0:19 ESTP - don't think their words through enough 0:59 ESFP - too immature/young at heart 1:47 ISTJ - too formal/serious, care too much about work 2:27 ISFJ - hold in their feelings too much until explosion 3:21 ESTJ - too rigid/bossy, 'my way or the high way' 4:12 ENTJ - have too high expectations/standards 4:42 ESFJ - too protective, needs to give partner more independence 5:42 ENFJ - focus too much on their partner and forget about their own individuality 6:25 ISTP - too blunt, can come off belittling 7:50 INTP - too weird/not socially presentable 8:58 ISFP - lack ambition/come off aimless, take things too 'easy' and slow 9:42 INFP - get too emotionally attached, go 'all in' 11:39 ENFP - too mercurial with their emotions and interests 12:31 ENTP - forgetful of details/important dates, not engaging enough with partner 13:31 INTJ - come off too apathetic/too independent 14:46 INFJ - psychoanalyse too much when partner just needs to vent
As an INTJ I feel things very deeply, but need to hold my feelings an arm’s length away so as not to be completely consumed and destroyed by them. Being disinterested is a survival tactic.
The way I always think about it is like a "there are two wolves inside of you" type situation where the big powerful rational thinking wolf is protecting the small squishy emotional wolf. The squishy wolf is worth protecting. But I will also confirm what frank is saying: I get distracted for multiple days at a time and it's likely for me to completely forget my partner's emotional needs. And secondly that I just don't prioritize relationships very much, I can manage all of my own needs; while it might be more efficient to trade that need management with a partner, "net positive relationship" can be a pretty high bar sometimes (especially with the upfront cost called dating). Younger me was far worse at this and passed over some really good potential pairings for silly reasons in hindsight.
I'm an ENFP with INTJ partner. He gives me the emotional stability that I can't maintain myself. That said - he can express anger very well. Sometimes it feels like he's consumed by anger, because nothing can calm him down, if he's angry. But other than that he likes to hide his emotions, which can be very stressful for an ENFP who constantly needs reassurance 🙈😅
Thank you!! I do feel very passionately, enough that yes being vulnerable to the wrong person can be devastating. ALso emotions need to be kept in check to function together to avoid fights over silly things.
😂😂😂That is true. My husband is an ISTJ and I am an INTJ, we rarely watch movies together and we respect the space of the other. We are very independents and introverters. It is a perfect relationship for the last 24 years. Excuse me if I am not expressing myself acuretly but English is not my usual language. Cheers from Madrid
❗️ it’s annoying cuz i eventually be like it wasn’t meant anyway cuz they wouldn’t have done/said xyz when i sat there the whole time thinking about how perfect they were & i set my expectations unrealistically high Edit: Found out I’m on the spectrum & i have did: already treated for anxiety but u guys might wanna be sure u don’t have any mental illnesses because my entire life i blamed myself for so much & just thought i was rare or not like most ppl but i actually just wasn’t living & scared to be myself since i was constantly judged & unsure about everything.
As a female INTP I can sum up all my dead relationships with friends and some family with this quote. "I don't burn bridges, I just fail to maintain them and let them structurally degrade over time.”- from someone very self aware.
Same. It's why all of my relationships end on decent terms. They usually only want me for my looks, or because I had been nice to them. I always accept the proposal to be the bf figure, but that doesn't last long (my dry ass personality, tbh 💀). I really wish they'd talk to me instead of just the vessel that I'm attached to. 😔
Fellow INTP, and exact same. This applies to friendships, too, because I've never been in a relationship before. In general, though, my social skills have always been lacking and I've always had trouble fitting in anywhere, but even during the rare occasions that I managed to get along with someone, it never moves past the acquaintance stage. Same with online friends, too. I just lose interest and have serious commitment issues. This is probably why I've (albeit unconsciously) crushed on people who I know won't stick around for long, like people who move around a lot, were being deployed, or live in a different country. I prefer casual relationships, not to be gross, but because I'm very self-aware and know that marriage and long-term commitment in general would suffocate me, which would in turn bring out the worst in me, and things go down hill. But, unfortunately, I also have a bad habit of burning bridges if ticked off, so it's a double-whammy for this INTP..
My boyfriend and I are both INTJs and we are not apathetic and actually feel things very deeply. Our tendency of having trouble expressing emotions can get us misunderstood as coming off 'cold'.
only having trouble expressing because of my trust issues, they cant help, they dont care, they get annoyed or they use emotience against me. Also my emotience are like a knot, everything is connected but i can't structure is correctly unless someone gives me time, to reorganise everything and get control over myself. But it always seems like my feelings are wrong, and so i dont depend on them nor express them cause its useless, better make actions, but people dont really recognise the actions either. Honestly all of this shit leads me to not want relationships, its a waste of time unless it gets me my goals, business and work is something else but real relationships are a useless mess and it's so hard to prioretise. Happiness comes to me when im alone, i can do whatever i want without worrying too much about keeping the relationship, the relationship with myself will always be loyally kept and appreciated.
lol same. i met my partner whose INTJ too and we find it difficult to work with our past relationships because of us, being emotionally unavailable. Now, we take that as a lesson and we understand our situation and do better as a partner.
For me as an INFP this is so true. I've never been in a relationship but I even do those things when I have a crush on someone. It's a nightmare of wanting to hang out with that person and stopping myself because I don't want them to think I'm clingy or annoying and then over-analyze everything they do or say. But in the end I'm shy when it comes to falling in love so I guess they didn't even know I had a crush on them in the first place
I feel that way at beginning of relationships with people for awhile but the long I’m with them the more I want to be by myself lol. Or sometimes the other person gets clingy also which is kind of a turn off.
Also an INFP here. When it comes to romantic relationships, I was kind of a late bloomer. At 17/18 I still thought of myself as a child/child-like, so I couldn't see myself being in a relationship. However, now at 21, I'm in a relationship. I guess it just took a bit of maturing for me. You might also be a late bloomer, which is perfectly fine. Everyone develops at a different pace and gets into romantic relationships at a different age. I would say don't stress about it, and maybe write your crush a note? For me personally, written communication has always been easier.
@@Shiri_Yam I relate so much to your comment. The first time I could see myself in a relationship was with 19 but that boy broke my heart and it took a long time for me to get over him. It's the first time now after him that I have a crush on someone again. You're right, writing is so much easier when it comes to expressing feelings
same same same. i had a crush on this girl for 3 years and after i confessed and that we're still friends, she told me that she thought that i hated her all this time LOL. i was so scared of making my crush so obvious and now with a new love interest i can still barely get up and go talk to them bc i think that i could be bothering them
As an INFJ, it's true that it's very difficult for us to remember that we're in a relationship not a 'help fix the person's problem' kind of thing. We only do this because we want to help the person become better, but we also forget that we need to accept all flaws and faults
My sister tested as an INFJ, and, coincidentally or not, THIS here is her EXACT #1 flaw. She extends this to friends and us family members, too, which she complains about is the primary cause of fights and her relationships not working out. I get that her intentions are good... but the way she goes at it, also making assumptions on everybody based on her own opinions and being too pushy, comes across as more (destructive, rather than constructively) critical and insulting than actually helpful, if not infuriating at worst because this makes us feel judged or "not good enough," with her bad habit of putting her two cents in/offering unsolicited advice and trying to change others, and also push us to talk about our problems and feelings (which isn't a one-size-fits-all solution, especially for us Thinking types, like my being an INTP and our mother being as ESTJ -we particularly HATE "talking about it," let alone being pushed to; if we needed or wanted help, we would ask for it ourselves). But we do understand that this comes from a good place. We all have our flaws, after all, (as an INTP, one of my many flaws is not caring ENOUGH).
This is what I lack. Everything is going well and all until I realize that relationships are not just all about fun but about being there all through out. I've wasted too many potential relationship for this 🥲
I'm an INTP and I do the same which seems strange, I'm not gonna lie. But seriously, I view people's problems as interesting. My main studies right now are about language and god, pragmatic is so interesting. People say things for a reason they don't always tell, being able to see that and analyse it is really fun !
I haven't even watched the video (here looking for timestamps to skip the the INFJ part) and i already relate to this... there's been multiple times where i think someone looks beautiful and then i get to know them and see we have things in common, start liking them and then they tell me something and the "help fix the person's problem" coin drops
This is scarily true. I am an INFP and my ex was INTJ. I always craved more emotion/attention while he was always emotionally unavailable. Still hurts to think about.
Also an INFP here, who's currently dating an INTJ. It hurts so much when I at times open myself up to share very personal emotions and thoughts and only get apathetic and purely rational responses. It's happened so many times... Honestly, I don't know whether I can take this for life and am seriously re-considering our relationship everyday.🥲
We're yall really even in love tho? Genuinely asking because I'm married to an INTJ and when u truly start to form a bond with one then that's when u start to see the emotional and softish side of them ❤️
@@youareloved1455 if he truly wasn't into her, then possibly. However, most stereotypical INFPs seem to fall in love fast, wheras it simply takes an INTJ more time to open up and get comfortable expressing their feelings. This is simply just the way the 2 are wired. Just takes a bit more effort on the INTJs end to open up more, and for the INFP to be a bit more realistic
@@juzuko When you type out the last sentence, it means it's time. Be strong. You don't know how much time you have; it can't be wasted on second guesses and doubts.
As an INTJ who was in a relationship with an ENTP, I can 100% agree that it kinda feels like you constantly need to compete for their attention. Which is fairly funny, considering I usually like to get as little attention as possible. On the other, as an INTJ who was in a relationship with an ENTP, I can 100% agree that what killed the relationship was her not feeling like I cared enough about her feelings. And this came from the fact that I'm not very open and talkative, so in the early stages of our relationship she was the talking one, and after a while she started pestering me to open up more (as in "the way she does"), so because I really cared about her and wanted to make that relationship work I turned my openness and talkativeness up to 11. Our relationship ended a month later lol
Thanks for sharing. I hope you both spent a good time together. Right now I'm in a relationship that is similar to your previous one. The thing is that both personality being together is kind of funny, we tend to not show much or don't need to much feeling from each other and what connect us a lot is our hobbies and interests, like A LOT, by simply spending time together doing stuffs, watching stuffs and playing games in a deep level is what make both of them good partners. But when it comes to "feeling" times, it can became kind of weird, it always seems like a "job discussion." And I love the fact that both cannot be offended that easily, this helps to make the conversation flows naturally.
Does anyone else have this experience...that the INFJ kills relationships by creating a version of their partner in their mind and not allowing the partner to exist beyond that mental framework? Once the INFJ's version of the partner exists in his/her head, the INFJ isn't able to see evidence that might contradict the pigeon-hole they've put their partner in (for good or bad). The partner is left feeling labeled and unable to change the way the INFJ perceives them. (Perhaps this stems from the INFJ psychoanalysis in the first place.)
I find no other explanation, because I (want to) believe they are generally loving and kind. So hurting people on purpose can't be the real reason. Must also be some kind of black and white thinking. While in most areas I connect perfectly with them- having an aversion to subject their theories to a reality check is actually still beyond my understanding. From my perspective they rob themselves of the opportunity to feel cared for and loved. Because if most people are terrible in their mind they most likely feel like victims who must protect themselves most of the time, right? That's so sad 😔
Yes that is definitely a problem. I also think INFJs tend to have a bit of general anxiety as well. I think getting that treated with a therapist helps a lot. We tend to forget that we can get trapped in unhealthy or assuming the worst type thought patterns since we're so good at helping other people, and we tend to be more self aware than other types and can overcome our problems alone. Having a partner really drew out my anxiety symptoms. We can always improve!
Being in an INFJ-INFJ relationship, I realized we pigeonhole each other. And it feels bad. Especially since the other very logically misinterpreted us. So I always say, I can see why you think that about me, even though that I don't agree with you that that is what I'M feeling, I just don't know how to break your logic... you're just going to have to trust me... My point is, sometimes INFJs unfairly judge our partners
Us INTPs are very unapologetically ourselves, we just don't give a crap about others. As much as we want to be nice and caring, (especially towards our partners) we just don't see the need to change ourselves for other people. We're just like "If you can't handle me, that's on you"
My INFJ girlfriend and I (INFP) both just completely protested what you said about us. Only to have the other person attest to it's absolute truth. I must say to me this is kind of a radical and wonderful thing. In all my past relationships I slept in a separate room from my significant other and couldn't wait for my alone time. It's wild to now have the opposite problem and never want to be without my INFJ.
Yes, we INFPs are very introverts, but when we find a person or a group of people that we fit in with and feel like ourselves, then we are very talkative. Well, because we also need a lot of time just for ourselves, many people think that we don't like them anymore and want to end the relationship, but it's not true :) PS. Frank. Maybe a video about it 16 Personalities as Dungeons&Dragons Classes? That would be coll 🙂
yes, and then when even spending time with them too much and we need a small miniscule break, they constantly repeat the fact that we will leave them, and then makes me think that they dont want me to stay cuz theyre constantly reminding me that im gonna leave, which i did leave in a relationship, and a week later told me that i unfriended them when they were the first to say that we werent friends anymore, and... i slightly vented in a comment reply section... whoops
Exact same for us INTPs. When we find people we share something in common with, it can be hard to keep us quiet (at least in my case). 😅 These shared quirks are the reasons why this INTP particularly loves INFPs the most (when they're healthy, of course).
Intj here. I’ve always struggled with apathy, and I absolutely hate it. Ironically, I value relationships a lot. It’s probably the reason I even have any emotions now. Relationships are something that I’ve had to learn to care about, but I’m so glad that I did
Yes, INFPs get too clingy, but that's why communication is key to dealing with it. INFPs have a stong sense of independence so they will understand if you need to take time for yourself.
Exactly. We just need to be told verbally that you still like us and just need some alone time or time with your friends or whatever it is you need. Because we want you to feel good.
I think you guys are the best. Your only flaw is being clingy, but if dealt with proper communication like you said, the issue is no longer. ❤️ Infj here (can't stop overanalyzing 😭)
INFP (who tends to sometimes feel more ENFP) with a INTJ. Definitely struggled with the feeling too much and not showing enough emotion. Worked on a good in-between and its been a good relationship. As the INFP, if I need attention and my INTJ needs space I've learned to seek it elsewhere with family or my few close friends.
Being an INTJ, I might be apathetic at times but I really care about the well-being of people who matter to me. When I truly do love someone, I do everything I can to keep him in love with me and pleased. Plus, I am pretty sentimental. And yeah, one final thing, relationships do matter to me a lot, especially when they concern my beloved ones.
My husband is INTJ and while he seemed aloof when I first met him, the more we dated, the more he opened up to me. After a while, he turned into by far, the most romantic partner I've ever had. I think INTJs are just very private, but once they know they can trust you completely, they can surprise with such how deep and beautiful their emotions are.
Don't worry Frank, I do have fun watching it😂 Btw, I'm happy to say you now have the pass for all the great dad jokes. Congratulations too you and wifey ❤
That's the top motivation to become a father. Alas, a dad joke pass. They have been great! Are dad jokes just playground jokes? It was awesome when he brought up the orange juice concentrate yo mamma joke style joke in a previous video because I hadn't heard it since I was a little kid, and then I think he actually directly brought up a yo mamma joke recently. Someone brought up the "orange you glad" joke when Frank did his color poll so he attracts cool viewers who appreciate comedic genius humor. Viewers like you. Thank you.
❤ As an INFJ, that means a lot, thank you. All my life, I have found people interesting. Even while growing up with crippling shyness, even while grappling with my own anxiety, even while being very much an introvert - people have always intrigued me. Studying people, seeing the strengths and flaws and quirks in each individual is endlessly fascinating. I, like many INFJs, have been a student of psychology all my life in an attempt to understand. Add in our empathy and we seek to not only see others, but to perceive the world as they may. I do agree that a lot of times, I’d like to get to the root of the problem with a person to try to resolve it at its source. It just feels like otherwise, the same issue with continue to crop up over time. But I can understand how it can be frustrating for our loved ones to feel psychoanalyzed… a lot.
I'm an INFJ and my husband is an ENTP... GLAD to hear you say that as I wonder sometimes if I should "help" less but I do think ENTPs need help connecting and processing their feelings so 🤷
Nah, I think this INFJ skill is better when used together with ENTP, not only INFJ "studding" their partner. Both got a lot to share together while thinking and planning things, the problem with both together is that ENTP will study INFJ as well, so INFJ "needs" to let that happened, I found some INFJ's in the past that kind of got "scared" by people knowing their "thoughts" or "plans" they wanna others being on that spot, but it's healthier when both use this process of "therapy" on each other.
