The stereotypical midlife crisis looks like a man leaving his wife and kids, buying a sports car, and shacking up with a younger lover. What causes this phenomenon? And why does it mostly seem to impact men? In this episode, I argue that the men most at risk for midlife crises are the rule-following and duty-conscious sort, who have spent most of their conscious lives acting responsibly. To avoid this outcome, it's important for men to practice what I call "creative selfishness," and to enjoy the fruits of their labor along the way. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ruclips.net/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/видео.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ruclips.net/channel/UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #men #mentalhealth
The psychologist Robert A. Johnson was recalling a time when he was ten. 'My mother brought me to buy some new clothes. The shopkeeper asked me what I would like. 'White shirt, black pants and black shoes,' I said. The shop keeper looked to my mother and said, 'Careful, or he'll be wearing roaring red at forty.'
My midlife “awakening” manifested as me taking 4 vacations a year, returning phone calls once a week, checking email once a day, and never taking a meeting before 10am or after 3pm. The funny thing is, despite me pulling back and limiting my availability, my performance and reputation has only increased. Scarcity increases value and not always being available for every little thing has actually cut back on the amount of trivial nonsense that used to make it’s way to me.
“Scarcity increases value” only applies to when you’ve earned the attention of others. A 22 years old with no work history is hardly going to find a competitive edge by being available less. No one would know or care.
My midlife crisis happened at 31 when my fiancée demanded I abandon my hobbies and "grow up" even though she had a 90k student loan for Art & women's history 101 classes. I then dumped her, pursued my hobbies and transformed them into a business. That was almost 25 years ago and now my mortgage is paid off and I'm still running a business that originally was a hobby. My mid life crisis was the warning bell that saved me from wasting my life pleasing others' expectations of me. BTW, my ex is still paying off that student loan 25 years later.
Congrats bro! A bullet well dodged. That’s why I can’t stand people like Dave Ramsey talking people into marrying themselves into paying someone else’s debt
Another simple explanation: It's the first time in the guys life where he can actually buy a sports car and date young women. Young men haven't build up the money or lifestyle yet. You think a 22 year old guy wouldn't buy a BMW and take trips with a 22 year old woman if he could?
@@momoali6715 Orion’s explanation is more robust (less simple), and happens to be way more each accurate and precise. It’s a thing. The simple matters, but Orion hit something I’ve never properly seen up to now.
sad, is because the feminization( idont know th word) of the society, when men cant have time to doing thing in their own way but you are a good men if you let your women to go to girls trip
I see this all the time. A guy gets married and has kids and his life gets smaller. First the motorcycle goes and then the pickup truck, sports car, or muscle car goes and now he's driving a mini-van. Then the hobbies go. No more mountain biking or snow boarding. Then the male friends go or he sees them much less often. Then he starts working more hours or takes jobs he doesn't like because the family needs the money. Vacations are at Sea World instead of scuba diving in Belize. Lots of sacrifices that nobody appreciates.
thank god im 33 single never married no kids. no stress i look like im 27. a nagging wife and whiny kids is not worth it! i can spend money fcuking hookers around the world and tis better at this point in my life. maybe ill settle down at 43. LOL im too young
@funmilayoaina2658 you are right it definitely is not. It also takes a physical toll to even have the kids in the first place not to mention painful. Alot of us pour everything into having a family and gave up things. I used to go do karaoke nights.Just with my sisters go out to sing for fun. Can't do that. I used to carve wood can't do that now. I don't have time to play my acoustic or electric. I used to be a volunteer firefighter can't now. I've given up hobbies and dreams. Definitely not a bed of roses. A few married couples can manage it better.Thats if they have family to help and want to. But from what I seen that's less common nowadays.
@nunyabidness117 I do agree men's ability to be a stable provider is very important. For women too, their ability to priortize others, making self sacrifices is rewarded. They are expected to be primary caretakers too. Women and men both can learn a little bit of selfishness early on. In modern times rarely man is a solo provider
@posh5763 Women get to decide if they want to be a girl boss or if they want to stay home and take care of kids and whatever the woman decides it's up to the man to somehow make it all work. Men don't have a choice-our job is to provide. Some 80% of divorce is initiated by women, usually over a financial setback or deficiency meaning men are banished to live in an apartment and send off a huge chunk of their paycheck to support the household they have been kicked out of. Marriage and divorce today is severely tilted in favor of women where women get to make all the decisions and men get to pay for whatever they decide. I personally am doing well financially and really want kids but I will never marry in the states and leave myself open to the heartbreak of living apart from my children while my ex is rewarded for breaking up the family with enough of my money to retire on because she's bored and I left the toilet seat up one too many times.
I channeled my midlife crisis into taking a realistic look at my career and prospects for improvement and acknowledging I was going nowhere with it. I then went back to graduate school, got a master's degree, and finally landed a career I actually enjoyed most of the time, paid decently, and has potential for continuing advancement. Possibly the best decision I made for myself, my marriage, and my family in the past decade.
Something a lot people don’t stop to consider is that when you see a 45 yo buy a sports car, he’s probably wanted that sports car for his entire life, it’s just that this is the first point at which he could afford it.
Yeah, but you’re now 40, single and lonely and locked into a job you don’t like. There are no best options at this point in life, only trade offs. Enjoy the decline.
This video explains a lot. When the man who has consistently thrown himself under the bus for his wife and children raises his hand and says, “Hey! What about me? Can’t I have a slice of my own pie?”, he’s accused of being selfish, even though he’s been selfless for so long. It really hurts when you realize the people you love the most and for whom you have sacrificed so much for so long can’t understand that you have a life, too and just want to enjoy it a little bit. Do they really love me? I wonder.
@@manifest2203 No, it isn't true for women. Women, children and pets are loved unconditionally. I'm sure there are exceptions, and you may be one, but it doesn't disprove the rule.
Mid life crisis happens after you come to the realization that you been an indentured servant for 20yrs triggered by some life altering event whether you got served papers or something else. I was burdened by my family for over 20yrs and and taken advantage of and this is why I cut my family members off and living my best life now. One of the best quotes that resonated with me is from David Bowie “ Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been.” the problem is many people are stymied usually by relationships and don’t get to self actualize or at very late stage in life. Btw the worst thing you can do after a mid life crisis is to get into relationships again, why start building another crisis after you just dissolved one. Work towards being a free agent.
All has been written somewhere. It's hard for me to grasp the concept of so many of us not being able to avoid that which has been suffered by billions, especially when phenomenon are so well documented by those that came before us.
I was pulled out of public schools after the 6th grade, and had a part time job since I was 12, and a full time job since I was 15. I hit my mid life crisis early, like 29-31. Now I'm 41, and going on my second wind.
@@thedalillama Because there is no way to teach the lessons of the limitless amounts of suffering. It is easier to teach the limited amount of ways humans have had success. And, more importantly, many people don't want to hear those things anyway. Humans don't care until it is too late. As Orion stated in a previous episode, wisdom and experience come to you, after you needed it. When you have that moment "I wish I would have known this before ", then you have just gained experience and have become a little wiser.
At 42, I've come to realize that money is a tool. I’ve worked so hard over the years to realize that if you don’t make money work for you, you can’t experience true freedom. I’m glad I found that out although it was later in life, but that marked the turning point in my finances.
Herman Jonas, an astute trade analyst is the brain behind my success. I've gotten into a plethora of assets with $37k spread across stocks (options and futures) for the short term and Roth IRA, index funds, and ETFs, for the long term. Now I sit back, and just reinvest at intervals while I handle my other businesses.
How can I reach him, please? I'm buoyed by the good recommendations I’ve come across elsewhere. I need help with investing. I'm ready to pay for his services.
Your assistance was helpful. I was able to have a conversation with him via mail. What's even better is that he's certified with a registered broker. I'm getting started right away!
If this guy has worked so hard his whole life that he made so much money even after losing half to his divorce and child support still has enough money to support himself a lavish life style with expensive cars and young women, good for him! He has earned his midlife crisis!🎉
great to have a women looking as something good... most men when we are teenagers look at this things like living the life... is almost every mens dreams... changes by men to me but is a reward from middle age to do things that you never be alowed because you are broke and a kid, most of the things are the same as women in her 20s... living the life with rich handsome dudes. is like putting your money and your status to the service of wasting the money, in thing that you always love and get the girl you will always want... feeling the reward of your working life...
💯. I Delayed gratification my whole life. Did absolutely everything my ex-wife wanted. Realized one day that despite everything, she was still bitter and miserable and I didn’t have anything I wanted, but especially sex. I realized I couldn’t live this loveless, sex starved life anymore and i deserved to be treated better for everything I was giving. Now I’m married again to a younger woman. Still grinding away, but happier.
@Finnhungambar That's okay, just see it as a long term rental. Keep your prenup solid and your money separate. In modern day, men and women need to be honest with each other and come to terms with the fact that traditional marriage doesn't work well as it use to.
Additional mid-life challenges: How many men are unwelcome in their bedrooms? How many guys caught their wives on the run? One bite of wedding cake and a man loses his free will. Women marry and divorce for profit. Why is marriage falling out of favor?
Yes older men should do what they want. If they leave, that becomes even better for older women. Older women can date younger men for s3x without spending any money. Most older women lose attraction for older men and don’t even want to sleep with them anymore because older men have issues with virility and performance. Younger men are better. And older women who want relationships have options in older men. Many older men want older women for their domestic life skills to run his home and be with him. But even feminine presence and companionship is valuable even if women those older women don’t do any work. That is why men like Jeff Bezos or King Charles who have money to hire endless help married older women with children from previous marriages. The ex husband leaving frees up their time so much after raising kids and being the caregiver of the family. That is why many older women remain single. It’s very freeing. Whether the ex husband was rich or poor, these older women are lucky because they don’t have to be the ones who give more caregiving for him. And younger women will eventually want more fertile, virile men. Older men who have money can hire help and then go to old age homes. Everyone wins.
Wow, this is so incredibly pertinent to my current life position. 34, spent my whole life being the nice guy trying to help everyone I came in contact with, sacrificing all my own personal happiness in the process. Just in the past few months I realised my mistake and have started putting myself first, and boy does it feel good. My friends and family don’t know how to react 😂
Excellent insights! As someone just a few months away from retirement, I look back on my life with some ambivalence. I could have done more to take care of myself earlier, however, having both busted my butt for 40 years at my job, but also took time to learn to play piano to a decent level, took time to ski, learn a new language almost to fluency, traveled extensively and took night classes in areas I've loved and pursued running, hiking and even still trying to learn to surf, I can be happy that I took at least this much time to be "selfish". Not only did it help get me through 40 years of very demanding employment, but also helped prepare me to live life to its fullest once retired. Thank you for helping put this in perspective.
I worked hard most of my life, got injured at work in my late 50s after 3 years injury prevented me from continuing to work. You really want to see people run away from you including Family just try becoming Disabled you will find out who your friends are, missed my Midlife crisis. I would say go for it before it too late!
This is so true. My ex-husband left after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness and a lot of deaths in his family. Uprooted and moved out of state for new job, new home, etc. I'm sorry that happened to you. However, sometimes it's better when people remove themselves from your life. They could stay and make your life more miserable, cheat, etc. We are stronger than we think, and we adjust.
