Not to play victim here, but why does it always seem like I am the one to be gaslighted? I am kindhearted, not guillible and will be assertive if necessary, and have boundaries. What’s my part? What do I say to a gaslighting boss? It’s to the point now where I’ll be made to feel incompetent if I ask a question, even a good one, but if I don’t ask I’ll be in trouble too. I do all of my priorities, but I’m supposedly not doing my priorities. I am, however, documenting everything now and saving every discussion and email so I can circle back if necessary. I definitely need to leave, so I am job searching.
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I would agree that probably the main reason why people gaslight is that they are insecure and feel shame about being found out as being less than they would like to portray themselves as and to fend off facing shame. They are like a drowning panicking person who claws at and sinks the person trying to help them. They would rather try to convince the person they love that he or she is mad than admit to the shame of being caught out in a lie or series of lies. This is where writing things down or recording things can help them face up to the fact that they gaslight - because they hide even that knowledge from themselves - but while you have to call gaslighting out when it is happening, you should deal with that scared person with great love and empathy. It takes a lot to get the gaslighter to be brave enough to come out of that shell of false power. They are otherwise good people. You can't change a parent but you may be able to help a spouse.
You can't change anyone. You can only be there to influence them and teach them how to interact with you. (Teach by example.) But you can help a spouse and even a parent this way. If you can encourage someone to see they have a problem and to seek therapy that's probably the best route, because a therapist doesn't have the personal history with them that you do.
Thank you. I literally wanted someone to talk about gaslighter's mental process. While researching about gaslighting, I felt gaslighted as well as gaslighting somehow.
Thanks for this: it's a more compassionate description about the possible causes of gaslighting than I've seen before. It also avoids the "Gaslighting = Evil narcissist, run away!" feel a lot of videos. I have an... acquaintance who is showing signs of gaslighting, but it is a long way of a full on narccistic personality disorder and they don't show the full range, just a few of the symptoms, enough to ring alarm bells. This person was abused in their past, so I strongly suspect they are gaslighting me because of that. Certainly there have been things I've done without realizing it that have acted as triggers for them, causing them to react in unpredictable ways, and they show signs of needing to control people. What I do about it is another matter.Am working on that.
It's easy to feel hurt and afraid of someone who has been manipulating you and because of that we tend to project our anxiety about it onto them, insinuating that they must have done it deliberately. But when you zoom out and look at the bigger picture there can sometimes be more than meets the eye. Of course sometimes people ARE just deliberately manipulating you. In either case you have to protect yourself and discourage their behavior. Setting healthy boundaries will take care of most situations.
Thank you so much Ryan! This was a very informative and compassionate video. My big takeaway is that we need to be compassionate enough to empathize, aware enough to know what is okay and not okay, and brave enough to take back control of ourselves to either change if I am the one with the abusive trait, or distant ourselves from the source of abuse if I am on the receiving end of the abuse.
Thank you. ... totally informative stuff and you broke it down perfectly so that I understood... O for sure I've experienced gaslighting but I caught on soon enough... I may be a weeee bit off but not completely off. .. and im guilty of innocent gaslighting playfully so that it's obvious a joke ...
I now know I am being targeted for gaslighting, from my wife and a coworker. My wife cause of pain from sexual abuse and coworker because I believe he is Masonic. I realize I have to rein things in now when it comes to opening up like he has. So, I won't share much information pertaining to my problems. My wife on the other hand is having really bad episodes of BPD, and she is trying to convince herself that I am gaslighting her. When that is not the case, we have to kids together and it is the furtherest thing from my mind for her. I do need help with her, I believe she is dangerous being around the kids with hearing voices and talking about them trying to get her to commit suicide.
Hi friend! I couldn't help but notice that you mentioned that your wife is "dangerous being around the kids", so I'd just like to ask how are the kids now? Also, it may be a very sound and understandable idea to talk to a counselor about your wife's state because they may be an amazing resource to find a best solution on how to help your wife and how to ensure your kids' safety. Much love!
Friends and family?! Those are the gaslighters.
Not to play victim here, but why does it always seem like I am the one to be gaslighted? I am kindhearted, not guillible and will be assertive if necessary, and have boundaries. What’s my part? What do I say to a gaslighting boss? It’s to the point now where I’ll be made to feel incompetent if I ask a question, even a good one, but if I don’t ask I’ll be in trouble too. I do all of my priorities, but I’m supposedly not doing my priorities. I am, however, documenting everything now and saving every discussion and email so I can circle back if necessary. I definitely need to leave, so I am job searching.
