Simp DM Completely Breaks The Rules To Show Everyone How Cool His Wife Is || D&D Story
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
- Join the Discord! / discord
Submit Your Story! / critcrab
Support me on Patreon! / critcrab
Follow me on Twitter! / crabcrit
MERCH! teespring.com/...
When you have a DM like this, you aren't playing a game, your listening to a fan fiction
Well said
Disgusting truly
A Very BAD Fan Fiction!
Well, at least he was simping for his Wife, instead of some girl he had the hots for, although that still doesn't excuse bad DMing.
Not even a fan fiction, as they can honestly be pretty good, but just some scribbled notes
Last week my girlfriend's character ran straight into a wall in D&D and knocked herself out cold (I was DMing). I feel like that was more endearing than whatever tf this DM is doing
Agreed
My wife stole a creature from a Band of Bandits. Now I got me an open ARC because she asked if she could keep the creature, "Suuuure. All yours." Begin the slow creepy DM smile, actions have consequences.
@@trentnight686 fuck yea, nothings free, oh yea isnt it your turn to do them dish's?
We have a couple in our group.
Last session the wife, tired of a long day of work, started slurring her words a lot of times; I, the DM, started a small running gag of "you witness Ellye having her #th stroke of the day".
By sheer coincidence, later the same session she got Feebleminded. There was only 1 person laughing harder at the stroke running gag suddenly becoming 100% canon than the wife herself: her husband.
Gotta love people who understand that the downs of a story are as important (if not more!) than the ups
How very dojikko of her.
Sounds like those two should be playing a duet instead of a full table.
It sounds like she wouldn't be as happy if she didn't literally have someone to be better than and get more than.
"She sails a massive ship by herself, with no crew..." Nah I'm out
An unusual sight appears on the horizon, a rundown, storm struck ship with only one remaining sail slowly drifts into harbour, as you look closer you see one haggard person francically rushing about trying to hold the ship together long enough to make land.
Introducing a former castaway character like that could be fairly interesting. And a bit closer to how a level one character may be bringing in a galleon rather than being a one person crew.
At level 6.
"She killed her crew because they just wouldn't cut it"
No. The edge is so sharp it somehow warped physics and turned into a butter knife.
Reminds me of Pirates of the Carribean.
@@vixxcelacea2778 Don't forget the *again* part, meaning she kills her crew regularly apparently. She's not just an edge lord, she's a murderous criminal befitting a low level BBEG title
I wouldn't have had the patience to keep playing when hearing about the wife.
Father law boy the doctor said man love said one boy on the hand
@@John-if5xl Is your grammar okay?
The moment a 'Mary Sue' arrives.
Every smart person leaves.
@@TheUlquiorraCifer I think he might of had a stroke.
@@dylancarroll4623 Agreed, Stroke joke.
"3 couples and a rogue."
Why is that so relatable?
Looks like I'm the rogue :(
Yeah...
@@Almighty_Mage I've been a rogue my entire life. I has its perks though. For starters you never have to simp for your partner that can't play fair like everyone else :-)
Don't you guys worry, every rogue finds his fortune.
@@thechosenfundead6626 Either that or he finds a dagger in his spine
Ah yes. The sibling to "why arent you just writing a book?"
"Why isnt this a one on one campaign?"
And a cousin to “why don’t you just play Skyrim if you want to play like that?”
The sauce unfortunately has been deleted along with three further parts of this nine-episode long story.
And of course the user himself.
@@vellothedreepy5930 Well I don't doubt it. He didn't want his family to see this and a couple hundred thousand people probably have.
Do people do one on one DND? I never hear it brought up much? Of course I consider myself a rookie in DND anyway.
@@hiddenflare6169 I've done it after my party dissolved in a text-based game and we were looking for more players. Definitely some enjoyment in being the protagonist, being able to have all the limelight for a bit.
I would have been soooooo passive aggressive; “Wait, why can’t the all powerful, all knowing Druid just handle it by herself?” : *finds anything noteworthy* “Here you go Druid, I’m sure this was meant for you.” : *cuts off DM* “Wait, let me guess, Druid beheads Giant without even trying?”
@Am I - My office experience was more like; me asking a simple question, then getting pushed to the side so Mr. Big Brain could just do it himself, and never getting an answer to my question, but everyone’s experience is different I guess. 🤷🏻♀️
Trust me that doesn't work, one time I tried that when the paladin was doing over 100 damage at level 3 and had a holy avenger greatsword and had tens of thousands of platinum.
We were in an arena, the paladin was handling everything by himself with his ridiculous damage and for some reason 3 attacks in a row, so I said "hey paladin you should forget about fighting the enemies, just swing your weapon at a random wall and blast the entire arena apart with your damage" and the DM was like "yeah that would be a good idea! he's easily powerful enough" x_x
@@PaladinGear15 - lmao! Next thing you know, he’s pulling the moon down from orbit, shatters it to pieces, and builds his own fortress out of the pieces, then dings to lvl 6.
@@PaladinGear15 That's when you keep the joke going. "I know imagine if the entirety of the nine hells just decided to open right here, Paladin would have it all under control, we could go have tea." ALWAYS DOUBLE DOWN
That's a tad bit immature.
Everyone say it with me "No D&D is better then bad D&D."
Ok no D&D is better then bad D&D
No D&D is better followed by bad D&D
No, dnd is better than bad dnd.
(See what I did there?)
@@mentallychallengedpokemon57 aye
No D&D is better than bad D&D
"She killed her whole crew again because they just didn't cut it."
Why the absolute ever living fuck would any character ever want to step foot on a ship with, or work with, that character?
Yes, exactly! What in the hot & crispy kentucky fried fuck were they thinking!?
