"I'm trying to make everyone happy..."
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
- Today we're talking about people pleasing...why am I trying SO hard to keep everyone happy this holiday season? Great question! Dr. Paul teaches us how we can think a little differently to find the best solution!
IN THIS VIDEO:
5 Days to an Organized Christmas Workshop (FREE!): cli.re/organiz...
Dr. Paul's Free Download: drpauljenkins....
Dr. Paul's RUclips Channel: / liveonpurposetv
My Sweater: From Kohl's this season
LOOKING FOR MORE SUPPORT?
We have a few ways that we can come alongside you:
1) PRIVATE DECLUTTERING GROUP:
This takes place in a private Facebook group. Here's what you can expect:
- 5-10 minute videos each weekday with guided decluttering tasks
- monthly themes, weekly challenges
- 1 hour live guided decluttering sessions twice a month for accountability
- encouragement & support from other members
- cost is $11/month
This is ideal if you're looking for more motivation & accountability.
To learn more and to sign up, visit here: cli.re/minimal...
2) DECLUTTER YOUR HOME IN 15 MINUTES A DAY WORKBOOK:
This workbook is designed to walk you through decluttering each area of your home in 15 minute lessons.
- 168 full color pages
- easy to follow lessons designed for limited time & energy
- our key concepts (like inventory, the silent to-do list, the endowment effect & more) are spread throughout the book, too
Ideal for those looking for a self-paced guidebook to declutter their home quickly & efficiently.
The workbooks are $20 (digital or spiral bound)
Shipping: $4 flat rate domestic US
Find more details here
Physical Workbook: cli.re/Spiral-...
Digital Workbook: cli.re/Digital...
3) DECLUTTER YOUR HOME IN 15 MINUTES A DAY COURSE:
Declutter Your Home in 15 Minutes a Day Course: cli.re/Course
In the Declutter Your Home in 15 Minutes a Day course we go through the workbook, breaking down specific areas of your home in detail to be able to declutter faster and with more confidence. If you want to know specifics (like how many of each thing to keep) this course is for you.
..................................
:: DECLUTTERING PLAYLISTS ::
New to our channel & Minimalism? Start Here :: cli.re/START-HERE
Kitchen Decluttering :: cli.re/Kitchen...
Storage Spaces :: cli.re/declutt...
Kids' Toys :: cli.re/toys-pl...
Sentimental Things :: cli.re/Declutt...
:: OUR AMAZON STOREFRONT :: www.amazon.com... ::
Thank you for your support!
:: C U R R E N T L Y R E A D I N G ::
"Get Your Life Back" by John Eldredge: amzn.to/32M6I4k
"Essentialism" by Greg McKeown: amzn.to/2Ow3Cgk
:: LISTEN FOR FREE ON AUDIBLE :: amzn.to/2ItCr2f
🖤 FACEBOOK: / minimalmom
🖤 INSTAGRAM: / the.minimal.mom
:: M O S T P O P U L A R O N O U R B L O G R I G H T N O W ::
Pumpkin Spice Bundt Cake: cli.re/pumpkin...
Chocolate Chip Cookie Bars: cli.re/choco-c...
Chocolate Sour Cream Bundt Cake: cli.re/chocola...
Self-Watering Herb Garden: cli.re/self-wa...
Minimalist Meal Planning System: cli.re/meal-pl...
#minimalism #familyminimalism #minimalist
:: M O S T P O P U L A R V I D E O S R I G H T N O W ::
57 Things We No Longer Buy: • 57 Things We Don't Buy...
Organized Minimalist HOUSE TOUR: • My Organized Minimalis...
Cook MORE, Clean LESS: • Simplify your Kitchen ...
How to Declutter WITHOUT Making a Mess: • How to Declutter WITHO...
The Silent To-Do List: • The Silent To-Do List ...
*AFFILIATE LINKS! THANK YOU!!!*
..............
🛍 Affiliate links:
📷 Camera #1 (that I LOVE!! We made our first 450 video with this & still highly recommend): Canon G7X Mark II amzn.to/2o9hWLi
📷 Camera #2 (also really like & easy to use!): Canon M50 amzn.to/3jwkEro with Sigma 16mm Lens amzn.to/3h7YkDd and shotgun mic amzn.to/3jxYYeC
..............
Royalty-free music used with permission from the RUclips Creator Studio, Epidemic Sound and purchased from AudioJungle.net
Here is the link to the FREE 5 Days to an Organized Christmas Workshop: cli.re/organized-christmas-signup
Dr. Paul's Free Download: drpauljenkins.com/minimalmom
We hope to see you in the workshop! - Dawn
that color shirt looks BEAUTIFUL ON YOU SWEET SISTER
I loved this video. I've been through a lot of therapy in my life, and changing my thinking is the part that changed everything, and my ability to change my own life. The realization that I had a choice. The folks below who felt this guest was mansplaining, perhaps dont realize that the first reaction most people have to "you can change your thoughts " is "no I cant!" It takes repetition of the idea for many of us who are stuck. I remember when i first said, "I dont have to run to 2 Christmas meals, 100 miles apart, in one day." Before that, I dreaded the holiday. Once I said, "wait. I can choose to do this differently, whether others like it or not", I started to look forward to Christmas.
@@cassondramurray6100 I’m so glad you shared this Cassondra, I really hope others find it helpful, too ❤️
My birthday is on Christmas so it can be so hectic and also lonely… I really appreciated this interview. I’m turning 30 and am really getting intentional with the traditions I loved growing up and the ones that we can leave behind or the new ones we can start with our own family. Just celebrated 1 year anniversary with my husband 🥰
Another word switch I've enjoyed recently is going from, "I don't have time for that." to "That's not a priority for me." I've found that it reduces my guilt about things that are external pressures and helps me refocus my actual priorities and what I make time for.
