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Sexual Abuse of Sons By Mothers -- A Former Therapist Shares
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- Опубликовано: 8 мар 2018
- My website: wildtruth.net
My Patreon: / danielmackler
An exploration of a taboo topic. Some issues discussed are the range of abuse (from mild to extreme), the hidden nature of abuse, sexual abuse without touch, society's perspective on men versus women as abusers, the transgenerational transmission of trauma, and mothers replicating the abuse that happened to them in their own childhoods.
Also, I have a part 2 to this video: • Sexual Abuse of Sons b...
I have seen a lot of single mothers, that once they are divorced and do not have a husband to rely on, they start treating their children as peers or associates, and, they take out a lot of their anger, frustration, and disappointment on their children, and share too much with their children.
Sons turned into emotion support husbands
Yep.The title "man of the house" is heady stuff, and one learns there are duties and responsibilities that go with it. Reframing to make the boy feel like he is doing a good thing - making his momma happy. Its was Dads job, but he is gone. It's your duty " when you get older, you will understand".
frankly I've seen that in all kinds of families, not just single mothers. It is unfortunately not uncommon for a mom to go talk to their kids when she has a discussion with their dad.
Enmeshment
Do you think a mother like how you described loves her child?
IMHO, nobody gets away with more crimes than bad mothers do.
😢 true
Literally
The Roman leader Nero was seduced by his mother. This abuse has been going on for centuries. I read a report when I worked at Mississippi State Hospital at Whitfield Mississippi. That children sexually abused by their parents were highly likely to experience inability to establish a good bond between their spouse or romantic partners. That they tend to gravitate emotionally and sometimes physically towards their children or the romantic partners children. Pedophiles often experienced such behavior from parents and relatives. If they have no access to to children in their family relationships they look elsewhere. 😢
Yes they do, sadly.
I'm female & I'm working through this stuff as well. We need to stop idealising "mothers" & start facing reality, start truth telling, & start re-teaching boundaries & boundary awareness. Its too late by the time ppl get into therapy, it needs to be discussed in the wider world & the education normalised.
It doesn't work with a parent
Yes, it starts with broader awareness. The challenge is that I think these behaviors come down through family lines under great shadow and shame. Hard to deal with something we can’t see. But bringing it into general awareness may help victims (who can become perps) break the cycle and get help. So grateful this man is talking about it as a professional. 💜
@@PetitHibou72 i suppose if we dont learn healthy boundaries etc this channel has made me think of things differently
I am not a parent..and never really wanted to be. But if I had a son, I know I would be a very strict parent...but in no way abusive. Grow up and get out is quite ruthless language, but I wouldn't have them living under my roof past 20 years of age. Daughters tend to leave home early and become independent but I wouldn't like a son of mine to be a cling-,on. On leaving home I would say..Live Long and Prosper✌
Amen
As a daughter, I did not like my mother talking to me about sex and her fears of her husband cheating. She was screwed up; married 5 times.
As a "daughter in law" I don't appreciate the dad's side. The great gma sending me pornos and the dad saying weird sh. This other baby momma, to my kids cousin used to casually flirt w/ the dad and it was like 🤮🤕why? Even if bshitting why? A lawyer asked me if I ever slept w/ my daughter's gpa & like 🤮🤮🤮. Wtf? 😠😡😤. If anything, I give that credit way more than they deserve... I have found out all kinds of histories about them living in this town.... Way more than I wanted to know. I don't always care about their extra activities bc you know? I did actually wanted to see their actual roles to being kin to my kid. Not all this extra sh. It's almost like meeting the ppl who took your parents virginity going into detail, or what ever else kinda weird sh u don't wanna pic old folks doing.... Like nobody wants to hear that sh
Debra Charles-clay I hated me mom doing that crap too, yuck!!! 🤢
@@ahhwe-any7434 this isn't about you and besides your comment reads like that of an abuser. You know what they do but you don't report it? You're a criminal and should be in jail
Same, plus period shaming and inappropriate conversations of all sorts. Uggh!
I dated a woman who had 2 son's 11 & 17. One day she started talking about how well endowed her 11 year old was already & admitted that she thought about messing around with him & what it would feel like. To me, that was unacceptably sick. I broke up with her soon after that & she was so angry and insulted that a fairly unattractive man would break up with her - an "incredibly beautiful woman" (her opinion) - that she proceeded to try to destroy me. She masterminded a burglary & stole all my work equipment. Spread false rumors, slashed my tires & tried to get someone to beat me up. Anyway, her oldest son ended up in prison for years and her younger son became a transsexual.
She sounds like a hot mess. Poor sons. A lot of women are VERY messed up. I say this as a woman who grew up with a lot of very sick women. Women don't get called out on our s--- the way men do.
What the fuck?! Can you describe this woman in an way? Like to an outside who would she be? I imagine a substance abusing dirty woman you can spot miles away...
Jack Andblaze Holy fawk, YHGTBFKM!!!!!!!!
@@tickyul - nope. Not kidding.
@@jackandblaze5956 Yuck!
WTF... I'm a new mother to a beautiful little boy, this makes me tear up knowing how my son looks at me and how innocent he his. His love is so pure and for a woman to abuse that love is disgusting.
Did you pay a doctor to cut the tip of his penis off?
Who Zaskin she has a Hindu name so that is doubtful.
@C C well, a parent should bathe their infant daily.
@C C That's not true. It practically cleans itself with natural secretions. Yes, it needs to be washed daily, but so does every penis and vagina. My boys are uncircumcised and need no help staying clean.
@@whozaskin3639 = a classic case of a former child victim turned abuser of women. Every mother - including Priya - is judged guilty villain. See my post above - just because your mother abused you, just because you haven't confronted/ forgiven YOUR abusive mother, doesn't give you the free ticket to slander all women on this planet.
This is a real issue. I've witnessed abuse I can't even talk about. The worst abuse event happened when I was 7. I'm 53 now. I got near the discussion in a session with my psychiatrist years back and my psychiatrist broke down in tears. 'Tis VERY real, at least for me and my brothers. The whole problem went on completely unnoticed because like this video points out, mothers have a sacred - even holy - immunity. They have a LOT of power. The thought doesn't even cross our minds that someone should ask a question. We as a society cannot conceive of this problem, we can't accept it. Well, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. What I've seen would make most literally vomit. It still turns my stomach just writing this comment. I don't care what people say - saying things doesn't make it real or not real, because the truth is what it is.
I think 'mild sexual abuse' is an unspoken epidemic. In one way 'mild' is worse because it leads the son/daughter to doubt their experience or feelings as it is hard to pin down what happened. Great valuable video. The 'sacred mother' aspect makes it more difficult for sure.
100% and you can not go to police or to anyone... what to say ... my mother involves me in her sex life? (when you are 5-18 y old you do not even pin point it).... she tells me she was raped, she does not want to have sex, she does not want to get pregnant , she sleeps with me in bed so she does not sleep with my father ...etc etc ... and who to tell ????
@@flyingnutrition6199 A nephew has a son a whose mother sleeps in the son's bed instead of her husband's bed. I suggested to my nephew that she could be avoiding sleeping with him. The entire family is in denial. Send an email to an Aunt, or to someone who understands why therapy is important to teach us about ourselves.
Kudos to you for knowing that this is messed up. Or go to either a 12 step program that works with dysfunctional families in addition to alcoholics, or a co-dependecy program...these people see all the stuff mainstream society is too blind to see. They would believe you and help you. Is your mother a covert narcissist? It seems that she lying about something. So sorry, just don't let it slide. Time to tackle your truth?
I think covert incestuous abuse is a better term than mild sexual abuse. The psychological damage is often tremendous. Covert sexual abuse can indeed take many forms: assigning the son(s) the role of surrogate spouse; covert penetration via unnecessary enemas or insertion of suppositories under the guise of medical necessity; isolating son(s) from paternal influences; inappropriate discussions of mother's sexual life; extreme jealousy of son's partners / romantic interests; bed-sharing into adolescence or beyond; lack of respect for son's personal privacy, particularly in the bathroom or when bathing, and so on. Moreover, extreme invalidation of mother's emotions and feelings during childhood can lead to this form of sexual abuse.
Glenn Brown Nailed it, unfortunately.
@DewDiePie Bich Lasagna It is
@DewDiePie Bich Lasagna Yes women really do that. I was brutalized in this way by my BPD mother from the age of 5 yrs until about 8 yrs.
AGREED a million fold
I knew about most of what you speak of but not 'extreme invalidation of mother's emotions and feelings during childhood'. That makes perfect sense. I would add the mother's tendency to require her children to call her male associates 'Uncle' John as opposed to Mr. John Doe or Mr. Doe. Which works to build a relaxed posture/familiarity with other possible abusers much more quickly.
That is so sad. I've known 2 men who were sexually abused by their mothers. I've known 3 men who told me their mothers abuse caused their inability to be intimate with women.
So sad 😞
Wtf is wrong with humans, ffs
My ex said he was molested by
His mom and he had a hard time
Being intimate with women especially
Kissing . Such a shame smh
1/2 of my male friends (over 100) were statutorily r*ped between 12 and 15.
Most men have been parentified by their mothers.
And I honestly believe that deep down inside mothers hate their sons. You cannot love someone who is your oppressor and who will have privileges that were withheld from you due to gender. The narrative of The Patriarchy made women hate their sons. They may love us, but their contempt and envy will always supercede that love.
