😭😭😭 For so long I thought I was crazy. She's always called me delusional, greedy, too sensitive, and that I'm not remembering things right. That I'm speaking through my wounds, that "she's done the best she can and I'm ungrateful". She will instantly cut me off if I'm expressing my emotions and she doesn't want to hear it. She'll cry and storm off when I try to explain how I've been hurt. She manipulates me using guilt. This gives me comfort knowing I'm not crazy. I'm working on cutting her out completely. I can't handle the back and forth. I cant.
I am so sorry for you. I can’t believe à BPD mother would do this. I am BPD myself but I don’t have children. My mother is a sadistic npd and ASPD. My childhood was pure hell. I am so scared to have children. I do not want them to go through what I have been through.
Same girl. Same. I hope you were able to finally cut her out of your life ❤️ if that’s what you think is best you deserve a great life free of inflicted pain from someone who is supposed to love you uncontrollably
We were developing human beings when all these horrible things were dumped on us. I was never protected. I stood there, took it and internalized everything. I was such a mess by 18.
Give yourself a hug. You know all this and can start taking care of yourself at a reasonable age. Some people get through life suffering and thinking that it's them being bad. Take care and make sure you only keep love and respect around you!
Wish I could send this to my mom. But she'd just take it as an "attack" on her, scream "You're just as evil as your sister!!!!" and once again learn absolutely nothing
Wow! This is LITERALLY my life. Because of living with a borderline parent and a narcissist father I became very fearful of my own voice. I developed an eating disorder and everyone would always ask me for help and call me "dramatic" when I would talk about my feelings. I ended up having a lot of narcissistic friends, a HORRIBLE boyfriend...(malignant narc)(done my research haha) and always laughed off my problems and and made jokes about myself. People would make fun of me constantly. And call me Rich, and perfect. I was "popular" in high school so know one knew I was struggling. I was a Musical Theatre Geek. I was the lead in all the school plays. So anytime I'd complain people who invalidate me and say, "oh you're rich and pretty, you're the happiest person I know." But it was honestly all an act. I went on to going to a top Musical theatre school where I met more abusive people to further hurt me and to invalidate the way I felt about myself. SO many diagnoses were thrown onto me from doctors who didn't understand me, sadly... anxiety, panic disorder, EDNOS, PTSD anorexia, bulimia, Borderline PD, depression, Bipolar 1, 2 ... I'm am actually now diagnosed with (Bipolar 2 disorder with Borderline traits and going to DBT soon) and I have been in therapy for 10 + years. And currently once a week speaking to a psychiatrist managing my meds. After SO many doctors listening to my story I finally found a doctor who told me about Borderline mothers and Narcissism, and being co-dependent... this FINALLY made SO much sense and I felt like the right thing. Bipolar 2 always felt like me. Even thought I've denied it and tried to get off my meds.. (don't do that kids) (listen to your doctors lol) This was really the light at the end of the tunnel for me. After all those years feeling under a shoe of those mean nasty words of people calling me "stupid, useless, pathetic, waste of space, I'm the only one that's really here for you" the guilting, feeling like and adult when a child, hiding from your mother under a bed when the raging screams would happen, the death threats, "Good luck with out me, Fuck you kids, you'll never do anything with out me." Then the next day and NEW BARBIE... and a "So sorry for last night.. I wasn't myself." And me constantly apologizing to everyone. I even apologize to when I bump into the wall LOL ... It's like I whip myself hahahaha Just wanted to share my story a little. I know I don't have to. But videos like these are helpful to people like me and I'm sure other Empaths struggling who have been told to "Toughin up" "Build a Backbone." Thank you for time and information. You inspire me to continue to educate myself. As they say, knowledge is POWER. Can't wait for more videos to come!
Thank you so much for sharing your story - it does help so many to know they aren't alone:). I am so happy you've found the videos helpful, and I am very grateful you took time to share and post! Please take very good care, and I commend you for working so hard to heal your life!!
@paigesklar Omg, just want to share that your message touched me so much. Borderline mom & narcissistic father I also developed an eating disorder and in my case generalized personality disorders. I entered into very abusive romantic relationships for a long time. It’s crazy how much I recognize myself in your story. Thanks for sharing 🤍🙏
My daughter is 11. I have BPD and her Dad has narcissistic behaviors. We aren't together. As a child.. what did you need from your parents.. like if you cud offer me advice for my daughter.. since, you've been there..
@Purple Skittles get into a DBT therapy as soon as you can! Most of the abuse I experienced happened around when I was 12, I hope so much for your daughter to have an easier time. All I needed was basically peace, instead of constant emotional chaos, beatings and invalidation.
The nail has been hit directly on the head. I’m a 66 year old guy with a 16 year old son and in the middle of a divorce with the boy’s 50 year old mother. I’m no therapist but I lived with some unbelievable behavior for 22 years and couldn’t get her to be honest with the countless counselors we went to. She would only claim I was abusing her and the counseling would say I was the problem. The counselors that pointed at her “don’t know what they are talking about “ and she stopped going. When I finally stopped agreeing with, supporting and defending her behavior, all hell broke loose and she wanted a divorce. I had to prove the behavior if I stood half a chance so I purchased a recording device and it was a good thing I did because the court ordered her to leave due to what the boy and I were enduring. He doesn’t want to even see her because the games continue with them during visitation and he’s tired of it. It’s hard to feel compassion for someone that’s out to destroy you but this video does help with that so many thanks and keep up the great work.
Yep, the only thing more frightening than a borderline female is a borderline male who has all the size, strength, and contemptuous fury to destroy you for not bowing to his will. Borderline males more often get diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder because they are that frightening and empathy-deficient. How you often determine one from the other is that it's not 24-7 trauma, rage, and contempt with those who are Borderline. in However, one they are done will you, you get their inner sociopath and they can/will do anything to take you down, including false allegations (a favorite go-to of theirs, even when they're in elementary school).
This video cut deep. Really deep. The manipulation and dominance when I was younger...... Not going to EVER allow this to burden my daughters.....EVER.
What is super disappointing is this video is super helpful. So many therapists never were able to help me with my depression, low self-esteem, and negative thoughts.... It's like they never put things into perspective in a way that truly helped me help myself. They just talked a lot and never got to the root of what was causing all my suffering. Therapists need Dr. Sage to teach them how to help their patients.
I had a borderline mother yet ive rarely hurt my own kids, i broke the cycle. Its not guaranteed that if your parent is borderline that you will be also. I am autistic. Its a bubble that saved me from the worst, it enabled me to compartmentalise.
I’ve suffered over 20 years of verbal abuse from my mom and now I’m finally realising that my mom is the source of my low self-esteem and string of mental problems. The low self esteem and anxiety makes it hard for me to advance at my corporate job which demands for leaders to be confident. She has a warped sense of reality, often accusing me of things I did not do, calls me a wh*re, insults my intelligence, my body shape, my fashion sense, and every little that I do. She tells me that I am an extra child that she never wanted, and that she should have strangled me when I was a kid. All these because I decided to live life in my own way. There are days when she gets so toxic, I would lock myself in my room and contemplate if I should end it all, and how I should end it. But I imagine she would feel nothing and would continue to blame me and say hateful things about me even if I were dead.
Stay strong, remember when ever you think of ending it because of the mind games she plays, remember you can explore the world, you are most likely very nurturing and the world needs people like you. You can and will find yourself. The world is filled with adventures, do something you’ve always wanted to do but never had the courage. When you are feeling that low is the time to get online and plan your adventure. Travel to a place filled with nature and don’t communicate with her while you are gone, so you can find yourself.
No, you'd give her a reason to be a victim!!! I'm 58 and can't remember a day in my life that I have not thought about taking myself out!!!! My mom passed in January of this year. Spent her last energy telling lies to my two son's and now they don't talk to me! She knew my only goal in life was to be a good parent and them know how much they are loved!!! I did good for as fucked up as I am!!! Both my son's are Iraq veterans! BUT!!! Their dad is a narcissist too with a large narcissistic cultish family dynamic, who my mom talked to regularly. Yep!!! I'm completely alone now! My parents have ALOT of money. Until recently I was living in my truck with my two cats. My dad's goal is to watch me suffer as much as he can before he passes! I left!!! I found a room to rent for more then half of my SSI check. Now what? I'm not a fan of this life thing AT ALL!!!!!!!
My mom never believed what I told her and I never lied to her cause I was afraid of her and didn't know what she would do to me if I did lie. And when she found out I wasnt lying she would not acknowledge it.
The combination of parentification and conditional love based on academics got me so hard I just finished my Bachelor's in Cognitive Science. I was already reading psychiatric papers and textbooks 24/7 by middle school to understand what the heck was going on and take care of us, might as well get fully qualified to diagnose. She's seen 20+ therapists and psychiatrists, that have somehow not corrected the bipolar diagnosis to BPD, and it always felt like she was just going and telling whatever story she wanted to tell that day, and they had nothing to confirm it, they just believed it. I was the only person who actually interacted with her, and I know how quickly she could leave a headspace behind, even leaving it outside the therapists' office, so how could they ever get the full story? I only got interviewed like once, and I was barely 14 and still terrified of talking about her to anyone, so I can't imagine they got much out of me. Her swings are always trigger-based and reactionary, not randomly fluctuating. And the "mania" is only in reaction to stressful events as a lashing out of impulsivity when rejection is sensed and the low sense of self needs to be reinforced again. It only took me 5 years on the internet starting in middle school to realize bipolar just didn't make sense. I found BPD and recommended it to her. But, of course, she wasn't in a place to see me as anything but an aggressor trying to call her crazy. So for now, I'll just get my education, add these videos to a playlist, and send them to her whenever I'm out of the splash zone.
If my abuse wasn't so violent in addition to the mind games, I feel this could've been me ❤️. I'm far too old now. It feels really good to see that some figure it out early enough in life to put it to good use!!! ❤️❤️❤️ Be all you can be and More!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm learning about BPD and realizing I was never my mother's "favorite person". This oscillated between my father, sister, and my mother's siblings. The result though is even in adulthood i would often feel like there was something wrong with me for her to spend so much time with these other people and so little with me. When we lived close by (only like 10 min away) my mother was so obsessed with my sister (who lived over an hour away) that she spent more time with her than me. I was rarely invited to outings or events that involved my sisters family unless it was a holiday. But she would come over and brag about all the things they did together. Every conversation was riddled with either extreme praise or feeling victimized by the "favorite person" and she didn't seem to even care enough about me to hear how I was doing or what was going on in my life. This video really helps me understand where those feelings of inadequacy came from. Thank you.
