Looking forward to an update, Cece. Don't forget, no matter what happens, there are always more options! Also, you want to be a writer, that is what has come through clearly in the videos I've watched, and nothing can stop you from writing no matter what response you get from a program!
thank you!! i am trying to remember more what i want, truly, rather than grasping onto external validators. it's definitely hard but you are so right--nothing can stop me from writing, and that's the beauty of writing that i love so much.
Hey Cece, I just discovered your channel and am hooked. One of my best friends studied law at Stanford and I finished a PhD two years ago myself, so sort of understand the "world collision" you're going through. In some weird ways (and probably contrary to what many old colleagues of mine would say), I personally found the PhD application process more stressful than the actual PhD, so please don't panic. I tend to discourage friends/colleagues who are thinking about a PhD from going through it if they have expectations beyond spending 3/4 years on a topic that greatly interests them, because the rewards are often vague/can't be monetized in the current academic job market. I really loved my experience and wrote a book as a result of the process for a wider audience, so I wish you all the best in your goals to learn and write!
thank you so much! i love hearing that you got to write a general audience book as a result of the process--that's truly my goal at the end of it all. congrats on your book, and thank you so much for taking the time to watch and comment! it means a lot to me :)
i'm really hoping you get in! Everything about your background is amazing and regardless if you don't, please don't beat yourself up! You are incredibly accomplished and there are plenty of other opportunities you may end up finding more fulfilling than a phd program
I wish you the best if you truly feel this is your next best step. Throughout the times I have watched your videos, it has been evident that academics have remained almost a sort of safety-net for you (you know you are extremely intelligent, can put the work in, and get praise)... Perhaps going in a direction opposite of academia is where you’re meant to be in order to find validation outside of a renowned institution. Keep that in mind regardless of your acceptance or not. I know I’ve commented before regarding your undeniable ability to speak with grace, intelligence, and confidence. I will continue to comment to let you know that you are a constant inspiration to many - not just me - and you have SO much going for you… Ph.D. program and title or not, we will still buy your book 🙂 All the best to you❣️
thank you so much, caroline!! these words mean a lot to me, and in the back of my head, i certainly wonder if you are right in that i’m exchanging one safety net for another. thank you for your support, and you’ve given me a lot to think about!
Cece, I appreciate your transparency of feelings revealed in this video. I think the world (academia specifically) makes it taboo to speak about being tired and stressed. You are such as role model and inspire us every day. I hope everything will work out for you, you have the tenacity for it! We’re all supporting you from the sidelines 🤍
Oh gosh, that was a journey. Watched the whole thing, highs and lows. I can actually relate so hard to this because I've been on my own employment journey for like the past 2 years. You got this! So eager to hear back.
Not trying to be negative at all, I think Cece is very smart and talented! I just think her path to grad school as shown in this video should be taken with a grain of salt. Getting into a PhD program is hard! Most people who want to pursue a PhD apply for several programs and not just one super competitive Ivy League program. This makes me think whether she really wants to pursue a PhD or she really wants to pursue a PhD at Yale. There are so many great SJD programs as well as other PhD programs in fields that connect well with Law (Sociology, Political Science, etc) which provide the right environment to do great research. Per her Linkedin profile she is a lecturer at Yale so probably she knows that will factor in her favor? I really wish her best success and I respect her path but I think others watching these videos should also know that there are great programs outside the Ivies and if they really want to do research, they should be open to other options! Wishing Cece great success.
these are all great points! i only applied to this one program because i only had the bandwidth to apply to one while also working. each program requires many conversations, specific written submissions, and tailoring that i simply could not properly afford while also working. the thinking was to see how this goes and then re-evaluate other options if need be and after i quit. applying to one phd is tough, and applying (and properly tailoring the application for) several phd programs isn’t just a simple re-submit!
@@CeceXie At the highest level, I think if someone really wants to complete a PhD other than for the title, you’d deliberately be making time to research many viable options far deeper than surface level, to see what aligns as best as possible with your objective. What’s even your objective to get out of this extra schooling? You made the point yourself, you could get what you want out of the PhD, in theory, without being in a “safe zone” of school. Maybe that’s actually the problem. A lot of PhD students without good objectives end up wasting a whole lot of time. Maybe the question is; what actually makes one happy and feel purpose? Question needs to be reframed IMHO.
Agreed with these sentiments. Had a slightly different route -- MD only, then added PhD in the middle of it. PhD years were the paragon of academia and soooo different than professional doctorate programs (JD, MD, PharmD, etc). Some of the most interesting, creative years of my life, but also the lowest emotionally and incredibly isolating. It made me a better person overall, but don't know if I'll ever decide whether it was "worth it" (Emotionally, financially, etc). Had a best friend do JD, PhD though and he loves his academic life now publishing on incarceration/judicial reform :)
I’m a lawyer myself and every time I watch your videos, I feel super pumped to be as passionate and driven as you! Keep the content coming cause you’re super inspiring.
This may not be on topic but I appreciate the editing, videography and just the overall quality of your video. The fact that you are able to put in effort into so many different aspects of your life is amazing. I aspire to do the same.
omg amanda 🥺 you have no idea how much that means to me. i feel such imposter syndrome around content creation. i know it’s not studio-quality, but i’m SO appreciative that you noticed the effort. and i will get better, too!!
Dear Cece, it is very courageous of you to show your vulnerable side on the internet (13:25) when the legal field is a competitive field where people always put out their best and glamorous self image, fearing they will be perceived as weaker than others. Such authenticity is a rare gem - You have brought so much comfort to fellow lawyers and law students who are struggling too.
I recently applied to PhD programs in clinical psychology. I got into a program but applying to PhD programs was ten times more stressful than applying to college/undergrad. Good luck I hope you get into a great program !
I went to a pretty good law school a long time ago, so I guess I must have been a little driven to do that. I was probably motivated by some of the same things Cece is driven by; wanting to please my parents, money, prestige, etc. But at some point in my 30's, I realized that no one really cared about what I was doing. I don't mean that in a negative way, though. I mean in the sense that no one was breathlessly watching my every move, or holding seminars on my life, or celebrating every promotion I got. It was the most liberating moment in my life. I stopped worrying, and after that sought jobs that rarely required overtime, and mostly were not too stressful. Other than one published case with my name on it, there is nothing to show that I was even a lawyer. And I never made a lot of money. But that is ok.
I'm glad you got it all in on time, and I'm glad you kept in the part with you having a breakdown. So many elite students and scholars struggle--it's a self-selection issue. The brightest minds competing against the brightest minds find whole new levels of stress that others don't even know about. As someone who lived with a PhD student during 3L, I can promise you that you are not alone. When you get in (!!!) make way to your local therapist and set a regular schedule for visits. Go even when you think you don't need to. The ivory tower is lonely and having a pro by your side will help. Good luck!!
I remember applying to the Ph.D. program I am currently in my second year at Texas Tech University and it was definitely a stressful process. I work in big 4 accounting and I am doing the Ph.D. program full time so although it is hectic, I am happy I get to explore my research interests and contribute new knowledge. Good luck with your journey!
