As a person who is currently trying to leave an abusive and toxic situation what shocks me is how difficult it is. It's a no brainer yet it's like trying to saw my own arm off. I appreciate this talk at a time when I most need to hear it. Thank you
Im dealing with a similar situation. Im in a rowing crew where the seniors are extremely mean. So rowing not only is challenging physically it also affects my mental health. I resort by watching ajhan brahm’s sermons. Its quite difficult for me to leave the crew as one think
Love his talks. The metaphors and stories are really insightful. Ajahn's wisdom and his way of speaking - with so much sympathy, cheerfulness and humour - makes his teachings very helpful and comforting. RUclips videos on philosophy or psychology rarely ever help me, but Ajahn's speeches change my way of seeing thing, letting me be a wiser, happier and better person.
It is very true that much of the abuse being put out into the world in personal and business relationships is coming from control freaks. Sometimes these people are very covert - sneaky, undermining, and not what they seem to be on the surface. One dangerous control freak can bring down an entire company or group or marriage. I hope kind and wise people will learn more about controlling people and narcissists who are so self-centered as to hurt others (badly) to feel in control. Thank you, Ajahn Brahm, for reminding people that letting go is better than being controlling. I hope some of the controllers can actually take that to heart and some day learn not to abuse others. I was hurt very badly from a person I believe has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and listening to your talks and learning to be more mindful helped me to see abuses that were being hidden from me.
This is the 10th time I've heard the story about the two monks who were friends, and this time it resonated in me. We do get used to the pile of shit, it's familiar surrounding. But how did we get used to it? We got used to it by conditioning. If you're in an abusive relationship and you are the abuser, you are literally conditioning, programming your partner. If you are that partner, you are being conditioned. Great stuff. Sadhu Ajahn Brahm 3X!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I dont know how many times ive wrote on these trying to get you to talk about abusive relationships.Thank you.Ive been in so many abusive jobs and relationships.Thank you so much,i would like to get out of these.
I watch this fella and he's just the nicest guy in the world, and that's all you have to be, the nicest guy or gal in the world, and everything will take care of itself. Leave the hatred, anger and condemnation to others.
Thank you for this talk. It comes just in the right moment. I was in an abusive relationship until recently, especially one with relatives. I decided to avoid them, take distance, and then they've become more stalkers. I feel they can't be aware of this decision or they even do not care. At the same time, taking this distance made me feel very guilty, as if I wasn't able to forgive and offer the other cheek, as said in christianity. This talk was very VERY liberating to me. Thanks.
oh Dear Ajahm Brahm discover you every day change my life, you are a bless, I needed so much this talk, thank you so much, I wish one day be able to know you in person, I am going to work on that goal!
i was married to a control freak for 14 years of hell and manipulation. He actually made fun of me pubicly for being a buddhist too. I let it go, but this was while we were married and nothing like the throwing away my clothes he didnt like etc. Sick men are able to hide it for only so long
Thank you very much. I was just about to punish someone legally. But I was not feeling well. I now see that is not on my nature , caring and forgiving is much better. I really appreciate this talk that came to me just in the right moment. Thanks a lot.
This is really disappointing, abusers are often very manipulative no amount of "checking out" will help in this situation. It is never the victim's fault. There should also, be some consideration for gender.
its not just checking out...one should listen to their intuition during dating. even the most cunning abuser usually drops some red flags during dating. the victim is not at fault...but 99% of the time victims can later recall dismissing the signs. this is not a "sin" but it is a mistake...unskillful. i made this mistake a few times myself...but i learned from it and was able to catch red flags early on and avoid another abusive relationship and suffering. its not blaming the victim, but helping us be more skillful in choosingvour partners
I need help. I have been in an extremely abusive relationship. And I just can't leave the guy. Even now I am feeling sorry for him and I am scared that I will end up getting back to him. Again.
Yes very good advice test drive them first. However some people hide a lot and can take time to really get to know what they are like and need to live with them for 6 months or more. Others are up front in your face right from day one.
