I dont have an eating disorder. But I cried when you said, "I'm not scared of the scale. I'm scared of how my brain will preserve what's on the scale and how my brain will hurt me." I felt this so much. It's not a scale for me, but its other things. Stupid fears no one else understands. Though to me it's scary because sometimes my brain attacks me with this fear and self hate.
I always seem like a brave person to others and they tell me a whole lot of times. But I am actually extremely scared of what is it other people think of me. So I have often kept to myself! 😅
💗 You are not alone. All problems are shared by someone. Fears are difficult, and luckily your soul and the love of friends and family are here to help. Or even a stranger who is going through something similar. Not trying to give advice, just support as a stranger who cares. 💗🧚♀️
I think probably the most destroying fear I have is of myself. I'm scared of what I do to myself, I'm scared of what I do to others, I'm scared of how I effect anything. I know that I'm human, that I'll make mistakes, and I know that nothing I do will make anything destroyed, but It still scares me.
I remember the first time I weighed myself after recovery. I went from 42kg to 64kg and I was so upset. Even after recovery I felt like such a failure because I had no one to tell me that it was a good thing. I was left with my destructive thoughts and relapsed. I just wanted to say that if anyone reading this is struggling, you are worth recovery. You are worth being happy, having energy, not being cold and having a life!! Life is so much better being healthy and strong. Mentally and physically 💕
Okay, this literally made me cry.. I wish eating disorders didn't exist... I'd do anything just to go back to the way I was before. I envy people that can just- eat and not care too much because this is literally killing me. I hope that all of you take care and get help❤
"Imagine the anticipation, the dramatic buildup, the eight years of fear will give you.. And then nothing happens." didn't know this was a video about Game of Thrones
quote of the year: "i faced what scares me the most.......and nothing happened" btw its cool how you can face what scares you the most and just get up with an ok and little to no crying
Recovery Giraffe me too. The only exercise I can to is walk my dog, I used to workout for hour while eating very little. So now I’m stuck in a weird place because I want to workout to be healthy but I don’t think I can or I’ll restrict again.
@@angrycactus158 I can relate so much to this. I’d love to do some exercise once in a while because it has, as a matter of fact, very healthy benefits to it. But whenever I exercise I catch myself down spiralling into these obsessive thoughts. Even though I know they won’t impact me as much as they have before, I will keep exercising to the bare minimum. Some day I’ll be fine, I’m sure of it, but for now a nice little stroll through the neighbourhood will have to do.
as a person who struggled with anorexia really bad and still hates herself and has disorder tendencies i don’t weigh myself because it’s so triggering, i had to go to the doctor and she weighted me, i had told my mom i would refuse if she had to weight me and she said “no that’s not necessary” when she knew they were going to. When we went out of the doctor i just ran away to a park and didn’t go to my house for like 2 hours because i had the biggest panic attack and hated my mom that moment. This video is very inspiring to me in order to not just avoid weighing myself but defeating that fear. Thank u for sharing your experience ❤️❤️❤️
I really relate to your struggles - thankfully, I've managed to move on from my anorexia. During my recovery (and for a while after), I was advised to not weigh myself; this really helped. The less fixated you are on the number, the easier it is to listen to what your body needs. I advise that you make sure to take on the scale when you feel ready, as it can be triggering (as you mentioned in your comment). Good luck, I'm rooting for you xx
I have a mini panic attack every time I’m weighed at the doctor. Some things I’ve tried to remind myself in order to prevent just leaving the situation is weight fluctuates all day long. A Glass of water can change your weight. Try to look at yourself before you weigh yourself and after as well and try to visually understand that the few pounds has made no difference. ❤️
I'm violently sobbing watching this. I never really realized how much trauma I had around my weight until recently. I was actually always pretty happy with my weight but everyone else wasn't. I either got told I was a cow or that I looked anorexic. Someone always had something to say. When I was going through puberty, my mom would always tell me how big I looked. She stopped feeding me and made me drink weight loss drinks. I was 12. Recently, my aunt sent a picture of my mother and I from that time and I burst into tears. I was this tiny little thing and my mother had convinced me I was this whale. That is what I saw every time I looked at myself. It's still a struggle every day. I hope one day I can look at myself and not be filled with disgust.
Wow, I am so sorry for how things went when you were younger. These things leave scars for the rest of your life. But you seem like a strong person who can overcome anything and this is one of those things you can overcome. Good job and keep going!
Your worth as a human transcends what your body looks like. Don't let anyone ever tell you what your worth is. Just by existing you have made others peoples lives better even if you don't know how. 💗🧚♀️
I completely relate to your story. My mother did the same thing to me. When that happens to you during your childhood, it’s so hard to get over it as an adult.
As someone who struggled and still sometimes slightly struggles anorexia and disordered eating I’m SO proud of you. You are amazing and I’m so happy for you.
This encouraged me to weigh myself for the first time in a few months because I've been trying to recover from an ED too and didn't want to weigh myself cause I knew I wouldn't like the number but I just did it now and I wasn't angry or upset and now every time I'm feeling freaked out by the scale I'm gonna watch this video. Love you lots!!! ❤️
I’m so proud of you! Remember tho to protect yourself from potentially triggering stuff until you’re ready! But you’re amazing for this. Go you - you should be so so proud!! Lots of love 🖤🖤
After 8 years of recovery, I accidentally saw my weight on a scale a few months ago and just didn't care. I didn't feel the urge to skip meals or self harm and hit the gym. It just didn't matter. And I'm so proud of my brain for being able to do that. I want that feeling of pride for everyone in ED recovery. ❤
I have Anorexia and weigh myself daily. Multiple times a day. So much, that I can even predict if my weight will be lower in the morning based on what I weigh in the evening. If my weight goes up, I don't eat much and my whole mood changes. I'm so glad you did this. I'm so proud of you. You are so beautiful!