@@thatoneguy7807 ooh! I have one!
"What in baby ray's bastardized bullshit were they thinking?"
exactly that just says she was a shit captain that went on a hell of a power trip not that she's super cool and badass
yeah, I don't imagine there are any sailor families in this city willing to take revenge or intent a trial on her...
Easily one of the funniest occasions I had with my party was when they couldn't read an important item when there was an arrow written in elvish. I asked the group "Does anyone speak Elvish?" and the group responded with various answers of "No, but I know Deep Speech." "Only Celestial and Infernal." "Giant and Dwarvish.". So they paid a scholar 370gp to translate it and it was an elaborate dick joke lol. They were all very annoyed until I told them "And this is why you send your Dungeon Master a picture of your character sheet by the eighth time he asks.". They all immediately sent me pictures of their character sheets after
why would it cost 370gp to translate such a common language?
@@simondean5227 because I realized I accidentally gave them way too much gold at level 3 and had to drain their wallets a bit
@@simondean5227 No no no. Common is a different language.
I love your method. That gets the lesson learned in a frustrating yet hilarious moment.
nice lol
"I killed my whole crew again. They just couldn't cut it."
And now I won't join a team with that person.
Imagine if this was an apocalypse setting.
"Hey guards, this woman just confessed a string of murders, can i care for a minute of ur attention?"
Here's a quick lesson for you guys.
Don't cheat your players.
Stay tuned for more quick lessons.
Second quick lesson:
No D&D > Bad D&D
This story is why if I had my GF/wife at a table I would let her know before starting "I will treat you equally including with enemy targeting and story stuff" such as if she wants to reroll she can but everyone else including the enemies gets advantage on another check IE the save against their Deception roll.(I will admit that I do like focusing on character arcs until completion even more so for players consistently there but that is just more it makes it so I don't forget that plot aspect)
Wow why did this catch on again
Wow, that was quick
Are you saying not to fudge numbers against or for them?
Not only is this guy a bad DM, making a player use gold, giving them no way out of being grappled, oh sorry, not a grapple, but a hand on their shoulder. He also just... changed spell rules for no reason.
And if someone else wants to use a spell that is decent. Better Nerf that, His wife does not want to be out shined.
DM likes to keep his wife's pimp-hand strong.
@@redholm so what I'm hearing is the other 3 murder the "Archdruid" and druid 2 gets the title?
@@donaldevans4312 They could try. Even with 20 Nat20's in a row I doubt the GM would not just BS something and make it not count.
@Mister Smith Yea. That is also true.
It baffles me that a game this bad can make it past one session, let alone 9.
I would have left the group after the 3rd session
@@IaconDawnshire I don't know that I would have made it through the first session.
since the op is close with the dm they probably wanted to give them a chance
@@thomasplummer8103 Agree. I would have told them both off for what they did and anyone else don't like them to come with me.
@@AllenTax Eh. if they are family, and otherwise not the kind of family you go no-contact with, telling them off won't end well.
Maybe a second session after a conversation, but I would generally just tell them the game wasn't for us, and not come back in this situation.
This reminds me of a player we had to kick out unfortunately because he not only wanted to be the "hero" of the campaign, kept meta-gaming, interrupting other players, and even low-key cheating when he thought he could get away with it. And when he didnt he would whine and accuse us of ganging up on him. I dont understand players like this, really, how do you not see you're the one with the problem?
NPD is one explanation
To be fair the whole thing with "You can't attack a prone target at melee since it's too low" was a bit bs >.>
Still, I could see why you saw this, as a DM, using another system, I love adding new things to it, or making rulings to things that the rules don't cover, but I mostly do this to aid the players themselves. Also, as a dm, I felt a bit odd at the whole "8 feet of muscles" to 6'11", I know I can be nitpicky, but a good Dm always takes notes, even when I misplace my Dm notebook, I'm not ashamed to ask my players certain details like "So... Who's got the ring now?"
All and all, communication is #1!
I bet he nerfed the dudes height because they tried to get that guy to help them out or something.
Or the wife didn't like that someone was obviously that much stronger than her character.
Maybe it was both.
@@VaSoapman damn though imagine being married to such a person.
When I still played instead of running games, I only found myself in this position once. Where I was the cheater.
At the time I was convinced my consistently low rolls were what was going to keep others from wanting to game with me, so I started over-compensating.
-Story of my life really, try to fix an issue and only end up making it worse.
Worst thing is bullying the rogue I thought. Having random people try to start problems with him for no good reason constantly seems like bullying to me. Once in awhile is fine, but 3 times in one session and OP seems to say it's an every session occurrence. I've stayed in toxic games for too long before because I wanted to spend time with my friends who were part of the group (it was really only the DM and his brother that were the problem) so I can see why OP is 9 sessions in.
well when the op says the DM is his brother in law then he must be either OP's partner's brother, or his wife is OP's sister
either way its a tough spot to be in
It can be nice quest hook if done right. Start an investigation why the rogue is so hated in the first place (maybe false accusations and racial bias against tieflings stacked up). I dunno, personally I don't mind it. I used to play in a mini-campaign as a half-orc investigating a church blatantly racist towards orcs, and by extension half-orcs, so I was "bullied" 5 times per session on average but I had a brilliant DM who managed to fit it all into the narrative. On the bright side, if something questionable was to be done I always voluntereed, as a pariah (and a CN alignment character) my standing couldn't get any worse and my party remained with a clean slate to keep using the diplomatic approach as distraction.
In this case, however, I have a disturbing feeling it's just projecting some kind of a personal DMs (or his wife's) bias against the rogue player. We need more data but so far that would be my guess.