I fully agree that one should not be a control freak, and to be at ease, and let things be. I also understand that those things are red flags, in which to some extinct, unhappiness and misery could be the culprit behind the tress being in such a "beautiful" slumber.
What if it's your child? For the last 15 years I've suffered unimaginable emotional, verbal, financial and physical abuse from my son due to his alcohol/drug addictions. I love him so much. And he uses that. How do you let your son go?
It’s all very well testing a person, my husband of 20 years was great for the first 15 then he got a better job, more money higher social status and he changed almost overnight from this loving caring person to an abusive monster not only to me but to our children. I had known him since early teens so that isn’t always possible.
How would you address people who don't realize or can not accept that they are in an abusive relationship, despite advise from professionals or others?
"test them out" in any other situation would be called "entrapment". Not good. Got don't need to manipulate a person. Trust = shared experiences/time. You cannot get around my formula, I promise ;)
Great video as always, just some thoughts... 1 - Talking about your monastery being the best in the world seems egocentric and encouraging that which is not helpful. 2 - Giving up everything to be a monk with no responsibilities or security seems to be a matter of just wanting to live without responsibilities because it's too difficult, it seems like giving up before one even tries. Two concerns that came to my mind when watching this particular video. I did appreciate the sentiment of caring not curing. Also, the story of giving a job to someone who stole from you was done beautifully in the cult classic movie "Empire Records" PS, I loved the joke at the end of the talk.
1. He is taking pride in his and his monks' efforts. He isn't putting anybody down by making that statement, so there isn't anything wrong with it. Being a monk doesn't mean you cannot be happy with what you have. 2. "No responsibilities" LOL. Of course some people move into monastic life thinking it's just sitting around and doing menial chores all day, but it is a LOT of work with immense responsibility. Intense physical labor, exercising utmost mental restraint at all moments, fundraising, etc. Don't downplay it.
So what if I choose to be celibate and poor? I am not hurting anyone. Worry about your own life. Worrying about others who do no harm to you or others is a reflection on your happiness. Peace and enlightenment to all.
I,ve only listened to the first few mins, but AB should know that if we have the karma to meet these experiences, we cannot avoid them!! if they are part of pay back, we have to experience them. That's what karma is.... you dish it out in one life time, you get it back in the next. Why knowing this, can't he say it like it is!!.. apart from that, even from a materialistic psychological viewpoint, people have attachment issues, with parents, are often attracted to difficult partners on a subconscious level, non of it rational!! they get together with them to work out early childhood emotional neglect. next few mins...haha good advice though! test them out!!
As for the example of George, the emasculated husband in the talk about Abusive Relationships, consider that he created the monster wife. Timid men, who may already hold a misogynistic view of the woman because they are intimidated by the female, do not provide the primal requirement of feeling protected or secure for the woman. Instead, they end up serving her and making her the boss or the dominant one. She is responding to his weakness without knowing it. The best thing for a woman who is with a man who makes her feel less than secure (check that feeling in your gut when he gives you a wishy-washy, fear-of-taking-responsibility answer because he's afraid of getting in trouble) is to run. You'll become the bad guy and he'll become the pitiful, thanks for noticing me Eeyore. He's the type of man who can make a woman hysterical, domineering and tough. Run.
