Do not hurt yourself we all struggle time to time, i've been watching tour channel for a few days and you seem like a highly educated man, you have so much potential, don't waste your precious life and cause others pain by ending your own.
The more i watch your videos the more i realise that we have the same experiences and I'm sorry you're going through the same bullshit because constantly thinking about the future is really exhausting I'm grateful for your channel and how honest it is The irony is that sharing this feeling of loneliness in such shitty state of world is something that makes us human and less lonely
I earnestly understand the position you're coming from with planning out a suicide the way you are, i cant really blame you either with all of your circumstances on top of the world being fucked. I hope that things get better for you, even if it's /just/ good enough that you decide the good outweighs the bad enough to not end things or that you deicde to at least push back your suicide plan. If you need someone to talk to one on one, I do reach my support out. Whether its to talk about shit like this or more lighthearted things like art and such. If not, thats okay too! I am happy to still send you support through the comments
Things will get better man, look forward to brighter days and the distant horizon, even in this difficult for you to make video, you still show off your charm and speak passionately about topics
I'm sorry you're going throgh a rough time. I've been in therapy for years and struggled with suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety since I was young. There aren't any words anyone could say that could fix it, sometimes you just gotta weather the storm and hope something better is on the side. I hope you feel better, and I hope things get better. You've got people in your corner, even if you don't know it.
it sounds cliche maybe but you should consider simply quitting everything and leaving your job or whatever. my own experience on loneliness; always felt alone. i got pretty lucky-- left everything behind, quit my jobs, and went to the other side of the planet. i expected to get more lonely, but instead all loneliness left me. i am an expat in a country where i do not speak the language. i haven't talked to anyone in years and i am fine. my own experience on dealing with family / people i don't care for; if all there is is "obligation", it's a dead thing-- this is not how life is supposed to feel. without exaggeration, never talk to these people again. when they engage you in conversation, lie to them. i was around energy vampires and they feel entitled. if it feels bad, literally get them the fuck away from you, do not let them touch you, you do not owe them anything. you dont have to be a fucking good boy anymore, that's trash, do what you have to do to get yours. my own experience on anger, bad feeling; those questions you are asking are bad ones. as in, dont dwell on " why did you have me, why didnt you abort me". just dont talk to them ever again. nothing good comes from thinking this or asking them that. avoid that feeling like a plague. one of the most important tthings i ever did was to learn to accept the hate i had for my parents without shame. hate is not bad.. it's the truth. i let it come for awhile and now i effortlessly stand above it and see it for what it is without being pulled into the emotional maelstrom. if you always live according to obligation then the essence is encased in a tomb, choked of oxygen, unconsciously aware it is moving towards death "things might get better if i just keep doing the same thing". i know it feels like it's all you got but fuck that, it is false hope, no it won't change, it's going to suck shit forever unless you radically change your course. save $ and get a plan. be resourceful.. live in your car for 6 months if you have to.. you dont need a lot to live, especially if it's temporary. there are cheap places to live. my rent is not a lot of money (seriously), my accommodations are reasonable, i have no roommates. everything is good now. you're kind of like me, getting chewed up by your circumstances. you should become obsessed with a total exit. not by buying a gun, but leave physically. north america is shit so i'd get out. and if you dont believe in the meds, dont do them. i'm not a dr but drs dont give a fuck, they arent honestly invested in your well-being so i will still say throw them away. honestly, crippling depression has more to do with your material conditions (working all the time, stress, lack of $) as opposed to some nebulous chemical imbalance. people in poorer countries are happier, duh find a way to make $ online, you can do it. do tutoring or whatever online. be creative.. and people are starving for passion. if youre good the internet is your oyster. dont rely on any conventional path like getting a job. you need to make your own way. and dont go to grad school for fucks sake, like holy shit. beliefs like "i just kinda, sorta maybe hoping everything will get better" is a death sentence anyway i hope you listen to me, fuck this, your life is shit, please destroy it.
