Straight facts. My father was harsh as hell on me and I hated it growing up. But at 26, fresh outta college, ready to make my way in the world, I realize that the reason I am who I am today is in large part because of him. And I Im blessed to have grown up with a father that taught me how to be a man
Yes you are! Salute to you and your father! Be successful make that money young buck, make that money! Humility n hard work is the key.You got this!!!!!!
I disagree with this. Children need to know how to work out conflict and resolve issues. If they dont see the parents doing it in a healthy way, where are they going to learn. And how are they going to know that its OKAY and normal to disagree? You just have to learn to resolve disagreements peacefully and constructively. I always said it is good to "hash things out". I do agree that it needs to be done at a later time if possible. There may be some things that need to be hashed out asap, however maybe privately. It depends on what the situation is. If its a husband being abusive, thats a whole different circumstance. What if he is a drunk or druggy? Or has anger issues and takes it out on his sons? Some things arent black and white and require much prayer and wisdom.
@@terrilister1478. you are absolutely right. If the parents disagree they should let their kids see them peacefully work things out. Steve is like a lot of black men who think they have to be hard on their sons. You have to be hard on the knucklehead sons who do dumb $hit. But not all sons because i have three grown college educated sons who are respectful to everyone because I raised them right without being strict. They always knew right from wrong and they don't even use curse words ( at least not around me).My dad was very hard on me and my brother for no reason and to this day I still hate him for it. But it taught me the right way to raise my kids.
Terri Lister I think what they meant was never let the children see you get into a fight where you both are verbally exhausting each other but don’t entirely shut the door to allow them to see you get into a respectful argument where both parties explain their sides of the story. And can move on without it dictating their day, relationship or interaction with the rest of the family
‘You can disagree with your partner but don’t do it in front of the kids.’ I never thought of that but I absolutely agree. I don’t have children yet but this is definitely something I will always keep in the back of my mind when that day comes. Thanks Steve! 🙌🏼
@@texasgirl73goodjob46 it's really rare for a parent to willingly hurt your child especially men because they're like the thing we'll leave when we die
Nothing but facts. Let him raise them to be Men. Yeah he might be harsh but the world is Harsh. If they're prepared for that and they're disciplined , they will succeed
@lovemuffin2000 you act as though punishment and discipline excludes love and respect. It doesn't. If he's strict or harsh that's fine. No where did she say he was unloving, disrespectful, or abusive
@lovemuffin2000 The question is my dear are you kidding!! Apparently you have been on Mars or somewhere lately. You have kids killing kids, parents teachers and anything and anyone who makes them mad or get in their way just because they can not have their way. The home structure is and has been broken because of the absence of a good male role model in a Dad or Father figure. You have Father's and Son's serving time. Boys are turning to gangs for guidance. It is so sad now.
Steve is soooo right. A woman can nuture her boys but she can't show them how to be strong, and responsible men who are still allowed to cry. As an educator for over 40 yrs. mothers who keep doing this, are the ones who tend to be disrepected by the boys; and those boys remained 'tied to your breasts all their life.' Of course you have to speak up if anyone, family friend or foe, wants to abuse your boys....By the way I'm a mother of 2 girls and similar training is needed for girls.
I’m laughing here because I only have girls and as a mother my girls kick butt in karate. I probably teach them things most mom would not agree with but that’s because I want them to be strong and know to protect themselves. I wouldn’t say I’m rough on them but I do teach them to talk more, cry less. You can definitely teach strength without being a jerk parent.
@@jansley4 First off I never assume anything, I stated my opinion. 2nd the guess on the show (NEVER) -(EVER) said anything about abuse. She simply said (HARSH) YOU need to educate yourself on the two Syllabus and stop ✋ being Dramatic.. Overall the only option that matter during the time of the Talk Show was. Mr Steve Harvey In that order!!
Steve is so right! As someone who did stop my son's father for being too hard on our son, I really wish I hadn't. My my precious little angel baby has turned into a hard headed smart mouth teenager. So should have let his dad beat his ass whenever he wanted to!
Exactly..If your kids r being bad in school or talking smart back to u then u have every right to whip them..but if the daddy comes in from a bad day and decide to cuss the whole house out for no reason then that is unreasonable and abusive
Note Steve asked at the beginning of his reply if she admired her man & wanted her boys to grow up to be like him. That was to discern if he’s a decent, reputable, reasonable man. An anger monger would be abusing them and not admirable and therefore her answer should have been HECK NO.
@@Jm-le3iv nothing wrong with spanking your kids in a living manner But it's not ok to come home from a bad day and cuss the whole house or discipline in anger
THANK YOU STEVE, THIS WAS ON TIME. MY WIFE AND I HAD THIS SAME CONVERSATION """"""THIS MORNING"""""""" I REALLY NEEDED HER TO HEAR THIS FROM SOMEONE ELSE!!
@@necopolk2955 Yes!!!! My wife and I were hard up debating about this same topic this morning. She really thinks I'm to rough with our son. So now that this video happened at the same time we debated, she realizes that this was confirmation!!!
@@2thenext the fact that Steve said it doesn't make it Bible. You gotta be strong in disciplining your children.... But You gotta do it with love and in love all the time. The word to use isn't harsh. Being harsh is no way to raise a son. I have two sons myself by the way. Been with my hubby for twenty years and we aren't forty yet. Our boys are amazing. And we aren't harsh with them. They are so well rounded and simply wonderful. Because we always correct them and raise them in love. That doesn't mean you shouldn't yell here and there once a while. But that shouldn't be the order of the day. Please make sure your wife sees this response too. Lol
@@basiccommonsense1 My son is an athlete also. There are times when he wants to sit around and play video games all day...."NO NO NO", that's not happening around here. Being firm with him is the best way. I found out when you are soft and fuzzy with kids, they will walk all over you!!!
