Phil In The Blanks | Episode 176 | The Struggle: Borderline Personality Disorder
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- Опубликовано: 4 июл 2023
- Phil In The Blanks Podcast Episode 176
The Struggle: Borderline Personality Disorder Pt5
Dr. Phil discusses borderline personality disorder and the impact it can have on people's lives. Labels are important for communication and understanding when it comes to therapy and treatment. Borderline personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and emotions, as well as marked impulsivity. This isn't just someone having a bad day but a consistent pattern in their behavior.
Dr. Phil breaks down the nine characteristics of borderline personality disorder, including fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, identity disturbance, impulsivity, emotional instability, chronic feelings of emptiness, explosive anger, and dissociative symptoms. He offers insights and strategies for dealing with someone who has borderline personality disorder, emphasizing the importance of talking about what they deserve rather than what they need. He also addresses how BPD is “the most stigmatized disorder of all” and encourages people to seek help. 
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I have BPD. I was diagnosed in my 20’s, I am now in my 50’s. I am happy to say I have a good sense of myself and I’m very high functioning. It took years of therapy and 2 suicide attempts, but I made it through and came out whole. I love myself, I’m proud of myself, I’m good to myself. Reading through some of these comments made me feel sad. I empathize. But I’m here to tell you there is hope. I’m living proof.
what's your body count? guessing it's pretty high
You are awesome!!!!!
Thank you for your comment. I'm 61 and just found out this year that there's a name for my misery!
this is a relief
If thats all true then you arent a borderline.
As a police officer who works patrol, and my secondary duty is as a negotiator, I find these videos, extremely helpful in understanding some people I have to deal with. Thank you.
God bless you, thank you for your service ❤ I'm so grateful to have good people like you that serve our communities. 😊 the world is a better place with law enforcement, I've been saved multiple times from PD assistance 🕊 ♥
You have to deal with? 😒
@@GMarieBehindTheMaskif someone was coming at you, violent, out of control, unreasonable...and so on, is that something you look forward to, or is it something you try to get through?
Putting a narrative on someone saying something, is your own mind personalizing things. This is unhealthy and can be addressed.
I'm sure he meant "the people he serves, and situations he has to navigate" (You're welcome)
@@GMarieBehindTheMask so sensitive… I guess I deal in the real world and not cotton candy land
Hey all! I'm an Aussie guy with BPD. I was a monster until I did Dialectical Behavioural Therapy and had a spiritual awakening around 2015. Knowledge and awareness is vital ❤❤❤
Well Done sending you lots of healing energy. People don't understand how difficult to cope with symptoms we just learn to deal with them in our own unique way.
Wish mine would.
My 19 year old son had only just been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder. He committed suicide 6 months later. The conversations and texts with him the last year of his life was so very difficult. It effected our whole family. When he was ok, he was the most amazing brother, son, friend, worker. When he had his episodes, life was heartbreaking. The stigma is so detrimental.
My sincerest condolences 🙏🏽🕊️🌹
I am so sorry for your lovely son😢🙏
The pain is unimaginable. I'm so sorry. I hope you are finding peace and comfort.
I'm very sorry for your loss
I have a friend who is BPD...he goes to therapy and works very hard, you wouldn't even know it unless he told you or under extreme circumstances, he's not perfect but I'm proud of the work he's doing and the improvements that he's made
Good feedback
I begged my ex for years to go to therapy. He complained daily about unaliving himself and hating himself. Once I realized he just wanted to be a victim and use me as a therapist/punching bag and after the millionth arguement where Im the worst devil he came across, I left him and his pity party.
It's good that your friend is seeking help. Unfortunately people with BPD are often unwilling to do the work and instead have a repetitive compulsion to repeat their explosive behavior.
@@therealdeal3672 that's true, my friend is the rare exception, most cluster B personality disorders don't seek therapy...I think it's just too painful
@@lesliel.6260and/or unaffordable.. When most ppl can barely afford rent, well...
I struggle with BPD. His way of saying “you deserve” brought tears to me eyes
Same here. And I think it's related to something else he said. It hits so hard because "you deserve" flies in the face of what many of us have been told, shown, and convinced of for so long: "You don't matter."
Hugs. I was diagnosed 2 years ago at 53, about 40 years too late. Everything in my life makes sense for the first time. Grab all the therapy you can so you know how to have a happy life because it's freaking tough without help.
@@dib4152 Me too. I didn't get 'diagnosed' until 60. I'm not sure I'm full blown BPD but have some "features." Nobody gets love bombed EVER! My fear is that people will try and get too close, then someone will get hurt. I am afraid of connection - not abandonment.
@@dib4152 you simply said my situation as well.
I’m in the process of going through a divorce with a woman with bpd. She has betrayed me, discarded me, and is denying my rights to my daughter. This video inspired me toreach out and say, “regardless of our differences I just want you to know I’m here for you no matter what. “ somehow that actually is helping me feel better.
I am sorry to hear that and you done the right thing.
I want to ressure you as someone undergoing this discovery, I do not condemned this sickening act or excuses.
@@dantevivanco5035 her reply was very dry and cold. I hoped she’d see me be vulnerable and show that she had some love still, but now I feel worse.
Eric, I have been through it too. It is important to come to terms with the fact that your wife is not the person you thought she was. She is a toddler, emotionally. She will most likely only respond to your kindness with hostility. She is a toddler. I'm sorry, but I don't believe the borderline is capable of anything but blame and hostility. It is not a matter of will not, it's a matter of can not. Very seriously. Do not engage emotionally with her. Stay clinical. Document everything. Do not discuss the past. Do not take the bait when she says "it's all your fault", which is the motto of the borderline. Stay clear and heal yourself. Be calm. Accept that she may never stop trying to hurt you. You will recover, you will survive, your life will be so much better, even though it will not be easy at all. I'm sorry you are going through this. Most importantly, be there for your daughter. Never give up on her. Your wife will try to eliminate and alienate you. It will hurt badly. But do not give up. Your daughter is worth fighting for, for as long as it takes. Do not lose your temper. Do not do something stupid. Your wife will screw up. They always do.
They don't have a heart. Don't ever think they do. It will hurt you worse. Guard your own heart.
I think the most difficult part of the disorder is the delusional thinking.
Like thinking that we are famous already or on a fast track to becoming famous. Or that we have money that's burning a hole in our pocket. It's tough
This was a huge relief.
Dealing with my daughter and her boyfriend, I thought I was crazy.
This was helpful, and I have been reacting terribly.
This knowledge is an anchor.
