Do your friends have your back? - Woke Wednesday
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- Опубликовано: 16 окт 2024
- Welcome to Woke Wednesdays, where my friend Ali and I eat food and discuss a specific topic to educate ourselves and raise awareness. Today we are talking about outgrowing friends and expectations we have from our friends, as we grow up/old. Tune in to hear our thoughts!
Ali’s youtube channel: / @aliabdaal
My audio podcast:
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I am Dr. Sheen Gurrib and I want to play my part in supporting the next generation of empowered women. So, I have a podcast ‘Dream, Girl’, where I host women from all spheres of life with varied experiences and life journeys and we look beyond the social lens to discuss everything from racism, sexism, representation and mental health. Join me every week as I chat to one of these wonderful women and let's learn how to be/support a kick-ass woman in general! I also make shorter videos where I share snippets of my life, and my life experiences, such as doing a PhD and attending OxBridge universities, and have mindful conversations about important topics.
Come and say hi to me:
/ sheengurrib
Watch my TEDxCambridgeUniversity on Girls' Education:
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Read my blog:
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I think Ali should make a video about "How to have zero feelings ",It will be a life changer video I guess !
Yes, but it wouldn't be true.
Please someone let him know this comment. He has more expertise in this field than any others I guess.😅
😂this made me laugh out loud
I have a lot of respect Ali and Sheen's relationship - it's clear from this video (and others) that their personalities, the way that they think and to some extent their value systems are different, but both make the effort to understand the other!
This topic is super interesting too - my personal read of the situation is that because Sheen presents as a very down-to-earth, empathetic, kind individual, people (wrongly) conflate this with someone who is not as capable or high achieving, as compared to Ali, who presents as someone who is confident, competent and slightly aloof - which fits the model of "high achiever" better.
So naturally, Sheen doing well on multiple (and not to mention very public) platforms disrupts this idea of "down-to-earth-Sheen" in their minds, and may make them uncomfortable/envious - and them downplaying those achievements may be one of the ways that they put Sheen back into the "box" that they've kept her in their minds for all the time that they've known her before this.
p.s. Love your content!
Ali’s slowly learning empathy 😭 The way he stared at the glass and shared the drink ☺️ Good on you Sheen!
And then had the whole drink himself 😂😂 that's what I would do to my sister ....only difference that the glass and my head would be broken at the end of it.
I think i get why Sheen doesn't seperate achievement from character, it's because if one achieves something it's usually attributed to their character traits like "ambition, integrity, resilience.. etc" and if someone were to down play those achievements then they are negating that person's possession of those traits. That's why it hurts coming from a friend because they should be the ones who can vouch for our character most accurately, if we're not around. I think "friends" who make those comments want to make your success palatable, the fact that you've achieved those things wounds their ego (if we are friends then at some point in life we were at the same place, achievement wise) like "how dare she move ahead and away from us?" that's why they feel the need to dismiss them somehow.
Just how I happily and generously give Sheen my 35 minutes
Sameee
+1
I feel like I can give Sheen/ woke Wednesday as many minutes as it takes haha
Ali- Dashing, good looks, the deep voice, the British accent
Sheen- We're talking about you not ME 😂😂😂 Yayyy!! Loved this line❤️❤️❤️
This video should be retitled to "Sheen trying to make Ali a normal human being for 30 minutes straight"
So accurate!
I couldn't get past 24:00 is Ali a robot?
This is the new 'Not Overthinking'
Can we appreciate the background sound , their beautiful voice and the perfect background score
18:02 cracked me up good! 😂💀 on a serious note, you need new 'friends'. Yes, I discovered you through Ali, but I stayed because of *you* and *your* content. As a Malaysian-Sri Lankan who lived in the UK, I can relate to the issues addressed on WW and DG on a personal level. Also kudos for constantly picking topics that showcase Ali's and your opposing personality types, and finding the grey between varying perspectives. Great job and as the saying goes, don't let the bastards grind you down :)
❤
Whatever they're eating, I really want to try it lol. Anyway, great conversation!
I literally got a tikka sauce and rice out and ate it while I watched this lol
One of Jordan Peterson's rules (from his book) is "be careful who you share good news with". The reality is... it's only our closest friends who are going to be happy for us.
Lol, of course things don't "bother" Ali, he just seems to not be in touch with his feelings as much as you are Sheen... I think both extremes can be destructive. I do believe you can learn a lot from each other! 🙂
Well, Ali follows the philosophy of Stoicism. He doesn't let external factors affect his state of mind.
1. 06:00 Ali asking how it made you feel! Awww, good on ya Ali 😊
2. Love these! Sheen please do a video on the two of you taking the 16personalities/Myers Brigg test, I think it'd be a fun discussion!
