All the good peoples they treat good are the flying monkeys who shame you to protect the abusers abuse towards the people who are incent leaving them incent ones to feel guilty as if its them who are the problem.
This is the most horrible feeling I have felt in my whole life …. It’s sick …and they are sick people to do that intentionally to someone who did not deserve it atall .
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
For me, jealousy is not the issue. It has to do with respect, decency, accountability, and honor. Thanks for educating all of us dealing with narcissist people in our lives.😊
I have found myself jealous of my narc's friends relationship with other women. I would think why can't my nark treat me as well. When I bring this up I was accused of being attacked to his friend. A no win situation 😔. I realized that I do deserve to be treated with love and respect just like anyone else. This was one of the deal breakers in my eyes. He just didn't have it in him for me at least, to see him with other women didn't make me jealous, it was the difference in the way he treated them compared to me. I've been faithful to him over 40 years it's time to start not worrying about how I can change things or make it better. I deserve to make myself happy, jealousy will eat you up inside and I deserve better. I'm getting there slowly but surely. Thank you for all your advice.
The content of the video was me early in my relationship. Now, 10 years later, I totally agree with you. But I got to the point Dr Ramani referenced, I was literally telling him just get a girlfriend, idc 😊
OMG this is so spot on!!! If I had known what gaslighting was, I could have saved myself so many years of wasted time! Now I am SOOO glad I can trust myself, my intuition, my 6th sense, my sanity, my peace of mind. I love me! 😍
Narcisists like bringing out the worst in you in all kinds of scenarios, so I no longer want to have anything to do with people who prove themselves to be narcissistic. We have to respect and protect ourselves.
He lied about everything and cheated and I sensed this. Of course I experienced feelings of jealousy. He emotionally discarded me. I discarded him. The best decision I ever made.
I told him "She's welcome to you", he lost it!!! "You're not going to fight over me?!" Nope. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me, or who thinks there's something better for him out there...
Your jealousy is the drug of their choice, they absolutely enjoy seeing you jealous, they get off on the negativity of that emotion coming from you, especially when you get close to them, you’re deeply in love, and they start to triangulate you with literally everyone. 🫤
At my brother’s wedding, my narcissistic mother gave a beautiful speech about what a wonderful boy he had been and the wonderful man he had become. Never in a million years would she have ever said such things about me, and especially at my own wedding. I was so triggered by this insane display of favoritism, that I felt like I had been stabbed and immediately left the room bursting into tears. I could not calm down for a hour. My mother blamed my “display” on having had too much to drink before the ceremony and being “unstable.” Why oh why should I be upset by a beautiful speech about my magical little brother on his most special day if there wasn’t something deeply wrong with me? These videos are so eye-opening I’m regularly floored.❤
My ex husband did this to me ALL the time. Would blatantly eye up other women right in front of me and turn his head to keep looking that I thought his neck would snap. I found it so rude and very immature. He would also flirt with women right in front of me. That’s why he is my ex. It’s disgusting behavior just to feed his ego.
Agreed, my soon to be Ex did the same. We even tried marriage counseling and discussed ad nauseum, how it was wrong for him to flirt with other women. Even the psychologist couldn't get him to listen and validate it was wrong. The closest we got was when we flipped the script and asked him what if I flirted with another man? Of course, he has special rules that don't apply to anyone else. It would be wrong for me to flirt with someone else, but retrospectively, it's not wrong when he does it because he doesn't mean it. Ahhh, the crazy making. Needless to say, the therapist said he rarely recommended a couple to divorce, but we should divorce. He looked at him and said, "You have a personality disorder that is abusive, then looked at me and said if you stay, it will only get worse. H🎉e refuses to listen and learn." That was in 1998. I tried to leave him three times, and he hovered me back. It wasn't until 2018 when our youngest turned 18, he discarded me. Best thing (looking back now) he ever did for me. I went to counseling and found out about trauma bonds and how I had been drinking the kool-aid for so many years. Healed myself, heh, am still healing. Now, I'm working on healing my grown children in therapy. Hindsight is a bitch, the things we put up with.. they can feel overwhelming at times. We are still divorcing, 6 yrs later. Technically, it was our 38th wedding anniversary recently. Decades lost to this man.
@Smartbeautifulawesome As you've learned from Dr.Ramani, it's way more than just not knowing God. I tried for 33 years to open his heart to God, but I learned just like being narcississistic that would never happen. He mocks and argues anything to do with any religion. There is no belief in the Bible. For him, it's just a fantasy storybook. I am fine divorcing him, I wish I woke up sooner. I'm just thankful for my three amazing children. What he chooses to do with his life now is not my problem. Radical acceptance 😌 ✨️ ☺️ is tough but required.
@@TheMedic68 oh wow. Your story is so similar to mine. The list goes on and on of the things he has done to me but we divorced about 10 years ago and I dealt with the manipulation for years afterwards until I just completely cut him off. We have very minimal contact these days and only regarding the kids. One of my kids hasn’t spoke to him either because of his narcissistic abuse in several years. So sad really that they don’t see the error of their ways.
I was ssoooooo jealous when married to the passive aggressive covert narcissist ex husband. And he knew it. And played it. I didn't realize he was loving every minute of my discomfort.
I'm currently financially dependent on my narc partner. Awaiting a job to come through. He has no respect for me. I know he is cheating on me. Now he keeps to himself and ignore me. He shows me I'm not important. Now, I'm ignoring him. I'm showing him now that he doesn't matter. I don't show emotions infront of him. I cry in the shower. I refuse that he sees me upset. It can be hurtful and stressful at the same time😢
Try to plan your life getting away without telling him about it. Maybe you could ask a close friend or relative to whom you could move to in the meantime until you get a new job. Keep safe until you manage your way to no contact🙏🏻🌟
I knew he was a wrong 'un but the attraction was stratospheric and I went there. Because I knew what he was about I maintained a non exclusive stance throughout our situationship. Despite this stance, he still tried to make me jealous. I did not rise to the bait. RULING like a BOSS 🎉
I wasn't jealous. I had been in a form of relationship, where one /and others intentionally tried to make me jealous.. when that didn't work, the smear campaign kicked up, and the triangulation began. I really don't like people whom seem to like to control other people's affections, especially when there is a natural bond by love( mother daughter relationship). Also, on the flip,( others.) control other people's views in trying to block others from reaching their goals and maintain successful relationships. Clear sign to me of something abnormal. Not just jealousy. I now stay away from toxic people with signs of deep-rooted issues!
