I tried to insert myself into a random friendgroup
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- Опубликовано: 18 окт 2024
- Support me and join my community at / schimaeras , where you can access journals, footage, music, my Discord, insights into my creative process, and more.
This video was taken in September. I let it sit for a little while, partially because I was embarrassed of myself, but mostly because I've fallen out of the habit of making and editing long-form videos, which I am now determined to make a return to. I hope that my ups, downs, ins and outs can add a little something to your day.
I am aware of how dry my skin and lips are in this video. I'm making a big effort to stay more hydrated as the weather gets colder here on the East Coast.
You can find my music and contact me at linktr.ee/schi....
Thanks for watching!
When we're little kids we have this instinct to just approach people who seem nice/cool/interesting and just immediately make friends. Somewhere along the way we get this shame that makes it feel like there's something weird or embarrassing about showing that you want to be someone's friend. Like everyone has to play it cool and be coy and act like it's not a big deal. It's so stupid. Everything would be better if we were all like this and just decided that potential rejection is a tiny meaningless consequence compared to the rewards of wearing your heart on your sleeve
Love this.
This is amazing, fuck playing it “cool” I’m over it.
YES! YES!
Nah, I always sucked at it 😅😬
Talk to me lol
Meeting people like this is literally the way humans interacted for 1000's or years now its a very odd time.
Yeah and now it's "more normal" to just expect to be able to reach someone you know 24/7 without going to see them...... weird times..... SASHA IS THE NORMAL ONE
@@nbombom omg you put it into words.
there was no other way before the internet
People have always been tribal
You have titanium balls for making the attempt. Be proud of that
this.
You used this video as talk therapy for yourself. By the end you worked through a lot of what was bothering you and had the right attitude. Life if a journey that is not clear all the time. I’m in a similar position having moving from NY to NC and having difficulty making or meeting new friends. You got this!
I fucking HATE when people try to make you feel bad about trying to make some friends. Like bro
I did something similar at a movie theater a couple years ago. I had no friends since middle school and i was 20. I heard some people talking about Jan Švankmajer and a thought came into my head; "is this it? Is this how people make friends?" So i tried to insert myself into myself into their conversation. They seemed baffled by me and pretty much shut me down immediately, staying silent the rest of the time they were in line. The moment haunted me for awhile but i cant be too hard on myself for trying.
Edit: I am autistic btw
You’re a strong person with guts to engage with strangers. It takes some moxy, and it should be celebrated. I’m sorry fren :(
But I like your pfp, btw
It was most likely nothing personal about you. When friends are out chilling at a place like the movies, they just want privacy within their group. They most likely just felt awkward by a stranger approaching them, and didn't have the heart to tell you to go away.
Not quite related to your comment, but Švankmajer is such a great director! His films are so unique but criminally underrated unfortunately :(
your vulnerability is appreciated and admired. so glad there are influential people speaking on the awkwardness of socializing in post 2019
Repeat after me everyone. IT IS OKAY TO BE WEIRD AND CRAZY. Being weird and/or crazy is not morally wrong :) And probably describes lots of people you love and admire :) SHAME IS THE ENEMY!!!!
SHAME IS THE ENEMY!
SHAME IS THE ENEMY
SHAME IS THE ENEMYYYYY
shame is my frenemy
shame ON my enemies!
You didn’t do anything wrong. THEYRE the weak weird ones. Every time someone comes up to me or me and my friends to be friends that’s completely fine and i love making friends. Anyone trying to make you seem “othered” for trying to be social in public is fucking weird. I feel honored when someone chooses me to do this with like thank you for thinking I’m gonna be friendly
This is the new emo / hardcore. Genuine vulnerable honesty living in the modern world.
I don’t think the mistake was going up to the group! I hope that’s not the lesson you take from this. It was very brave to go up to them. I think the lesson should be that it’s always best to be ok with being rejected - and to open ourselves to rejection is to be authentic. Because being “inauthentic” or “performative” means you are trying to “manipulate” the outcome of the situation. Manipulation is kind of an intense word, but I think that’s kind of what it is? At least that’s what I would do, as in being yourself takes a back seat to trying to get them to accept you.
Plus, when we are being authentic and not “caring” about being accepted - I think others pick up on that and it paradoxically makes it more likely to be accepted and make friends. Even bigger plus, you’ll find your people that way! Vs finding people who only accept that “mask” we put on.
Much love 🤙🏽, loved the video!
imposter syndrome sux.
i think a lot of ppl on the spectrum struggle with feeling "inauthentic"/imposter syndrome when making friends. sashawatchers can relate
Honestly, having a social interaction with a group of high people is hard to not feel awkward. Don’t let this interaction jade you too much. Weed can be very socially inhibiting depending on the person.
