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TIPS FOR LIVING WITH A HOARDER - Dr
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- Опубликовано: 19 авг 2024
- The Peace of Mind Foundation talks with Dr. Gail Steketee, Dean of the School of Social work at Boston University about Tips for Living with OCD
I get so frustrated with advice like this. It's always geared towards keeping the hoarder happy. What about the children and families that live with them? What about their quality of life. I was abused for 20 years by my hoarder mother, couldnt have friends over and got teased about it. Why is the hoarders feelings more important than their children's. I had NO choice. As a child I was forced to live in Squalor.
10 year old comment....TOTALLY AGREED
as a child living in a hoarders house right now I agree. I can't find any advice that isn't directed towards keeping the hoarder happy and keeping the other indeviduals trapped in the situation or responsible for them. it makes me so unbelievably mad
Same here. I couldn't invite friends over a lot of the time because of the clutter and it this advice to make the hoarder happy is so frustrating. Anyway, I'm sorry for what you went through. ❤
hoarders are criminals. they're scum
I'm here now in the SAME situation@@superviola88
This advice is easier said than done. My mother is a hoarder. I live with her. She is in denial and/or she doesn't see that she has a problem. Getting help is useless for her she will twist things around making it seem like it's your fault and you're the one with the problem. My father has to sleep in another room. He is enabling her hoarding. My mother gets abusive when you try to help her clean. She has so many issues. I can't list them all here.
Same here. I'm sorry for what you are going through. It really is a serious mental illness and the hardest part and is that they really don't even see the clutter, even when it is everywhere and affects the day to day life. They almost never really want help or see there's a problem. Or if there is a problem "I just need more space".
Sometimes they say things like "We don't need to throw anything away - we just need more storage shelves/drawers/cubbies/boxes, etc". The problem is that the storage "solution" in their mind just ends up becoming part of the hoard in the long run. Hoarding is like a cancer. It's disgusting.
I live with a hoarder, and as soon as I clear out any space, she fills that space up again with crap.
Vid Bid I know exactly what you are talking about.
I am in the same situation right now. I am about ready to call it quits.
Same here. Im 16. It hasn't always been like this but it's getting worse. She NEVER cleans and im always in trouble for not cleaning. Ive cleaned spaces before and in a week they're messy again. I can't live like this much longer. I'm losing my mind.
All the advice seems stacked against the hoarder's families. It doesn't seem fair that family members and partners have to bend over backwards for the hoarder, "oh darling could I pretty please throw out the broken hot pot, please?". Even if the hoarder can't help that they are mentally ill it is so unfair that life with them should be so unbalanced for the non hoarder and children. They are deeply self centered and don't care about their effect on others. My advice for people with hoarder family members and partners-start a new life away from them if you can. Set boundaries and claim your own spaces. Detach and limit your time with them. They are incorrigible.
Harsh but true.
Yes, the vitriol and rage is not something we should have to enable just for asking normal questions. Why are the families told to basically coddle or enable? It is so codependent. Why should the families have to give up normalcy so their hoarder can hold on to their 'things?'
@@mustangmare They have to switch the intervention up to radical acceptance, distress tolerance and behavior modification. All this hand holding is a waste of time and no true resolution. If they're that mentally ill they should be sectioned
Try having a hoarding husband who yells at you that the house isn't clean (he keeps the YARD clean), and you can hardly clean any rooms cuz the junk is wall to wall, in every corner and USELESS.
Boxes, jars, baskets, anything with a bottom in it is full of miscellaneous junk that is "important".
There's not even room for my stuff, and I don't have much bc I hate clutter like crazy now.
I used to like thrift stores...they are now the enemy.
"oh, look! It only cost .50!" ARGHHH
Back yards for one , we clean a section he thinks cool , space to bring in more , or move things around
Thrift stores often evoke painful feelings for me because of my experience with hoarding.
That doesn't sound like a healthy situation at all. I'd seek therapy for both of you. Best of luck.
Girl. I feel you. I'm in the same boat.
