This is a great message for men too. Toxic masculinity in its heart is a learned behavior and to be aware of how I as a child might have subconsciously picked that up in my surroundings is a very important step to be that mentally healthy male figure for myself and others. Insecurities fester into complexes, if poor subconscious learning isn’t unlearned. Many times if we don’t consciously work on negative learned/accepted behaviours, they unconsciously come out when we find ourselves in vulnerable states.
Yes! To be masculine is such a good and beautiful nature! It is the greatest tragedy to see strength succumb to violence. It is a great lie that boys are taught from such a young age. Yet outward physical strength is so beautiful when paired with gentleness and protectiveness.
" He said he loved you so much the day you had said yes, but will he love you as much whenever you say no? " 👏🙌🔥🔥 This line is striking!!! More power to you sister!!!❤❤❤
2:10 "I have seen far too many women, in the name of marriage, suffocate themselves to fit in cages, but we will tie a gold-sequined bow round the bars and call the gilded cages a present for the ages" my favorite line omg. This is an amazing poem!!! 🔥❤❤
The meaning may have been misinterpreted. 1. If you are marrying because your friends are, you're passing your prime age, or you're expected to because of your family or perhaps you want the intimacy both physical and mental - the need to talk with (mind) and of course our needs (physical). Say you didn't have to for the above, would you still marry that person or would you wait and look for the character in him/her? 2. If it wasn't a cultural act then don't marry at all, however, it's a sunnah and sometimes it's a wajib to marry. Follow the sunnah of choosing your groom or bride, first the iman then of the three: choose the one who has God-fearing, rather than prioritising; • wealth (for the single woman), • status (for the proud family) or dare I say • looks (for the single man).
Girl is speaking facts! Saving this to my Ted Talks playlist. This marriage issue angers me to the core; far too many women suffer from this - my aunties, relatives...sigh
Been on youtube for years- never felt the need to comment on anything but this gem here has compelled me to thank you. To hear someone put into words so eloquent, so witty what I've felt for years and years and years and tried and failed at explaining. If I had a little more hope in people's ability to change I would send this to my father and mother and relatives and older women I care for who are at an age when they feel the pressure to get married- who have all in one way or another told me my ideas for being against the marriages i see happening daily are "too radical" and will "change as I grow older". I can hardly explain myself when I get told these things but I've known deep down I have reasons to feel the way I do- I have observed enough that despite being a hopeless romantic, I refuse to entertain the thought of getting married for my own sanity. I pray that my older sister gets it and doesn't accept the lifelong contract of abuse that the women in my family have been signing for generations. I'm sure enough about myself that I don't feel the need for prayers there. Thank you, this was wonderful. I hope you always find strength to continue being this courageous and novel when it comes to your art ❤
My goodness. I am overwhelmed, and my heart is so full reading this comment-I won’t fully be able to describe it, but thank you very, very much for listening with so much care, for sharing with so much honesty. I am really, really honored and grateful that this resonated with you so deeply ❤️
These are the moments I realize how lucky I am - I can be more knowledgable, more high up in career, busier at work, than my husband, but it doesn't threaten our marriage. The point is to be partners, not to be a "husband" and "wife". Wherever life pulls me, I can go. I can take holidays alone or with friends, focus on work, take kids abroad, just take some free time alone. What would life be like, if my partner could tell me what I can do, who I can be, where I can go? If society would tell me? What if all the strength and skills I felt inside me, I would have to disregard and push down, for my whole life?
I apologise if I misread your comment. I agree with spending some time alone, but if your goal was to compete with your husband, just spend time alone and do things on your own. Why even bother getting married? The whole goal of marriage is to rely on each other and live your life as a team who gets through everything together. The way you're describing your marriage makes it sound like it wouldn't even matter if you weren't married; if it doesn't make a difference in your life, it wasn't really a marriage.
You are giving a very mature and important insight to all the girls to think about, before entering into a very important relationship of their life . ❤
Wowww wowww wowwww, hats off to you!!! This is a masterpiece!!!!! I soaked every word up. So relatable! Such a powerful message! And congrats for developing self-awareness and going against the grain to question traditional beliefs on marriage!!! You’re a trailblazer!
I'm a guy and the thing about being more intelligent is such a big thing. The guy doesn't even have to be a narcissist or a misogynist. It's so ingrained and inconspicuous that most guys don't even realize they're doing it. I noticed it about myself last year and I've been trying so hard to combat it. One way to do this is to read books written by women. All sorts of books. Fantasy and sci-fi novels. Biographies and history books. All sorts.
THAT WAS PHENOMENAL. U ARE AMAZING WTH. USE THAT VOICE AND PEN SISTER!!! what a role model. so so proud. i don't even know who you are but I AM SO GLAD u appeared on my recommendations
Very very important topic to discuss.Reality should be understood .Problem is if woman want to make/made a decision people around will give her those weird looks etc. Society also should be trained on how to view such things
Thank you so much for this advice, it was beautifully spoken. I've seen my mother constantly try to defend my father in various circumstances so that line about "I hope the man you marry is not one whose character you need to defend" really hit home for me. I'm proud of my sisters for putting themselves first instead of feeling obligated to be married, my mother always complains about how they're not married even after we've witnessed what her married life is like. I wish my mother had more choices in life, I'd even rather her not to have married at all and didn't have children if it meant she could be free and happy; not tied in the kitchen or home by my father or children. Thank you once again for this advice, it deeply resonated with me. I hope you have a great day 😊❤
I hope its a choice. But in India its a semi-choice. It comes with a cost, starts from people questioning about wedeing, and goes upto going uninvited by your own relatives to their family weddings just because they see you as a unlucky/bad sign. Parents start getting questions about not getting their daughters married initially and it may go upto getting OBGYN suggestions to 'heal' your reproductive health from unknown people. Its hilarious. Our society is sick
Dear sister Your words are honey to every girl out there finding her way through mid 20s This is one of the most useful message on RUclips for a century
Great!! You expressed the feminine feelings and fears so beautifully. And it is also important that men should learn to respect women who are equal or better than them instead of getting defensive.
