In my experience, if you are not able to engage with difficult emotions, then don't try to 'talk it out' with your friend who is struggling. Help them with other things like food or transportation, but don't say "I'm here for you" and then get uncomfortable when they start crying or talking about abuse. If you can't talk about dark emotions, that's ok, just admit it. Make sure you don't push them to open up and then emotionally abandon them when you get scared by what comes out.
100% agree with this! I'm an empath and find being someones emotional punching bag is very draining. I literally had a falling out last night with someone because she only called me or talked to me to vent about her personal issues that I had tried giving advice but she wouldn't take it and it became soul-sucking.
I agree, and even if you are not ready to engage, you can encourage & help the person to see a therapist or psychiatrist - that’s what professionals are for.
Amen! I find that when I do try to open up to people who have encouraged it, they always have a tendency to try to "fix" the problem or make therapy suggestions mostly due to their own discomfort rather than just sitting and listening as a friend. It makes it feel like they don't really care and want to pass you off to something else so they don't have to deal with it. It's SO important to just listen and be there. And, if you can't do that, just be truthful.
I had depression for years. One particular rough day, a newly hired worker asked if I'd like to have coffee with her. I wanted to be welcoming so I agreed though I didn't feel like it. When it was just the two of us in the break room, she said:" you look sad, do you want to talk about it?". I broke down in tears, it was the first time I allowed myself to cry over it. By seeing me and being a friend, I found the strength to go into therapy and psychiatrist, and finally get the help I needed. That was 3 years ago, and I'm so grateful for that cup of coffee.
I think children should watch it too. I'm in 7th grade and there are so many kids who don't have any type of understanding regarding mental health, psychological issues, etc. Sometimes our counselors come to classes to talk about it, but I think it would be great if they showed some of Kati Mortons videos too! ❤
Like Kati said checking in can make a huge difference. When I was suicidal (years ago now doing a lot better) I was about to commit suicide after a really bad day. Then a friend of mine texted asking how I was doing cause she had noticed I was having a rough day. That text saved my life as I broke down seeing that someone actually cared enough to ask that. So just checking in on a friend can make all the difference! That's why I try my best to chekc in on people. Not only so I'll know what my friends are up to but to make sure they know I care.
@Im Jia In all honesty in the moment I would have broken down but later had a hard time believing it which is why I believe it's important to be active in saying that and asking how the other is doing. Cause with mental health (at least in my case and many of my friends) it often tries to convince that they weren't being honest or truthful even if they were. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that asking just once is good but being there and asking at least a few times a week (or even once a week different for different people of course!) consistently actually shows that. And they might need a reminder of that every once in a while but I think that it can be life saving and maybe even the beginning of the journey to recovery.
@@cd4536 Exactly! And thanks I'm glad I got the text too and even if I'm still not out of the woods I atleast know there are people there for me and that it does get better no matter how cheesy that may sound ☺
I'm glad you are feeling better. Your story made me cry. I have a nephew that is 19 years old and is having so many problems with his mom and my brother tries to talk to him but don't know if he understand when we tell him that he needs to mend things with his mom in order for him to move on. There relationship is toxic she's puts him down and be little him at all time. He now lives with my brother but I don't know how to help him without him draining my energy. I feel so mentally tired that I don't want his mood swings to disrupt my 22 and 21 year son point of view. I love my nephew so much I just don't know how to help him. My brother says he he has anger issues and blows up. My brother just came in the picture do to a restraining order his ex put on him... As soon as my nephew turn 19 he came looking for him. There trying to mend things as well but it hard for my brother since he hasn't seen him in 4 yrs. I desperately want to help just don't know how.
in the words of robin williams, "you treat a disease, you win, you lose. you treat a person, and i guarantee you, you win. no matter what the outcome." 💛 thankyou for this video kati. it's such an important thing..friendship.
Thank you so much for this video 💛 One thing that meant so much to me was one time I was really overwhelmed and anxious and I stopped taking care of myself. My life was a complete disaster and my dad helped by doing my laundry and folding it for me so that I didn’t have to worry about it and I could pick another baby step to get back on track. It was such a small gesture, but it meant the world to me.
This video made me cry. I wish people were more understanding like you and hopefully more people see this and take in your words. Thank you for making this video
When I was at University (second year) I got really depressed. My cat died, studying was hard, I got an unfair grade during exam session(made me feel like I was doing my best for nothing) and a person I considered a friend made me feel betrayed. And I probably was looking like a shell of my former self, because one of the teachers(German grammar) - who we used to have but the faculty for some reason swapped our teachers with another group - he saw me in the hall once and of course he asked me how I was doing and of course I forced a smile and lied, saying I was fine. That same day he messaged me via social media and here's what he whote "Mary, I'm sorry if I'm being intrusive, but you looked really said, is everything really ok?" and he talked to me all through that evening and even late through the night. And just because he cared it helped me so much. Just because he cared enough not to but a fake smile covering an aching heart. I will always love and appreciate him for that, he might have, honestly, saved me that day, because I felt...i really felt like I couldn't go on anymore.
This is the best video! I have a husband with clinical depression and sometimes often serious anxiety and OCD and I’m always wanting to learn tips and techniques on what I can do to help. For him his list of things that I can do that help him is to: 1. Reassure him things will be okay and remind him that things have always been fine and they will continue to be. 2. To not push him to do anything he isn’t comfortable doing and have a backup plan just in case he cannot do something important or time sensitive like an event to go to or an appointment or job task. 3. Make sure he’s booking weekly therapy sessions with his clinical counsellor. 4. To make sure I am scheduling “us” alone time where we disconnect from our busy life and just watch Netflix or go to the beach for a walk etc. 5. Staying educated on mental health topics and educating others on this information especially for people who may not understand it. 6. Respect his space boundaries. Like when I wanna just give him a hug and he doesn’t want it or when he needs a hug badly that I go hug him. 7. Learn to understand that sometimes when he’s not well he can get really irritated, snappy, bitchy and frustrated and even sometimes can’t explain what’s happening and that I need to outright ask him to tell me directly what emotions he is feeling right now so I know where to go from there. It’s something he’s been working on with his counsellor and I’m helping him.
in my personal experience, i was pushed farther away from getting help because my friends would try to force me to speak to someone when really all i needed was a normal conversation with them to help me to feel normal again. I ended up resenting them for some time and not wanting to speak to them because all they ever wanted to talk about was me sorting myself out and getting better and i just wasn’t at that place yet! then because i was continuously defying what they were pushing me towards they began to get frustrated with me because they just didn’t understand what was so hard about it... so in full - be patient with your loved one that’s struggling, even though you may get frustrated and angry, probably because you care about them, you want the best for them and you’re scared! try not to show it. instead of pushing them to talk about it, change the subject and 99% of the time, they will choose to talk about it, when they’re ready! and always reassure them, things like ‘you don’t have to speak to me about it if you don’t want to, but just know i am here and i care and if you ever want to, i’m here to listen :)’
Ask them! And listen to their response and respect their boundaries. I've had people TELL ME how they want to "help" and it's far from helpful. I've also had people ask what they can do to help and then DO THE OPPOSITE. It'd be great if they would ask and listen... if you can't do what they need, say "I'm sorry I can't do that" or "I'm sorry I can't do that RIGHT NOW". And if they specifically ask for something NOT to be done, recognize it as a boundary and give them the respect they deserve.
I made an incredible and helpful friend and mentor in the midst of a huge breakdown. She was overwhelmed and knew I was really struggling but didn’t know what to say or how to help. But she was willing to give me a ride to therapy- a year and a half later... she still helps me get to therapy but it is so much more than that. I know I have someone in my corner, someone who can give advice and just be there! It changed my life all because she was willing to give me a ride!
There is a bit of an issue where this may be tricky to apply. For example, when the person is in denial, and doesnt think anything is wrong. Constant mentioning/checking in with them may not “work” as intended. Alot of times, its up to the individual to realize they need help before “accepting” advice. At what point do you grab them from the ledge of the building they are oblivious to?
