video will stay up given topic is important from a public health standpoint. ruclips.net/video/BiaK37RyH_s/видео.html Adam's channel in description for context.
@@habibiseries127she's not anyone's "queen". She is a regular human who is capable of mistakes and poor judgement. It's ok to love the character and that enjoyment you got from her that can't be taken from you. It belongs to you. But it's so important to remember that you don't know colleen irl. Miranda doesn't exist irl. You don't owe her anything. And your love for the entertainment she provided doesn't negate that ppl have been hurt by her. Don't let a parasocial relationship blind you from other's pain. Parasocial relationships make u feel like u know colleen and you don't have that with the ppl she hurt. But you don't know colleen anymore than any of them and we as a society need to believe victims. Be cognizant of your bias.
For some reason older women Drs always pull that on me. Took me YEARS to finally get diagnosed with endometriosis and when i did it was stage 4 and i had to lose an ovary:(
@@keepinitkawaiiSometimes the female doctors act macho so they can survive the teasing of their colleagues for choosing to be a doctor and a woman at the dame time. I agree that sometimes the female doctors act tough so they will be accepted by their male coworkers. I too had a medical crisis that ended in me having to undergo an emergency ovary removal.
I recently gave birth and I was getting an epidural and I was still in pain even after they gave me more I was getting it from a male and my doctor came in checked to see how far I was I felt it and was in pain I had already told the male doctor that he said you can’t have more your legs will be to numb to push my actual doctor said that’s bullshit and look so annoyed
I really think he was trying to say "don't worry, this won't hurt the baby". I know I feel much better when people say my symptoms are common so I don't think I'm dying. It's a hit or miss thing.
IMO The only time you should hear "It's common" in a medical practitioner's office is when it is followed by "This is why you have several treatment options you can choose from"
It feels we just need a doctor that had been in the same shoes. So empathy would be there and actually explained things. Colleen should have changed her doctor the first time he gave her the answer " it's normal". No it's not! I'll get someone that gets me.
The comments of: "You'll forget all the pain" and "at least you've got a beautiful baby" are so infuriating. I know they mean well but I also have absolutely not forgotten my pregnancy and birth pains and anxiety. And it took me a year to start enjoying my son. And this just sucked!
agreed! I have never forgoten the pain either. It took me about the same to actually enjoy my child too. I would protect him from harm but I the depression +sleep deprivation was soul crushing!
Yes! I gave birth in a small Japanese clinic that didn't offer ANY painkillers during birth and I desperately wanted some because my contractions felt so intense and like one continuous sea of pain. I tore so bad that the stitching up took 2 hours. I hate it when people tell me "you forget all the pain" and how they gave birth 3 times without any painkillers. I remember clearly how horrible it all was even if I can't remember anymore how the pain exactly felt.
Im so sorry you’ve ever been told that. Even without having ever had a child I know pregnancy and childbirth can be potentially traumatic experiences and no one should ever downplay that reguardless of it giving you a child. Heck, I have legitimate trauma from going on a vacation that stressed me out.
I had ovarian torsion (Not the same but its said to be much worse than childbirth itself) people say pain fades. Bitch I can still years later remember the feeling.
I had a planned c-section because of complications... it took 8 years to get pregnant again and as much as I wanted him, I was glad deep down because I wasn't ready. My 2nd experience was cathartic and helped me come to terms with my 1st. It was about 5 years before I even started to really feel ready for another.
I’m adopted, and my mom has never been pregnant. She always romanticized it somewhat - some wonderful condition that ‘lucky’ women can achieve. I finally got pregnant at 34, and remember being SHOCKED at the pelvic pain, round ligament pain, back pain, etc. I had nausea throughout, as well as severe anemia that required weekly iron infusions and caused cardiac issues. My mom was just as shocked. She always thought pregnancy was bliss.
Wow! Beside from your moms wish to of course take your pain away, was it also kinda healing for her? To realize that it might not have been this magical experience for her? My sister always questioned whether to have children or not and ultimately time took that option from her - but she now gets to see me as a mom to 2 kids and, although she loves her niece and nephew, she sees the struggle of momhood and is relieved she didnt go that route lol. So it kinda healed her wonder about that big what if question! Different scenario of course, but maybe your mom gets a little relief from that illusion being taken away!
@@emiliana1767 i call it the disneyfied version of things.....it seems to happen to female centric things like pregnancy and motherhood and so on where the honest realistic truth is greatly discouraged because God forbid you say anything remotely negative about both....🤦🏼♀️
@@Duszka Are we surprised? Little girls are shoved play with dollhouses and Barbies and the like as soon as they can play with toys and sometimes even discouraged from play with toys that are 'for boys'. It's one instant of parenting that needs to stop sooner or later (hopefully sooner)
@@Duszka so true! I try to raise my girl with a healthy mixture of reality and optimism, but its a hard balance (which i of course will never know if i hit the sweet spot). But instead of facing her with too much possible scary scenarios, i try to teach her the tools to handle obstacles and challenging times. She will know that parenthood is a very responsible and demanding path and that any path is equally valid. I want to say its worth it, but all choices are worth it. And this over-romanticized bullsh*t about pregnancy, birth and motherhood seriously needs to stop everywhere!
@@Duszka When Frida mom commertial was criticized for showing "brutal" vision of post partum I remember reading a lot of comments saying something like "we should NOT show things like this because women would not want to have children". Great attitude, let's lie and hide the facts until they get pregnant, so it is too late and they would have to just "deal with it". And then we have women that feel cheated or worry, that there is/was something wrong with them. It's not that they wouldn't want to have kids, they just wished they knew so they could prepare themselves for what's to come.
When I told my doctor “some people run marathons while pregnant?!” She replied “yep, they’re a freak of nature” I had never felt so validated (I said it cause I like to stay active but was struggling and she was someone who was very fit amen active herself so I soo appreciated hearing that). I had no idea how much that one comment would help me and how often I would remind myself that when I’m struggling.
Yourself! Please do an interview to yourself. You're so freaking hilarious lol also this is my first time commenting on a REALLY NEW VIDEO! one minute ago! OMG we are typing at the same time! lol sorry my crazyness! Take care and have an excellent day dear MDJ!!!! Edit: I have theraphy in like fifteen minutes so this video will have to wait but I' can't waiiiiiit! specially when I didn't know that Miranda Sings and Colleen Ballinger were the SAME PERSON at the birth story lol (plz don't hate me for not knowing her. I talked about this not knowing they were the same person with my brother and he laughed because he already knew her from a tv show. All of this while recommending him your amazing channel. He'll promise to watch the HPV series at least so I hope he sticks for the rest too but he's more like an engineer kind of guy (but a very curious person so he doesn't stick just with engineer kind of stuff, he's open to anything, he's great. I love you bro! hopefully he will love you as I do and follow you inmediatly lol
I was thinking the same thing! I am a therapist and you can totally see the empathy written all over her face as she listens! Wish she could have been my ob! Lol
"You are not obligated to sacrifice your mental and physical self in order to expand your family." This made me tear up. I feel like women are so pressured to get pregnant for their husband or partner, that they sacrifice themselves in order to fulfill that society posed "purpose" on the women's body. There are always other options. Thank you two wonderful ladies for speaking on this!
I didn’t have an epidural, pushed baby out on 7 mins and had minimal tearing. Again. Every woman is different. Every baby is different to second delivery was much harder than the third.
And yes. The recovery. I remember with my second being barely able to sit down three days after the birth. I was swollen and I had stitches ans my breasts were engorged and painful. red stretch marks stripped across my once flat and firm abdomen, the skin that would never fully recover. The whites of my eyes were bright red from burst blood vessel ‘s, my hair had started to fall out and my skin was all patchy and peeling from the hormone changes. I had never felt uglier or more miserable. Nobody prepares you for that part.
As someone who struggled to GET pregnant for years and then finally got pregnant with my rainbow baby, I think it's completely normal to admit if you felt miserable during pregnancy. All I wanted was to have a baby but once I got pregnant, I was miserable the entire time. Was I thankful? Yes! But I was still miserable and that's okay. Not everyone is going to have an amazing pregnancy with barely any bad symptoms etc.
Yes! I had my first son and I had so little symptoms I actually didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was 31 weeks. My second son I had HG and SPD, I thought it was likely because my two pregnancies were so close together. I’m on baby #3 after waiting 5 years, I’m 12 weeks and I’m already 100% over this pregnancy. Every day I think to myself I just want this over hundreds of times.
Yeah, I think people are allowed to feel their feelings without worrying about offending others they aren’t “grateful” enough. I’m single, I’d love to be in a healthy relationship, but I don’t expect people in happy marriages to just be grateful about their spouse all the time…if I did that says more about me than them 😅
For me giving birth and after birth is easier than pregnancy. I swear to god as soon as I pushed him out I never felt better. (Even now in recovery lol)
I am in this exact situation. I had 2 miscarriages and now I’m 15 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby and although I have thrombofilia (sorry, idk how to spell it, i’m not great in english) I really have an easy pregnancy. Usual sickness and vomiting but I am really sure that I have a really easy pregnancy. But i don’t love it at all. I love my baby and i’m so happy when i get to see him at the doctor and feel him in my tummy, but pregnancy really isn’t great even if it’s easy. I waited so much and i am so happy i got to experience this and i really want my baby to have siblings but i’m really scared to be pregnant again. Maybe it’s my life, a little chaotic, everything is happening now, i’m renovating my home and i have to live at my mom, she lives in another country for the moment and her apartament is new and i had to prepare everything for living in it, i haven’t had a vacation in a really long time and it adds up. Sorry for this long comment but please do not criticise moms for complaining. Even the easy pregnancy is pretty hard. Be careful and feel free to talk about it. Lots of love 🥰
Colleen, I am a woman who has been going through infertility the last 5 years. And your experience with pregnancy is NOT the experience I’m hoping for, and I really also appreciate knowing how awful it can be. You don’t have to feel guilty because this is your reality. 💕
I was about to leave a similar comment when I read yours. And I understand your infertility struggle. I experienced infertility for 5 years before I got pregnant with my miracle baby when I least expected it, born this year in July. Sending love and thoughts your way.
I tried for a baby for 6 years, I just about gave up until I found out I was pregnant.. it's not easy and I'm not sure if it's all worth it, but I hope it is
Yup.. I got an extreme excruciating pain around 20/21 weeks. We called my OB and he said it didn’t sound like anything serious. I didn’t feel right and decided to just go to the ER. No tests we’re done at all. Just questions.. was told it was just acid reflux/heartburn. I continued to experience this pain almost every day. Even drinking water would make the pain start... went to ER many times to just go home. Finally one night at a different hospital ER, got tests done and it was pancreatitis. Had surgery next morning when I was 35 weeks pregnant. Then my water broke a week later due to all the trauma of the constant pain and surgery.. 😭
Omg! I'm so sorry! When is this stuff going to change? I had an also pregnant obgyn who was so dismissive and not informative about extremely important things. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for women of color who have these issues x10!
Seriously! Every woman in my fam thats had a baby has had a very painful and difficult pregnancy and birth. Honestly its been bad enough to where all the other women and girls in the fam are planning on not having kids.
Lol what are you alluding to with this comment- stop letting women get pregnant?? 😂 🤦🏻♀️ no one forces them, and we are relied on to keep the species going .
@@pmp3486 What they're trying to say is that medical training should include learning about the actual variety of experiences that women have whilst giving birth... Not just the same "typical" cases.
I don’t trust doctors anymore but this MDJ seems to know what she’s talking about. I’ve never been pregnant and have already experienced the negligence of the healthcare system toward concerned women. “That’s common” doesn’t help anyone!
Doctors who say “this is normal” without really listening are the reason I had 7-10 day blood bath periods every 5-6 weeks starting at age 11 and thought I was weak. They thought the kid was exaggerating, I guess. It affected my self esteem severely..if every girl was going through this why couldn’t I handle it. I finally got a PCOS diagnosis (androgen sensitive PCOS) at age 30 when I took myself to a reproductive endocrinologist because I read about PCOS. Bingo. Ovaries full of cysts (Hair everywhere starting at 11…normal weight at that age). My periods started to normalize in my late 20s. I still feel like my life began at 30, and it could have been so much different if doctors had listened to me as a child.
This! I'm so sorry. Also, it doesn't help to just compare symptoms. You can 'bleed a lot' during a period and mean a pretty regular amount. I had 'some nausea' during the first trimester by which I mean I felt a bit queasy when my blood sugar was low (never threw up). But I also had 'some heartburn' by which I mean, it kept me awake since the 2nd trimester and made nights miserable. We / our medical providers should never assume we are weak just bc symptoms can range from average to absolutely debilitating, and it's nobody's fault!!
I hate that there is so much guilt around pregnancy and for pregnant people. For any other biological function we wouldn't have that. Like if you have really bad pain walking you don't have to preface it with "I'm grateful I'm able to walk, I'm so glad I get to experience it, so many people can't walk and wish they could and I don't want to be insensitive to them". No, if you have horrible pain while walking you just go to the doctor and doctors try to fix it. I feel like the comfort and well-being of pregnant people is often secondary in our society and there is this reasoning that "oh well as long as you're baby is okay / alive you can't really complain". And I think it makes it extra traumatising for people who have bad experiences during pregnancy or birth because they feel they can't share their trauma because at least they are alive and their baby is alive.
yes! validation of ones situation does NOT invalidate anothers experience! My third preg was awful-but I had friends struggling with infertility so the guilt is real!
I feel this a lot and think it's just what's left of when people basically viewed women as baby making machines. Only the baby matters not the mother and it's scary how different a situation could be for some one who has the same pregnancy experience as Colleen. I can't a imagine a 15 year old trying to learn about her body and ending up pregnant, can't get the care she needs and has an awful pregnancy on top of it not being wanted in the first place. I would be traumatized, but the lack of empathy mothers and expecting mothers (especially teen moms) is quite disgusting honestly. No matter what, people first thought is to assume it's her fault and getting pregnant is a punishment, like what?
It's especially important to talk about since this is something a lot of people with a uterus will experience once or multiple times throughout their life. Pregnancy is so common, and it is kind of mind blowing that despite it being an integral part of our society we don't talk about it honestly or thoroughly enough. It seems that many people want to believe that you get pregnant and presto, nine months later a new human being is born and don't spend much time thinking about what that costs someone physically and mentally.
“You are not obligated to sacrifice yourself for your family” LOUDER FOR THOSE IN THE BACK! I always feel like people gloss over the fact that this is a 1 to 2 year SACRIFICE for moms. Minimum a year for growing a human and recovery and then if you breastfeed for a year you’re either tied to your baby or a pump and it’s exhausting! Even if you don’t breastfeed, that first year of life is rough and a lot of the time mom’s bear the brunt of that.
You put my thoughts into words so perfectly!!!! It's 01H30 am in South Africa right now and I'm up pumping right after breastfeeding. It really doesn't end and I was not aware of this at all. It's a lot! My baby is almost 3 months old and getting so much better for colic but before she got better it was everything else while recovering from a c-section then add an extremely colicy baby. No one should make this sacrifice unless they want it for themselves, it can never be for someone. I'm honestly willing to do this 1 more time and that's it.
@@nolusizodlalisa5573 I am with you! Both of mine were C-sections and tiny so they were closely monitored for weight gain. So glad I waited 4 years between mine, big brother was a great helper with the second but I am DONE. You are doing great momma keep up the good work!
Actually, yes you are. Far too many children are suffering because women have lost sight of the need for personal "sacrifice" (it's actually a privilege, not a sacrifice ... but you do you).
No WOMAN is obligated to sacrifice her health, physical and/or mental to meet someone else’s expectations of what a good mom should do whether that be breastfeeding, having more kids, or being a stay-at-home moms. All parents make sacrifices in order to give their kids the best life they can and each parent is raising their children in the best way they know how and striking that balance by meeting their and their children’s needs. I’m lucky to have my kids but my life isn’t defined by them and that is something we need to normalize as a society. There’s a reason it takes a village and not just one woman making sacrifices.
It made me tear up when she said "I obviously can't handle pain. I mean look at me compared to other pregnant women." Its so horrible that she was made to feel this way. 😔
@@dandee6604 You have to control the situation at the hospital and be firm about it ,not letting them control you. Hospitals are very non-cultural settings comparative to birthing centers. Certain cultures , for example, do not birth the way Europeans do. Native Americans and middle eastern cultures tend to squat or get on their knees to give birth which often isn’t allowed in the hospital setting, but is much more comfortable and less painful . (And more conducive to a better outcome , less likely or have cord /neck issues or tearing. ) Many of these cultures also use warm water , message, and special creams to help prevent tearing and make birthing less painful . Better birthing equals less pain, quicker recovery, and a more positive attitude , which gives you more time for the baby.
@@Heavensoon7 not sure what country you are in but in Canada those things are mostly allowed in most bigger centers and in some smaller centers too. I have worked in hospitals all over my province.
@@maloxi1472 They can sure try. And less confident and younger less experienced women are more easily influenced and persuaded. Some of these medical professionals have actually had classes in persuading people to do what they want them to including neurolinguistic programming training supposedly “cultural diversity training“ which has nothing to do with culture whatsoever. It’s simply programming sessions with use of NLP techniques, In other words ,mind control to sway the client. High powered sales uses the same training session just with a different title.
Finally women being honest about how horrible pregnancy is. Mine were also just terrible. Painful, uncomfortable and sick the entire time. Glowing?! Yeah right.
What’s funny is that I was repeatedly told that I had “a beautiful pregnancy glow” while I struggled through one of the hardest, most painful and most traumatic experiences of my life, so apparently I “looked great” all while not sleeping, not eating, throwing up, not being able to walk, stand or sleep? So that was not very helpful
I couldnt think of anything worse than being pregnant and giving birth I dont understand how women are so willing to go through that!? Dont mean to be so dark but Im suprised many women dont take their own lives during pregnancy or birth.
My mom said that when she was giving birth to my older sister she wanted to punch the first nurse that was with her for saying "don't you think you're being a little dramatic?" That nurse got kicked out and the next one told her "I have 5 kids. You go ahead and scream all you want." Thank god my mom is not the kind of woman who lets other people make her feel bad, and everyone should have an experience like what the second nurse gave her.
