I doubt these are actual opening lines written by high school students, they read more like submissions to bad writing contests like the Bulwer Lytton contest.
@rainbowhorsecake4376 you would be correct! These are entries to a bad analogy contest in the Washington Post's weekly Style Invitational humor contest. I believe this was an entry from the late 90's Edit: July 1st 1995 specifically!
@@chiliwithonelfigured. Some of these were just way too good to be real. Comparing a laugh to a puking dog had my weary. Comparing the grace of a ballerina to a dog pissing sealed it. You arent coming up with that if you aren't actually creative, lol
5 8 10 and 11 seem close to what you would see in Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy i.e. "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't"
Okay but that metaphor is really good and visual. You can easily imagine the ship floating in an unnatural way. The ship looks like it shouldn't fly, like a brick, but it floats in defiance to nature. A really good way to talk about how horrible Vogon architecture is.
6 and 7 also have some sort of quality to them that speaks to me personally, like they comunicate such a specific type of "the pov character has a strange sence of beauty" that I dont think could be written better in another way besides this "comparing something that we are suposed to find graceful or nice to something mundane or disgusting" the writter(s) uses
I'll never forget the time i sat down feeling motivated to write something like i never did. Well slept, water bottle on the table, pens organized, playlist on check, everything culminating in the perfect environment for my to lock in, and start: -Next morning, a sunday with more day than sun. I legitimally spent so much time laughing that i just lost all my motivations for the day.
I had an expanded version of this given to me in middle school by a teacher, it included "He fell twelve stories and hit the pavement like a paper bag of vegetable soup." and "His mind was like a steel trap, except it was one that had rusted shut."
Okay, so; some of these are freaking GOLD! Douglas Adams, “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t” lends it’s infuriating humor to some of these.
In a comedic sense yes, but for academic purposes they’d have to spell it out: “*as bad as a valley girl’s, ^trailing with ‘likes’ and ‘whatevers.’ * Analogy ^ Additional context
Many of these would fit well in with specific books that have more comedic tones in writing but I can just imagine the kinds of stuff students would write where comic lines like this just pop out of more serious writing 😂
"Like when you're in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 instead of 7:30" is a good analogy, it's just being used wrong in that scene. It should be used to describe something slightly off that then leads into the real horror.
@lynnbo-11ohhhh, I thought they were saying that a person was the master of thighs, and was very confused as to why such a person would compress someone’s face
Number 4 is actually great though! Reads like a student who is good with figurative language but also just a silly person who wanted to make it funny! I love it! Also very true, that is eerie.
In my GCSE English language exam, I wrote “the earth is like a cooked chicken in tinfoil, and we must change that”. I still got a 9 tho (that’s an A**), don’t underestimate the power of an oddly specific metaphor
I remember writing: "misinformational info-hazards like hiding the resapy for black tar heroin as black cake icing. Is like hiding a bomb in a baby." The worst thing is that i wrote that yesterday and still can't think of a better analogy.
If number 6 is describing someone the perspective character dislikes, it actually works quite well. Several of the others would also work well if comedy was the intent
The lamp one could actually be quite good depending on context. Like if the immediate sentences had been describing a scene where someone had been imagining something about the lamp/hallucinating that it was moving, or in a more fantasy setting where the lamp actually had been behaving as an animate object moments before.
"honestly [character a] is like if [character b] was [describes character a] and is nothing like [character b]" "so [character a] is like [character a]" - me and a friend (respectively), september 24, 2023
The last one could be used to evoke some kind of emotion if what was being compared to was something that should normally be alive, or at the end of some kind of “thing comes to life” story, an end in either tragedy or coming of age. (Apologies I have not slept in over 24 hours and also I have a urinary tract infection)
"Her vocabulary was as bad as like, whatever" is a perfect analogy, actually.
Dude exactly lol it was a great self-aware one
Had to come to the comments to agree.
Ikr? The irony is so strong you can taste it!
Like, whatever man
agreed
"Her eyes were like stars. Not because they twinkle but because they were so far apart."
Oh I’m saving this for my sister! Thanks
💀
💀💀
😭
That actually sounds like something a more sarcastic narrator would say.
A lot of these are actually really good comedic lines.
I imagine the problem being that they didn't come from a comedy.