I’m 44 and recently bought a Dodge Viper and I’ve had a few people comment about mid life crisis. I respond “mid life yes, crisis NO. Just enjoying life”
This is probably one of the most accurate, meaningful, and personal videos that I’ve watched in years. Thank you Orion. Your work is prescient and apropos.
The mid-life crisis is when men realize they have nothing else to prove. They know peak attractiveness was a good number of years ago, they know landing that "dream job" never came, and that perfect Disney fairytale wedding and wife and life is just that, a fairytale. You learn to then just grin and bear it, and have some fun. Go get that high horsepower car and take that trip if it makes you happy.
Yes older men then try to get with younger women. And younger men will be crying about not getting women 🤣 Even though younger men have more virility, they have to go without 🤣 Younger men have better sperm quality too. Even sperm banks won’t take sperm from 40 yo men.
Thank you! I will never have this crisis, because I learned to be selfish enough (took me all my 20s to learn) and I’m great at rewarding myself and caring about my needs.
Same here. I almost had a mid life crisis recently. I didn’t though. Just like you I have also rewarded myself through out the years. Not in the biggest of ways, but I have. It to me to self reflect and analyzed myself. I’m financially literate and look ahead. I knew it was not the way to go. We think getting everything all once will make us happy, when actually it might be our own downfall. Like the starving man at buffet then getting sick.
Absolutely, I am 35, and I say we need more men like you. For example there is no point in being provider, protector, and all that crap to have your kids and money taken away later. Enjoy life and absolutely put your own happiness first.
Ayn Rand has taken a huge, grinning shit in her own grave hearing that you've decided your life is all about you and you can't conceive of any other approach to your short time here.
@@MyUsername09AZyes that’s why so many women don’t want to get married and prefer being single too. Imagine being an unpaid surrogate, having free exclusive s3x to the same guy, doing free domestic work for the same guy being his cook, cleaner, folding his laundry for a long time. It’s exhausting and makes you lose money too. That’s what women are saying too. Whatever money she makes can be spent on herself. If she has children, she has to do caregiving and also the providing by spending all her money on kids. Those women want to put themselves first. Which is why birth rates are low.
The friend zone is the best zone. Never got married, no kids ni attachements. Had a spiritual awakening at 40 and never looked back. There are some things you have to do alone without any outside influence. Marriage is contractual/conditional...unlikely for someone to expande their consciousness unconditionally in a relationship and with children, pressures to be responsible for others always needing more money to filfull your obligations. Its an inside job. First 40 years of life is just learning what you do and dont want so that you can create a better life. Some people dont learn and get attached to things that hold them back. Thats when they have a crises (psychological) cognitive dissonance. A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.
These comments are well written, good to see intelligent thoughtful comments that I have thought about myself. We are not alone in having these revelations about conformity. I’m not against it I just think very few people get it to work.
My dad blew up his whole life. He wasn’t the best dad and definitely wasn’t a good husband but put on the mask in business and in our extended family and community that he was. After building a mini empire from nothing with our mother he left to be with a woman a fraction of his age. It was great in the beginning and then he realized quickly she just wanted him for resources. He lost almost all of his business because it turns out men don’t like to do business with shady, fickle or selfish men. He lost a fortune in buying women gifts, vacations, plastic surgery and paying for apartments and cars. When he got sick and started going broke due to astronomical medical bills the only person who showed up to take care of him was our precious mother and us children. It was the biggest cautionary tale of my life.
One strange phenomenon of life is the burden of being competent and useful. Most people need an endless supply of help and far too many people ask for it. I noticed no one bother useless, incompetent people. I believe Orion has a video on saying "no". The art of saying "no" is something that should be learned early in life. It ties into the midlife crisis issue for sure.
I adressed this by becoming seemingly useless. Most of the new women I meet think I mow lawns for a living and know nothing of my assets. If you can have a little love nest or RV for dates, pretend you're broke.
My dad had a midlife crisis, he always was a people pleaser. Never said anything. He left my mom for a woman a couple years older than me. It was hard for us, but we accepted it. Even my mom forgave him and they were still civil. Then, my dad got sick, and his new wife divorced him. We all take care of him now, including my mom, who still loves him and still calls him her best friend.
Not really, if youre in a relationship make it a point from the get go that it is built on mutual respect and support. Set boundaries and communicate. Make it clear what your needs are and that they deserve to be met and discuss with your partner how, same for theirs. The problem is that most couples dont talk and bottle up resentment and then explode on their partner instead of thinking ahead. Both have to play their part but that comes down to selecting a good partner and not the first person that comes along just to not have to be alone. Hurt comes from shattered expectations not from knowing and saying what you want out of your life and your relationship
I had a gnarly one at 32 but I made sure to do it before I had a spouse or children it would negatively effect. Left a hospital administration role I had been at for 10 years. Sick of the stress and office life/work life balance completely thrown out of the window. I listened to every single person other than myself about what “I” really wanted from life. Broke up with my girlfriend, kicked her out of my condo, sold the condo and moved to an island. Joined the Army National Guard and became a Deputy Sheriff instead after taking 2 years off and solo traveling/smashing the gym. Pissed a lot of people off but I quite literally saved myself. Looking back I now see this less as a crisis, and more of a way I saved myself.
I've had a similar breakdown recently after a 10 year corporate run so thanks for sharing your story. I'm currently doing the same but married with 3 kids so no travel for me 😅
If someone calls you selfish, its usually because they want you to do something that benefits them and are upset that you choose to do something that benefits you. So basically a selfish person is mad because you are selfish.
I don't think it's a coincidence men's "midlife crisis" often happens around the same time the wife hits menopause, that's not often a lot of fun to be around. 😂
No, it's just males such as yourself laugh about women's life issues until the decisions you've been making for the better part of 20 years hits you like a tidal wave. It's all fun & games until you're effected. Then you want our sympathy. Males become super clingy as they age while women become distant. However, male's midlife crisis happens much earlier nowadays. All it takes is one "open" relationship & his girl getting annihilated for him to have an accelerated midlife crisis at 30 😂
Yes. That is the actual explanation, very simple too: At around 40, a man is usually at peak attractiveness, whereas his wife of the same age has gone way down compared to her youth. In other words, their difference of attractiveness is at a maximum. So the man decides to switch to a younger one, because he can. Simple as.
As someone in my forties and just separated from my wife, I can totally relate to this video. Too much responsibility for most of my adult life, and not enough in it for me.
I did notice this mid life crises thing in men in my family and social circle and i really didn't want to end up like them. You described everything perfectly, it all makes sense now. thank god i realized this on my own earlier at 24.
That’s because the wives of those men are shouldering more than her share of parenting. Having his kids and being with a man is what makes women unhappy too. Women get robbed of thousands of dollars of money of work every year in a marriage and lose their spark by being with less virile older men. Women who date younger and more virile men get back their spark. And the younger men also feel genuine s3xual desire for older women. It’s a wonderful, honest relationship with no money on the table. More older women should explore the world with younger men once their kids are grown. Being with older men is only going to be more work and he will nag endlessly for his food, his laundry, s3x and as he ages he will nag for doctors visits, medications, his diet and so much more. There is no benefit for older women to be married to older men. Motherhood and marriage damages most women which is why women should avoid long term relationships at all costs and treat men as recreational. Good thing marriage rates and birth rates are falling down globally. Countries like Korea have women’s movements like 4B (no to dating, no to s3x, no to marriage, no to child bearing and rearing). Those women are truly free from deg*enercy. There’s no term for it in the West, but many Western women also live this lifestyle. Celibacy is increasing among younger women.
This hits home. I spent my first 42 years pretending to be a believing Christian because I grew up in a Southern Baptist church with a father who was always in church leadership. Everyone just expected me to follow in his footsteps and I tried to fulfill that role even though I didn't believe any of the dogma. Eleven years ago, I said enough and came out as a non-believer and left church for good. Luckily, my marriage survived and my wife and I are living our best lives now. My midlife crisis didn't involve women or sports cars. It just involved me stepping out into the light and taking back control of my life from everyone else who wanted me to be something I wasn't.
As a young man in his mid 20’s I appreciate every message you present to the channel. This one spoke to me because I have a delayed gratification mindset and have been asking myself lately the, “What about me?” question; and knowing that it’s OK to be selfish and enjoy some of the fruits I’ve been able to produce up until this point is takes a lot of this self conscious weight off. Thank you Doctor✊🏾
I don’t condone abandoning children who need you. Or a loyal wife. I know a lot of people who are widowed who deeply miss their spouse and describe being very happy together. Why do you never hear about that? A lot of couples are blissfully happy and devoted. But all you hear is negative. I advocate enjoying life along the way. Then you don’t explode. For decades, I’ve stopped to take that cruise, overseas trip, beach, mountains, whatever. Then you know you’ve done it while you are still able to do it.
When you finally become selfish for the betterment of yourself, you also indirectly become a better, more productive person to society. This is a mindset shift that occurs. It will be the most difficult thing you’ll ever go through; you’ll lose old friends, partners, even close family. The key is to stay on track; people will come and go. Allow yourself to let them go. You’ll become better for it.
Wow, this is amazing. Funny thing is I can relate to it totally. I am 30 and did well career wise but now I see that everyone is enjoying what I have built except ME and this is building resentment against my family members. I haven't taken any high impact action yet, but I am thinking about it daily. Nice work.
Be careful what high-impact action you take. It will change your life for better or worse. Most marriages are savable and most people love their children. The fancy car thing on the other hand, unless you have cash, creates a debt hole that takes years to climb out. There was some time that I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I persisted with faith anyway. Any choice you make now will hurt...a lot. Take your time to make sure that you make the right choices. You can do it. You've got this.
Fantastic video. I'm 43, I had that experience in my late 20's and again in my mid-30's. I've found a good balance now, but I really relate to this concept.
This video is very important. My own midlife crisis began earlier this year at age 53 and involved very risky sugar daddy behavior, dating hot 20-somethings. Looking back. It’s amazing to me that I wasn’t quickly caught and didn’t completely blow up my marriage. the dating and sex was super fun, but was definitely not worth risking a divorce. Reforming one’s marriage is often hard, long and thankless work without instant improvement but it’s much better than losing everything and destroying your kids lives as well.
Some women do something similar when their children are grown and they find themselves living with a boring man who was chosen because he was a reliable provider.