@@2thenext ......Dexter i hope you get this message. I have thought about you and your son on occasion. I wondered if you were able to ever find a balance between being his Dad and being his disciplinarian. I wouldn't want you to get it wrong and completely miss out on having a great and wonderful relationship with your son in the future. Ofcourse playing video games all day isn't the way to go. But know that young kids and teenagers do go through phases in life too sometimes. They also have the ability to be depressed at some points in their growing up years. So assuming you are still having a few challenges with your son? My advice to you would be to sit him down and try to have an honest open conversation with him. About why he acts that way sometimes. And then, you tell him how much he means to you, why you want the best for him and therefore what your expectations of him are going forward. Talk to him like a father talks to his son. From the heart. Did you know Steve usually talks to his sons from the heart and therefore has a wonderful relationship with all his boys? Do you know Steve allows his kids to pretty much follow their heart including stop going to regular college if that's not what they want to do? He has said some of his sons did not complete college. In fact his youngest son stopped going to college and is into photography now. Which is very non traditional obviously. I am saying all this to say, you only heard two mins on TV of all that Steve's life truly entails. But we all don't know the rest of it and what the actual truth really looks like in his household. So don't go following these TV people blindly and end up destroying something good for yourself. They lie to us sometimes for the sake of making good TV and ratings. Besides everyone's household is different too. Economic status and other things come to play. Steve flies his boys all over the world and they get to see things and places your boy has probably never seen or experienced before. Who doesn't love a good life with not so much stress? Make sure you sit your son down and ask him from the heart and with love if playing ball is what HE TRULY WANTS TO DO and if he is happy doing it. He may have said so before, and he could have also changed his mind along the way. Because the last thing you want to do is to force your son into something which isn't his passion or his gift. Steve will tell you that too actually. Please find out again. And I hope you let your wife read my initial messages and i sure hope you let her read this one too. Lol. Remember it takes both parents to raise a responsible all rounded great adult, not just one. God bless you all and i wish you all the very best.
It's called "tough love". He's a parent, not a best friend. As long as he's not pounding their heads in the drawer because they failed to dry off the can opener properly, back him up.
Yea, & some people that depend on 'TOUGH LOVE' ALL THE TIME! don't know how to be gentle & kind.....Those are VERY important attibutes. Some of the FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT. In God's Word.
I know boys can be a bit more resistant than girls......but to hurt them; throw them up against a wall; beat them till they can't sit down; cuss em out; speak bad stuff over their lives; that's not beneficial & not good. At All. It wounds them on the inside, & it's because of those inward wounds, that people have so much struggle in life.
I agree with Steve but I think that there needs to be balance. I’ve seen unnecessary strictness border abuse. And they call it discipline. I think she shouldn’t be too sot on her boys but if the father goes too far, she’s there to keep him in check. That’s the beauty of having two parents.
Exactly, I've told some people in the comments the same thing. The way you discipline matters. Some parents are really extreme and will do what is unnecessary.
I completely agree with Steve and empathize with her because I have been there. It’s gonna be hard girl but when he goes there with those boys, sit on your hands and let him deal with it. You will thank him later!
When hubby or I discipline our kids and if either of us disagree witg the method we wait till after the kids leave the room then talk to the other and give our respective opinions
Well Said!! Every female needs to read and understand exactly what you just wrote.. And if they can't comprehend you're statement re-read until its understood..
Adrianne Sills ok i expect all the men in here then to but out and shut their mouths when it comes to daughter. If moms can’t have a say with their sons then dads have no say with their daughters
For one parent to gloss over what the other said is disrespectful to their partner, it's definitely a necessity to be aligned with the rules set fourth for the kids to follow.
My father was soft but the head of our family. He couldn’t even beat us...and when you were punished, you knew you deserved it! But he taught us to be strong and independent and to never let any man disrespect you. However both of my brothers have turned out to be lazy men with no direction, which is sad. Just glad he is not around to see it as all he wanted in life for us was to be self sufficient.
Bars! My father is one of my best friends….now. He’s was tough as hell on my brother and I, he’s proud of the men we became and I’m proud of the man that I am, I’d be nothing without his guidance and I plan to raise my son in that same image. We have a responsibility as parents to make sure our world still turns after our departure.
For the first time ever, I agree with Steve. My mom disciplined us girls and my dad disciplined my brothers and even cousins. They turned out great. Respectful and wholesome, which is what women want to marry or have in their life. I know when I get married and have children, I plan on matching my discipline style of my sons with my husband, whom I hope will be tough not rough. There is a solid difference. Rough is bruising and humiliation. Tough is pain of losing privileges delivered with love and intent on building character.
Most successful black men are mad deep down inside.They know what they had to go through to get where they are...and will often times treat their children...black boys... too harshly... Good intentions but bad behaviour! They need to learn balance! My ex husband was that way with his two sons. All that discipline and one ended up in prison and the other one came close but cleaned up his act when he started having children of his own... but ended up treating his kids the same way his father treated him...too harshly! Not all kids are created equally...some kids need more discipline and some not so much. Get to know your children as individuals and treat them accordingly!
Exactly! Its not the discipline I disagree with its the mindset and methods. Manipulation , angry, and abusive, or just to be controlling ways are not healthy. Balance is key!! I’ve seen the scars entering adulthood.