This is exactly what they do, they're sadistic then turn around and triangulate everyone against you then gaslight you after...a muti dose of betrayal.
OMG!! My ex used to create and repeatedly bring up situations that made me jealous!! Talking about famous people, people we both knew personally that were clearly interested in dating him, songs that really bothered me, etc. He used to dwell ALOT on many of these things and seemed to enjoy watching me show my aggrevation at these situations, even involving the kids. After he left, I realized none of these situations, songs , people bothered me. It was him getting in a dig and him watching my response that bothered me and he enjoyed. So effen glad he's gone!!!❤❤
I wasn't jealous, but so hurt that everyone else got more attention than me and was always more important than me. I was told I'm his queen and his best friend, but never ever felt like it or got treated as such. Everyone else's opinions mattered more than mine and I never had a say in important matters. He'd talk to his family or friends 1st. Always. If we had our time, our time would be cut off because someone else was more important and everything was always an 'emergency'. But he would never cut off other people to spend time with me. I always felt out of the circle, but then told I am the circle. Ye ok. Always felt sad and guilty to leave the family, but none stood up for me or ever really cared about how I was and how I was doing. If i just mentioned that our relationship was a bit rocky, I'd get told to just divorce him then. I never brought up divorce, but they would bring it up for everything. I was always like doesn't anyone just talk anymore to try figure things out? Nope. I got the title of wife and love of his life, but never actually got any say or power in the relationship. 😂 In the end I didn't care, I actually wished he could find someone else, even said we can have an open marriage. 😅
No Ma'am i will not allow a narcissist to pull me into negative emotions such as jealousy. Narcissists play the victim card very well. If you don't constantly worship them, they will think you are jealous.. Narcissists are too emotionally needy to ever be independent. and that will drain anyone who is in a relationship with them. they need constant affirmation and use words like 'kindness' to guilt you into falling into their trap.
Fascinating point! My share... my family love to take credit for "success" especially willfully ignoring other peoples assistance. I do feel jealous at times b/c a high majority of the people I know received helped to paying for college, pulled strings to get them contacts and jobs, gave them downpayment for cars and or houses... took them on vacations! You get the picture... I felt I was set up to fail and they take delight in their faux superiority! Having them out of the picture for the most part is a win!
I was made to feel insecure and unsafe around them, as if I was a failure at life and had nothing to offer while they'd brag about how successful they were and winning all the time - as if bulletproof from any disaster and crisis. They would delight at the discomfort I felt. I blocked a lot of these folks from social media and my life.
Fascinating video, Let's stop taking relationship and family for granted. I have battled depression since my wife left me. I have tried all I can to make her see that I love her with everything I am made of but she has insisted on leaving. This has made me so empty, and I do not know what to do. I can barely function properly at work. I am frustrated and miserable. I really miss her.
Why are you pouring all this love onto your wife? What about you? Are you less important? Do you not deserve love? Don't put your worth in another. Love yourself, you are just as important as they are 🙏
I would find myself jealous of a y woman I thought he'd been flirting with or who spoke to him in an inappropriate way, because of all the times he'd discarded me, I suspected for someone else. A Narcissist never discards without having someone else to replace them. I became hyper-vigilant to these 'exchanges of glances' and stares between them and my Ex. 🍒
Once i understood this game. I had to ho through a lot of self knowledge. Than i understood they provoke those feelings, like many other sensations and reactions. I've seen men and women play those"dirty games". They bring u nowhere, but they seem to need it. Once i see it, i emotionally am gone. Still find it very sad for all of us. It's just not a way to get to significant places of trust between persons. Sobad sosad
I was jealous in the beginning, especially when the nex triangulated me with his many female "friends". Later I felt that they could have him, and that they deserved everything that came with that. He was chopped liver pretending to be prime rib.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani! I have seen so clearly the patterns in my life of subconsciously attracting people on the narcissistic spectrum. With narcissistic parents it was just natural to select partners who often made me feel invisible, easily gaslit or where I was the scapegoat. Ive been relationship free for 11 years. No social media for six months. I keep it simple and superficial and save the depths of my beautiful, authentic self for my therapist and a few select people. Jealousy in a narcissistic relationship is so much more painful and damaging to the psyche than “normal” jealousy.
Dr Ramani, your knowledge is clear and without any doubt so helpful. It confirms so many things and thoughts i've had in the past. With this, i finally know i am not alone with what i think i saw and felt and mentioned. Mentioning this was generally met by calling me to sensitive or half crazy. I almost thought i actually had a problem. Now i know i don't and didn't. Thank u so much. This is good psychology. Wow. Eith u i like psychology again and my interest in it opens up again.
My late husband would trickle all the information over a 2 month period. I felt like there was more. He was so sinister about it. And he smirked when he told me that he purposefully tried to make me jealous and laughed that I bought his “lie” but I don’t think it’s a lie what he told me. Our marriage therapist doesn’t thing he’s a sociopath or narcissist because he “cried” about hurting me. He put on good shows for others. My mother is jealous. She was pretty awful to me. And wouldn’t support me emotionally ( I was an adult so I didn’t expect financial but my father in law paid for my quarter) going to college. But supported my brother emotionally and financially.