Most of us feel an invisible false barrier to attempting to be friends with random strangers. This is actually the fear of rejection or looking silly or vulnerable but the Very Wise can see it's not a real barrier at all if you have courage!
True! Genuinely brave to just put yourself out there
agree. this is relatable af
“If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere.”
― Zig Ziglar
Wrong. You're talking out of your butt. I can tell you're just completely guessing
@@treenincove1726It’s a quote. What are you even talking about? Dingus.
@@HardFreckles I'll shove this Dingus in that butt. Then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is
This should be a top comment. Sorry you had to get a troll underneath it.
@@TheKatarinaGiselle Aaaaah, touch my dingus, baby
girlll i feel you lol. i hope you know you shouldn't feel bad for putting urself out there. give yourself props for having the guts!! even if it didn't go as planned. you are not a burden on anyone's time. its really is hard making friends. eventually u will find people where that friendship will come naturally. it won't feel awkward or forced because they'll be on the same wavelength. rejection is just redirection, im rooting for u!!
Hey, dont feel guilty for trying, it was not a mistake. You absolutely can approach people that way to make friends, I think them saying you "cant" was their way of letting you know it wasnt going to work with them specifically. I live in canton ohio and people talk to strangers and make connections that way quite a bit around here, especially in bars and music venues and also in the visual art community.
I understand why you brought up making content... it's the *reason*, the explanation for the interaction. This is why I find it a lot easier to interact with people in a professional environment.
It’s the need to have an excuse, a justification to talk to another person. When you drop that it becomes much easier to just exist with other people and talk to them
You’re struggling with something a lot of people do, and you don’t see them struggling with that cause their in the situation you are if that makes sense? Also the best people are “freaks”. I don’t usually come across stuff like you just made but found it compelling and cool, thank you
this made me laugh several times because how much i related to what you would say and your reflections. i think you're cool and i think people who are genuinely weird and awkward are cool. this world is too full of people putting up a front and being better able to hide or filter out what they sense is "undesireable". my response/advice (partly for myself cos i am trying to also make friends and be social irl, but in case it helps you or anyone else here).
1. i think it's fine to walk up to people. how do people think friends were made without the internet? it's hard but that is the human thing of just interacting with other humans! i do think there needs to be tact but /i/ feel you exercised it really well while being anxious. i do think it's easier when you're in a setting of shared interest, i would suggest doing that if you haven't already/dont plan to but yeah what do YOU like to do. skate, read, paint, pottery, art galleries, etc etc. i might even try setting up in a park with a sign that says "talk to me" or "paint with me" like....we also can set up the invite for others too! and it may not evolve into anything but connecting at minimum is so fulfilling and our spirits need it as humans.
2. i think the goal should not be to make friends when doing this, just because friendship is found and supported through our actions/choices; but the type of definition of friend you seem to be describing is one that's cultivated and usually won't be done in one interaction. HOWEVER making friends starts with being social and talking and i think you're doing REALLY GREAT in being brave and putting yourself out there cos that's how you're gonna be seen and connect. i think it's invaluable to practice just talking to people, it's something i'm pushing myself to do. i have to....get out more to actually see people, but im going out tonight and you have motivated me to try and talk yet again! we are doing it! this is the work and the journey!! i resonate so much w this video so i just hope you are giving yourself the encouragement and "good job" you deserve. we don't do well only when we accomplish the "ultimate goal" but also all the little tasks and blocks that build up to the long term achievement.
3. idk i like your spirit and energy, the one guy that seemed most engaging with you that you were alright enough to be genuine in their response and LISTENED to you like...okay so most of the group wasn't really responsive but definitely don't let yourself forget that you had a spirit authentic & genuine enough that another human chose to engage with you in a tactful, honest way.
sending you lots of love and encouragement. i think many human beings are walking around desiring and trying the same as you! let us hope you cross paths. they're around, just keep going and know the more you try, the closer you get to those moments/people your heart is searching for.
YOU are the bravest person I know. WOW! Your friends will come when you’re no longer looking so hard. Sending you 💕👋💕
I love the humility you took this situation with and your self reflection. It was very relatable. I think we all feel this way at times. I have tried making friends after getting off of social media and its hard and embarrassing sometimes. But even having the courage to approach people and put yourself out there is commendable. You taking the rejection with grace and understanding also says a lot. I wish you luck on finding friends in everyday life and I found the video compelling.