What horrible advice! So simplistic. I am tired of walking on egg shells around a hoarder. I can't count how many rimes I have been physically hurt by tools, tripping over things like shoes and pieces of metal. One time I walked on top a a nail puller that was at least 2 inches deep. There was blood everywhere. Everywhere we go people talk. It's not just the inside. The outside is the worst, Neighbor have complained and even the county was called .I am not even aloud to throw away rotten food which is hazardous to my health. Now everyone is mad at me because I am supposed to have control over the hoarder and it's never the hoarders fault according to experts. The person I am living with refuses to get help and has called me the hoarder. I get so abused when I try to help. Everyday I am in tears
The rotten food is what REALLY gets me, the garbage too. It is such an attack towards me for even asking if I can throw away the (soon to be rotten food,) only to wait until it is moldy, sickening and offensive!!
Unless you move out, you have the life sucked right out of you, and the kids grow up thinking this is normal. Sometimes, they make "improvements" but quickly revert. Experts put all the demands on the real victims: be PATIENT; don't throw stuff away; UNDERSTAND it is a mental disorder, etc... Your kids' childhoods are OVER before you know it...
Yeah it is horrible, and then the kids end up picking up the habit at some point like my mom and uncle did from their dad, or the end up like me and feel immense stress concerning objects and the slightest hint of clutter. Can't even enjoy TV sometimes because I feel guilty about not cleaning or decluttering. It's so awful. Children should never have to grow up like that.
I'm 61 years old. I've lived with my hoarder husband for almost 20 years. During that time his hoard has sucked thousands of hours of my time -- I've spent those hours asking nicely, trying to convince him to get help, taking my friends out to dinner vs having them to my home, moving his things back and forth from the garage to the house, and from room to room, so I have a place to sit peacefully. I. CAN. NEVER. RELAX. If I do, the hoard takes over my life. I've tripped on the hoard, had parts of the hoard fall on me, and become almost as depressed as he is.He's agreed to try to find a cognitive behavioral therapy program (the only thing that's said to help), but he also hoards money and treatment costs money. He'll spend on his hoard, but not on his mental health. He seems to be in terrible pain, but unable to break out of the cycle of anxiety and hoarding. My heart breaks for him, but if he's not in a treatment program by January of next year I'm going to have to leave. Not because I don't love him anymore, but because I have to love myself also. I've got maybe 20 good years left if I'm lucky. There are better things to do with that 20 years than try to hold back the ocean.
Did you finally get out? Im going to have to leave as soon as possible. I cant do this anymore. Im starting to get depressed and get sick often. I cry sometimes just out of the blue. I pretend that i am in a normal home. With rooms that are open/ functional.
I'm so, so sorry for what you are going through. I'm going through something similar with my mom who I still live with. I don't have money to leave but I might have to ask friends and family for help getting out if it doesn't start to get better. I'm developing issues where I can't relax or focus on things I need to do because I feel like I should be cleaning/decluttering all the time, I think about purging my own objects all the time, even things I'm pretty sure I want to keep (my room is not a hoarding mess). Last time I talked about moving out my mom had a meltdown and threatened to hurt herself. Prepare yourself that he might try to do that to make you stay and make a plan for how you will handle it, like calling someone to come over and be there with him as you leave. Best of luck to you. And you are right, you wasted too much time already cleaning up after him.
@@lisac5074Yeah I fantasize about having a clean functional house too. I'm sorry for what you are going through. There are so many sources for mental help for hoarders (which most don't take because they don't see they have a problem) and not enough for the people who live with them
@@MadisonEstesIm so sorry for what you're going through! I have a husband who has hoarding problem! He likes "rock collecting" 🙄😥 It got to the point where he started building shelves outside to perfectly place his "beautiful rocks"!!!! Yep.....thats what he calls them!!! We are in our mid 50's too so it's hard for me to keep up...cleaning etc. Our property is not fenced and is on a corner lot. These ROCKS are not anything like geods or crystals in them....theyre just the old fashioned f'n rocks!! ....excuse the language! I broke down bawling my eyes out infront of him and told him I was SERIOUSLY Worried about his mental health! I told him I am going to start collecting sticks and build shelves for them!!! It takes a HUGE MENTAL TOLL on the partners who just want normalcy! God Bless you Hun! He actually took down the shelves bc I told him I was calling his family for an intervention and leaving him if he didn't get help! He never did seem therapy. He's gotten a little bit better but I am on top of him 24/7 and it's exhausting.