Love this!!! ❤️
I freaking love this!
It’s also just more true… we al have the same time each day but each person shares that time with themselves or others differently. We all have different talents and interests or needs in different seasons of our lives. I really love that… “this is a priority” or “this isn’t a priority” ♥️
I like that soo much! Immediately it made me feel that I’m a person who is focused and prioritizes the important things as opposed to a chicken running around with its head cut off trying to do everything. I’m stealing this
I love love love that! Thank you.
This reminds me of when my Mom was older and widowed, we decided to give her a gift of "memories". We found a ceramic jar, printed a lot of our favorite memories and gifted her with them. Her kids and grand kids participated with the understanding that when she felt the need she could pull out some of her memories and relive those times. It was one of her favorite gifts! The thing that she said suprised her, was that of all the gifts she had gotten us through the years, no one had memtioned any of those material things. We all remembered the times she spent with us. Sewing doll clothes, teaching us to crochet, sew, cooking, making something out of paper mache or doing some sort of craft. You see, you are right, it is the TIME she spent with us and we learned by that to spend with our own children. Now I'm a grandmother with sixteen grands ages 28 thru 3. There is no way I can buy them all what they "want". I can't keep track of what they have or need. But I can do little special things and spend as much time with them as possible. Keep up the great work!!!!
I absolutely love this idea. My parents are in their late 80s. They need nothing but love from their family. I am going to make a memory book for both of my parents asking each family member to contribute their best memory. Thanks so much for this idea!
Great idea. For one of my mom's birthday's we had a wooden box made and sent out birthday invitations and included colored index cards asking people to write a memory and bring it to the party. Now my mom is 95 and has dementia but I'm thinking I need to find that box and set it out where she can enjoy reading all the many many memories and funny stories. This will really brighten her life right now.
What an awesome idea. I think I'll use this!!!
So, so lovely!
Beautiful!😊
Years ago I made dozens and dozens of Christmas cookies and treats. It was tradition. One year I had enough. I asked my husband and two boys what their favorite Christmas treat was. Once they each picked a favorite, that’s all I made. I gave them the option each year, so it sometimes changed, but it made thing so much easier. It was just like decluttering, you have 16 sweaters, you pick your favorites and get rid of the rest. Great video!
We started this a few years ago, it helped so much!
👏👏👏👍💞
My mom had very rigid ideas of what we needed to do around the holidays. What activities we did, how we dressed, who we visited, what foods we ate, even to the point where nobody ate a particular food, but it had to be on the table. These were the way things were done when she was little and we had to keep every single tradition perfectly. It made her so anxious and often triggered her bipolar disorder, every year. And sometimes she would become su***dal. It often left everyone feeling unhappy. As an adult with kids of my own I started to really think about what I wanted from the holidays. Traditions should add to the fun, not trigger a mental breakdown (literally.) I learned to be very chill about the holidays, and most of the time we keep it very low key, and I end the season feeling happy. I know my mom is an extreme example. But I hope we all can relax and just enjoy being with our loved ones this holiday season rather than worrying about checking all of the required boxes of tradition.
Your mom is like me except I'm not su***dal but just mad for all the work that was expected of me because the family requested to do so many dishes and nobody wants to help me. I now do what I think is necessary and delegate the work to my kids after teaching them how it's done. They now learn to cook some of their favorite dishes and they even volunteered to help me decorate. Holiday now is more enjoyable when the family help.
I’ve researched this topic and a majority of heart attacks happen around Christmas time. It’s stressful for so many.
This is such a helpful comment! I remember in the beginning of being a parent trying to do it all at Christmas. Then on January 2nd I’d have that gross feeling of regret from having so much stuff but so little memories attached to the holiday season that had just passed. I try to do better every year with prioritizing. I don’t do fancy Christmas photos or cards and I think I love that. 😅 I no longer stress about spending money on them and sending them out in time.
I have never heard a man say in January "Oh I'm so glad the holidays are over." It's always women. We need to take responsibility for the fact that we take on too much and decide each year what we are no longer going to do, announce it, and get others to take it on if they care about it.
I haven't done the "Christmas thing" for many years now. When people find that out about me they call me a "scrooge" but they are the ones that are complaining about all the things that they HAVE to do, I'm not.
I have had a negative narrative in my head for so long, but this year my goal has been to place boundaries in my life. I have lost over 100 pounds by placing boundaries with my food; I have let my kids do more things for themselves by placing boundaries of what I will and won't do for them; I have said no to many good things and said yes to the things I truly wanted or needed. I have a long way to go, but these first steps have made a huge difference. I can't wait to apply this to Christmas and to create a peaceful, joyful Christmas.
I was just reflecting on how it’s not my job to make my kids happy (or anyone) but rather to build their skills so they can be content with their lives and experience happiness. So tough!!
At some point when my kids were growing up, I think it was when they were around 11 -12 years old, we decided that for birthdays and Christmas, we would try to give an experiences rather than a thing. Of course there were also some little things given as well but usually they had to save up for the big electronics and games they wanted on their own. I feel this was a turning point for us. It took the pressure off of the shopping, the wish lists, the money for stuff that ended up being clutter in a couple months. Some things we've done as a family that were given as gifts are escape rooms, a day skiing, shows, concerts, weekend trips, treasure hunts...
@@vzeimen I love that
Yes! Thanks for this thought.
