being ghosted by the ghost of this metal coming of age book | A Ribbon of Sand by Mike Shannon

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[@mikeshannon658]

Everyone isn't going to like your book or sympathize with a protagonist--I knew that going in. That said, thanks for taking the time to review it!
I did want to clarify about the diagnosis of ADHD. Ash isn't diagnosed with it in 1982. I wrote in chapter 3, "Several years would pass before a diagnosis of ADHD made sense of my learning difficulties."
Also, a quick clarification about Mr. Box not noticing Ash's bruising. That scene takes place in the summer so he wouldn't see Mr. Box. That being said, if you don't like the main character, these little points don't really matter.

[@spookyfirst9514]

I’m not the audience for your book, but I was a teenager in 1982. Wizards is one of my husbands favorite animated movies, it gave me a good laugh to hear it in your story. I hadn’t thought of that movie in years.

[@KirkpattieCake]

I'm aware that it said he wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until several years later, where I got irritated with the characterization was the story and the synopsis (which I pointed at out the end) saying that the teachers were indifferent to his ADHD, which isn't true. He's not diagnosed, they're not responding to his thing, they don't even know to respond. Because of this framing, it makes it sound like they know and they're just ignoring him, and his reflection as an older person has zero compassion or understanding for others, he just thinks the same way his younger self did, which is the implication everyone is out to get him and doing things to him on purpose.
Thank you for the clarification that the character was supposed to be sympathetic in the way he was presented.

[@mikeshannon658]

@@KirkpattieCake I do think Ash was a dick in school. The being held back twice thing was actually something I went through. Years later one of my teachers told me that they should have worked with me instead of holding me back. It is stated in the book too that Ash's parents tried to get the administration to provide tutoring after school but they deemed that as unworkable. The problem with rural South Carolina in the early 80s is that the options available now simply weren't. It's probably true to state that when something affects your life so intensely when you're young, it is very difficult to look back with sympathy on the system that didn't understand your problem or want to learn from that problem.
All of this is neither here nor there. Thanks again for your review.

[@KirkpattieCake]

@Mikeshannon I had the distinct feeling that parts of this were autobiographical, and this was a self-insert of sorts, but I think that also became part of why it never was explained fully to make sense in the book.
As I said in the review, I acknowledged both the parts where it said, "Getting him tutors is unworkable" by the administration, and also another part where it said his parents stayed up with him, and he just "was tired in class." I described this and said why I didn't believe it. The story just blew over these areas and didn't make me believe the circumstances, kind of like in fantasy that doesn't build out the world and leaves it to "just believe me bro" while giving you no reason to believe it.
Where I am specifically saying the book struggled is it did not stop to pull the reader (me) into it and make me believe the circumstances, but had a self-absorbed teenager tell me to just believe him while I saw him acting out in class. So much of the story was spent in exposition dumping just telling me to believe something and then would zoom past it, so I never did believe it. While I understand what you are explaining you were trying to do, I don't feel like it was done effectively, and felt more like just demonizing South Carolina after having bad feelings about being there. It's very cruel to South Carolina and everyone there, for no reason since none of it builds into the story or character.
I understand where you're coming from with "It's hard to look back with sympathy on this thing, that you feel mistreated you," but in that vein, it just makes me feel like this story was written as an emotional expression of angst against where you grew up. Something being a personal experience doesn't automatically translate into the book and my critique was I didn't feel it fully expressed what it needed to in order to show the reality of the character accurately. I'm not asking you to sympathize with your background, but what I'm now seeing are excuses, and defenses. It being personal doesn't matter in the long run of I'm reading a book by a stranger and I'm critiquing it based on my perspective. "This happened to me," doesn't make the experiences transfer into the book.
While the story could've told the struggle of a kid being left behind by a system that wasn't able to deal with him so they just ignored him, the information wasn't there to convey that to the reader, and a narrative straight telling the reader, "Believe me, this is it" isn't good enough when narrators, especially first person, are unreliable sources who lie.
Thanks for the comments.

[@mikeshannon658]

@@KirkpattieCake I understand your opinion but don't think I'm demonizing South Carolina. I love SC! There are several positive characters from the state in the book--Mr. Box and all the friends and parents in particular. Ash is from Columbia, SC. The real island the book is based on was still in the shadow of Jim Crow and ugly conflicts and prejudices were still very common in the early 1980s there. I didn't want to whitewash that aspect. The spectrum that connects racism to simple ostracism presented itself quite clearly in the rural South of the era. Of course, it doesn't mean the whole state was guilty of either of the extremes. My book was just showing one perspective. I think the main character's love of the flora and fauna of SC and his interest in its folklore show he sees beauty in the place as well as the negative.
Your take on Ash is one I felt some might have. I wanted to show the dichotomous nature of a teenager, with one foot in childhood and selfishness and one in a developing self-concept. The teenage years can obviously be very rocky. I understand the character didn't work for you, but I've also had some very positive feedback about him. Again, I appreciate the time you took reviewing the book. All the feedback, both negative and positive will help me in future projects.