It feels like such an amazing time to be alive, where we can witness women and girls challenging these old expectations of being subservient and settling for toxic or abusive men.
This just happened to show up in my feed. At 54, I'm too old for this. But I sat through it just out of curiosity. All I have to say is... girls who "liked" this, please don't get married. Seriously. Find a whole new and different avenue for your life. (Maybe) you'll find happiness.
There's a difference between good poetry and good life advice. This here is definitely good poetry. Its for each of us individually to decide if it also the latter.
That's the issue. I agree that there are a lot of men like this, but she is exaggerating just a bit and the women in the comments are exaggerating a whole lot more. Their focus is on hating all men, not finding the right man for them.
Wow! Absolutely magnificent. I wouldn't change a single word. The clarity of thought and conviction in your delivery are remarkable. It reminds me of Aryana Johar's "Brown Girl's Guide" series-not to draw comparisons, but I haven't encountered poetry this compelling since then.
It is the point. Make sure he deserves you and you deserve him. It is not always about love. It is about trust and willingness of a man to take care of a woman with all her charmness and weakness. Marriage is a societal need for the stability of this world.❤❤❤
Absolutely brilliant poem. Beautifully written and performed, so good! Thank you. I feel so fortunate to have never felt that I “had” to get married, or been made to feel that way. I pray that everyone has the freedom to make their choice, whatever it may be.
I don’t know what to say… she spoke about it so beautifully. No offence, no hate speech. Everything so poetic yet so logical. No one tried to investigate this issue thinking it’s not something that major but I’m happy because finally she did. I hope this poem reminds everyone of the forgotten true love.
Please! Never stop writing and posting...i loved every word of it...I felt every sentence u uttered like a nostalgia through the marriages and relationships around me especially my own parents. Love u ❤...it was amazing.
Girl, this poem slays. I mean it. I usually dont come across poems like this, most cringy without meaning and essence , written for the sake of rhymes. But this, slaps. This one carries meaning and motive. Love this. Definitely a worthy subscription.
“He said he loved you so much the day you had said yes, but will he love you as much whenever you say no?” It hurts so bad, lovely poem but that part hit home too much for me; this is truly a great poem more people need to hear it.
@@saniairfan9357 I enjoyed listening, i shared it a few times as well you are truly good at this. Keep up the good work, i can’t wait to hear your next work.
Amazing, amazing, amazing. You said it all with such eloquence and hit the nail on the head. This is what we all need to hear. May Allah protect every man and woman in this planet from harming themselves and each other, Ameen.
As a married woman i would say that all men are not the same and all women are not the same. And ofcourse this world is dominated by man so he feels that he should not be dominated by a woman and also an egoist. Very nice words but then both of them should respect each one's sentiments thoughts and their ability to take up the responsibilities. This relationship is not a show off it has to go on as long as they are alive. At the end of the day no relative is going to come and solve ur problems. A woman should be financially independent only then can she live happily. These are my thoughts.
100% agree that not all men or women can be generalized, and all relationships should rest on mutual respect. Thank you for listening and sharing your thoughts!
*To My Sisters Getting Married by Sania Irfan | Spoken Word Poetry* To my sisters getting married, In the wedding pictures you could swear that, that is love. You and him in the lights, dancing with each other and we will clasp our hearts joyfully claim: What a happy couple! They look so beautiful together! But we also said that about the girls in the headlines, until their wedding pictures ran in the 9 o’ clock news. We never could have imagined what he would become. They looked so beautiful together! Had we missed any clues? I know your groom is not like the men from the headline too, but *I hope with all my might but that's not enough for you.* I know he will win over the family, ever the charmer, with his jokes and his poise but who will he be at the end of the day? When he takes off the mask to go sit with the boys, Will he still be the man from the wedding pictures? Who smiled and held close your hand as you walked up the stage? Or will he throw around a couple sexist slurs, in the name of his “humor”, for the sake of his rage? When your aunt sees him cooking with you, and says “_*you*_ should be so grateful for this man so rare” *Will he refuse the praise for reciprocating care?* *Or will he bask in the glory and the loud fanfare?* He might offer to go with you to see the singer you love that he doesn't care for a bit, but will he offer you his shoulder to cry on? Will he take yours and let himself cry on it? Or will you spend your life suppressing your sobs into whispers, and cry silent tears in covert phone calls to your sisters. I know he will take you to your favorite park, buy you flowers, hold your hand, as you walk to and fro But when they say you are too loud, too free, and you tell them off, Will he keep holding on or will he let go? *He said he loved you so much, the day you had said yes* *but will he love you as much whenever you say no?* *Or will he love you only as long as you let him feel,* *more intelligent, better spoken, better traveled, than you* *with the mysteries of politics and banking more unraveled than you* *As long as you let him be more in charge than you, feel in charge of you.* *As long as songs and rings and roses are all you demand* *and never equal respect that it threaten his command.* Because I have seen far too many women look at their husband's unmistakable hubris and convince themselves it is a charming little quirk through deliberate repeated practice I have seen far too many women in the name of marriage, suffocate themselves to fit in cages but will tie a gold sequin bow around the bars and call the gilded cages a present for the ages. So, I hope when you tell us about your marriage, that you do not have to sit with spiked shields at the ready, to reassure us and yourself that you are loved, that he isn't plagued with arrogance and insecurity. That you do not find yourself saying “he's not obsessed with how I dress, just a little protective of me” Or "he doesn't like doing chores but once a month, he helps me clean the whole staircase, end to end." *I hope the man you marry is not one whose character you always feel the need to defend.* *That he doesn't slowly let you kill your voice, your ideas, your ability to dissent.* Now as the hallways are decked, the cards printed to celebrate your wedding. The highlight of this fall, I just have to ask would you still have married him, If you thought it okay to not marry at all? Because when the Instagram pictures have been posted, and the grandiose gestures of romance are done, I hope it isn't out of desperate compromise, but that you mean it when you say “he is the one”. So, when you're getting married and the lights go up, and we begin to sing, I hope it is a marriage worth celebrating. That he deserves you, and you deserve him. *And it is his character that makes you stand tall!* *And if you do not find a person such, that you do not get married at all.* (I transcribed it, I hope that's ok)
Well said daughter, many blessings. Always use the brain before emotions take over. Wishing courage to all daughters and sisters. We are the one who need to love ourselves first and then teach others how to love us.