Good perspective!! When people think you NEED them, I like to remind them i had a life before them. So relax lol.
I have a mental illness so it makes it fun for them to hide important things I need.
Power issues!!!
Its about control cant allow that
Hi everyone! If you found this information helpful please give it a thumbs up and share it with someone who needs this info. Subscribe to my channel for more videos on mental health. If you have any questions or comments please leave them below. I'd love to hear from you.
I would agree that probably the main reason why people gaslight is that they are insecure and feel shame about being found out as being less than they would like to portray themselves as and to fend off facing shame. They are like a drowning panicking person who claws at and sinks the person trying to help them. They would rather try to convince the person they love that he or she is mad than admit to the shame of being caught out in a lie or series of lies. This is where writing things down or recording things can help them face up to the fact that they gaslight - because they hide even that knowledge from themselves - but while you have to call gaslighting out when it is happening, you should deal with that scared person with great love and empathy. It takes a lot to get the gaslighter to be brave enough to come out of that shell of false power. They are otherwise good people. You can't change a parent but you may be able to help a spouse.
You can't change anyone. You can only be there to influence them and teach them how to interact with you. (Teach by example.) But you can help a spouse and even a parent this way. If you can encourage someone to see they have a problem and to seek therapy that's probably the best route, because a therapist doesn't have the personal history with them that you do.
I like your comment fiona. Supports my finding too.
Fiona Tanzer was thinking yesterday about it, seeing my husband getting me layers of lie
Thank you. I literally wanted someone to talk about gaslighter's mental process. While researching about gaslighting, I felt gaslighted as well as gaslighting somehow.
Yes at Attention. They want to associate to your status, power, prestige.
Thanks for this: it's a more compassionate description about the possible causes of gaslighting than I've seen before. It also avoids the "Gaslighting = Evil narcissist, run away!" feel a lot of videos. I have an... acquaintance who is showing signs of gaslighting, but it is a long way of a full on narccistic personality disorder and they don't show the full range, just a few of the symptoms, enough to ring alarm bells.
This person was abused in their past, so I strongly suspect they are gaslighting me because of that. Certainly there have been things I've done without realizing it that have acted as triggers for them, causing them to react in unpredictable ways, and they show signs of needing to control people.
What I do about it is another matter.Am working on that.
It's easy to feel hurt and afraid of someone who has been manipulating you and because of that we tend to project our anxiety about it onto them, insinuating that they must have done it deliberately. But when you zoom out and look at the bigger picture there can sometimes be more than meets the eye. Of course sometimes people ARE just deliberately manipulating you. In either case you have to protect yourself and discourage their behavior. Setting healthy boundaries will take care of most situations.
Thank you so much Ryan! This was a very informative and compassionate video. My big takeaway is that we need to be compassionate enough to empathize, aware enough to know what is okay and not okay, and brave enough to take back control of ourselves to either change if I am the one with the abusive trait, or distant ourselves from the source of abuse if I am on the receiving end of the abuse.
Friends and family? I need a lawyer!!
Exploit Personal Values
Wow thank you!! You're a genuine sweetheart! I feel like a time out of my empathy is in line for my family.
Hmm and this makes a lot of sense to me!
Thank you. ... totally informative stuff and you broke it down perfectly so that I understood...
O for sure I've experienced gaslighting but I caught on soon enough... I may be a weeee bit off but not completely off. .. and im guilty of innocent gaslighting playfully so that it's obvious a joke ...
Glad it was helpful. :)
Excellent, thank you x
Thanks for watching. :)
I now know I am being targeted for gaslighting, from my wife and a coworker. My wife cause of pain from sexual abuse and coworker because I believe he is Masonic. I realize I have to rein things in now when it comes to opening up like he has. So, I won't share much information pertaining to my problems. My wife on the other hand is having really bad episodes of BPD, and she is trying to convince herself that I am gaslighting her. When that is not the case, we have to kids together and it is the furtherest thing from my mind for her. I do need help with her, I believe she is dangerous being around the kids with hearing voices and talking about them trying to get her to commit suicide.
Hi friend! I couldn't help but notice that you mentioned that your wife is "dangerous being around the kids", so I'd just like to ask how are the kids now? Also, it may be a very sound and understandable idea to talk to a counselor about your wife's state because they may be an amazing resource to find a best solution on how to help your wife and how to ensure your kids' safety. Much love!
I wish I had someone gaslighting me for a surprise birthday party!!! I think that innocent gaslighting can also be called a white lie. 😊
Co-worker, Supervisor -Why? Because I know their dirt.
You're adorable and remind me of my son. Thanks for this video. 😊