I need to watch this video of yours. I started in big law after a PhD program (with all the wonders and horrors, like yearly presentations in front of a faculty commission, all the doubts and desperation a phd brings, but also wonderful self realizing work, inspiring conferences ).. I look back on it as an initiation rite into academia that I chose not to work in after all. After a couple of years in big law I went to a smaller sized practice. Today I am more self employed although collaborating with a smaller practice. I find it interesting you would do big law first and the PhD then. Need to watch this video for sure 😅
the ph.d. in law programs are unusual in that they require a j.d. and take the j.d. as the "coursework" for the ph.d. program. i'm not sure that a ph.d. is the right place for me, either, but i miss the academic freedom and ability to sit and think about a problem deeply, which just can't happen often in biglaw because of how hectic biglaw is! hope you get the chance to watch and enjoy it :)
I felt this video so much, it showed so many of the emotions I go through on a regular basis. I am a PHD student in law as well and even though our system is a bit different than in the US I can really relate. Thanks so much for sharing your journey, it makes everything so much easier to know I am not the only one on an emotional rollercoaster :) Also my fingers look exactly the same... Good luck on your application!!!
i am so glad to hear that! (about not feeling like you're the only one, not about our fingers looking exactly the same. we should both work on the latter lol) best of luck with your ph.d. program--YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT ALONE
Also at an Ivy PhD program, and I think you've got this! I felt the same way applying and almost crapped myself when a prof who I had no idea wanted to work on research similar to my interests contacted me with a few paragraph long email just wanting to chat and here we are now. Best of luck and looking forward to the results!
Stumbled upon your tiktok and followed it here! I see so much of my PhD application experience reflected in this vlog and I'm honestly emotional. Luckily (and through a lot of hard work and soooo many tears) I was able to get in to the program I applied (and waitlisted on the other), and it somehow still doesn't feel good enough! Like I somehow gaslit them into taking me, especially since my BA and MA arent from prestigious universities, and I don't have any publications either, so it seems impossible that out of over 130 applications they narrowed it down to ten people and I fell in that list. Literally the only reason why I didn't think that the email was a mistake was because it included my name in the greeting. Your passion for your topic of interest makes me so excited to go along with you academic journey (and I'm sure it shone through your application and will have the committee loving you), and no matter what, this wasn't a waste of time, and you're no less talented no matter the outcome. Often I think I'd rather not put myself out there to avoid failure especially if the odds are against me (doing the acceptance rate math almost had me in a panic attack at one point), but I know I wouldn't be here if I hadn't faced my fears then. I hope you have a wonderful support system that helps you get through all the highs and lows and I cant wait to see your book!
but you did it!!! imposter syndrome is so difficult to deal with but i am excited for your journey bc you belong in the spaces you never thought you did!
Thanks for this. Live in the bay area, daughter half Chinese, her mother grew up in a household that sounds similar to yours, she seems similar to you (academically driven, safe space) , and saving this and your 'Yale rejection' post for when it's time for her to apply to college. Provides awesome perspective!
honestly watching your video gave me some hope and comfort especially as someone who always seeks academic validation and right now during midterms week
Awe I want you to be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there and trying something new! I am the same way to where if I'm not really good at something from the start I get really discouraged. But even though you don't know much about law academia you've already learned so much from this process. Whether you get in or not you learned a lot from this process and you should be proud of yourself for trying it!!!
Please look after your mental health. I’ve seen a similar story with a young attorney who worked in the law field named Chelsie Kryst who decided to take her own life. People do not realize that working in law or any technical field builds up stress and depression especially when so much is being demanded from you.
I know some people who knew Cheslie. So sad. She was doing more in the entertainment industry, living in NYC, & was no longer working in the Charlotte law firm when she killed herself.
So deeply appreciate you showing the reality of trying to do anything else when you're a biglaw associate. I have no idea how you did this huge application process - you're amazing.
Thank you so much for making this video! As a high school senior who stressed over college applications, your journey through your PhD application really strung a chord with me, the chord being that life can be overwhelming in times of transition. I really respect you for showing your most vulnerable moments during this process, as a lot of people online normally don’t like to reveal that side of themselves online. Out of curiosity, what was your research proposal? I truly hope you get in and remember: if you don’t get in, that means that no one gets in 😁 God bless you and have a great day!!!
God i resonated with that part about failing. I’m going through waiting to find out if i get a job offer i want, and every time i go though this i get that gnawing concern about failing in the back of my mind too. It’s hard to accept waiting when its eating at you
I did a PhD in law. You are right. The academic world is just as competitive and toxic. Like any other industry, it's about who you know. But I wouldn't base my decision on that. You find your tribe wherever you go. The best thing about a PhD is that it's yours - you get to chart your own course. The academic articles etc will organically occur during your PhD. Thankfully for me, I never wanted to be an academic and jumped straight into a management position in the corporate world. You carry the teachings from your PhD for life though...no one can take it away from you. I found the final year of my PhD the hardest... But then I was working and writing up. Ultra discipline is required! You can do it! There's a reason very few people complete a PhD or hold one - it can be brutal but it's a long game. You just need endurance and perseverance. Good luck!
Congratulations on submitting such a time intensive application 👏🏼🙌🏼 I can’t even imagine the stress in trying to put an application like that together in a month’s time basically 😅
I'm gonna be the kick in the butt you need...I am working on a doctorate right now and a procrastinator too...much fam and friends kicked me in but and lemme know I had what it took to get it. You do too. It ain't easy, but you're in the fight now...finish it out ! And another thing..there are tons of ways to use this degree that's not professor track..from being a consultant to a programmer of field-specific video/tv/radio content---and more . Key takeaway: Think outside the box. Doctoral students are in tons of roles that aren't in academia...search OT out and you'll be shocked...and relieved.
Hi Cece! Thanks for sharing your raw journey. Amazing and inspirational. My curiosity in law brought me to your channel even tho I am a nurse lol. Your self reflection and concern about changing yourself to fit in the mold for academia and big law is insightful. I often think about this in my career. As for this new oath you’re embarking on. Uncertainty is unsettling, but I am sure you will learn and grow no matter the outcome .
Hello cece at around minute 15 where your meltdown took place : girl i can sooooo relate. I finished my master’s degree a few weeks ago, and the few days before the deadline for submission of my masterthesis, i was so stressed, as you said i was also tired all the time, very sleep deprived and had no way around except just keep on going. That feeling when it is around 3 am and you are so tired but when you lie in bed you are afraid to shut the brain down to sleep. O m g it was such a torture!! I am proud of you that you did it :)
Watching your journey has been really inspiring! I'm an undergrad student, who just recently discovered I'm not sure law is the path for me. I was recommended your channel at a time that I'm also considering pursuing graduate school. Thanks for sharing the process!
you got this! undergrad and being in your twenties are the hardest bc it's so confusing to figure out what to do next. just remember that no decision is permanent, and self-reflection and kindness will get you far. good luck!