I desperately wanted to wish you had one of those scales that when you stood on it just said “you’re gorgeous” instead of a number. You’re fantastic, and so strong
I haven’t weighed myself in 3 years, because I knew that it would hurt me to keep looking at the number. Instead, I focused on overall health and taking care of my body, and I’ve managed to build up my self esteem to an all time high, but I’m nowhere close to fully loving myself yet. I know that I am heavier than I was at that time, due to my busy school schedule and just growing into my adult body. Logically, I know all of this. And I’m still scared. I would love to look at that number one day and not feel like a failure. Thank you for this video. It means a lot to know that I am not alone and I am not weak. ❤️
Deanne Bramers this actually really helps me. I’m overweight and need to loose weight but I hate standing there and seeing a number. I’m going to try this, thanks
I’ve never been on the side of ED of not eating but I do struggle with a food addiction. Me and the scale don’t have a healthy relationship and this touched deep! You are so brave! 🌻
I've never had an eating disorder, but I'm overweight and that can provoke the same kind of 'scale terror' because I got weighed *all* the time, followed by a lecture about not eating properly - albeit in the other direction. Then, one day, I weighed myself at home and, according to my scale, I had gained ten pounds between breakfast and supper!!!! A few days later, we discovered that the scale had, in fact, broken, but by then it was too late. I didn't get near a scale for YEARS because, as you said, the scales got demonized.
elena i’m so so proud of you for this, as someone who struggles with weight i understand how terrifying something as seemingly simple as stepping on a scale can be. you’re so strong for challenging your fear :) love this & love you 💗
Before I even see this : You are an AMAZING person. You are beautiful, smart, funny, and so on. Forget the damn weight. 🌹 💐 🌼 Edit : I've been chubby all my life and sometimes lose it and sometimes gain it back again worse than before. I was picked on until college for it. I don't care anymore. Fuck everyone, I only care what I think now.
@@Ellbat No, You're the Wonderful Human Being here. You are one of the only people whom I try to never miss a video from. I love your vids, love your message, You rock 🎸 👊
I need to buy that pink/peach beanie! Also, i used to weigh myself a lot and a lot and i would cry about being 55 kg..... 55kg cause everyone around me was in 40s and i was fatshamed for not being perfect. Since the day i saw Ellbat promoting measurements and not weight scales, i bought a measuring strip and do that sometimes.
Raffeain Khalil I know what you mean. I used to hate my weight when I wasn’t fat, big or unhealthy. I’m really tall and I’ve always been taller than everyone in my classes. I remember in year 5 (i think) we where doing something and the teacher was picking random kids to weigh. He chose me as the last. I went up there and got weighed and I was 60kg... everyone else was 30 or 40. It would have been because I was way taller than everyone else, as in a good 20cm. But I made me feel so embarrassed to have everyone know I weighed so much more than them.
I get how you feel. I used to feel fat when I wasn't the same weight with my friend who was a lil shorter than me.(she is 55 and I'm 63) and it would always make me feel shitty even tho I'm not fat and look normal.
This video was really real. I know you made a lot of jokes but I can tell this was not easy. It sucks having those issues but props for talking about them and hopefully helping someone that may be in a similar situation.
Without spiders we would be overrun by 🐛🦟🦗🐜 🕸are awesome. But your fear makes senses evolution wise, some spiders are deadly, while many others are harmless. You got this! I used to be afraid of spiders too, but now I enjoy their beauty...from afar..not on me. Lol We all have limits.
I had an ED as well and she’s still there, in the background but I’ve learnt not to listen to her but sometimes when I’m say eating a packet of crisps (chips to people in America) and I get half way and all I hear in my head, once I realise I’m half way through the packet, “this will make you fat, stop it, the bathroom is calling for you” and I literally just eat the rest of the crisps and go to bed to have a nap to ignore the voice That’s how recovering has effected me
This is really brave of you especially in front of a public audience. I know a lot of people will be appreciative of it. You keep being inspiring and incredible, Elena!!
I’m in the midst of my ED and I absolutely refuse to weigh myself because I’m so afraid that I didn’t lose any weight or that I gained. I feel like I’m not valid cuz everyone always talks about weighing themselves 10+ times a day. I totally relate to this and nearly cried with you. Thanks for sharing this 💗
i felt so alone in this crippling phobia for so so long, especially after becoming weight restored. i’m so so so proud of you. watching you do this has made me feel so much less alone. im so proud of you for this, elena, this is wonderful.
this is genuinely one of the best youtube videos ive seen and has helped me so much with my fear of weighing myself because i got to a stage where everytime i weighed myself i would breakdown and take a panic attack, so to see that i am not the only one scared of this is actual so inspiring, Thank You So Unbelievably Much x
i actually cried watching you go through this, i feel the fear and it's such a huge sigh of relief knowing i'm not the only one going through such a "trivial" thing. you are so amazing thank you for being you and being a ray of sunshine in this terrible time.
This hit hard. I’ve been relapsing since November after a couple of years in recovery and many more of having an ED (since I was 8, 26 now) and I’m literally sobbing watching this video. Thank you for being so open with us. I want to properly articulate just how much I appreciate you sharing your struggles (& your strength) with us but I don’t have the words. You’re a brilliant human, thank you for being you and well done for fighting so hard 💪🏻💖
Ur freaking gorgeous 😤😤😭 and I would kill to look like you, but I get it...ur insecure and you cant really help it but just know I think your really perfect , perfect personality and appearance 💗💗 also ur super strong
The problem is also how society makes everyone insecure. Women are expected to look like Barbie Dolls and Men have to have an 8 pack or a 6 pack. They want a freaking master race, not normal everyday human beings. We all get demonized for it. Enough is enough of this bullshit.
From when I was about ten to when I was 15 I weighed myself every day multiple times a day, I stressed over the numbers and limited myself based off of them. Then I started eating full three meals a day and I gained weight, about 20 pounds. I would freak out because my ribs were no longer protruding, I thought I was fat. I started realizing that the way I was treating myself before wasn't healthy and when I weighed myself my anxieties and self-hatred would quadruple. I still know about what my weight is, but I don't weigh myself and every time I go to the doctor and have to stare as they slowly slide the weight down it scares the hell out of me and I think about it constantly. I want to say I've recovered from my eating disorder because I force myself to eat 3 meals a day almost every day, but the mentality is still there and still heavily affects me even now. Videos like this help me understand self-love and that being healthy is beautiful. Thank you.
