Why Small Talk is Different in Korea - Understanding the Culture
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- Опубликовано: 4 июл 2024
- Small talk is not a major part of Korean culture, and overall should be avoided in most everyday situations. But if you know the right situations and the right behavior, you can still make small talk in Korea.
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Thanks again for having me this video 😍 We’ve covered a lot of things that day 😂😂
Respectfully, my experiences in Korea (and I've visited three times) have been very different. Perhaps because I'm an obvious senior foreigner, my automatic smiles as I walk down the street are often acknowledged and returned, my requests for help are mostly accepted and Koreans have gone way out of their way to make sure I get that help without thought of reward, I'm approached by Koreans in the subway who see I'm lost or confused with offers to help often before I even know what help I need, and I've had delightful conversations while waiting for busses and/or traveled by subway (though in retrospect, these are often fellow seniors). Koreans are reserved, yes. But I've found them to be very kind, caring people. They do show surprise if I initiate conversation, but are very warm in response. And I love the compliments they often offer me without expectation. I love Koreans!
I thought about it. If a foreigner initiates any interaction, I will be surprised. Although I soeak a little bit of English.
Everywhere in the world the appearance is the key; whether you get help or become a victim of crime. Tourists are easy to pinpoint and honestly speaking, the people above the age of 30 are usually less knowledgeable about the helpful traveling apps... Which I think, leads to people offering help to them more often than visibly younger generation.
Iam glad to hear that
Maybe because you are an older female so maybe people dont feel a threat from you??
@@scanspeak00 That's certainly a consideration. In general I think Koreans are more helpful because I'm older. And I've even been invited to join conversations by groups of older Koreans who are chatting in public places. So, yes - I probably don't represent much of a threat.
From my experience as an exchange student in Seoul, the most striking absence of small talk was between class mates. Typically in western cultures, while waiting before a class, or after, students are going to have a little chat, even if we don't know each other it's common to make a litte comment here and there and start interacting based on our common environment. In Korea it was complete silence, no one was talking at all, only foreign students were doing small talk. Even while working in groups or pairs during the class, the conversation was strictly limited to the class topic. In France group work usually result in a lot of light chatting and zero work gets done 😂 As an introvert I really don't mind avoiding small talks but it made things awkward from my perspective because I was not used to total silence in these circumstances
In Brazil it's kinda rude not to make small talk, so much that it's become second nature for me to start talking to people at any time and place... It's good to know I'll have to be mindful of that when I'm visiting Korea!!
I am a Brazilian living in Korea and it's hard not to do small talk. My Korean wife doesn't understand my need for small talk! I small talk to Korean all the time, often they ignore me, but many times they engage me.
This is so difficult for me! In Australia everyone just talks random stuff with anyone! We walk past random people and say hi.
In Korea there's been situations where I've been in rooms with random people and start chatting to them and they are just shocked and think I'm weird. I hate that! I still do it though, older people are more receptive 😅
As an Australian from a small very friendly area, I think when I visit Korea this is going to be a learning curve for me XD. I like talking to people so much
@@babycakelingsJust tell them you wrestle crocodiles
Me too. I'm sort of queen of small talk. I've never been to Korea but I will wait till my hair is grey!
My husband and I are currently in Jinju where he's teaching English in a Hagwon. We are older I'm in my 60s and he just turned 70. We have had a couple of experiences that led to meaningful random conversations. We were in Seoul on the subway and because of some issues with my knees I sit in the seats for elderly and handicapped. My husband prefers to stand. This time I sat between 2 woman and one of them (around my age or a little younger) hopped up and motioned for my hubby to sit. He declined so she sat back down and started by asking me where we were from. I was really surprised by how well she spoke English. When she learned he was teaching she talked about the high pressure in the school system and then said she sometimes tells her grandchildren they have to do well. We ended up showing each other pictures of our grandchildren and chatting until our stop came. Another time we were glamping and a mom and 2 girls went by while my husband was sitting outside. She encouraged the girls to say hi. they were shy at first but soon after that they kept asking if they could go say hi to "grandpa" and would pass by several times. We took cookies to the girls one evening and they invited us to sit at their fire. I'm BTS Army so were talked a little about that. Her husband's English was not as good but he asked me questions about BTS surprising his wife that he knew the names of some of the members. Again a lovely experience. We've had other brief encounters where I think people are genuinely curious and get brave enough to ask. I'm not sure if it's because we are older? No one has tried to take us anywhere with them.
Thank you for sharing your insight. I would like to travel there solo. Cool that you like BTS.