I doubt these are actual opening lines written by high school students, they read more like submissions to bad writing contests like the Bulwer Lytton contest.
@rainbowhorsecake4376 you would be correct! These are entries to a bad analogy contest in the Washington Post's weekly Style Invitational humor contest. I believe this was an entry from the late 90's
Edit: July 1st 1995 specifically!
@@chiliwithonelfigured. Some of these were just way too good to be real. Comparing a laugh to a puking dog had my weary. Comparing the grace of a ballerina to a dog pissing sealed it. You arent coming up with that if you aren't actually creative, lol
The one about Jeopardy coming on at 7:00 pm was actually straight genius I was instantly teleported into the scenario being described
Yeah the oddly specific clever ones aren't boomer humor so the boomers don't get em
@ oh that actually makes sense what
Fax
The problem is that time zones are separated by full hours, thus it would not be possible for a 30 minute difference like the one described to occur.
@@name5598 There are a few 30 minute time zones, such as Myanmar time, Iranian time, Sri Lanka time, Newfoundland time, etc.
That vocabulary one was smart though
No one seems to
to talk about it.
You didn’t notice that there’s 2 “to”s did you?
@@Toad_BSyou're not smart
@deadPan-c never said i was
@@Toad_BS nice deflection
@deadPan-c 🙏
5 8 10 and 11 seem close to what you would see in Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
i.e. "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't"
Okay but that metaphor is really good and visual. You can easily imagine the ship floating in an unnatural way. The ship looks like it shouldn't fly, like a brick, but it floats in defiance to nature. A really good way to talk about how horrible Vogon architecture is.
4 also has a kind of sarcastic comedy element to it that I can imagine. Douglas Adams writing
i love that book so much
6 and 7 also have some sort of quality to them that speaks to me personally, like they comunicate such a specific type of "the pov character has a strange sence of beauty" that I dont think could be written better in another way besides this "comparing something that we are suposed to find graceful or nice to something mundane or disgusting" the writter(s) uses
As someone who loves those books, I agree wholeheartedly.
I think 4 and 11 though have the most Adamsian writing style.
These aren't even fails lol, they're just hilarious
except for the first one, thats just describing eyes
@@glareninjastill fun tho
I think this was on purpose
I'll never forget the time i sat down feeling motivated to write something like i never did. Well slept, water bottle on the table, pens organized, playlist on check, everything culminating in the perfect environment for my to lock in, and start:
-Next morning, a sunday with more day than sun.
I legitimally spent so much time laughing that i just lost all my motivations for the day.
I'm assuming the story took place during the winter
@KingKayro87 Nah, it was just cloudy
That’s literally the equivalent of SpongeBob writing “The” with the very detailed T.
@insert_namehere-il7gh fun fact, i shared this with a few different friend circles.
Almost all of them made this exact same Connection lol
heat
my best one at school that i immediately corrected was "the cat's fur was as silky as a cat's fur..." wait-
Pahahaha
The floor was made out of a material much like what you would see on the floor
@@tensixtyoclockI want to quote the floor is made out of floor meme but I don't remember it entirely
The sky was as blue as the sky
@@fanOfMinecraft-UAs_channel --buzz lightyear
“The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.”
wtf do you expect it do? say “Greetings and Salutations! I am y
INANIMATE INSNAIRY????
our host, Mephone4
THIS IS INANIMATE INSANITY
i saw this coming from a mile away
i.. love lamp
(if anyone gets the reference ill be happy)
I had an expanded version of this given to me in middle school by a teacher, it included "He fell twelve stories and hit the pavement like a paper bag of vegetable soup." and "His mind was like a steel trap, except it was one that had rusted shut."
Naaah that second one is actually so good-
YES! This is the paper I got too
Ok but those are unironically great
"Paper bag of vegetable soup" gives the exact right energy though. Like I can imagine the weight and the *_splat_*
These are terry pratchett analogies and you cant tell me otherwise.
Also: "the thesaurus was bad, you could even say it was... Really bad"
They also reminded me of him!
I was thinking Douglas Adams haha!
@@Vileplume87this reminded me of one time i read hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy for the first time and called it terry pratchett but in space
@vukafrankeinstain I've hear Prachett's books described as Hitchhikers but fantasy
@@Vileplume87 i can see it
Some of these are actually pretty clever
EXACTLY!!!!!
