Nightmare Mother-in-Law Tries to Control Details of The Wedding

This story came in the comments on RUclips. I had to amplify it a bit to share...What would you do in this situation?

[@rickraber1249]

Here's some advice for any couple - once you're engaged and are setting a date, sit down, just the two of you, and make some hugely important decisions. Decide how much you can spend and who's paying for the wedding. If it's parents, are they attaching any strings to the money? If so, how is the child of that parent responding? Are they apron tied? If yes, call it off now, cuz it won't get any better. If the money part is settled to the satisfaction of both parties, decide who you want invited. Set a hard limit on the number of people you can afford. Decide if your MIL's neighbor from 20 yrs. ago should be included. How about kids at the wedding. Which side gets how many guests. If there's any disagreement, remind people that this is YOUR wedding. Nobody else gets a vote. Next, decide what kind of wedding the TWO OF YOU WANT. Not what your mothers have always dreamed of - they're not the ones getting married. You are. Regardless of who's doing the planning, tell your vendors that you and only you make the decisions and any changes to them. Instruct them that you need to be informed if anyone else tries to change anything behind your back. One last thing: don't let anyone, especially the MOB or the MIL, guilt you into anything you don't want. Including who goes along to pick out a dress, etc. Set firm boundaries NOW, because you're setting the tone for your whole marriage, whether you know it or not.

[@lindab.716]

I work very hard being the favorite MIL. My children appreciate that 😊♥️

[@PartyPlanningbyChrista]

Yay! You’re amazing ❤

[@mariegarside8830]

The bride selects who walks them to the ceremony. The bride and groom can elope.

[@robertalernet2199]

Move the wedding up a week and don't tell MIL.

[@r10greyhoundsrule87]

The phrase is "family and friends" but when things get out of hand like this and everyone starts doing whatever *they* want with someone else's event, it easily becomes 'family, friends, and strangers' and no one ever considers the added costs incurred or that they've just given control of their special day away. If someone is helping to finance the wedding, make sure before accepting their financial help that you're ready, willing and able to meet *their* demands and expectations; if not, politely and emphatically decline their offer of help. It isn't "their" day and more brides/grooms need to stop allowing others to control them; they need to stop worrying about letting everyone else walk all over them and change plans they've finalized and they need to take back the reins on the day they are planning together and if the interfering, bullying people don't like it, they can stay the heck home. Helping out financially does not mean the gift-giver is allowed to hijack the wedding plans, the guest list, the venue, any of the vendors, the menu, music choice, wedding party apparel, cake design/flavor, etc. If someone is magnanimous enough to give a financial gift, the moment there are restrictions or requirements attached to it, merely say 'no thank you'; you don't have to explain why you're rejecting a gift that isn't a gift at all, but a bribe.

[@DaniDani-fx5qq]

I would love to share my wedding story with you. Years later and im still very hurt and it has set a bad tone for our marriage. My husband gave all control to his mom. I was told to keep my mourh shut because he just wanted his mom to be happy. She changed everything that I had planned even the colors. She would only discuss wedding stuff with my husband and hed say ok that sounds good. She called and told him we arent doing colors or casual. She said I want white and formal. Needless to say we did a small white and formal wedding. But she did throw in a suprise touch or color to my boquet. It was my husband and his first wifes wedding colors. The day was made all about her and vetoed doing anything for unity. The list could go on and on. My parents paid for the bulk of her celebration and I was to ashamed to tell them I had lost any say in the day. My husband says I should be greatful that his mom was so helpful.

[@alisonkeogh]

Since you’ve already married him, you and your husband need to see a counselor and set some hard boundaries with his mom. If you don’t, she will be trying to control how you raise your kids next. Best luck ❤

[@jillmortlock8439]

You still married him?