Wow! I love that second nurse! I've given birth 6 times and each one is so different! With my second, I almost punched the nurse because my water broke and my body immediately started pushing on its own and I was freaking out. And she told me not to push because the doctor hadn't arrived yet. I had another nurse that told me I didn't need to keep apologizing for being "loud" during pushes or contractions, I just needed to do whatever helped me (by my 5th, I discovered low moaning helped for some reason). She was amazing! I had her with 4 of my 6 babies. I do miss my delivery doctor. He was basically a midwife! He retired when I went in with my last baby, so I had a different doctor who didn't make it to my birth. (I tend to deliver on weekends)
Dang, but it does happens. The nurses one day switched from me because “I didn’t take birthing classes!” (I got so mad! I was really close at work with a Muslim, beautiful women who was 3 weeks further than me, and she’s the one who had kids before and told me to “not waste my money, and don’t take birthing classes.” Because “they (nurses and obs) will tell you what to do” those nurses did not. They were like “well what did you birthing classes tell you?!” Haha I was like: “nothing! I know you tell us what to do, my coworker has given birth here twice almost 3 times” (I got induced before she gave birth even though she was 3 weeks further along)) and they came back once I had my kid and they said (no lie) “we never thought you’d make it!” 👀 what was that supposed to mean and what did they think was going to happen?!
When Colleen talked about feeling horrible about herself because all the excruciating pains she was feeling were deemed as "normal" I wanted to cry. I never felt validated by my medical team during my pregnancy, I had a horrible pregnancy with a myriad of horrible symptoms and it felt like my doctors never did anything about it and dismissed me always about all of my concerns because it was all normal pregnancy symptoms. My pregnancy was a nightmare, and hearing someone else talk about it in such a real way is so incredibly important. I appreciate Colleen so much!!
I also had an insensitive obgyn during my first pregnancy. I had horrible back pain and needed some rest. But she was so dismissive that I changed doctor for my second pregnancy. My new doctor is not the most talkative of the lot, but at least listens to me and runs tests if I have some pains or symptoms. I am so glad I never went back and did not let her treat me poorly again.
As traumatic as this experience was for Colleen, I'm really glad she told her story. And thank you MDJ for being so compassionate and making this an educational experience. Muchlovealways
God I wish I couldn’t relate to this, but she just described my entire pregnancy...and I also never want to be pregnant ever again, yet I want more kids. Seriously, I’m here crying knowing I’m NOT the only one! Thank you so much for this. I feel validated. 🥰
Everybody told me that pregnancies are different and that my second pregnancy would be easier. Guess what, the second one was so hard that I have anxiety thinking about it. I had a 48h pitocin induced birth without epidural and I still liked it because it was easier than pregnancy.
I'm still pregnant with my first but it's been a hard enough pregnancy that I already, desperately don't ever want to go through this again. But I always planned on having more than one child and I know that my husband is going to want more than one so the idea of being against having more breaks my heart but the thought of going through this again terrifies me. It's so comforting to know I'm not alone in those feelings
I really wish she could’ve had a more compassionate OBGYN, that response “if he stops moving” must literally be so awful and anxiety inducing. So strong of her (and not to mention she was still pushing out content day after day during this!) happy for her now! She has a beautiful family!
I had terrible cramps one day at the start of my pregnancy to the point I was worried of miscarriage I phoned the early pregnancy team at the hospital and I was straight up told "if you're going to miscarry you're going to miscarry there's nothing we can do" and that was that and I understand there's nothing they can do but to just straight up say it like that was awful she made me panic worse thankfully I was fine but the way she spoke to me was awful
Agree! I can’t imagine having that responsibility/anxiety of waiting for your baby to move 24/7. My first baby wasn’t very active so I would have been a freaking mess!
Lately i’ve been feeling really depressed because my pregnancy is so painful, so thank you both for sharing your experiences. I feel validated and not alone.
That “you’ll forget the pain the moment you hold your baby “ isn’t anywhere near the truth! I wouldn’t have had a second pregnancy if I wasn’t guaranteed a c-section for my second child. My children are 36 & 38 and I can still, today, mentally “feel” the horrendous n&v, exhaustion, labor pain(67 hours) and fear when meconium was pouring out of me. Being wheeled away for the c- section was the most painful, frightening & solitary experience I’ve ever had.
This gets me too, because I also had ICP (which is extremely rare to have) and even though my doctor & hospital had never had cases of it.. my doctor took it extremely seriously because ICP LITERALLY GIVES YOU A HIGH RISK OF HAVING A STILL BORN!! Waiting until "baby stops moving" would probably be too late 🙃. With ICP they typically are supposed to try to get you as close to 36 weeks as possible, and then induce you 🙃🙃. The bile in your blood stream can literally kill your baby. If it's a very mild case they will monitor you and let you go further... But 😲🤯 I can't get over that the doctor brushed it off like it was nothing
I had ICP too but actually according to the Nhs and britishlivertrust it affects 1 in 140 pregnancies in the UK, which is not that rare, and according to recent studies the chances of stillbirth is only increased 1-4%(some say not at all), so whilst it needs treating and induction is definitely an option please don’t try to scare all mothers.
@@nbt1856 I'm not not trying to produce fear. I have experience with ICP, I have read as much information as I can on it. ICP IS rare, everything I've read has stated it's between .35% and 5% of pregnant women ever get it (the higher percentages come from certain ethnicities that have a higher risk of it). If you have it once, any consecutive pregnancies you become 60-90% likely of it reoccurring (based on how severe your case is, and again ethnicity). Your liver dumps bile into your bloodstream, which is harmful to you and baby. The research you are talking about stating it may or may not increase likelihood of still birth, doesn't hold a whole lot of merit. If you have ICP doctors will try to get you 36-37 weeks and then induce you if your bile & liver levels are severe. If they aren't, they monitor you, give you medication and let you continue to 40 weeks. So of course it's now going to seem as though stillbirth isn't likely 🙃, because doctors no longer let it go unchecked in order to test to see how likely it is for it to do serious harm. There are also more risks to baby if you have ICP than just death.
There are not enough cases in any given area for there to be completed data and full studies done. Researcher just do the best that they can. I'm not sure how they claim it's common, unless MAYBE that study was done in an area that has a demographic with women who are already high risk of getting it. Or are counting woman who had multiple cases of it maybe. I mean, I've seen stats from highly populated areas that only had 56 cases of it over the course of 4 years.
Please bring Colleen back to talk about her pregnancy and birth with the twins and compare the two pregnancies/births. It’s really interesting to me. Love your channel and your videos. Thanks for educating us!
This is so hard to watch with Colleen looking on the edge of tears the whole time. She clearly still holds a lot of guilt and trauma over the whole ordeal.
I feel the same, it was making me tear up a little. She loves Flynn SO MUCH and it makes my heart ache that she still feels scared and nervous to even think about having another baby herself. I just want to hug her and offer some comfort.
As someone who is struggling with getting and staying pregnant, I do want to say that, although yes it is very difficult and upsetting for those of us who are desperate to be a Mum and are struggling as we would indeed give almost anything for that experience, it doesnt invalidate the experience of anyone who is struggling with pregnancy, or child birth or being a parent. My closest friend had a truly miserable time after the birth of her second child, but she was reticent to share the bad things because she didnt want me to think she was ungrateful. I had to reassure her that it was fine and good for her to share with me and she should never feel she has to internalise if she would feel better by saying something. It is important that if you are struggling with any part of it that you feel able to talk about it. It does not make you ungrateful to say "this sucks" and nobody should make you feel bad for it.
Sarah, I'm right there with you. Just because I'm struggling with infertility doesn't mean I don't want to hear what my friends are experiencing. Once they're done telling me there pain, I can go ahead and explain how much IVF egg retrieval sucks. We can comiserate together.
I’m the same. I can’t have children naturally at all so it sucks but honestly I can handle other rightfully complaining about tough pregnancies. I did find it hard to be around my pregnant friend for a bit after my last ectopic pregnancy which lost my remaining tube. I was a bit sad then lol
Perinatal depression is one of the hardest things I have ever personally experienced..it isn’t talked about enough. I’m so happy that she is able and willing to be open about that experience.
@@ashleewhittlesey7874 I posted a reply on her comment asking who she should do a video with next, that it should be on perinatal depression...I’m glad I’m not alone, none of us are 💜
@@HispanicPrincess84 I understand never, ever wanting to feel like that again... do you feel that it is talked about? Like it’s an open subject for women, mothers, doctors or midwifes, and spouses? Also I want to say, I’m glad you are here 💜 you have made it through the darkness and you are never alone.
MDJ's patients are so lucky to have her! Incredibly professional, kind and empathetic! Not to mention helping to change society's perceptions of women's health and emphasising education! I am training to be a midwife and MDJ is a total inspiration! ❤👏
Would love for you to talk to Colleen about the twins. She is struggling with fears about carrying twins that many women share but she says, those fears are not discussed! You are the perfect person to bring that out! @mamadoctorjones @colleenballinger
Especially since twin pregnancies are known to worsen pregnancy symptoms! It must be so scary for her but hopefully this pregnancy’s easier on her of course every one can go from difficult pregnancies to easier ones with each child.
@@woahhowmediocre3860 Considering how great a height she got shat upon during her first pregnancy, it's hard for the second one to be anywhere near as bad. "Doctor, I feel like my bones are being ground against broken glass every time I move, is that normal?" "Doctor, I am vomiting and fainting every time I change position, is that normal?" "Doctor, I cannot breathe through my nose. Also, I am tired and sad all the time. Is that normal?" And while the answer to all those questions may be yes (or, at least, "it is somewhat common, it is not dangerous in the long term, and there isn't really much that can be done about it")... Everything at the same bloody time is just life picking on you. With any luck she'll get, if not the pregnancy she dreamed about, at least a normal one - meaning one where you get MAYBE one memorable issue. if you are unlucky, as opposed to everything and the kitchen sink.
@@malukagg She's already made a long apology video regarding that situation. Yes, not her best idea. However we all make mistakes, its how we change and grow from those mistakes that matter.
@@Moodtoodrude she made several mistakes. Not just one. If the medical community can be outspoken about FIGS, I can as well in regards to this individual
@@domenical.2261 she made several mistakes not just one. After several of them, she’s just not my cup of tea. Kind of surprising not more people give a crap about children being groomed. I guess if it’s white women doing it all is forgiven
As a woman who is fairly certain she can't carry a child. You should never feel you need to hide the pain you are feeling because you think it is insensitive. Your feelings are just as valid as those of us who don't know if they can or can't carry children! Thank you for being so open ❤ x
To be completely honest, I was told the chances of me conceiving were pretty slim, and hearing women talk about how miserable it can be actually helps me come to terms with and accept that maybe giving birth isn't the only thing I'm alive to do. Maybe for me, this is a blessing.
@@evalynn1863 I’m the same way. I’m sure I could get pregnant, but I have endometriosis and my periods are so incredibly painful that I’m just terrified to attempt it. Over the course of a year after I was diagnosed, it took a big struggle to finally decide to be child-free. I feel like it’s truly the best decision for me, but I’ve always struggled with the fact that I was kind of forced to think about and decide the way I was. Hearing other people’s experiences saying it’s not all sunshine and rainbows is so validating as someone who for all intents and purposes “can’t” have kids.
Yes!! I just made a similar comment. I may never be able to have a child either. I would NEVER want one of my friends or family to hide being pregnant, or the pain they are going through. Pain and feelings are valid. They are also all about the perspective of your past experiences. Great comment!
After all this she went forward, fell pregnant with twins, gave birth and still had a miserable time - bless her! On the flip side I had my two in mid and late 30’s and had a picture perfect pregnancy and delivery. So every story is different. Bless all Mothers - everywhere.
I have RA and gastoparesis and have lived with those same symptoms every single day for 10 years. People should consider more that there are millions living with a daily disability and pressure the gov to help more.
Same. My son’s premature birth was extremely traumatic for me (being put under for emergency c-section and not knowing if you or baby or both would make it out) I woke up from my surgery not knowing if my son was alive and feeling EVERY SINGLE CUT they made while they insisted they had pain medicine on board 🤬 I didn’t get to see him for 24 hours and my husband wasn’t even there for his birth either because he was dropping our daughter off with friends. 78 days in the NICU later our son is fine but holy heck I need some therapy.
@@calicocritterscrafts886 my mum had a vaginal delivery but they gave her sleeping meds before. They were like: nah, you got time, sleep a bit. And while it seems "cute" in a way for them to want her to rest, the reason was they didn't want to bother to deliver me at night. They wanted her to sleep long enough so that the next shift would have to deal with it. (they were understaffed and we later found out it was common practice). Well, they wanted a bit too long, and I came out blue, due to the lack of oxygen. I was later though. My parents were super mad at these doctors. I never ever seen them get so mad about anything but whenever we talk about this, they get really really mad and upset. Also, my mum wasn't allowed to see me right after birth for some reason. There was no real reason tbh I recovered from my blueness fairly quickly. My mum just went there and "stole" me. lol. The nurses saw me later in her room and were just like "ok fine whatever". yeahhh I kinda want a homebirth. I'm terrified, I handle pain badly, but for now I feel like I'd rather do a gazzilion amount of classes, pay rediculous amounts of money for an ambo to be on stand by or something but I want a homebirth.
I am a medical student. I want to be a gynaecologist. Pls pray for me that i will become one of the most kind and understanding doctors so never will my female patients have to bear with any trouble.
The fact that you’re here, learning, trying to be part of the next generation of doctors that’s better. That tells me you will be part of the solution, not the problem.
You don't have to pray for that x you have the power in you to be that doctor. Your patients will sometimes have great troubles and pain, but you will have the skills to listen, believe and help them :-). I was very lucky with my last two pregnancies though, no troubles and easy births.
The way she said "if I got pregnancy again" like it's a disease is honestly such a mood 😭 (I know it was probably just a slip of the tongue but I still felt that)
Pregnancy may be a stage of life, not a disease, but it predisposes one to many extremely risky conditions and diseases. Being miserable as this lady throughout one’s pregnancy IS NOT NORMAL!!!
I think the statement "That's really common" or variations thereof really needs to be removed from doctors vocab. It's dismissive and unhelpful. I don't care if 100 other people have what I have, what I care about is how it's affecting me and how I'm dealing with it.
I think to some extent it's a miscommunication. Some doctors are trash and do say it dismissively, but I believe some also use that phrase to try and reassure a patient. Meaning it more in a "This is something we see a lot, it's not dangerous, it's not something you should worry about"-way, but forgetting to add a "but even if it's normal, that doesn't mean it's not miserable to live through".
It doesnt necessarily need to be completely removed cause sometimes it's nice to know that what you are going through is common. Just maybe phrased slightly differently or explained better so it doesnt seem like it's being brushed off
I feel more comforted and helped when I hear “this is common, but not normal” and then proceed with something helpful. I had really bad morning sickness and vomiting when I was pregnant 3.5 year ago that I got below 100 lbs while taking/trying 3 different nausea medications. My doctor was obviously trying to help when she prescribed me medication but I honestly think I should have been hospitalized on IV fluids and IV zofran because I feel like my body has never fully recovered from that almost malnourished state 3.5 years later.
I've watched your channel for ages, but I recently had a traumatic miscarriage ending my first pregnancy, and it has changed how I listen to your content so much. Thank you so much for an open honest conversation about the trauma. I didn't like being pregnant, and I felt so guilty- especially because I lost the pregnancy. I really needed this, thank you!
Maybe this is a good thing to ask her, I know my mom could talk all day about her history of getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth and all that jazz
"You'll forget" No no, you don't. I had all of these pregnancy issues, across three pregnancies. How strong Colleen truly is, to have every awful pregnancy issue in one pregnancy.
Saying “you’ll just forget” is treating you like you have the intelligence level of a medieval peasant! Trauma isn’t forgotten, and it is carried inside the body, which never forgets.
Thank you for the validation on the pelvic pain. My doctor just keeps telling me its normal even though I've had this pain from the 1st trimester, and its excruciating.
This is sooo important to talk about. I'm 27 weeks pregnant and it's really not a walk in the park, and everyone's experience is so different. Love you both!!
I had SPD and it was soul crushing. My doctor also dismissed it as “its normal”. Started at 15 weeks and I cried every day after that. And to this day (10 months PP) I still have some pain in that area.
❤️❤️❤️ I did a couple rounds of physical therapy during pregnancy because of SPD. At the end of my last pregnancy I would try not to scream just moving. If my doctor's/midwife had brushed it off I would have given up. My heart goes out to you
@@MrsFrancesMarie I didn't because of lockdowns, but wish I did. It would have made the newborn period more enjoyable and less painful. I do try to follow what they taught if I have a flair up, and my husband bought a massage gun that I can use.
As a woman who will never experience childbirth and knows what that heartbreak feels like personally, I cannot fathom being angry at someone else for sharing their own experiences. We gain love, and friendship, and knowledge through listening to and learning from, others. I will never forget shortly after my hysterectomy, sharing with a friend that I was having horrible nightmares (including being in labor and having my gynecologist hand me my uterus wrapped in a blanket, delivering a baby and having a nurse take it away while saying, “this can’t be yours”, and the list goes on)... my friend, who has delivered to beautiful babies of her own didn’t sit there and say, “well at least you don’t have to go through childbirth!” and she didn’t tell me I could still adopt. She listened, she expressed her prayers, and she helped me feel better. This is no different. Your pain as an individual does not get to negate the pain of another. Remember that always. You lose nothing from being kind... and you may gain a lot. Colleen had every right to share her experiences. As women, if we don’t want to listen (whatever our reason may be), tune out and move on.
You have a very good friend! And your attitude is so generous. I have children but after my first miscarriage, I had dreams kind of like the one you described. In one I was trying to put the baby back inside, and in another, a little bloody beating heart was sitting on a shelf and I was full of anxiety trying to figure out how to put it back in the right place. I think it's PTSD causing these dreams. I still regularly have dreams that I am pregnant or in labor, 6 years later. I'm 51 and will most likely not be getting pregnant.
Thank you for sharing what you did. I too have felt the heartbreak of not being able to have children, but have always wanted my friends to feel comfortable talking to me about their experiences without feeling guilty about their ability to have children. For the most part they have all been so kind, understanding, and compassionate towards me.
@@barbaragremaud3499 I somehow missed this when you first commented, but thank you. And I totally agree that it’s a form of PTSD. I am sorry you had to go through that!
