being a people pleaser made me miserable
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- Опубликовано: 25 фев 2022
- People pleasing/being a people pleaser has been one of the most damaging and reoccurring habits that I had growing up, and I think a lot of you might relate. I always find myself always going above and beyond to prove myself to others, even if that meant sacrificing myself.
Recently I've taken a couple steps back to sort of understand why I did this and what I tell myself whenever I want to stop.
I hope that I can help someone else out there that is going through the exact same thing:)
*disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional, these are just the things that I believe to have discovered for myself, but I highly encourage you to contact one if you want some guidance in unpacking these habits and the root causes of them!
hi
"Take the short term discomfort to take the long term peace" ❤️
I love you❤️
oooh this one is gonna stick 👌🏾
This is absolutely good advice
The one critical thing I realised from being a people pleaser is that I was creating monsters. I was allowing poor behaviour, so even the people who were decent at first ended up using me and taking me for granted. I realised that it wasn’t them, it was me.
Internal work isn’t corny , inner work is a beautiful journey
Thank you for the kind words❤️❤️
"IF YOU WAMT PEOPLE TO RESPECT YOU,YOU HAVE TO RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST"
💗💗💗
❤️❤️❤️🥰
agree, but the next step is not even caring whether people respect you or not, because there is the real freedom and you should only truly be doing things that are true to yourself, so opinions respect and everything outside of your own principles/right things should not really matter 👍
This is true!!!
i relate to this! i have been a lifelong people pleaser because i fear being disliked or seen as mean. this behavior and mindset landed me in an extremely toxic friend group my freshman year of college (which i’m now learning is not an uncommon experience). it was COVID, which made me feel isolated to this specific group, which was led by a complete narcissist who genuinely believed she couldn’t ever be wrong. long story short, i ended up going against what the group wanted me to do and they found all sorts of reasons to call me crazy and said that i “just kept hurting everyone”.
i ended up taking some time over that winter break to really get some perspective. i made the decision to cut off the narcissist, which created a literal temper tantrum when i returned to school. no one would stand up for me or with me because they wanted to stay in her good graces. i felt like i was crazy all the time and genuinely felt like the most awful person. the choice to leave was so hard, as they continued to harass me in public and online (adding shitty songs to my collaborative spotify playlists, trying to follow me on social media, filming me at the gym to ridicule me, staring me down in public, stalking my location, etc.)
i don’t regret leaving and i don’t regret standing up to those who belittled me. loneliness and picking up the pieces of my self worth has been tough, but rewarding.
dude based off of the way they reacted, you dodged a bullet in the long run. good for you
@@amainstreamdeath7545 thank you so much 🥺 this comment means so much to me. thank goodness this was a while ago and i’ve been doing so much better since then :) sending you lots of peace and positivity 🧿
Hi❤️❤️ so sorry for the late reply, and so sorry that happened to you:(( I’m so happy to hear you’re in a better place now, you are extremely strong for walking away from that situation, I know how easy it is to stay in toxic cycles because they’re what feel comfortable. You deserve to be in relationships that are mutually beneficial and healthy, it’s never selfish to walk away from anything less than that. Those people clearly do not have anything better to do, and I’m glad you got away when you did:) wishing you happiness & healing🫶🏼
I promise you’ll only get better from these toxic narcissistic relationships even if it doesn’t seem like it in the begging
Chose people that will accept you for who you are. Biggest mistake you can do when making friends with people is pushing out other people that want to be in your life in exchange for people that DON’T want to be in your life.
I’ve always said. Pleasing people is hard but to piss them off is easy lol. I don’t please anyone anymore and never felt better 😊❤️
i've always been a people pleaser. my parents forced me to do things that i really didn't like but i went along with it. whenever i was working on my studies and classwork, others came and asked me for help. the natural thing was to say yes so, i always did. i would always share with others and sometimes sacrificed things that meant a lot to me. it really put me in a position where i ask myself, "why won't anyone give me help?"
people always took my kindness to an advantage and i was always nice. i never minded doing stuff for anybody. being a people pleaser gave me some advantages to be a well liked person. it had many expectations for those advantages. but at what cause? i don't understand why i had to change myself so that the world can like me. they'd be liking a fake person.
it was like leaving a door open for people to just waltz inside. i let people step on me like a bug.
eventually, i had a change and told people what i felt was comfortable for me. i took the boundaries that i needed to take and i take no parts of regret in it.