It makes no sense that every townsperson knows the rogue is a rogue. And even if they did, it makes no sense they would just attack him out of the blue when he's not doing anything and is being watched by a paladin.
@@mrroboshadow Not too tough a spot. Just talk with the wife about not returning to the gaming table - because stabbing one's own hand with an ice pick just seems to be a lot more fun.
I may be wrong, but isn't fairly normal for Tieflings to suffer distrust if not outright abuse or worse by the normies?
The DM and his wife are possibly in it together, it seems she had no issues in this story, but part 2 might change that.
Possibly? You mean 100% surely
The Wife seems to be most surely in on it. I mean that or she might be an Int 5 Person.
If anything, the wife is pressuring DM to make her super cool and awesome
Yeah, sounds to me like the dm and wife are playing a roleplay with wife as the super awesome main character, and everyone else is background filler
@@unluckyone1655 so OP is playing DnD with Paul W.S. Anderson and Mila Jovovich?
This dm is a terrible dm. Regardless of relationship to OP, if that where me in that situation is stop going, because no dnd is better than bad dnd. There's nothing wrong with simping for your wife, but not if it impedes the enjoyment of the table
@Mister Smith simping is spending money on/championing a popular or famous woman to get romantic attention when it almost certainly will never happen.
If you're getting laid it's not simping, this is just a clickbait title.
@@probablypragmatic6893 no, it means "foolishly over catering to the exaggerated emotions of women." But it is used "to criticize and mock men who overvalue women and feel entitled to women's attention" aka the DM in this story who is overvaluing his wife among the party and spending the entire time trying to make her extra bad ass at everyones expense. DM in the story is simping
What makes is worse though that if when you stop and think about the wording the OP is using. He bin calling the DM his brother-in-law wish means that the DM's wife is ether the OP sister or the OP partner is the DM sister. Since he being calling the DM's wife as just the DM's wife it would mean that the OP is not related to the her. Wish means that the OP partner is the DM sister. Wish means that not only is a terrible DM but he is a dick to his family as well.
to the debate above about the definition of the word "simp": people basically use "simp" to mean anything from "a man who idolizes and gives a lot to a woman for nothing in return" to "a man who is nice to women." I've seen men be called simps for complimenting a woman or agreeing with a woman. basically, people mostly use it as a lowkey toxic way to discourage men from being kind to women at all, lest they be accused of simping. The DM in this situation is a total asshole and he's completely biased and unfair, but I couldn't say if he's a simp or not since everyone uses the word so inconsistently
@Mr Mistah I hate that you've shared this cursed knowledge with me, thanks
“Druidish Language”
Huh, funny. DM’s wife doesn’t look Druish.
I love that movie.
Wakka wakka! 😆
You're really a Spaceball...you know that, don't you?
Great.. a Druish Princess..
I wonder if she only took what she needed to survive
Edit- she didn't
"How her wife feels about it? Is she aware?"
I hope i'll always have enough neurons to notice such levels of favouritism and bullshittery!
well seeing as it went on for 9 sessions i think its a strong possibility that she either enjoyed it
or was actually stupid enough to not notice, though the first option is more likely
If she didn’t realise what was going on, she’s probably dumber than your average pet rock.
Damn you for choosing an adorable jumping spider as an avatar. Anyone who wants to have fun with giant spiders in campaign just use real spider varieties. Drow with jumping spiders the size of chihuahuas in their sleeves.
It’s highly likely that she is domineering in their relationship. He can’t have any friends she doesn’t approve of, and isn’t allowed to do anything that she isn’t involved with.
I’ve had gaming groups that included the DMs girlfriend, who didn’t want to be there and started fights if something didn’t go her way. She was a demi-god who never failed roles, never missed an attack, and never got hurt. In another case, I had a girlfriend who would start crying and screaming if I had a friend visit and only allowed me to hang out with her teenage brother. I ended up maintaining a relationship with her brother longer than I had with her.
@shishoka I know right? Spiders get a bad rep for having too many legs and the horror of the Web spell. If only you'd look close at their stupid little faces you'd see plenty of dreamy starry eyes and a fuzzy, ready-to-boop friend!
I don't understand how some DMs can just be so transparent with their intentions. And at this point, why even be a DM for a group when you're only focusing on one player? Why favor one player while ignoring the others? Why ignore the stats and the rolls of a player? Just why?
Roleplay allow persons to show their real face with the excuse of "is just roleplay not the real me".
Many times OP's say their friends are assholes inside game but nice out of game, as excuse but the reality is those friend act nice in real world by fear to consequences but inside game they feel free to be themselves without real consecuenses.
More important, why give them DM a chance at that point? And to be fair, I guess maybe the players were giving some benefits of the doubt at the time, but I sincerely hope they aren’t still playing with that person.
@@EliosMoonElios As someone who is trying to play an asshole I can confirm, typically I do nice characters but wanted to try something new. I like the asshole character as she’s more confrontational than I am and confident, and I enjoy the asshole/self centered archetype but I feel it just doesn’t fit my play style and am looking for in game ways to change it. I don’t get how it’s super easy for some people
@@dumbofass I recently started playing as more straight forward, blunt no nonsense characters and I really enjoy it. It's because while I'm not a complete pushover in real life, I tend to avoid confrontation, so it's enjoyable playing a character who can just say what they feel.
I mean, asshole characters can be fun to play, but what makes them so hard for many players is playing them, while being a part of a team and not hindering the rest of the players/compromising other players play experience(ie the infamous "dont get mad, its what my character would do"). Alot of players have a hard time balancing the two, which is why evil (and neutral) characters are generally not recommended for beginner players.