Hello Cece, I wanted to say that I love and appreciate what you're doing here. Sharing your struggles and experiences through your career is crucial for aspiring law students like myself to witness. It is so brave of you to recognize that you are not content with the now and are taking the steps to find what is for you. I'm sure it's scary, however, you should never talk down on yourself! Keep inspiring and pushing forward. You're doing great things and I hope you achieve everything you want out of life. Thank You!
thank you so much, talia! being kinder to myself is something i am definitely working on. wishing you the best of luck as you go about your journey, as well!
Hey Cece, I originally came here from TikTok, as most. I hope you get into the program, it seems like such an amazing opportunity! You should read House Of Sticks it’s a memoir/autobiography by a woman who moved to the US when she was 2 years old with her family from Vietnam and she discusses the struggles she endures growing up in between two worlds, her new life in America as an immigrant vs her life at home amongst her Vietnamese culture.
thank you so much for sharing this journey cece!! i am in the process of applying to a masters program and i’m extremely stressed about it due to the possibility that i might fail. when you were talking about succeeding and internalizing that as being a worthy person, it really hit home. but here’s to risk!! i’ve always loved your content and i can’t to see what’s in store for you!
thank you! it's definitely scary, but it's good to confront that our results-oriented outlooks may actually be making us crazier and holding us back. good luck with your masters application, but no matter what happens, the fact that you put effort into it is amazing!!
I love your channel - so happy I found you! I’m an aspiring legal academic in Aus with no interest in becoming a real “lawyer” so seeing you move into this space is so exciting!
Big fan of you and your content! Been following since you started on TikTok and just now subscribed to your channel. Aspiring law student here (waiting on law school decisions atm!) but I want to explore my creative side too. This video opened my eyes and got me thinking I'm not even sure what I want to do now. Can't believe you've been thinking of leaving big law for a while. I have also been thinking of doing something creative and to have on my backburner. I really like film/directing and writing. Looking forward to your new journey!
the tension between the conveyor-belt path and the creative unknown is too real. law can be a great, rewarding career, but don't forget the other things that you like to do! i'm a firm believer that with enough thoughtfulness and diligence, we can craft a life that we find worthwhile. good luck with the law school decisions!
You mentioned having to change yourself to succeed in certain environments, and I’d like to know how you manage that? I mean, I feel like I’ve been in that position before too, and I look back and regret crossing too far past that line.
it can be tricky to navigate! before i enter those spaces, i go to a place where i can be alone and visualize the persona that i am about to embody. sometimes i talk to myself too about what i am about to do and who i am about to be. it feels like acting prep!
Thank you for sharing this journey. It’s really brave to show vulnerability and I truly appreciate it. I am also a procrastinator and I have very black and white thinking so seeing that I’m not alone is really warming. I’m putting all the good vibes into the universe for you! Manifest away babyyyy
I immigrated to Canada at 6 years old and I'm currently in law school. Let me just say that I relate so much to your story about how you learned to adapt, observe norms, and how that has made you think deeply about rules governing society! I've also been thinking about why I enjoy studying the law and what I concluded was very similar to your observations. Especially since for such a long time I literally told no one around me that I was an immigrant and no one knew, so it feels good to finally embrace that part of myself.
this comment made me so happy! i also felt pretty alone in being so observational. i also hid that i was an immigrant from everyone in an attempt to assimilate, but i think the joy of time is being able to figure out how to embrace our multitudes.
Thank you for sharing the whole journey. It does feel like this may be more about seeking validation than you actually being passionate about this one program in particular. Although I’m sure this was a lot of hard work on top of working, I don’t think a few months is a ‘long time’ to work on getting an application ready. For what it’s worth, you also may have applied too close to the deadline. Although you made it in time, they may start to review candidates once it’s open (especially if they only admit 1-2 people).
I just watched the vacation vlog. It's in my hometown, so naturally everything is familiar. I'm glad you and gf had an enjoyable time enjoying the sights, activities, and food. The Lanikai Pillboxes is always a beautiful view overlooking the blue/green water with twin islands. I noticed the Lenard's Malasadas in Kapahulu, which is great. Of course, you missed having the Spanish rolls bakery down the street. Lots of ono grinds across the island, too much food and so little time. Nice to see classmates taking the time to enjoy their friendships as they age. I hope the group had a chance to go to the Pali lookout and see the view of the Windward side. Next time, try going to the Old Pali Road and stop by the Board of Water pumping station which has a small pool. Because of the location in the lush valley, which rain and cooler temperatures are cooler, there used to be abundance of Ginger plants growing wild by the Nuuanu stream coming from the mountains going from the Old Pali Road up to the Pali lookout. If you've never smell fresh blooming Ginger, you're missing out of nature's perfume. I enjoyed seeing your gang enjoying themselves. Oh yes, summers can be brutally hot depending on humidity and trade/kona winds, but we only have two seasons Winter (rainy) or Summer, with trades being the mitigating factor. If you had been in the Windward side or Hilo (Hawaii island) in summer, you could have been in the sauna, as the vegetation's moisture added to the heat, you could feel like you showered in your clothing 10 minutes after you showered and stepped outside. Awesome vid. Take care.
Gosh this video is so triggering, reminiscent of all the hoops I jumped through to get onto my PhD programme. Just fyi I applied to three programmes, over three years and got into my programme on my third attempt. If it’s what you really want take the failures in your stride and learn from them. You’ll get there in the end.
Your experiences and thoughts are In such alignement with my own - I’m on my Legal masters following my Law degree (at a UK Russel group University) and - ditto to being such a heavy procrastinator (that’s why I’m watching your video) 😅 and consider myself as an extremely unconventional candidate in comparison to traditional academia and the ways of the legal profession. Know your feelings are so valid and it sucks that Legal academia seems still so stuck in its old archaic ways - considering laws are required to actually evoke change. Sending all the best vibes ✨
don’t let that stop you! if you did well in their class, you can just send them a packet of all the work you did in their class, a resume, and a write up or even draft rec letter if they ask for it, and it’s fine. you do NOT need to be buddy-buddy with professors still for rec letters
Seems like "you will be admitted" is the conclusion and not the unstated premise. Maybe the premise is that you are applying? Oh well, you diagrammed it out so must defer. Nice, very personal, video. I think folks who are applying to grad school and even college can benefit by watching this because they can see that a good application takes a lot of care and shepherding.
Oh my. I've picked at my fingers since I can remember. They look exactly like yours. Im leaving that for lent though.. and I am just realizing how bad it got to. Hope you can overcome that too. I know it sounds funny but its a painful process to go through when you are so stressed and unconsciously pick at your fingers until blood comes out. [Btw I wish you the best with your application process. And remember to praise the effort not the results bc efforts are controllable and results are not]
Cece, how are you going to sign that huge application and not capitalize your first and last name?! Haha best of luck. I can't wait to watch your acceptance vlog!!