Girl, I’m 35 and this is life long advice. So glad you worked through it. Very wise young lady. 🙏🧡
Thank you so much❤️❤️wishing you well:)
phew when you said that you needed to prove to people that you were worth not abandoning i really felt it resonate in me. i think i always try so hard to make people see how much im worth staying and loving when in fact im just making myself more burnt out from running myself into the ground trying to cater to other people even to my own detriment ....
Same! What’s ironic is the pivotal moment that made me begin to stand up for myself and my needs is when I hit emotional rock bottom. That’s the moment I stopped and looked around and realized everyone completely abandoned me anyway. That truth hurt but it began the process of self care and showing up for myself. I can completely relate…..
girl, I'm so proud of you for being self-aware. your videos have helped me be okay with being alone and not having many friends. keep it up.
Jesus Christ honestly heals. He’s healed me and girl I’m still healing. I’m telling you, I’ve gone thru it too. I’ve gone thru childhood trauma, and it didn’t rly come out the way would have thought. I would have been the last person I would have thought to go thru childhood trauma (not like I was above it but I never thought what I went thru could leave such a wound) but it came to mind one day and I was like oh…wow… bc it’s like my body completely locked it away, I completely forgot that what happened occurred. But when it came bakc to mind, dang….it hurt. Dang I wanted to push it away. Lock it back. But it seems easier to ignore it. But silence can kill you. Speaking to others helps so so much and what helps to truly walk in that healing is to forgive. Receive the love that Jesus Christ has for you. Through relying on community, I’ve learned how to slowly but surely heal. Christ is helping me step by step through my therapy, my parents, my community. Don’t isolate. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. Praying for restoration, for peace to engulf your heart, and tear away every lie every anxiety, every thought that keeps coming back trying to bring you bakc into that shame, that hurt, that guilt. You are not your past, you are not your mistakes, you are not even the things you think about yourself. You are who God says you are and that is loved, redeemed, precious. Lots of love from your sis.
I've been searching for videos to understand why I've been the way I am, I've lost peace, happiness, money, so many things trying to please people. I was afraid that people won't accept me ,love me or befriend me, although people still walked out of my life after doing everything that I shouldn't have done. I'd always feel guilty for telling people how I really felt or if I've said no.
Thank you so much for this video ,took me long enough to realise that all my life I've been destroying myself trying to please people who don't even care about my existence. I'm 34 years old
just found your channel today and i love your content! you speak so eloquently and your videos are so relatable & easy to watch. can’t wait to see more of your videos ☺️🤍
I am so happy that youre here❤️! & thank you so much, that genuinely means a lot to me:))
you are beautiful btw
Boundaries do not push the right people away but instead the wrong people away
Thank you for making this video 💛 as a recovering people pleaser, I really needed to hear this and know I’m not alone
Michelle, you've quit social media, you've quiet being a people pleaser, dude listening to you made me feel safe and happy, go bestie 😢💗 i would like to see you daily on my yt feed
omg i'm so happy to hear that, i feel so honoured! wishing you all the best🥺❤️ hoping to get back on my posting schedule soon🥰 much love to you queen
@@MichelleGia no rush, mishhhh💝 take your time, you just called me queen😭😭😭😭😭😭how much more sweet will you be for me imma cry
i just stumbled across your social media video today and i decided to take a look at your channel, and i know this probably sounds corny but this feels like such a safe space. im in a weird limbo-like place in my life rn and a lot of the things you've talked about are things i resonate with. almost feels like im listening to an old friend talk :')
No not at all🥺that’s always been on of my goals with starting this channel, so I’m really glad you feel safe here❤️I know how you feel, I’m in the same boat:) I wish you all the best in figuring everything out
I’m so happy you were able to figure it out at an early age. I say that cuz I’m in my 40s and I only recently acknowledged the issue. After discussing with my sister we were able to figure out the root of why we became ppl pleasers. It’s still a work progress as it’s not easy to break a behavior I’ve known to be “correct” all my life. The uneasiness feeling makes it difficult. But I know it’ll be for the better. Keep shining!