5:44 I feel like this. I have never had a ED before and I couldn’t imagine the pain people with them go through. I’m a larger person for my age (not slim, not overweight -I think...-) and I haven’t weighed myself since 2017 I think maybe I haven’t gone to a doctor in a long time because I haven’t been sick enough to where I get an appointment. Don’t know what I weigh because I’m scared to step on the scale because the last time I did I felt so disgusted by the number on the scale, like you said u were scared of how your brain would process it. Also I understand the feeling of when people talk about weighing themselves or weighing you and then starting to sweat like crazy and getting really anxious. You’re a queen sis I love ur videos they make me smile sm :)
This. This was amazing to watch. I know all about fear, I have agoraphobia and panic disorder and am on the (very slow) road to recovery. It is amazing to see someone being SO brave in the face of something that ,irrationally or not, terrifies you and I needed that right now. Thank you
Thank you so much for sharing this moment. I started tearing up when you looked at the scale because I relate. I haven't stepped on a scale in a while, but I've been afraid that I've been gaining weight again. I just have to keep reminding myself how much I can screw up my plans (I'm an author/editor. If I'm focusing on food, I don't have any energy left over to work) if I allow food to control me again. I was surprised this video made me laugh as well as tear up. Congratulations for overcoming your fear. In a while, crocodile ❤️
I don’t have any sort of eating disorder but i felt this , it hit me hard, I somehow know what you felt , that overwhelming feeling , that feeling where you are scared about how your brain is going to react with your decisions , I’m sure it was hard for you , but we are all so proud of you are the people who overcome lives situations , last year I suffered from anxiety attacks a lot , and it was difficult but I managed to overcome it and make my self feel better by surrounding myself in things that made me feel comfortable, what I’m trying to say is give your self a chance , don’t give up 💘
Though I never had a problem with my weight a fear has been festering inside me since I dont have a flat stomach. I'm just gonna embrace my food baby and work to improve. Instead of pitying myself and eating only once a day
Ngl, watching this made me cry so much. I've struggled with ED's & still struggle somewhat- especially during this quarantine. I still get anxiety over scales so this really hit home for me. I'm so proud of you & how far you've come 💜
I’ve been recently diagnosed with anorexia and this was helpful, I pretty much live my life around getting on the scales at my ED place and it’s pretty shit and this video has given me some hope that it won’t be this shit forever, so thank you
ohmygod ell.. i hate how much i understood the fear you felt, the feeling of “i know this is stupid, anyone else would find this silly, yet why am i so terrified” it didnt seem strange at all to me to be scared of those scales, its the feeling that gets so overwhelming.. you always manage to show that emotion so truly it hit deep
The fact that I’ve been sitting here sobbing during this whole video says a lot. I understand your pain completely. I’ve been recovering myself. It’s a difficult process. But I’m here to support you and so are all of your other followers!
Hey, Ell just wanna say that I'm so proud and happy for you. I know it can be scary, for me it was the other way around. I was a stress eater, and with depression and anxiety my weight sky rocketed. I peaked at 365lbs/166KG, and started showing some serious health problems and started developing diabetes. And I refused to weigh myself knowing that it would only make me sadder and more depressed, the last two times I weighed then were about a 20 months apart where I gained about 121lbs/55KG. Glad to say that that's all in the past, I've lost 145lbs/55KG now and I do body building, and it's safe to say that this is my biggest achievement and I'm really proud of where I've been and where I stand now.
I just found your channel today and have binged several videos and I have never been more proud of a complete stranger in my life. Sitting in my living room in tears because I get this. I don't have an eating disorder, but I have an aversion to scales as well. I weigh myself regularly and hate myself for like a week every single time.
I literally am sobbing rn. Im terrified of the scale and I've been for four years, dealing with eds is so so so damned hard. I'm so proud of you and so thankful for you to show us it shouldnt be like that.
I’m sure you know it and I’m sure plenty of people tell you but you are so unbelievably gorgeous and such a beautiful person inside out.. I found your channel a few days ago and I’m so glad I did, I feel I can relate to you on such a personal level and I wanted to say thankyou for being who you are and being so real raw and genuine in all your videos 💕💕💕💕
Thank you for literally always sharing such quality content with us. I super needed this today. ED awareness week has just got me feelin’ super down. it’s just a horrid week for me. Everyone always shares such triggering content, but this (as with all of your content) was uplifting and honestly just made me feel way better about my own fears.
For context, I’ve been avoiding going to the gym because there are scales everywhere, and I cannot trust myself not to hop on one. I genuinely love exercise. It helps my anxiety, I love how good I feel post work out, endorphins n’ such, it’s just amazing. I’m healthy right now, I’ve been healthy for about 8 ish months now, but I was unhealthy (on & off) for 9 years. I needed this more than I can even verbalize.
Facing your fears is such a big thing and this kind of fear must be so absolutely terrifying. I bet this video has helped a lot of other people experiencing similar things and that's super great!
You don’t know me but..... I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!! From one human to another, who is still recovering from an eating disorder. you faced your fear and it was glorious. 💕
in a while crocodile but also i’ve been following you for a while now and you’re so important and inspiring for people that are battling EDs, like i’ve been struggling with ana for 3 years now i’m 16 and you helped me start my recovery and step on the scale without having a fully fledged breakdown, i own you so much i’m forever grateful and ily elbat
Just found your channel due to your hair experiment popping up. I've never been more excited to find a new RUclipsr. Not only are you articulated but your strength is so inspiring. I appreciate your existence and am excited to see more content from you 💞
There's no such thing as a stupid trigger, that's just how brains work, unfortunately. Thank you for making this video; seeing your bravery and you being real about your fear is a relief to me and it just feels... validating I guess? Anyway, I'm glad I found your content; it's helping me get through my own anxiety regarding weight gain these days.
I am so, SO incredibly proud of you. facing a trigger like that takes so much strength. You are an incredible person, and I'm so proud of how far you've come.
I feel this bcs I'm actually going through a eating disorder and I'm trying my best to get on weight!! and eating more but it's hard and nobody understand what I'm exactly going through and they say "Just eat more!!" But it's not that simple! So this video is beautiful 💕 and I always get triggered for weighing myself on the scale bcs I'm afraid of what I might see and go back to not eating anything again just like you said !💕so this helps a lot thank you elllllbat😍 👍 I LOVE you for everything ♥️ you are a amazing person and I hope you have a great day!!! Also the people that may read this message ☺️
I had the same fear, but mine came after a doctor visit when my weight was not what I wanted it to be (because of my "self" recovery). And I became so scared of how much my weight damaged me, I just decided not to weigh myself for years, specially while I was getting better. It never really crossed my mind that I had an eating disorder until that day. My disorder never got to far, and I'm extremely proud of you for doing this and for being able to share it with so many people. I've never been really able to share my story with anyone, mainly because I'm still terrified that I'm not over it.
I've been battling depression for as long as I can remember and this video got to me for some reason?? I'm a very recent viewer and I haven't even watched your first video addressing your history with eating disorders but I can feel that pain and fear so clearly. I want to be in a place of self love some day where you are right now and I can't wait to be able to tell myself that I am beautiful no matter what size I am.