I don’t know if my mom had BPD traits. I am BPD, Asperger, avoidant and ADHD. All I know is that I had a horrible childhood. Literally hell. I grew up in an underdeveloped country. Sexual abuse at 4, divorce of my parents, then hell, with this horrible crazy sadistic emotionless cold creature called my mother. She is still alive, sadly. She is so jealous of every woman, she hates women. I don’t remember a single day I did not cry, was not humiliated, beaten, deprived from food or having my things searched. I wanted to die everyday. My first SA was at13 when I escaped home and went to my father only to discover he was even crazier. I left her and the country 15 years ago. I am over 40 now. Self diagnosed with BPD and then diagnosed a year ago. My life is wasted. I don’t even call it a life. I am just surviving with this sense of deep shame, feeling out of place and undesirable. I don’t want to see her again because I will kill her if I see her. I love children but I don’t want to have children. I am so scared to reproduce the same pattern. I don’t want them to go through what I went through.
Once again you've hit the nail on the head. My mum had a horrific life (you couldn't even have it as the subject of a movie because it would be too distributing) and this left her with so many inner demons. During my childhood she was diagnosed with BPD. Thinking about the way my childhood was, watching these videos... That makes sense. It also makes sense that I've been diagnosed with c-ptsd and rheumatoid arthritis as well😅. For anyone else who relates to this video; I feel for you! I wish you well.
@@brendaninlondon yes I completely agree with that. I don't excuse that behaviour but it's good to understand what might have caused all of the chaos I and my siblings experienced.
@user-de6nl2ez8c I'm sorry you grew up in that environment. That sucks. When it comes to my mum's life story, she does have lots of siblings who back it up and also suffered so I believe at least much of what she's told me. She's been on heavy medications for a long time and is very old now so she's really mellowed out. My feelings towards her are complicated but one thing I do know is that I was negatively affected by the way I was raised 😅
@user-de6nl2ez8c that makes a lot of sense. It was similar to me in some ways, just that she's incapable of being the mother I needed and that in putting her first for so long, I neglected my own needs. Even when I got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis aged 19 it was still about her somehow. I think that conversation helped me to realise a lot of what I say here. I wish you well and understand that you've shared very personal things, publicly, with a complete stranger. I appreciate you sharing it with me.
Thank you for your video. I was diagnosed 5 years ago. My now teenage children, are slowly rebuilding our relationships. It's been tough. I've always told my children I have a disorder, I know I've treated you badly ( a huge understatement; so many regrets), and I'm getting better. I'm on meds and it treatment (DBT, a group for people with BPD, and counseling). I have spoken openly of what's their responsibility and what's mine; continuous conversations.
Amazing --and I am so proud of you that you are working on healing and repairing your relationships. I know it's such a painfully challenging disorder - and truly, support and treatment can make such a difference. I know we can't go back, and it's so sad and hard at times, but the fact that you are taking responsibility in so many ways, will go so far in healing. As children of parents who struggle, we love them and just want them to be better and healthier-- and when we know you are working on it - it makes all the difference in the world. Hope you are giving yourself lots of love and self compassion too - I am wishing you all the support and strength in the world!!
That's amazing Therese. My mum would lash out as soon as I suggested any disorder. Cut me off now that I'm 34 and pregnant - so I think you still can get a lot of stuff fixed.
It's been 11 years since I went No Contact from my mother. I'm tired of her playing the victim and the pity party that she gets from other relatives. She actually used my trauma story and quoted me as her own words. She's freaking crazy. I suffer in silence because ppl judge me when I say I don't talk to my mother anymore.
Thank you. I'm dealing with a custody dispute with my son's mother who has complex bpd and while I've spent years understanding her issues I can't stand by and let her issues be destructive and effect my son's life. It's a very difficult and sad situation.
I’m so sorry you are in this situation. As a child of a mother with BPD, I completely understand where you are coming from, it was extremely destructive growing up with her and it was so tough on my dad to try and maintain the peace. I left when i was 16 and i now live with my dad who is an amazing father and caregiver and it was probably one of the best decisions i’ve ever made for my personal well being, honestly i wish i got out sooner. Unfortunately no contact with her has been for the best since then. I hope your son’s mother gets treatment and i hope that you and your son will be ok.
@@eBellykinz Thank you for sharing your story. It helps reassure me that I'm on the right course. I am sorry you had to suffer with your mother for so long. I sincerely hope that his mother and I can one day coparent without the fear and anxiety of her blowing up or worse.
@Brian Nowack how great that your son has such a father! My dad, even post-divorce, always took my mom's side and told me to go say sorry and "reconcile" after she mistreated me or beat me. I ended up developing bpd myself with no where to receive support from and this sort of invalidation. Your son has a great chance to have a normal life.
Wow... the line between covert narcissism and borderline personality disorder is blurry at best. I'm 99% sure my late father would have been diagnosed with NPD, and I'm still on the aforementioned fence as it were regarding my estranged mother (NPD vs. BPD). Ask me to define who I am and I find it impossible. At 54 years of age I'm just now realizing I have pissed away my life taking care of others with no family and never having been married. I've fgured out that I'm so addicted to being the happy helper that I automatically jump at the chance when someone asks. On the flip side, no one, and I mean NO one, is available when I need a helping hand. No one wants to hang out. No one calls just to check or even say hello. Not sure if I feel guilt or shame for existing, but I definitely ask what am I being punished for. I must have been a real P.O.S. in my prior life.
Hi. We only have one life. În some cases, sufering is a way to learn something. Sometimes, it just happens because of the world having gotten worse than ever. I dont think youre punished, but you are suffering because of the world. Search God and ask Him your questions and you will get answers. Just know He is real and is exactly as Lord Jesus said. Let Him help you. Wishing you the best.
@miyaiun4723 yyeeahhh... been there... done that... I figured out God has done all God is gonna do and has left us all to our own devices. The rest is up to each individual.
@@waynec369 Hi. Yes, He showed us tge way. But, it says, if you ask în Lord Jesus' name anything it will be given. He îs still working and getting people to turn to Him. And we need Him more than ever for the end is really really near. Only He knows the hour but its gonna be only a few hard years ahead. Its still not too late to turn to Him. He îs still calling people. I wish you and all the rest , safe travelings on the road ahead.
@@waynec369 Hi. He îs by your side. You have to put the efort as well, but He is working with you. Without Jesus and Holy Spirit and of course God we cant do anything worthwhile . We have the tools but we arent alone, He is still with us. Looking back I can see how He kept me safe even though I am so stupid. I tryed as well to keep away from troubles but quite în a few situations He kept me safe without me realising it at that time. So put your trust în Him and let Him help you. I was so troubled because of my sins but He came and extended His hand again and drew me out of despair. Keep the faith no matter what. Wishing you all the best. May He bless you even more.
Thanks Dr Kim , Can you please make a video about mis-diagnosing daughters of BP moms with BP , when they are actually suffering from the consequences of being the child of BP mom. This might be tricky because daughters will try to copy some of the mom's behaviours as all children do , even as an adult. But giving these daughters the diagnosis of BPD and failing to see their real suffering and the cause of it could be really devastating , after they were the ones decided to step into a therapist office, have you experienced this in you practice ? please share it if yes. Here are the headlines everyone , the explanations in the video are so much helpful! 1. Trauma 2. Sense of Self 3. Trust 4. Low Self-Esteem 5. Mental health issues : dep, anxity 6. Anger Issues 7. Feeling overly resposible for others 8. Dont expect anyone to take care of us , do not ask for help 9. Diffuclty with Boundries 10. Diffuclty to validate our own feelings 11. Often want to numb 12. Feeling empty inside 13. Feeling guilty or shame for existing
My whole life this……I always thought it was me. I got away she turned everyone against me my kids my ex every one. I lost my home my daughter and was humiliated I ran away ended up in a mental institution today I just figured it out. She lies about me to me then lies about lying then calls me a liar. She literally called me a piece of shit it messed me up so badly I’m 49 I’m sick all the time fibromyalgia pain headaches. It wasn’t me. I wish I’d have known before. I lost everything and every one. I’m getting myself back but I don’t even know who I am. Don’t know if I ever did.
“Trauma Influenced Development” is SUCH a kind way to rename and reframe the already difficult childhood experiences, WITHOUT deepening the stigma (Derived from the discussion)! Thanks and Blessings, from EXACTLY the kind of person you’re reaching-out-to (NPD Dad x BPD Mom)! Grateful to be sought and found!
Thank you for this video. I was diagnosed with BPD in my mid twenties (from therapist I had started seeing for some emerging addiction issues). She said that my parents sounded like they were struggling with personality disorders themselves on the heavier end of the spectrum. My dad was a violent alcoholic who was inappropriate with me when I was very young and I remember my mom grabbing me by the neck a couple times and shaking me as a teenager if I swore in front of her. Just a couple of examples. I have a daughter now and I worry because I was less stable (yelling around her) when she was a baby and toddler. She's four now and I feel like I'm holding it together much better around her now. I don't know if it was post partum stuff but it's a lot easier lately. I just hope I can prevent her from being wounded from this seemingly generational family disorder. I'm definitely conscious of it and trying to do better for her than my parents did for me.
I have BPD and i don't want to be like my mom, she has treats of BPD and narcissistic behavior, my dad is super aggressive and narcissistic too, i must said my mom does all you said in the past video i only identify with some points i don't have kids but i did notice getting really mad or sad against my partners and was shocking so decide to take therapy.
I didn't know I had BPD when I had my kids years ago. I look back and I can see I had some very toxic moments. I wasn't trying to be that way. I live with so much guilt but I don't know how to fix anything now that my kids are grown. We know now I was/am broken and I didn't mean any of it but like toothpaste I can't put any of it back in the tube. I love my children and we have a good relationship but I know that I did do damage and I try very hard every day to do better and help them were I can. I didn't neglect them, just the opposite, I was a helicopter mom. But I was a lot also.