Well said!!! ❤️
My kids are now grown and even some of my grandchildren are adults so I speak from experience 😊 When our children were young I tried to give them the Christmas’s that I never had and after a few years of this I found they had gotten “spoiled.” They would present long lists of what they expected to get months before Christmas! Knowing this was my own doing, I decided to try to turn things around. I said they could not have everything they wanted but we were going to do some other things. I got them to help me pick out gifts for secret Santa’s charities and they loved it. I said we would have a friends night and take a group to the movies, our treat. And lastly we had a friends night at the house where we all baked cookies. This was work and expensive but I did manage to turn their thinking around from it being all about what they got to the importance of giving and sharing. The lesson I learned was that what I did or didn’t do could shape my children’s attitudes in a positive way.
this is fantastic!!!
This is So True. And I like your way of thinking. Better than the video -Somehow I feel very mansplained by this guy
This is lovely~
These are all such great ideas!
Thanks for sharing your experience!
Last year everything changed for our family. Just a week before Christmas our teenaged son went home to Heaven. In that moment everything else lost its importance. The only thing that mattered was to be close to Jesus and with our loved ones, to make sure they know how beloved they are. I have always loved Christmas and enjoyed it, but this year I don't know what to think, feelings are very mixed. We know it is not going to be easy, but it can be good anyway if we focus on the most important: loving Jesus and loving each other. Cookies, gifts and all that can be wonderful, but none of those things is worth losing my peace of mind.
I pray you will find joy in Jesus and the Father.
I’m so sorry of your loss. I can understand some of what you’re feeling.
🙏🏻💖🙏🏻
@@susana5052 Thank you so much for your kind words. Lots of blessings to you!
What are ways you include your son in your holidays?
This is our 7th year without our son. He passed away when he was 10.
We still put up my son's stocking. We put things in it that the family can use, but that represent things he'd done for the benefit of the family. For us, that's adhesives. He was always taping things back together. One year I bought special glue for glass so we could finally repair some things that needed attention. Last year it was a new tape dispenser for our school room so we aren't always going to get the one out of there office, then you can't find it when you need it. This year, I'm considering getting a spray adhesive. A few things have come up lately that it would have been helpful for and we didn't have it. I'm also getting medical tape and band-aids. After learning some first aid at cub scouts he was great at stepping into action when first aid was needed. Having these things arrive into the house in his stocking it does feel like he's still helping us out every time we use them. Last night I wrapped a few presents with the tape dispenser and it reminded me of him and his helpfulness. Same when we used it to put up birthday decorations for his sister and brother recently.
I'm sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves differently. Doing something like this may help soothe a bit of the ache. It hurts to NOT do things, like fill their stocking, but it also hurts to do it. For me, I find it less painful to do SOME things. It would be counter-productive to do everything, but choosing some that are meaningful feel better than skiing nothing.
This is true of holidays, but also birthdays and death days. I've lost my parents as well and while they are represented in many traditions for holidays, for their birthdays and death days we don't have things we DO and it feels worse. I hope you're able to find some comfort despite the empty, painful, weight of missing a loved one.
@@MATSMommy thank you so much for sharing this! I am so sorry for your loss, too. What a beautiful way to remember your son and include him. Also the metaphor of tape, glue, first aid etc that can put together something that is broken, or bring together pieces that belong together. As a part of your familys journey from broken hearts to healing. This really touched and encouraged me, and gave a lot to think about. I hope you and your family will have a lovely, blessed Christmas ❤
Great talk. Dawn, you're very humble. Your viewers know that you say "if it's not a clear yes, it's a no", but you reacted graciously as if you didn't already tell us this when he mentioned it.
My goal was never for me to be responsible for my children to be happy. My goal was for them to grow up to be content.
My kids are still toddlers but my goal is to for them to be happy, productive and functional adults. My job is to teach them even if they get mad at me.
Thank you, Dawn, for being the one who gives us concrete help.
Dawn, your comment about us asking kids what they want for Christmas hit the nail on the head! We, the adults, can change this narrative. Love this! 💕💕💕
I now believe that TRADITION is a DANGER WORD, it causes more stress around celebrations. My tradition now is to do something different every year - bake different cookies, cakes - serve different dishes for the meal, try a different stuffing, sit in a different spot around the table each year. Teach yourself and your children to manage change, to accept differences, and manage expectations, create variety. And then, we won't be crushed when something isn't quite the same every year.
Great idea, love it !
I see what you’re saying I think, but I disagree about a danger word. It’s whatever you decide that word carries that makes it dangerous. Something new would be great, and our traditions can also be embraced. Nothing is exactly the same as before, that’s a fact- so I think it helps to keep that in mind. ❤
I love this!
My daughter in laws parents spoil my Granddaughters horribly. I used to get upset because as a single Grandmother, I just could not afford to buy them expensive gifts. I cried many nights over it. Now that they’re older they get two small gifts each and a gift card each. I’m now the Grandma that decorates the tree with them each year. I’m the Grandma that takes them to look at Christmas lights. I’m the Grandma that they come to to decorate the gingerbread house and Christmas cookies. And now that they’re preteen, they want me to teach them how to make the Christmas candies my Mom would make every year. I let her parents get the expensive gifts & I do what I can to make memories for them to have for a lifetime. I don’t feel guilty any longer. ❤
I had one older aunt every year for Christmas give me one of those Lifesavers books. They only sell it at Christmas. It looks like a little book but has 6 or so rolls of different Lifesavers candies in it. It wasn’t much but I looked forward to it every year. I loved spending time with her. That was the important part.
I spent about 4 years of my 2 older daughters working 2 jobs as a single mom. I was not able to do most of the traditions that we did before. They are both grown and have kids of their own and they always tell others that we always did them. I also tell about the traditions of my childhood thinking we did it lots more then we truly did. They will forget, just like we forgot the pain of the child birth. They also felt the guilt, when I asked them if they remembered me skipping some during those years, they had to think about it before they remembered. It didn't ruin the Moments, it was just all we could do at those times.
The older I get the less excited I get for the hectic holiday season. But I'm working on simplifying what we do and what we say yes to. On a side note...brown is your color, Dawn! You look so pretty in that color.