I’m sorry you’re going through that. It is great to hear you’re trying to understand and hopefully protect yourself. You’re doing great! ❤
have you seen these: "Back From the Edge" - Borderline Personality Disorder
ruclips.net/video/967Ckat7f98/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/CAnpZph0Sxc/видео.html
Now you can tell them they're crazy.
Bless your heart! No one is crazy, but it sure can feel that way sometimes.
Glad to hear Dr Phil's words brought you relief!
You are not alone! And remember dear one, self-care is a priority! Self care allows you to rejuvenate as often as needed. And that's often!
God bless you!
I have wondered all my life what is wrong with me. After hearing BPD symptoms, they describe me perfectly.
Started when I was a young child.
Bruh he got to number 3 I'm like omg.. by the time he got to 9 I was like I literally experienced all of this
They might experience a lot of pain... but probably not as much as the people who end up taking care of them. Currently in that situation the last 10 years and I can tell you it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to deal with on a daily basis. Eventually they go from being ok with someone taking care of them to demanding being catered to on a level nobody can attain.
Exactly. They are like the 2 year olds they were probably stuck at. Mine ran through my finances as well as their own and now we are in an enmeshed relationship so if there is any interaction with him he simply expects me to take care of him in every way and when I don't he is petulant. Had I only known what this horrible disorder was. At the first sign of disregarding my boundaries I should have kicked him out of my apartment and never looked back.
@juliettailor1616 in my case it is my mother in law. It is hard enough to have a relationship with a difficult mother in law, much less one with BPD. She also has conversion disorder. It is truly hard to deal with as I had to have a kidney transplant. My husband (her son) was my donor. As soon as I needed some help she poured it on that she was sick, and then went as far as mocking my tremors from my immunosuppressive drugs. I cannot even say what's wrong in front of her to my husband that she doesn't mock me within the hour. Despite hundreds of doctor appointments and hospital trips... they cannot find any problems. Oh .. and she lives with us now. I literally only got 6 weeks recovery from surgery and a rejection and was right back to this mess.
Yes, my mom and sister. Very difficult to navigate the relationships at all sometimes.. I've been close to going no contact, but we have so many enmeshment and codependency issues-- well... it's complicated.
@mybiz1006 it's always complicated my friend. It's a terrible thing to be in for sure. Much love to you and take care of yourself ❤️
Not me. I'm BPD and my worst nightmare is a caretaker = co-dependent partner. There are people who are intent on "fixing" it. Do NOT TRY and TAKE CARE OF ANYONE except your children.
Oh my goodness. I completely agree that there is a huge stigma that goes with BPD. Sometimes, for the family, it’s very hard to live with the verbal and emotional abuse, the accusations and the lies, the threats and vengeful behavior, the rewriting of history, etc etc etc. And if the bpd individual refuses to acknowledge the issues and get help… what are we to do? We are always blamed for her actions, failures, and treatment of others, including us. We have been her biggest supporters, and yet, here we are with our grandchildren being held as collateral and being called toxic and the cause of all of her trauma ( that only she recalls).
💯 Save yourself & stay away from her, I would even move if you can
Been there and I feel for you!❤️
Once I found my self-worth, I am now my own best friend, and my own best date. Life is so much more peaceful!!!❤❤❤❤
❤Amen😊❤
Fantastic!❣❣
Amen.
Yes !!!!❤
Good for you as soon as I realised that people are too busy thinking about themselves. I stopped letting people get to me if they are disrespectful. Having peace of mind by changing our thoughts can help
Dear Dr Phil
I am 65 single Mom to 1 daughter. I have struggled to garner help since she was 17.
I always thought she might be BPD or Bi Polar.
She is now 44 and recently told me she was diagnosed with Dis associated Personality Disorder?
All the things you are talking about are spot on.
One thing.... as her Mom i have spent many nights wondering what i couldve done differently. No parent is perfect ❤
One thought keeps coming to mind though....
Melissa, never allowed us to cuddle her as an infant/newborn?
She was a healthy baby born naturally etc but allergic to milk?
My question is did i miss crucial clues?
Tragicaly my daughter has been estranged for years, and although my home is always open to her, i have been forced to implement safety features in my home for her ever 3 to 5 years visits. She has also taught me to never ever get in a car she is driving.
I know her struggle is very real.
I know she hates the chronic chaos and pain that envelopes her and wish with all my heart i could safely help more.
Any suggestions?
Btw... i took large part in raising her 25 and 23 year old kids
She now has a 3year old 😢 who i have only seen breifly a few times. This concerns me and her older kids.
She needs help 😢❤
I was diagnosed with borderline, bipolar, ptsd, adhd and depression. I struggle every day but try my best to control my emotions and I’ve been in therapy most of my life to deal with my traumas.
I am text book of these symptoms. I really try hard to be a good person including controlling my emotions and impulsivity
10:19 I am honestly in tears right now. That sentence is so true! I live with BPD. I don't want to be this way, it's an emotional roller-coaster every single day. Then having people say things like, "what is wrong with you?" Or "ffs one minute you're fine and then you're down in the dumps! Shake it off." I'm in pain all the time, I didn't choose this. I've done a lot of work, DBT really does help. I have a couple diagnosis but this one is by far the hardest to understand.
Grow up; it's not all about you or your BS.
@@walleyehunter1541 LMFAO did someone piss on your breakfast? Get a life troll 😡
Remember dear one, you are not alone! Prioritize self care so you can rejuvenate.
Keep up the good work!
Yes, DBT! It works! God bless you!
@@walleyehunter1541 You're a loser.
I have a friend , diagnosed BPD, but very obviously NPD traits. Whew, it is exhausting to not blow up and go off on her, I try so hard to remember, be silent, but I am so tired of the disrespect, rudeness, controlling behavior, entitlement, bossiness, whiny victimhood expecting me to be her daily free silent therapist.
If you haven't already, I would read a few books specifically on how to live with somebody or be a family member and friend of somebody with BPD.
Boundaries of course are very important. It sounds like you're getting stressed out and burnt out.
If you were to suddenly shift your boundaries and pull away, then it could definitely trigger them, possibly send them into crisis, and probably they would switch on you and suddenly perceive you to be their worst enemy.
Well thought out and gentle communication is key. I'd VERY highly recommend speaking to a therapist yourself about how to handle this volatile and potentially trauma causing relationship.
Narcissism is part of personality B cluster where in bpd is part of that cluster
Some of these are exhibited by my wife " disrespect, rudeness, controlling behavior, entitlement, bossiness". However, since the beggining of this month I have started being patient with her. I sometimes stay quite when she exhibits any of the behaviors as helpful , as she eventually cools down. I have learned additional methods of dealing with my Wife's BPD. I will try them.