I was crying for you when you showed yourself gaining courage. I have been watching you for just a little while, but it feels as though you have become a friend, and seeing you go through such pain hurt.
I've started to struggle more than I ever have with my eating and relationship with food over the past few days and I think this video flipped the switch to set me back on track to keeping a healthy mindset 💗💗
This helped me so much. Thank you so much for showing us the real and difficult scene working up to the scale. I cried along, and it was exactly what I needed that I can validate my fears, even after feeling ridiculous that I "recovered" but still have struggles that feel irrational to me. I can't express how much this helped me, thank you💚
As someone who gone through the same things, I understand the fear. I know how you comfort yourself that way because you know ignorance is happiness. I was like that through out all my eating disorder journey. I was obese at first then anorexic then bulimic then obese again and it wasn’t easy for me to except and love the way I am right now. And all those years the numbers were my worst enemy. I was terrified to see them on the scale. I have been normal for a year now but I’m still scared of them. I’d still feel like those numbers define who I am sometimes. So thanks for sharing it I know it’s not something easy to do. It’s not easy to except your fears.
I know I'm late, I just found your channel today, and today of all days I've needed this. I'm a woman in engineering, and I have workplace trauma with people constantly putting down my work. I'm in a new job with a step up in work culture, but I'm in a situation now where I have to vouch for myself. I sent an email today to my leads and program management basically explaining why a decision they've made about my role (basically to demote me) is putting down everything I am working very hard to help the program meet it's deadlines. I've been in a state of panic almost the whole day since and I'm trying to look big picture. I'm feeling very stupid for having strong emotional reactions even when I know I made the right decision. Your reaction of feeling stupid is exactly how I feel every single time I have to explain to one of my male coworkers what I am experiencing emotionally because experiencing sexism affects my work and so they need to know. I have to manage people being disrespectful to me outside of my very demanding engineering obligations and I'm emotionally burnt out because of it. I don't know if anyone will see this comment at this point but it is helpful to have an outlet at least to write it out.
This is absolutely amazing to me. Every time I see a scale, I want to weigh myself.. Before I moved in with my bf, he had a scale in his bathroom and even though I had my own I would use his just cause of the scale. I finally talked to him about it and asked him to hide it from me.. Mind you we had only been together maybe 3-4 weeks at this time.. He picks up that scale, goes outside and throws it in the dumpster just so I would feel an ease of mind. It was such an amazing feeling to know he would do such a thing, that was huge to me. Just to make me feel better
I have struggled with eating disorders too. Dont be so hard on yourself. I have only just met you basically and started watching your videos and I can tell you, in all honesty, without a doubt in my mind that you are a beautiful, kind, hilarious person and you should have never been made to feel like that about yourself and we have all been there! you are loved, you are appreciated, you are wanted and you are special! Not just because of your looks, or your videos, or your body, or any of that, but because of you. Sending lots of virtual hugs and support!
can I get an F in the chat gamers
F
All of the F's my guy
F
F
F
“ED.... eating disorder. Not Erectile Dysfunction.”
But all jokes aside. FUCKING PROUD OF YOU
"that i didn''t beat" right after. wasnt a joke she made but it was funny
Hahahaha
Hannah Amigo your comment came right before all the ED comments are you Jesus?
Tampa Blush ...I have my ways 🌚
I dont have an eating disorder. But I cried when you said, "I'm not scared of the scale. I'm scared of how my brain will preserve what's on the scale and how my brain will hurt me." I felt this so much. It's not a scale for me, but its other things. Stupid fears no one else understands. Though to me it's scary because sometimes my brain attacks me with this fear and self hate.
Don't worry you're not alone. There will be people there for you and you are strong.
I always seem like a brave person to others and they tell me a whole lot of times. But I am actually extremely scared of what is it other people think of me. So I have often kept to myself! 😅
I just don't weigh myself cuz I couldn't be bothered 😂
💗 You are not alone. All problems are shared by someone. Fears are difficult, and luckily your soul and the love of friends and family are here to help. Or even a stranger who is going through something similar.
Not trying to give advice, just support as a stranger who cares. 💗🧚♀️
I think probably the most destroying fear I have is of myself. I'm scared of what I do to myself, I'm scared of what I do to others, I'm scared of how I effect anything. I know that I'm human, that I'll make mistakes, and I know that nothing I do will make anything destroyed, but It still scares me.
Ellbat: "I know the scale can't hurt me."
Proceeds to almost break neck jumping on the scale.
how does this comment have almost 3 thousand likes yet no comments. now there’s one
I remember the first time I weighed myself after recovery. I went from 42kg to 64kg and I was so upset. Even after recovery I felt like such a failure because I had no one to tell me that it was a good thing. I was left with my destructive thoughts and relapsed. I just wanted to say that if anyone reading this is struggling, you are worth recovery. You are worth being happy, having energy, not being cold and having a life!! Life is so much better being healthy and strong. Mentally and physically 💕
❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏
god i really needed this
I really wanted that i can't thank you enough I am literally crying.
I am soooo proud of you ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Okay, this literally made me cry.. I wish eating disorders didn't exist... I'd do anything just to go back to the way I was before. I envy people that can just- eat and not care too much because this is literally killing me. I hope that all of you take care and get help❤
"Imagine the anticipation, the dramatic buildup, the eight years of fear will give you.. And then nothing happens." didn't know this was a video about Game of Thrones
HazelOrb i’m still sad
@@mguo me too :(
HazelOrb i read this as she said it 😂
I’m the 1k
HazelOrb I read this literally as she was saying it. Not a big deal, but I thought someone might like to know 😂😂
“eating disorder. not erectile dysfunction. i am penisless” I CANT
I lold
I laughed out so hard I woke my partner
quote of the year: "i faced what scares me the most.......and nothing happened" btw its cool how you can face what scares you the most and just get up with an ok and little to no crying
I don’t think she’s scared of her weight, she’s just scared she might fall back into her old pattern.
Recovery Giraffe me too. The only exercise I can to is walk my dog, I used to workout for hour while eating very little. So now I’m stuck in a weird place because I want to workout to be healthy but I don’t think I can or I’ll restrict again.
@@angrycactus158 I can relate so much to this. I’d love to do some exercise once in a while because it has, as a matter of fact, very healthy benefits to it. But whenever I exercise I catch myself down spiralling into these obsessive thoughts. Even though I know they won’t impact me as much as they have before, I will keep exercising to the bare minimum. Some day I’ll be fine, I’m sure of it, but for now a nice little stroll through the neighbourhood will have to do.