This is beautiful and even if it is striking and harrowing, it is loving. The pictures you paint are dark and unpleasant, but it is a tender warning and proclamation of care. Thank you 💜
Psychology says there are 16 personalities Steps 1.Know yourself first 2.find a partner accordingly 3.support each other❤ in this journey of life 4.personality disorders also exist they need therapy
Really think about this for your children. Children need their fathers and fare much better with a father in the home. But if you find out too late that he is comfortable lying and cheating, you will find yourself in agony having to be strong for your children. Having whispered arguments where he holds your already broken and twisted heart in his hands and keeps smashing it again and again carelessly, not thinking about the fact that you will carry these wounds when you have to go back to caring for your children after they wake up again and mask it all for them. Or even worse he will yell at you and curse at your right in front of them or yell so loudly while they are sleeping that they wake up and if you beg him to be quiet and think of them that will just enrage him more for some reason. Please. PLEASE for the sake of your children make sure you absolutely know inside and out that the man you are about to marry is wholesome and a leader through kindness. Don’t ignore a single red flag. Not a single lie, not a single text to an old girl friend. Shirking things you ask him to do. And broken promises. Are his apologies genuine or does he keep doing them same thing? Don’t let infatuation blind you to the reality that the tip of the iceberg is beginning to show through the mist of infatuation. Do not ignore red flags. Wrong is wrong. Please for the sake of your children do not stir up or awaken love just for the fun of it. It is a very serious thing who you bring life in to the world with. And people will talk about the work being 50/50. It’s less about the work, and more about whether they are truly kind and loving. Make sure you have the same love languages! If you want to be touched and he has an aversion to touch you will be lonely. If he desires acts of kindness and you are a lazy dog it will build resentment. Don’t think differences in the way you express love is cute. Remember it will take extra effort to remember what they need instead of just falling in a rhythm of what you want to receive. And are they going to be willing to learn and put in that extra effort after a few years? If they push away your attempts to connect with them away because they don’t recognize it as bids for love and affection, it will shut you down and it won’t feel so quirky then. And consider whether you are truly capable of being respectful and giving praise with your words. Because respect is equated to love in a man’s mind. It’s just how it is. Are you capable of respecting him with your words? Are you over critical? If so you may not be ready for marriage and you still have some work to do. Because if he doesn’t find praise from you but only criticism, it will be tempting to find praise from some other girl who doesn’t really know him yet.
Not sure why this showed-up on my feed, but damn, that is Powerful! To those saying if you were given a choice....... I'd say, the choice should be yours, make what you want of it.
Really powerful, very creative structure. I don't know why YT showed me this, but i couldn't stop watching once i started. Powerful message and so important. 🙏❤️
Thanks sis🥹♥️You reassured my decision not to marry now until i find 'the one' as you told in this video☺️💫✨🙏🏾 I think God said this to me through you😍😍💗
Beautiful poem. We need to find partners that feel we are no different - we are equals in everything and our voice and power has the same value. We need to marry someone we are in love with but also someone who is our best friend and who is just as vulnerable as can be. Only then true love can flourish. Im very lucky to be a lesbian honestly but my brother is geniuenly a man that gives me hope for the world. He was raised by a single mother, is highly educated and hates gender roles (and always taugut me to question sexist roles and comments from other family members and society). Tbh he is also happy being single and i think that's important because he doesn't feel entitled and is satisfied with who he is alone - which i think is a basis for healthy relationship, you need to feel good as a single person as well even if that would be your "forever" state. We need to raise bar for men.
Marriage often seems to be a desperate compromise for the woman , to anyone who really finds the one I salute you, to everyone else get comfortable being single and focus on female friendships
So beautifully delivered And yes I can say so proudly so many of the things you mentioned are prevalent if not few all of them in marriages. It is not a heaven afterall
Beautiful poetry sister! ❤😊 Thank you for sharing this wonderful message, Wish that more girls and boys, men and women watch this poetry.....Overall beautiful writing and very realistic, keep writing ✨️
This brought me to tears. You speak for so many of us. God bless you, your talent, and your clear voice. May we all pursue and settle for healthy love with which to build our lives and raise future generations. It really is up to each of us. We must choose wisely. ❤
My mom has always been an independent woman. She's educated and has a really nice job yet sometimes her thinking really surprises me because she sometimes say that a woman should always constantly praise her husband to feed his so called ego. She also says a woman should always get married to a man who's more educated and more successful than her because if the girl is more educated or more successful it'll hurt the man's ego. I simply don't understand why is it always a woman's utmost duty to feed a man's ego everytime and is it the only thing women are created for? I've also heard my relatives saying that the wife should always make her husband feel like she's extremely lucky to have him in her life and he's the savior but never vise versa.
Beautiful poem...what evrryone expect in a partner in a relationship is conveyed precisely sharply and thoughtfully.....i Absolutely loved it....thank u...
@@suzannaflores1164 Ours is a singles group for 40+, all never married and we all are very happy. No one has died of being single but many die a silent death everyday being with the wrong partner.
@@carolyndilbeck7654 True but finding that right person is the pertinent problem. Ours is a singles group for 40+, all never married and we all are very happy. No one has died of being single but many die a silent death everyday being with the wrong partner.
Some also die every single day out of loneliness. I know you might not know, but being in love with someone and loving them every day no matter if they say yes or no or maybe is important for everyone. Everyone needs unconditional love.
Brilliant 🎉🎉🎉Just one more thought that I am learning the hard way...."if someone haven't experienced what you have ...but they demand explanation...don't explain anything to them...its a trap to keep you question yourself."
Is it always, though? I'm fairly sure that I don't know the first thing about this lady's life experiences; and I'm sure she knows but little about mine as we don't know each other at all. I watch videos like this because I would like to learn, would like to understand at least a little bit. And how can I learn without asking questions asking for explanations of the Why, How, and What for? Asking for explanations isn't always gaslighting, you know...