Thank you for sharing. You've helped a lot of people today.
Yes she is but she is describing my ex. I'm not supporting any hoarders. RUN FOREST RUN
I am beginning to think that way too.
I am about ready to snap.
I'm thinking to donate all of this stuff my mother has. ive thrown out things before and she hasn't noticed until years later... my room was perfectly clean and then I went on vacation and came back. it was like an explosion in my room. she has no right to do that to me and doesn't care how that makes me feel. if you care about my feelings, then I don't care about yours.
I would look to go to therapy with my mom about this, but she's too embarrassed to talk about it. she always has to fill space. she's broken.
Living with someone who hoards is living in an abusive relationship. It is the equivalent of someone valuing a plate, piece of trash, empty bottle, or thing
more than they value you. It is like being raped. You say please don't do this and they force into your space and take over. Sorry, they are sick and all that, but I am not less valuable than any thing. And the people who live with this have a right to health and sanity. That is the bottom line. I don't feel this video was helpful at all. It didn't help me at all figure out what I can do other than throw the other person out. Which I am probably going to do.
This is the best reply, thank you. People who live with this have a right to health and sanity. I agree, this video was worthless BUT for the amazing comments.
I have to sneak out any of MY belongings to get rid of them because my mom will steal them if she knows they're going away. We have roughly 40 coffee mugs (we don't even drink out of mugs) dozens of bread ties, over a hundred old empty prescription bottles, 2 bedroom suits , so much canned food that it will never be eaten by expiry, so much f*ckin sh*t I've gotten rid of most of my stuff partly because I have no control over her hoard or she explodes. I can only control my stuff. She isn't a dangerous hoarder yet but when everyone moves out she will be.
Just a note: Believe it or not I the mother is not the hoarder but my adult daughter is.She inherited that horror from her dad (who died in 2000) who was an extreme over the top hoarder.It cost us money and room,and was horrible.. I had nowhere to go,and was stuck.. I am still trying to get rid of stuff that he collected within what I am able to touch without my daughter freaking out.. I am at the mercy for financial reasons to escape it right now.
I want to say that I at least suspect the narrator of this video is a hoarder herself. Try to be more understanding as there's nothing you can do LOL. The comments have taught me more than the video has. We're at a bit of a standoff here.
I thought so too!
@@mustangmare if it's a mental illness it's a curable one. A lot like narcissism.
It came right down to the line once and we nearly lost everything because of my hoarding spouse. I ended up throwing a lot of my own stuff away just so there would be progress shown and the next thing I know I see her neck deep in the garbage throwing things back out back inside the apartment.
Moving out isn't always an option for people who live in low-income areas. The state that I live in is one of the ten with the lowest incomes in the nation.
Nor is it if you are the one the hoarder is financially relying on... I wonder how many hoarders have a bankruptcy mindset and are bankrupt?
The real solution of living with a hoarder is to wait until they die, and then throw away their garbage.
This doesn't help me at all. I'm going DEFCON-4 with the 'Final Solution': Operation Dumpster. Shock & Awe, good bye junk.
Seriously, I just tried something similar with my hoarding mother and she had a hilarious mental breakdown, threatening to call the cops and whinging about how I dont help clean the house (full of junk she doesnt throw away). Its a real mental problem.
I think your doing the right thing. Why do we have to live with the hoarder instead of the hoarder living with us? Why do they get a veto, instead of a vote? If she can’t handle the cleaning let her have her meltdown. If she acts like a 5 year old having a tantrum so be it.
I live with a hoarder. There just comes a day when your hopes for her to change her behavior is just never going to come. Just throw stuff out, let the chips fall where they may.
It's what I've had to do.
I think hoarding is just the symptom and not the cause. Too many want to treat the symptom and thus it returns. The hoarder needs to find the cause and deal with it and then hopefully with treatment it wont return
I feel the family needs time away from the hoarder to give them a break regularly..
I totally agree with the others, too much control is left with the hoarder when infact they need to realise that they are controlling and manipulating through their hoarding.