I completely agree with you and I believe you should be there for your friend and if they are down one day, ask them, and if they don't want to talk don't squeeze it out of them, just be their shoulder to cry on, or the one they can call or text.whenever
I have PTSD from a really bad car wreck, and with my internship this summer I ended up having a 45-50 minute commute every day, which made me really anxious. My best friend gets off of work around the same time as me every day and she talks to me my whole commute home. This really simple act of just talking to me while I’m driving has helped tremendously, and it’s a great way to “spend time together” when we have jobs in different cities this summer.
My parents have been so supportive through the past 2 year with my struggles with really bad anxiety/agoraphobia/emtephobia. They have done what they can when I have asked for help and they have not been angry when I haven't been able to do something. They have been frustrated but haven't made me feel like it is my fault that I am like this. They have stood by my side and given me so much love, support, and encouragement and I honestly cannot thank them enough. Even when it all started and I was so angry and upset because I didn't know why I was feeling the way I was, they never blamed me or forced me to do stuff. They talked to me and took me to the doctors and have paid for the many rounds of therapy. When I have wanted to do something, they have done it with me and if I have found something difficult, they will either try to make the situation more manageable or taken me away from the situation. I know there is nothing that I can say or do that will express my sincerest gratitude to them but I say thank you every day and tell them how much I love and appreciate them. I don't know how I would be today without their love and support through this rough time. I know that I am extremely lucky to have such amazing parents as I know that not everyone is a lucky as I am so I am trying not to take them for granted. So yeah...just having someone there to talk/vent to and for them to be able to support me in any way they can would help me. :) x
Kati you're so right. I like it when others are around, but not actively trying to help me. If I can have the options & feel in control of my decisions, this gives me strength & having people offer the options is like a guiding light.
I apply this approach to a lot of my military buddies who I know are holding in some serious 💩. But whenever one of them decides to open up and hit the message button, I’m always there and READY to listen🙏🏻😂 It really does come down to just being a good friend to others by “meeting them where they’re at” (I love that!❤️) and then just waiting for the moment where they decide to open up.
Most people I know - are battling something and seem to love talking to me. So -I’ve been educating myself a bit more to help them address it. So much information out there.
I went through depression, anxiety, and self harm a couple years ago, while living 4 hours away from any family and very few close friends. My mom supported me by calling every morning while she was getting ready for work, we would chat and pray for just 10 or 15 minutes, but it helped me get over that dread feeling first thing in the morning. She was my support person between therapy sessions, and we would talk 2 or 3 times per week about what was covered in therapy, anything i was struggling with, and also just to chat and catch up about life and the good things going on around both of us. I had a couple friends who were privy to what was going on and they would make time for me once a week just to hang out and get me out of the house. I didn't talk to them a lot about what I was going through, but they listened when I needed to talk and would check on me, in a no pressure sort of way, if they didn't hear from me for a few days. I can't emphasize enough how important it was to me that people treated me like normal as much as possible, especially those who knew what was going on. Not that they ignored my situation or pretended it wasn't an issue, they just gave me opportunities to participate and be normal once in a while, but were totally available if i needed to open up about something.
I find that if an individual does not want to talk about things, it also helps if they know you're there to even just listen or read about how they're feeling. I always try to give my friends the option of just venting with no response or for me to talk things through with them!
I like your videos because you always find the way to say and explain things the right way, never any judgement. (Also with exact definitions) I also feel like your videos in general are something that can be helpful to anyone even if they don’t have a mental disorder and they just want to be more aware and educated. You also have a soothing voice and talk not to a camera but to the people watching the videos. I hope this helps!
It could be really cool with a video about how you take care of yourself while helping others. A couple of people close to me have had and still has mental illnesses, some have been so bad that they were at the hospital for months. I spent so much energy trying to help them that I kind of forgot my self and got very sad and lonely and felt so much shame about my sadness. I felt like I wasn’t aloud to be sad when my friend(s) had it so much worse than I so I wouldn’t really talk about it to anyone. That obviously didn’t help and I ended up needing therapy my self (which took years for me to realize because of the shame). I wasn’t much help for my friends either because I was so tired and irritated all the time. My point is you’re the best help if you look after yourself as well and remember you’re also aloud to feel sad
ChristieRoadNH I’ll link some of Kati’s videos that you may find helpful! ruclips.net/video/wZ60mGovDzU/видео.html ruclips.net/video/gBpDwbTsLlE/видео.html ruclips.net/video/p7Y_oDVh15c/видео.html
I always wanted to help everyone , specially people with mental illness , cz I can feel their hardships . They're not able to express their problems , because deep inside they're thinking that no one can understand their issues . mental health awareness is not growing everywhere . That's why we need more awareness more support . When we will support and help each other then the world will be a better place to live in 🌎💖 dear Kati , thank you for this informative video . I've learnt a lot through your videos . 🌸
So when my boyfriend first got out of the hospital we sat down and made lists. Lists of what we would like to do (play boardgames, cook food, that kind of stuff). We made lists of what he would like to do if he was in a dark place (exercise, go for walks etc.). We also made a schedule for when to shower, when to clean, all that stuff. It really helped us in the beginning. We still do schedules, but not as detailed, just if we have some appointments or there's something we really want to do
Thank you Kati! This is very timely for me. I have been praying and seeking how i can help others who struggle with Depression Autism, ADD/HD, etc. Not as a medium to push my faith, but to just help others who struggle.
This video came at just the right time, I have a friend whose father recently moved on and her family said some very unkind things to her as a result she has become extremely depressed to the point where she is not eating and self harming (she told me yesterday that she has bitten off her fingernails down to the citucals) she keeps telling me she is extremely scared because she thinks that this is how she is paying for all the bad things she has done in life but, I know her since we were children so I know she is not that sort of person who is cruel or uncaring . She won't allow me to visit her but I text her every day and call her every other day to let her know that I am here for her, She has gone through this about every 7 years but never this bad, she has been hospitalized in the past but is resistant to it now because she says "All you do is lay in bed all day and and take your meds, they won't even allow you to have a cell phone." I am so worried about her. I don't know what to do for her but I know if she continues like this it will not turn out good for her.
I do great at helping others. Advice is always on point. The problem I have is helping myself. I have the best advice for others but cant seem to help myself.
Hi Kati. Great video! I have some great friends now that support me. I think that it is important to know that people with mental illnesses are first and foremost "people". We make up a well-rounded society. A lot of times I think that I am not worthy of having good friends because I have mental illnesses. My therapist and my friends show me time and time again that I am as worthy as anyone else. And in return for the support I receive, I give back to them because everyone needs the support of others. Thank you Kati for everything you do!
For me it works a lot better when friends offer to be there for me and just listen and hang out. I don't like it when people immediately try to play psychologist and tell me I should do this and that. I know I get into that mode myself easily because I was raised in a family like that, but I'm trying to kick the habit too.
It's very difficult for someone to understand exactly how you feel if they've never been through the same thing but it means so much when someone is actually willing to listen. Getting something of your chest normalises it, you begin to realise that you're feelings are validated. People can spend so much time inside they're own minds that they forget to speak about how they're feeling. Just listening to someone will mean a lot. x
Hi Kati , thank you for this video. I have held a belief that if only one person is helped or relieved by something you did , then you can rest easy on that day. It can be stating a helpful comment , saying hello to someone in need , helping a person with the groceries , so many ways to do that one thing. If everyone did just one act of kindness per day , what a wonderful world this could be. Take care XOXO , Gary
Thank you, this video really helped. My sisters getting really ill again. Shed been '51/50' d before at 15 (though in the UK we say sectioned) she was in hospital for a year and a half with multiple issues including severe self harm, hearing voices, eating disorder and so on. She's 22 now and started self harming a lot we've had many trips to the A&E for stitches and infected wounds treatments. I feel very helpless and unsure of how to help her. I'm the only person she has that can really help her too, so its a lot of pressure. I'll be sure to ask her more what she is going through (if she's comfortable) so i can better understand what she needs from me. Your videos are currently the only useful information I can find right now 😂 so thank you x
I was depressed for a few years in my life (I'm better now), but during that time I couldn't even talk to anyone about it because I was terrified of the thought of being locked up on a psych unit somewhere. Given the option of killing myself or being locked up, I would have just done the former. Thankfully, my depression never got bad enough for me to attempt suicide, but there is no way I would have admitted how bad I was feeling while I was going through it for fear of being locked up. I think many people refuse to admit how much pain they're in for this reason. Great video, Kati!
