Childfree Q&A
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- Опубликовано: 2 июл 2024
- Thank you so much to those who took the time to ask these questions over on IG. Please leave any further comments in the comment section and I'm very happy to do a second part.
0:00 Intro
0:43 When did I decide to be childfree?
5:17 What are your reasons for being childfree?
8:34 Do you feel doubts?
17:10 Do you worry about being alone?
20:25 How did you and your partner decide together?
22:49 How do you navigate friendship changes?
27:27 How do you respond when people say insensitive things?
30:01 What do you think about the idea of legacy?
31:18 How do you find fulfilment and do you think that will change?
32:16 How do you handle conservative people?
33:51 How do you respond when people say "you'll change your mind"
35:15 Do you feel like you're missing out?
36:23 What are your thoughts on donating your eggs?
37:12 What would you do if you accidentally got pregnant?
INSTAGRAM: / danni___duncan
I think a lot of people struggle with not centering themselves in other peoples decisions. When you tell a parent "having children would make me miserable" they take it as a criticism of their life. I'm not saying everyone with kids is miserable and if you're content then I love that for you! I'm just saying that knowing MY personality, MY lifestyle and what's best for MY mental health - this would not be a good decision FOR ME. Feels so simple but it's not. 🤷♀️
Yup absolutely. I mean when people decide to have kids, I def don’t think it’s got anything to do with me
I'm 100% on the same journey. Also 34 and maybe a year behind you.
The regrets part....you can adopt! There are options if you want a child and it's later in life. But people only consider biological children as being a "mum"
Totally, or being a parent figure in other unconventional ways too
I’m 25 and feel confident in my decision to be child free and have so many little things as to why i don’t want them, such as; not having to carry a child around at the shopping centre or having to go watch kids sport on the weekend. What ‘little things’ turned you off about having kids?
im so glad i found this- and you! one child free woman to another- thankyou for voicing all of this! im almost 30 and from Australia and i feel like I wish I could explain myself in the way you have but then I remember i dont owe them anything💜 i think this will be a video i come back to whenever im feeling insecure about my decision :) reach out if you ever want to!
Great video, it’s so important to have content on such an important topic. You can have a full life that’s valid without kids! Changing friendships has been the hardest for me personally.
I’ve honestly never related to someone’s experience on this more than your. From the timeline to the processing of the decision to even the alone time and financial reasons being my motivators. I’ve also never heard someone else articulate the desire to NOT grow a baby. Thank you so much for sharing it was really great to feel like someone else can relate!
Hi Danni, thank you so much for the work that you are doing! I am 27 and feel so acknowledged and safe in this community! Sadly my husband and I don't have other childfree persons around us, so we feel a bit alone with that. I have a question, that I would discuss with others: is it normal to grief a live that you don't want, but you thought you would have? I don't know if this makes sense, but sometimes I feel a bit sad, but we know that we don't want children. But it is so romantized in our culture that I sometimes grief being part of this 'community' and always feel so alien.. That's the reason I love your content! Lots of love from Munich, Germany ♥️
Loved this & really enjoying the long form content - so needed!
Yesss 🙌 community outside of immediate family is important for everyone, regardless of whether you have children or not.
I got married at 28 and thought we were going to have children (societal pressure), but when we really thought about it, we both don’t want kids!
Real friends make time for each other.
Love this video! Thanks for sharing ❤
Thanks for answering the (my) question about Egg Donation, I know that might have been a touchy question/subject. Someone asked me recently and I had the exact same thoughts about it as you said and I fully stand by that, but then I had the question back but what if your friend couldn't have kids.... which again, my answer would be the same. It doesn't change that I don't want kids - anywhere.
Anyway, just thank you for being this voice that some people need to hear to know they are doing the right thing because it's met with soooo many other voices that make people feel guilty for their choice.
Yeah even if my friend couldn’t I still don’t know if I would. Because knowing that they’re raising my DNA and I had no ownership over that, it’s something I think I’d find really difficult
I, too, come from a religious family. I'm a Kiwi and my family was very conservative and fundamentalist. It took me years to deconstruct all of that. So much of what you said resonated with me. I wish I had known about the choice to be childfree in my 20's and early 30's. It would have saved me quite a few years of real angst and confusion. At 42, I'm happy to report I still have zero regrets.