girl this video spoke to my soulllll
Being a people pleaser really sucks, same here 💀 I think my trauma is related to my mother (I just had a nightmare about her last night), school and being sexualized by many men since I was like 14. I think most of all that caused most of my anxiety and social anxiety issues, it just makes life overall so much harder. And I'm afraid I will also turn out to be a workaholic kinda person, not because I enjoy it but because I am scared I'm not good enough
Edit: YOUR CAT IS SO CUTE OMG
I feel peace after seeing this 😌 🙌
Awe I’m so glad🥰I felt peace after making it! ❤️
thank you for your words. I’ve been physically abused my whole life, many people have taken advantage of me and have walked out on me. I’m so tired. I preciously take your advice
I’m so sorry that happened to you:( I wish you happiness and healing moving forward, you are stronger than you know❤️
I love your videos so much, genuinely makes my day when you post.
Omg I’m going to cry🥺I’ve been in a dump these few weeks, that literally made me so happy❤️
I don't know but this is the most relatable video ever..... Like every part of it just relates to me, i literally mean it..... The sudden crying and when our friends ask about it, that has happened before years and they would be seriously surprised about it.... And, one more thing is, you are not only relatable to me but really helped me.....I came to know that I'm a people pleaser just few months ago anf i was completely devastated about it.... Cuz what all i was doing now, i myself didn't knew that it was just pretending to be nice to earn love and seek validation from others which i didn't get in my childhood.... But finally, a month ago i realised why i was and am a people pleaser and I honestly wanted to change... But there was nothing in RUclips which helped me.... I saw loads of videos about this and Everything was just like, just stop pleasing others, i mean what? Wtf? Its like, just stop taking drugs to a drug addict... But you, i can't thank you enough cuz you really helped me.... And I'm going to do what you said nd understand what you said.... I will try my best to come out of that people pleasing bubble , cuz as you said, I'm not even pleasing myself and I'm not liking myself to be like this.... Idek if all this makes sense people, but all i wanted to say is i don't want to be a people pleaser anymore and this video is going to help me for that.... And one more thing, to all the people pleasers out there - I , personally being a people pleaser want to say just one thing which may help you(us); " Just because, no one was there for you it doesn't mean that you need to be there for everyone".... I hope this helps , and remember that you deserve to be loved and you can be loved even without people pleasing only by the right ones ❤️
I was thinking about this and focusing on my health and creating a better bond with my family members and taking care of myself… Even if I was to come back and see people never text me or anything it shows who cares and don’t tbh so really I don’t need friends and I never to talk to. And the comparing yourself to others and something I was working on I don’t need to change to be someone or for someone lol the people who do that is just crazy anyways love yourself
I love u so much. Informations u share is so important, I really appreciate youtube channels like this. I wish u well !
I discovered this channel 2 days ago and I really love your content. Thank you a lot for the advice!
"PEOPLE ONLY DO WHAT YOU ALLOW THEM TO DO"
thank you i do relate to this, been practicing not to please other people. Kind people are always taking advantage at. Goodluck on your journey♡
You're pretty and smart don't let negative sensations destroy. Those dirt bags can go somewhere
thank you sm❤️
Thank you for the amazing content. Found your channel today and can’t wait to watch all your content, it’s so healing and relatable.
Thank you so much❤️your words mean a lot to me and I’m really grateful to have you here!
Im so in awe of your wisdom! You have such a bright future ahead of you like 100 steps ahead of most realisising this while you're still young. Instant follow :)
I want to thank you for this video, I didn't know I needed to hear this. Some things you said it's new to me and now I just realize what I'm doing with myself. This changes everthing to me
No idea why I stumbled on your video, but there is something very special about you. Something very genuine and peaceful. I felt the urge to comment. Your Social Media video is spot on, and so is this one. Im older than you and humbled for getting such important message from someone your age - its inspiring, congratulations on your inner strength
Thank you for this.Truly,relatable
Ahh no worries so glad you could relate🥰🥰
Boundaries. Yes!
i love your content keep going with these little talks they are really helpful! ily
❤️❤️
I can totally relate to being a former people pleaser and perfectionist student like you said. As of right now, I am making it a habit to set boundaries and I’ve come a long way, however, I never really thought about the root of my prior behaviors being connected to abandonment. Now that’s something that has got me thinking, and I’m looking forward to exploring that part of my inner child further, thank you so much for this video! 💓✨
Also, I noticed by the end you said you didn’t want to sound like a self-help person or something like that, and personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with preaching and speaking your truth with the intention of helping others! That’s a beautiful thing, keep doing what you’re doing ♥️
I watched this video a couple of months ago, but I had to watch again as I woke up this morning tired AF of people pleasing. Thanks for the video!