I understand that OP doesn’t want to disrupt their relationship with their family, but I don’t think I could make it through nine sessions with a DM like this no matter who they are. This story pushes pretty much all of my buttons as far as bad DMing is concerned. The favoritism, the flagrant disregard for the rules including inconsistent rule calls, the not allowing rolls, etc. I don’t know if I could finish one session with all of that happening, let alone nine. OP is either a saint or a masochist
All he has to do is approach his family member, the DM, and calmly say, "Listen dude, I like you and all but me and my partner aren't really having fun, so we're gonna go, ok?". And that's it. Problem solved forever. If the other person can't be mature about it then they don't deserve any more placating.
OP being 100% passive about the DM's behavior just enables them... I don't think OP is a saint or a masochist, they just need to leave the table. Nothing good can come of DM's favoritism and rule-breaking for one PC.
Looking at the source posts I think OP might just be a passive aggressive bitch generally. He deleted the posts after part four when people suggested cutting down on the detail a bit with a big rant about how bad it would be to condense any of the detail out of the story.
Well, she is playing an edgelord who 'murdered her whole crew' as a throwaway line.
Pretty sure she's not oblivious to the Marry-Sue-ing.
I *have* cut shitty family out of my life for their behavior before, and I'm better for it. You can't be there for them if they aren't there for you - that's super unhealthy.
If the DM wants to make his wife feel important, ok, but there's no need to hamstring his other family and friends to do so, or unfairly prop her up instead of giving her opportunities to shine on her own merit - like the DM should do for everyone.
After hearing that line, I don't know that I would be able to RP joining up with that psychopath.
@@corybaldwin1168 As a forever-DM, I would even be ok with the party killing someone because 'it's what my character would do' if they introduced themselves like that.
They straight up admitted to mass murder because 'they couldn't cut it' 0_O
Not even factoring the obvious '*I will murder the party in their sleep*' vibes.
Nope.avi
I think the part about this that irritates me the most is the part where he's highlighting that their Rogue is constantly referred to as a negative influence. As someone that really enjoys rogues, Swashbuckler, specifically, it drives me up a wall to see those sorts of stereotypes levied at someone that's done nothing to earn them. So many DM's I've encountered have done this. For every super-dark edgelord rogue that likes to steal from the group, there's more than three times the number of them out there that aren't doing anything outwardly bad, and just want to be useful to the party.
Like accountant rogues.
yeah i mean.. if i get caught doing something sure.. throw the book at me. but, if i don't? then miss me with that shit. i think theres some dms, not a lot but some, out there who forget if the players are winning... THEY are winning. the goal isn't to stop the players. it's to present challenges, and then see if they can overcome. if the players completely blow up your plans for a big boss fight, or storming the castle or something, then you actually win. guaranteed they wanna come back next week and see what happens next.
Yea, like my last character, started as a rogue cuz I liked the idea of a thief in this game.
It ended up with my character becoming an incredibly charismatic con artist who sold broken weapons, gold painted wood and other useless items for incredibly high prices.
I did however share what I earned, makes more sense that way.
I mean the boyz always helped me to get the shit in the first place.
I mean those d6s are pretty useful, and Uncanny Dodge is stronk
I respect the Swashbuckler hustle. My recent character is a Swashbuckler Rogue/Bard. She's a dancer that takes heavy influence fron the Dancer ckass in Fire Emblem. I rarely use her to steal things, and never from the party. She just likes to dance lol
"That's just what we need. A druish princess."
"Funny. She didn't look druish."
"Nobodyyyyy knows, the trouble I've seen, nobodyyyyy knows, my sorrows"
"Huh, she's a bass!"
Alternate title: Simp DM Makes His Wife A Mary Sue
Took the words right out of my mouth.
What OP needs to do is DM his own game. Invite the DM and his wife to join. Insist that Wifey can play her Uder-Druid. Allow the DM to roll stats with some extremely lenient rules to maximize the chances of high powered characters (5d6, reroll all ones, twos, and doubles, drop the lowest two . . . or something like that).
Then, during game play, treat the DM and Wifey EXACTLY how he treated the rest of the group during the entire game, while EVERYONE ELSE can do no wrong. There's no lock that can't be picked. There's no spell that can't be cast/learned/created. There's no skill that can fail. Meanwhile Wifey's druid can't even pet a stray cat without it trying to claw her eyes out. And Former DM's Whatever-He-Makes can't succeed on a single skill check, even with a roll of a nat 20, and can't hit the broadside of a hill giant with anything other than a nat 20 (everyone else hits with ease, unless they roll a nat 1).
Maybe THEN they will learn that the game's not so much fun when the DM stacks the deck against everyone but a chosen few.
He would not get it. If he is this stupid he will just get upset. He thinks he is the best GM in the world.
Bruh says he doesn't want to sour his partner's first ttrpg experience, but then keeps them in a campaign where said partner's character is clearly nerfed and made second fiddle to another player. Nothing's going to sour the experience more than feeling like your character doesn't matter.
'...my brother in law as dm, his wife as druid 1...'
I know ops wife is probably the dms sister but how hilarious would it be if the dm is married to ops sister and he just refers to her as 'my brother in laws wife...' after this story???
Some real Barrack Obama: Michelle Obama's Husband vibes from that concept.
Maybe the DM is his wife's brother and the bish is the DM's wife?
@@alarkhar didn't bother reading the comment before replying, huh???
@@stephentaylor6726 Did, but got confused. It happens sometimes.
Maybe his wife (the OP) is the dm's sibling?
Whoa whoa whoa, hold up!
OP wants to write a novel and send it to WotC, yet he’s a player?! Buddy, here’s a piece of great advice; if you want to write stories about your D&D games, you damn well better be the fucking DM.
