Hi guys!! Just wanted to share info. about my upcoming life coaching certification course. Some people plan to become life coaches - others 'fall into it'. I think when a person has gone through something so life altering, something that pushed them outside the realms of their authentic self, something that so profoundly changed not only their self perception, but altered their nervous system, dis-regulated their brain and warped their reality..... and yet when they manage to reconnect with self, and heal the deep emotional wounds that are hidden to the naked eye and misunderstood by those that have never been through an experience like that - well, it's only natural to feel a deep desire to want to help others that have been through that. That's how I 'fell into coaching' and it's been an amazing experience to help individuals all over the world to break through the side effects of cptsd and/or side effects of narcissistic abuse. If YOU are interested in becoming a life coach - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/
5:57 *Complex PTSD* 1. *I always felt their was something off with my family.* Even though we were the "modern family" for others. 2. *I have difficulty in relationships I either wind up with a toxic person.* 3. *Or if I'm with somebody healthy it brings out things in me that I'm not proud of* 😔 4. *I tend to isolate myself* 5. *I feel like I'm surviving in life instead of thriving.* 6. *I struggle with anxiety or depression* 7. *It's easy to feel negative emotions, stress, anxiety, worry and it's difficult to feel real joy and inner happiness* 8. *I feel disconnected from myself* 9. *I attract malignant narcissits* 10. *It's hard for me to hold on to my perception if other people disagree with me.* 11. *I am easily triggered and reactive and I react much stronger than the situation calls for* 12. *When life is calm I feel stressed waiting for the ball to drop* 13. *Even if I see red flags in toxic relationships I ignore them because I don't trust myself* 14. *I don't feel whole if I'm not in a relationship* 15. *I have an addictive personality whether it's binge watching TV, shopping, sex, caffeine, alcohol, food* 😓 16. *I put everyone else's needs first and my own last if at all* 17. *I never felt liked by my parents* 18. *I have social anxiety* 🙃 19. *I can't feel anger its like someone turned off the switch* 20. *I had a parent that smothered me to the point that I felt like I wasn't allowed to feel my own feelings I think my own thoughts* 21. *My family was manipulative growing up* 22. *My siblings and I were treated differently one was the golden child and I was the scapegoat.* 23. *Growing up I felt emotionally abandoned as if no one really cared what I was feeling* 24. *I was expected to take care of my parents needs even at the expense of my own when I was growing up* 25. *I was punished for things that made no sense like when I was happy, creative or intelligent* 26. *When people get angry I shut down* 27. *I am a people pleaser* 28. *If someone else's energy is low it affects my own energy or mood* 29. *I fear rejection* 8:32 *¡¡YOU SKIPPED OUT #30!!* 31. *I raise the opinions of others but I lower my own opinions* 32. *I didn't feel good enough as a child* 33. *I have a fear of conflict* 34. *As a kid I was not really allowed to talk about what goes on behind closed doors* 35. *I hide my real feelings* 36. *I'm dependent on external validation to feel good about myself* 37. *I feel like I'm unable to be my authentic self* 38. *I tend to be attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable* 🚫 39. *I was made to feel my parents anger was my fault* 40. *I feel responsible for other people's anger sadness or disappointments* 41. *I tolerate behaviors in relationships that I should never tolerate* 42. *I have a hard time enforcing boundaries* 43. *I battle perfectionism* 44. *I struggle with procrastination* 45. *I tend to catastrophize* 46. *I don't like myself* 47. *I have a vicious inner critic*
This video really spoke to me. I wasn't physically abused but the verbal and emotional abuse was there every day. In my recovery i also learned that neglect is a form of abuse. I would throw tantrums just to be seen and heard. I just wanted someone to see me. Everyone thought I was a "spoiled brat." I grew up feeling worthless from the neglect and broken from the way I learned to deal with it. Trauma in the form of fear and shame have run in the background every day of my life and in the decisions I've made. But, with videos like this and recovery programs I've learned to heal! Thank you for your work Michele! Ribbit!
I know why my generation is called Generation X. We don't exist. We never have. We never will. There is a huge cross or X drawn through our names, our potential, our contributions, our frustrations. We were cancelled from birth. We will stay cancelled after we die. And many of us have childhood CPTSD. But it's our 'cancelled' little secret. Even to ourselves... X marks the spot where we once stood. And that is all that will be left behind...
Yes. "Raised" by the Baby Boomers. I believe it was Richard Grannon who pointed out something similar and he said "see the grunge movement" ... music was so raw, said the things I could not say
Just because we endured this pain and suffering and were cancelled by our parents doesn’t mean we have no worth and aren’t loved. God loves us more than we can imagine and has a plan and purpose for each of our lives. I have seen Him work mightily in mine. Unfortunately, because of man’s stubborn nature, it is usually the suffering in our lives that spurs growth and brings us closer to Him. God bless us all on our healing journeys!
This was how I grew up...then I was very abusive to my children. I got sober 12.5 years ago and therapy including EMDR but I know this is ongoing. I'm really trying to heal and I want to help my children too. Definitely looking into your workshop...Thank you!
When we have unhealed childhood wounds - they keep resurfacing in all of our relationships - it's repetition compulsion - until we heal within! I commend you on gaining awareness, breaking free of unconscious patterns and wanting to do the inner work to heal!! I have some testimonials on my website of the 3 month workshop from individuals taking it now - I should be putting up more soon, but it really is a great way to heal - within a safe group of other survivors who truly get it and can validate and support each other!!! Sending peace and good vibes your way.
@@FromSurvivingToThriving I seem to have a dilemma because I feel obligated to be a life coach, because of the narcissistic abuse from parents (two sides, stepmom and dad's side, and mother's side.) that I've experienced since elementary school stemming from custody battles over me as I was moved from one house and school to the other, over and over again. But I wonder if I should show my face and reveal my identity if I did videos on RUclips, because what if my parents found my videos? I actually had a RUclips channel before because I tried to use it to escape, and I ended up selling possessions to get a ticket to move to Hawaii in 2018 and documented the journey on my channel and also talked about the narcissistic abuse from my parents. But it's crazy they actually found my channel, my stepmom was very hurt and vilified me for doing the videos and no longer wanted me to come back to her house. She's always been the main narcissistic personality, and initially love bombed me (she was always very flashy with lots of money and provided me money while my mom didnt.) when I very first met her, and I've in turn always been a people pleaser to her. So even tho Ive been moving out of state away from them, I still suffer the after effects and still worry about what they think about me and seem to naturally try to people please them and I still contact them every now and then namely for special occasions and etc.., and they still send me money while I'm currently living in another state alone. I've never lived without their occasional financial support. Even though they like to say nice things about me and talk to me, I know that if I was living in their house it would be toxic for me in both a covert and non covert narcissistic way. All I mostly remember from my life and growing up is that I've always gone back to one parent or the other after I had an issue or hard time in life, and now being alone in upper 20s I've still had financial instability and flash backs and worries come of the thought of me going back there due to financial problems. So with all this being said. I know I need to recover and claim my life and be who I am and learn how to love myself and live for my self development and prosperity. But what I wonder a lot is should I do the RUclips videos about my experiences/be life coach while showing my face and identity (I don't want to keep hiding or live a lie)? Even tho I attempted to go no contact once I think, it just seems like impossible to go no contact because Ive always relied upon them for monetary assistance, and they are so involved in trying to know what I'm doing and occasions like birthdays. I also don't want it to be like I'm holding a grudge and don't want them to think that I'm holding a grudge, so do you think I should go no contact? Because if I did the RUclips channel I'd have to by default talk about how they treated me and say that they are toxic and narcissistic (these are things I would never say to them though). And me going no contact would cause them to probably detest me and maybe try to snoop more on me online with the RUclips channel I would do. So what should I do? I would like to do videos showing my face and who I am and telling it all, while at the same time not holding a grudge but also try to keep my distance/communication from them but I don't know how I would or could go no contact. What should I do??
@@TheOnlyWay do what makes You happy, Yes! You are not in this World to fullfill Expectations, at Times not even Your own. Do what makes You trully happy, allow Yourself to feel good unconditionally. Do not worry about having to make a YT or not. Be happy first and enjoy Life. To be content and comfy is much more important then being perfect.......Make yourself a Priority and treat yourself like the loving Parent you allways wish you had.
I answered with a strong YES to 15 of those question, but I am excited to say that I was able to say "no, I have changed that behavior" to at least 2 of them! It's a start! This is exactly what my narc mom did! She took me to church 3 times a week every week and kept up the appearance of being a loving martyr mom. She would tell any and every one, that would listen, all the many ways of how she sacrificed for me and later my children (bless her heart). She used and twisted my faith in God, especially the 10 commandments, to control me for decades. My narc mom even mildly effected my children. I am trying to learn and grow past her brainwashing, gas lighting and control. We are healing. Thank you Michele, you have contributed greatly in my healing!