3. I guess if a "true friend" genuinely felt that way about you, they would come and tell you and help you be better? Rather than badmouthing you to the world behind your back. But it tells you a lot about that 'friend' Sheen!
4. You forgot to tell us what you're eating this time!
Loving these videos 😊
It can be a little frustrating how Ali oversimplifies complicated feelings and experiences, but then again that’s why it’s important to process things and understand where are they coming from. Love you Sheen!
Ali - Pours in a drink for Sheen then proceeds to drink from said glass 😂
On a serious note from what Sheen has said I wouldn't class this person as a good friend if they take opportunities to downplay you behind your back. Real friends shouldn't feel jealous of eachothers achievements, although sometimes this is hard to find and tell. Even amongst close family you may find such people. Best to not think too much about what they say and continue doing what you're doing! 😄
I would add something that when people say to me that you're lucky. I simply say "So as you are lucky. It's not about having Unfair Advantages, it's about starting to work on it"
Every people in this universe has some sort of Unfair Advantages, but the point is most of them don't realise they are also lucky. And I don't care if somebody talks about my luck without acknowledging they are lucky too. Really this video made me resonate with some of the inner beliefs that I gained this year.
Sheen you have such a beautiful heart!❤️ don’t worry about the “haters”.
I’m rooting for you from 🇿🇦
Love it how he doesn't expect support from his friends!!
i love how you guys are completely genuine and spontaneous in these woke wednesdays. Keep it up you're awesome!
Sheen do not care about whay they are saying or thinking just keep believing on urself never doubt it make sure ur feeling happy ❤️
Interesting discussion. I think if they’re really your friends, they would recognise your achievements and in a way, those achievements are a part of your character. You have to be a certain type of way to go out and achieve right? Even if said in a jokey way, there’s always some truth in the way someone “jokes”. P.S loving this channel 😊
I love your guys friendship, there's so much in that first 45 seconds that had me a gigglin'
Toptip: please tell us what you’ve ordered because im ready to eat after watching these and want to order similar food lol
18:43 *ali drinking from sheens glass without her even noticing xD*
I feel like this character vs achievements is a valid distinction but from my understanding it’s more hurtful because your friends are downplaying something that makes you happy. That you’re upset that your friend would given a choice rather diminish your happiness rather than lift you up without a reason that’s really going to help anyone.
Sheen I am so sorry that you have had "friends" downplay your achievements, its definitely their jealousy that is projecting and you should remove these people from your life because they dont deserve your pure soul!
Love your content Sheen, having empathy and care for others doesn’t me you will get the same from them, though you will get it in another way from other people for sure. Keep it up (PS: with less ads please)
Inspired from you, Ali and Elijabeth I started my own vlogging channel..Thanks for inspiring..
Brilliant topic of discussion! I get where you’re coming from Sheen, but the thing is sometimes ppl don’t like the fact you’re achieving a lot more than them hence the need to comment! Also sometimes you need to outgrow friends, like they aren’t always going to be there. You’re doing great!
Secondly, although Ali comes across stone heated his attitude towards addressing people’s comments etc that is to “it doesn’t bother me” actually is the way to go because A. He does shit he wants to do without too many opinions and B. He’s winning on the money front regardless so people’s opinion and comments should be let in because it only stops the person!
P.s the food you two eat always makes me want to buy takeaways
Hearted** not heated lol
19:26....ohhh my god😂...how cute they are together!!
Sheen I’m only a few minutes in but your concerns are so valid. My real friends gassed me up when I only had like 40 subscribers and we celebrate what makes the other person happy no matter what! So sorry you’ve been experiencing this
Your talks are actually thought provoking and soo relatable !
I totally get Sheen's point. Whether it's your career milestones or character, friends are supposed to support and celebrate you and should never badmouth you. That's why you call them friends. If an acquaintance (even though they have seen me through mostof my struggles) does that, it wouldn't hurt me that much personally.
Great discussion! My take on this from my personal experience: my friends are people I met through school, Uni and work, so we kinda have similar experiences. So they can't stop themselves from comparing where they are in life to you and that is the problem. If you are doing relatively better, they can't not be jealous knowing that they would want to be in your place while at that time you are busy sharing your achievements and expecting them to be happy for you and celebrate it with you. While they are just being sour and jealous because they keep comparing where you are in life to where they are in their life. So they will get into this spiral of diminishing your experiences and achievements and making it sound as if they are not as great or that you just got lucky. This used to just makes me sad, but now I try not to have any expectations and just understand that I outgrew these friends or wait until they get over these changes in both our situations. I have this thing in my friendships where I attract competitiveness in people and that always end up in awful situation. Just be happy for yourself and find friends that celebrate you !
Aw Sheen! People can be so mean. Finding real friends who support you is really hard. I personally like quality over quantity. You are doing great! Sorry you are dealing with this, it's still hurtful when people try to bring you down, especially if you are an empathetic person. Sending you good vibes!