The closing comment really hits home for me. I never stopped trying but was at a point of breakdown. This began at separation from my EX NBPD out of control spouse. But my neighbour became my mental health support and much more for as long as I needed that level of support. I deal with severe medical or physical disability but my limit was exceeded with a plurality of difficult mental health symptoms starting with the C-PTSD AND ﹰ what that brings on in the acute spectrom. I was falling apart big time but she stood beside me during the worse of it. That is untill we agreed time to wean off onto my own feet. Still there to talk but I told her I know she saved my sanity, even my life, I will always owe her for what she was willing to freely give of herself....
Amazing job on building such a helpful and positive community!! I think it's about really checking in with the person like you said- how are YOU? Not how are your circumstances...
I'm currently in the middle of my journey to understand and come to terms with living with depression and anxiety, I realized I wasn't doing so great so I took a break from university because it had been severely affecting my grades and my general well-being. It wasn't until several months after that that my parents realized how miserable I had been but now, I'm regularly going to therapy, taking some medication and setting up a routine for myself. Keeping myself clean and taking care of myself is a LOT harder than I ever admit. How can I tell and talk to my parents about this? They're frustrated because they can't gauge how well I'm actually doing, even though I've told them that I'm improving, they still assume that I'm being "lazy" or I'm not trying hard enough when I'm trying SO FREAKING HARD to get better. It's even harder because they have so much influence over my mental/emotional state and I have tried so...SO many times to help them understand the chaos in my mind. Not only do I have to deal with my anxiety and having random panic attacks because I'm still having some rough days where I feel overwhelmed by just existing, I also have to have the patience to hear what my parents' opinions are and try to not let them affect me. I'm so tired, can you help me?
Minerva C so glad you’re on the road to recovery! Here are a few of Kati’s videos that you may find helpful! ruclips.net/video/7U1pBVC8bcY/видео.html ruclips.net/video/TMzyLQx8KEI/видео.html ruclips.net/video/oFmV_9Xe48k/видео.html ruclips.net/video/KhW4g9urdXQ/видео.html
I suffer from depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia, sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I just shut down. My home gets messy, I stop talking to people, and stop going out anywhere... The most helpful things anyone has ever done has all been done by one person, my best friend. She's come over and cleaned my place, she's brought food for me, and she offers to just come over and watch Netflix with me because she knows that often times I just don't feel well enough to go out, and she checks in with me often and reminds me that she cares. She keeps me company with no expectations, no demands. She's the best. I wish there were more people like her.
I’m trying so hard to help a family member. I’ve given her books to read I’ve offered her to live with me because her home life is unsafe and not helping her mental health. I’ve given her resources for cheap/free therapy. She’s depressed and sometimes suicidal, and she’s so intertwined in her situation I feel like I can’t get her out. I’m there for her as much as possible, but I’ve done everything I can think of to help her and sometimes it seems like she’s gonna get out of her situation and then I think she gets scared and backs out. I know I’m doing everything I can to make it better for her, but until she wants to take that leap, that’s all I can do. I wish I could just go to her house and pack her bags for her, but she’s not ready and I can’t force her. Just sucks watching someone you love struggle and you can’t do anything about it. I also struggle with major depression and anxiety so I’m not the best at giving her advice either, all I can do is stand by and hope she gets through this. 😪
Sarcastically_me it sounds like she has a great friend in you, you sincerely care about her safety and well-being , trust that when she’s ready she will reach out to you, she’s so lucky to have someone like you have her back, and you know what living with mental illness is like so she probably feels so understood as well and that’s all you need sometimes, knowing that you get her struggle, and when there’s a lot of pain, trauma it might take her longer to have the caring and loving understanding you offer sink in enough for her to care about her/himself enough to reach out💗 so you’re doing an amazing job of being a present and caring friend she can count on, anybody would be lucky to have you as a friend🌸
This was very helpful. Thanks! It's hard not to try to insist on treatment for certain people, especially substance abuse. It's helpful to remember it has to be their choice.
I have bipolar II, and my fiancé isn't supportive, he just says that he accept this and it doesn't help at all. On the other hand his brother, who suffers from depression is the most supportive person that I ever met, sometimes he just comes to our house just to play games with me, or we play World of Warcraft together and talk for hours about random things, or even send me memes without context, and he is always there to listen to me, when I have panic attacks he is the one person who can calm me down, just by texting with me, distracting me from panic. I also am always there for him, even when he calls me at middle of the night because he cannot sleep, just lays and cry. I think that having a person who just understands what you going through is the most important thing and having someone who you endlessly trust helps a lot.
Practical help is also really good. When I have times where I am too depressed to get out of bed in the morning (I am a student so I can stay in bed too long), my mom calls me at an arranged time and drinks a coffee with me (in different cities, but still). It helps to not turn around once more and after the call, I'm awake. A good example of practical help without judgement :)
I love this video. I think you already know who my support team is. Without them...you know where I would be. I really hope that everyone has at least one person in their corner for them. How Kati is describing this is super accurate, you want to try and stay positive and out of hospitaliazation if you can. 💖💖💖
I have a friend I've known since 1987 who now has severe memory problems where she can't categorize information and just thrashes back and forth trying to pay bills (which I help with), get groceries etc. She's 71, not married, no kids, her nearest relative is her niece and family about 75 miles away who I've informed of this situation. This friend will not admit to any therapist about her problems for fear of being institutionalized she said. I can't force her to get help and so it just gets worse all the time. Talk about being between a rock and hard place, for both her and me. I live about 7 miles from her and help taking her to physical therapy due to a broken shoulder she got when she fell back in Nov. of last year as well. Luckily, that is at least getting better. One thing that is important, is even though helping is necessary, the person you're helping can get so dependent on your help, that you get sucked into their world and they never want you to leave - and then start crying when you have to. Unless that person admits that they need help, this vortex can never end.
I know something that really helped me when I was going through my treatment was my therapist encouraging and praising my passions. I would bring drawings or talk about art stuff, and even though I know now it wasn't very good, she praised those passions and encouraged me to continue with them. I really think this helps with anything. If you notice your friend is wanting to do something, maybe ask them to sign up for a class with them. Have an art day, or go to a concert with music they like. And really this goes for anyone, but especially with people who are struggling to find motivation to do anything. Passions are what keep us going. and sometimes we need that extra push to really get into those passions.
My sister was sectioned at Easter and she really struggled to feel like she could ask the medical team questions about her own care. I tried to encourage her to do it as the family wasn't always allowed to be there and when I spoke to her on the phone and she said she'd been able to ask the questions she wanted to I told her I was really proud of her and that seemed to help her keep doing it.
This video is extremely beneficial I know I know some people who are struggling and this is so helpful. Also my sister just got me into a day program and is trying to help as I am her. Thank you your videos are always perfect
Kati admitting a 5150 does more harm than good??? Hallelujah! It's way past time mental health professionals acknowledged this fact. They should also acknowledge that the 5150 laws discourage the exact people they are intended to help from ever mentioning suicide to a therapist. Thank you Kati for being willing to have an open and honest discussion about this.
Hi Kati, firstly I want to say that your videos are incredible & so helpful! They’ve been great for my own personal struggles, I wish that there were more therapists like you in the uk !! Anyways, I wanted to ask a question - I’ve been babysitting these 2 kids, age 7 and 10, whose parents are divorced. Their mum is seeing someone new, and he’s around quite a lot. They’re not very wealthy, and the mother is always working, tired, stressed, irritable etc. It’s clear that this all affects the kids quite a bit, and I’m not sure whether I’m seeing any warning signs? The 7 year old boy is definitely frustrated, doesn’t know how to control his anger and acts out a lot. The 10 year old girl is more closed up and I think she holds everything in. But I’ve really clicked with them and now they trust me, and they’ve opened up to me about how they feel about their home life, family, friends and school. I’m a 19 year old student and don’t really know what to do - the nhs in england is awful, and they’d probably be on a waiting list for up to a year, if not longer, to talk to someone. Their dad is no longer very interested in them, and their mum is far too busy or stressed to spend much time with them to talk about stuff, and finances are a problem, etc. It’s clear that it’s affecting them, because of how they’re behaving and what they are saying to me. How can I help them?