You just explained my family: for my parents is more important how they look in front of neighbors than their relationship with their kids. Everything is about polishing their image
Check for all of them. I was raised by 2 Narcissists. Had you asked me 10 years ago or less, I actually don't know that I would have had the terminologies thanks to you, Mr Grannon, and some others... but if I did I would have described my mother as the malignant narcissist/histrionic, my father as codependent/enabling. I am 37 years old and recently oh, it was revealed to me that the former is true and that my father is on the psychopathic spectrum. I have to detach a little when I say that. Just like the PTSD, my story is complex as I know many of ours is. I am enmeshed with them and have been controlled financially. They used my sister's death, their first born child as narcissistic supply, just as they did when she was alive. I did not know what I did not know, because I made sure to get the hell out of there when I was 17. Since my sister was 15 years older than me, and I have a brother who I also believe is on the narcissistic Spectrum, who is 11 years older than me... I believe I can identify most with being The Lost Child, but I was abused too, along with being neglected. So ... I'm not sure exactly how many was on that list, but I know I said check for all of them, with the exception of figuring out whether I was a golden child or a scapegoat... I hate my parents for everything they did, as memories are coming alive and making sense, along with compounded trauma as I got re-enmeshed with them, after my sister died. Even though she was 15 years older than me, we were close, and since she was mostly out of the house when I was young... visiting her was often a refuge for me, and I think a big comfort for her. She came home from summer camp the August that I was born, to see me being born and she named me Eric. Sadly my parents' abuse, betrayal, trauma bonded to them, she'd always make me promise a hundred times that I wouldn't go back and tell them whatever she told me. I never did. I don't think she ever believed me, or understood the depth of the abuse that I endured. They never left her alone, and our grandparents and Aunt, served as flying monkeys for them. My father in particular, as my mother was overtly the way she was, and my father sat back on his throne , engineering more chaos. So they idolized him. I want so badly to heal. Need to get away from them. I thought when I reconnected with them after my sister died, along with their old age, they're in their 70s now... would soften them. I thought I was being a good son, perhaps having a relationship with them like I never would have imagined, after "the "tragedy"...as my father puts it. The tragedy. I want to tell him and my mother both what the real tragedy was. Thank you for letting me use this platform to vent, I didn't mean to turn it into that, I really just wanted to say thank you. So....thank you.
OMG!!! You described my family and my upbringing in a nutshell!!! I can relate to 33 of those symptoms! Ugh. No wonder I haven't been able to succeed in life and I"m being mocked and harshly criticized by the very same people who destroyed my self-esteem. I feel validated yet scared. This healing process feels like a long journey that I hope I will be able to endure. Thank you for all that you do, Michelle! You truly are amazing.
Oh my goodness.... Thank you for this validation. I had no idea this was what I endured. Then to end up with a covert narcissist. I'm 53 and just understanding what has happened and why. I've been through so much. I definitely need help and I so appreciate your knowledge. I literally am deprogramming my thinking after such horrific abuse. This is so eye opening Michelle... Thank you
I answered "Yes" to almost all of them. I went from a controlling boyfriend, to two marriages to controlling, narcissistic men. I am now 60 and finally on my own, trying to heal. I have a wonderful therapist, and using EMDR in therapy has been so helpful. Sadly, my four children, now all adults, would probably score similarly to me. At this point, they know they have been harmed, but are reluctant to begin therapy, thinking they will be able to heal on their own. I worry so for them, PTSD, feelings that they are not good enough, etc don't go away on their own, if they did, I wouldn't have jumped from narc to narc seeking validation and love. Any advise on how to coax them to seek therapy?
I can relate to your experience of toxic upbringing and repeated toxic relationships for decades Finally realized Reparenting and self care are essential to recovery Best wishes on your path 💖
I answered Yes to most of these too Leona, this vid was a bit of a bolt from the blue! Narc mother/narc wife Ive had. Lucky for me an educational psychologist told me who I was but I refused to believe it. I thought I knew better- I DID NOT suffer abusive relationships, oh no! But when I started to think about it, and research it I realised I have sold myself short and compromised from day one, but it took 15 years to face it. Grab yourself some life Leona, the barriers are much thinner than they seem. You deserve it.
WoW! I didn`t know there`s a name for it, never heard of Complex PTSD before. Thank you so much Michelle! It only dawned on me that my mother was a narcissist during my last relationship with a woman who turned out to be one. It was like having deja vu`s from my childhood. I`m 48 seeing a therapist for so many years with no results. I`m definitely gonna check out your website, I`m really interested since my theapist plays down everything I tell regarding narcissism in a sense like "don`t make more of it than it is" and "you`re not a doctor so you`re not entitled to diagnose someone being a narcissist" and beside that it feels like she doesn`t acknowledge "narcissism" in the first place. Thank you Michelle. God bless you and greetings from Switzerland.
So like my own childhood, how I felt as a child. My father was visciously controlling, manipulative and abusive, even physically. In my case I was at the same time scapegoat and a golden child, modes switched without a reason, that really screwed me up. That made me completely shut in as a child. I had outbursts of anger and antisocial behaviors in school, like my father. I wasn’t exactly the people pleaser, more like a defiant, but those modes are always switching randombly in me. Most of the time I am shut in and fearful of life, unable to show emotion. I cannot trust or express myself. I drive people away, father taught me that love is nothing but life threatening, pain and weakness. In order to survive his anger I learned to shut down sadness, I wasn’t allowed to cry. He liked to make me angry and didn’t like when I cry.
I lost count but closely relate to most of it. I really like the new background, even if the frogs are having a good time. It makes you seem more real.
thank you. great video and I loved the frogs 'croaking' in the background! my brother and I have been talking a lot the past few months about how our situation growing up was what I would call 'emotional neglect and abuse''...never physical abuse and how it has created so many issues growing up and into our adulthood. The healing does indeed start with ourselves...
Hi, All those things I identify with. I tried emdr once and ended up in a foetal position on my bed afterwards. With my children, I tried very hard to be a good parent. Several don't talk with me now. I chose low functioning Dads. Your workshop sounds great. I watch your videos a lot and they have helped me out of several tricky situations. Thanks
I had adverse childhood trauma and was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when I was 14 back in 1997. I now doubt that my Autism Spectrum diagnosis was correct. In those days psychiatric diagnosis of children were conducted in a bubble, focusing what the emotional and behavioral problems the child exhibits and not asking the parents much about what's going on in the household. For toxic parents covering up their abuse of their kids in the 90's these mental health professionals were a boon for deflecting the cause of their child's problems and dealt with the child's problems by heavily medicating them.
My husband traumatized me throughout my whole pregnancy by the eighth month he was telling me you should’ve had an abortion he’s tormented me for the last 32 years from the very beginning that I met him he tormented me raising our son in that he always interjected with toxicity he continually told my son through his upbringing that IM an abusive mother my son was abused in the sense that his father and I screamed and fight continuously all due to my husbands provoking my son is now 24 at 14 he was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome in the younger years he took ADHD medication but by the grace of God he got so fat they were afraid of you have a heart attack and they took him off the meds he now lives in his own apartment his father still trying to divide him and I not going to happen my son and I have a very great relationship he is now been out of the home and the constant bickering for a year and two months praise God my husband is still abusive towards me and I’ve already given My Son a heads up that if I’m not here his father will will abuse him my son says he has noticed that already I’m not even Out the door but I also realize that I’m here protecting my son the real realization came when I was raped as a child and I stayed in the situation to protect my brother where I was raped multiple times for a year
I have religious trauma syndrome among other things from my childhood. When you're growing up and you're taught that the answer to everything is to pray, when you get out in the real world you have absolutely zero coping skills. You're lost.
The standards set for me were very high and everything around me was very strict. Anything that threatened the look of perfection was severely punished to the point of threats of kicking me out as a child and at one point actually sending me away without notice just to show me who's boss. Horrible to be raised with such people. Although a few years ago I answered yes to most of those questions, now, I can happily say I have much less pain and misery. This channel has done the one thing for adults raised by Narcs that almost no one else is willing to do, VALIDATE OUR PAIN. The healing journey really starts here. We are not crazy, we were abused by people who hid it and were afraid to speak about it to anyone, which kept us in pain till this point in life. I appreciate your channel Michele. God BLess ❤
Yes to all of these. My parents divorced and I suffered physical abuse as a young kid. However, the worst part was suffering both my parents' emotional abuse. I felt like I was not allowed to share my true feelings about anything. I was forced to repress my emotions, otherwise my mom/dad would withhold affection and punish me with the silent treatment. I was never allowed to be a child because I was expected to deal with my parents' emotional issues (and since they were divorced, I was treated often as a surrogate spouse). Any time I needed a break, time for myself or was unhappy (not even about them), I was called selfish, ungrateful, a bastard, etc. Nonetheless, I thought that I was actually the one who was terrible. It was strange because according to my friends, I was a quiet, shy and trustworthy kid. But I did not believe them because according to my parents, I was the literal spawn of Satan. Thank you for your channel. You have been way more helpful than any therapist I have ever had in my life. I wish there were more awareness about emotional abuse.