Is it true?@@messy_lessy5242
As a Christian, and as a mother, the sexual abuse i suffered as a child became a template for how NOT to treat a child. So whether i was all alone or not with my infant son, by God's MERCY and GRACE, I was more than aware and vigilant regarding respecting sexual boundaries.
When I was 11 my mom started telling me about how she had been sexually abused by her father and brothers and some cousins. She was diagnosed as bipolar by then but did not take her medication. In high school she started dating a guy 3 years older than me and started talking to me and touching me in sexual ways. Finally, on my 21 birthday she took me out to dinner and ended up french kissing me in the parking lot and rubbing her body on mine (the first time she did anything in public). That was the point I couldn't handle it any more and I told her I could not keep being there for her. She committed suicide shortly afterwards. All I ever wanted to do was be there for her and support her without judgement.
wow, how utterly sad. It obviously stemmed from her horrible abuse by probably every male family member she knew....doesnt excuse her actions but that would definitely fuck you up. She must have felt horrible and couldn't cope with knowing she put you through what she had gone through. It wasn't your fault, her demons got the best of her, she is at peace now and you did the right thing by setting boundaries.
EQCR Wow so many losses for you. I am so sorry you had to go through that pain. I am praying for you now. I love you so much and I am lifting you up in prayer for healing and to be restored on every level, that you would know your worth and that it is not your fault. And for all hurt to be washed over in love. In the name and blood authority of Jesus Christ, amen. God bless you💟
Wow so sorry
That really sounds exceptionally horrendous. I hope you are recovering as you can-best wishes.
So very sorry this happened to you. Please know if it wasn't you it would have heen someone else. Chances are that you were not the only one your mother sexually abused. It is absolutely terrible what your mother did to you. God Bless You.
I’m a mental health counselor and you are shaping my worldview in a very profound way. I really appreciate all the work you do as it’s giving me a lot of insight.
Many serial killers were abused by their mothers...
@ Jesus is the Lord
Many were abused by their mothers, who didn't turn into serial killers...
Compare this statement with yours and reckon the numbers according to each statement!
What do you think makes the far greater number?
What about John Wayne Gacy? was he abuse by his mother or maybe she to contribute to it
@zepbigfoot bearcove
You said it, just more bluntly than I was capable of. :-) Maybe just stay carefull; not many women deal with such a mans issue with pure compassion.
@@sacredgee2315
That person did, look at the statistics.
@@civilized_half-orc5689
There's not cause and effect here, but an association based on preponderance of the evidence.
Im a female and I've been sexually harassed by both my parents, (undressed, touched, kissed), plus massive psychological violence, but my mother was by far the most active. She was raped when she was a young teenager and never tried to process her trauma, and was too bigot to come out overtly as lesbian. I was supposed to be her husband/partner for life. And it's enough to be looked at with lust to feel raped. "Mild" sexual abuse is an insult to the pain of victims. I'm adult now and have started to learn I'm allowed to consider myself a human being, it's so overwhelmingly difficult. But I prefer to go through all that it takes to heal, rather than become a monster and a cancer to society.
Thanks to anyone who reads until the end. And huge thanks for this video.
Now, all over the internet, are mothers posing in inappropriate selfies with their sons. It's porn. Posing nude or nearly, twerking on babies...it's a nightmare. It's a scary time for childhood. 😐
Also, mothers breast feeding their babies is sexually suggestive poses. I breast-fed, but I wasn’t exhibitionistic about it and it wasn’t a sexual thing for me.
I was sexually abused by my mother and it is something that I honestly can't bring myself to talk about much at all; I think I only told one person. I feel like people would tell me that I'm misconstruing or making something that it isn't or something. She used to dance really close to me, and kiss me on the mouth and get in bed with me on through my teen years until I started physically throwing her out of my bed. She'd touch me inappropriately, like give me full body massages. Watch me take baths. Walk around the house naked. It was so stressful...
dude! same thing here, almost the absolute SAME thing. it's a little more subtle with women, but equally brutal. i tell everybody. i hope that sometime somebody will believe me. nobody believes that this stuff exists...
Karl Amsterdam I believe you and I can really understand how it must feal that a mother isn't capable of being a pedophile but they are out there. I even think that it's more comon than you think. If you want to talk I am here for you. Don't give up and give up because people are started talking about it, 15 years ago this would be a grate taboo.
mechantechatonne I sensirely think that it happens more than whe realised before and in a aggressive way not in a pasive way
I'm sorry you went through such horror. I was sexually abused by my mother (emotionally and physically raped) so I relate. While many people can't conceive of such abuse unless they've experienced it, there are other survivors out there, as you can see in this comments section. I believe you and many others will too.
JD Jones I realy hope that this wil be the start of an open minded society that excepts the fact that females are capable of this and they will be dealt with like a man doing the same thing to children , so the victims don't have to feel guilty or ashamed to speak about it. This has been going on for much to long. It's even so that in Europe that after 10 years children's abuse is suspended. So at the time most of them get away anyway. It should never be suspended at all.
I'm so glad you're talking about this. I was a (young) single mother of a boy (now 29) and I always felt that single parent relationships can be very intense. I was so worried, in his teens, he was losing out not having a large extended family of brothers & sisters so I explored 'boarding school' as a schooling option in his teens. His father (who took little responsibility in his day to day care) turned my son's mind against the idea so I moved on... but I was still worried as a young mother of a teen son, that it was a dynamic I had to keep an eye on.
I always included his friends in every outing, sleepovers etc. I did this so that there was a 'gang' of us & his childhood memories were positive and full of other children. I also volunteered as the parent to drop off & pick up all the teens at activities/discos, again to facilitate a positive teen-hood & friendships. Ultimately I didn't want us to end up with a weird co-dependent relationship I've seen with other mother /sons.
I think it worked. He moved to another city for college. We've a good relationship, he has a lot of his male friends from his childhood, one or two who are as close & consistent as brothers. He's had a few girlfriends, one serious, but I'm still waiting for him to settle down.... I hope he does eventually.
Update 2024 My son married a terrific girl & is crazy about her!
Bless you!
you lost me at boarding school, he didn't have much family so sending him away would help right you sound fake and full of it
You are a good mother.
I've been "mildly" sexually molested by BOTH my father AND my mother, who also happen to hate each other. Ok, I was not raped, but there was inappropriate showing and touching, not to mention the emotional manipulation. These things are not "mild" at all.
My mother was frequently a perv being nude trying to breast feed us when we were older. My brother called her out as a kid & she didn’t like that
The anger that comes up for me is so raw. God bless you I'm sorry.
😕😥😥
Are you male or female?
@@holeymcsockpuppet I am a male. Why do you think it's important to specify my gender?
I was sexually abused by my grandfather. My mother knew and did nothing about it. I was so frightened by him as a small child that I would sit down and piss myself. Instead of running away I would freeze with fear, sit down and piss myself and he would kick me and rub my face in the wet carpet. I remember being so frozen with fear that I couldn’t move, couldn’t run, couldn’t speak, I was so afraid I just shut down. The abuse happened daily at times. I grew up in the south and would go fishing or hunting and it always always happened then. We would go to hunting camps where you go out and hunt for a few days at a time and that was when the abuse was the most terrible. We were alone in the woods in a trailer in the middle of nowhere in Georgia or Florida, so no one would hear me scream. I can’t express in words how much of a nightmare it was and no one (other than my mother) suspected a thing. When I was 10 he was killed in a car wreck and the abuse ended. As disgusting as this will sound and as disgusting as it is for me to even write this, I missed him and the abuse 😞 I had been conditioned to think that what he did to me was a way to love someone and bcuz it happened so frequently I had grew to expect it.
Come to find out my grandfather had sexually abused my mother, all her siblings and his own siblings while growing up.
I was very emotionally attached to my mother to the point that I couldn’t be away from her and would have, essentially, nervous breakdowns at school up until about third grade. I would think about her leaving me or dying and would cry to the point of exhaustion. Just a very unfortunate early life...
I am so, so sorry. Please don't feel ashamed, you were a victim & it wasn't your fault ❤️.
@@spaghetto9836
Thank you ❤
😢I’m so sorry for you, I’m so sorry no one came to your rescue, I’m crying as I read your comment. I’m a mother of 2 sons and I don’t know what I would have done to anyone molesting my sons.
I’m hoping you get proper treatment to restore yourself. May the Lord bless you, 🙏
@@ec8787
Thank you ❤
I have gotten help, lots of therapy. I had family therapy with mom and others, it was very cathartic for us all. I was so angry at them for not intervening but he had frightened and abused them just as he did me and pure fear kept them quiet. That fear did the same to me, so me being upset over something they had no control over was useless on my part. We were all victims of his.
We are all in a great place now. I still go to therapy, I found it very good for my mental health and enjoyed it.
Hug and kiss your babies, you're a great mommy ❤❤🌈
Holy shit dude, that’s like actually one of the worst things I’ve heard. I’m so sorry. That’s so tragic.
Thanks for having the courage to go places few other therapists are willing. Ive long felt my conflicted relationship to my sexuality stemmed from my mother who transgressed these boundaries. I wish there was more light given to this taboo. I agree its more common than most want to consider. .
Sammeeeeee. I love to study these types of things and I love when I nail a taboo like this that confirms my beliefs!!! I always talk about how it’s not just men who have created our toxic sex culture. It’s women!! But blaming women. Specially mother’s is so unholy that no one ever goes that route. But it totally makes sense when you rip away the social norms and stereotypes. In many many many of not all sexual abuse case in childhood, because this is when our brains are developing, it can affect us in different way depending on what stage of brain development we are in an how traumatic the experience. And since it’s some common depending on if it came from the mother or father so many generations deep we have the 21st century toxic sex culture and it might still take a couple of years to get this perspective out....