The HALT skill is very helpful! I just think that sometimes it's hard to ask for help😶🤐 thank you Kati for making it easier for us to ask for help! You're the best😘
I just had a friend the other day who's mind runs wild (panic) and we had a storm roll through, and had a LOUD crack of thunder. She raced down the stairs with a panic attack, and I sat with her for 4 hours just letting her vent, and reassuring her she would be ok, and even if the power goes out, that I would help her put batteries into her flashlights and such. She had run out of meds because she didn't schedule her next appointment before her last refill ran out, so I was getting her to do deep breathing, picture a safe, happy place, kept reminding her that the thoughts she had in her head weren't true, and just to make sure she doesn't listen or hold onto the irrational scenarios she had when the thunder hit. She thanked me greatly for my help, and I was glad there was a few of us down in the community room to help her out :) Now she had her appointment, has her meds, I asked her if she made an appointment with her dr BEFORE she runs out next time, she made sure she did, so that was another thing we talked about was making SURE she made the appointments within the time frame she needed to make sure she didn't run out of her medications for her anxiety. I even gave her a hug and told her she would be OK :)
One time in my life, I got really depressed and I called off work for like 3 days in a row, stopped showering, brushing my teeth and basically slept the whole time. It was no secret at work that I have to cope with mental illness. I shared this with the co-workers who I was close with and told them what I've honestly been going through. On the third day, the co-workers I was close with came to my house.. as I hadn't been answering calls or texts. They knocked on my doors and windows (lol) I answered, they said Cody we're so happy to see and we wanted to check in with you about what you may be going through. Could you get ready so we could take you out to eat and talk? I agreed, they even drove a convertible to get me so I'd get some sun and fresh air. Then we talked over lunch and I felt so loved I just cried. The next couple of days I pushed my self just to do little things and they had me over nearly everyday for the next week to have dinner and to watch a movie. This really helped. With me I know when I need to ask for help and often want it but sometimes I'm just too ashamed to ask. So having loved ones who watch out for the signs, give me some space, and are patient with me has been such a blessing.
I have helped a lot with one of my kinda friends get through suicidal thoughts, depression all of it over a break up but that was linked to childhood trauma so it was incredibly rough. But she’s doing better now and now I’m helping her “ex” gf (it’s complicated) who has serious issues too. She does not open up easily but I’ve found that when I open up and talk about my feelings and then I let her just rant, we were able to get somewhere. It’s an incredibly difficult and crazy situation involving every factor you can think of (literally) but it will get better. I know that. I will make sure of that.
Being helped: I told Dad I was too anxious to take my uncle to doctor & he helped me by doing so. More was going on but he didn’t pry. Helper: I am trying to be there for my friend who is in love with a guy who is treating her horribly at work & in life. Even just as a friend, he’s treating her horribly. I think you are right that sometimes presence is needed over talking.
I have a friend who is suddenly acting nothing like themselves. We have been friends for a decade and now suddenly she is harming herself and it’s not just standard. She’s never been sexually active and doesn’t know how to even protect herself but she’s just finding strangers online and letting them do stuff to her and then coming to me in tears trying to figure out how to handle the repercussions. She doesn’t have a solid opinion on what she thinks or how she feels, really extremely. Jumping between “that was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me” to “I want to see him again” I’m trying to get some information on psychologists in the area, but I’m just so heartbroken over this. And she’s successfully living a double life. I’m one of two people that knows what’s going on. I’m so scarred she’s going to turn up in a ditch and it will be my fault for not helping her somehow.
Be a good friend, educate yourself, assist in anyway you can. How I wish that some supernatural would whisper these to my friends. I have dysthymia, asking help from your friends is a gamble because if they didn't help you, your depression will get worse, so I stopped asking for help. I don't have time for psychotherapy, and I don't want medication because my depression is not major, and I believe doing self CBT will help myself. Hi Kati, I can't help but notice how high your left eye is compared to the left, and that makes me notice how beautiful your eyes are. 😁😊
I know I help *most* of my family with mental health issues wether that be listening to them or planning fun activities for them to get their mind off of whatever it may be, but if you are helping someone it’s ok to not want to do it all the time. It can be so so draining at times especially if you’re stressed yourself! So if you are helping someone with their mental health issues don’t forget to take time for yourself as well!
kati, can you PLEASE do a video on symptoms of ADHD in teens/if you think you might have it ?? my sister is convinced i have it and i agree w her. when you do videos like those, they are always really helpful and you only have ADHD videos for adults.
Hey Kati! I would love to hear you talk about learning how to connect to our emotions and how to understand them as well as how to help others do that. I just keep thinking of friends and family who are asked about their feelings and are unable to identify feeling words and just revert to describing the literal situation
Yes locking a person in a room or ward is not helpful to a persons mental health they require understanding and assistance not processing though a system. I brought a person to a mental health facility and as soon as they opened the doors I regretted it. It was archaic I was horrified. It was clear the staff were under trained and understaffed and shockingly the building was designed for that exact reason. The next day I went to see her and luckily for her she has high intelligence and her fear of that environment motivated her. I watched her handle the psychologists and she told them everything they needed to hear and she was out within the hour. Kati your videos are great you have the right amount of compassion, hopefully if you can, move into politics or lobby so you can be a voice for people with mental health conditions. We, humanity need a change in the political arena to move forward in human understanding. No pressure :) If you choose to you may have to gain higher education to be taken seriously.
In my experience, if you are not able to engage with difficult emotions, then don't try to 'talk it out' with your friend who is struggling. Help them with other things like food or transportation, but don't say "I'm here for you" and then get uncomfortable when they start crying or talking about abuse. If you can't talk about dark emotions, that's ok, just admit it. Make sure you don't push them to open up and then emotionally abandon them when you get scared by what comes out.
100% agree with this! I'm an empath and find being someones emotional punching bag is very draining. I literally had a falling out last night with someone because she only called me or talked to me to vent about her personal issues that I had tried giving advice but she wouldn't take it and it became soul-sucking.
Yes this is so important! So many people do that the wrong way
I agree, and even if you are not ready to engage, you can encourage & help the person to see a therapist or psychiatrist - that’s what professionals are for.
Amen! I find that when I do try to open up to people who have encouraged it, they always have a tendency to try to "fix" the problem or make therapy suggestions mostly due to their own discomfort rather than just sitting and listening as a friend. It makes it feel like they don't really care and want to pass you off to something else so they don't have to deal with it. It's SO important to just listen and be there. And, if you can't do that, just be truthful.
Yes, exactly.
I had depression for years. One particular rough day, a newly hired worker asked if I'd like to have coffee with her. I wanted to be welcoming so I agreed though I didn't feel like it. When it was just the two of us in the break room, she said:" you look sad, do you want to talk about it?". I broke down in tears, it was the first time I allowed myself to cry over it. By seeing me and being a friend, I found the strength to go into therapy and psychiatrist, and finally get the help I needed. That was 3 years ago, and I'm so grateful for that cup of coffee.
Before you try helping someone, make sure you are not part of their problem.
Willy Loman I leave helping to the professionals. I need to look after yf and my mental health first.
yes, you may be "in the way" - they cannot see themselves because you are standing in the mirror. Yes look after yourself
@@SuperMichelleDJ exactly so true
I feel like every parent should watch this 🥺🥺
Diabetic Dork i agree. my parents would punish me for relapsing or having panic attacks 🥵🥺
@@stephanieschruder5356 Same here. While my parents are way better now, i still feel so much shame and guilt whenever I relapse.