So glad it was helpful in any way❤️it’s my pleasure🥰
Discovered your channel today and I'm so glad I did ,coz it's so relatable and I'm learning alot from it🥺❤️ Thankyou
No🥺 thank you for being here❤️ I'm so glad I was able to help in any way and I'm really grateful to have you here🥰!!
Thank you for this.💜
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Like your content! Nice to see some real, reflective and insightful stuff
Michelle!! I have really come to love your videos. Your editing, eloquence with words, and overall quality of your videos is incredible. Following along with your thought process has helped me reflect with many things within myself. I also am so proud seeing a Viet creator !! With such wonderful vids like yours. I wish you much happiness and success..! I think you’ll make it big in due time :D
your channel is so underrated, you literally deserve the world ❤️
Thank you so much🥺❤️you’re the sweetest!
DUDE thank you for making a video on this. I feel like this is a bad habit that you get raised with, looking back I feel like it's such an unnatural way of being. Props to you for working past it, I always feel like being a people pleaser made all of my bad situations worse back in school.
No worries I’m so glad it helped❤️it took me a while too, you never even realize it’s a problem at first because it feels natural to just be agreeable and avoid conflict, but definitely catches up to you:( wishing you the best on your journey
Facts 😬🤍 thank you for existing Michelle 🙆🏻♀️
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Yay so happy you uploaded!! 🥰 I loved this vid and can relate to it sooo much. Thanks for the advice 💗💗
I’m so glad to be back❤️!! And I’m so happy I was able to help:) I hope you always remember how valuable you are and how much you deserve the peace
The end of the video was truly my highest relatability point🥺 michelle just keep posting, you are slowing becoming my reason to self reflection 💕
youre gonna make me CRY❤️ youre so sweet
@@MichelleGia yes gurl!!!! You deserve my attention forever, cause you speak my self-love language and I'm so lucky i found someone like you on the internet 💗
You make my day better..ily Michelle..you are special you motivate me so muchh 💕
Omg ily I’m so glad to help❤️
Thank you for this, I really needed to hear something encouraging and positive ❤️❤️❤️ I’m very proud of you!!! It’s has always been hard for me to understand myself and how my mind works so I’m always grateful and happy when other people finally figure themselves out ❤️❤️❤️ ps I know this is a very heavy topic but I wanted to share it with you for several days now, the war on Ukraine has impacted my mental health so much and it’s like the only thing I can think about rn, I live in Warsaw, Poland so its literally happening next doors. It honestly happened it the worst moment possible for me 🥲🥲 my family is going to prepare our old apartment for refugees tomorrow, and I’m happy to help. I’m also very glad you’re safe in Canada 💛💛 anyways sorry for the long and rather not fun comment 😅😆 I just hope everything would come to a happy end soon
Omg no worries Jules, Im glad I was able to spread any words of positivity to you❤️❤️❤️ and thank you:) its just the beginning of my journey, but it makes me so happy to know that you have also made the efforts to understand yourself better
@@MichelleGia 🥺 thank you so much Michelle ❤️❤️❤️ im very grateful for your support 💛💛 i promise to keep you updated (as long as you promise to post new videos sometimes 😙)
@@this_crab of course❤️❤️ and yess! I will never stop posting:))
@@MichelleGia how sweet of you dear🤍you're such a therapy vibe
Thank you so much for this video. 🙏🏾
preach queen
I’m going to block u
Our journeys are so similar. This is so me. Glad to know I’m not alone 😌
Yes
Who cares what other think. They'll still be unhappy
thank for this video!
Thank you for this I really needed to hear this. I'm the same age as you and have been a people pleaser for as long as I can remember. Whenever I'm at work I notice that my coworkers will often ask me to do certain things because they've become accustomed to me saying yes every single time they ask me to do something. Most of the time its tasks that I know they can just do themselves :/ it makes me feel sad, I dont know how to stop. im just so used to being this way its hard to escape being a people pleaser.
from now on im really going to deeply take into consideration of my people pleasing tendencies, so thank you again for this video and inspiring me to be better and not allow people to walk all over me.