I can see this. I drove my first boyfriend away with my clinginess, but I think he just wasn't ready for me to go from "in my own little world" to "all over him" n bailed. Luckily I found my husband who's an INTJ and handles pretty well whatever I have to throw at him. He's not the most touchy Feely, but when he does say lovely things it's usually worth a thousand more than anything else. I think he secretly liked to be smothered in love and fussed over. He used to not really care what I did but as he got older I think he needs to be the main event and he is that for me. Even when he acts like a robot. I'm an infp
Awwwwwww you too sound so adorable! So your clingyness is actually something he likes 💕 I am an infj and I also have tendencies to be super clingy.. I am trying to work through it... How did you handle this aspect?
Then I (an ENFP) was in my 15-16 I was dating my classmate, who I'm sure was an INTJ. The problem was that we both were hella immature, and it ended up exactly like FJ described. At first I was like "omg she's so mysterious!" and at the end it was like "did she even had any feelings for me?". ofc I played my part too by exact scenario Frank talked about. Thanks for video, it was punching right into my core. Very accurate as always.
Great one! Also, maybe 16 personalties giving advice to parents about their babies like how to help them stop hiccups. And then the other side from the parents perspective hearing the well intentioned advice over and over and and over haha
@@JohnHenrysaysHi I got far more unwanted advice during pregnancy. My favorite: "Don't raise your arms above your head. It'll cause the umbilical cord to strangle the baby." Um... what? I've had four babies, and I'm very short. I can definitely say that is false.
@@letfreedomring7330 Woah. When it comes to stressful advice, that takes the cake. And that right there is why everyone should give their mother's the biggest hug and kiss, or maybe an entire peaceful day away from kids for a big metaphorical hug and kiss for all you do for your families. Have you heard Mr. T's Treat Your Mother Right? M is for the moan, and the miserable groan From the pain that she felt when I was born O is for the oven with it's burning heat Where she stood making' sure I had something to eat T is for the time that she stayed up at night And took my temperature when I wasn't feelin right H is for the hard earned money she spent To keep clothes on my back and try to pay da rent E is for every wrinkle I put on her face And every worry that I caused when I stayed out late The last letter R is that She taught me Respect And for the room in Heaven that I know she'll get Also, congratulations on the 5th baby! I love your username, Let Freedom Ring!
as an INFP, i was only a bit clingy at the beginning of my relationship. after that, i need a lot of time to do my own thing, to the point that i dont have much time for my partner. luckily, he (INTJ) is similarly engrossed on his own thing. we just both really need just a little quality time together that fulfills both our emotional/romantic relationship needs so it works well for us.
This is so true for me too... I'm super clingy but after that I need a lot of time to myself. I truly Get along well with INTJ and I don't understand why we are shipped with ENFJ or enfp. They tire me soon much. I cannot keep up with their energy. I g
I'm an INTJ and in every relationship I have had I do have incredibly intense emotions. A struggle I have is that I don't need to be with them most of the time. I am perfectly happy not talking or even thinking about them for extended periods of time, but when I am with them I'm all in. I also really struggle with showing my care. How do I explain that looking very very tired is how I show my love? This made my previous partner who was, funnily enough, an INFP, feel very neglected and thought I ended the relationship because I was bored of them (i was just not in the place in my life to have a relationship). To the INTJs: set times often to spend time with your partner and make sure you tell them that you do care, you just struggle with to show it. If they know, they won't feel neglected. Communication is key even though your emotions feel very obvious to you because of how intense they are to you. Clearly showing emotion a weakness of ours, so talk about your feelings.
my ex was INTJ and i'm ENFP. This is exactly the problem was. Hope he read your comment which is nearly impossible and be more understanding to his future partner later.
Yes, exactly. We don’t need to spend every second with you to show love. Even my ex was an infp, he was extremely clingy and he’d always be depressed about me not showing love. I just couldn’t show it well and it seemed like I was in the relationship for the sake of being in one.
Me, an INTJ, had no problem with one of my ex ghosting my messages or reply with a one would answer to a wall of text. Had it been most of other people, it would have been a huge problem. The reason we parted way is something else. Also, the focus on practical problem solving made me and my suspected-to-be ESTP mom a good team when dealing with problems but her thoughtless words, shallow understandings and tendency to brush off or dismiss my feelings and emotions (could be seen as gaslighting) , trying to decide for me before letting me know what it is (more from a place of naive good will goes wrong than control grasp) drove me away from her while she craved having people interacting with her and would try to guilt trip me as being ungrateful for what she did when I didn't ask for it. 😅
As an INFJ..... From what I can observe/analyze from my previous relationships, is that it all comes down to insecurities and always growing distant from the partner. Either because of parents, mom saying study first or else you'll end up like me, there might be someone else more compatible(let say best friend), or his friends seems to not accept at all and preferred your friend instead to be your significant others lover.
I didn't get the last part about preferences. Can you elaborate please? I'm also an infj so I wanna exchange ideas and experiences,learn from other infjs 🤗
Solid description of an INTJ. It's a misunderstanding that we aren't feeling. We are distracted and in our heads a lot, but we do feel and feel quite deeply. We just don't need the constant attention, and when we get constant attention that's distracting and annoying. Speaking for myself talking once a week is asking a lot from me so wanting to text every minute of every day......that's hell.
That's what Frank just said. You aren't deep not emotional like others are. For you it's a lot but compared to everyone else, is like almost zero. I am an infj and text my partner everyday for hours even. If we don't it means we don't love each other anymore. Others do the same. You are the only one who is the coldest .
@@ManhwaBliss Not necessarily. Relationships have yet to work for me because long story Man that got away got away. It takes a special person to understand the not initiating conversation doesn't mean you don't care. Heck we could be thinking about your boyfriend/girlfriend all day long, then find out his feelings are hurt because you didn't text him every hour of the day. It's like "dude...if you want to talk call, and if I don't want to talk I'll tell you" It's not complicated. But for most people, like the comment from a year ago, they're incredibly attention hungry, but also often very boring. If you want my attention then don't be boring. If you're calling me to tell me you're bored I'm going to wonder why, because being bored is not something I ever do. There is always something interesting going on in my head. That tangented a bit, but long story short. You aren't destined for loneliness. Just need to find the right man or woman for you. Much easier when you look your best and you're in your mid 20s, but don't lose hope.
@@patriot639 the comment from year ago is not even worth reading from the first two lines lol, I’m at uni now still young but my future is clearly a working woman rather than a family person because that’s what I’m good at, but I do watch romantic series and read novels and wish if I could experience similar things , I can only continue to hope as you said, tbh I don’t want my first love a failure because I probably wouldn’t try again that’s why Im worried , thank you for replying
Ok, but I'm an INFP, and literally my friend (she's an ESTP, my closest friend) and I were just discussing our issues that annoy eachother in our relationship because we wanted to get back on our track in our friendship. Literally my issue was being too clingy and she felt she had to carry all my emotions as well.... bruh.... Soorryyy
Congrats again on the happy news ! Please don't feel pressured to keep on making loads of weekly content, it's totally fine (and kinda is the right thing to do) to take more time in between uploads to take care of your baby :)
Yeaaah this is pretty accurate for me as an INFJ, and this extends for me past romantic relationships, too. I tend to overthink all my interactions with all the people in my life, and focus too much on "big picture" things rather than just looking at something as is in present, because I'm too caught up in the previous history or context of an issue. This is something I have to work on, and I can appreciate this aspect of me being clearly pointed out to me, so I can do that more effectively.
Idk. You talk about INFPs having to be okay with people not feeling as intensely for them as they do with other people. I'm happy to practice this with friends, as I totally understand I can be *a lot* for the average person.....but if we're talking bout S/Os....I need someone to match my intensity. I need someone to understand. I'm sure finding someone like that would be incredibly rare, so that's why I'm okay with staying single until/if I do. I just don't want to feel like a burden to them, or feel ashamed of how ..*much* I am. I don't want to have to self censor around them like I do other people....I like how deep my love runs 😊
Well, I believe you INFPs need to ask your Fi if this person deserves the delicate feelings you have for them, as we INFJs should ask ourselves in Ni if we are interpreting people or things the right way before issuing unrequested opinions about them.
I think you could be ok with another infp like you to match your intensity. Cuz like you said, at least in your romantic relationship you DO DESERVE to have someone who can match you and your intensity, practically being compatible 👌🏻which is the entire point here. I am an infj in an infj-infj relationship. It is fun to see how it is to live with a clone of yours 🤭 It is very rewarding as long as I freaking out away the overthinking and live more in the present and not in the future. I am more intense with these defects of mine than my partner is😞
I totally understand you! I need that depth and at least emotional closeness as well. I think everyone deserves to feel loved for who they are. And if your love language is showing lots of affection then that's something to go for! Oftentimes what are downsides in the eyes of some are the advantages in other peoples eyes. Your needs are valid! 💚 (ENFP)
INFP - Spot on! And a tip to anyone dating an INFP:: What we want is emotional security. We can get jealous easily because we're afraid of loss. If someone is overly flirty of you and we don't know this person, we get very emotionally protective and want to chase that person away. If we however know that person and know what they're all about, we won't have those issues. It's kinda the same when it comes to friends who are friends with INFP - If you leave us outside of something but invite others, it'll hurt tremendously emotionally. Even if we don't want to do that thing, we want at least to be asked about it. So the best way to deal with us is to give us a pat on the head, a kiss on our forehead, and tell us to focus on our own interest for a while. As for friends, just ask " _Yo, we're gonna go do this. I didn't think it was something you'd like to do but I thought I'd ask you._ " Now you don't _HAVE_ to do this of course. I just wanted to give tips to anyone reading it so their INFP friend or lover will be spared the emotional pain I've had. In every other case, we'll be sitting in a dark room when the door opens and we go " _omg Mega Man hi!_ "
yah, as a young or underdeveloped infp, the struggle is real. i find it's easier as i've gotten older to "hold on loosely, but don't let go". 🎶🎵 and congratulations to you and your wife on the arrival of your little one! i hope he's a good sleeper! 🙂
As an INTJ I have learned to be a better listener. I learned to better at this when my husband was struggling with alcoholism (he's sober 2 years now YAY) But as an INTJ I had to really work on myself as well because I wanted the relationship to work. It's hard to step away from the logical into the emotional and just be with someone in the moment. I encourage all my fellow INTJ's to push yourself to try this. It can be a bit exhausting when you are doing it BUT it helps the emotional people in your life so much.
As an INFP that definitely sounds like me in a relationship back in my 20s. Thankfully, I'm a lot different these days (I'm going on 50 years old next April) and honestly tend to have swung the other way in some sense: I'm almost TOO independent a lot of the time and so I have to reassure my partners feel valued/loved/etc. I wonder if some of that more 'clingy' behavior comes from when we're less mature (or grown up) or even just less secure (which seems to have lessened as I've gotten older and just don't give af as much as I used to). Very interesting.
Also I disagree with INTJs being one myself, we do feel things deeply and need deep connections we’re actually a very soft n deep lover inside, the biggest problem is control We try to fix things and bring them to perfection (so for ourselves) so this might choke the partner n make them feel like we are over controlling or burn them out bc of our perfect plans n standards
So practically you wanna be a robot that perfects and fixes problems and makes sure the statistics are in order as opposed to having feelings and being aware and concerned AT ALL TIMES how your partners feels and if you give them care and attention and love without trying to fix them. So practically it is right what the video said
As an INTJ... how is this so accurate. That's how two of my friendships ended and why i never called anyone my friend after. Being in a relationship somehow rises expectations for things you should do together. And im not active at all. When friend asked me to go for a walk together, i didn't wanted to and denied. And the thing is, i think i don't ask anything as well. I understand how that makes other person think like I'm not intrested in the relationship... Well, that's kinda true. But that doesn't mean that i think they are a bad person. I just really really don't understand what are relationships and why should I want them. If i ever need to talk, i go to my family. That's the only relationship that i at least understand why it occurred. And... honestly, i feel like i owe then for raising myself a decent person and always supporting me, even if im a little grumpy. That's why i do compromise here and there with my family. I guess I could do this in a friendship too, but for what all this struggle?
Interesting. I hope you find the reason for friendship and why it’s worth the struggle; I can definitely see why it may seem like too much effort, but maybe one day you’ll find a friend that is better than your alone time and worth more than you’re willing to give up. Best of luck to you 🍦🧡
Hey as an INFJ myself there s something about INTJ s that really catch my attention, they have a very interesting personality, that s why I started to go on dates with a few INTJs ...what would u say is the biggest challenge in maintaing a healthy and long lasting relationship between those two types as u married to an INTJ yourself?
@@katystrawberry2513 Communication, especially regarding emotions. That's been my experience, anyway. We have a great time when things don't require too much communicative collaboration, and everything is light hearted fun discussions, but when things get serious, or emotional, he really struggles with both listening and communicating his own thoughts and feelings. As a result, I tend to then over communicate or elaborate to try and make up for the lack, which can set off my anxiety spiral. We've figured a lot of it out, but it has definitely been, and still is the biggest challenge for us.
@@katystrawberry2513 Otherwise, we get along famously, though. We consistently make each other laugh and have deep, abstract conversations and debates that can last for hours. We've been together over 11 years, and are still head over heels for each other, both regarding attraction and intellectual interest. We can work really well together on a lot of things so long as they don't require too much emotional or detail oriented communication. Lol I hope this helps, and I hope you find luck and love, whether or not it's with an INTJ. ☺️
Wow that s amazing, congrats to both of u for going strong together for all those years😉 Also, thanks for ur perspective on that I'm sure it s gonna be helpful next time I ll be meeting another INTJ or any other thinking type🥰
@@katystrawberry2513 Thank you. It's been a harrowing adventure, but the best adventure of my life thus far. You're welcome. ☺️ I'm glad I could be of some help. Good luck out there! 🥰
Oh my gosh! When you said: "stop playing ping-pong..." about the ENTP, I literally laughed out loud! My husband is an ENTP, and he loves table tennis (and has a bunch of other hobbies, obviously😅), I'm an ISFP... This is so about us😄.
As a female INTP, a used to really suck at maintaining both, friendships and romantic friendships for the reason that they would see me as too quirky and weird, too intense, sometimes arrogant, or too much of an over thinker and intellectual.
"ISFPs don't have a strong desire to accomplish things" sounds so hilariously insulting when suddenly said like that but it's 100% true. We're a "here for a good time, not a long time" type like the ESFPs but our ambitions are either simple, narrow, or not worth sacrificing our chill/happiness for so we end up doing less of it lol
As an INFJ I think I kill relationships by trying to plan everything. Like even when I try to be spontaneous I have to plan my spontaneous moment. Which can take away from a fun time with friends. 😅❤ Also congrats on being a dad FJ! 🥳🎉
Infj here. I embraced having plans. If I don't,I freak out, I act like I am on drugs and illogical. It's like my entire world is falling down if I don't have a plan. Luckily I found an infj (from all away across the globe from another continent 🤣 online on some servers) When I say about something that it looks like it's impossible to do or hard or a challenge, he then as the challenge lover that he is, always says "I'll make a plan!" (As in: eh, don't worry, it will just take a bit longer since it's a challenge, but it's gonna be thrilling to grind my brains into finding a solution 🥳) As opposed to my ex, an estp....who was your topical estp. Toxic, disrespectful and so on. Affected my mental, emotional and later even physical health with his way if being and of course , doing EVERYTHING on a whim, causing trouble and then have both of us struggle to fix it. Then do it again 😑 So...just get yourself someone who is COMPATIBLE with you. In my case, I needed compatibility and now that I found it, I know there cannot be any other perfect match for me than my infj 🥺
So, i'll be simple: Me, INTP In love with.. INTJ. We're good but it's kinda of "what the hell we do to be romantic?" so we just vibe 90% of time, like friends. And i'm comfortable being in the INTJ Rythm of a relationship.