Going through this now. 30 and spent my entire 20s grinding through college and PhD and then worked hard to rack up career accomplishments and money. Now I’m ready to enjoy it all but now I have pressure to get married and have children. Worried that the gratification I delayed will never come due to wife and children
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. YOUR CASE IS EASY, SINCE YOU ARE AN EARLY ACHIEVER@30. GREAT. IF YOU DONT OWN A HOUSE ALREADY, GRAB THAT ASSET NOW, BEFORE YOU DO CARS. (VERY IMPORTANT) 1) YOU SAID YOU INVESTED, SO KEEP IT UP. SPEND ONLY FROM YOUR RESIDUAL INCOME (YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW THIS) 2) BUY ALL THE EXTRA STUFF TO SUITE YOUR PASSION, BUT WITHIN REASONABLE LIMIT. AND MAINTAIN A GOOD CREDIT RATING. 3) ENTERTAIN YOURSELF AND DATE SEVERAL LADIES. YOU MUST SAMPLE THEM IN REAL TIME TO LEARN FEMALE NATURE AND HOW TO WIN WITH LADIES 4) YOU HAVE UP TO 5-7 YEARS TO CATCH UP ON FUN STREET, THEN GRACEFULLY QUIT BY THE AGE OF 38. 5) BY 38 YOU HAVE ZEROED IN ON ONE OR TWO PROSPECTS OUT OF THE MANY LADIES YOU ROUTINELY DATED INTIMATELY. 6) WHEN YOU DECIDE TO TIE THE KNOT, MARRIAGE PROPOSAL MUST BE GRACED WITH A PRENUP OR NO DEAL. A CONTRACT WITHOUT EARLY TERMINATION AGREEMENT IS A SCAM. DONT GRAB FRUSTRATION WITH BOTH HANDS BY IGNORING THIS PARTICULAR CAVEAT. IT IS INDEED A MAN'S WORLD WHEN YOU GET TO PLAY YOUR CARDS WELL.
Assuming you're in the west, marriage is a statistically horrible idea for men anyway. I'm not saying don't ever get married but....the odds of finding a reasonably attractive woman who's ALSO wife material and loyal, who's ALSO into enough to make it worth your while in the long run, is as close to zero as you can get without it being literally zero. If you want a family, leave the west. This is the land where even Michael B Jordan can't get loyalty from a nobody, and Tom Brady can't get loyalty from an AGING yet rich nobody. If they aren't safe here, no one is.
Dont do it from pressure even if its internal pressure. Wait til its truly right and not what family likes. Believe me dude wait! Even 10 yes if need. Be well established and fully in tune with yourself and true values
Wow! This so perfectly describes me. I'm 10/10 conscientiousness as a personality trait. I'm a physician and have devoted my life to my patients. I remember turning 30 on call in the hospital and realized I had lost my 20s to the grind of the medical machine, while my friends were having fun. I love what I do, but it takes its toll. I bought my souped up Porsche a decade ago, but it had the quality more of delayed adolescence rather than midlife crisis. Now, a decade later, because of horrible doctor shortages, I was able to work out a job starting in one month (January 2024), working solely from home, with 35 weeks paid vacation. I'm buying a grand piano and taking lessons again. I'm building a home gym and getting into amazing shape. It's all responsible, and my family is supportive. Why wouldn't they be? I'm taking my extended family on a trip to Paris this next April. This is selfish . . . and yet it's not. I'm not escaping. I'm transforming.
Extremely golden knowledge for every man below 35 years..for the rest it's a call for retrospection. In short, death starts as an abstract idea until it becomes a concrete reality where we reflect how we have spent our youth. This the kind of stuff kids, teens and young adults should be taught constantly before "it's too late". Great message.
Only married men have mid-life crises. After decades of being a walking ATM on an industrial scale, the kids finally leave the nest...what you are left with is a LOT of questions...such as...who exactly is this person sitting across the dining room table from me? Buying the new convertible is only a temporary distraction from the questioning.
No. I was not married. I was a monk, and I had a midlife crisis. It was the most horrible experience of my life. Now, 11 years after, I have a girlfriend. She was a nun. We are having a wonderful time.
You only HEAR ABOUT the crises of married men, because the emphasis is always on how he should shut up and give his wife more money. No one pays any attention to us single men, because we were dismissed as lost causes long ago.
@@stevenscott2136yeah, its misguided to think only married men have midlife crisis’. Everyone has something they are trying to run from or cope with, its not easy to go after what we really want and will be deeply fulfilled by in life.
Honestly just sounds more like a marriage barely holding together because neither party really spent the time being updated on the growth the other person has gone through. People change over time, and we’ll constantly need to get to know who we’re married to or are with. Just because someone isn’t married to their significant other doesn’t make that process any less significant. Marriage just makes the stakes higher because divorce will financially break someone.
Excellent video. Men have an inherent bad rap during and after divorce, yet carry the majority of burden for providing, protecting and pioneering for their families. They die younger, usually without allowing themselves personal privileges, while their wives are looking to "trade up". Some balance needs to be struck. I admire dedicated male providers immensely.
my favorite video yet! A great reminder of how women love to perpetuate the exaggeration of their lifelong sacrifices, while in reality men give more to the greater good of family and society.
So true. Meet my wife at 19, married at 22. 100% in love with each other and 100% broke. I wanted to give her the world so I worked my ass off building a company for the last 22 years. Tens of millions of dollars later, I have ruined this woman because nothing is ever enough. Today, I gave up and finally filed for divorce. I am going to focus on me and find my happiness. I'm much easier to please.
Agreed. It took me a long time to internalize the idea I consciously understood but didn't live out: Loving others *as* yourself does NOT mean love others *more than and at the total expense of* yourself. I hope I can successfully import this to my children so they can deliberately contribute without over contributing to their detriment.
Very true and very close to home. Happened to me at almost exactly age 40. At age 45 (after the crisis induced divorce), I started riding motorcycles for fun. I should have started that a lot earlier.
Completely relatable. I was around 36 when I started to look at my life and notice I was deeply unhappy. I owned my own home, great kids, everyone was happy, we had plenty of money, no debt, good friends and I put it aside because I felt ungrateful for feeling that way. At 38 I began to want to branch off from responsibilities I had accepted for so long and start to engage in activities that I like, this put some responsibility of my than wife who wasn't used to having to have responsibilities and she fought back. I ended up leaving her, I never bought the nice car but I am travelling around the world with my late 20s girlfriend. I have no regrets.
Yes older men should do what they want. If they leave, that becomes even better for older women. Older women can date younger men for s3x without spending any money. Most older women lose attraction for older men and don’t even want to sleep with them anymore because older men have issues with virility and performance. Younger men are better. And older women who want relationships have options in older men. Many older men want older women for their domestic life skills to run his home and be with him. But even feminine presence and companionship is valuable even if women those older women don’t do any work. That is why men like Jeff Bezos or King Charles who have money to hire endless help married older women with children from previous marriages. The ex husband leaving frees up their time so much after raising kids and being the caregiver of the family. That is why many older women remain single. It’s very freeing. Whether the ex husband was rich or poor, these older women are lucky because they don’t have to be the ones who give more caregiving for him. And younger women will eventually want more fertile, virile men. Older men who have money can hire help and then go to old age homes. Everyone wins.
@@DebraJohnson It's like any other partner who doesn't take responsibility in marriages. For example, I had to choose a job that started late enough to allow me to drop off the kids in the morning but ended early enough that I could pick them up before day care closes. My ex did pickup the kids sometimes, but it was her choice. If she chose not to because she was out with friends or something than it fell on me to be responsible. As an example, she went on vacation with friends for a few weeks. It didn't really matter because not much changes for me and the children, we didn't really notice her absence. I have the kids full time now, she comes around to visit or take them out when she feels like it or else we just don't see her for awhile. The kids don't really ask about her, but they seem to have fun when she takes them out.
As a man in my early 40s who has been experiencing a midlife crisis for the last few years I want to thank you for this video. I’ve been reading, researching and watching videos to help understand what I am going through and this video is, by far, the greatest resource I have found.
You have described my life exactly. I was the duty-driven, socially-conscious man in my marriage. I did everything the family wanted or needed. Then I looked around and said, “but what about me?” As Montaigne remarked, let me live the last few years of my life just a little bit for myself.
Yep. You pretty much described me at 43. Now I’m single, with a brand new convertible, a dog, and a heck of a lot less stress from the never ending demand for “more” from people who are never satisfied with the effort.
The genuine need for self gratification to create you own best balanced life never goes away. I'm 73, in a new large age gap relationship, she's 41. Over the years I've journaled and frequently explored what I wanted at that time in my life. Now, I'm very clear on what I want, don't want, demand and refuse. What's really cool is I can get all of it with up front communication and she is absolutely happy in our position. A big hint: Know what it takes to creat your frame and do what it takes. Then demand it. When she is (loveingly) in your frame life is easy and good.
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and mental scars). This is spot on. I will show this to my wife who was strong enough to stick around through it. Thank you.
Yeah, this hit me starting in my mid-30's. Everything suddenly seemed utterly pointless - a wasted sacrifice with no reward and even ridicule. There was no family loss or a health scare. But the thought process was different than described. I pushed on out of stubbornness, spite and pride and have not looked back. The struggle is its own reward.
I've found that a lot of men in a midlife crises finally realize they haven't done anything with their lives and are trying to make up for it. I was lucky that I had a wife that helped me chase my dreams. We worked by helping each other chase our dreams. By chasing my dreams it took me places I could never have dreamed when we started.
This is such good message as I'm a younger girl seeing a man that's going through mid-life crisis. I can't imagine the life he went through serving his ex-wife and kids selflessly putting away all his desires and suppressing his nature. I am pondering what I can offer him to comfort him and make him happy.
As others have said. Ask him. Probably he'll want some action from time to time (he does have 17 times more testosterone which has been essential in keeping the species going). And if you show that you are on his team as his wingman, and he's a good man, then he'll be the happiest man alive. Once you understand you are a team that serves each other then you are unstoppable - it can be as simple as a sandwich when he is busy working hard.
I'm 25 but all of my brothers are older. I've not achieved a great deal yet but I can already see examples of this type of man in my personal life. Prioritizing yourself vs work, partner, family, friends, etc. is a balancing act. Every man needs to figure out his way of being selfish and selfless enough to have a satisfying life. I liked the video and hope this reaches those who needs to see/hear it.
I spent so long trying to do what was right and to help other people and while I am on paper well off, it all just felt hollow when I realised that while people appreciated me, nobody actually really liked me. I got taken advantage of work, I couldn't get dates despite having a 6 pack and when i tried to organise social functions at my apartment, everyone conveniently couldn't come between 72-24 hours from the event. There was no crisis moment but life just slowly hit me over the head too many times to where i've been reminded that I need to make changes if I don't want to Titanic. It's been a very slow but i've gotten more selfish over time. My life has been improving a lot as a result.
You have done well for yourself which is amazing and a privilege, at time I get lonely being retired early in Thailand but I remember that the majority of the world is struggling barely making 500 USD a month. I have been blessed and worked smart/hard to get what I have today, any other thought of sadness or depression is a slap in the face to all 7 billion people struggling in the world. I'm at peace and accepted the fact you can not have everything in life, but I would rather have clean food, water, electricity and health.
This is exactly how I see it. Most of my life (started working even in high school) I've lived for the validation of others. My parents, my wife and my in laws. It was only when a high school buddy of our passed away that I suddenly felt like I had to be more selfish - not in my responsibilities to my family or the business - but in terms of my own personal time. It does take a bit of practice to numb yourself to the fact that you are being selfish - but I've come to see it as a "right" rather than an "indulgence".
One more factor: Kids go their own way and it ends man's responsibility to raise his kids. If this responsibility was the only thing keeping man in the family while taken by his wife for granted...