This “Druidish language” does exist in 5e, it’s called Druidic
If you can't treat every player as equal, you shouldn't DM.
Our DM kind of has this problem, "only these races, no homebrew, you can only change your character once" now their best friend and favorite has played three homebrew races, a monster race, gets unique homebrew magical items in character creation they make together, and owns an interplanetary space connected to a library that holds all knowledge in the universe they can enter any time for free that only they can get into unless they willingly allow people into the dimension themselves.
Oh oh no. I have a feeling this is going to be a wild CRINGE FEST of a ride. I am NOT looking forward to the rest of this(well part of me is cause I love crits narrations) this is definitely gonna be one for the story books.
which is ironic because the OP wanted to record the sessions to write a book lol
welp too bad, op deleted his posts
I admire people like OP who can keep their calm in situations like this. At session 3 I would have lost my crap, family or not. I’m not here to watch my BIL have mental foreplay with his wife, especially when the kink is to diminish other players at the table.
There's nothing admirable about this, really. Just sitting down and sucking up obvious abuse while continuing to expose your own partner to this terrible situation all in the name of 'avoiding conflict' is spineless. Been there, done that - to do this for 9 sessions is pathetic.
@@ExValeFor I'm not saying the contrary; I'm just saying that I know I would have blown up, and in the bad kind of way. I tend to insult mothers and grandmothers when I'm really angry, and in OP's place I would have done exactly that. Neither my way or his are good - I just think trying to diffuse the situation is the better option.
where part 2 ?
The author got super butthurt and took down his story XD
apparently crit crab isn't "allowed" to use his story in a video
OP removed the entire story from his page. Guess ex-cop DM found it. Also, OP is kinda sketch.
Damn, was there a part two? Wanted to n ow how this played out
Never understand why people put up with his crap for so long, but I'm glad they do so we get more crit crab videos.
In every relationship that scream "power over..." this exist. Like on a work with your boss, in this case a relationship where you the player are to the desire/whimps of the DM. Etc. Bad people, bad relationships, always ocurs when you dont stand the same value on the curve. IF all are the same, like in a coworker status, should nobody stand up more than other, but reality always a bitch...
Oh, boy, 3 AM!
Ha 8:46 in europ
It is getting better then an alarm clock!
East coast peasant, it’s only midnight here.
2:00 up here
You know I feel better as a first time DM. I started running Curse of Strahd recently and am having a blast. My one expectation and desire from my players as I told them.
“Break the module, confuse me and get me WAY off track.”
As a player currently going through Curse of Strahd, I can tell you, your players will always find a way.
My character became the next Dark Lord 😂👌 Playets tend to do that
"an ex cop disregarding the rules when it's convenient?! W̶͚̫͔̗̺̻̥̒̅́̂͋̄H̴̖̟͇̒A̴̧̮̯͂T̷̤͔̘͋̒̔̿͑?!" God I felt that
Jack Sparrow, sailing into port atop a sinking tiny sailboat, stepping off just at the last moment. Then proceeding to bribe the harbormaster and then steal his coin pouch to make up for the coins he just gave away. Epic character introduction.
Whatever this mess is. Cringe
Call in the Anti-Simp Stabbo Crabbo Unit (ASCU)!🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀
ANTI-SIMP STABBO CRABBO BOT ACTIVATE
*we have arrived*
=🦀 a *squire* runs to you asking to join *ascu*
@@theberminator6180 yes
🌲🌲🌲🌲🦀🌲🌲🌲🌲 you see a *fair maiden crab* in the forest ahead
Sounds like the DM is whipped and wouldn't get any wap if his wife wasn't god-queen
I am a dm and my wife is one of my players and I'm just grateful she hasn't had to make any death saves yet cause my rolls are in the open and crits hurt. But she was really happy she didn't get hit for the first 4 sessions. Wasn't favoritism just my orcs had terrible rolls.
Sounds like he likes it that way. I bet ya he wears a collar around the house.
My husband was the DM to my first ever session, and he didn't pull punches with me. I was actually downed and on my last death save once, very early on. He told me he wasn't gonna be light on me, and I hold him I didn't want him to be.
And I had a blast.
I feel anger for this. Holy crap. xD
That would drive me bonkers and likely out of the game (I'm at 1:56 of the video).
Urgh.. the rage builds. Came back to the video and at 6:29 now I'm livid. I'M A RULES NAZI.. PEOPLE THAT DO THIS IRRITATE THE HELL OUT OF ME.
The guy deleted all of his s***, don't bother going.
The DM sounds like a really horrible DM, but the writer of this. I don't know. His whole spiel about how he likes to diffuse things with laughter but he'll write things out to think them through, his claims of wanting to be a writer, and 18 for strength and a 20 charisma, he's writing out whole back stories for 2 characters oh, I don't know. I don't know where these people come from in the stories you find crab
Yeah, something is definitely sus with op in this. Like why write a book on something you don't even like?
@@fancifulbread8040 he's ranting to get this off his chest.
@@thekenyonsquad5672 it just doesn't seem right to me.
Okay, everybody. All together, for the DM:
"You do not help a player by making them overly powerful and bending the rules over them!"
But honestly, the compass is what struck me the hardest. Being promised a magical item, only for the DM "suggesting" (a.k.a. forcing upon you) a magical item *only usable by another party member* is really harsh.
In my Pathfinder campaign, the DM let us roll dice to get powerful magical items (weapons and armour) from a city's armory to help in the upcoming great battle.
Most of the group rolled nice, and got items they could use or trade with another player. I got an Axiomatic dagger.