I am a huge advocate for adoption @ 20 my best friend was going through fertility issues and I was encouraging and did end a statement about “hey, even if this doesn’t work out, there’s a million kids in this world who would be so lucky to have you as a mom, so don’t give up your dream.” & she came back at me with venom and said I didn’t understand, that adoption would never be an option b/c adoption was like buying a used car, you never know what kind of broken junk you’re going to get. & I never talked to her again. B/c I really believe in it. Since I was 9, I’ve been an advocate for it. I wish there wasn’t such promoted stigma around adoption. And I wish ppl were not so confined to social perceptions about being a mom of the womb or a mom of the heart. If someone has said this to a friend, don’t feel like you’re a bad friend. Don’t read the original post and think “Oh, no, I’ve said that, how insensitive of me.” Don’t feel bad for caring about your friend and the millions of vulnerable children in the world. You’re not a bad person. Your timing might have been bad, but some people are just programmed with different beliefs. & that’s ok too.
@@achanwahn I am also a huge advocate for adoption. Of course you shouldn’t feel horrible if this is something you’ve done without realizing, but use it as a learning experience and please don’t do it in the future. When someone is sharing their struggle and pain with you, sit with them and tell them you’re sorry, or that you wish things were different... something like that. But unless they specifically ask, do not use this as an opportunity to voice your own solutions because that is downplaying their grief. I don’t know your friend or her situation so I won’t speak on her, but for me, I’m 38 years old (was 35 when I had my hysterectomy) and adoption wasn’t on the table. I do feel I would’ve felt hurt if my friend had said, “well at least you can still go adopt”, because regardless of that, I would still be grieving the loss of a piece of me, and I would still be grieving the fact that my body couldn’t do what people literally say a woman’s body is meant to do. Women who go through years of infertility and then chooses to adopt will often still grieve. Heck, women who go through hysterectomies years later after having children and even after menopause still grieve. Now, if you’re talking to a friend and they say something like, “I’m not sure if this will work out”, or “I want to be a mom so bad”, etc... then you could always say, “Have you considered adoption? I know you would be an awesome mother”. Please try not to guilt a woman though. Trust me, we all know many children need homes and families, but adoption is a major decision and it is not the right choice for everyone.
It sucks when people assume you’re exaggerating about the experience when it’s horrific. And you get the “well when I was pregnant...” WELL IM NOT YOU LEQUISHA, IM DYING!!!!! 😏
It's the pregangncy equivalent, of "but I can see without glasses". That is equally stupid and also disrespectful. If we could use one person a standard there would be A LOT less medical conditions ....
Yes, I had horrible experience with my first child I was sick the whole time and the doctors at first said you just have the flu then the went to cold. But I was dizzy and vomiting up until the last month. But the next one was fun till I had a stillbirth. I do feel emts need educated in pain management meditation because it took them a half hour to get me to the hospital because they refused to give 5 seconds to close my eyes and get in my happy place. Ik it is difficult to judge with a patient who is bleeding from a ruptured placenta. My daughter I was sick for the last two months. My middle son no systems he was an I didnt know baby. After my daughter I took the birth control shot. Then I started having issues so I stopped taking it. My periods had stopped due to the shot. I went into the doctor fir a pregnancy test and it was negative. Well, I hadn't gotten pregnant yet. Judging by my delivery date lol. My last pregnancy was my worst. Gestational diabetes spotting not being able to stand or walk being dizzy being sick and legs cramping discomfort in my chest. The only thing was consistent in all was not feeling the contracts as strongly as most due. But in all cases except my last my wishes were not listened too. Now with my first I understand I had a c section. My belief is they stopped my labor so he decided he didnt want to born.
@@linhavlin2999 wow! Sorry about your bad experiences. Pregnancy is much harder than most believe it to be as well as getting others to try to empathize and understand what you are going through.
@@Keen_News yes I had a midwife deliver my last child. She was great. Was upfront that the chest discomfort and pain I felt was that I probably didnt have room in my womb for the baby to around in comfortably due to my small size. So when he stretched I felt discomfort in my chest. The leg cramps I'd gained about 20 lbs so trying to walk was difficult. She would also discuss my no pain meds plan. When I went into active labor she understood more. She was like I couldn't do it but you held you firm and delivered with out aethestic. Then she asked before I left the hospital if I'd have done it differently I said no just wish I had that option with my other two. Austin stayed in the hospital for 3 weeks. Which irritated me. Sebastian I was able to feed him through his feeding tube at home. And he was only on it for a week after getting him home. He was a lazy baby lol. My youngest was too. My kids are now 28 26 24 and 21 my daughter has 7 children. 2 with a previous husband 3 with her current husband and her current husband has 2 from a previous relationship.
Yeah especially since she had ICP she should have been delivered pretty much when she got her diagnosis. When you have ICP they typically deliver you at 36 to 37 weeks because after that the chances of your baby dying increase. She was done so wrong by her obgyn.
Now she’s pregnant with twins 😬 genuinely hope this pregnancy isn’t as difficult for her. Colleen is an amazing person. So happy for her, Erik, and Flynn!
She also had a different doctor that seemed to be a much better fit for her during her pregnancy with the twins. Was glad to see that she had a doctor who listened to her concerns and explained everything to her.
Ikr! I'm 30 and I've never had the slightest desire to have children of my own so I'm guessing I probably never will, and honestly I don't feel bad about it. But just recently, when I told this to a woman, she went: "Don't say that" (as if you're saying something horrible) and "Don't worry, you'll have children one day" (what do you mean "don't worry"? I WASN'T WORRYING lol)
I'm a bloke and watching Colleen vlog on her pregnancy and this videos, I had no idea this could happen or the extent women go through. Thank you Colleen for coming on
Colleen openly hating pregnancy made me so happy. I hated being pregnant too and hearing someone else say that they hated it made me feel so much more normal. Most people you talk to when you’re pregnant make it sound like sunshine and rainbows. For some of us it just isn’t. I decided to go ahead with more pregnancies but I feel like hormones and my own emotions spending time with my children made me forget about how terrible it was. I’m pregnant right now and I feel like I’m dying lol
I SWEAR that there is some crazy chemical in our female brain, that makes us completely forget how awful being pregnant- along side the first few months after baby is born- so that we can continue to make more and more babies. While I remember a lot of the things that made me miserable, I don’t remember them all. My husband had to remind me lol. Oh!! And then the newborn situation- TOTALLY didnt remember ANY of the shrieking screams or sleepless nights. 100% blanked. Again, my husband had to remind me lol. I hope this pregnancy is easier for you; my second time around was much better than my first. Stay strong, healthy and beautiful. 💋❤️🤘🏽
I struggled with being pregnant and for the most part, I didn't enjoy it. Here I am several years later pregnant with #2. Looking forward to feeling better.
Finally someone said it. Everyone talks about how amazing being pregnant is and the glow. Absolutely not. I hate being pregnant. Especially with gestational diabetes. I will never do this again. I love my baby so much but this is too hard on my body to do again. I’ve got 6 weeks left until my boy is here, and I’m counting down the days.
You are definitely not alone. I hated my pregnancy too. From start to finish. I love my son more than anything in the world, but jeez not doing it again.
I just wanted to reach out with a virtual hug about your hard pregnancy. I've got full-time type-1 diabetes, and pregnancy is so different and hard with it (I also have SPD like Colleen, and it really is awful). I think the main thing for me with the diabetes is the worry that my blood sugars are damaging the baby... I didn't expect my perspective on it to change so much during pregnancy, and thought it would be "business as usual.|" But there's a difference between feeling ill myself and trying to bring down a high blood glucose, or re-sugar myself when in hypoglycemia... and worrying that the baby is also feeling it or hurting from it. May those 6 weeks speed by for you!
I didn't know how romanticized pregnancy is on social media. I also thought it was amaaazing until I fell pregnant and had a baby. Wow! I now share the real stories behind the cute pictures we see that people post
I also hated being pregnant as well, I had morning sickness for almost the entire pregnancy (for both pregnancies) and pain from the waist down from 2nd trimester on. My second pregnancy I also had the pelvic pain and was told that it was just the relaxin making it unpleasant, but the last month was so much worse with the grinding feeling and I eventually had to be induced because I literally got to a point where I couldn’t walk and had to call someone to give me a ride home because I physically couldn’t take another step. After my 2nd child, I decided to not get pregnant again and got a tubal ligation.
can we also normalize that some women don't ever want kids? i hate running into that "oh, being a mom is great! you'll change your mind once you have your own kid." and i'm like "NO I WON'T"
I have been told that I won't be a real woman until I have kids. Pretty sure I have been a real woman all my life. I have never wanted kids, ever. I also, thankfully, have a husband who also doesn't want kids. We are perfectly happy with our animals and freedom. I have also been called selfish, but hey at least I'm honest about it.
When my mom was pregnant with me she had the epidural shot, she was allergic to it, then began having lung spasms. So the doctors had to do an emergency C-section. Lucky we both made it alive.
I felt this so badly even though I'm male and never can get pregnant. I was diagnosed with a panic disorder and anxiety disorder earlier this year despite having had symptoms for over a decade. I finally decided that I couldn't keep hiding it and needed help at the start of this year so I booked an appointment with a psychiatrist. The appointment went horribly. I told him a brief story of what I was facing (I couldn't go in depth because I was nervous and anxious) and was immediately dismissed as "oh you're fine, it's normal to feel this way. Take care on the way home." I fought back tears as I left the room, walked right past my mother(who had accompanied me) and straight into the toilet where I had probably the worst mental breakdown of my life. And I kid you not when I emerged 45 minutes later, my mum told me the doctor had come out because a nurse saw that I was taking too long and assured my mum that all was well, things happen and it's normal. I spent the next week in constant spiral that I was a failure and unable to handle the stresses that normal people could. I was weak and just complaining about waking up in the middle of the night in complete disarray, sobbing and wondering if I was going insane. I was making a mountain out of a molehill when I felt the need to urgently run away while out and about because I started to irrationally fear for my life. I was merely trying to get attention over the fact that I couldn't do anything without first spiralling down an anxious pitfall and be incapacitated for hours. I was "normal" but just could not handle it. I did manage to reach out to a community mental health programme where I got in touch with a social worker and slowly gave her my details and issues over an entire week via text. It was cathartic. And at the end of it, I was referred to my current amazing psychiatrist who has done nothing but validate what I bring up and actually cares about what I go through. So yeah, I'm on the road to recovery.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope you can be proud of yourself for everything you have overcome and that your current psychiatrist continues to support you. All the best to you 🧡
I'm so sorry you had to go through this and I'm so glad that you found an amazing therapist. I have a similar story, although it didn't cause such severe reactions on my part. I very strongly believe that I at least suffer from social anxiety. I get very anxious around people to the point where I avoid dealing with them as much as I can. But I recognize that this is a problem, so in 2019 I got myself a therapist. It's important to mention that I was 17 at the time and my mom didn't want me to seek help from a therapist, she wanted me to deal with it on my own. I'm living in a country with public health care, so money definitely wasn't a problem. So I went to this therapist secretely, as convincing my mom was impossible (I've tried four times). I told my therapist about my difficulties with my social life, my bad childhood (which included bullying from classmates, my stepdad and my aunt, an emotionally absent and manipulative father, my enabler mom and sexual harassment from my grandfather) and about some other things related probably related to my childhood. She at first told me that my social anxiety might be a symptom of some other issue related to my traumas, but she never tried to diagnose it. She also told me about some things we could do to remedy this, but we never did any of them, and she wanted me to tell my mom about my appointments with her, even though I didn't need my mom's consent for these. She even wanted me to tell her after I turned 18. Then, she began downplaying my social anxiety as me being insecure. My therapist once pointed out that my grading for a presentation I had at school wasn't even bad and that I can do a practice presentation easily during her appointment, although my anxiety gets so bad during presentations at schools that teachers offered me to sit down because I start to shake and look like I'll feint. Everytime I did a presentation at school, my classmates and teachers would say I was visibly anxious and need to calm down. My therepy with her ended abruptly last summer after I accidently misplanned another appointment and couldn't make it to hers. This was the first and only time I made this mistake. I apologized and tried to make another appointment with her, but she just wouldn't offer a time. I'm still looking for a new therapist, which is difficult with the pandemic going on. But I hope I'll find a great therapist just like you did.
I went through infertility and am fighting it again… and I hated the pregnancy I’ve had that lasted full term. And to hear you talk about your experience with feeling guilty of disliking your pregnancy is really affirming. Many people have horrible pregnancies, it happens and we have to be ok with that
I was sick for the whole 41 weeks I was pregnant. Swelling so bad that my feet would change color fully if I wasn’t laying with them elevated for longer than 5 minutes. Then I had a second degree tear that didn’t heal correctly so I had to have a corrective surgery 10 months later. Which was extremely painful. When I tell my family I don’t want to be pregnant again they say “you’ll forget about it, you’ll change your mind”. It’s been 18 months and I’m still firmly in the NO
Damn, that sounds so horrible. Stay strong and do what's best for you! Nobody has the right to guilt you into being pregnant again. Screw those dismissive comments. >:(
Colleens doctor sounds exactly like my doctor. “Everything is normal!” I was nonstop puking the entire time and my belly was very small yet was told my baby is growing correctly. After a nurse wanted to know the position of the baby and requested an ultrasound was when they found out the amniotic fluid was low and my baby was very small and I had a slightly abrupted placenta. Thank god they caught it in time and she is healthy, but it can be so frustrating being told all is well when you are in pain.
@@greerfeck1858 I used to watch her as Miranda Sings in middle school, but haven't watched her content since then. She seems like a really sweet person though!
Colleen now pregnant with twins and asking for help and speaking out is so wonderful! With how much she clearly wanted to grow her family I'm glad she got the courage to do so
I felt so unvalidated during my miscarriage and "this is common" and "you'll probably still have a healthy pregnancy" were the last things I feel I should have been told. Don't tell me I'll probably carry to full term when I'm sure I'm miscarrying. It just made it so much worse in the end.
Monique Rosewood yea they definitely don’t. I just don’t understand how. Although every therapist I’ve been to has told me I’m an empath so maybe that’s why it’s so unfathomable to me
We certainly need to normalise talking about women. Periods, contraception, pregnancy. All of that. Thank you for doing that, MDJ! On another note, I’m dreading pregnancy, too. But I do want kids. I keep telling my fiancé if he wants kids, he should be the one that gets pregnant 🤣
I’ve been chronically ill since I was a preteen, and my main issues are chronic pain and fatigue. I just got engaged, and am happy, because I’m 30 and my clock is ticking, but... I’m really scared about pregnancy. I have to go off most of my meds that give me the little quality of life I have, and then the actual pregnancy. Because I’m petite my doctor’s already mentioned I should get a C-section, so then I’d also have to recover from that, and with the way my brain interprets pain... I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed because of the amount of painkillers I’ll need. On top of me giving my kid all the genes that resulted in my horrific health. So you could say... I’m nervous. It’s like it’s this thing that I know needs to happen, but I can’t fathom how I’m going to actually get through it. These kinds of videos help, in a way, but... when you start out in pregnancy already so exhausted and in pain, it’s hard to imagine it being a good experience, just a necessary one.
@@AmaraJordanMusic consider adopting! Nothing should take away your quality of life , you've had it so hard already! Also, your "biological" clock ticking isn't really acurate, that is a very common misconception. Your "clock" starts ticking around your 40ies not your 30ied
I'm a cisgender male and pregnancy has always blown my mind. Listening to Colleen's story was heartbreaking and made me cringe at her pain more than once. I have so much respect for anyone that's gone through pregnancy. It makes me so sad to hear that someone who had such a terrible experience with their pregnancy still seems to have so many external motivations for having another child. If I had a uterus, I would never choose to get pregnant, must less a second time if the first time was incredibly traumatic. I have my own set of traumas exacerbated by the anxiety of irrational comparison, so I can only imagine Colleen's inner turmoil about having a second child. I really hope she finds peace in whatever form that is for her. I know adoption has it's own unique set of challenges, but I don't see why that's not a more common consideration for people that want to have children. But I don't have the physical capacity nor do I bear the weight of the lifelong societal pressure to birth a child at some point, so I'm not making any judgements. To all those who choose to get pregnant and birth a child: Respect. Also, respect to those who can give birth, but decide that it's not for them for any reason.
@@EmmaJohnsonShenanigans i somewhat have the same opinion as you i dont really like kids that much especially when they cry lol but if i were to have a kid i would use a surrogate
I appreciate your honesty. I too am terrified of pregnancy and childbirth. But I'm also Terrified of motherhood. And im not good around kids. one of the reasons why all of these abortion laws scare me so much is the idea of forcing women to go through this for an unwanted pregnancy. I think the reason adoption isn't an option for some people is because it is soooo prohibitively expensive. Plus you have to have to be practically "perfect" to even qualify. You have depression or diabetes? Too bad. You're LGBT? Definitely not. You have a family history of alcoholics and drug addiction even though you don't take the stuff? You're a safety risk. Its so hard.
Adoption is very expensive and a very stressful, arduous process. We ultimately decided against it because it's very common for the adoption to fall through late in the process and, after years of horrible experiences (including a ruptured ectopic pregnancy that I almost died from), we felt that it would be easier to loose an embryo than a living, breathing child.
i had cholestasis with both pregnancies... im surprised her doctor didn't do more. i was immediately sent to a MFM upon diagnosis and put on ursodiol and had to birth no later than 37 weeks. i had ultrasounds and NSTs twice a week until 37 weeks. my mom lost her first baby to untreated cholestasis.
I was going to make a similar comment. I'm also surprised. I was induced at 37 weeks for my first baby because of cholestasis and nothing was wrong with the baby, it was just to minimize the risk that increases pass 37 weeks. I'm surprised MDJ didn't mention something about it.
Same! I had it with my first and I blew it off because itching is “normal”. But a nurse caught me scratching at one of my NSTs and told me to call my OB. I was already 36 weeks and had to induce before my BAs came back. With my second it started at 10 weeks and although I knew what it was and what to expect, I didn’t expect it to take 21 weeks before my levels were high enough to diagnose. I also didn’t expect my levels to be so crazy and out of control that I’d need induced at 34 weeks. But I was comfortable with that decision because I had spent almost 3 years learning as much as possible, reading study reports, and listening to other moms and their ICP stories.
she has told in her labour story that she was already in labour and about to deliver when her reports came positive for cholestasis. also she gave birth at 36 weeks
@@fatimafarooq4154 ahh gotcha! i thought she had been diagnosed for a little while before going into labor, or at least that's the impression i got from her vlogs.
