The discard phase of a toxic relationship with a Narcissist. The emotional and physical discards
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- Опубликовано: 19 сен 2024
- The discard phase of a toxic relationship with a Narcissist. The emotional and physical discards. Part 3 of my series on the cycle of a toxic relationship.
Part 1 - Idealization / Love Bombing - • Cycles of a relationsh...
Part 2 - Devaluation - • The Devaluation phase ...
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Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
Website - www.mentalhealness.net
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Thank you so much
This is currently where I am. Not gonna lie, it hurts. But I know that being discarded is a blessing in disguise. I just need my heart to understand it.
how are you a month later? I'd like to feel like there's hope.. I'm going through it now as of 3 days ago and I'm completly lost and heart broken. No relief at all I just miss him. We separated for 8 months one time and it never got easier for me. He comes back every time. Im so sad I could just die even though I know he's toxic
I was discarded 4 months ago this was the final one where I told myself NO MORE of this nine years off and on him leaving and coming back! Once he moved in with me the mask fell off he was horrible to me I prayed myself out of this relationship and he left on a Friday night after I asked him something over the phone 📞when I got home most of his stuff was gone it was a blessing in disguise I celebrated with the wine 😊he left behind 😂😂😂 then the next day he texted me trying to Hoover me back haven’t talked to him since he still text and email but I ignore them all!!!! Keep healing ❤️🩹 beautiful
Amen
Get out asap, save your self yrs of agonizing pain & hurt. Believe me there will come a day when you will leave him if he refuse therapy. Why go through it when you’re aware?
How is it going ❤u got this u r strong , i just got discared about 2 hours ago lol hes so cold and unwilling to taje accountability for how he treats me all because i was not wearing underwear qhen i went to the store with him geesh i been working 2 jobs my laundry was not ready back off. Lol i dont deserve that i told him to fuvk off he packed his stuff and left we r married lol
It seems almost like, the best thing a narc can do for you IS discard you. Because what’s the alternative? Being with them??? Then you’re stuck with their abuse, gaslighting and toxicity. It’s not like getting back with them means your relationship will ever get better.
This is how I looked at it when I left (after going back once). If I leave, it’ll be awful and heartbroken but it’ll end. If I stay I’ll feel like that forever. I come back here to remember how little I care now, it’s true it can get better if you leave but it doesn’t if you stay. I’m glad he replaced me, I’m shot of that clown now, she can have him 🤡
this is true. God knows I won’t leave him because I am extremely loyal. So him actually discarding me was painful, confusing and drove me nuts, but it was the best thing that happened to me
@@hannahaldeguer trauma bond not loyalty my ex had to nearly unalive me before. I left
That part it never get better only worse save yourself and love on yourself ❤️
Or you can do yourself better by realizing this and walking away as I did. It's hard but it's so worth it and especially knowing he never saw it coming. So now he's a bit confused even tho he can lie and say he's not, I know better. He couldn't control me all the way and NONE of his tricks worked.
Be careful when you see the signs and escape quick... devaluing will start as little jokes to jab at your physical appearance and status etc... also they act dismissive or uninteresting in your thoughts or feelings their very unepathetic
Well Said.🎉
You spelled UNAPPEALING wrong. These people are boring, predictable and exhausting. Just get tf out!
This is why you need to leave. You can't be discarded if you are not there.
That’s true
Cheating is part of the devaluation process....
My ex discarded me like I was nothing. He was always breaking up with me, but this time it stuck because he found someone else. It broke my heart so much and I kept thinking what was wrong with me. Now I understand that he took all he could for me and I had nothing left to give and so he needed a new blood bag to live off. It still hurts sometimes knowing he’s with her, but that was the biggest blessing to my life and I don’t envy her because being with him is hell.
You just spoke my feeling perfectly please tell me it gets better
It gets better. No longer am I jealous of any new supply. Rather, I look at a deceived person and I know she's jumping through hoops for him. My first ex narc's new supply has to stay practically anorexic because he likes skinny women. That's just one example.
Personally I still am a bit envious, her life seems better than mine. As evil as I know he is...
One of the reasons, is that he recently had a baby, announces he has another one on the way, yet he asked me to get rid of our baby. I didn't obviously, but she's 1 years old and he's never met her, never checks on her, never asks for a picture . It wasn't a fling, we were together for 8 whole years. So yes, this is something that breaks my heart and makes me envy her. Feel bad that I feel that way toward her, I hope to recover from this pain one day. I don't want to be bitter about it, also hope this reality won't be as devastating to my daughter when she finds out about him one day.