This is EXACTLY what ive been going OVER and OVER again in my head. Blaming myself so much, having regret, wishing i could go back in time. I was wondering so hard about jealousy on my end, with a narcissistic partner. I came looking in your videos, praying to GOD i find a video talking about exactly this. I cant thank you enough for taking the time to talk about this, i needed to hear this so badly 😭
I dated a narcissist who always try to make me jealous when we would go out by ignoring me and talking to everyone else in the bars. Once I figured out his game I would continue to interact with the women he tried to make me jealous of. In the end the women would engage in the conversation with me instead of him. I really got his goat and that ended that situation.
Yep. My ' Christian " church going ex narc gf tried to triangulate my older brother to make me jealous. Once I identified the ploy I didnt react and showed no emotion to give her fuel. I was discarded shortly thereafter when she realized that I saw through the mask. They are despicable evil beings.
My mother, the puppet master - she likes nothing more than telling one of her kids what the other supposedly said about them. It was like being in a cage match. I left the cage.
I had the suspicion that my ex had been talking to other women from the start but I had nothing but intuition to go on. After about a year I learned it was all true. He was using the same cutesy emojis that he sent to me with these so called "friends" and his ex. He even had me take pictures of him once and used those photos on a dating site. The whole time telling me that I was insecure. Flash foward a few years and he became jealous of every male who happened to be in my vicinity or so much as smiled at me "a certain way" 🤦♀️
When asked point blank, the answer came back-“What do you want me to say?” When I said I wanted the truth, all I got was a head tilt and raised eyebrows. Like, you don’t really want that. And I never was told the truth. But I knew most of it anyway. Truth is, the whole truth was likely going to lead to a sure end to the relationship immediately
Yes, my hand is up!! And it wasn't the whole truth, but my intuition told me the rest and I told him I know this is what happened and you can keep lying but just know I know.. he stayed silent. More proof I was right!!
I think we have to remember..our feelings were real love respect trust. To them you were an object they had no real feelings for you. Victims feel like this more because loving someone is usually exclusive and meaningful its the very thing you are missing you just have to look and the answers are there. Radical expectance that they were never the person you loved.
I’m almost three weeks no contact. Viewing your content makes me feel heard and not crazy but I can’t help ruminate about how I should have called him out on all his horrible behaviour while I was in the relationship. Feels there’s no justice or revenge it would just feed his ego :(
8 weeks for me, but he is still pulling me down with messages and had a relationship with a women online behind my back. He is still writing that he wants me back, but only under the condition that I go to a psychologist and declare myself mentally ill. And he wants to continue texting other women, just in case. I think I go crazy soon!
@@zg6045 Hi there, I don’t get messages because I blocked him. Mine also had an online affair, well it was online until she arrived in Scotland from Canada on holiday. He’s 68 and she’s 73 and is also married. I moved into my own little house, blocked him and left him to it. She’s away back to Canada again but is probably still online chatting and listening to his garbage. It was like the twilight zone, totally bizarre and I don’t know who’s more stupid him or her. As for yours telling you to have a mental health assessment, well tell him to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine, block him and forget him. He’s a manipulator just like mine. Don’t be manipulated by him or anyone else, you’re worth more than that. I wish you well. Dee
You’re so awesome Dr. Ramani. Yesterday and today’s videos, are exactly what I have been experiencing. It’s the worst thing to go through. You help me so much. Thank you for also mentioning not to be upset with myself. That’s helpful and comforting as well. ❤
Wow, Dr Ramani, you truly are brilliant!!!!!!!! Thank you so much, I've been able to get to a better place mentally through watching your channel, reading your book❤ and then you continue to validate me, I felt this, idk even what to call it, after watching this video......I get jealous when he's mother visits and he's all over her, like caring and concerned with her, even putting his socks on for her and sometimes I feel like she wants to take my place🤦🏽♀️felt like I'm crazy
I litterally showed him the proof pics and all and he still had the nerve to say that was not him.. like I guess you have an amazing doppelganger or a twin.. 😂😂
I wouldn't be surprised if you and I have a past life connection, Dr Ramani. You've helped me so much, I remember my dad mentioning your videos a few years back when I was only 14 or so.. I wasn't too interested at the time but so much has changed since then. I appreciate you Dr 🙏😊❤️
I remember his adult daughter for years would ALWAYS bring her mother to his family events even out of town. I would scream and yell (when he and I were alone. I didn’t want anyone to know how upset I was) why is she always at your family events Keep in mind we were married. His answer would be they are close. I found out his mother and sisters were in on it. Telling his daughter to bring her mother and sit back and watch for a show. I never did take the bait and sat back composed. Looking back I’m sure he enjoyed it especially when I was screaming and yelling when we were alone. I’m so angry at the time I wasted in that family of toxic people.
I always thought I was a jealous person while in the relationship. Now that I'm out, I realize that I'm not. I was intentionally triggered and triangulated. Now, it doesn't mean that I don't have insecurities. But in a HEALTHY relationship based on TRUST and RESPECT, they wouldn't have been an issue, and I would actually have has space to work on them.
I always thought of myself as a very jealous person which made me think badly about myself (again). A few weeks ago, however, I realised that I only ever felt the burning rage of jealousy when a narcissist was involved. For example when I was triangulated by them or even when other people prioritised the narcissist over me to an extend that they would drop everything and attend to them like you would a baby. Nowadays with the good people in my life, I do feel left out sometimes, yes, but it is not jealousy. Just one more of the things they do to us and ghat do not come from within ourselves.
This is one of the reasons why for the last few years I have avoided social media like The Plague. I don't need to know about the supposed success of those people that could care less about me. That and the fact that online bullying, regardless of a victim's age, has gone way out of control. I try to just worry about myself these days. In my case, that's MORE than enough to worry about!
It’s true❤ I was going crazy coz narcissist used to bring home exes, was saying that I’m too insecure. When I asked questions never answered only smiled. Also he told stories about what they did with his exes with all details while they were together. Also complained about me.