The two times that I've visited Korea, I've had a different experience to this. Okay, one person was definitely in a religious cult (or wanted me to join her church or something), but the rest have been regular people (usually older). They will ask what I'm doing in Korea, how long I'm visiting, etc., tell me about something if I'm looking at it (e.g. street cats I was looking at), help me if I look lost or confused, show me pics of their grandchildren, and some will want to practise their English. When I was solo travelling in particular, I found more people approached me. It probably helps that I speak and understand Korean (been learning for 10+ years, my speaking is still quite bad though haha) and that I wasn't always going to super touristy spots.
While I was there last fall, trying to have small conversations was difficult. The lack of eye contact made it challening as well. But I will say that as soon as I asked anybody for help (where to buy a backup battery, where's the nearest hotel), they all went out of their way to help me. Also, when I was on my own and sitting at a group table in Gwangjang Market, it was enough in common to start a small conversation with Koreans sitting there. They even offered me some Makgeolli. And when I went back a few days later, I bought the Makgeolli and offered some to the people sitting near me, which also helped start up a conversation. And I was there bicycle touring, and sometimes I knew a small group might be comment about me or my bike between themselves, being able to say 한국어 조금 할 수 있어요 helped a lot to start small conversation.
Good job
Yes! When I was at a cafe in Seoul, I was leaving the restroom and a woman going in said that she'd seen me before on the subway. She said that I was really recognizable because of my bright orange backpack and vibrant clothing and that she really liked it because she often just sees people in dark clothing/jackets/accessories. It was nice!
I honestly have randomly talked to many Koreans (normally older, abt >50 but also 1 girl in her 20s) in my travels in SK 😂 I am a hijabi, so there's always people staring, so when I smile at them and say 안녕하세요, they're normally pleasantly surprised and reply with 오! 한국말 할 줄 알아요? and the conversation (abt my travels, etc) always kicks off from there.
I will say that it happens more often in the less foreigner-touristy places (Ulsan, Yeosu, Suncheon) and never rly in Seoul or Busan
i thought i was an american, but hearing them explain about the korean culture and small talk, apparently i am actually a korean
I have visited Korea twice and have had many Koreans approach me to see if I needed help - all genuine!! Before my return journey to Australia I decided to buy one of those tourist type baseball caps with Korean wording - and within one week of my return I was twice approached by Koreans asking to take a selfie with me - that cap is a great conversation starter - an excellent opportunity to practice the Korean language with them - and they are so friendly - all genuine again. 🧡🧡
What did your cap say?
@@GoBillyKorean 천재 - good for a laugh. 😀
@@boris8787ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ문구가 너무 웃겨요. 잘 고르셨어요.
@@boris8787 What does that mean?
@@boris8787can you please translate and explain what's funny
Honestly I was so traumatised when I went to the US by all the random people smiling and coming up to me, I wished I had known about the small talk culture before
When it comes to Korea I feel like they do small talk quite often to foreigners. They get curious about why we are here and such. But it's true it's usually elderly people. I had a lot of elderly people give me cookies (or asking to marry their sons also but I guess that's weird).
In jeju I got 1kg of tangerines bc every farmer I met gave me 5-6 haha (it was delicious). And I noticed that people greeted each other while hiking because I wasn't doing it at first and I heard an uncle complaining to his wife that I didn't do it first, young people have not manner these days yadda yadda yadda (I had sunglasses and a hat so I don't think he noticed I wasn't Korean) So after that I made sure to gret them first.
As for the younger ones I had a lot of people come up to me to practice their English (most of the time theirs were much better than mine though)
I did got into a cult meeting once after meeting to lovely girls in Hongdae. But it was pretty fun, they let us try hanbok and such and I did some sort of ceremony. At the end we ate. I only had 20 000 won on me so when they sudently asked fo money I was like ...well I don't have more than that hahaha. Since I ate I consider it was just like an expensive food experience. And then I blocked their number. So not to say I recomend joining a cult but it became a fun stoy to tell
Traumatised by small talk 🤣🤣🤣
Okay I live in a very walkable family friendly neighborhood in Daejeon and everyone is usually politely smiling or casually asking things like “Oh your Korean is good - how long have you been here?” And I have a kid and a baby so everyone talks to me (asking how old they are or if my husband is Korean etc) and I go to the same grocery stores and shops most of the time and they “know” me so we do have small talk. It’s not that weird. I think if it’s a more formal setting, someone you see less often, or it’s in Seoul, it’s probably different. But not ALL Koreans are like that. My apartment complex has a lot of elevators and we mostly say hi and bye and it’s not super weird.
I will say I was followed by a guy talking about religion within my apartment complex after he chatted me up about my kids, but I just walled off really fast. So don’t worry about seeming rude. Those people know that most people don’t want to hear that.