As an INTJ that somehow rings true iffff we don’t trust our partner enough yet or when we’ve been let down by them a couple of times. It’s difficult for us to talk about the issues so we suck it up and retreat in our own world where we feel the safest. But when we are truly in love and feel safe we’ll shower you with love and will never let you down. Just please don’t lie or make up excuses cause trust me, we know the truth we just pretend like we don’t so we’ll put up walls instead😒
Congratulations, Frank!!! So happy about the greatest news you shared with us... All the best wishes to you & family!!! BTW, little buggy is sooo cute, a mini FJ indeed! Best!!! 💗
mm as an infj regardless of what kind of relationship were talking - romantic or platonic - i often make a mistake of cutting people off. fast. i see a flaw an i go "mmmm nah im not dealing with that byee" which is wrong. psychoanalysing people might get you to a point where you overthink things so much that a few mistakes might get you to consider doorslamming a person. (i mean most times im right. but still. i have literally one friend to invite to my birthday. everyone else is on different continents. my asd does not fucking help being social dont be like me kids)
I'm wondering if you doorslam them (without trying to figure things out) because you are already sure the assumptions you made about them inside of you is the only truth anyways, or because you are hurting so much, or because you actually turn cold just like that? Honest interest to learn here 😊
@@shillout You'd be surprised. Most people end up in anxious-avoidant attachment relationships where one partner is clinging and the other is running away. The reason these two polar types often are attracted to each other is because they perceive something they wish they had in the other person. Anxiously attachment individuals wish they were more independent and avoidantly attachment individuals wish they were more in touch with their emotions.
@@jakinlee5961 just try not to be dismissive of their emotions and needs is probs best thing to avoid a bad time. But I know us info’s can be a lot to deal with at times so 🤷♀️
The ISFJ one is true for me. I'm an ISFJ, I used to be mute and a pushover. Being very generous with things, money, and time, but I realized that I'm not being appreciated by them, just being used like a loyal dog or ATM machine. I exploded that time and lashed out hurtful, deep words which made them think that it's my "true color" lol. Currently, I'm still thinking about why I let my "so-called" friends and family do that to me. I can't move on. The reason why the current me is very cold, unforgiving, and grumpy. Despite being extremely good at sensing people's emotions, their needs and pleads, I'm very sorry, but it's time for me to take care of my tired self, because I'm afraid that if I continue being generous and kind, someone will use me again.
My heart goes out to you! 💖😊 My best friend is an ISFJ and I noticed as well that she rarely speaks up about her needs and wants but is very caring. I have to ask her if there's anything she worries about or her inner world to be able to be there for her as well. The rest of the time I make sure to respect her boundaries. I could imagine that most of them didn't want to hurt you on purpose but didn't know about your needs because you never talked about them. Even tho I'm quite good at sensing other peoples emotions I'm not able to read minds and guess the exact reasons behind peoples feelings and behaviour. Did you ever had an open conversation with them? Might be a good thing to heal. 🌱 And being kind doesn't mean you're automatically a prey.💪 I encourage you to define clear boundaries for yourself and to communicate them! That's by the way what I'm currently working on as well! Listen to yourself what you need. Ask for what you need from others. You deserve it! Make sure you reserve enough time for you and your passions/goals and you will be much happier than you are right now! You'll have people in your life who respect and nourish you and you can do the same for them without burning out inside. Hope that helped! Much love! ☺🍀✨ (ENFP)
i feel like this is a struggle that all ISFJs go through, especially those that undergo something similar to that. flipping off that sort of humanity switch off
As an INFP I can say very accurate but now I’ve learned I need to remember I am a whole person outside of relationship, which means I have other things I like and value. Which I tend to forget when I was in relationships because I would focus too much in the other person
Well I had a relationship with an Istp. Being an Intj, I anticipated that I would be the one lacking emotions and affection for my partner, but in the end it was definitely the other way around. I was craving attention and time together as a couple that I just couldn't get from the istp, who worried about everything but the relationship and his feelings... I was and am genuinely surprised that there seems to be a type of people even colder and less emotional than me... Oh and indeed he tried to make me feel dumb, which didn't work with me, as I saw through his attempts of manipulation... Nonetheless, on the long run, I ended up discovering that he was even dumber than I had thought. 🙊😅
Before, I was ENFJ and dating INFP and what you said about both MBTI is very accurate.. we played the role just like how you described them.. our relationship didn't work and ended up breaking up.. This year, I took multiple MBTI test and I got ENFP on all of them so 👹🗿
I have to disagree with you on the INTJ. My husband is an INTJ. How you describe them is exactly what they want you to think. They do not show how much they care or how deeply they feel to the outside world. That is something they only show to the person they trust most in the world. My husband feels intensely and deeply for me. It is just difficult for him to show his emotions, and he will not show them to anyone that isn't within his inner circle that he trusts, and even then there are levels that he shows. I'm fortunate to be the person he trusts most in the world, so I get to see what no one else does. He doesn't gush the way I (INFP) do. However, he tells me and shows me how much he loves me in so many other ways. And the longer we have been married, the more I have come to understand that INTJs are a lot like INFPs on the inside. They feel just as deeply and passionately as we do, but they are just not as expressive as we are. But if you can earn their trust and if they find you worthy, they will open up to you and show you that deeply emotional side and it is humbling. I honestly believe we are two of the most compatible types once you get past the communication issues. Once you better understand one another, it is amazing. So for people who encounter INTJs and believe they don't feel that deeply for people, you have been deceived by the facade they put on and what they want you to believe. The truth is that they have the capacity to love deeply, passionately, and intensely and will show that to those whom they deem worthy.
@@sabakalshoven7824 You're so welcome! To me, a more accurate way I could see an INTJ sabotaging a relationship would be struggling to share their emotions and feelings with their significant other since it can sometimes take y'all a while to feel comfortable and feel like you can really trust the other person. I could see some types getting impatient with that. My husband said I pulled him out of his shell faster than anybody he had ever met. He almost immediately felt comfortable with me, but I could see that being an issue with other personality types that aren't as good at drawing people out as I am. I could see the other person perceiving that cautiousness to open up and fully trust as indifference even when it really isn't. It's a protective layer. My husband, myself, and our best friend (INFJ) all have these silly animal nicknames. She's Fishy because she's always a fish out of water. I'm bunny because I'm sweet and cuddly, but I also embrace the killer bunny side like in Monty Python if you mess with someone I love 😂. I will tear your face right off if I have to lol. And my sweet INTJ husband is turtle. Hard exterior with a soft gooey center. And he will hide in his shell whenever he feels like it 😂😂😂
This is accurate. My spouse is also an INFP. We, INTJs, show the world what we want to show them. We safeguard our emotions so much because they really upset the essence of our being and we hate being vulnerable, especially to the wrong people. We do indeed feel very deeply but it would be towards one or two people in our entire lifetime.
That's the thing: FJ said they are cold and closed and all that be ahse that's how they are the most part till they slowly get to show some feelings. But by the time they do, their partner is long gone. Why? Because of the reason FJ just mentioned. Even you said it took a while to trust you since he had to trust you THE MOST in order to open up and show love and affection. The thing is, you had patience
I can confirm this for ISTJs as well. People see that Te face and stereotype us as having no emotions when that is not true. This is aided by some of us playing it up (you see this even in comment sections around here) and outright trying to hide that vulnerability as much as possible as you said but we have deeply held emotions and values as well. I mean, just try to be purposefully obtuse and ignore logic and facts to an IXTJ (or even IXTP) and you will see how angry we can get. Or do something unfair. Or hurt the few people they care about. (Please don’t actually do these and make an enemy out of the IXTJ for life, this is for illustrative purposes only). It is the same with other emotions, just that anger is the easiest one to get to display outwardly to a stranger. At best you will get one of the infamous stares, possibly accompanied by them leaving, at worst they will erupt into shouting. For me it is like I don’t TRY to hide it THAT much, I mean I have cried in public when it got too much (read:when I criticised myself for being an idiot and making stupid mistakes on school tests, that was usually the issue) and I will reply if asked about the issue as my value of being honest takes charge but it usually doesn’t get to that level and even if it does I won’t vent to people I don’t know like that (and that list is like everyone except 5 people) out of my own initiative, I might just start crying though. Also, stepping aside from negative emotions, another thing that contributes to this is that many of us don’t really know how to smile, especially when prompted to, so people might not realise that we are happy and having fun even though we are. I just got reminded of that meme where INTJ stares can be translated as everything from “you are stupid and it is making me angry” to “I am actually having a lot of fun, just not smiling right now”, that is about how it works if you don’t know that INTJ well
@@quirogatnonerrat3214 He also said that they don't really feel much at all. That just isn't true in my experience. They feel very deeply. They just don't show it to everyone. And I agree that not showing their deep feelings can be an issue in relationships, but I disagreed with the comment he made about them not having those deep feelings at all. So I agreed with most of what he said, it was just that one part that I didn't agree with. And it makes me wonder if FJ has ever been really close to an INTJ. Because if he hasen't, I can completely understand that being his assessment of them.
As an INFP it hurts pretty bad when you love someone so much you wanna be with them all the time only for them to get distant 💔 even though it’s a paradox it’s still nice to be capable of so much love
I am an INFJ and Im very much doing exactly what Frank described like oml I need to understand how my friends feel all the time and why so I sometimes forget to enjoy being with them and instead thinking about how I could fix their problems so we can be happier afterwards but I can’t get to that afterwards because there’s always problems and I can’t seem to learn that and let it go which makes me wanna understand why I do that but I think this is me sharing too much so I think I should get to the point which is amazing content as always
Hello there fellow infj 🤗 I am begining to have these issues with my current partner (infj-infj ) relationship. He too thinks about causes but a whole lot LESS than I do and even called me out on the fact that I always need to find the cause for the effect in order to fix it or that I always analyze why he said that comment right after I came to him to discuss issue X. I was wondering what link was in his brain to tie those 2 seemingly unrelated facts. Welp, turns out one thing made him recall a song that made him recall a moment in his life that made him recall etc and 100 years later got to the other topic. But that's what his brain did. He didn't walk me through it, he just mentioned point A and point B. And me wanting to know the road from point A to point B was frustrating for him because it's too much and too complex to say and doesn't need to be said in the first place. Turns out I understand that web of connections since I also connect them more or less the same way, haha. And like you said, we need to learn to live in the moment. I couldn't, I just could say that hey, from now on I am gonna live more in the present. Pff. Not a chance. But then life itself hit me : there were a lot of moments when I was close to losing (forever) someone that I loved. Prayed to God to save them and He did🥺 will eternally be grateful for God's love and care and also realized while I was crying and praying for that person to live, I realized that all the moments that we spent together, I did not tell them how lovely they are or how amazing their food was and so on. I didn't appreciate them for what they did in the present,but rather ask them what are they planning to buy or cook in the future, how much is gonna cost, tell them they look nice but not dabble too much nor five more attention to it. I regretted not enjoying their presence and person, not making them feel special as much as they deserved. So all that shoock me to the core and shifted my view in regards to my loved ones. Now I am trying to create nice memories with them and to stay more in the present to keep them company and not ruin the moment. But without the shock, pain and suffering I wouldn't have been able to see or apply this living more in the moment need
@@quirogatnonerrat3214 Dang this made me feel emotional. Thank you for sharing this. Some of the things you mentioned are the same things I’ve noticed in myself, at times. Although, most of the time I feel like I’m just so hell bent about doing a good job that it’s like I’m hovering over myself. I pretty much just end up getting in my own way, and ironically cause myself to not do as good of a job as I wanted. The issue is that I sometimes overanalyze other people and myself at the same time, and micromanage my reactions to them, instead of just being part of the moment. I don’t do this all the time, but it’s something I still want to work on not doing at all, if possible. Watching Frank’s content has definitely helped me to understand myself a lot and grow as a person this past year, though. Idk where I’d be, personal growth-wise, without this channel The man is a Godsend ❤
Hey Frank I just wanted to say that you’ve come a really long way in your videos and you can tell just how much happier you’ve been recently. I used to watch your older videos about breakups and how it can be so hard to socialize and it’s really nice to see how far you’ve come. I hope one day I can find myself in your shoes but for now I’ll stick to watching your older videos (along with the new ones) and relating to them :) -sincerely an awkward ENFP
Yeah, his older videos had such a depressive and existentialist vibe, tbh I miss them as they always got you thinking about a topic. Man went from “the INFJ door slam” and “be a lonely introvert or a depressed failure of an extrovert?” to having a wife and a kid, goes to show that it can happen to all of us-shy, awkward and currently depressed ISTJ
Yeah i totally agree. Especially with the infj content it helped me understand why i act the way i act. Now the next step is to actively fix those weaknesses and anxieties and maybe i can end up living more freely and happier like he is now - from an arkward, currently sad(depressed?) and isolated INFJ
Mind-blowingly on point! I am an ENFP, broke up with my ENTP (well he broke up with me). He told me i am too emotional- I indeed was because I was sick of feeling unvalued and not prioritized compared to the list of hobbies he has and the time he puts on all that (compared to the time we spent together).
From an ENFP to another ENFP you deserve someone who will value you and show you that with their words, actions, etc just also communicate your expectations, but don't demand it. When you feel like you're starting to demand it then maybe it's time to leave.. and your emotional side makes you so special. So keep being you, Love you😂😅😊💚❤️
@@favouradis Beautifully said! 💖What I realized about this video is, that it points people in the wrong direction. Instead of valueing each other for what we can bring to the table, people start to call types generally toxic or people themselves feeling bad for who they are. I vote for a more constructive and loving approach! 💪
I agree with @Favour Adis . ENFPs are usually just a joy to be around! Imagine calling a child or dog out for being alive and bubbly! 🤨Fellow ENFPs- that's why people fall in love with us! 🤗✨ You deserve to be cherished for who you are!
@@freidenkerin5198 yes I totally agree with you 👏👏👏🙌🙌🙌🙌 yes we all have things to work on but coming at each other negatively does not help in anyway..........💚💚❤️❤️
I tend to be very self-contained/self-sufficient, so if rarely occurs to me to do the work of maintaining friendships. However, my husband and children do live with me in my house, so it's hard to forget about them. 😂 -INTP BTW, Frank, congrats on your new tiny human.
im an infp female in a long distance rel with an isfj male- he RARELY tells me when something bothers him, regardless of how much ive encouraged him to be open and tried to create a safe environment. i definitely am pushy about it sometimes but i just want him to know its okay to say whats on his mind 😭 im very clingy and talkative as well so im trying to learn to back off so that he doesnt feel suffocated lol
I (ENTP) was married to an INFJ for many years. We had a nice time together and a kot of fun, and even now we care for each other (we've tried to stay in good terms bcs we have a child, but it was not hard to do so, despite him unreasonably holding some grudges without admitting that, lol). Anyways, from my experience, I think their worst problem is that they might have hidden agendas and living parallel lives.
I always thought infj-infp relationships could work (better than estp-infj for example) So both parties had those issues and full intensity? I am also an infj and trying to learn and find out more from other people's experiences 🥺
@Qui rogat, non errat Ahh well it didn't work out for us at all 😌 I was too busy fixing his childhood problems while he just wanted me to hear him complain for a while. Meanwhile I was feeling suffocated by him and always feeling responsible for all his feelings..
I had such lousy experiences with relationships (at least 60% my doings tbh) that I just swore off women. Soon after I met my wife. It took me awhile to be trusting but she was patient and charmed this coyote infj-t with PTSD (yes she's that saintly) from out of the briar patch in which I had taken up residence. I don't know what she saw ( even my mom said that if I ever wanted a relationship I had better not mess it up) but 41 years later she's still putting up with me. It's a good thing bc I doubt anybody else would have. She has domesticated me as much as is possible and in return she has a loyal, protective, attentive mate who knows enough to go hide when I'm not fit for company. It's complicated but she's a wonderful enfj. 💚🐺💚
Awwwwwwwww that is so lovely and sweet. I ship infj-enfj and infj-infj relationships the most 🤭 Your story makes me so happy cuz I am rooting for such kind of a pair. 41 years is a long time. Which means you 2 are meant for each other. Wonderful that you 2 found each other ❤️❤️❤️❤️. May God bless you both , you sweet lovebirds 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 P.s.: I am also an infj
INTJ here. We do feel very deeply, we just don't feel deeply about many people and we don't feel deeply all the time. That's reserved for the privileged few. Otherwise about most other relationships, it's like I often joke, "I don't care much about my own feelings, imagine how little I care about yours." Sure, that's an exaggeration, but it demonstrates that it's not personal, we're just not particularly emotive. It also shows logic instead of emotion overrides most of our decisions. We tend to be more emotionally self-sufficient than most other types, so plan accordingly. Choose your spouses carefully, INTJs. I recommend an ISTJ like my husband of 30 years. But you still need to learn some relationship skills because your kids aren't going to necessarily be IN_J types.