@@dianaverano7878 Exactly, I sometimes feel my wife has a modicum of superiority complex.
If it's impacting you to that extent, it's probably best to go no contact, then they can't take their bullying behaviours out on you, and they'll look for another victim.
My mother is both! I am drained. I just quit work and never told her if she knew I was free, she would thrive! I just pretend I'm working to have free time
Big hugs
And remember dear one, self care is not selfish, it is necessary for you to rejuvenate! God bless you!
Dr. Phil, thank you for this video. It was a revelation to me. I finally realized that my wife has BPD. She shows 5 of the 9 symptoms that you have outlined. Since, the beginning of this month I have decided to be patient and understanding with my wife. Your video has given me some additonal steps I need to take to help my wife. Thank you very much, I will follow those steps to help her.
There’s a very well studied psychologist, his name is Sam Vaknin. He explains BPD incredibly and superbly well.
We go into different sides of ourselves like Danisha A, Danisha B, Danisha C etc..
Unlike multiple personality disorder, we actually remember how we acted and what we did once we switch. And are surprised at what we actually did. This is 💯 percent true! However I have also said and done things completely sober that I have no recollection of. This is due to something called Secondary Psychopathy.
When Sam Vaknin explains all this my mind is Blown 🤯
He is extremely accurate!
As a retired psychotherapist this was and is the most valuable explanation of BPD I've ever heard. When I first began practicing more than 40 years ago borderline personality disorder was, well, basically an indictment. I found that DSM-wise that was not necessarily true, and looking back I know what I thought was true. I'm certain that I made mistakes and I recall cases that I do regret yet I remember others in which acceptance and reassurance, care, achieved results. Fear of abandonment I found to be SO key
I'm remembering so many referrals with a BPD diagnosis that were so flawed, both in outpatient and inpatient settings. While I've come to many of your conclusions I do appreciate your clarity and most of all your always emphasis on compassion for those suffering.
Thank you
Judi Siegfried, MSW
So nice!
Best explanation?? He called bipolar a personality disorder -_- Dr Phil is a sham
Explained it then Tilionis.
My fear of abandonment has transformed into not caring anymore - or a numbing effect - when people do leave. Because they always DO leave, and i don't blame them. I can't stand my own mood swings or insecurity - i don't expect many would.
@@kerrysaunders1936 it's suppression. Most of it is and variables in between. Based on experiences in life. It just doesn't 'occur'
our world is responsible and lack of loving values within a success model few hope to achieve, most trying to look the part at the experience of others. The lens should be how people were made to feel which was disallowed
I had a friend for 15 years who was triggered suddenly when I sold my house and moved across town. She went nuts when I made a few new friends and she spun out of control trying to control me. Without going into all the crazy things she did, we mutually decided to end our friendship. I have not looked back. I don't need crazy in my life.
U decided. A cluster B never “ends a relationship”
They put you on a shelf and will think about you all the time. Don’t be surprised if she shows up 10 years later trying to reach out
They never forget …
Sounds familiar!
@@ssing7113people with bpd end relationships all the time. Often when there is no reason to but they perceive there to be one.
a borderline doesnt end a relationship....they just get left...but we never forget....when we see the person we welcome you to hell.
I have made that hard decision as well. Not because of a certain person, because as I am now a woman in my early 70’s, I just don’t want to deal with unstable people.
My experience with BPD was that she was a serial cheater. Always had someone on standby. We were always one fight away from her disappearing. That’s how the fear of abandonment manifested. It was like she was saying “If you don’t want me, someone else does”. At the same time, she was also accusing me of cheating and not wanting to be with her.
It was one heck of a ride, but I’m glad I got off.
According to Dr. Phil, you have to have patience for that? Not a chance I’m gonna have any patience for that kind of behavior.
A BPD person would do that in order to abandon you before you can do it to them. It's a self protective measure.
Man you go that right. Living with them (especially when they are episodic) is like crawling on broken glass. Their goal? To destroy you any way they can. If you don't pull away and protect yourself (physically, mentally and emotionally) they will destroy you. You must be self-protective and create as much distance as you can.
Definitely! I went through the same exactly cheating accusations which was odd cause I've never needed to cheat on anyone in my whole life and now realizing that she for sure cheated on me with someone? She always had her ex on standby and is now engaged to him while he is in jail and is cheating on him with some random dude till he gets out. I knew something was odd when I accused her and she blew up in a rage? There were obvious signs that I only realize now that's it's over. It's OK cause I'm free and that alone is all that matters.
Dr. Phil, you describe the Borderline being “resistant to change.” Having seen this disorder play out up close, I observed a “refusal to change”. This contains a level of moral choice, I believe. Over time, this bold and dangerous refusal to see anything wrong with oneself leads to personality distortion, and subsequently a loss of friends and loving relationships.
No they can keep their friends it’s any relationship they are in they cannot keep it , they will put you through hell and back , they lack empathy , they lack eveything ,t hey cannot love at all …
Sorry Dr Phil i dated a diagnosed borderline girl for 2.5 years I can’t have compassion for a person who cheats and lies , no one should have compassion for that , and that wasn’t the only thing , I did have compassion for her in the beginning I worked with her I was always there for her ….I gave her my all , I even gave her the chance to come clean about the cheating.. I asked her twice and both times she said no right to my face , it’s not until i told her I have proof in all the texts you have been sending this guy ….her response to me that she is done , then moved on to this other guy so when you say compassion I do not recommend being compassionate to any of them , protect yourself at all costs ..
@@alexanderthegreat3106I agree, if you are involved with a borderline, just run, before your own life is destroyed. There is nothing you can do for her, just save yourself.
@alexanderthegreat3106 I'm sorry to hear that. I am currently under going with my discovery of BPD, I never knew existed. I know for a fact I can assure you that I too am disgusted and will never acknowledge someone like that as my kind. Never in my life will and never believe that to be an excuse, ride on buddy. May your future bloom.
They have no remorse, agreed, a series of immoral choices that THEY CHOOSE. They purposely choose to hurt others, even their own children.
I watch your show every day. I've heard you mention your podcast many times. When I heard you were going to talk about Borderline Personality Disorder, I had to listen. I was diagnosed with this about 10 years ago. I found a counselor who has helped me in numerous ways to overcome many of the issues associated with this disorder. She helped me to get into a treatment center. I've been clean and sober for almost 5 years.