Imagine if they were actually the ones feeling awkward because you made them all think about how they would never feel comfortable doing that themselves so they were all in their heads minus the one that was down to look it up. He seemed rather more open or quirky then them
Bro if someone just sat near me and my friends bc they shared similar music tastes id be so excited ☹️
id be so so happy
Same here.
They made friends easily all their life, that’s probably why they were that way
I'm sure many people who watch this video will be able to relate to you, myself included.
Yeah I feel like this is a friend group ngl
this is so raw, thank you
i would highly recommend finding a Dungeons&Dragons introduction game near you, it’s a great way to interact with others by following a story, playing a character, engaging however you like and learning how it works together. It’s a lot of fun- plus it attracts neurodivergent people
thank you for your vulnerability!!
Those assholes didn't deserve your presence. That jackass had the gall to tell you to be your own friend and then reject you, FUCK THAT!! if you came up on me if I were blazin at a chill spot and you recognized my music I'd happily invite you to smoke with me. I'd prolly be too timid to do a RUclips video but I'd still befriend you. But I digress, the guy was kinda right, once you discover your inner god and learn to love it, you won't need friends. I haven't left my house to visit friends in over 4 years because all my friends are across the country. But I'm perfectly fine by myself because I have my cartoon characters to accompany me (I'm an artist).
I feel the same way. Sadly, finding just overall cool people offline is hard, these days. Chin up. You got a lot going for you. You don’t need to be around assholes. It’s better to get yourself and vibe with yourself first. Or else people will just instill themselves onto you.
Randomly going up to people and trying to be friends is what we did when we were kids. I was in a similar boat to you and the sort of exact thing you did in this video sort of got me a social life back. ur gonna make it friend.
I wish we still did what kids do before they learned about being embarrassed for just being honest
A good ice breaker is to just acknowledge you’re inserting yourself and say “I know I’m a random stranger but I love this song and was hoping to hang and listen with you all.” And introduce yourself. And when the interaction has run its course thank them.
Everyone is socially awkward at times. And acknowledging that upfront can be endearing and relatable.
Watch the party die 😂 that's ironic and iconic at same time. That's probably when the vibes fell off 😭 I relate
Thank you for sharing this part of yourself.
I don't think we've talked enough about how it also takes social skills to receive a stranger. The initiator always gets the blame for things if it's awkward from jump.
Not saying they did anything wrong.
Unless you’re all at some sort of social event already, this is setting yourself up for failure. In that case, people are expecting to meet new people, even if they come with a group. They’re more likely to be open to hanging out with a stranger. But out in the wild, approaching a group is usually a bad idea. You don’t know the context of the hangout or the group dynamics. You have no idea if these are nice people or the type to make fun of strangers for fun. It’s putting yourself in a bad situation, but also making things really awkward for the group who doesn’t necessarily want your company. They probably don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I can imagine being uncomfortable with a stranger inserting themself into my hangout. You’d have to be insanely lucky to stumble upon the right type of people who are also open to a new person in that context. I think you handled this really well once you were in it, and you’re really insightful about what went down. Good luck on your friendship journey
I think I’d have reacted similarly to the people you approached in this situation and probably wouldn’t have wanted anything to come of it. But had we met at an event like a club meeting or party, i could definitely see us becoming fast friends. You have a cool vibe and I really like your openness. That’s something I really value in a friend. You remind me a lot of some of my other friends too. Sometimes it’s really just circumstances that make stuff weird more than you being unlikeable or anything. The issue wasn’t you and it wasn’t them. It was just an awkward move on your part and an understandably awkward response on their part.
i never do well in groups. my brain just isn't fit for it.
Try reframing your awkwardness as into giving other people an experience. I am the same way as you autistic and young and friendly and happy, when I feel the urge to interact with people random in public I just do and say 'hey im just giving them an experience of me' as simple as that were just experiencing! We are weird! LOL! But, hey I enjoy being the autistic pet in a friend group, Maybe thats not your thing. My most valuable friendships are online now and sometimes its sad but, most times I gotta remind myself I DO PERFER it that way. I think people can be too reflective. You shouldn't have to pick this whole thing apart. We are different. Meeting people online first helps us. Your trying to be like people who are all different from each other themselves. Should have just walked away and got an ice cream and never thought about it again lol.
It's true. Like nobody sane actually gets mad or upset if another person seems awkward or weird. Either they dont care, think its endearing, think its funny, or just forget
That’s a good outlook
I can assure you there's a ton of people that would enjoy to have this type of conversation with you.