I clicked on this video out of curiosity. I listened to a little bit, but I am not jealous of anyone, I still don't believe in personality disorders, and wish I had never given Dr Ramani's content a chance
I actually recently confronted him about always telling me when a female complimented his tattoos. He’s so insecure that even two drunk old women at a bar giving him a compliment he cannot wait to tell me. When we are in public, he will stare at another person and now I just say “stop looking at the booty” 😂🤣
Yes, he would treat everyone so much better then he treated me. He spoke to them kindly like he use to talk to me. He openly showed disdain for me. I he treated like a nonsense but everyone else got the nice guy so, yes It made me jealous and hurt.
My first livi-in boyfriend I now realize was a narcissist. Probably a malignant one. It never occurred to me that he would cheat on me, but after listening to so many of your videos, I wouldn't be surprised. He used to try to insinuate I was cheating on him. I told him I wasn't, but if he kept at it I was going to start thinking he was the one doing it. 👀. He stopped bugging me about it after that.
Just finished It's Not You. Loved it! There was a sentence in a later chapter that was so profound to me. I can't find the exact wording. You touch on the idea of this sentence here when you talk about workplaces that encourage and support narcissistic behavior. In the sentence I can't find/remember you touch on how pervasive narcissm is and how much societal support there is for it. I'm so curious to learn more about this....
I was apprenticing for a bow maker and his girl friend often treated me like i was an idiot when I am just a nice person. she was nice sometimes like really nice and i think maybe she is empathic deep down but just couldnt stand the fact i was his friend and apprentice. it eventually got bad for them in terms of relationship and he cheated on her and then they got back together and he kicked me out of his shop and kept thousands of dollars worth of material and tools i had while also leaving thousands of dollars of certain things in my possession that i didnt want . there is a lot more to the story but they are both just dangerous in ways and have a trauma bond. they also met in alcohol anonymous
Yep, my nex used to come home and say some young girl on the bus was hitting on him or a girl in line at the coffee shop brushed up against him and smiled at lunch time but he said, hey sorry, I'm taken. But then he'd say something like, you know tho I'll always look younger than you. I've learned to ignore it all.
My mother always said to me “WE are not jealous, but your sister is”… I find out my mother was as jealous as my sister was (certainly over having a man close to them)… thing is I’m not into man as a woman… I know how that became like this as it was always the fight and jealousy over men” … I was always happy that I didn’t had the competition over men… as I Was /am into women
I was married to a narcissist that wasn’t even discreet about her promiscuity. But it pissed her off that I wouldn’t get jealous. She finally kicked me out and then moaned that I didn’t fight to stay with her. No pleasing them.
I’m there ☺️🫶. Because we still live together he said to me that he’s tempted to find someone else just to see if I really don’t care 🤣. I’m like please God, please even though I’ll feel bad for that other person, for sure.
I grew up with this. I had to focus on my own lane to stay sane. I didn't know how to do jealousy unless it was clearly mine and someone was clearly trying to take it. I was blind to it for too long; it cost me enough to learn. As soon as someone displays that 🐂💩 now I'm out.
This is so true, Dr. Ramani! Another amazing video. According to my ex several women wanted to date him, sleep with him…😂he would brag and brag. And another funnt thing- he only had female friends, he always said there is too much competition between men🤔
I’ve never been in a relationship so bad before and it’s the only relationship were I was constantly jealous I’ve never been jealous like that ever before
Right up my alley! I feel it I don’t get it. If I feel it I definitely question it?? It’s such a dark vibe!! Exactly in a healthy relationship you can talk through that Little pang-Usually don’t have to either. I can’t stand that emotion!! It’s INSANE in narcs relationships!😢 my mother was dying of cancer we were able to hold each other and cry. ONLY because my narc father was outside mowing the lawn!
They treat everyone else good except you. We're jealous unnecessarily.
All another lie
Exactly!!
Most definitely 🎯
They make us the only star of their life
All the good peoples they treat good are the flying monkeys who shame you to protect the abusers abuse towards the people who are incent leaving them incent ones to feel guilty as if its them who are the problem.
This is the most horrible feeling I have felt in my whole life …. It’s sick …and they are sick people to do that intentionally to someone who did not deserve it atall .
They sabotaged you because they’re jealous of you. Like please explain your sick butt !
I agree. It was such an awful feeling. The worst!
They will deliberately try to evoke jealously. So, Petty petty petty! Thanks Dr Ramani ❤
They love getting a rise out of us!
So petty that you sometimes have to do a double take: are they for real?
@@JadeyHad They have the emotional intelligence of a 5 year old
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
I absolutely understand this !
For me, jealousy is not the issue. It has to do with respect, decency, accountability, and honor. Thanks for educating all of us dealing with narcissist people in our lives.😊
I could not have said this better!
Agree @@nichollejones5917
I have found myself jealous of my narc's friends relationship with other women. I would think why can't my nark treat me as well. When I bring this up I was accused of being attacked to his friend. A no win situation 😔. I realized that I do deserve to be treated with love and respect just like anyone else. This was one of the deal breakers in my eyes. He just didn't have it in him for me at least, to see him with other women didn't make me jealous, it was the difference in the way he treated them compared to me. I've been faithful to him over 40 years it's time to start not worrying about how I can change things or make it better. I deserve to make myself happy, jealousy will eat you up inside and I deserve better. I'm getting there slowly but surely. Thank you for all your advice.
@@nichollejones5917 thank you! I don't comment often, but I do read many comments- I find it supportive and helpful😊
The content of the video was me early in my relationship. Now, 10 years later, I totally agree with you. But I got to the point Dr Ramani referenced, I was literally telling him just get a girlfriend, idc 😊
OMG this is so spot on!!! If I had known what gaslighting was, I could have saved myself so many years of wasted time! Now I am SOOO glad I can trust myself, my intuition, my 6th sense, my sanity, my peace of mind. I love me! 😍
Me too! My intuition was right every time in my last relationship with a narc.