I tried to love my mom with this disorder and vice versa she saw love as a weakness and my own mom didn't trust me and was actually scared of men from trauma from her childhood she found men intimidating and basically treated me not as a son but as an object which she wished to control because she was frightened of loving healthily again
Thank you for making this video. My daughter in law is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. My son and daughter-in-law have two small children under the age of three together. Both children are mute as of now, and I believe they have suffered some severe trauma. I moved near by them to help out last March 2021, and it's become too much for me to handle. I grew up with two narcissists (I just found out in February 2021), and I am still healing from that. So taking on a BPD has been very challenging for me. I see many situations that I disagree with, but I feel like as much as I voice my concern, I go unheard. I've begged her to get help, but it is just getting worse. I've had to remove myself from the situation almost entirely before losing what little sense of identity I've gained in my recovery. I've been searching for any helpful information on this for a while now and I'm happy I found your videos. I'm going to check the others one out as well. Thank you for sharing!
You pretty much described my upbringing and where I find myself today. I have a problem with accepting the term disorder though. Trauma induced dysfuctionality or emotionally stunted due to neglect for sure though. I choose the route of self isolation as a way to deal with it because I really have no idea how to deal with people or find a place among them. When your own immediate family has let you down it's no wonder that I have zero trust in others and have chosen to be happy alone. Especially with what I have witnessed over the past 3 years with this plandemic and the insane behaviors & discrimination that have been on full display from society as a whole. I know there are a lot of good people out there, that feel the same way as I do, but they are difficult to identify among the 2 faced sheep that surround them. It's easier to just avoid them altogether and save myself the aggravation. I remain civil a give the appearance of being friendly but in truth I have little time or patience for the nonsense and drama that people bring to my environment when I happen to let them in. I wish you all the best regardless.
I know this is an old video. I was married to a woman who completely changed after we were married and after multiple marriage counselors, 3 psychiatrists, and 2 psychologists BPD started being brought up along with major depressive disorder and ptsd. Any time BPD was brought up she would stop seeing that particular doctor. It eventually lead to divorce when our children were 1.5 and 2.5 years old. I knew I did not want our children growing up with the physical and mental abuse that I was on the receiving end of. So I fought for custody of our children and was awarded custody. She does have visitation with our children two weekends a month and rotating holidays. Now the kids are 11 and 13 and they do not want to go visit her anymore and this has been the case for a few years now. My daughter has even gotten to the point where she has said she wish something would happen to her mom so she would not have to go visit her anymore. What are your thoughts on this?
thank you for being non judgemental towards people with this disorder. i feel a lot of shame about being diagnosed with bpd and i think my mother has it too, watching your videos has helped me to see that even though my mother is the source of so much of my pain and trauma, she does love me
very nicely presented. Nice ex of f60.81 and 83! Luckily i know who i am. F60.81 father grandiose and f60.83 mother. Thank you. Inner child work seems to help. Kernberg would be proud.
If a woman has BPD she should take birth control pills religiously, until she completes 2 years of intensive DBT. Kids are not cute little toys or something to be manipulated so they will never abandon you. A truly excellent video, presented in a firm but not callous way. Thanks
*****************My mother should NEVER have had children EVER it just passes the trauma down each generation********************* *Her mother had BPD and committed suicide when my mother was 3 weeks old. *Her grandfather waited till the day after my grandmother married my grandfather and committed suicide. *My mother has BPD AND is extremely narcissistic- she attempted suicide 3 times over the last few years (she’s 74 now and always rang me the as soon as she started to lose consciousness to ensure she was ‘saved” ) I’ve since gone no contact for my own mental health. She has and has told me and my brothers there’s nothin wrong with her (it’s all my fault) so she won’t attend therapy! * My cousin’s daughter has also attempted suicide……….
Why is it tha I’ve had 30 years of therapy, fairly consistently, and I’ve never known about these issues. Issues that have so blatantly caused catastrophic losses through out my life ?
Dr Sage do you have suggestions on questions to ask when looking for a therapist? Many therapists in my experience so far who say they're trauma informed know little to nothing about CPTSD or narcisssitc/borderline abuse. Thank you.
10:16 what's a boundary??? A question I didn't even know the meaning of it. I tended to look at other ppl and how they made boundaries with their kids and tried desperately copying it into my way of raising them but to no avail Couldn't keep them. This clip so far is talking about me growing up..... It's sad to know yourself only after nearly five decades and why you just weren't "normal" like everyone else. What hurts even more is when you look at your kids and see in them where they got hurt by you and how they have got their own struggles with their emotions and thoughts.
Am I? Obsessed with fixing what I am not? At 66, therapy and help was not really available till late in my life. However, my mother and father had it even worst. Not to mention my grand parents, my great grandparents, and their’s! I forgave my parents long before I sought help for mental health issues. After the Irma and Maria storms, in fact…just 5-6 years ago. I have two kids who live very far, other side of the planet, and well they have pulled away, the other two are within a few hours flight. At the time I was diagnosed with ptsd and anxiety and depression. This is after 18 months of pandemonium after the storms. Treatment can do so much. How many times do you go over a problem? When do we move over? When do we forgive? When will our apology be accepted? When I was basically forced by my kids to move to the USA, my home is in a tiny island. I continued my therapy. But, then ai was diagnosed with BPD. Oh boy, I really wish the therapist would have shot me dead. And, that I would have never said a word to my girls and two cousins. Now, the entire dynamic of my world has changed. Now, I feel like shit, hated, abandoned, forgotten and guilty and ashamed of being so crazy. Money has helped continue the pain and madness, so I stopped therapy, pills and spent money learning a new art form, and that is my new therapy. I don’t need to slap myself for ever. I don’t need to apologize for a disease! I don’t take anything personal anymore, I did the best I could! Could I have done better? Yes, If. Knew. Can I do better now? Yes, to those I can reach and are open. Funny how I live a life of success, education, widowhood, tremendous and multiple natural disasters, loss of husband and toddler, and now distance from two adult children who are living their best life but very far away. All of this while being crazier than the looney toons, yet I managed to continue to love and give them the respect ALL humans deserve and forgive those who hurt me so much they made me crazy. Why can’t we just forgive and move on? Is digging further into pain productive? Are numbing drugs of any benefit? I say drop your therapist and invest in YOU, learn something new, travel, and forgive all, especially that little child within us all who will never be satisfied nor happy enough in the eyes of a therapist. Move on, move forward and life will totally flip into what you truly are, a human being who was broken and has survived! Be proud of YOU NOW! Life is to be enjoy, one can only mourn loses for a healthy time! Sara my eldest, and after spending 9 months in my parents bed crying about the death of my baby and husband, asked me “how long will I cry and stay in bed?” I sat up, I sat her next to me and said. “ I will stop now, you are right, we still have each other”! And, I hugged her. We moved forward. I did go to grief therapy, but in my culture we just move on, we don’t pick at the wound for decades and a life time. I was left with 4 children, including a 5 month old. I never remarried and at 58 the then therapist, pronounced me so crazy I was devastated like never before. The shame and guilt of being NOT PERFECT, OF NOT HAVING PERFECT PARENTS was crushing. And, then a grand child came, I stood up and moved forward, again. Happiness and pace has to be created by the self…period!
I should mention that after I returned to USA to live, yes I have dual citizenship, I went to therapy for the anxiety and depression from loss at all after the storms. The original therapist moved to another state and I moved on to a recommended partner of hers. He then diagnosed me with PTSD, BPD, anxiety and depression. Oh boy the pills!!! I had to recount the horror of life outside this perfect nation. After a year or so, I stopped! Now, I make the most beautiful pieces of up cycled furniture. That has been the best investment in me. I moved on and started to make beauty in my life. Blessings to all…forgive and move on, move on!
Oh and I would love to hear your take on:1) how they are so succinct at manipulation. 2) can you talk about munchausen by proxy and BPD mothers;how common is it for these type people to build stories that there is something wrong with my child, husband, friend, sibling, cousin, parent [in my case, EVERYONE was schizophrenic, whore, addict and not very smart|qualified]~ Lastly, I am curious about their neurology in the aspect of their story making | lies. My mother seems to truly believe the stories she tells despite that being faulty with logic *(I have learned it doesn’t really matter if it didn’t happen as much as nailing her lying using logic because, she has none)-so question is, neurologically are they building these new realities to match their fantasy? *I have always said, my mom lives in this sleep/lucid state and doesn’t process the reality as it is, around her. The catch though is, the ways they make everything ten times harder. What is that? It is like, okay, walk across that street right there, pick me up a pack of gum and keep the change on the ten bucks I am handing you to pay for the gum and thank you. What they do is, start complaining IMMEDIATELY about the ten bucks *(could be literally, a myriad of complaints-all bananas and illogical). Then they finally get moving but have to tell everyone they see in the car they walk in front of, the story of how you made them get you this gum and you are such a bad person and it reminds them of one time when you were 3, you spilled a drink, ON PURPOSE and what kind of a kid does that anyway! They decided then they were going to put you away but then someone convinced them not to. Also, you aren’t really that generous because change from a ten spot, I mean, you should be paying them to go across the street to get the gum, yo are just something else. Then they get to the store and proceed to nitpick gum selections and oh my God, if only everyone knew how hard it was for them to choose a gum! Didn’t everyone know that they have suffered for so long and why would anyone even ask for a pack of gum?? It was wrong and yes, they will tell all about it on aDr Phil show because they watch Dr Phil and what is happening right now, happened on Dr Phil and De Phil put the people in their place! So, yes, when they get back, they are going to give that little ‘&$*#y’ the gum but she is going pay!! Then they get back, hand you a candy bar *(one you really hate) and say, the guy in the shop said he saw you last week walking your dog and you didn’t clean up your dog’s poop and he said EVERYONE coming into his store, was talking about it and I was ashamed and embarrassed for you and I told him, well, I have been trying to get her institutionalized since she was 4. Her father and I have huge problems going all the way back with her. And the guy in the store said, he was so so sorry because he could tellI am an empath and I am a genius and he started telling me all of his life’s problems because he felt that at ease with me. *my rendition of a bpd
To continue..... " oh, you didn't like that candy bar? I didnt know that (when in fact they did). Why are you so upset? I didn't mean it that way. I just meant that you should be more considerate of others. You're too sensitive."