I COMPLETELY resonated when she said: “Women are taught to just enjoy pregnancy and not talk about the difficult stuff.” My struggle is much more emotional and mental than physical, but the physical isn’t THAT fun either. However, I do find that I can’t talk to all/any mamas I know about my feelings because everyone doesn’t/didn’t feel the same way and that leads to some judgement... ANYWAYS- thank you both so much for talking about this side of pregnancy in such a respectful and beautiful way. MUCH appreciated!
I knew a woman who did cosmetology school while pregnant, her baby was due the week of our finals and she still came in to take them. I’m truly amazed, like I’ve never had a baby but I still massively respect how she did that and still have no idea how.
That’s how I felt about one of my coworkers at an old folks home! She was 41 weeks pregnant as a CNA still doing two person transfers! She prayed it would put her into labor. Sure enough, on her weekend off she had her baby. So much respect
Had a student who did a whole final exam while in labour. Finished writing, was helped outside to the taxi we had arranged for her and had given birth within the hour (she texted us). She said that however difficult doing the exam while in labour was, she knew that trying to do a deferred exam once she had a baby would be even harder
I’m kinda sitting here watching this in tears. I remember watching this video some time ago BEFORE my pregnancy and while I sympathized I didn’t truly understand. Now I am pregnant with my first and I have just been having the WORST pregnancy. In pain 24/7 just as she describes, the fainting, the constant nausea and I am SO MISERABLE. Every time someone asks how I am I tell them the truth that I am hating every minute of pregnancy. They laugh and say “oh it will get better in the second trimester” except I am 19 weeks…it still isn’t better and I don’t think it is going to. I feel so dismissed and WEAK that it is effecting me so just as she describes so to have someone UNDERSTAND and acknowledge how awful it can be is so freeing…, thank you
I feel so frustrated because I want to tell her to look into an EDS diagnosis. I feel like this will help her so much. Please please boost this. She has mentioned dislocation of her shoulders and the fainting are all signs. Please please let her know, she has been suffering for years and I am sure this can help her!!!
It’s all just mineral Imbalance issues I’m a mineral analysis practitioner I can see what’s going on from symptoms but we need tissue mineral analysis to see why her levels are stuck here they are by seeing the full pa el o wish I could get a hold of her. Her other issues with anxiety etc are all related too. It’s crazy and docs don’t have the in depth bio chem training needed to heal people. Infuriating really
@@strawberryme08 leave that pseudoscience out of this! (EDS *suggestion* is fine, it's possible, your _all just_ reductive diagnosing over the video, and general doctors bashing is what's infuriating, and so unethical.)
@@al.the. I personally feel connected to it because I have EDS, too, so I think it’s important to raise awareness. Of course I could be wrong, but I wish I had someone tell me to look into EDS earlier too when I first got sick because it would have saved me a lot of heartache and trauma from doctors not believing me or taking me seriously.
The ligament damage from the relaxin hormone during my first pregnancy (age 29) left me COMPLETELY disabled. I agree with you- having gone through pregnancy that turned me into a completely disabled person (and led to my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome diagnosis) - I totally agree with you. I don't think many women know that EDS can be triggered by pregnancy hormones. You already have it- but you don't know until pregnancy sets it off.
My pregnancy was not great and my birth was even worse (we both nearly died). I don't plan on ever getting pregnant again! And I think that's totally valid and ok! I HATE when people feel pressured (even by their own desires) to have more kids. It's not the end of the world if you don't get pregnant again. It's perfectly ok to have a single child or NO children. 💖
I’m so sorry your experience was like that! I don’t know how old your kiddo is, but I would humbly request a lot of mindfulness in talking with your kiddo about your experience. My mom always described my birth with the phrase “we both almost died” and as a child I internalized that as “I nearly killed my mom by being born” and it caused a lot of guilt and shame in me. She and I have had better conversations about it in my adulthood and I now understand that she didn’t mean it that way at all! I just wanted to share in hopes that you can be honest with your kiddo without causing guilt or fear. Best to you!!
From someone whose had a late term miscarriage and has had a baby stop moving inside them, I would change OBs so fast if that doctor said that to me. Especially a man, like come on.
I had the same gut reaction. I had a male OGBYN for my pregnancy, and nothing against the opposite sex, because I know they can be great doctors.. but I will personally never have another male OGBYN because they cant empathize and relate as well to what is going on during pregnancy.. you can only text book that experiance so much. The fact that he told her something so heartbreaking and horrifying as that... yea I would have peaced out at that point as well!
@@Rose_C_Chyme I've had some really horrible female OBGYN's though, just saying. One was a straight up b*tch to me, another was so uppity and looked down on me and blamed all my problems on my weight, then another made me feel like a lunatic and offered no help whatsoever, basically said everything I was going through was in my head, I've never wanted to punch someone so bad as in that moment.
Thank you so much for this, I had such a hard time with being gaslighted, belittled, demoralized by, and condescended to by my doctors & husband both before and after birth. Nothing was as hard or painful or important as I made it out to be according to them. Even when lab tests proved I had infections.
Upset for her that all her male doctor could say was “this is common” in response to her symptoms and “if he stops moving” to her worry for her baby after her diagnosis with choloestasis. I wish she could’ve had amazing empathetic doctors throughout her pregnancy
I don't mean this in a bad way, but I have a friend who got dismissed by a female doctor thinking she just had painful menstruation when she actually had ovarian cysts and when she finally landed in surgery she had peritonitis, the surgeon even took pictures for educational purposes. The most dangerous things here is judging someone thinking you know. The best male doctors are those who know they'll never know what it's like and the best female doctors are those that always keep in mind that every experience is different. At least when we're talking about pain.
I had a horrific delivery experience. I had a physical reaction to the thought of ever being pregnant/ having another baby. One time I thought I was pregnant I sobbed and sobbed. It was horrible. It took three years before I no longer had the physical reaction. My son is 3.5 years old and will be a big brother in May. At 2 years I was definitely not ready. Colleen you are not alone. It’s okay to not want another baby, even two years later. I had a fourth degree tear with so many stitches they didn’t bother counting. Ended up getting a blood transfusion.
My mom said she didn't want to go through birthing again after the first time (she needed a c section). She still went through it five more times, though. The other five births were normal.
I’m pregnant with my first pregnancy and we wanted and tried for. I was so happy going in. I’m now sick, miserable and depressed. This will be my last pregnancy. Thank you for normalizing depression during pregnancy.
Hope you got better! As far as I know from comparing notes with others, lots of women say that a 2nd pregnancy can be a totally different (and much easier) experience. It is just really bad that there's no telling what you're going to get. I expected nausea & depression and got a rash , heartburn etc instead....
@@intrepidtomato all pregnancies are different possibly even more than deliveries and I’m talking with the same person. My first was a breeze as well as the delivery. My second I had morning sickness in the first trimester just in the morning. And second was longer and Very rough labor. Only one out of my four it was like that. So it could be easier and it could be rougher or the same. You just don’t know.
It's insane to me that this incredibly exhausting, physically traumatic, life changing experience is an expectation for all women?? How is it selfish not to want a massive genital tear?
Seriously, some guy was arguing with me that there are 'benefits of pregnancy' so every woman should be a willing vessel for a fetus no matter if they want to be pregnant or not.
@@sashatheelf imagine if we asked this of men. Like oh yeh your testicles could tear down to the muscle or across your entire perineum, yeh you could have crazy reactions like fainting, vomiting, organ disruption, physical and mental scars and you have to go through one of the most painful things a human can experience but uh... Just suck it up and do it two/three times because adoption is for losers who could never fully love their kids. If a person is dead you're not allowed to use their organs, even to save another person's life. That's how much we respect bodily autonomy because we're not walking talking flesh bags to serve other people's needs. You're not selfish if you don't donate your kidney because it's YOUR body. Keep your patriarchy the hell out of my uterus
@@hadassahm3016 I'm soooo with you on that one! And guys couldn't possibly understand this, they don't have to think about it, and girls are told as teens that this is what thay have to do, this is expected of women. This is bunch of some stupid expectations. I hate how they are trying to go back to middle age and ban abortion in Poland now. It just boils inside of me, how can people be that intrusive, it's not their business, it shouldn't be a matter of a law but more about the mental and physical health of a woman and medical possibilities in that subject.
@@Anna-eh6ko yes yes yes! And like in China how made it harder to get divorces etc. for the two child policy. Stop treating women's bodies like a factory or a petri dish, stop prioritising the future of a fetus over its mother, just let women have control of their bodies don't understand why that's hard for people to understand.
And up until 90 years ago, birthing was often a life-threatening situation for both mothers and babies! Mothers didn't know if they'd survive it before certain medical advancements were made.
@Sheree Boulton i'm sorry, but how is that possible? you need at least prenatal vitamins and scans to see if anything is abnormal. congratulations on the baby, but holy hell you are risking so much. i wish you an easy birth and a healthy baby, but please see a doctor, I have friends in London and it you shouldn't be three months in and not have seen a doctor.
@Sheree Boulton I’m really confused by this as our amazing NHS provides pregnancy, labour and postnatal care. I, and all other mums to be, are offered a booking appointment before twelve weeks, a twelve week scan, a 20 week scan and then regular appointments with your midwife or obstetrician. Until my pregnancy was deemed high risk at 30 weeks I saw my midwife every month or so at a local hub. Once I became high risk I was consultant led at the hospital. So I find this hard to believe.
Thank you for sharing this honest look at your pregnancy experiences. I had a negative pregnancy experience too. Though mine was in 1994 I still feel anxious in thinking about it. I had PTSD for years after which was particularly challenging in my job. I was an ICU nurse and occasionally had to deal with ob/post-partum patients which would set me off. My family doc sent me to an obstetrician at 4 1/2 months into my pregnancy for hypertension. The obstetrician thought I had primary hypertension. I don't. His whole take on pregnancy was that it was natural and not an illness. He would not write me off work. I worked 12 hour rotating shifts in ICU on my feet, barfing, gaining over 80 lbs. I was completely unrecognizable. My knees, hips and back hurt so bad. He joked about it. I had HELLPP syndrome and by the time I delivered my BP was 190/110 and I was in multi-system failure. I had a crash C-section followed by a week in ICU, ventilated and in DIC. My sin was perfectly fine. I never would have had another baby except that we had a surprise exactly a year later. So terrifying! Exact same weight gains and BP at same marker appointments. They delivered me early and we had a healthy baby girl. My OB never listened to me in my first pregnancy. I am not a complainer. If he had known me so much suffering could have been avoided.
video will stay up given topic is important from a public health standpoint.
ruclips.net/video/BiaK37RyH_s/видео.html
Adam's channel in description for context.
why are you betraying our queen colleen
I like that you addressed this, thank you 😇
@@habibiseries127who’s our..?
@@Cara06523that’s what I’m saying 💀
@@habibiseries127she's not anyone's "queen". She is a regular human who is capable of mistakes and poor judgement. It's ok to love the character and that enjoyment you got from her that can't be taken from you. It belongs to you. But it's so important to remember that you don't know colleen irl. Miranda doesn't exist irl. You don't owe her anything. And your love for the entertainment she provided doesn't negate that ppl have been hurt by her. Don't let a parasocial relationship blind you from other's pain. Parasocial relationships make u feel like u know colleen and you don't have that with the ppl she hurt. But you don't know colleen anymore than any of them and we as a society need to believe victims. Be cognizant of your bias.
I hate when doctors (especially male doctors) say “oh that pain is common”....that doesn’t mean that pain is ACCEPTABLE.
I totally agree that common is not the same as acceptable
For some reason older women Drs always pull that on me. Took me YEARS to finally get diagnosed with endometriosis and when i did it was stage 4 and i had to lose an ovary:(
@@keepinitkawaiiSometimes the female doctors act macho so they can survive the teasing of their colleagues for choosing to be a doctor and a woman at the dame time. I agree that sometimes the female doctors act tough so they will be accepted by their male coworkers. I too had a medical crisis that ended in me having to undergo an emergency ovary removal.
I recently gave birth and I was getting an epidural and I was still in pain even after they gave me more I was getting it from a male and my doctor came in checked to see how far I was I felt it and was in pain I had already told the male doctor that he said you can’t have more your legs will be to numb to push my actual doctor said that’s bullshit and look so annoyed
I really think he was trying to say "don't worry, this won't hurt the baby". I know I feel much better when people say my symptoms are common so I don't think I'm dying. It's a hit or miss thing.
IMO The only time you should hear "It's common" in a medical practitioner's office is when it is followed by "This is why you have several treatment options you can choose from"
Wow. This is a fantastic comment. Next time I hear “that’s common”, I should ask “so what treatments are available?”.
@@jennagrace1534
good plan!
You're absolutely right.
But unfortunately, it’s just accepted that women’s pain is simply part of being a woman. It’s such an absurd double standard 😒
@@EA-df4iz You got that right! Or we're just hysterical females.
We need more doctors like this, instead of the "Baby's fine, so you're fine too" kind of doctors.
*This* ^
So true !
It feels we just need a doctor that had been in the same shoes. So empathy would be there and actually explained things.
Colleen should have changed her doctor the first time he gave her the answer " it's normal".
No it's not! I'll get someone that gets me.
Yes exactly. During my post partum depression every one was like 'you have a healthy baby and you are fine'.
YES YES YES
Here after she announced she is pregnant again! i really hope this time is better for her
With twins
Probably ivf. Not.naturally. love how fake they are Bout pregnant and birth etc and go have secret kid
@@YasminMahnaz I doubt it. She had a miscarriage and got pregnant quickly.
I am worried for her when I heard that because it’s twins. I hope she has more support this time
Fabulous um why would she lie? Twins run in her family and if she was doing ivf she would've told us. Stop spreading misinformation and hate.
The comments of: "You'll forget all the pain" and "at least you've got a beautiful baby" are so infuriating. I know they mean well but I also have absolutely not forgotten my pregnancy and birth pains and anxiety. And it took me a year to start enjoying my son. And this just sucked!
agreed! I have never forgoten the pain either. It took me about the same to actually enjoy my child too. I would protect him from harm but I the depression +sleep deprivation was soul crushing!
Yes! I gave birth in a small Japanese clinic that didn't offer ANY painkillers during birth and I desperately wanted some because my contractions felt so intense and like one continuous sea of pain. I tore so bad that the stitching up took 2 hours. I hate it when people tell me "you forget all the pain" and how they gave birth 3 times without any painkillers.
I remember clearly how horrible it all was even if I can't remember anymore how the pain exactly felt.
Im so sorry you’ve ever been told that. Even without having ever had a child I know pregnancy and childbirth can be potentially traumatic experiences and no one should ever downplay that reguardless of it giving you a child. Heck, I have legitimate trauma from going on a vacation that stressed me out.
I had ovarian torsion (Not the same but its said to be much worse than childbirth itself) people say pain fades. Bitch I can still years later remember the feeling.
I had a planned c-section because of complications... it took 8 years to get pregnant again and as much as I wanted him, I was glad deep down because I wasn't ready. My 2nd experience was cathartic and helped me come to terms with my 1st. It was about 5 years before I even started to really feel ready for another.
I’m adopted, and my mom has never been pregnant. She always romanticized it somewhat - some wonderful condition that ‘lucky’ women can achieve. I finally got pregnant at 34, and remember being SHOCKED at the pelvic pain, round ligament pain, back pain, etc. I had nausea throughout, as well as severe anemia that required weekly iron infusions and caused cardiac issues. My mom was just as shocked. She always thought pregnancy was bliss.
Wow! Beside from your moms wish to of course take your pain away, was it also kinda healing for her? To realize that it might not have been this magical experience for her? My sister always questioned whether to have children or not and ultimately time took that option from her - but she now gets to see me as a mom to 2 kids and, although she loves her niece and nephew, she sees the struggle of momhood and is relieved she didnt go that route lol. So it kinda healed her wonder about that big what if question! Different scenario of course, but maybe your mom gets a little relief from that illusion being taken away!
@@emiliana1767 i call it the disneyfied version of things.....it seems to happen to female centric things like pregnancy and motherhood and so on where the honest realistic truth is greatly discouraged because God forbid you say anything remotely negative about both....🤦🏼♀️
@@Duszka Are we surprised? Little girls are shoved play with dollhouses and Barbies and the like as soon as they can play with toys and sometimes even discouraged from play with toys that are 'for boys'. It's one instant of parenting that needs to stop sooner or later (hopefully sooner)
@@Duszka so true! I try to raise my girl with a healthy mixture of reality and optimism, but its a hard balance (which i of course will never know if i hit the sweet spot). But instead of facing her with too much possible scary scenarios, i try to teach her the tools to handle obstacles and challenging times. She will know that parenthood is a very responsible and demanding path and that any path is equally valid. I want to say its worth it, but all choices are worth it. And this over-romanticized bullsh*t about pregnancy, birth and motherhood seriously needs to stop everywhere!
@@Duszka When Frida mom commertial was criticized for showing "brutal" vision of post partum I remember reading a lot of comments saying something like "we should NOT show things like this because women would not want to have children". Great attitude, let's lie and hide the facts until they get pregnant, so it is too late and they would have to just "deal with it". And then we have women that feel cheated or worry, that there is/was something wrong with them. It's not that they wouldn't want to have kids, they just wished they knew so they could prepare themselves for what's to come.
So SO glad you both did this interview! Thank you for being so open Colleen 😭🥰♥️😀
this collab is a miracle
Omg Kendall love seeing you here 😍. I’m such a fan
Three of my fav RUclipsrs in the same place. Ugh 😍
I didn't know you watched Mama Dr. Jones! I just finished the newest Mile Higher Podcast ❤
Oh yay it’s Kendall!! ❤️❤️❤️
When I told my doctor “some people run marathons while pregnant?!” She replied “yep, they’re a freak of nature” I had never felt so validated (I said it cause I like to stay active but was struggling and she was someone who was very fit amen active herself so I soo appreciated hearing that). I had no idea how much that one comment would help me and how often I would remind myself that when I’m struggling.