Legal Fiction Natural Fact if you thought hard enough on it. You might realize that woman are to blame. But they are more likely than not only this way because of some past trauma with men. So yes it is men AND woman. The point I was making was specifically on the women in relation to this video. Duh. But since you assumed my thoughts for me. I don’t think you have the intellectual capacity to understand this concept. In return I’m sure your karma is that you will be manipulated by one of these women. But unable to solve the issue because it’s below you to think that woman are capable or to blame for such sexual culture trends. Thanks for your input though. ☺️
Me too always worried if im gay or if theres something wrong with me. I dont have the desire to have a physical or sexual relationship with another man or have a problem with anyone who does. Further more I am able to recognize an attractive man and am open minded enough to recognize I could fall in love with either gender.
I feel like my Mum used me as a partner, parent, punchbag and slave. She was way to open about her sexuality around me and there where no boundaries whatsoever.
It was like I was her soldier, an extension of her.
I am in therapy at the moment and have broken away from my Mum and given her a letter expressing my feelings about my childhood.
Im grieving the childhood I didnt have I often feel broken and scared but I know I am making progress with the work I am doing.
I would like to find love on day in a healthy heterosexual relationship and perhaps even have children. I have a lot of healing to do in the meantime though.
Thank you.
Xx
What a planet. What a sick planet.
FREUDian slip ? Sucky or sicky ?
Don't blame the problems of some women on the planet. It is the fault of those women and their backgrounds....not the planet.
Compared to?
You're comparing it to which planet?
Humans.. Earth is beaitiful
I remember reading a story once in a women's magazine when I was a teenager, and that story traumatized me for life.
It was about a single mother who got pregnant young and then started sleeping with her son when he was like 11. The boy killed himself just before he turned 18,threw himself out the window of an apartament building. I remember being horrified that such women exist. I mean, really, wtf.
I have known several men who more than likely were abused sexually - and overtly - by their mothers. Mothers who were abandoned by or lost their husbands relatively early and who took their sons as spouses. A current colleague of mine is such a victim - I believe. His behaviour is erratic and he seems to me to be manic-depressive. He is 38 years old. I am 58. He came on to me very strongly and acted out in strange ways towards me but a relationship never ensued. I cannot ascertain whether he would like one, or whether he is subconsciously "punishing" me as a much older woman in his mother´s or even his own stead. At first I thought he was narcissistic - which indeed he may well be. But recently I realised that the man - who is like a boy - needs the love of a mother - any mother - because his own mother used him so selfishly - and yet, he is ashamed and scared, because inside he does not trust any woman, at all, anymore. Think of the robbery. His mother has robbed him of his life and his own family. I cannot fathom that wickedness.
Omg...I think I know a woman who this could be...narcissists getting drunk could easily do these horrific deeds...TO THEIR OWN CHILDREN !!!.just like men do,ALL THE TIME...suppressive controlling religious dogma will often create titillating deviant attitudes too...ALL religions as we now know breed and encourage perverted behaviours
It is the reason for so many suicides.
When you say sleeping with is that a euphemism for sex? Because sleeping in the same bed is something that isn’t best but not sex. I’m assuming the story being so tragic the mother was sexually abusing him.
@@brigitte9999 The expression sleeping with someone is commonly used to mean you're having sex with that person. The woman was having sex with her son. She was an incest mother.
Thank you so, so, so much for making this! Nobody ever talks about women sexually abusing boys, their sons, what have you. When I was a little kid, I was molested by a woman my dad dated for a couple years. He never wanted to believe it happened and to this day will maintain she didn't abuse me. I think it's just too painful for him to think it was partially his fault for not leaving when it was clear she was crazy. It really messed me up. I had night terrors during my childhood and would frequently lose sleep because I'd be scared to wake up seeing her again. I used to have vivid nightmares of her climbing through my window and forcing me to pleasure her again. In middle school I got into inhalants and in high school I moved up to actual drugs. I quit hard drugs after high school, though, because they only made me worse off. Unfortunately, however, I am still an alcoholic. As for what you said about mothers treating their sons in inappropriate ways, I think I have some experience there too. My mother has always been super overbearing about my love life and has had some kind of issue with everyone I've dated. She helped to sabotage a lot of my relationships because the way she treated me creeped out my significant others. She also always went on to an uncomfortable extent about my looks and how I should be a male model, blah blah blah. I'm not sure if the way my mom treated me growing up could count as a soft kind of sexual abuse like you discussed, but the past trauma made it all very uncomfortable for me. Whenever I told her she made me think of my past abuse she would freak out at me and say things like, "I could just kill you! You're so ungrateful for all the things I've done for you!" As a result I had a lot of weird trauma stuff associated with women all my life. When I transitioned, my mom had two main arguments against it. On one hand she agonized over what people will think of her. On the other hand, she (to this day) would not shut up about how hot I was as a guy. She talks about it like the guy version of me is deceased, despite the fact I'm still technically the same person. She said some pretty creepy stuff about how she loved having such an attractive son to show off. When I was in my late teens, she almost seemed to relish in people at restaurants thinking we were on a date and not mother and son. I never started to seriously consider how weird my mom was toward me until I was a teen and friends started to point out that the way she treated me wasn't normal. I'm a lot better nowadays, but sometimes I do still have that paranoia I developed after I was molested. I probably always will have that paranoia. My mom also has an obsession with keeping me dependent and tries everything in her power to keep me around. She frequently looks through my stuff. I know it because I know where I leave my stuff and it's always moved around. I want to move back out ASAP. Anyway, thank you again for making this.
Jesus christ im praying for you man
Good job Daniel. You are a shining light on this planet.
I was seduced by my 14yo step-sister when I was 13. She was experienced. I suspect she had already had a sexual relationship with *her* step-father. I was such a little boy. She was physically a grown woman. It messed me up.
You were both victims
Relax drama queen.
Mothers do this to their daughters too. I never saw my mom act that way around my brother but she was constantly 'mildly' sexual abusive around me as soon as I became a teenager as well as around all my friends
Do you think that kinda mother even loves her daughter?
@@malaika1483 no
@@malaika1483 No
My mother definitely was emotionally incestuous and my father was just fucking creepy and disgusting commenting on my body and my sisters body when we were TEENAGERS
Emotional incest from both parents = Same here😢 I was an only Child and my parents split when I was an infant. They both treated me like More of a spouse than their kid. They did not overtly sexually abuse me but there was a lot of covert incest that I did not know how to name until very recently. They gave me way too much responsibility- especially for helping them work through their own depressed feelings. I’ve been their therapist my whole life. As of February both my parents have passed. Both died long drawn out deaths that lasted 7 and 5 years with me as their main advocate. I cannot tell you how exhausted I am after caretaking for so many years. At the same time, I still love and miss them, And I am also glad they are dead. So much cognitive dissonance. My insides are torn to shreds with all the contradictory feelings. Because of the paradigm I was raised with, I recently realized that I don’t understand love and connectedness in any other context than equal main person partners. All my wires are crossed. I feel like I am responsible for everyone else’s feelings all the time. I see that I isolate from people because the pressure I feel to help everyone with their problems is a huge source of anxiety and burden. The thing is, I’m really good at soothing people. I usually can make people feel better n the moment. Hard for me to let go of the idea that just because I could do something to help doesn’t mean that I always have to - I isolate because I am so tired of setting my own needs aside to fix things for other people first. I am still a neglected child, now at my own hand. The truth is, we can’t fix other people anyway. Temporarily soothe them yes but not make the actual changes to fix the source of the problem. I tried all my life to fix it for my parents but I never could. They were the only ones who could have fixed it for themselves and they wouldn’t or couldn’t. It was incredibly frustrating. Finally coming to the core of the matter and seeing that I can only make it right for myself and I have to do that first thing, maybe only thing really.
Incest is incest, what is covert incest? Please don’t water it down, or wrap it up into other traumas. Like you, I had tough time with both of my parents, but I was always grateful to God that they were not incestuous, as I surely would kill myself then. Honestly, I don’t know how people survive that. So, there was no incest. Psychological abuse is enough horrendous by itself, but the less we can make it into part of our identity, the better. Witnessing the ugly side of humans happens all the time and it’s been that way always. Why, I don’t know. Lucky are those who had loving, intelligent people around them and lived in calm historic times. But, many of us were not blessed with such lives. For you to have a gift of soothing is truly beautiful and if your heart is filled with pleasure when you can do good for others, then you yourself already belong to a higher level of existence than your parents. Maybe that will count somewhere too. Your parents are gone now and you’ve given them a lot, never abandoning their needs regardless how they treated you and that should give you peace. Don’t wrap your life in more trauma than you’ve already had, break the shell and rise. I love what this therapist said once about crying the tears of rejuvenation. It’s important.
This was really well said and I could relate to it. I am working to stop feeling like I need to constantly fix/help others and picking toxic dating partners. I really was just trying to keep myself distracted and keeping my self stuck in a pattern of my own trauma. It is really hard but your comment was wise and I hope we can both find healing one day. You are so brave for all you have endured to be here and working on yourself. You matter and I hope you find your balance one day and those wires can become a little less crossed. I hope the same for all of us here that can relate to this as well.