Former lawyer here - just wondering if perhaps you notice a pattern with how you get thru difficult and unknown really huge tasks - if there is this drama that you find yourself in somewhere in the middle when you're feeling completely lost and you're in a tailspin, but then finally as you are reaching the finish line you feel proud of what you've achieved and have to admit your success at completing the task was in a way always going to be - I know I did this - only with the really big things where I felt I was biting off something bigger than I could chew. Over time I knew to recognize the mountain of turmoil I was going to force on myself but the recognition made things a bit easier and helped me realize I could trust coming thru the other side and as a result even lessen what I put myself thru
the rational side of me knows that, but my anxiety always thinks that this is it, ✨this✨ is the one time that i’m going to fail and not be able to pull through. it’s something that i’m trying to use skills from therapy to overcome
@@CeceXie not to get all ‘woo-woo’ but what I’ll say to that is, it’s perhaps little more trust and grace with yourself. Recognizing this wonderfully complete piece of you that’s much bigger than you let on
@@CeceXie I'm very similar (immigrant parents yada yada), I literally keep a list of situations that feel like failure or impending doom that turned out to be nothing. That combined with meditation helped a lot over the past few years. There's a psychiatrist that goes by dr k on youtube, he has a lot of stuff that was extremely helpful on my therapy journey like 4-5 years ago. I'm also 30 and I just started a PhD in September....which I've now quit. And I quit, not because it was too hard or I didn't feel good enough, but in a way, I felt I was too constrained by the PhD and academic research environment. Now, I feel liberated from the treadmill/ladder lifestyle. There's also a book called excellent sheep, the miseducation of the american elite. Anyway, everything you've said around conditional love, fear of failure, and emotions you've expressed really have resonated with me. I hope it's encouraging to let you know, it took an enormous amount of work but therapy helped me enormously and I feel so much freedom from past anxieties, and when I do feel anxious, I still have a sense of confidence that I can deal with it and pull through.
I'm in a masters program (edit: not a law masters) and there is someone in one of my classes from the law PhD program. He was a partner at a big lawfirm and left to get a PhD in tax law (the law he was practicing) so he can work on policy.
Don’t be fooled by school names, any college with a PhD program is good and will open doors for you to do whatever it is that you want in your career life. Spending a lot of money to buy the name of school isn’t smart in the long run as you’ll end up with a lot of student loan debt. I got into Cornell but chose University of Buffalo because it has better programs to double major both at undergrad and graduate level, in most fields. If you want be a scholar and like the academic challenge they got it all Buffalo, I got my dual JD/MSW in 4 years. The truth is 10 years after college no one going to care where you went to school.
Hi Cece! Thank you for sharing your journey. As someone who recently completed their master’s applications, I wholeheartedly relate to all the emotions you felt. Something that I (unfortunately) have trouble relating to is your ability to review the same document so many times :( Does it not just begin to seem like a jumble of words after the 4-5th read? If this is something you’ve ever experienced and have actively overcome, I’d love to hear any advice that might be helpful in this regard. Either way, wishing you the very best of luck with your decision! It’s going to work out, one way or another! :)
i space it out over days and weeks so that each read is with “fresh” eyes! so i tend to start writing super early with this process in mind. reading 4-5 times in a row would definitely make it into a jumble!
my fingers and thumbs look that too lol when i’m really really nervous or anxious. I always tell my bf you know how i’m doing mentally based on how the skin around my nails look.😅
I saw a lot of "I QUIT MY 200K or 300K or 400K job a year". IS THE A NEW TREND? I am serious, now my youtube feed is all about "I QUIT 200K" type of channels. I swear, it is a trend.
In all honesty, I really think academia is a good fit for you. And the powers that be and fate will open that phd door. You really like teaching and like students. You like writing new things and academics have to write about new things and new ideas and find that interesting. You are a perfectionist who is only happy after the tenth draft and academics must tweak and revise, tweak and revise. The stuff you thought about as a law associate is stuff more academics think about like, why are there so few women in law? How on earth do women make it through those brutal 16 hour days and still have time to be a good mom and a good wife and still be involved in pta and soccer? Why can only a certain elite from a few elite law schools get to have opportunities in law, and what does that mean about access to law school for people from other demographics? What if people don't want to move to NYC to pursue law, how can the law industry be more geographically open? Why is the world unfair and how can you change it? Also you ask questions about how to have mental health and wellness under such grueling conditions, and how can society change so that workers can have mental health and work life balance? You could research how companies can make working less toxic and more doable. So yes I believe god/fate/karma/the universe will open those doors for your doctorate, I can sense it!
Is being a lawyer at any of the major tech conglomerates (effecting the change you want to see from within) compatible with your life goals at all? I can refer you to the FAANG company I work at, although it seems like you’re already fairly far along in starting your PhD journey.
waaay more! law school admissions is 90% GPA and LSAT score, both of which i knew. this program was a black box in terms of trying to figure out what they were looking for
Looking forward to an update, Cece. Don't forget, no matter what happens, there are always more options! Also, you want to be a writer, that is what has come through clearly in the videos I've watched, and nothing can stop you from writing no matter what response you get from a program!
thank you!! i am trying to remember more what i want, truly, rather than grasping onto external validators. it's definitely hard but you are so right--nothing can stop me from writing, and that's the beauty of writing that i love so much.
Hey Cece, I just discovered your channel and am hooked. One of my best friends studied law at Stanford and I finished a PhD two years ago myself, so sort of understand the "world collision" you're going through. In some weird ways (and probably contrary to what many old colleagues of mine would say), I personally found the PhD application process more stressful than the actual PhD, so please don't panic. I tend to discourage friends/colleagues who are thinking about a PhD from going through it if they have expectations beyond spending 3/4 years on a topic that greatly interests them, because the rewards are often vague/can't be monetized in the current academic job market. I really loved my experience and wrote a book as a result of the process for a wider audience, so I wish you all the best in your goals to learn and write!
thank you so much! i love hearing that you got to write a general audience book as a result of the process--that's truly my goal at the end of it all. congrats on your book, and thank you so much for taking the time to watch and comment! it means a lot to me :)
i'm really hoping you get in! Everything about your background is amazing and regardless if you don't, please don't beat yourself up! You are incredibly accomplished and there are plenty of other opportunities you may end up finding more fulfilling than a phd program
thank you! i'm trying to adopt that "journey" mindset rather than "results" mindset, but it definitely takes a lot of unlearning
I really appreciate you showing the raw, unfiltered moments of what it’s really like to work in law. Hoping for the best for your PhD acceptance!
the universe has this way of rewarding those who go after what truly aligns with their heart. we are all excited, nervous, and thrilled for you!
ty michelle!! your support throughout all of this means the world to me ❤️
I wish you the best if you truly feel this is your next best step. Throughout the times I have watched your videos, it has been evident that academics have remained almost a sort of safety-net for you (you know you are extremely intelligent, can put the work in, and get praise)... Perhaps going in a direction opposite of academia is where you’re meant to be in order to find validation outside of a renowned institution. Keep that in mind regardless of your acceptance or not. I know I’ve commented before regarding your undeniable ability to speak with grace, intelligence, and confidence. I will continue to comment to let you know that you are a constant inspiration to many - not just me - and you have SO much going for you… Ph.D. program and title or not, we will still buy your book 🙂 All the best to you❣️
thank you so much, caroline!! these words mean a lot to me, and in the back of my head, i certainly wonder if you are right in that i’m exchanging one safety net for another. thank you for your support, and you’ve given me a lot to think about!