I love her response 😂❤️
I wish I had someone like that LMAO I went from body builder to just fat 😭
Thank you SO much to Colleen for sitting down with me! Who else should I interview??
Charli damelio!!
I make vidz btw 💛
Jessica Kent!! 😍
Jessica Kenttt!!😁. I make vidz btw
Yourself! Please do an interview to yourself. You're so freaking hilarious lol also this is my first time commenting on a REALLY NEW VIDEO! one minute ago! OMG we are typing at the same time! lol sorry my crazyness!
Take care and have an excellent day dear MDJ!!!!
Edit: I have theraphy in like fifteen minutes so this video will have to wait but I' can't waiiiiiit! specially when I didn't know that Miranda Sings and Colleen Ballinger were the SAME PERSON at the birth story lol (plz don't hate me for not knowing her. I talked about this not knowing they were the same person with my brother and he laughed because he already knew her from a tv show. All of this while recommending him your amazing channel. He'll promise to watch the HPV series at least so I hope he sticks for the rest too but he's more like an engineer kind of guy (but a very curious person so he doesn't stick just with engineer kind of stuff, he's open to anything, he's great. I love you bro! hopefully he will love you as I do and follow you inmediatly lol
Talk to the Hayley Pham about birth control, she has had some issues.
Sometimes you can really tell that MDJ’s undergrad is in Psych. She’s so tender and knowledgeable with people’s mental states 💗
Huh I never knew that! I suppose that makes a lot of sense though for the reasons you mentioned.
I can tell when she sits there listening the way she does, I was thinking "is MDJ a therapist too?"
I was thinking the same thing! I am a therapist and you can totally see the empathy written all over her face as she listens! Wish she could have been my ob! Lol
ohhhhhhh. I didn't know that! that explains a lot!
No wonder I love her so much! The validation, compassion, empathy, gender inclusive language, etc....
"You are not obligated to sacrifice your mental and physical self in order to expand your family."
This made me tear up. I feel like women are so pressured to get pregnant for their husband or partner, that they sacrifice themselves in order to fulfill that society posed "purpose" on the women's body. There are always other options. Thank you two wonderful ladies for speaking on this!
amen!!!!
Amen 🙏
I didn’t have an epidural, pushed baby out on 7 mins and had minimal tearing. Again. Every woman is different. Every baby is different to second delivery was much harder than the third.
And yes. The recovery. I remember with my second being barely able to sit down three days after the birth. I was swollen and I had stitches ans my breasts were engorged and painful. red stretch marks stripped across my once flat and firm abdomen, the skin that would never fully recover. The whites of my eyes were bright red from burst blood vessel ‘s, my hair had started to fall out and my skin was all patchy and peeling from the hormone changes. I had never felt uglier or more miserable. Nobody prepares you for that part.
That’s exactly it!!!! Postpartum is so hard to me I cry about it when I first realize I’m pregnant.
As someone who struggled to GET pregnant for years and then finally got pregnant with my rainbow baby, I think it's completely normal to admit if you felt miserable during pregnancy. All I wanted was to have a baby but once I got pregnant, I was miserable the entire time. Was I thankful? Yes! But I was still miserable and that's okay. Not everyone is going to have an amazing pregnancy with barely any bad symptoms etc.
yes. I've had miserable pregnancies. I'm 37 weeks with my 6th. you bet we are going to still have more. at the end of the day, it's worth it to me.
Yes! I had my first son and I had so little symptoms I actually didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was 31 weeks. My second son I had HG and SPD, I thought it was likely because my two pregnancies were so close together. I’m on baby #3 after waiting 5 years, I’m 12 weeks and I’m already 100% over this pregnancy. Every day I think to myself I just want this over hundreds of times.
Yeah, I think people are allowed to feel their feelings without worrying about offending others they aren’t “grateful” enough. I’m single, I’d love to be in a healthy relationship, but I don’t expect people in happy marriages to just be grateful about their spouse all the time…if I did that says more about me than them 😅
For me giving birth and after birth is easier than pregnancy. I swear to god as soon as I pushed him out I never felt better. (Even now in recovery lol)
I am in this exact situation. I had 2 miscarriages and now I’m 15 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby and although I have thrombofilia (sorry, idk how to spell it, i’m not great in english) I really have an easy pregnancy. Usual sickness and vomiting but I am really sure that I have a really easy pregnancy. But i don’t love it at all. I love my baby and i’m so happy when i get to see him at the doctor and feel him in my tummy, but pregnancy really isn’t great even if it’s easy. I waited so much and i am so happy i got to experience this and i really want my baby to have siblings but i’m really scared to be pregnant again. Maybe it’s my life, a little chaotic, everything is happening now, i’m renovating my home and i have to live at my mom, she lives in another country for the moment and her apartament is new and i had to prepare everything for living in it, i haven’t had a vacation in a really long time and it adds up. Sorry for this long comment but please do not criticise moms for complaining. Even the easy pregnancy is pretty hard. Be careful and feel free to talk about it. Lots of love 🥰
Colleen, I am a woman who has been going through infertility the last 5 years. And your experience with pregnancy is NOT the experience I’m hoping for, and I really also appreciate knowing how awful it can be. You don’t have to feel guilty because this is your reality. 💕
No one, _no one_ hopes for that pregnancy. My wishes and hopes that you succeed and have one wonderful, easy pregnancy.
I was about to leave a similar comment when I read yours. And I understand your infertility struggle. I experienced infertility for 5 years before I got pregnant with my miracle baby when I least expected it, born this year in July. Sending love and thoughts your way.
I tried for a baby for 6 years, I just about gave up until I found out I was pregnant.. it's not easy and I'm not sure if it's all worth it, but I hope it is
I got guilted by my doc with "everyone feels this way" - nothing makes you feel more useless or hopeless.
Changing doctor in 3...2...1... If they are not validating your pains you should find who does.
Yup.. I got an extreme excruciating pain around 20/21 weeks. We called my OB and he said it didn’t sound like anything serious. I didn’t feel right and decided to just go to the ER. No tests we’re done at all. Just questions.. was told it was just acid reflux/heartburn. I continued to experience this pain almost every day. Even drinking water would make the pain start... went to ER many times to just go home. Finally one night at a different hospital ER, got tests done and it was pancreatitis. Had surgery next morning when I was 35 weeks pregnant. Then my water broke a week later due to all the trauma of the constant pain and surgery.. 😭
Omg! I'm so sorry! When is this stuff going to change? I had an also pregnant obgyn who was so dismissive and not informative about extremely important things. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for women of color who have these issues x10!
@@fables69 Oh my God, that's truly horrifying. How are you now?
Why are people who do that even doctors to begin with? Don't they realize it's part of their contract to listen and not dismiss to make a quick buck?
How many woman have to speak out about having a traumatic pregnancy before doctors/professionals realize it’s not just “an outlier”?
Seriously! Every woman in my fam thats had a baby has had a very painful and difficult pregnancy and birth. Honestly its been bad enough to where all the other women and girls in the fam are planning on not having kids.
Lol what are you alluding to with this comment- stop letting women get pregnant?? 😂 🤦🏻♀️ no one forces them, and we are relied on to keep the species going .
@@pmp3486 What they're trying to say is that medical training should include learning about the actual variety of experiences that women have whilst giving birth... Not just the same "typical" cases.
I don’t trust doctors anymore but this MDJ seems to know what she’s talking about. I’ve never been pregnant and have already experienced the negligence of the healthcare system toward concerned women. “That’s common” doesn’t help anyone!
@@pmp3486 "no one forces them" Oh boy, you don't have an idea of the world, do you?
Doctors who say “this is normal” without really listening are the reason I had 7-10 day blood bath periods every 5-6 weeks starting at age 11 and thought I was weak. They thought the kid was exaggerating, I guess. It affected my self esteem severely..if every girl was going through this why couldn’t I handle it. I finally got a PCOS diagnosis (androgen sensitive PCOS) at age 30 when I took myself to a reproductive endocrinologist because I read about PCOS. Bingo. Ovaries full of cysts (Hair everywhere starting at 11…normal weight at that age). My periods started to normalize in my late 20s. I still feel like my life began at 30, and it could have been so much different if doctors had listened to me as a child.
That's HORRIBLE. Doctors can be such asshats, especially to women
you deserved better
i’m so sorry they were idiots
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
There really should be more research done with PCOS and endometriosis and DEFINITELY should have less stigmatization in the health care field.
This! I'm so sorry. Also, it doesn't help to just compare symptoms. You can 'bleed a lot' during a period and mean a pretty regular amount. I had 'some nausea' during the first trimester by which I mean I felt a bit queasy when my blood sugar was low (never threw up). But I also had 'some heartburn' by which I mean, it kept me awake since the 2nd trimester and made nights miserable. We / our medical providers should never assume we are weak just bc symptoms can range from average to absolutely debilitating, and it's nobody's fault!!
I hate that there is so much guilt around pregnancy and for pregnant people. For any other biological function we wouldn't have that. Like if you have really bad pain walking you don't have to preface it with "I'm grateful I'm able to walk, I'm so glad I get to experience it, so many people can't walk and wish they could and I don't want to be insensitive to them". No, if you have horrible pain while walking you just go to the doctor and doctors try to fix it. I feel like the comfort and well-being of pregnant people is often secondary in our society and there is this reasoning that "oh well as long as you're baby is okay / alive you can't really complain". And I think it makes it extra traumatising for people who have bad experiences during pregnancy or birth because they feel they can't share their trauma because at least they are alive and their baby is alive.
yes! validation of ones situation does NOT invalidate anothers experience! My third preg was awful-but I had friends struggling with infertility so the guilt is real!
Nah they shame you for that too.
I feel this a lot and think it's just what's left of when people basically viewed women as baby making machines. Only the baby matters not the mother and it's scary how different a situation could be for some one who has the same pregnancy experience as Colleen. I can't a imagine a 15 year old trying to learn about her body and ending up pregnant, can't get the care she needs and has an awful pregnancy on top of it not being wanted in the first place. I would be traumatized, but the lack of empathy mothers and expecting mothers (especially teen moms) is quite disgusting honestly. No matter what, people first thought is to assume it's her fault and getting pregnant is a punishment, like what?
@@oddds I'm sorry you got shamed for that too...
It's especially important to talk about since this is something a lot of people with a uterus will experience once or multiple times throughout their life. Pregnancy is so common, and it is kind of mind blowing that despite it being an integral part of our society we don't talk about it honestly or thoroughly enough. It seems that many people want to believe that you get pregnant and presto, nine months later a new human being is born and don't spend much time thinking about what that costs someone physically and mentally.
“You are not obligated to sacrifice yourself for your family” LOUDER FOR THOSE IN THE BACK! I always feel like people gloss over the fact that this is a 1 to 2 year SACRIFICE for moms. Minimum a year for growing a human and recovery and then if you breastfeed for a year you’re either tied to your baby or a pump and it’s exhausting! Even if you don’t breastfeed, that first year of life is rough and a lot of the time mom’s bear the brunt of that.
Preach girl!! 🙌🏼
You put my thoughts into words so perfectly!!!! It's 01H30 am in South Africa right now and I'm up pumping right after breastfeeding. It really doesn't end and I was not aware of this at all. It's a lot! My baby is almost 3 months old and getting so much better for colic but before she got better it was everything else while recovering from a c-section then add an extremely colicy baby.
No one should make this sacrifice unless they want it for themselves, it can never be for someone. I'm honestly willing to do this 1 more time and that's it.
@@nolusizodlalisa5573 I am with you! Both of mine were C-sections and tiny so they were closely monitored for weight gain. So glad I waited 4 years between mine, big brother was a great helper with the second but I am DONE. You are doing great momma keep up the good work!
Actually, yes you are. Far too many children are suffering because women have lost sight of the need for personal "sacrifice" (it's actually a privilege, not a sacrifice ... but you do you).
No WOMAN is obligated to sacrifice her health, physical and/or mental to meet someone else’s expectations of what a good mom should do whether that be breastfeeding, having more kids, or being a stay-at-home moms. All parents make sacrifices in order to give their kids the best life they can and each parent is raising their children in the best way they know how and striking that balance by meeting their and their children’s needs. I’m lucky to have my kids but my life isn’t defined by them and that is something we need to normalize as a society. There’s a reason it takes a village and not just one woman making sacrifices.
It made me tear up when she said "I obviously can't handle pain. I mean look at me compared to other pregnant women." Its so horrible that she was made to feel this way. 😔
That doctor lied! Horrible, horrible, I will never give birth in a hospital and be tortured and not listened to 🙁
@@dandee6604 You have to control the situation at the hospital and be firm about it ,not letting them control you. Hospitals are very non-cultural settings comparative to birthing centers. Certain cultures , for example, do not birth the way Europeans do. Native Americans and middle eastern cultures tend to squat or get on their knees to give birth which often isn’t allowed in the hospital setting, but is much more comfortable and less painful . (And more conducive to a better outcome , less likely or have cord /neck issues or tearing. ) Many of these cultures also use warm water , message, and special creams to help prevent tearing and make birthing less painful . Better birthing equals less pain, quicker recovery, and a more positive attitude , which gives you more time for the baby.
@@Heavensoon7 not sure what country you are in but in Canada those things are mostly allowed in most bigger centers and in some smaller centers too. I have worked in hospitals all over my province.
Nobody can force you to "feel" a certain way
@@maloxi1472 They can sure try. And less confident and younger less experienced women are more easily influenced and persuaded. Some of these medical professionals have actually had classes in persuading people to do what they want them to including neurolinguistic programming training supposedly “cultural diversity training“ which has nothing to do with culture whatsoever. It’s simply programming sessions with use of NLP techniques, In other words ,mind control to sway the client. High powered sales uses the same training session just with a different title.
Finally women being honest about how horrible pregnancy is. Mine were also just terrible. Painful, uncomfortable and sick the entire time. Glowing?! Yeah right.
IVE BEEN WAITINH FOR THE GLOW FOR 9 MONTHS!!!
Glowing is a dang scam
The “glow” is just a constant sheen of sweat 😂 I ran so hot
What’s funny is that I was repeatedly told that I had “a beautiful pregnancy glow” while I struggled through one of the hardest, most painful and most traumatic experiences of my life, so apparently I “looked great” all while not sleeping, not eating, throwing up, not being able to walk, stand or sleep? So that was not very helpful
I couldnt think of anything worse than being pregnant and giving birth
I dont understand how women are so willing to go through that!?
Dont mean to be so dark but Im suprised many women dont take their own lives during pregnancy or birth.
My mom said that when she was giving birth to my older sister she wanted to punch the first nurse that was with her for saying "don't you think you're being a little dramatic?"
That nurse got kicked out and the next one told her "I have 5 kids. You go ahead and scream all you want."
Thank god my mom is not the kind of woman who lets other people make her feel bad, and everyone should have an experience like what the second nurse gave her.
Wow! I love that second nurse! I've given birth 6 times and each one is so different! With my second, I almost punched the nurse because my water broke and my body immediately started pushing on its own and I was freaking out. And she told me not to push because the doctor hadn't arrived yet. I had another nurse that told me I didn't need to keep apologizing for being "loud" during pushes or contractions, I just needed to do whatever helped me (by my 5th, I discovered low moaning helped for some reason). She was amazing! I had her with 4 of my 6 babies. I do miss my delivery doctor. He was basically a midwife! He retired when I went in with my last baby, so I had a different doctor who didn't make it to my birth. (I tend to deliver on weekends)
I would have kick that first nurse in the ass!! I only had two daughters and I couldn’t handle having anymore!!!
Dang, but it does happens. The nurses one day switched from me because “I didn’t take birthing classes!” (I got so mad! I was really close at work with a Muslim, beautiful women who was 3 weeks further than me, and she’s the one who had kids before and told me to “not waste my money, and don’t take birthing classes.” Because “they (nurses and obs) will tell you what to do” those nurses did not. They were like “well what did you birthing classes tell you?!” Haha I was like: “nothing! I know you tell us what to do, my coworker has given birth here twice almost 3 times” (I got induced before she gave birth even though she was 3 weeks further along)) and they came back once I had my kid and they said (no lie) “we never thought you’d make it!” 👀 what was that supposed to mean and what did they think was going to happen?!
@@Fe26man seriously?! Oh my goodness, thats dumb. Like, our moms and grandmas had kids without birthing classes!
"Would you like to give it a try, miss backseat driver?"
“Your job isn’t to forget trauma”. I’m in tears. You’re both such amazing women! I am so thankful you both share your lives with us.
When Colleen talked about feeling horrible about herself because all the excruciating pains she was feeling were deemed as "normal" I wanted to cry. I never felt validated by my medical team during my pregnancy, I had a horrible pregnancy with a myriad of horrible symptoms and it felt like my doctors never did anything about it and dismissed me always about all of my concerns because it was all normal pregnancy symptoms. My pregnancy was a nightmare, and hearing someone else talk about it in such a real way is so incredibly important. I appreciate Colleen so much!!
I also had an insensitive obgyn during my first pregnancy. I had horrible back pain and needed some rest. But she was so dismissive that I changed doctor for my second pregnancy. My new doctor is not the most talkative of the lot, but at least listens to me and runs tests if I have some pains or symptoms. I am so glad I never went back and did not let her treat me poorly again.
Colleen's Doctor: Oh that's just _normal_
MDJ: _angry face_ _tries not to scream_ _visible frustration_
I look up to MDJ so much
@@eliastalks7411 I wish she was my doctor.
I do appreciate that even when she disagreed or was upset - she didn't bash any other Medical Providers verbally.
@@traceyflater I wish she was my mentor or my doctor or my friend! I don't mind I'm not fussy I just need her in my life 😂
She is the kind of doctor I want to be 😊
I had horrendous back pain through my pregnancy and the Dr kept saying "oh it's normal, you're pregnant". Turned out I had broken my spine.
Holy hell HOW
@@adrianeballard Car accident
@@JuliaRobertson and your Dr didn't think to check it? That's insane :(
@@adrianeballard They checked it out after I gave birth to my son and had not feeling or movement in my legs
Wow
As traumatic as this experience was for Colleen, I'm really glad she told her story. And thank you MDJ for being so compassionate and making this an educational experience. Muchlovealways
Literal tears in my eyes at the statement "you also matter in that equation." It's just so rarely heard in our society and I needed to hear it.
