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How to Cultivate Friendships with Chrystal Evans Hurst
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- Опубликовано: 17 фев 2024
- Why are adult friendships so complicated? If you’ve ever wondered why making and maintaining friends is difficult the older you get, trust me, you’re not alone. In my own life, my friendships have shifted in different seasons. What I know for sure is that it was worth the fight. On the other side of hard conversations is support, love, and true connection.
You were made for connection. When you take the time to cultivate your circle of friends, you will surely reap the benefits. But you have to be intentional and prayerful in the process.
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Great timing!!! I'm praying for God ordained, equally yoked friendships where we both practice iron sharpen iron, both are picking up our own torture stake, break generational curses together, confront each other in love and firm, challenge each other, counsel each other, have healthy boundaries, have healthy conflicts, and not make each other responsible for the other's person's feelings and insecurities. We both invest spiritually in the friendship by meeting up every month making sure we are meeting each others needs a be avid readers in the Bible learning how to strengthen our friendship and avoiding any resentment, we both understand not to put each other in God's place, and Satan IS the enemy. ❤
This was so timely for me. Today I had a girls day with a coworker who I’m enjoying getting to know. Previously I was the girl who was lonely but didn’t know how to cultivate friendships. Last year that changed and I became intentional with making the first move to cultivate friendships. What resonated with me the most from this episode was learning to repent and forgive, DTR and the wisdom that I don’t have to let someone burn me twice but can love from a distance. Thanks for sharing.
Hey, what does DTR mean?
Ok nevermind I just heard her say it 😂
You're a very wise woman, Krystal! Thank you for your words of wisdom. What resonated most with me is that I have to define the relationship, and I have to let my friends know what I really want and desire in our relationship. I have to be the pacesetter; the initiator; the one who starts the conversation. God bless you! The Lord sent me to this particular podcast during my devotional time, as I was looking up scriptures online. Thank you! By the way, I'm 68 years old, which goes to show that we are never too old to learn, and a young person can teach an older person lots of things- if we open up and accept it! Thank God that I can, and will!
This is such an important topic. I can’t stress the importance though of praying for a friend, like we pray for important decisions in life, but many neglect to pray for God to bring the right friend into their life.
This prayer that I said about this time a few years ago, changed my life. A few months later, I met the lady that would become my chosen sister. I love my hubby, but my marriage is even better because I have my girl, and I don’t have to expect him to listen to me the way a woman would.
I think many ppl want a close friend, but expect it to happen without work. The truth of the matter is it’s a lot of work, but you have to realize the rewards are worth it. Invest in the right person and the yields are life giving. Also ppl should learn to love ppl the way they want to be loved.
absolutely connected with ‘you have to do the work’. I've always said I'm a loner but as I get older, I feel I do miss having a circle of women. I will work on it! Keep the tips coming! ❤
Defining the relationship resonates the most with me because at time I hate to express how I feel because I don’t want to offend my friends I’m learning that conflict is necessary for growth 😊
I talk about this all the time with people. I don't know why adults struggle with courageous conversations but it is a reality of life. This was a great teaching that I hope will touch everyone who hears this in their people place!
This was awesome, Chrystal! Thank you!
I resonated most with communicating, repenting, and forgiving. Also DTR. Sometimes friendships can be on different levels in life as you mentioned. Perhaps they’re married and juggling many responsibilities. While the single friend “appears to have more time.”Both have the same hours in a day with different responsibilities. Giving more grace, flexibility, and understanding. Relieves stress and reduces pressures. To choose between what’s important! It all matters! Thanks again!
I’m that one, I did it all and I just got tired and gave up.. one thing I’m taking away is “I don’t express what I want from the relationship.” Thanks for this confirmation as well.💖
Going through that with friend rn
I really loved this video. I must rewatch because there were so many useful nuggets. My first inclination is to think “Such and such needs to hear this!” And although that may be true, I need to understand my part in the Relationship. Whether it thrives or doesn’t , I have a part to play. DTR, IS A great concept although I find it to be hard as I’m going through this right now. I know in order to grow and cultivate healthy relationships, I have to put in the work. Please keep this conversation going. It is so needed! ❤
DTR! Define The Relationship!
I like that.
DTR-defining the relationship because I have realized I may have an expectation for that relationship that does not match the other persons expectations.
This was exactly what I needed to hear! I’ve been praying for wisdom with my friendships in some painful situations and just how to navigate them. The idea of DTR was eye opening for me. I never thought about the importance of defining the friendship and am learning right now how important it is to communicate to friends, how they are affecting me and getting input from them. I really like what you said Crystal about the ebbs and flows with friendships too. Sometimes I feel nervous with the seasons of a friendship but I’m learning to see that’s okay. The also one that was really helpful for me is that with some friends it’s okay to love them from afar. Either because of something that makes it difficult to be close to them or not coming to a true resolution in a conflict yet.
I'm glad it was timely for you
Yes we gotta learn to love from afar and not be anxious about it.