This is me fulfilling my promise, he’s my favorite after so many heartbreaks. I thought it was time to give myself a break and focus on my job while trying to heal from my previous toxic relationship. After about a year and half I met a man who turned out to be my daughter’s boss , I was reluctant at first but his persistence and high spiritedness got me submissive. We started getting along so well , no day passes without constant communication, I fell in love and didn’t want to be hurt ever again; told him my weaknesses and he told me his, along the line he came across his ex and his attitude towards me started getting cold. Seemed like deja vu all over and so I couldn’t let the anxiety tear me apart. I met a colleague who introduced me to the best set of Private investigators ultimate hack , I contacted and hired them almost immediately and they requested a down payment to commence the job after targets cell number was provided. After few hrs they responded with all the deleted and recent messages , Whats App Facebook Instagram Snapchat gps and archives of pictures he has been sending out; I practically had access to his phone without his knowledge. Turns out he connived with his young sibling to test my patience and tolerance, all the info was carted to me , thanks to the hackers I now pass his test with ease, lol . For assistance on how to track or monitor your spouse email ultimatehack003@ gmail com or WhatsApp/call/text +17202954268 I wish you well as You find out the truth about your partner just like I did
@@saintmarybulicek567 I started chanting to change a similar karmic pattern. so much better when you're not drawn to this stuff again to get the message and your life condition is so strong that you're not swayed by others' foolishness. wishing you the absolute best.
As a person who is currently trying to leave an abusive and toxic situation what shocks me is how difficult it is. It's a no brainer yet it's like trying to saw my own arm off. I appreciate this talk at a time when I most need to hear it. Thank you
Good luck to you Camilla. I totally agree with you as i am in a similar sitn and have been for years. I wish you well.
Hi, Camilla! Did you get out? How are you doing now?
I did it! You can do it! Yes it’s hard. Do it anyway.
Im dealing with a similar situation. Im in a rowing crew where the seniors are extremely mean. So rowing not only is challenging physically it also affects my mental health. I resort by watching ajhan brahm’s sermons. Its quite difficult for me to leave the crew as one think
Love his talks. The metaphors and stories are really insightful. Ajahn's wisdom and his way of speaking - with so much sympathy, cheerfulness and humour - makes his teachings very helpful and comforting. RUclips videos on philosophy or psychology rarely ever help me, but Ajahn's speeches change my way of seeing thing, letting me be a wiser, happier and better person.
As a survivor of childhood traumas and domestic abuse, and only recently Buddhist, this is the most helpful talk I’ve ever heard!
OMG... the best therapy is being by yourself!!! Amazing truth. Few know it!
Love u Ajahn ❤️🌄🙏🏾🌷
Wow! 24:31 the wisdom of distancing when involved in a confusing, abusive relationship!
It is very true that much of the abuse being put out into the world in personal and business relationships is coming from control freaks. Sometimes these people are very covert - sneaky, undermining, and not what they seem to be on the surface. One dangerous control freak can bring down an entire company or group or marriage.
I hope kind and wise people will learn more about controlling people and narcissists who are so self-centered as to hurt others (badly) to feel in control.
Thank you, Ajahn Brahm, for reminding people that letting go is better than being controlling. I hope some of the controllers can actually take that to heart and some day learn not to abuse others. I was hurt very badly from a person I believe has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and listening to your talks and learning to be more mindful helped me to see abuses that were being hidden from me.
Thank you Ajahn Brahm. Your talks and lecture really brings about happiness throughout my life.
This is the 10th time I've heard the story about the two monks who were friends, and this time it resonated in me. We do get used to the pile of shit, it's familiar surrounding. But how did we get used to it? We got used to it by conditioning. If you're in an abusive relationship and you are the abuser, you are literally conditioning, programming your partner. If you are that partner, you are being conditioned. Great stuff. Sadhu Ajahn Brahm 3X!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I dont know how many times ive wrote on these trying to get you to talk about abusive relationships.Thank you.Ive been in so many abusive jobs and relationships.Thank you so much,i would like to get out of these.
I watch this fella and he's just the nicest guy in the world, and that's all you have to be, the nicest guy or gal in the world, and everything will take care of itself. Leave the hatred, anger and condemnation to others.
Thankyou Ajahn Brahm you have given me so much useful guidance in your videos x
I love it so much. Thanks 🙏
Knocked it out of the park, as usual.