Narcisists like bringing out the worst in you in all kinds of scenarios, so I no longer want to have anything to do with people who prove themselves to be narcissistic. We have to respect and protect ourselves.
He lied about everything and cheated and I sensed this. Of course I experienced feelings of jealousy. He emotionally discarded me. I discarded him. The best decision I ever made.
When you pretend that they haven’t made you jealous.. they get so mad and try harder to.
Unfortunately the word jealousy can be replaced with almost anything negative and directed.
I told him "She's welcome to you", he lost it!!! "You're not going to fight over me?!" Nope. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me, or who thinks there's something better for him out there...
@@ricabenita1379she’s not better than you. wtf
@@sailorspills3025 indifference really pisses them off! Pardon my French.
Your jealousy is the drug of their choice, they absolutely enjoy seeing you jealous, they get off on the negativity of that emotion coming from you, especially when you get close to them, you’re deeply in love, and they start to triangulate you with literally everyone. 🫤
Exactly!
The triangulation almost did me in...
At my brother’s wedding, my narcissistic mother gave a beautiful speech about what a wonderful boy he had been and the wonderful man he had become. Never in a million years would she have ever said such things about me, and especially at my own wedding.
I was so triggered by this insane display of favoritism, that I felt like I had been stabbed and immediately left the room bursting into tears. I could not calm down for a hour.
My mother blamed my “display” on having had too much to drink before the ceremony and being “unstable.”
Why oh why should I be upset by a beautiful speech about my magical little brother on his most special day if there wasn’t something deeply wrong with me?
These videos are so eye-opening I’m regularly floored.❤
I agree - they deliberately try to make you jealous and gaslight you
My ex husband did this to me ALL the time. Would blatantly eye up other women right in front of me and turn his head to keep looking that I thought his neck would snap. I found it so rude and very immature. He would also flirt with women right in front of me. That’s why he is my ex. It’s disgusting behavior just to feed his ego.
The behavior is unattractive and crazy
Agreed, my soon to be Ex did the same. We even tried marriage counseling and discussed ad nauseum, how it was wrong for him to flirt with other women. Even the psychologist couldn't get him to listen and validate it was wrong. The closest we got was when we flipped the script and asked him what if I flirted with another man? Of course, he has special rules that don't apply to anyone else. It would be wrong for me to flirt with someone else, but retrospectively, it's not wrong when he does it because he doesn't mean it. Ahhh, the crazy making. Needless to say, the therapist said he rarely recommended a couple to divorce, but we should divorce. He looked at him and said, "You have a personality disorder that is abusive, then looked at me and said if you stay, it will only get worse. H🎉e refuses to listen and learn." That was in 1998. I tried to leave him three times, and he hovered me back. It wasn't until 2018 when our youngest turned 18, he discarded me. Best thing (looking back now) he ever did for me. I went to counseling and found out about trauma bonds and how I had been drinking the kool-aid for so many years. Healed myself, heh, am still healing. Now, I'm working on healing my grown children in therapy. Hindsight is a bitch, the things we put up with.. they can feel overwhelming at times. We are still divorcing, 6 yrs later. Technically, it was our 38th wedding anniversary recently. Decades lost to this man.
@@TheMedic68 I would try a Catholic Church I think divorce is awful. A lot of what he’s missing is maybe god
@Smartbeautifulawesome As you've learned from Dr.Ramani, it's way more than just not knowing God. I tried for 33 years to open his heart to God, but I learned just like being narcississistic that would never happen. He mocks and argues anything to do with any religion. There is no belief in the Bible. For him, it's just a fantasy storybook. I am fine divorcing him, I wish I woke up sooner. I'm just thankful for my three amazing children. What he chooses to do with his life now is not my problem. Radical acceptance 😌 ✨️ ☺️ is tough but required.
@@TheMedic68 oh wow. Your story is so similar to mine. The list goes on and on of the things he has done to me but we divorced about 10 years ago and I dealt with the manipulation for years afterwards until I just completely cut him off. We have very minimal contact these days and only regarding the kids. One of my kids hasn’t spoke to him either because of his narcissistic abuse in several years. So sad really that they don’t see the error of their ways.
This was a huge eye opener for me. I was made to feel crazy & insecure for what I know see was carefully manipulated behavior.
I was ssoooooo jealous when married to the passive aggressive covert narcissist ex husband. And he knew it. And played it. I didn't realize he was loving every minute of my discomfort.
I'm currently financially dependent on my narc partner. Awaiting a job to come through. He has no respect for me. I know he is cheating on me. Now he keeps to himself and ignore me. He shows me I'm not important. Now, I'm ignoring him. I'm showing him now that he doesn't matter. I don't show emotions infront of him. I cry in the shower. I refuse that he sees me upset. It can be hurtful and stressful at the same time😢
Hugs to you... Some day you'll hopefully be free
Try to plan your life getting away without telling him about it. Maybe you could ask a close friend or relative to whom you could move to in the meantime until you get a new job. Keep safe until you manage your way to no contact🙏🏻🌟
Keep crying in the shower. You're healing. Focus on when you felt like this in childhood because it all goes back to childhood
"banging the whole neighbourhood" - too funny Dr R! Thank you for making me LOL 😹
I knew he was a wrong 'un but the attraction was stratospheric and I went there. Because I knew what he was about I maintained a non exclusive stance throughout our situationship. Despite this stance, he still tried to make me jealous. I did not rise to the bait. RULING like a BOSS 🎉
I wasn't jealous. I had been in a form of relationship, where one /and others intentionally tried to make me jealous.. when that didn't work, the smear campaign kicked up, and the triangulation began. I really don't like people whom seem to like to control other people's affections, especially when there is a natural bond by love( mother daughter relationship). Also, on the flip,( others.) control other people's views in trying to block others from reaching their goals and maintain successful relationships. Clear sign to me of something abnormal. Not just jealousy. I now stay away from toxic people with signs of deep-rooted issues!