We need more videos with her really enjoyed this episode 😂😂
Oh I'm going to be in big trouble. I'm from the American South and the clerk at my grocery store knows more about me than some of my family. We share our life stories while they're scanning 😂
Small talk in certain times is a fun and convenient way to pass the time. I had fun conversing with my school security guard back in the day
Loved this ! This was so helpful !
That sounds so good!! As an introvert I don't like small talk either 😅
👍😅
I've heard that Koreans are often called the Irish of Asia ( I think due to drinking, swearing and getting angry which are not at all traits of Irish people like me 😀) . But I think it'd be a complete culture shock for Koreans going to Ireland because everyone talks to you almost all the time. And it's often not small talk either!
There's a Chinese comedian, Dawn Wong, who married an Irish guy and has some jokes about that that you might enjoy
I've just returned from Korea and made three new Korean friends...all female, who approached me! They wanted to know about me possibly because I'm a foreigner to them. I spoke in Korean to them, starting out with, "I only speak a little bit of Korean. I've been studying Korean for two years." Then they'd say, in Korean, "you are so good" and that would start a simple conversation consisting of small talk. I never felt threatened though. This video was still helpful for when I meet Koreans! Thank you.
I just returned from my first ever trip to Korea. Mostly people didn't make eye contact or want to talk, but there were some exceptions. One was on a walking trail around a lake. There, older people coming in the other direction did sometimes exchange a nod or a quick "hello", but then continued walking. Another time, my husband and I were at Ichon Hangang Park when an elderly Korean man approached us, asking where we were from. Initially I answered in Korean, but he wouldn't respond to my Korean at all (and I don't think it was so bad as to be unintelligible, as I was understood everywhere else). When he heard we were from Australia, he commented that based on his experience they speak English in Australia. He then launched into a monologue in very formal English (like he was writing a thesis) on the fact that Australian beef costs 1/3 of the price of Koran beef but he thinks the taste is bad. He insisted this was because the cows were being raised by the descendants of convicts. He also said he'd be worried about visiting Australia because of that. He was speaking very loudly and other passersby were giving us some very funny looks. He never tried to sell us anything or take us anywhere. I think he just wanted to practice his English. Eventually we were able to politely extract ourselves and continue on our way.
I agree that it sounds like he just wanted to practice his English.
Haha, thats hilarious. Cheers from Melbourne.
I currently live in South Korea and have found a mix of situations. About 75% of the time, there is no small talk. About 5% of the time, it's definitely a cult trying to see if they have an in with me. However, about 25% of the time, people engage in small talk, and often, they initiate it. Most appear to be trying to practice English (and I respect that; I am happy to be a part of their English language journey). The other half seem to be people who realize I'm American (not hard to figure out) and try to make sure I (and my family) feel welcomed.
The one thing that has been interesting is I don't get a chance to practice my Korean (very minimal and basic) as much as I thought I would because people often want to talk to me in English. Even if I try to speak in Korean, they will give me a little smile and go to English, no matter how basic they are in English (usually none are as basic as my Korean). My teenagers often get Korean teens who want to engage with them in English. Teenagers often approach them to engage, and everything has been friendly (my eldest was once approached by a cult, but that was the only time).
Perhaps I should make a video with some tips for how to get more Korean practice while living in Korea. But just being in Korea alone isn't enough to get practice if there isn't an environment that requires you to speak Korean on a regular basis. For me too, since I don't attend any language school or language meetups, or even participate in many group activities I usually find practice through speaking with people in various situations while traveling around, or when filming my videos. I get most of my practice with Korean friends.
This was awesome thank you❤😂
Thanks for covering this subject, I'm from the southern Appalachian area in the US and we adore our small talk; I'm very chatty. This has been a concern of mine for when I go over to Korea for work, that I will miss the small talk. I'm also glad to see in the comments that it seems Koreans are somewhat more willing to talk to foreigners (out of curiosity I suppose lol!). I've also heard they're more friendly/chatty in the rural areas, where I'll be working, and that older people will ask you a bunch of questions once they realize you can speak Korean. I don't mind answering the same questions over and over if it means I can talk to people! (Heck, that already happens, as I'm Jewish and people always ask the same handful of questions when they find out haha!)
I’m from Middle TN and I got so sick of small talk 😂 I lived in Japan where NO ONE talks to you and it was great when I was busy or shopping or just wanted to be left alone. But in Korea, I’d say small talk is more common than they make it out to be in this video. I live in a big city in Korea but in a little neighborhood so it feels kind of like a small town and most people will be polite and chat with you a little. Grocery store clerks, hair dressers, etc. and it’s more common the more you see a person. If you’re in Seoul, always going to new places and never really becoming a regular, yeah, they will probably just do their job and not talk to you. But it’s usually not because they aren’t nice but just busy and professional.