"You don't just forget something that your mind and body have perceived as traumatic."
No truer words have been spoken.
God I wish I couldn’t relate to this, but she just described my entire pregnancy...and I also never want to be pregnant ever again, yet I want more kids. Seriously, I’m here crying knowing I’m NOT the only one! Thank you so much for this. I feel validated. 🥰
Same!! It’s helping me process my experience.
me too!! This feels soo nice to hear even though I don’t wish it on others!
Everybody told me that pregnancies are different and that my second pregnancy would be easier. Guess what, the second one was so hard that I have anxiety thinking about it. I had a 48h pitocin induced birth without epidural and I still liked it because it was easier than pregnancy.
Waited 15 years between pregnancies and while this one is better in a lot of ways its also worse! I desperately wanted another baby for YEARS!
I'm still pregnant with my first but it's been a hard enough pregnancy that I already, desperately don't ever want to go through this again. But I always planned on having more than one child and I know that my husband is going to want more than one so the idea of being against having more breaks my heart but the thought of going through this again terrifies me. It's so comforting to know I'm not alone in those feelings
I really wish she could’ve had a more compassionate OBGYN, that response “if he stops moving” must literally be so awful and anxiety inducing. So strong of her (and not to mention she was still pushing out content day after day during this!) happy for her now! She has a beautiful family!
I had terrible cramps one day at the start of my pregnancy to the point I was worried of miscarriage I phoned the early pregnancy team at the hospital and I was straight up told "if you're going to miscarry you're going to miscarry there's nothing we can do" and that was that and I understand there's nothing they can do but to just straight up say it like that was awful she made me panic worse thankfully I was fine but the way she spoke to me was awful
Agree! I can’t imagine having that responsibility/anxiety of waiting for your baby to move 24/7. My first baby wasn’t very active so I would have been a freaking mess!
@@charis72 I’m so so sorry that was your experience. I’m glad everything turned out okay!
My first did stop moving 6 months in. By the time we got to the hospital he had no heartbeat. I would have slapped that doctor across the face.
@@nifflinNiffler I’m so so sorry, lovely❤️
Lately i’ve been feeling really depressed because my pregnancy is so painful, so thank you both for sharing your experiences. I feel validated and not alone.
I love how she referenced the phrase "you'll forget". That doesn't always happen. Traumatic things take time to work through!
That “you’ll forget the pain the moment you hold your baby “ isn’t anywhere near the truth! I wouldn’t have had a second pregnancy if I wasn’t guaranteed a c-section for my second child. My children are 36 & 38 and I can still, today, mentally “feel” the horrendous n&v, exhaustion, labor pain(67 hours) and fear when meconium was pouring out of me. Being wheeled away for the c- section was the most painful, frightening & solitary experience I’ve ever had.
"How do I know if he's okay?" "If he stops moving." OMG that finally brought me to tears.
Ikr my heart stopped for a second
You can tell it affected the doctor here too…..😦
Seriously I hate this response from drs it makes you crazy paranoid
@@jenniferplankenhorn7987 I hope that's never happened to you :(
When she said the doctor was like ‘oh when the baby stops moving’
My eyes went wide! I’d be like ‘are you joking?! That’s terrifying!’
This gets me too, because I also had ICP (which is extremely rare to have) and even though my doctor & hospital had never had cases of it.. my doctor took it extremely seriously because ICP LITERALLY GIVES YOU A HIGH RISK OF HAVING A STILL BORN!! Waiting until "baby stops moving" would probably be too late 🙃. With ICP they typically are supposed to try to get you as close to 36 weeks as possible, and then induce you 🙃🙃. The bile in your blood stream can literally kill your baby. If it's a very mild case they will monitor you and let you go further... But 😲🤯 I can't get over that the doctor brushed it off like it was nothing
I had ICP too but actually according to the Nhs and britishlivertrust it affects 1 in 140 pregnancies in the UK, which is not that rare, and according to recent studies the chances of stillbirth is only increased 1-4%(some say not at all), so whilst it needs treating and induction is definitely an option please don’t try to scare all mothers.
@@nbt1856 I'm not not trying to produce fear. I have experience with ICP, I have read as much information as I can on it. ICP IS rare, everything I've read has stated it's between .35% and 5% of pregnant women ever get it (the higher percentages come from certain ethnicities that have a higher risk of it). If you have it once, any consecutive pregnancies you become 60-90% likely of it reoccurring (based on how severe your case is, and again ethnicity). Your liver dumps bile into your bloodstream, which is harmful to you and baby. The research you are talking about stating it may or may not increase likelihood of still birth, doesn't hold a whole lot of merit. If you have ICP doctors will try to get you 36-37 weeks and then induce you if your bile & liver levels are severe. If they aren't, they monitor you, give you medication and let you continue to 40 weeks. So of course it's now going to seem as though stillbirth isn't likely 🙃, because doctors no longer let it go unchecked in order to test to see how likely it is for it to do serious harm. There are also more risks to baby if you have ICP than just death.
There are not enough cases in any given area for there to be completed data and full studies done. Researcher just do the best that they can. I'm not sure how they claim it's common, unless MAYBE that study was done in an area that has a demographic with women who are already high risk of getting it. Or are counting woman who had multiple cases of it maybe. I mean, I've seen stats from highly populated areas that only had 56 cases of it over the course of 4 years.
I would have full on had a panic attack / mental breakdown in that situation especially after everything else that was going on
Please bring Colleen back to talk about her pregnancy and birth with the twins and compare the two pregnancies/births. It’s really interesting to me. Love your channel and your videos. Thanks for educating us!
This is so hard to watch with Colleen looking on the edge of tears the whole time. She clearly still holds a lot of guilt and trauma over the whole ordeal.
I feel the same, it was making me tear up a little. She loves Flynn SO MUCH and it makes my heart ache that she still feels scared and nervous to even think about having another baby herself. I just want to hug her and offer some comfort.
As someone who is struggling with getting and staying pregnant, I do want to say that, although yes it is very difficult and upsetting for those of us who are desperate to be a Mum and are struggling as we would indeed give almost anything for that experience, it doesnt invalidate the experience of anyone who is struggling with pregnancy, or child birth or being a parent. My closest friend had a truly miserable time after the birth of her second child, but she was reticent to share the bad things because she didnt want me to think she was ungrateful. I had to reassure her that it was fine and good for her to share with me and she should never feel she has to internalise if she would feel better by saying something. It is important that if you are struggling with any part of it that you feel able to talk about it. It does not make you ungrateful to say "this sucks" and nobody should make you feel bad for it.
Have you tried using the creighton model as a tool to aid you? It can help diagnose issues as well as track your fertility.
Dido!
Sarah, I'm right there with you. Just because I'm struggling with infertility doesn't mean I don't want to hear what my friends are experiencing. Once they're done telling me there pain, I can go ahead and explain how much IVF egg retrieval sucks. We can comiserate together.
I’m the same. I can’t have children naturally at all so it sucks but honestly I can handle other rightfully complaining about tough pregnancies. I did find it hard to be around my pregnant friend for a bit after my last ectopic pregnancy which lost my remaining tube. I was a bit sad then lol
Just wanted to mention you sound like a really caring and compassionate friend. Wishing you all the luck on your journey to motherhood ❤️
Perinatal depression is one of the hardest things I have ever personally experienced..it isn’t talked about enough. I’m so happy that she is able and willing to be open about that experience.
Oh girl me too. I thought i was just a terrible person.
@@ashleewhittlesey7874 I posted a reply on her comment asking who she should do a video with next, that it should be on perinatal depression...I’m glad I’m not alone, none of us are 💜
Yes! I definitely had perinatal, with my second child. i never ever want to feel like that again 😕
I am so glad she talked about it!
@@HispanicPrincess84 I understand never, ever wanting to feel like that again... do you feel that it is talked about? Like it’s an open subject for women, mothers, doctors or midwifes, and spouses? Also I want to say, I’m glad you are here 💜 you have made it through the darkness and you are never alone.
MDJ's patients are so lucky to have her! Incredibly professional, kind and empathetic! Not to mention helping to change society's perceptions of women's health and emphasising education! I am training to be a midwife and MDJ is a total inspiration! ❤👏
Best wishes in your journey, I’m sure you’ll do great ❤️
Would love for you to talk to Colleen about the twins. She is struggling with fears about carrying twins that many women share but she says, those fears are not discussed! You are the perfect person to bring that out! @mamadoctorjones @colleenballinger
Especially since twin pregnancies are known to worsen pregnancy symptoms! It must be so scary for her but hopefully this pregnancy’s easier on her of course every one can go from difficult pregnancies to easier ones with each child.
This is a great idea !
Yes
Yes, please please please do interviews throughout her new pregnancy!
@@woahhowmediocre3860 Considering how great a height she got shat upon during her first pregnancy, it's hard for the second one to be anywhere near as bad.
"Doctor, I feel like my bones are being ground against broken glass every time I move, is that normal?"
"Doctor, I am vomiting and fainting every time I change position, is that normal?"
"Doctor, I cannot breathe through my nose. Also, I am tired and sad all the time. Is that normal?"
And while the answer to all those questions may be yes (or, at least, "it is somewhat common, it is not dangerous in the long term, and there isn't really much that can be done about it")... Everything at the same bloody time is just life picking on you.
With any luck she'll get, if not the pregnancy she dreamed about, at least a normal one - meaning one where you get MAYBE one memorable issue. if you are unlucky, as opposed to everything and the kitchen sink.
this was such a long-awaited collab! so glad to have watched this! colleen is a gem and such a good sport ♥️
100%!! 💙💚
Colleen sucks . Sending lingerie to underage fans is a no no for me
@@malukagg She's already made a long apology video regarding that situation. Yes, not her best idea. However we all make mistakes, its how we change and grow from those mistakes that matter.
@@Moodtoodrude she made several mistakes. Not just one. If the medical community can be outspoken about FIGS, I can as well in regards to this individual
@@domenical.2261 she made several mistakes not just one. After several of them, she’s just not my cup of tea. Kind of surprising not more people give a crap about children being groomed. I guess if it’s white women doing it all is forgiven
As a woman who is fairly certain she can't carry a child. You should never feel you need to hide the pain you are feeling because you think it is insensitive. Your feelings are just as valid as those of us who don't know if they can or can't carry children! Thank you for being so open ❤ x
To be completely honest, I was told the chances of me conceiving were pretty slim, and hearing women talk about how miserable it can be actually helps me come to terms with and accept that maybe giving birth isn't the only thing I'm alive to do. Maybe for me, this is a blessing.
@@evalynn1863 I’m the same way. I’m sure I could get pregnant, but I have endometriosis and my periods are so incredibly painful that I’m just terrified to attempt it. Over the course of a year after I was diagnosed, it took a big struggle to finally decide to be child-free. I feel like it’s truly the best decision for me, but I’ve always struggled with the fact that I was kind of forced to think about and decide the way I was. Hearing other people’s experiences saying it’s not all sunshine and rainbows is so validating as someone who for all intents and purposes “can’t” have kids.
Your comment is very generous and loving.
Awwww this comment section is so wholesome. 😩💗💗😭😭
Yes!! I just made a similar comment. I may never be able to have a child either. I would NEVER want one of my friends or family to hide being pregnant, or the pain they are going through. Pain and feelings are valid. They are also all about the perspective of your past experiences. Great comment!
After all this she went forward, fell pregnant with twins, gave birth and still had a miserable time - bless her! On the flip side I had my two in mid and late 30’s and had a picture perfect pregnancy and delivery. So every story is different. Bless all Mothers - everywhere.
I actually can NOT imagine.. at all.
The strength of Colleen is INSANE. wow.
I have RA and gastoparesis and have lived with those same symptoms every single day for 10 years. People should consider more that there are millions living with a daily disability and pressure the gov to help more.
You never know how strong you are until you have no choice other than to be strong and get through it!
@@Meskarune Mad respect.
You can hear her holding back her emotions when talking about the pain she felt. Thank you for sharing your experience 💗
I have PTSD from my birth. As hard as it can be to hear these stories, I'm incredibly grateful to know I'm not alone in it.
Same. My son’s premature birth was extremely traumatic for me (being put under for emergency c-section and not knowing if you or baby or both would make it out) I woke up from my surgery not knowing if my son was alive and feeling EVERY SINGLE CUT they made while they insisted they had pain medicine on board 🤬 I didn’t get to see him for 24 hours and my husband wasn’t even there for his birth either because he was dropping our daughter off with friends. 78 days in the NICU later our son is fine but holy heck I need some therapy.
@@calicocritterscrafts886 my sister felt the cuts too. I'm so sorry you had to experience all of that
@@calicocritterscrafts886 my mum had a vaginal delivery but they gave her sleeping meds before. They were like: nah, you got time, sleep a bit. And while it seems "cute" in a way for them to want her to rest, the reason was they didn't want to bother to deliver me at night. They wanted her to sleep long enough so that the next shift would have to deal with it. (they were understaffed and we later found out it was common practice). Well, they wanted a bit too long, and I came out blue, due to the lack of oxygen. I was later though.
My parents were super mad at these doctors. I never ever seen them get so mad about anything but whenever we talk about this, they get really really mad and upset.
Also, my mum wasn't allowed to see me right after birth for some reason. There was no real reason tbh I recovered from my blueness fairly quickly. My mum just went there and "stole" me. lol. The nurses saw me later in her room and were just like "ok fine whatever".
yeahhh I kinda want a homebirth. I'm terrified, I handle pain badly, but for now I feel like I'd rather do a gazzilion amount of classes, pay rediculous amounts of money for an ambo to be on stand by or something but I want a homebirth.
We need another interview!!! TWINS AND YOU HAD TWINSS!!! Hopefully y’all mom friends she needs all the love right now!🌸💕❤️
I am a medical student. I want to be a gynaecologist. Pls pray for me that i will become one of the most kind and understanding doctors so never will my female patients have to bear with any trouble.
The fact that you’re here, learning, trying to be part of the next generation of doctors that’s better. That tells me you will be part of the solution, not the problem.
i hope you continue with your goal. we need more like you in the medical field.
I hope you become an amazing doctor a kind one 💕
Lovely
You don't have to pray for that x you have the power in you to be that doctor. Your patients will sometimes have great troubles and pain, but you will have the skills to listen, believe and help them :-).
I was very lucky with my last two pregnancies though, no troubles and easy births.
The way she said "if I got pregnancy again" like it's a disease is honestly such a mood 😭 (I know it was probably just a slip of the tongue but I still felt that)
to her pregnancy felt like a disease tho!
I know I noticed too!! I totally understand though! If she felt miserable the whole time it must be like a disease to her!
Pregnancy is a sexually transmitted disease
@@ydoowj lol that's one way of putting it 😂
Pregnancy may be a stage of life, not a disease, but it predisposes one to many extremely risky conditions and diseases. Being miserable as this lady throughout one’s pregnancy IS NOT NORMAL!!!
I think the statement "That's really common" or variations thereof really needs to be removed from doctors vocab. It's dismissive and unhelpful. I don't care if 100 other people have what I have, what I care about is how it's affecting me and how I'm dealing with it.
I think to some extent it's a miscommunication. Some doctors are trash and do say it dismissively, but I believe some also use that phrase to try and reassure a patient. Meaning it more in a "This is something we see a lot, it's not dangerous, it's not something you should worry about"-way, but forgetting to add a "but even if it's normal, that doesn't mean it's not miserable to live through".
It doesnt necessarily need to be completely removed cause sometimes it's nice to know that what you are going through is common. Just maybe phrased slightly differently or explained better so it doesnt seem like it's being brushed off
"That's really common," can be de-stigmatising and helpful. Like everything, it's the context that matters.
I feel more comforted and helped when I hear “this is common, but not normal” and then proceed with something helpful. I had really bad morning sickness and vomiting when I was pregnant 3.5 year ago that I got below 100 lbs while taking/trying 3 different nausea medications. My doctor was obviously trying to help when she prescribed me medication but I honestly think I should have been hospitalized on IV fluids and IV zofran because I feel like my body has never fully recovered from that almost malnourished state 3.5 years later.
I think there should be both: It is common can mean that it isn‘t dangerous, but it should also be said, that that doesn‘t make it less hard.
I've watched your channel for ages, but I recently had a traumatic miscarriage ending my first pregnancy, and it has changed how I listen to your content so much. Thank you so much for an open honest conversation about the trauma. I didn't like being pregnant, and I felt so guilty- especially because I lost the pregnancy. I really needed this, thank you!
I’m so sorry for your loss 💔 Prayers for you 💕
I’m a triplet and I can’t just imagine what my mom went through...
😱
😬
-Oop-
Maybe this is a good thing to ask her, I know my mom could talk all day about her history of getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth and all that jazz
im having twins and im so scared to give birth naturally
"You'll forget" No no, you don't.
I had all of these pregnancy issues, across three pregnancies. How strong Colleen truly is, to have every awful pregnancy issue in one pregnancy.
Saying “you’ll just forget” is treating you like you have the intelligence level of a medieval peasant! Trauma isn’t forgotten, and it is carried inside the body, which never forgets.
"You can be grateful that you're pregnant, and also be miserable and that's OK." 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
+
Amen. This statement really resonated with me as well.
I needed to hear this while being pregnant
Thank you for the validation on the pelvic pain. My doctor just keeps telling me its normal even though I've had this pain from the 1st trimester, and its excruciating.
This is sooo important to talk about. I'm 27 weeks pregnant and it's really not a walk in the park, and everyone's experience is so different. Love you both!!
This! I'm 32 weeks, my back kills me, I can't move half as well.. I'm tired lol
@@danistinnett7934 I feel your pain! You're almost at the pregnancy finish line mama!
I'm in week 35, i suffer with you. But soon our babies is here ❤❤
Praying on a safe delivery for all of us hopefully
Congratulations everyone! Wishing you all a healthy remainder of your pregnancy and a great delivery and healthy baby!
I had SPD and it was soul crushing. My doctor also dismissed it as “its normal”. Started at 15 weeks and I cried every day after that. And to this day (10 months PP) I still have some pain in that area.
Omg poor you!! :/
Yes!!! SPD makes you want to die. Moving is absolutely excruciating. I had two horrific pregnancies and will never go through it again.