This is really useful. It goes hand in hand with Brene Brown reminding us that “we tell ourselves stories.” We can build whole narratives in our head about other people’s thoughts or judgements, and those stories may be incorrect. Those of us with anxiety need to remember all the time that our actual circumstances at a given moment are probably not as scary as our thoughts about them.
I just watched one of her shows on Netflix and she opened my eyes to lots of things I never thought about.
Next is to watch her Ted talk.
From a marriage and family therapist perspective, I have a lot of thoughts on those questions submitted! :) Dawn, you did a good job trying to make things a bit concrete. My biggest advice: own your role in how you've set expectations with the family members so if you want to make some shifts, you bring them along. Also, engage your spouse (if you have one) because there is nobody else who "matters" as much, especially for the son who just wants cash question. Final tip (I could talk for HOURS) is to discuss this topic in a calm way, not in the middle of an epic tension situation... for example, talk about it today, not in 4 weeks when the stressful mother-in-law calls with her classic high-stress assumptions that your spouse goes along with without discussing with you first.
My brother, for the first time in 50 years, has taken the initiative and booked a concert for my mum and her friend from both our families. We usually try and buy useful things but as we all get older it gets harder so thankfully he found this years solution xxxxxxx
This is fantastic! Thanks for the inspiration! I will start looking for a concert to buy my mom tickets too! Perfect!
Another good gift for parents/grandparents: were do they grocery shop? What pharmacy do they use? What has station do they use? Get gift cards for those places to free up some of that money for them. Pay their cable bill for six months. Some alternative ideas rather than buying a random gift just to buy a gift.
The last couple of years my son and I have stopped buying gifts because we cannot afford it, but we decorate a small tree, we eat our favorite meals and bake sweets... then we watch Christmas movies all month long...
You really cannot make everyone (especially kids) happy. I also went through terrible depression for a few Christmases and I could hardly do anything, but everything was ok. Christmas still happened and everyone was able to enjoy themselves, even when I wasn’t doing everything I had previously done. It’s ok to do what you can. ❤
I know a family that gives their kids a calendar as their Christmas "gift". On the calendar is a different fun family activity for each month of the year. Some are free like sledding or hiking or a picnic at a reservoir, and others might cost a bit of money like going to an amusement park. But the kids have a visual reminder of a fun activity to look forward to doing together every month. Then they just play games together and watch movies on Christmas day. My own family hasn't tried this yet but we have scaled back Christmas a lot over the years, and sometimes just give one main gift like a trampoline, ski season passes, etc.
When Minimal Mum is better than a professional psychologist :D
Dawn you are great, you practically answered all the questions and in a really helpful way! Love you!
Always enjoy your talks with Dr Paul! One of things I totally love at Christmas is helping at a ministry in the town that I grew up in that helps families with a meal and gifts..it is such a blessing and have seen many thankful tears.
A few years ago, I started "combining traditions" when we minimized. For example, my kids love making applesauce ornaments, it is one of our traditions. Since we were doing it anyway, we just used those ornaments (literally just cinnamon and applesauce formed into dough, cut into shapes, and baked) as neighbor, teacher, Sunday school, school friends, bus drivers, and hostess gifts. I don't have to buy anything for any of those groups because we know we always make the ornaments (although we do add gift cards for teachers). People have told me years later they still love them and ask us to make more. Just increasing the number we made while we were going to be doing it anyway and letting that be "good enough" to be our gift took like 7 things off my to do list. We also try to create traditions that we can do from home, for free, in pajamas so it is less stress that time of year than trying to be everywhere and stretch the budget too thin. Our Elf on the Shelf is not creative, he just moves to different places in the living room. The only special thing he does is that one day early in the season he brings us all matching shirts or PJs. Then we wear those to do several free activities throughout the month like a Christmas movie night, drive around and look at lights, trim the tree, a hot chocolate bar, Christmas living room karaoke, etc. You can make plenty of magic with a very small budget and without stressing yourself out.
@Stephanie Giese
Thanks you for sharing your fun but simplified Christmas traditions with us. You have made things a lot less complicated and definitely less stressful for your family! I’ll be sure to copy some of your ideas. 😊
we walk around with the dogs at night looking for and rating christmas trees. I love the idea of doing it in christmas pjs!
Thank you for helping us to think about our thoughts! I especially appreciate the "If in doubt, opt out" and the "if it's not a heck yes, its a heck no!" This is perfect timing for me as I think about how I, myself (not everyone around me!) want to experience and find joy in this season! Both of you are great! 👍☺️
We have moved 7 times with a set of golf clubs my husband has used once. His dad gave them to him and he kept them because the belonged to his grandfather. We recently moved into a new house and when they came out we had to decide once again if now if the time to get rid of them? Pass them along to someone who will use them. So my husband asked his dad if he wanted to keep them since they were sentimental to him…. Turns out, he bought them at a yard sale and my husband was wrong all along about their sentimental value. Wow. Letting the guilt hang on you when it’s not even legitimate guilt? 12 years of decision and guilt over a yard sale golf set we never used.
This year I’m going to ask my kids what they want to do for Christmas, not what they want. Cards, sledding, baking cookies, let’s do it! That’s the best part, being together.
My young adult son wanted money for Xmas from his Grandma/Grandpa a couple years ago. My mom's love language is giving gifts -- she thinks everyone must have presents to "open" on Xmas -- she hates the idea of just writing a check or giving cash. I suggested giving different variations of bills as his gifts -- a $1 bill, $5 bill, $10 bill, $20 bill, $50 bill, etc. -- she wrapped individual bills in different sized boxes for him to unwrap. Sometimes he would open a box with $1 in it, sometimes it was $5, etc. -- he was SO tickled with it -- gave him what he wanted, and Grandma got to enjoy watching him open his multiple presents and the smiles on his face -- by the end, he had quite a nice handful of bills to put in his wallet. It was a win/win for them both! Highly recommend this idea!!!