It's difficult, even impossible, to hire a therapist in this current economy. There is an assumption that hoarding families can afford to pay for full therapy for the hoarder.
i think the only way to end it is to move out, im so tired of it, mus husband is a hoarder, so were his parents, now that his mother has abandoned her house because shes too sick to live alone, he's constantly going over there and bringing stuff home, i cant take it!
In other words you are stuck. Or you leave. There has to be another solution.
Oh this is just unhelpful crap. What horrible advice. Hoarders are selfish and don't care about living in filth. They don't care about their family members at all. And it's really a refusal to throw away things - its not really the things they have because they don't even know they have them - its buried under rubbish and tucked away in every available corner of the house. You can buy new stuff and throw old stuff out- us non hoarders do that all the time. Living like a pig to not upset a hoarder is a horrible way to compromise on your own life. They refuse to see they have a problem - to them you're insane. I threw out all the dirty dishes in the trash because they started to stink and what a reaction I got! It was insane to watch someone going mad like they were possessed over dishes. What was i supposed to do? Become Jesus and live with filth and mould? Constantly cleaning up after a grown adult women? I refuse. I've lived like this long enough and if my hoarder sister wants to live like that, she can move out and keep all of her crap - I'm not getting forced out of my house. She hoards money too which is hilarious because she earns very well. No one can come to visit because it's too exhausting to clean the entire house before they do and so it's out dirty little secret. I wish I could actually shame her and invite all of her co-workers and boss over to see what they actually have as a manager but I'm not cruel or heartless. It would be a solution because maintaining appearances is very important to her. She only abuses me mentally because it's so easy and theres no consequences. I think she gets off pretending I'm her hand maid. Imagine how insane I'm going having to flush the toilet after a grown up, pick up food wrappers off the floor and wash tons of dishes. I don't eat meat yet theres pots of rotting meat on the stove I have to wash up. Isn't all of this damaging my mental health? Does my mental health not matter? Why is the entire focus on the hoarder?
I'm 17 years old living with my grandmother who is a narcissist a control freak and worst of all a hoarder. My mother died when I was 9 years old which is how and when I ended up here with my grandmother. My father is MIA, and just totally uninterested in my life. I cannot stand living here anymore. I've been here for about 9 years and I'm sick of it. I'm just sick of it. I've been cut off from my friends, my boyfriend has never been in my house. It's a living hell & she needs help, but I can't help her. Nor can I call CPS or APS or anyone bc if I do she will do exactly what she did when I was 9 and they threatened to put me in foster care if she didn't clean the house, & what is that you ask? She bought 3 sea containers. Those big things you see on ships that carry stuff across the sea? Those things you see on trains?Google it. Look at the size of a sea container then think about THREE of them THREE. THEY ARE FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH JUNK. But that apparently didn't help because she just got MORE STUFF. So any way of they force her to clean up she will and once the house is clean, she will make my life a living hell. why? because I got her in trouble. She will start the abuse again. Yes abuse, mental, emotional, and that's right you guessed it physical too. She has done things to me that you wouldn't believe. I have scars on my wrist from the emotional pain and she looks at them, at me with disgust and tells me to kill myself. What kind of "parent" does that? I beg, if there is someone out there who can give me advice or get me help. please contact me!! My phone number is 240-818-4716. But please do not contact me anytime before 2:00 PM or anytime after 8:00 PM on any day. She confiscates my cell phone every night from me and watches my every move. All I ask is that someone please help me. I'm trying in every way possible to get help. You might see this post more than once because I am going to every possible video on RUclips that has any relation to my situation in search of help. Contact me please if you have any advice or even if you can just give me support. The best thing to do is text me please tell me who you are and why you are contacting me and I may be able to call you depending on where you live. I live in America in a small town in Maryland. Please help me if you can. Thank you and God Bless!!
omg, hope you're still hanging in there.
It could be likely that the father is unable to deal with the narcissistic hoarder grandmother. They really have a habit of choking out all normal family members who just cannot deal with it anymore. The hoarders and narcissistic folks drain the life out of our other family members who have to flee for their own sanity. Not that I know his personal situation but, as a former child who felt as you describe, now I'm an adult who is likewise drained and regret that I cannot be there for my own nieces. I see it has had a multi generations rift in my own family for generations before my own N parent too.