Cece,
I appreciate your transparency of feelings revealed in this video. I think the world (academia specifically) makes it taboo to speak about being tired and stressed. You are such as role model and inspire us every day. I hope everything will work out for you, you have the tenacity for it! We’re all supporting you from the sidelines 🤍
Oh gosh, that was a journey. Watched the whole thing, highs and lows. I can actually relate so hard to this because I've been on my own employment journey for like the past 2 years. You got this! So eager to hear back.
Not trying to be negative at all, I think Cece is very smart and talented! I just think her path to grad school as shown in this video should be taken with a grain of salt. Getting into a PhD program is hard! Most people who want to pursue a PhD apply for several programs and not just one super competitive Ivy League program. This makes me think whether she really wants to pursue a PhD or she really wants to pursue a PhD at Yale. There are so many great SJD programs as well as other PhD programs in fields that connect well with Law (Sociology, Political Science, etc) which provide the right environment to do great research. Per her Linkedin profile she is a lecturer at Yale so probably she knows that will factor in her favor? I really wish her best success and I respect her path but I think others watching these videos should also know that there are great programs outside the Ivies and if they really want to do research, they should be open to other options! Wishing Cece great success.
Yeah, it's like chasing another shiny badge to put on your resume. That law school and big law mentality isn't appropriate for pursuing a PhD.
these are all great points! i only applied to this one program because i only had the bandwidth to apply to one while also working. each program requires many conversations, specific written submissions, and tailoring that i simply could not properly afford while also working. the thinking was to see how this goes and then re-evaluate other options if need be and after i quit. applying to one phd is tough, and applying (and properly tailoring the application for) several phd programs isn’t just a simple re-submit!
@@CeceXie Thanks for your reply. Wishing you best success in your future endeavors!
@@CeceXie At the highest level, I think if someone really wants to complete a PhD other than for the title, you’d deliberately be making time to research many viable options far deeper than surface level, to see what aligns as best as possible with your objective. What’s even your objective to get out of this extra schooling? You made the point yourself, you could get what you want out of the PhD, in theory, without being in a “safe zone” of school. Maybe that’s actually the problem. A lot of PhD students without good objectives end up wasting a whole lot of time.
Maybe the question is; what actually makes one happy and feel purpose? Question needs to be reframed IMHO.
Agreed with these sentiments. Had a slightly different route -- MD only, then added PhD in the middle of it. PhD years were the paragon of academia and soooo different than professional doctorate programs (JD, MD, PharmD, etc). Some of the most interesting, creative years of my life, but also the lowest emotionally and incredibly isolating. It made me a better person overall, but don't know if I'll ever decide whether it was "worth it" (Emotionally, financially, etc). Had a best friend do JD, PhD though and he loves his academic life now publishing on incarceration/judicial reform :)
I’m a lawyer myself and every time I watch your videos, I feel super pumped to be as passionate and driven as you! Keep the content coming cause you’re super inspiring.
thank you!! that means a lot to me, as content creation is really new to me. appreciate your support, and get out there and seize the day!!
Good luck!! I’m a fellow anxiety skin picker going through a rough week- this was really well done and cathartic!
This may not be on topic but I appreciate the editing, videography and just the overall quality of your video. The fact that you are able to put in effort into so many different aspects of your life is amazing. I aspire to do the same.
omg amanda 🥺 you have no idea how much that means to me. i feel such imposter syndrome around content creation. i know it’s not studio-quality, but i’m SO appreciative that you noticed the effort. and i will get better, too!!
We will be pulling for you! Hopefully you will get in! As others have said, the applying process is harder than the actual process of the Ph.D.
Dear Cece, it is very courageous of you to show your vulnerable side on the internet (13:25) when the legal field is a competitive field where people always put out their best and glamorous self image, fearing they will be perceived as weaker than others. Such authenticity is a rare gem - You have brought so much comfort to fellow lawyers and law students who are struggling too.
I recently applied to PhD programs in clinical psychology. I got into a program but applying to PhD programs was ten times more stressful than applying to college/undergrad. Good luck I hope you get into a great program !
As another aspiring writer in tech you’re very inspiring. You’re not alone in the work/life/dream balance
I went to a pretty good law school a long time ago, so I guess I must have been a little driven to do that. I was probably motivated by some of the same things Cece is driven by; wanting to please my parents, money, prestige, etc. But at some point in my 30's, I realized that no one really cared about what I was doing. I don't mean that in a negative way, though. I mean in the sense that no one was breathlessly watching my every move, or holding seminars on my life, or celebrating every promotion I got. It was the most liberating moment in my life. I stopped worrying, and after that sought jobs that rarely required overtime, and mostly were not too stressful. Other than one published case with my name on it, there is nothing to show that I was even a lawyer. And I never made a lot of money. But that is ok.
I'm glad you got it all in on time, and I'm glad you kept in the part with you having a breakdown. So many elite students and scholars struggle--it's a self-selection issue. The brightest minds competing against the brightest minds find whole new levels of stress that others don't even know about. As someone who lived with a PhD student during 3L, I can promise you that you are not alone. When you get in (!!!) make way to your local therapist and set a regular schedule for visits. Go even when you think you don't need to. The ivory tower is lonely and having a pro by your side will help.
Good luck!!
I remember applying to the Ph.D. program I am currently in my second year at Texas Tech University and it was definitely a stressful process. I work in big 4 accounting and I am doing the Ph.D. program full time so although it is hectic, I am happy I get to explore my research interests and contribute new knowledge. Good luck with your journey!
I need to watch this video of yours. I started in big law after a PhD program (with all the wonders and horrors, like yearly presentations in front of a faculty commission, all the doubts and desperation a phd brings, but also wonderful self realizing work, inspiring conferences ).. I look back on it as an initiation rite into academia that I chose not to work in after all. After a couple of years in big law I went to a smaller sized practice. Today I am more self employed although collaborating with a smaller practice. I find it interesting you would do big law first and the PhD then. Need to watch this video for sure 😅
the ph.d. in law programs are unusual in that they require a j.d. and take the j.d. as the "coursework" for the ph.d. program. i'm not sure that a ph.d. is the right place for me, either, but i miss the academic freedom and ability to sit and think about a problem deeply, which just can't happen often in biglaw because of how hectic biglaw is! hope you get the chance to watch and enjoy it :)
I felt this video so much, it showed so many of the emotions I go through on a regular basis. I am a PHD student in law as well and even though our system is a bit different than in the US I can really relate. Thanks so much for sharing your journey, it makes everything so much easier to know I am not the only one on an emotional rollercoaster :) Also my fingers look exactly the same...