Oh boy; I am Canadian and we really small talk to each other! I offer to help people, I visit with people or comment on what we see around us, it’s really a part of who I am! I’ll try to curb it when I go to Korea! 😂
Thanks for sharing this video. After reading some of the comments below, and taking in the parts of the video where the older generations may have been more social, and some may want to talk but don't. This reminds me of students at my daughter's bus stop who all are on their cell phones and they still keep socially distanced (by choice), because they are introverted by nature. I wish I could take all their cell phones away to get them to start talking to each other. Maybe I should go visit Korea, just to say hi to someone. haha
So basically do deep dive in whichever map app, google maps for example, before visiting!
What a beautiful culture
This is an environment my introverted self has been dreaming of. I don't have to have small talk with random strangers anymore? Oh, I am going to do well in Korea
I just spend 4 weeks with my family travelling in South Korea. I found the korean people to be reserved but friendly (and curious). Our kids were definitely an icebreaker, and they would get lots of treats or compliments. A few people would talk to me and my husband as well - ask us where we were from or what we were doing in Korea. Some young guys invited me and my husband to the VIP pit at a rap concert and wanted to go for drinks afterwards (which we weren’t able to). A tipsy finance guy spoke to us in the metro. A group of older people in Hanboks wanted a to have their picture taken with us. And some people would greet us on the walking trails around Seoul. Kids in groups would often wave and try and talk to us. We also went to a few bars, where the bartenders would make conversation with the customers. We spoke about music, bartending and travelling.
Buy the way - in Denmark, we actually don’t small talk that much either, but for other reasons: It’s considered superficial. We will approach and talk to people in public, but mostly you will have to either 1) make some kind of interesting or humorous remark or 2) complain about something, like the Danish public transportation system😆
I met another lady in the airport waiting for a flight. After a lot of chatting, we discovered we had a lot in common and are now friends! The cashiers at Trader Joe's (grocery) like to recommend recipes based on the purchases, I love to hear it. Doing errands can be a fun social time. Once the Immigration control in NYC welcomed me home for Christmas, I felt that I came from the friendliest country in the world. 😊
I wonder if the fact that we have a tipping culture in the US has something to do with why service workers do small talk.
I once saw a youtube comment that a foreigner felt he was ignored by people. I am not sure if he meant people looked down on him, or they just didnt talk to him. If the latter is the case, I need to explain that I am a ghost on the street unless theres someone I know. I noticed that some Northern European people do not say hello to strangers. They lack sunlight, so they are trying to conserve mental energy
It seems so hard. I have a coworker who’s from Seoul and they come of so guarded and gated.
This video has been my experience living here which made me lonely the first few months 😅
I may have to sacrifice small talk but at least I don’t have to make eye contact…I hate it lol
I sometimes have small talk about random things with some of the owners of the small shops around our apartment complex.
But only if no other customers are there.
Otherwise the only people trying to talk to me are people who say hello or good morning in english or people advertising a new fitness studio or similar.
너무 재미있어요 😁
I am from the Midwest (Chicagoland) and it’s going to be so hard not to small talk when I go to SK 😅
I would do well in Korea. I dislike small talk. But I'm from New York and most people here are on the move and don't want to talk to strangers. We think they want to bring you to their church or rob you. When I lived in New Jersey for a small time people would say hi and wanted to chit chat and I thought, Get away from me you weirdo. I try not to be rude but I don't want to talk to you. Now if I'm outside I just wear my noise canceling headphones to avoid any awkward conversations from strangers. But I will most times help lost tourists if they need directions.
I remember talking to a college girl on a train. She was Korean, I was about to graduate high school. I wasn't trying to flirt or anything, I just thought she looked wise. I opened up much about my personal stuff. She was like 'I never expected a stranger would talk to me.' We talked about an hour, and she bought me a coffee. The older you get, the harder it becomes to have small talk with a random stranger. I wonder how she's doing now
When I was in myeongdong a while back, I was buying a present for my sister and the shopkeeper asked me what I was doing in Korea. I told him I lived there and taught English and he was shocked/happy and gave me a free pin lol Sometimes if you seem like a tourist people will ask you why you're visiting because they are curious.
Edit: I lived in Daegu at the time, so I was in fact, a tourist in Seoul technically lol
So then how can we meet and talk to anyone? It is very insightful because I live in a Korean Neighborhood in NY and this explains A LOT LOT !!!!!