❤️❤️❤️ I did a couple rounds of physical therapy during pregnancy because of SPD. At the end of my last pregnancy I would try not to scream just moving. If my doctor's/midwife had brushed it off I would have given up. My heart goes out to you
@@christengardiner748 did you do PT after?
@@MrsFrancesMarie I didn't because of lockdowns, but wish I did. It would have made the newborn period more enjoyable and less painful. I do try to follow what they taught if I have a flair up, and my husband bought a massage gun that I can use.
As a woman who will never experience childbirth and knows what that heartbreak feels like personally, I cannot fathom being angry at someone else for sharing their own experiences. We gain love, and friendship, and knowledge through listening to and learning from, others. I will never forget shortly after my hysterectomy, sharing with a friend that I was having horrible nightmares (including being in labor and having my gynecologist hand me my uterus wrapped in a blanket, delivering a baby and having a nurse take it away while saying, “this can’t be yours”, and the list goes on)... my friend, who has delivered to beautiful babies of her own didn’t sit there and say, “well at least you don’t have to go through childbirth!” and she didn’t tell me I could still adopt. She listened, she expressed her prayers, and she helped me feel better. This is no different. Your pain as an individual does not get to negate the pain of another. Remember that always. You lose nothing from being kind... and you may gain a lot. Colleen had every right to share her experiences. As women, if we don’t want to listen (whatever our reason may be), tune out and move on.
You have a very good friend! And your attitude is so generous. I have children but after my first miscarriage, I had dreams kind of like the one you described. In one I was trying to put the baby back inside, and in another, a little bloody beating heart was sitting on a shelf and I was full of anxiety trying to figure out how to put it back in the right place. I think it's PTSD causing these dreams. I still regularly have dreams that I am pregnant or in labor, 6 years later. I'm 51 and will most likely not be getting pregnant.
Thank you for sharing what you did. I too have felt the heartbreak of not being able to have children, but have always wanted my friends to feel comfortable talking to me about their experiences without feeling guilty about their ability to have children. For the most part they have all been so kind, understanding, and compassionate towards me.
@@barbaragremaud3499 I somehow missed this when you first commented, but thank you. And I totally agree that it’s a form of PTSD. I am sorry you had to go through that!
I am a huge advocate for adoption @ 20 my best friend was going through fertility issues and I was encouraging and did end a statement about “hey, even if this doesn’t work out, there’s a million kids in this world who would be so lucky to have you as a mom, so don’t give up your dream.”
& she came back at me with venom and said I didn’t understand, that adoption would never be an option b/c adoption was like buying a used car, you never know what kind of broken junk you’re going to get.
& I never talked to her again. B/c I really believe in it. Since I was 9, I’ve been an advocate for it.
I wish there wasn’t such promoted stigma around adoption. And I wish ppl were not so confined to social perceptions about being a mom of the womb or a mom of the heart.
If someone has said this to a friend, don’t feel like you’re a bad friend. Don’t read the original post and think “Oh, no, I’ve said that, how insensitive of me.” Don’t feel bad for caring about your friend and the millions of vulnerable children in the world. You’re not a bad person. Your timing might have been bad, but some people are just programmed with different beliefs. & that’s ok too.
@@achanwahn I am also a huge advocate for adoption. Of course you shouldn’t feel horrible if this is something you’ve done without realizing, but use it as a learning experience and please don’t do it in the future.
When someone is sharing their struggle and pain with you, sit with them and tell them you’re sorry, or that you wish things were different... something like that. But unless they specifically ask, do not use this as an opportunity to voice your own solutions because that is downplaying their grief. I don’t know your friend or her situation so I won’t speak on her, but for me, I’m 38 years old (was 35 when I had my hysterectomy) and adoption wasn’t on the table. I do feel I would’ve felt hurt if my friend had said, “well at least you can still go adopt”, because regardless of that, I would still be grieving the loss of a piece of me, and I would still be grieving the fact that my body couldn’t do what people literally say a woman’s body is meant to do. Women who go through years of infertility and then chooses to adopt will often still grieve. Heck, women who go through hysterectomies years later after having children and even after menopause still grieve.
Now, if you’re talking to a friend and they say something like, “I’m not sure if this will work out”, or “I want to be a mom so bad”, etc... then you could always say, “Have you considered adoption? I know you would be an awesome mother”. Please try not to guilt a woman though. Trust me, we all know many children need homes and families, but adoption is a major decision and it is not the right choice for everyone.
It sucks when people assume you’re exaggerating about the experience when it’s horrific. And you get the “well when I was pregnant...” WELL IM NOT YOU LEQUISHA, IM DYING!!!!! 😏
It's the pregangncy equivalent, of "but I can see without glasses". That is equally stupid and also disrespectful. If we could use one person a standard there would be A LOT less medical conditions ....
@@becci8099 right ♥️
Yes, I had horrible experience with my first child I was sick the whole time and the doctors at first said you just have the flu then the went to cold. But I was dizzy and vomiting up until the last month. But the next one was fun till I had a stillbirth. I do feel emts need educated in pain management meditation because it took them a half hour to get me to the hospital because they refused to give 5 seconds to close my eyes and get in my happy place. Ik it is difficult to judge with a patient who is bleeding from a ruptured placenta.
My daughter I was sick for the last two months. My middle son no systems he was an I didnt know baby. After my daughter I took the birth control shot. Then I started having issues so I stopped taking it. My periods had stopped due to the shot. I went into the doctor fir a pregnancy test and it was negative. Well, I hadn't gotten pregnant yet. Judging by my delivery date lol. My last pregnancy was my worst. Gestational diabetes spotting not being able to stand or walk being dizzy being sick and legs cramping discomfort in my chest. The only thing was consistent in all was not feeling the contracts as strongly as most due. But in all cases except my last my wishes were not listened too. Now with my first I understand I had a c section. My belief is they stopped my labor so he decided he didnt want to born.
@@linhavlin2999 wow! Sorry about your bad experiences. Pregnancy is much harder than most believe it to be as well as getting others to try to empathize and understand what you are going through.
@@Keen_News yes I had a midwife deliver my last child. She was great. Was upfront that the chest discomfort and pain I felt was that I probably didnt have room in my womb for the baby to around in comfortably due to my small size. So when he stretched I felt discomfort in my chest. The leg cramps I'd gained about 20 lbs so trying to walk was difficult. She would also discuss my no pain meds plan. When I went into active labor she understood more. She was like I couldn't do it but you held you firm and delivered with out aethestic. Then she asked before I left the hospital if I'd have done it differently I said no just wish I had that option with my other two. Austin stayed in the hospital for 3 weeks. Which irritated me. Sebastian I was able to feed him through his feeding tube at home. And he was only on it for a week after getting him home. He was a lazy baby lol. My youngest was too. My kids are now 28 26 24 and 21 my daughter has 7 children. 2 with a previous husband 3 with her current husband and her current husband has 2 from a previous relationship.
If Colleen ever does get pregnant again, I think she needs a new doctor. He sounds....not very helpful
Exactly what I was thinking. She would have done better switching during her pregnancy!
She needs a female doctor
I’m thinking she’s come to the same conclusion and probably wants MDJ as her doctor if she does it again.
I was thinking the same. He was not a good doctor at all. And I wonder why he did put her on bedrest when she was fainting alot.
Yeah especially since she had ICP she should have been delivered pretty much when she got her diagnosis. When you have ICP they typically deliver you at 36 to 37 weeks because after that the chances of your baby dying increase. She was done so wrong by her obgyn.
Dude, pregnancy IS SO HARD for so many moms. You absolutely don't have to love it to love your child.
As a mental health professional, I LOVE the way you spoke about the experience of trauma and the validation and processing of trauma ❤️
Now she’s pregnant with twins 😬 genuinely hope this pregnancy isn’t as difficult for her. Colleen is an amazing person. So happy for her, Erik, and Flynn!
OMG! Do you know if everything went ok?
@sharing and caring
Ya her twins are healthy happy baby's liven a good life
She also had a different doctor that seemed to be a much better fit for her during her pregnancy with the twins. Was glad to see that she had a doctor who listened to her concerns and explained everything to her.
This comment hasn’t aged well
@@AmeliaOak I was just gonna say
I'm 100% self-centered enough to believe that this is intentionally my birthday gift from MDJ. 🤷♀️🤷♀️😂😂😂😂😂
It was :) happy birthday
haha happy birthday!!!!!🎉🎂
Happy birthday! Great gift
happy birthday
Happy Birthday Shannon! 💚
As a man, I have never felt pressured into having children. I hate that alot of women experience that. Thank you for touching on the subject mdj
Ikr! I'm 30 and I've never had the slightest desire to have children of my own so I'm guessing I probably never will, and honestly I don't feel bad about it. But just recently, when I told this to a woman, she went: "Don't say that" (as if you're saying something horrible) and "Don't worry, you'll have children one day" (what do you mean "don't worry"? I WASN'T WORRYING lol)
I'm a bloke and watching Colleen vlog on her pregnancy and this videos, I had no idea this could happen or the extent women go through. Thank you Colleen for coming on
That and many many more complications and different experiences! There’s a lot of good and bad that can happen.
Wow! I remember watching this before all the controversy and now watching it after and knowing everything is horrifying.
Exactly! Uuugh! She makes my skin crawl. 😳😳😳
Colleen openly hating pregnancy made me so happy. I hated being pregnant too and hearing someone else say that they hated it made me feel so much more normal. Most people you talk to when you’re pregnant make it sound like sunshine and rainbows. For some of us it just isn’t. I decided to go ahead with more pregnancies but I feel like hormones and my own emotions spending time with my children made me forget about how terrible it was. I’m pregnant right now and I feel like I’m dying lol
I'm so sorry things are so rough for you. I hope things get better.
@@happycook6737 you’re right. I feel very fortunate and I’m sorry that you are going through that. It must be very difficult.
It does help to hear from other women who have really hard pregnancies.
I SWEAR that there is some crazy chemical in our female brain, that makes us completely forget how awful being pregnant- along side the first few months after baby is born- so that we can continue to make more and more babies. While I remember a lot of the things that made me miserable, I don’t remember them all. My husband had to remind me lol. Oh!! And then the newborn situation- TOTALLY didnt remember ANY of the shrieking screams or sleepless nights. 100% blanked. Again, my husband had to remind me lol. I hope this pregnancy is easier for you; my second time around was much better than my first. Stay strong, healthy and beautiful. 💋❤️🤘🏽
I struggled with being pregnant and for the most part, I didn't enjoy it. Here I am several years later pregnant with #2. Looking forward to feeling better.
Finally someone said it. Everyone talks about how amazing being pregnant is and the glow. Absolutely not. I hate being pregnant. Especially with gestational diabetes. I will never do this again. I love my baby so much but this is too hard on my body to do again. I’ve got 6 weeks left until my boy is here, and I’m counting down the days.
You are definitely not alone. I hated my pregnancy too. From start to finish. I love my son more than anything in the world, but jeez not doing it again.
I just wanted to reach out with a virtual hug about your hard pregnancy. I've got full-time type-1 diabetes, and pregnancy is so different and hard with it (I also have SPD like Colleen, and it really is awful). I think the main thing for me with the diabetes is the worry that my blood sugars are damaging the baby... I didn't expect my perspective on it to change so much during pregnancy, and thought it would be "business as usual.|" But there's a difference between feeling ill myself and trying to bring down a high blood glucose, or re-sugar myself when in hypoglycemia... and worrying that the baby is also feeling it or hurting from it. May those 6 weeks speed by for you!
I didn't know how romanticized pregnancy is on social media. I also thought it was amaaazing until I fell pregnant and had a baby. Wow! I now share the real stories behind the cute pictures we see that people post
Hey you wrote this a month ago! Is your baby here early by chance? Just curious
I also hated being pregnant as well, I had morning sickness for almost the entire pregnancy (for both pregnancies) and pain from the waist down from 2nd trimester on. My second pregnancy I also had the pelvic pain and was told that it was just the relaxin making it unpleasant, but the last month was so much worse with the grinding feeling and I eventually had to be induced because I literally got to a point where I couldn’t walk and had to call someone to give me a ride home because I physically couldn’t take another step.
After my 2nd child, I decided to not get pregnant again and got a tubal ligation.
can we also normalize that some women don't ever want kids? i hate running into that "oh, being a mom is great! you'll change your mind once you have your own kid." and i'm like "NO I WON'T"
Don't listen to nobody. I have 1 kid and it still isn't enough. People ask when I'm having another. Never?
I have been told that I won't be a real woman until I have kids. Pretty sure I have been a real woman all my life. I have never wanted kids, ever. I also, thankfully, have a husband who also doesn't want kids. We are perfectly happy with our animals and freedom. I have also been called selfish, but hey at least I'm honest about it.
Where do I sign up?
Yeah being a mom is great bit Being a fur mom is amazing!
And everyone asking "when are you going to have one?" Never beetch.
When my mom was pregnant with me she had the epidural shot, she was allergic to it, then began having lung spasms. So the doctors had to do an emergency C-section. Lucky we both made it alive.
Thank Jesus you both were okay!! 💕🙌🏻 That’s absolutely crazy!!
I felt this so badly even though I'm male and never can get pregnant. I was diagnosed with a panic disorder and anxiety disorder earlier this year despite having had symptoms for over a decade. I finally decided that I couldn't keep hiding it and needed help at the start of this year so I booked an appointment with a psychiatrist. The appointment went horribly. I told him a brief story of what I was facing (I couldn't go in depth because I was nervous and anxious) and was immediately dismissed as "oh you're fine, it's normal to feel this way. Take care on the way home." I fought back tears as I left the room, walked right past my mother(who had accompanied me) and straight into the toilet where I had probably the worst mental breakdown of my life. And I kid you not when I emerged 45 minutes later, my mum told me the doctor had come out because a nurse saw that I was taking too long and assured my mum that all was well, things happen and it's normal. I spent the next week in constant spiral that I was a failure and unable to handle the stresses that normal people could. I was weak and just complaining about waking up in the middle of the night in complete disarray, sobbing and wondering if I was going insane. I was making a mountain out of a molehill when I felt the need to urgently run away while out and about because I started to irrationally fear for my life. I was merely trying to get attention over the fact that I couldn't do anything without first spiralling down an anxious pitfall and be incapacitated for hours. I was "normal" but just could not handle it.
I did manage to reach out to a community mental health programme where I got in touch with a social worker and slowly gave her my details and issues over an entire week via text. It was cathartic. And at the end of it, I was referred to my current amazing psychiatrist who has done nothing but validate what I bring up and actually cares about what I go through. So yeah, I'm on the road to recovery.
I’m so proud of you. That takes a lot of bravery.
Im so proud of you I promise it will be worth the fight rn
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope you can be proud of yourself for everything you have overcome and that your current psychiatrist continues to support you. All the best to you 🧡
I'm so sorry you had to go through this and I'm so glad that you found an amazing therapist. I have a similar story, although it didn't cause such severe reactions on my part.
I very strongly believe that I at least suffer from social anxiety. I get very anxious around people to the point where I avoid dealing with them as much as I can. But I recognize that this is a problem, so in 2019 I got myself a therapist. It's important to mention that I was 17 at the time and my mom didn't want me to seek help from a therapist, she wanted me to deal with it on my own. I'm living in a country with public health care, so money definitely wasn't a problem. So I went to this therapist secretely, as convincing my mom was impossible (I've tried four times). I told my therapist about my difficulties with my social life, my bad childhood (which included bullying from classmates, my stepdad and my aunt, an emotionally absent and manipulative father, my enabler mom and sexual harassment from my grandfather) and about some other things related probably related to my childhood. She at first told me that my social anxiety might be a symptom of some other issue related to my traumas, but she never tried to diagnose it. She also told me about some things we could do to remedy this, but we never did any of them, and she wanted me to tell my mom about my appointments with her, even though I didn't need my mom's consent for these. She even wanted me to tell her after I turned 18. Then, she began downplaying my social anxiety as me being insecure. My therapist once pointed out that my grading for a presentation I had at school wasn't even bad and that I can do a practice presentation easily during her appointment, although my anxiety gets so bad during presentations at schools that teachers offered me to sit down because I start to shake and look like I'll feint. Everytime I did a presentation at school, my classmates and teachers would say I was visibly anxious and need to calm down. My therepy with her ended abruptly last summer after I accidently misplanned another appointment and couldn't make it to hers. This was the first and only time I made this mistake. I apologized and tried to make another appointment with her, but she just wouldn't offer a time.
I'm still looking for a new therapist, which is difficult with the pandemic going on. But I hope I'll find a great therapist just like you did.
I'm LIVING for this crossover
Dr Jones wishing she could outright say Get A Different OB!! Especially when Colleen was talking about the tearing and repair.
I went through infertility and am fighting it again… and I hated the pregnancy I’ve had that lasted full term. And to hear you talk about your experience with feeling guilty of disliking your pregnancy is really affirming.
Many people have horrible pregnancies, it happens and we have to be ok with that
I was sick for the whole 41 weeks I was pregnant. Swelling so bad that my feet would change color fully if I wasn’t laying with them elevated for longer than 5 minutes. Then I had a second degree tear that didn’t heal correctly so I had to have a corrective surgery 10 months later. Which was extremely painful.
When I tell my family I don’t want to be pregnant again they say “you’ll forget about it, you’ll change your mind”. It’s been 18 months and I’m still firmly in the NO
Damn, that sounds so horrible. Stay strong and do what's best for you! Nobody has the right to guilt you into being pregnant again. Screw those dismissive comments. >:(
Collen read your Coment in her vlog you made her cry knowing you were in the samd situación
Sounds terrible! Hope that, if you want to, another way to get a child will work for you!💞
@@teddyturenhout585 thank you so much 🥰
@@smapa1185 my husband wants another baby so badly but I just can’t bring myself to do it again.
Colleens doctor sounds exactly like my doctor. “Everything is normal!” I was nonstop puking the entire time and my belly was very small yet was told my baby is growing correctly. After a nurse wanted to know the position of the baby and requested an ultrasound was when they found out the amniotic fluid was low and my baby was very small and I had a slightly abrupted placenta. Thank god they caught it in time and she is healthy, but it can be so frustrating being told all is well when you are in pain.