🙋♀️ I am discarded, NEVER AGAIN. I am in a terrible amount of pain still, but I have just accepted that I love him with all of my heart but I cannot be with him, and your videos have helped me so so so so so so so much within the last two weeks of some of the darkest days of my life. So thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
That chile is beautiful. Good grief😂😂😂😂😎
The person you love doesn't exist
@@erismana2105 Sadly, that is very true for me. I will not speak for anyone but myself.....I had to realize that he never existed after 5 years 😢. It's sad to admit that, but I'm healing 🙏🏽
@@tnt4648 Take comfort in knowing you can love to the extent you did consider it practice. 😎
Hugs. Its super hard on the start, but remind yourself you are loving someone who has no problem in hurting you repeatedly.
No cheek clapping over here. 😂been single two months now and loving every minute of it. He can stay right where he at.
The moment he started with that mess; I discarded him immediately because I knew about narcissism. I blocked and deleted him permanently. Sent his house keys by courier. He tried hoovering via email; I told him I’m a healed and whole human being and have zero tolerance for nonsense. He went crazy. It’s been a year since I cut the fool off.
I experienced the devaluation phase and the discarding phase at almost the same time. This girl I was dating went from showing me real affection, to disqualifying me, to discarding me in about three days. It was the most traumatic dating experience I’ve ever had.
Yes I do have the same problem as you mine was devalue for about a week I notice something is wrong out of the blue she silent treat me after a day I was rush by her to give her a Christmas gift and got none in return after one week after waiting to work things out with her problem she continue to silent treat me that's where I say what I want to say to her and block her off it has been almost 2 months since I didn't know about narcissist till I research about it because there always this question in my mind how can a person do not have any empathy and conscious to the situation and the feeling was so real for me about 8 month of her love bombing me and finally devalue and discard (silent treatment)
My narc ex used his pets during the discard phase. He would cuddle his dogs in front of me and ignore me completely. Its like he knew I was longing for the way he would cuddle them and basically using them to triangulate. It was cruel. Im so glad these videos exist to remind me to continue NC for 2 years now.
I really feel for you. This is exactly what happened to me.
@@marilynmills2273 Thank you, I appreciate that. I dont know where you are at in your healing but I can tell you it gets so much better if you remain NC. I've been two years NC and I am healed. Yes, when I think about certain situations that happened I get disturbed for a moment. But I am fully healed to the point where it just seems like a bad memory of something bad that happened to me but I dont ruminate over it like I use to.
I’m going through this, now, with my husband and his dang cats
Still with mine at the moment but working towards getting free. I’m so glad that you have healed, it’s so hard though isn’t it. I am so grateful for these videos as I didn’t even realise what narcissism was until fairly recently but everything has clicked into place now and I know that I am not a bad person or stupid or clumsy or secondary to a dog which is what I have been made to feel.
Mine did that with the cats
When it came to my disgard phase, he truly hated me. Despised me, it radiated off him. I crawled out of it on my hands and knees with chronic anxiety and cptsd so bad it caused me to have seizures. He thought he could skip back in 3 months later, when it didn't work with his new supply. I'd learned about NPD by then he didnt know what hit him. Thanks lee💜
Going through that now with my child’s father. He would use my son as a pawn too. It’s terrible but everyday I’m taking my power back
@@moonlights9061 every day away from them is a day your getting stronger. You got his beautiful, be brave 💜
@@jeanmarie3258 How are you feeling now? Better I hope?
I hope you're doing much better now. I have CPTSD now. I lost 16 lbs in the first 6 weeks post discard. It's been 7 mos and I'm finally getting back to me, slowly but surely
I feel sorry for those narcissistic people who go around discarding people and aren't self aware. They'll never get to experience the house of having intimacy and a genuine deep connection
When you realize you were never the problem....
REAL TALK!! He totally withdrew and I KNEW there was someone else..THANK GOD!! Now he's her problem!! Hope she learns what I did..
I honestly cannot WAIT until the narc that keeps harassing me completely moves on to someone new. Every time I block him on something, he finds a way around it…I’m so sick of this bastard.
🙏🏽
Isn’t it kinda sad tho? I feel like mine must have had so many women, months without speaking
My father did that to me. When I was ten years old, he stopped talking to me and stopped seeing me, even we lived in the same house and that was years like that, not a single word.