I love the ballerina being compared to a dog at a fire hydrant one. It’s so funny
Ikr?
Okay, so; some of these are freaking GOLD!
Douglas Adams, “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t” lends it’s infuriating humor to some of these.
I was also thinking of Douglas Adams lmao
Okay but 9 was actually really creative and communicated what it needed to surprisingly well. Why is it here?
In a comedic sense yes, but for academic purposes they’d have to spell it out: “*as bad as a valley girl’s, ^trailing with ‘likes’ and ‘whatevers.’
* Analogy
^ Additional context
@luckycapgaming5957 "for academic purposes its bad 🤓" yeah but in a REAL book it'd totally work
@@waffler-yz3gwDepends on the narrator but sure
@@waffler-yz3gwYeah but we're not talking about a real book
@@DonutMaster56But it's creative writing, thus the writers unique prose should be expressed
0:56 6 isn’t bad if it’s supposed to make her look genuinely bad
I'm pretty sure they're bad on purpose
I think 10 would be better, literally comparing her to a colony of E. coli.
"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."
I mean.... they aren't wrong...
I honestly love that one.
“John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met”
Hold up his writing is this fire?
Many of these would fit well in with specific books that have more comedic tones in writing but I can just imagine the kinds of stuff students would write where comic lines like this just pop out of more serious writing 😂
6 and 7 were actually peak this is a crime against humanity
sleeping on eight honestly
"Like when you're in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 instead of 7:30" is a good analogy, it's just being used wrong in that scene. It should be used to describe something slightly off that then leads into the real horror.
Non native English speaker here, could you or someone else explain what Jeopardy means in this case?
@@flox1to it's a famous and regular TV show.
@@computer_dude thx dude
6 is an insult
Agreed, but I think the issue is that they used “genuine” meaning it was supposed to be positive.
It was just *genuinely* bad laughter. Sorry, weird dog woman.
Hey no one said the mc liked her
* The convenience of that definitely inanimate lamp still fills you with determination.
But, but, but, what’s a thigh master? Huh?
Exercise equipment that helps you beef up your thighs
is it not a workout machine?
@ it is
@lynnbo-11ohhhh, I thought they were saying that a person was the master of thighs, and was very confused as to why such a person would compress someone’s face
@@Pixsylver people do that. It’s a sex thing
What do you mean really bad? Most of them are absolute bangers
#4 is some Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy stuff
1:43 that one could work but only if it was meant to shown as a minor inconvenience
I don't know what you're talking about, number 10 is amazing analogy
These are not bad, they're almost certainly just meant to be funny(and they are).
As a horror writer, the lamp one is actually great to describe how the MC starts feeling a little silly about being so scared.
I have to guess that a lot of these were written with intended irony
Depending on context 4 could be downright hilarious hot take 0:39
Bwahahaaa!
4 and 6 through 10 would actually be pretty good depending on the context
This video was just like a sequential series of pictures that once compiled would take just shy of 2 minutes to view uninterrupted.
Number 4 is actually great though! Reads like a student who is good with figurative language but also just a silly person who wanted to make it funny! I love it! Also very true, that is eerie.
this is insanity
yes, it is indeed an inanimate insanity
These are brilliant, very Lemony Snicket and Douglas Adams-coded
why did i only click it because i thought it was a inanimate insanity video
I DID TOO OMG
INANIMATE INSANITY INANIMATE INSANITY OH HOW I LOVE THAT SHOW AND MY POOKIE WOOKIE DOOKIE MEPHONE AAAAAAAAAA
Always nice to hear Bug Fables music
The lamb just sat there like an inanimate object is Undertale humor
I like the E. coli one
“The spaceships floated in the sky in the same way bricks don’t” -Hitchhikers guide.