Damnnnn the bird with 2 wings analogy really spoke to me. I didn't expect good advice tbh but he was really good
Thank you for this talk. It comes just in the right moment. I was in an abusive relationship until recently, especially one with relatives. I decided to avoid them, take distance, and then they've become more stalkers. I feel they can't be aware of this decision or they even do not care. At the same time, taking this distance made me feel very guilty, as if I wasn't able to forgive and offer the other cheek, as said in christianity. This talk was very VERY liberating to me. Thanks.
Love is blind because we don't know ourselves and sometimes we just idealise the partner
Thank you, Ajahn Brahm! Very interesting!
beautiful man. love your talks ❤
oh Dear Ajahm Brahm discover you every day change my life, you are a bless, I needed so much this talk, thank you so much, I wish one day be able to know you in person, I am going to work on that goal!
I'd like to hear about what to do if it is a family member.
So would I.
@@zuzahicks2913 me three
i was married to a control freak for 14 years of hell and manipulation. He actually made fun of me pubicly for being a buddhist too. I let it go, but this was while we were married and nothing like the throwing away my clothes he didnt like etc. Sick men are able to hide it for only so long
@dancorb2002 I was being sarcastic. Women are mostly hysterical if not neurotic too
Beautiful teachings, thank you
Thank you very much. I was just about to punish someone legally. But I was not feeling well. I now see that is not on my nature , caring and forgiving is much better. I really appreciate this talk that came to me just in the right moment. Thanks a lot.
This is really disappointing, abusers are often very manipulative no amount of "checking out" will help in this situation. It is never the victim's fault. There should also, be some consideration for gender.
its not just checking out...one should listen to their intuition during dating. even the most cunning abuser usually drops some red flags during dating. the victim is not at fault...but 99% of the time victims can later recall dismissing the signs. this is not a "sin" but it is a mistake...unskillful. i made this mistake a few times myself...but i learned from it and was able to catch red flags early on and avoid another abusive relationship and suffering. its not blaming the victim, but helping us be more skillful in choosingvour partners
checking out your potential other halve can give you indicators it is just a matter of finding them
Thank you 💐
Beautiful.
AB...Wonderful,, heard it all now.... love at a distance. Profound. Wonderful talk. You give such depth... such wisdom !! :)
I used to did that too!.
I need help. I have been in an extremely abusive relationship. And I just can't leave the guy. Even now I am feeling sorry for him and I am scared that I will end up getting back to him. Again.
I should be able to give this 1,000,000 likes.
Yes very good advice test drive them first. However some people hide a lot and can take time to really get to know what they are like and need to live with them for 6 months or more. Others are up front in your face right from day one.
I fully agree that one should not be a control freak, and to be at ease, and let things be. I also understand that those things are red flags, in which to some extinct, unhappiness and misery could be the culprit behind the tress being in such a "beautiful" slumber.
trust? It's about trusting life. that's the only way to give up control.
thank you for the wisdom. wish i was taught this in school.
Good ideas
What if it's your child?
For the last 15 years I've suffered unimaginable emotional, verbal, financial and physical abuse from my son due to his alcohol/drug addictions. I love him so much. And he uses that. How do you let your son go?
love yourself first and that will engender respect from him. do not sacrifice yourself, right, as AB relates to us.
It’s all very well testing a person, my husband of 20 years was great for the first 15 then he got a better job, more money higher social status and he changed almost overnight from this loving caring person to an abusive monster not only to me but to our children. I had known him since early teens so that isn’t always possible.
Get a lover on the side and have some fun 😉
Does anyone have a link to AB's interview on shipping?
How would you address people who don't realize or can not accept that they are in an abusive relationship, despite advise from professionals or others?
What about witnessing actual violence right I'm front of you against others? What is the compassionate buddhist response?
"test them out" in any other situation would be called "entrapment". Not good. Got don't need to manipulate a person. Trust = shared experiences/time. You cannot get around my formula, I promise ;)
🎯❗️
🙏🙏🙏🏴
Good Enough MI Whatever.
Leave it.
Great video as always, just some thoughts...