@@thekingsdaughter4233i think the key word here is "demand" explaination..no one owes anyone any explanations but yes u can definitely ask ..your intentions matter but there are far too people who look at someone talking abt their problem and their first response is "why their partner behaved that way with them?" "Oh maybe you deserved it" to make victims feel that they are the one at fault and not their abuser...victim blaming is quite common unfortunately
Thank you! And thank you for sharing this lesson. Agree with the conversation here: people genuinely wanting to understand your experiences (should you want to share them) are very different from people “demand[ing] explanations”
@@saniairfan9357 it might be a fine line to walk, perhaps. Personally, I cannot recall a situation when I felt that explanations were "demanded" of me. I can recall situations, however, when questions _of any kind_ regarding my emotional state, were/are unwelcome. I have also experienced occasions when people just blew up in my face as I tried to understand some of their strong aversions. Life is a balancing act, isn't it? 😊 On both sides. 🤷
My husband is a narcissist and never even takes me out. Acts well in front of relatives and just as u said he comes to kitchen only when relatives are around and acts . The stupid auties tell i am blessed to have such a husband😢😢😢
5 30am Brilliant perspective and important thoughts before marriage but i don't believe in the other option because nothing in life is perfect not your job career or other relationships. Also the joy of having children n nurturing them is also an empowering experience don't you think.
I came back from a wedding ceremony. The people there are tooo backward minded. I saw husbands shouting at wife.and women praising him .😊 Exhausted I came back home and I saw ur video ❤❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing! You've brought to life the fraught wire sparking in my heart. Spoken word is such a powerful medium and you utilized it so well, you managed to articulate all my pain and pressure felt in this "marriageable age". I am saving you video post haste. So well written and so well delivered, what an inspiration!
This is a great message for men too. Toxic masculinity in its heart is a learned behavior and to be aware of how I as a child might have subconsciously picked that up in my surroundings is a very important step to be that mentally healthy male figure for myself and others. Insecurities fester into complexes, if poor subconscious learning isn’t unlearned. Many times if we don’t consciously work on negative learned/accepted behaviours, they unconsciously come out when we find ourselves in vulnerable states.
Yes! So well said. Thank you for listening with care and empathy.
Not to be creepy, but your self-reflection makes you more attractive than so many men. Leagues above 🙌 I hope you continue on in this way
Yes! To be masculine is such a good and beautiful nature! It is the greatest tragedy to see strength succumb to violence. It is a great lie that boys are taught from such a young age. Yet outward physical strength is so beautiful when paired with gentleness and protectiveness.
based
I admire your emotional intelligence!!
I am a divorce lawyer, and I wish some of my clients could have heard this advice before their marriage.
Right 😢
" He said he loved you so much the day you had said yes, but will he love you as much whenever you say no? " 👏🙌🔥🔥 This line is striking!!! More power to you sister!!!❤❤❤
Thank you so much!!
So true! I just commented something similar and seen this, that part was very deep.
2:10 "I have seen far too many women, in the name of marriage, suffocate themselves to fit in cages, but we will tie a gold-sequined bow round the bars and call the gilded cages a present for the ages" my favorite line omg. This is an amazing poem!!! 🔥❤❤
Thanks so much!!
Succinct delivery .
I like the line “would you still marry , if it’s ok to not marry at all ..” … no I would not ..
Thank you for listening!
Back then I had no idea that not marrying at all was an option. Now I feel stupid!!
@@deepab6068you aren’t stupid. You were young and lied to. ❤
Don't get marry ..
Girls are Fighting against
All the evils .. outside the world
Don't give still..reason s
Wake up
The meaning may have been misinterpreted.
1. If you are marrying because your friends are, you're passing your prime age, or you're expected to because of your family or perhaps you want the intimacy both physical and mental - the need to talk with (mind) and of course our needs (physical). Say you didn't have to for the above, would you still marry that person or would you wait and look for the character in him/her?
2. If it wasn't a cultural act then don't marry at all, however, it's a sunnah and sometimes it's a wajib to marry.
Follow the sunnah of choosing your groom or bride, first the iman then of the three: choose the one who has God-fearing, rather than prioritising;
• wealth (for the single woman),
• status (for the proud family) or dare I say
• looks (for the single man).
Girl is speaking facts! Saving this to my Ted Talks playlist. This marriage issue angers me to the core; far too many women suffer from this - my aunties, relatives...sigh
Thank you for listening!
I'm a poet from India and i love your work❤
Sadly this poem resonated with me so much
Sending love from Pakistan! Thank you for listening ❤️
Idk why you showed up in my Algo, but wow thats beautiful poetry.
Thank you!!
Me neither. Much appreciated from Trinidad and Tobago ❤❤❤
@nzingahoney Thank you!!
It was truly amazing, i loved it.
I have no idea why this got suggested to me either, but I am grateful for it... Love from Denmark!
Been on youtube for years- never felt the need to comment on anything but this gem here has compelled me to thank you. To hear someone put into words so eloquent, so witty what I've felt for years and years and years and tried and failed at explaining. If I had a little more hope in people's ability to change I would send this to my father and mother and relatives and older women I care for who are at an age when they feel the pressure to get married- who have all in one way or another told me my ideas for being against the marriages i see happening daily are "too radical" and will "change as I grow older". I can hardly explain myself when I get told these things but I've known deep down I have reasons to feel the way I do- I have observed enough that despite being a hopeless romantic, I refuse to entertain the thought of getting married for my own sanity. I pray that my older sister gets it and doesn't accept the lifelong contract of abuse that the women in my family have been signing for generations. I'm sure enough about myself that I don't feel the need for prayers there.
Thank you, this was wonderful. I hope you always find strength to continue being this courageous and novel when it comes to your art ❤
My goodness. I am overwhelmed, and my heart is so full reading this comment-I won’t fully be able to describe it, but thank you very, very much for listening with so much care, for sharing with so much honesty. I am really, really honored and grateful that this resonated with you so deeply ❤️
These are the moments I realize how lucky I am - I can be more knowledgable, more high up in career, busier at work, than my husband, but it doesn't threaten our marriage. The point is to be partners, not to be a "husband" and "wife". Wherever life pulls me, I can go. I can take holidays alone or with friends, focus on work, take kids abroad, just take some free time alone.