I could see the duck one working really well in a coming of age roadtrip story
I actually kinda love the Jeopardy on vacation one - and the "like, whatever" one works perfectly too
Those aren't bad. They're GOLD
this has been being circulated for at least a decade
All were clearly written with comedic intention, but they're awesome nonetheless. I wish I was this witty in high school. 🙌
i commented words in this post as if it were a sentence
In my GCSE English language exam, I wrote “the earth is like a cooked chicken in tinfoil, and we must change that”. I still got a 9 tho (that’s an A**), don’t underestimate the power of an oddly specific metaphor
1st one is literally unfortunately how my old fanfics sounded
That last one was insane
"they were like two hummingbirds who had also never met" sounds like something to come out of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
1, 3, 5, 8, 11, and 12 are all different levels of bad.
2, 4, 6, 7, 9, and 10 are all different levels of genius.
no, 5 and 8 are beautiful
I find 8, 9 and 10 good. They're ironic of course, but could definitely pass in a printed novel. The rest is bad.
I once rhymed “rhyme” with “nursery rhyme”. I may have been only like 8 years old but I still refuse to forgive myself
Alternate Title:
“Frieza ASMR | Bad analogies written by high school students to give you tingles ✨🥰😚😏😈”
I remember writing: "misinformational info-hazards like hiding the resapy for black tar heroin as black cake icing. Is like hiding a bomb in a baby."
The worst thing is that i wrote that yesterday and still can't think of a better analogy.
I can see "The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object." as the second line in a book lol
Most of these are so good actually
These are all actually genius writing
bug fables ost, peak
The only difference between incompetence and genius is intention.
Also, pleasantly surprised by the Bug Fables soundtrack.
"The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object." they were talking about the pixar lamp
Tbh depending on the context, many of these wouls be great :D
Most of these are actually kickass, I would read the poems they are from
I was eating and i threw up at a few of these, i think ill watch this on an empty stomach in the future
shawty was like a melody in my head
Actually, if they were going for irony and or juxtaposition, 6 and 7 are kinda killer.
If number 6 is describing someone the perspective character dislikes, it actually works quite well.
Several of the others would also work well if comedy was the intent
Bug fables music REAL 🐞🪲🐛🐞🦟🪲🐜🪲🪲🐞
These must be where the family guy crew find their cutaway jokes
Bug Fables music! Also, comparing an elegant ballerina to a peeing dog is hilarious.
Some of these are phenomenal. What the actual heck?
"Her eye were like two black holes, I had to look away before I before I got completely absorbed"
-me
I think
I feel some of these look rushed as if patience ran as thin as a cow that can't find grass 🤔
The person behind the initial text "Really Bad Analogies..." is clearly a writer, a master at subverting expectations
1:10 GOODNESS ME ITS BUG FABLES MUSIC
BUG FABLES ‼️
The fact that I literally just bought it yesterday and just now discovered this video
A few of these are genuinely really good lol
1:05 7 would be god if it was mocking
My history teacher had already given us the final and so decided to read us these on the last day of his class this semester. What a G
The lamp one could actually be quite good depending on context.
Like if the immediate sentences had been describing a scene where someone had been imagining something about the lamp/hallucinating that it was moving, or in a more fantasy setting where the lamp actually had been behaving as an animate object moments before.
Bug fables OST niiice
This makes me feel so much better about my writing
More than half of these are really good.
all of these are great, especially 4
Bug Fables music is pretty unexpected
Here’s mine
“Karl was the electron and Bethany was the proton both attracting one another like a magnet and a paper clip.”
I could see many of these as Family Guy cutaway gags, lol.
this just reads like douglas adams lmao
A lot of these are actually good, schools just don’t do a good job teaching that in order to be a good writer you have to break the rules a lil bit
... I actually really liked the 6'3 tree one. It was very dry wit.
4, 6, 7, 8, and 10 are hilarious
At least half of them were cooking with these.
Some of these were really good like the lame duck or the "like whatever"
number 6, 7, and 9 are really good
The tree one always gets me lol
"honestly [character a] is like if [character b] was [describes character a] and is nothing like [character b]"
"so [character a] is like [character a]"
- me and a friend (respectively), september 24, 2023
10 is great imo
The last one could be used to evoke some kind of emotion if what was being compared to was something that should normally be alive, or at the end of some kind of “thing comes to life” story, an end in either tragedy or coming of age.
(Apologies I have not slept in over 24 hours and also I have a urinary tract infection)
The mention of the ThighMaster gives you an idea of how old these are.
Ah, that's why they're "bad". The geniuses writing these weren't understood by the ancients.