It is a relief to learn what that was and I am not the only one in the world who has gone through something that cruel.
😢 I'm sorry you went through that. It really does help to know that a lot of it wasn't our fault, I can't imagine having that kind of situation happen with a parent, though. Kids already blame themselves for so much stuff that isn't their fault. Lisa Romano makes some really good videos about healing from parental narcissistic abuse and neglect. So does Dr. Ramani, of course. I wish you good luck on your healing journey.
That's insane and extreme psychological abuse. So sorry that was your upbringing. I'm glad you found this information
That so painful. I am so sorry
That is extremely cruel and truly evil. I'm so sorry.
They certainly tell you what you want to hear in the moment. However, their actions are NEVER parallel.
🎯
It hurts to watch this because I was so f***g stupid to ignore all the red flags I knew, excepting the behaviour and the pathological lies, but now I know a mofo by watching these videos and now I see it instantly. Thank you. ❤🇨🇦
When I went no contact the Narc immediately started telling me via text how much better his new supply was I was just praying it all worked out lol.
Exactly. Once they discard you, stay gone! You’re free! Lol
Did he try and come back? Sometimes they discard the new supply once they realize she’s not you.
@@TheSpiritRoom23yes they comeback but don't take them back. Just it
@@foreveryoung6464 of course! I learned my lesson years ago… it’ll only get worse.
The discard was my blessing!
My narcissist discarded me about eight weeks ago. Found out he has been seeing his friends crackhead wife for about two years, totally unbeknownst to me, of course. That is who we went back to. I have never dealt with a person like this, or this level of deception. It is one of the most painful things I've ever been through in my life. I really hope I get this piece of my soul does narcissist sucked out of me back, soon. Much love and healing to all!❤
Just wanted to say, it is so true that as time goes by, we can heal ourselves. We just have to make sure not to keep opening the wound up. Stay no contact is crucial in order for healing to progress. What a wonderful feeling, to know that this is actually an opportunity for immense growth, Within Myself, and to get to a place where you really don't care what they are doing.
My husband ran ogf with his best friends crack head bitch too lol haha we deserve better and we deserve respect 100❤
This phase, the discard, has been used he hardest time of my life.
That's why he discarded you at that time. They don't hang around if you're in need.
You're not being harsh, in this video. The reality of being w a narcissist is harsh. You're just telling a hard truth. And, as usual, u r 100% on point.i spent 3 years chasing a man who wasn't worthy of my time, love, effort, or presence- from the beginning. I remember when things shifted and all of a sudden he had checked out, emotionally. It's something in me that is broken that kept me tied to him, chasing him, taking him back- loving him. I didnt want to believe he was the piece of sh*t he kept showing me he was... I didn't want to fail w this man- he was the 1st man I let in so close in 9 years... I took a leap and put my all into being w him, only to learn he was a toxic person who got some kinda sick satisfaction from being able to hurt me. I kept him around for as long as I did because I haven't healed some things inside of me, and tho I've come a very long way in my healing process, from a life filled w almost constant traumatic events- I've still got a lot of work to do. I've researched and taken many trainings on trauma & it's long term affects in the past few years and had I not finally broken free from tjat man's grip, i would b stuck in my own self destructive, dysfunctional cycle, just the way he is stuck in his own cycle. There was no come -up, w him. No improving. No moving forward, no growth, no chance of a bright future. To b w him meant we would always get stuck at the same point, and it was like running into a brick wall - over n 0ver n 0ver again. He refused to see it, bcuz he refused to know himself and do the work necessary to develop self love. He was ok w hurting me, even if it killed me- as long as he was able to keep hiding behind that mask, as long as nobody could see how extremely insecure inadequate and unlovable he truly felt he was... hurting me made him appear powerful, tho onside he felt so very powerless... I broke free, I feel good, I am healing again, and unfortunately, he will continue to self destruct and destroy anyone he can.... all bcuz of an insatiable need to feed his ego.
I truly believe every problem in this whole world stems from man's need to feed his ego- which inst even a reap thing. We created the ego as a coping mechanism to pain and we have become toxic to everything on this planet bcuz of it. Trace every thing that's negative back to its origin.... it began bcuz of our ego. And ego came from trauma. It's all bcuz we haven't healed,starting thousand and thousands and thousands of years ago- the negative energy has manifested and the balance of good and bad energy is off, and the bad is too big and we just continue feeding our egos, and ignore the fact that our entire existence is at risk...