She also told me that many counselors don't like to work with people who have this disorder. Thankfully, she wasnt one of them. Listening to your podcast brought back past memories of the ways I acted, feelings I had (and still have at times), things I would do, and other things. There are parts of it that were painful to hear. However, I'm very thankful I heard you mention you were going to talk about it on your podcast. I subscribed and am hoping to hear more about this in the future. Thank you very much Dr. Phil. You explained this in a way that was easy to understand. I'm going to send this to my counselor. I know she'll find it interesting. ❤
So good! GOD Bless You!❣❣
Fantastic to read your comment Patricia, really gives me hope for myself!
@@clarebaxter777 thank you. ❤️
@@neilfox8230 I'm so glad! 💕 I hope you can find someone will help you as thoroughly as Karen has helped, and continues to help me. My counselor also uses EMDR. If you can find someone who can use that to help you, I think you'll be be on your way to feeling better. It may not be the first one you go to, but that person is out.there for you. ❤️🙏
I was diagnosed about 6 yrs ago. I am now 74. Just getting the diagnosis brought me so much clarity. I did DBT for a couple of years thru a major HMO. It was a lifesaver. I only wish I had gained all this understanding when I was young. But....I didnt.. However, I can handle myself and my emotions for the most part now. I use the skills that I was taught. Ive come to the point where I can accept the thoughts I have and not run from them. But now at 74 I am isolating alot. I really no longer have any friends, its very lonely and I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this or knows someone who has and how they deal with it.
Yes I isolation I do alot I have no friends really they were drug friends I've been clean allmost 18months...I feel I got borderline personality disorder I'm on social security disability my mom told me I had this isolation is not good but I vist mom she's 91 I grow up in a very abusive home my dad was mean I think he had borderline personality disorder and narcissist I don't no never was told I had narcissist but I do have borderline personality disorder ok God bless I'm in therapy as well ok good day can't take any medication...makes me sleepy anxiety medication ok plus I got Graves disease hyperthyroidism ok buy my ex is gone no more toxic relationships with men in jail prison ok buy I'm kathy
Start perhaps by getting back out there to your circle of family n friends Jesus will open your heart n He'll give you purpose Seek Him GODblz Bsav LivnluvinCHRIST p.h
@@paulahard1200 yes I will it's just very hard with the weather so cold 🥶 I'm on medication now 10milgrams once a day pacsol called fluoxetine since Nov 2023 its helping a little with panic attacks ok ...I'm trying to love me more as I'm a incest survivor since I was 9
My symptoms rarely come out but when they do, its usually because i got close to someone, almost always someone romantically. I do all i can but its never enough when i get close to someone.
Exactly what I have too 😢
Me too. And try so hard to contain my symptoms, but it is so difficult when you are so close to someone. This is called the silent bpd
Dr Phil, I have had severe BPD since childhood. My life has been a mess. I no longer communicate with any of my family at all. I have no friends. I have a very rocky relationship with my coworkers. My relationship with my bf of 8 years is volatile at times. I am in therapy and I have been making very slow progress. I have so much childhood trauma from my psychotic mother who abused me from birth and forced me to be in an extremely controlling religion that ruined my childhood and my ability to have healthy relationships with literally anyone.. sometimes I feel like I am never going to overcome it. My impulsively is pretty bad, especially when I am triggered. I am a good person... I'm just have a really hard time controlling my emotions. There's such a horrible stigma attached to people who have BPD. No one really knows how to treat it, so I feel like I'm just slowly spinning around the drain. All I want is peace.
I believe healing your traumas is the solution to any mental health problem. Check out Daniel Mackler.
My story is very similar to yours. I promise it gets better. The hardest thing I've ever had to do was learn to love myself.
I struggle everyday, constantly and sometimes have no idea id it's even working. But there are people that love me and need me. Including myself, I need me to be okay.
I hope this helps in some way.
Try to be patient with yourself. Have compassion for your history. It takes time but it’s possible, you are on your way!
Wow, the end of this was particularly powerful. Changing the world Dr. Phil! Thank you for what you do ❤
Thanks for shedding light on this. I was diagnosed a few years ago and sometimes I feel so alone and crazy. I’m thankful my fiancé and his family are so accepting and understanding. I had a really hard childhood, and it was stressful and I dealt with things I shouldn’t have had to and dealt with them very good until I hit about 19, and I started really showing out then. My grandma raised me basically by herself, my dad left when I was around 13 and my mom was in prison from the time I was a year old til March of this year and I’m now 27. I’m able to mostly control myself now with years of therapy and I’ve taken medication for about 4 years now to help with my depression but it’s nice to hear your opinions on BPD. I didn’t ask to be like this, I try my best but unfortunately it’s something I have to live with. Be kind, you never know what people are dealing with.
I was diagnosed back in 2008, along with ptsd and severe depression. Like you, my childhood was traumatic. I saw things, heard things that no child should ever be witness to. I was terrified for the most part. After years of self harm, and misdiagnosis, taking meds that were not helping anything, I finally found Marsha Linehans work, DBT. It has saved my life. It's one of the hardest mental illnesses to understand, I'm 49 and still working with a therapist. If you can find dbt classes, try it. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Hope you're doing well 💗
Its hell to try and date a bpd or narcissist. It ruins the relationship. They up the behavior until you have no choice but walk away. The push pull behavior is intense.
So true!
Thanks much for putting that into words. I walked away after 15 years of painful shenanigans that he got a real kick out of. Unfortunately, he made it 100 times worse for me and for others after I called it quits. Had no idea he even had it in him to be capable of the stuff he did.
I'm quiet BPD and I got with a covert narcissist. So much hell, angry all of the time.
@@user-xb3yp2px6b What was that stuff he did?
The things he did were classic: wouldn't talk to me literally for, months , if he got ticked off. Stole things from me if he thought I owed him for something, forgetting that I borrowed the money for the downpayment on a luxury townhouse that he and his best friend decided he and I should buy together. Almost choked me to into unconsciousness one morning out of the blue. Sold my musical instruments without my permission and probably my camping gear and golf clubs (I was a golfing hazard anyway, but he had no right to sell them). Was seeing other women before work (friends). Want more? The list is colossal. 😀 I can actually laugh at it now that I've been studying the narcissistic personality, but when you're in it and for years afterward, it's absolutely devastating. Financial deals that I never knew about, lying I would assume....Colossal. my name: La Stupida.
Thank you for presenting this as something that ppl should be compassionate about. I have BPD and it is hell sometimes. Being so emotionally reactive, not being able to manage the feelings, being up and down, it’s miserable.
Do you hurt others?