One year I ordered money puzzles. Put money inside and they solve the puzzle to open it. The solution came with the puzzle packaging, so offered that if I observed frustration after they tried on their own. They cost around $10
This! Hard pill to swallow as an adult to recognize that not everyone will put in the same effort as I do or like the same things I do. Once I recognized this, it helped me not be so deflated with gift giving for holidays and birthdays and/or to not be so upset when things don't go as planned. Like Dr. Paul said, it is what it is. I leave it at that and enjoy what I can. It's not easy and I still struggle with it, but it has helped me to get through and avoid judgements against myself and others.
My father is terminally ill. We are not even sure he will make it until Christmas.
I don't care for any gifts, traditions, food, anything, other than to spend time with my family.
Seriously, the people are important, don't take anything else too serious. Sure make that specific dish, show your love language with thoughtful gifts etc. But it is not worth being too tired to enjoy your family.
Beautiful ! Thank you, Dr Paul & Dawn ! Important , powerful, paradigm shifting Ideas here ! Reminds me of a lovely phrase : We can’t change the winds, but we can change the sails. xo Liz
Raelyn, girl, sounds like your husband wants his own mother to be putting on Christmas for him. Surely he’s capable of making things happen too! We’re working on simplifying by eliminating the husband learned-helplessness over here. Good luck!
This was powerful. I wish I had heard a talk like this when I was a young mother and trying to do it all.
Bless your heart. I hope you didn't carry all the guilt now. You tried to do your best when you're a young mother and that's good enough. I did that too and I'm trying to make life easier before it's too late. Motherhood is tough. You try to do everything but most of the time not seen and appreciated. 🤔
I instantly thought "not this man again"... but gave the interview a chance (because of Dawn's wisdom). He repeats the exact same things from a past interview with Dawn. I'm trying to be honest and respectful (I'm not from the US nor do I speak English) when I say this man loves hearing his own voice too much and isn't very helpful.
To go along with your theme for the holidays, "No is a complete sentence!"
The conversation about Christmas and what we create in our minds about what to expect . . . The gift of time. This is mind blowing in the best way possible.
Interesting as always. Dawn, personally I think you explain things better and simpler than the professionals.
I agree 100%. No offense to the guests, I just prefer the way Dawn presents things. I felt like she even seemed a bit confused trying to follow his thought process.
Agree. No disrespect to the doc but I felt like he was making no sense 😂
Agree, I’ve liked some of her other collabs but this doesn’t hit the mark for me. I do think women also bear much more of the burden and another female guest with some practical advice would be better
@@ajenkinson3443 Absolutely. We take on so much, especially during the holiday season. I simplified our gift giving a few years ago and it was the best decision.
This is the only video I have not been able to watch the whole way through!
PERFECT timing! I came here after getting ads from Amazon and Target. I was gifted something from mom yesterday and immediately had to regift and felt bad. I know she will see that I don't use the item as it's a table runner and she is coming for Thanksgiving, but I DON'T want it! OK, to the video... "It is what it is" explains our circumstance. Using Psychology, Our circumstances can precede our thoughts. This creates our feelings, then has an action and a result. I really must find myself coming back to my thought "I DON'T want to manage this." "I want a STRESS FREE holiday." "I don't need to feel obligated to make others happy." Also... I can try my best to flip it, because I get so frustrated. This model was given to me years ago by a life coach and I used it to avoid a divorce and repair my marriage. It is what I am using with my son now. If anyone loves this, try listening to Brooke Castillo, from The Life Coach School. She has a TON of helpful info. I still use her model all the time.
The last few years I’ve tried cutting back, so now I buy my husband & (adult) kids, one gift for each of what they: want, need, read and watch. I also ask them for suggestions. My son always asks for a donation to go to his favorite charity - so I do that too. He even says can cut back on his gift just to make sure I donate to a charity. So thoughtful
Thank you so much for addressing my question. I am so determined to truly create the holiday season to be peaceful and a treasure for not only my family but me as well. Thanks again.
I gave up sending Christmas cards a few years ago. My husband wanted me to keep sending them but I was the one doing the work…which is what it felt like. I was stressing myself out trying to get everything done and missing the time I could be spending on what I considered enjoyable. Now I just put a message on Facebook wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and that this is my card. People love it and I get my time back.
I remember so many activities we did together as a family around the holidays and those are what I cherish the most. Very few of the gifts I received stand out to me. And it wasn’t even the activity itself that makes me remember it but the people and they joy surrounding it.
When it comes to my family I try not to put too much stress on the particular activity but to make sure it’s a peaceful and joyful time. I can’t do that if I’m letting myself get stressed over expectations. So each year I just tell my family “this is what I can can handle this year. If you would like to do a special tradition that’s above and beyond what I can manage you can absolutely facilitate that.” When my kids were younger I never bought in to all the Pinterest stuff because I knew I could never keep up with it. Elf on the shelf is one of those. It’s truly so cute and I admire families that do it but I know myself. I stick to simple things that will evoke powerful memories of true joy and peace for my family. And that will look different for each family.
The magic and nostalgia and getting into “the spirit of Christmas” is so watered down by the early commercialization of it.
Thank you so much for this video. Our large family of 22 travels every other year for the holidays. When we travel, we give less gifts and it is so much more relaxing. In past years, there are so many gifts to open and it becomes a chore to hurry up and open everything to get through it. I love the relaxed feeling of giving less every other year. We have great experiences traveling together and making memories. Over the years, we have stopped swapping gifts with many of our family members and just try to get together for dinner instead. I also know that the holidays are a real burden on some friends as they cannot afford to buy gifts for everyone. Also, my grandchildren and I get together and bake cookies and give to all their friends. This is a special time for us and allows them to give gifts of food.