What would life be like, if my partner could tell me what I can do, who I can be, where I can go? If society would tell me?
What if all the strength and skills I felt inside me, I would have to disregard and push down, for my whole life?
I apologise if I misread your comment. I agree with spending some time alone, but if your goal was to compete with your husband, just spend time alone and do things on your own. Why even bother getting married? The whole goal of marriage is to rely on each other and live your life as a team who gets through everything together. The way you're describing your marriage makes it sound like it wouldn't even matter if you weren't married; if it doesn't make a difference in your life, it wasn't really a marriage.
You are giving a very mature and important insight to all the girls to think about, before entering into a very important relationship of their life .
❤
@@user-hb1zo6fd5w Thank you so much ❤️
I can relate to it…. Healing myself for past 3 years.. n i blv divorce is a blessing…❤🙏🏻. Beautiful words 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
@@Cutepanda_15 May you continue to heal; thank you for listening ❤️
Spoken word is alive! Powerful message and crisp delivery.
@@icanspeak851 Thank you very much!
Powerful! I hope and pray that this video reaches all the eligible women..🙏🙏💐💐
@@BALAJIIYER66 Thanks so much!
And all the mothers fathers brothers sons. ❤
Superb messages.
Wowww wowww wowwww, hats off to you!!! This is a masterpiece!!!!! I soaked every word up. So relatable! Such a powerful message! And congrats for developing self-awareness and going against the grain to question traditional beliefs on marriage!!! You’re a trailblazer!
@@Nirosha101 Thanks you so much!!!
That she iz
I'm a guy and the thing about being more intelligent is such a big thing. The guy doesn't even have to be a narcissist or a misogynist. It's so ingrained and inconspicuous that most guys don't even realize they're doing it. I noticed it about myself last year and I've been trying so hard to combat it.
One way to do this is to read books written by women. All sorts of books. Fantasy and sci-fi novels. Biographies and history books. All sorts.
Thank you for listening and for sharing your own experience. Solid advice!
THAT WAS PHENOMENAL. U ARE AMAZING WTH. USE THAT VOICE AND PEN SISTER!!! what a role model. so so proud. i don't even know who you are but I AM SO GLAD u appeared on my recommendations
That is so kind of you; thank you so much!!
Very apt poetry for patriarchal families.
Very very important topic to discuss.Reality should be understood .Problem is if woman want to make/made a decision people around will give her those weird looks etc. Society also should be trained on how to view such things
@@aaAaa-rq2cj 💯
Thank you so much for this advice, it was beautifully spoken. I've seen my mother constantly try to defend my father in various circumstances so that line about "I hope the man you marry is not one whose character you need to defend" really hit home for me. I'm proud of my sisters for putting themselves first instead of feeling obligated to be married, my mother always complains about how they're not married even after we've witnessed what her married life is like. I wish my mother had more choices in life, I'd even rather her not to have married at all and didn't have children if it meant she could be free and happy; not tied in the kitchen or home by my father or children. Thank you once again for this advice, it deeply resonated with me. I hope you have a great day 😊❤
Thank you so much for listening and for sharing your story ❤️
If i am given a choice not to marry I will not marry 😂 thank you❤
Given a choice? But it's choice tho?
You always have a choice. Hope you live in a free country.
I hope its a choice. But in India its a semi-choice. It comes with a cost, starts from people questioning about wedeing, and goes upto going uninvited by your own relatives to their family weddings just because they see you as a unlucky/bad sign. Parents start getting questions about not getting their daughters married initially and it may go upto getting OBGYN suggestions to 'heal' your reproductive health from unknown people. Its hilarious. Our society is sick
@@Infpmode got me exactly there
Choice in todays is not given.. You can take it.. And not get married
Dear sister
Your words are honey to every girl out there finding her way through mid 20s
This is one of the most useful message on RUclips for a century
Thank you so much!
Great!! You expressed the feminine feelings and fears so beautifully. And it is also important that men should learn to respect women who are equal or better than them instead of getting defensive.
Thank you for listening!!
❤ If I could, I would beam this poem to every woman in existence. And teach of every one yet to come 😢 God bless you 🙏🏽
Thank you so much! ❤️
@@saniairfan9357 Hi, Sania, did you write this poem? If it's your original work, you should include your name in the title so people will know :)
@@syren4731 I did, and thank you so much for that suggestion. Will do!
It feels like such an amazing time to be alive, where we can witness women and girls challenging these old expectations of being subservient and settling for toxic or abusive men.
My sister my mom my friends myself, victims of this cycle. Thank you for this masterpiece. Every word rings true. Love from🇱🇰
Thank you for listening; sending strength!
Powerful message❤. Wish we were mature and self-kind when we married a decade ago.
@@pe9450 Thank you ❤️
I've put the link to this on my blog this is so good and a lot of people need to hear it
This just happened to show up in my feed. At 54, I'm too old for this. But I sat through it just out of curiosity. All I have to say is... girls who "liked" this, please don't get married. Seriously. Find a whole new and different avenue for your life. (Maybe) you'll find happiness.
There's a difference between good poetry and good life advice. This here is definitely good poetry. Its for each of us individually to decide if it also the latter.
why would you say that - you think there are no men like she described at the end?
That's the issue. I agree that there are a lot of men like this, but she is exaggerating just a bit and the women in the comments are exaggerating a whole lot more. Their focus is on hating all men, not finding the right man for them.
What a beautiful piece of poetry and what amazing delivery!! So much wisdom, to the point, not a word wasted and a line out of line.
@@khushboojain847 Thank you very much!
Such a beautiful way to convey a message which is undermined always❤
Thanks so much!
Wow! Absolutely magnificent. I wouldn't change a single word. The clarity of thought and conviction in your delivery are remarkable. It reminds me of Aryana Johar's "Brown Girl's Guide" series-not to draw comparisons, but I haven't encountered poetry this compelling since then.