@@mayasstar yes! Exactly! I realize not all borderlines do this-it seems to be more on that malignant end with I am sure, co morbids of other developments going sideways but that little run about sums up what I experienced. It’s even worse when you have no idea what and why they do this stuff. The best conclusion I came to was, they do what they do because it makes sense to them and it doesn’t really matter who and what you do and are-they would do this to a log they picked up in e fore rest if the log would give them a response that gave them that endorphin hit. It’s so exhausting when you are caught up in their tangled day to day. Nothing can be peaceful or joyful because it unravels them. My personal fav is, ‘you must have dreamed that. You know, I am REALLY worried about you Michele because you do and say a lot of things you just don’t remember and then you make up stories and I think you are dreaming them, I really do! I am going to start taping our conversations!’. Then it escalated into a level of dis regulation crazy that couldn’t even be written into a script of a movie if I wanted to. It’s a lot of wasted energy.
Truth is, they are the ones that can't remember. I remember when I wanted to come over to her house looking for a particular childhood picture with my grandmother (i was doing some inner child healing work) and she said " well I don't know why you even want to look at them, since whatever's bothering you in life seems to come from your childhood". Yea mom, because of you!!! My last conversation with her was similar. So I laid it all out, all the horrible things she did, like calling me a "stupid fat ugly bitch thats never going to amount to anything in her life, just like her father", the times she tried to choke me to shut me up, called me fat, how many times I would tell her I loved her when i was a kid and she would never say it back, etc. She didnt remember it at all she said was "well, you must have made me very angry". Thats when I said we needed to go to therapy. Back to your original point, the worst thing is when you're younger YOU feel crazy and like they are right. I remember questioning myself, my feelings, my reality. Huge self-doubt and lack of faith and trust in myself. It got much better but I still have the tendency to invalidate my thoughts and feelings, especially if they don't seem 'logical' and remind me of her. God I hate when I act like her and get irrationally angry.
Reading this and other children raised by a borderline is validating , as I continue to find myself triggered by my mother in spite of 5 years of therapy. She’s a chess master and Manages to cause so much chaos and confusion with her long ass rants via text message (Dr Sage, is this the “overinvolvement in her state of mind” concept you touched on in another video? Can this be considered a form of abuse? It floods me every time), being selective about what she decides to share with me vs my siblings and triangulating and vice versa. I applaud people who have been diagnosed with BPD , as I believe you must be in the minority. My mom can never fully take responsibility for her actions without being defensive and turning it around on me /others, so I have no reason to believe she would ever stay in therapy long enough to be diagnosed or be open to me approaching her about it. My therapist diagnosed her after years of me telling stories and working through the trauma caused by her in therapy. It struck her one day and once she put a name to my experience, it was a blessing and helped me validate my experience. But it’s like an addiction, bc she lures me back in every time. I would love some content on how to best go through the process of cutting off your Bpd mother without guilt and keeping the boundary firm.
I just cut everybody off and im happier being alone doing my own thing and the doom and gloom i felt constantly is gone, so is my mothers critical voice. My mother told me I come from monkeys while she came from God. i said well if you werent sleepng with monkeys this wouldnt have happened,
Hello, thank you for these videos. I would like to ask if there are any resources available to learn how to prevent children from being so hurt when one of their parents has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Thank you very much, you have a new subscriber.
14:17 "it's not my fault".... Check out clip "it's not your fault" Dani Foxx (I must add that that one was a very strong trigger for me from point 1 till the end which was 15, yet a huge eye opener) In it she really explains the "why do I feel the way I do". Tbh I always thought that to a certain extend I wasn't normal - not wanting to call myself crazy thiugh :(
"Guilty for existing" I feel that to the core of my soul My Dad is a p*do borderpath My Mum is BPd to the core and cannot see herself Im just about everything I have narc traits, BPD, Dissociton, high functioning autism. I may as well be diagnosed ASPD because I'm so fucking broken
A question to treatment, would seeking treatment with a life coach (meditation, techniques to relieve stress and anxiety and so on) be enough if you think you have traits of BPD or the full disorder?
@@tamarajonesy8078 Thank you for sharing🙏🏻 - the need to please this type of mom follows us, even when we don't want it to - and I know it's so difficult...💕
Now that I have more understanding this BPD .. my terrible behavior and guilt I have has damaged my young children. I've been self educating myself over the years but now I feel stuck, I put myself in my own shoes as a child I remembered making a promise to myself I would never make my children feel the way all the adults in my life has ever made me feel in my toxic family. I cannot prevent my Outburst I could walk around in circles trying to calm myself down and something clicks and off I go and my children are suffering I reach out can talk about this issue with others and from what I can tell it's not something that they want to discuss or take seriously because they don't real life how bad it actually is. It is very difficult to work on myself in my inner child trama and be a single mom to have two amazing children that I don't deserve the effects of my illness. It's very hard to find help because all I see is this terrible mother I am and have become to my 7 year old that I would die for... I love her so much and i have not been helping her feel that ... all I can see is the damage I have done created and struggling with not even intentionally but the reality of it is I am definitely faced with guilt I deserve but I want to be the mother to my children that my mother and grandmother could not give to me growing up. It's like i dont even know how to emotionally parent my child cause I dont know how :*(
The question is why are there so many trauma cases in general or broken people in the first place? How did this originate and just keep passing down each generation. Narc, BP sexual molestation, it just seems there are endless issues. Its like a virus it just keeps spreading from person to person , family to family.
Me too ! My mother never showed love, n my stepfather abused me n it came between us. Thank God I had a loving grandmother who brought me up. My dr. Told me my mom is neurotic years ago. Now my daughter is narcissist. N wont talk to me or mom, n her father. N her son is a pedophile. He groomed my grandaughter from my 2nd marriage. N I didnt know until 2 years later. If her grandfather was alive hed go after my my grandson from my first marriage. They wouldnt tell me until 2 years later. I have been married 2x so they were half cousins. But I blame myself . I'm the one they have in common. Hes banned from my family now.
honestly, do you think continuing to see people who aren’t well equipped to help you and they don’t help you when you ask for it and don’t understand that you’re asking for help. is it better to continue seeing them or to take that time and actually invest in yourself and educate yourself, and watch videos from people like you and continue doing it for yourself without a therapist who doesn’t get it because it’s a lot of money and it’s a lot of time and it’s a lot of pain to continue talking to people who don’t get it and who aren’t equipped
My "mother" was a spoiled brat....she NEVER felt bad about anything she did... And my sisters decided being the abuser was the way to go.... I was EXPECTED to be the family slave...only my father and oldest brother EVER offered to help me.. My father felt guilty because he knew she was crazy but she would go crazy on him...so he stayed away a lot.
This doesn't seem right at all! And yes, there are def. Clear boundaries When you say invalidated ? Does this apply to all kids with mother's with BPD or just a personal thing? Your emptiness sounds like You have BPD
@@realascanb222 did you watch the video? Doesn't take a genius to understand which parts I was referring to Pretty obvious you do not actually care what I was talking about at all ...maybe you wanted to feel special/superior with your "what are you talking about" statement ? Asking me to explain myself ... Is ridiculous...I don't care about you...I don't care what you think or feel ... I truly from the depths of my soul have zero motivation to help YOU understand anything ....because you won't .. What a stupid question
@@realascanb222 and you don't? My original comment was a direct response to whoever made the video. If I had felt the need to address the majority of "viewers" I would have obviously been much more detailed. What is absolutely ridiculous,to me at least- is the fact that out of the 10/15 people that agreed with their "thumbs up" that "I have issues" not one person asked an actual question to try and understand a little bit more before writing me off as (having issues) So, in all honesty who is the real victim? The one with the personality disorder or the ones that know them? I have had all kinds of labels attached to me so technically, it really is a total waste of mental energy to even try and communicate in anyway correct ? Even commenting on something that was created to explain the potential impact I may have on my child's life. Glad I could make you feel like your better than someone.
😭😭😭 For so long I thought I was crazy. She's always called me delusional, greedy, too sensitive, and that I'm not remembering things right. That I'm speaking through my wounds, that "she's done the best she can and I'm ungrateful". She will instantly cut me off if I'm expressing my emotions and she doesn't want to hear it. She'll cry and storm off when I try to explain how I've been hurt. She manipulates me using guilt. This gives me comfort knowing I'm not crazy. I'm working on cutting her out completely. I can't handle the back and forth. I cant.
I am so sorry for all you've endured - it is so very painful and you deserve peace and healing:)
I am so sorry for you. I can’t believe à BPD mother would do this. I am BPD myself but I don’t have children. My mother is a sadistic npd and ASPD. My childhood was pure hell. I am so scared to have children. I do not want them to go through what I have been through.
Can relate 1000%. Stay strong ❤
100% my story.
Same girl. Same. I hope you were able to finally cut her out of your life ❤️ if that’s what you think is best you deserve a great life free of inflicted pain from someone who is supposed to love you uncontrollably
We were developing human beings when all these horrible things were dumped on us. I was never protected. I stood there, took it and internalized everything. I was such a mess by 18.
me too
This is the best description I have read so far. I am in tears. Thank you❤️
I have a step child I am batteling to protect from this.
me too. I feel hopeless
Give yourself a hug. You know all this and can start taking care of yourself at a reasonable age. Some people get through life suffering and thinking that it's them being bad. Take care and make sure you only keep love and respect around you!
Wish I could send this to my mom. But she'd just take it as an "attack" on her, scream "You're just as evil as your sister!!!!" and once again learn absolutely nothing
And it has nothing to do with you...
You're not just a psychologist, you're a fricken angel. Thank you.
Aww, thank you so much!!:)
So are YOU!
Wow! This is LITERALLY my life. Because of living with a borderline parent and a narcissist father I became very fearful of my own voice. I developed an eating disorder and everyone would always ask me for help and call me "dramatic" when I would talk about my feelings.
I ended up having a lot of narcissistic friends, a HORRIBLE boyfriend...(malignant narc)(done my research haha) and always laughed off my problems and and made jokes about myself. People would make fun of me constantly. And call me Rich, and perfect.
I was "popular" in high school so know one knew I was struggling. I was a Musical Theatre Geek. I was the lead in all the school plays. So anytime I'd complain people who invalidate me and say, "oh you're rich and pretty, you're the happiest person I know." But it was honestly all an act.
I went on to going to a top Musical theatre school where I met more abusive people to further hurt me and to invalidate the way I felt about myself.