I have felt the pain of trying to continue tradition. I have grown children now and have asked them to help with continuing some of those traditions. Bringing a favorite dish to our Holliday gatherings or helping me decorate, involving my grandkids in helping me put together our tree that sort of thing. So, they can learn and pass them along to their children. Share that torch, so you can some day pass it along.
I can't wait for the 5 days of organized Christmas. We are so grateful for your insights. We know you speak the truth in 🥰 love.
Had a hard day and this helped me to process some of my thoughts. Moms don't always ask themselves, "What do I want?" .. that is so true. We always want to make our kids happy first. Sigh.
Hi Dawn! Thank you so much for introducing us to Dr. Paul. I looked him up after watching this last month and found that not only does he teach positivity, he has amazing parenting resources, which I am in desperate need of. I joined his program and also work with one of his coaches via Zoom. This is changing my life. I have been negative thinking my whole life. I have been battling deep anxiety and moderate depression for over 6 months. I am finally improving because of what Dr. Paul and his team teach us. Thanks again. I love your channel. I also love when you wear color. :-) You look beautiful in anything but your face is so bright and it brings people joy to see your beauty, which shines more when you wear your colored tops.
Last year my youngest was 13 and I told them I wasn’t doing Santa gifts. I explained they weren’t getting less I just wasn’t staying up late to set a specific one out anymore and they were appalled lol. So the youngest picked out one for each of them and set it aside for Christmas morning. I was relieved of the tradition and they took control. Additionally I hate baking and said I wasn’t doing that. The youngest baked something…and the neighbors and friends gave so much that I was glad I hadn’t baked. Sometimes letting go is hard but in the end it will unfold and be ok. Maybe better!
He’s spot on with us creating the narrative. Our extended family had traditions like any other- one year we talked about changing things up to help lessen the load on EVERYONE. everyone was so excited to try new things every year. And now our tradition is simply to celebrate together.
Not to be random but You look fabulous, Dawn!
Great discussion Dawn and Dr. Paul!
We’ve been sold lies that steal meaning from our relationships.
So true!
I think noticing and challenging the narrative we tell ourselves is SUCH an important life skill, and can help us in so many situations. As he said, when you notice what you think you can make room for choice. As I deal with anxiety I have found this skill especially helpful and I really want to instil in my children as they grow and navigate the teen years and adulthood. Thank you Dr. Paul and Dawn ❤️👍🏻
I love Dr Paul! I had to use the “it is what it is” w my 10 year old son this weekend when he broke both of his arms. Situations are neutral.
Geesh, how aweful. Healing light his way.
OMG! Bless his heart! Praying for a perfect and quick recovery.🙏💙
Wow this is really deep! Live with guilt every day and I do like the idea of changing should to could. I totally feel it is my job to make sure every one is happy. I am going to have to sit with all this for a while. Thanks, I really needed to hear this message!
I started telling my three boys, "There's no magic in Christmas, it's a lot of work and I need help." Plus I stopped things I didn't really care about like sending out Christmas cards. If no one wanted to help bring down the Christmas tree from storage, I just didn't put it up. My three teen/tween boys didn't mind a bit. Then I initiated them buying the gifts that would be from me and dad. I gave them each a set amount of money for each sibling. I told them to pick something out for the two other brothers, bring it to me and I would wrap it labeled from Mom and Dad.
LOL - there’s no magic in Christmas - that’s going on my fridge!!
We give our grandkids “experiences”. Tickets to plays, trips, classes, etc.
I feel like this video could be summarized for in the comment about when you have a peaceful and happy Christmas, you give your kids a peaceful and happy Christmas. That one will stick with me.
I have been guilty of buying things to just to buy and have gifts to give. Since watching Dawn’s videos I have moved away from this a lot. But my mother in law definitely just buys and buys so that she has a bunch of gifts to give. I can honestly say both myself, and my kids, would be so happy with the one really nice thing she got that was something we actually wanted or would enjoy. The rest brings mess, guilt, dislike, etc.
Communication. Pull out the calendar and have a family meeting. Ask what's important to each family member. Schedule for each thing. That gives everyone realistic expectations and lowers stress. Older people don't need more stuff so think about gifts that will be used up or consumed. Money is always the right color. Don't buy decorations for the house unless you're positive on the style. Less consumerism and more thought. How would you feel about receiving a small gift with a card telling you how you matter and made a difference in their life? That's huge.
I've really minimized Christmas giving. Don't have small kids anymore so very minimal. I taught my kids giving is through out the year not 1 day to go crazy. Money is a universal language, put it in something that would serve as a gift so u get satisfaction but they get what they really want.
Nope ask for money y'all get nothing. Not sorry
Asking others what their expectations are helps us figure out if we can meet those expectations and (especially with kids) talk through the reality of the situation and any changes we want to make so that their expectations and our realities better align.
In the first five seconds I’m thanking God that we refused to buy into the elf on the shelf. Both of my sisters and their families have spent the last decade and some making life more difficult. Is it cute and funny, yes. Does it add unnecessary stress to an already stressful fun time, yes.
My family was pretty chill about the holidays: a Christmas tree we all helped decorate, a visit with Santa at the local department store, a few select gifts and traditional family dinner. But when I married and got taken up in the whirl of my in-laws notion of what "should" be done to celebrate I nearly lost my mind! Handmade gifts were the expectation, and nearly every year we would pack up our four children and drive 800 miles to get to their home in time for Christmas. I spent time I couldn't spare making gifts that I wasn't sure they even wanted, and the stress of pulling everything together for the trip made me dread the holidays. This went on for years until I finally said "Enough!" and my husband's sisters were right on board. Apparently we were all feeling the same but nobody wanted to be the one to rock the boat of tradition. Funny how it's always the women who take on the burden and we have only ourselves to blame.