And a very good one! I think it had a quite powerful elemental enchantment and a +4 or +5 to hit and damage.
No problem, my Cleric often uses his War Domain to get the Dual Wield feat. Which mean with a dagger on non-lead hand he would only have a -2 on his double attacks.
Eeeeeexcept my cleric is Neutral-Chaotic. And everybody. EVERYBODY! *glares at the allegedly strict neutral Druid who is worryingly acting Evil-Chaotic* in the group is Chaotic. So i gifted it to the main NPC of the campaign.
It's not often I'm salty about TTRPGs, especially when luck is involved. Heck, when I'm OOC I tend to sit back with a smile while looking at my buddies losing their shit at the prospect my character will die.
But this specific time always sits uncomfortably when I think back about it. Not the DM's fault, not the other players' fault (They got glorious items to use and trade, and as a crafter I *can* make as good stuff... But the money on that campaign was scarce until level 18.), but it has been the one time I looked at a die with the clear intent to put it in a furnace and watch it melt.
This is where I, as a player, would employ light metagaming. If after a few sessions the compass didn't lead to anything useful, and you know it's basically a McGuffin to the "protagonist PC", you simply take time away from the group, where you know no one is following you, and you dump the think out in the wilderness somewhere. If, somehow, the Protagonist PC ends up with it, you know there's railroad afoot, and you pick up and bounce on the game immediately. There's loads of little things you can do to see how much is going on.
"An ex cop disregarding the rules when it doesn't suit them? Pah-huh-what?!"
I spit my drink out.
"you can't attack somebody you knocked prone because they are too low now"
I'm quite certain that the rules say exactly the opposite; that not only you can, but that you get a huge bonus on your roll for doing so.
I know if I were at that table it'd simply be a matter of "you can't attack because he's too low now" "Okay... I could just stab downward (paladin so ima assume he had a fairly sized weapon)" "he's too low" "okay can I just crouch down and then stab him?" "No he's prone too low to hit" "What if I stomp his head" "no" "so you're saying in all the ways I could hurt someone on the ground in real life, don't work in the magical fantasy realm where someone could fight with their sword simply because of how charming they are"
By that logic, any ranged character that enters melee should just fall prone to prevent getting attacked. Also, all melee creatures should also fall prone because the enemy’s ankles are close enough and you could just attack those. Even if you get disadvantage on the attack, I’d say that drawback is worth it because you can’t be attacked. This is how I deal with wrong calls from a DM if they double down on it, simply abuse it until they either have to change it. If a DM just makes a mistake though, I just point out what the RAW says and try to follow that.
you get advantage
Fun faccc:
Someone that simps for their wife is called a “wife guy”
If I had a dm like this I’d stop and I haven’t played dnd in months
To anyone asking for the rest of this story: OP deleted this on Reddit. So, yeah.
That is just sad people are like this; just enjoy the game and stop playing favoritism. Sadly it's never that easy.
Honestly, I couldn't get past OP's "Low Int, so can't understand flavor hur dur" crap. I've a feeling the player is as impossible to deal with as the DM and the wife, we just haven't gotten a different perspective.
OP just doesnt have a spine :/
This whole simping over partners etc... I remember when my lvl 17 rogue tried to steal from my lvl 18 cleric wife at the time... She proceeded to bludgeon me unconcious with her mace, healed me up and said if I ever tried that again she'd neglect to heal me going forward...
I (probably like many others) wouldn't have the patience for this guy. I would have told him off and left.
people have a weird fear of being a "problem player" or something
I would've left as soon as this bullshit started
Sounds like a chat after the first session would have fixed everything
Except the part where OP says he tried to talk to the DM and the DM refuses to even listen to the evidence!
@@MrBizteck Yep yep.
Hey Critcrab, just wanted to warn you that this guy removed all of the posts on his story and may try to copyright claim this video for using his story without permission and putting ads on it. He says it in response to the newer comments in the post.
Ah, that explains why there isn't a part two like critcrab teased. Thank you for the information
This is why I try not to game with a group that includes the DM/GM AND their significant other. This kind of thing tends to happen.
Looks like his family found the post because this person's account has been deleted :(
Darn, I wanted to read the rest of the story
It's one thing if, during session 0 the DM was like, "Yo, I'm going to have a few changes, like everyone gets proficiency with all weapons and armor, but those who got the proficiency through race or class treat them like +1s, with those who get it from both treat them like +2s, everyone gets an extra 10hp, those with prior proficiency with shields can use them to make a bonus attack that they are proficient with and uses the strength modifier to do d4+strength modifier damage, and they all get Tavern Brawler."
But the whole favoring the wife, while crippling the rest of the party, that's just not good. Great way to lose party members.
The compass thing would have been the last straw for me. "I toss the compass into the sea and leave port with my shipmate" would have been my last contribution to the "campaign"
Let's see how much of a simp he'll be once she divorces him.
Terrible DM and a bad player on their side.
D&D is never about the DM or a single PC. It is a collaborative story built by everyone as they play.
Also, rules are designed to keep structure and balance. I highly doubt he has as much game design experience as the creators of the game.
If you, as a DM, plan on changing RAW, discuss it with your group before the campaign starts. It’s fine to have homebrew rules, but try to talk about them and make sure everyone is on the same page. But generally hombrew refers to how Crits are rolled, what races are playable, etc. If he is changing the actual effects of spells, he may as well create his own game and have you guys play that, instead of D&D.
This guy would be better off playing a single player session with his partner. He has no place as a DM for a group.
You may enjoy spending time with them, but I highly suggest not playing D&D with them anymore. They are toxic in that aspect.
No D&D is better than bad D&D.
NO.
I blame OP for not stand his ground. What's the worst it could happen? Seriously.