I believed I had bipolar disorder for 10 years and was treated for bipolar disorder. I was raised by a schizophrenic mother. Come to learn I have CPTSD. My mom schizophrenic I had no stability as a child and chose a sociopath for a husband. My therapist is great but I need tools. Thank you Michelle!!!
This has been not only my experience but also my step son's experience. Because my stepson was raised by my spouse and I, a lot of family members thought he would be okay, but the visitations still perpetuated bigger challenges. Its a much larger issue that isn't addressed, and I can't help but wonder how many others are diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety Disorders, and even Autism (like my step kiddo) when what's really underneath is unaddressed trauma. Thank you for talking about this!
The end made me cry, it was unexpected. You get it… you really do! Therapist can help but they don’t really get it, no one does… I’m working up my bravery to help others through my experience too. Maybe one day we can collaborate! I would love getting you on my podcast as a guest?
My life was never perfect but nobody realized this was happening to me growing up. I was able to manage my trauma and ongoing abuse as my normal until later in life when repeated trauma broke me. Its an awakening on many levels
I learned quite a bit from this video. What I got the most benefit from was the sheer hilarity of the frog intrusion into the discussion. I needed that kind of pure laughter desperately. Thank you for not cutting that and refilming the portion. It brightened my mood and my entire day.
You're describing my husband who was the scapegoat in his family. He grew up with a covert narcissistic father and I'm not sure what kind of personality disorder his mother has but her mind is definitely not healthy and she's enabling her husband in any kind of dispute or whenever he seeks supply from her, of course that doesn't stop her from being a target of his abuse as well when he can't find another victim. We haven't been in contact with his family for two years now and he's slowly healing and talks to a wonderful therapist. Your videos have helped him a lot in understanding what his father is and how his mind works.
43/45. Malignant narcisstic mother, and physically abusive, dry drunk father. Emotionally abusive uncles, and only 1 aunt who seemed to care. I only speak to 2/8 cousins. My oldest brother is malignant narcissist, 2nd oldest brother is the drunk golden child, I was the perfect- imperfect scapegoat, and my youngest brother was the forgotten child. I finally escaped 8 months ago. I'll be watching this video again, and working on healing.
I grew up in a toxic family that had to look "perfect" on the outside. I was the scapegoat and anything that was wrong was my fault. Then it continued into my marriage. I only recently figured out the mind games played on me, and now trying to recover from CPTSD
43 out of 45. Married 9 years to a Covert Narcissist. Raised by my Malignant Narcissist single Mom. Oh yes I am A CoDependent Empath. My wife did the final discard 6 months ago. Never knew any of the above till 3 months ago. 9 years of hell. 43 years so far of abuse. Now, I am educating myself and I am going to be free. For me!
A teacher kept me after class once in the 5th grade and asked me if I was having trouble at home. I told her no because I thought that's what I was supposed to say. Later when my narcissist mom was on her usual angry rampage at the dinner table, I told her what the teacher asked me (I think my motive was to let her know she couldn't treat me any way she wanted and get away with it). Of course, it angered her, and my parents went and met with the teacher, the principal and my other teachers, to tell them what they thought the problem was. I had an issue with another student, and I thought they went to intervene in the situation, but recently I finally realized they went to clear their own reputation.
I have 4 out of 45, Lots of my wounds were healed after High school and realizing that nobody didn't know how to be my friend during middle and high school (At the end I told one of my friends of what happened during my 9th through 11th grade, and I identified my triggers, emotional flashbacks and now healing from what's been happening as a child in second, third, fourth, five and in middle school years.) I love your videos Michele, keep up the great work :>
Correction: 8 out of 45! Because as a child, I felt toxic shame, guilt, and put blame on myself just so I could keep around people that weren't good for me, also I thought ( subconsciously as a child) that people talk bad about me and others, people yelling at me, saying bad subtle things to me as love and as a child for 15 years I thought it was normal for people to lie, say mean things to me was ''just the truth to set you free'' since 12th grade and now I'm getting the most information I can to be ever more healed and good. :>
I was completely accepting of my biological mother not having everything together and my adopted mom brainwashed me into believing I deserved more but never provided that I’m fact she beat me physically emotionally and mentally had me questioning every aspect of myself and was one of the biggest reasons why I always hated taking tests
My parents often used those Alcoholic, Physically Abusive, and Neglectful Parents against me. They say how "amazing" they are for not being alcoholic and physically abusive. They even made me feel I owe them to provide all they physical and financial needs for me and how "thankful and lucky" I should feel for not having parents that don't feed their children. So all the emotional neglect, verbal abuse, manipulation, controlling, etc., were acceptable. They were so good at playing the best parents in front their friends and often shut me off for letting people know the truth happening behind the close door. I can say "yes" to almost all the questions.
I had all of this in the home. A physically/Emotionally absent stepfather who abandon his stepdaughter for our family and eventually abandoned us. An And educated, drug addicted mother who came from a traumatic background &Made us relive that, Not to mention they would always fight about bills and make us feel bad for using electricity. My biological dad I never really saw, but he put me through some sexual abuse and plenty of mental abuse as well. But what went under the radar was my narc big sister. My big sister is a malignant narcissist to the point where she will physically hurt me and I separated from her a year ago not knowing who she was or what I had been through. All of this is validating and get me on the right track to find a therapist that actually can help me. I eventually stopped seeing therapists because my trust issues. They were to focus on my job and also misdiagnosing me. It's so incredibly hard to get help as a sex worker because most professionals cannot see past that fact. Sex work is not what traumatized me. It was my childhood.
Well, I got 38 true and 6 false. Im 49 years old and physically disabled. I have wasted to many years of my life dealing with this crap. I am ready for a huge life change. It's hard getting away from my spouse and making a life for myself on my disability check. I have to do it though. It's my time to rise, shine, and live my life ✨💛
A year ago, my answer would've been "yes" to almost all of these. Now, a lot of those yeses became "I used to". I've been watching the videos on this channel for a over a year and been doing a lot of inner work. Feeling so damn great to see the progress and what I still need to keep working on! Thank you Michele!
Thanks for this comment! It means there is hope! :) I found Michele during the quarantine... Had time to focus on myself and I am very grateful for the help she gives.
I got 29 out of 45. How'd I do on the quiz? 😉 I appreciate this channel so much. Thankfully, I've already been through the healing process, but am so grateful to see so much good information and support for those still in process. Peace is a wonderful thing. ❤
I sort of knew I have some kind of childhood & teen based trauma, that test totally confirmed it. Its taken me to reach 52yrs old to realise whats going on. How can I continue to be ignored, blamed insulted, put down buy my Mother & Sister. (my father died, he was the same & physically abusive) when I have done nothing that deserves this constant rejection, discarding treatment. I have a long string of disasterous relationship failures, all emotionally unavailable, Ive been looking for love in all the wrong places, I gave up. Looks wasnts my problem either (without sounding arrogant) the problem was in me, I had no idéa what it was. Its so terrible & heart breaking to be still dealing with this. Im not suicidal but totally get it why some people cant take anymore. Thank God I now know wtf has been & still is going on.
I was an abused child but didn't realize it. I thought it was normal to get beat up by your older brother because that was what I was told. No one protected me. I wasn't allowed to lock my bedroom door and I would get in trouble if I told on my brother. I was a latch key kid. I felt ignored and unloved. I was on drugs for my stomach upset at a young age. I am seeing how wrong this all was and I'm trying to heal.
I do believe I have complex ptsd. Not all of these resonated but a lot of them did. The one especially about not allowing others negative mood affect mine, and the one especially about it’s sometimes hard to stay strong in my own beliefs if someone disagrees. This comes from being raised by a mother who went into rage if you expressed a different opinion than hers. It simply wasn’t safe to be myself. I’ve struggled over the years on and off with autoimmune issues, I believe many of us narc abuse victims fall prey to these types of diseases through trauma. The worst part of it all is the fatigue. Now I’m 30, I would consider myself highly functioning. I do well in college courses I’m taking, I for the most part eat healthy and can function fine in many different ways, but I lack a sense of inner peace now that I remember I had once I was young. Often I lack a sense of true enjoyment. It’s not to say I don’t enjoy anything in life, I certainly do, but often I can feel emotional blocks or numbness in the way of being able to fully experience life. I wish I could talk about these things with someone but I don’t really feel like I have any one to talk to who’s really invested in listening. Or perhaps I do and I don’t value myself enough to reach out when I should.
