Parenting through Guilt | Mini Chat 
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 2 июл 2024
- I initially posted this little chat while getting ready on a different platform, but it hit home for so many. I thought I’d reshare it here for my RUclips fam. Parenting through guilt is not easy. It’s important to ensure that we are not parenting with guilt, but instead working THROUGH guilt while parenting.
Love you all
Xo
More from Ab:
MYLA MAMA AMAZON FAVES: www.amazon.com/shop/influence...
MY STOREFRONT: www.amazon.com/shop/influence...
DONNA BELLA STOREFRONT (Code Abbey): donnabellahair.com/pages/amba...
FOLLOW ME ON IG & TT
TIKTOK: / abbeyfickley
IG: / abbeyfickley
Find meetings in your area: www.aa.org/ 
Хобби
Needed to hear this. Thank you. 10+ years sober and still feeling the guilt from years ago. My youngest doesn’t remember, but my oldest, I believe still does and the struggle is REAL. Especially with the holidays coming up, remembering how little we had and how much we have now.. 💜💜
I can relate to what you're saying, trust me. I lost everything more then once. I had two of my kids with me, the third with their father. Just thinking about it feels like a dark cloud above my head. My life has been on track for several years now. Unfortunately my kids remember. My son understands because he's in recovery himself. The other, well let's just say our relationship is strained. But, I honestly feel like I've paid my dues. I'm still in a program and always will be. Don't hold on to your past because it will destroy you. Just know that you learned from it and stand tall. If we don't stand for something we'll fall for anything. I wish you all the best and happy holidays 🧡
yessss as a teenager who has always had strict parents, i have such a good relationship with my mom while my friends relationships with their parents fall to shambles. discipline is good! i don’t resent my parents at all for any time they had to punish me, whether that meant my privileges taken or even having a spanking when i was really young. it hurts in the moment but please parent your kids with discipline! it’s ok to be strict there’s a difference between discipline and abuse, and that’s why discipline is so difficult. because it comes from a place of love and not anger.
Thank you for this! I am a 31 year old mom of a 2.5 year old and a 4 year old and we discipline like my parents did and like yours did. My parents raised 5 kids the old fashioned way and we are all super close with my parents and each other. None of us resent my parents. We all know that when we got disciplined it’s because we deserved it. None of us feel like we were abused. We all are very well rounded good people. Sometimes i see videos of people saying that disciplining like our parents did is abuse, and I start to feel guilty, but I have to remind myself that me and my 4 siblings don’t feel like we were abused at all.
@@jessicaripko exactly! it all depends on parent intent and the child’s needs in my opinion. every family and child is different, and it’s important for parents to pay attention to all the kids needs, including disciplinarian matters! of course, there are limits, but I think as long as the parent communicates the purpose with the child and there is no underlying trauma or anything, there are cases when old fashioned discipline may be the best way to show your child love. I’m sure you’re doing the best you can and your kiddos will thank you someday 💕💕
There is also a difference between discipline and punishment. While punishment focuses on making a child suffer for breaking the rules, discipline is about teaching him how to make a better choice next time.
Using fear and pain to teach isn't right. There is never a reason to hit/spank a child. The most important thing is to be a good role model...if you yell and spank when a child does something you don't like... what are they really learning? To fear you, to not to get caught next time, to use violence to solve problems, and that you can control someone who is smaller and weaker than you are.
you’re changing peoples lives and don’t even know it❤
“Kids go where there is excitement, they stay where there is love” 🤍
I love that Absolute truth right there ❤
My mom struggled with addiction and I didn’t get close to her until well into my 20s. I’m grateful for what I have now, but I wish she had someone like you to see going thru addiction and parenting at the same time. You don’t know how many people you’re helping with this content. So happy for you that you’re beating addictions ass! Keep going day by day. ❤
hello
Okayy🙏🏽💓 Abby with the intuition and wisdom! This could not have come at a better time. I try my best to parent this way and to do better than my childhood- but this morning, I lost my temper and yelled at my son. Broke my heart. I felt absolutely horrible all day today, because I coparent and today is the day he goes to his dads until Monday morning. Spent the entire day in a sea of guilt and had to keep reminding myself that things had been building to this point and it’s part of parenting…. Tough stuff to say the least. But ended up having a good conversation w/his dad and got backed up on the situation, ended the evening with a meditation at my yoga studio.
We’ve got this. I love you all. Xoxo 🤍🌬️
I struggle with parenting out of guilt. I have a little over 1 year clean and sober. When I got my youngest back after 2 years clean I definitely parented out of guilt. Over the last 3 years I have moved away from guilt parenting. I struggle now with the resentment my boys have towards me and have every right to have towards me. Every day is a new beginning and I'm thankful my boys still want to have a relationship with me.