@@SculptExpress-gv8jp It's not watering down to use words precisely. On the contrary, expanding meanings to words actually dilutes their meanings. That is what we do in modern society with the result that actual victims of a particular type of predation are in more danger cuz credibility is lost. It's okay, however, to add more words to describe new or newly understood observable phenomena.
@@SculptExpress-gv8jp It simply means either not out in the open where others witness it, or not touching. Sexual antics are enough to be considered covert. It is not necessary for a person to disclose the exact elements of their abuse for listeners to understand that sexual (or any other) abuse has occurred. Your advice to Dawn is worthy and for all who think they either have to heal their parents or ruminate in regret.
He mentioned a book he wrote in another video ~ I forget the title but it is something to the effect of 'how to break away from your parents'. I think you can find it by searching Amazon by that or his name in the book department. Hope this helps. Also his video about "The number one question viewers always asks me" addresses your issue described here. Hope this helps.
In my opinion, the covert crap can be worse. I have a friend whose mother encouraged him to share his sex life with her. I pointed out this was really sick. He stopped sharing ANY personal information. She flipped out. His mom is a narcissist, tried to turn him into a son/husband. He started having memories of sexual abuse by family members. This started when he was a young child. His mother knew and it got covered up. To this day, the mom cannot figure out why he wants to know about his childhood. She says, "That is the past. Why do you need to know?". Very telling.
WOW!
Disgusting!
I would take my half brother to the playground with my mom and instantly got this feeling like I am her husband.
she knows exactly why he wants to know about his childhood, she is concealing it....yuck
Can't say about sexual abuse but emotional incest is pretty rampant.
emotional and psychological abuse is the worst because its not picked up on usually and people think ur just being "sensitive" and what not. but i think it causes the most damage overall
Luce S what’s emotional incest
Agreed. I was made to be more of a 'Husband' to my Mother than my Dad was.
@TREX LEX Its not really bullshit there's plenty of bad mothers emotionally dependant as if their son their husband.
Agree. More so now because of the instance of single mothers. The son becomes her confidant instead of being raised properly...
I know a women who told me she had sex with her 14 yer old son who had a mental illness.
I know several women who discuss with their teenage sons explicit sex topics.
It is incredible that men are always watched like hawks. Just turn around and watch the women. You will be surprised. It is
incredible with how much more women get away with than men. I have two sons and feel real sorry for them because their is no fairness here.
Mothers say to there female friends ( society has gave us a free pass to do this they are Boys they love sex any we all know this an moms can oblige them and have lots of fun in the process no point of being desperate are Son only to happy to help his Mother out ) since the pandemic this has skyrocketed just a fact
For sure, it's so disturbing
I feel like my mom knows I’m watching this and I’m gonna get in trouble for it. I’m an adult and I live alone lmfao
Shes coming for that little weiner
Thank you for embarking on this taboo subject. I wish more people looked at incest, maternal narcissism and the effects of generational (physical/emotional) boundary-crossing on children and their adult lives. It creates so much pain and wreckage and most of it is undiagnosed and unacknowledged by dysfunctional families and society.
This is not news to me. These are the types of mothers who also tend to mollycoddle their sons so much that they never grow up to have self-sufficiency. They become "mama's boys" or worse, they can turn into that guy who's living with his mother well into his adult years yet incapable of having a relationship with a woman his own age or support themselves financially, and therefore unable to free themselves from their mother's clutches. The thing is that this type of abuse is so subtle it messes with your head because on the surface it just looks like a mother who is doting on her son. The show Bates Motel is a perfect example of this, or Jung's archetype of the devouring mother.
The devouring mother... I've studied Jung but never heard of that... I must have dissociated ( *sigh* ) thank you for sharing. I'll look it up.
OMG it's like you know me isn't it. Am I the onlyone that uses my own name in this game you are playing with this mind fuck. I whas defending a girl you stupid cow. I have no time for this you idiot
And yung sorry for saying whas a sexualli obsessed prick that related everything back to sex
+Nancy Van Hoeck You think that about Jung?
ladynottingham89 wetgf,oiyee.adghb-hnvsqyio9823
Thinking about a baby as a source of love is itself a type of abuse. A baby is a human with needs, not a source of love. An adult human should never look to a baby for those things. It's needy, weird, and abusive. To realize the truth of this, think back to your own childhood.
I once dated a psychopath... The first sign that made me uncomfortable was when I heard him on the phone with his daughter. He called her "poupoule" (in French) and there was some sexual tension in there that was really weird. Afterwards, I discovered that incestuous abuse went much further (and I survived his attempts to kill her and ran away). The father would always find excuses to make his big daughter sleep in her own bed or join him in his student apartment. The mother, a wealthy Parisian, never intervened, most likely abused herself by her own father, a financial psychopath. Yummy yummy. I never knew how to help the girl. Everyone around her harassed me, threatened me, to keep me quiet.
My parents were and still are 100% respectful, trusting, loving, gentle, consistent, etc. ...
My great trauma is to have discovered outside my family the extreme violence and madness present in a majority of other families.
Every day I read about abuse, perversity, invisible violence, etc. and I go from one astonishment to another.
That man sounds like my dad minus the "cute" nickname (but not minus the murder attempt against me). I would call him out often to the point of needing to remind him "I am.you daughter, not your wife. Your DAUGHTER!", but nothing works with these people :/
Ps. It was very difficult to walk away because my mom had passed away when I was 14, there were no relatives I could trust, and my siblings prefered denial and turned their backs on me (I get it - its difficult to accept your only left parent is a pervert). Those people destroy their kids and they get a sick pleasure out of it.
best comment Ever !!! 🎉 ❤
It's madness everywhere, I'm so blessed to have the home that I did and it wasn't perfect but God held it all together 🙏
My husbands mom is a borderline (waif) mother as well as a covert narcissist....he wants nothing to do with her. His dad passed when he was 13 years old....I think his mom was very abusive...in ways I don't think he realizes. And in ways he does realize. He's 39. I think his mom used him as a surrogate husband, not sexually (at least, not that he's told me) but allowed my husband to assume, as a child, that he was responsible to take care of his mom.
Jenn V. That’s what my mom did and is doing to my brother. He is 42
Jenn V. quite common.
yupp my ex's mom is like this, total narcissist and totally inappropriate relationship with her son. She couldn't stand him having a GF and also thought it was his job to take care of her.
Wow. Your boyfriends story sounds just like mine. Except his dad died in a horrific way at 12 and his mother remarried immediately. He once told me during a fight that his mother abused him sexually. When bringing it back up he denies every saying it. I know what I heard. I know why he has the serious issues he has. But he's not willing to seek help. He truly doesn't see how abusive she was. I cuss her out loud when alone often. When we have issues that she caused, she's now dead, I absolutely curse the little not she hurt..I hate her. It's so difficult. It's so taboo we can't begin to deal with it
Update: I divorced this man soon after this post 2 years ago.~ he's a covert Narcissist and reeeeally messed up. See my other wall post...His mom really did him in.
I am so glad you are talking about this it is so very important! There are female sexual abusers and not just to their sons. The fact we do not openly talk about this allows it to fester and destroy lives. The double standard of teen boys getting abused by a woman ( boy is he lucky) vs. if they were abused by a man ( OMG he is a victim), is hurting men. No kid, irrespective of gender, should be ignored when they speak up about sexual abuse. The fact men are socially not allowed to reveal and deal with their traumas leads to the higher suicide rate. The chronic stress of not dealing with your worst emotions/traumas is most likely the biggest reason men have shorter life spans than women. We do not know how common it is because of the madonna/whore complex painting women as only sacred or evil. Again thanks for posting this.
I've notice how many single mother's of teenage son's do interact inappropriately.I've witness several single mom's develop a reliance on their son's only seen in romantic relationships.Yes the son's were quite aware of how inappropriate their mom's behavior was.Creepy weird woman who mostly receive a pass.
my ex's mom was like this, she had three kids with three different guys, never married, very promiscuous and had only one son and hated other women even her own daughters. She was insane and couldn't stand her son dating.
God I hate suburbanites. that being one of the reasons.
can i ask you for input- my 4 yr old's mom has always had him sleep in bed with her. she's not a very sexual person, and i'm not concerned... but should i be? Is it normal for the kid to sleep in bed w/ mommy for so long?
@PushLoveGirl thanks. The pediatrician recommended sleep training at 6 mos! But she never listens to him. And every time I've brought up the sleep issue he asks her why the kid sleeps with her and mildly scolds her. But she's so stubborn, nothing I can do. The kid is almost 5 and literally every night has slept w/ mommy. (actually she sleeps in his room/his bed). My biggest concern with it is that the kid has never gotten adequate sleep because she puts him to bed when she's ready for bed; so he's on her sleep schedule; obviously kids need more sleep than adults!
Not me I was raped that's nasty!
To all the men who went through this, you did not deserve it. You are not an object. It's ok to remain abstinent while you are working through this trauma
its also that people do not want to criticize a mother at all! its very taboo. mother's day is a humongous holiday at least in the western world. i think people dont want to even think about their mothers as imperfect and so they cant tolerate any criticism of ANY mother or else. in other cultures its even more taboo, for example hispanic people who venerate the virgin mary, and every mother is similarly a goddess to her children and society. how can anyone criticize a deity? impossible
Woman are protective of women like them. No so much women that don't look like them.
on the other hand, mothers are to live up to the goodness of Blessed Mother Mary! it's not meant to be an excuse; she is meant to inspire and encourage us. but i understand your point... sadly, some take advantage of this honor.