I want to do this...in CA and working afternoons, committed to Mastermind Tuesdays this year. I hope you might mix up the times a bit for the next one, any other morning would work 7am PT 10am ET.
Wow. Nearly 3very one of these points. And I didn't even think that I was abused as a child...mostly. I just really thought that all parents were like mine or worse. Yes, we were a "perfect" family. We kids were always described as "so well behaved", "they are so helpful and polite", "so quiet", etc. I became a human DOING (not human BEING), a self driven performance machine. I'm great at DOING things but not so great at social things. I actually have pretty amazing social skills but it takes a LOT of energy. I always FEEL like a tongue tied, ugly, inept and stupid child (I'm 55 years old). Now, I KNOW that none of that is true. I'm, by nature, a very confident and talented man and I'm told I'm good looking but I always come off, at first, as a passive, insecure, and ass-kissing pushover then as I get "comfortable " I wind up changing my environment and the people around me. I don't mean to and I never seek power or control over anyone but people listen to me, they always watch me, and....I don't know. Its confusing and contradictory and doesn't make sense. I just want to be able to relax. To just BE. To be able to enjoy a moment without KNOWING that it will end poorly. I so desperately want to quit attracting Malignant Covert Narcissists. But, that's been all I've known. So, healing? Right now, as you already know, I'm racing against time to just keep my head above water and make everyone around me believe that everything is ok. 12 hour days at work 6-7 days a week. It almost feels like its too late for me. The Corona virus show has already ended the world as we know it and we're all on borrowed time - if "only" economically. I don't know how to squeeze another second out of my life. And if its all circling the drain, whats the point? I want to "get it", to get healthy mentally and emotionally, but there's too much already in my head and on my hands. I've been in programs, treatments, counseling, forced to take drugs for bi-polar disorder, depression, and so manh other diagnoses that I can't count. Anti-social. Borderline personality disorder. Add and ADHD. (Which one Nurse Practitioner concluded was b.s., as well...she said that I don't have Add, etc, but that because of my childhood trauma my OCD manifests AS or appears to BE ADD/ADHD....she was.the m only one who actually talked to me and studied me.). But yeah, I did think it was all me and put myself in classes, counseling, etc all my life...but it never changed the NARCS around me and I was always the one villefied. I never even knew what these creatures were until some gang stalkers who were assigned to gangstalk me to keep me alive because my wife of 10 years is a malignant covert narc and had this elaborate plan BEFORE I MET HER (she apparently stalked and studied me for a while before letting me "meet" her) to marry me, destroy my reputation, make me look like some out of control substance abusing, violent and manipulative abuser....then murder me in some gruesome way and claim self defense; i.e. to get away with murder and look like a hero and keep my name. My ne was very important to her. My last name is "KING." And I was clueless. They are so skilled at the back stabbing, button pushing, the using of the police, courts and the law as third party abusers. LIARS. And 3veryone believed her. She even, near the end, openly laughed about the times she put me in jail or prison for "abusing" her when I was just defending myself or just trying to get away. Its been 9ne of the steepest learning curves I've ever undertaken and it's broken me many times in the past year or so. But I'm better for it. I just don't know how to give a.shit about anything anymore. And, Michelle was one of the first who opened my eyes....Michelle and Angie Atkinson...those two ladies probably saved my life many times and had ko clue. Thanks Michelle. You are amazing.
Oh, yeah. My childhood c-ptsd was reactivated when I foolishly allowed my N parent to move in (under threat of homelessness). I had to evict her and nearly five years later and I'm still struggling horribly. Worst mistake of my life.
Emotional abuse is terrible and horrible. The scars of emotional abuse last a lifetime. Those emotional scars you can't see but are always there your whole life.
I was beaten by my narcissistic father and my sisters were also beaten by him. My mother did not want to leave him. The other famlily members knew all about it. My mother once said to me he is beating you because he can not beat me anymore. She pittied him. Familymembers said it is because you are a Bad student. 🌹
Michele nobody has the perfect family , the perfect job the perfect life, the perfect anything and so we do not have to try to be perfect in an imperfect world and if people are experiencing any problem or problems that they should get the help that they need it's ok ,its alright to speak to a professional doctor about whatever it may be and your videos are great help for them , ect.
In one of Michele's videos she asked ..If you put yourself first what would make you happy. I found it. I would find a place just like where she is standing on 20 acer .. Build a log cabin get another dog and live out my days in peace
Hello Shahzadi - the great thing about the workshop is that it is online - in my current workshop there are people from all over the world - Canada, US, Norway, Italy, Qatar and UK!! We meet on the free app zoom! 😊🤗
Dam, I answered yes to every question! How embarrassing. Even till this day my mother is still making up stories about me and most people in my family won't speak with me. But at 28, Im no longer sad about that. F**k it, if you can't speak with me and learn about me and my life then yes stay far away and listen to my lying mother. Less bs people in my life. Yes it's lonely and I'm in a rocky relationship but you know what.......its time to be a woman and put my foot down on these cycles. I will come out alive!!!!!
My therpaist said I have emotional instable, histrionic, paranoid and CPST Personality disorders -- I’m a mess!!!ues I feel ashamed. No self esteem. At 18 I was abused by a stranger! But in childhood my father was baetong us up and my mother enotionaly abused us. Insukted us and tld us to be failures and to blame and too fat and not pretty!! Now both my parents play pretend as if nothing of that matter happened and they play the victim card and they accuse me of never liste ing and bei g stubborn and always mad at them. Hard to talk to. And the act like anngels and perfect parents today 30 years later!!
Wondering how much longer God will allow me to suffer iam so broken and in need of a rescue I cant live in fear anymore this is cruel what has been done to me ND if there is a God then why is he allowing my suffering to last this long?
At the end some mini window covers the number of how much symptoms show that someone has cptsd. It is absolutely impossible to see this number even at the lowest possible speed 0,25x. I tried 6 times to do it. This happens if someone watch this video on smartphone. In my case people from environment also made me hell because they were flying monkeys or enablers which treated and thrown sh*t at me and made me feel worthless without right to defend myself, easier object of manipulation and abuse.
![Diggy Graves - Red Vineyard [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/8Ro085T0mnQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Hi guys!! Just wanted to share info. about my upcoming life coaching certification course. Some people plan to become life coaches - others 'fall into it'. I think when a person has gone through something so life altering, something that pushed them outside the realms of their authentic self, something that so profoundly changed not only their self perception, but altered their nervous system, dis-regulated their brain and warped their reality..... and yet when they manage to reconnect with self, and heal the deep emotional wounds that are hidden to the naked eye and misunderstood by those that have never been through an experience like that - well, it's only natural to feel a deep desire to want to help others that have been through that. That's how I 'fell into coaching' and it's been an amazing experience to help individuals all over the world to break through the side effects of cptsd and/or side effects of narcissistic abuse. If YOU are interested in becoming a life coach - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/
Honestly it feels like I answered yes to every question 😭. It’s nice to know I wasn’t crazy for feeling the way I did as a child.
I was also badly used & very badly abused by my mom.
I answered yes to lot of these too. Think I need to get help. I want to create a better life for myself.
5:57 *Complex PTSD*
1. *I always felt their was something off with my family.* Even though we were the "modern family" for others.