Excellent advice❤ I’m 54 years old and my mom raised me the same way and she herself was a sober mom. Very outspoken about it just as you are and proud to be sober, just as you are doing. You are teaching your daughter invaluable life lessons and an emotional IQ that is priceless! Good work momma, be loud and proud🙌🏼
Awesome message Abby. Alot of young parents are dealing with this right now and it's important we help each other navigate through it. Thanks!
This shows how important it is to be raised on love vs raised on survival
You have proved yourself over and over! So proud and impressed and love watching your videos. You are an inspiration!❤❤
FACTS! 💯! This is ABSOLUTELY the truth! Speak it Girl! This is how I parented my daughters and they have grown into WONDERFUL women that I rarely had to actually discipline as they got older. Such GREAT advice! Parents PLEASE heed this advice! ❤❤
You are such an amazing person. You bring so much positivity to my life❤ Myala could never have asked for a better mother❤
I love you abbey you are sooooo pretty I actually can’t believe how far you have come ❤❤❤❤
I can’t even begin to describe @abbyfickley how much you give me hope and inspire me. I wanna give up so bad. I’m sober almost 5 years but being 35, a gay guy in Middle Tennessee and self conscious about my weight but when I listen to you and hear your story it gives me flickers of hope. Thank you for sharing your joy, kindness and incredible spirit with the world. You are more amazing than you know.
I love how you are so chill about a lot of stuff! I love you guys soooo much! ❤❤
It’s truly amazing the way you process your life and progression Grow through what you go through honey bee 💪💗
I literally love you and your little family! I’m so proud of you❤
Girl I went through and did the same thing. Mine is now 18 and we are the closest of friends. And I’m confident we always will be.
Parenting through guilt of all that i cannot afford to give them.I used to say if only love was enough until I saw how many kids sadly have all the maerial things, but none of the love.Love is enough money will come n go teaching my kids love mercy Grace,Honesty, Joy in the lil things respect for others and self respect.showing them my faith apologizeing when im wrong insisting they do the same.These things have servedvme well so far.
Love you and Myla!!! You’re so inspiring!!❤❤❤❤
I love you and your content to begin with, but yet i find myself liking you even more each day lol. Thank you Abbey you're a real one!!❤❤
Abbey !! I’m so happy I found your channel. I’m a Mama who also has struggled with this tremendously. Wow thank you for this!!
This hit so hard, I needed this. Your content..it’s amazing and I can’t tell you what it does for me. Thank you😢❤
You have raised a great little girl that will turn into a remarkable woman just like her mama. U should be proud.
Thank you for giving more with your platform than just entertainment. You teach us a lot and i truly appreciate you for that.
I agree!❤
Yes
THIS ⬆️ !!! I needed to hear this today. Thx gal 💖
Girl I couldn’t say it better!!! And if people say you’re being harsh remember they’re not the ones raising your kid ! You are :)
I so needed this a reminder 💕🥹
I agree with basically everything you said in this video. I will say that being a drug addict and losing/willingly letting custody of my son go to my brother and sister in law isn’t what makes me feel like I need to spoil my kid. It’s that growing up my family was so poor that I never want my son to go without anything. I had a very happy childhood and never actually felt that way so idk why I do this to my child now. On that note however, my son has more than he will ever need and way too much of what he wants BUT my child is very well mannered, respectful, polite, loving, caring and shares well. I feel a lot of guilt for having done this the first 5 years of his life, well technically from age 3-5 since I didn’t actually have him with me from 1 year to 3 and now he’s 6 and I’m trying to pull back and even things out and now I have guilt for this as well. Idk. Being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and continue to do. 5-15-19 #wedorecover
You are such a good mom to myla ♥♥♥♥
❤your such an amazing parent
Thank you for sharing and you’re so right!!!!
I would buy everything for my daughter when i was fresh becoming sober from the program. I felt guilty and the wost mom ever. I would buy things for her that she did not really need . My parents and brothers would tell stop.jen you are making your child that someone owes her. I made her entitled. And it really bit me at my ass. One day i woke up and i stopped. I start showing her a different way of discipline and speaking to her that made since. I want to thank you for videos like this. To our sober community we got this❤
❤ needed to see this video. Thank you 😊. Nine months sober.
I hope this remains true for years to come. As it is she’s still very young and you have a lot more years to raise her. I think sticking to your convictions will definitely go a long way.
I love u Abby! U deserve the world❤❤
hello my love
love it!!
I needed to hear this 🙌
Sometimes parents who do a great job parenting & don't act like their kid's "friend" while they're growing up still end up with adult children who are immature & difficult.
Some parents who act like friends to their kids growing up have absolutely no issues with their kids going forward.
My friend Jami's parents were total alcoholics and she's well-adjusted, has a career, family, adores her parents.
There really is no consistent equation to this.