I'd assume the same way you meet people outside of small talk elsewhere. So at your job, events, hobby groups, bars and clubs (if that's your scene), online, ect.
I feel like small talk is not common in many countries. It's rarely happen in my country too (at least from where i am staying) and I feel like small talks is difficult, talking to a stranger also feels weird (for me) unless they ask for direction or help.. i don't like small talks as well 😅
There are sometimes when i use e-hailing (like grab), the driver trying to have a small talk with me (usually older people) and it's very awkward 😅
전 동영상을 진짜 좋아했어, 이 너무 재미있었어요 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
When I was in Korea, there was once I was waiting for my bus, when the lady beside me started talking to me. Because I'm Asian, I thought she might have mistook me for a Korean so I feigned understanding and looked at her awkwardly. I really wondered if it was anything important, but then I saw her go up to another person and say the same things and I realised that it's probably nothing. It was a weird encounter 😅😅
I think westerners still have or try to have a sense of community which I think is a good thing. The smaller the city the more likely small talk is to happen. I have actually made friends just by starting with small talk. I heard depression is high in Korea - maybe they need to encourage more small talk so people feel less isolated.
I once saw a young woman on the subway to Gangnam, our eyes met and we suddenly talked to each other and exchanged phone numbers but she was kind of crazy and so am i, i guess :) And once i talked about half an our to an older taxi driver during the ride, with my bad Korean skills, but i was in a kind of emergency situation and he noticed that, so i think he wanted to calm me down with that conversation. And i could not believe i had such a long talk with my bad Korean, i was really cool. Great video as always🙌수고하셨습니다
I already have this issue in London as a French, English people are spooked and don't want my random comments lol
Ajuma abroad seem to be super talkative in my experience. Here in Germany where I live, there are not many Koreans, but when I and my Korean partner visit the small Korean store to buy homemade Kimchi, the one Ajuma there always starts talking to my partner, what she is doing etc. She already knows so much that it can't be considered small-talk anymore. But now knowing me she also talks with me so I get to practice a bit Korean. But also in the one small family-owned Korean restaurant the Ajuma started trying to persuade my partner to join the local Korean church, so we stopped going there... But that's only an Ajuma-thing I guess, the young Koreans here are just normal and intro- or extroverted depending on their personality. Anyway, Germans in general also find American-level small-talk weird, so that's a similarity. Though we like to stare and also sometimes say "hello" to stangers, at least in the countryside or when on a walk or hike.
Yes, someone randomly tried to talk to me around Hyehwa-dong but unfortunately I didn't really understand what they were trying to say so I just said sorry I don't really speak Korean, bowed, and walked away. Also yes in my experience it's the older people who are chatty, always asking where I'm from, what I'm doing here (studying), and how I like it so far in Korea.
Not to promote smoking or vaping, but if you're a smoker then yeah, these areas are also a place for small talk hahaha
When I was on the subway and even in the elevator on my way back to our place, people were making small talk with me. The reason, however, is that it was pretty obvious that I went to a baseball game and people were curious about who won, etc. So, it's not that small talk is completely out of the question, it's just that the opportunity or situation has to be appropriate.
The one time I were in Korea a man that was a bit older than me was in the same 7-11 as me and he was buying beer. I was really trying to stall so he would leave, but he also was stalling by looking a bit extra and chatting with the person behind the counter. So I had to pay in the end and he waited for me and tried to talk to me and even offered me one of his beers. My answers were short and I declined the beer. I felt slightly scared by that encounter. Otherwise when I tried to talk just my small simple sentences, especially out on the countryside it was always well received. But I'm super shy so I always wait until everything feels 100% right before I talk.
Pls explain the difference between these three 성공하다, 실패하다, 떨어지다. I think to all has the meaning of fail, right? Why using 떨어지다 on failing exam?? Thank you
I think there needs to be a specific reason which can put Koreans but also everyone introverted at ease / not pressure them on the one hand, on the other hand not appear needy/desperate. Because we can all sense if s.o. is just trying to talk to you (because they want to start a conversation out of thin air or whether there is a valid reason). In a café this would be for example, "excuse me is this table /chair available?" , "excuse me, what kind of drink is this?" and it's also common among Koreans to ask waiters what is most delicious or popular on their menu. After asking consider the case closed and move on and don't be hesitant, e.g. hang around too close to them or don't force eye contact forcing to build rapport. In my city it is also rather unusual to approach strangers and make small talk - well some people do though - but we often think "oh, that's creepy" while in the south of my country people do small talk all the time to strangers and I simply adapt. :)
Perhaps that’s why I feel so comfortable solo travelling in Seoul No one tries to make conversation like ask where I’m from or how it’s been hehehe…I always find small talk awkward 😂
If you want to get a ton of small talk in Korea get a dog or a baby. No ajumma resists to interact with a foreign-looking baby in the elevator! :D
What do I say then when a store clerk says "어서 오십시오"??