2. *I have difficulty in relationships I either wind up with a toxic person.*
3. *Or if I'm with somebody healthy it brings out things in me that I'm not proud of* 😔
4. *I tend to isolate myself*
5. *I feel like I'm surviving in life instead of thriving.*
6. *I struggle with anxiety or depression*
7. *It's easy to feel negative emotions, stress, anxiety, worry and it's difficult to feel real joy and inner happiness*
8. *I feel disconnected from myself*
9. *I attract malignant narcissits*
10. *It's hard for me to hold on to my perception if other people disagree with me.*
11. *I am easily triggered and reactive and I react much stronger than the situation calls for*
12. *When life is calm I feel stressed waiting for the ball to drop*
13. *Even if I see red flags in toxic relationships I ignore them because I don't trust myself*
14. *I don't feel whole if I'm not in a relationship*
15. *I have an addictive personality whether it's binge watching TV, shopping, sex, caffeine, alcohol, food* 😓
16. *I put everyone else's needs first and my own last if at all*
17. *I never felt liked by my parents*
18. *I have social anxiety* 🙃
19. *I can't feel anger its like someone turned off the switch*
20. *I had a parent that smothered me to the point that I felt like I wasn't allowed to feel my own feelings I think my own thoughts*
21. *My family was manipulative growing up*
22. *My siblings and I were treated differently one was the golden child and I was the scapegoat.*
23. *Growing up I felt emotionally abandoned as if no one really cared what I was feeling*
24. *I was expected to take care of my parents needs even at the expense of my own when I was growing up*
25. *I was punished for things that made no sense like when I was happy, creative or intelligent*
26. *When people get angry I shut down*
27. *I am a people pleaser*
28. *If someone else's energy is low it affects my own energy or mood*
29. *I fear rejection*
8:32 *¡¡YOU SKIPPED OUT #30!!*
31. *I raise the opinions of others but I lower my own opinions*
32. *I didn't feel good enough as a child*
33. *I have a fear of conflict*
34. *As a kid I was not really allowed to talk about what goes on behind closed doors*
35. *I hide my real feelings*
36. *I'm dependent on external validation to feel good about myself*
37. *I feel like I'm unable to be my authentic self*
38. *I tend to be attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable* 🚫
39. *I was made to feel my parents anger was my fault*
40. *I feel responsible for other people's anger sadness or disappointments*
41. *I tolerate behaviors in relationships that I should never tolerate*
42. *I have a hard time enforcing boundaries*
43. *I battle perfectionism*
44. *I struggle with procrastination*
45. *I tend to catastrophize*
46. *I don't like myself*
47. *I have a vicious inner critic*
This video really spoke to me. I wasn't physically abused but the verbal and emotional abuse was there every day. In my recovery i also learned that neglect is a form of abuse. I would throw tantrums just to be seen and heard. I just wanted someone to see me. Everyone thought I was a "spoiled brat." I grew up feeling worthless from the neglect and broken from the way I learned to deal with it. Trauma in the form of fear and shame have run in the background every day of my life and in the decisions I've made. But, with videos like this and recovery programs I've learned to heal! Thank you for your work Michele!
Ribbit!
Me too
I know why my generation is called Generation X.
We don't exist.
We never have.
We never will.
There is a huge cross or X drawn through our names,
our potential,
our contributions,
our frustrations.
We were cancelled from birth.
We will stay cancelled after we die.
And many of us have childhood CPTSD.
But it's our 'cancelled' little secret.
Even to ourselves...
X marks the spot where we once stood.
And that is all that will be left behind...
Yes. "Raised" by the Baby Boomers. I believe it was Richard Grannon who pointed out something similar and he said "see the grunge movement" ... music was so raw, said the things I could not say
And Generation Y = Why? I have to still party my life away. Damn kids. I need to pass them through the fire to Molech for worldly gain.
Just because we endured this pain and suffering and were cancelled by our parents doesn’t mean we have no worth and aren’t loved. God loves us more than we can imagine and has a plan and purpose for each of our lives. I have seen Him work mightily in mine. Unfortunately, because of man’s stubborn nature, it is usually the suffering in our lives that spurs growth and brings us closer to Him. God bless us all on our healing journeys!
That was so sad. You caught my attention. 💔
citizenspace71 that is very clear and beautifully written.. thank you for putting into words for me to pick the pieces together.
This was how I grew up...then I was very abusive to my children. I got sober 12.5 years ago and therapy including EMDR but I know this is ongoing. I'm really trying to heal and I want to help my children too. Definitely looking into your workshop...Thank you!
When we have unhealed childhood wounds - they keep resurfacing in all of our relationships - it's repetition compulsion - until we heal within! I commend you on gaining awareness, breaking free of unconscious patterns and wanting to do the inner work to heal!! I have some testimonials on my website of the 3 month workshop from individuals taking it now - I should be putting up more soon, but it really is a great way to heal - within a safe group of other survivors who truly get it and can validate and support each other!!! Sending peace and good vibes your way.
@@FromSurvivingToThriving I seem to have a dilemma because I feel obligated to be a life coach, because of the narcissistic abuse from parents (two sides, stepmom and dad's side, and mother's side.) that I've experienced since elementary school stemming from custody battles over me as I was moved from one house and school to the other, over and over again. But I wonder if I should show my face and reveal my identity if I did videos on RUclips, because what if my parents found my videos? I actually had a RUclips channel before because I tried to use it to escape, and I ended up selling possessions to get a ticket to move to Hawaii in 2018 and documented the journey on my channel and also talked about the narcissistic abuse from my parents. But it's crazy they actually found my channel, my stepmom was very hurt and vilified me for doing the videos and no longer wanted me to come back to her house. She's always been the main narcissistic personality, and initially love bombed me (she was always very flashy with lots of money and provided me money while my mom didnt.) when I very first met her, and I've in turn always been a people pleaser to her. So even tho Ive been moving out of state away from them, I still suffer the after effects and still worry about what they think about me and seem to naturally try to people please them and I still contact them every now and then namely for special occasions and etc.., and they still send me money while I'm currently living in another state alone. I've never lived without their occasional financial support. Even though they like to say nice things about me and talk to me, I know that if I was living in their house it would be toxic for me in both a covert and non covert narcissistic way. All I mostly remember from my life and growing up is that I've always gone back to one parent or the other after I had an issue or hard time in life, and now being alone in upper 20s I've still had financial instability and flash backs and worries come of the thought of me going back there due to financial problems. So with all this being said. I know I need to recover and claim my life and be who I am and learn how to love myself and live for my self development and prosperity. But what I wonder a lot is should I do the RUclips videos about my experiences/be life coach while showing my face and identity (I don't want to keep hiding or live a lie)? Even tho I attempted to go no contact once I think, it just seems like impossible to go no contact because Ive always relied upon them for monetary assistance, and they are so involved in trying to know what I'm doing and occasions like birthdays. I also don't want it to be like I'm holding a grudge and don't want them to think that I'm holding a grudge, so do you think I should go no contact? Because if I did the RUclips channel I'd have to by default talk about how they treated me and say that they are toxic and narcissistic (these are things I would never say to them though). And me going no contact would cause them to probably detest me and maybe try to snoop more on me online with the RUclips channel I would do. So what should I do? I would like to do videos showing my face and who I am and telling it all, while at the same time not holding a grudge but also try to keep my distance/communication from them but I don't know how I would or could go no contact. What should I do??
That is wonderful that you're reaching out for help.
@@TheOnlyWay do what makes You happy, Yes! You are not in this World to fullfill Expectations, at Times not even Your own. Do what makes You trully happy, allow Yourself to feel good unconditionally. Do not worry about having to make a YT or not. Be happy first and enjoy Life. To be content and comfy is much more important then being perfect.......Make yourself a Priority and treat yourself like the loving Parent you allways wish you had.
Sending you lots of hugs and healing love ❤
I answered with a strong YES to 15 of those question, but I am excited to say that I was able to say "no, I have changed that behavior" to at least 2 of them! It's a start!
This is exactly what my narc mom did! She took me to church 3 times a week every week and kept up the appearance of being a loving martyr mom. She would tell any and every one, that would listen, all the many ways of how she sacrificed for me and later my children (bless her heart). She used and twisted my faith in God, especially the 10 commandments, to control me for decades. My narc mom even mildly effected my children. I am trying to learn and grow past her brainwashing, gas lighting and control. We are healing. Thank you Michele, you have contributed greatly in my healing!
You just explained my family: for my parents is more important how they look in front of neighbors than their relationship with their kids. Everything is about polishing their image
Michelle your voice is so soothing, and your whole presence really... You're stunning and a wonderful person.
Aww thank you 😊🤗👋👊🏼
Well said ❤️
Check for all of them. I was raised by 2 Narcissists. Had you asked me 10 years ago or less, I actually don't know that I would have had the terminologies thanks to you, Mr Grannon, and some others... but if I did I would have described my mother as the malignant narcissist/histrionic, my father as codependent/enabling. I am 37 years old and recently oh, it was revealed to me that the former is true and that my father is on the psychopathic spectrum. I have to detach a little when I say that.
Just like the PTSD, my story is complex as I know many of ours is.
I am enmeshed with them and have been controlled financially. They used my sister's death, their first born child as narcissistic supply, just as they did when she was alive. I did not know what I did not know, because I made sure to get the hell out of there when I was 17.
Since my sister was 15 years older than me, and I have a brother who I also believe is on the narcissistic Spectrum, who is 11 years older than me... I believe I can identify most with being The Lost Child, but I was abused too, along with being neglected.
So ... I'm not sure exactly how many was on that list, but I know I said check for all of them, with the exception of figuring out whether I was a golden child or a scapegoat...
I hate my parents for everything they did, as memories are coming alive and making sense, along with compounded trauma as I got re-enmeshed with them, after my sister died.
Even though she was 15 years older than me, we were close, and since she was mostly out of the house when I was young... visiting her was often a refuge for me, and I think a big comfort for her.
She came home from summer camp the August that I was born, to see me being born and she named me Eric.