I cant be the only one who smiled when she stepped on the scale and silently said "youre okay, youre gonna be okay"
"My fear didnt kill me... I killed it" quote by Ellbat 2020
as a person who struggled with anorexia really bad and still hates herself and has disorder tendencies i don’t weigh myself because it’s so triggering, i had to go to the doctor and she weighted me, i had told my mom i would refuse if she had to weight me and she said “no that’s not necessary” when she knew they were going to. When we went out of the doctor i just ran away to a park and didn’t go to my house for like 2 hours because i had the biggest panic attack and hated my mom that moment. This video is very inspiring to me in order to not just avoid weighing myself but defeating that fear. Thank u for sharing your experience ❤️❤️❤️
I really relate to your struggles - thankfully, I've managed to move on from my anorexia. During my recovery (and for a while after), I was advised to not weigh myself; this really helped. The less fixated you are on the number, the easier it is to listen to what your body needs. I advise that you make sure to take on the scale when you feel ready, as it can be triggering (as you mentioned in your comment). Good luck, I'm rooting for you xx
I have a mini panic attack every time I’m weighed at the doctor. Some things I’ve tried to remind myself in order to prevent just leaving the situation is weight fluctuates all day long. A Glass of water can change your weight. Try to look at yourself before you weigh yourself and after as well and try to visually understand that the few pounds has made no difference. ❤️
Clara thank u! i’m proud that you are recovered now i know it’s hard. You are really sweet 💕
liz henson thank u, this makes me look at it a little different ❤️❤️
i hope one day i can say i’m fully recovered
@@erikapalominodiaz Thank you!! I really hope you manage to overcome it soon - trust me, it'll be the best thing you ever do ❤️
I'm so glad I stumbled over this channel at 1:30 am
Me too!!! two months later at 1:30am
It's 1.43am rn
its EXACTLY 1:40 am for me right now
1 :30a.m
Same
I'm violently sobbing watching this. I never really realized how much trauma I had around my weight until recently. I was actually always pretty happy with my weight but everyone else wasn't. I either got told I was a cow or that I looked anorexic. Someone always had something to say. When I was going through puberty, my mom would always tell me how big I looked. She stopped feeding me and made me drink weight loss drinks. I was 12. Recently, my aunt sent a picture of my mother and I from that time and I burst into tears. I was this tiny little thing and my mother had convinced me I was this whale. That is what I saw every time I looked at myself. It's still a struggle every day. I hope one day I can look at myself and not be filled with disgust.
❤ take care and be kind to yourself, you are beautiful!
Wow, I am so sorry for how things went when you were younger. These things leave scars for the rest of your life. But you seem like a strong person who can overcome anything and this is one of those things you can overcome. Good job and keep going!
you did not deserve that treatment, not in the slightest. what a sickening way to grow up. i hope youre doing better now, darling. :(
Your worth as a human transcends what your body looks like. Don't let anyone ever tell you what your worth is. Just by existing you have made others peoples lives better even if you don't know how. 💗🧚♀️
I completely relate to your story. My mother did the same thing to me. When that happens to you during your childhood, it’s so hard to get over it as an adult.
currently in an ED relapse rn and this is exactly the content i needed to see, you are phenomenal and strong💕💕💕💕💕
Sending love❤❤
Wishing you luck on your journey sending love 💙
❤️
You are strong you'll get through it and beat this mean illness💪❤️❤️
Wishing you well and love in your journey. You are just as strong and beautiful as Elibat! As a person as well who had bulimia I get it.
As someone who struggled and still sometimes slightly struggles anorexia and disordered eating I’m SO proud of you. You are amazing and I’m so happy for you.
This encouraged me to weigh myself for the first time in a few months because I've been trying to recover from an ED too and didn't want to weigh myself cause I knew I wouldn't like the number but I just did it now and I wasn't angry or upset and now every time I'm feeling freaked out by the scale I'm gonna watch this video. Love you lots!!! ❤️
I’m so proud of you! Remember tho to protect yourself from potentially triggering stuff until you’re ready! But you’re amazing for this. Go you - you should be so so proud!! Lots of love 🖤🖤
After 8 years of recovery, I accidentally saw my weight on a scale a few months ago and just didn't care. I didn't feel the urge to skip meals or self harm and hit the gym. It just didn't matter. And I'm so proud of my brain for being able to do that. I want that feeling of pride for everyone in ED recovery. ❤
I have Anorexia and weigh myself daily. Multiple times a day. So much, that I can even predict if my weight will be lower in the morning based on what I weigh in the evening. If my weight goes up, I don't eat much and my whole mood changes. I'm so glad you did this. I'm so proud of you. You are so beautiful!
Hope you’re okay x
:(
I can relate to this 100%. I'm in this weird AN relapse/harm reduction phase and trying to limit the times I weigh myself but man it's hard.
i relate, and i’m so sorry bubs 💗💗 please stay safe
I am doing the same with the scale ... weighing in the evening and morning, having a bad mood when it isn’t as expected ..
I desperately wanted to wish you had one of those scales that when you stood on it just said “you’re gorgeous” instead of a number. You’re fantastic, and so strong
I haven’t weighed myself in 3 years, because I knew that it would hurt me to keep looking at the number. Instead, I focused on overall health and taking care of my body, and I’ve managed to build up my self esteem to an all time high, but I’m nowhere close to fully loving myself yet. I know that I am heavier than I was at that time, due to my busy school schedule and just growing into my adult body. Logically, I know all of this. And I’m still scared. I would love to look at that number one day and not feel like a failure. Thank you for this video. It means a lot to know that I am not alone and I am not weak. ❤️
Im rooting for you here!!❣
Of course you're not weak and take all the time that you need to fully love yourself. Don't rush it and thag you're not alone.
Deanne Bramers this actually really helps me. I’m overweight and need to loose weight but I hate standing there and seeing a number. I’m going to try this, thanks
I’ve never been on the side of ED of not eating but I do struggle with a food addiction. Me and the scale don’t have a healthy relationship and this touched deep! You are so brave! 🌻
I'm so happy for you. Just know that you're a much better version of yourself because of the courage you developed over time.
Dude how can you be everywhere I go...... Daquin, Nux Taku (and ever other anituber) and Devil Artemis..... This is literally fucking crazy.