And by standing his ground I mean NOT by wining over the rules (rules-lawyer are no better than simps), but by TALKING.
"Wanna only let your wife play D&D? Fine, play you too alone."
It's your family, it wont fall apart just for this game, you'll find other games to play together.
And if not, then just do your freaking family diners, and spend your time with other nicer friends.
D&D is not for certain problematic people like DM&wife apparently.
It's thanks to people who think like him that men are arrested after being the victims of domestic violence.
Show respect, but not all women are queens.
This is why I do not feel comfortable with married couples or families getting involved in tabletop games. I've already seen and heard my fair share of horror stories, the simping behavior and how the DM is not listening to any questions or concerns? It's not worth jumping into, that and honestly I have a sneaking feeling a fight's going to break out sooner or later.
And there's no way the DM's wife didn't pick up on this, after seeing how the others are being treated? I bet she's in on it and keeps asking him for additional special treatment.
Most of my games these days are with married couples and if the relationship is healthy theres no problem. Its when there are insecurities that you have situations like OPs showing up.
Lokeyville, a druid pirate sounds freaking baller! Being able to command your ship via nature magic, maybe just like a giant dugout ship from one giant tree, that'd be a great NPC or an antagonist to be honest for a pirate campaign.
When you have a DM like this you're not playing D&D you're doing escort missions
If I were at that table I would become the Arch Druid's obsessive fan. Really demonstrate how fortunate the party is to even share air with such a powerful being. I would then proceed to throw the Ultra Arch Druid in front of every monster and NPC. I'd even metagame and be like, For some reason no one charges the Arch Druid for anything, so she should buy supplies for everyone since the NPCs will do anything for the Arch Druid of the Arch Druid Gods. The Sarcasm would be intense, and hopefully the DM starts to get it, otherwise I'd use the DM's favor of the Druid, and just sandbag her in an effort to "help". That's just my approach.
You could also go to town and start spreading slanderous rumours about the druid, or outright team up with the other members and beat the shit out of her, ingame of course. Or ignore her completely, and do stuff in the town while she fucks off to do god knows what, alone. Maybe by then the DM will have gotten the memo.
DM:"Look at my totally awesome wife play this totally badass hero (who's only level 6)! Don't you think she's awesome? BTW, there are 2 rules to this world: Rule 1- I'm always right and my wife can do no wrong. Rule 2: See Rule 1." Family might be important but that's still no excuse for this BS- there still has to be a sense of fairness otherwise why would anyone want to indulge the DM's shenanigans? As to DM's wife, I'd hazard a guess and say that she is totally fine with this, as the DM most likely created the entire world around her (just like his own reality revolves around her- but not always in a good way for anyone else).
Using control water and gust of wind I might allow someone to “pilot” a ship to port. That’s a clever enough use of those spells. However both being concentration spells it would take a few mages. Not one edgelord
An arch Druid who sails a ship and sleeps in fancy hotels... weird that that’s the part annoying me most right now XD
It doesn't seem really "druid" to me. Also, she is almost insulting to the whole concept of a druid, and really "druish"? That's like saying "prieish" (priest).
Druids were part of a culture of part of my ancestory, and she does the concept a real shame, as well as the dm too.
That and many other things also annoy me about this "druid". (She doesn't even deserve THAT name...).
@@zionthedragon8866 It makes me wonder why the player would have chosen that class in the first place when rogue, swashbuckler, bard, any of those would have been better suited. The player couldn't have possibly understood the lore behind playing a Druid, and still chosen it. but then, hubby seems to make any and all allowances for her so "I want to be a druid who captains a ship, murders her crew, busies herself with the problems of city-dwelling people, delights in shopping, and indulges in expensive hotels" would never have been questioned.
Girl. Get off your boat, shape-shift into a turtle or shark like any other self-respecting ocean-dwelling druid, and go sleep in a cave somewhere XD
@@livtempleton EXACTLY!! and druids wouldn't be on a ship IN THE FIRST PLACE. They are more or less environmentalist not really using, preferring, or liking ANY artificial or "man"-made structure that is not something grown from natural wilds of a ("normal") forest. And druids wouldn't higher a crew then kill them. Most druids are stand offish, and aren't really talkative peeps except to others of their tribe and circle group.
Second, "Shopping" and living in BIG fancy hotels is a MASSIVE no-no, atleast theme wise. Finally, druid is neither a race, nor a look, but a religious out-look both IRL and in d&d. Druidic writing is the only vanilla thing I question, and a "druidic" language I also question (because druids (irl) spoke what ever native language they had, not something like thieves cant, so I always found that dumb).
This character sounded NEITHER lawful, NOR good, and she should have, like a cleric or paladin, LOST her druidic powers.
However, nice to see a mystic (of the psionic kind) user for the sake psionics were done SO dirty. So mystic tries to be every classes in WOTC eye's and that's bad to them, so they cancel it and decided to break it up into EVERY class as a sub class?!?! This is neither the first nor last dumb choice wizards has made.
Good thing I plan to build a least broken mystic from the ground up and have a kickstarter for it to see if I can get it advertised to be used. Some peeps hate that psionics is magic, some hate psionics PERIOD, and some believe psionics should be nothing more than a naming convention for psychic damage moves. I want to find a way to please the far former, while not breaking the 5e offical rules of it being "magic". I have it where they don't draw from arcane, nor divine, but are like monks using supernatural amounts of KI to "cast" spells. That way we have another KI caster to the bunch, as we have WAY TOO MANY arcane casters (5), ok amount of divine casters (2.5, bard being a little bit divine, to be the .5 in this), and ONE KI caster. RIP.