No worries
@@MichelleGia Youre wonderful, thank you for this
This helped me so much, thank you
No worries🥺🫶🏼so happy it helped
Rina Sawayama just recently came out with an amazing album about healing the inner child and healing her childhood trauma, it’s called Hold the Girl and I highly recommend everyone listen to it start to finish, it’s just amazing and actually helped me address some things from my childhood that were still hurting me. ❤
Hey I found you today and I think your energy is so beautiful and soothing, thanks for sharing your life with us :D
Thank you for being here❤️that means sm to me
love the convo
Im very glad❤️ & thank you sm!!🥰
i love ur videos! there are a lot of insights, thanks🙏
awe no worries
I just came across your YoutTube channel. This video was what I needed, thank you so much. I love your content by the way. Feels like I am watching videos from a close friend
Thanks, i needed that
❤️❤️
Your cat is so chill.
hehe she was def in a needy mood that day🥺
No bc my first breakup i threw a whole temper tantrum. I broke up with him for all the right reasons but he turned it around on me. He made sure to make me feel bad that I was apologizing for it. I did end up cussing him out, and I realized it was my inner child crying out in pain. Ever since then, I still question if it was my fault that he ended up leaving. People have opened my eyes and told me that he cared more about his ego. During the relationship, I did put him first in some aspects so when I decided I had enough with his bullshit it angered him.
Great video. You are true beauty.❤
Thank you❤️
i love watching your vids, cant wait to see more!
Awe thank you❤️I’m excited to make more after I get back from visiting my grandma🥰
@@MichelleGia I watched your video on deleting social media, and you have inspired me to delete mine as well.
@@elle-ir3hm omg no way! that makes me so happy to hear, wishing you the best on your journey
Just came across your channel, love it💕
So happy you’re here❤️
Thank you sm
She do be speaking facts
🫡
I'm here after watching your vedio of quitting social medea, Your vedios are so informative!! keep doing the great job!!
Awe🥺thank you so much that makes me so happy to hear❤️!!
i honestly love this video, your jacket and the fact that its filmed in the car 😌 so cozy and aesthetic
So glad you liked it❤️❤️& thank youuu!
Beautiful video
Thank you!🥺
Just have to learn to forgive yourself. You were a child you didn’t know what to do. Besides if the person wasn’t doing the wrong to in the first place. They wouldn’t have been seen/caught.
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ohhh man, a lot of this applies to me now….i got a lot to reconsider about the source of my habits @.@
You’re so beautiful!!! i love your videos, it’s extremely helpful 🤍
thank you, gorgeous
why would your classmates ask you whats wrong? people dont do that
Plzz start a podcast
Love you❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I would love to one day🥰🥰❤️much love to you!
Immmm fuckinnn obsessed with your every vdeo❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
PLEASE START YOUR PODCAST ALREADYYY
HAHA I WILL TRY TO SOON❤️🫶!!
I love your personality whats your mbti type?
Thank you🥺❤️you’re so sweet:) I’m an infp
WHY ARE INFPS EVERYWHERE WTF ALL MY FRIENDS ARE INFPS TOO IM AN ENFJ
@@ashleysings2734 I'm an INFJ and I feel you.
@@makizenin1840 FR LIKE WTH
I think you should start a podcast
I would love to one day🥰
Cheetah print 🐆 yes
Ahhh🤭 you get it!!💅🏻
off topic .... YOUR SOO PWETTTYYYYY
🥺🥺THANK YOU❤️
9:20
theres no such thing as friends. you mean you had dinner with your mom
You sound like an INFP Michelle?
hehe yes
@@MichelleGia So am I. We can detect our own.
քʀօʍօֆʍ
Ngu ngon
xD imy...
Jesus loves you so much and He will shower you with love if you repent. He is all you need in this depressing world.Remembering that He loves you even now in your imperfections.
Hii I just found your channel and I just want to let you know how much I love your content and how it warms my heart ❤🩹🧸. Look forward to your future videos 🫶
Thank you so much❤️that means a lot and I’m really glad you like the vids🥺
thank you so much. really. thank you. 🤎
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I Needed This Pep Talk, Thankyou 🤍.
No worries love🥰you got this
thank you i do relate to this, been practicing not to please other people. Kind people are always taking advantage at. Goodluck on your journey♡
Wishing you the best of luck on your journey as well🥰it’s not easy! You deserve peace and happiness!