What do you think makes a good friend? or a bad friend? Friendships can be a tricky thing. Over the years I have been able to spot signs of a good friend and not such a good friend. Id thought Id make a video on it to help others to see that there are good people out there. and we don’t have to put up with being treated badly. xxx As part of my community I have turned on “community contributions.” I would be thrilled if you would like to add close captions, translations, and subtitles. Im all about accessibility for everybody. I working so hard on my channel to give you the best content I can make. Lets work together to reach more people to inspire, motivate and feel less alone. ruclips.net/user/timedtext_cs_panel?tab=2&c=UCNP1tYcve1MtivJtDjHsO-g
You totally described the relationship I had with my mother and sister. I struggled all my life thinking the problem was me but then when I saw other mother/daughter or sister relationships they looked nothing like mine. Once I realized I didn’t have to accept this just cause they were family I then struggled with the “family always sticks together” nonsense. I had to accept that it wasn’t worth it to put my husband in the position of damage control every time I got off the phone or came home from a visit with them. I finally broke my ties with both of them 3 yrs ago, I’m happier now.
I was dropped by most of my horsey friends after my accident. Only 3 or 4 of them have kept in touch. I've moved areas now and found it difficult for me to make friends as a disabled person in a completely different county. I met the minister of a church at a disabled family group I took my daughter to and ended up joining the church. It was the best thing I ever did. I've made loads of new friends and they are brilliant. They are helpful without being too over the top but at the same time I don't get any ''special'' treatment which is great! They make sure everything is accessible for me and help loads with my 2 daughters.
Long time ago I concluded the only relationship that matters is the one we have with ourself. One's best friend is oneself. Gem, you have a magnificent man for a partner. You have the best of everything that matters and more. (UK)
Dear Gem, well, it's me again, Britta. I could write several books about my life and what I've had to go through in the passed years! But, talking about friends and the ones that aren't friends, but people that really make you feel ashamed of what you are, make you feel guilty,' cause you are a burdon because of the disability /wheelchairbound and who do not understand how to treat you normally and see you as a person with a disability not as a disabled person which makes a big difference I think. Having MS and being wheelchairbound doesn't change ME at all, it changes my way of living every day and YES, it makes it more complicated for all of us to tra and live as normal as possible, but it is definitely possible (there might be places I would not go to, whether they aren't accessible or too loud or too crowded or strange people there) to have fun with me! And you also! And everyone who is in the same position! We are still Gem, Britta and whoever else! We are not insane. We are disabled, means we cannot walk. Insanity and disability is often mixed up, this is driving me crazy!!!! Speaking about friends: I had several longterm friends from the area I grew up. We were in close contact and meeting every once in a while. Then my first husband died suddenly and all of a sudden those friend were gone. Yes, I had to cancel several "dates" because I had to work and the working hours of a busdriver are not from 9 to 5, but 4 to 4 and on weekends and holidays. So they didn't call anymore. Ok, understandable, somehow. Gone. Then I made new friends with a nice woman who crossed my way at a school, where I used to pick up students to take them to their hometown at noon. We talked and soon we became friends. Then I had to stop working got wheelchairbound and when she left home and husband she didn't even say goodbye to me. That hurt. Gone. Now it's only one friend left, which is my friend for the passed 30 years. She just broke up with her husband and both move to different places. She didn't even tell me personally that they were going to split up. HE came to my house to tell it. Gone. I guess. But, maybe someday there will be someone (like you) who is really understanding and empathic and fits into my spoonie-life. Maybe... I am almost 50 now and making friends is getting very difficult. Most of the peple my age do have their groups around them not accepting someone new to their groups. I am not giving up. I know there are good people out there, accepting and understanding and nice. Hope they are going to find me..... Have a nice day, Gem, thanks for your videos. I know I am not alone! sincerely Britta
I have one friend who is very active and has a hard time with my chair and the slow degradation to that chair. Oddly enough, she's a nurse 😂 Another friend is figuring out how to install ramps on her house, and she lives hundreds of miles away ❤️
This is a very good list to go by for anyone. I would add someone who will allow me to, or be comfortable with, me helping them and contributing to their life.