You perfectly nailed INFP. Thanks for the advice, I've been trying to reign in my over-caring-ness lately, and your words of encouragement definitely helped :)
My experience as an INTJ in a relationship is that I have a switch. I have to know weather or not the person will open up to me in the long run. It is not necessarily a measuring-up of the individual, but candid communication. I would open up completely being I would confess my issues, my feelings, everything. As long as I get that piece by piece every day. I understand however some people would have issues opening up due to bad past relationships. But growth happens when you see the good in being in the present you.
I can relate to the INFP one too much, it's a problem. I've been told I'm clingy and need to give more alone time. It's a good perspective to keep in mind that other people don't feel as intensely as you but doesn't mean they don't feel, lesson on progress
perfectly said. we're so intense when we're willing to commit and dive down deep. From recent experiences, I'm learning that even when that special friend/person might not feel the EXACT same intensity as I do-they nonetheless still do feel a connection...
Ah yes. ISFP 100% me. I typically push things off or have to wait until an opportunity drops in my lap half the time. Moving out is tough only because of rent cost. "You have to make 3 time as much as the rent" is annoying when you are alone
As an INTJ, I have to dispute the comment about being apathetic. I have been told that I appear emotionless or apathetic because I don’t burst into tears of joy when it’s my birthday or something positive but minor happens. I’d say that my natural emotional state is just very stable. For the things that I do actually care about, I feel nearly unmanageable levels of emotion. If I was in a relationship with someone who never saw/could tell how much I cared, that would be because I actually didn’t care, which makes the whole scenario extremely unlikely (being in a relationship with someone I don’t care about). I completely admit that to others I, or INTJs, can come across in a manner that may not correlate to how I actually feel, but there is a large difference in internal feeling and outward expression. Would also add that not everybody understands or appreciates the way I show that I care equally.
As an ESFJ in a relationship with an INTP I consider myself lucky. My boyfriend has a few toes in the real world. My parents and sister loved him, but I think a lot of that has to also do with me. I've always had "weird" interests and his match with a lot of mine. So when people I know meet him they go, "OK yeah makes sense." He also has interests in normal things, such as weight lifting. So he straddles this world and his own pretty evenly.
Does he ever not care about his appearance when around you or others? Appreciate reading from an ESFJ. If you don't mind sharing, what kind of interests do you have? That's neat to be in a relationship with someone of the complete opposite type!
Istp here. I’m too easygoing to make people feel attacked and i don’t think i’d date someone whom i’m confused by enough to point out stuff that makes no sense to me. I think it’s the easygoing-ness that creates problems actually. It generally translates into being very easy to get along with and okay with virtually everything, but also unintentionally inattentive, not sufficiently sensitive, and lacking in initiative. Plus it doesn’t matter to me ‘where’ the relationship is headed for, which i imagine to be a problem for some people, especially J types. Essentially i treat them as friends i’m in love with, which maybe isn’t always the ideal approach.
As an INTJ, I think this is the way I'm most atypical for my type. I put all of my energy and attention into my relationships down to like an INFP level of dedication LOL. If anything my problem is being *too* affectionate, because I feel like it's really important that the important people in my life know my feelings towards them.
While we're not all cookie cutter stereotypes of our types, my mom's an ESTJ, and this "my way or the highway" approach in relationships is EXTREMELY accurate in her case. 😅
My father is an ESTJ and he is the same way. My mom, an enfj, could only stay with him for a couple of years, then she left him cuz he even yelled and became physical when she wiuldn not do his way because it was illogical and told him why it was illogical.
@@quirogatnonerrat3214 Gosh, I'm really sorry about that. This isn't easy, but at least she knew when enough was enough and left. I hope she's doing better now. Your dad needs help. TMI, my dad tested as an ISTP (core 9 enneagram, level 6). All he wants is to relax and take it easy, but ESTJ mother (8w7, moreover, level 6, so it was a miracle that I somehow managed to convince her to take the test) sees this as "laziness," and gives him a hard time about it, but, being the way he is, he refuses to leave, because he's resigned himself to this situation, and became her enabler for "peace," which just makes things a lot worse, being the way she is. Of course, they're both turbulent, because I can imagine that ESTJs can be great people when healthy. Otherwise, their types would be the perfect balance for each other, ironically, with her motivating him and him teaching her to let loose and relax, but alas.
@@phatcat3705 Thank you, she never remarried because most of the guys she were were douchebags and the good ones were already taken. I have an estj aunt who is healthy but still insufferable for my or my mom is we were to live with her and not just visit every once in a while. She would be perfect with an istj I think. Your dad sounds like a cool guy. Do you have nice memories of time or spent quality time with him? Did their turtulences in their marriage affect your view on marriage? 🥺
100% with INFJ! My husband gets annoyed with me and says I expect him to be perfect and make him feel like he’s broken because I am always trying to fix him. 😬
Holy hell, Frank. You hit the proverbial nail on the head. I…how the….. I’m an ENTP and my bf is ENFJ. This sketch killed my insides. We have no real shared interests, just similar pasts and he is super supportive. The question is how do we fix this thing?!?
Have you found a solution? Are you still together? I am an ENTP and I have just met an ENFJ. I really like the guy but I also really like my interests. Right now I work at University inventing new technology in the digitalisation of civil engineering. So I really love my work. Until I met him, he had more interests than me. Now I wanna tell him about my work and he is super supportive. Like a personal cheerleader. But when he starts talking its not about his day/work but how we can have a family, how we can go on romantic walks, etc. I am really invested into him but I feel guilty that right now I am a little bit more interested in my work. How did you overcome this guilt? Did you have to change? Did he pick up his interests again?
As an Infp I can say that even tho Jve been in a serious relationship I can say that I get very clingy with friendships . If I really really like you I basically become you 😅 I used to have friends that I’d try to get so close to that they thought I was being weird… I either want to be your bestest best friend or couldn’t care less about you sorry 😂
(INFJ) I recently left a relationship just as things were becoming more serious as I felt prompted to look far into the future. My gut told me it wouldnt go the full distance so i freaked out and cut things off completely. Even though we were plodding along just fine!
My ISTJ self balance well with my ENFP husband,I’m mostly more focused on my work than bother with his overreacting tantrums,sometimes he’s like sorry about yesterday and I don’t even remember which one of the million things he did yesterday.
Hahaha, so for you it works because you are not affected by emotions, but facts. We have a real engineer on our hands here. Glad to hear your secret to a good marriage and wish you a long happy and healthy life together 💕God bless you both you lovebirds ❤️❤️
As an INFP I can’t count the number of times I’ve had lovers and even potential lovers say my love/interest was overwhelming. They seem to feel bad or guilty when I take it away, though.
Haha as an INFJ I call “going around it” “finding the back door or going through the back window” to get to the source of the issue. 😅 It’s not that I’m trying to be a therapist in my relationships (although I am in real life)… it’s just my default programming since childhood… oops, going down the rabbit hole of childhood again. Definitely a fan of psychodynamic theory.
I held back a lot of comments, cause I knew those hurt people around me. I just pretend I didn’t hear when I was thinking stuffs like that’s dumb lol -istp
@@maylovie3618 I tend to hold back initially. But when people get to know me more, I reveal that aspect of me. I ease them into it so they know that I don't mean to belittle them.
I like the fact that these weaknesses were presented as good qualities that have somehow turned not so good. Very diplomatic! And yes, Frank, you were so enthused in this video.!! Must be that red sweater has hidden powers. :)
INTJ --- mmm... I don't think so. You're talking romantic partners, here, and not just random friendships, right? Though I don't tend to ignore my friends either. This is why small friend groups are good: I actually have the energy to pay attention to all of them and the time to spend with all of them. But getting back to romance: 1) My romantic partner is my partner in crime. I like someone who I can do things with -- shared hobbies, etc. Shared life goals, so shared scheming and planning. And complete loyalty to each other. I'm pretty sure my partner knows how I feel. I'm really clear about it, and about how much I enjoy spending time together. 2) Part of being my partner is being able to be verbally playful so anything that's not dead serious someone has died should leave a smile on his face. 3) I remember everything. I know how my partner drinks ever single one of his favorite drinks. I remember the chores he hates. I remember all the things he values, even if they're not high on my personal list of priorities. I do this so that I can take his needs and wants into account whenever I do anything from making dinner plans to accepting a job promotion. We're a team. 4) My love language is gifts. I will supply you over time with whatever books, tools, or pieces of art you need for your hobby. I will also pick up stones that remind me of that time we were at the beach and present them to you randomly as something that happened that day. 5) I will adjust the small details of my planned week or month to take care of you if you need more support. I can juggle projects around to complete all of them on time and still be there for you. That's just part of being a mastermind. What I actually suck at romantically as an INTJ, and which I've heard other INTJs and assumed INTJs talk about is venting. I cannot listen to someone vent about the same topic repeatedly. I also cannot listen to someone vent without coming up with possible courses of action. I'm a problem solver. You brought me a problem. I love you. Here are some tentative suggestions for solving the problem. At the very least I'm going to ask questions like "well, could you do this?" Or "Maybe you could talk to Bob about Y?" You don't have to use my suggestions, and I'm good with being a sounding board. But you have to take steps to improve your life so that Problem A does not keep being a problem. If it keeps being a problem, then, well, me personally, I'm going to get progressively more stressed and distressed about the problem not being fixed. This will lead to depression. And I'll stop wanting to talk with you, and our relationship may eventually shatter. You don't have to use my plans to fix a problem, but you either have to fix the problem in some way that you like, or shut up about it. Other INTJs with less restraint in regards to your free will may come off as controlling as they try to fix the problem for you when you prove yourself unable or unwilling to fix the problem yourself. You do not want the INTJ so stressed and angry on your behalf that she calls your boss and tell him off for you. Or worse. Because things that get in our way don't stay in our way. We'll go through or around, but we're going in that direction no matter what. Anyway, minimal emotional capacity to deal with other people venting combined with the whole "Climb every mountain, solve every problem" mentality can be off-putting to romantic partners.
Man, you are usually 100% right on when it comes to describing me as an ENFJ, but I think maybe the one you describe here was meant to describe a very young & immature ENFJ - because I was definitely that way in the past when I was in my 20s, or even early 30s - but rather than not having any interests, it was that I would put aside all my own interests and just focus on the relationship. I've become a lot more balanced in my 40s and definitely would never do that anymore, and OMG, do I have a LOT of interests, dreams, and passions I am working on actively and developing. One of the most attractive things to me is when someone is genuinely interested in my life's work. So, I definitely don't see me ever putting aside my life's work or not having any interests or things to connect with a partner about other than the relationship itself. This makes me realize that probably the different personality types manifest differently depending on what stage of life you are in. As I said, I can definitely relate to that when I was young and immature, but not now, thank GOD. lol. : ) Love your vides!
The pro of infjs being a therapist digging into the roots of why there is a problem in a relationship is seeing if there's a never ending termites nest that's going to plague the relationship with no solution. It's like you're wanting to dig into someone else's operating system to see if it's gonna keep bugging. A lot of people scanning for narcissists definitely default to this method. You can choose to either honor their weakness or get the heck out of dodge depending on what it is.
I agree INTJ I am often apathetic. I just don't care, I am satisfied with few things, prefer simple things, with the essential. The root of why : It's totally me too !
INTJ female married to an ISTJ male. 30+ years. I find our relationship quite complimentary. He's more emotionally demonstrative than I am. We have enough in common that we can engage and we appreciate each other's intelligence that when we do have differing views on a topic that we discuss at length and actually listen to what the other says and often, leads to our finding a reasonable solution that we can both accept. Granted, we can debate an issue to the degree that someone else makes think that we're "fighting" when we are simply discussing and neither will back down. He was actually professionally mistyped as an INTJ long ago but is very much an ISTJ. However, while he is more emotional than I am as a couple within our relationship, I am better at directing when he should make more of an effort with others. However, we are very much a couple that could just exist on our own. We have to remind each other than we do need to engage with others, that's where we struggle.
The ENFP seems to be spot on. I'm INTP and my partner is ENFP. I love his mind, his creativity, etc. but holy cats! It can also be like being around a bouncing Tigger (think that video of Tigger singing a Tigger is a wonderful thing). Our NPs can nerd out weirdly and wonderfully together, but the man cannot plan, cannot time manage, bounces from one activity "for us" to the next... it can be physically and mentally exhausting.
As and ENFP, we are easily stimulated by new ideas and high energy. If our partner can be the grounding energy to help us plan things out to put it into fruition and be as excited as us or more, it's a perfect match
![Stromae, Pomme - “Ma Meilleure Ennemie” (from Arcane Season 2) [Official Visualizer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/1F3OGIFnW1k/mqdefault.jpg)
Watch "Are the 16 Personalities GENETIC?" next! 👉 infj.me/3W7QyeV
Congrats on becoming a dad!
Congratulations on becoming a father!
Something in the edit seems different, is this video the first with the temporary outsourced editor you were looking for?
Congratulations on your new baby boy, Frank, it's amazing news! 💞 👶
Congrats! You are now a dad! Take the time you need to take care of your little human 💜
💞 ~Timestamps!!~ 💞
0:19 ESTP
0:59 ESFP
1:37 ISTJ
2:27 ISFJ
3:20 ESTJ
4:11 ENTJ
4:41 ESFJ
5:43 ENFJ
6:25 ISTP
7:49 INTP
8:58 ISFP
9:42 INFP
11:38 ENFP
12:30 ENTP
13:30 INTJ
14:46 INFJ
i am INTP
Holy shiz thank you. You get a thumbs up.
Ur the best ..can i know ur type ?
@@thehomelander1373 homelander is not intp 😑ur a lier
@@Me_myself_iee Antony Starr is a sure intp
0:19 ESTP - don't think their words through enough
0:59 ESFP - too immature/young at heart
1:47 ISTJ - too formal/serious, care too much about work
2:27 ISFJ - hold in their feelings too much until explosion
3:21 ESTJ - too rigid/bossy, 'my way or the high way'
4:12 ENTJ - have too high expectations/standards
4:42 ESFJ - too protective, needs to give partner more independence
5:42 ENFJ - focus too much on their partner and forget about their own individuality
6:25 ISTP - too blunt, can come off belittling
7:50 INTP - too weird/not socially presentable
8:58 ISFP - lack ambition/come off aimless, take things too 'easy' and slow
9:42 INFP - get too emotionally attached, go 'all in'
11:39 ENFP - too mercurial with their emotions and interests
12:31 ENTP - forgetful of details/important dates, not engaging enough with partner
13:31 INTJ - come off too apathetic/too independent
14:46 INFJ - psychoanalyse too much when partner just needs to vent
you are a star
@@choonblaze 😅 Uh? 😅
Wensu you're the best 🏆
Tnx
Thank you
As an INTJ I feel things very deeply, but need to hold my feelings an arm’s length away so as not to be completely consumed and destroyed by them. Being disinterested is a survival tactic.
I think this is correct.
The way I always think about it is like a "there are two wolves inside of you" type situation where the big powerful rational thinking wolf is protecting the small squishy emotional wolf. The squishy wolf is worth protecting.
But I will also confirm what frank is saying: I get distracted for multiple days at a time and it's likely for me to completely forget my partner's emotional needs. And secondly that I just don't prioritize relationships very much, I can manage all of my own needs; while it might be more efficient to trade that need management with a partner, "net positive relationship" can be a pretty high bar sometimes (especially with the upfront cost called dating). Younger me was far worse at this and passed over some really good potential pairings for silly reasons in hindsight.
I'm an ENFP with INTJ partner. He gives me the emotional stability that I can't maintain myself. That said - he can express anger very well. Sometimes it feels like he's consumed by anger, because nothing can calm him down, if he's angry. But other than that he likes to hide his emotions, which can be very stressful for an ENFP who constantly needs reassurance 🙈😅
Thank you!! I do feel very passionately, enough that yes being vulnerable to the wrong person can be devastating. ALso emotions need to be kept in check to function together to avoid fights over silly things.
😂😂😂That is true. My husband is an ISTJ and I am an INTJ, we rarely watch movies together and we respect the space of the other. We are very independents and introverters. It is a perfect relationship for the last 24 years. Excuse me if I am not expressing myself acuretly but English is not my usual language. Cheers from Madrid
As an INFJ, I constantly ruin potential relationships by overthinking everything, and imagining potential futures way down the line!
I feel your pain :|
This is why I've never had a relationship. I've overthink everything so much that I end up closing myself off.