I wish my father was strict, the burden was all on my mother and now that I’m older and have my own kids I see how hard it must’ve been to be so tough all the time…it’s easier to let things slide but it’s soooooo hard to be tough with your kids so they don’t grow up to be assholes.
I really ,truly wonder who on earth would be at least as good as sir Harvey when he's gone.the level and quantity of wisdom this man displays in each of his shows is jawdropping...the next host will have to be incredibly smart....and frankly ...whatever ...
It's all relative with teaching kids. Some kids need to learn lessons a way that would devastate more sensitive ones - kids are different, every one of them. My big brother was a sensitive kid, the harsh way only backfired with him and led him to lash out (he's the oldest, so my parents weren't that experienced yet). My little brother is not sensitive at all, he still, as a teenager, needs clear rules, otherwise he'll outsmart the system to his own advantage. Big bro probably would have profited more from serious and personal father-son talks, little bro would have profited from stricter rules and punishments when he was little. They're both terrific guys, so my parents clearly didn't fail, and everything I say is just tiny details. You can always criticise little things. But it's what I take away from my family for when I have kids: learn what works for them. There are, of course, absolute no-gos for any and all children, but many things are relative. Son stole something from the candy box after brushing his teeth in the evening. Some kids might need an actual punishment: no candy at all for a week or even a month. Some kids might just need an explanation of the damage it can do to their teeth, or the material and emotional damage breaking rules and especially stealing can do. This might not be the best example, but you get what I trying to say. Obviously a young child couldn't care less about an explanation as to why something is wrong, but my point is just they're different.
Steve Harvey knows the words of wisdom. Im 23 and i do agree with what you are saying. Kids need discipline. I agree with you on disagreeing with your spouse in front of your kid or kids.
Amen. Mam. If you disagree, think he's being too harsh...if you wait to point that out when you're not in front of the kids and you can come to an agreement on that issue (when you're not in front of the kids) they won't be so easily able to play you and your husband against each other. The minute they smell disunity in your relationship, the games have begun!
Thanks Steve. It's not easy being an old school kind of dad in this world. We have had this same issue in our household, but I'm hopeful she is beginning to see as our son gets older that he needs the tough love of a father. When moms try to be "lawyer" of their son defending him to the father, the son may end up needing real lawyers later!!
It's hard to know for sure without the details. Many times, when parents are too strict, the children rebel and act out as adults. Sometimes, being less strict and leading by example and letting your children learn from their mistakes is the best way for them to grow.
Yup! Always have the same opinion in front of your kids even if you disagree with the way your partner is talking or dealing with them. When my son was below 10yrs old, he would ask or say something and I would say NO. He would walk away saying that he's gonna call his dad and ask him. Before he called, i would call my husband real quick and explain and tell him to just say NO. This happened just a couple of times and after few attempts, our son knew this ain't gonna work with the folks at all. My husband and I would discuss the issue later and just have a laugh. Since then, to our son, NO means NO... he's 16 now and he's super disciplined and humble and all that.... it just works, people. There is too much power when you agree and disagree on the same things when it comes to raising kids. One of the strongest points to raise disciplined kids.
If you have a disagreement with the way your husband reacts or tries to discipline your kids wait until after he's done and say," I really would like it if you were a little more understanding,(yelled less), were more empathetic." Its a lot of things you can do and say without starting another argument and chiming in when he's disciplining them.
Never ever raise your hand against any of you kids, no matter if they are boys or girls. Hands always should extend love and never inflict any pain. Hitting a kid just reveals the helplessness and ignorance of guiding a kid the right way.
Wish I had a father figure like Steve...that’s why I’m lost...I’ve never been to prison or anything like that...but I just always sought guidance from older men cus I never had a father figure
@@oeao2841 oh well thats sad :/ well god bless you and wishing you the best in life and if you do have a bad relationship with your mom, know that its all going to get better bye bye!
My dad was always in the process of mentoring, training, connecting and disciplining me, to create a desire and the skills needed for a boy to become a good man.
I don’t like dad who are too tough and I won’t be one. It doesn’t take all of that. You don’t have to be harsh, or mean about it, just be firm, make them understand without making them scared to even do anything remotely fun or childlike around you.
Exactly i completely agree with you! not everything involves being harsh or abusive or violent or whatever it is parents can come up with just need to speak to them and make them understand without scaring them
That's the problem right there today, dads can't say or do anything, if he get on the boys for their behavior and discipline them , you have the mom get up in the man's face and tell him you don't talk to him like that, or you can't do that, and when the kids see that, he won't have any respect for the dad.
@Byron Payne Proven to do what? There are ways to communicate that respect both parties and both parties' needs. We don't have to make the same mistakes as our elders did.
WOW!! A man that got it figured out. I've been saying this for years. NEVER DISAGREE IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS! NEVER! NEVER! He's dead on right. The moment you disagree in front of them.... they got you! They know how to play you two against each other. You never say it in front of them. And every single time you know they already asked the other parent, and now they are asking you, you replay "What did your father say? Do that." "What did your mother say? Do that." He is dead on right. That is exactly what you should do.
David Brown I was beaten up as kid and was still very unprepared for life.I had to move to US to finally know how to deal with everything that life throws at you.All I can say is it was worse being “disciplined “ through physical punishment than being overwhelmed by a completely different culture.
Like Yanla Vanzant always said: you are raising someone’s else husband and someone else father. That’s a big responsibility! Your husband got it let him handle those boys - you won’t regret it.