1 - Talking about your monastery being the best in the world seems egocentric and encouraging that which is not helpful.
2 - Giving up everything to be a monk with no responsibilities or security seems to be a matter of just wanting to live without responsibilities because it's too difficult, it seems like giving up before one even tries.
Two concerns that came to my mind when watching this particular video.
I did appreciate the sentiment of caring not curing.
Also, the story of giving a job to someone who stole from you was done beautifully in the cult classic movie "Empire Records"
PS, I loved the joke at the end of the talk.
No responsibilities? Hardly.
1. He is taking pride in his and his monks' efforts. He isn't putting anybody down by making that statement, so there isn't anything wrong with it. Being a monk doesn't mean you cannot be happy with what you have.
2. "No responsibilities" LOL. Of course some people move into monastic life thinking it's just sitting around and doing menial chores all day, but it is a LOT of work with immense responsibility. Intense physical labor, exercising utmost mental restraint at all moments, fundraising, etc. Don't downplay it.
So what if I choose to be celibate and poor? I am not hurting anyone. Worry about your own life. Worrying about others who do no harm to you or others is a reflection on your happiness. Peace and enlightenment to all.
shipping. that had me rolling
25:31
I,ve only listened to the first few mins, but AB should know that if we have the karma to meet these experiences, we cannot avoid them!! if they are part of pay back, we have to experience them. That's what karma is.... you dish it out in one life time, you get it back in the next. Why knowing this, can't he say it like it is!!.. apart from that, even from a materialistic psychological viewpoint, people have attachment issues, with parents, are often attracted to difficult partners on a subconscious level, non of it rational!! they get together with them to work out early childhood emotional neglect. next few mins...haha good advice though! test them out!!
As for the example of George, the emasculated husband in the talk about Abusive Relationships, consider that he created the monster wife. Timid men, who may already hold a misogynistic view of the woman because they are intimidated by the female, do not provide the primal requirement of feeling protected or secure for the woman. Instead, they end up serving her and making her the boss or the dominant one. She is responding to his weakness without knowing it. The best thing for a woman who is with a man who makes her feel less than secure (check that feeling in your gut when he gives you a wishy-washy, fear-of-taking-responsibility answer because he's afraid of getting in trouble) is to run. You'll become the bad guy and he'll become the pitiful, thanks for noticing me Eeyore. He's the type of man who can make a woman hysterical, domineering and tough. Run.
This is me fulfilling my promise, he’s my favorite after so many heartbreaks. I thought it was time to give myself a break and focus on my job while trying to heal from my previous toxic relationship. After about a year and half I met a man who turned out to be my daughter’s boss , I was reluctant at first but his persistence and high spiritedness got me submissive. We started getting along so well , no day passes without constant communication, I fell in love and didn’t want to be hurt ever again; told him my weaknesses and he told me his, along the line he came across his ex and his attitude towards me started getting cold. Seemed like deja vu all over and so I couldn’t let the anxiety tear me apart. I met a colleague who introduced me to the best set of Private investigators ultimate hack , I contacted and hired them almost immediately and they requested a down payment to commence the job after targets cell number was provided. After few hrs they responded with all the deleted and recent messages , Whats App Facebook Instagram Snapchat gps and archives of pictures he has been sending out; I practically had access to his phone without his knowledge. Turns out he connived with his young sibling to test my patience and tolerance, all the info was carted to me , thanks to the hackers I now pass his test with ease, lol . For assistance on how to track or monitor your spouse email ultimatehack003@ gmail com or WhatsApp/call/text +17202954268 I wish you well as You find out the truth about your partner just like I did
@@saintmarybulicek567 I started chanting to change a similar karmic pattern. so much better when you're not drawn to this stuff again to get the message and your life condition is so strong that you're not swayed by others' foolishness. wishing you the absolute best.
Never seen a monk suggest sin wow. 4:12.
I like trains
Kaberrkadir
Why are u blaming the victim.
great video