My mid life crisis and a real insight into the females around me? I contracted endocarditis that developed to the extent I had to have emergency valve replacement surgery. Before surgery I'd been working, studying and being a single Dad. I was told by my medical team I was not allowed to work for 4 months. On the day I got out of hospital, less than a week after surgery and in still in a lot of pain, I said to my mother that it was going to be nice not to have to worry about work or study for awhile. Her reply was that I was lazy. I have recently cut off all contact from family of origin and my anxiety levels have gone down enormously. I wish that I'd learnt 40 years ago that the biggest power you have in toxic relationships is you can walk away from them and you do not need to feel guilty or that it's a fault in you. No matter who they are
This explains why, at age 51, why I haven't suffered a midlife crisis. I'm a 17 year old, in the body of a 51 year old. No wife, no kids, not much to worry about.
I just had the awakening in my life at the age of 55 years of age. That I have put everyone else’s needs ahead of mine for the last 25 years. From the volunteer Dad for scouts, soccer, dad, carpool dad, cheerleading, dad, that I never took the time out to just be a guy that wants to have some fun for himself and enjoy life. This video was a really really well thought out video. I thoroughly enjoyed the video and sent it to a friend of mine as well. Thank you so much for doing your research and not just spewing out. Random repeated topics from others. I will subscribe to your channel. Thank you so much.
Hey, Orion I am only 19 but so thankful for you and guys like Myron, Michael Rich Tate rollo and j Waller. You guys saved me so much money and time. I see the warning signs so clearly now. You are phenomenal at simplifying complex interpersonal relationships.
Excellent! Totally resonated with my life. Divorced and free after decades of grinding for a woman who happily married another man. Now I lead a luxurious life, with tons of ladies flocking around me and all my dreams fulfilled.
It’s not always as he describes. I personally found going through an existential crisis at 40 to be a great experience. It was more a question of, “Am I on the right path?” Knowing that I was roughly at the midway point in life.
54 years old. 37 years in clandestine service. I’ve had to learn to be selfish and I’m grateful for it. Fortunately when I was in college I had fast cars and women. Sooo however late it is my midlife crisis is a little mellow. I’ve left behind everything & nearly everyone from my previous life.
Once I got job in a career field, paid bills and lived a functioning, self-supported adult I understood why most Porsche's etc. are bought by middle-aged men; it's because they can afford them. They can actually afford the car. To buy the car, or the payments and the up-keep.
You are right on the money, clear, concise and I wish I'd heard your video prior to my own stereotypical midlife crisis.... The sadness for me is that the good obedient boy/man does ans encouraged by society to put his wife and children first..... The man's meaning and purpose is proclaimed as a provider This is a passive, blue pill existence, with one's own needs being put on the back burner... If one does divorce etc, society sees you as a failure....a "heartless bastard" Great video.... What should I watch next from you, please
The way I can relate is I lived an oppressive life up until I was around 21, though different from these men's choice of being a dutiful husband, father and worker. Eventually I exploded and didn't want structure or duty at all in my life. Just in recent years I started desiring duty and purpose in service of others in life.
duty and service is only worth it when people truly appreciate you and value you in their lives. Sometimes that doesn’t happen because someone’s personality needs changing.
45 year old male and this is spot on...I'm not there yet but I can feel it coming. Saving a link to this video so that when people try to reign me in, instead of a profanity laced response, I can simply copy, paste and carry on.
I had what may have been a mlc at 41. It was connected to all kinds of stuff, but mainly falling head over heels in love with someone half my age while being stuck in a sexless marriage. The contrast of hanging out with that 10/10 young, beautiful, fun, alive woman and coming home to my wife who mainly just gave me grief and guilt trips was causing a lot of inner turmoil. I knew I could never date or be with the other one because of the age gap and everything, so it was pure agony on a daily basis. I felt what can only be described as grief. A deep pit of longing, loneliness and regret inside. Having to step back and let her live her life and just watch from the sidelines has been torture. I had to let her go completely for my own mental health, but it's still a struggle now two years later. I got a taste of what I used to feel like in my teens and early twenties, and I realized how far I had let myself fall into the routine of life as a working husband and father. When I was with her, everything was just fun and exciting. We traveled together and did all kinds of stuff together. Even though we never had sex, it made me feel alive again. It was truly an eye opener, and I think it perhaps could be described as a midlife crisis.
Are you saying you lied and cheated on your wife and had an emotional affair with a younger woman? You travelled with her, had fun with her, loved being in her company and never had sex with the younger woman, that’s interesting! You are still obsessing over her two years later! Did you stop the affair ,or did your young love stop the affair or did your wife find out?
Sounds like you are depressed and waiting for someone on the outside to provide you some excitement. Get a physical check-up and after that provide your own contentment, whatever that is.
@@judyb1643 Yeah, I guess you can say I was, and still am, emotionally cheating on her (if that's even a thing.) I never lied to her and I never had sex with anyone. I'm not going to go into every detail here, but my marriage has been pretty much dead for years. We've been almost platonic room mates ever since we had kids. I think it's difficult for women to relate to what it's like for men to go without sex for months at a time. My "thing" with that other girl wasn't primarily about sex for me though. It was about feeling alive. Feeling wanted. Feeling the excitement and bliss of love. I knew it was an altered state, and that it would eventually feel less intense, but while it was going on, I was savoring it. I felt 20 again. It ended when she moved abroad. We're still friends, but I try not to watch her social media for my own sake.
@@mickbenson9161 Millions of men end up being locked onto sexless marriages even though the wife may have contributed a lot to the success of the partnership and is good in many ways. Its a hard row to hoe but duty and integrity require we stay the course.
As a divorced 35 y/o piece of obedient government property whom almost lost his father, I concur. Luckily I’ve managed to stay pretty selfish throughout my life, but oh man, the gluttonous stage with younger ladies is a very real thing. Anyways, the timing of this is freakishly perfect, thanks for doing what you do and keeping it a buck
Orion - This channel is in my top 5. Excellent content delivered clearly and concisely. Could you please do a motivational/reframing video for 40-somethings that may have spent their 30s not being selfish and now feel like it should be their time? I like to think that I still have the energy and drive to do something big and I see myself as a youthful person but I'm starting to second-guess myself. I now have no responsibilities to family and have never been married/no children. I just feel like I'm in no-man's land because it doesn't seem like there are a lot of people like me so I feel isolated and disconnected. I'm trying to stay the course but I don't really have any fans left. Thanks!
You're definitely not alone. I'm 46, in decent shape, play basketball once a week, lift 2-3x a week, run a little extra cardio 1-2x a week, no kids, own my own home, good job and wonder what the future holds and how to live it. Was married once for 3 years until it dissolved. Your question definitely resonates w me.
As a female, trust me when I say it effects us too but worse. Society expects us to breed but if by your late 40's you never had kids, the overwhelming sense of loss, grief and desolation is unbearable. Too late now. To the men who have kids, for God's sake go fishing with them, anything just create memories, it'll be over soon
Yes…I’m 47 years old and I have not had a midlife crisis because I didn’t settle down until 35….i did what i wanted to do first…and now I am married with a family…
![Eminem - Fuel (feat. JID) [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/t5H_CewqpKA/mqdefault.jpg)
The stereotypical midlife crisis looks like a man leaving his wife and kids, buying a sports car, and shacking up with a younger lover. What causes this phenomenon? And why does it mostly seem to impact men? In this episode, I argue that the men most at risk for midlife crises are the rule-following and duty-conscious sort, who have spent most of their conscious lives acting responsibly. To avoid this outcome, it's important for men to practice what I call "creative selfishness," and to enjoy the fruits of their labor along the way.
Social Media
Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Orion's Theme: ruclips.net/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/видео.html
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
ruclips.net/channel/UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #men #mentalhealth
I call it mid life awakening for men, and mid life crisis for women
So good. One of your best.
The psychologist Robert A. Johnson was recalling a time when he was ten. 'My mother brought me to buy some new clothes. The shopkeeper asked me what I would like. 'White shirt, black pants and black shoes,' I said. The shop keeper looked to my mother and said, 'Careful, or he'll be wearing roaring red at forty.'
I guess you just eventually get sick of working your ass off but having no fun and decide to enjoy yourself a little while you can!
Ryan Terraband, can you please tell me how to prevent mid life crisis as a man at 30 currently?
My midlife “awakening” manifested as me taking 4 vacations a year, returning phone calls once a week, checking email once a day, and never taking a meeting before 10am or after 3pm.
The funny thing is, despite me pulling back and limiting my availability, my performance and reputation has only increased.
Scarcity increases value and not always being available for every little thing has actually cut back on the amount of trivial nonsense that used to make it’s way to me.
Awesome. Well done bro.
Well done. And thank you for your comment.
BINGO
“Scarcity increases value” only applies to when you’ve earned the attention of others. A 22 years old with no work history is hardly going to find a competitive edge by being available less. No one would know or care.
100%. I work a third, and make triple.
My midlife crisis happened at 31 when my fiancée demanded I abandon my hobbies and "grow up" even though she had a 90k student loan for Art & women's history 101 classes.
I then dumped her, pursued my hobbies and transformed them into a business. That was almost 25 years ago and now my mortgage is paid off and I'm still running a business that originally was a hobby.
My mid life crisis was the warning bell that saved me from wasting my life pleasing others' expectations of me.
BTW, my ex is still paying off that student loan 25 years later.
25 years to pay of 90k?!!
Boss move. Well done. We need more men to realise this.
@@manikyum She has had minimum wage jobs all her life. Can't make use of a "woman's studies" degree anywhere.
Congrats bro! A bullet well dodged. That’s why I can’t stand people like Dave Ramsey talking people into marrying themselves into paying someone else’s debt
@manikyum if you pay 90k in 25 years... you probably still owe another 100k due to insane interest that comes with student loans
Another simple explanation: It's the first time in the guys life where he can actually buy a sports car and date young women. Young men haven't build up the money or lifestyle yet. You think a 22 year old guy wouldn't buy a BMW and take trips with a 22 year old woman if he could?
Facts
TITCR
The simplest answer IS often the best
@@momoali6715 Orion’s explanation is more robust (less simple), and happens to be way more each accurate and precise. It’s a thing. The simple matters, but Orion hit something I’ve never properly seen up to now.
@@max224422 that why he does what hé does and not me 😅
Interesting how society sees a man having a fun hobby as a "crisis".
I call it mid-life reawakeining
Because society does not want men happy
Society expects men to work and produce, not to have fun, net negatives in society won't pay themselves.
Thats not society, thats you. When men go through a midlife crisis, it's a crisis. When women go through its delusion.
sad, is because the feminization( idont know th word) of the society, when men cant have time to doing thing in their own way but you are a good men if you let your women to go to girls trip
I see this all the time. A guy gets married and has kids and his life gets smaller. First the motorcycle goes and then the pickup truck, sports car, or muscle car goes and now he's driving a mini-van. Then the hobbies go. No more mountain biking or snow boarding. Then the male friends go or he sees them much less often. Then he starts working more hours or takes jobs he doesn't like because the family needs the money. Vacations are at Sea World instead of scuba diving in Belize. Lots of sacrifices that nobody appreciates.