My father whooped me too ... me and him still don’t talk to this day I just don’t like him as a person 🤷🏾♂️ but everyday I wake up I’m grinding for what u want and I’m not gonna beat my child and tell them it’s wrong just because they made a mistake that ALL PEOPLE make
I don't know how Steve the great announces any decisions without knowing any details.. Harsh as in... Definitely harsh like what... He straps and waks them.. What???
I have both sons and daughters. I was never strict with my children; past tense for one cause they're out of the house now. They have all grown up to be great children and young adults. The key was raising them so they did not want to disappoint you as the parent, cause they want to be like you. The second key is having an open line of communication with them no matter what.
I was shocked when she said shes been married for 19 years... she looks so young!
lipsohlips97 I thought she was 19 before she said that she been married for 19 years
Could because she got a man that love her . Did you see how she smile when Steve asked her about her husband
I agree!! She didn’t look a day over 19 herself lol
I know right!!! She loooks so young and good!! And by the way, she’s very beautiful!!
SAME OMG
Steve is 100% on point! “Undisciplined boys end up in jail, hospital, or grave”. That’s a fact!
john blogs but sometimes strict parents make sneaky kids
I absolutely agree with Uncle Steve 💯💯💯💯
Axha ‘ True. Hehehe🤭
Agreed but the way you discipline matters though.
C.E.T clearly you were undisciplined because you are so offended when it wasn't meant to be taken personally
Straight facts. My father was harsh as hell on me and I hated it growing up. But at 26, fresh outta college, ready to make my way in the world, I realize that the reason I am who I am today is in large part because of him. And I Im blessed to have grown up with a father that taught me how to be a man
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👌🏽
Cheers to your dad!🥂
Especially military father like my father
Damn straight 🔥
Yes you are! Salute to you and your father! Be successful make that money young buck, make that money! Humility n hard work is the key.You got this!!!!!!
SHE IS JUST FLAT OUT "BEAUTIFUL" 😍😍
yeaaaaaah
Yes she is
I'm sure you say that to every woman 😂
You need to educate yourself on what was being said. Rather then to focus on how that person look..
You make yourself appear dumb that way..
SMDH!!
And without makeup.
You are right don't disagree front of your children!
Charmaine Willaims I totally agree! 💕
Extremely important.
I disagree with this. Children need to know how to work out conflict and resolve issues. If they dont see the parents doing it in a healthy way, where are they going to learn. And how are they going to know that its OKAY and normal to disagree? You just have to learn to resolve disagreements peacefully and constructively. I always said it is good to "hash things out". I do agree that it needs to be done at a later time if possible. There may be some things that need to be hashed out asap, however maybe privately. It depends on what the situation is. If its a husband being abusive, thats a whole different circumstance. What if he is a drunk or druggy? Or has anger issues and takes it out on his sons? Some things arent black and white and require much prayer and wisdom.
@@terrilister1478. you are absolutely right. If the parents disagree they should let their kids see them peacefully work things out. Steve is like a lot of black men who think they have to be hard on their sons. You have to be hard on the knucklehead sons who do dumb $hit. But not all sons because i have three grown college educated sons who are respectful to everyone because I raised them right without being strict. They always knew right from wrong and they don't even use curse words ( at least not around me).My dad was very hard on me and my brother for no reason and to this day I still hate him for it. But it taught me the right way to raise my kids.
Terri Lister I think what they meant was never let the children see you get into a fight where you both are verbally exhausting each other but don’t entirely shut the door to allow them to see you get into a respectful argument where both parties explain their sides of the story. And can move on without it dictating their day, relationship or interaction with the rest of the family
“Just don’t disagree with each other in front of the kids”, so many co-parents need to hear that!!
True. Very important
Straight facts. United front. You letting them play you sis.
Exactly what I was going to say......
Peace&Tranquility you know it’s just not the dads place it’s hers too and her kids
@@rja9797 it's both but sometimes mother's get offended o how hubby disciplines and if that's the case then she should not interfere
I just wish the husband was present with her to hear his side of this.
jay rod i agree
Jay I was home with the boys that day but we discussed this prior to her attending the show.
@@terrancelivingston3304 wait you her husband
@@granturomiso05 lol.
Me too!!
‘You can disagree with your partner but don’t do it in front of the kids.’ I never thought of that but I absolutely agree. I don’t have children yet but this is definitely something I will always keep in the back of my mind when that day comes. Thanks Steve! 🙌🏼
So do I
Cristina Lebron no it’s ok to disagree or you won’t teach them how to resolve conflict
@@rja9797 Or more like sometimes it's ok to agree to disagree.
People act like this is new ,if you've been in management it's the same, never disagree in front of employees duh
My mother and father had that same approach.
Wow, undisciplined boys become undisciplined men!!
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
🔥🔥🔥
Fast girls, becomes fast women. That wasn't that deep
No one started raising them early in in life you have to have guidance by one parent or both or someone has to step in with some guidances
The jail is full of them
Let’s talk about her beauty 😱😍🌺🔥 omg! She is beautiful 🤷♀️
Right she don't like past 20
I'm saying and she didn't have no makeup!! I was mesmerized 😍😍😍
Ikr!!!!
Right? So effortlessly beautiful
she is...
You must stand together, later you can talk about it.
What if it does to far? Sometimes a parent has to step in.
@@rja9797 every parent knows when to stop before it goes to far
@@rja9797 no not every parent knows that
@@texasgirl73goodjob46 it's really rare for a parent to willingly hurt your child especially men because they're like the thing we'll leave when we die
Unless they're being abused physically or mentally, she shouldn't intervene..