I've never had an eating disorder, but I'm overweight and that can provoke the same kind of 'scale terror' because I got weighed *all* the time, followed by a lecture about not eating properly - albeit in the other direction. Then, one day, I weighed myself at home and, according to my scale, I had gained ten pounds between breakfast and supper!!!! A few days later, we discovered that the scale had, in fact, broken, but by then it was too late. I didn't get near a scale for YEARS because, as you said, the scales got demonized.
elena i’m so so proud of you for this, as someone who struggles with weight i understand how terrifying something as seemingly simple as stepping on a scale can be. you’re so strong for challenging your fear :)
love this & love you 💗
I was holding my thumb on your hand when you stepped on the scale; just to pretend I was holding it. You're brave to do this
Before I even see this : You are an AMAZING person. You are beautiful, smart, funny, and so on. Forget the damn weight. 🌹 💐 🌼 Edit : I've been chubby all my life and sometimes lose it and sometimes gain it back again worse than before. I was picked on until college for it. I don't care anymore. Fuck everyone, I only care what I think now.
YES YOU WONDERFUL HUMAN - this is exactly it. you're gorgeous, weight fluctuates, bodies change shapes; its badass. Go you
@@Ellbat No, You're the Wonderful Human Being here. You are one of the only people whom I try to never miss a video from. I love your vids, love your message, You rock 🎸 👊
Whoever disliked this video is a literal monster.
I need to buy that pink/peach beanie!
Also, i used to weigh myself a lot and a lot and i would cry about being 55 kg..... 55kg cause everyone around me was in 40s and i was fatshamed for not being perfect.
Since the day i saw Ellbat promoting measurements and not weight scales, i bought a measuring strip and do that sometimes.
Raffeain Khalil I know what you mean. I used to hate my weight when I wasn’t fat, big or unhealthy. I’m really tall and I’ve always been taller than everyone in my classes. I remember in year 5 (i think) we where doing something and the teacher was picking random kids to weigh. He chose me as the last. I went up there and got weighed and I was 60kg... everyone else was 30 or 40. It would have been because I was way taller than everyone else, as in a good 20cm. But I made me feel so embarrassed to have everyone know I weighed so much more than them.
I get how you feel. I used to feel fat when I wasn't the same weight with my friend who was a lil shorter than me.(she is 55 and I'm 63) and it would always make me feel shitty even tho I'm not fat and look normal.
Ivy F if she made the weights public you can sue the school for that
I’m so proud of you for recovering . My friend has an Ed and I can only imagine how hard it was to recover.
*elbat goes to shop and wants to buy 1 kg of bananas*
Closes her eyes when the measurement is about to be done
V U 😭😂
Dead
So proud of you, as someone who has dealt with anxiety congrats girl, keep going!!!!
This video was really real. I know you made a lot of jokes but I can tell this was not easy. It sucks having those issues but props for talking about them and hopefully helping someone that may be in a similar situation.
"it's ok to face your fears sometimes"
Me being afraid of spiders: Nope, never, not in a life time
Meeeeeeeeeee
XD
Without spiders we would be overrun by 🐛🦟🦗🐜 🕸are awesome. But your fear makes senses evolution wise, some spiders are deadly, while many others are harmless.
You got this!
I used to be afraid of spiders too, but now I enjoy their beauty...from afar..not on me. Lol We all have limits.
it's cockroaches for me chief
hehe it sounds stupid but im scared of bugs (flies, wasps if they count, ect) it just makes me want to cry... haha
"My fate didnt kill me...so i killed it.(scale)."
Ur brain cells finally bursting with a sign of releif.🌸🍃
I had an ED as well and she’s still there, in the background but I’ve learnt not to listen to her but sometimes when I’m say eating a packet of crisps (chips to people in America) and I get half way and all I hear in my head, once I realise I’m half way through the packet, “this will make you fat, stop it, the bathroom is calling for you” and I literally just eat the rest of the crisps and go to bed to have a nap to ignore the voice
That’s how recovering has effected me
This is really brave of you especially in front of a public audience. I know a lot of people will be appreciative of it. You keep being inspiring and incredible, Elena!!
I’m in the midst of my ED and I absolutely refuse to weigh myself because I’m so afraid that I didn’t lose any weight or that I gained. I feel like I’m not valid cuz everyone always talks about weighing themselves 10+ times a day. I totally relate to this and nearly cried with you. Thanks for sharing this 💗
Your health is what matters ❤
Almost choked on my Chinese because of the ninja tweet, the Chinese is really good tho so thanks for making me slow down x
bessiebuddy I went 😳 because I thought you meant you were eating us Chinese person I-
@@XDXD-ml8gu BWHAHAHAHAHA
That goosebump feeling you mentioned.... I have that too.:D
NO WAY
Yes way 😅
@@Ellbat you are perfect 🤩 I love you 😍
i felt so alone in this crippling phobia for so so long, especially after becoming weight restored. i’m so so so proud of you. watching you do this has made me feel so much less alone. im so proud of you for this, elena, this is wonderful.
this is genuinely one of the best youtube videos ive seen and has helped me so much with my fear of weighing myself because i got to a stage where everytime i weighed myself i would breakdown and take a panic attack, so to see that i am not the only one scared of this is actual so inspiring, Thank You So Unbelievably Much x
Not even 20 seconds in and El make 2 weight jokes, i love her (fellow ed recover-er(?) here 🤙)
i actually cried watching you go through this, i feel the fear and it's such a huge sigh of relief knowing i'm not the only one going through such a "trivial" thing. you are so amazing thank you for being you and being a ray of sunshine in this terrible time.
This hit hard. I’ve been relapsing since November after a couple of years in recovery and many more of having an ED (since I was 8, 26 now) and I’m literally sobbing watching this video. Thank you for being so open with us. I want to properly articulate just how much I appreciate you sharing your struggles (& your strength) with us but I don’t have the words. You’re a brilliant human, thank you for being you and well done for fighting so hard 💪🏻💖
"Ed. And that's eating disorder not erectile dysfunction. I am penisless."
I DIED LMFAOOOO
But I'm so proud of ya!!! That was hilarious but really, all jokes aside your so brave! Love ya xx
Ur freaking gorgeous 😤😤😭 and I would kill to look like you, but I get it...ur insecure and you cant really help it but just know I think your really perfect , perfect personality and appearance 💗💗 also ur super strong
The problem is also how society makes everyone insecure. Women are expected to look like Barbie Dolls and Men have to have an 8 pack or a 6 pack. They want a freaking master race, not normal everyday human beings. We all get demonized for it. Enough is enough of this bullshit.