I forgot to mention that I am starting a group for those who LIVE with a person who hoards
I'll join
For real? Where can I sign up?
I gave a time limit and rules of what is acceptable. After that, it was mine to deal with. Once the big mess is cleaned up it is easier to keep on top of it.
There is room for empathy. Sometimes it seems like it physically hurts them to deal with it so I am willing to go slower, but not stop. But even then there should be limits. Going slow to deal with trash or health hazards is not acceptable. Thankfully I am not dealing with that.
Tip, Run....and never look back!
I live with a hoarder. Every time we fight when I try to get rid of stuff, it’s needed. They don’t change. You just have to throw it away with them. You will fight but it’s needed.
Appraisal Zone this is actually my experience, throw the stuff away. If you do it slowly they probably won’t notice, but it’s worth it. To the hoarder that garbage means more to them than you do. It sad but you have to be realistic.i don’t think they can change. Their brain is wired differently. Where you see junk and crap they see an incalculable treasure.
Are you an appraiser too?
OMG your sweet little line of advice makes my stomach turn. My adult son who lives with us is a hoarder and it has destroyed our lives, I have watched a lot of hoarding episodes and most of these people are narcissiists and should never be allowed to ruin the lives of their families.
Why is it always children of hoarders? ???What about a widow that's daughter hoards to the extreme,etc.(their deceased dad was an extreme hoarder too)and it is ruining quality of life.When you don't have money to escape and you're stuck with no friends then what? There is no support groups for other then a child of a hoarder.I don't get it. Someone needs to wake up and help those in my situation. I am very unhappy :(
I have studied Psychology for 26 years and my mother is a 3.5/5 hoarder.If your mother gets upset then become a 3rd party in this clean up to make the place healthy.Secretely report or have a neighbor report this situation to the Health Department.Let them come by for an inspection.They can force some mental Health therapy on her if needed.The Fire Department can be used if you have piles of stuff that could kill a Firemen in a fire.The city can help with deadlines to clean up.
How do you force therapy on a hoarder?
Try being a 9 year old with a dead mother and drug addict father who almost got you murdered by his drug dealer then having to move in with a narcissistic hoarding control freak for a grandmother. Now try living like this for 9 years. Maybe this will explain the scars on my wrists.
I wouldn't presume to preach to you. But can you get out of there?
I hope you are feeling better every day.
I know...All I think about is getting out of this chaos. I hope you are free from yours.
My wife is a hoarder. Last year I went thru cabinets and threw out some spices that were very expired. She has told me on more than one occasion since then that she researched it and they were probably still good. The house that I bought and paid for is crammed to where there is no long anywhere to sit and relax, only pathways to the bathrooms and the beds. I’ll soon retire, and my (already in place) plans do not include continuing to live with her. I’ve lost the last 10-12 years, I don’t want to lose any more. And we have had a dead bedroom situation for years which I have developed resentment for.
Hang in there man.
@@mattr.1887 thanks
My husband would never entertain the idea of going into therapy. I'll probably end up leaving him one day over his hoarding.
I am living with one and its like hell. Im too stressed! He dont need any of it but he is keeping everything and he want me to organize it! Im tired! Fuck!
He will take stuff from garbage that other people already throw.
Same here and I am about ready to tell her if she does not knock it off we are through.
I think one of the most effective strategies is having an intervention and have a psychiatrist/psychologist come over and get through to the hoarder. Hoarders are more likely to open up to strangers than to their own families. If are living with a hoarder or your relative/friend is, you won't be able to get through to them (I tried with my mother, who is a hoarder). Get a shrink or hoarding specialist to come over.