Isn't being whooped physical abuse? If not, what's the difference?
If she's complaining about him being too harsh he's most likely abusive.
What's abusive?
Obviously, SHE felt he WAS being abusive to them..........
Well evidently, this wife thought that her husband's way of disciplining WAS border line abuse.....or she wouldn't have spoken up.
Nothing but facts. Let him raise them to be Men. Yeah he might be harsh but the world is Harsh. If they're prepared for that and they're disciplined , they will succeed
So true.
You are so right. I couldn't agree with you more.
@lovemuffin2000 you act as though punishment and discipline excludes love and respect. It doesn't. If he's strict or harsh that's fine. No where did she say he was unloving, disrespectful, or abusive
@lovemuffin2000
The question is my dear are you kidding!! Apparently you have been on Mars or somewhere lately. You have kids killing kids, parents teachers and anything and anyone who makes them mad or get in their way just because they can not have their way. The home structure is and has been broken because of the absence of a good male role model in a Dad or Father figure. You have Father's and Son's serving time.
Boys are turning to gangs for guidance. It is so sad now.
Exactly!
With Steve we get advice, jokes, inspiration... In short everything. I love Steve
Steve is soooo right. A woman can nuture her boys but she can't show them how to be strong, and responsible men who are still allowed to cry. As an educator for over 40 yrs. mothers who keep doing this, are the ones who tend to be disrepected by the boys; and those boys remained 'tied to your breasts all their life.' Of course you have to speak up if anyone, family friend or foe, wants to abuse your boys....By the way I'm a mother of 2 girls and similar training is needed for girls.
Are you kidding? Even grown men can't cry but we wanna let them teach the next generation emotional maturity?
I’m laughing here because I only have girls and as a mother my girls kick butt in karate. I probably teach them things most mom would not agree with but that’s because I want them to be strong and know to protect themselves. I wouldn’t say I’m rough on them but I do teach them to talk more, cry less. You can definitely teach strength without being a jerk parent.
I love watching Steve. Not only because he’s funny; but because he is also wise.
As hard as it is a wife shouldnt undermine her husband's authority in front of the kids. It will become a habit and sends a message to the kids.
She should have elaborated on what she meant by, "too harsh."
@b ray interesting.
Lady she doesn't need to Elaborate on being (Harsh) ?
The Word speaks for itself
The massage that Steve Harvey given to her was (Clear)..
Nuff Said!!
@@ronniejackson9228 Some women cover up abuse their husband is inflicting on the children. Dont assume.
@@jansley4 First off I never assume anything, I stated my opinion.
2nd the guess on the show (NEVER) -(EVER) said anything about abuse.
She simply said (HARSH) YOU need to educate yourself on the two Syllabus and stop ✋ being Dramatic..
Overall the only option that matter during the time of the Talk Show was.
Mr Steve Harvey
In that order!!
@@ronniejackson9228 lol you can calm down. And just as you did, I stated my opinion.
She’s so stylish & radiant .. beautiful
Steve is so right! As someone who did stop my son's father for being too hard on our son, I really wish I hadn't. My my precious little angel baby has turned into a hard headed smart mouth teenager. So should have let his dad beat his ass whenever he wanted to!
Men raise children, women ruin them
I understand her concerns. Too harsh punishment can be unreasonable and abusive. So we don’t know all yet
Exactly..If your kids r being bad in school or talking smart back to u then u have every right to whip them..but if the daddy comes in from a bad day and decide to cuss the whole house out for no reason then that is unreasonable and abusive
Note Steve asked at the beginning of his reply if she admired her man & wanted her boys to grow up to be like him. That was to discern if he’s a decent, reputable, reasonable man. An anger monger would be abusing them and not admirable and therefore her answer should have been HECK NO.
Discipline is not abuse.
Abuse is an extreme case. Discipline is correction to bad behaviour. The two are not the same..
@@Jm-le3iv nothing wrong with spanking your kids in a living manner
But it's not ok to come home from a bad day and cuss the whole house or discipline in anger
@@denyss3476 I agree with you discipline is not abuse and spankings in the butt should not fall under that category it's correction
THANK YOU STEVE, THIS WAS ON TIME. MY WIFE AND I HAD THIS SAME CONVERSATION """"""THIS MORNING"""""""" I REALLY NEEDED HER TO HEAR THIS FROM SOMEONE ELSE!!
Dexter this is so good! These are what these videos are for 🙂👏🏾
@@necopolk2955 Yes!!!! My wife and I were hard up debating about this same topic this morning. She really thinks I'm to rough with our son. So now that this video happened at the same time we debated, she realizes that this was confirmation!!!
@@2thenext the fact that Steve said it doesn't make it Bible. You gotta be strong in disciplining your children.... But You gotta do it with love and in love all the time. The word to use isn't harsh. Being harsh is no way to raise a son. I have two sons myself by the way. Been with my hubby for twenty years and we aren't forty yet. Our boys are amazing. And we aren't harsh with them. They are so well rounded and simply wonderful. Because we always correct them and raise them in love. That doesn't mean you shouldn't yell here and there once a while. But that shouldn't be the order of the day. Please make sure your wife sees this response too. Lol
@@basiccommonsense1 My son is an athlete also. There are times when he wants to sit around and play video games all day...."NO NO NO", that's not happening around here. Being firm with him is the best way. I found out when you are soft and fuzzy with kids, they will walk all over you!!!