I had a best friend for six years who it turns out was flirting with me, but I didn't understand because she didn't tell me directly. I came out as disabled in the last year and had to use a wheelchair for an outing with her and afterwards she and her other friend who I didn't know decided to "confront" me saying I was embarrassing and that she felt like my mom, and my age was no excuse for the things I needed help with, and that I was taking advantage of her kindness. Mind you, she went out of her way to help me with things. I rejected her when she implied that she was attracted to me because of the way she chose to do it, and the next morning is when the "confrontation" happened. I'm lost here. It's almost like she pulled the nice guy move on me with a good bit of ableism sprinkled in there.
A good friend is one who can adjust at a moments notice with out having to explain to them why we need to adjust plans, not having to go in depth as to why you don’t have strength etc. But adjusts and still reach the same goal, be that a cuppa at home instead of a cafe or a chat over the phone instead of a walk in the park. Or a film in instead of at the cinema. A good friends gets it, understands it and knows it with out having to make a big drama about it. TC Stacey K xx
I have severe allergies I had friends '' sagest restaurants that I couldn't go and i have another good friend who will sagest restaurants that they no is safe for me to eat
they want me to do more then what I am able to like work outside the home and be able to do things that I was never able to do my entire life.........they say I'm lazy and mooching off my husband.....anything I CAN do is not good enough for them
What do you think makes a good friend? or a bad friend? Friendships can be a tricky thing. Over the years I have been able to spot signs of a good friend and not such a good friend. Id thought Id make a video on it to help others to see that there are good people out there. and we don’t have to put up with being treated badly. xxx
As part of my community I have turned on “community contributions.” I would be thrilled if you would like to add close captions, translations, and subtitles. Im all about accessibility for everybody. I working so hard on my channel to give you the best content I can make. Lets work together to reach more people to inspire, motivate and feel less alone.
ruclips.net/user/timedtext_cs_panel?tab=2&c=UCNP1tYcve1MtivJtDjHsO-g
You totally described the relationship I had with my mother and sister. I struggled all my life thinking the problem was me but then when I saw other mother/daughter or sister relationships they looked nothing like mine. Once I realized I didn’t have to accept this just cause they were family I then struggled with the “family always sticks together” nonsense. I had to accept that it wasn’t worth it to put my husband in the position of damage control every time I got off the phone or came home from a visit with them. I finally broke my ties with both of them 3 yrs ago, I’m happier now.
I was dropped by most of my horsey friends after my accident. Only 3 or 4 of them have kept in touch. I've moved areas now and found it difficult for me to make friends as a disabled person in a completely different county. I met the minister of a church at a disabled family group I took my daughter to and ended up joining the church. It was the best thing I ever did. I've made loads of new friends and they are brilliant. They are helpful without being too over the top but at the same time I don't get any ''special'' treatment which is great! They make sure everything is accessible for me and help loads with my 2 daughters.
Long time ago I concluded the only relationship that matters is the one we have with ourself. One's best friend is oneself. Gem, you have a magnificent man for a partner. You have the best of everything that matters and more.
(UK)
A good friend to me makes life easier with them, than without them. A good friend doesn’t physically and emotionally burn up all your spoons. 🥄 🔥😁
Couldn't agree more. Well said. xx
Dear Gem, well, it's me again, Britta. I could write several books about my life and what I've had to go through in the passed years! But, talking about friends and the ones that aren't friends, but people that really make you feel ashamed of what you are, make you feel guilty,' cause you are a burdon because of the disability /wheelchairbound and who do not understand how to treat you normally and see you as a person with a disability not as a disabled person which makes a big difference I think. Having MS and being wheelchairbound doesn't change ME at all, it changes my way of living every day and YES, it makes it more complicated for all of us to tra and live as normal as possible, but it is definitely possible (there might be places I would not go to, whether they aren't accessible or too loud or too crowded or strange people there) to have fun with me! And you also! And everyone who is in the same position! We are still Gem, Britta and whoever else! We are not insane. We are disabled, means we cannot walk.