❗️ it’s annoying cuz i eventually be like it wasn’t meant anyway cuz they wouldn’t have done/said xyz when i sat there the whole time thinking about how perfect they were & i set my expectations unrealistically high
Edit: Found out I’m on the spectrum & i have did: already treated for anxiety but u guys might wanna be sure u don’t have any mental illnesses because my entire life i blamed myself for so much & just thought i was rare or not like most ppl but i actually just wasn’t living & scared to be myself since i was constantly judged & unsure about everything.
Funny enough im an infj with an infj
@@thegamer9302 where did you find your infj, are there any more
As a female INTP I can sum up all my dead relationships with friends and some family with this quote.
"I don't burn bridges, I just fail to maintain them and let them structurally degrade over time.”- from someone very self aware.
Same
Same. It's why all of my relationships end on decent terms. They usually only want me for my looks, or because I had been nice to them. I always accept the proposal to be the bf figure, but that doesn't last long (my dry ass personality, tbh 💀).
I really wish they'd talk to me instead of just the vessel that I'm attached to. 😔
Exactly. And the worst is when someone just doesn't get it
This is completely accurate, sadly 😭
Fellow INTP, and exact same. This applies to friendships, too, because I've never been in a relationship before. In general, though, my social skills have always been lacking and I've always had trouble fitting in anywhere, but even during the rare occasions that I managed to get along with someone, it never moves past the acquaintance stage. Same with online friends, too. I just lose interest and have serious commitment issues. This is probably why I've (albeit unconsciously) crushed on people who I know won't stick around for long, like people who move around a lot, were being deployed, or live in a different country. I prefer casual relationships, not to be gross, but because I'm very self-aware and know that marriage and long-term commitment in general would suffocate me, which would in turn bring out the worst in me, and things go down hill.
But, unfortunately, I also have a bad habit of burning bridges if ticked off, so it's a double-whammy for this INTP..
My boyfriend and I are both INTJs and we are not apathetic and actually feel things very deeply. Our tendency of having trouble expressing emotions can get us misunderstood as coming off 'cold'.
You even misunderstand each other in your coldness and communication? 😮 Despite you being both intjs??? Tell me more
@@quirogatnonerrat3214 no i meant that we're misunderstood by other people lol
only having trouble expressing because of my trust issues, they cant help, they dont care, they get annoyed or they use emotience against me. Also my emotience are like a knot, everything is connected but i can't structure is correctly unless someone gives me time, to reorganise everything and get control over myself. But it always seems like my feelings are wrong, and so i dont depend on them nor express them cause its useless, better make actions, but people dont really recognise the actions either. Honestly all of this shit leads me to not want relationships, its a waste of time unless it gets me my goals, business and work is something else but real relationships are a useless mess and it's so hard to prioretise. Happiness comes to me when im alone, i can do whatever i want without worrying too much about keeping the relationship, the relationship with myself will always be loyally kept and appreciated.
@@surgere1980 aaaaah! Well as long as you can understand each other, it's perfect 👌🏻💕
lol same. i met my partner whose INTJ too and we find it difficult to work with our past relationships because of us, being emotionally unavailable. Now, we take that as a lesson and we understand our situation and do better as a partner.
For me as an INFP this is so true. I've never been in a relationship but I even do those things when I have a crush on someone. It's a nightmare of wanting to hang out with that person and stopping myself because I don't want them to think I'm clingy or annoying and then over-analyze everything they do or say. But in the end I'm shy when it comes to falling in love so I guess they didn't even know I had a crush on them in the first place
I feel that way at beginning of relationships with people for awhile but the long I’m with them the more I want to be by myself lol. Or sometimes the other person gets clingy also which is kind of a turn off.
Also an INFP here. When it comes to romantic relationships, I was kind of a late bloomer. At 17/18 I still thought of myself as a child/child-like, so I couldn't see myself being in a relationship. However, now at 21, I'm in a relationship. I guess it just took a bit of maturing for me.
You might also be a late bloomer, which is perfectly fine. Everyone develops at a different pace and gets into romantic relationships at a different age.
I would say don't stress about it, and maybe write your crush a note? For me personally, written communication has always been easier.
@@Shiri_Yam I relate so much to your comment. The first time I could see myself in a relationship was with 19 but that boy broke my heart and it took a long time for me to get over him. It's the first time now after him that I have a crush on someone again. You're right, writing is so much easier when it comes to expressing feelings
same same same. i had a crush on this girl for 3 years and after i confessed and that we're still friends, she told me that she thought that i hated her all this time LOL. i was so scared of making my crush so obvious and now with a new love interest i can still barely get up and go talk to them bc i think that i could be bothering them
@@serena4531 I feel you. Let's both be braver, we only have this life so what's there to lose, right? :)
As an INFJ, it's true that it's very difficult for us to remember that we're in a relationship not a 'help fix the person's problem' kind of thing. We only do this because we want to help the person become better, but we also forget that we need to accept all flaws and faults
My sister tested as an INFJ, and, coincidentally or not, THIS here is her EXACT #1 flaw. She extends this to friends and us family members, too, which she complains about is the primary cause of fights and her relationships not working out. I get that her intentions are good... but the way she goes at it, also making assumptions on everybody based on her own opinions and being too pushy, comes across as more (destructive, rather than constructively) critical and insulting than actually helpful, if not infuriating at worst because this makes us feel judged or "not good enough," with her bad habit of putting her two cents in/offering unsolicited advice and trying to change others, and also push us to talk about our problems and feelings (which isn't a one-size-fits-all solution, especially for us Thinking types, like my being an INTP and our mother being as ESTJ -we particularly HATE "talking about it," let alone being pushed to; if we needed or wanted help, we would ask for it ourselves).
But we do understand that this comes from a good place. We all have our flaws, after all, (as an INTP, one of my many flaws is not caring ENOUGH).
This is what I lack. Everything is going well and all until I realize that relationships are not just all about fun but about being there all through out. I've wasted too many potential relationship for this 🥲
I'm an INTP and I do the same which seems strange, I'm not gonna lie. But seriously, I view people's problems as interesting. My main studies right now are about language and god, pragmatic is so interesting. People say things for a reason they don't always tell, being able to see that and analyse it is really fun !
I haven't even watched the video (here looking for timestamps to skip the the INFJ part) and i already relate to this... there's been multiple times where i think someone looks beautiful and then i get to know them and see we have things in common, start liking them and then they tell me something and the "help fix the person's problem" coin drops
Agree.. some of my friends tell me please keep psychology out of relationship 😐
This is scarily true. I am an INFP and my ex was INTJ. I always craved more emotion/attention while he was always emotionally unavailable. Still hurts to think about.
Sounds like an anxious-avoidant attachment relationship.
Also an INFP here, who's currently dating an INTJ. It hurts so much when I at times open myself up to share very personal emotions and thoughts and only get apathetic and purely rational responses. It's happened so many times... Honestly, I don't know whether I can take this for life and am seriously re-considering our relationship everyday.🥲
We're yall really even in love tho? Genuinely asking because I'm married to an INTJ and when u truly start to form a bond with one then that's when u start to see the emotional and softish side of them ❤️
@@youareloved1455 if he truly wasn't into her, then possibly. However, most stereotypical INFPs seem to fall in love fast, wheras it simply takes an INTJ more time to open up and get comfortable expressing their feelings. This is simply just the way the 2 are wired. Just takes a bit more effort on the INTJs end to open up more, and for the INFP to be a bit more realistic
@@juzuko When you type out the last sentence, it means it's time. Be strong. You don't know how much time you have; it can't be wasted on second guesses and doubts.
As an INTJ who was in a relationship with an ENTP, I can 100% agree that it kinda feels like you constantly need to compete for their attention. Which is fairly funny, considering I usually like to get as little attention as possible.
On the other, as an INTJ who was in a relationship with an ENTP, I can 100% agree that what killed the relationship was her not feeling like I cared enough about her feelings. And this came from the fact that I'm not very open and talkative, so in the early stages of our relationship she was the talking one, and after a while she started pestering me to open up more (as in "the way she does"), so because I really cared about her and wanted to make that relationship work I turned my openness and talkativeness up to 11.
Our relationship ended a month later lol
Thanks for sharing. I hope you both spent a good time together. Right now I'm in a relationship that is similar to your previous one. The thing is that both personality being together is kind of funny, we tend to not show much or don't need to much feeling from each other and what connect us a lot is our hobbies and interests, like A LOT, by simply spending time together doing stuffs, watching stuffs and playing games in a deep level is what make both of them good partners.
But when it comes to "feeling" times, it can became kind of weird, it always seems like a "job discussion." And I love the fact that both cannot be offended that easily, this helps to make the conversation flows naturally.
Does anyone else have this experience...that the INFJ kills relationships by creating a version of their partner in their mind and not allowing the partner to exist beyond that mental framework? Once the INFJ's version of the partner exists in his/her head, the INFJ isn't able to see evidence that might contradict the pigeon-hole they've put their partner in (for good or bad). The partner is left feeling labeled and unable to change the way the INFJ perceives them. (Perhaps this stems from the INFJ psychoanalysis in the first place.)
I find no other explanation, because I (want to) believe they are generally loving and kind. So hurting people on purpose can't be the real reason. Must also be some kind of black and white thinking. While in most areas I connect perfectly with them- having an aversion to subject their theories to a reality check is actually still beyond my understanding. From my perspective they rob themselves of the opportunity to feel cared for and loved. Because if most people are terrible in their mind they most likely feel like victims who must protect themselves most of the time, right? That's so sad 😔
Yes that is definitely a problem. I also think INFJs tend to have a bit of general anxiety as well. I think getting that treated with a therapist helps a lot. We tend to forget that we can get trapped in unhealthy or assuming the worst type thought patterns since we're so good at helping other people, and we tend to be more self aware than other types and can overcome our problems alone. Having a partner really drew out my anxiety symptoms. We can always improve!
Being in an INFJ-INFJ relationship, I realized we pigeonhole each other. And it feels bad. Especially since the other very logically misinterpreted us. So I always say, I can see why you think that about me, even though that I don't agree with you that that is what I'M feeling, I just don't know how to break your logic... you're just going to have to trust me... My point is, sometimes INFJs unfairly judge our partners
@@jamielaw4749 Yes. We can only actually know what goes on in somebody if we ask them (and they answer honestly). 😊
imaging being in a relationship as an intp and doing things as both infj and intp at the same time
Us INTPs are very unapologetically ourselves, we just don't give a crap about others. As much as we want to be nice and caring, (especially towards our partners) we just don't see the need to change ourselves for other people. We're just like "If you can't handle me, that's on you"
Some are like "If you can't handle my worst, you can't have my best"
We're like, "If you can't handle me now, get out"
As an INTP, it's so true. I will NOT clean my room because it's not dirty, it's just messy. I know where everything is.
Well.. kinda
My INFJ girlfriend and I (INFP) both just completely protested what you said about us. Only to have the other person attest to it's absolute truth. I must say to me this is kind of a radical and wonderful thing. In all my past relationships I slept in a separate room from my significant other and couldn't wait for my alone time. It's wild to now have the opposite problem and never want to be without my INFJ.
I either want to date an INFJ or another INFP 😖
Yes, we INFPs are very introverts, but when we find a person or a group of people that we fit in with and feel like ourselves, then we are very talkative. Well, because we also need a lot of time just for ourselves, many people think that we don't like them anymore and want to end the relationship, but it's not true :)
PS. Frank. Maybe a video about it 16 Personalities as Dungeons&Dragons Classes? That would be coll 🙂
yes, and then when even spending time with them too much and we need a small miniscule break, they constantly repeat the fact that we will leave them, and then makes me think that they dont want me to stay cuz theyre constantly reminding me that im gonna leave, which i did leave in a relationship, and a week later told me that i unfriended them when they were the first to say that we werent friends anymore, and... i slightly vented in a comment reply section... whoops
That's partly true for me as well, as an ISTJ
Exact same for us INTPs. When we find people we share something in common with, it can be hard to keep us quiet (at least in my case). 😅 These shared quirks are the reasons why this INTP particularly loves INFPs the most (when they're healthy, of course).
yeah, that would be fantastic to have (I mean the next video suggestion)
Same
Intj here. I’ve always struggled with apathy, and I absolutely hate it. Ironically, I value relationships a lot. It’s probably the reason I even have any emotions now. Relationships are something that I’ve had to learn to care about, but I’m so glad that I did
Yes, INFPs get too clingy, but that's why communication is key to dealing with it. INFPs have a stong sense of independence so they will understand if you need to take time for yourself.
Exactly. We just need to be told verbally that you still like us and just need some alone time or time with your friends or whatever it is you need. Because we want you to feel good.
I think you guys are the best. Your only flaw is being clingy, but if dealt with proper communication like you said, the issue is no longer. ❤️
Infj here (can't stop overanalyzing 😭)
yesssss. im an isfp with infp bf
INFP (who tends to sometimes feel more ENFP) with a INTJ. Definitely struggled with the feeling too much and not showing enough emotion. Worked on a good in-between and its been a good relationship. As the INFP, if I need attention and my INTJ needs space I've learned to seek it elsewhere with family or my few close friends.
Being an INTJ, I might be apathetic at times but I really care about the well-being of people who matter to me. When I truly do love someone, I do everything I can to keep him in love with me and pleased. Plus, I am pretty sentimental. And yeah, one final thing, relationships do matter to me a lot, especially when they concern my beloved ones.
My husband is INTJ and while he seemed aloof when I first met him, the more we dated, the more he opened up to me. After a while, he turned into by far, the most romantic partner I've ever had. I think INTJs are just very private, but once they know they can trust you completely, they can surprise with such how deep and beautiful their emotions are.
Don't worry Frank, I do have fun watching it😂
Btw, I'm happy to say you now have the pass for all the great dad jokes. Congratulations too you and wifey ❤
Me too Frank! You are so fun! By the way, blessed be your relationships as we are talking wife and baby.
That's the top motivation to become a father. Alas, a dad joke pass. They have been great! Are dad jokes just playground jokes? It was awesome when he brought up the orange juice concentrate yo mamma joke style joke in a previous video because I hadn't heard it since I was a little kid, and then I think he actually directly brought up a yo mamma joke recently.
Someone brought up the "orange you glad" joke when Frank did his color poll so he attracts cool viewers who appreciate comedic genius humor. Viewers like you. Thank you.
I'm an ENTP, and y'all INFJs should remain that way. Please. We need you
❤ As an INFJ, that means a lot, thank you.
All my life, I have found people interesting. Even while growing up with crippling shyness, even while grappling with my own anxiety, even while being very much an introvert - people have always intrigued me.
Studying people, seeing the strengths and flaws and quirks in each individual is endlessly fascinating. I, like many INFJs, have been a student of psychology all my life in an attempt to understand. Add in our empathy and we seek to not only see others, but to perceive the world as they may.
I do agree that a lot of times, I’d like to get to the root of the problem with a person to try to resolve it at its source. It just feels like otherwise, the same issue with continue to crop up over time. But I can understand how it can be frustrating for our loved ones to feel psychoanalyzed… a lot.
Thank you!! ❤️💚💜
I'm an INFJ and my husband is an ENTP... GLAD to hear you say that as I wonder sometimes if I should "help" less but I do think ENTPs need help connecting and processing their feelings so 🤷
But sadly they are so rare(me entp)
Nah, I think this INFJ skill is better when used together with ENTP, not only INFJ "studding" their partner. Both got a lot to share together while thinking and planning things, the problem with both together is that ENTP will study INFJ as well, so INFJ "needs" to let that happened, I found some INFJ's in the past that kind of got "scared" by people knowing their "thoughts" or "plans" they wanna others being on that spot, but it's healthier when both use this process of "therapy" on each other.
As an INTP - I have had that exact feedback a number of times. What to me seems acceptable is to others, a complete mess that distracts them.
Same 😭😭
I can see this. I drove my first boyfriend away with my clinginess, but I think he just wasn't ready for me to go from "in my own little world" to "all over him" n bailed. Luckily I found my husband who's an INTJ and handles pretty well whatever I have to throw at him. He's not the most touchy Feely, but when he does say lovely things it's usually worth a thousand more than anything else. I think he secretly liked to be smothered in love and fussed over. He used to not really care what I did but as he got older I think he needs to be the main event and he is that for me. Even when he acts like a robot. I'm an infp
Awwwwwww you too sound so adorable! So your clingyness is actually something he likes 💕 I am an infj and I also have tendencies to be super clingy.. I am trying to work through it... How did you handle this aspect?