I think children should watch it too. I'm in 7th grade and there are so many kids who don't have any type of understanding regarding mental health, psychological issues, etc. Sometimes our counselors come to classes to talk about it, but I think it would be great if they showed some of Kati Mortons videos too! ❤
Hahahahahahahah showed my mom
@@tequilasauce1813 so who needed support
From my personal experience: listen, have patience and try to rationalize their thoughts 😊
Oh, and make them feel valued 😊
Love it! Yes :)
How do you help therm feel valued
Stacey Loveland by listening to them and making sure the take their feelings seriously. Just being there means a lot
Like Kati said checking in can make a huge difference. When I was suicidal (years ago now doing a lot better) I was about to commit suicide after a really bad day. Then a friend of mine texted asking how I was doing cause she had noticed I was having a rough day. That text saved my life as I broke down seeing that someone actually cared enough to ask that.
So just checking in on a friend can make all the difference! That's why I try my best to chekc in on people. Not only so I'll know what my friends are up to but to make sure they know I care.
@Im Jia In all honesty in the moment I would have broken down but later had a hard time believing it which is why I believe it's important to be active in saying that and asking how the other is doing. Cause with mental health (at least in my case and many of my friends) it often tries to convince that they weren't being honest or truthful even if they were.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that asking just once is good but being there and asking at least a few times a week (or even once a week different for different people of course!) consistently actually shows that. And they might need a reminder of that every once in a while but I think that it can be life saving and maybe even the beginning of the journey to recovery.
Sometime you just need someone to show up. I am glad you recieved that text and that you are still here.
@@cd4536 Exactly! And thanks I'm glad I got the text too and even if I'm still not out of the woods I atleast know there are people there for me and that it does get better no matter how cheesy that may sound ☺
I'm glad you are feeling better. Your story made me cry. I have a nephew that is 19 years old and is having so many problems with his mom and my brother tries to talk to him but don't know if he understand when we tell him that he needs to mend things with his mom in order for him to move on.
There relationship is toxic she's puts him down and be little him at all time.
He now lives with my brother but I don't know how to help him without him draining my energy. I feel so mentally tired that I don't want his mood swings to disrupt my 22 and 21 year son point of view.
I love my nephew so much I just don't know how to help him. My brother says he he has anger issues and blows up. My brother just came in the picture do to a restraining order his ex put on him... As soon as my nephew turn 19 he came looking for him. There trying to mend things as well but it hard for my brother since he hasn't seen him in 4 yrs.
I desperately want to help just don't know how.
in the words of robin williams, "you treat a disease, you win, you lose. you treat a person, and i guarantee you, you win. no matter what the outcome." 💛 thankyou for this video kati. it's such an important thing..friendship.
Love that quote.. agreed :) xoxo
it's from the movie "patch adams." it's full of beautiful messages. 💛 ps. i meant to write kati*, not kaiti. 🙉 sorry, my brain is half asleep.
Thank you, we must learn from his tragic story.
Thank you so much for this video 💛
One thing that meant so much to me was one time I was really overwhelmed and anxious and I stopped taking care of myself. My life was a complete disaster and my dad helped by doing my laundry and folding it for me so that I didn’t have to worry about it and I could pick another baby step to get back on track. It was such a small gesture, but it meant the world to me.
This video made me cry. I wish people were more understanding like you and hopefully more people see this and take in your words. Thank you for making this video
When I was at University (second year) I got really depressed. My cat died, studying was hard, I got an unfair grade during exam session(made me feel like I was doing my best for nothing) and a person I considered a friend made me feel betrayed. And I probably was looking like a shell of my former self, because one of the teachers(German grammar) - who we used to have but the faculty for some reason swapped our teachers with another group - he saw me in the hall once and of course he asked me how I was doing and of course I forced a smile and lied, saying I was fine. That same day he messaged me via social media and here's what he whote "Mary, I'm sorry if I'm being intrusive, but you looked really said, is everything really ok?" and he talked to me all through that evening and even late through the night. And just because he cared it helped me so much. Just because he cared enough not to but a fake smile covering an aching heart. I will always love and appreciate him for that, he might have, honestly, saved me that day, because I felt...i really felt like I couldn't go on anymore.
By letting others know that you are there to listen, that can help some people feel better and more supported 👍🏾
UNLEASHING POTENTIAL - PSYCHOLOGY VIDEOS i totally agree!!
For me the number 1 thing was to feel listened to and that I wasn't alone.
1000% literally a “hey how are you” from anyone makes things so much better
This is the best video! I have a husband with clinical depression and sometimes often serious anxiety and OCD and I’m always wanting to learn tips and techniques on what I can do to help.
For him his list of things that I can do that help him is to:
1. Reassure him things will be okay and remind him that things have always been fine and they will continue to be.
2. To not push him to do anything he isn’t comfortable doing and have a backup plan just in case he cannot do something important or time sensitive like an event to go to or an appointment or job task.
3. Make sure he’s booking weekly therapy sessions with his clinical counsellor.
4. To make sure I am scheduling “us” alone time where we disconnect from our busy life and just watch Netflix or go to the beach for a walk etc.
5. Staying educated on mental health topics and educating others on this information especially for people who may not understand it.
6. Respect his space boundaries. Like when I wanna just give him a hug and he doesn’t want it or when he needs a hug badly that I go hug him.
7. Learn to understand that sometimes when he’s not well he can get really irritated, snappy, bitchy and frustrated and even sometimes can’t explain what’s happening and that I need to outright ask him to tell me directly what emotions he is feeling right now so I know where to go from there. It’s something he’s been working on with his counsellor and I’m helping him.
The Shady Brunch thanks for the great tips!
in my personal experience, i was pushed farther away from getting help because my friends would try to force me to speak to someone when really all i needed was a normal conversation with them to help me to feel normal again. I ended up resenting them for some time and not wanting to speak to them because all they ever wanted to talk about was me sorting myself out and getting better and i just wasn’t at that place yet! then because i was continuously defying what they were pushing me towards they began to get frustrated with me because they just didn’t understand what was so hard about it...
so in full - be patient with your loved one that’s struggling, even though you may get frustrated and angry, probably because you care about them, you want the best for them and you’re scared! try not to show it.
instead of pushing them to talk about it, change the subject and 99% of the time, they will choose to talk about it, when they’re ready!
and always reassure them, things like ‘you don’t have to speak to me about it if you don’t want to, but just know i am here and i care and if you ever want to, i’m here to listen :)’
Ask them! And listen to their response and respect their boundaries. I've had people TELL ME how they want to "help" and it's far from helpful. I've also had people ask what they can do to help and then DO THE OPPOSITE. It'd be great if they would ask and listen... if you can't do what they need, say "I'm sorry I can't do that" or "I'm sorry I can't do that RIGHT NOW". And if they specifically ask for something NOT to be done, recognize it as a boundary and give them the respect they deserve.
I made an incredible and helpful friend and mentor in the midst of a huge breakdown. She was overwhelmed and knew I was really struggling but didn’t know what to say or how to help. But she was willing to give me a ride to therapy- a year and a half later... she still helps me get to therapy but it is so much more than that. I know I have someone in my corner, someone who can give advice and just be there! It changed my life all because she was willing to give me a ride!
There is a bit of an issue where this may be tricky to apply. For example, when the person is in denial, and doesnt think anything is wrong. Constant mentioning/checking in with them may not “work” as intended. Alot of times, its up to the individual to realize they need help before “accepting” advice. At what point do you grab them from the ledge of the building they are oblivious to?
I completely agree with you and I believe you should be there for your friend and if they are down one day, ask them, and if they don't want to talk don't squeeze it out of them, just be their shoulder to cry on, or the one they can call or text.whenever
For me the best support a friend could give me is just coming over and sitting with me. Sometimes just not being alone is all I need.
I have PTSD from a really bad car wreck, and with my internship this summer I ended up having a 45-50 minute commute every day, which made me really anxious. My best friend gets off of work around the same time as me every day and she talks to me my whole commute home. This really simple act of just talking to me while I’m driving has helped tremendously, and it’s a great way to “spend time together” when we have jobs in different cities this summer.