The friends thing is really tricky. It's the only bit I haven't figured out. I relate so much to what you said. I'm an introvert and most of the time I feel like my husband is enough, but sometimes I miss my social life and wish I had the energy to find new childfree friends. It's hard to find new friends as an adult though, and also just because someone is childfree, it doesn't mean you'll click and have other things I'm common.
Love your work Danni. ❤
Yeah, making new friends is hard regardless, and especially if you’re normally a solitary person.
Love this! Love this honesty! ❤
Great third episode. Loved the Q&A style video. Looking forward to the podcast episodes 👏🏻
THANK YOU SO MUCH for this video!!! I am so thankful, that I have found your instagram profile. I feel so understood and acknowledged in your community! It's amazing to see, that there are more women out there, who think and feel the same. I see you all! ♥
Thank you so much for being here x
Love this! Thanks for sharing a lot of what I have felt for so long in so many ways.
Personally, I grew up wanting kids and planning for them. A lot of it had to do with very religious/conservative upbringing as well. Thinking back, I really only thought of names. But couldn’t get my mind past that point. And that helps me now, where I’m at, in not wanting children. Sometimes is gives me panic to think I won’t have children of my own, but I think that stems from still feeling like my only purpose is to be a wife and mother, something taught to me by my church.
When I left my religion a few years ago, I had to have a sit down talk with myself. I had to decide what I wanted and it was hard to let it go. And maybe one day I’ll regret it. But like you said, there are a lot of things in life we can one day grow to regret. As for now though, no regrets!
The “you’d be such a good mom” thing is so hard to navigate. From a young age, I’ve been known as the mother of the group. Which honestly is just a sign of the patriarchy fucking women over if you ask me. Instead of a leader, or caring and kind, I’m a mom? Why can’t I just be a human with good traits?
Lastly, and I know I’m going on and on here, but I just am glad to find someone who is on my same side, the anxiety of it all! Being pregnant! Never sleeping the same again?! The quadrupling of unpaid labor that happens in your life when you give birth. No matter how much you love your partnership there are things that are engrained in our society putting women through endless amounts of work.
I could go on forever. Anyway, I loved this video! Thank you Danni! All the love from Las Vegas ❤
Seems like we are kindred spirits xx
Thank you!!! So relatable and comforting that I am not alone!
Def not alone c
Thank you! This is amazing - you have captured and put in to words so many of my feelings in this video 👏🏽
Thanks for watching x
This was so helpful and relatable, thank you for sharing ♥
Thank you xx
This was so inspiring
Love this! You have a lot of the same train of thought as me.
🫶🫶🫶
Interesting information, I'm glad I discovered your channel.
Love this ❤
Thanks bree x
Loved this!
Thank you so much for watching x
have you heard about antinatalism? childfree women speaking their truth is so important to me ❤ thank you for this video
Sure have x
Loved this Danni...thank you so much! I am quite confident in wanting to be child free (although the amount of women who say "you just haven't got there yet" at the age of 33 is annoying!) but my partner does still say he wants children. I think a lot of this comes from the fact he feels like he SHOULD have children and I am trying to open him up to other ideas (we have been together for 5 years so I would hate to lose him over this).
I love your content. Thank you!
Hopefully the more conversations you have the more he’ll be able to process and think about the impact of being a parent and consider for certain if he does or doesn’t
For a man it's easy to have children at 50, to a point that it's actually difficult to date a younger woman and still avoid having them. There are just so many women in their late thirties who still want to have a go at it and start a family.
lovely video, hope you get more subscribers ❤
I've started responding to people who say "oh but you'd be a good mum" with "Yea, I probably would be, but I'm not a breeder, so we'll never know" haha people just look at me with their jaw dropped and I laugh. I've had to defend my choice for over 10 years. I'm borderline rude about it these days. I don't mean to be, but like, tell me how it's anyone's business haha
I feel ya…sometimes it’s hard not to be rude back to people who are being rude to you in the first place