I agree you need to find your people
the way your just speaking stream of conscious and from a place of raw emotion really insipres me, I make audio recordings about my intternal thoughts all the time and its really helpful in validating what Im experiencing. I live in my head, I have a whole warped perception of my self and people around me, and I recently have found I have no idea how to relate to people around me, like Ive completely forgotten that I am a human with lots of experiences and memories to share. DISCONECTED FROM REALITY! totally shut down and living from a place of despereation. sometimes its lonely in our heads but most the time I find peace in my thoughts. anyway thanks for sharing, this made me inspired, relationships are so fricken strange and finding the flow in it without endless thought can feel imposible :/
You should try to approach people alone rather than a group. Some close knit groups just tend fo be full of cruel people who laugh at strangers together. I feel you're more likely to hit it off with maybe a stranger who perhaps seems more shy. Some people in groups just ridicule strangers to impress others, and other groups are so incredibly close knit you can't quite just insert yourself. Perhaps if you find friends one by one you could even try to introduce them to each other and create a nice group of people who you know are all nice people :)
I’ve done this at school and I’m glad I did even tho they kinda both looked at each other confused why I was talking to them. It made me feel strong that I was able to get out of my comfort zone
That's great! I understand exactly what you mean.
Most relatable video on the internet ever. Ty algorithm. For once.
I would be your friend in that situation. I would be awkward and standoffish a bit initially, but i would've seen your authenticity, your sincere intent, and genuine nature, and open up to you. You seem like a great conversationist, have a good sense of humor, and a kind heart, continue leading with those things and you'll find your people, we're out here.
Your sincerity is the greatest attribute, its rare nowadays, you got more out of that interaction by being honest since that guy gave you some great advice.
I want to be your friend.
I wish I wasn't like this, I've felt so alone.
Because of this video, I no longer feel so alone.
Thank you for being a friend to me.
This is beautiful.
remember to introduce yourself
I cried with you when you brought up the Andy Kaufman special
ikr 😭😭😭
Saw that clip as a reel, thought it was hilarious, recontextualized gonna make me stare out the window at the pouring rain
Which is what kaufman would do too
@@jerrydavidlarryseinfeld i saw that too lol. the layers bro.
@@jerrydavidlarryseinfeldyessss. I immediately started crying w the context ☠️ even in the reel initially I was like this is funny but this also feels real and relatable … could cry over my favorite comedy special too loolllll 😭
i have made the same sort of effort at making friends and had pretty much the same results. and i also share the same "making friends IRL" notion u do and what I've learned to be a better approach is to go up to people i think i like in person and have the tiniest interaction that leads to their Instagram. dude imagine if u were to walk up to that group and be like "omg kenny dropped another banger" and while the guy was looking it up u were like "oh i like ur fit btw haha u on Instagram?" that would've made the silence less intense and also link u up with someone from that group! n then u would just bounce n be like "it's over for Drake, good night yall" or something that reiterates ur initial intention of approaching them (talking about music vs actively tryna make friends). still u should be proud u made te move tho. i love to talk about my fumbling streak with my friends now that i have made some!
how do i make friends?
the act DROPPED💀💀
holy relatable batman
I have autism myself and have a hard time talking to others but what’s funny is as humans we can talk to a camera so easily and so normal but when it comes to making friends everything suddenly goes out the window 🤦♂️
I feel like this all the time--down to the crying over Andy Kaufman bit. This probably means I'm not the one to give advice but I do want to say that it is totally okay to say hey to people at the park and talk about the music their listening to. It just didn't land this time. But you didn't crash and burn either, as you point out in the video. Some advice from another friend-desperate but significantly-less-confident-online person: Have you thought about getting a part-time gig at a record shop? Or maybe just frequenting a record shop?
I think if you can volunteer somewhere that has your interests you might have better interactions and develop some lasting friendships. Other options would be a floor job (info desk, gallery attendant, etc) at a museum or maybe get into an open mic scene? Avoid open mic if you can, actually, but I am just trying to think of the ways you like to communicate that might help you feel more natural and confident doing it. It won't always work out. Last year, I tried to join a social justice group and the type of social dynamics that form there really make me uncomfortable. (Not the people exactly...but how they all behave in that system, if that makes sense. Its not for me.) (I didn't do great with stand-up people either but I did really fit in there.)
I hope this is helpful. I'm not a very 'online' person and struggle to playfully express myself but watching your videos give me courage in a way I never thought possible. Thanks, schimaeras. This was a longer comment than I intended (but I am glad I felt comfortable enough to share).
