BPD & Motherhood | Divya
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- Опубликовано: 7 фев 2025
- Divya -- diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder -- talks with Rebbie about how her transition to motherhood felt in the context of having BPD.
Divya has published a book of poetry on her experience with BPD! Get it here:
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This is part of an interview series with people who have a personality disorder diagnosis.
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"I have this desire for her to be her own person". What a lovely sentiment for any parent to express about their child
My mum actually has BPD. It was very difficult growing up due to her switching states and never knowing who was coming through the door - the loving mother or mother who berated us. I have to say though, BPD wasn't widely recognised back then and she wasn't diagnosed so she didn't receive any help. Now she's a wonderful grandparent to my son, I couldn't ask for a more loving and consistent grandparent. ❤ I had postnatal depression really badly & she really helped we through it & was a source of stability for my son 😊. Hats off to you about being so transparent about your experience after pregnancy; I think many women go through this, BPD or no BPD and it's very common indeed but of course social media tells a different story! All I can say is it does get better, now my son can express his needs it's soooo much easier and we have a beautiful relationship, he's definitely a mummy's boy!
Motherhood has been a rollercoaster. I'm 50 and my two boys are young adults now.
After a tragic life experience about three years ago my discovery journey of "who am I and why am I the way I am" began.
Being raised by a mental unstable and emotional unavailbale mum it impacted me immensly, although I desperately wanted to do better as a mum.
Becoming a mum was both exciting and "intrusive" for myself. At times I loved my kids immensly yet when I didnt understand their feelings I felt like they wanna trigger me ... that just set me off into outbursts of rage and anger for no reason or I just left them and went to another room.
I'm still on the learning journey and have reaslised how much damage I've caused and am trying my best to help them now and make up .. and apologize, apologize for the hurt I've caused them by my own hurt being.
Best wishes for your recovery and getting to know and understanding yourself
This shows really well the main issue in BPD, the unstable self. Her self is threatened even by her own child. It's the exact same dynamic, that you see in the romantic relationships with people with BPD. And i think this is exactly the origins of BPD, when your mother has this weak sense of self that cause this type of withdrawal from the child, and seeing the child in a paranoid way as something that tries to take away something from you.
Respectfully I don't think this is what she is saying. I think she's experienced very common things that come with being a new mother; I certainly felt my loss of independence and a feeling of being trapped and I don't have BPD. She also expresses a desire for her daughter to be her own person. Motherhood is presented as this sacred and moreover glorious time post pregnancy which isn't the reality I don't think from looking at research for a very sizeable proportion of women - ie it's bloody hard going. I think the fact that she's self aware means she'll make a fantastic mother. Her experience therefore is s very natural consequence of being a new mother, in many ways it seems that it isn't related to BPD at all. We need to talk about motherhood much more openly & honestly as many people do struggle. I had a rougher ride with post natal depression and my mother with BPD was my rock throughout it with the pandemic when I felt isolated. I can't say she was the best growing up as she wasn't diagnosed back in the day but since she accessed treatment she's been a wonderful mother and grandparent. We wouldn't wish for anyone else. She hasn't expressed paranoia in the slightest nor did she say she withdrew from her child. Let's be more open about the post natal period, peace. Fundamentally her experience is very common indeed amongst the populace who both do and do not have BPD.
My mother with NPD started to dislike me more once I started talking, because I could say 'no'. She claims I was always better as a baby, then something went 'wrong', which really just meant I started to gain some independence from her.