Insanity and disability is often mixed up, this is driving me crazy!!!!
Speaking about friends: I had several longterm friends from the area I grew up. We were in close contact and meeting every once in a while. Then my first husband died suddenly and all of a sudden those friend were gone. Yes, I had to cancel several "dates" because I had to work and the working hours of a busdriver are not from 9 to 5, but 4 to 4 and on weekends and holidays. So they didn't call anymore. Ok, understandable, somehow. Gone.
Then I made new friends with a nice woman who crossed my way at a school, where I used to pick up students to take them to their hometown at noon. We talked and soon we became friends. Then I had to stop working got wheelchairbound and when she left home and husband she didn't even say goodbye to me. That hurt. Gone.
Now it's only one friend left, which is my friend for the passed 30 years. She just broke up with her husband and both move to different places. She didn't even tell me personally that they were going to split up. HE came to my house to tell it. Gone. I guess.
But, maybe someday there will be someone (like you) who is really understanding and empathic and fits into my spoonie-life. Maybe...
I am almost 50 now and making friends is getting very difficult. Most of the peple my age do have their groups around them not accepting someone new to their groups.
I am not giving up. I know there are good people out there, accepting and understanding and nice. Hope they are going to find me..... Have a nice day, Gem, thanks for your videos. I know I am not alone! sincerely Britta
I have one friend who is very active and has a hard time with my chair and the slow degradation to that chair. Oddly enough, she's a nurse 😂
Another friend is figuring out how to install ramps on her house, and she lives hundreds of miles away ❤️
This is a very good list to go by for anyone. I would add someone who will allow me to, or be comfortable with, me helping them and contributing to their life.
I had a best friend for six years who it turns out was flirting with me, but I didn't understand because she didn't tell me directly. I came out as disabled in the last year and had to use a wheelchair for an outing with her and afterwards she and her other friend who I didn't know decided to "confront" me saying I was embarrassing and that she felt like my mom, and my age was no excuse for the things I needed help with, and that I was taking advantage of her kindness. Mind you, she went out of her way to help me with things. I rejected her when she implied that she was attracted to me because of the way she chose to do it, and the next morning is when the "confrontation" happened. I'm lost here. It's almost like she pulled the nice guy move on me with a good bit of ableism sprinkled in there.
A good friend is one who can adjust at a moments notice with out having to explain to them why we need to adjust plans, not having to go in depth as to why you don’t have strength etc. But adjusts and still reach the same goal, be that a cuppa at home instead of a cafe or a chat over the phone instead of a walk in the park. Or a film in instead of at the cinema. A good friends gets it, understands it and knows it with out having to make a big drama about it. TC Stacey K xx
Well said stacey!!! Exactly, its all about the X Factor. xxx
I have severe allergies I had friends '' sagest restaurants that I couldn't go and i have another good friend who will sagest restaurants that they no is safe for me to eat
This can be hard. Great video
Thank you xxx
Nice
Most of them did happen to me
Thank you, it make sense...
ahhh good I'm glad it makes sense. xx
I've lost many friends over the years
Same. People come and go, and sometimes it can be hard. x
Family are my issue
I get you there my husbands family are mine
Im sorry to hear that. It must be so tough for you? Is it that they don't understand your disability? x
they want me to do more then what I am able to like work outside the home and be able to do things that I was never able to do my entire life.........they say I'm lazy and mooching off my husband.....anything I CAN do is not good enough for them
They have difficulty understanding my acquired condition not the one I was born with.
Do you have pet birds? I kept hearing birds singing. :)
Hahaha I know!!! No I don't have pet birds. (not a fan of birds!) Its the all the birds outside doing their thing. Its sprig time. . xxx
I would love to be friends with you sweetheart love your top you have no reason to justify to anyone love you
Awwww thank you. :))