@@olgasavestheday 😀
Thank you for sharing and your willingness to shed light on this taboo topic. I completely agree that this is very common- a wide spectrum of behaviors, many innocuous to the 'casual' observer and in my experience it affects more members in the family than just the mother and son. It drives wedges between family members and adds yet another layer to family dysfunction.
corsican lulu My neighbors were treated very poorly by their father All three children plus a Handicapped foster child and the Mother. They were viscously abused. Long story short, the mother became very ill and when the children visited her in the hospital on Mother's Day, she passed away. Side note, the mother did Not ever give out abuse.
This is really really interesting. I had a good friend who was sexually abused by his mother. She did it to his brother as well. In an even worse way. He was destroyed by it.
Sad
Dang 😞
..And she got away with it, didn't she?
Benjamin Esposti same way fathers do... don't pull he "women get away with everything" crap when men get away with this all. The. Time.
My father openly asked me sexual comments and made sexual comments about my body and the room always fell silent. I'm no contact and people are "confused" as to why.
I know someone too. I called the police on the B. They didnt do anything because nobody admitted the truth to the police.
When I was 29, one night I got up at 3 am and she was drunk and watching TV. She asked me to fill up her hand cream bottle. While I was filling it up, she was pulling my underwear down with her foot.
A couple of months ago, drunkenly, she admitted she would rather have a relationship with me than with my dad because he doesn't take care of himself.
To this day, she still doesn't want to admit to what she did.
I started to distance myself emotionally from my mom, because I can't trust her, especially due to her alcohol consumption.
Ugh. Sorry about that :/
Jesus Christ I'm sorry that is sick!!
Can you get out how old are you
This is vary common for a Mom to do this with a high libido a much higher % Moms are sexual with there Son or Sons A surprising % will have a lifelong relationship even if her Son gets Marred his wife will have to share her man with his mother Dad may still with Mom a widely known fact
Bates Motel explained.
Congrats, I've never thought about that ... but it's obvious.
As a mom , my heart is breaking for these children !! I was abused as a child and I used my pain and abuse to help , Love ,and encourage others to see that we have a compassion that is stronger than others!! If you don't know the Lord please seek him!!! You are so brave and he will use you in ways beyond your dreams!! God bless you!![
I did too but I also acted up I am totally honest and I have the Lord I really do and I discovered alot by acting out I saw humanity in the suffering silence
God seems to be very comfortable with the suffering of those children that love him at the hands of those that claim to follow God. God's reputation has been trashed by these people...I became an atheist after 30 years watching my fundamentalist father and Christian mother destroy me and my siblings in the name of God. The purpose for religion is to communicate the values from one generation to the next that hold a civilization together over the long run. But today the Christians are disinheriting their own children from what should be theirs in the name of career success, social justice, and self fulfillment. The reason for Christianity's decline begins and ends with Christians. Too bad that what seems to come after Christianity will be much worse I think.
Fucc you and your Lord! Your despicable audacity is disgusting! Your Bible is PRO rape and you tell me to get to know that "Lord" whom tells his people that rape is OK? Christianity and other mental illnesses aka RELIGIONS are THE biggest rape tool on this plane!
FUCC YOU AND YOUR LORD!
@@themetamorphosisofgipsy i dont like religion either but I don't feel like she was trying to be malicious. Maybe religion just helped her cope with her own trauma.
@@anarchyintheusa4443 You might be right, but christians rarely read their own book so she's culpable for that. And if she did read her book and still points to that BS, than the comment is very well fitting. Granted, my passion anti that religion might be a mouthful and I will not apologize for my stance. I grew up in a strict religious home full of Christian hypocrites, masochist and sadists, pedophiles and just pure hate towards us children. Despicable to think what atrocities have been and are still committed "in the Name of Jesus ". My stance is pretty innocent in comparison, I dare say.
My son was on a wrestling team in high school and had friend that had a mother that would hang on and kiss her son. She acted like a friend more than a mother. Later my son confronted me saying I didn't love him as much as that kids mom. I said so you want me to hug you and kiss you infront of your friends? His face just dropped. He got the point. Later he told me some weird behavior between them. I think he got confused with affection and overly involved mom and thought I was detached from him. It's crazy because I'd watch her and think my son might want me to love on him but It felt awkward just thinking of acting that way. When they're little and cute babies that's one thing but teen years.. NO!!
What is wrong with kissing ur mom? There doesnt have to be a sexual component 😂
@@novictimno not on the lips. That's my dad's job
Sexual abusers are not always subjects of sexual abuse when they were young . This belief makes a very useful excuse to blame childhood abuse. I think today in our culture we have had it said to us so often we assumed that because a psychiatrist has said. "this is how it is " Psychiatry is not an exact science , Psychiatrists learn from what they read ,also from listening to other people in their learning as they go through training years. You will often hear people say " oh, it's true because a psychiatrist said so ". On occasions it can happen that Psychiatrists are called into court to give their opinion on what might have happened that caused the defendant to commit a certain crime, a psychiatrist for the defence will offer his opinion, the psychiatrist for the other side gives a different option.
Sigmund Freud...
Yep !!! Unpopular opinion !!! Thank you!!
Of course they give different opinions.
One is the defend and the other the plaintive.
And they are supposed to oppose each other. Duaaa !!!!
Totally
When a person says the truth no matter the taboo culture is a person of courage . You are brave . God bless you .
i had an ex who was overtly sexually abused by his mother and it totally screwed him up and our relationship. And he totally idealized her. I was the only person he ever told and she acted jealous of me. Really sick. After awhile he treated me badly and was a cheater and duplicated the abuse onto me in messed up ways. I didn't know what happened to him until a couple of years in but he refused to get help. What a mess that was :(
'don't think moms should prance around in string bikinis around the house even if it is 4th of July.
I do know a guy where his mom owns this adult club. I swear he thinks he's way hotter than he's not. I mean, he is attractive. But I don't get fazed by looks alone. Plus, he's younger. That's not really my thing. But I know ppl older than me, that wouldn't mind. Actually, i had a older friend that wanted to f him so bad. Hes in a r.ship. & she'd constantly communicate w/ him through social media. This dude... said he wanted a 3 some w/ us. She told me that & i was like, "🤮✋. No do wever the hell u ppl want. Keep me out of it! Im not here for the drama, keep that sh between u 2. Leave me out of it!" I only told her this tho. I didnt bother w/like him. Anyway some other time, he told me he'd always see his mom naked. But he never thought much about it bc that's his mom. I always remembered that bc it just sounded weird. I'm like that w/- females myself. Even my own kid. But once this baby giant of mine got as tall as me, I was like ummm maybe not! She's only 11, so she's still a baby to me. But her appearance is like whoa how'd she come out of me? I can't even hold this kids hand w/ out feeling funky. But maybe it's my past too, I feel like I gotta be extra careful to not going anywhere near anything even remotely yuck. Ok but other than me, this guy has been had a forever ongoing case about being an offender. Someone even said he exposed himself in a family type of area. & He was even teacher. Not anymore he isn't.
what about Nudist or Cultures where they are more liberated etc. thoughts?
yeah I don't wana see my moms cellulite either... bad enough my first memory was showering with my dad... that's one thing ied never fucking do to that fucking kid XD
@@c8cheese375 you never showered where the dudes had their cocks out? nothing gay about it. infact it proves you're comfortable with your orientation because nobody looks at each other.
esp. when they are above 50. xD
My mom sexually abused me. It's very hard to find a video like this addressing the issue. I feel so alone today. I've been going to therapy for years. It's a lot easier for women to get help than men. Especially if it was mother son sexual abuse. I'm an alcoholic and am seriously thinking about drinking again.
Wishing you the best, Doug.
I am so glad that you "know it's wrong you are aware" I was married to an alcoholic that could admit or maybe just not aware his mother and father were and had been doing all this stuff to him- right in front of me even after we were married. I will never be angry at him but, I had to leave he was in denial so there was no hope for healing.
She's not your mother. Don't drink again.Hug some trees.Think good thoughts. Try tapping. Paul Mckenna. You can and will move past this. Lift that shame of your shoulders. It's not yours to carry.
@@amazingjane2703 I did drink again. I've had periods of sobriety in my life. 2 years, 5 years, 9 years. Now, I have 3 months sobriety again. My mom passed away 5 years ago. She did what she could to abuse me right til the end. I'm glad she passed away. Not too many people say that after their mom dies.
@@doug4494 I understand. I believe her karma will be just beginning.
You CAN reclaim your life and find true honest friends, and even mother figures. I truly believe God loves you and knows you.
Both my mom & dad we’re covertly sexually abusive with me & with my brother who is 8 years older than me. I’m the only one in the family researching & healing myself. Your videos are extremely helpful, thank you. I’ve seen A LOT of women treating their adult sons like they are their boyfriend, and trying to get needs met by their sons that go unmet by their husbands. Appreciating everyone’s shares here in the comments too.
I can't comprehend that level of an unexamined mind...or maybe the know it's abhorant but can't control their physical behaviours ?? That's a low form of animal consciousness, not an evolved human...
I wonder if they knew the other was on the same wave length ?? Maybe that's why they were drawn to each other, subconsciously ??
Son-husbands.
@lisaalexander1824 I would say the mother who abuses the son when he is a child, the mother gives this sexual energy to her son and then subconsciously the son feels this energy but does not know how to name it.