You described me doctor Phil! 😢 thank you so much!❤ I'm 69 years old and I was a bad mother because of BLP! I never new I had it until it was to late, now I suffer from depression knowing that I wasn't a good mother! My son has OCD and 2 of my daughters suffer from depression and anxiety! I feel guilty and I just want to die!😢
Please don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure you did the best you could under the circumstances. I did everything I thought was right. I read all the books on raising kids, never drank, smoked or did drugs, was a stay at home mom, read them tons of books, breastfed, sent them to private school, took them to church, threw them birthday parties, you name it. I tried to be super mom. And now that they are grown? One hasn’t spoken to me in 8 years, and the others, well, it’s been rocky. On the other hand, we’ve all seen examples of horrible parents who are very close to their children. It’s crazy! But please don’t beat yourself up about it.
Thank you for your insight Dr. Phil, I have bipolar and borderline personality disorder. I believe I'm on the passive end. Yes, to mania, charismatic, and I change looks, hair etc. Quite often. I'm 60 now, and spend most of my time by myself, just me and my little dog. Like you said it's hard to understand others, when I can't understand myself! Thank you for your compassion on us.
The ending of this video (from about 40:00) is so touching. It’s everything me personally have ever needed to hear from the people that I’m closest to! This video has been the only time I’ve heard or felt so much understanding and compassion. It adds so much more hope to the thought of getting help. As a woman who has been in therapy for a little over a year (only maybe 6 months regarding BPD) I’m so glad I’m doing the work. It’s hard & most times feel lonely as ever. But I’m doing it. & if no one else is proud of me or see my progress, I do. I hope one day, others can see & acknowledge it too.
Being kind when suggesting you're loved on go to therapy is great,but when you do make sure there are no distractions,nothing to pull you away from them,because the minute you answer your phone,yell at the children,hubby,dog you've lost them.
Even a change in facial expression,body movement etc. can cause someone with BPD to immediately jump to the idea you are abandoning them.
Choose a quiet room and place a mirror on the opposite side you are seated,with your loved one facing you,this way you can glance up and see your facial expressions and change them.
People with BPD are very keyed in to body language and facial expressions,it is part of their survival kit.
If it is sensed they are going to be abandoned,one of two things will happen.
They will cling to you with every fiber of their being,or they will abandon you to avoid the pain of abandonment.
Kudos to you for doing the work! I truly hope you can find some peace and self love that lasts.
@@sandralogue1774 I think you gave a valuable piece of advice. Dr. Phil video confirmed that my wife has BPD. I will take your advice and apply it at the right time.
34:27 Dissociation is a trauma response. Everyone experiences this to a certain extent. Those with ptsd or developmental trauma without BPD struggle with dissociation, depersonalization, and Derealization.
BPD lacks the skills, support, and secure attachment every person needs so they have a weak window of tolerance and intense emotional instability.
There are professionals who believe BPD is a combination of BPD and PTSD. Complex PTSD is almost identical to BPD without the tendency to self harm. Its a response to severe early trauma, lack of healthy attachment, etc
Dr. Phil is dishing out some major truths. ✌️😎
I think so too. And it seems to be generational because the parents did not learn from their horrible experience what it feels like to be belittled, shamed, beaten, and mocked; they inflict the same abuse they received on their children. I think that parenting classes should be a requirement for new parents and psychology certainly should be one of the courses. They need to break free of the toxic treatment they experienced, to make them aware of what may have happened to them in the past and not to continue the abuse. Also, I think that to get a marriage license, you should be required to take classes to discuss finances, children, and psychology. Too many people marry the wrong people and once children come into the world, a whole set of new problems. And people need their Heavenly Father in their lives, an authority over them to guide them and to understand real love that they can use in raising their kids. Too much mental illness out there and the solution is LOVE! You have to give love to get love but as Dr. Phil and many other psychologists have pointed out that people are so protective of themselves because of childhood trauma, they can't give love freely. It's really sad and doesn't have to be this way.
C-ptsd have splitting? Dissociation? Psychosis and Neurosis? Does cptsd have neurobiological evidence? Because borderline does have so STOP spreading misinformation.
As being diagnosed having BPD it has been a struggle my entire life. Staying mindful and staying in therapy help. I also take medication to help stabilize my mood. Its really hard work to stay mentally healthy.
My step father told me every day how ugly I was, how stupid I was, how much he hated me, how no one loved me and I’m sure I had this at a younger age, maybe still a little bit but I think I have it under control
A compassionate and tender way to reach out to them. DESERVE❤
❤❤❤
No way. Stay away from these monsters they will destroy your life.
Here's an awful, but real take on living with someone who has this disorder. My daughter, 21, has borderline. She also has autism, anxiety, and ocd. She's always been difficult, but it's so much worse as she gets older. She still lives at home, which I've been desperately trying to change for years. People will say there's help out there. There's not. Every day with her is a nightmare for the rest of us. The abuse and manipulation directed at us is unbearable. She is cruel, ungrateful, and completely refuses any attempt at change. The worst is how hateful she is toward my son. He's 24, has more severe autism, is non verbal, still at home, needs near constant attention. He has such a sweet personality. He loves everyone and is happy almost always. She expresses how much she hates him regularly. In her mind, due to his limitations, he has no purpose to exist. She says as much. It's infuriating to me. I enjoy being with him. I hate every second I have to spend near her. I don't want to talk to her, hug her, listen to her, most interactions I'm just waiting until she goes away.
I feel like a shit parent for having those feelings. No one gets it. I know it's horrible that i feel that way, but that's what it is. I can understand logically that it's awful for her to be in that state, but i have very little sympathetic emotion about it anymore.
I get it. I’ve got a 22 year old told daughter and in the same position. Just because you birthed them doesn’t give them a pass to treat you however they want and you’re to take it with a smile because the are mentally ill. Mine does nothing to help herself although before 18 she ran hubby and I around like crazy to all these therapists and group things that didn’t do anything but make it worse.
Dr. Phil , it’s not just a pain. It’s life altering and health damaging to deal with BPD. The more compassion you have the more they hit you! There is no insight just a blame game. It’s impossible
My mother, my ex husband.. and several friends.. I'm SO over the temper tantrums, the jealousy, focus on only themselves, the DRAMA is draining and so I choose to NOT engage with these types anymore. UGH.... Now if they will seek help, I'll stand back and watch but keep them at arms length.
Forgiveness and understanding
J Christ
I love the change of the wording from you “need” vs you “deserve.”
This is exactly like my Ex, Dr Phil. His mom left the family when he was 9. His dad raised 3 kids and after 6 yrs, he found his mom again, but then, she had 2 other austic kids with 2 other men. He was fine when I met him but gradually was abusive and so unstable. Sometimes violent. So sad.
You have an ex named "Dr. Phil?" That's crazy!
Thank you for explaining NPD Doctor Phil.