But even then, peeps would argue KI is geared towards one or the other of divine or arcane, depending on what it is used for. So, if I had to pick, I would have it be KI more towards the divine, but more divine like a druid, BUT self-sustaining and more of a belief in ones self to increase and use it's power, rather than a outside force.
But the divine thing is IF peeps are right about KI being a flavor of "magic" and not a source of "magic". If they are wrong, then I will disregard the divine thing and keep it KI.
However, i didn't really finish watching the video, due to some PTSD with certain words and some of the cringe fest.
Do you mind giving me a TDLR of how the intro the the mystic went and everything that the mystic did, said, or had happen to them?
I think the wife was enjoying being the "main character" and wasn't uncomfortable at all. If she was uncomfortable with the favouritism and had an ounce of humility she probably would have hung back and let other players have their moment ... but alas
"The wife" is OPs sister... why frame it as brother in laws wife... lol
could it be that she's the sister of OPs partner?
@@sensacetionalshady maybe?
Not really a simp if they're married... But still a bad and biased DM
As my favorite cartoon squirrel once said, "blood may be thicker than water, but that just makes it easier to drown in."
Nice, who said that?
Hey man you didn't even ask if you could use this. I took it off the web for a reason. I didn't want my personal life getting famous. And I didn't finish posting the series after 4.
I had to watch 4 adds just to watch my own real-life experience that was used without my permission... So that's pretty uncool.
So why did you post it on the web in the first place?
*"Be epic like crab."*
nooo the reddit post has been taken down due to spam and looks like the guy got banned too
I voted this to 69 upvotes 😏
Noice
It's at 840 now, that's double 420.
I’m now curious how bad OP is actually, he removed the post because he was upset that critcrab did the video on it and apparently wanted to copyright claim the video
Well the post starts with: "I wanted to transcribe our campaign into a novel and send it to WotC!" and if that's no red flag then I don't know
"Not easy especially when family is involved"
Me with a dysfunctional family: "ight I'm out"
I guess there's a silver lining to everything.
Second session, "oops, sorry I'm busy, I'll catch you next week". Third session, "oops, sorry I'm busy, I'll catch you next week". Fourth session, "oops, sorry I'm busy, I'll catch you next week". Fifth session, "oops, sorry I'm busy, I'll catch you next week". Sixth session... I think you can probably guess at my reaction...
Druidic is a language though...
Druidic is, yes. Not Druidish.
No no, you don’t understand, his wife is cool.
Lol
Meanwhile I'm DMing for a party playing Pathfinder 2e that includes my husband. My husband probably gets more scrutiny than everyone else because I hear his ideas before game rofl. The idea of making it him and his lackeys is just...why? That's so boring.
The OP is nicer than me, I would have taken the rouges pinky finger to prove a point before using healing hand to prevent any further blood loss.
I don't like that op acts fake at the table. I also think there's a connection between them requiring extra time to "organize their thoughts" / recounting directly from a recording and their own admission to having a tendency of rules lawyering. I think op comes across like they have a need to not only be right, but be able to irrefutably prove their right-ness.
Hopefully pt 2 includes more examples of the dm being shit & less of op justifying complaining about the game. Cuz the dm does sound shit.
But if she's his wife he ain't a simp.
Not necessarily. It could still be mediocre.
I know I always say I would leave such sessions but here I wouldn't. Not yet at least. While certainly unfair, the DM isn't the rapey creep like many others in these stories so he doesn't trigger my red flags yet. I would, however, become such a pain in the ass (in character and within the rules just to rub it in more) that he'd had to intervene either by killing my character off (which would likely trigger an open discussion between all players, I'd be fine rolling a new character if it would improve the general gameplay for all interested) or talk to me out of game and come to an agreement (I stop being a pain in the ass when you stop it first).
Love the brief hint of ACAB energy Crab :)
When?
@Maya Zulf Quit making it political. At no point does CritCrab make a political statement on the subject matter, nor did OP.
I think this is misdiagnosed. Simpery implies there's nothing between the parties involved, but DM and favorite are married.
I think, rather, the DM wants his wife to love a hobby he does, as most people want to share such things with those they care for. However, he likely thinks her noobishness would ruin her experience, so he gives her immunity from consequences even at the expense of others enjoyment.
What a shitty DM; the least he could do is be impartial and not play favorites; He sounds like a pretty trash DM regardless. I would have trouble, not rage quitting! I am a decent DM but I am far better than this person. Snapping the rules in the middle of the game is stupid; tell everyone the variant rules beforehand and never alter rules unless you really know what you are doing.
And no, it is always that easy. "I'm not a good fit for this game, continue without me. Catch you guys at the pub." or w/e. You don't have to make a federal fucking issue out of everything.
Not as bad as this but my first ever dnd session was also our DMs wife’s first ever one too. She was allowed to start off at level 5 while we start at level 1. She had a staff that meant her health would never drop below 3. She was the princess of the land so didn’t need to pay for anything. as a rogue I pointed out how she failed her people by there being an underclass who have to steal to survive and the DM has me arrested and tells me not to upset his wife - I did apologise and said I was role playing. The biggest thing was if she rolled low he let her roll until she got a number she liked and she was allowed to add anything into her inventory at any time to help her out. The 5 others playing called bull a lot but fell on deaf ears.
*gives player a useful magic compass*
*almost immediately renders one of its functions useless cause he wants his wife to stay the most important pc*
that's some good logic, make a player feel like they got a serious boost in party importance only to rip it away cause you don't want anyone to be even remotely close to your wife?
'An ex-cop disregarding the rules when it's not convenient?'
I can't tell if you were being sarcastic here, but I laughed.
Definitely sarcasm