@@2thenext ......Dexter i hope you get this message. I have thought about you and your son on occasion. I wondered if you were able to ever find a balance between being his Dad and being his disciplinarian. I wouldn't want you to get it wrong and completely miss out on having a great and wonderful relationship with your son in the future. Ofcourse playing video games all day isn't the way to go. But know that young kids and teenagers do go through phases in life too sometimes. They also have the ability to be depressed at some points in their growing up years. So assuming you are still having a few challenges with your son? My advice to you would be to sit him down and try to have an honest open conversation with him. About why he acts that way sometimes. And then, you tell him how much he means to you, why you want the best for him and therefore what your expectations of him are going forward. Talk to him like a father talks to his son. From the heart. Did you know Steve usually talks to his sons from the heart and therefore has a wonderful relationship with all his boys? Do you know Steve allows his kids to pretty much follow their heart including stop going to regular college if that's not what they want to do? He has said some of his sons did not complete college. In fact his youngest son stopped going to college and is into photography now. Which is very non traditional obviously. I am saying all this to say, you only heard two mins on TV of all that Steve's life truly entails. But we all don't know the rest of it and what the actual truth really looks like in his household. So don't go following these TV people blindly and end up destroying something good for yourself. They lie to us sometimes for the sake of making good TV and ratings. Besides everyone's household is different too. Economic status and other things come to play. Steve flies his boys all over the world and they get to see things and places your boy has probably never seen or experienced before. Who doesn't love a good life with not so much stress? Make sure you sit your son down and ask him from the heart and with love if playing ball is what HE TRULY WANTS TO DO and if he is happy doing it. He may have said so before, and he could have also changed his mind along the way. Because the last thing you want to do is to force your son into something which isn't his passion or his gift. Steve will tell you that too actually. Please find out again. And I hope you let your wife read my initial messages and i sure hope you let her read this one too. Lol. Remember it takes both parents to raise a responsible all rounded great adult, not just one. God bless you all and i wish you all the very best.
It's called "tough love". He's a parent, not a best friend. As long as he's not pounding their heads in the drawer because they failed to dry off the can opener properly, back him up.
Yea, & some people that depend on 'TOUGH LOVE' ALL THE TIME! don't know how to be gentle & kind.....Those are VERY important attibutes. Some of the FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT. In God's Word.
I know boys can be a bit more resistant than girls......but to hurt them; throw them up against a wall; beat them till they can't sit down; cuss em out; speak bad stuff over their lives; that's not beneficial & not good. At All. It wounds them on the inside, & it's because of those inward wounds, that people have so much struggle in life.
NO.
😂😂😂😂
@Tiffany Moore I agree too
At first I didn’t see where Steve was going but when he finished I totally got it ,makes perfect sense
I agree with Steve but I think that there needs to be balance. I’ve seen unnecessary strictness border abuse. And they call it discipline. I think she shouldn’t be too sot on her boys but if the father goes too far, she’s there to keep him in check. That’s the beauty of having two parents.
Exactly, I've told some people in the comments the same thing. The way you discipline matters. Some parents are really extreme and will do what is unnecessary.
She can check him behind the scenes. But they seem like a wonderful unit. Their children will be fine
How is she going to keep him in check with her weak muscles? :-)
Seun who said it would get physical? The husband seems like a wonderful man who loves his wife, so im sure he will listen
Austin Emovon what if he starts to get physical?
I completely agree with Steve and empathize with her because I have been there. It’s gonna be hard girl but when he goes there with those boys, sit on your hands and let him deal with it. You will thank him later!
You know what you're talking about
@@markustx I agree with her
When hubby or I discipline our kids and if either of us disagree witg the method we wait till after the kids leave the room then talk to the other and give our respective opinions
That's exactly how you do it.
That's right Steve true facts..
@@angelacarpentercarpenter7797 agreed
Well Said!!
Every female needs to read and understand exactly what you just wrote..
And if they can't comprehend you're statement re-read until its understood..
Yes, Yes, Yes, how do we get this message out to more mothers?
I posted this to a mother's group. You got to let these fathers guide these boys to be men.
Adrianne Sills you act like single women aren’t raising good men
Adrianne Sills ok i expect all the men in here then to but out and shut their mouths when it comes to daughter. If moms can’t have a say with their sons then dads have no say with their daughters
@@resolute1922 I agree
@@rja9797 some mother's are to soft or to scared to punish their kids
Exactly. In my household, growing up, if mom said no,or dad said no,that's it,bottom line. It's no.
Period ❕❗❕❗❕❗❕❗
One time I tricked my dad, when mom had already said no. Let me tell you I never had the desire to do that again 😂😂😂😂
@@nathanaelvalville9191 Got tore up?
@@robertlunderwood the ass whoopin was real
For one parent to gloss over what the other said is disrespectful to their partner, it's definitely a necessity to be aligned with the rules set fourth for the kids to follow.
Steve is a well learned,wise man.🙏🏿💃🏿🙏🏿💯💃🏿
My goodness! Mr. Harvey's wisdom is 2nd to none! Always apt!!
My father was soft but the head of our family. He couldn’t even beat us...and when you were punished, you knew you deserved it! But he taught us to be strong and independent and to never let any man disrespect you. However both of my brothers have turned out to be lazy men with no direction, which is sad. Just glad he is not around to see it as all he wanted in life for us was to be self sufficient.
Is he the man of your Dreams?? She shuddered 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Bars! My father is one of my best friends….now. He’s was tough as hell on my brother and I, he’s proud of the men we became and I’m proud of the man that I am, I’d be nothing without his guidance and I plan to raise my son in that same image. We have a responsibility as parents to make sure our world still turns after our departure.