I think this is really true. I also think that you probably have a relatively easy kid. As do I. I also think those middle childhood years are some of the easiest. They’re saying you can have great convos with them. Teenager hood is a little bit more challenging but I thinkbecause our family has the basis that you’re talking about and the trustworthiness it’s easier than it could be
When kids are super spoilt they usually do behave well also because they know that it’s no hassle in getting what they want out of any situation simply by asking
This really helped me thank you ❤
hello my love
Couldn't have said it better myself
she is so so so so cute omgggg
I love you all your guys are so pretty family
I love your videos and you and your daughter 😊
Yesss! 💯
my 17 yo is disabled and I have definitely parented her out of guilt because of how hard her lif is. :(
I love you guys
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Can you talk sometime about raising a single child? How do you ensure she has peer relationships that make up for sibling relationships?
Thanks!
This is fascinating
This is so true for single parents/single parents post ab****e relationships as well!!
hello my love
Hi I really love your content 💗
Absolutely agreed
Love this would you do some parenting tips xx
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
She’s young now. The discipline will really start to come in as she gets older.
She's 100% right, my dad disciplined me growing up and my mom didn't. My dad and I are super close, my mom and I are close too but we fight a lot as well.
It’s interesting that she was mad at u at such an early age but good thing she is young and they’re resilient at that age
You could have a brilliantly unique and awesome podcast.
I struggle with this so much!!!!!!!!
If being a mother is so easy everybody would have perfect kids in a be a perfect world each child is different each mom is different and everybody comes with a different story Abby you’re doing awesome
“A relationship is only possible when you’re not on the pulpit, you’re down on the ground, like everybody else, on the same two feet. Then only it’s possible, then only there is a friendship. When there is a friendship, there is room for correction. When there is no friendship, you can say what you want, nobody is going to listen anyway. And if you go on telling advice after advice, they will just do the reverse, just to spite you.”
I definitely parent thru guilt due to my past drug years. I'm 42 and still struggle to find my place in the world though I been sober 13 years. I give my son's ego are 16 &17 ANYTHING they ask for. Allot of the things I got big guilt over, they don't even remember they were babies. But I still have PTSD from these times so it's definitely a me thing. I regret it now so much, my oldest son came to me the other day and said "I need to find a new job" I said bud your good focus on school, he says" mom this is why I don't have a job now, and haven't done certain things I wish I had bc I know I always had you to pick me up or pay for whatever I wanted" isn't that what my job is as a mom though? I'm really struggling bc I don't look at my son's as almost men, I still see the lil boys I held and snuggled, and loved on. It's hard being a addict parent (in recovery). Your past really messes you up .
hello my dear
The Holy Spirit was guiding you and BLESSED BE FOR IT ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
SO SO SO VALID
hello my dear friend
My 23--year-olds going through it and as a single mom who worked her ass off I don’t know how to stop her. I can’t get through to her she loves nothing else and everyone gives me advice but nobody helps. Addiction is the devil and instead of being gone all the time at work when she was growing up I wish I would’ve just stayed home no matter how poor I was
Oh honey, it’s nothing you did. My mom and I were/are extremely close. Sure we fought like normal moms & daughters, but she worked so hard to give us everything and I always loved & appreciated it. I still fell into addiction after getting into a very abusive relationship with an addict. Unfortunately, she has to hit her bottom. Just be there to catch her when she does & when she’s ready.
Agreed
And just to tell you she looks pretty don't judge a womans cover like don't judge a book by its cover
Don't carry guilt. The Lord will be with you forever... Welcome to freedom
Can you please make a house tour
Also I had her watch one of your videos and she said she’s been following you forever please God let something you say one day sink in
She is her own grow woman
Im trying so hard to get out of guilt parenting and its so hard i hate the fact that i havent always been the best or let drugs ruin my life im better now but the guilt is still there so much.
hello my love
I struggle with this. Hes 11 and god I hope its not too late
Too late I’m 20
But I do love my parents
GUYS at there is no way this video has 808 views and 13k likes?!?!?!!?!?!!!??😮 😭 😭😭😭😭
Wait what the- I just came back and now it’s 233 likes!?!?!?!?!?!
Fan
I have a question does Myaa have a RUclips channel?
Early❤
Hi Abbey........ Mary from Arkansas 😊❤
Let her do what she wants to do
You better be able to tell her NO
If you have to discipline... what form of punishment would you do?
1:30 isn’t that what you do
U keep on your videos
Good job;Momma!,,
Where is your jacket from Lululemon? 🤎
Do you live in Canada
Just curious how long were you gone and how old was she at the time?
hello my love
First comment ❤❤❤
Let her be
Hi
Somebody sent this to Blueface❤🎉
I was a clown for hollwen 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
I am your biggest friend
😳😳😳😨🙁👇🏼
First
Family vloging will only further take her childhodd from her let her be a kid
Hypocrytical speech.!.you spoil your daughter & only have her 2.5 -3 days per week..🤔🤔🤔