100%
This is exactly what they do, they're sadistic then turn around and triangulate everyone against you then gaslight you after...a muti dose of betrayal.
OMG!! My ex used to create and repeatedly bring up situations that made me jealous!! Talking about famous people, people we both knew personally that were clearly interested in dating him, songs that really bothered me, etc. He used to dwell ALOT on many of these things and seemed to enjoy watching me show my aggrevation at these situations, even involving the kids. After he left, I realized none of these situations, songs , people bothered me. It was him getting in a dig and him watching my response that bothered me and he enjoyed. So effen glad he's gone!!!❤❤
I think that's why some children move away, to get away from the competitive issues that might have been set up by the parent or parents
I wasn't jealous, but so hurt that everyone else got more attention than me and was always more important than me. I was told I'm his queen and his best friend, but never ever felt like it or got treated as such. Everyone else's opinions mattered more than mine and I never had a say in important matters. He'd talk to his family or friends 1st. Always. If we had our time, our time would be cut off because someone else was more important and everything was always an 'emergency'. But he would never cut off other people to spend time with me. I always felt out of the circle, but then told I am the circle. Ye ok. Always felt sad and guilty to leave the family, but none stood up for me or ever really cared about how I was and how I was doing. If i just mentioned that our relationship was a bit rocky, I'd get told to just divorce him then. I never brought up divorce, but they would bring it up for everything. I was always like doesn't anyone just talk anymore to try figure things out? Nope. I got the title of wife and love of his life, but never actually got any say or power in the relationship. 😂 In the end I didn't care, I actually wished he could find someone else, even said we can have an open marriage. 😅
No Ma'am i will not allow a narcissist to pull me into negative emotions such as jealousy. Narcissists play the victim card very well. If you don't constantly worship them, they will think you are jealous.. Narcissists are too emotionally needy to ever be independent. and that will drain anyone who is in a relationship with them. they need constant affirmation and use words like 'kindness' to guilt you into falling into their trap.
Fascinating point! My share... my family love to take credit for "success" especially willfully ignoring other peoples assistance. I do feel jealous at times b/c a high majority of the people I know received helped to paying for college, pulled strings to get them contacts and jobs, gave them downpayment for cars and or houses... took them on vacations! You get the picture... I felt I was set up to fail and they take delight in their faux superiority! Having them out of the picture for the most part is a win!
I was made to feel insecure and unsafe around them, as if I was a failure at life and had nothing to offer while they'd brag about how successful they were and winning all the time - as if bulletproof from any disaster and crisis. They would delight at the discomfort I felt. I blocked a lot of these folks from social media and my life.
Fascinating video, Let's stop taking relationship and family for granted. I have battled depression since my wife left me. I have tried all I can to make her see that I love her with everything I am made of but she has insisted on leaving. This has made me so empty, and I do not know what to do. I can barely function properly at work. I am frustrated and miserable. I really miss her.
I'm keen on meeting the counselor you're talking about. What steps should I take?
Thank you for this information. I have just looked her up on Google. impressive
@@peterwilliams6361 But, Gary -- is your wife a narcissist??
Why are you pouring all this love onto your wife? What about you? Are you less important? Do you not deserve love? Don't put your worth in another. Love yourself, you are just as important as they are 🙏
Well I will pray that you guys can work it out change of heart posture
Jealous and envy is dangerously sad 😊
I would find myself jealous of a y woman I thought he'd been flirting with or who spoke to him in an inappropriate way, because of all the times he'd discarded me, I suspected for someone else. A Narcissist never discards without having someone else to replace them. I became hyper-vigilant to these 'exchanges of glances' and stares between them and my Ex. 🍒
Once i understood this game. I had to ho through a lot of self knowledge. Than i understood they provoke those feelings, like many other sensations and reactions. I've seen men and women play those"dirty games". They bring u nowhere, but they seem to need it. Once i see it, i emotionally am gone. Still find it very sad for all of us. It's just not a way to get to significant places of trust between persons.
Sobad sosad
So much compassion - your talk has brought much healing from your understanding and support. Thank you
I love your satin shirt :)
I was jealous in the beginning, especially when the nex triangulated me with his many female "friends". Later I felt that they could have him, and that they deserved everything that came with that. He was chopped liver pretending to be prime rib.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
I have seen so clearly the patterns in my life of subconsciously attracting people on the narcissistic spectrum. With narcissistic parents it was just natural to select partners who often made me feel invisible, easily gaslit or where I was the scapegoat.
Ive been relationship free for 11 years. No social media for six months. I keep it simple and superficial and save the depths of my beautiful, authentic self for my therapist and a few select people.
Jealousy in a narcissistic relationship is so much more painful and damaging to the psyche than “normal” jealousy.
Dr Ramani, your knowledge is clear and without any doubt so helpful.
It confirms so many things and thoughts i've had in the past.
With this, i finally know i am not alone with what i think i saw and felt and mentioned.
Mentioning this was generally met by calling me to sensitive or half crazy.
I almost thought i actually had a problem.
Now i know i don't and didn't.
Thank u so much. This is good psychology. Wow. Eith u i like psychology again and my interest in it opens up again.
My late husband would trickle all the information over a 2 month period. I felt like there was more. He was so sinister about it. And he smirked when he told me that he purposefully tried to make me jealous and laughed that I bought his “lie” but I don’t think it’s a lie what he told me.
Our marriage therapist doesn’t thing he’s a sociopath or narcissist because he “cried” about hurting me. He put on good shows for others.
My mother is jealous. She was pretty awful to me. And wouldn’t support me emotionally ( I was an adult so I didn’t expect financial but my father in law paid for my quarter) going to college. But supported my brother emotionally and financially.