SO many diagnoses were thrown onto me from doctors who didn't understand me, sadly... anxiety, panic disorder, EDNOS, PTSD anorexia, bulimia, Borderline PD, depression, Bipolar 1, 2 ...
I'm am actually now diagnosed with (Bipolar 2 disorder with Borderline traits and going to DBT soon) and I have been in therapy for 10 + years. And currently once a week speaking to a psychiatrist managing my meds.
After SO many doctors listening to my story I finally found a doctor who told me about Borderline mothers and Narcissism, and being co-dependent... this FINALLY made SO much sense and I felt like the right thing. Bipolar 2 always felt like me. Even thought I've denied it and tried to get off my meds.. (don't do that kids) (listen to your doctors lol) This was really the light at the end of the tunnel for me. After all those years feeling under a shoe of those mean nasty words of people calling me "stupid, useless, pathetic, waste of space, I'm the only one that's really here for you" the guilting, feeling like and adult when a child, hiding from your mother under a bed when the raging screams would happen, the death threats, "Good luck with out me, Fuck you kids, you'll never do anything with out me." Then the next day and NEW BARBIE... and a "So sorry for last night.. I wasn't myself." And me constantly apologizing to everyone. I even apologize to when I bump into the wall LOL ... It's like I whip myself hahahaha
Just wanted to share my story a little. I know I don't have to. But videos like these are helpful to people like me and I'm sure other Empaths struggling who have been told to "Toughin up" "Build a Backbone." Thank you for time and information. You inspire me to continue to educate myself. As they say, knowledge is POWER.
Can't wait for more videos to come!
Thank you so much for sharing your story - it does help so many to know they aren't alone:). I am so happy you've found the videos helpful, and I am very grateful you took time to share and post! Please take very good care, and I commend you for working so hard to heal your life!!
Paige Sklar you are super brave.
@paigesklar Omg, just want to share that your message touched me so much. Borderline mom & narcissistic father I also developed an eating disorder and in my case generalized personality disorders. I entered into very abusive romantic relationships for a long time. It’s crazy how much I recognize myself in your story. Thanks for sharing 🤍🙏
My daughter is 11. I have BPD and her Dad has narcissistic behaviors. We aren't together. As a child.. what did you need from your parents.. like if you cud offer me advice for my daughter.. since, you've been there..
@Purple Skittles get into a DBT therapy as soon as you can! Most of the abuse I experienced happened around when I was 12, I hope so much for your daughter to have an easier time. All I needed was basically peace, instead of constant emotional chaos, beatings and invalidation.
The nail has been hit directly on the head. I’m a 66 year old guy with a 16 year old son and in the middle of a divorce with the boy’s 50 year old mother. I’m no therapist but I lived with some unbelievable behavior for 22 years and couldn’t get her to be honest with the countless counselors we went to. She would only claim I was abusing her and the counseling would say I was the problem. The counselors that pointed at her “don’t know what they are talking about “ and she stopped going. When I finally stopped agreeing with, supporting and defending her behavior, all hell broke loose and she wanted a divorce. I had to prove the behavior if I stood half a chance so I purchased a recording device and it was a good thing I did because the court ordered her to leave due to what the boy and I were enduring. He doesn’t want to even see her because the games continue with them during visitation and he’s tired of it. It’s hard to feel compassion for someone that’s out to destroy you but this video does help with that so many thanks and keep up the great work.
Yep, the only thing more frightening than a borderline female is a borderline male who has all the size, strength, and contemptuous fury to destroy you for not bowing to his will. Borderline males more often get diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder because they are that frightening and empathy-deficient. How you often determine one from the other is that it's not 24-7 trauma, rage, and contempt with those who are Borderline.
in
However, one they are done will you, you get their inner sociopath and they can/will do anything to take you down, including false allegations (a favorite go-to of theirs, even when they're in elementary school).
Stop playing the victim and date someone your damn age 😡 Poor poor me I married someone young enough to be my kid give me a break 🙄
This video cut deep. Really deep. The manipulation and dominance when I was younger...... Not going to EVER allow this to burden my daughters.....EVER.
What is super disappointing is this video is super helpful. So many therapists never were able to help me with my depression, low self-esteem, and negative thoughts.... It's like they never put things into perspective in a way that truly helped me help myself. They just talked a lot and never got to the root of what was causing all my suffering. Therapists need Dr. Sage to teach them how to help their patients.
I had a borderline mother yet ive rarely hurt my own kids, i broke the cycle. Its not guaranteed that if your parent is borderline that you will be also. I am autistic. Its a bubble that saved me from the worst, it enabled me to compartmentalise.
I’ve suffered over 20 years of verbal abuse from my mom and now I’m finally realising that my mom is the source of my low self-esteem and string of mental problems.
The low self esteem and anxiety makes it hard for me to advance at my corporate job which demands for leaders to be confident.
She has a warped sense of reality, often accusing me of things I did not do, calls me a wh*re, insults my intelligence, my body shape, my fashion sense, and every little that I do. She tells me that I am an extra child that she never wanted, and that she should have strangled me when I was a kid. All these because I decided to live life in my own way.
There are days when she gets so toxic, I would lock myself in my room and contemplate if I should end it all, and how I should end it. But I imagine she would feel nothing and would continue to blame me and say hateful things about me even if I were dead.
You absolutely need to distance yourself, this is unacceptable!
I hope you have stopped contact with her.
Stay strong, remember when ever you think of ending it because of the mind games she plays, remember you can explore the world, you are most likely very nurturing and the world needs people like you. You can and will find yourself. The world is filled with adventures, do something you’ve always wanted to do but never had the courage. When you are feeling that low is the time to get online and plan your adventure. Travel to a place filled with nature and don’t communicate with her while you are gone, so you can find yourself.
No, you'd give her a reason to be a victim!!! I'm 58 and can't remember a day in my life that I have not thought about taking myself out!!!! My mom passed in January of this year. Spent her last energy telling lies to my two son's and now they don't talk to me! She knew my only goal in life was to be a good parent and them know how much they are loved!!! I did good for as fucked up as I am!!! Both my son's are Iraq veterans! BUT!!! Their dad is a narcissist too with a large narcissistic cultish family dynamic, who my mom talked to regularly. Yep!!! I'm completely alone now! My parents have ALOT of money. Until recently I was living in my truck with my two cats. My dad's goal is to watch me suffer as much as he can before he passes! I left!!! I found a room to rent for more then half of my SSI check. Now what? I'm not a fan of this life thing AT ALL!!!!!!!
My mom never believed what I told her and I never lied to her cause I was afraid of her and didn't know what she would do to me if I did lie. And when she found out I wasnt lying she would not acknowledge it.
The combination of parentification and conditional love based on academics got me so hard I just finished my Bachelor's in Cognitive Science. I was already reading psychiatric papers and textbooks 24/7 by middle school to understand what the heck was going on and take care of us, might as well get fully qualified to diagnose.
She's seen 20+ therapists and psychiatrists, that have somehow not corrected the bipolar diagnosis to BPD, and it always felt like she was just going and telling whatever story she wanted to tell that day, and they had nothing to confirm it, they just believed it. I was the only person who actually interacted with her, and I know how quickly she could leave a headspace behind, even leaving it outside the therapists' office, so how could they ever get the full story? I only got interviewed like once, and I was barely 14 and still terrified of talking about her to anyone, so I can't imagine they got much out of me.
Her swings are always trigger-based and reactionary, not randomly fluctuating. And the "mania" is only in reaction to stressful events as a lashing out of impulsivity when rejection is sensed and the low sense of self needs to be reinforced again. It only took me 5 years on the internet starting in middle school to realize bipolar just didn't make sense. I found BPD and recommended it to her. But, of course, she wasn't in a place to see me as anything but an aggressor trying to call her crazy. So for now, I'll just get my education, add these videos to a playlist, and send them to her whenever I'm out of the splash zone.
If my abuse wasn't so violent in addition to the mind games, I feel this could've been me ❤️. I'm far too old now. It feels really good to see that some figure it out early enough in life to put it to good use!!! ❤️❤️❤️ Be all you can be and More!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Mine was also diagnosed with bipolar after attempted suicide. Later in my 20s the internet taught me it's BPD.
I'm learning about BPD and realizing I was never my mother's "favorite person". This oscillated between my father, sister, and my mother's siblings. The result though is even in adulthood i would often feel like there was something wrong with me for her to spend so much time with these other people and so little with me. When we lived close by (only like 10 min away) my mother was so obsessed with my sister (who lived over an hour away) that she spent more time with her than me. I was rarely invited to outings or events that involved my sisters family unless it was a holiday. But she would come over and brag about all the things they did together. Every conversation was riddled with either extreme praise or feeling victimized by the "favorite person" and she didn't seem to even care enough about me to hear how I was doing or what was going on in my life. This video really helps me understand where those feelings of inadequacy came from. Thank you.
I don’t know if my mom had BPD traits. I am BPD, Asperger, avoidant and ADHD. All I know is that I had a horrible childhood. Literally hell. I grew up in an underdeveloped country. Sexual abuse at 4, divorce of my parents, then hell, with this horrible crazy sadistic emotionless cold creature called my mother. She is still alive, sadly. She is so jealous of every woman, she hates women. I don’t remember a single day I did not cry, was not humiliated, beaten, deprived from food or having my things searched. I wanted to die everyday. My first SA was at13 when I escaped home and went to my father only to discover he was even crazier. I left her and the country 15 years ago. I am over 40 now. Self diagnosed with BPD and then diagnosed a year ago. My life is wasted. I don’t even call it a life. I am just surviving with this sense of deep shame, feeling out of place and undesirable. I don’t want to see her again because I will kill her if I see her. I love children but I don’t want to have children. I am so scared to reproduce the same pattern. I don’t want them to go through what I went through.
You left when you were 25. That was the beginning of a new life. Nothing wasted. You are going to be alright.
It's not too late! Fight for yourself and make something beautiful out of your life - that's the best way to "revenge" on our crazy parents.
Wow, that's exactly me..
I'm so surprised..
Even the undeveloped country.
Once again you've hit the nail on the head. My mum had a horrific life (you couldn't even have it as the subject of a movie because it would be too distributing) and this left her with so many inner demons. During my childhood she was diagnosed with BPD. Thinking about the way my childhood was, watching these videos... That makes sense. It also makes sense that I've been diagnosed with c-ptsd and rheumatoid arthritis as well😅.