My roommate is a hoarder. I barely moved in with her. I've been cleaning vigorously for 2 days straight. Once the apartment is clean we can move into a two bedroom. The landlady put that stipulation down I understand but I want out of that place so bad can Ijust got a gym membership so I can shower in a place that doesn't gross me out. In the new place, I will keep the living room and kitchen and bathroom clean in the next place.she can have her room however she wants afterwards. Her current place has roaches infested and she doesn't understand why I can't sit or lay down anywhere
I do not say any of this to target hoarders . we understand that they do not have control over hoarding. We understand that we have to be cautious when speaking with them and respect their space and what they’re going through mentally. I don’t say any of this to advise anyone to be aggressive, unloving, or uncaring, or even unsupportive to a hoarder. I believe that, although we are living with individuals who have a hoarding problem, we still have to find it within ourselves to love them anyway, to respect them anyway, to support them anyway, but in a way that is not damaging ourselves to the point where we just can’t take it anymore or we no longer want to be alive. I do not encourage anybody to have an unholy attitude towards hoarders, but I would love there to be a win is brought to those who suffer living with a hoarder. to cause any harm to the hoarder or two hours sells for living with a hoarder, right?
I understand that hoarders have a problem. I understand that people who do not have a hoarding problem, have to be understanding of the hoarders actions and their mindset and what they’re going through on the inside. I understand everything everyone keeps saying about hoarders. What I don’t understand is why isn’t there real awareness to the people who are living with a hoarder? Especially children. Where is the support then? I understand that those who are living with hoarders may have the choice to up and leave instead of staying to deal with the hoarding( more so adults). children do not have a choice. Hoarding is a sad and serious issue within families. They’ll even go as far as threatening to take a child away when their parents are hoarders, which is absolutely horrible. I don’t agree with removing a child from their parents or loved ones because of the hoarding. I do believe that if you truly want to help someone , there should be organizations set in place for children and their parents, or whom ever is the guardian of the child to be somewhere clean affordable and safe. One may think well all you’re doing is just removing the people, but you’re not removing the problem that is true but at least they could have a fresh start. I am not advising for hoarders to leave their mess behind and go into another space that could possibly become another hoarding project. I am advising that upon removing parents and their children or loved ones from their home in some possible way without the hoarder being triggered, help supporters who are working with the parents and the children on their new beginning. That is just an idea. All ideas don’t going to play, but there has to be something in place to be sure that adults and children hoarders, and non-hoarders who are living with the hoarders are all being acknowledged and helped. The only thing removing children from their parents who have no control over hoarding is doing is hurting the parents more you’re causing more damage to the hoarder you’re causing more damage to the family members so no, I do not agree with removing children from a horde at home. Not only are you removing a child from a horde at home but you’re also removing them from their loved ones. This is a sensitive topic as well as difficult, but there has to be other ways to bring awareness to all parties. Dealing with hoarding. Even if a child ends up being removed from a home, I would hope that a child is with a trusted family member who cares about them instead of the government, putting them in strangers homes. It is not easy for everyone to just get up and go nor is it easy to just leave a family member who is suffering from hoarding because they lack responsibility and the importance of being clean and organized. The family member may feel like they have to step in to be responsible for that person. This is not to get confused with carrying another persons burden, when you see that they are in need of help. It goes beyond that. There is a total difference. I understand that we must not be hard on hoarders because they cannot control what it is if they’re going through. What I do not understand is why after all of these years, I am not coming across advice for people who are suffering from living with a hoarder. Individuals who live with a hoarder goes through depression, stress, worry, isolation, in fear. That individuals emotions can possibly skyrocket. I get that there Hass to be a strong support system for a hoarder. Why is there not a strong support system for people who live with the hoarders? Our mental state and emotions matter just as much as the hoarders. In the beginning, the person living with the water may not experience any mental or emotional frustration, but as time goes on it develops. As I said, a person living with a hoarder does have a choice to leave but it is not that simple not when you care for the person who is doing a hoarding, or if you do not have the means to move on your own. I just don’t understand why no one is talking about the illness that can be brought forth on family members who are dealing with a hoarder. I don’t see any of this to put hoarders down. I just don’t get why there’s no awareness at least that I have not seen it after all these years being brought forth to people who live with