😊 exhausting
This is EXACTLY what ive been going OVER and OVER again in my head. Blaming myself so much, having regret, wishing i could go back in time. I was wondering so hard about jealousy on my end, with a narcissistic partner. I came looking in your videos, praying to GOD i find a video talking about exactly this. I cant thank you enough for taking the time to talk about this, i needed to hear this so badly 😭
This so incredibly 100% accurate!
I dated a narcissist who always try to make me jealous when we would go out by ignoring me and talking to everyone else in the bars. Once I figured out his game I would continue to interact with the women he tried to make me jealous of. In the end the women would engage in the conversation with me instead of him. I really got his goat and that ended that situation.
Thank you so much for your work!
Yep. My ' Christian " church going ex narc gf tried to triangulate my older brother to make me jealous. Once I identified the ploy I didnt react and showed no emotion to give her fuel. I was discarded shortly thereafter when she realized that I saw through the mask. They are despicable evil beings.
My mother, the puppet master - she likes nothing more than telling one of her kids what the other supposedly said about them. It was like being in a cage match. I left the cage.
My dad acts like this.
I had the suspicion that my ex had been talking to other women from the start but I had nothing but intuition to go on. After about a year I learned it was all true. He was using the same cutesy emojis that he sent to me with these so called "friends" and his ex. He even had me take pictures of him once and used those photos on a dating site. The whole time telling me that I was insecure. Flash foward a few years and he became jealous of every male who happened to be in my vicinity or so much as smiled at me "a certain way" 🤦♀️
No one is better and I would just ignore whatever it could just be nonsense. I really don’t want to know what these people are doing
I've never been jealous of anyone. I cannot imagine. And I certainly cannot identify with a narcissist so jealousy was never an issue.
When asked point blank, the answer came back-“What do you want me to say?” When I said I wanted the truth, all I got was a head tilt and raised eyebrows. Like, you don’t really want that. And I never was told the truth. But I knew most of it anyway. Truth is, the whole truth was likely going to lead to a sure end to the relationship immediately
Yes absolutely!
As healthy people otherwise, whenever we feel jealous, its also a time for a check if its us/the narc trying to evoke it.
Yes, my hand is up!! And it wasn't the whole truth, but my intuition told me the rest and I told him I know this is what happened and you can keep lying but just know I know.. he stayed silent. More proof I was right!!
I think we have to remember..our feelings were real love respect trust.
To them you were an object they had no real feelings for you.
Victims feel like this more because loving someone is usually exclusive and meaningful its the very thing you are missing you just have to look and the answers are there.
Radical expectance that they were never the person you loved.
So Very True with everything you said about Narcissists
Maybe all the juice is out of the orange, thank you for making me laugh Dr Ramani.🤣🤣
🍊
BRILLIANT and hugely eye-opening.
Thank you ❤
This boosts there deflated eagle ! It’s all a mind game that they play in there head ,to make them erupt in wickedness
“So much fun in these relationships…”
Thank you so much for clearing that Dr Ramani
So Brilliant and on pulse.
Thank you @DoctorRamani :)
Thank You Dr Ramani 🙏 ❤
I’m almost three weeks no contact. Viewing your content makes me feel heard and not crazy but I can’t help ruminate about how I should have called him out on all his horrible behaviour while I was in the relationship. Feels there’s no justice or revenge it would just feed his ego :(
Hi there 8 weeks for me and I’m still ruminating but it’s getting better. Keep going. Dee
4 weeks for me, i ruminate still but im starting to accept she was never mine she was just using me
8 weeks for me, but he is still pulling me down with messages and had a relationship with a women online behind my back. He is still writing that he wants me back, but only under the condition that I go to a psychologist and declare myself mentally ill. And he wants to continue texting other women, just in case. I think I go crazy soon!
@@zg6045 Hi there, I don’t get messages because I blocked him. Mine also had an online affair, well it was online until she arrived in Scotland from Canada on holiday. He’s 68 and she’s 73 and is also married. I moved into my own little house, blocked him and left him to it. She’s away back to Canada again but is probably still online chatting and listening to his garbage. It was like the twilight zone, totally bizarre and I don’t know who’s more stupid him or her. As for yours telling you to have a mental health assessment, well tell him to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine, block him and forget him. He’s a manipulator just like mine. Don’t be manipulated by him or anyone else, you’re worth more than that. I wish you well. Dee
You’re so awesome Dr. Ramani. Yesterday and today’s videos, are exactly what I have been experiencing. It’s the worst thing to go through. You help me so much. Thank you for also mentioning not to be upset with myself. That’s helpful and comforting as well. ❤
Wow, Dr Ramani, you truly are brilliant!!!!!!!! Thank you so much, I've been able to get to a better place mentally through watching your channel, reading your book❤ and then you continue to validate me, I felt this, idk even what to call it, after watching this video......I get jealous when he's mother visits and he's all over her, like caring and concerned with her, even putting his socks on for her and sometimes I feel like she wants to take my place🤦🏽♀️felt like I'm crazy
I litterally showed him the proof pics and all and he still had the nerve to say that was not him.. like I guess you have an amazing doppelganger or a twin.. 😂😂
Gosh ! So many instances.. I always grew up thinking I was not capable to feel jealousy.. but he proved me wrong..
I wouldn't be surprised if you and I have a past life connection, Dr Ramani. You've helped me so much, I remember my dad mentioning your videos a few years back when I was only 14 or so.. I wasn't too interested at the time but so much has changed since then.
I appreciate you Dr 🙏😊❤️
I remember his adult daughter for years would ALWAYS bring her mother to his family events even out of town. I would scream and yell (when he and I were alone. I didn’t want anyone to know how upset I was) why is she always at your family events Keep in mind we were married. His answer would be they are close. I found out his mother and sisters were in on it. Telling his daughter to bring her mother and sit back and watch for a show. I never did take the bait and sat back composed. Looking back I’m sure he enjoyed it especially when I was screaming and yelling when we were alone. I’m so angry at the time I wasted in that family of toxic people.