For anyone else who relates to this video; I feel for you! I wish you well.
@@brendaninlondon yes I completely agree with that. I don't excuse that behaviour but it's good to understand what might have caused all of the chaos I and my siblings experienced.
@user-de6nl2ez8c I'm sorry you grew up in that environment. That sucks. When it comes to my mum's life story, she does have lots of siblings who back it up and also suffered so I believe at least much of what she's told me. She's been on heavy medications for a long time and is very old now so she's really mellowed out. My feelings towards her are complicated but one thing I do know is that I was negatively affected by the way I was raised 😅
@user-de6nl2ez8c that makes a lot of sense. It was similar to me in some ways, just that she's incapable of being the mother I needed and that in putting her first for so long, I neglected my own needs. Even when I got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis aged 19 it was still about her somehow. I think that conversation helped me to realise a lot of what I say here. I wish you well and understand that you've shared very personal things, publicly, with a complete stranger. I appreciate you sharing it with me.
Thank you for your video. I was diagnosed 5 years ago. My now teenage children, are slowly rebuilding our relationships. It's been tough. I've always told my children I have a disorder, I know I've treated you badly ( a huge understatement; so many regrets), and I'm getting better. I'm on meds and it treatment (DBT, a group for people with BPD, and counseling). I have spoken openly of what's their responsibility and what's mine; continuous conversations.
Amazing --and I am so proud of you that you are working on healing and repairing your relationships. I know it's such a painfully challenging disorder - and truly, support and treatment can make such a difference. I know we can't go back, and it's so sad and hard at times, but the fact that you are taking responsibility in so many ways, will go so far in healing. As children of parents who struggle, we love them and just want them to be better and healthier-- and when we know you are working on it - it makes all the difference in the world. Hope you are giving yourself lots of love and self compassion too - I am wishing you all the support and strength in the world!!
That's amazing Therese. My mum would lash out as soon as I suggested any disorder. Cut me off now that I'm 34 and pregnant - so I think you still can get a lot of stuff fixed.
@@KasieMusic Congratulations! All the best to you.
I've recently been discovering my mom has lots of severe BPD/NPD traits (she's not diagnosed) and your videos have been so helpful, thank you 💕
It's been 11 years since I went No Contact from my mother. I'm tired of her playing the victim and the pity party that she gets from other relatives. She actually used my trauma story and quoted me as her own words. She's freaking crazy. I suffer in silence because ppl judge me when I say I don't talk to my mother anymore.
Thank you. I'm dealing with a custody dispute with my son's mother who has complex bpd and while I've spent years understanding her issues I can't stand by and let her issues be destructive and effect my son's life. It's a very difficult and sad situation.
I am so sorry - thank you for sharing.🙏🏻🙏🏻
I’m so sorry you are in this situation. As a child of a mother with BPD, I completely understand where you are coming from, it was extremely destructive growing up with her and it was so tough on my dad to try and maintain the peace. I left when i was 16 and i now live with my dad who is an amazing father and caregiver and it was probably one of the best decisions i’ve ever made for my personal well being, honestly i wish i got out sooner. Unfortunately no contact with her has been for the best since then. I hope your son’s mother gets treatment and i hope that you and your son will be ok.
@@eBellykinz Thank you for sharing your story. It helps reassure me that I'm on the right course. I am sorry you had to suffer with your mother for so long. I sincerely hope that his mother and I can one day coparent without the fear and anxiety of her blowing up or worse.
@Brian Nowack how great that your son has such a father! My dad, even post-divorce, always took my mom's side and told me to go say sorry and "reconcile" after she mistreated me or beat me. I ended up developing bpd myself with no where to receive support from and this sort of invalidation. Your son has a great chance to have a normal life.
Don't feel the need to apologize to everyone. As a child of a BPD mother I appreciate this. Thank you
Wow... the line between covert narcissism and borderline personality disorder is blurry at best. I'm 99% sure my late father would have been diagnosed with NPD, and I'm still on the aforementioned fence as it were regarding my estranged mother (NPD vs. BPD).
Ask me to define who I am and I find it impossible. At 54 years of age I'm just now realizing I have pissed away my life taking care of others with no family and never having been married. I've fgured out that I'm so addicted to being the happy helper that I automatically jump at the chance when someone asks. On the flip side, no one, and I mean NO one, is available when I need a helping hand. No one wants to hang out. No one calls just to check or even say hello.
Not sure if I feel guilt or shame for existing, but I definitely ask what am I being punished for. I must have been a real P.O.S. in my prior life.
I understand,same thing
Hi. We only have one life. În some cases, sufering is a way to learn something. Sometimes, it just happens because of the world having gotten worse than ever. I dont think youre punished, but you are suffering because of the world. Search God and ask Him your questions and you will get answers. Just know He is real and is exactly as Lord Jesus said. Let Him help you. Wishing you the best.
@miyaiun4723 yyeeahhh... been there... done that... I figured out God has done all God is gonna do and has left us all to our own devices. The rest is up to each individual.
@@waynec369 Hi. Yes, He showed us tge way. But, it says, if you ask în Lord Jesus' name anything it will be given. He îs still working and getting people to turn to Him. And we need Him more than ever for the end is really really near. Only He knows the hour but its gonna be only a few hard years ahead. Its still not too late to turn to Him. He îs still calling people. I wish you and all the rest , safe travelings on the road ahead.
@@waynec369 Hi. He îs by your side. You have to put the efort as well, but He is working with you. Without Jesus and Holy Spirit and of course God we cant do anything worthwhile . We have the tools but we arent alone, He is still with us. Looking back I can see how He kept me safe even though I am so stupid. I tryed as well to keep away from troubles but quite în a few situations He kept me safe without me realising it at that time. So put your trust în Him and let Him help you. I was so troubled because of my sins but He came and extended His hand again and drew me out of despair. Keep the faith no matter what. Wishing you all the best. May He bless you even more.
These videos definitely help validate my experience, I was thinking my mum is narcissistic but it didn’t fit like this does.
My mom and sister both have bpd. This video described me perfectly!
Thanks Dr Kim , Can you please make a video about mis-diagnosing daughters of BP moms with BP , when they are actually suffering from the consequences of being the child of BP mom. This might be tricky because daughters will try to copy some of the mom's behaviours as all children do , even as an adult. But giving these daughters the diagnosis of BPD and failing to see their real suffering and the cause of it could be really devastating , after they were the ones decided to step into a therapist office, have you experienced this in you practice ? please share it if yes.
Here are the headlines everyone , the explanations in the video are so much helpful!
1. Trauma
2. Sense of Self
3. Trust
4. Low Self-Esteem
5. Mental health issues : dep, anxity
6. Anger Issues
7. Feeling overly resposible for others
8. Dont expect anyone to take care of us , do not ask for help
9. Diffuclty with Boundries
10. Diffuclty to validate our own feelings
11. Often want to numb
12. Feeling empty inside
13. Feeling guilty or shame for existing
Great topic.
If I did no to my parents they would rage and scare the shit out of me and then I would comply with them no matter what their needs were.
My whole life this……I always thought it was me. I got away she turned everyone against me my kids my ex every one. I lost my home my daughter and was humiliated I ran away ended up in a mental institution today I just figured it out. She lies about me to me then lies about lying then calls me a liar. She literally called me a piece of shit it messed me up so badly I’m 49 I’m sick all the time fibromyalgia pain headaches. It wasn’t me. I wish I’d have known before. I lost everything and every one. I’m getting myself back but I don’t even know who I am. Don’t know if I ever did.
“Trauma Influenced Development” is SUCH a kind way to rename and reframe the already difficult childhood experiences, WITHOUT deepening the stigma (Derived from the discussion)! Thanks and Blessings, from EXACTLY the kind of person you’re reaching-out-to (NPD Dad x BPD Mom)! Grateful to be sought and found!
Thank you for this video. I was diagnosed with BPD in my mid twenties (from therapist I had started seeing for some emerging addiction issues). She said that my parents sounded like they were struggling with personality disorders themselves on the heavier end of the spectrum. My dad was a violent alcoholic who was inappropriate with me when I was very young and I remember my mom grabbing me by the neck a couple times and shaking me as a teenager if I swore in front of her. Just a couple of examples. I have a daughter now and I worry because I was less stable (yelling around her) when she was a baby and toddler. She's four now and I feel like I'm holding it together much better around her now. I don't know if it was post partum stuff but it's a lot easier lately. I just hope I can prevent her from being wounded from this seemingly generational family disorder. I'm definitely conscious of it and trying to do better for her than my parents did for me.
I have BPD and i don't want to be like my mom, she has treats of BPD and narcissistic behavior, my dad is super aggressive and narcissistic too, i must said my mom does all you said in the past video i only identify with some points i don't have kids but i did notice getting really mad or sad against my partners and was shocking so decide to take therapy.
So many things in this video are who I am and what my life has been. Thank you for your videos.
Dr. Sage, you're saving lives. God bless you. ❤
I didn't know I had BPD when I had my kids years ago. I look back and I can see I had some very toxic moments. I wasn't trying to be that way. I live with so much guilt but I don't know how to fix anything now that my kids are grown. We know now I was/am broken and I didn't mean any of it but like toothpaste I can't put any of it back in the tube. I love my children and we have a good relationship but I know that I did do damage and I try very hard every day to do better and help them were I can.
I didn't neglect them, just the opposite, I was a helicopter mom. But I was a lot also.
Me too
I tried to love my mom with this disorder and vice versa she saw love as a weakness and my own mom didn't trust me and was actually scared of men from trauma from her childhood she found men intimidating and basically treated me not as a son but as an object which she wished to control because she was frightened of loving healthily again
"She sees love as a weekness" - you nailed it.
Thank you for making this video. My daughter in law is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. My son and daughter-in-law have two small children under the age of three together.
Both children are mute as of now, and I believe they have suffered some severe trauma. I moved near by them to help out last March 2021, and it's become too much for me to handle.
I grew up with two narcissists (I just found out in February 2021), and I am still healing from that. So taking on a BPD has been very challenging for me.
I see many situations that I disagree with, but I feel like as much as I voice my concern, I go unheard.