Yesssss!!! Thank you. You have to raise boys and girls different. Thank for honesty.
Please, tell me how to raise and women and how to raise a man ?
Preach it Steve..spot on
For the first time ever, I agree with Steve. My mom disciplined us girls and my dad disciplined my brothers and even cousins. They turned out great. Respectful and wholesome, which is what women want to marry or have in their life.
I know when I get married and have children, I plan on matching my discipline style of my sons with my husband, whom I hope will be tough not rough. There is a solid difference. Rough is bruising and humiliation. Tough is pain of losing privileges delivered with love and intent on building character.
And how is a girl supposed to be raised?
@@katiemmb2091 a good mother ,a good wife ,a good person in general
I like that quote from Steve.. "an undisciplined boy becomes an undisciplined man." hope she gets it..
This is the best advice ever I ever heard from Steve
That was really valuable advice, I'll use that method when my kids get to talking.
You hit the nail right on the head, Wise words Indeed.
If she thinks hes being harsh she should talk to her husband behind the scenes NOT in front of them. Ever!
Great answer. I hope she takes that advice to heart.
Wait..did she get married at age 10?!!! She looks so young. Dang, ma'am!!!
Shes probabsbly 40 its bot unvelievible
One word about Steve’s advice to that beautiful lady, ‘PERFECT!!!’
Agreed
Most successful black men are mad deep down inside.They know what they had to go through to get where they are...and will often times treat their children...black boys... too harshly... Good intentions but bad behaviour! They need to learn balance! My ex husband was that way with his two sons. All that discipline and one ended up in prison and the other one came close but cleaned up his act when he started having children of his own... but ended up treating his kids the same way his father treated him...too harshly! Not all kids are created equally...some kids need more discipline and some not so much. Get to know your children as individuals and treat them accordingly!
Exactly! Its not the discipline I disagree with its the mindset and methods. Manipulation , angry, and abusive, or just to be controlling ways are not healthy. Balance is key!! I’ve seen the scars entering adulthood.
This comment 👏 excellent way to put it
I wish my father was strict, the burden was all on my mother and now that I’m older and have my own kids I see how hard it must’ve been to be so tough all the time…it’s easier to let things slide but it’s soooooo hard to be tough with your kids so they don’t grow up to be assholes.
that's why a strong masculine figure should be in the house
It’s easy
I really ,truly wonder who on earth would be at least as good as sir Harvey when he's gone.the level and quantity of wisdom this man displays in each of his shows is jawdropping...the next host will have to be incredibly smart....and frankly ...whatever ...
I loved Steve for this segment!!! That’s a whole WORD!!!!
But yea this is why it’s important for parents to do discipline and unconditional love!!! ♥️♥️♥️
It's all relative with teaching kids. Some kids need to learn lessons a way that would devastate more sensitive ones - kids are different, every one of them.
My big brother was a sensitive kid, the harsh way only backfired with him and led him to lash out (he's the oldest, so my parents weren't that experienced yet). My little brother is not sensitive at all, he still, as a teenager, needs clear rules, otherwise he'll outsmart the system to his own advantage. Big bro probably would have profited more from serious and personal father-son talks, little bro would have profited from stricter rules and punishments when he was little. They're both terrific guys, so my parents clearly didn't fail, and everything I say is just tiny details. You can always criticise little things.
But it's what I take away from my family for when I have kids: learn what works for them. There are, of course, absolute no-gos for any and all children, but many things are relative. Son stole something from the candy box after brushing his teeth in the evening. Some kids might need an actual punishment: no candy at all for a week or even a month. Some kids might just need an explanation of the damage it can do to their teeth, or the material and emotional damage breaking rules and especially stealing can do.
This might not be the best example, but you get what I trying to say. Obviously a young child couldn't care less about an explanation as to why something is wrong, but my point is just they're different.
Steve Harvey knows the words of wisdom. Im 23 and i do agree with what you are saying. Kids need discipline. I agree with you on disagreeing with your spouse in front of your kid or kids.
I miss Steve’s show. He is so real and had so much great advice for anyone
My grandparents told me the same thing, never disagree in front of the kids
Didn’t stop Diddy tho Mr.Harvey 😂
Amen. Mam. If you disagree, think he's being too harsh...if you wait to point that out when you're not in front of the kids and you can come to an agreement on that issue (when you're not in front of the kids) they won't be so easily able to play you and your husband against each other. The minute they smell disunity in your relationship, the games have begun!
Great counsel.
Our mother used to punish me badly and I'm proud of that because of the way discipline had been a part of my life because of her.
I love you mom.
Thanks Steve. It's not easy being an old school kind of dad in this world. We have had this same issue in our household, but I'm hopeful she is beginning to see as our son gets older that he needs the tough love of a father. When moms try to be "lawyer" of their son defending him to the father, the son may end up needing real lawyers later!!
It's hard to know for sure without the details. Many times, when parents are too strict, the children rebel and act out as adults. Sometimes, being less strict and leading by example and letting your children learn from their mistakes is the best way for them to grow.
Very good advise and the truth without sugar coating it to make her feel better..
Yup! Always have the same opinion in front of your kids even if you disagree with the way your partner is talking or dealing with them. When my son was below 10yrs old, he would ask or say something and I would say NO. He would walk away saying that he's gonna call his dad and ask him. Before he called, i would call my husband real quick and explain and tell him to just say NO. This happened just a couple of times and after few attempts, our son knew this ain't gonna work with the folks at all. My husband and I would discuss the issue later and just have a laugh. Since then, to our son, NO means NO... he's 16 now and he's super disciplined and humble and all that.... it just works, people. There is too much power when you agree and disagree on the same things when it comes to raising kids. One of the strongest points to raise disciplined kids.