Good luck on your application!!!
i am so glad to hear that! (about not feeling like you're the only one, not about our fingers looking exactly the same. we should both work on the latter lol) best of luck with your ph.d. program--YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT ALONE
Also at an Ivy PhD program, and I think you've got this! I felt the same way applying and almost crapped myself when a prof who I had no idea wanted to work on research similar to my interests contacted me with a few paragraph long email just wanting to chat and here we are now. Best of luck and looking forward to the results!
Stumbled upon your tiktok and followed it here! I see so much of my PhD application experience reflected in this vlog and I'm honestly emotional. Luckily (and through a lot of hard work and soooo many tears) I was able to get in to the program I applied (and waitlisted on the other), and it somehow still doesn't feel good enough! Like I somehow gaslit them into taking me, especially since my BA and MA arent from prestigious universities, and I don't have any publications either, so it seems impossible that out of over 130 applications they narrowed it down to ten people and I fell in that list. Literally the only reason why I didn't think that the email was a mistake was because it included my name in the greeting. Your passion for your topic of interest makes me so excited to go along with you academic journey (and I'm sure it shone through your application and will have the committee loving you), and no matter what, this wasn't a waste of time, and you're no less talented no matter the outcome. Often I think I'd rather not put myself out there to avoid failure especially if the odds are against me (doing the acceptance rate math almost had me in a panic attack at one point), but I know I wouldn't be here if I hadn't faced my fears then. I hope you have a wonderful support system that helps you get through all the highs and lows and I cant wait to see your book!
but you did it!!! imposter syndrome is so difficult to deal with but i am excited for your journey bc you belong in the spaces you never thought you did!
Thanks for this. Live in the bay area, daughter half Chinese, her mother grew up in a household that sounds similar to yours, she seems similar to you (academically driven, safe space) , and saving this and your 'Yale rejection' post for when it's time for her to apply to college. Provides awesome perspective!
honestly watching your video gave me some hope and comfort especially as someone who always seeks academic validation and right now during midterms week
Awe I want you to be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there and trying something new! I am the same way to where if I'm not really good at something from the start I get really discouraged. But even though you don't know much about law academia you've already learned so much from this process. Whether you get in or not you learned a lot from this process and you should be proud of yourself for trying it!!!
Please look after your mental health. I’ve seen a similar story with a young attorney who worked in the law field named Chelsie Kryst who decided to take her own life. People do not realize that working in law or any technical field builds up stress and depression especially when so much is being demanded from you.
I know some people who knew Cheslie. So sad. She was doing more in the entertainment industry, living in NYC, & was no longer working in the Charlotte law firm when she killed herself.
So deeply appreciate you showing the reality of trying to do anything else when you're a biglaw associate. I have no idea how you did this huge application process - you're amazing.
thank you so much! not really sure how i managed either sometimes haha but sometimes we amaze ourselves :)
Thank you so much for making this video! As a high school senior who stressed over college applications, your journey through your PhD application really strung a chord with me, the chord being that life can be overwhelming in times of transition. I really respect you for showing your most vulnerable moments during this process, as a lot of people online normally don’t like to reveal that side of themselves online. Out of curiosity, what was your research proposal?
I truly hope you get in and remember: if you don’t get in, that means that no one gets in 😁
God bless you and have a great day!!!
As a current PhD student who is considering law school this video spoke to me lol. Wishing you the best as you hear back!
God i resonated with that part about failing. I’m going through waiting to find out if i get a job offer i want, and every time i go though this i get that gnawing concern about failing in the back of my mind too. It’s hard to accept waiting when its eating at you
all the best cece! i’m rooting for you :)
thank you so much!
I did a PhD in law. You are right. The academic world is just as competitive and toxic. Like any other industry, it's about who you know. But I wouldn't base my decision on that. You find your tribe wherever you go. The best thing about a PhD is that it's yours - you get to chart your own course. The academic articles etc will organically occur during your PhD. Thankfully for me, I never wanted to be an academic and jumped straight into a management position in the corporate world. You carry the teachings from your PhD for life though...no one can take it away from you. I found the final year of my PhD the hardest... But then I was working and writing up. Ultra discipline is required! You can do it! There's a reason very few people complete a PhD or hold one - it can be brutal but it's a long game. You just need endurance and perseverance. Good luck!
Congratulations on submitting such a time intensive application 👏🏼🙌🏼 I can’t even imagine the stress in trying to put an application like that together in a month’s time basically 😅
oh i'm pretty sure y'all saw the stress in unfiltered action lol
I'm gonna be the kick in the butt you need...I am working on a doctorate right now and a procrastinator too...much fam and friends kicked me in but and lemme know I had what it took to get it. You do too. It ain't easy, but you're in the fight now...finish it out ! And another thing..there are tons of ways to use this degree that's not professor track..from being a consultant to a programmer of field-specific video/tv/radio content---and more . Key takeaway: Think outside the box. Doctoral students are in tons of roles that aren't in academia...search OT out and you'll be shocked...and relieved.
Hi Cece! Thanks for sharing your raw journey. Amazing and inspirational. My curiosity in law brought me to your channel even tho I am a nurse lol.
Your self reflection and concern about changing yourself to fit in the mold for academia and big law is insightful. I often think about this in my career.
As for this new oath you’re embarking on. Uncertainty is unsettling, but I am sure you will learn and grow no matter the outcome .
Hello cece at around minute 15 where your meltdown took place : girl i can sooooo relate. I finished my master’s degree a few weeks ago, and the few days before the deadline for submission of my masterthesis, i was so stressed, as you said i was also tired all the time, very sleep deprived and had no way around except just keep on going. That feeling when it is around 3 am and you are so tired but when you lie in bed you are afraid to shut the brain down to sleep. O m g it was such a torture!! I am proud of you that you did it :)
Watching your journey has been really inspiring! I'm an undergrad student, who just recently discovered I'm not sure law is the path for me. I was recommended your channel at a time that I'm also considering pursuing graduate school. Thanks for sharing the process!
you got this! undergrad and being in your twenties are the hardest bc it's so confusing to figure out what to do next. just remember that no decision is permanent, and self-reflection and kindness will get you far. good luck!
looking forward on cece!! you clearly are qualified for this and hoping yale makes the right decision! good luck!!
Hello Cece, I wanted to say that I love and appreciate what you're doing here. Sharing your struggles and experiences through your career is crucial for aspiring law students like myself to witness. It is so brave of you to recognize that you are not content with the now and are taking the steps to find what is for you. I'm sure it's scary, however, you should never talk down on yourself! Keep inspiring and pushing forward. You're doing great things and I hope you achieve everything you want out of life. Thank You!
thank you so much, talia! being kinder to myself is something i am definitely working on. wishing you the best of luck as you go about your journey, as well!