Defining my relationships has always been hard, like if I define it In terms of asking too much, I may push someone away. I try not to ask too much of someone. Thank you for this video! I am 74 and it seems like I should know what I’m doing by now 😢
Thanks for this Chrystal! I need to start with defining the relationship and repenting. The thing that concerns me is some of my friends will look at me crazy for the DTR, but some will be open. Imma pray about how to approach it with those that may be apprehensive.
I've also been told by other friends in the past that I'm too involved in other ppls lives, so I did a complete 180 of that 2-3 years ago. Boundaries.
Relationships are a lot of work. Trying to strike the right balance without being a people pleaser seems to take up a lot of time because I still overthink lol
For me defining the relationship is a new concept. I've always wanted meaningful friendships (more now that i'm beyond my 40s), but I think in the past I just "assumed" we would "know" where we want the relationship to go😂; that is why I seldom got disappointed and treated superficial friendships as such (meaning I CHOSE to not to dig in deeper). Operating in conflict is a must, I need to recognize it's not easy for me. I guess, what I take from it all is that, just as anything you do in life, relationships DO require work. The quote that struck me the most was to be willing to put forth the effort for the kind of relatioship you want. It's easy to just bawl and say, "I'm an introvert anyway" and not do anything. It takes courage to put yourself out there and seek true friendships. Thank you Chrystal, tus videos me bendicen, Dios te bendiga!
Right now, I think it's forgiveness of self as I forgive others & maybe confronting conflict. I like to get things out of the way and some of my friends don't. So the longer conflict sits, the greater my sense of avoiding it and moving on (actively trying not to suppress any personal issues within the conflict). I pray in between time for God to provide a solution where I don't have to do too much or say too much and conflict resolve with time since friends like to give it time
DTR and having the hard talks are the hardest for me, but I’m grateful for you having this conversation.
Relational equity ,that's it!
I love this.... I have some experience in all these areas and convos.....yet it's needed all the time. Every friendship/relationship is different, so it's good to know that you're both on the same page when you're pouring in and out. 💜
Agreed!
This was so good and much needed. My big Takeaway was that different friendships are four different seasons. I also like what you shared about defining the friendship.
What an amazing teaching. Learning to communicate what you are thinking hit me some kind of way. I can create narratives in my own head as truth which may not be so. Thank you for sharing your heart on this topic.
This was a blessing to me and very timely! I now know that my issue is I do not communicate when I am hurt because often times the response is that I am too sensitive or they were just joking. Thank you!🙏🏽
I can relate.
Thank you much needed conversation. I’m in this season of my life to cultivate REAL friendships. God bless you
Thank you, Crystal, for this video. I really need to hear it, and I loved your tips.
DTR and forgiveness and repentance for me. I've been in this space of trying to understand my friendships. I realize I didn't do a very good job with DTR, and just assumed a person would reciprocate what I poured in. It would leave me with unmet expectations and ultimately feeling frustrated at the end of the day.
I find it challenging to develop friendships as you're older. I came to Christ in my early 30's, and now I am close to 40. You add single with no kids (yet), and that's a whole other challenge because most ladies are married with kids by 40. I'm praying for God's wisdom on how to navigate things. As someone who has a mercy gift, I feel things in an amplified way, and sometimes I would rather take a step back than confront.
I totally relate.
DTR!!! Yes!!! Forgiveness and repentance!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
I had lots of friends when I was young, but now that I'm old and sick everything has changed
Repent and forgive...without defending..yes.
Also I would add to pray for God to knit hearts together and bring the right friend across your path.
When God appointed friends come up it is incredible how he fast tracks the friendship.
A wise father in law once shared with me "offence is something that only YOU can choose to keep or let go of".
Great listening…AS ALWAYS! The hardest for me is dealing conflict…especially when you know it’s the other person…that’s where forgiveness and communication comes in…it’s just hard 🥺 and makes me so sad.
Thank you for this video. ❤I believe God wanted me to hear this. I'm 21 and I'm still learning how to be a good friend. I resonated the most with "D.T.R " and with communication. I need to work on communicating better and honestly with friends. It's so daunting though but I will have to. Because I want to be intentional with my friendships.
Thanks for this knowledge 😊
Thank you so much. DTR stood out for me. I also love the illustration of the farmer and seeds.
Looooooved this video!! Thank you, Chrystal💛 DTR stood out to me. Also, understanding that seasons of life for me and my friends are different, which will naturally cause a wedge, but intentionality must be present so we can fight for the relationship.
Glad it blessed you!
Dealing with conflict
Thank you 🙏🏾
Hello Crystal I know about lonelyness cause everybody deid I'm very alone,l seen everybody die,there was 5sisters and 4brothers plus my parents, yeah I feel very lonely
DTR, Crystal, I just need to stop being a people pleasure 😮. 😊
Love DTR - Define the relationship...very difficult to do, but probably worthwhile!