Then I (an ENFP) was in my 15-16 I was dating my classmate, who I'm sure was an INTJ. The problem was that we both were hella immature, and it ended up exactly like FJ described. At first I was like "omg she's so mysterious!" and at the end it was like "did she even had any feelings for me?". ofc I played my part too by exact scenario Frank talked about. Thanks for video, it was punching right into my core. Very accurate as always.
Но правда в том, что я любила тебя, Анфиса
please do 16 personalities with a newborn since you're a dad now, haha
Yes, please!
Great one! Also, maybe 16 personalties giving advice to parents about their babies like how to help them stop hiccups. And then the other side from the parents perspective hearing the well intentioned advice over and over and and over haha
@@JohnHenrysaysHi I got far more unwanted advice during pregnancy. My favorite: "Don't raise your arms above your head. It'll cause the umbilical cord to strangle the baby." Um... what? I've had four babies, and I'm very short. I can definitely say that is false.
@@letfreedomring7330 Woah. When it comes to stressful advice, that takes the cake. And that right there is why everyone should give their mother's the biggest hug and kiss, or maybe an entire peaceful day away from kids for a big metaphorical hug and kiss for all you do for your families.
Have you heard Mr. T's Treat Your Mother Right?
M is for the moan, and the miserable groan
From the pain that she felt when I was born
O is for the oven with it's burning heat
Where she stood making' sure I had something to eat
T is for the time that she stayed up at night
And took my temperature when I wasn't feelin right
H is for the hard earned money she spent
To keep clothes on my back and try to pay da rent
E is for every wrinkle I put on her face
And every worry that I caused when I stayed out late
The last letter R is that She taught me Respect
And for the room in Heaven that I know she'll get
Also, congratulations on the 5th baby!
I love your username, Let Freedom Ring!
@@JohnHenrysaysHi Wow, thank you. You're very kind.
As an INTP dating an INFJ, that's one things I love about him the most. Yes I analize everything thank you for helping me with that even further
as an INFP, i was only a bit clingy at the beginning of my relationship. after that, i need a lot of time to do my own thing, to the point that i dont have much time for my partner. luckily, he (INTJ) is similarly engrossed on his own thing. we just both really need just a little quality time together that fulfills both our emotional/romantic relationship needs so it works well for us.
This is so true for me too... I'm super clingy but after that I need a lot of time to myself. I truly Get along well with INTJ and I don't understand why we are shipped with ENFJ or enfp. They tire me soon much. I cannot keep up with their energy. I g
Yes clingy boys are a red flag for me cuz I need some space
@@lucalucanez it's the best 😆
Same here! Me and my INTJ love to be around each other tho. Like being in the same room but just working on separate projects lol 😆
@Tyra that's what im talking about but I like to cuddle and very much into skinship. I need to lean on his shoulder without talking or soemthing
INTP: Accidental Ghosting. Making their partner feel that they AREN’T dating someone.
I'm an INTJ and in every relationship I have had I do have incredibly intense emotions. A struggle I have is that I don't need to be with them most of the time.
I am perfectly happy not talking or even thinking about them for extended periods of time, but when I am with them I'm all in.
I also really struggle with showing my care. How do I explain that looking very very tired is how I show my love?
This made my previous partner who was, funnily enough, an INFP, feel very neglected and thought I ended the relationship because I was bored of them (i was just not in the place in my life to have a relationship).
To the INTJs: set times often to spend time with your partner and make sure you tell them that you do care, you just struggle with to show it. If they know, they won't feel neglected. Communication is key even though your emotions feel very obvious to you because of how intense they are to you. Clearly showing emotion a weakness of ours, so talk about your feelings.
my ex was INTJ and i'm ENFP. This is exactly the problem was. Hope he read your comment which is nearly impossible and be more understanding to his future partner later.
Yes, exactly. We don’t need to spend every second with you to show love. Even my ex was an infp, he was extremely clingy and he’d always be depressed about me not showing love. I just couldn’t show it well and it seemed like I was in the relationship for the sake of being in one.
Great advice to INTJs, talk about your feelings. If the person knows, it's a lot easier.
The dynamic. The one that express a lot and the one that have troble expressing themselves. Matye opposites do attract.
Me, an INTJ, had no problem with one of my ex ghosting my messages or reply with a one would answer to a wall of text. Had it been most of other people, it would have been a huge problem.
The reason we parted way is something else.
Also, the focus on practical problem solving made me and my suspected-to-be ESTP mom a good team when dealing with problems but her thoughtless words, shallow understandings and tendency to brush off or dismiss my feelings and emotions (could be seen as gaslighting) , trying to decide for me before letting me know what it is (more from a place of naive good will goes wrong than control grasp) drove me away from her while she craved having people interacting with her and would try to guilt trip me as being ungrateful for what she did when I didn't ask for it. 😅
As an INFJ..... From what I can observe/analyze from my previous relationships, is that it all comes down to insecurities and always growing distant from the partner. Either because of parents, mom saying study first or else you'll end up like me, there might be someone else more compatible(let say best friend), or his friends seems to not accept at all and preferred your friend instead to be your significant others lover.
I didn't get the last part about preferences. Can you elaborate please? I'm also an infj so I wanna exchange ideas and experiences,learn from other infjs 🤗
I just find the guys annoying if they are clingy
Wow intense. This happened for you or someone else? A bf turned into more could be good if intuit it will be if not I wouldn’t
@@quirogatnonerrat3214 The last one is when it seems his friends don't like you to be with him and instead preferred your friend.
@@Emily_Hurley It's my personal experience.
Solid description of an INTJ. It's a misunderstanding that we aren't feeling. We are distracted and in our heads a lot, but we do feel and feel quite deeply. We just don't need the constant attention, and when we get constant attention that's distracting and annoying. Speaking for myself talking once a week is asking a lot from me so wanting to text every minute of every day......that's hell.
That's what Frank just said. You aren't deep not emotional like others are. For you it's a lot but compared to everyone else, is like almost zero.
I am an infj and text my partner everyday for hours even. If we don't it means we don't love each other anymore. Others do the same. You are the only one who is the coldest .
What's your partner's MBTI?@@quirogatnonerrat3214
Exactly now how will ppl understand this? I guess nobody will love me or I’ll get divorced early great….
@@ManhwaBliss Not necessarily. Relationships have yet to work for me because long story Man that got away got away. It takes a special person to understand the not initiating conversation doesn't mean you don't care. Heck we could be thinking about your boyfriend/girlfriend all day long, then find out his feelings are hurt because you didn't text him every hour of the day. It's like "dude...if you want to talk call, and if I don't want to talk I'll tell you" It's not complicated.
But for most people, like the comment from a year ago, they're incredibly attention hungry, but also often very boring. If you want my attention then don't be boring. If you're calling me to tell me you're bored I'm going to wonder why, because being bored is not something I ever do. There is always something interesting going on in my head.
That tangented a bit, but long story short. You aren't destined for loneliness. Just need to find the right man or woman for you. Much easier when you look your best and you're in your mid 20s, but don't lose hope.
@@patriot639 the comment from year ago is not even worth reading from the first two lines lol, I’m at uni now still young but my future is clearly a working woman rather than a family person because that’s what I’m good at, but I do watch romantic series and read novels and wish if I could experience similar things , I can only continue to hope as you said, tbh I don’t want my first love a failure because I probably wouldn’t try again that’s why Im worried , thank you for replying
Ok, but I'm an INFP, and literally my friend (she's an ESTP, my closest friend) and I were just discussing our issues that annoy eachother in our relationship because we wanted to get back on our track in our friendship. Literally my issue was being too clingy and she felt she had to carry all my emotions as well.... bruh.... Soorryyy
Congrats again on the happy news ! Please don't feel pressured to keep on making loads of weekly content, it's totally fine (and kinda is the right thing to do) to take more time in between uploads to take care of your baby :)
Isn't it just cute! 🤗 Frank will be such a good father!
Yeaaah this is pretty accurate for me as an INFJ, and this extends for me past romantic relationships, too. I tend to overthink all my interactions with all the people in my life, and focus too much on "big picture" things rather than just looking at something as is in present, because I'm too caught up in the previous history or context of an issue. This is something I have to work on, and I can appreciate this aspect of me being clearly pointed out to me, so I can do that more effectively.
Idk. You talk about INFPs having to be okay with people not feeling as intensely for them as they do with other people. I'm happy to practice this with friends, as I totally understand I can be *a lot* for the average person.....but if we're talking bout S/Os....I need someone to match my intensity. I need someone to understand. I'm sure finding someone like that would be incredibly rare, so that's why I'm okay with staying single until/if I do. I just don't want to feel like a burden to them, or feel ashamed of how ..*much* I am. I don't want to have to self censor around them like I do other people....I like how deep my love runs 😊
Well, I believe you INFPs need to ask your Fi if this person deserves the delicate feelings you have for them, as we INFJs should ask ourselves in Ni if we are interpreting people or things the right way before issuing unrequested opinions about them.
I think you could be ok with another infp like you to match your intensity.
Cuz like you said, at least in your romantic relationship you DO DESERVE to have someone who can match you and your intensity, practically being compatible 👌🏻which is the entire point here.
I am an infj in an infj-infj relationship. It is fun to see how it is to live with a clone of yours 🤭 It is very rewarding as long as I freaking out away the overthinking and live more in the present and not in the future. I am more intense with these defects of mine than my partner is😞
I totally understand you! I need that depth and at least emotional closeness as well. I think everyone deserves to feel loved for who they are. And if your love language is showing lots of affection then that's something to go for! Oftentimes what are downsides in the eyes of some are the advantages in other peoples eyes. Your needs are valid! 💚 (ENFP)
INFP - Spot on!
And a tip to anyone dating an INFP:: What we want is emotional security. We can get jealous easily because we're afraid of loss. If someone is overly flirty of you and we don't know this person, we get very emotionally protective and want to chase that person away. If we however know that person and know what they're all about, we won't have those issues. It's kinda the same when it comes to friends who are friends with INFP - If you leave us outside of something but invite others, it'll hurt tremendously emotionally. Even if we don't want to do that thing, we want at least to be asked about it.
So the best way to deal with us is to give us a pat on the head, a kiss on our forehead, and tell us to focus on our own interest for a while.
As for friends, just ask " _Yo, we're gonna go do this. I didn't think it was something you'd like to do but I thought I'd ask you._ "
Now you don't _HAVE_ to do this of course. I just wanted to give tips to anyone reading it so their INFP friend or lover will be spared the emotional pain I've had.
In every other case, we'll be sitting in a dark room when the door opens and we go " _omg Mega Man hi!_ "
yah, as a young or underdeveloped infp, the struggle is real. i find it's easier as i've gotten older to "hold on loosely, but don't let go". 🎶🎵 and congratulations to you and your wife on the arrival of your little one! i hope he's a good sleeper! 🙂
As an INTJ I have learned to be a better listener. I learned to better at this when my husband was struggling with alcoholism (he's sober 2 years now YAY) But as an INTJ I had to really work on myself as well because I wanted the relationship to work. It's hard to step away from the logical into the emotional and just be with someone in the moment. I encourage all my fellow INTJ's to push yourself to try this. It can be a bit exhausting when you are doing it BUT it helps the emotional people in your life so much.
As an INFP that definitely sounds like me in a relationship back in my 20s. Thankfully, I'm a lot different these days (I'm going on 50 years old next April) and honestly tend to have swung the other way in some sense: I'm almost TOO independent a lot of the time and so I have to reassure my partners feel valued/loved/etc. I wonder if some of that more 'clingy' behavior comes from when we're less mature (or grown up) or even just less secure (which seems to have lessened as I've gotten older and just don't give af as much as I used to). Very interesting.
Also I disagree with INTJs being one myself, we do feel things deeply and need deep connections we’re actually a very soft n deep lover inside, the biggest problem is control
We try to fix things and bring them to perfection (so for ourselves) so this might choke the partner n make them feel like we are over controlling or burn them out bc of our perfect plans n standards
So practically you wanna be a robot that perfects and fixes problems and makes sure the statistics are in order as opposed to having feelings and being aware and concerned AT ALL TIMES how your partners feels and if you give them care and attention and love without trying to fix them. So practically it is right what the video said
@@quirogatnonerrat3214 No we do give love care and attention then that develops to the want to better their lives
As an INTJ... how is this so accurate. That's how two of my friendships ended and why i never called anyone my friend after. Being in a relationship somehow rises expectations for things you should do together. And im not active at all. When friend asked me to go for a walk together, i didn't wanted to and denied. And the thing is, i think i don't ask anything as well. I understand how that makes other person think like I'm not intrested in the relationship... Well, that's kinda true. But that doesn't mean that i think they are a bad person. I just really really don't understand what are relationships and why should I want them. If i ever need to talk, i go to my family. That's the only relationship that i at least understand why it occurred. And... honestly, i feel like i owe then for raising myself a decent person and always supporting me, even if im a little grumpy. That's why i do compromise here and there with my family. I guess I could do this in a friendship too, but for what all this struggle?
Interesting. I hope you find the reason for friendship and why it’s worth the struggle; I can definitely see why it may seem like too much effort, but maybe one day you’ll find a friend that is better than your alone time and worth more than you’re willing to give up. Best of luck to you 🍦🧡
As an INFJ married to an INTJ, this was extremely helpful. Thank you Frank!Enjoy your chill time with your family. Sleep as much as you can! Lol 💖
Hey as an INFJ myself there s something about INTJ s that really catch my attention, they have a very interesting personality, that s why I started to go on dates with a few INTJs ...what would u say is the biggest challenge in maintaing a healthy and long lasting relationship between those two types as u married to an INTJ yourself?
@@katystrawberry2513 Communication, especially regarding emotions. That's been my experience, anyway. We have a great time when things don't require too much communicative collaboration, and everything is light hearted fun discussions, but when things get serious, or emotional, he really struggles with both listening and communicating his own thoughts and feelings. As a result, I tend to then over communicate or elaborate to try and make up for the lack, which can set off my anxiety spiral. We've figured a lot of it out, but it has definitely been, and still is the biggest challenge for us.
@@katystrawberry2513 Otherwise, we get along famously, though. We consistently make each other laugh and have deep, abstract conversations and debates that can last for hours. We've been together over 11 years, and are still head over heels for each other, both regarding attraction and intellectual interest. We can work really well together on a lot of things so long as they don't require too much emotional or detail oriented communication. Lol
I hope this helps, and I hope you find luck and love, whether or not it's with an INTJ. ☺️
Wow that s amazing, congrats to both of u for going strong together for all those years😉
Also, thanks for ur perspective on that I'm sure it s gonna be helpful next time I ll be meeting another INTJ or any other thinking type🥰
@@katystrawberry2513 Thank you. It's been a harrowing adventure, but the best adventure of my life thus far.
You're welcome. ☺️ I'm glad I could be of some help. Good luck out there! 🥰
Oh my gosh! When you said: "stop playing ping-pong..." about the ENTP, I literally laughed out loud! My husband is an ENTP, and he loves table tennis (and has a bunch of other hobbies, obviously😅), I'm an ISFP... This is so about us😄.
But I'm really chill about him having time to do stuff he likes... Everyone needs time for that! Otherwise we become cranky and lose ourselves.
As a female INTP, a used to really suck at maintaining both, friendships and romantic friendships for the reason that they would see me as too quirky and weird, too intense, sometimes arrogant, or too much of an over thinker and intellectual.
"ISFPs don't have a strong desire to accomplish things" sounds so hilariously insulting when suddenly said like that but it's 100% true. We're a "here for a good time, not a long time" type like the ESFPs but our ambitions are either simple, narrow, or not worth sacrificing our chill/happiness for so we end up doing less of it lol
Accurate 🤭
As an INFJ I think I kill relationships by trying to plan everything. Like even when I try to be spontaneous I have to plan my spontaneous moment. Which can take away from a fun time with friends. 😅❤
Also congrats on being a dad FJ! 🥳🎉
Infj here.
I embraced having plans. If I don't,I freak out, I act like I am on drugs and illogical. It's like my entire world is falling down if I don't have a plan.
Luckily I found an infj (from all away across the globe from another continent 🤣 online on some servers)
When I say about something that it looks like it's impossible to do or hard or a challenge, he then as the challenge lover that he is, always says "I'll make a plan!" (As in: eh, don't worry, it will just take a bit longer since it's a challenge, but it's gonna be thrilling to grind my brains into finding a solution 🥳)
As opposed to my ex, an estp....who was your topical estp. Toxic, disrespectful and so on. Affected my mental, emotional and later even physical health with his way if being and of course , doing EVERYTHING on a whim, causing trouble and then have both of us struggle to fix it. Then do it again 😑
So...just get yourself someone who is COMPATIBLE with you.