Another good gift for parents/grandparents: were do they grocery shop? What pharmacy do they use? What has station do they use? Get gift cards for those places to free up some of that money for them. Pay their cable bill for six months. Some alternative ideas rather than buying a random gift just to buy a gift.
Kids/grandkids buy experiences. Last year we bought grandson a gift card to local movie theater. Bought a couple boxes of theater candy and wrapped the gift card with them. Other grandson gift card to Craig's Cruisers, spent $50 they had Christmas promotion going they added $20 for free to the card.
I needed this video! Thank you Dawn and Dr Paul. My family have come to expect a Halloween party from me every year, I used to enjoy it so much and now I just find it exhausting. I've now refocused and willl only do the things that are a "Heck yes!" for me!
You've found a really nice collab man, so gentle and insightful
I don't have kids but 5 nieces and nephews. When it comes to giving money instead of a gift I do both. But the gift is a calendar. I pick their favorite topic (horses. car racing, hockey, Disney, cats) and give them the calendar and the money. The calendar is something useful, is one of their interests, something to open as a present and doesn't cost a lot. Plus, the next year's calendar usually arrive by September so you can spread out the purchases over a few pay periods if you need to. And they with often tell me how they think of me throughout the year when they look at it or flip to the next month. The money goes into a "money card" where I tell them how great they are.
Today I asked my mom and daughter if they wanted anything for Christmas from today and tomorrows Prime day. After watching this I added, unless you and (grandkids) would like an Experience. I love the opting out thing. There are so many events during the Holidays and it gets easier to just say no!
Last year it was just us and our little kids at home for Christmas. On Christmas Eve they helped me make a paper chain, then I decorated the tree after they went to bed (even made an origami star for the top). We put a package of cookies for each of them under the tree. In the morning when they saw the tree, they were totally delighted! They loved it, and it made me really happy, too.
Their questions have a basis in anxiety. Each person has their own "triangle" of thought, behavior, and feelings. We have our triangle. Others have theirs. We can only control our own triangles.
I really appreciate you having Dr Paul on. He is very helpful too.
Thank you both for this great video. I always LOVE it when you feature Dr. Paul :)
The picture of the Christmas stuff in the store was so horrifying 😆. And I LOVE Christmas! But gosh it can be so exhausting.
May we always have a servants heart that dwells in truth & love. What the world says is ‘serving, truth & love’ is not usually what translates to Gods standard. May we view all things with the mind of Christ.
That shirt is stunning on you!!! It makes your eyes, lips, and hair pop.
I think so many times we get caught up in pleasing others and then we are miserable rather than being us and letting the other person deal with their own disappoinment. It is hard though because I truly have always felt that gifts are a blessing and if we get bugged because someone does not give us what we want that seems selfish to me. Also I realize some people like all the traditions and some dont. So we can meet in the middle. I think a lot of it is is finding balance and common ground. Just my thoughts.
I discovered Dawn's channel just yersterday, and oh surprise surprise now she shows up with Dr. Paul! Wow! There truly aren't any coincidences in life! I love you both.
You are in for a treat 🙂. I binged many minimal mom videos during the pandemic.
Gift giving tip: I have a friend who is a mom of 6 boys ages 1 to 11, who told me how they do presents in their large family...they each get 1 gift they want, 1 gift they need, and 1 gift they can share (interactively with their friends and brothers). Not only does this cut cost and clutter, but fosters an attitude of value and gratitude in her family!
The overall craziness and neurotic behaviors surrounding our holidays is why the movie "Christmas Vacation" is so relatable! We all have a bit of Clark Griswold in us. :)
Folks, don’t give your power away. Expectations are patterns based on established precedent; it doesn’t mean they can’t be broken. How did the first Christmas start? An old man who a sack went around delivering socks, coats and toys to children who were poor or in orphanages. Kids who grow up at the beach don’t know if they are missing snow. In fact, story time: there was a time in which I knew my grandfather was strapped. He went to the dollar store to get us gifts. Now granted, I’ve found some pretty neat things at the dollar store, for myself and others, but I could feel that he had more guilt and shame over not getting me a gift, when I would rather that he not have spent his money, especially when it wasn’t stuff particularly to my liking. I would have been ok with a Christmas hug and a warmed heart. We made Christmas breakfasts together. Some people who can’t cook go to Chinese restaurants. People who can’t afford plane tickets at Christmas go during other times of year. There are husbands and wives who both feel the and way. My mother used to agonize over what gifts to give people. Eventually, that got simplified. There are introverts who don’t even like the holidays. Maybe go to the movies, go for a walk, or send a card this year or a video chat. It helps to decide what you want and say so weeks ahead. We are not responsible for the way others feel. Retail establishments bombard people with “tradition” and can be crushing. Maybe pick two or three traditions, or go out of town during the holidays or after they’re over. Maybe donate some clothes no longer needed this time of year for homeless folks who might be cold. Blow bubbles. Make Christmas cookies or fudge if you suck at cooking, or pre-order from Marie Calendars. Even funny things can make great memories. My dad used to hand me gifts in a plastic CVS bag and say “it’s the thought that counts.” Not saying everyone should do that, but we also shopped together, he gave it thought, and had a practical way of being. We did experiences like dirt camping. Don’t feel like you have to live some stifling straightjacket that is not yours and some other people’s level of crazy. I could be called many things, a grouch, ba humbug, a Scrooge. It’s important to put your time, values and experiences towards things you cherish. And if kids aren’t watching commercials, they’re not picking up on as much pressure to have as much stuff. “Traditions” are stifling, contrived and unsustainable. Same with weddings. Just have fun
Our circumstances meant that we couldn't give our kids everything they wanted for Christmas so we told them that we gave santa the money to buy all his gifts which saved us from the biggest problem of santa could bring all their presents even when we said we couldn't afford it. We made it magical in other ways - baking, crafting (i still put those decorations up for Christmas, real treasures) and visiting fun places.