I'm 26 and only recenty I have realized this. I went one year abroad and I had a short relationship with a girl, after a few months of deep dive into the psycholgy of narcisism (I was blaming the girl for everything) and I realized I have cluster B disorders.
How did I get the confirmation that my mother abused me? I suffered a psychosis or deep realization while abroad and my mother came quickly to rescue me. Basically she was masturbating while we were sleeping on the same bed and I was faking to be asleep.
I also remember being 6 years old and watching rape porn. Now I know why I had obsessive masturbation.
This was so disgusting to understand but acceptance is the first step, I was in denial my whole life.
Same
Excellent, I love the way your mind works and presents the simple truth! I always had a suspicion my mother was sexually abused b/c of the things she said to me and shamed my own sexuality continually, asking inappropriately "how much do you love me", even at a naive 11 I thought "Yuck". Asking flippantly if I was gay and telling a group of family members that "I would probably never get married"...in front of a 13 year old boy! As though I wasn't capable of feeling. Plus the 40 yr old boss who called me up from the barn on the intercom to come help her at the house and she was butt naked--yes, I was 15! Unfortunately I was one of those fatherless attractive little boys with no voice of my own and took quite a lot of sexual abuse in all forms including from my first psychologist... Unwinding it all now at 50 in counseling. Thank YOU for removing the taboo by plainly stating the facts about incest both physical and emotional and the generational passing down, almost "scape goat" ish of these harmful acts and words. Peace... and may it all come into the light so ppl can heal.
As a mum I want to hug so very tight everyone of you that has been through this.
The physical repulsion this topic gives me is...nearly unbearable. But it’s so important to hear information on this so you can identify red flags and victims of this type of abuse. Absolutely horrific.
My ex-husband had a bizarre obsession with his mother. This video explains everything. She held great resentment toward her husband, and made her oldest son (my ex) a surrogate husband. That placed him above his father in the family dynamic, which was intoxicating for him in many ways. I observed his mother frequently engage with him in subtle sexual banter, also super intoxicating for him. At family dinners she would hold court, and under the guise of talking about her job as a post-partum nurse. She would take all the air out of the room with her inappropriate stories about sexual anatomy. She also loved to talk about her breasts. It always gave me the creeps. Thank you for helping me see my intuition was correct.
Just to be frank nurse is top list moms that sexual relationship with son will often willing drink mom's urine this is a old witch trick to make a love bond for life female urine is vary addicting to most males they often have sex with mom all mom has to say she needs drank out can say it in code if son lives close by he will make a b line to drink her out have sex with her too this gives mom POWES any one sees this behaver look out if you don't want to share with mom
Most Moms that do this are in a relationship but not like A Mom and Son one in most cases like this it is mother in-law will be the cause of the divorce his Mother has now won the prize in short time his flash and blood Mom will persuade her Son to do a off the books marriage often at this point will last a lifetime this Type of Mom is a (Narcissistic or vary needy) I have lot of info on this subject thank You
thank you for this .............. my daughter was molested by my husband went to court 3 days before the trial he killed himself........... my heart breaks for anyone going through this pain
Well, we can't do anything about the dead now. How's your daughter? Make sure she knows the situation that happened but maybe not yet - I don't know her age nor do I want to know exactly.
omg Julieann oh so sorry jesus c in heaven above help us retrieve our hearts and minds
@Dan Blizerian and your in a position to know what really happened, huh. Or maybe your a molestor yourself
@faridah hanum Are you Dan B other ytube channel. I believe you are a molestor
@Opi-RageOpi-RAGE, strange name.
This is more common than many people think. I have known many mothers that love their boys in a sickening way.
Yet, society has an obsession to venerate mothers. Smh.
Very grateful for someone who is able to talk about taboo, controversial topics in nuanced and complex ways. As someone with an abusive mother who also has a "typically" physically abusive father, I really appreciate people who are able to handle subjects like this with the precision and delicacy they deserve!
I dated a guy (or tried to) who was emotionally married to his mother. Needless to say, we never established a real relationship and the initial connection we had did not last long. We never had a sexual relationship since he was absolutely repulsed by anything sexual and uncomfortable with any physical contact at all. The thing was that he could fantasize about sex (or sexual acts) and even talk about it very persuasively. When he finally had a chance to act on it he had an emotional meltdown. At the time, I was flabbergasted. When I told him he was a victim of emotional incest, he wasn't even surprised to hear me say that. He admitted it was true. He knew his family dynamics were screwed up, yet he had never left home, nor did he ever intend to go anywhere. You're right when you say these guys are victims of abuse. However, I don't feel sorry for the ones who, in their own way, are also abusive.
My mother's emotional incest was non-physical except which she had a drink (she wasn't a big drinker fortunately). Then she would have this compulsion to touch me. Sometimes I had to keep physical distance from her. We had family therapy. All I ever tried to do was explain to her what I had learned from Alice Miller - that NPD is intergenerational and it's not her fault - and I have it too. I understood how she got it from her mother and tried to explain. But she's been in denial her whole life.
As a therapist i learned so much from Alice Miller. I’m so glad you found her.
Thank you for addressing this. Abuse of all children has been minimized for too long but abuse of boys has been almost universally ignored as an issue and we all know that boys are made to feel ashamed when they talk about it.
Yeah, especially when that abuse is from their mothers.
You are so so brave. You are not alone. I married into a family were both parents treated their sons like their spouses. When myself and my sister in-law finally spoke up, and I confronted my husband when my then 10yr old son told me he didn't want his dad spoonng him that it made him feel uncomfortable I told my hysband to stop it " his reply was NO my dad did it to me and I like it and I am going to do it to my kids its love" I said "well I'll see you in court then" and I did I divorced him at the same time my sister in-law left his brother we saved 7 kids from this nastiness. Not easy trust me but so worth it!!
I was a daughter abused by my mother.
Im sorry
Me too, sending you light! Hope you are ok
Hi
She deserve in jail!
a really great explanation. This happened to my husband, and she drove him away from me by her interference, and meddling, jealousy, because she wanted him for herself and she had been a single mother for most of his life! He had to move countries to get away from her. She was mentally unstable and psychically tracking him and us. She couldn't find a partner herself, used to flirt with his school friends and spoke about sexuality with him, revealing her own thoughts. She questioned him about his history, made him break up with girls, was an alcoholic, used drugs she sent him to buy. He had a porn addiction, because she allowed him to have access to her computer from a young age, he used it to soothe himself. He left here and transferred his feelings back to her like crack cocaine within days, was doing everything to please her. While here he had sexual dreams involving her.
After watching to a lot of your videos, I can appreciate how challenging being a therapist really is. You need to be working equally hard at filling your own cup. Thank you for sharing so much.
Thank you for sharing your bitter experiences, that is so helpful !! I am a Japanese woman, also molested by my biological father (may be, my mom,too) who died 5 years ago. I 'd suffered from extremely painful flashback for 42years until got treatment a therapy called trauma exposure. 12step groups, PTSD therapy and this program are also helps to heal my pain.
Ditto
I am so grateful to have my mom, loving and caring and a blessing the way that she is ❤️ May God protect all the children
I think it’s very difficult. Most cultures have this idea that if the husband leaves or dies the boy becomes ‘the man of the house’ and in a lot of cases that can be true because women in Arab countries can’t go outside without a man and the son assume the husband role. It’s all very complex. But it may stem from the idea that a woman always needs a man even if it’s her son.
Interesting perspective on the subject. Thank you
My mom had female friends that lived with us at different times. They would walk around topless as they were getting ready to go out or when they would be getting ready for work. Sometimes 2 women. They would walk around topless and were not too worried about. Even at that young age bare breasted women affected me . Without getting too much into it. You can just imagine what would be going through a young boys mind.
My late husband went through this with his mother who was sexually abuse by her father. Thank you for making this video. Because it IS abuse and it is UNACCEPTABLE. She had no respect for her sons’ privacy or healthy boundaries whatsoever.
thank you for this video. I am a female but I have 3 brothers, and a highly dysfunctional and narc mother. growing up, my mother would walk around the house naked constantly. she would also shower with us when we were 8 or 9, or even older. 1 of my brothers was in boarding school and my mother would spend hours on the phone with this brother and would even tell him how much she loved him way before she told the rest of us who still lived at home. My mother would cook separate meals that my brothers wanted separate from the rest of the family. (something you would do for a spouse. no he did not have any dietary restriction he would just demand she cook separate meals because he knew she would). I am in therapy now and see that my mother has a lot of mental issues and her actions towards my brothers and I was highly inappropriate. My 2 brothers who lived at home with her are really screwed up in the head to this day. Thank you for this video. I would share with them but they are not in therapy now and this would be too jarring.
Madison B - I’m not in therapy, and it still helps to hear this kind of stuff. Your call though.
you're being much too soft when speaking about these mothers. As a society we tend to be softer on predator moms than on predator dads. These moms need to be jailed.
I reported a sexually explicit inappropriate award winning comic book for teenagers to librarians in my town in Belgium about 15 years ago. I was horrified at its portrayal of a white adult woman seducing a black teenage boy. It literally made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe the book was put out for teens. The librarian gave me the article proclaiming the book an award winning treatment of the theme. The fact that it was child abuse totally escaped these women librarians' notice. Makes my blood boil even today. I was treated like a prude.
You did the right thing.
Everybody else is wrong.
And I’m sorry.