From when I was about ten to when I was 15 I weighed myself every day multiple times a day, I stressed over the numbers and limited myself based off of them. Then I started eating full three meals a day and I gained weight, about 20 pounds. I would freak out because my ribs were no longer protruding, I thought I was fat. I started realizing that the way I was treating myself before wasn't healthy and when I weighed myself my anxieties and self-hatred would quadruple. I still know about what my weight is, but I don't weigh myself and every time I go to the doctor and have to stare as they slowly slide the weight down it scares the hell out of me and I think about it constantly. I want to say I've recovered from my eating disorder because I force myself to eat 3 meals a day almost every day, but the mentality is still there and still heavily affects me even now. Videos like this help me understand self-love and that being healthy is beautiful. Thank you.
I don’t think anyone thinks you are dumb for being scared to go on the scales more proud of you for actually doing it( oh and in awhile crocodile😜)
5:44 I feel like this. I have never had a ED before and I couldn’t imagine the pain people with them go through. I’m a larger person for my age (not slim, not overweight -I think...-) and I haven’t weighed myself since 2017 I think maybe I haven’t gone to a doctor in a long time because I haven’t been sick enough to where I get an appointment. Don’t know what I weigh because I’m scared to step on the scale because the last time I did I felt so disgusted by the number on the scale, like you said u were scared of how your brain would process it. Also I understand the feeling of when people talk about weighing themselves or weighing you and then starting to sweat like crazy and getting really anxious. You’re a queen sis I love ur videos they make me smile sm :)
i'm crying elena omg you deserve all the happiness in the world
This. This was amazing to watch. I know all about fear, I have agoraphobia and panic disorder and am on the (very slow) road to recovery.
It is amazing to see someone being SO brave in the face of something that ,irrationally or not, terrifies you and I needed that right now. Thank you
Thank you so much for sharing this moment. I started tearing up when you looked at the scale because I relate. I haven't stepped on a scale in a while, but I've been afraid that I've been gaining weight again. I just have to keep reminding myself how much I can screw up my plans (I'm an author/editor. If I'm focusing on food, I don't have any energy left over to work) if I allow food to control me again. I was surprised this video made me laugh as well as tear up. Congratulations for overcoming your fear.
In a while, crocodile ❤️
Doctor: Hi Ellbat, can I weight you real quick?
Ellbat: Yeah, hold on... *Proceeds to dance on top and around of scale*
We love you dorky queen ❤️
i am struggling with anorexia right now and you make me feel secure.especially at bad days.thank you❤️
I don’t have any sort of eating disorder but i felt this , it hit me hard, I somehow know what you felt , that overwhelming feeling , that feeling where you are scared about how your brain is going to react with your decisions , I’m sure it was hard for you , but we are all so proud of you are the people who overcome lives situations , last year I suffered from anxiety attacks a lot , and it was difficult but I managed to overcome it and make my self feel better by surrounding myself in things that made me feel comfortable, what I’m trying to say is give your self a chance , don’t give up 💘
Though I never had a problem with my weight a fear has been festering inside me since I dont have a flat stomach. I'm just gonna embrace my food baby and work to improve. Instead of pitying myself and eating only once a day
Zoffee preach 💜
Yasss so proud! Food babies are the best babies. We love food babies! We love you!!
Ngl, watching this made me cry so much. I've struggled with ED's & still struggle somewhat- especially during this quarantine. I still get anxiety over scales so this really hit home for me. I'm so proud of you & how far you've come 💜
I’ve been recently diagnosed with anorexia and this was helpful, I pretty much live my life around getting on the scales at my ED place and it’s pretty shit and this video has given me some hope that it won’t be this shit forever, so thank you
ohmygod ell.. i hate how much i understood the fear you felt, the feeling of “i know this is stupid, anyone else would find this silly, yet why am i so terrified” it didnt seem strange at all to me to be scared of those scales, its the feeling that gets so overwhelming.. you always manage to show that emotion so truly it hit deep
I’m so happy for you ❤️❤️
The fact that I’ve been sitting here sobbing during this whole video says a lot. I understand your pain completely. I’ve been recovering myself. It’s a difficult process. But I’m here to support you and so are all of your other followers!
Hey, Ell just wanna say that I'm so proud and happy for you. I know it can be scary, for me it was the other way around. I was a stress eater, and with depression and anxiety my weight sky rocketed. I peaked at 365lbs/166KG, and started showing some serious health problems and started developing diabetes. And I refused to weigh myself knowing that it would only make me sadder and more depressed, the last two times I weighed then were about a 20 months apart where I gained about 121lbs/55KG.
Glad to say that that's all in the past, I've lost 145lbs/55KG now and I do body building, and it's safe to say that this is my biggest achievement and I'm really proud of where I've been and where I stand now.
I just found your channel today and have binged several videos and I have never been more proud of a complete stranger in my life. Sitting in my living room in tears because I get this. I don't have an eating disorder, but I have an aversion to scales as well. I weigh myself regularly and hate myself for like a week every single time.
Shit this hit so close to home... I’m so proud of you and how far you’ve come, and I hope one day I can be like that too 💕
I literally am sobbing rn. Im terrified of the scale and I've been for four years, dealing with eds is so so so damned hard. I'm so proud of you and so thankful for you to show us it shouldnt be like that.
So happy you've got over your fear, can't imagine eating disorders were easy to get over but you smashed it ❤️
I’m sure you know it and I’m sure plenty of people tell you but you are so unbelievably gorgeous and such a beautiful person inside out.. I found your channel a few days ago and I’m so glad I did, I feel I can relate to you on such a personal level and I wanted to say thankyou for being who you are and being so real raw and genuine in all your videos 💕💕💕💕
Thank you for literally always sharing such quality content with us. I super needed this today. ED awareness week has just got me feelin’ super down. it’s just a horrid week for me. Everyone always shares such triggering content, but this (as with all of your content) was uplifting and honestly just made me feel way better about my own fears.
For context, I’ve been avoiding going to the gym because there are scales everywhere, and I cannot trust myself not to hop on one. I genuinely love exercise. It helps my anxiety, I love how good I feel post work out, endorphins n’ such, it’s just amazing. I’m healthy right now, I’ve been healthy for about 8 ish months now, but I was unhealthy (on & off) for 9 years. I needed this more than I can even verbalize.
I’m so proud of you for facing your fear. This video made me cry, because I went through the same thing and it’s scary.
you’re so strong, love ): thank you for sharing this with us.