So many WOW moments in this. I cannot thank you both enough. I am a middle child of 7 and have spent my entire adult life trying to provide happiness for all of them (I am 62). Just wow….
This is a wonderful, informative, entertaining video. You both seemed to be enjoying every minute of it. I could feel the positive energy just watching the video. Dawn, your questions were winners and Dr Paul's answers were amazing. I loved the following two statements, 'circumstances are neutral' and 'we believe what we think'. Changing our thoughts is a liberating technique which would make our lives more enjoyable.The changing from 'should' to 'could' would be life changing. We so often actually try to do the impossible e.g. we try to make our children happy, but it is not always possible because we can't control it. What an awesome piece of information. I just can't comment on everything, but the whole video was amazing. I really enjoyed the humour.
There is nothing wrong in trying to make others happy. Although we need to remember taking control away from others doesn't work.
This is one of my top favorite content from Minimal Mom.
Dr. Paul really puts things in perspective.
Excellent, excellent, excellent! Where were you two 50 years ago when our kids were young? I had to try so hard not to hate Christmas; I was so stressed out every year.
My sister gave my kids ( high school and college age) Cold Hard Cash , which was a bunch of bill frozen in a large container ( a gift and money too) lol
I love Dr Jenkins. Thanks for this episode. Very helpful.
Great conversation and important things to consider and understand! (I quickly forget that I can’t control other people’s opinions/thoughts/feelings!) On a different note, you look radiant! The lighting, your makeup, the sweater-perfect!
Dawn that jersey really suits you, especially the brown of the neckline, it just looks so good on you!
This is a great video. When my kids hit that point of wanting money instead of a gift that was hard. But when I sat down with them and asked them why is this important to you they told me. Many times they were wanting to put money together or even my grandkids put money together to be able to get that special thing they wanted or they were putting the money towards something that they were going to do with their family. So when I started doing was putting the money in Creative Packaging and sometimes I will put something little that I bought. But I realized it was more about my heart and when I Let Go I found more joy. Like what you were talking about is what is the Christmas season all about? Our family has a tradition of doing a Swedish Norwegian foods and that has been all the way it was when I grew up you didn't have it any other way. But as my children have grown up I realized they didn't want it that way and I had to let go. It doesn't mean that I can't have those Foods because there are foods that they still won't eat but lutefisk isn't one of them and a couple other items. So if there's chances I get to have some of those foods that I remember from growing up from Generations before that's great. But then I've learned to focus on some of the Traditions that are still being carried on like root beer because my great great grandparents made homemade root beer or some of the other Swedish meatballs and some of the other things as an example. Then my son's got married two of them and now my daughter-in-law's want Christmas and so I had to let go. Did I shed tears a few Christmases yes. But I have a choice to stay stuck or let go and enjoy the season the people the experience and the fun. But I love when you are also talking about the pressure I am one that feels like I have to take it all on I have to do it a certain way I carried pressure for years. I hope someone listens to what he says because we don't need to end if you shift something and somebody doesn't like it you know what they'll get over it talk about new ways of doing new ways like he says. I am a testimony that I really had to shift and change and learn new ways of holidays and I thought I was going to be the grandma like all the grandmas get to do it all the time. That's how it was Generations before but that doesn't mean it's that way now. And I remember when my son said Mom you can stay stuck or you can let go and see it different and still have fun. I don't want the stress and I don't have to be perfect I thank you so much for this done it really confirmed a lot of things that I've already been thinking about this year. What I did find when my kids grew up and my grandchildren is there were many times something that they wanted to add to a collection I have grandchildren that love Legos and there are certain kits that they love to add to their Legos. So I asked for a list. I have to share this last year my granddaughter wanted a cardboard house that she could sit inside. I remember saying to my son and daughter-in-law are you kidding I'm going to pay $ for this piece of cardboard that's playing with a window and a door and you're going to tell me she loves it and they said yes. Do you know even 10 months later she's still doing artwork on that house and she's 7 years old. That cardboard house she had so much fun. There were some other things we gave we bunch of us went together but the point was something I could hear people telling me you don't spend money on a piece of cardboard or you could make that. But you know what I didn't make it I bought it and my granddaughter is in love with it. We just have to be open our mind like you said. Thank you thank you for all that you do Dawn. The thing I want to say is I wish I knew so much of this years ago. I would have been able to go to sleep and not stay up all night 24 hours straight trying to be that person to get everything a certain way and do tradition and everything else and be able to chill more. You're wise woman Dawn thank you for stretching us and Dr Paul thank you
🤣Love Dr. Paul..."and when your son takes the gift and sells it for money!" 🤣 Great interview and topic. Thank you.
Love the content, thank you, I will be listening to this again and taking notes 👍🏻
Dawn, you look amazing in this video today! Beautiful colors on you and your eyes look fantastic! 🤩
This is a wonderful reminder not only to be planning early this year (for once, ha!) but also to remember MY boundaries, and not only externally but internally as well. It is so true that we build up this narrative in our heads and even if there's truth to it, thinking on negative things is only sure to stress us out, while others are likely hardly phased. Thank you, Dawn and Dr. Paul! I feel "armed" for this holiday season and look forward to simply enjoying every moment ☺
This is great! I think it's a great lesson to teach your family gratitude. I've learned throughout the years, my son appreciates so much more the memories we make then the gifts we get. Experiences, and time spent is what they will remember.