What's really sad to me is when male victims of sexual abuse get mocked for "not enjoying it" or "complaining about it" on social media (especially on posts about female teachers abusing students)
I was shocked by your own confession as a therapist, but I respect you so much for your genuine honesty!
What confession?
Moral of the story: Please don't be that parent that gets clothes for your son that say "Chick Magnet" or "Mama's Little Hunk"
Those sound innocent enough until you hear the feminine equivalents:
Imagine putting your daughter in tops that say "Smokeshow" or "Daddy's Lil' Temptress"
You'd be under investigation after the first outing and that's real.
Well said. Scary, really.
Hello Daniel, I first commented on and watched this video nine months ago. This video and your video about accessing your childhood trauma where you were in the forest and screamed and cried for two hours are my two favorites. I have been working intensively on getting to the root of my pain through accessing childhood traumatic memories and grieving them. When I rewatched both of these videos I was amazed at how much I remembered your content word for word. That speaks to me of how valuable and insightful you are in your commentary. I am processing my own childhood incest which was directed towards me by my father. So far I cannot recall physical touch but I was definitely a surrogate wife for him. He was controlling and abusive. My own mother was physically sexually abused by her father. She had no emotional contact with my father or any of her children, I have four sisters. We were all as a family floating in the universe of pain around her unprocessed trauma and negative energy. She did not protect me in anyway which is not surprising. I think that it’s important to note that in these situations both parents work together to deliver the sexual abuse. My mother remarried and her second husband took nude photographs of my youngest sister, all with my mothers approval. She also told me that my father once told her that he was physically aroused when he kissed us good night. I am slowly putting together the jigsaw puzzle. So grateful for your help and the wonderful therapists that I am working with to help me finally sort out my life. I hope we hear from you soon it’s been a while.
My mom sexually abused me. She had a MA in counseling psychology, so should have known better, but it happened over many years. She enjoyed the power she had over me - it was in retrospect, using that power was a time she felt safe, that she didn't feel towards adult men. Her childhood had huge amounts of abuse.
What I find sad is that especially in North America, we almost never get a village raising a child. Even in nuclear families, it's still often only the mother doing the real childraising. What we need is to get back to having multiple - even more than 2 - primary caregivers. And additional secondary ones.
Abuse happens far more easily in isolation. Also when there's only one primary caregiver, who can you talk about if something bad is going on? Most fathers aren't anyone to go to about things like this.
As a black man who's around 90% of black people in my everyday life I can agree and probably say this is more of a problem with in our race than any. Which is why women have no problem having children by men they know will not be there because the kids will feel that void.
sick
that's a very interesting thought
Mr. GetItHowHeLive why do you seem to think it’s more of a problem in our community than any other? As a black person who grew up in a white family, I could probably say the same about white families. Don’t speak on things as if they’re fact, if they’re not fact. This is your only opinion.
heaven landry your probably right I got ahead of my self with the comment. But It’s a fact that black community has a higher percentage of single mothers meaning its a more open lane in our household for this to happen. Me I grew up with my father and took to him more than my mother so i didn’t have to endure that.
Mr. GetItHowHeLive very true though
If a woman brings home strange men , leaveing her children in the living room while she goes to bed with them ,sexual abuse? i ask because after that my brother started acting out with me, his sister.
its wrong yes, and that is what he is talking about...
I'd be emotionally shattered if my mom ever did that.
I believe our first sexual abuse as males comes when are genitals are mutilated in infancy by our parents - cutting off the most sensitive skin. Most would never think of this, but some of us do.
i didn't allow this. I thought it should be his choice.
I have friend not clipped in 80s and eventually need it skin grows together to head of penis due to kidney stones so better to have done at birth id think
Don't be silly. This is a medical procedure that was done for health reasons. It not.sexual.
I did my first son and was horrified. I did not have my next son needlessly mutilated. They are sneaky, they use big words and fancy ways of describing the procedure to talk you into it. They don't clearly explain how they are butchering an innocent child's body parts with a sharp blade and just skinning the penis with no comfort measures taken.
AMEN
Wow! Thank you Daniel for throwing some much needed light on this dark and taboo subject. You basically described a part of my childhood which no-one really wants to hear.( including counsellors) I think this plays a significant part in C-ptsd, amongst other trauma based responses.
When you think it twice it's far more common that mothers walk around in the house in underwear in front of their children than men.
seriously though i walk around in a t shirt and underwear and so does my husband get a grip.. it covers more than a one piece swim suit!!! that is not sexual in any way!!! now being sexual in anyway or in sexy nightys or naked or something like that eww... but showing our chidren your body is just that a body then you are teaching you son and daughters not to objectify anyones body male or female. walking from the shower in a towel or sleeping in a tshirt and granny panties isnt going to disturb a healthy family lol.
oh by the way i was abuse in every way just like this man said and so was my brother and i want nothing more for my kids to have balance i dont want them to be afraind or ashamed or sexualized and it is a really good thing not to make anyone feel uncomfortable. we dont generally walk around in our under wear but it hapens especially the one summer our ac was broken lol
Sisters also do that shit. ☠️
Hi, Daniel. Thanks for sharing this video with us. I’m sorry for your bad experience too.
Could you please talk about narcissist mothers in next videos? Thanks again.
Mães Narcisistas I second this. In fact, I'd like to see him make videos about narcissistic parents in general.
And maybe narcissistic mothers of an only son? With a deceased husband...
I’d like to hear about narcissistic mothers and their sons, including the effects of confusing sexual boundaries. And the result creating a narcissistic son that holds his Mother in high regard as an adult.
Any woman who does this is inherently a narcissist and has been the whole while. I think it's more important to focus on healing from and being aware of narcissistic control tactics.
Could you please stop referring to people you don’t like as “narcissists”? I’m sure Daniel feels the same way. The most common cluster B disorder, though I hate that name, is ASPD. Those who are obsessed with the idea that there are narcissists everywhere are the most likely to actually have a cluster B disorder themselves. So stop projecting
One of my clearest memories is that of my mother pushing me away, while loudly saying "Why are you always touching me". In that moment, I was bewildered, disoriented. An instant before, I didn't think anything of what I was doing, and suddenly I had the sense that I shouldn't be doing this. And that's where that memory ends, with me in this numb state of disorientation and shame. (yes, I'm aware that I'm working through this here just now.. maybe it might resonate for someone and be helpful)
The truth: I was a boy seeking connection, wanting the reassurance that physical touch with my maternal caregiver could provide. There was a need to connect with a sense of being loved, and real accompaniment in life. It was an attempt to ease my loneliness.
As for her, I can't say what was true for her. She seemed alarmed. Maybe because my grandfather and father were nearby, perhaps she felt a need to demonstrate that she wasn't close to me. Maybe there had been an uncomfortable conversation with my dad and he wasn't feeling loved, or she was unconsciously trying to assure him that she wasn't close to me, and that I didn't matter much to her. Or she just didn't know how to establish a boundary in a more subtle way.
I can see myself, standing there, lost and numb. And I can now feel that boy getting a clearer understanding that it wasn't necessarily a rejection of him, and it doesn't mean that a woman can't enjoy his company. I'm experiencing a sense of relief and warmth, and something is shifting.. There's a gentle heart ache, and some sadness for the years of a sensse of separation that I've carried with me.. having lived with a sense of being disgusting and vile. OK, that last bit really brought up the sadness, moved me towards tears.
And now shifting to a warm-sadness -- melancholy?? And gentleness for myself. My heart is feeling soft, and my breathing is comfortable, even and deeper than usual.
Oh my, how old were you?
I think it because she felt sexual and needed to shift herself away from you but for you, it was just motherly affection. You need to understand you were the child and she was the adult. Your feelings are pure. She should have done it more subtle way. If she shifted the physical affection more subtly I think as a child you would have adopted behaviour without feeling such extreme emotions.
@@TemuulTK you sick!
@@TemuulTK no… probably not. I’m a mom. I’ve gotten ‘touched out’ by my 3 kids but I have NEVER felt sexual by them.
I have said spoken in a sharp tone but that wasn’t about sexual tension.
I’m sorry for this sad memory.
I AM 72 AND WAS ABUSED by my mother until she was in her 70’s. As a child she would expose herself to me, engaged in in appropriate touching and as an adult she would asked me sexually oriented questions. Without going into specific details I will say my environment was highly sexualized which influenced my behavior in my teens and as a young adult. Now at 70+ I can say that it influenced my entire life.
This is so important....and rarely talked about.
the energy of the interaction!!! You are the first one to hit on that!!! everything is vibrations, energy, momentum etc.
An interesting contribution, but I feel it just scratched the surface. It may have helped if you would have added specific cases and detailed the consequences for the male child. A very prominent case of female sexual abuse I once heard of was this pimp, who had been treating SCORES of women in the most cynical, hideous and manipulative ways. He got arrested multiple times, and while in jail, someone gave him the good advice to reconsider his ways, or he may wind up rotting in jail for the rest of his life. The pimp then underwent therapy - and in therapy, he found out that his mother had been sexually abusing him innumerable times. Therapy helped him to cure that trauma - and he now speaks openly of the horrible things he did to women, and has ceased to do these things, as he feels no more need to „take it out on others“.
Yes truly amazing.... 👏👏👏👏
I know several men, of whom I am sure were sexually used and abused by their mothers. One of them is dead. he died at 55, he drank himself to death. One is a functioning alcoholic in his 63rd year. The other is going on 38 and is totally screwed up - manic-depressive and stunted in his maturity as a man. None of these men were in real, solid and steady relationships with women. Their mothers destroyed them, using their sons as sexual partners and husbands when they were children. As adults they were/are useless. Tragic. Its strange the moderator will not go there.