Thank you so much for your generous praise! I hadn’t heard of the series before, so thank you for the recommendation!
It is the point. Make sure he deserves you and you deserve him. It is not always about love. It is about trust and willingness of a man to take care of a woman with all her charmness and weakness. Marriage is a societal need for the stability of this world.❤❤❤
Wow..such wise words from a such a young girl. More power to you young lady.
That is so kind of you. Thank you very much!
Absolutely brilliant poem. Beautifully written and performed, so good! Thank you. I feel so fortunate to have never felt that I “had” to get married, or been made to feel that way. I pray that everyone has the freedom to make their choice, whatever it may be.
Thank you mom and dad for showing me how hellish marriage is!
I don’t know what to say… she spoke about it so beautifully. No offence, no hate speech. Everything so poetic yet so logical. No one tried to investigate this issue thinking it’s not something that major but I’m happy because finally she did. I hope this poem reminds everyone of the forgotten true love.
Thank you so much for listening!
Commenting so that the algorithm sends this out to everyone in the universe who needs to hear it! 🙌 Keep writing, keep talking!!
I am flattered; thank you! ❤️
💯 about the character. Character of both men and women is so important.
This is so true say it girl! Im so proud of you for speaking out,its hard to be an asain with a man whos controlling and getting forced to stay
Thank you for listening!
I absolutely loved this.Please keep sharing.
@@sweetvioletstar Thank you so much!!
Men need to observe the naturally loving nature of little boys, and stop ruining them.
Please! Never stop writing and posting...i loved every word of it...I felt every sentence u uttered like a nostalgia through the marriages and relationships around me especially my own parents.
Love u ❤...it was amazing.
Thank you so much for listening and for the very encouraging words!
Powerful ! I hope it reaches every woman in the world .. hope women realise soon marriage is not everythin
Thank you!
As a happily married women.... It comes boils down to the kind of man you are married to. Marriage is not the problem, its in desi toxic men mentality
“I am determined that only the deepest love will induce me into matrimony” Jane Austen
Girl, this poem slays. I mean it. I usually dont come across poems like this, most cringy without meaning and essence , written for the sake of rhymes. But this, slaps. This one carries meaning and motive. Love this. Definitely a worthy subscription.
I am so honoured you liked it. Thank you so much for listening and subscribing!!
“He said he loved you so much the day you had said yes, but will he love you as much whenever you say no?”
It hurts so bad, lovely poem but that part hit home too much for me; this is truly a great poem more people need to hear it.
Thank you for listening!
@@saniairfan9357 I enjoyed listening, i shared it a few times as well you are truly good at this. Keep up the good work, i can’t wait to hear your next work.
Bravo 👏... Wisdom beyond your years !!!
@@Mariam-sg1ko Thank you!!
I am in that boat. I hate my husband and find him one of the worst humans ive ever met. I cannot wait to leave him
May God help both of you
Sorry to hear. 😢
Be safe and do it safely
Hey i hope you are ok and not living with him anymore
This should be displayed at every wedding ever
And then, some of us will be lucky enough to bloom in love and not just fall; a guy who healed us when we were sure we'd never marry at all. 🍂
Amazing, amazing, amazing. You said it all with such eloquence and hit the nail on the head. This is what we all need to hear. May Allah protect every man and woman in this planet from harming themselves and each other, Ameen.
Ameen. Thank you so much for listening!!
Who are youuuuuu!! And why im getting to know about you only today?!
Such a marvel. You just got a new subscriber:)
Thank you so much! Hope to see you around :)
As a married woman i would say that all men are not the same and all women are not the same. And ofcourse this world is dominated by man so he feels that he should not be dominated by a woman and also an egoist. Very nice words but then both of them should respect each one's sentiments thoughts and their ability to take up the responsibilities. This relationship is not a show off it has to go on as long as they are alive. At the end of the day no relative is going to come and solve ur problems. A woman should be financially independent only then can she live happily. These are my thoughts.
100% agree that not all men or women can be generalized, and all relationships should rest on mutual respect. Thank you for listening and sharing your thoughts!
Sania aapke jo alfaaz hai maanti hoon sahi hai. Magar shaadi ke bagair bhi to rehne nahi dete ghar wale😂😂
*To My Sisters Getting Married by Sania Irfan | Spoken Word Poetry*
To my sisters getting married,
In the wedding pictures you could swear that, that is love.
You and him in the lights, dancing with each other
and we will clasp our hearts joyfully claim:
What a happy couple! They look so beautiful together!
But we also said that about the girls in the headlines,
until their wedding pictures ran in the 9 o’ clock news.
We never could have imagined what he would become.
They looked so beautiful together!
Had we missed any clues?
I know your groom is not like the men from the headline too,
but *I hope with all my might but that's not enough for you.*
I know he will win over the family,
ever the charmer, with his jokes and his poise
but who will he be at the end of the day?
When he takes off the mask to go sit with the boys,
Will he still be the man from the wedding pictures?
Who smiled and held close your hand as you walked up the stage?
Or will he throw around a couple sexist slurs,
in the name of his “humor”, for the sake of his rage?
When your aunt sees him cooking with you,
and says “_*you*_ should be so grateful for this man so rare”
*Will he refuse the praise for reciprocating care?*
*Or will he bask in the glory and the loud fanfare?*
He might offer to go with you to see the singer you love
that he doesn't care for a bit,
but will he offer you his shoulder to cry on?
Will he take yours and let himself cry on it?
Or will you spend your life suppressing your sobs into whispers,
and cry silent tears in covert phone calls to your sisters.
I know he will take you to your favorite park,
buy you flowers, hold your hand, as you walk to and fro
But when they say you are too loud, too free, and you tell them off,
Will he keep holding on or will he let go?
*He said he loved you so much, the day you had said yes*
*but will he love you as much whenever you say no?*
*Or will he love you only as long as you let him feel,*
*more intelligent, better spoken, better traveled, than you*
*with the mysteries of politics and banking more unraveled than you*
*As long as you let him be more in charge than you, feel in charge of you.*
*As long as songs and rings and roses are all you demand*
*and never equal respect that it threaten his command.*
Because I have seen far too many women look at their husband's unmistakable hubris
and convince themselves it is a charming little quirk
through deliberate repeated practice
I have seen far too many women in the name of marriage,
suffocate themselves to fit in cages but
will tie a gold sequin bow around the bars and call
the gilded cages a present for the ages.