[@spookyfirst9514]

6:47 Okay, so he has this character in a prologue, but he didn’t tie her in until….when? Never?
If it’s set in ’82, Black Sabbath was ‘a thing’ then.
18:34 The 80’s were a plague of ‘Appearances are all that matters’. I’m not sure what this book wants to be? It’s tough to sympathize with the MC. I didn’t know anyone in the 80’s who thought like this kid does. (and I was around that age at the time.)
What does all this history do for the story?
47:03 It can depend on the school system. If he was held back twice, he’d be sent forward one grade level. If he was 15, he’d be with much younger kids in school, which would be awkward for that age level. If he was held back, then dumped to the appropriate age bracket, that’s odd. (If his parents had money, that would make more sense if he was pushed forward for that reason. In rural school systems it can happen.)
55:52 I just cannot stand all the BS the teenage years are stuck in. Going through it once was enough.
1:49:57
🤣OMG….I can’t even. Why is he pulling a Shatner here?
1:55:11 And we’ve gone from Shatner to Cheesy.
It’s always good to see the doggie.
2:16:44 What?? He bookended the ghost from the prologue? Why does this book sound like a bad historical essay wood chipped into a bad teen romance?
Overall: Decided to go read the sample on amazon and couldn’t get through it. The MC was off putting and the prose was odd.
The synopsis is more like a mini outline of what the author wanted the book to be, and I don’t think he nailed that landing. I’m not sure why the ghost was included at all, nothing was done for or with her.
I did go to Goodreads and went over the reviews there as well as the reviews on amazon. One in particular was a regurgitation of the synopsis by another author and the rest were so gushing they made me squint. Whatever they saw in this story I had no inklings of. This is a sure sign this is NOT the kind of story for me.
Based on what I read in the sample chapters it was too frustrating. This story didn’t have a clear goal on what it wanted to be, at least none I could see.
The Catcher in the Rye: It was traumatizing. I read it for English Lit in High School.

[@hpgwellscraft]

Im getting Lady In White vibes from this, even if the execution needed some tuning.

[@marocat4749]

I buy the lightkeepers daughter being an ominous watchful ghost watching out over people but being spooky too?, but vengeful? Even for an edgy teenager vengeful is a weird take.
Wait, he is that selfcentered as adult too? As teenager, fine, but he thinks that as adult unironicly? If its some remenescine style of writing he should have some comments to " i thought that, how funny to think of it now" or something that he grew and matured? or "Yes the world didnt taught me that, but i wasnt probably easy to get through" , if he is an adult, remiscending there should be some sarcasm at least if he isnt that selfcentered anymore?
True, he is invated to all kinds pof parties and different circles, then people dont hate him.
And there was no club that he could yapping in about history of the island? It would be weird if thre were no history ajecent club he could expouse about history he loves so much allegently?
And Carlo absolutely should come up as "Carlo agreed on a lot but was defensive about his Dad, we fought in the past over it and i agreed to go against him again"
And he doesnt seem to just nor just feel different due reasons, he seems to get exactly why and just be contrarian? Like if he was autistic kinda, he would not be that aware how to very specific be contrarian? You want that?
And he bullies Paul, yeah thats just harmless prank bro, is bullying. And doesnt apologize. To necrotown with ash.
Goddamn, that lighthouse keeper true or not couldthe, its said very ominous but she watches over the outcasts and i feel saff there because of it? That could be what makes him feel safe, like the lighthousekeepers daughter watches over him.
The feels drawn to the island and lightkeepers daughter legend safe even if he doesnt deserve it is, why not more?
Team Ally, she is right!, at least in the moment, but that couldnt go on :( , yes he is superdramatic, people keep up with him despite that :(
Cant she cant say, yes i like you for whom you are but can you ever try stop being overdramatic and not a prick to others, i heard what you did to Paul, you think you are any better then? You think you are the only one who has to stuff they dont always like to get along. Maybe have her have a hobby she isnt always showing off? To show, i donrt need to alienate everyone, why doyou think everyone still invites you.
And honestly sh should leave him but her telling him in earnest off and him taking it could go a lot? And her some hobby she isnt be dramatic about because she isnt a jerk? Hoe she wants otherthings sometimes but isnt a jerk. Something like that. :(

[@mikeshannon658]

The light-keepers daughter isn't the ghost, that is the folklore. The real ghost turns out to be a gentle spirit. Although the teenage Ash doesn't apologize to Paul, his adult self does consider the damage he may have inflicted. I wrote, "Innocent fun at Paul's expense was how Carlo and I filed it away....As an adult, I find it hard to believe this is how I rationalized it at fifteen because the carefully planned cruelty very well might have had the same effect on Paul as my lingering memories of my tormentors had on me."

[@scarletcosmo]

1:27:14 lol

[@tropetrinitytrilogy8533]

This books seems like it tells too much. It's a shame this book isn't more about the ghost and the history of the town. That'd be more interesting imo. I kind of like the cover and title though.