In my case, I needed compatibility and now that I found it, I know there cannot be any other perfect match for me than my infj 🥺
What an interesting story! Thanks for the thoughtful reply😊❤️
So, i'll be simple:
Me, INTP
In love with..
INTJ.
We're good but it's kinda of "what the hell we do to be romantic?" so we just vibe 90% of time, like friends.
And i'm comfortable being in the INTJ Rythm of a relationship.
Congrats on that gorgeous baby, Frank! I'm so happy for all the joy in store for you and your wife!
As an INTJ that somehow rings true iffff we don’t trust our partner enough yet or when we’ve been let down by them a couple of times. It’s difficult for us to talk about the issues so we suck it up and retreat in our own world where we feel the safest. But when we are truly in love and feel safe we’ll shower you with love and will never let you down. Just please don’t lie or make up excuses cause trust me, we know the truth we just pretend like we don’t so we’ll put up walls instead😒
Congratulations, Frank!!! So happy about the greatest news you shared with us... All the best wishes to you & family!!! BTW, little buggy is sooo cute, a mini FJ indeed! Best!!! 💗
mm as an infj regardless of what kind of relationship were talking - romantic or platonic - i often make a mistake of cutting people off. fast. i see a flaw an i go "mmmm nah im not dealing with that byee" which is wrong. psychoanalysing people might get you to a point where you overthink things so much that a few mistakes might get you to consider doorslamming a person. (i mean most times im right. but still. i have literally one friend to invite to my birthday. everyone else is on different continents. my asd does not fucking help being social dont be like me kids)
I'm wondering if you doorslam them (without trying to figure things out) because you are already sure the assumptions you made about them inside of you is the only truth anyways, or because you are hurting so much, or because you actually turn cold just like that? Honest interest to learn here 😊
As an infp that dated an intj for years, this is painfully accurate 🫠
Oh no I like an infp but I’m an intj
Wow. I'm sorry but how does that even work? 😅
@@shillout You'd be surprised. Most people end up in anxious-avoidant attachment relationships where one partner is clinging and the other is running away. The reason these two polar types often are attracted to each other is because they perceive something they wish they had in the other person. Anxiously attachment individuals wish they were more independent and avoidantly attachment individuals wish they were more in touch with their emotions.
@@jakinlee5961 just try not to be dismissive of their emotions and needs is probs best thing to avoid a bad time. But I know us info’s can be a lot to deal with at times so 🤷♀️
@@youareloved1455 also I’m emotional and daydreamy enough, I can’t handle someone like me. Need someone to keep me grounded and more stoic.
The ISFJ one is true for me. I'm an ISFJ, I used to be mute and a pushover. Being very generous with things, money, and time, but I realized that I'm not being appreciated by them, just being used like a loyal dog or ATM machine. I exploded that time and lashed out hurtful, deep words which made them think that it's my "true color" lol. Currently, I'm still thinking about why I let my "so-called" friends and family do that to me. I can't move on. The reason why the current me is very cold, unforgiving, and grumpy. Despite being extremely good at sensing people's emotions, their needs and pleads, I'm very sorry, but it's time for me to take care of my tired self, because I'm afraid that if I continue being generous and kind, someone will use me again.
My heart goes out to you! 💖😊 My best friend is an ISFJ and I noticed as well that she rarely speaks up about her needs and wants but is very caring. I have to ask her if there's anything she worries about or her inner world to be able to be there for her as well. The rest of the time I make sure to respect her boundaries.
I could imagine that most of them didn't want to hurt you on purpose but didn't know about your needs because you never talked about them. Even tho I'm quite good at sensing other peoples emotions I'm not able to read minds and guess the exact reasons behind peoples feelings and behaviour.
Did you ever had an open conversation with them? Might be a good thing to heal. 🌱
And being kind doesn't mean you're automatically a prey.💪 I encourage you to define clear boundaries for yourself and to communicate them! That's by the way what I'm currently working on as well! Listen to yourself what you need. Ask for what you need from others. You deserve it! Make sure you reserve enough time for you and your passions/goals and you will be much happier than you are right now! You'll have people in your life who respect and nourish you and you can do the same for them without burning out inside.
Hope that helped! Much love! ☺🍀✨ (ENFP)
Same ,being an isfj is painful
@@freidenkerin5198 Thank you very much for your kind words. Very much appreciated. :)
@@yuiitodoro7791 When we're trying to be cold, but the warmness in our hearts can't say "no". 🤣
i feel like this is a struggle that all ISFJs go through, especially those that undergo something similar to that. flipping off that sort of humanity switch off
Congratulations on your baby Frank! I hope he is always safe, happy and loved! God bless your family! 🙏🏻❤️
Honestly, this was really helpful for writing relationship plots
Agree
As an INFP I can say very accurate but now I’ve learned I need to remember I am a whole person outside of relationship, which means I have other things I like and value. Which I tend to forget when I was in relationships because I would focus too much in the other person
100%
As an INFP with a INTJ partner. This is so spot on it's scary. Thanks again Frank James.
Well I had a relationship with an Istp. Being an Intj, I anticipated that I would be the one lacking emotions and affection for my partner, but in the end it was definitely the other way around. I was craving attention and time together as a couple that I just couldn't get from the istp, who worried about everything but the relationship and his feelings...
I was and am genuinely surprised that there seems to be a type of people even colder and less emotional than me...
Oh and indeed he tried to make me feel dumb, which didn't work with me, as I saw through his attempts of manipulation... Nonetheless, on the long run, I ended up discovering that he was even dumber than I had thought. 🙊😅
As an istp I'm curious how we try to make people dumb ?
Before, I was ENFJ and dating INFP and what you said about both MBTI is very accurate.. we played the role just like how you described them.. our relationship didn't work and ended up breaking up.. This year, I took multiple MBTI test and I got ENFP on all of them so 👹🗿
I have to disagree with you on the INTJ. My husband is an INTJ. How you describe them is exactly what they want you to think. They do not show how much they care or how deeply they feel to the outside world. That is something they only show to the person they trust most in the world. My husband feels intensely and deeply for me. It is just difficult for him to show his emotions, and he will not show them to anyone that isn't within his inner circle that he trusts, and even then there are levels that he shows. I'm fortunate to be the person he trusts most in the world, so I get to see what no one else does. He doesn't gush the way I (INFP) do. However, he tells me and shows me how much he loves me in so many other ways. And the longer we have been married, the more I have come to understand that INTJs are a lot like INFPs on the inside. They feel just as deeply and passionately as we do, but they are just not as expressive as we are. But if you can earn their trust and if they find you worthy, they will open up to you and show you that deeply emotional side and it is humbling. I honestly believe we are two of the most compatible types once you get past the communication issues. Once you better understand one another, it is amazing.
So for people who encounter INTJs and believe they don't feel that deeply for people, you have been deceived by the facade they put on and what they want you to believe. The truth is that they have the capacity to love deeply, passionately, and intensely and will show that to those whom they deem worthy.
@@sabakalshoven7824 You're so welcome! To me, a more accurate way I could see an INTJ sabotaging a relationship would be struggling to share their emotions and feelings with their significant other since it can sometimes take y'all a while to feel comfortable and feel like you can really trust the other person. I could see some types getting impatient with that. My husband said I pulled him out of his shell faster than anybody he had ever met. He almost immediately felt comfortable with me, but I could see that being an issue with other personality types that aren't as good at drawing people out as I am. I could see the other person perceiving that cautiousness to open up and fully trust as indifference even when it really isn't. It's a protective layer. My husband, myself, and our best friend (INFJ) all have these silly animal nicknames. She's Fishy because she's always a fish out of water. I'm bunny because I'm sweet and cuddly, but I also embrace the killer bunny side like in Monty Python if you mess with someone I love 😂. I will tear your face right off if I have to lol. And my sweet INTJ husband is turtle. Hard exterior with a soft gooey center. And he will hide in his shell whenever he feels like it 😂😂😂
This is accurate. My spouse is also an INFP. We, INTJs, show the world what we want to show them. We safeguard our emotions so much because they really upset the essence of our being and we hate being vulnerable, especially to the wrong people. We do indeed feel very deeply but it would be towards one or two people in our entire lifetime.
That's the thing: FJ said they are cold and closed and all that be ahse that's how they are the most part till they slowly get to show some feelings. But by the time they do, their partner is long gone. Why? Because of the reason FJ just mentioned. Even you said it took a while to trust you since he had to trust you THE MOST in order to open up and show love and affection. The thing is, you had patience
I can confirm this for ISTJs as well. People see that Te face and stereotype us as having no emotions when that is not true. This is aided by some of us playing it up (you see this even in comment sections around here) and outright trying to hide that vulnerability as much as possible as you said but we have deeply held emotions and values as well. I mean, just try to be purposefully obtuse and ignore logic and facts to an IXTJ (or even IXTP) and you will see how angry we can get. Or do something unfair. Or hurt the few people they care about. (Please don’t actually do these and make an enemy out of the IXTJ for life, this is for illustrative purposes only). It is the same with other emotions, just that anger is the easiest one to get to display outwardly to a stranger. At best you will get one of the infamous stares, possibly accompanied by them leaving, at worst they will erupt into shouting. For me it is like I don’t TRY to hide it THAT much, I mean I have cried in public when it got too much (read:when I criticised myself for being an idiot and making stupid mistakes on school tests, that was usually the issue) and I will reply if asked about the issue as my value of being honest takes charge but it usually doesn’t get to that level and even if it does I won’t vent to people I don’t know like that (and that list is like everyone except 5 people) out of my own initiative, I might just start crying though. Also, stepping aside from negative emotions, another thing that contributes to this is that many of us don’t really know how to smile, especially when prompted to, so people might not realise that we are happy and having fun even though we are. I just got reminded of that meme where INTJ stares can be translated as everything from “you are stupid and it is making me angry” to “I am actually having a lot of fun, just not smiling right now”, that is about how it works if you don’t know that INTJ well
@@quirogatnonerrat3214 He also said that they don't really feel much at all. That just isn't true in my experience. They feel very deeply. They just don't show it to everyone. And I agree that not showing their deep feelings can be an issue in relationships, but I disagreed with the comment he made about them not having those deep feelings at all. So I agreed with most of what he said, it was just that one part that I didn't agree with. And it makes me wonder if FJ has ever been really close to an INTJ. Because if he hasen't, I can completely understand that being his assessment of them.
As an INFP it hurts pretty bad when you love someone so much you wanna be with them all the time only for them to get distant 💔 even though it’s a paradox it’s still nice to be capable of so much love
Would it be good to find another INFP?
I'm an ENFJ, and the INFP's "problem" sounds kind of like what I wish I could find. XD
I am an INFJ and Im very much doing exactly what Frank described like oml I need to understand how my friends feel all the time and why so I sometimes forget to enjoy being with them and instead thinking about how I could fix their problems so we can be happier afterwards but I can’t get to that afterwards because there’s always problems and I can’t seem to learn that and let it go which makes me wanna understand why I do that but I think this is me sharing too much so I think I should get to the point which is amazing content as always
Hello there fellow infj 🤗
I am begining to have these issues with my current partner (infj-infj ) relationship. He too thinks about causes but a whole lot LESS than I do and even called me out on the fact that I always need to find the cause for the effect in order to fix it or that I always analyze why he said that comment right after I came to him to discuss issue X. I was wondering what link was in his brain to tie those 2 seemingly unrelated facts. Welp, turns out one thing made him recall a song that made him recall a moment in his life that made him recall etc and 100 years later got to the other topic. But that's what his brain did. He didn't walk me through it, he just mentioned point A and point B. And me wanting to know the road from point A to point B was frustrating for him because it's too much and too complex to say and doesn't need to be said in the first place.
Turns out I understand that web of connections since I also connect them more or less the same way, haha.
And like you said, we need to learn to live in the moment.
I couldn't, I just could say that hey, from now on I am gonna live more in the present. Pff. Not a chance. But then life itself hit me : there were a lot of moments when I was close to losing (forever) someone that I loved. Prayed to God to save them and He did🥺 will eternally be grateful for God's love and care and also realized while I was crying and praying for that person to live, I realized that all the moments that we spent together, I did not tell them how lovely they are or how amazing their food was and so on. I didn't appreciate them for what they did in the present,but rather ask them what are they planning to buy or cook in the future, how much is gonna cost, tell them they look nice but not dabble too much nor five more attention to it. I regretted not enjoying their presence and person, not making them feel special as much as they deserved.
So all that shoock me to the core and shifted my view in regards to my loved ones. Now I am trying to create nice memories with them and to stay more in the present to keep them company and not ruin the moment.
But without the shock, pain and suffering I wouldn't have been able to see or apply this living more in the moment need
@@quirogatnonerrat3214 Dang this made me feel emotional. Thank you for sharing this.
Some of the things you mentioned are the same things I’ve noticed in myself, at times.
Although, most of the time I feel like I’m just so hell bent about doing a good job that it’s like I’m hovering over myself.
I pretty much just end up getting in my own way, and ironically cause myself to not do as good of a job as I wanted.
The issue is that I sometimes overanalyze other people and myself at the same time, and micromanage my reactions to them, instead of just being part of the moment.
I don’t do this all the time, but it’s something I still want to work on not doing at all, if possible.
Watching Frank’s content has definitely helped me to understand myself a lot and grow as a person this past year, though. Idk where I’d be, personal growth-wise, without this channel
The man is a Godsend ❤
Hey Frank I just wanted to say that you’ve come a really long way in your videos and you can tell just how much happier you’ve been recently. I used to watch your older videos about breakups and how it can be so hard to socialize and it’s really nice to see how far you’ve come. I hope one day I can find myself in your shoes but for now I’ll stick to watching your older videos (along with the new ones) and relating to them :) -sincerely an awkward ENFP
Yeah, his older videos had such a depressive and existentialist vibe, tbh I miss them as they always got you thinking about a topic. Man went from “the INFJ door slam” and “be a lonely introvert or a depressed failure of an extrovert?” to having a wife and a kid, goes to show that it can happen to all of us-shy, awkward and currently depressed ISTJ
Yeah i totally agree. Especially with the infj content it helped me understand why i act the way i act. Now the next step is to actively fix those weaknesses and anxieties and maybe i can end up living more freely and happier like he is now
- from an arkward, currently sad(depressed?) and isolated INFJ
0:19 ESTP
0:59 ESFP
1:47 ISTJ
2:27 ISFJ
3:21 ESTJ
4:08 ENTJ
4:42 ESFJ
5:43 ENFJ
6:26 ISTP
7:50 INTP
8:58 ISFP
9:42 INFP
11:38 ENFP
12:31 ENTP
13:31 INTJ
14:46 INFJ
Mind-blowingly on point! I am an ENFP, broke up with my ENTP (well he broke up with me). He told me i am too emotional- I indeed was because I was sick of feeling unvalued and not prioritized compared to the list of hobbies he has and the time he puts on all that (compared to the time we spent together).
From an ENFP to another ENFP you deserve someone who will value you and show you that with their words, actions, etc just also communicate your expectations, but don't demand it. When you feel like you're starting to demand it then maybe it's time to leave.. and your emotional side makes you so special. So keep being you, Love you😂😅😊💚❤️
@@favouradis Beautifully said! 💖What I realized about this video is, that it points people in the wrong direction. Instead of valueing each other for what we can bring to the table, people start to call types generally toxic or people themselves feeling bad for who they are. I vote for a more constructive and loving approach! 💪
I agree with @Favour Adis . ENFPs are usually just a joy to be around! Imagine calling a child or dog out for being alive and bubbly! 🤨Fellow ENFPs- that's why people fall in love with us! 🤗✨ You deserve to be cherished for who you are!
@@freidenkerin5198 yes I totally agree with you 👏👏👏🙌🙌🙌🙌 yes we all have things to work on but coming at each other negatively does not help in anyway..........💚💚❤️❤️
@@freidenkerin5198 just out of curiosity what is your personality 😊
I tend to be very self-contained/self-sufficient, so if rarely occurs to me to do the work of maintaining friendships. However, my husband and children do live with me in my house, so it's hard to forget about them. 😂
-INTP
BTW, Frank, congrats on your new tiny human.