So, I hope when you tell us about your marriage,
that you do not have to sit with spiked shields at the ready,
to reassure us and yourself that you are loved,
that he isn't plagued with arrogance and insecurity.
That you do not find yourself saying
“he's not obsessed with how I dress, just a little protective of me”
Or "he doesn't like doing chores but once a month,
he helps me clean the whole staircase, end to end."
*I hope the man you marry is not one whose character you always feel the need to defend.*
*That he doesn't slowly let you kill your voice, your ideas, your ability to dissent.*
Now as the hallways are decked, the cards printed to celebrate your wedding.
The highlight of this fall,
I just have to ask would you still have married him,
If you thought it okay to not marry at all?
Because when the Instagram pictures have been posted,
and the grandiose gestures of romance are done,
I hope it isn't out of desperate compromise,
but that you mean it when you say “he is the one”.
So, when you're getting married and the lights go up, and we begin to sing,
I hope it is a marriage worth celebrating.
That he deserves you, and you deserve him.
*And it is his character that makes you stand tall!*
*And if you do not find a person such, that you do not get married at all.*
(I transcribed it, I hope that's ok)
Thank you for putting it all in one place😊
Well said daughter, many blessings. Always use the brain before emotions take over. Wishing courage to all daughters and sisters. We are the one who need to love ourselves first and then teach others how to love us.
Thank you for listening ❤️
This is beautiful and even if it is striking and harrowing, it is loving. The pictures you paint are dark and unpleasant, but it is a tender warning and proclamation of care. Thank you 💜
Thank you so much!!
Psychology says there are 16 personalities
Steps
1.Know yourself first
2.find a partner accordingly
3.support each other❤ in this journey of life
4.personality disorders also exist they need therapy
Really think about this for your children. Children need their fathers and fare much better with a father in the home. But if you find out too late that he is comfortable lying and cheating, you will find yourself in agony having to be strong for your children. Having whispered arguments where he holds your already broken and twisted heart in his hands and keeps smashing it again and again carelessly, not thinking about the fact that you will carry these wounds when you have to go back to caring for your children after they wake up again and mask it all for them. Or even worse he will yell at you and curse at your right in front of them or yell so loudly while they are sleeping that they wake up and if you beg him to be quiet and think of them that will just enrage him more for some reason.
Please. PLEASE for the sake of your children make sure you absolutely know inside and out that the man you are about to marry is wholesome and a leader through kindness. Don’t ignore a single red flag. Not a single lie, not a single text to an old girl friend. Shirking things you ask him to do. And broken promises. Are his apologies genuine or does he keep doing them same thing? Don’t let infatuation blind you to the reality that the tip of the iceberg is beginning to show through the mist of infatuation. Do not ignore red flags. Wrong is wrong.
Please for the sake of your children do not stir up or awaken love just for the fun of it. It is a very serious thing who you bring life in to the world with. And people will talk about the work being 50/50. It’s less about the work, and more about whether they are truly kind and loving. Make sure you have the same love languages! If you want to be touched and he has an aversion to touch you will be lonely. If he desires acts of kindness and you are a lazy dog it will build resentment. Don’t think differences in the way you express love is cute. Remember it will take extra effort to remember what they need instead of just falling in a rhythm of what you want to receive. And are they going to be willing to learn and put in that extra effort after a few years? If they push away your attempts to connect with them away because they don’t recognize it as bids for love and affection, it will shut you down and it won’t feel so quirky then.
And consider whether you are truly capable of being respectful and giving praise with your words. Because respect is equated to love in a man’s mind. It’s just how it is. Are you capable of respecting him with your words? Are you over critical? If so you may not be ready for marriage and you still have some work to do. Because if he doesn’t find praise from you but only criticism, it will be tempting to find praise from some other girl who doesn’t really know him yet.
Amazzing!! I got goosebumps listening to this video and tears in my eyes omg
Not sure why this showed-up on my feed, but damn, that is Powerful!
To those saying if you were given a choice.......
I'd say, the choice should be yours, make what you want of it.
Thank you for listening!
Really powerful, very creative structure. I don't know why YT showed me this, but i couldn't stop watching once i started. Powerful message and so important. 🙏❤️
Thank you so much for listening!
Thanks sis🥹♥️You reassured my decision not to marry now until i find 'the one' as you told in this video☺️💫✨🙏🏾 I think God said this to me through you😍😍💗
@@sreeuma Awww thank YOU for listening!
Beautiful poem. We need to find partners that feel we are no different - we are equals in everything and our voice and power has the same value. We need to marry someone we are in love with but also someone who is our best friend and who is just as vulnerable as can be.
Only then true love can flourish.
Im very lucky to be a lesbian honestly but my brother is geniuenly a man that gives me hope for the world. He was raised by a single mother, is highly educated and hates gender roles (and always taugut me to question sexist roles and comments from other family members and society). Tbh he is also happy being single and i think that's important because he doesn't feel entitled and is satisfied with who he is alone - which i think is a basis for healthy relationship, you need to feel good as a single person as well even if that would be your "forever" state.
We need to raise bar for men.
Thank you for listening and for sharing!
Marriage often seems to be a desperate compromise for the woman , to anyone who really finds the one I salute you, to everyone else get comfortable being single and focus on female friendships
So beautifully delivered
And yes I can say so proudly so many of the things you mentioned are prevalent if not few all of them in marriages. It is not a heaven afterall
Thank you for listening!
Beautiful poetry sister! ❤😊
Thank you for sharing this wonderful message, Wish that more girls and boys, men and women watch this poetry.....Overall beautiful writing and very realistic, keep writing ✨️
Thank you so much sister! ❤️
This is one of the things that scares me about marriage... Marrying the wrong person...
WOW.....one of the most truthful words i have come across on you tube❤❤❤
Thank you so much!!
