach it to people or not, when the opposite is so natural to us.
I know it's total offtopic, but why are you so UwU here? How do you do that?
Probably drinking braking fluid is more unhealthy, but you said you couldn't think of anything more unhealthy not that there isn't so you lack imagination. See, I can see through you hehehe 😂
Don't act like we didn't notice the hair transition at 1:32.
Also, wanting your ex back is normal, but actually trying to get them back is weak.
Haha I've been sweating in bed for 2 days, there was zero chance of my hair looking good today
I have a picture poster that I saved on my desktop which reads "If you are hurting, you should be healing, not dating." Or, to quote a RUclips life coach: "Don't get her back, get YOU back!"
Godspeed, Ana. Get yourself on the mend first... 🫖🍵