This is why you don’t get married. You’re stopping yourself from living your best life at the expense of someone who won’t stop milking you
Very true !
thank god im 33 single never married no kids. no stress i look like im 27. a nagging wife and whiny kids is not worth it! i can spend money fcuking hookers around the world and tis better at this point in my life. maybe ill settle down at 43. LOL im too young
@@marcusmcgraw3519you sound bitter. It's not a bed of roses for women either.
@funmilayoaina2658 you are right it definitely is not. It also takes a physical toll to even have the kids in the first place not to mention painful. Alot of us pour everything into having a family and gave up things. I used to go do karaoke nights.Just with my sisters go out to sing for fun. Can't do that. I used to carve wood can't do that now. I don't have time to play my acoustic or electric. I used to be a volunteer firefighter can't now. I've given up hobbies and dreams. Definitely not a bed of roses. A few married couples can manage it better.Thats if they have family to help and want to. But from what I seen that's less common nowadays.
Women and children are valued for who they are. Men are valued for what they can provide.
True
Women are valued for their beauty don’t forget that lol no one sees value in an ugly woman I think.
@nunyabidness117 I do agree men's ability to be a stable provider is very important. For women too, their ability to priortize others, making self sacrifices is rewarded. They are expected to be primary caretakers too. Women and men both can learn a little bit of selfishness early on. In modern times rarely man is a solo provider
@posh5763 Women get to decide if they want to be a girl boss or if they want to stay home and take care of kids and whatever the woman decides it's up to the man to somehow make it all work. Men don't have a choice-our job is to provide. Some 80% of divorce is initiated by women, usually over a financial setback or deficiency meaning men are banished to live in an apartment and send off a huge chunk of their paycheck to support the household they have been kicked out of. Marriage and divorce today is severely tilted in favor of women where women get to make all the decisions and men get to pay for whatever they decide. I personally am doing well financially and really want kids but I will never marry in the states and leave myself open to the heartbreak of living apart from my children while my ex is rewarded for breaking up the family with enough of my money to retire on because she's bored and I left the toilet seat up one too many times.
We men don't call it a "crisis", we call it "having fun", which is not usually possible in a marriage.
Bingo !
women hate to see men having fun
@@yoshi314 people like you cause fatherless daughters.... and fhen blame women?😂
Yeah, it fits
I am 35 and I just started asking 'What about me'
Seems like a legit question to me!
I channeled my midlife crisis into taking a realistic look at my career and prospects for improvement and acknowledging I was going nowhere with it. I then went back to graduate school, got a master's degree, and finally landed a career I actually enjoyed most of the time, paid decently, and has potential for continuing advancement. Possibly the best decision I made for myself, my marriage, and my family in the past decade.
Something a lot people don’t stop to consider is that when you see a 45 yo buy a sports car, he’s probably wanted that sports car for his entire life, it’s just that this is the first point at which he could afford it.
It's not about the sports car. It's about the young blonde, sitting beside him...
@@perieven6357so?
@@perieven6357Mostly right. However that sports car also works on the other young blonde after this one gets too much of an ego.
Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.'
- Carl Jung
Yeah, but you’re now 40, single and lonely and locked into a job you don’t like. There are no best options at this point in life, only trade offs. Enjoy the decline.
Edgelord has entered the chat! (This is why I only play as Ken.)@@ryu_street_fighter561
The sick joy I get from this reply, knowing it will all be over soon
@@ryu_street_fighter561Who says that? By age 40 you could have built up quiet some resources.
@@ryu_street_fighter561 you’re just a loser.
This video explains a lot. When the man who has consistently thrown himself under the bus for his wife and children raises his hand and says, “Hey! What about me? Can’t I have a slice of my own pie?”, he’s accused of being selfish, even though he’s been selfless for so long. It really hurts when you realize the people you love the most and for whom you have sacrificed so much for so long can’t understand that you have a life, too and just want to enjoy it a little bit. Do they really love me? I wonder.
Men are only loved/ valued for what they provide. To your family, you are just a utility.
they will love you when you’re gone. He was such a good man!
@@clint120 He’s gone. Now, where’s my inheritance?
@@strangerdanger8462isn’t that true for women as well?
@@manifest2203 No, it isn't true for women. Women, children and pets are loved unconditionally. I'm sure there are exceptions, and you may be one, but it doesn't disprove the rule.
Mid life crisis happens after you come to the realization that you been an indentured servant for 20yrs triggered by some life altering event whether you got served papers or something else. I was burdened by my family for over 20yrs and and taken advantage of and this is why I cut my family members off and living my best life now. One of the best quotes that resonated with me is from David Bowie “ Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been.” the problem is many people are stymied usually by relationships and don’t get to self actualize or at very late stage in life. Btw the worst thing you can do after a mid life crisis is to get into relationships again, why start building another crisis after you just dissolved one. Work towards being a free agent.
All has been written somewhere.
It's hard for me to grasp the concept of so many of us not being able to avoid that which has been suffered by billions, especially when phenomenon are so well documented by those that came before us.
I was pulled out of public schools after the 6th grade, and had a part time job since I was 12, and a full time job since I was 15. I hit my mid life crisis early, like 29-31. Now I'm 41, and going on my second wind.
@@thedalillama Because there is no way to teach the lessons of the limitless amounts of suffering. It is easier to teach the limited amount of ways humans have had success. And, more importantly, many people don't want to hear those things anyway. Humans don't care until it is too late. As Orion stated in a previous episode, wisdom and experience come to you, after you needed it. When you have that moment "I wish I would have known this before ", then you have just gained experience and have become a little wiser.
You nailed it. Especially the new relationship angle. Most don't understand living outside these relational constructs.
Completely correct. For me , it has been best to stay single.
At 42, I've come to realize that money is a tool. I’ve worked so hard over the years to realize that if you don’t make money work for you, you can’t experience true freedom. I’m glad I found that out although it was later in life, but that marked the turning point in my finances.
Herman Jonas, an astute trade analyst is the brain behind my success. I've gotten into a plethora of assets with $37k spread across stocks (options and futures) for the short term and Roth IRA, index funds, and ETFs, for the long term. Now I sit back, and just reinvest at intervals while I handle my other businesses.
That's your view. In my experience, there is no such formula, It is nearly impossible to achieve success with investing. It’s all just gambling.
How can I reach him, please? I'm buoyed by the good recommendations I’ve come across elsewhere. I need help with investing. I'm ready to pay for his services.
Your assistance was helpful. I was able to have a conversation with him via mail. What's even better is that he's certified with a registered broker. I'm getting started right away!
Bot interactions
If this guy has worked so hard his whole life that he made so much money even after losing half to his divorce and child support still has enough money to support himself a lavish life style with expensive cars and young women, good for him! He has earned his midlife crisis!🎉
Well said 😂
And the woman must continue raising children... alone...
If the man have money... then go in a fucking vacation with the children to see a museum...
@@duncaioanaiulia2367 if she’s a keeper he won’t leave
The smarts ones don’t get married or move outside the west if they decide to get married.
great to have a women looking as something good... most men when we are teenagers look at this things like living the life... is almost every mens dreams... changes by men to me but is a reward from middle age to do things that you never be alowed because you are broke and a kid, most of the things are the same as women in her 20s... living the life with rich handsome dudes.
is like putting your money and your status to the service of wasting the money, in thing that you always love and get the girl you will always want...
feeling the reward of your working life...
💯. I Delayed gratification my whole life. Did absolutely everything my ex-wife wanted. Realized one day that despite everything, she was still bitter and miserable and I didn’t have anything I wanted, but especially sex. I realized I couldn’t live this loveless, sex starved life anymore and i deserved to be treated better for everything I was giving.
Now I’m married again to a younger woman. Still grinding away, but happier.
She will leave you too.
@Finnhungambar That's okay, just see it as a long term rental. Keep your prenup solid and your money separate. In modern day, men and women need to be honest with each other and come to terms with the fact that traditional marriage doesn't work well as it use to.
A woman leaving is expected... Alot of them seem to think their the end all be all of life when it's highly overrated in a lot of cases
And she'll likely tire of you when your belly gets bigger and the viagra runs out.
Additional mid-life challenges: How many men are unwelcome in their bedrooms? How many guys caught their wives on the run? One bite of wedding cake and a man loses his free will. Women marry and divorce for profit. Why is marriage falling out of favor?
Marriage rates are plummeting because men are waking up
well this is GOLDEN
Yes
Yes older men should do what they want. If they leave, that becomes even better for older women. Older women can date younger men for s3x without spending any money. Most older women lose attraction for older men and don’t even want to sleep with them anymore because older men have issues with virility and performance. Younger men are better.
And older women who want relationships have options in older men. Many older men want older women for their domestic life skills to run his home and be with him. But even feminine presence and companionship is valuable even if women those older women don’t do any work. That is why men like Jeff Bezos or King Charles who have money to hire endless help married older women with children from previous marriages. The ex husband leaving frees up their time so much after raising kids and being the caregiver of the family. That is why many older women remain single. It’s very freeing. Whether the ex husband was rich or poor, these older women are lucky because they don’t have to be the ones who give more caregiving for him. And younger women will eventually want more fertile, virile men. Older men who have money can hire help and then go to old age homes. Everyone wins.
What's the cure for nymphomania? ..... Wedding cake! 😂
I've been having a midlife crisis for almost 10 years now. Quit working and started taking it easy. Life is good.
45? Dude, I was 60 when I finally woke up!
Wow, this is so incredibly pertinent to my current life position. 34, spent my whole life being the nice guy trying to help everyone I came in contact with, sacrificing all my own personal happiness in the process. Just in the past few months I realised my mistake and have started putting myself first, and boy does it feel good. My friends and family don’t know how to react 😂
Happy for you! Been going through something similar, need constant reminders though as oddly enough it's kind of "hard" to be selfish
Have you read the book no more Mr nice guy?
🤝
man, you are lucky. I was stupid until 44 ...
Lucky you, mine are leaving.
Excellent insights!
As someone just a few months away from retirement, I look back on my life with some ambivalence. I could have done more to take care of myself earlier, however, having both busted my butt for 40 years at my job, but also took time to learn to play piano to a decent level, took time to ski, learn a new language almost to fluency, traveled extensively and took night classes in areas I've loved and pursued running, hiking and even still trying to learn to surf, I can be happy that I took at least this much time to be "selfish". Not only did it help get me through 40 years of very demanding employment, but also helped prepare me to live life to its fullest once retired.
Thank you for helping put this in perspective.
I worked hard most of my life, got injured at work in my late 50s after 3 years injury prevented me from continuing to work. You really want to see people run away from you including Family just try becoming Disabled you will find out who your friends are, missed my Midlife crisis. I would say go for it before it too late!
This is so true. My ex-husband left after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness and a lot of deaths in his family. Uprooted and moved out of state for new job, new home, etc. I'm sorry that happened to you. However, sometimes it's better when people remove themselves from your life. They could stay and make your life more miserable, cheat, etc. We are stronger than we think, and we adjust.
True. I fell into depression and I saw how all my friends were secretly cowards and didn’t care about me at all.