Hey Cece, I originally came here from TikTok, as most. I hope you get into the program, it seems like such an amazing opportunity! You should read House Of Sticks it’s a memoir/autobiography by a woman who moved to the US when she was 2 years old with her family from Vietnam and she discusses the struggles she endures growing up in between two worlds, her new life in America as an immigrant vs her life at home amongst her Vietnamese culture.
thank you so much for sharing this journey cece!! i am in the process of applying to a masters program and i’m extremely stressed about it due to the possibility that i might fail. when you were talking about succeeding and internalizing that as being a worthy person, it really hit home. but here’s to risk!! i’ve always loved your content and i can’t to see what’s in store for you!
thank you! it's definitely scary, but it's good to confront that our results-oriented outlooks may actually be making us crazier and holding us back. good luck with your masters application, but no matter what happens, the fact that you put effort into it is amazing!!
I love your channel - so happy I found you! I’m an aspiring legal academic in Aus with no interest in becoming a real “lawyer” so seeing you move into this space is so exciting!
Good luck Cece! 😊
thank you!!
excited for you & for whatever the future brings!
I love that you posted this. I’m manifesting this for you!
Wishing you nothing but the best. And please, don’t be too hard on yourself of things DON’T work out, because you are doing incredible, regardless.
Big fan of you and your content! Been following since you started on TikTok and just now subscribed to your channel. Aspiring law student here (waiting on law school decisions atm!) but I want to explore my creative side too. This video opened my eyes and got me thinking I'm not even sure what I want to do now. Can't believe you've been thinking of leaving big law for a while. I have also been thinking of doing something creative and to have on my backburner. I really like film/directing and writing. Looking forward to your new journey!
the tension between the conveyor-belt path and the creative unknown is too real. law can be a great, rewarding career, but don't forget the other things that you like to do! i'm a firm believer that with enough thoughtfulness and diligence, we can craft a life that we find worthwhile. good luck with the law school decisions!
You mentioned having to change yourself to succeed in certain environments, and I’d like to know how you manage that? I mean, I feel like I’ve been in that position before too, and I look back and regret crossing too far past that line.
it can be tricky to navigate! before i enter those spaces, i go to a place where i can be alone and visualize the persona that i am about to embody. sometimes i talk to myself too about what i am about to do and who i am about to be. it feels like acting prep!
Why do people save/squirt their tears until AFTER they turn on the "start video" button?
Thank you for sharing this journey. It’s really brave to show vulnerability and I truly appreciate it. I am also a procrastinator and I have very black and white thinking so seeing that I’m not alone is really warming. I’m putting all the good vibes into the universe for you! Manifest away babyyyy
I immigrated to Canada at 6 years old and I'm currently in law school. Let me just say that I relate so much to your story about how you learned to adapt, observe norms, and how that has made you think deeply about rules governing society! I've also been thinking about why I enjoy studying the law and what I concluded was very similar to your observations. Especially since for such a long time I literally told no one around me that I was an immigrant and no one knew, so it feels good to finally embrace that part of myself.
this comment made me so happy! i also felt pretty alone in being so observational. i also hid that i was an immigrant from everyone in an attempt to assimilate, but i think the joy of time is being able to figure out how to embrace our multitudes.
You can see in your eyes that your whole world is dedicated to academia. Super inspirational 🔥
Thank you for sharing the whole journey. It does feel like this may be more about seeking validation than you actually being passionate about this one program in particular. Although I’m sure this was a lot of hard work on top of working, I don’t think a few months is a ‘long time’ to work on getting an application ready. For what it’s worth, you also may have applied too close to the deadline. Although you made it in time, they may start to review candidates once it’s open (especially if they only admit 1-2 people).
I just watched the vacation vlog. It's in my hometown, so naturally everything is familiar. I'm glad you and gf had an enjoyable time enjoying the sights, activities, and food. The Lanikai Pillboxes is always a beautiful view overlooking the blue/green water with twin islands. I noticed the Lenard's Malasadas in Kapahulu, which is great. Of course, you missed having the Spanish rolls bakery down the street. Lots of ono grinds across the island, too much food and so little time. Nice to see classmates taking the time to enjoy their friendships as they age. I hope the group had a chance to go to the Pali lookout and see the view of the Windward side. Next time, try going to the Old Pali Road and stop by the Board of Water pumping station which has a small pool. Because of the location in the lush valley, which rain and cooler temperatures are cooler, there used to be abundance of Ginger plants growing wild by the Nuuanu stream coming from the mountains going from the Old Pali Road up to the Pali lookout. If you've never smell fresh blooming Ginger, you're missing out of nature's perfume. I enjoyed seeing your gang enjoying themselves. Oh yes, summers can be brutally hot depending on humidity and trade/kona winds, but we only have two seasons Winter (rainy) or Summer, with trades being the mitigating factor. If you had been in the Windward side or Hilo (Hawaii island) in summer, you could have been in the sauna, as the vegetation's moisture added to the heat, you could feel like you showered in your clothing 10 minutes after you showered and stepped outside. Awesome vid. Take care.
Gosh this video is so triggering, reminiscent of all the hoops I jumped through to get onto my PhD programme. Just fyi I applied to three programmes, over three years and got into my programme on my third attempt. If it’s what you really want take the failures in your stride and learn from them. You’ll get there in the end.
Aww Cece stay strong. One day things will get better. Will get better. Stay strong sis!
Best advice - plan to take annual leave dedicate to applications in future, if you have time it really helps ✨
Your experiences and thoughts are In such alignement with my own - I’m on my Legal masters following my Law degree (at a UK Russel group University) and - ditto to being such a heavy procrastinator (that’s why I’m watching your video) 😅 and consider myself as an extremely unconventional candidate in comparison to traditional academia and the ways of the legal profession. Know your feelings are so valid and it sucks that Legal academia seems still so stuck in its old archaic ways - considering laws are required to actually evoke change. Sending all the best vibes ✨
Good luck Cece!! I’m rooting for you ♥️
I really hope you get this opportunity. I pray God gives you strength through this!
I relate to this video so much! I'm wrapping up my application to an MBA program right now and having a very similar experience.
you're almost done, though!! best of luck
Happy New Year Cece! I hope you make more vlogs this year! You are so inspirational ❤
Applying for phds is painful in that you really don't know the acceptance and applicant pool. It gives me so much ANXIETY as an applicant 😭
Not me also starting to apply to grad schools in the middle of October 🙇🏽♂️🙇🏽♂️ I really appreciate seeing someone else go through the same process
You are truly an inspiration! Wishing you the best Cece!
you’re going to crush it!!
I’m excited to see what happens
You are a queen!! Never forget
i really don’t think any of my professors from undergrad would remember me it’s kinda the only thing keeping me from applying to grad school lol
don’t let that stop you! if you did well in their class, you can just send them a packet of all the work you did in their class, a resume, and a write up or even draft rec letter if they ask for it, and it’s fine. you do NOT need to be buddy-buddy with professors still for rec letters
Thanks Cece for sharing your journey.
Seems like "you will be admitted" is the conclusion and not the unstated premise. Maybe the premise is that you are applying? Oh well, you diagrammed it out so must defer. Nice, very personal, video.
I think folks who are applying to grad school and even college can benefit by watching this because they can see that a good application takes a lot of care and shepherding.