I've begged her to get help, but it is just getting worse. I've had to remove myself from the situation almost entirely before losing what little sense of identity I've gained in my recovery.
I've been searching for any helpful information on this for a while now and I'm happy I found your videos. I'm going to check the others one out as well. Thank you for sharing!
Is there any authorities you could notify? That might be really bad for the kids long term.
You pretty much described my upbringing and where I find myself today. I have a problem with accepting the term disorder though. Trauma induced dysfuctionality or emotionally stunted due to neglect for sure though. I choose the route of self isolation as a way to deal with it because I really have no idea how to deal with people or find a place among them. When your own immediate family has let you down it's no wonder that I have zero trust in others and have chosen to be happy alone. Especially with what I have witnessed over the past 3 years with this plandemic and the insane behaviors & discrimination that have been on full display from society as a whole. I know there are a lot of good people out there, that feel the same way as I do, but they are difficult to identify among the 2 faced sheep that surround them. It's easier to just avoid them altogether and save myself the aggravation. I remain civil a give the appearance of being friendly but in truth I have little time or patience for the nonsense and drama that people bring to my environment when I happen to let them in. I wish you all the best regardless.
this is pretty much me word for word
Thank you SO much for these videos. They are SO helpful.
I have BPD. Not sure I will have kids....
Great stuff. Alot of this is sooo accurate. Thanks.
This was VERY Helpful I grew up with a very sick BPD Mother. Thank u for this.
You are a great person you have helped me to understand my own mothers problems so I can live my life without hating her
I hope your channel grows, 1. because it's highly educational 2. because you are beautiful 😍
Thank you Dr Sage. It's useful listing these.
I know this is an old video. I was married to a woman who completely changed after we were married and after multiple marriage counselors, 3 psychiatrists, and 2 psychologists BPD started being brought up along with major depressive disorder and ptsd. Any time BPD was brought up she would stop seeing that particular doctor. It eventually lead to divorce when our children were 1.5 and 2.5 years old. I knew I did not want our children growing up with the physical and mental abuse that I was on the receiving end of. So I fought for custody of our children and was awarded custody.
She does have visitation with our children two weekends a month and rotating holidays. Now the kids are 11 and 13 and they do not want to go visit her anymore and this has been the case for a few years now. My daughter has even gotten to the point where she has said she wish something would happen to her mom so she would not have to go visit her anymore.
What are your thoughts on this?
thank you for being non judgemental towards people with this disorder. i feel a lot of shame about being diagnosed with bpd and i think my mother has it too, watching your videos has helped me to see that even though my mother is the source of so much of my pain and trauma, she does love me
I hope u find healing! I recommend you as well Dr Daniel Fox.
Specialises in BPD and very non judgemental!
O Wayne I can totally relate to what your saying. It’s a nightmare..
very nicely presented. Nice ex of f60.81 and 83! Luckily i know who i am. F60.81 father grandiose and f60.83 mother. Thank you. Inner child work seems to help. Kernberg would be proud.
If a woman has BPD she should take birth control pills religiously, until she completes 2 years of intensive DBT. Kids are not cute little toys or something to be manipulated so they will never abandon you. A truly excellent video, presented in a firm but not callous way. Thanks
...... if a woman knew that in advance :/.
Not sure what u'r comment should achieve but anyway have a good day!
@@JDforeveralone tks
*****************My mother should NEVER have had children EVER it just passes the trauma down each generation*********************
*Her mother had BPD and committed suicide when my mother was 3 weeks old.
*Her grandfather waited till the day after my grandmother married my grandfather and committed suicide.
*My mother has BPD AND is extremely narcissistic- she attempted suicide 3 times over the last few years (she’s 74 now and always rang me the as soon as she started to lose consciousness to ensure she was ‘saved” ) I’ve since gone no contact for my own mental health. She has and has told me and my brothers there’s nothin wrong with her (it’s all my fault) so she won’t attend therapy!
* My cousin’s daughter has also attempted suicide……….
No, she should get a hysterectomy - case closed. These people ruin lives, treatment or no treatment. They should NEVER have kids.
Life changing.
Why is it tha I’ve had 30 years of therapy, fairly consistently, and I’ve never known about these issues. Issues that have so blatantly caused catastrophic losses through out my life ?
The vacuum of space is hitting the nail on the head.
This is amazing. Thank you.
Thank you Dr Kim. All very helpful.
Love your videos
Dr Sage do you have suggestions on questions to ask when looking for a therapist? Many therapists in my experience so far who say they're trauma informed know little to nothing about CPTSD or narcisssitc/borderline abuse. Thank you.
So true!
6:12 so true i sometimes, think with my parents divorce, why didn't they (the parent that left) love me enough to stay
Kim, I’m 32 years old and my mom has BPD. I really would love to talk to you. Is there a way I can get in touch with you?
10:16 what's a boundary???
A question I didn't even know the meaning of it. I tended to look at other ppl and how they made boundaries with their kids and tried desperately copying it into my way of raising them but to no avail
Couldn't keep them.
This clip so far is talking about me growing up..... It's sad to know yourself only after nearly five decades and why you just weren't "normal" like everyone else.
What hurts even more is when you look at your kids and see in them where they got hurt by you and how they have got their own struggles with their emotions and thoughts.
Am I? Obsessed with fixing what I am not? At 66, therapy and help was not really available till late in my life. However, my mother and father had it even worst. Not to mention my grand parents, my great grandparents, and their’s!
I forgave my parents long before I sought help for mental health issues. After the Irma and Maria storms, in fact…just 5-6 years ago. I have two kids who live very far, other side of the planet, and well they have pulled away, the other two are within a few hours flight.
At the time I was diagnosed with ptsd and anxiety and depression. This is after 18 months of pandemonium after the storms.
Treatment can do so much. How many times do you go over a problem? When do we move over? When do we forgive? When will our apology be accepted?
When I was basically forced by my kids to move to the USA, my home is in a tiny island. I continued my therapy. But, then ai was diagnosed with BPD. Oh boy, I really wish the therapist would have shot me dead. And, that I would have never said a word to my girls and two cousins. Now, the entire dynamic of my world has changed.
Now, I feel like shit, hated, abandoned, forgotten and guilty and ashamed of being so crazy.
Money has helped continue the pain and madness, so I stopped therapy, pills and spent money learning a new art form, and that is my new therapy.
I don’t need to slap myself for ever. I don’t need to apologize for a disease! I don’t take anything personal anymore, I did the best I could! Could I have done better? Yes, If. Knew. Can I do better now? Yes, to those I can reach and are open.
Funny how I live a life of success, education, widowhood, tremendous and multiple natural disasters, loss of husband and toddler, and now distance from two adult children who are living their best life but very far away. All of this while being crazier than the looney toons, yet I managed to continue to love and give them the respect ALL humans deserve and forgive those who hurt me so much they made me crazy. Why can’t we just forgive and move on? Is digging further into pain productive? Are numbing drugs of any benefit?
I say drop your therapist and invest in YOU, learn something new, travel, and forgive all, especially that little child within us all who will never be satisfied nor happy enough in the eyes of a therapist.
Move on, move forward and life will totally flip into what you truly are, a human being who was broken and has survived! Be proud of YOU NOW! Life is to be enjoy, one can only mourn loses for a healthy time! Sara my eldest, and after spending 9 months in my parents bed crying about the death of my baby and husband, asked me “how long will I cry and stay in bed?”
I sat up, I sat her next to me and said. “ I will stop now, you are right, we still have each other”! And, I hugged her. We moved forward. I did go to grief therapy, but in my culture we just move on, we don’t pick at the wound for decades and a life time.
I was left with 4 children, including a 5 month old. I never remarried and at 58 the then therapist, pronounced me so crazy I was devastated like never before. The shame and guilt of being NOT PERFECT, OF NOT HAVING PERFECT PARENTS was crushing. And, then a grand child came, I stood up and moved forward, again. Happiness and pace has to be created by the self…period!
I should mention that after I returned to USA to live, yes I have dual citizenship, I went to therapy for the anxiety and depression from loss at all after the storms. The original therapist moved to another state and I moved on to a recommended partner of hers. He then diagnosed me with PTSD, BPD, anxiety and depression. Oh boy the pills!!!
I had to recount the horror of life outside this perfect nation. After a year or so, I stopped!
Now, I make the most beautiful pieces of up cycled furniture. That has been the best investment in me. I moved on and started to make beauty in my life.
Blessings to all…forgive and move on, move on!
Oh and I would love to hear your take on:1) how they are so succinct at manipulation. 2) can you talk about munchausen by proxy and BPD mothers;how common is it for these type people to build stories that there is something wrong with my child, husband, friend, sibling, cousin, parent [in my case, EVERYONE was schizophrenic, whore, addict and not very smart|qualified]~
Lastly, I am curious about their neurology in the aspect of their story making | lies. My mother seems to truly believe the stories she tells despite that being faulty with logic *(I have learned it doesn’t really matter if it didn’t happen as much as nailing her lying using logic because, she has none)-so question is, neurologically are they building these new realities to match their fantasy? *I have always said, my mom lives in this sleep/lucid state and doesn’t process the reality as it is, around her. The catch though is, the ways they make everything ten times harder. What is that?
It is like, okay, walk across that street right there, pick me up a pack of gum and keep the change on the ten bucks I am handing you to pay for the gum and thank you.
What they do is, start complaining IMMEDIATELY about the ten bucks *(could be literally, a myriad of complaints-all bananas and illogical). Then they finally get moving but have to tell everyone they see in the car they walk in front of, the story of how you made them get you this gum and you are such a bad person and it reminds them of one time when you were 3, you spilled a drink, ON PURPOSE and what kind of a kid does that anyway! They decided then they were going to put you away but then someone convinced them not to. Also, you aren’t really that generous because change from a ten spot, I mean, you should be paying them to go across the street to get the gum, yo are just something else.
Then they get to the store and proceed to nitpick gum selections and oh my God, if only everyone knew how hard it was for them to choose a gum! Didn’t everyone know that they have suffered for so long and why would anyone even ask for a pack of gum?? It was wrong and yes, they will tell all about it on aDr Phil show because they watch Dr Phil and what is happening right now, happened on Dr Phil and De Phil put the people in their place! So, yes, when they get back, they are going to give that little ‘&$*#y’ the gum but she is going pay!!