I'm so sorry you went through this! It sounds so frustrating
Me looking at Colleen: she's pretty I wonder who she is
MDJ: *shows pics of her as Miranda Sings*
Me: *OHHHHHH*
You don’t know who Colleen is??? I frickin love her. You should watch her pregnancy videos
@@greerfeck1858 I watch her vlogs for forever
@@greerfeck1858 I used to watch her as Miranda Sings in middle school, but haven't watched her content since then. She seems like a really sweet person though!
😂 I didn’t know for a long time that they were the same person lol my daughters Luvvvv Miranda Sings!
I didn't know who she is through it all 😂
Colleen now pregnant with twins and asking for help and speaking out is so wonderful!
With how much she clearly wanted to grow her family I'm glad she got the courage to do so
I felt so unvalidated during my miscarriage and "this is common" and "you'll probably still have a healthy pregnancy" were the last things I feel I should have been told. Don't tell me I'll probably carry to full term when I'm sure I'm miscarrying. It just made it so much worse in the end.
Monique Rosewood I don’t get how some people don’t have empathy for others. How could anyone not understand why you’d be hesitant?
Im so sorry:(
Yes girl 💞
Monique Rosewood yea they definitely don’t. I just don’t understand how. Although every therapist I’ve been to has told me I’m an empath so maybe that’s why it’s so unfathomable to me
We certainly need to normalise talking about women. Periods, contraception, pregnancy. All of that. Thank you for doing that, MDJ!
On another note, I’m dreading pregnancy, too. But I do want kids. I keep telling my fiancé if he wants kids, he should be the one that gets pregnant 🤣
Same! 😂
I’ve been chronically ill since I was a preteen, and my main issues are chronic pain and fatigue. I just got engaged, and am happy, because I’m 30 and my clock is ticking, but... I’m really scared about pregnancy. I have to go off most of my meds that give me the little quality of life I have, and then the actual pregnancy. Because I’m petite my doctor’s already mentioned I should get a C-section, so then I’d also have to recover from that, and with the way my brain interprets pain... I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed because of the amount of painkillers I’ll need. On top of me giving my kid all the genes that resulted in my horrific health.
So you could say... I’m nervous. It’s like it’s this thing that I know needs to happen, but I can’t fathom how I’m going to actually get through it. These kinds of videos help, in a way, but... when you start out in pregnancy already so exhausted and in pain, it’s hard to imagine it being a good experience, just a necessary one.
I’m really, really sorry to hear you’re going through this. I hope one day you’ll be able to figure this out. As painfree as possible
Consider adopting maybe ❤️ i never ever want to get pregnant i am so scared of it, so if i want a family that's my only option!
@@AmaraJordanMusic consider adopting! Nothing should take away your quality of life , you've had it so hard already!
Also, your "biological" clock ticking isn't really acurate, that is a very common misconception. Your "clock" starts ticking around your 40ies not your 30ied
I just want to hug Colleen, guys. She’s such a tough cookie ; - ;
I'm a cisgender male and pregnancy has always blown my mind. Listening to Colleen's story was heartbreaking and made me cringe at her pain more than once. I have so much respect for anyone that's gone through pregnancy. It makes me so sad to hear that someone who had such a terrible experience with their pregnancy still seems to have so many external motivations for having another child.
If I had a uterus, I would never choose to get pregnant, must less a second time if the first time was incredibly traumatic. I have my own set of traumas exacerbated by the anxiety of irrational comparison, so I can only imagine Colleen's inner turmoil about having a second child. I really hope she finds peace in whatever form that is for her.
I know adoption has it's own unique set of challenges, but I don't see why that's not a more common consideration for people that want to have children. But I don't have the physical capacity nor do I bear the weight of the lifelong societal pressure to birth a child at some point, so I'm not making any judgements.
To all those who choose to get pregnant and birth a child: Respect. Also, respect to those who can give birth, but decide that it's not for them for any reason.
i appreciate this statement so much
i personally am terrified of birthing a whole human child through there but i love the idea of having children
@@EmmaJohnsonShenanigans i somewhat have the same opinion as you i dont really like kids that much especially when they cry lol but if i were to have a kid i would use a surrogate
I appreciate your honesty. I too am terrified of pregnancy and childbirth. But I'm also Terrified of motherhood. And im not good around kids. one of the reasons why all of these abortion laws scare me so much is the idea of forcing women to go through this for an unwanted pregnancy.
I think the reason adoption isn't an option for some people is because it is soooo prohibitively expensive. Plus you have to have to be practically "perfect" to even qualify. You have depression or diabetes? Too bad. You're LGBT? Definitely not. You have a family history of alcoholics and drug addiction even though you don't take the stuff? You're a safety risk. Its so hard.
Adoption is very expensive and a very stressful, arduous process. We ultimately decided against it because it's very common for the adoption to fall through late in the process and, after years of horrible experiences (including a ruptured ectopic pregnancy that I almost died from), we felt that it would be easier to loose an embryo than a living, breathing child.
Adoption also comes with trauma for the children involved. It's complicated and nuanced in ways I know I never imagined.
i had cholestasis with both pregnancies... im surprised her doctor didn't do more. i was immediately sent to a MFM upon diagnosis and put on ursodiol and had to birth no later than 37 weeks. i had ultrasounds and NSTs twice a week until 37 weeks. my mom lost her first baby to untreated cholestasis.
I was going to make a similar comment. I'm also surprised. I was induced at 37 weeks for my first baby because of cholestasis and nothing was wrong with the baby, it was just to minimize the risk that increases pass 37 weeks. I'm surprised MDJ didn't mention something about it.
Same! I had it with my first and I blew it off because itching is “normal”. But a nurse caught me scratching at one of my NSTs and told me to call my OB. I was already 36 weeks and had to induce before my BAs came back.
With my second it started at 10 weeks and although I knew what it was and what to expect, I didn’t expect it to take 21 weeks before my levels were high enough to diagnose. I also didn’t expect my levels to be so crazy and out of control that I’d need induced at 34 weeks. But I was comfortable with that decision because I had spent almost 3 years learning as much as possible, reading study reports, and listening to other moms and their ICP stories.
she has told in her labour story that she was already in labour and about to deliver when her reports came positive for cholestasis. also she gave birth at 36 weeks
@@fatimafarooq4154 ahh gotcha! i thought she had been diagnosed for a little while before going into labor, or at least that's the impression i got from her vlogs.
I COMPLETELY resonated when she said: “Women are taught to just enjoy pregnancy and not talk about the difficult stuff.” My struggle is much more emotional and mental than physical, but the physical isn’t THAT fun either. However, I do find that I can’t talk to all/any mamas I know about my feelings because everyone doesn’t/didn’t feel the same way and that leads to some judgement... ANYWAYS- thank you both so much for talking about this side of pregnancy in such a respectful and beautiful way. MUCH appreciated!
I knew a woman who did cosmetology school while pregnant, her baby was due the week of our finals and she still came in to take them. I’m truly amazed, like I’ve never had a baby but I still massively respect how she did that and still have no idea how.
That’s how I felt about one of my coworkers at an old folks home! She was 41 weeks pregnant as a CNA still doing two person transfers! She prayed it would put her into labor. Sure enough, on her weekend off she had her baby. So much respect
Had a student who did a whole final exam while in labour. Finished writing, was helped outside to the taxi we had arranged for her and had given birth within the hour (she texted us). She said that however difficult doing the exam while in labour was, she knew that trying to do a deferred exam once she had a baby would be even harder
My mother got pregnant with me while in med school. That was a massive mistake.
I’m kinda sitting here watching this in tears. I remember watching this video some time ago BEFORE my pregnancy and while I sympathized I didn’t truly understand. Now I am pregnant with my first and I have just been having the WORST pregnancy. In pain 24/7 just as she describes, the fainting, the constant nausea and I am SO MISERABLE. Every time someone asks how I am I tell them the truth that I am hating every minute of pregnancy. They laugh and say “oh it will get better in the second trimester” except I am 19 weeks…it still isn’t better and I don’t think it is going to. I feel so dismissed and WEAK that it is effecting me so just as she describes so to have someone UNDERSTAND and acknowledge how awful it can be is so freeing…, thank you
I feel so frustrated because I want to tell her to look into an EDS diagnosis. I feel like this will help her so much. Please please boost this. She has mentioned dislocation of her shoulders and the fainting are all signs. Please please let her know, she has been suffering for years and I am sure this can help her!!!
It would also explain the extra fatigue that she experienced in early pregnancy. Her skin does look very 'soft' too.
It’s all just mineral Imbalance issues I’m a mineral analysis practitioner I can see what’s going on from symptoms but we need tissue mineral analysis to see why her levels are stuck here they are by seeing the full pa el o wish I could get a hold of her. Her other issues with anxiety etc are all related too. It’s crazy and docs don’t have the in depth bio chem training needed to heal people. Infuriating really
@@strawberryme08
leave that pseudoscience out of this!
(EDS *suggestion* is fine, it's possible, your _all just_ reductive diagnosing over the video, and general doctors bashing is what's infuriating, and so unethical.)
@@al.the. I personally feel connected to it because I have EDS, too, so I think it’s important to raise awareness. Of course I could be wrong, but I wish I had someone tell me to look into EDS earlier too when I first got sick because it would have saved me a lot of heartache and trauma from doctors not believing me or taking me seriously.
The ligament damage from the relaxin hormone during my first pregnancy (age 29) left me COMPLETELY disabled. I agree with you- having gone through pregnancy that turned me into a completely disabled person (and led to my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome diagnosis) - I totally agree with you. I don't think many women know that EDS can be triggered by pregnancy hormones. You already have it- but you don't know until pregnancy sets it off.
My pregnancy was not great and my birth was even worse (we both nearly died). I don't plan on ever getting pregnant again! And I think that's totally valid and ok! I HATE when people feel pressured (even by their own desires) to have more kids. It's not the end of the world if you don't get pregnant again. It's perfectly ok to have a single child or NO children. 💖
Or if the desire to have kids is very strong, there's usually the option to adopt.
Of course it’s OK, but if you want (more) children, that’s OK, too. Adoption is usually very difficult.
Preach! Nearly died as well. And as of now, no intentions to have more kids. Might change when I’m a bit older, but you’re so right.
I’m so sorry your experience was like that! I don’t know how old your kiddo is, but I would humbly request a lot of mindfulness in talking with your kiddo about your experience. My mom always described my birth with the phrase “we both almost died” and as a child I internalized that as “I nearly killed my mom by being born” and it caused a lot of guilt and shame in me. She and I have had better conversations about it in my adulthood and I now understand that she didn’t mean it that way at all! I just wanted to share in hopes that you can be honest with your kiddo without causing guilt or fear. Best to you!!
Me and my mom almost died and then she ended up dead when I was 3.
From someone whose had a late term miscarriage and has had a baby stop moving inside them, I would change OBs so fast if that doctor said that to me. Especially a man, like come on.
When I heard that he said that I literally said “What the fuck?!!” out loud
My jaw dropped when she said her doctor said that. That’s insane!
I had the same gut reaction. I had a male OGBYN for my pregnancy, and nothing against the opposite sex, because I know they can be great doctors.. but I will personally never have another male OGBYN because they cant empathize and relate as well to what is going on during pregnancy.. you can only text book that experiance so much. The fact that he told her something so heartbreaking and horrifying as that... yea I would have peaced out at that point as well!
As soon as I heard that I thought "oh HELL no!". I would have lost my mind right there in the office.
@@Rose_C_Chyme I've had some really horrible female OBGYN's though, just saying. One was a straight up b*tch to me, another was so uppity and looked down on me and blamed all my problems on my weight, then another made me feel like a lunatic and offered no help whatsoever, basically said everything I was going through was in my head, I've never wanted to punch someone so bad as in that moment.
Thank you so much for this, I had such a hard time with being gaslighted, belittled, demoralized by, and condescended to by my doctors & husband both before and after birth. Nothing was as hard or painful or important as I made it out to be according to them. Even when lab tests proved I had infections.
Upset for her that all her male doctor could say was “this is common” in response to her symptoms and “if he stops moving” to her worry for her baby after her diagnosis with choloestasis. I wish she could’ve had amazing empathetic doctors throughout her pregnancy
I don't mean this in a bad way, but I have a friend who got dismissed by a female doctor thinking she just had painful menstruation when she actually had ovarian cysts and when she finally landed in surgery she had peritonitis, the surgeon even took pictures for educational purposes. The most dangerous things here is judging someone thinking you know. The best male doctors are those who know they'll never know what it's like and the best female doctors are those that always keep in mind that every experience is different. At least when we're talking about pain.
@@killiansirishbeer totally agree
@@killiansirishbeer and I’m so sorry that happened to your friend. I’m glad she eventually got the help that she needed❤️
If there's anything I've learned about doctors, it's that there's so much they can't or won't do for you.
@@oopssuedaisy ugh so frustrating
I had a horrific delivery experience. I had a physical reaction to the thought of ever being pregnant/ having another baby. One time I thought I was pregnant I sobbed and sobbed. It was horrible. It took three years before I no longer had the physical reaction. My son is 3.5 years old and will be a big brother in May. At 2 years I was definitely not ready. Colleen you are not alone. It’s okay to not want another baby, even two years later.
I had a fourth degree tear with so many stitches they didn’t bother counting. Ended up getting a blood transfusion.
Same girl, i had lots of stiches and a blood transfusion as well. And then later i had to go into emergency surgery to stop the bleeding. It was awful
My mom said she didn't want to go through birthing again after the first time (she needed a c section). She still went through it five more times, though. The other five births were normal.
*the fact that she also starred in Ariana Grande's thank u, next video while being pregnant is just>>>>>*
I’m pregnant with my first pregnancy and we wanted and tried for. I was so happy going in. I’m now sick, miserable and depressed. This will be my last pregnancy. Thank you for normalizing depression during pregnancy.
Hope you got better! As far as I know from comparing notes with others, lots of women say that a 2nd pregnancy can be a totally different (and much easier) experience. It is just really bad that there's no telling what you're going to get. I expected nausea & depression and got a rash , heartburn etc instead....
@@intrepidtomato all pregnancies are different possibly even more than deliveries and I’m talking with the same person. My first was a breeze as well as the delivery. My second I had morning sickness in the first trimester just in the morning. And second was longer and Very rough labor. Only one out of my four it was like that. So it could be easier and it could be rougher or the same. You just don’t know.
It's insane to me that this incredibly exhausting, physically traumatic, life changing experience is an expectation for all women?? How is it selfish not to want a massive genital tear?
Seriously, some guy was arguing with me that there are 'benefits of pregnancy' so every woman should be a willing vessel for a fetus no matter if they want to be pregnant or not.
@@sashatheelf imagine if we asked this of men. Like oh yeh your testicles could tear down to the muscle or across your entire perineum, yeh you could have crazy reactions like fainting, vomiting, organ disruption, physical and mental scars and you have to go through one of the most painful things a human can experience but uh... Just suck it up and do it two/three times because adoption is for losers who could never fully love their kids. If a person is dead you're not allowed to use their organs, even to save another person's life. That's how much we respect bodily autonomy because we're not walking talking flesh bags to serve other people's needs. You're not selfish if you don't donate your kidney because it's YOUR body. Keep your patriarchy the hell out of my uterus
@@hadassahm3016 I'm soooo with you on that one! And guys couldn't possibly understand this, they don't have to think about it, and girls are told as teens that this is what thay have to do, this is expected of women. This is bunch of some stupid expectations. I hate how they are trying to go back to middle age and ban abortion in Poland now. It just boils inside of me, how can people be that intrusive, it's not their business, it shouldn't be a matter of a law but more about the mental and physical health of a woman and medical possibilities in that subject.
@@Anna-eh6ko yes yes yes! And like in China how made it harder to get divorces etc. for the two child policy. Stop treating women's bodies like a factory or a petri dish, stop prioritising the future of a fetus over its mother, just let women have control of their bodies don't understand why that's hard for people to understand.
And up until 90 years ago, birthing was often a life-threatening situation for both mothers and babies! Mothers didn't know if they'd survive it before certain medical advancements were made.
You can tell there were moments where Colleen was like near tears because she was feeling heard and understood by a medical professional.
“When the baby stops moving” why wasn’t more attention drawn to colleens doctor saying this??? So messed up
@Sheree Boulton That's horrible :(
@Sheree Boulton i'm sorry, but how is that possible? you need at least prenatal vitamins and scans to see if anything is abnormal. congratulations on the baby, but holy hell you are risking so much. i wish you an easy birth and a healthy baby, but please see a doctor, I have friends in London and it you shouldn't be three months in and not have seen a doctor.
@Sheree Boulton I say try to find out if that is illegial.
@Sheree Boulton I’m really confused by this as our amazing NHS provides pregnancy, labour and postnatal care. I, and all other mums to be, are offered a booking appointment before twelve weeks, a twelve week scan, a 20 week scan and then regular appointments with your midwife or obstetrician. Until my pregnancy was deemed high risk at 30 weeks I saw my midwife every month or so at a local hub. Once I became high risk I was consultant led at the hospital. So I find this hard to believe.
Ikr I’dv had his license for inappropriate bedside manner or something. Unacceptable!
Thank you for sharing this honest look at your pregnancy experiences. I had a negative pregnancy experience too. Though mine was in 1994 I still feel anxious in thinking about it. I had PTSD for years after which was particularly challenging in my job. I was an ICU nurse and occasionally had to deal with ob/post-partum patients which would set me off. My family doc sent me to an obstetrician at 4 1/2 months into my pregnancy for hypertension. The obstetrician thought I had primary hypertension. I don't. His whole take on pregnancy was that it was natural and not an illness. He would not write me off work. I worked 12 hour rotating shifts in ICU on my feet, barfing, gaining over 80 lbs. I was completely unrecognizable. My knees, hips and back hurt so bad. He joked about it. I had HELLPP syndrome and by the time I delivered my BP was 190/110 and I was in multi-system failure. I had a crash C-section followed by a week in ICU, ventilated and in DIC. My sin was perfectly fine. I never would have had another baby except that we had a surprise exactly a year later. So terrifying! Exact same weight gains and BP at same marker appointments. They delivered me early and we had a healthy baby girl. My OB never listened to me in my first pregnancy. I am not a complainer. If he had known me so much suffering could have been avoided.