I’m 44 and recently bought a Dodge Viper and I’ve had a few people comment about mid life crisis.
I respond “mid life yes, crisis NO. Just enjoying life”
good for you, Viper is super car
King shit ngl 👑
I bought a Tesla Model S. Far more practical, and beats the Viper off the line. I guess I'm a responsible rebel.
This is probably one of the most accurate, meaningful, and personal videos that I’ve watched in years. Thank you Orion. Your work is prescient and apropos.
The mid-life crisis is when men realize they have nothing else to prove. They know peak attractiveness was a good number of years ago, they know landing that "dream job" never came, and that perfect Disney fairytale wedding and wife and life is just that, a fairytale. You learn to then just grin and bear it, and have some fun. Go get that high horsepower car and take that trip if it makes you happy.
Yes older men then try to get with younger women. And younger men will be crying about not getting women 🤣 Even though younger men have more virility, they have to go without 🤣 Younger men have better sperm quality too. Even sperm banks won’t take sperm from 40 yo men.
Eh, no
makes you happy for a month and then broke
Buy my Ferrari
I want to build a family. Your ideal is just too pessimistic.
Thank you! I will never have this crisis, because I learned to be selfish enough (took me all my 20s to learn) and I’m great at rewarding myself and caring about my needs.
Same here. I almost had a mid life crisis recently. I didn’t though. Just like you I have also rewarded myself through out the years. Not in the biggest of ways, but I have. It to me to self reflect and analyzed myself.
I’m financially literate and look ahead. I knew it was not the way to go. We think getting everything all once will make us happy, when actually it might be our own downfall. Like the starving man at buffet then getting sick.
Absolutely, I am 35, and I say we need more men like you. For example there is no point in being provider, protector, and all that crap to have your kids and money taken away later. Enjoy life and absolutely put your own happiness first.
Ayn Rand has taken a huge, grinning shit in her own grave hearing that you've decided your life is all about you and you can't conceive of any other approach to your short time here.
@@xyaeiounn happy to see a fellow Ayn Rand reader. The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged were phenomenal books 👏👏
@@MyUsername09AZyes that’s why so many women don’t want to get married and prefer being single too. Imagine being an unpaid surrogate, having free exclusive s3x to the same guy, doing free domestic work for the same guy being his cook, cleaner, folding his laundry for a long time. It’s exhausting and makes you lose money too. That’s what women are saying too. Whatever money she makes can be spent on herself. If she has children, she has to do caregiving and also the providing by spending all her money on kids. Those women want to put themselves first. Which is why birth rates are low.
"Everyone will experience death, but not everyone gets to experiences life".
The friend zone is the best zone. Never got married, no kids ni attachements. Had a spiritual awakening at 40 and never looked back. There are some things you have to do alone without any outside influence. Marriage is contractual/conditional...unlikely for someone to expande their consciousness unconditionally in a relationship and with children, pressures to be responsible for others always needing more money to filfull your obligations. Its an inside job. First 40 years of life is just learning what you do and dont want so that you can create a better life. Some people dont learn and get attached to things that hold them back. Thats when they have a crises (psychological) cognitive dissonance. A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.
These comments are well written, good to see intelligent thoughtful comments that I have thought about myself. We are not alone in having these revelations about conformity. I’m not against it I just think very few people get it to work.
My dad blew up his whole life. He wasn’t the best dad and definitely wasn’t a good husband but put on the mask in business and in our extended family and community that he was. After building a mini empire from nothing with our mother he left to be with a woman a fraction of his age. It was great in the beginning and then he realized quickly she just wanted him for resources. He lost almost all of his business because it turns out men don’t like to do business with shady, fickle or selfish men. He lost a fortune in buying women gifts, vacations, plastic surgery and paying for apartments and cars. When he got sick and started going broke due to astronomical medical bills the only person who showed up to take care of him was our precious mother and us children. It was the biggest cautionary tale of my life.
One strange phenomenon of life is the burden of being competent and useful. Most people need an endless supply of help and far too many people ask for it. I noticed no one bother useless, incompetent people.
I believe Orion has a video on saying "no". The art of saying "no" is something that should be learned early in life. It ties into the midlife crisis issue for sure.
I adressed this by becoming seemingly useless. Most of the new women I meet think I mow lawns for a living and know nothing of my assets. If you can have a little love nest or RV for dates, pretend you're broke.
@@boethius1812 He said "useless," not "not rich."
"no one bother useless, incompetent people." So true.
My dad had a midlife crisis, he always was a people pleaser. Never said anything. He left my mom for a woman a couple years older than me. It was hard for us, but we accepted it. Even my mom forgave him and they were still civil. Then, my dad got sick, and his new wife divorced him. We all take care of him now, including my mom, who still loves him and still calls him her best friend.
There is no shame in being selfish guys. As long as you aren't hurting anyone you did nothing wrong.
A midlife crisis should not be the cause of your divorce
That's the thing of selfishness. You are always hurting other peoples with it. At least for some degree. But it's ok.
You need to take care of your own needs, including spiritual needs, before you can help others anyway.
Not really, if youre in a relationship make it a point from the get go that it is built on mutual respect and support. Set boundaries and communicate. Make it clear what your needs are and that they deserve to be met and discuss with your partner how, same for theirs. The problem is that most couples dont talk and bottle up resentment and then explode on their partner instead of thinking ahead. Both have to play their part but that comes down to selecting a good partner and not the first person that comes along just to not have to be alone. Hurt comes from shattered expectations not from knowing and saying what you want out of your life and your relationship
@@cmdrTremyss exactly. Women file for divorce for being true to themselves.
I had a gnarly one at 32 but I made sure to do it before I had a spouse or children it would negatively effect.
Left a hospital administration role I had been at for 10 years. Sick of the stress and office life/work life balance completely thrown out of the window.
I listened to every single person other than myself about what “I” really wanted from life.
Broke up with my girlfriend, kicked her out of my condo, sold the condo and moved to an island.
Joined the Army National Guard and became a Deputy Sheriff instead after taking 2 years off and solo traveling/smashing the gym. Pissed a lot of people off but I quite literally saved myself.
Looking back I now see this less as a crisis, and more of a way I saved myself.
I've had a similar breakdown recently after a 10 year corporate run so thanks for sharing your story. I'm currently doing the same but married with 3 kids so no travel for me 😅
My mid life crisis came at 40. I went from hating running all my life to challenge running. Eventually I ran marathons.
I can relate. I'm 40 and ran my first race 2 months ago. Half-marathons and marathons next.
If someone calls you selfish, its usually because they want you to do something that benefits them and are upset that you choose to do something that benefits you. So basically a selfish person is mad because you are selfish.
I don't think it's a coincidence men's "midlife crisis" often happens around the same time the wife hits menopause, that's not often a lot of fun to be around. 😂
Modern medicine is very effective to treat any bothersome symptoms.
There is male menopause too, less talked about though..
No, it's just males such as yourself laugh about women's life issues until the decisions you've been making for the better part of 20 years hits you like a tidal wave. It's all fun & games until you're effected. Then you want our sympathy. Males become super clingy as they age while women become distant. However, male's midlife crisis happens much earlier nowadays. All it takes is one "open" relationship & his girl getting annihilated for him to have an accelerated midlife crisis at 30 😂
😂😅😅😅
Yes. That is the actual explanation, very simple too: At around 40, a man is usually at peak attractiveness, whereas his wife of the same age has gone way down compared to her youth. In other words, their difference of attractiveness is at a maximum. So the man decides to switch to a younger one, because he can. Simple as.
As someone in my forties and just separated from my wife, I can totally relate to this video. Too much responsibility for most of my adult life, and not enough in it for me.
I did notice this mid life crises thing in men in my family and social circle and i really didn't want to end up like them.
You described everything perfectly, it all makes sense now.
thank god i realized this on my own earlier at 24.
To know is one thing. To experience it is another.
That’s because the wives of those men are shouldering more than her share of parenting. Having his kids and being with a man is what makes women unhappy too. Women get robbed of thousands of dollars of money of work every year in a marriage and lose their spark by being with less virile older men. Women who date younger and more virile men get back their spark. And the younger men also feel genuine s3xual desire for older women. It’s a wonderful, honest relationship with no money on the table.
More older women should explore the world with younger men once their kids are grown. Being with older men is only going to be more work and he will nag endlessly for his food, his laundry, s3x and as he ages he will nag for doctors visits, medications, his diet and so much more. There is no benefit for older women to be married to older men. Motherhood and marriage damages most women which is why women should avoid long term relationships at all costs and treat men as recreational. Good thing marriage rates and birth rates are falling down globally. Countries like Korea have women’s movements like 4B (no to dating, no to s3x, no to marriage, no to child bearing and rearing). Those women are truly free from deg*enercy. There’s no term for it in the West, but many Western women also live this lifestyle. Celibacy is increasing among younger women.
This hits home. I spent my first 42 years pretending to be a believing Christian because I grew up in a Southern Baptist church with a father who was always in church leadership. Everyone just expected me to follow in his footsteps and I tried to fulfill that role even though I didn't believe any of the dogma. Eleven years ago, I said enough and came out as a non-believer and left church for good. Luckily, my marriage survived and my wife and I are living our best lives now.
My midlife crisis didn't involve women or sports cars. It just involved me stepping out into the light and taking back control of my life from everyone else who wanted me to be something I wasn't.
As a young man in his mid 20’s I appreciate every message you present to the channel. This one spoke to me because I have a delayed gratification mindset and have been asking myself lately the, “What about me?” question; and knowing that it’s OK to be selfish and enjoy some of the fruits I’ve been able to produce up until this point is takes a lot of this self conscious weight off. Thank you Doctor✊🏾
I don’t condone abandoning children who need you. Or a loyal wife. I know a lot of people who are widowed who deeply miss their spouse and describe being very happy together. Why do you never hear about that? A lot of couples are blissfully happy and devoted. But all you hear is negative.
I advocate enjoying life along the way. Then you don’t explode. For decades, I’ve stopped to take that cruise, overseas trip, beach, mountains, whatever. Then you know you’ve done it while you are still able to do it.
When you finally become selfish for the betterment of yourself, you also indirectly become a better, more productive person to society. This is a mindset shift that occurs. It will be the most difficult thing you’ll ever go through; you’ll lose old friends, partners, even close family. The key is to stay on track; people will come and go. Allow yourself to let them go. You’ll become better for it.
Wow, this is amazing. Funny thing is I can relate to it totally. I am 30 and did well career wise but now I see that everyone is enjoying what I have built except ME and this is building resentment against my family members. I haven't taken any high impact action yet, but I am thinking about it daily. Nice work.
Be careful what high-impact action you take. It will change your life for better or worse. Most marriages are savable and most people love their children. The fancy car thing on the other hand, unless you have cash, creates a debt hole that takes years to climb out. There was some time that I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I persisted with faith anyway. Any choice you make now will hurt...a lot. Take your time to make sure that you make the right choices. You can do it. You've got this.
@@PaulRMaxfield that’s awesome advice! Thanks!
I’m so glad there are male therapists like you providing guidance to my demographic.