This is the very hurtful mess I'm currently In. My husband of 12 years just threw me away like I'm trash. I'm hurting so deeply
You know the hard part ,they don't give a fuck. Had the nerve to call . Lady V how do u cope with this
@MR_APPERICATIVE OF _GRACE. I'm a little lost but I've been in prayer, meditation, cleaning house, although I have to see all his shit because he left 4 weeks ago with an overnight bag and hasn't bothered coming to move his stuff out. He has ghosted me completely and he hasn't filed for divorce, just dragging me through some more abuse
Do u read energy? If so ,could you read mine
Hey,not looking to get at anyone or make advances, how can anyone with a heartbeat just bike a lightswitch, click on and off with no wmotion behind it ? The scary part is like you say won't file but feeds you the problem sandwich.i can bet my only dollar THAT not thinking about kids,friends or family tied in to this. So embarrassed, ashamed and baffled. Most people have conversations and things. Are we exempt feom it.
@@Mac_Saches_Da_Mecca so sorry 😔
Yep, still living together but emotionally and physically discarded! Found shiny new objects. Mostly an Emotional Cheater but 2x physical cheater (that I know about) Your videos are spot on. Wasted 16, almost 17years. Working on getting out!!!
The vision for me he had shattered when I ended up in a wheelchair while pregnant with our 3rd child.
I had to learn how to do life in a wheelchair as a mother with 3 kids, 2 of which were newborn and a year old while this abusive jerk stood over me hollering about what a worthless pos I was because i couldn’t pack them all in the car to go grocery shopping alone. I took it until the kids got old enough to manage alone and left.
The trauma bond continued a few weeks after I left until he discarded me AND his 3 kids. I’m just hurt he discarded the kid. It’s gonna hurt for a while. 15 years is a lot to get over.
I was emotionally and physically discarded, then we went our separate ways for him to stalk me, call me a million times, text… just didn’t end, then I gave in, and now 2 months later I’m being discarded again, but he’s ghosting me, and it’s making me go insane, I feel like I’m the crazy one.
I’m so glad I watched this, it opened my eyes and to know it’s not me.
This is exactly how Prof Sam Vaknin says it happens….the discard begins happening during the devaluation stage which makes perfect sense. Thanks Lee, it’s good to know coming from a self aware person suffering from NPD. God Bless You❤ The ex btw did it like this - he became emotionally and physically disconnected months before the final discard. I witnessed it with my own eyes - although I didn’t realise it at the time because I was unaware of NPD. I’m presuming this happening now with his current supply as he’s already attempted the hoover to get me to come back into his life. I told him to go and concentrate on his ‘relationship’ with her. He blocked me so he’s he’s sulking again now which is fine with me. There’s now way on God’s clean earth he was gonna drag me back into all that crap. Guys you don’t need to do anything if you’re looking for karma and closure the narc will provide both - it just takes time and by then you’ll have healed and moved on while they’ll still be stuck in the SOS (same old shit) 🤣🤣🤣
God Bless you as well
I am eagerly looking forward to the physical discard. I’ve been working on me for a year. I’m ready for the world.
I have been WAITING on this one. Was really hoping you'd go more into the physical aspect of the discard, but as you said, this is from your perspective, and it sounds like you're not so much into the leaving as you are into the emotional good-bye. This was very informative, bc it's exactly what happened with my n-ex: He kinda just checked out, no cheek-clappin, no smiles, present but gone. (99% sure he met someone else and used that to start fights for the discard.🙄) Also, fairly sure he won't Hoover me bc we broke up like thrice, and he never "cried & begged" like a typical narc, so that video will be interesting! Such a cute kid! Glad you're finding your emotional center!!✌
I’m going through a divorce with a narcissist right now, I’ve watched so many of these videos and have such a better understanding, it gives me a lot of relief. The one thing that I’ve never recognized until this video is how he triangulated me against his daughter. I knew he did that, but I didn’t realize it was part of the discard phase. There were other people that he triangulated as well, usually females one was his ex-wife and one was his daughter. So he always had the excuse that it’s his mothers child or his daughter, how can it be wrong? Now I see. It’s nice to see clearly, but it’s so hurtful every time I have a new understanding of how harmful and toxic it really was
I wish you the best, I hope your next relationship is great and you find someone that you can be happy and content with.