아무말 안 하고 안들리는 것처럼 무시하거나 눈으로만 인사해요😂
I'm bothered by this 😂 I don't mean to be rude in saying this, but I'm gathering from various videos (from Billy and other channels), that Korean society is unfriendly, closed off & isolating.
I look at eye contact as respectful. I am making sure you know I am giving you my attention and just acknowledging you as a person. I feel it's so healing for some folks to just know they're seen and paid attention to. That someone is looking AT them and not past them. But I understand not everybody is raised to feel that way.
However, between this small talk topic and the fact that there's no holding the door for someone to the point that people will let it slam in your face and not saying thank you when someone does hold the door, I'm honestly blown away.
I also heard and seen testimonies from people in videos and comment sections where they talked about not being helped with heavy groceries up the steps, not helping mothers with strollers and kids, or even a teenage girl who twisted her ankle and fell to the ground bleeding and crying while people just looked on but did nothing.
That hurts my heart.
It's interesting how weird the topic of small talk is to Ms. Gillian, but in America, we just acknowledge other human beings and believe it's acceptable, normal & valuable to connect with our fellow humans- family/friends or utter strangers. I think it's actually pretty sad that socializing in Korea is so rigidly confined. And also that life is so fast paced that many see taking a moment to connect with a fellow human as a waste of time and completely bizarre or intrusive. Like wow.
*I knew I was forgetting something- the shoulder bumping! I cannot handle strangers openly shoulder checking me, acting like it's not rude, and just walking away without apologizing.
Meet me, I hold the door for you, and I never spit. If you visit China first, then come to S.K, you would feel Korea is better. But if you have experienced Japan first, you probably would be disappointed. I wish the government gave tickets, whenever people spit on the street. I am sorry 센송합니다
@@user-bn5pq7bh5g Awwww, I appreciate that you're the kind of person who holds the door open for others! And that you don't spit! I hate that. I didn't realize that happened often over there.
What you said about visiting Japan or China first is so fascinating! That opened up my worldview more. I haven't been able to travel much at all in my adult life because of financial and health limitations, but when I begin to, your comment has ensured that I'll be really attentive to how natives interact with each other and foreigners. 🤗
So I guess I'm going to have a difficult time trying to meet and talk with Korean people when I go there. Although I do have an idea how I can do it.
Growing up in Germany with mental health issues I always hated the small talk and lying culture of corporations or when using English. I think I'd love Korea 😂
In my country people are totally the opposite 😂 we talk alot lol
The ways to behave in Korea and Sweden are very similar.
So if I go to Korea not knowing a soul, other than a language cafe, I have zero chances of ever making a friend... it would make cults look appealing to even a lonely-enough atheist
"No, no, I really am interested in your cult and I'm totally not meeting you for the free Korean practice!"
Even though I knew everything in the video, it still surprises me today. I always think, how the heck do these people make friends? Then I remember the hikikomori problem which is not exclusive to Japan. "Ah, they don't" I remember lol.. and what if the girl's shoes are really cool? I guess that compliment will always be greyed out as unlocked because it might be a flirt
I’m Korean-American (born in the US) and I’m so ok with no small talk
They sound like Londoners to me. Rule number one on the London underground: don’t make eye contact, rule number two: if you do - don’t smile 😂
Sounds nice. Asking "how are you doing" to a stranger is freaking absurd i absolutely hate it.
12:17 is she shocked because it sounded like he said a different word?
No, it's just because of how awkward it would be to make that sort of comment.
I was approached by a little old lady who saw me studying language flashcards on the train. She invited me to a free korean class. I went to the address she gave me, and sure enough, there WERE free language classes. They were good! BUT she keeps texting me religious stuff even though I told her that I don't have any faith, and that I think faking a faith just to please other people is rude to myself and disrespectful to others (disrespectful because I would be encoraging them to continue something that I believe is harmful to them). So now I have blocked her.
I think the Korean language classes were government funded, and the church delivered the lessons. The teachers were good, but not as good as the teachers at the (paid) school that I also attended. The cool thing was that the students in the free class were a very different demographic and cultural mix from the paid school. They were more serious about learning for survival, so the speaking exercises were better.
That definitely sounds like a cult that offers free language classes. If they were government funded, they wouldn't be held at a church but at a public building.