This comment section is awesome
I saw Sasha perform at a bunch of open mics back in nyc but ur comment is inspiring me to maybe do the same
So in my expirience an established friendgroup is hell to fit in when you dont know anyone in there ,exeption is probably 1st year college when everyone starts from scratch. Most groups already have established hierarches and usuly dont need more people ,you gotta tread it like a job interview ,unless your really popular, provide drugs,a place to chill or something like that you will remain an outsider. My reccomendation would be to invest your energy in a team hobby/sport that you enjoy so you can have a common goal with the people there and at least you will vibe with 1-2 people there and you will get used with each others precence. A bit of an unemportant thingy always look your best couse we are going for first impression where looks will get you in and then your personality can kick in. Best of luck dont give up
From an autistic POV it's clear that the situation was weird and bad and wrong, until you said "How do you make friends?". That's when the mask came off and you were authentic, and they liked that. I view non-autistics as communicating largely through tone and expressions, while autism can have those depending on symptoms, it is clearly more seemingly random facts and being utilitarian in the socialization. So if those are symptoms of a disorder that will be there for all of life, then the effective thing is to learn the symptoms, and figure out over time what places and situations are appropriate for authentic autistic expression, and where to suppress it/mask to some degree.
It's a balancing act. No one wants to recieve us all at once, and at the same time no one wants to be drip fed our personality like it's gonna take 5 years before we reach handshake stage.
This comment section is like travelled from 2010 youtube LOL
I think some people would have immediately welcomed you and entertained you. I have met people whom welcomed me just like you approached. Be confident and calm, good people can sense awkwardness and welcome you anyway, those are people you deserve as friends.
Tips, go to museums, conventions, library book clubs. Carry things that signal your interests, books, sketch pads, music instruments, and fashion wise. It will attract your tribes in public spaces.
BS!! Stop lying. That garbage doesn't work😂 They might indulge you that day, but best believe they'll never call you back
I really want to give you a big hug. I have a teenage son and he has a hard time making friends. He very introverted. I tell him keep trying. In reality friends and people come n go in our lives. This is good you are sharing your thoughts and feeling. However dont relive this one interaction. You will keep playing in your mind. It will only make you afraid or fearful to go out and meet people. Meeting people in real life is hard. Anyone can do internet meeting. But you are brave. Smart. Awesome. You got this. Keep trying ok. One bad interaction shouldnt stop you. Keep going. Keep trying.
If they think that coming up to people to have a conversation is awkward then it’s them who is awkward and it’s good for you because now you know is not worth being your friend. These type of people are immature and socially inept and they feel secure being in a small toxic circle of people pretending to be friends. They most definitely grew up amongst people that were as immature and socially inept and can’t help themselves but act on their accord. We all love you, Sasha!
No it’s really Them. I feel honored when people come up to us. And no I’m not gonna leave them behind just because they don’t know us. Like I’d much rather someone come up to me and my friends or family to try to make some friends than sit there alone when they really don’t have to. Like thank you for choosing me and good on you for getting the courage to come in the first place.
Some advice would be to not introduce yourself as a "content creator"
Unfortunately this is actually real, wouldve been fine before TikTok but TikTok absolutely ruined the concept of “content creation” people hate it now
I disagree with the guy you talked to: I don’t see going up to a random group of people as all that awkward. That is a solid way of making friends, honestly. They could’ve and should’ve been a lot more welcoming, I know a lot of people who had have treated you so differently. You were not objectively the problem in that scenario.
People are crazy, there’s about a 10% chance I would genuinely become friends with someone in this situation and I used to be the person that would become friends with Randoms in the wild! It’s a bad idea, and that’s not how you make friends, the reason it’s a bad idea is because you have no frame of reference for who this person is and what type of trauma, mental illness, or I’ll will they have. And on top of that, what you said is predicated upon the world being sunshine and rainbows. Bro, people will SET YOU UP AND ROB YOU!!! The reason you could do that in k-12 and not the real world is because school is a CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT. You are setting people up for danger giving advice like this, in order to make friends there needs to at least be context and pretense of similar values.this mitigates risk and danger. Would you go to a prison to make friends the same way you would go to an art museum? No? Why not? Same answer as to why you do not make friends with Randoms on the street
So I think the reason people don’t like making friends like that is cause when you meet someone randomly it makes you feel awkward since you know nothing about them and wouldn’t know what to talk about so the silence is awkward. That’s why people make friends at places like bars and other places cause alcohol helps bring down people’s walls and makes them more talkative.
You did fine.
Yes it was probably awkward, but honestly, you’re blowing it out of proportion. You were polite, and there was some interaction.
Sometimes socializing works, sometimes it doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Plus… they were stoned. I’m sure they’re somewhere laughing at themselves, and hoping to run into you again.