Sadly my parents' abuse, betrayal, trauma bonded to them, she'd always make me promise a hundred times that I wouldn't go back and tell them whatever she told me. I never did. I don't think she ever believed me, or understood the depth of the abuse that I endured. They never left her alone, and our grandparents and Aunt, served as flying monkeys for them. My father in particular, as my mother was overtly the way she was, and my father sat back on his throne , engineering more chaos. So they idolized him.
I want so badly to heal. Need to get away from them. I thought when I reconnected with them after my sister died, along with their old age, they're in their 70s now... would soften them. I thought I was being a good son, perhaps having a relationship with them like I never would have imagined, after "the "tragedy"...as my father puts it. The tragedy. I want to tell him and my mother both what the real tragedy was.
Thank you for letting me use this platform to vent, I didn't mean to turn it into that, I really just wanted to say thank you. So....thank you.
OMG!!! You described my family and my upbringing in a nutshell!!! I can relate to 33 of those symptoms! Ugh. No wonder I haven't been able to succeed in life and I"m being mocked and harshly criticized by the very same people who destroyed my self-esteem. I feel validated yet scared. This healing process feels like a long journey that I hope I will be able to endure. Thank you for all that you do, Michelle! You truly are amazing.
Yep. Everyone wanted their kids to be like us. We looked so together, but inside, yikes.
Oh my goodness.... Thank you for this validation. I had no idea this was what I endured. Then to end up with a covert narcissist. I'm 53 and just understanding what has happened and why. I've been through so much. I definitely need help and I so appreciate your knowledge. I literally am deprogramming my thinking after such horrific abuse. This is so eye opening Michelle... Thank you
Thank you so much for helping me understand what happened.
The blooper was funny..... put a smile on my face!!
Please keep doing videos on the identified patient. Thank you again
I answered "Yes" to almost all of them. I went from a controlling boyfriend, to two marriages to controlling, narcissistic men. I am now 60 and finally on my own, trying to heal. I have a wonderful therapist, and using EMDR in therapy has been so helpful. Sadly, my four children, now all adults, would probably score similarly to me. At this point, they know they have been harmed, but are reluctant to begin therapy, thinking they will be able to heal on their own. I worry so for them, PTSD, feelings that they are not good enough, etc don't go away on their own, if they did, I wouldn't have jumped from narc to narc seeking validation and love. Any advise on how to coax them to seek therapy?
I can relate to your experience of toxic upbringing and repeated toxic relationships for decades
Finally realized Reparenting and self care are essential to recovery
Best wishes on your path 💖
I answered Yes to most of these too Leona, this vid was a bit of a bolt from the blue! Narc mother/narc wife Ive had. Lucky for me an educational psychologist told me who I was but I refused to believe it. I thought I knew better- I DID NOT suffer abusive relationships, oh no! But when I started to think about it, and research it I realised I have sold myself short and compromised from day one, but it took 15 years to face it. Grab yourself some life Leona, the barriers are much thinner than they seem. You deserve it.
WoW! I didn`t know there`s a name for it, never heard of Complex PTSD before. Thank you so much Michelle! It only dawned on me that my mother was a narcissist during my last relationship with a woman who turned out to be one. It was like having deja vu`s from my childhood. I`m 48 seeing a therapist for so many years with no results. I`m definitely gonna check out your website, I`m really interested since my theapist plays down everything I tell regarding narcissism in a sense like "don`t make more of it than it is" and "you`re not a doctor so you`re not entitled to diagnose someone being a narcissist" and beside that it feels like she doesn`t acknowledge "narcissism" in the first place. Thank you Michelle. God bless you and greetings from Switzerland.
So like my own childhood, how I felt as a child. My father was visciously controlling, manipulative and abusive, even physically. In my case I was at the same time scapegoat and a golden child, modes switched without a reason, that really screwed me up. That made me completely shut in as a child. I had outbursts of anger and antisocial behaviors in school, like my father. I wasn’t exactly the people pleaser, more like a defiant, but those modes are always switching randombly in me. Most of the time I am shut in and fearful of life, unable to show emotion. I cannot trust or express myself. I drive people away, father taught me that love is nothing but life threatening, pain and weakness. In order to survive his anger I learned to shut down sadness, I wasn’t allowed to cry. He liked to make me angry and didn’t like when I cry.
I can relate so much to this, from the vascillation from scapegoat to golden child, to the emote-o-phobia you described even it comes to anger.
That's my story as well. They have the spirit of antichrist in them. Steal, kill, and destroy is all they know.
I lost count but closely relate to most of it. I really like the new background, even if the frogs are having a good time. It makes you seem more real.
thank you. great video and I loved the frogs 'croaking' in the background! my brother and I have been talking a lot the past few months about how our situation growing up was what I would call 'emotional neglect and abuse''...never physical abuse and how it has created so many issues growing up and into our adulthood. The healing does indeed start with ourselves...
Hi, All those things I identify with. I tried emdr once and ended up in a foetal position on my bed afterwards. With my children, I tried very hard to be a good parent. Several don't talk with me now. I chose low functioning Dads. Your workshop sounds great. I watch your videos a lot and they have helped me out of several tricky situations. Thanks
I had adverse childhood trauma and was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when I was 14 back in 1997. I now doubt that my Autism Spectrum diagnosis was correct. In those days psychiatric diagnosis of children were conducted in a bubble, focusing what the emotional and behavioral problems the child exhibits and not asking the parents much about what's going on in the household. For toxic parents covering up their abuse of their kids in the 90's these mental health professionals were a boon for deflecting the cause of their child's problems and dealt with the child's problems by heavily medicating them.
My husband traumatized me throughout my whole pregnancy by the eighth month he was telling me you should’ve had an abortion he’s tormented me for the last 32 years from the very beginning that I met him he tormented me raising our son in that he always interjected with toxicity he continually told my son through his upbringing that IM an abusive mother my son was abused in the sense that his father and I screamed and fight continuously all due to my husbands provoking my son is now 24 at 14 he was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome in the younger years he took ADHD medication but by the grace of God he got so fat they were afraid of you have a heart attack and they took him off the meds he now lives in his own apartment his father still trying to divide him and I not going to happen my son and I have a very great relationship he is now been out of the home and the constant bickering for a year and two months praise God my husband is still abusive towards me and I’ve already given My Son a heads up that if I’m not here his father will will abuse him my son says he has noticed that already I’m not even Out the door but I also realize that I’m here protecting my son the real realization came when I was raped as a child and I stayed in the situation to protect my brother where I was raped multiple times for a year
I have religious trauma syndrome among other things from my childhood. When you're growing up and you're taught that the answer to everything is to pray, when you get out in the real world you have absolutely zero coping skills. You're lost.
That's when you're told to pray but were never shown that Jesus cares and knows better than you every aspect of your pain.
@@user-hf1ys4rr5hvery dismissive
Yes hidden abuse. Perfect choice of words. All your videos have helped for the past 2 to 3 years. Thank you !
The standards set for me were very high and everything around me was very strict. Anything that threatened the look of perfection was severely punished to the point of threats of kicking me out as a child and at one point actually sending me away without notice just to show me who's boss. Horrible to be raised with such people. Although a few years ago I answered yes to most of those questions, now, I can happily say I have much less pain and misery. This channel has done the one thing for adults raised by Narcs that almost no one else is willing to do, VALIDATE OUR PAIN. The healing journey really starts here. We are not crazy, we were abused by people who hid it and were afraid to speak about it to anyone, which kept us in pain till this point in life. I appreciate your channel Michele. God BLess ❤
Yes to all of these. My parents divorced and I suffered physical abuse as a young kid. However, the worst part was suffering both my parents' emotional abuse. I felt like I was not allowed to share my true feelings about anything. I was forced to repress my emotions, otherwise my mom/dad would withhold affection and punish me with the silent treatment. I was never allowed to be a child because I was expected to deal with my parents' emotional issues (and since they were divorced, I was treated often as a surrogate spouse). Any time I needed a break, time for myself or was unhappy (not even about them), I was called selfish, ungrateful, a bastard, etc. Nonetheless, I thought that I was actually the one who was terrible. It was strange because according to my friends, I was a quiet, shy and trustworthy kid. But I did not believe them because according to my parents, I was the literal spawn of Satan.
Thank you for your channel. You have been way more helpful than any therapist I have ever had in my life. I wish there were more awareness about emotional abuse.
I believed I had bipolar disorder for 10 years and was treated for bipolar disorder. I was raised by a schizophrenic mother. Come to learn I have CPTSD. My mom schizophrenic I had no stability as a child and chose a sociopath for a husband. My therapist is great but I need tools. Thank you Michelle!!!
This has been not only my experience but also my step son's experience. Because my stepson was raised by my spouse and I, a lot of family members thought he would be okay, but the visitations still perpetuated bigger challenges. Its a much larger issue that isn't addressed, and I can't help but wonder how many others are diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety Disorders, and even Autism (like my step kiddo) when what's really underneath is unaddressed trauma. Thank you for talking about this!