I never understand how people can be that guarded and closed off to others. I get wanting to protect yourself, but humans are social creatures and a big contributor to the "loneliness epidemic" is the inability to just acknowledge each other's existence.
It is something you see in other ccounties too, but it always seems paradoxical to the whole culture of "harmony" and "collectivism."
The cults really screwed it up for a lot of people though.
Hermit Kingdom
Can't believe that I have so much in common with Koreans 😂
small talk isn’t common in scandinavia either, someone who just comes up and talks to you is seen as weird. i do like it when people do that in the states but a "how are you" to a total stranger can also come off as not genuine, you’re just asking to ask, you don’t actually care how i am.
i belong in korea
Why is it normal for Koreans to small-talk to kids or babies but not to adults??
Great video! I like to learn about the culture. The only thing is that it feels too one-sided. The Korean lady (Gillian 쌤) only speaks from her perspective, which is fine, but it portrays all Koreans as being the same. Of course, she is speaking what is culturally common which might be accurate, but a lot of it was from her point of view. My point is that it would've been nice to have different Koreans of different personalities and backgrounds talking about how is their culture, and how they approach social interactions. Also, 100% of Korean people who approach you in the street to talk to you and be nice to you are from a CULT? Wow! I mean, isn't that a bit of a generalization? I don't know, maybe a little more explanation was needed there. Other than that, thanks both of you for the video, very informative and interesting!
I live in Korea. This wasn't just one person's strange perspective. She is pretty typical. Of course, not everyone is the same, but Korean people, particularly people younger than 60, just don't do small talk. And yes, it's very difficult to make friends here. That's why school friends are very important in Korea - they are generally friends for life in a way that generally doesn't happen in most of western society. People make other friends at work, in hagwons and other places. They just don't do small talk much, and definitely not in public places.
@@fransmith3255 Oh, I see what you're saying. That's good. That thing about school friends it was not mentioned I think. thanks. I don't mean to say that is a strange perspective, but rather just one perspective, because she is one person. Of course, I can be certain that she knows what she's speaking about as well as Billy. My point is, that it would've been nice to have other personalities to give more nuances and experiences. People with different temperaments and personalities. At some point when Billy, I'll call him Prof. Billy, was talking about how people in the street who are nice to you are not trustworthy at all, Mrs. Gillian said "What if they are trying to be actually your friend?" or something in those lines. Meaning that that is not always the case. When I read the comments I read quite some experiences of people doing small talks with Koreans and having great conversations in public places that were not just with the elderly or with kids as it was mentioned here. At some point also she said that telling someone that there outfit looked good was maybe a good way to start a conversation, to which Prof. Billy responded confused for he thought it was flirty and she did her best to explain what she meant. There were things that were not fully explained clearly and that's why I believe that another personality, would've been a benefit for the conversation. I know the idea here was to create a bridge and help foreigners to communicate better with the culture of Korea, and it did help, but after consuming the information, I can't help but to have a small taste of "just keep quiet and don't bother the people there" at the back of the tongue. Now, I don't feel bad at all but rather curious and puzzled, hence why I said, another personality could've help explaining more.
@@luissanchez2428 I guess you could have several people telling you exactly the same thing. Or someone else, who is rather abnormal, telling you something that sounds more comfortable to a westerner, but that would be a false impression then. It's not that people in South Korea are unfriendly. Not at all. Quite the opposite in fact - South Korean people are very giving and friendly. In fact, I'd say that Korean people are probably more outgoing in general than other Asian countries. But South Korean people are just more initially cautious - they just don't speak to strangers. They need to get to know you a little more before they chat. I have found that if you visit the same shops, you can gradually get to know the people there and they will then chat, often asking questions because they are curious. They are considerably more reserved than western people in general - until you get to know them, then that reservedness disappears. Older people are a little more forthcoming to strangers - I've chatted to quite a few older people on the bus - perhaps they have more time and don't get to see foreigners often and thus are curious (similar to small towns everywhere, in every country, where everyone knows everyone else's business, they like to know who is teaching in their little towns, lol), but I'd say that most older people are still more reserved than westerners too. Children are like children everywhere - curious, forthright and frank. But there are always exceptions to every stereotype, too, just like with any culture.
This is certainly not the only video on the subject. Perhaps you could get more information from other videos? They are likely to tell you similar things, though.