I feel like I just watched a video of myself. Hoping you make some friends soon
You appeared on my homepage tonight when I was super sad. Listening to you made me feel not so alone. Ty!❤️
Same ❤
my brother and I smoke and chill and play guitar in a gazebo at the center of town and we LOVE when people join and if you walked up with your unique energy, we would 100% have vibed. they just weren't your people, my kind of friends would always welcome a new vibe. i love that you shared this and glad I found your channel randomly, im going to go watch the squirrel encounter (not on shrooms) next hahaha
You are brave n honest and that’s hard to come by. Find other brave n honest ppl like you (easier said than done, I know). You have my respect for being able to be vulnerable on here. I struggle the same way you do and I found this video to be comforting.
We live in a time of lack of social skills and interactions. So its abnormal to walk up and just talk. I get it. I get these interactions at the grocery store. Im not a social butterfly at all. I try to leave the situation asap. Im 40 and its hard to make friends. I think im ok being alone. When im not alone i feel out of place or im doing something wrong.
Blind open with a new group is not an easy one to pull off!
As an audiophile whose grown up as the awkward penguin. I totally relate to you.
Cliques are everywhere and finding you particular tribe or clique is difficult. Covid seems to have made that even more clear.
I've found that it doesn't get any easier the older you become. The hardest part is owning it coming to terms with the reality of being weird.
On another note, I wish I had neighbors like yourself.
Lol I'm subscribed. I love this story. I admire you tried and youre sharing your "failure".
I understand why they would feel akward with that, but honestly the world would be a better place if people were more open to making friends like that. I have a lot of friends, but after dropping out of college i spent less and less time with them as they drifted away, and i would have been able to make more if i had just had a place that was socially acceptable to do so. Its kind of a weird social faux pau (cant spell that lol) to just walk up to people and talk to them to want to be their friend, its kind of assumed the person introducing themselves is weird in some way. What kind of world do we live in that we purposely make it harder to be friends with people? And honestly if i was with my friends, and i hate to say it, i would also think a person who sat with us randomly would be weird. I guess what im trying to say is that we re all just people. And id really like a world where we were able to drop pretenses and be able to connect more. Even if it was akward (only 6 minutes in the video lols) im proud asf of you for doing so 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️ its not weird, and some people are gonna be cool with it. Its cool asf to be brave enough to try and make friends
This is very true. The world would be a better place if we were all just open and sincere and tried to be friends.
its best to make friends when you are a kid.
you will be friends based on proximity, and accept each other's faults.
you will grow up and know that they are idiots but you already knew it all along.
What’s useful about that when you’re adult 🙄
@@URone2 i guess its not.
its just that friends are an interesting phenomenon.
the friend you've known forever gets endless forgiveness, but maybe the newer friend is judged.
i think my point might be that friendship requires time and shared experience to be solidified.
you can have everything in common with someone you met ten months ago, but do you really know them?
when you grew up together, you feel like you know somebody, and if they offend you, you can balance it against decades of history.
@@macbird-lt8de you got some good points, I think the basis for friendships arises out of shared interests. Go do stuff you love, and find people in that.
@@macbird-lt8de I do like your last point too, when you have known someone you know when it’s out of character or not. Think people just box themselves into who they should be too much, then it impacts the potential friendships, relationships that could be waiting if said person would drop the walls. Stop being what the world wants them to be, be themselves. Sometimes we don’t even know we are until an event snaps us out of it. Such as a death.
@@URone2
No matter how you make friends, prepare to be disappointed, because nobody is perfect.
We would like to think our friends are, but they're no better than us or anybody else.
Finding an honest to god friend in someone nowadays is next to impossible.
View this as a form of rejection therapy, it sucks and it hurts but you'll move on from it. Making friends is hard but when someone isnt feeling it , its best to let go so you can save your energy for those that are more open and willing to accept your friendship and give their friendship to you too. Dont let this or anything discourage you from trying , best ways to start imo is usually in a group setting - join some club or online community, something that you enjoy and it'll work out slowly for you esp with your sincerity.
Gosh I feel you. I guess we just all have to keep trying. =(
I've done this back in middle school with a girl I liked. Its been about a decade and I still think about it. The initial interaction, the slow loss of confidence, and the folding back. I was dared to ask out the girl I liked, and then I told her that after asking her out. I used to be stuck on the fact of what I said, or how I did it, but ultimately after all this time, it was that one thing I told them (the dare) that was the problem.
I understand your adverse reaction to the internet. I thought I was afraid of it. But I'm really just afraid of oversharing myself and being looked at. It hurts being a creative, but it's just finding ways to put myself out there in a way that I'm okay with being vulnerable about. I have never made friends online, but I've tried to and felt they weren't my style. If you have online friends, there is nothing wrong with that and you shouldn't be adverse to talking to them the way you have usually done.