I always thought I was a jealous person while in the relationship. Now that I'm out, I realize that I'm not. I was intentionally triggered and triangulated. Now, it doesn't mean that I don't have insecurities. But in a HEALTHY relationship based on TRUST and RESPECT, they wouldn't have been an issue, and I would actually have has space to work on them.
They play this game to make u insecure, F them
I always thought of myself as a very jealous person which made me think badly about myself (again). A few weeks ago, however, I realised that I only ever felt the burning rage of jealousy when a narcissist was involved. For example when I was triangulated by them or even when other people prioritised the narcissist over me to an extend that they would drop everything and attend to them like you would a baby.
Nowadays with the good people in my life, I do feel left out sometimes, yes, but it is not jealousy.
Just one more of the things they do to us and ghat do not come from within ourselves.
This is one of the reasons why for the last few years I have avoided social media like The Plague. I don't need to know about the supposed success of those people that could care less about me. That and the fact that online bullying, regardless of a victim's age, has gone way out of control.
I try to just worry about myself these days. In my case, that's MORE than enough to worry about!
Spot on ! How precisely described my ex relationship dynamics👍
It’s true❤ I was going crazy coz narcissist used to bring home exes, was saying that I’m too insecure. When I asked questions never answered only smiled. Also he told stories about what they did with his exes with all details while they were together. Also complained about me.
So true. After we separated and I was introduced to narcissism I realized he was probably actually cheating on me. 😢
I clicked on this video out of curiosity. I listened to a little bit, but I am not jealous of anyone, I still don't believe in personality disorders, and wish I had never given Dr Ramani's content a chance
You must be reading my mind "Hands up" Half truths lying by omission been there.
What I have found is, they do this because the people they spend 99% of their time with validate them 100% of the time.
Jealousy is a REACTIVE entitlement emotion that makes you feel like you've been HAD. By YOU ("ONE"). In RETROSPECT.
I actually recently confronted him about always telling me when a female complimented his tattoos. He’s so insecure that even two drunk old women at a bar giving him a compliment he cannot wait to tell me. When we are in public, he will stare at another person and now I just say “stop looking at the booty” 😂🤣
Yes, he would treat everyone so much better then he treated me. He spoke to them kindly like he use to talk to me. He openly showed disdain for me. I he treated like a nonsense but everyone else got the nice guy so, yes It made me jealous and hurt.
just need more detailed video in this video. i can't get out of the loop and stop comparing myself and burnout every time competing with him
Ordered your book. Three months out. I got the dump in, first lol big fan ♥️🤟⚡
I definitely need more help and support with this .
Eye opener!
Just realised I’ve been triangulated against his ex . No more . ENOUGH .
My first livi-in boyfriend I now realize was a narcissist. Probably a malignant one. It never occurred to me that he would cheat on me, but after listening to so many of your videos, I wouldn't be surprised. He used to try to insinuate I was cheating on him. I told him I wasn't, but if he kept at it I was going to start thinking he was the one doing it. 👀. He stopped bugging me about it after that.
Show of hands! I am generally not a jealous person but now I regret to realise the cause.
Just finished It's Not You. Loved it! There was a sentence in a later chapter that was so profound to me. I can't find the exact wording. You touch on the idea of this sentence here when you talk about workplaces that encourage and support narcissistic behavior. In the sentence I can't find/remember you touch on how pervasive narcissm is and how much societal support there is for it. I'm so curious to learn more about this....
I was apprenticing for a bow maker and his girl friend often treated me like i was an idiot when I am just a nice person. she was nice sometimes like really nice and i think maybe she is empathic deep down but just couldnt stand the fact i was his friend and apprentice. it eventually got bad for them in terms of relationship and he cheated on her and then they got back together and he kicked me out of his shop and kept thousands of dollars worth of material and tools i had while also leaving thousands of dollars of certain things in my possession that i didnt want . there is a lot more to the story but they are both just dangerous in ways and have a trauma bond. they also met in alcohol anonymous
Thank u!!!!!!!
Yep, my nex used to come home and say some young girl on the bus was hitting on him or a girl in line at the coffee shop brushed up against him and smiled at lunch time but he said, hey sorry, I'm taken. But then he'd say something like, you know tho I'll always look younger than you. I've learned to ignore it all.
What made you leave him?
My mother always said to me “WE are not jealous, but your sister is”… I find out my mother was as jealous as my sister was (certainly over having a man close to them)… thing is I’m not into man as a woman… I know how that became like this as it was always the fight and jealousy over men” … I was always happy that I didn’t had the competition over men… as I
Was /am into women
I was married to a narcissist that wasn’t even discreet about her promiscuity. But it pissed her off that I wouldn’t get jealous. She finally kicked me out and then moaned that I didn’t fight to stay with her. No pleasing them.
I’m there ☺️🫶. Because we still live together he said to me that he’s tempted to find someone else just to see if I really don’t care 🤣. I’m like please God, please even though I’ll feel bad for that other person, for sure.
I grew up with this. I had to focus on my own lane to stay sane. I didn't know how to do jealousy unless it was clearly mine and someone was clearly trying to take it. I was blind to it for too long; it cost me enough to learn. As soon as someone displays that 🐂💩 now I'm out.
This is so true, Dr. Ramani! Another amazing video. According to my ex several women wanted to date him, sleep with him…😂he would brag and brag. And another funnt thing- he only had female friends, he always said there is too much competition between men🤔
I’ve never been in a relationship so bad before and it’s the only relationship were I was constantly jealous I’ve never been jealous like that ever before
Hey Dr ❤
👩⚕️😍
Right up my alley! I feel it I don’t get it. If I feel it I definitely question it?? It’s such a dark vibe!! Exactly in a healthy relationship you can talk through that Little pang-Usually don’t have to either. I can’t stand that emotion!! It’s INSANE in narcs relationships!😢 my mother was dying of cancer we were able to hold each other and cry. ONLY because my narc father was outside mowing the lawn!