I was raised by a narcissistic mother and my daddy is her slave. She has always had total control of him and the dynamics of our family.
It’s been a really hard life for me.
Your advice has helped me a lot.
Thank you for sharing.
God bless you and your family Dr. Phil.
I was raised by a narcissistic father and my mother bore the brunt of the domestic violence. My father has a massive superiority complex and even though he is 72 , wont relent. It very difficult to deal with a narcissist. My childhood was affected by it. I became prone to violence, didnt do well in school, didnt do well in work environment, and have no friends. Now I am 42, and have a wife and a child and unable to meet ends , therefore, sustain my family via handouts from the same narcissistic father. In my heart , I decided to take away all the hatred I had for him and only seek forgiveness for my wrong doings.
Dr Phill ,how person with people with PBD can manage huge amount of anger.Must say that emotion of anger in BPD person is 100 times stronger than in average person.
They emotional dysregulation, they cant regulate those feelings: fear, anger, sadness
All of it is magnefied and bpd people can not regulate those feelings. Normal people even if we are afraid or angry, can manage those feelings. We know those are feelings, but we can handle those feelings. Mind over feelings.
Bpd cant do that
@@dianaverano7878 So are medicatios only alternative??
@@lida8433 the bpd person should seek professional help from a psychiatrist.
And tell the doctor about bpd. And undergo bpd therapy program. It is not only medication that will be prescribed.
When they are episodic they are like a volcano ready to blow! Pity the poor person that has to drown in that lava!
@@lida8433 they need medicine to help them out as mood stabilizers etc. But these people need to go to a therapist, and heal emotional childhood wounds.
Almost always bpd has something to do from childhood
Dr. Phil you have never been so on point. Thanks!
Beginning to think my husband is borderline where previously I'd thought he was narcissistic. It's totally mentally and emotionally exhausting because from one day to the next you never know what or who you're dealing with. Random punitive outbursts that bear no relation to anything current. You're constantly on the big dipper ride of their issues, it's like permanently being their psychotherapist and emotional balancer yet they've no respect for you and make no progress as they wont accept any input, though that's what they demand - bizarre. 'Conversation' is 100% interrogative..... who, where, what, when, when, how? Yet they project this and accuse you of the same, when it's them. Exceptionally negative. Feed me, feed me, feed me constantly. His mother was massively into corporal punishment and his first thought when he realised she'd died in hospital was 'Thank God, there will be no more beatings.'.... he was 17!!! Yet he went ballistic when I tried to explain that's where his problems .... and mine!!! LOL...... originated, so I interpreted that as him not wanting to face the truth. May God bless, enlighten them and support us all.
My son,youngest ...dealt with this person x7 yrs!! I finally said "enough when he threatened to kill me the next daw me!!
This sounds exactly 💯 like my ex, but he has narcissistic personality disorder. The difference between the two for him is that he was mimicking this but was not emotionally invested in the charade. He would flip out and rage for 5,6, or 7 hours and as soon as he was out of time and was leaving for work, he wanted a kiss like we had just been discussing something like rational people
Cluster B traits are shared across the spectrum so… basically just lump them as crazy.. easier then trying to “figure it out”. Toxic is toxic
You should get into therapy and start reading books on codependency though. It’s why u attract and got together. All will make sense your role when you learn about it
Start disconnecting. Set small Boundaries. Focus on yourself. Therapy and start moving away from the toxicity…
You got one life to live. Not sure any of us that went though this says. I’m glad I stayed till I died…. It’s u healthy and you two have a unhealthy way of relating which won’t get better. Seek therapy and resources for codependency and it will click
@@ssing7113 I dealt with that issue already, but thank you for the advice
She divorced him, sounds like she did deal with it unless she is trapped again by a narcissist but it sounds like she knows the outcome of that. @@ssing7113
Well said. Crazy is crazy.
I divorced him. And I will read codependency. I'm in therapy after being connected to this roller coaster ride for 3 years or so. It was a strange, scary, highs, and lows ride & not safe & even dangerous felt at times. I would never ride this crazy ride again. Now I know the truth about what I was really dealing with. I place him in God's hands. He's the only one who can handle this. I wish you happy healing & enjoy your life back! ♥️🎉
@caligirl9403that man was a narc. Yes we share traits but narcs are the ones that don't give a damn about anything. We borderliners give way to much of a damn. The fact y'all can still sit and think that borderliners choose to be this way and act like its the bpd person's fault makes you the crazy one. We do everything we possibly can to be less like ourselves and more like someone everyone would like. The pain we feel is so over the top that it spills over to the people we love when they attempt to leave us. Doesn't matter who it is. Be kind. Don't be hateful and ignorant.
True facts...do not mention anything about visiting any member of your family.
I was not aware Dr. Phil still had a show….He is one of the OG psychologists who made wave in Mental Health and I always have Respect for him. I also admire Dr. Ramani❤️
She's the best
That was beautifully compassionate.
❤❤❤
This is exactly what i was searching for, what is it that makes me so unstable every day and uncommon among normal people, then each characteristic hit the nail on the head.
Thank you for this series. I believe my son (18) fits this bill and as a single mom who has done anything and everything that so I can think of over the last few years to figure out what’s going on and help him, this has helped me feel less isolated and alone, as this has drastically effected my life (and I now have custody of his son, although he does live in the home with my grandson and I). It’s been devestating and I wish he would get help. This series has helped me be much more compassionate and approach or respond to him in a very different manner. Thank you!
This video talk is by far the best and comprehensive from all others I’ve heard about BPD.
I agree.
My sister was diagnosed with BPD. She just spiral around so bad after she got divorced that she went so impulsive, with alcohol, sex and drugs. Every family reunion or party we had was ending with her drama and aggression. She would physically fight anybody, which sounds crazy to me. Anyway, I'm trying to understand her. I feel sorry because she has 2 boys that she drags them to all her drama. My Mom made the decision to put her in rehab because she was so close to comit suicide or have accidents driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs with 2 boys. 😢😢😢
Nobody had compassion when I went through it.
I feel like I’m a normal person who raised a daughter and a son. Long story short, I moved in with Carol, and after six years, she has turned my life upside down. I became her caregiver two years after living with her. I could not believe how she lived on her own for eight months. I have taught her how to not swear at me when I started to live with her she would call me a Cunt all the time and I said please don’t talk to me that way cause if you are, I will walk out that door and I’ll never come back so she has never called me that again. We have been through a lot of hard times. I don’t know if she has been but what I don’t understand is why she feels the need to lie to me every day, I love herfor what she gave me but then again I don’t understand why she treats me so badly. All I ever wanted to do was help her because no one else would.