@@catalinafirefly4685 Glad you see it, so many are in denial.
For those who are interested: Silently Seduced by Kenneth Adams is a fantastic book on this topic.
Not a son, I'm a girl. But I've been inappropriately touched by my mother, and she calls it motherly love. It makes me feel uncomfortable, when I brought this issue up she told me I'm not innocent anymore and I'm too grown up.
She's verbally and sometimes physically abusive already, and when she said "motherly love" I almost gagged. I hate it. I don't see a way out, and I'm too scared/young to commit suicide. All my family members would take her side if I stood up and noone would help me.
The justice system in my country is trash, so is the government. Male abusers are rarely arrested, so female abusers is out of the window.
I don't see any hope I dont think I'll make it past 16-15
Tell her she is dead to you, and it's her fault your feelings are dead. Fuck her, spit in her fucking face and call her broken the next time she touches you again.
Hey, your comment was a while ago but if you want somebody to chat with Im a stranger that will hear you 🤍
How are you now?? Please tell it someone, your father?? Some aunt?? Some school teacher?? Some school counsellors?? Contact children protection services.
I love that you talk on this subject wth men. I have a theory that that our sex culture is so bad because it’s deep rooted in generations of childhood sexual abuse ranging from mild to extreme. And it’s very common that anyone who was exposed to sexual abuse displays these behaviors and it’s not just men it’s women. But putting the blame on women as well is taboo and unholy or something but woman are very capable of corrupting our sex culture just as much as men and over time we have generations of deep rooted toxicity in our sacred sexual chakra. The first step is addressing it just as you are thank you for your insight.
Humans have placed all sorts of meanings on sex other than it's biological purpose of reproduction. I firmly believe that most of all society's ills are related to the incredible over importance that has been given to the sex act outside of reproduction. Young people are bombarded with sexual imagery - from every billboard a seductive woman is staring down. Almost every TV ad, regardless of the product, has a sexual component. Is it any wonder that boys believe that all females are constantly in a breeding mode and that girls believe that that should be receptive at all times. Look at the heavily made up girls pouting for selfies - it is the image of women in pornography or the sex trade. Girls who don't portray themselves as being constantly sexually available are now the odd ones. If you think past generations have been fucked up, just wait to see what's coming down the pike.
Gathering No Moss I completely disagree. As a young woman myself the younger generation of girls is no more at fault than any other generations. It’s a two way street like he said in the video SOCIETY places these roles on us. Men and woman. And a ton of women young and old are against the current Trend of promiscuity that OTHER women use to gain something such as a following. It’s no different than a man using male privilege to gain something like power. And by pointing fingers the way you are to justify this is what keeps us generations in the dark. You’re only continuing the cycle by judging. Women who overly sexualize themselves take away the power us women have with our beauty. The same way a man Is over dominating and takes natural male dominance away from men who don’t abuse it. Also sex is more than reproduction. It’s an essential part of our basic needs. It’s a NEED. Its an amazing feeling firsthand. It’s a stress reliever it helps you live longer. It can even save relationships in some cases. More than to have kids. Not only than but when done through love it’s a form of expression and spiritually it’s a tool for manifestation and creation. Which is why life is created through our genitals. By placing the boundaries around sex again you are keep the cycle going. Society doesn’t talk about sex enough. When we talk about sex it doesn’t have to be sexual and it’s SO very important for all ages to be educated about it just like the other two basic needs of eat and sleep. I can talk about these things and I was abstinent until 19 and can choose abstinence for long periods of time so I’m not some sex crazed individual but sex is healthy in many ways and our abuse in this topic needs to stop.
@@laurenreese3936 A common human trait is to offer complex, academic sounding justifications (?) for what we want, rather than need. You have convinced yourself that sex has a far greater importance that reproduction so it's pointless discussing that further, but I can tell you that the vast majority of sex has nothing to do with spiritual attraction. It is masturbation to pornography, professionals providing an orifice to ejaculate into for a fee, it is hook-ups and one night stands and a hundred forms of illicit behaviors. Promiscuity is not just a hip modern invention, it goes back to ancient times and beyond. Instead of people saying "Maybe THIS is the reason for so much personal conflict" they say "if there could just be MORE and we can refine it and take out the kinks, THEN we'll all be happy". I disagree. I think it is a Pandora's box that was opened. The endless drama that comes from failed relationships that were based on sex, the crimes against children, the tragedy of unwanted children, sex trafficking and slavery, infidelity, multiple diseases, psychologically destroyed people, all are the result of the endless pursuit of the sex act. LOL you can have it.
As an aside, seeing the picture you chose for your avatar, it is obvious that you are aware of what you can get from life by appearing seductive and available. It is not surprising that you place great importance on the sexual act. Not judgement, just fact.
Gathering No Moss Gathering No Moss I like how you start off saying it shouldn’t be discussed further and then go into detail about your opinion on sex. Those thing do happen because we are out of touch with what sex really is. My thoughts aren’t an an academic complex. It is a scientific fact that sex is a NEED. Not just a want. Ultimately to continue our life cycle we do reproduce yes because we aren’t immortal. But it’s more than that. All of those sexual acts disgust me and I can see why you view the world the way you do. Luckily I know too that the world is full of equal good and bad. You will get your own karma for having this outlook just like all the others that have the same perspective and play out those things you described. A mind like yours would never end up in my circle and that’s okay. But I’m done entertaining your thought process. It’s a waste of my intellect.
@@laurenreese3936 "But I’m done entertaining your thought process. It’s a waste of my intellect." i.e. it shouldn't be discussed further AFTER you have "entertained my thought process". LOL
It's called parentification of the child, often single mothers who have no men around they force their young sons into the role of "husband" then they use sexual innuendos, they share worries and fears with the boy, involve him in financial matters, urge him to take action, they place tremendous adult responsibility on the child and make him anxious and constantly on edge.
JetcannonM
Oh please they don't have to be single. My mother did a fine job whining to me about all her grown up problems, while remaining married.
Tried dating a guy who’s mother was his “queen”. I sensed there was some weird enmeshment going on. He always felt guilty having an autonomous thought or want for himself and we were kinda of a secret so he didn’t have to answer to her. I was afraid to say out loud that I noticed her treating him like a surrogate husband. He actually moved her in with him. Ugh!!!!
Think I dodged a bullet.
That’s what really bothers me about some mothers that dress inappropriately around their sons. This is where boys learn respect for Their mother and women in general.
Krissy Hamilton i think I'm a bit too European to understand this, its just a body But if there is indeed some weird sexual energy coming from the parents, thats when it becomes just awful
It bothers me to. There not stupid and they know better to not be walking around in inappropriate and sexualized clothing around their children.
@@JohnWhiteHere, It is totally inappropriate for a mother to be walking around and wearing clothes in a sexualized matter. Women have to be good examples for their children.
Peppi Boudreau what exactly is sexualized clothing to you?
@@JohnWhiteHere, You tell me?
Can EXTREME sexual oppression of a son by a mother be considered sexual abuse? I feel it has destroyed my sexual sanity as bad as getting molested would have. I just want to be the most extreme sex addict i can possible be as an adult, now that i am free of the sexual oppression to make up for lost time i had as a teenager. The memories of it are vomited in to my brain all the time like PTSD flashbacks. I also have psychosomatic flu like symptoms for years from the anger, hatred and resentment i have built up from a lifetime of being born to an abomination mother. She was sick in every sense of the word. Vulnerbale Dark Triad ( Borderline Personality Disorder, Vulnerbale Narc, Secondary Psychopathy), she tried to castrate, emasculate and desexual because she was scared of men. She was basically a broken 5 year old girl stuck in a grown womans body combined with being a hateful sadistic monster. She was both pathetic and evil. My brother pitied her and had to be her parent. I went to the extreme, hardened street smart, bodybuilder, sex addict. My father was Schzoid and Aspergers. Great life i have had. Lol
I think many of us in our 40’s early 50’s have gone No Contact with our families of origin due to emotional, physical, trauma, I have Bpd & cptsd now. It’s hard af! Mom raging at her only dtr? Thank God I’m nothing like her ! I blow my trauma therapist away! I hate that cop out of “I did the best I knew”
kristen, We are Alive! Peace
This is so eye-opening. I wish you had time to talk more about the fathers and how children of divorce are often thrust into adult positions.
Because while I don’t believe it was intentional, I do believe my mother did try to fill the hole the divorce created with me, her firstborn son. My mom would, “dress me up like one of her boyfriends” all of the time when I was little according to my grandmother. She was barely 20 trying to figure things out as a victim of abuse herself. She met my father, another victim of abuse, and then he got her pregnant “coincidentally” around the time my mother was thinking of leaving him. When I was born and they were getting a divorce, you know what my mother had to say about it later?
“I thought that l’d take the good version of your father(me) and leave him there.”
And from then on, the need to be the exception to the rule became one of my biggest characteristics. I felt the need to be better to her than my father was or any man she dated or showed any interest in. It also made me see men as fundamentally evil. All throughout school I would surround myself with girls and other boys who either felt the same or who I felt were exceptions to “the rule” like myself. Even in relationships I found myself with girls who were victims of abuse. In a way, I think I was trying to fix my mom through them.
Either way, this is was so informative and interesting. Great video! 😊