Thank you Jessica ❤️
That's how friends should be: supportive regarding achievements and character. Otherwise, what is the difference between friends and any other people in the world? Any ordinary person can say something rational about your achievements like: 'his/her youtube channel does not have many views, is not that good", etc, etc. But only friends will be happy for you even with small achievements because they get happy when you are happy. I ibelieve Ali has a high tolerance for people saying things that are not true about him. And maybe that could be a way to have more friends and don't unplease other people.
Ali is very intelligent, has a strict routine that most of other people would not follow, is eager to learn new things, and maybe had a little percent of luck. Putting everything down to luck is unfair to him. That's why we have few friends in life. Very few people can genuinely be happpy with our happiness.
This is probs something that I enjoy the most both watching and listening
I’m always down to give my 35 mins ! Keep it up sheen we all got your back
I'm glad that I’ve found your channel, what an interesting content! Keep going Sheen
I dunno what magnetic power both of yours relationship have but i am just tooooooooooooo much in love with your conversations with Ali that I can listen to both of you for hours n hours without skipping a single second 💖💖
Loads of love
Please never stop our favourite woke Wednesday everrrr❤❤❤❤❤❤😍😍❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you 😊
@@SheenGurrib you are welcome ♥️🤗
this is just wowwww....every wednesday is worth with you both....literally, these are the life lessons that all the schools fail to teach us....thank you so much!! eagerly waiting for next wednesday...
Sheen, this is awesome !!! All the best for your future endeavors !!
Aptly watching this at lunch time, I love these videos.
Too bad you are only friends!
Sheen, I love how honest you are with yourself.
Really good topic discussion!
I can't imagine saying that about my friend, I mean if my friend didn't think as highly of my success as I did then there's nothing wrong with that. But telling someone else or openly sharing that view without me knowing doesn't sit well with me. It's more about their character than mine, and that I trusted them enough to think otherwise because I wouldn't expect them to talk about me like that. I guess it's down to what expectations you have of your friends at the end of the day.
I feel like these two are the voices inside my head debating over similar incidents that have happened to me.
Tbh, I didn't think this series was any special. But it's proven to be insightful unlike many videos out there on similar topics.
Sheen is like my husband and i am like ali omg you've shed soo much light on our argument i can't even explain. I am the sort of person who doesn't care too much about what others think and dont have an expected loyalty about people. I e i dont expect people to defend me in my absence however my husband like sheen doesn't really care too much about others opinion however expects loved ones to show their loyalty/care if their ever being defamed
I truly do not believe that Ali does not get offended by anything... I think we should keep digging more into his feelings, Sheen. 😉
I totally feel you Sheen. To be honest, I think these types of comments really come from a place of insecurity... it’s sad and hurtful to hear those from friends that we care about... but apparently these are the dark sides of people that usually surface, consciously or unconsciously, when they feel jealous or threatened in one way or another by your success. I think when we can make peace with the fact that sometimes people do this unconsciously, we become less hurtful and are more forgiving to them as human beings.
On a side note, Ali is sooooo logical that some of his responses literally make me laugh out loud. But yeah he also has a point. I low key wish I could start seeing things the way he does 😂
I ate my sandwich while watching you :D It felt like talking to you at that table LOL It was a good video, thank you Ali and Sheen. Loves from Turkey
I do think from whatever have heard so far from the conversation is, that your internal value is based on both on your character and your achievements. The conversation here is more surrounding internal value. And each of us have different factors that make up our internal value. For Ali, it's just his character because according to him, that is the only thing he think he genuinely takes effort to maintain and sustain consciously, the rest are more easy-coming for him. And as he himself mentioned, for women in general, having to advocate for our own-selves over and over again, we personally tend to attach our achievements to our internal value as well unlike men who have it easier. There is obviously alot more to that to explore. I would also like to add, like you said internal value is something we want our loved ones (people we care about) to see and hence when they don't, we get hurt.
the last bye is the most interesting part for me :D , overall very interesting EP
I love these videos they are like therapy sessions❤😂 with a bit of banter😜
32:39 that laugh....🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
15:00 in this part (and throughout the episode in bits and pieces) Ali has a problem with putting himself in other people's shoes. And honestly girl, asking him to do so is only going to backfire on you. Kinda bummed out about that. But a great discussion, I enjoyed it ✨
I would definitely like to be able to think like Ali, coz the way he thinks gives him the ownership of his state of mind/ feelings.Even I don't react (In front of people )on people commenting mean things about me etc. but I definitely feel bad.
I don't agree with Ali today ( I usually do btw🌚). What is the point of being productive and working hard, only for your efforts to be reduced to luck.