Friendship is hard, meet people in the ways that you want to be met. I don't feel safe in many public spaces. I may think I want people to come and start talking to me on park benches when I'm desperate for friendship but I know deep down there are more comfortable situations to meet people. Lines for concerts or events. Unfixed group activities like classes at a local recreation center. Anything where bystanders are around with a common interest is a great starting place.
Don't confuse confidence with controlling the situation. You can't control who you don't know or don't understand. Just talk you, and then when it's your time to be confident hit them with *compliment* + whats your phone number + *short-term intentions with this person*. The reason it isn't long term intentions because you don't want to be friends with a stranger, you want to get to know them. Don't let desperate thoughts overtake you.
Why can’t you just walk up to people and make friends… I think you can and it’s the perspective and the ability for a person to relate to everyone like the energy of ONENESS. That’s where I reside. Any nice person can walk right up to me whenever and I’ll have a convo with them or anything
Well not anything lol you know what I mean
I feel you.
I also find it hard to talk to people.
damn i've been feeling very similarly to you for the past several months since moving to a new city. unfortunately i think there is always inevitably going to be a long awkward period in this situation where you don't know anybody and you're just looking to find solid ground. but thankfully i think i've finally started transitioning out of that; i've found a scene that i really want to be a part of and i have a good relationship with one person who's a big part of it. the next big hurdle is establishing myself in that new world, but i feel determined. so if it's any consolation to you (or anyone else reading this), if you keep fighting for it then you will get it, even if it takes you several months, even if you're as socially anxious as i am!
This video came at the right time, I'm struggling so hard with making new friends. This video sorta jump-started me to start talking to new people. I've learned from this
Ive done this before. Dont feel bad
Same here, it gets better with time in my case although it required lots of patience and self acceptance. Hope anyone reading this has a blessed day or night 💙
One of my close friends I made was just some guy I saw on the street talking about the new guitar he bought. I had an interest in guitars and we just talked about that for ages until we exchanged contacts, eventually he had a band and I joined in and after that we just routinely hung out from time to time. TBH I think it has to be with certain people, you kind of get lucky with who you meet. That interaction was also when he was with a group of friends, but you gotta be pretty chill and ask more about them rather than yourself I would say
Aww I feel you, but I applaud the fact that you went out and tried. I've unfortunately definitely had such awkward moments like that but thats the part that you gotta go through to learn to make friends again. I give you credit, since I wouldn't have the courage to do that 😔. Btw about what the guy said, even if he meant it in a nice way he's wrong. You can definitely make friends spontaneously the way you did. It's just in our time people think everything is weird. Everything has to be calculated and "chill". Nah, be you. There's more people out there like you than you think and me. Just hard to find, but don't beat yourself up. You're awesome! & no im not just saying that!
Her thoughts sound like literally my thoughts
I relate to this ❤ sending love thank you for sharing with us!!!
i have the same issue, i want to make friends but i dont know how to. honestly i haven’t had an IRL friend in almost 5 years now, besides my boyfriend. i think a big part of my problem is im afraid to approach people, i dont want to be rejected or perceived as weird, i spent my childhood feeling that way and its left a shadow on me as an adult. i live in a big city which you would think would give me more opportunities, but everyone is busy doing things and i can’t get myself to interrupt that. i think i might be a difficult friend because i’m bad at reaching out first, most of the friends ive ever had took the first step for me. i guess i need “low maintenance” friends because im a homebody, i dont really like going out or talking that much lol. it’s hard to find someone who wants the same things. i’ve never been good at keeping friendships because i get caught up in myself a lot and can become distant without intending to, and then we just drift apart. i’m not the most social person, and a lot of times when i’ve tried making new friends they want to be very social with me right away, and it’ll scare me lol.
I can heavily relate this this video as someone else that is socially awkard with autism, dont feel alone and dont blame yourself for your blindly made actions.
i think many sasha watchers are autistic
@@psychonautical379 we should make a poll
relatable man
Your ability to reflect on your thoughts so articulate is super cool to me. Yes, some shields came up when you talked to those people, but to the camera you are not hiding anything. It made the 30 minutes of video an ease to watch and listen through. I felt like I learned something through your experience, and for that I want to thank you for sharing.