@@fransmith3255I see what you are saying. Perhaps I was misunderstood, and I misunderstood some parts of the video. No, I don't mean to shy away from the truth, nor listen to what I wish it was the truth. I have listened to a lot regarding the culture over there, and I have several korean friends, so I understand a little. I don't think they are rude or mean. I stated my point. It would've been helpful to have other personalities to give more nuances of some things they said. Like I said, it felt the conversation was coming from one perspective; of someone that's more reserved. Nothing wrong with that, but I would've like to hear from someone who actively looks to socialize with people and is more extroverted; just to know how they think in those situations and what they do. I'm focusing in the korean side since Prof Billy wasn't born there. Yet, his inputs were very good. I'm not minimizing his comments. Now, rewatching the video, what I misunderstood was what he meant with small talks. I thought they were more about those talks you do in the streets, groceries and waiting in line only, but they meant any small talk anywhere. Because of this, I was puzzle because it felt that for more than half of the video they were just discouraging to even approach people, and saying to stick with elderly and kids only. I was wrong there. They were just stating when and where should you do those talks. Still, I stick with the idea that another point of view from a more extroverted person would've been beneficial to be more clear.
Where I feel I was misunderstood, is that it feels that my comment was received as an attack or mean comment or some sort. Prof Billy didn't like my comment, and probably thought I was critiquing just to criticize. You seem to be responding in a defensive manner, respectfully though, and it's ok. I appreciate your input. That wasn't my goal, but rather give a productive feedback. So, since my message was not clear or temper by the way I expressed it, I will be deleting these comments soon so that I don't leave you all with the wrong impression, specially Prof. Billy and his guest. Thanks for the conversation and the insights.
@@luissanchez2428 I didn't see your comment as an attack. And my reply certainly wasn't meant as an attack. I just wanted to correct some comprehensions, since I live here so experience Korean life on a daily basis. My writing can come across as a little forthright, so I'm sorry if that sounded like an attack to you. Rest assumed that it certainly wasn't meant that way. Of course, you can delete your comment if you feel that you have been badly treated, but that isn't the way it appears to me. This just seems like simple discussion to me.
As I mentioned, there are other videos on this topic as well that perhaps would expand on this video a little. I don't think this lady was particularly introverted - she seemed relatively comfortable on camera and her evaluation and attitude is pretty normal in Korea. Perhaps she came across as slightly terse in trying to get her point across - perhaps that's what you're picking up on.
I think Korean people in general, over all, may be a little more reserved than western people, but they are a mix, just like every other country's peoples. There is quite a cultural difference though, in terms of how people behave, and that was what was expressed here. Korean people are just slower to trust than other people, but when they do, they are very generous and very openly human.
When I first came here to my little country town I was openly stared at with quite some mistrust from almost everyone. I'm an Australian and our culture is very open in many ways - you can easily make friends in minutes in Australia. But here I had to just be my friendly self and not give up for a while until people started to get to know me. NOW I get welcoming smiles almost everywhere I go, because people know me, or have seen me around, plus I speak some of the language. I've earned some trust in the 5 years I've lived here. In some ways, western people might be quite exception to other cultures, if anything (there's food for thought - that western people might be the strange ones!). I suspect (of course, I don't know for sure), but I suspect western people might come across as being a little arrogant and loud and obnoxious in some ways, for many Korean people. These are all stereotypes of course, but there are generalisations.
You mention that you have some Korean friends. Could you ask them? Ask them how western people came across when they first met western people, if they remember. Even show them this video and our conversation. Perhaps they could explain better than I can. I'm not Korean, of course, I've only lived in Korea for 5 years,, so they might be able to iron out some of your questions from a Korean point of view. 🙂
i find Asian countries, Korea in this aspect really throw around the word Cult very easily, and I'm sure a lot of people know cults from America are really...different. is there a reason for this ? or is it synonymous with organized religion?
It's semantics, but a lot of what we mean when we say "cults" in Korea are the more harmful ones - not the typical ones.
@GoBillyKorean ah I see thank you 😊
OH. As a Korean, you guys American people are a bit talkative hahaha , no offense 에구 미국분들이 말씀이 좀 많으시죠. 미국가서 커피살려면 힘들어요 엉엉
what if It's someone that wants you to join his cult but finally they just both give up the cult together and be good friends ... XD
And if I 'm gay I also can't complement to a random girl while we are waiting in the line? Hahaha because gee I like your clothes
Most people would see that as flirting, but everyone's different and if they're familiar with Western culture they might be fine with it.
No wonder the birth rate is dropping.
This is unrelated to the birth rate IMO, and is just a part of Korean culture. The birth rate is due to many other issues (but probably not the culture around small talk).
Man, I hate that people in America just talk to strangers. I don't know you, I don't want to know you. If I want to make new friends/ acquaintances, then I will go to a bar or a class or a club. Don't talk to me.
Hahaha. I think it's just concidered fair game when out and about. I've been approached many times even while having earphones/ headphones on. So I think we must just be prepared for it when in public 😂