Thankyou... at 45, I needed this video. Understanding the storm inside, truly helps.
Fantastic video. I'm 43, I had that experience in my late 20's and again in my mid-30's. I've found a good balance now, but I really relate to this concept.
My midlife crisis will be a regret of most of my youth being wasted. But that's what society does to the youth. We need leaders too.
This video is very important. My own midlife crisis began earlier this year at age 53 and involved very risky sugar daddy behavior, dating hot 20-somethings. Looking back. It’s amazing to me that I wasn’t quickly caught and didn’t completely blow up my marriage. the dating and sex was super fun, but was definitely not worth risking a divorce. Reforming one’s marriage is often hard, long and thankless work without instant improvement but it’s much better than losing everything and destroying your kids lives as well.
So your divorced?
Some women do something similar when their children are grown and they find themselves living with a boring man who was chosen because he was a reliable provider.
she's really board w/ herself...but blames that on the man......somehow, her happieness is his responasiblity......
@@mrx0088 well said! I feel like that provider right now and that’s about all I am it feels like.
Going through this now. 30 and spent my entire 20s grinding through college and PhD and then worked hard to rack up career accomplishments and money. Now I’m ready to enjoy it all but now I have pressure to get married and have children. Worried that the gratification I delayed will never come due to wife and children
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. YOUR CASE IS EASY, SINCE YOU ARE AN EARLY ACHIEVER@30. GREAT. IF YOU DONT OWN A HOUSE ALREADY, GRAB THAT ASSET NOW, BEFORE YOU DO CARS. (VERY IMPORTANT)
1) YOU SAID YOU INVESTED, SO KEEP IT UP. SPEND ONLY FROM YOUR RESIDUAL INCOME (YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW THIS)
2) BUY ALL THE EXTRA STUFF TO SUITE YOUR PASSION, BUT WITHIN REASONABLE LIMIT. AND MAINTAIN A GOOD CREDIT RATING.
3) ENTERTAIN YOURSELF AND DATE SEVERAL LADIES. YOU MUST SAMPLE THEM IN REAL TIME TO LEARN FEMALE NATURE AND HOW TO WIN WITH LADIES
4) YOU HAVE UP TO 5-7 YEARS TO CATCH UP ON FUN STREET, THEN GRACEFULLY QUIT BY THE AGE OF 38.
5) BY 38 YOU HAVE ZEROED IN ON ONE OR TWO PROSPECTS OUT OF THE MANY LADIES YOU ROUTINELY DATED INTIMATELY.
6) WHEN YOU DECIDE TO TIE THE KNOT, MARRIAGE PROPOSAL MUST BE GRACED WITH A PRENUP OR NO DEAL. A CONTRACT WITHOUT EARLY TERMINATION AGREEMENT IS A SCAM. DONT GRAB FRUSTRATION WITH BOTH HANDS BY IGNORING THIS PARTICULAR CAVEAT.
IT IS INDEED A MAN'S WORLD WHEN YOU GET TO PLAY YOUR CARDS WELL.
Assuming you're in the west, marriage is a statistically horrible idea for men anyway. I'm not saying don't ever get married but....the odds of finding a reasonably attractive woman who's ALSO wife material and loyal, who's ALSO into enough to make it worth your while in the long run, is as close to zero as you can get without it being literally zero.
If you want a family, leave the west. This is the land where even Michael B Jordan can't get loyalty from a nobody, and Tom Brady can't get loyalty from an AGING yet rich nobody. If they aren't safe here, no one is.
Men peak from 38-44, plenty of time to have fun before settling down.
Dont do it from pressure even if its internal pressure. Wait til its truly right and not what family likes. Believe me dude wait! Even 10 yes if need. Be well established and fully in tune with yourself and true values
Never get married or have children because of pressure. No matter where the pressure is coming from.
Wow! This so perfectly describes me. I'm 10/10 conscientiousness as a personality trait. I'm a physician and have devoted my life to my patients. I remember turning 30 on call in the hospital and realized I had lost my 20s to the grind of the medical machine, while my friends were having fun. I love what I do, but it takes its toll. I bought my souped up Porsche a decade ago, but it had the quality more of delayed adolescence rather than midlife crisis. Now, a decade later, because of horrible doctor shortages, I was able to work out a job starting in one month (January 2024), working solely from home, with 35 weeks paid vacation. I'm buying a grand piano and taking lessons again. I'm building a home gym and getting into amazing shape. It's all responsible, and my family is supportive. Why wouldn't they be? I'm taking my extended family on a trip to Paris this next April. This is selfish . . . and yet it's not. I'm not escaping. I'm transforming.
Extremely golden knowledge for every man below 35 years..for the rest it's a call for retrospection. In short, death starts as an abstract idea until it becomes a concrete reality where we reflect how we have spent our youth. This the kind of stuff kids, teens and young adults should be taught constantly before "it's too late". Great message.
Thanks for the insight; men in mid-life crises have always been ridiculed for acting like teen-agers, but now it makes perfect sense.
Only married men have mid-life crises. After decades of being a walking ATM on an industrial scale, the kids finally leave the nest...what you are left with is a LOT of questions...such as...who exactly is this person sitting across the dining room table from me? Buying the new convertible is only a temporary distraction from the questioning.
No. I was not married. I was a monk, and I had a midlife crisis. It was the most horrible experience of my life. Now, 11 years after, I have a girlfriend. She was a nun. We are having a wonderful time.
You only HEAR ABOUT the crises of married men, because the emphasis is always on how he should shut up and give his wife more money. No one pays any attention to us single men, because we were dismissed as lost causes long ago.
Be happy at least kids have left the nest instead of still being in position to provide for them. In India kids never leave.
@@stevenscott2136yeah, its misguided to think only married men have midlife crisis’. Everyone has something they are trying to run from or cope with, its not easy to go after what we really want and will be deeply fulfilled by in life.
Honestly just sounds more like a marriage barely holding together because neither party really spent the time being updated on the growth the other person has gone through. People change over time, and we’ll constantly need to get to know who we’re married to or are with. Just because someone isn’t married to their significant other doesn’t make that process any less significant. Marriage just makes the stakes higher because divorce will financially break someone.
Excellent video. Men have an inherent bad rap during and after divorce, yet carry the majority of burden for providing, protecting and pioneering for their families. They die younger, usually without allowing themselves personal privileges, while their wives are looking to "trade up". Some balance needs to be struck. I admire dedicated male providers immensely.
my favorite video yet! A great reminder of how women love to perpetuate the exaggeration of their lifelong sacrifices, while in reality men give more to the greater good of family and society.
Rubbish. Try raising 3 kids and working full time. Leave adolescence behind you
So true. Meet my wife at 19, married at 22. 100% in love with each other and 100% broke. I wanted to give her the world so I worked my ass off building a company for the last 22 years. Tens of millions of dollars later, I have ruined this woman because nothing is ever enough. Today, I gave up and finally filed for divorce. I am going to focus on me and find my happiness. I'm much easier to please.
Agreed. It took me a long time to internalize the idea I consciously understood but didn't live out:
Loving others *as* yourself does NOT mean love others *more than and at the total expense of* yourself.
I hope I can successfully import this to my children so they can deliberately contribute without over contributing to their detriment.
Impart*
@@boethius1812 LOL, yes ... impart
Very true and very close to home.
Happened to me at almost exactly age 40.
At age 45 (after the crisis induced divorce), I started riding motorcycles for fun. I should have started that a lot earlier.
Just literally described my life
Completely relatable. I was around 36 when I started to look at my life and notice I was deeply unhappy. I owned my own home, great kids, everyone was happy, we had plenty of money, no debt, good friends and I put it aside because I felt ungrateful for feeling that way. At 38 I began to want to branch off from responsibilities I had accepted for so long and start to engage in activities that I like, this put some responsibility of my than wife who wasn't used to having to have responsibilities and she fought back. I ended up leaving her, I never bought the nice car but I am travelling around the world with my late 20s girlfriend. I have no regrets.
Yes older men should do what they want. If they leave, that becomes even better for older women. Older women can date younger men for s3x without spending any money. Most older women lose attraction for older men and don’t even want to sleep with them anymore because older men have issues with virility and performance. Younger men are better.
And older women who want relationships have options in older men. Many older men want older women for their domestic life skills to run his home and be with him. But even feminine presence and companionship is valuable even if women those older women don’t do any work. That is why men like Jeff Bezos or King Charles who have money to hire endless help married older women with children from previous marriages. The ex husband leaving frees up their time so much after raising kids and being the caregiver of the family. That is why many older women remain single. It’s very freeing. Whether the ex husband was rich or poor, these older women are lucky because they don’t have to be the ones who give more caregiving for him. And younger women will eventually want more fertile, virile men. Older men who have money can hire help and then go to old age homes. Everyone wins.
@@manifest2203 This is like...3.6/10 trolling at best.
How did your wife have no responsibilities if you have kids? Who is caring for the kids now?
@@DebraJohnson It's like any other partner who doesn't take responsibility in marriages. For example, I had to choose a job that started late enough to allow me to drop off the kids in the morning but ended early enough that I could pick them up before day care closes. My ex did pickup the kids sometimes, but it was her choice. If she chose not to because she was out with friends or something than it fell on me to be responsible. As an example, she went on vacation with friends for a few weeks. It didn't really matter because not much changes for me and the children, we didn't really notice her absence. I have the kids full time now, she comes around to visit or take them out when she feels like it or else we just don't see her for awhile. The kids don't really ask about her, but they seem to have fun when she takes them out.
Ayyyy congrats man! I’m happy for ya.
This was remarkably well put together! Thank you! Subscribed.
Don't bother getting married guys. Just find someone you hate and give them your house.
😂
Fabulous ‼️
Lol 😂
😂
As a man in my early 40s who has been experiencing a midlife crisis for the last few years I want to thank you for this video. I’ve been reading, researching and watching videos to help understand what I am going through and this video is, by far, the greatest resource I have found.
You have described my life exactly. I was the duty-driven, socially-conscious man in my marriage. I did everything the family wanted or needed. Then I looked around and said, “but what about me?” As Montaigne remarked, let me live the last few years of my life just a little bit for myself.
At 36 and I am reevaluating my choices and goals.
Thank you very much. This is the best channel ever.
Yep. You pretty much described me at 43. Now I’m single, with a brand new convertible, a dog, and a heck of a lot less stress from the never ending demand for “more” from people who are never satisfied with the effort.
This is by far the best channel that came out of my Red pill journey
The genuine need for self gratification to create you own best balanced life never goes away. I'm 73, in a new large age gap relationship, she's 41. Over the years I've journaled and frequently explored what I wanted at that time in my life. Now, I'm very clear on what I want, don't want, demand and refuse. What's really cool is I can get all of it with up front communication and she is absolutely happy in our position.
A big hint: Know what it takes to creat your frame and do what it takes. Then demand it. When she is (loveingly) in your frame life is easy and good.
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and mental scars). This is spot on. I will show this to my wife who was strong enough to stick around through it. Thank you.
Yeah, this hit me starting in my mid-30's. Everything suddenly seemed utterly pointless - a wasted sacrifice with no reward and even ridicule. There was no family loss or a health scare. But the thought process was different than described. I pushed on out of stubbornness, spite and pride and have not looked back. The struggle is its own reward.