Congratulations Frank, your human is a little clone of you! Which is good, if anyone should breed it's people like you
im an infp female in a long distance rel with an isfj male- he RARELY tells me when something bothers him, regardless of how much ive encouraged him to be open and tried to create a safe environment. i definitely am pushy about it sometimes but i just want him to know its okay to say whats on his mind 😭 im very clingy and talkative as well so im trying to learn to back off so that he doesnt feel suffocated lol
I (ENTP) was married to an INFJ for many years. We had a nice time together and a kot of fun, and even now we care for each other (we've tried to stay in good terms bcs we have a child, but it was not hard to do so, despite him unreasonably holding some grudges without admitting that, lol). Anyways, from my experience, I think their worst problem is that they might have hidden agendas and living parallel lives.
Dude, you are always nailing it.
Me as an INFJ dating an INFP, the relationship ended exactly because of both reasons you just said 😅
I always thought infj-infp relationships could work (better than estp-infj for example)
So both parties had those issues and full intensity? I am also an infj and trying to learn and find out more from other people's experiences 🥺
@Qui rogat, non errat
Ahh well it didn't work out for us at all 😌
I was too busy fixing his childhood problems while he just wanted me to hear him complain for a while.
Meanwhile I was feeling suffocated by him and always feeling responsible for all his feelings..
I had such lousy experiences with relationships (at least 60% my doings tbh) that I just swore off women. Soon after I met my wife. It took me awhile to be trusting but she was patient and charmed this coyote infj-t with PTSD (yes she's that saintly) from out of the briar patch in which I had taken up residence. I don't know what she saw ( even my mom said that if I ever wanted a relationship I had better not mess it up) but 41 years later she's still putting up with me. It's a good thing bc I doubt anybody else would have. She has domesticated me as much as is possible and in return she has a loyal, protective, attentive mate who knows enough to go hide when I'm not fit for company. It's complicated but she's a wonderful enfj. 💚🐺💚
Awwwwwwwww that is so lovely and sweet. I ship infj-enfj and infj-infj relationships the most 🤭
Your story makes me so happy cuz I am rooting for such kind of a pair.
41 years is a long time. Which means you 2 are meant for each other. Wonderful that you 2 found each other ❤️❤️❤️❤️. May God bless you both , you sweet lovebirds 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
P.s.: I am also an infj
@@quirogatnonerrat3214 thank you. I was very lucky.
As an INFP woman in a relationship with an INFJ man… this is accurate 💯
INTJ here. We do feel very deeply, we just don't feel deeply about many people and we don't feel deeply all the time. That's reserved for the privileged few. Otherwise about most other relationships, it's like I often joke, "I don't care much about my own feelings, imagine how little I care about yours." Sure, that's an exaggeration, but it demonstrates that it's not personal, we're just not particularly emotive. It also shows logic instead of emotion overrides most of our decisions. We tend to be more emotionally self-sufficient than most other types, so plan accordingly. Choose your spouses carefully, INTJs. I recommend an ISTJ like my husband of 30 years. But you still need to learn some relationship skills because your kids aren't going to necessarily be IN_J types.
You perfectly nailed INFP. Thanks for the advice, I've been trying to reign in my over-caring-ness lately, and your words of encouragement definitely helped :)
As an INFJ, I see absolutely no problem in psychoanalysing why my partner prefers Chobani over Dannon. Or Yoplait for that matter. 😂
I don' t see this as a problem either. I for my part love to grow (ENFP).
I’m an INTJ and I just write down everything including her body language so I already know :D
Until it’s something I haven’t prepared for then I sit there awkwardly just analysing everything even the amount of people there
My experience as an INTJ in a relationship is that I have a switch. I have to know weather or not the person will open up to me in the long run. It is not necessarily a measuring-up of the individual, but candid communication. I would open up completely being I would confess my issues, my feelings, everything. As long as I get that piece by piece every day.
I understand however some people would have issues opening up due to bad past relationships. But growth happens when you see the good in being in the present you.
I can relate to the INFP one too much, it's a problem. I've been told I'm clingy and need to give more alone time. It's a good perspective to keep in mind that other people don't feel as intensely as you but doesn't mean they don't feel, lesson on progress
perfectly said. we're so intense when we're willing to commit and dive down deep. From recent experiences, I'm learning that even when that special friend/person might not feel the EXACT same intensity as I do-they nonetheless still do feel a connection...
Ah yes. ISFP 100% me. I typically push things off or have to wait until an opportunity drops in my lap half the time. Moving out is tough only because of rent cost. "You have to make 3 time as much as the rent" is annoying when you are alone
yess. As an isfp too I feel you!
As an INTJ, I have to dispute the comment about being apathetic. I have been told that I appear emotionless or apathetic because I don’t burst into tears of joy when it’s my birthday or something positive but minor happens. I’d say that my natural emotional state is just very stable. For the things that I do actually care about, I feel nearly unmanageable levels of emotion. If I was in a relationship with someone who never saw/could tell how much I cared, that would be because I actually didn’t care, which makes the whole scenario extremely unlikely (being in a relationship with someone I don’t care about).
I completely admit that to others I, or INTJs, can come across in a manner that may not correlate to how I actually feel, but there is a large difference in internal feeling and outward expression. Would also add that not everybody understands or appreciates the way I show that I care equally.
As an ESFJ in a relationship with an INTP I consider myself lucky. My boyfriend has a few toes in the real world. My parents and sister loved him, but I think a lot of that has to also do with me. I've always had "weird" interests and his match with a lot of mine. So when people I know meet him they go, "OK yeah makes sense." He also has interests in normal things, such as weight lifting. So he straddles this world and his own pretty evenly.
Does he ever not care about his appearance when around you or others? Appreciate reading from an ESFJ. If you don't mind sharing, what kind of interests do you have? That's neat to be in a relationship with someone of the complete opposite type!
Istp here. I’m too easygoing to make people feel attacked and i don’t think i’d date someone whom i’m confused by enough to point out stuff that makes no sense to me.
I think it’s the easygoing-ness that creates problems actually. It generally translates into being very easy to get along with and okay with virtually everything, but also unintentionally inattentive, not sufficiently sensitive, and lacking in initiative. Plus it doesn’t matter to me ‘where’ the relationship is headed for, which i imagine to be a problem for some people, especially J types. Essentially i treat them as friends i’m in love with, which maybe isn’t always the ideal approach.
As an INTJ, I think this is the way I'm most atypical for my type. I put all of my energy and attention into my relationships down to like an INFP level of dedication LOL. If anything my problem is being *too* affectionate, because I feel like it's really important that the important people in my life know my feelings towards them.
While we're not all cookie cutter stereotypes of our types, my mom's an ESTJ, and this "my way or the highway" approach in relationships is EXTREMELY accurate in her case. 😅
My father is an ESTJ and he is the same way. My mom, an enfj, could only stay with him for a couple of years, then she left him cuz he even yelled and became physical when she wiuldn not do his way because it was illogical and told him why it was illogical.
@@quirogatnonerrat3214 I'm sorry about that
@@Pinkywinkykinky Thanks 🤗
@@quirogatnonerrat3214 Gosh, I'm really sorry about that. This isn't easy, but at least she knew when enough was enough and left. I hope she's doing better now. Your dad needs help.
TMI, my dad tested as an ISTP (core 9 enneagram, level 6). All he wants is to relax and take it easy, but ESTJ mother (8w7, moreover, level 6, so it was a miracle that I somehow managed to convince her to take the test) sees this as "laziness," and gives him a hard time about it, but, being the way he is, he refuses to leave, because he's resigned himself to this situation, and became her enabler for "peace," which just makes things a lot worse, being the way she is. Of course, they're both turbulent, because I can imagine that ESTJs can be great people when healthy. Otherwise, their types would be the perfect balance for each other, ironically, with her motivating him and him teaching her to let loose and relax, but alas.
@@phatcat3705 Thank you, she never remarried because most of the guys she were were douchebags and the good ones were already taken.
I have an estj aunt who is healthy but still insufferable for my or my mom is we were to live with her and not just visit every once in a while. She would be perfect with an istj I think.
Your dad sounds like a cool guy. Do you have nice memories of time or spent quality time with him?
Did their turtulences in their marriage affect your view on marriage? 🥺
100% with INFJ! My husband gets annoyed with me and says I expect him to be perfect and make him feel like he’s broken because I am always trying to fix him. 😬
Holy hell, Frank. You hit the proverbial nail on the head. I…how the….. I’m an ENTP and my bf is ENFJ. This sketch killed my insides. We have no real shared interests, just similar pasts and he is super supportive. The question is how do we fix this thing?!?
Have you found a solution? Are you still together? I am an ENTP and I have just met an ENFJ. I really like the guy but I also really like my interests. Right now I work at University inventing new technology in the digitalisation of civil engineering. So I really love my work. Until I met him, he had more interests than me. Now I wanna tell him about my work and he is super supportive. Like a personal cheerleader. But when he starts talking its not about his day/work but how we can have a family, how we can go on romantic walks, etc. I am really invested into him but I feel guilty that right now I am a little bit more interested in my work. How did you overcome this guilt? Did you have to change? Did he pick up his interests again?
As an Infp I can say that even tho Jve been in a serious relationship I can say that I get very clingy with friendships . If I really really like you I basically become you 😅 I used to have friends that I’d try to get so close to that they thought I was being weird… I either want to be your bestest best friend or couldn’t care less about you sorry 😂
(INFJ) I recently left a relationship just as things were becoming more serious as I felt prompted to look far into the future.
My gut told me it wouldnt go the full distance so i freaked out and cut things off completely. Even though we were plodding along just fine!
Frank: talking about why an ENTP liking their interests more than you is what kills their relationships
Me, an INTP: *perfect*
Me, an ENTP, hearing about INTP: that's me
Me, an INTP: agreed
My ISTJ self balance well with my ENFP husband,I’m mostly more focused on my work than bother with his overreacting tantrums,sometimes he’s like sorry about yesterday and I don’t even remember which one of the million things he did yesterday.
Hahaha, so for you it works because you are not affected by emotions, but facts. We have a real engineer on our hands here. Glad to hear your secret to a good marriage and wish you a long happy and healthy life together 💕God bless you both you lovebirds ❤️❤️
@@quirogatnonerrat3214
Amen to that; more blessings to you 🥰
@@nanatk89 thank you 🤗
As an INFP I can’t count the number of times I’ve had lovers and even potential lovers say my love/interest was overwhelming. They seem to feel bad or guilty when I take it away, though.
Haha as an INFJ I call “going around it” “finding the back door or going through the back window” to get to the source of the issue. 😅 It’s not that I’m trying to be a therapist in my relationships (although I am in real life)… it’s just my default programming since childhood… oops, going down the rabbit hole of childhood again. Definitely a fan of psychodynamic theory.
As an ISTP woman I concur.
I held back a lot of comments, cause I knew those hurt people around me. I just pretend I didn’t hear when I was thinking stuffs like that’s dumb lol -istp
@@maylovie3618 I tend to hold back initially. But when people get to know me more, I reveal that aspect of me. I ease them into it so they know that I don't mean to belittle them.
I like the fact that these weaknesses were presented as good qualities that have somehow turned not so good. Very diplomatic! And yes, Frank, you were so enthused in this video.!! Must be that red sweater has hidden powers. :)
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INTJ --- mmm... I don't think so. You're talking romantic partners, here, and not just random friendships, right? Though I don't tend to ignore my friends either. This is why small friend groups are good: I actually have the energy to pay attention to all of them and the time to spend with all of them.
But getting back to romance:
1) My romantic partner is my partner in crime. I like someone who I can do things with -- shared hobbies, etc. Shared life goals, so shared scheming and planning. And complete loyalty to each other. I'm pretty sure my partner knows how I feel. I'm really clear about it, and about how much I enjoy spending time together.
2) Part of being my partner is being able to be verbally playful so anything that's not dead serious someone has died should leave a smile on his face.
3) I remember everything. I know how my partner drinks ever single one of his favorite drinks. I remember the chores he hates. I remember all the things he values, even if they're not high on my personal list of priorities. I do this so that I can take his needs and wants into account whenever I do anything from making dinner plans to accepting a job promotion. We're a team.
4) My love language is gifts. I will supply you over time with whatever books, tools, or pieces of art you need for your hobby. I will also pick up stones that remind me of that time we were at the beach and present them to you randomly as something that happened that day.
5) I will adjust the small details of my planned week or month to take care of you if you need more support. I can juggle projects around to complete all of them on time and still be there for you. That's just part of being a mastermind.
What I actually suck at romantically as an INTJ, and which I've heard other INTJs and assumed INTJs talk about is venting. I cannot listen to someone vent about the same topic repeatedly. I also cannot listen to someone vent without coming up with possible courses of action. I'm a problem solver. You brought me a problem. I love you. Here are some tentative suggestions for solving the problem. At the very least I'm going to ask questions like "well, could you do this?" Or "Maybe you could talk to Bob about Y?" You don't have to use my suggestions, and I'm good with being a sounding board. But you have to take steps to improve your life so that Problem A does not keep being a problem. If it keeps being a problem, then, well, me personally, I'm going to get progressively more stressed and distressed about the problem not being fixed. This will lead to depression. And I'll stop wanting to talk with you, and our relationship may eventually shatter. You don't have to use my plans to fix a problem, but you either have to fix the problem in some way that you like, or shut up about it.
Other INTJs with less restraint in regards to your free will may come off as controlling as they try to fix the problem for you when you prove yourself unable or unwilling to fix the problem yourself. You do not want the INTJ so stressed and angry on your behalf that she calls your boss and tell him off for you. Or worse. Because things that get in our way don't stay in our way. We'll go through or around, but we're going in that direction no matter what.
Anyway, minimal emotional capacity to deal with other people venting combined with the whole "Climb every mountain, solve every problem" mentality can be off-putting to romantic partners.
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Man, you are usually 100% right on when it comes to describing me as an ENFJ, but I think maybe the one you describe here was meant to describe a very young & immature ENFJ - because I was definitely that way in the past when I was in my 20s, or even early 30s - but rather than not having any interests, it was that I would put aside all my own interests and just focus on the relationship. I've become a lot more balanced in my 40s and definitely would never do that anymore, and OMG, do I have a LOT of interests, dreams, and passions I am working on actively and developing. One of the most attractive things to me is when someone is genuinely interested in my life's work. So, I definitely don't see me ever putting aside my life's work or not having any interests or things to connect with a partner about other than the relationship itself. This makes me realize that probably the different personality types manifest differently depending on what stage of life you are in. As I said, I can definitely relate to that when I was young and immature, but not now, thank GOD. lol. : ) Love your vides!
The pro of infjs being a therapist digging into the roots of why there is a problem in a relationship is seeing if there's a never ending termites nest that's going to plague the relationship with no solution. It's like you're wanting to dig into someone else's operating system to see if it's gonna keep bugging. A lot of people scanning for narcissists definitely default to this method. You can choose to either honor their weakness or get the heck out of dodge depending on what it is.
I agree INTJ I am often apathetic. I just don't care, I am satisfied with few things, prefer simple things, with the essential.
The root of why : It's totally me too !
You can definitely improve. I am an infp and I used to go all in. Now I am very slow to fall in love.
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INTJ female married to an ISTJ male. 30+ years. I find our relationship quite complimentary. He's more emotionally demonstrative than I am. We have enough in common that we can engage and we appreciate each other's intelligence that when we do have differing views on a topic that we discuss at length and actually listen to what the other says and often, leads to our finding a reasonable solution that we can both accept. Granted, we can debate an issue to the degree that someone else makes think that we're "fighting" when we are simply discussing and neither will back down. He was actually professionally mistyped as an INTJ long ago but is very much an ISTJ. However, while he is more emotional than I am as a couple within our relationship, I am better at directing when he should make more of an effort with others. However, we are very much a couple that could just exist on our own. We have to remind each other than we do need to engage with others, that's where we struggle.
The ENFP seems to be spot on. I'm INTP and my partner is ENFP. I love his mind, his creativity, etc. but holy cats! It can also be like being around a bouncing Tigger (think that video of Tigger singing a Tigger is a wonderful thing). Our NPs can nerd out weirdly and wonderfully together, but the man cannot plan, cannot time manage, bounces from one activity "for us" to the next... it can be physically and mentally exhausting.
@FrankJames_1.... um. What?
As and ENFP, we are easily stimulated by new ideas and high energy. If our partner can be the grounding energy to help us plan things out to put it into fruition and be as excited as us or more, it's a perfect match