The end made me cry, it was unexpected. You get it… you really do! Therapist can help but they don’t really get it, no one does… I’m working up my bravery to help others through my experience too. Maybe one day we can collaborate! I would love getting you on my podcast as a guest?
Loved your response to the frogs - more of those natural bloopers please. Gonna watch that bit again right now 👍
I wanted to send this to someone but you said the word “abuse and narcissist” and this person is in complete denial.
My life was never perfect but nobody realized this was happening to me growing up. I was able to manage my trauma and ongoing abuse as my normal until later in life when repeated trauma broke me. Its an awakening on many levels
I learned quite a bit from this video. What I got the most benefit from was the sheer hilarity of the frog intrusion into the discussion. I needed that kind of pure laughter desperately. Thank you for not cutting that and refilming the portion. It brightened my mood and my entire day.
The frogs in the background of your video have PTSD lol 😆 btw I still enjoy your videos 9 months after no contact. TY
You're describing my husband who was the scapegoat in his family. He grew up with a covert narcissistic father and I'm not sure what kind of personality disorder his mother has but her mind is definitely not healthy and she's enabling her husband in any kind of dispute or whenever he seeks supply from her, of course that doesn't stop her from being a target of his abuse as well when he can't find another victim. We haven't been in contact with his family for two years now and he's slowly healing and talks to a wonderful therapist. Your videos have helped him a lot in understanding what his father is and how his mind works.
43/45. Malignant narcisstic mother, and physically abusive, dry drunk father. Emotionally abusive uncles, and only 1 aunt who seemed to care. I only speak to 2/8 cousins. My oldest brother is malignant narcissist, 2nd oldest brother is the drunk golden child, I was the perfect- imperfect scapegoat, and my youngest brother was the forgotten child. I finally escaped 8 months ago. I'll be watching this video again, and working on healing.
I grew up in a toxic family that had to look "perfect" on the outside. I was the scapegoat and anything that was wrong was my fault. Then it continued into my marriage. I only recently figured out the mind games played on me, and now trying to recover from CPTSD
I scored really high. Nice video, thank you, seeing you speaking to us while in nature was peaceful and soothing. Thank you very much.
Thanks for another great video Michele.
Thank you for raising awareness. It really does go under the radar.
🥺 thanks for this video. Hope everyone is ok.
43 out of 45. Married 9 years to a Covert Narcissist. Raised by my Malignant Narcissist single Mom. Oh yes I am A CoDependent Empath. My wife did the final discard 6 months ago. Never knew any of the above till 3 months ago. 9 years of hell. 43 years so far of abuse. Now, I am educating myself and I am going to be free. For me!
Thank you, dear friend. I found myself in all the descriptions..
Thank you so much!! You are saving people’s lives sharing what you have been through. And doing what you are doing! Have a Good New Year!
A teacher kept me after class once in the 5th grade and asked me if I was having trouble at home. I told her no because I thought that's what I was supposed to say. Later when my narcissist mom was on her usual angry rampage at the dinner table, I told her what the teacher asked me (I think my motive was to let her know she couldn't treat me any way she wanted and get away with it). Of course, it angered her, and my parents went and met with the teacher, the principal and my other teachers, to tell them what they thought the problem was. I had an issue with another student, and I thought they went to intervene in the situation, but recently I finally realized they went to clear their own reputation.
I have 4 out of 45, Lots of my wounds were healed after High school and realizing that nobody didn't know how to be my friend during middle and high school (At the end I told one of my friends of what happened during my 9th through 11th grade, and I identified my triggers, emotional flashbacks and now healing from what's been happening as a child in second, third, fourth, five and in middle school years.) I love your videos Michele, keep up the great work :>
Correction: 8 out of 45! Because as a child, I felt toxic shame, guilt, and put blame on myself just so I could keep around people that weren't good for me, also I thought ( subconsciously as a child) that people talk bad about me and others, people yelling at me, saying bad subtle things to me as love and as a child for 15 years I thought it was normal for people to lie, say mean things to me was ''just the truth to set you free'' since 12th grade and now I'm getting the most information I can to be ever more healed and good. :>
I was completely accepting of my biological mother not having everything together and my adopted mom brainwashed me into believing I deserved more but never provided that I’m fact she beat me physically emotionally and mentally had me questioning every aspect of myself and was one of the biggest reasons why I always hated taking tests
My parents often used those Alcoholic, Physically Abusive, and Neglectful Parents against me. They say how "amazing" they are for not being alcoholic and physically abusive. They even made me feel I owe them to provide all they physical and financial needs for me and how "thankful and lucky" I should feel for not having parents that don't feed their children. So all the emotional neglect, verbal abuse, manipulation, controlling, etc., were acceptable. They were so good at playing the best parents in front their friends and often shut me off for letting people know the truth happening behind the close door. I can say "yes" to almost all the questions.
I had all of this in the home. A physically/Emotionally absent stepfather who abandon his stepdaughter for our family and eventually abandoned us. An And educated, drug addicted mother who came from a traumatic background &Made us relive that, Not to mention they would always fight about bills and make us feel bad for using electricity. My biological dad I never really saw, but he put me through some sexual abuse and plenty of mental abuse as well. But what went under the radar was my narc big sister. My big sister is a malignant narcissist to the point where she will physically hurt me and I separated from her a year ago not knowing who she was or what I had been through. All of this is validating and get me on the right track to find a therapist that actually can help me. I eventually stopped seeing therapists because my trust issues. They were to focus on my job and also misdiagnosing me. It's so incredibly hard to get help as a sex worker because most professionals cannot see past that fact. Sex work is not what traumatized me. It was my childhood.
Well, I got 38 true and 6 false. Im 49 years old and physically disabled. I have wasted to many years of my life dealing with this crap. I am ready for a huge life change. It's hard getting away from my spouse and making a life for myself on my disability check. I have to do it though. It's my time to rise, shine, and live my life ✨💛
A year ago, my answer would've been "yes" to almost all of these. Now, a lot of those yeses became "I used to". I've been watching the videos on this channel for a over a year and been doing a lot of inner work. Feeling so damn great to see the progress and what I still need to keep working on! Thank you Michele!
Thanks for this comment! It means there is hope! :) I found Michele during the quarantine... Had time to focus on myself and I am very grateful for the help she gives.
@@andreabiro2357 I'm happy to hear that! Good luck on your healing journey! You're already taking the first steps :)
I won't be able to take part in the workshop this round but I hope to take part next round.
I got 29 out of 45. How'd I do on the quiz? 😉
I appreciate this channel so much. Thankfully, I've already been through the healing process, but am so grateful to see so much good information and support for those still in process. Peace is a wonderful thing. ❤
Are there seriously people out there that respond no to all these questions? What an amazing life that must be.
I sort of knew I have some kind of childhood & teen based trauma, that test totally confirmed it. Its taken me to reach 52yrs old to realise whats going on. How can I continue to be ignored, blamed insulted, put down buy my Mother & Sister. (my father died, he was the same & physically abusive) when I have done nothing that deserves this constant rejection, discarding treatment. I have a long string of disasterous relationship failures, all emotionally unavailable, Ive been looking for love in all the wrong places, I gave up. Looks wasnts my problem either (without sounding arrogant) the problem was in me, I had no idéa what it was. Its so terrible & heart breaking to be still dealing with this. Im not suicidal but totally get it why some people cant take anymore. Thank God I now know wtf has been & still is going on.
Those things you said about at the end, I am all of them. I'm 54. I'm in UK
I got all of the except one. I am 57. I am in the UK. I thought I had a very happy childhood until I became suicidal at 50. I had no idea.
All 45 btw. All. Amazed. I'm on the road, but initially, all and still like 35/45.
I was an abused child but didn't realize it. I thought it was normal to get beat up by your older brother because that was what I was told. No one protected me. I wasn't allowed to lock my bedroom door and I would get in trouble if I told on my brother. I was a latch key kid. I felt ignored and unloved. I was on drugs for my stomach upset at a young age. I am seeing how wrong this all was and I'm trying to heal.
I was a victim of hate crime because of being a visible minority since the age of 4. I know I have PTSD from abuse as a child and abuse as an Adult.
Thank you! For this. I really appreciate it ❤️
I do believe I have complex ptsd. Not all of these resonated but a lot of them did. The one especially about not allowing others negative mood affect mine, and the one especially about it’s sometimes hard to stay strong in my own beliefs if someone disagrees. This comes from being raised by a mother who went into rage if you expressed a different opinion than hers. It simply wasn’t safe to be myself.
I’ve struggled over the years on and off with autoimmune issues, I believe many of us narc abuse victims fall prey to these types of diseases through trauma. The worst part of it all is the fatigue.
