How to say goodbye when someone is dying
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
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sacreddeathcar...
If we're lucky, we have time to say goodbye before someone we love dies.
It can be really difficult to know how to have these conversations. What's the right thing to say? How and when should I say it?
In this video, I share a simple but powerful 4-part process for saying goodbye. Having a structure like this will help you find the strength to say what needs to be said, even if it's hard and sad.
I hope you find it helpful.
www.sacreddeathcare.com
My husband is coming home from the hospital tomorrow and will be on hospice. We've been together 48 years. I will be his central care giver. Your video has made me feel calm, thank you!
These are beautiful thoughts. One thing I would add - if appropriate to the relationship - hold their hand. Then even in the silence much is “spoken”.
Thank you for these words. My mom died last year and we were so close. But I said all these things, now I know I did the right thing. ❤❤❤ I miss her very much, but this feels like a relief.
When my Mom was dying of cancer, my sister said to her...."when you see the light, run toward it..."
I don't like to say good bye to a dying loved one, but instead "we'll meet again".
My mom is in Hospice now. She lives far away, so I don't get to see her that often. When I do, I tell her that I love her and that we'll be OK and that I'll keep an eye on a sibling who has health challenges and hasn't always taken good care of themselves.
I was with my dad when he died, but missed his final words to me as I had to tend to aforementioned sibling who was supposed to be traveling to see dad.
I'm about to do this with my best friend of 30 years. I don't think that I've ever been so nervous.
I'm going back tomorrow to say goodbye to my dad. And you really helped. This doesn't make it any less scary, but maybe a little easier.
As a professional caregiver, I will be pleased to share this with my clients' families. Thank you for putting this on the web!
I'm very glad you found it helpful. Thank you for sharing. :)
@@SacredDeathcare Wanted to add that over the weekend, I used these prompts with an elderly client of mine. I have worked with her on and off for the last six years. She's in the hospital and is (belatedly) transitioning to hospice. I had intended to have this conversation with her but I could not screw up my courage. Amazingly, she kicked off the conversation for us. It was a real blessing, and such a release, for us to say these things to each other! I'm more grateful than ever for your content, Sarah. Thank you for the soulful education. I recommend this video to everyone dealing with dying and death. Much love to all.
So true. Sometimes that window is very short before they lapse back into unconsciousness again. My wife had MS for 26 years and I was her carer for almost all that time. She was unable to ambulate (stand or walk) for the last 15 years. I am gay, medically proven, but I don't have a partner or boyfriend. Unlikely I ever will. I thanked her for accepting me as her gay husband and she said "Of course. That was easy. Why wouldn't I?" Not many wives in a 51 year mixed orientation marriage would have said that. I told her how much I loved her and the last thing she said to me was "I love you too." She really was very special. Occasionally I go and throw some rosemary (for remembrance) into the water near where we spread her ashes, as she requested. I am coping well. Thanks for your comments.
May her soul rest in peace.
How do they medically prove that someone is gay?
Sorry for your loss, please, millions of people have to know, has medical proof been found?
What if you didn't have a chance to say goodbye? My grandpa died 21 years ago, I never had a chance to say goodbye. My grandpa meant the world to me. He was probably the only person who understood me and loved me in spite of my faults. He was always there to listen and pray with me and give a consoling hug and tell me how proud he was of me. I miss my grandpa and dream often about him. Recently I dreamed he died and I was crying uncontrollably in the dream, no one could console me. What can I do to get over the passing of my grandpa? I still can't accept that he is gone, I miss him so terribly.
You should not wait till a death to say these things, say them every day, life is too short.
Perfect!
I wish I have done this every day but I was too distracted and sucked up by life things. My mom is on a ccu on a comfort measure only and I regret so much on not spending more time with her. I know this regret will hunt me every single day after she passes.
Dr. Kerr is FULL of Divine Love and Wisdom.....
Good words...
When I am dying...
.... I wonder how I will feel when I am talked to as per your video.
I hope I will not be so selfish as to not care for the speaker.
If I am the speaker, and this is a person I love dying,...
I will be tearful!
My mother was dying of kidney/liver cancer, but still had a good mind, during the 7 weeks from diagnosis until death. I wish I read articles like this before this happened. I spent most of my time researching meds + supplements. When it got closer to the end, I thought I had more time than there was. I did try to talk to mom, but she didn't want to talk about these things. Possibly I should have just kept talking, then maybe both of us would have felt better. I think if you do what this video says, you will feel more like you said a nice goodbye and allowed your dying person to say goodbye. You will have better closure.
By not saying this stuff and just caring for mom, I don't feel like I said a complete goodbye.