My parents have been so supportive through the past 2 year with my struggles with really bad anxiety/agoraphobia/emtephobia. They have done what they can when I have asked for help and they have not been angry when I haven't been able to do something. They have been frustrated but haven't made me feel like it is my fault that I am like this. They have stood by my side and given me so much love, support, and encouragement and I honestly cannot thank them enough. Even when it all started and I was so angry and upset because I didn't know why I was feeling the way I was, they never blamed me or forced me to do stuff. They talked to me and took me to the doctors and have paid for the many rounds of therapy. When I have wanted to do something, they have done it with me and if I have found something difficult, they will either try to make the situation more manageable or taken me away from the situation. I know there is nothing that I can say or do that will express my sincerest gratitude to them but I say thank you every day and tell them how much I love and appreciate them. I don't know how I would be today without their love and support through this rough time. I know that I am extremely lucky to have such amazing parents as I know that not everyone is a lucky as I am so I am trying not to take them for granted. So yeah...just having someone there to talk/vent to and for them to be able to support me in any way they can would help me. :) x
I wish there were videos like this one around when I was younger
I REALLY appreciate this kind of content, in particular. I mean it.
Kati you're so right. I like it when others are around, but not actively trying to help me. If I can have the options & feel in control of my decisions, this gives me strength & having people offer the options is like a guiding light.
I apply this approach to a lot of my military buddies who I know are holding in some serious 💩. But whenever one of them decides to open up and hit the message button, I’m always there and READY to listen🙏🏻😂
It really does come down to just being a good friend to others by “meeting them where they’re at” (I love that!❤️) and then just waiting for the moment where they decide to open up.
Most people I know - are battling something and seem to love talking to me. So -I’ve been educating myself a bit more to help them address it. So much information out there.
Thank you Kati. You really do make a difference⭐
Awe thanks Elzanie :) xoxo
alexis and i have been texting each other’s therapists bc we can’t tell them the truth. thanks so much for the video it means the world to me❤️❤️
That's a great idea!! And I am glad you liked the video.. TK is the best :) xoxo
Yeah, ya know. This is DEFINITELY normal.... for us at least😂
Kati Morton WOOT WOOT!
I went through depression, anxiety, and self harm a couple years ago, while living 4 hours away from any family and very few close friends. My mom supported me by calling every morning while she was getting ready for work, we would chat and pray for just 10 or 15 minutes, but it helped me get over that dread feeling first thing in the morning. She was my support person between therapy sessions, and we would talk 2 or 3 times per week about what was covered in therapy, anything i was struggling with, and also just to chat and catch up about life and the good things going on around both of us. I had a couple friends who were privy to what was going on and they would make time for me once a week just to hang out and get me out of the house. I didn't talk to them a lot about what I was going through, but they listened when I needed to talk and would check on me, in a no pressure sort of way, if they didn't hear from me for a few days.
I can't emphasize enough how important it was to me that people treated me like normal as much as possible, especially those who knew what was going on. Not that they ignored my situation or pretended it wasn't an issue, they just gave me opportunities to participate and be normal once in a while, but were totally available if i needed to open up about something.
Can we talk about how to get over trust issues? Future relationships shouldn’t have to pay for your past. But idk how to get there.
It takes alot of time and its more like trust people will show u exactly what u need to see for u to choose whether u trust their character or not
Love how she says happy Monday when all I am is sad that it’s Monday.
I find that if an individual does not want to talk about things, it also helps if they know you're there to even just listen or read about how they're feeling. I always try to give my friends the option of just venting with no response or for me to talk things through with them!
I like your videos because you always find the way to say and explain things the right way, never any judgement. (Also with exact definitions) I also feel like your videos in general are something that can be helpful to anyone even if they don’t have a mental disorder and they just want to be more aware and educated. You also have a soothing voice and talk not to a camera but to the people watching the videos. I hope this helps!
It could be really cool with a video about how you take care of yourself while helping others. A couple of people close to me have had and still has mental illnesses, some have been so bad that they were at the hospital for months. I spent so much energy trying to help them that I kind of forgot my self and got very sad and lonely and felt so much shame about my sadness. I felt like I wasn’t aloud to be sad when my friend(s) had it so much worse than I so I wouldn’t really talk about it to anyone. That obviously didn’t help and I ended up needing therapy my self (which took years for me to realize because of the shame). I wasn’t much help for my friends either because I was so tired and irritated all the time.
My point is you’re the best help if you look after yourself as well and remember you’re also aloud to feel sad
ChristieRoadNH I’ll link some of Kati’s videos that you may find helpful!
ruclips.net/video/wZ60mGovDzU/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/gBpDwbTsLlE/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/p7Y_oDVh15c/видео.html
I always wanted to help everyone , specially people with mental illness , cz I can feel their hardships . They're not able to express their problems , because deep inside they're thinking that no one can understand their issues . mental health awareness is not growing everywhere . That's why we need more awareness more support . When we will support and help each other then the world will be a better place to live in 🌎💖
dear Kati , thank you for this informative video . I've learnt a lot through your videos . 🌸
So when my boyfriend first got out of the hospital we sat down and made lists. Lists of what we would like to do (play boardgames, cook food, that kind of stuff). We made lists of what he would like to do if he was in a dark place (exercise, go for walks etc.). We also made a schedule for when to shower, when to clean, all that stuff. It really helped us in the beginning. We still do schedules, but not as detailed, just if we have some appointments or there's something we really want to do
Thank you Kati! This is very timely for me. I have been praying and seeking how i can help others who struggle with Depression Autism, ADD/HD, etc. Not as a medium to push my faith, but to just help others who struggle.
This video came at just the right time, I have a friend whose father recently moved on and her family said some very unkind things to her as a result she has become extremely depressed to the point where she is not eating and self harming (she told me yesterday that she has bitten off her fingernails down to the citucals) she keeps telling me she is extremely scared because she thinks that this is how she is paying for all the bad things she has done in life but, I know her since we were children so I know she is not that sort of person who is cruel or uncaring . She won't allow me to visit her but I text her every day and call her every other day to let her know that I am here for her, She has gone through this about every 7 years but never this bad, she has been hospitalized in the past but is resistant to it now because she says "All you do is lay in bed all day and and take your meds, they won't even allow you to have a cell phone." I am so worried about her. I don't know what to do for her but I know if she continues like this it will not turn out good for her.
I do great at helping others. Advice is always on point. The problem I have is helping myself. I have the best advice for others but cant seem to help myself.
Hi Kati. Great video! I have some great friends now that support me. I think that it is important to know that people with mental illnesses are first and foremost "people". We make up a well-rounded society. A lot of times I think that I am not worthy of having good friends because I have mental illnesses. My therapist and my friends show me time and time again that I am as worthy as anyone else. And in return for the support I receive, I give back to them because everyone needs the support of others. Thank you Kati for everything you do!
For me it works a lot better when friends offer to be there for me and just listen and hang out. I don't like it when people immediately try to play psychologist and tell me I should do this and that. I know I get into that mode myself easily because I was raised in a family like that, but I'm trying to kick the habit too.
gracehyma FACTS!!!!!!!!!!! it drives me bonkers when people who aren’t mental health professionals try to act like one
It's very difficult for someone to understand exactly how you feel if they've never been through the same thing but it means so much when someone is actually willing to listen. Getting something of your chest normalises it, you begin to realise that you're feelings are validated. People can spend so much time inside they're own minds that they forget to speak about how they're feeling. Just listening to someone will mean a lot. x
Hi Kati , thank you for this video. I have held a belief that if only one person is helped or relieved by something you did , then you can rest easy on that day. It can be stating a helpful comment , saying hello to someone in need , helping a person with the groceries , so many ways to do that one thing. If everyone did just one act of kindness per day , what a wonderful world this could be. Take care XOXO , Gary
Thank you, this video really helped. My sisters getting really ill again. Shed been '51/50' d before at 15 (though in the UK we say sectioned) she was in hospital for a year and a half with multiple issues including severe self harm, hearing voices, eating disorder and so on. She's 22 now and started self harming a lot we've had many trips to the A&E for stitches and infected wounds treatments. I feel very helpless and unsure of how to help her. I'm the only person she has that can really help her too, so its a lot of pressure. I'll be sure to ask her more what she is going through (if she's comfortable) so i can better understand what she needs from me. Your videos are currently the only useful information I can find right now 😂 so thank you x
Good advice. Being present is a big deal.