As a caregiver, you gave me new insights. The lady I take care of, was. Diagnosed as being mentally retarded now she is 68 years old, but she acts like she is 14 at the oldest but what you had said makes a lot of sense. I feel I wasn’t trained in this field, but I made a commitment to this woman that I would never let her be alone so I appreciate what you’re saying because it helps me a lot.
This is the best and most straightforward way of explaining this disorder in a way that people can understand.
Some parts of this made me laugh a little because my daughter has BPD.
Doctor Phil, please please keep on doing your work, coz I think no one else can do it so fully and clearly, your help and support for us is enormous, thank you so much, may God bless you every single day of your life🙏😇
Phil's psychology dissertations are absolutely fascinating. I can see why he's so famous.
I was diagnosed with this ( BPD)when i was 24 years old , im now 48 , i still suffer trying to get by , every word your saying here is 100% right , its a long life battle
i sent your vid to my mum as i couldnt and still cannot explain my feelings
❤😢❤
Were you abused as a child?
Such a big help. I went along with all he decided to do (my son) he is grown and I'm still spinning like a top going after his ideas. Thank you for education
I suffer from bpd.I'm 65.as a female I an recognize 4 of the symptoms. As. NAVY VET.IVE HAD WONDERFIL. HELP. And as a widow now im dealing with a husband and daughter's death.she died age 37 by suicide. Another of help and strong people in my life since being 6 yrs.I knew I was ill but never dealt with it till my 6 yrs of service .what a difference!!. Thank you so much and talk therapy works for me..
I have BPD, when I got diagnosed I filled all 9 catagories, and alongside my BPD I got pretty bad ptsd, heavy depresion and anxiety. I have studied Psychology alot in the past 12 years (no school just on my own, not saying I am an expert, far from it) because I always knew there was something different about me, and mental care is absalite shit in my country, I never got any help there.
Been studying BPD now for almost 7 years, got an official diagnosis 4 years ago from three different professionals.
I have to say! This is by far the best and most informative video on this disorder I have come accross, usually there is some biast/stigma in the articles or videos, absalutely none from you! Thank you!
And this video also made me realize how far I have come living with this disorder and making it better.
Funny thing though, I have been all those 4 subcatagories, many times, just at different times, any idea why that is?
And also, even if we cry wolf about suicide, no other disorder has as high a suicide rate as bpd, by quite alot, so it is a double edged sword kind of
I thought BiPolar had the highest rate of suicide???
DBT is AMAZING!!! It's SERIOUSLY hard work but you get out of it what you put into it. YES, Hollywood even adds to the stigma of BPD. I keep it unspoken which is a shame of having to do, as if I choose to feel these things beneath the surface, going from applying for Disability and appealing denials for five years to having two jobs. It's not easy having this, that's for sure! Others can walk away and never have to be around it but we can't run away from ourselves with disorders. I don't wish it on ANYONE.
Dr. Phil, you are a true blessing.
I have bpd. I dont have fear of abandonment. I have never stopped anyone from physically leaving. My partner always goes out & i never batted an eye lid. If we feel safe with you, all those symptoms go away. Ive never changed my hair. Ive never changed my name. I know who I am at the core but yes I do struggle with who I am sometimes mentally. I dont know where I fit or belong, Ive come to accept the fact: no where.
Stigma is a huge problem. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2005.
I’ve had a lot of therapy, including DBT developed by Marsha Linehan. DBT is the best therapy that I’ve had, to date.
I had a heart attack in 2017.
I have been in a hospital for appointments for my heart, and been stigmatized regarding my BPD, without ever showing any kind of symptom of BPD.
I have been told to move away from a nursing station, because I might overhear something, and bring a lawsuit against the hospital.
I was waiting for a prescription for my heart, I had only been to that hospital for my heart.
Yes, me too....the stigma is very dangerous...😢
I am so sorry 😞 ❤
Dealing with this now. I can’t have compassion towards them. I can’t get past the abuse.
My daughter was clinically diagnosed with BPD at 18 years of age. She went through therapy and DBT. She has 7 or 8 of the 9 descriptors and she is the first subtype “quiet/discouraged”. She began devaluing me at around age 17 and began cutting herself at age 18. She has also been diagnosed with an eating disorder (binging then restricting) for which she underwent outpatient therapy. She finally moved out of my home at age 31 and her borderline seems to have been helped. It feels like she replaced my caregiving with a spouse who fulfills those needs. Great news! She’s doing better. However she now demonstrates all the signs of covert narcissism and displays and utter lack of contempt for me and has little to no empathy when it comes to me. Her father and I divorced when she was 2 or 3 and I was her primary caregiver. He had little involvement. I can’t help but feel like I did something wrong. She had separation anxiety as far back as an infant so I know part of it is biological temperament. She wasn’t abused, beaten or had any other major trauma of which I am aware. Did my parenting (which was distracted as a single parent) create this issue? Does she have the ability to ever love me? We are no contact at this point. Will I ever have my beautiful daughter back again? Can treated BPD evolve into NPD? I know they are both cluster B disorders. Thanks Dr Phil.
Sorry to hear
We’ll it can be genetic so could be from the family tree… so don’t beat yourself up
The thing with cluster B that Europe is trying to move toward js all cluster B grouped together. So the share a lot of traits and can display across the whole spectrum.
There’s very few who go through treatment that long so hard to say. Hopefully someone else can chime in.
Do you have contact with the spouse? Wonder his thoughts or how you saw their relationship u fold which would be a good clue into just the general. Maybe he is toxic as there’s a 1/3 chance a cluster B gets with another cluster B or he’s severely codependent…
I wish you well on the journey. Hi hope it gets better and you guys have a healthy relationship down the road. .
@@MW-ov8wi part temperament part environment is what I have learned from researching it. Not a lot of therapists really understand or know how to treat cluster b disorders especially when it comes to a person living with someone with it. The only diagnosis that was ever eluded to by any therapist i saw is maybe C-PTSD from the narcissistic abuse.
@@kathleenmatteo660175 percent supposedly develop it from being abandoned while they were children and the rest develop it from perceiving that they were abandoned at some point in their life according to Aj Mahari. They all can fully recover
Hey Dr. Phil, thank you for your informative Service. I am a doctor myself , but an orthopaedic and trauma surgeon. I suffer from BPD my whole life now , after everyone always telling me what I can’t do , after abusive parents in my childhood , I am constantly trying to find myself, to understand why am I and for what. So I decided to at least give as much as I can on the way. Two narcissist partners later , I am right now at a point in my life where I know, that this can’t go on for ever. I started therapy a year ago, and it’s going to take another few years I suppose , because progresses I make , are small and many only short lasting. But I hope I will find a point where I can finally lean back , be cool about the world and proud of myself (which I am totally not, I always feel like I could do more, help more, give more, educate myself more).