I've found that a lot of men in a midlife crises finally realize they haven't done anything with their lives and are trying to make up for it. I was lucky that I had a wife that helped me chase my dreams. We worked by helping each other chase our dreams. By chasing my dreams it took me places I could never have dreamed when we started.
This is such good message as I'm a younger girl seeing a man that's going through mid-life crisis. I can't imagine the life he went through serving his ex-wife and kids selflessly putting away all his desires and suppressing his nature. I am pondering what I can offer him to comfort him and make him happy.
Ask him. He'll tell you. Men aren't complicated and you'll make him smile just by asking.
@@Ezberron Thank you. I WILL ask him.
a ton of sex, wild n affectionate? Cooperation sinergy and three tons of RESPECT AND LOYALTY
What a lucky man .Hope you also get the best out of your life.
As others have said. Ask him. Probably he'll want some action from time to time (he does have 17 times more testosterone which has been essential in keeping the species going). And if you show that you are on his team as his wingman, and he's a good man, then he'll be the happiest man alive. Once you understand you are a team that serves each other then you are unstoppable - it can be as simple as a sandwich when he is busy working hard.
I'm 25 but all of my brothers are older. I've not achieved a great deal yet but I can already see examples of this type of man in my personal life. Prioritizing yourself vs work, partner, family, friends, etc. is a balancing act. Every man needs to figure out his way of being selfish and selfless enough to have a satisfying life. I liked the video and hope this reaches those who needs to see/hear it.
I spent so long trying to do what was right and to help other people and while I am on paper well off, it all just felt hollow when I realised that while people appreciated me, nobody actually really liked me. I got taken advantage of work, I couldn't get dates despite having a 6 pack and when i tried to organise social functions at my apartment, everyone conveniently couldn't come between 72-24 hours from the event. There was no crisis moment but life just slowly hit me over the head too many times to where i've been reminded that I need to make changes if I don't want to Titanic.
It's been a very slow but i've gotten more selfish over time. My life has been improving a lot as a result.
Keep going mate,
You have done well for yourself which is amazing and a privilege, at time I get lonely being retired early in Thailand but I remember that the majority of the world is struggling barely making 500 USD a month. I have been blessed and worked smart/hard to get what I have today, any other thought of sadness or depression is a slap in the face to all 7 billion people struggling in the world. I'm at peace and accepted the fact you can not have everything in life, but I would rather have clean food, water, electricity and health.
This is exactly how I see it. Most of my life (started working even in high school) I've lived for the validation of others. My parents, my wife and my in laws.
It was only when a high school buddy of our passed away that I suddenly felt like I had to be more selfish - not in my responsibilities to my family or the business - but in terms of my own personal time.
It does take a bit of practice to numb yourself to the fact that you are being selfish - but I've come to see it as a "right" rather than an "indulgence".
One more factor: Kids go their own way and it ends man's responsibility to raise his kids. If this responsibility was the only thing keeping man in the family while taken by his wife for granted...
My mid life crisis and a real insight into the females around me? I contracted endocarditis that developed to the extent I had to have emergency valve replacement surgery. Before surgery I'd been working, studying and being a single Dad. I was told by my medical team I was not allowed to work for 4 months. On the day I got out of hospital, less than a week after surgery and in still in a lot of pain, I said to my mother that it was going to be nice not to have to worry about work or study for awhile. Her reply was that I was lazy. I have recently cut off all contact from family of origin and my anxiety levels have gone down enormously. I wish that I'd learnt 40 years ago that the biggest power you have in toxic relationships is you can walk away from them and you do not need to feel guilty or that it's a fault in you. No matter who they are
This explains why, at age 51, why I haven't suffered a midlife crisis. I'm a 17 year old, in the body of a 51 year old. No wife, no kids, not much to worry about.
Like seriously this is so sad...
Don't have kids bro.I love my son but most of the times I wish i never did
I just had the awakening in my life at the age of 55 years of age. That I have put everyone else’s needs ahead of mine for the last 25 years. From the volunteer Dad for scouts, soccer, dad, carpool dad, cheerleading, dad, that I never took the time out to just be a guy that wants to have some fun for himself and enjoy life. This video was a really really well thought out video. I thoroughly enjoyed the video and sent it to a friend of mine as well. Thank you so much for doing your research and not just spewing out. Random repeated topics from others. I will subscribe to your channel. Thank you so much.
Hey, Orion I am only 19 but so thankful for you and guys like Myron, Michael Rich Tate rollo and j Waller. You guys saved me so much money and time. I see the warning signs so clearly now. You are phenomenal at simplifying complex interpersonal relationships.
Excellent!
Totally resonated with my life.
Divorced and free after decades of grinding for a woman who happily married another man.
Now I lead a luxurious life, with tons of ladies flocking around me and all my dreams fulfilled.
It’s not always as he describes.
I personally found going through an existential crisis at 40 to be a great experience. It was more a question of, “Am I on the right path?” Knowing that I was roughly at the midway point in life.
54 years old. 37 years in clandestine service. I’ve had to learn to be selfish and I’m grateful for it. Fortunately when I was in college I had fast cars and women. Sooo however late it is my midlife crisis is a little mellow. I’ve left behind
everything & nearly everyone from my previous life.
Once I got job in a career field, paid bills and lived a functioning, self-supported adult I understood why most Porsche's etc. are bought by middle-aged men; it's because they can afford them. They can actually afford the car. To buy the car, or the payments and the up-keep.
35 - 50 age range is when people will most frequently see both of their parents deceased. Don't discount the huge role inheritances play too.
You are right on the money, clear, concise and I wish I'd heard your video prior to my own stereotypical midlife crisis....
The sadness for me is that the good obedient boy/man does ans encouraged by society to put his wife and children first.....
The man's meaning and purpose is proclaimed as a provider
This is a passive, blue pill existence, with one's own needs being put on the back burner...
If one does divorce etc, society sees you as a failure....a "heartless bastard"
Great video....
What should I watch next from you, please
The way I can relate is I lived an oppressive life up until I was around 21, though different from these men's choice of being a dutiful husband, father and worker. Eventually I exploded and didn't want structure or duty at all in my life. Just in recent years I started desiring duty and purpose in service of others in life.
duty and service is only worth it when people truly appreciate you and value you in their lives. Sometimes that doesn’t happen because someone’s personality needs changing.
This is easily the most important video on your channel and I'm all here for it.
American Beauty is such a good movie.
Hehe had to think of that movie aswell
I don’t think anyone else could have explained this any better!! You are a genius:) !!
As a 22 year old woman, I’m so glad I’m acknowledging these occurrences & choosing my life differently
Women do this by default. This video is more for guys
@@vicvic2081this can apply to a women who will chose a partner who is just selfish enough
45 year old male and this is spot on...I'm not there yet but I can feel it coming. Saving a link to this video so that when people try to reign me in, instead of a profanity laced response, I can simply copy, paste and carry on.
I had what may have been a mlc at 41. It was connected to all kinds of stuff, but mainly falling head over heels in love with someone half my age while being stuck in a sexless marriage. The contrast of hanging out with that 10/10 young, beautiful, fun, alive woman and coming home to my wife who mainly just gave me grief and guilt trips was causing a lot of inner turmoil. I knew I could never date or be with the other one because of the age gap and everything, so it was pure agony on a daily basis. I felt what can only be described as grief. A deep pit of longing, loneliness and regret inside. Having to step back and let her live her life and just watch from the sidelines has been torture. I had to let her go completely for my own mental health, but it's still a struggle now two years later. I got a taste of what I used to feel like in my teens and early twenties, and I realized how far I had let myself fall into the routine of life as a working husband and father. When I was with her, everything was just fun and exciting. We traveled together and did all kinds of stuff together. Even though we never had sex, it made me feel alive again. It was truly an eye opener, and I think it perhaps could be described as a midlife crisis.
Same episode at 45 man, still struggling...my only comfort is thinking it was better for her.
Are you saying you lied and cheated on your wife and had an emotional affair with a younger woman?
You travelled with her, had fun with her, loved being in her company and never had sex with the younger woman, that’s interesting!
You are still obsessing over her two years later!
Did you stop the affair ,or did your young love stop the affair or did your wife find out?
Sounds like you are depressed and waiting for someone on the outside to provide you some excitement. Get a physical check-up and after that provide your own contentment, whatever that is.
@@judyb1643 Yeah, I guess you can say I was, and still am, emotionally cheating on her (if that's even a thing.) I never lied to her and I never had sex with anyone. I'm not going to go into every detail here, but my marriage has been pretty much dead for years. We've been almost platonic room mates ever since we had kids. I think it's difficult for women to relate to what it's like for men to go without sex for months at a time. My "thing" with that other girl wasn't primarily about sex for me though. It was about feeling alive. Feeling wanted. Feeling the excitement and bliss of love. I knew it was an altered state, and that it would eventually feel less intense, but while it was going on, I was savoring it. I felt 20 again. It ended when she moved abroad. We're still friends, but I try not to watch her social media for my own sake.
@@mickbenson9161 Millions of men end up being locked onto sexless marriages even though the wife may have contributed a lot to the success of the partnership and is good in many ways. Its a hard row to hoe but duty and integrity require we stay the course.
This is spot on! This is exactly where I am now, except much later in life than I would have liked..
As a divorced 35 y/o piece of obedient government property whom almost lost his father, I concur. Luckily I’ve managed to stay pretty selfish throughout my life, but oh man, the gluttonous stage with younger ladies is a very real thing. Anyways, the timing of this is freakishly perfect, thanks for doing what you do and keeping it a buck
Thanks for not being bias towards women. You do a great job treating each gender honestly and fairly
Orion - This channel is in my top 5. Excellent content delivered clearly and concisely. Could you please do a motivational/reframing video for 40-somethings that may have spent their 30s not being selfish and now feel like it should be their time? I like to think that I still have the energy and drive to do something big and I see myself as a youthful person but I'm starting to second-guess myself. I now have no responsibilities to family and have never been married/no children. I just feel like I'm in no-man's land because it doesn't seem like there are a lot of people like me so I feel isolated and disconnected. I'm trying to stay the course but I don't really have any fans left. Thanks!
Good choice. Could you list the full top 5? Hoping to find some gems I didn't stumble upon before.
You're definitely not alone. I'm 46, in decent shape, play basketball once a week, lift 2-3x a week, run a little extra cardio 1-2x a week, no kids, own my own home, good job and wonder what the future holds and how to live it. Was married once for 3 years until it dissolved. Your question definitely resonates w me.
He is Ryan
As a female, trust me when I say it effects us too but worse. Society expects us to breed but if by your late 40's you never had kids, the overwhelming sense of loss, grief and desolation is unbearable. Too late now. To the men who have kids, for God's sake go fishing with them, anything just create memories, it'll be over soon
You are the foundation for everything you build in life, and you can't build much on a weak foundation.
Yes…I’m 47 years old and I have not had a midlife crisis because I didn’t settle down until 35….i did what i wanted to do first…and now I am married with a family…