I’m right on the edge of divorce right now. My heads still spinning from the last few months. One day we’re bff lovers, the next-no talking, then-talking about moving out of state, then-criticism over minor bs, then-silent treatment, etc.
I’m trying to make it work but it wears you down. I’m tired, so tired...
@@scott247 I’m so sorry, it’s really hard. Bit I can honestly say that the further I remove myself, I realize it’s for the best. There’s nothing I could have done. Even if I decided to accept abuse, he would’ve discard me, because I would not have been giving him the pleasure he needs. If you’re there and do you think it’s time to move on, taking that next step is very validating. Either they show you that they are who you thought they were, or maybe they make a change. Mine has consistently been validating. It’s sad, but helpful. I hope you are doing ok.
It’s amazing how often you hit the nail on the head with my experiences
This happened to me with a former girlfriend. The only way I could describe it was that she became disenchanted with the friendship (after 7 years?) and started giving me the silent treatment. Frankly, I was happy, as she was consuming 100% of my free time. She wasn't a person to mince words, so I was waiting and waiting for an explanation.. until I saw pictures of her @ her birthday party (which I was asked to organize and later sluffed off) with her groupies. She called me later that day and asked that I come pick up my crafting material from her house. I was glad her husband ditched her 3 months later.
Its so weird to have an ex narc friend still stalking after she put me through that discarding bs, as if talking to me was a chore while she spend all her time with the new supply
Dear Lee and everyone.
I wont ever forget the first emotional discard.
(after I set boundaries) 😪
My ex covid narcs eyes shot up with tears the moment it happened. He also knew that this new amazing woman he found was lost forever.
After this we went through the cycle at least 4 major times, before he forced me to leave him.
I often struggle with the extreme pain that my narc went through , also me of course.
I mean, I truly loved him.
Im 7 months no contact.
The struggle is real.
Love you all, and thank you Lee.
I was the main supply,... he never thought I would leave him.
Its SO painfull for everyone involved.
My ex covid have been going on like this for 20 years, multiple supplys! Not only women, men, animals, work, religion etc, At the same time. ❤️
You're daughter is so beautiful!!!
I totally agree-' during the devaluation she would - and the triangulation starts- every argument leals to the threat of learning- Discard happened for the fourth time
We will get thru this! He did it to me countless times….it gets old eventually
@@stephaniegrabau7289yes, every conflict no matter how small led to a threat of divorce
Yep. He doesn’t go out enough for me to think he’s cheating, but he puts all of his focus is all activities that don’t include me.
Lee, I just discovered your videos. So proud of you that you sought professional help. How brave.
Thank You Lee...Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me ....We dont love the Narc we love the representative they sent,,,,we have to stop thinking we love them ,hell we can love a pair of shoes till that heel breaks then we have to decide to keep repairing or toss out,,,I left my Narc after 6 months of dysfunction how dare you try to disturb my peace with all the drama you tried to bring into my life listen if someone isnt an asset to your life well dammit they are a LIABILITY PERIOD!!!! the emotional rollercoaster is REAL its up to US to get off........SONG VIVIAN GREEN ...EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER .....side note your baby is adoable ...keep informing glad to be part of your channel
What a gorgeous child! She’s adorable and bright! Lee, you are truly a blessed man, who has grabbed the chance to grow every day, and be present to love your family. You are paying it forward by helping all of us. Thank you!
I really think that narcissism can be on a spectrum, just like autism. I know the narc in my life would NEVA seek therapy. That'll be admitting it has a problem. That's something he'd never do.
it is a spectrum
She's the best ending to videos!!🥰
Thank you Lee all the gems are appreciated!!!
Thank you Mr. Hammock. You described my discard exactly how it happened. First emotional then physical a couple months later with a new supply already lined up. It’s been a year and I’m still working hard to get my life back together. What do I do to better myself?
Is everything okay with you?
Feeling any better?
Find new hobbies (or do your hobbies again), find new friends...
How can I stay discarded? Stuck with grey rock, blocked them on all social media, but they still have belongings of a deceased loved one that I want back. Especially knowing that this stuff means nothing to them. My sister in law knitted a blanket before she passed away, for example.
Maybe play the same game with them. Like be kind to them so you can get that stuff back then flip once you have the stuff 😅 like, why not!?
@@OrganicFia1986 I dunno, man. We might be past that. I never said an unkind word to them, but omg! So much drama when I asked about getting stuff back. Soooo much drama. I want to be over it, but does that mean writing off my things?