It's a curious thing... Why can't luck find me laying on the couch and being a lazy ass? Why does it 'show up' when I have put in a significant amount of work?
Sheen, I believe you are entitled to taking credit for the achievements you worked for and also being recognized for it; even if recognition was not your main intent.
These two have the best chemistry as friends or wtv else!
Say that loud “I’m alive, motivated and ready to slay the day” you are beautiful
This episode was soo good and has made my day! Literally laughed soo much and loved the dynamic between Ali and Sheen in this it was actually really cute hahhaa
I think Ali was so right with all of his points about achievements, two different perspectives but both can be true :)
Sheen’s frustrations are cracking me up hahahaha
32:40 same, Sheen. Same. Please give up on Ali for this topic. 🤣🤣
Always important to celebrate the wins in life. Don't let mean and selfish people get you down. You should be proud of your hard work and accomplishments. Sad to hear some friends aren't celebrating with you
the conversation was so nice and I liked it , if possible talk about loneliness ,because there are many myths and facts about it , if you made a video on that , I will be happy and appreciate it .
Give an example of a myth and fact.
A meal a talk with Ali, I like it!good job!
Keep doing all the amazing things you’ve been doing ❤️
Aww Shab thank you ❤️❤️❤️
See you guys next week, I really appreciate this videos (:
I think the book Ali promoted last year "The Unfair Advantage" definitely may help you to solve & acknowledge the accomplishment problem, you're facing. By the way, great topic to choose for today.
20:21 your face is all of us, ALI FEEL SOMETHING PLS LOOOL
22:03 it was too good to be true
And I can totally relate with you . All your feelings are valid . Ali is a big weird I guess . It's normal for people to feel this way if their friends shit talk behind their back . True friends are the ones who speak highly of you behind your back.
Tip: Skip to the end of the video, wait for it to end, then replay the video.
No ads anymore. You're welcome.
Sheen. That person who made comments about you is NOT your friend. Ditch, ditch, ditch.
Mm they're struggling with jealousy but yeah they're not being a good friend
I feel Ali n sheen do lots of twinning..
Sheen you are brilliant and don’t deserve these “friends”. I don’t think it requires much deeper thinking or analysis with the “they might have meant this, or they’re just honestly saying they don’t know those people” - it’s clearly rude. If you don’t know them, don’t say it, you know the person is excited to be acknowledged!
Ali's wardrobe game
At 19:29 I understand the rush immediately of doing it Ali😂😂
The amount of ads though 😂
Yes!! The best besties in the town.
Damn great video sheen!!! Btw how did you become Ali’s housemate?
The amount of jokes Ali said in this vid is impressive!! 😆😆
Great conversation!
literally took Sheen 25 mins to make Ali understand what she’s upset about lmao
Great episode !
😂😂😂😂you guys are doing some real magic living together and being so opposite to one another
7:08 is LOL. You guys are funny and hilarious.
The thumbnail is soo cutee❤️❤️
Hey Sheen, love these videos. But could you please also add the food you guys are eating?? lol. Not where it was bought from but rather what it is. :)
Some coffee and woke wednesdays for my Thursday morning!
I literally, spent 10 minutes looking for my phone and checking it every time I hear a vibration sound. Just to realize its coming from either Sheen's or Ali's phone. Hahahaa. Now I just feel lonely hahaa.
the first 10 mins is straight up sexism i feel. its not that ali has a higher threshold of offence, people tend to discredit my skills and my work in contrast w my male friends and partner, I feel. and people definitely include my friends. and it could be just in my head and I feel like I have more to prove as a woman.
Sheen, you need to cancel those friends. You deserve only positive people around who uplift you and celebrate you :)
I wonder if it's all down to Ali's non-attachment and Sheen's attachment, to some degree, to things/achievements/notion of friends etc. Neither is good or wrong: it's just that non-attachment would come in handy not to be affected by life's unexpected stuff when next time it happens. If it was me faced with Sheen's incident, yeah, I'd have found it hurtful, but then, 'Hmm, I thought he was my friend, but looks like he's not.' and then adjust him in my mind accordingly.
I understand Sheen said "Why he had the need to say those things?". IMO, as some other people said, probably it's the insecurity and jealousy in those people who felt the need to utter those words out loud to someone else, usually behind the person's back. One thing sure is that he was never a true friend.
For all of us, developing non-attachment would be helpful for our better mental/emotional health, it feels to me personally.
Sweet Sheen
Friend or acquaintance. We sometime think that everyone is our friend while most of them are acquaintance...friend don't belitter, don't envy you....
Wow I love the side of Sheen using the "F" word! I want to love the video now instead of like lol
Wow this happens to me all the time. They downplay my achievements.
Great chat!
Okay.... This thumbnail! 😍
I really enjoy what you do
❤