Now I’m 30, I would consider myself highly functioning. I do well in college courses I’m taking, I for the most part eat healthy and can function fine in many different ways, but I lack a sense of inner peace now that I remember I had once I was young. Often I lack a sense of true enjoyment. It’s not to say I don’t enjoy anything in life, I certainly do, but often I can feel emotional blocks or numbness in the way of being able to fully experience life. I wish I could talk about these things with someone but I don’t really feel like I have any one to talk to who’s really invested in listening. Or perhaps I do and I don’t value myself enough to reach out when I should.
Excellent Michele!
I want to do this...in CA and working afternoons, committed to Mastermind Tuesdays this year. I hope you might mix up the times a bit for the next one, any other morning would work 7am PT 10am ET.
I got 38 out of 45
Wow. Nearly 3very one of these points. And I didn't even think that I was abused as a child...mostly. I just really thought that all parents were like mine or worse. Yes, we were a "perfect" family. We kids were always described as "so well behaved", "they are so helpful and polite", "so quiet", etc. I became a human DOING (not human BEING), a self driven performance machine. I'm great at DOING things but not so great at social things. I actually have pretty amazing social skills but it takes a LOT of energy. I always FEEL like a tongue tied, ugly, inept and stupid child (I'm 55 years old). Now, I KNOW that none of that is true. I'm, by nature, a very confident and talented man and I'm told I'm good looking but I always come off, at first, as a passive, insecure, and ass-kissing pushover then as I get "comfortable " I wind up changing my environment and the people around me. I don't mean to and I never seek power or control over anyone but people listen to me, they always watch me, and....I don't know. Its confusing and contradictory and doesn't make sense. I just want to be able to relax. To just BE. To be able to enjoy a moment without KNOWING that it will end poorly. I so desperately want to quit attracting Malignant Covert Narcissists. But, that's been all I've known. So, healing? Right now, as you already know, I'm racing against time to just keep my head above water and make everyone around me believe that everything is ok. 12 hour days at work 6-7 days a week. It almost feels like its too late for me. The Corona virus show has already ended the world as we know it and we're all on borrowed time - if "only" economically. I don't know how to squeeze another second out of my life. And if its all circling the drain, whats the point? I want to "get it", to get healthy mentally and emotionally, but there's too much already in my head and on my hands. I've been in programs, treatments, counseling, forced to take drugs for bi-polar disorder, depression, and so manh other diagnoses that I can't count. Anti-social. Borderline personality disorder. Add and ADHD. (Which one Nurse Practitioner concluded was b.s., as well...she said that I don't have Add, etc, but that because of my childhood trauma my OCD manifests AS or appears to BE ADD/ADHD....she was.the m only one who actually talked to me and studied me.). But yeah, I did think it was all me and put myself in classes, counseling, etc all my life...but it never changed the NARCS around me and I was always the one villefied. I never even knew what these creatures were until some gang stalkers who were assigned to gangstalk me to keep me alive because my wife of 10 years is a malignant covert narc and had this elaborate plan BEFORE I MET HER (she apparently stalked and studied me for a while before letting me "meet" her) to marry me, destroy my reputation, make me look like some out of control substance abusing, violent and manipulative abuser....then murder me in some gruesome way and claim self defense; i.e. to get away with murder and look like a hero and keep my name. My ne was very important to her. My last name is "KING." And I was clueless. They are so skilled at the back stabbing, button pushing, the using of the police, courts and the law as third party abusers. LIARS. And 3veryone believed her. She even, near the end, openly laughed about the times she put me in jail or prison for "abusing" her when I was just defending myself or just trying to get away. Its been 9ne of the steepest learning curves I've ever undertaken and it's broken me many times in the past year or so. But I'm better for it. I just don't know how to give a.shit about anything anymore.
And, Michelle was one of the first who opened my eyes....Michelle and Angie Atkinson...those two ladies probably saved my life many times and had ko clue. Thanks Michelle. You are amazing.
Find a therapist who is healthy, and get emdr, eft, or brain spotting. It is liberating.
EMDR didn't work for me.
@@klattalexis therapist fail
Oh, yeah. My childhood c-ptsd was reactivated when I foolishly allowed my N parent to move in (under threat of homelessness). I had to evict her and nearly five years later and I'm still struggling horribly. Worst mistake of my life.
I completely understand this.
Spot on, as ALWAYS!!
💙💙💙
Emotional abuse is terrible and horrible. The scars of emotional abuse last a lifetime. Those emotional scars you can't see but are always there your whole life.
This is me.i have struggled with it for a long time. But now i am a bit clear about what were the problems with my family.
I was beaten by my narcissistic father and my sisters were also beaten by him. My mother did not want to leave him. The other famlily members knew all about it. My mother once said to me he is beating you because he can not beat me anymore. She pittied him. Familymembers said it is because you are a Bad student. 🌹
Michele nobody has the perfect family , the perfect job the perfect life, the perfect anything and so we do not have to try to be perfect in an imperfect world and if people are experiencing any problem or problems that they should get the help that they need it's ok ,its alright to speak to a professional doctor about whatever it may be and your videos are great help for them , ect.
THANKYOU MICHELLE!!❤️❤️❤️
Michele you doing well
In one of Michele's videos she asked ..If you put yourself first what would make you happy. I found it. I would find a place just like where she is standing on 20 acer .. Build a log cabin get another dog and live out my days in peace
Can relate to ALL of this!!!!
So exactly right.
29 yes but it's been too late for too long. I do appreciate finally knowing though. thanks
I would like to attend your workshop but how? I am too far off. Please do something for me. I want to take it.
Hello Shahzadi - the great thing about the workshop is that it is online - in my current workshop there are people from all over the world - Canada, US, Norway, Italy, Qatar and UK!! We meet on the free app zoom! 😊🤗
I answered yes to almost everyone except 3-4 statements. Does that mean I have c-ptsd? I'm already diagnosed with ptsd.
Please help me to take your workshop. I desperately need it.
And the ptsd can be added to as time goes on. Not just childhood.
Dam, I answered yes to every question! How embarrassing. Even till this day my mother is still making up stories about me and most people in my family won't speak with me. But at 28, Im no longer sad about that. F**k it, if you can't speak with me and learn about me and my life then yes stay far away and listen to my lying mother. Less bs people in my life. Yes it's lonely and I'm in a rocky relationship but you know what.......its time to be a woman and put my foot down on these cycles. I will come out alive!!!!!
Ok 66 yrs old and I hv been on a roll this test sends my head spinning. How do I get help 😫
I’m healing.
How are you finding healing? If it's courses, I can't afford that resource..if only my mother could be made accountable, to pay for my healing
Abandoning hope in the Narc and start working on yourself. Learn how to start saying no, smile, walk tall, maintain eye contact and know yourself.
30 with a few ? depending on circumstances. Been NC from NM & EF for 2 yrs now and working om healing.
Thank you ❤
I scored "Yes" on more than half of the question.
I'm assuming you realize
8:32 *¡¡YOU SKIPPED OUT #30!!*
My question is how come?
She didn’t skip #30 - statement #2 and #3 are one and the same. Re-read the written statements above.
Thoughts to be aware of and let go of To be free
Thank you Michele right back to ya
My therpaist said I have emotional instable, histrionic, paranoid and CPST Personality disorders -- I’m a mess!!!ues I feel ashamed. No self esteem. At 18 I was abused by a stranger! But in childhood my father was baetong us up and my mother enotionaly abused us. Insukted us and tld us to be failures and to blame and too fat and not pretty!! Now both my parents play pretend as if nothing of that matter happened and they play the victim card and they accuse me of never liste ing and bei g stubborn and always mad at them. Hard to talk to. And the act like anngels and perfect parents today 30 years later!!
Wondering how much longer God will allow me to suffer iam so broken and in need of a rescue I cant live in fear anymore this is cruel what has been done to me ND if there is a God then why is he allowing my suffering to last this long?
Oh I had a parent who was Jekyll or Hyde no rhyme or reason, and a mother who blamed me for ruining her life and hated me.
My dad threatened me to never talk to authorities if they came to me when I was in junior high.
I think those frogs love the sound of your voice.
Hi, How many yes answers mean it is C-PTSD?
Without a freakin doubt
At the end some mini window covers the number of how much symptoms show that someone has cptsd. It is absolutely impossible to see this number even at the lowest possible speed 0,25x. I tried 6 times to do it. This happens if someone watch this video on smartphone.
In my case people from environment also made me hell because they were flying monkeys or enablers which treated and thrown sh*t at me and made me feel worthless without right to defend myself, easier object of manipulation and abuse.
It happened on my computer, too. I'd like to know the number of symptoms, too.
Dang you described me 47 times.
Where is the link for the 45 traits?