Do not hurt yourself we all struggle time to time, i've been watching tour channel for a few days and you seem like a highly educated man, you have so much potential, don't waste your precious life and cause others pain by ending your own.
The more i watch your videos the more i realise that we have the same experiences and I'm sorry you're going through the same bullshit because constantly thinking about the future is really exhausting
I'm grateful for your channel and how honest it is
The irony is that sharing this feeling of loneliness in such shitty state of world is something that makes us human and less lonely
I earnestly understand the position you're coming from with planning out a suicide the way you are, i cant really blame you either with all of your circumstances on top of the world being fucked. I hope that things get better for you, even if it's /just/ good enough that you decide the good outweighs the bad enough to not end things or that you deicde to at least push back your suicide plan. If you need someone to talk to one on one, I do reach my support out. Whether its to talk about shit like this or more lighthearted things like art and such. If not, thats okay too! I am happy to still send you support through the comments
Things will get better man, look forward to brighter days and the distant horizon, even in this difficult for you to make video, you still show off your charm and speak passionately about topics
I'm sorry you're going throgh a rough time. I've been in therapy for years and struggled with suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety since I was young. There aren't any words anyone could say that could fix it, sometimes you just gotta weather the storm and hope something better is on the side. I hope you feel better, and I hope things get better. You've got people in your corner, even if you don't know it.
it sounds cliche maybe but you should consider simply quitting everything and leaving your job or whatever.
my own experience on loneliness; always felt alone. i got pretty lucky-- left everything behind, quit my jobs, and went to the other side of the planet. i expected to get more lonely, but instead all loneliness left me. i am an expat in a country where i do not speak the language. i haven't talked to anyone in years and i am fine.
my own experience on dealing with family / people i don't care for; if all there is is "obligation", it's a dead thing-- this is not how life is supposed to feel. without exaggeration, never talk to these people again. when they engage you in conversation, lie to them. i was around energy vampires and they feel entitled. if it feels bad, literally get them the fuck away from you, do not let them touch you, you do not owe them anything. you dont have to be a fucking good boy anymore, that's trash, do what you have to do to get yours.
my own experience on anger, bad feeling; those questions you are asking are bad ones. as in, dont dwell on " why did you have me, why didnt you abort me". just dont talk to them ever again. nothing good comes from thinking this or asking them that. avoid that feeling like a plague.
one of the most important tthings i ever did was to learn to accept the hate i had for my parents without shame. hate is not bad.. it's the truth. i let it come for awhile and now i effortlessly stand above it and see it for what it is without being pulled into the emotional maelstrom. if you always live according to obligation then the essence is encased in a tomb, choked of oxygen, unconsciously aware it is moving towards death
"things might get better if i just keep doing the same thing". i know it feels like it's all you got but fuck that, it is false hope, no it won't change, it's going to suck shit forever unless you radically change your course. save $ and get a plan. be resourceful.. live in your car for 6 months if you have to.. you dont need a lot to live, especially if it's temporary.
there are cheap places to live. my rent is not a lot of money (seriously), my accommodations are reasonable, i have no roommates. everything is good now. you're kind of like me, getting chewed up by your circumstances. you should become obsessed with a total exit. not by buying a gun, but leave physically. north america is shit so i'd get out. and if you dont believe in the meds, dont do them. i'm not a dr but drs dont give a fuck, they arent honestly invested in your well-being so i will still say throw them away. honestly, crippling depression has more to do with your material conditions (working all the time, stress, lack of $) as opposed to some nebulous chemical imbalance. people in poorer countries are happier, duh
find a way to make $ online, you can do it. do tutoring or whatever online. be creative.. and people are starving for passion. if youre good the internet is your oyster. dont rely on any conventional path like getting a job. you need to make your own way. and dont go to grad school for fucks sake, like holy shit. beliefs like "i just kinda, sorta maybe hoping everything will get better" is a death sentence
anyway i hope you listen to me, fuck this, your life is shit, please destroy it.
you can do so much more if you learn to think and act outside the box.