The challenge is when the person will not participate in a conversation to resolve a problem. Instead, he walks away
This was right on time for me! Each one resonated with me and I’m looking forward to cultivating my friendships. ❤
Imma have this video on repeat
Thanks so much ❤! DTR...I am going to practice this strategy.
This was such a timely podcast. DTR really resonated with me. I have work to do. Thank you for sharing!
Talk therapy is very good for those who FEEL lonely because it's deceptive. The truth is, none of us is actually alone. Even with no connectivity, we aren't alone.
The feeling usually comes for ppl who are codependent. Pre-pandemic, society was into a whole toxic belonging NEED where no one could actually choose isolation
Boundaries is what I learned. Which I think should be taught in church and other places of community, along with self love practices.
Amen, very much needed this. ❤🙏🏼 For sure for me DTR
Every much need convo.
The absence of honest and sincere confidence and integrity, and uprightness of heart makes it hard.
I love the 70s music 🎶
I love DTR, this can reduce misunderstandings and hard feelings. Raw honesty, I love this.
So true
Tips 3-6 is what’s been on my plate.
Again 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 you nailed it. This was the perfect solution to an email I almost decided to discard. DTR resonates with me. Looking forward to seeing this next chapter unfold. ❤
Awesome session. Thanks
I need to express myself across the board periodddd. lol
This was helpful! I needed the reminder to define the relationship!😊❤
The problem when I tell the person that they hurt me they tell me that they were just playing/ joking. Their just joking happens on several occasions, I let them know again how they made me feel, and they expect me to laugh and move on. After examining myself, yes I may be sensitive, but at the same time feel disrespected.
For me it was DTR. Thank you!
DTR and working through conflict are the hardest for me!
Good afternoon Chrystal! Great advice! What resonated with me is repenting and forgiving. That's my go to for resolving any issues in friendships. The hardest thing to do is expressing my own thoughts and feelings. Mainly because I try to be led by the Holy Spirit and put my feelings aside. I really think all the tips you gave were good and I enjoyed the teaching. Have a blessed day! God bless and thank you!
🔥 🔥! Chrystal, you just never disappoint! I wish, along with the Gospel, we all had to learn this in grade school! How much greater our relationships would be! I see where I could have communicated better in many instances. I can also see that if relationships had been defined, I would not have been so hurt in a couple of instances. I will revisit this and look for the questions you mentioned until I can afford to come back to the Sister Circle! Keep on doing what you do! I'm still so blessed by your insight!❤
Choosing friends wisely resonated the most. Thank you for your sharings. All the tips were good.
Thank you for doing this and praying for Godly friendships..❤
This was a timely message! As this is something I have been thinking about for a longggg while. Thank you!! ❤❤
This is good!
Much appreciated! I need to have some hard conversations and definitely DTR…
Thanks for this information I really love the tips.You really have to put work into building and maintain friendship and relationships.Dealing with conflict.Love you Crystal. ❤
I have two close friends I live near, we have been friends for 40 to 50 years. We are all 66. I’m moving to a neighboring state this year with my husband (his desire more than mine) and I’m feeling sad leaving my friends and wondering if I will be able to make close new friends where I’m going. Especially at my age.
Good!! Bless!! 🙏🏾Morning!! Chrystal!! Truth!! Thank You For Sharing!! ‘Repent and Forgiving!!’🥰♥️♥️♥️🔥🔥🔥🔥✝️👑
Everything thanks
Love it
So gòod❤
I have 1son but we're not close,l want to be close to him but he doesn't want to be close to me and I don't know why
I have 2freinds, I'm sick and old,l really miss my siblings and parents,I'm 70yrs old,to be honest I can't wait to leave this earth cause I'm really so lonely
Sending you a big hug and prayers for endurance.
I pray that God surrounds you with great people!
@@martinawilliams6374 thank you Martina, May God bless you also
@@Elijahcomeforth2011 thank you Elijah, May our FATHER bless you also
How do we find and develop these friendships? I’m in my 20’s and I’m living for Christ now. Now I’m not sure how to meet new people and I’m single as well.
And sometimes they do know what they did
For me it is choosing a friend.😢
DTR and conflict.
These are great tips. How do you know that they can be your friend?? Do you just go Thur everyday life and say this going to be my friend? I’m asking cause I’m an military wife far from family.
DTR😮❤🤯
DTR. That is stretch for me. I guess Ieave that up to the other person to decide. 🤷🏾♀️
Lead 🙏 by example......
Mine is talking about how I feel about thing I don’t like
Definitely defining the relationship is the hardest for me. It comes easy for romantic relationships but for friends how do you bring that up or say that so straight forward without sounding weird.
DTR. 😊
Chrystal can I get the download link please and thank you…
❤❤❤❤❤❤
I want to grow
Repentance and forgiveness
I’m trying to find todays video .Was taking inventory of your life .Was that Monday Feb19 video ? Trying to find the live video
DTR
Loneliness is pandemic😢
😩 *promosm*
Its definitely DTR! 🫤
This is good!
DTR
This is good !
DTR