@@nuklear7 I actually see exactly where you come from. I was with a narc for 10,5 years.. all the interior was mine, lots of inherited stuff from my dad etc, and the flat was in his name. This was one of the things why I couldn't or wouldn't want to leave earlier. I wanted my own flat and the move all in one time bc I know how difficult it would get otherwise.. hmm. Maybe you have to write it off if you dont have a mutual friend who could get them for you while visiting or a nice relative of them..?
@@nuklear7 in the end, if not possible without sm hassle, piece of mind is worth more than objects.
@@OrganicFia1986 there's an idea. Mutual friends. I'll ask around. Thanks!
I noticed the emotional discard a month or two before she broke up with me and discarded me. She blocked me on everything, wanted nothing to do with me after the break up text. I texted her my true feeling how I felt but she told me to go fuck myself. It took so long to convince myself I wasn't a monster, I still have problems with it. Even though it's been over a year it still breaks me down every once in awhile. Thank you for this video your going gods work.
She just disappeared without a trace. Unbelievable
Must be where I’m at right now.. the “babe” “ hun” butt pats .. have pretty much ended. Oh until he needs something 😮 everything’s pretty tense and weird now. Idk why I can’t leave . 😢
It’s a spell. Break the spell. You don’t deserve tense and weird. You deserve peace and love.
Feeling it
He doesn’t show affection now and doesn’t want sex. I told him we should break up but he insists we will be fine. And he says he loves me. He calls to talk to me all day. He says he loves spending time with me but no affection. Why hold on when he is the one discarding?
because they haven't yet got into a position to fully switch over to the new main supply, or he's keeping you sweet to keep you as well as sleep with someone. they want their cake and eat it
So heartbreaking 💔
Listen to Sam Vaknin videos, you are now his mother. He keeps you as his mother and for services.
@@DezRN please take care of yourself, it is so so painful, a pain that is indescribable
@@kirsikka3752 Thank you, I will. He has mommy issues so I’m not surprised.
Your baby is adorable! Keep up the great work, working on yourself!💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾
Your sooo on point .. .like always 👌 this is soooo true
Watched a few of these over the last weeks and honestly your facts for sure. So spot on.
Doing a great job at explaining things!
Mine literally tried to claw out my jugular vein.
Thank you for keeping it real 🙏🏽
Yeah … looking at this video I think I fell I love with a Narc. It’s bad because he’s battling with drug abuse and it makes it worse. I don’t do drugs sooo I guess he likes to be around strung out women or men that like getting high with him . Completely blind sided with the disguard . The love bombing part felt soooooo real !!!! He ghosted me for 2 days no explanation. Seems like when I act like I care - he is an asshole . When I found on me and put my energy in better things - he chases me . Moral of the story - leave and dont look back . Dont be MEAN to them because they really can’t help it !!! Just set boundaries and stay in control of your emotions !!!! And always remember ,the “good times “ might just switch up like tomorrow !
What if I'm the one who discarded them? I had no other choice. They were ruining my life. I'm almost certain they were a narcissist. I know everyone has narcissist traits to an extent, but this person was a full-blown narcissist. Watching your videos and countless others confirmed that.
That's exactly how it went down. How are you so on point😊
Ok.. now I understand why my life is the way it is.
It's very painful to swallow that I was an object to him. I was never good, pretty enough for him.. he kept saying that he will never introduce me to his family or in his circle. It will be embarrassing for him if people see him with me.. 😭
I ignored these words because later he used to say that he was angry and said all those words in anger 😭
When I asked him for sending proposal he asked me to marry his elder brother because his family will not agree me for him. His brother suits me because he is also average looking
I lost my dignity.. self esteem.. I don't feel like I am beautiful.. or worthy..
My heart aches 😭
They will keep you ,call you once a year and so on.
Or just run as far the hell away as I can. Probably leave it all there and let him burn the rest and keep pretending a ghost did it.....okay...
🎯🎯
In my case the devaluation phase occurred during and after the discard phase. Thats why when I was discarded it came as such a shock. Everything seemed totally normal and then she was suddenly gone. She had already been cheating on me with the new supply though.
Thank you Lee for your amazing insight, your daughter is so adorable 💜💜
Thank you for sharing your journey ❤
This channeled has helped
I’ve been coming to this realization slowly with my wife and I’m not gonna lie, it’s a tough pill to swallow but it’s like she used to tell me when I was at my lowest points, “time to be a man”
I left. The discard phase was brutal. I left and he never ever contacted me again.