Kati’s videos are always the highlight of my day!!!
Awe yay!!! xoxo
@@Katimorton
Admir Barucija amen to that. She’s how I remember what day it is. 😂
@@kaitlincarr2990 😂 Her videos really do help a lot. It's reassuring that someone out there is constantly fostering conversations about mental health.
I was depressed for a few years in my life (I'm better now), but during that time I couldn't even talk to anyone about it because I was terrified of the thought of being locked up on a psych unit somewhere. Given the option of killing myself or being locked up, I would have just done the former. Thankfully, my depression never got bad enough for me to attempt suicide, but there is no way I would have admitted how bad I was feeling while I was going through it for fear of being locked up. I think many people refuse to admit how much pain they're in for this reason. Great video, Kati!
The closing comment really hits home for me. I never stopped trying but was at a point of breakdown. This began at separation from my EX NBPD out of control spouse. But my neighbour became my mental health support and much more for as long as I needed that level of support.
I deal with severe medical or physical disability but my limit was exceeded with a plurality of difficult mental health symptoms starting with the C-PTSD AND ﹰ
what that brings on in the acute spectrom. I was falling apart big time but she stood beside me during the worse of it.
That is untill we agreed time to wean off onto my own feet. Still there to talk but I told her I know she saved my sanity, even my life, I will always owe her for what she was willing to freely give of herself....
Amazing job on building such a helpful and positive community!! I think it's about really checking in with the person like you said- how are YOU? Not how are your circumstances...
I'm currently in the middle of my journey to understand and come to terms with living with depression and anxiety, I realized I wasn't doing so great so I took a break from university because it had been severely affecting my grades and my general well-being. It wasn't until several months after that that my parents realized how miserable I had been but now, I'm regularly going to therapy, taking some medication and setting up a routine for myself. Keeping myself clean and taking care of myself is a LOT harder than I ever admit. How can I tell and talk to my parents about this? They're frustrated because they can't gauge how well I'm actually doing, even though I've told them that I'm improving, they still assume that I'm being "lazy" or I'm not trying hard enough when I'm trying SO FREAKING HARD to get better. It's even harder because they have so much influence over my mental/emotional state and I have tried so...SO many times to help them understand the chaos in my mind. Not only do I have to deal with my anxiety and having random panic attacks because I'm still having some rough days where I feel overwhelmed by just existing, I also have to have the patience to hear what my parents' opinions are and try to not let them affect me. I'm so tired, can you help me?
Minerva C so glad you’re on the road to recovery! Here are a few of Kati’s videos that you may find helpful! ruclips.net/video/7U1pBVC8bcY/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/TMzyLQx8KEI/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/oFmV_9Xe48k/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/KhW4g9urdXQ/видео.html
I suffer from depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia, sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I just shut down. My home gets messy, I stop talking to people, and stop going out anywhere... The most helpful things anyone has ever done has all been done by one person, my best friend. She's come over and cleaned my place, she's brought food for me, and she offers to just come over and watch Netflix with me because she knows that often times I just don't feel well enough to go out, and she checks in with me often and reminds me that she cares. She keeps me company with no expectations, no demands. She's the best. I wish there were more people like her.
Thank you for making this! This will be great for a lot who don’t know how to help individuals.
I’m trying so hard to help a family member. I’ve given her books to read I’ve offered her to live with me because her home life is unsafe and not helping her mental health. I’ve given her resources for cheap/free therapy. She’s depressed and sometimes suicidal, and she’s so intertwined in her situation I feel like I can’t get her out. I’m there for her as much as possible, but I’ve done everything I can think of to help her and sometimes it seems like she’s gonna get out of her situation and then I think she gets scared and backs out. I know I’m doing everything I can to make it better for her, but until she wants to take that leap, that’s all I can do. I wish I could just go to her house and pack her bags for her, but she’s not ready and I can’t force her. Just sucks watching someone you love struggle and you can’t do anything about it. I also struggle with major depression and anxiety so I’m not the best at giving her advice either, all I can do is stand by and hope she gets through this. 😪
Sarcastically_me it sounds like she has a great friend in you, you sincerely care about her safety and well-being , trust that when she’s ready she will reach out to you, she’s so lucky to have someone like you have her back, and you know what living with mental illness is like so she probably feels so understood as well and that’s all you need sometimes, knowing that you get her struggle, and when there’s a lot of pain, trauma it might take her longer to have the caring and loving understanding you offer sink in enough for her to care about her/himself enough to reach out💗 so you’re doing an amazing job of being a present and caring friend she can count on, anybody would be lucky to have you as a friend🌸
This was very helpful. Thanks! It's hard not to try to insist on treatment for certain people, especially substance abuse. It's helpful to remember it has to be their choice.
I have bipolar II, and my fiancé isn't supportive, he just says that he accept this and it doesn't help at all. On the other hand his brother, who suffers from depression is the most supportive person that I ever met, sometimes he just comes to our house just to play games with me, or we play World of Warcraft together and talk for hours about random things, or even send me memes without context, and he is always there to listen to me, when I have panic attacks he is the one person who can calm me down, just by texting with me, distracting me from panic. I also am always there for him, even when he calls me at middle of the night because he cannot sleep, just lays and cry. I think that having a person who just understands what you going through is the most important thing and having someone who you endlessly trust helps a lot.
I didn’t watch the video yet but this is a really important topic that I needed to learn about. Thanks!!
Very good to hear you say this in light of recent youtube drama.
Practical help is also really good. When I have times where I am too depressed to get out of bed in the morning (I am a student so I can stay in bed too long), my mom calls me at an arranged time and drinks a coffee with me (in different cities, but still). It helps to not turn around once more and after the call, I'm awake. A good example of practical help without judgement :)
I love this video.
I think you already know who my support team is. Without them...you know where I would be.
I really hope that everyone has at least one person in their corner for them.
How Kati is describing this is super accurate, you want to try and stay positive and out of hospitaliazation if you can. 💖💖💖
I have a friend I've known since 1987 who now has severe memory problems where she can't categorize information and just thrashes back and forth trying to pay bills (which I help with), get groceries etc. She's 71, not married, no kids, her nearest relative is her niece and family about 75 miles away who I've informed of this situation. This friend will not admit to any therapist about her problems for fear of being institutionalized she said. I can't force her to get help and so it just gets worse all the time. Talk about being between a rock and hard place, for both her and me. I live about 7 miles from her and help taking her to physical therapy due to a broken shoulder she got when she fell back in Nov. of last year as well. Luckily, that is at least getting better. One thing that is important, is even though helping is necessary, the person you're helping can get so dependent on your help, that you get sucked into their world and they never want you to leave - and then start crying when you have to. Unless that person admits that they need help, this vortex can never end.
Can you do a video on how to assist your significant other through depression and mental illness? And how to not to let it effect your relationship
Erika Finch ck our Kati’s video on how to help someone with depression! ruclips.net/video/rGGU1xr59C4/видео.html
Thankyou Katie.
I know something that really helped me when I was going through my treatment was my therapist encouraging and praising my passions. I would bring drawings or talk about art stuff, and even though I know now it wasn't very good, she praised those passions and encouraged me to continue with them. I really think this helps with anything. If you notice your friend is wanting to do something, maybe ask them to sign up for a class with them. Have an art day, or go to a concert with music they like. And really this goes for anyone, but especially with people who are struggling to find motivation to do anything. Passions are what keep us going. and sometimes we need that extra push to really get into those passions.
My sister was sectioned at Easter and she really struggled to feel like she could ask the medical team questions about her own care. I tried to encourage her to do it as the family wasn't always allowed to be there and when I spoke to her on the phone and she said she'd been able to ask the questions she wanted to I told her I was really proud of her and that seemed to help her keep doing it.
This video is extremely beneficial I know I know some people who are struggling and this is so helpful. Also my sister just got me into a day program and is trying to help as I am her. Thank you your videos are always perfect
Kati admitting a 5150 does more harm than good??? Hallelujah! It's way past time mental health professionals acknowledged this fact. They should also acknowledge that the 5150 laws discourage the exact people they are intended to help from ever mentioning suicide to a therapist. Thank you Kati for being willing to have an open and honest discussion about this.