if it were me within that group, no matter what, i would have shown you that you belong simply by being human, then cheer you as a friend, toke in hands for that moment of our current. youre so very honest in all the ways human and deserve to be treated honestly as such. much love S~
i feel in the same boat because I can't even bring the courage to compliment strangers. I don't know how friendship happens and I'm always trying to remember how I made friends in school but it never works as an adult. I'm always wondering if It's a symptom of being me, or maybe modern social environments are to blame, or maybe that's just how it is. I hope we both find our people someday cause I've never found an answer to how to make friends ❤
Thanks for sharing it really helped me self reflect a lot
When having a moment to sketch, i always take out my sketchbook and draw people i see. I've sketched so many people and have given away so many of the drawings that it emptied my sketchbooks! Guess how many times i got weird looks and had my sketches rejected? Soooo many time, but most times people were pleased and ended up having interesting things to say, share, talk about. Rejection is scary, awkward and uncomfortable but don't let it stop you get where you want or learn something new, meet people that will be open to welcoming you! I've shared contacts with people in trains, museums, as we wait for a bus and in the most random places ! I think many will nicely reject you simply because of the fear of the unknown or because they have a circle they don't want to see change and that is just fine because you will find your people. If you don't go to them, they will come to you, or you will cross paths ❤
i know u specifically do not want to make friends on the internet. but we relate and i feel like i’ve known you forever.
Comfort parasocial relationship 🏵/gen
Those mfs set you up
Firstly, don’t be too hard on yourself for this. As you said, they were all high, or the majority of them were. Understand, for them, that they don’t have their full senses attuned at that moment. Naturally, it’s gonna feel awkward in that specific instance.
However, the dude who was vibing to the music seems like a very chill person, tbh. Didn’t bluntly reject you, gave you legitimate advice and made you feel welcome as a total stranger, at first.
If you got the sense that they really wanted you to leave but didn’t outright say it, is probably again due to being high. Weed can make you overly anxious in social situations, especially. So, a complete stranger rocking up probably put them on high alert, instantly. The nice guy was either not very high or does weed a lot so doesn’t feel the effects as much. Meanwhile, everyone else was likely freaking out.
You sit with people for a while, You talk with them for a bit and You ask questions earnestly, then you listen. Speak earnestly, share within reason, get to know them and let them know you. Do this in spaces you feel comfortable with people you feel are approachable and you’ll find your group. Confidence helps and trying to be humorous can help at times, but matching their energy and attempting to be genuinely interested in others while sharing and relating with them in that moment will have you straight. Hope this reaches you and that you keep your head up❤️
Also probably don’t approach stoners while their high most of the time even when they’re in a group they just wanna be left alone fr. lol
Personally, if i felt some stranger is trying to become my friend, i would be totally open to that, but if I was hanging out with a friend group and i felt someone was trying to befriend all of us i wouldn't be. My advice is that if you want to befriend someone, do it one on one, or join a group activity where not everyone is already friends. Like a running group or a book club or something like that, maybe something more loose. Become friends through a common interest. I'm sure what i'm saying here isn't the absolute solution and it might not even help, but i just wanted to share my two cents. Good video, i liked it.
i would like it if someone came up to me in a group because if i was alone i might be scared even if the person was super nice haha
@@nbombom I can get feeling like that, I guess we're all different.
this is such an interesting mindset to me. why would you feel negatively if someone was trying to be your friend 1 on 1 vs trying to be friends with your group? would this not happen anyway if they got along with you personally first?
or would you just never introduce your new friend to your others?
Blood join a club - rock climbing club or something. Gotta be in a place where you’re essentially forced to be around people. Most friends are made at school - bc we’re forced to be around eachother.
I love you so much bro, you're a beautiful human being... You are so brave to have even done any of that. I can't invalidate what you felt, but from the outside, it sounds like you did totally fine.. perhaps those moments of putting yourself out there and approaching groups won't always go the same. But I don't think you did anything wrong at all❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ You did something a lot of us asparaguses cannot yet, myself included... Age 39. Beautiful human being you are.
"My authentic self didn't work, so i made it performative"
YOU PUT IT INTO WORDS! 💛
I'm very greatful for all of this.
Hey, if I was in my friendship group I would love to meet you and would never say ‘you can’t just come up to people’, that is literally how I made my best friends. Some people are really mean. It’s hard to find people you relate to when you’re really honest as a person, you’re so groovy and interesting and with the confidence to approach a bunch of strangers, I love that! And you are so beautiful inside and out, hope you feel okay after this, you did nothing wrong, please keep being you! p.s she doesn’t even go here!!!!
They prolly just got self conscious when you said you’re a content creator. They were just vibing and prolly thought they were gonna be filmed and no one wants that when you’re just trying to chill. It’s hard to just let your hair down when you think the whole world is watching.
Nevertheless good for you for trying. I thought that was pretty cool