How old was your mother? At least you spent lots of time with her before the diagnosis. You can still talk to her spiritually or in your dreams. I’m sure that she is guiding you every day and looking out for you. And you guys will meet one day. My mom is on comfort care on her final day/days due to bad liver. She is too debilitated for a transplant.
@@arlokkkk My mother was 97. I do talk to her spiritually.
Also when someone is close to dying, Hospice likes to give them
morphine + anti-anxiety meds to comfort the dying, but the sedative affect can result in death sooner. This might explain how I was surprised by a fast decline over my mom's final 3 days.
Thank you for your love and light in this world. You and your work make such a difference for me and all the people I serve. Bless you.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm happy to hear this resonates with you.
My mom got intubated yesterday. Thanks for letting me know what to say.
So sorry to hear about your mom. Thank you for sharing during this difficult time.
@@SacredDeathcareshe is resting in peace now and I’m glad that I had the opportunity to say everything I needed in her ears. Half of me went with her.
Thank you for this advice. Much appreciated.
I wish I found your videos sooner. I just lost a good friend to cancer and I didn't know what to say him, or his wife.
Thank you so much for this. It’s very helpful and very appreciated. 🙏🏻
I'm so glad to hear it was useful for you. :)
Very good points that make sense, I just wish I'd of had the kind of family to implement them.
My soulmate of 26yrs, would never talk about his imminent death, he came home Thursday day and passed Saturday morning at 4:06a and our goodbyes and I love you around 3:30a....7yrs ago
These are wonderful, thank you for sharing, I especially like the "half" bit at the end about going forward. As I am watching this more as someone who is dying, it makes me curious how these could be used to say goodbye to those I love. Perhaps you already have a resource like this. Thank you again.
Thanks for your comment, and I'm glad you found this helpful. The four-part structure is the basic foundation, and would be appropriate for saying goodbye, as you are dying, as well. I love you, forgiveness, thank you and goodbye. It's all there.
Let me know if you have any specific questions about how to modify it. ❤
So wonderful! Thank you so much!!!
You're very welcome. I'm glad it was helpful. :)
@@SacredDeathcare May I please ask a question? In point 4 you recommend saying "I´m so sorry you are leaving and dying. I´m really gonna miss you." I ask myself if those phrases might make it difficult for the dying person to let go (?). You have so much experience in this field - so I guess, this is not the case (?). Love from Austria, Mona
@@Heilungshilfe Hi Mona
Thanks for your message your question. When someone is dying and doesn't want to be, it's hard. They don't want to leave, any more than we want them to go. Telling them that you miss them lets them know that they are loved. It's different than saying "I can't survive without you, please don't go." That puts pressure on them to stay, even if their body is saying to go.
Hope that helps :-)
Thank You
Would not be lovely to be capable to say goodbye at the speed of a blink of the eyes ? could it be even possible ? Here attachments explains one thing these slows down Time of which is supreme and eternal .
The clock slows down when bringing the past closer to the future and time at the present stops before it starts again . Saying goodbye to whom ? and to what ? when all one ever experience is emotions at lower speed of Time . When Time is favourable one tries to keep it still and when unfavourable prays to have it at fast pace and get better fast .
Illusion is in Time but Time is no illusion & is eternal yes ?
There are no good byes.
As a caregiver for both my parents, having mom pass away 2/8/2022, and now dad going to hospice a year later, where do I go from here? I am numb, emotionless, then all of a sudden I burst into tears watching dad get worse day by day and having watched my mom die 24 hours.....I myself would like to be come a death dula to heal myself and help heal others.
End-of-life work is a sacred calling and I have several resources to help you navigate it. Please email us at hello@sacreddeathcare.com and my assistant would be glad to share them with you. My free course - Healthy Emotional Boundaries for Death Doulas - is a great place to start. Much love, Sarah.
Im dying...anorexic in a care home treating me very badly. Allowed a tonic clonic seizure to happen and now banned bottled water and fan in car despite it partly being triggered by heat. Their constant comments on food, fat and snacking made me so sick i ended up the size of a 5 year old and i have crashing blood pressure now i wont eat or drink.
Make sure that they know where they are going. Do they know what Jesus did for us on the cross and do they believe it?
I've never heard of a death doula and I've been in healthcare 49 years
Nobody wants to talk about it, including me.
Basically this is about hiding the awfulness of death. It is making the hopeless feel hopeful when there is nothing to hope for.
Hopeless is Godless and death is the beginning of something awful.
Hopeful is Godful and death is the beginning of something awe full.
You are great and love what you show us but I break up every time I watch you while living with my young bride who is saturated with cancer I'll never be able to say anything
Moving comment.