And by the way, the commercial breaks in this video helped me not to start crying 🙈
I wish you all the best , and to all affected by BPD , give it a shot with therapy, slowly it will help. And to all others , rest assured , when something we said upset you, we mostly didn’t mean it so , we are constantly imprisoned by fear , negativity , self devaluation and horrified by the idea of being left.
Dr. Phil, you are so more much helpful doing these videos than the TV show-this is true Psychology help for people. You can really help normalize these discussions. And you are right, there is stigma for these patients and it can become so severe that they end up in legal trouble. So appreciate you doing these educational videos.
Thank You For
Your Service 🌞
I'm borderpolar and alot of this makes sense and giving myself and family insight.
I used to struggle with your tv show. Love & hate relationship.
But I absolutely love and respect you for this video. Thank you so very much for putting into words what this is and how hard it is to live with! ❤
..thanks Dr Phil i enjoy your talks ,TV show and your analysis..eye opening 😮
I find the attitude, and empathy concerning BPD grow over the decades. Thankfully the decades of work, and aging has me healthier. I'm with good friends who I Know won't leave me. And I know it is wrong to be abusive, or toxic to everyone. Not just my loved ones, but that guy at McDonald's that told me the shake machine is broken. I'm comfortable with myself when I'm alone. I don't have to perform for anyone. I know myself, and the things that I love. I live independently but still ask for help, even though I don't have to. For days and I no longer want to die, and I actually have a zest for life. That last one's pretty major.
Thank you Dr Phil for the compassion. I also wanted to tell my story because I want people to know it's okay to get help. And that help can work.
If anybody has troubles right now, ask for help. You deserve it. You're awesome, and you are loved. It's not your fault for having borderline. I know it feels like a punishment. Like a prison sentence and you've done nothing wrong. You don't have to live this way anymore. Again I want to say, you are loved!
It’s like walking through a mine field living with a BPD
Thank you Dr.Phil. i only wish there was more help out there for us victims of a bpd parent. This type of help is highly expensive, and not many therapist's understand this disorder very well.
There was no abuse, no alcohol, no drugs, no sexual abuse. Our child was loved, honored and highly respected and regarded. So I really get deeply frustrated when I hear this is my/our fault.
That's what narcissist parents often think. Not saying that's definitely true. But it might be
@@timweedon2785we have been blamed for everything wrong in our adopted sons life since he was 14. We’ve done counseling family and individual. He would never participate. I went through counseling individually for 15 months. I (mom) am taking the brunt of his feelings for his biological mother. Adoption itself can make life difficult. He is 22 and still refuses treatment and therapy. He is explosive and at times I’m afraid of him.
We attend NAMI support groups and are constantly educating ourselves on how to handle our own emotions.
So I highly disagree that the parents are always narcissistic.
We are in our 70s and are simply tired.
I always say that no matter who you are, playing the blame game will not help you but may make you feel more entitled to continue to behave in an abnormal manner. They then take their abnormal behavior and twist it into becoming a normal way of life. I say that when each one of us stands alone on judgment day we can't even blame the devil. On the other hand the devil can claim us. If you are a high functioning person and you know right from wrong then what is so hard about trying to correct your flaws? Unless you have conconcrete evidence on a brain scan that a part of your brain is underdeveloped or injured, alot of things simply makes no sense.
Dr. Phil, these podcasts are terrific. Suggestion on a topic: please do a show on IED and how that is distinguished from BPD
You're a gift to the world,Dr Phil,and your Dr Phil Shows on Tv has been interesting,your sense of humour is great!
JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
The ways I like to describe in terms others can understand bout BPD (from my own experiences) is:
remember all the emotions you feel in a week, now imagine feeling that in one day or even an hour...
I may physically be present but my mind is not. You're here and now, my mind is going through several scenarios or caught in the thoughts of what has recently annoyed me...
My extreme stress dissociative episode is like my house is not my house any more. It's every horror/thriller/supernatural movie you've seen. Lights/no lights is irrelevant. Every door, every window, every reflective surface, holds an enemy. TV, radio, computer, laptop, everything is a threat. Going outside is not helpful at all cos now an enemy can jump the fence behind you or jump off the roof in front of you, even fall out the sky...
I’m sorry but this sounds more like Schizophrenia! Not BPD.
i love you Dr. Phil. Thanks for being so smart and great. You're the man.
Thank you! This has been very helpful!
My mother had this coupled with Narcissistic traits, and she was a complete nutcase/ lunatic. They are horrible people who affect others around them in very dramatic and drastic ways. I recall one event in particular. She was talking on the phone, and immediately after talking to them, she got on the phone again, called the police and stated that she was threatened by this person. This turned out not to be the case because in court, the person who was arrested had good sense to have the call on speaker phone and a room full of people witnessed the entire conversation. Basically, they said no, I don't have money to borrow please stop asking me. How that was turned into a death threat is beyond me. Of course, this resulted in her threatening suicide and going to the hospital yet again. They are embarrassing to be around. Glad I grew up in foster care and not with her.
I dont like the Dr. phil show but im interested in this.
Thanks doctor for talking about this disorder without demonizing us. We are not monsters. Alot of just had parents who didn't know how to deal with us being emotional and "crazy" and it has had long lasting effects. One can grow out of some this stuff, as I've grown and matured and got on the right medications (I have bipolar and BPD) learned to think before I react , which is really hard for me . The fear of abandonment has lessened over the years too. I've learned that I'm fine without a partner, it's lonely sometimes but I'm not going to beg people to stay with me anymore. You can't handle me , that's fine . It takes a really strong compassionate person to be with me in a relationship. I'm embarrassed by a lot of my behavior when I was younger , but I'm over it pretty much. Beating yourself up over your past is just a waste of time. That's true for anyone with or without a mental disorder.
Wow ! Thank you for explaining this .
The triggers are not "nothing", they are something, but something insignificant. As if they just need a piece of something to use as ammunition. My BPD partner doesn't cry, she just insults me and calls me names.
Thank you for helping us navigate life.
Thank you Dr Phil
"Worthy" is another nice substitute to sound less preachy.
Many traits shared with narcissism
This has been helpful. Thankyou
Thx you,,Really 😊 appreciate what you're doing for all of us,,,God bless you❤
Thank you
I have met the best fp (favorite person) and my life is so much more stable even with the downs. If people can just understand us and be patient its not that bad. At least in my case.