Then they get back, hand you a candy bar *(one you really hate) and say, the guy in the shop said he saw you last week walking your dog and you didn’t clean up your dog’s poop and he said EVERYONE coming into his store, was talking about it and I was ashamed and embarrassed for you and I told him, well, I have been trying to get her institutionalized since she was 4. Her father and I have huge problems going all the way back with her. And the guy in the store said, he was so so sorry because he could tellI am an empath and I am a genius and he started telling me all of his life’s problems because he felt that at ease with me.
*my rendition of a bpd
To continue..... " oh, you didn't like that candy bar? I didnt know that (when in fact they did). Why are you so upset? I didn't mean it that way. I just meant that you should be more considerate of others. You're too sensitive."
@@mayasstar yes! Exactly! I realize not all borderlines do this-it seems to be more on that malignant end with I am sure, co morbids of other developments going sideways but that little run about sums up what I experienced. It’s even worse when you have no idea what and why they do this stuff. The best conclusion I came to was, they do what they do because it makes sense to them and it doesn’t really matter who and what you do and are-they would do this to a log they picked up in e fore rest if the log would give them a response that gave them that endorphin hit. It’s so exhausting when you are caught up in their tangled day to day. Nothing can be peaceful or joyful because it unravels them.
My personal fav is, ‘you must have dreamed that. You know, I am REALLY worried about you Michele because you do and say a lot of things you just don’t remember and then you make up stories and I think you are dreaming them, I really do! I am going to start taping our conversations!’. Then it escalated into a level of dis regulation crazy that couldn’t even be written into a script of a movie if I wanted to. It’s a lot of wasted energy.
Truth is, they are the ones that can't remember. I remember when I wanted to come over to her house looking for a particular childhood picture with my grandmother (i was doing some inner child healing work) and she said " well I don't know why you even want to look at them, since whatever's bothering you in life seems to come from your childhood". Yea mom, because of you!!!
My last conversation with her was similar. So I laid it all out, all the horrible things she did, like calling me a "stupid fat ugly bitch thats never going to amount to anything in her life, just like her father", the times she tried to choke me to shut me up, called me fat, how many times I would tell her I loved her when i was a kid and she would never say it back, etc. She didnt remember it at all she said was "well, you must have made me very angry". Thats when I said we needed to go to therapy.
Back to your original point, the worst thing is when you're younger YOU feel crazy and like they are right. I remember questioning myself, my feelings, my reality. Huge self-doubt and lack of faith and trust in myself. It got much better but I still have the tendency to invalidate my thoughts and feelings, especially if they don't seem 'logical' and remind me of her. God I hate when I act like her and get irrationally angry.
@@mayasstar they even use the same phrases...so disgusting.
Reading this and other children raised by a borderline is validating , as I continue to find myself triggered by my mother in spite of 5 years of therapy. She’s a chess master and Manages to cause so much chaos and confusion with her long ass rants via text message (Dr Sage, is this the “overinvolvement in her state of mind” concept you touched on in another video? Can this be considered a form of abuse? It floods me every time), being selective about what she decides to share with me vs my siblings and triangulating and vice versa. I applaud people who have been diagnosed with BPD , as I believe you must be in the minority. My mom can never fully take responsibility for her actions without being defensive and turning it around on me /others, so I have no reason to believe she would ever stay in therapy long enough to be diagnosed or be open to me approaching her about it. My therapist diagnosed her after years of me telling stories and working through the trauma caused by her in therapy. It struck her one day and once she put a name to my experience, it was a blessing and helped me validate my experience. But it’s like an addiction, bc she lures me back in every time. I would love some content on how to best go through the process of cutting off your Bpd mother without guilt and keeping the boundary firm.
I feel all of these things.
Sending you so much support and healing wishes for your life and 💜..🙏🙏
This video was helpful. Thank you.
I just cut everybody off and im happier being alone doing my own thing and the doom and gloom
i felt constantly is gone, so is my mothers critical voice. My mother told me I come from monkeys while she came from God. i said well if you werent sleepng with monkeys this wouldnt have happened,
Hello, thank you for these videos. I would like to ask if there are any resources available to learn how to prevent children from being so hurt when one of their parents has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Thank you very much, you have a new subscriber.
Amazing 👏 thanks for this!
You're so welcome! 🙏 😃Thank you so much for watching and commenting!💕
14:17 "it's not my fault"....
Check out clip "it's not your fault" Dani Foxx
(I must add that that one was a very strong trigger for me from point 1 till the end which was 15, yet a huge eye opener)
In it she really explains the "why do I feel the way I do".
Tbh I always thought that to a certain extend I wasn't normal - not wanting to call myself crazy thiugh :(
"Guilty for existing"
I feel that to the core of my soul
My Dad is a p*do borderpath
My Mum is BPd to the core and cannot see herself
Im just about everything
I have narc traits, BPD, Dissociton, high functioning autism. I may as well be diagnosed ASPD because I'm so fucking broken
"Hurt love"
A question to treatment, would seeking treatment with a life coach (meditation, techniques to relieve stress and anxiety and so on) be enough if you think you have traits of BPD or the full disorder?
This may have been my mother. I was glad when she died.
I actually know a bpd mom who didn't grew up that way 🤔
Wow…. That does make me feel worse
Hi guys. What would you say is the most difficult wound to work on in your life?
@@maton100 Thank you for sharing this, and other thoughts and links!🙏🏻
Never being able to get her validation of what she did and does. Still trying to make her proud when I want to not give a crap
Never being able to get her validation of what she did and does. Still trying to make her proud when I want to not give a crap
@@tamarajonesy8078 Thank you for sharing🙏🏻 - the need to please this type of mom follows us, even when we don't want it to - and I know it's so difficult...💕
Now that I have more understanding this BPD .. my terrible behavior and guilt I have has damaged my young children. I've been self educating myself over the years but now I feel stuck, I put myself in my own shoes as a child I remembered making a promise to myself I would never make my children feel the way all the adults in my life has ever made me feel in my toxic family. I cannot prevent my Outburst I could walk around in circles trying to calm myself down and something clicks and off I go and my children are suffering I reach out can talk about this issue with others and from what I can tell it's not something that they want to discuss or take seriously because they don't real life how bad it actually is. It is very difficult to work on myself in my inner child trama and be a single mom to have two amazing children that I don't deserve the effects of my illness. It's very hard to find help because all I see is this terrible mother I am and have become to my 7 year old that I would die for... I love her so much and i have not been helping her feel that ... all I can see is the damage I have done created and struggling with not even intentionally but the reality of it is I am definitely faced with guilt I deserve but I want to be the mother to my children that my mother and grandmother could not give to me growing up. It's like i dont even know how to emotionally parent my child cause I dont know how :*(
The question is why are there so many trauma cases in general or broken people in the first place? How did this originate and just keep passing down each generation. Narc, BP sexual molestation, it just seems there are endless issues. Its like a virus it just keeps spreading from person to person , family to family.
I always said it’s a family curse
@@Loriburnett more like the freemasons people signed up and never get out and it passes through the famlies and on to others form there seems
Please slow down.
Mothers with BPD...... ‘histrionic’.... -- is that something on its own? Or just added on with the BPD?
Histrionic Personality Disorder is a different disorder - though we can see overlap with the PD's:)
@@DrKimSage Okay. My 'ex mother in law'-- was a 'Mommy Dearest' without the physical beatings.
This is all me😣
Me too ! My mother never showed love, n my stepfather abused me n it came between us. Thank God I had a loving grandmother who brought me up. My dr. Told me my mom is neurotic years ago. Now my daughter is narcissist. N wont talk to me or mom, n her father. N her son is a pedophile. He groomed my grandaughter from my 2nd marriage. N I didnt know until 2 years later. If her grandfather was alive hed go after my my grandson from my first marriage. They wouldnt tell me until 2 years later. I have been married 2x so they were half cousins. But I blame myself . I'm the one they have in common. Hes banned from my family now.
Do you recommend any Doctors in South Louisiana for BPD?
Shame ...oh yes ... for everything ...
honestly, do you think continuing to see people who aren’t well equipped to help you and they don’t help you when you ask for it and don’t understand that you’re asking for help. is it better to continue seeing them or to take that time and actually invest in yourself and educate yourself, and watch videos from people like you and continue doing it for yourself without a therapist who doesn’t get it because it’s a lot of money and it’s a lot of time and it’s a lot of pain to continue talking to people who don’t get it and who aren’t equipped
You made ME feel a lot worse.
My "mother" was a spoiled brat....she NEVER felt bad about anything she did...
And my sisters decided being the abuser was the way to go....
I was EXPECTED to be the family slave...only my father and oldest brother EVER offered to help me..
My father felt guilty because he knew she was crazy but she would go crazy on him...so he stayed away a lot.
No one understands us
💋🍸🍦
Get strait to the point ,
Victims. You make us sound like we are monsters.
This doesn't seem right at all!
And yes, there are def. Clear boundaries
When you say invalidated ? Does this apply to all kids with mother's with BPD or just a personal thing?
Your emptiness sounds like You have BPD
What are you talking about?
@@realascanb222 did you watch the video? Doesn't take a genius to understand which parts I was referring to
Pretty obvious you do not actually care what I was talking about at all ...maybe you wanted to feel special/superior with your "what are you talking about" statement ?
Asking me to explain myself ... Is ridiculous...I don't care about you...I don't care what you think or feel ... I truly from the depths of my soul have zero motivation to help YOU understand anything ....because you won't ..
What a stupid question
@@7fcutiepie ?? You have some issues.
...someone's triggered and projecting their wounds.
@@realascanb222 and you don't? My original comment was a direct response to whoever made the video. If I had felt the need to address the majority of "viewers" I would have obviously been much more detailed.
What is absolutely ridiculous,to me at least- is the fact that out of the 10/15 people that agreed with their "thumbs up" that "I have issues" not one person asked an actual question to try and understand a little bit more before writing me off as (having issues)
So, in all honesty who is the real victim? The one with the personality disorder or the ones that know them?
I have had all kinds of labels attached to me so technically, it really is a total waste of mental energy to even try and communicate in anyway correct ? Even commenting on something that was created to explain the potential impact I may have on my child's life.
Glad I could make you feel like your better than someone.
Thank you Dr Kim. All very helpful.