This brought me to tears. You speak for so many of us. God bless you, your talent, and your clear voice. May we all pursue and settle for healthy love with which to build our lives and raise future generations. It really is up to each of us. We must choose wisely. ❤
Thank you so much for listening. I am honored this resonated so deeply with you ❤️
Powerful words. And even more powerful delivery
@@RashmiKamath1201 Thank you very much!
" _He said he loved you so much the day you had say_ Yes
_But will he love you as much whenever you say_ No...?" Ouch
Simply wow 👍🏻🤍
Keep writing and keep growing and glowing girl. All the very best. Shine bright ✨
Thank you so much!! ❤️
My mom has always been an independent woman. She's educated and has a really nice job yet sometimes her thinking really surprises me because she sometimes say that a woman should always constantly praise her husband to feed his so called ego. She also says a woman should always get married to a man who's more educated and more successful than her because if the girl is more educated or more successful it'll hurt the man's ego. I simply don't understand why is it always a woman's utmost duty to feed a man's ego everytime and is it the only thing women are created for? I've also heard my relatives saying that the wife should always make her husband feel like she's extremely lucky to have him in her life and he's the savior but never vise versa.
Beautiful poem...what evrryone expect in a partner in a relationship is conveyed precisely sharply and thoughtfully.....i Absolutely loved it....thank u...
Thank you for listening!
hey sania, This is beautiful, you've stringed all my thoughts into this very well put poem. Much love!
@@user-qu2zh7tw6o Thank you so much!!
Such powerful words...amazingly composed and delivered...sad reality of today✨️
@@udityabajpai1308 Thanks so much!
I am crying. Beautifully said.
Thank you so much!
Thank you for this. I needed to hear this.
@@swayamsiddhamishra6538 Thank you for listening!
This girl I am so proud of.
❤❤❤❤👏👏👏
Marriage is a defunct institution. Stay single stay happy. Today's relationships are materialistic.
Single, happy, sober, free, loving life. Not easy but a life worth living
@@suzannaflores1164 Ours is a singles group for 40+, all never married and we all are very happy.
No one has died of being single but many die a silent death everyday being with the wrong partner.
Not at all…if with the right person and for the right reasons it can be a wonderful and fulfilling thing!
@@carolyndilbeck7654 True but finding that right person is the pertinent problem. Ours is a singles group for 40+, all never married and we all are very happy. No one has died of being single but many die a silent death everyday being with the wrong partner.
Some also die every single day out of loneliness. I know you might not know, but being in love with someone and loving them every day no matter if they say yes or no or maybe is important for everyone. Everyone needs unconditional love.
Endless beauty and brilliance
I have been in a toxic relationship. I have seen this nice guy man who breaks you while sweetly saying he loves you but doing quite the opposite.
Brilliant 🎉🎉🎉Just one more thought that I am learning the hard way...."if someone haven't experienced what you have ...but they demand explanation...don't explain anything to them...its a trap to keep you question yourself."
Is it always, though? I'm fairly sure that I don't know the first thing about this lady's life experiences; and I'm sure she knows but little about mine as we don't know each other at all. I watch videos like this because I would like to learn, would like to understand at least a little bit. And how can I learn without asking questions asking for explanations of the Why, How, and What for? Asking for explanations isn't always gaslighting, you know...
@@thekingsdaughter4233i think the key word here is "demand" explaination..no one owes anyone any explanations but yes u can definitely ask ..your intentions matter but there are far too people who look at someone talking abt their problem and their first response is "why their partner behaved that way with them?" "Oh maybe you deserved it" to make victims feel that they are the one at fault and not their abuser...victim blaming is quite common unfortunately
Thank you! And thank you for sharing this lesson. Agree with the conversation here: people genuinely wanting to understand your experiences (should you want to share them) are very different from people “demand[ing] explanations”
@@saniairfan9357 it might be a fine line to walk, perhaps. Personally, I cannot recall a situation when I felt that explanations were "demanded" of me. I can recall situations, however, when questions _of any kind_ regarding my emotional state, were/are unwelcome. I have also experienced occasions when people just blew up in my face as I tried to understand some of their strong aversions. Life is a balancing act, isn't it? 😊 On both sides. 🤷
My husband is a narcissist and never even takes me out. Acts well in front of relatives and just as u said he comes to kitchen only when relatives are around and acts . The stupid auties tell i am blessed to have such a husband😢😢😢
Divorce him
@@OO9O9 I wish I could....it's very difficult in Indian culture
@@user-xc7vo4xz3c try. And if you can't. Run away from that country
@@user-xc7vo4xz3cthen run away to another country
5 30am
Brilliant perspective and important thoughts before marriage but i don't believe in the other option because nothing in life is perfect not your job career or other relationships. Also the joy of having children n nurturing them is also an empowering experience don't you think.
August 5 2024
Sania, that's thorough and well-thought. Every woman should hear this!
Thank you so much!
You are going places girl, Best of Luck✨✨
Thank you!!
I came back from a wedding ceremony. The people there are tooo backward minded. I saw husbands shouting at wife.and women praising him .😊
Exhausted I came back home and I saw ur video ❤❤❤❤
❤❤❤
Brilliantly composed. 👏 New subscriber here. Thank you for these wise words, I hope women hear them worldwide.❤
Thank you so much for listening and subscribing!
Thank you for sharing! You've brought to life the fraught wire sparking in my heart. Spoken word is such a powerful medium and you utilized it so well, you managed to articulate all my pain and pressure felt in this "marriageable age". I am saving you video post haste. So well written and so well delivered, what an inspiration!
Thank you so much! I am so glad it resonated with you.
Powerful words. Well delivered.
Thank you!!
I love this so much thank you for posting!!!! Watched it 3 times already. You spoke right to my ❤
Thank you so much for listening! So glad it resonated with you.
I have chills. woah. I can't really do that justice. 10/10
Thank you so much!
wise, beautiful and so very skillfully spoken!❤
Thanks so much!
This is so powerful, got a little teary listening to this!
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much!
Thank you. Essential questions for all of us. Yes. I would.
Thank you for listening!