Facing your fears is such a big thing and this kind of fear must be so absolutely terrifying. I bet this video has helped a lot of other people experiencing similar things and that's super great!
You don’t know me but..... I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!! From one human to another, who is still recovering from an eating disorder. you faced your fear and it was glorious. 💕
in a while crocodile but also i’ve been following you for a while now and you’re so important and inspiring for people that are battling EDs, like i’ve been struggling with ana for 3 years now i’m 16 and you helped me start my recovery and step on the scale without having a fully fledged breakdown, i own you so much i’m forever grateful and ily elbat
I just wanted to run through the screen and give you a hug before you stepped on the scale. You are unstoppable, thank you Ellbat 💜
Just found your channel due to your hair experiment popping up. I've never been more excited to find a new RUclipsr. Not only are you articulated but your strength is so inspiring. I appreciate your existence and am excited to see more content from you 💞
You're doing amazing sweetie 💜💜💜 and also - in a while Crocodile! 🐊
you're literally the only youtuber that I can watch these kind of videos of. You do a truly excellent job being honest with your audience!
I’m so, so, so proud and happy for you. You’re inspiring, babe. In a while, crocodile ♥️❤️♥️
There's no such thing as a stupid trigger, that's just how brains work, unfortunately. Thank you for making this video; seeing your bravery and you being real about your fear is a relief to me and it just feels... validating I guess? Anyway, I'm glad I found your content; it's helping me get through my own anxiety regarding weight gain these days.
In a while, crocodile! Love you and im proud of you!
I am so, SO incredibly proud of you. facing a trigger like that takes so much strength. You are an incredible person, and I'm so proud of how far you've come.
Damn you right. This is deep
Joking is a coping mechanism i laugh about my ed everyday or even during anxiety attacks i will crack jokes. You are absolutely lovely!
I feel this bcs I'm actually going through a eating disorder and I'm trying my best to get on weight!! and eating more but it's hard and nobody understand what I'm exactly going through and they say "Just eat more!!" But it's not that simple! So this video is beautiful 💕 and I always get triggered for weighing myself on the scale bcs I'm afraid of what I might see and go back to not eating anything again just like you said !💕so this helps a lot thank you elllllbat😍 👍 I LOVE you for everything ♥️ you are a amazing person and I hope you have a great day!!! Also the people that may read this message ☺️
I had the same fear, but mine came after a doctor visit when my weight was not what I wanted it to be (because of my "self" recovery). And I became so scared of how much my weight damaged me, I just decided not to weigh myself for years, specially while I was getting better. It never really crossed my mind that I had an eating disorder until that day. My disorder never got to far, and I'm extremely proud of you for doing this and for being able to share it with so many people. I've never been really able to share my story with anyone, mainly because I'm still terrified that I'm not over it.
I'm so proud of you thank you for doing this, this makes me feel better about my self... thank you💕
Honestly probably my favorite RUclips channel. Just found this channel and been hooked for the last week
You're amazing!! Such a big inspiration to me and I hope that one day I'll be where you are
I've been battling depression for as long as I can remember and this video got to me for some reason?? I'm a very recent viewer and I haven't even watched your first video addressing your history with eating disorders but I can feel that pain and fear so clearly. I want to be in a place of self love some day where you are right now and I can't wait to be able to tell myself that I am beautiful no matter what size I am.
You are so strong!! I congratulate you for this achievement that for some might not understand and am inspired by this video ❤️❤️❤️
I was crying for you when you showed yourself gaining courage. I have been watching you for just a little while, but it feels as though you have become a friend, and seeing you go through such pain hurt.
I've started to struggle more than I ever have with my eating and relationship with food over the past few days and I think this video flipped the switch to set me back on track to keeping a healthy mindset 💗💗
This helped me so much. Thank you so much for showing us the real and difficult scene working up to the scale. I cried along, and it was exactly what I needed that I can validate my fears, even after feeling ridiculous that I "recovered" but still have struggles that feel irrational to me. I can't express how much this helped me, thank you💚
I’m so happy for you and so proud of you Elena, you are an amazing person never forget that 💖
As someone who gone through the same things, I understand the fear. I know how you comfort yourself that way because you know ignorance is happiness. I was like that through out all my eating disorder journey. I was obese at first then anorexic then bulimic then obese again and it wasn’t easy for me to except and love the way I am right now. And all those years the numbers were my worst enemy. I was terrified to see them on the scale. I have been normal for a year now but I’m still scared of them. I’d still feel like those numbers define who I am sometimes. So thanks for sharing it I know it’s not something easy to do. It’s not easy to except your fears.
“This is going to be a heaven one” -Ellbat
*In the complete wrong mind set* “Omg.. no- please” -Me
“Ok- I’m so sorry” -Ellbat
“And I know why.” -Me
I know I'm late, I just found your channel today, and today of all days I've needed this. I'm a woman in engineering, and I have workplace trauma with people constantly putting down my work. I'm in a new job with a step up in work culture, but I'm in a situation now where I have to vouch for myself. I sent an email today to my leads and program management basically explaining why a decision they've made about my role (basically to demote me) is putting down everything I am working very hard to help the program meet it's deadlines. I've been in a state of panic almost the whole day since and I'm trying to look big picture. I'm feeling very stupid for having strong emotional reactions even when I know I made the right decision. Your reaction of feeling stupid is exactly how I feel every single time I have to explain to one of my male coworkers what I am experiencing emotionally because experiencing sexism affects my work and so they need to know. I have to manage people being disrespectful to me outside of my very demanding engineering obligations and I'm emotionally burnt out because of it. I don't know if anyone will see this comment at this point but it is helpful to have an outlet at least to write it out.
This is absolutely amazing to me. Every time I see a scale, I want to weigh myself.. Before I moved in with my bf, he had a scale in his bathroom and even though I had my own I would use his just cause of the scale. I finally talked to him about it and asked him to hide it from me.. Mind you we had only been together maybe 3-4 weeks at this time.. He picks up that scale, goes outside and throws it in the dumpster just so I would feel an ease of mind. It was such an amazing feeling to know he would do such a thing, that was huge to me. Just to make me feel better
I have struggled with eating disorders too. Dont be so hard on yourself. I have only just met you basically and started watching your videos and I can tell you, in all honesty, without a doubt in my mind that you are a beautiful, kind, hilarious person and you should have never been made to feel like that about yourself and we have all been there! you are loved, you are appreciated, you are wanted and you are special! Not just because of your looks, or your videos, or your body, or any of that, but because of you. Sending lots of virtual hugs and support!