a hoarder. Hoarding causes illness upon anybody whether you are the one hoarding or the one living with a hoarder. I would love for hoarders to experience life outside of hoarding, but I would also like to see there be some support for those who have become ill because they are living with a hoarder. I strongly believe that everyone who is involved in hoarding where did they are the hoarder or not should be helped in some way possible. Whether it is children or adults, bring some awareness and emotional support towards everyone not just a hoarder. The only positive thing I can say about living with a water is found goes on you start to realize that you yourself have too much stuff for one person. I can say that that is something that I take from a hoarder. I’ve learned to make sure that I don’t have too much of anything when all I am caring for his myself. I have learned to make sure that I am not over spending or over buying. I I love the support that hoarders has because we do have to learn if not understand how a hoarder operates. We have to learn how to love them anyway we had to learn how to understand that we can only be in control of our own stuff and not theirs. There’s a lot that we could learn from living with a hoarder. I am happy for the support that hoarders get, but it saddens me that children and other adults who live with a hoarder is not getting the same capacity of support. It doesn’t even have to be in the same capacity as a hoarder gets but acknowledging it is a start. We can’t continue to neglect the mental and emotional state of a person who is living with a hoarder. They to need to know that there is a way out. They too need to know that hoarding is not something that they should have to put up with they too should be offered gentle therapy, and great advice on how to go about living with a hoarder. They too need to know that just because their family members are hoarders that does not mean that they have to be. I would just really love to see support for everyone who is affected by hoarding. Family members who are affected by the hoarding, we are telling them to just suck it up and deal with whatever is coming your way because a hoarder just simply can’t control themselves. That isn’t fair. I know that life is not fair, but let others know that they do not have to be in present mentally physically verbally emotionally or spiritually because they of family members.
move out and let the authorities handle them,its the only way.my mother cannot be reasoned with.
I feel ya. My mother is the same way.
Throw it out when they aren’t around and then gaslight them into thinking they through it out 👍 enabling a gluttonous disorder like hoarding is not the answer.
Gluttony is definitely part and parcel, (also selfishness too and not wanting to share anything.) They'd rather hoard food to go rotten in their cabinets than share.
tips? NO. Leave.
Why do they feel so attached to bags of garbage though? Water bottles and pieces of litter???
If you baby the hoarder too much, they will be happy to take advantage of that and before you know it they will have you helping them hoard.
my wife hoarding is affecting my mood and depressions, I love my wife, she is all I ever dreamed on a partner, but her hoarding is making me miserable. we have a 2 year old daughter. any advice?
what if I put it in boxes and put the boxes in the basement????
No it is fucking not fun. It ruined my family members social lives as a child. My father would never throw anything away and due to that my brothers and I suffered.
If a child would tell a teacher at school, and they were reported to CPS, then the Court would get involved and I'm sure then that the family would get counseling. The child would get assigned an Advocate.
ITS- A -FREAKING_ MENTAL _ DISORDER
My Dad used to go on a rampage, and toss all my Mom's junk away. She'd always fill the spaces back up..... He'd throw it away. Now that they're divorced, she could be on one of those shows....
Just wondering...Did you inherit the hoarding tendency? I understand your anger, because I grew up the same way you did, but our moms couldn't help it any more than someone who is Schizophrenic can just stop being Schizophrenic. Hoarding is a Psychological disorder.
My deceased husband would never throw anything away either...Nether will my adult daughter who inherited this horror sickness ;"(
This does not work! They refuse to see the problem. I really believe it's time for tough love as every second that passes this house becomes worse. One of these days I am going into that living room with a garbage can, a gallon of Clorox and a vacuum cleaner and let the shit hit the fan.
Hoarding is fun however it helps to live on your own.
This doesn't help the other people affected by the disorder at all.
I really like the comments I've read they really lightning and in-depth one of my friends seems to have that problem and I did notice that when I invite her she rents a room from my mom and and my brother it's anyway I noticed that when I say hey knock on the door and I see trash days tomorrow would you like me to help you get the trash I can open the door to the driveway area and whatever and she personally gets their trash and puts it out there I noticed a little less hoarding then if I just go in that room and just grab empty boxes or whatever so I mean I think it does help but it's understanding it could take a long time and I thank you for this platform
My boyfriend and I cleared out a big section of my parents yard , mom was happy but my dad wasn’t and he ended up bringing more junk into the space we cleared I’ve been trying to clean this yard for 3 years
Thanks
No
Step 1: Evil laugh
Step 2: ????
Step 3: Profit
Thanks this is so helpful.
Try living with a hoarder Dr. It's not pleasant.
Quack Quack!