Hi Katie - thanks for the question. This is tough! Here's what we would suggest first: watch this episode from Mike's previous series, Strongest You, on creating boundaries. It's all about how boundaries are the key to a healthy life and having them doesn't make you a bad person. If you aren't able to disengage completely, then boundaries are going to be really important. Here's the link: ruclips.net/video/FFVsXta708c/видео.html After that, we'd love for you, or someone you know, to be aware that there is someone at the church who is ready to chat - whether that be a counselor or pastor. Visit thechurchrb.org/counseling to find some options!
Hi Melissa - good question. If someone is arguing something that is not open for debate - then, yes, they are gaslighting. The example of “2+2” is great because it’s not open for debate. 2+2 does, in fact, not equal 5. Our temptation is to obsess over the point of view of the gas-lighter. Do they truly believe it? Or, are they saying they believe it just to control us? As Mike taught in this episode, when we focus so much energy on understanding the gas-lighters motives we abandon ourselves. In so doing, we make our own identity up for debate. Hope that helps! - @TheChurchRB
What if you are in a position where you can’t disengage completely but this continues to be a pattern? How do you go about fixing it?
Hi Katie - thanks for the question. This is tough! Here's what we would suggest first: watch this episode from Mike's previous series, Strongest You, on creating boundaries. It's all about how boundaries are the key to a healthy life and having them doesn't make you a bad person. If you aren't able to disengage completely, then boundaries are going to be really important. Here's the link: ruclips.net/video/FFVsXta708c/видео.html
After that, we'd love for you, or someone you know, to be aware that there is someone at the church who is ready to chat - whether that be a counselor or pastor. Visit thechurchrb.org/counseling to find some options!
I have a question about this. What if the “Gaslighter” truly believes that 2+2 = 5? Are they gaslighting then?
Hi Melissa - good question.
If someone is arguing something that is not open for debate - then, yes, they are gaslighting. The example of “2+2” is great because it’s not open for debate. 2+2 does, in fact, not equal 5. Our temptation is to obsess over the point of view of the gas-lighter. Do they truly believe it? Or, are they saying they believe it just to control us? As Mike taught in this episode, when we focus so much energy on understanding the gas-lighters motives we abandon ourselves. In so doing, we make our own identity up for debate.
Hope that helps!
- @TheChurchRB