Oh my. I've picked at my fingers since I can remember. They look exactly like yours. Im leaving that for lent though.. and I am just realizing how bad it got to. Hope you can overcome that too. I know it sounds funny but its a painful process to go through when you are so stressed and unconsciously pick at your fingers until blood comes out. [Btw I wish you the best with your application process. And remember to praise the effort not the results bc efforts are controllable and results are not]
Mucha suerte, espero pacientemente tu proximo video c:
thank you!! (and google translate)
okay, I just read your bio and I am SHOCKED that you are 30. you look 22, I aspire to be an ageless queen like you lol jk. p.s. i love your content!
hahahahaaa someone else recently commented that "the years of stress have clearly taken a toll on your face" so i really appreciate this 😌
@@CeceXie what an a-hole comment 🤣 sounds jealous
Everyone knows Asian age very well 🤣
Such an amazing video! Best of luck!! 🤞
Cece, how are you going to sign that huge application and not capitalize your first and last name?! Haha best of luck. I can't wait to watch your acceptance vlog!!
You are so self aware. You’ll be an astounding writer
Former lawyer here - just wondering if perhaps you notice a pattern with how you get thru difficult and unknown really huge tasks - if there is this drama that you find yourself in somewhere in the middle when you're feeling completely lost and you're in a tailspin, but then finally as you are reaching the finish line you feel proud of what you've achieved and have to admit your success at completing the task was in a way always going to be - I know I did this - only with the really big things where I felt I was biting off something bigger than I could chew. Over time I knew to recognize the mountain of turmoil I was going to force on myself but the recognition made things a bit easier and helped me realize I could trust coming thru the other side and as a result even lessen what I put myself thru
the rational side of me knows that, but my anxiety always thinks that this is it, ✨this✨ is the one time that i’m going to fail and not be able to pull through. it’s something that i’m trying to use skills from therapy to overcome
@@CeceXie not to get all ‘woo-woo’ but what I’ll say to that is, it’s perhaps little more trust and grace with yourself. Recognizing this wonderfully complete piece of you that’s much bigger than you let on
@@CeceXie I'm very similar (immigrant parents yada yada), I literally keep a list of situations that feel like failure or impending doom that turned out to be nothing. That combined with meditation helped a lot over the past few years. There's a psychiatrist that goes by dr k on youtube, he has a lot of stuff that was extremely helpful on my therapy journey like 4-5 years ago. I'm also 30 and I just started a PhD in September....which I've now quit. And I quit, not because it was too hard or I didn't feel good enough, but in a way, I felt I was too constrained by the PhD and academic research environment. Now, I feel liberated from the treadmill/ladder lifestyle. There's also a book called excellent sheep, the miseducation of the american elite.
Anyway, everything you've said around conditional love, fear of failure, and emotions you've expressed really have resonated with me. I hope it's encouraging to let you know, it took an enormous amount of work but therapy helped me enormously and I feel so much freedom from past anxieties, and when I do feel anxious, I still have a sense of confidence that I can deal with it and pull through.
Super excited to see more videos from you
that makes me so happy to hear :)
Just love your videos! 😁
thank you so much! i feel like a baby deer with filming and editing videos, so this is very encouraging!
I'm in a masters program (edit: not a law masters) and there is someone in one of my classes from the law PhD program. He was a partner at a big lawfirm and left to get a PhD in tax law (the law he was practicing) so he can work on policy.
Don’t be fooled by school names, any college with a PhD program is good and will open doors for you to do whatever it is that you want in your career life.
Spending a lot of money to buy the name of school isn’t smart in the long run as you’ll end up with a lot of student loan debt. I got into Cornell but chose University of Buffalo because it has better programs to double major both at undergrad and graduate level, in most fields. If you want be a scholar and like the academic challenge they got it all Buffalo, I got my dual JD/MSW in 4 years. The truth is 10 years after college no one going to care where you went to school.
Hi Cece! Thank you for sharing your journey. As someone who recently completed their master’s applications, I wholeheartedly relate to all the emotions you felt.
Something that I (unfortunately) have trouble relating to is your ability to review the same document so many times :(
Does it not just begin to seem like a jumble of words after the 4-5th read? If this is something you’ve ever experienced and have actively overcome, I’d love to hear any advice that might be helpful in this regard.
Either way, wishing you the very best of luck with your decision! It’s going to work out, one way or another! :)
i space it out over days and weeks so that each read is with “fresh” eyes! so i tend to start writing super early with this process in mind. reading 4-5 times in a row would definitely make it into a jumble!
@@CeceXie that makes sense, thanks for your reply! :)
my fingers and thumbs look that too lol when i’m really really nervous or anxious. I always tell my bf you know how i’m doing mentally based on how the skin around my nails look.😅
A PhD in non-STEM fields are not really worth the effort unless you want to be a professor. If you want to write a book, write a book.
I’m sure you will get in but as for me- I can’t drum up any more energy for it! Bless you!
13:27 anxiety mental illness, be very careful with that it's not a game...
Keep checking back your channel to see if the next video is up! In addicted!
I saw a lot of "I QUIT MY 200K or 300K or 400K job a year". IS THE A NEW TREND? I am serious, now my youtube feed is all about "I QUIT 200K" type of channels. I swear, it is a trend.
That's what gets the clicks!
You can do anything you can. Do something you will be happy.
In all honesty, I really think academia is a good fit for you. And the powers that be and fate will open that phd door. You really like teaching and like students. You like writing new things and academics have to write about new things and new ideas and find that interesting. You are a perfectionist who is only happy after the tenth draft and academics must tweak and revise, tweak and revise. The stuff you thought about as a law associate is stuff more academics think about like, why are there so few women in law? How on earth do women make it through those brutal 16 hour days and still have time to be a good mom and a good wife and still be involved in pta and soccer? Why can only a certain elite from a few elite law schools get to have opportunities in law, and what does that mean about access to law school for people from other demographics? What if people don't want to move to NYC to pursue law, how can the law industry be more geographically open? Why is the world unfair and how can you change it? Also you ask questions about how to have mental health and wellness under such grueling conditions, and how can society change so that workers can have mental health and work life balance? You could research how companies can make working less toxic and more doable. So yes I believe god/fate/karma/the universe will open those doors for your doctorate, I can sense it!
Is being a lawyer at any of the major tech conglomerates (effecting the change you want to see from within) compatible with your life goals at all? I can refer you to the FAANG company I work at, although it seems like you’re already fairly far along in starting your PhD journey.
that was my original plan, but i sort of lost the faith that i could effect change from within as just an AGC or something similar :(
So real 🥺
I have the same nervous habit of finger skin picking lol :-)
Was it more stressful to apply to these programs than law school? I don’t know how you do it like even if I was qualified I’m too chicken 😭
waaay more! law school admissions is 90% GPA and LSAT score, both of which i knew. this program was a black box in terms of trying to figure out what they were looking for
Don't cry, baby... 😢
Damn... this girl is super freaking smart. Im impressed
as a graduate student, I salute you
go ceci!