Thanks kati, i didn't know how to help with a friend with her anxiety, so thank you so much!!!!
THANK YOU!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️I have a feeling this is going to be one of the videos I reference a ton in the future!
This advice also counts for helping people with physical issues too.
Wonderful advice as always Kati!
Thank you.
🙏🏻💜💜💜
Hi Kati, firstly I want to say that your videos are incredible & so helpful! They’ve been great for my own personal struggles, I wish that there were more therapists like you in the uk !! Anyways, I wanted to ask a question - I’ve been babysitting these 2 kids, age 7 and 10, whose parents are divorced. Their mum is seeing someone new, and he’s around quite a lot. They’re not very wealthy, and the mother is always working, tired, stressed, irritable etc. It’s clear that this all affects the kids quite a bit, and I’m not sure whether I’m seeing any warning signs? The 7 year old boy is definitely frustrated, doesn’t know how to control his anger and acts out a lot. The 10 year old girl is more closed up and I think she holds everything in. But I’ve really clicked with them and now they trust me, and they’ve opened up to me about how they feel about their home life, family, friends and school. I’m a 19 year old student and don’t really know what to do - the nhs in england is awful, and they’d probably be on a waiting list for up to a year, if not longer, to talk to someone. Their dad is no longer very interested in them, and their mum is far too busy or stressed to spend much time with them to talk about stuff, and finances are a problem, etc. It’s clear that it’s affecting them, because of how they’re behaving and what they are saying to me. How can I help them?
really glad i’m on the right track
I'm so glad it's Monday I needed a video! I hope it's great I'm sure it will be!
The HALT skill is very helpful! I just think that sometimes it's hard to ask for help😶🤐 thank you Kati for making it easier for us to ask for help! You're the best😘
I am finishing my undergrad next summer and I am trying to decide which direction to go. This was really helpful!
We love you Kati!
So needed this
Hi kati,
Would you talk on a video about dealing with anxious parents/overprotective parents?
I just had a friend the other day who's mind runs wild (panic) and we had a storm roll through, and had a LOUD crack of thunder. She raced down the stairs with a panic attack, and I sat with her for 4 hours just letting her vent, and reassuring her she would be ok, and even if the power goes out, that I would help her put batteries into her flashlights and such. She had run out of meds because she didn't schedule her next appointment before her last refill ran out, so I was getting her to do deep breathing, picture a safe, happy place, kept reminding her that the thoughts she had in her head weren't true, and just to make sure she doesn't listen or hold onto the irrational scenarios she had when the thunder hit. She thanked me greatly for my help, and I was glad there was a few of us down in the community room to help her out :) Now she had her appointment, has her meds, I asked her if she made an appointment with her dr BEFORE she runs out next time, she made sure she did, so that was another thing we talked about was making SURE she made the appointments within the time frame she needed to make sure she didn't run out of her medications for her anxiety. I even gave her a hug and told her she would be OK :)
Why do I relate so much?!??!
Excellent advice. 💖 Just be supportive and also remember to respect boundaries.
One time in my life, I got really depressed and I called off work for like 3 days in a row, stopped showering, brushing my teeth and basically slept the whole time. It was no secret at work that I have to cope with mental illness. I shared this with the co-workers who I was close with and told them what I've honestly been going through. On the third day, the co-workers I was close with came to my house.. as I hadn't been answering calls or texts. They knocked on my doors and windows (lol) I answered, they said Cody we're so happy to see and we wanted to check in with you about what you may be going through. Could you get ready so we could take you out to eat and talk? I agreed, they even drove a convertible to get me so I'd get some sun and fresh air. Then we talked over lunch and I felt so loved I just cried. The next couple of days I pushed my self just to do little things and they had me over nearly everyday for the next week to have dinner and to watch a movie. This really helped. With me I know when I need to ask for help and often want it but sometimes I'm just too ashamed to ask. So having loved ones who watch out for the signs, give me some space, and are patient with me has been such a blessing.
also kati, this is a great video! I see a ton of great suggestions in the comments, maybe make another video on the tips you find useful?!
I have helped a lot with one of my kinda friends get through suicidal thoughts, depression all of it over a break up but that was linked to childhood trauma so it was incredibly rough. But she’s doing better now and now I’m helping her “ex” gf (it’s complicated) who has serious issues too. She does not open up easily but I’ve found that when I open up and talk about my feelings and then I let her just rant, we were able to get somewhere. It’s an incredibly difficult and crazy situation involving every factor you can think of (literally) but it will get better. I know that. I will make sure of that.
hey kati. can you do a video on dealing with a friend who is irritable and lashes out on you because of their mental illness?
Being helped: I told Dad I was too anxious to take my uncle to doctor & he helped me by doing so. More was going on but he didn’t pry.
Helper: I am trying to be there for my friend who is in love with a guy who is treating her horribly at work & in life. Even just as a friend, he’s treating her horribly.
I think you are right that sometimes presence is needed over talking.
Really needed this video from you! Appreciate it Kati
Thank you for all your video's! Can you please make a video about narcissistic victim syndrome?
Marissa has definitely been a huge help, and so have you!! Thank you for this video! It was super helpful! Ahh love you Kati!💕
I have a friend who is suddenly acting nothing like themselves. We have been friends for a decade and now suddenly she is harming herself and it’s not just standard. She’s never been sexually active and doesn’t know how to even protect herself but she’s just finding strangers online and letting them do stuff to her and then coming to me in tears trying to figure out how to handle the repercussions.
She doesn’t have a solid opinion on what she thinks or how she feels, really extremely. Jumping between “that was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me” to “I want to see him again”
I’m trying to get some information on psychologists in the area, but I’m just so heartbroken over this. And she’s successfully living a double life. I’m one of two people that knows what’s going on.
I’m so scarred she’s going to turn up in a ditch and it will be my fault for not helping her somehow.
Thank you, I needed this right now!
Be a good friend, educate yourself, assist in anyway you can. How I wish that some supernatural would whisper these to my friends.
I have dysthymia, asking help from your friends is a gamble because if they didn't help you, your depression will get worse, so I stopped asking for help.
I don't have time for psychotherapy, and I don't want medication because my depression is not major, and I believe doing self CBT will help myself.
Hi Kati, I can't help but notice how high your left eye is compared to the left, and that makes me notice how beautiful your eyes are. 😁😊
I know I help *most* of my family with mental health issues wether that be listening to them or planning fun activities for them to get their mind off of whatever it may be, but if you are helping someone it’s ok to not want to do it all the time. It can be so so draining at times especially if you’re stressed yourself! So if you are helping someone with their mental health issues don’t forget to take time for yourself as well!
So complete with elevating music!
kati, can you PLEASE do a video on symptoms of ADHD in teens/if you think you might have it ?? my sister is convinced i have it and i agree w her. when you do videos like those, they are always really helpful and you only have ADHD videos for adults.
Hey Kati! I would love to hear you talk about learning how to connect to our emotions and how to understand them as well as how to help others do that. I just keep thinking of friends and family who are asked about their feelings and are unable to identify feeling words and just revert to describing the literal situation
Thank you for making this video Kati 💕
Of course!! xoxo
Yes locking a person in a room or ward is not helpful to a persons mental health they require understanding and assistance not processing though a system. I brought a person to a mental health facility and as soon as they opened the doors I regretted it. It was archaic I was horrified. It was clear the staff were under trained and understaffed and shockingly the building was designed for that exact reason. The next day I went to see her and luckily for her she has high intelligence and her fear of that environment motivated her. I watched her handle the psychologists and she told them everything they needed to hear and she was out within the hour. Kati your videos are great you have the right amount of compassion, hopefully if you can, move into politics or lobby so you can be a voice for people with mental health conditions. We, humanity need a change in the political arena to move forward in human understanding. No pressure :) If you choose to you may have to gain higher education to be taken seriously.
What I have experienced is the person in full denial or worse knowing but no longer willing to care or even try....
Thank you so much, this video has been so helpful for me. It really opened my eyes. Thank you.
Excellent video Kati!❤
omg I needed this video so so much!!