Cause they already have the new supply surely. That's behind your back
Great video Bro!
I'm just here to make sure I'm truly discarded. He filed for divorce. Can't wait!
Your daughter is precious❤
...I left at that phase...without knowing what was ahead of me....I even questioned if it was worth leaving...(child)
My child suffered greatly.
It’s true, it often happens that way 👩🏼👍🏼 Aww your daughter is too cute 🥰
This is happening to me right now.
She looks just like you she is Beautiful ❤️😊
How do you handle getting your property back from the home you shared and what do you do about the things he destroyed or burned? Is there anything that can be done?
Police?
@@MentalHealness 🙄 yes that
you will run by becoming very clingy and "madly in love", you tell them you see white picked fences, you want to marry them, you propose, send them flowers, stalk them, heck climb their balcony, bow down, count and suck the finger and toe nails, confuse them, make it look like they are doing the running, you being the chaser.If their fragile ego realizes otherwise you are over. Your life will become a world wind and they will do everything even if they have a whole life of their own, they will be in pursuit of you. If the narc is also a sadist, masochist, sociopath, psychopath, and is financially potent, they will pull all the stops and stop at nothing, Breaking you is their lifelong mission, getting a new address, face, name, will not do it, you will have to navigate. These people are very afflicted and you are SCREWED. They will infiltrate all pertaining to you person including your own family. The narc can be your family, some person down the street who happen to walk on the other side of the street, you name it. It can be multiple people.
Aww she’s so beautiful! ❤
When you dated enough of them in the past you can see stages before the stages even begin. Ugh 😂
I know right 😂 All men I ever met were narcs cuz I am an empath
Discarded staying together though,got property kids together she bought two , one is literally in our names and she paid it up, now telling to me vacate . Been running these properties looking after tenants,she can’t do it because doesn’t get along well with people.Confused. What to do. Got nowhere to go I’m from another city , both work in her city built my life away from my city with her.I sometimes feel she gon pay people to come for me because that’s what she uses , money! Does things in the house without my knowledge. Silent treatment I only speak if it’s got to do with kids. Tried numerous occasions to get her family help resolve but I’m good or so I think , I love my kids but I can see they’re pawns. Talk to me through them. Tried to say we don’t involve kids but they’re used as pawns. Buy them clothes /groceries ,says I’m trying to buying kids ‘ love. Clothes I buy they don’t wear if they do they’re no longer washed , food I buy isn’t used til it rots she buys same groceries and use that not mine til give away or eat. Never been this confused
I been married to a Narcissist for 14 years. Finally decided to leave and now he’s ignoring me. We have three children and I am pregnant.
That's my situation, double discarded when still together. When I moved out he was shocked. Hasn't changed though.
Yes after the discard . I get hoover by proxy with the flying monkeys 📲. They won't leave you alone! I'll have to 1on 1.
Cause there's so much more to this then a hoover by proxy . Why?
Shes precious. I wish my ex would try like you.
My ex did exactly this, he reconnected with his son after many years. His son is now 22 and he has very similar interests as the ex. So when he arranged to meet up with his son I was totally disguarded. He kept me around just incase things didn’t work out. I found out he was using me so I politely told him to F off.
She is so cute. GOD BLESS YALL AND I HOPE YOU KEEP GOING ... HELPING ALLOT OF PEOPLE TO BE AWARE.
Just discarded like we never had anything
I was devalued then discarded in like May shortly after a visit from her mother she does not get along with. I told her I’m collateral damage to your problems. She did not appreciate that lol. Tried to devalue me. I didn’t understand it I just told her I don’t know who you are describing and who is this you guy cuz you bring him up a lot and he sounds terrible. lol. Welp 3 months later still discarded and about 2 months or so no contact.
People I know you miss them but they don’t miss you. It’s all about supply and making things easier for them no matter who they get it.
You were a source. Be nice to yourself and let it go. Still trying myself and I’m actually starting to see I am 👌🏿close to being happier without her.
For me not the discard was the worst thing in my life. You know I were abused a lot till my life (sadly) but it was the case. But I never have seen that someone treated a person like an object - I was treated like that. I am not a weak person but I really was never so in fear... I clearly saw that that person has zero emotional empathy because otherwise who can throw you around like a jacket? (Not only this of course - and it was only because one sheet of paper)... There was much hate in the game - I could tell that. I can only write if someone abuses you one time - go out of this relationship (don´t forgive him and be a fool). I can really become life-threatening... I was a fool I know now (but love makes blind). And I learned that I shouldn´t be lazy (I always was too lazy to do something...It was my fault too).