Spot on Steve....you got this!!
If you have a disagreement with the way your husband reacts or tries to discipline your kids wait until after he's done and say," I really would like it if you were a little more understanding,(yelled less), were more empathetic." Its a lot of things you can do and say without starting another argument and chiming in when he's disciplining them.
👍👍 Thank you Steve me my never could agree on disciplining our boys ! But your one hundred percent right in what you told the nice lady !
Maybe his punishments are to harsh, we never knew what the punishments were
“Kids are slick” 😌😌😂
Never ever raise your hand against any of you kids, no matter if they are boys or girls. Hands always should extend love and never inflict any pain. Hitting a kid just reveals the helplessness and ignorance of guiding a kid the right way.
I agree, but I’m not sure she intimated that… he could be verbally harsh in his correction - but there should be limits there too
Tell her Steve!! 💯💯💯
Wish I had a father figure like Steve...that’s why I’m lost...I’ve never been to prison or anything like that...but I just always sought guidance from older men cus I never had a father figure
But u had a mother figure, god bless you :)
@@katiemmb2091 she didn't teach me anything
@@oeao2841 oh well thats sad :/ well god bless you and wishing you the best in life and if you do have a bad relationship with your mom, know that its all going to get better bye bye!
when you disagree, talk about that behind closed doors, but always support each other in front of the children! that's how I was raised!
Steve was trying to give this sister "the wink" about what kind of boys need discipline...hope she caught the hint 😉
My dad was always in the process of mentoring, training, connecting and disciplining me, to create a desire and the skills needed for a boy to become a good man.
I don’t like dad who are too tough and I won’t be one. It doesn’t take all of that. You don’t have to be harsh, or mean about it, just be firm, make them understand without making them scared to even do anything remotely fun or childlike around you.
Exactly i completely agree with you! not everything involves being harsh or abusive or violent or whatever it is parents can come up with just need to speak to them and make them understand without scaring them
Golden words from Steve!
That's the problem right there today, dads can't say or do anything, if he get on the boys for their behavior and discipline them , you have the mom get up in the man's face and tell him you don't talk to him like that, or you can't do that, and when the kids see that, he won't have any respect for the dad.
The1baddman septentrional mizè. Fanm
Exactly. She knocks the feet out from under him and makes the children think they only have to listen to her, not him
The way you discipline matters though.
I agree with you, but from the way she looks I'd like to know exactly what this man is doing. She's really upset about this.
But beating the kids isn't having any respect for the kids!
I had to learn this one as well !!!! Well said Steve.
We need better ways to raise children than being harsh with them.
@Byron Payne Proven to do what? There are ways to communicate that respect both parties and both parties' needs. We don't have to make the same mistakes as our elders did.
Guuuhhhhh daaayyyyuuummm, Steve looks 10x better with a beard
Damn Straight. I tried to tell this to my mom about my nephews FAILED.
Now 20 year later she knows.
Steve said it exactly as i thought. Thats right. Talk BEHIND the scenes disagree there NOT in front
Great advice, thank you for sharing this!
WOW!! A man that got it figured out. I've been saying this for years. NEVER DISAGREE IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS! NEVER! NEVER! He's dead on right. The moment you disagree in front of them.... they got you! They know how to play you two against each other. You never say it in front of them.
And every single time you know they already asked the other parent, and now they are asking you, you replay "What did your father say? Do that." "What did your mother say? Do that." He is dead on right. That is exactly what you should do.
She sounds like she was trying to say she doesn't like how her husband whoops them. Maybe he goes overboard sometimes. That's just my guess though.
I don't beat my kids.
David Brown I was beaten up as kid and was still very unprepared for life.I had to move to US to finally know how to deal with everything that life throws at you.All I can say is it was worse being “disciplined “ through physical punishment than being overwhelmed by a completely different culture.
@@terrancelivingston3304 spankings are not beatings
@@terrancelivingston3304 Wait what?
This episode is just AMAZING!
Like Yanla Vanzant always said: you are raising someone’s else husband and someone else father. That’s a big responsibility! Your husband got it let him handle those boys - you won’t regret it.
Exactly.. Steve is very right..
Steve is a great example of a dad
Man's got a point 🔥💯🔥
I'm probably the opinion no one agrees with but i say follow your instinct. If the discipline is projection of anger, that's a problem.
Well said Steve 👏 👌
I wholeheartedly agree with this. For once I agree with his advice.
Not the answer she was looking for 😂
My father whooped me too ... me and him still don’t talk to this day I just don’t like him as a person 🤷🏾♂️ but everyday I wake up I’m grinding for what u want and I’m not gonna beat my child and tell them it’s wrong just because they made a mistake that ALL PEOPLE make
Well said Steve , you are the man
I don't know how Steve the great announces any decisions without knowing any details.. Harsh as in... Definitely harsh like what... He straps and waks them.. What???
The production team gives him the questions prior to taping.
I hope to age this gracefully
Steve: Is he the man of your dreams?
Lady: paused, snickered, and then said "Yes"
Ehhhhh, maybe he isnt.
I have both sons and daughters. I was never strict with my children; past tense for one cause they're out of the house now. They have all grown up to be great children and young adults. The key was raising them so they did not want to disappoint you as the parent, cause they want to be like you. The second key is having an open line of communication with them no matter what.