That chile is BEAUTIFUL 😍 OMG
❤️
Nailed it ❤
Mine didn't want a relationship with me but still called me hun and texted me all the time
Lee when you were talking about waking up and not seeing the people the same way, did you have a new supply lined up or did you discard without new supply?
I got discarded today … with him for eight years. He went in prison I waited him four years, he said he has to get back on his feet and financially get stable he moved away from London and went Manchester and told me he would marry me but hen he I found out he was married .. while he was still telling me he loves me …
I find that I actually become repulsed by the other person.
😧😧
yip he just decided oneday that he hated me and didnt trust me anymore. a week before that he took me out on a romantic date and promised me two holidays away. so I dont know what happened in that time. but hes just treating me now with hatred and cruelty.
It was my daughter in-law your 100%correct
Lee could you do a video on how a narcissistic person could admit they have abused you then immediately deny it again. Is that a way to gaslight or did they actually feel the need to admit it then their defenses immediately take it back?
Yes, please do a video on this, Lee! How/why a narc will occasionally admit that they have been cruel or unfair to you and even admit that you didn't deserve the way they treated you, and then play dumb about the situation the very next time it's mentioned or brought up.
@@LALA_DANI I'm curious if it's just a really sophisticated and advanced manipulation tactic or if they actually had a real moment of remorse then backtracked because it was too painful for their ego 🤔
It's manipulation... he may feel bad for it. But not bad enough to truly be apologetic. NOT bad enough to not do it again. Just bad enough to say it so he can get u to give him back that upper hand, that control. All so that he can do ewhatever he was so sorry about, all over again.
A narcissist will only put effort into something that 'serves' him. He will help other ppl ( it will b an ordeal tho, to help u) so that he appears to b a thoughtful kind person. He doesn't hold conversations w u bcuz he cares at all about hearing u, or understand u better, or so that he's there to support u. No casual convo. .. when he listens, it's for ammo to use to hurt amd control u later. When he's speaking, he's either setting the stage so the lie he's about to tell is believable, or bcuz he's wanting a specific reaction from u.
Every relationship a narcissist has is intentional and transactional. Not emotional or unintentional. There's ALWAYS a motive. When he speaks, listen. Bcuz a narc is in such denial of himself he can't see how his words and actions tell when he's lying. U wanna know if he's cheating? Listen to him. Bcuz he surely will tell u. When he falsely accuses u, it's bcuz that's what hes been doing on the low and he can't help but to twist his ideas up In a way that makes YOU the slimeball, the liar, the cheater, the abuser.... he tries to make u out to b on his level so that he has u trying to prove ur worth , and working hardr and harder to prove ur loyalty.
And when he leaves and goes no contact, he's almost always got another already taking ur place. He can't do living, alone. So if he's gone, it's likely bcuz that someone else still believes he's who he's pretending he is. She's feeding that ego. And that's literally the most important thing in this world, to him. Like a damn vampire needing blood- they have that craving in them constantly and every thought amd as I mentioned before, every action is transactional. Emotional bonds don't make sense to him bcuz he never felt unconditional love as a child. So he never developed or found any emotional growth. He's stuck at that stage of development. And, so r u, for as long as u stay. He will never tire of hitting his head on that brick wall over n over n over. Only weak people apologize. Sensitivity is a weakness, in their eyes. I call bullsh*t on that. It's one of my greatest strengths. "We endure to aspire."
My dad did this. He would really seem to see. He would say he had a problem and needs to be better...even apologize... then when he becomes mean or whatever again and you brought it up he would act like he had amnesia and he wasn't doing anything or you are being oversensitive, or put words I your mouth to make himself the victim. I finally gave up hoping for change and had radical acceptance that this is all he can do.
@@djmandyland my dad seemed really remorseful in his eyes and spirit and tone of voice, he had nothing to gain.... there was genuine remorse and facing it..... but I think then he blocked it out.. idk.
100% they can live in a facade for 80 years, have honeys on the side!!!!!lol
Your daughter is beautiful!
My ex Narc discarded me for his granddaughter that we got custody of. Then after 3 years he took her and ghosted me. But he did start the devaluing and discard when she came to live with us. He hated that she loved me.