The Bisexual Gimmick in Reality TV
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- Опубликовано: 1 июн 2024
- [Content warnings at start of chapters]
This video essay will explore the world of bisexual-themed reality television programmes beginning with A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. It will be chaotic, there will be drama, there will be tears. Be warned! Video essay by Ada Černoša & Verity Ritchie.
Featuring the voice talents of...
Broey Deschanel: @BroeyDeschanel
Jessie Gender: @JessieGender1
Ruby: RubySusan29 (Triple Bi Pass: joy.org.au/triplebipass)
Tara Mooknee: @TaraMooknee
And of course the design skills of the amazing Tjaša Pejntboks: pejntboks
Patreon: / verityritchie
Verity's Twitter: / verilybitchie
Verity's Instagram: / verityritchie
Ada's Twitter: / theliterarybi
Buy my comic Hugged!
Etsy: www.etsy.com/shop/VerityRitchie
Gumroad: verityritchie.gumroad.com/l/h...
0:00 A Shot at Love
38:00 The Bi Life
58:00 Are You The One
1:10:30 The Bachelorette Australia
If you enjoyed this video, please consider supporting my work via Patreon! (Also there's a blooper reel for this video on there!) www.patreon.com/verityritchie
Thanks for your videos. You give me so much comfort and hope in these fked up times. I'm from Russia and there is very little dialog about anything queer, and general attitude towards bisexuality is somewhat like in Tila's show in 2007. I actually remember watching it and rooting for Dani because of how sweet she was, but the translation was even more dismissive of women in general and lesbians in particular. I fought with my self hate and was afraid to ask myself the correct questions. I was constantly dismissing my feelings towards men because "these guys you like are feminine, so it doesn't count" but then I find myself liking a masculine man and thinking "nah it's not real, it's ironic, you're doing this to prove a point" and your videos helped me plenty to understand myself. I was blessed with a wife who totally understands me and is bi too. She's not against me sleeping with guys, but I never did it and I'm honestly scared of it. Last time I was any sexual with other boys was in high school. I started to come out a little to people around me, I made a rule for myself that if a persons asks or implies something about my sexuality, I would tell them the truth and it helps me. I find it hopeful that people around me, even of an older age, are more or less acceptng or even supportive. I don't want to paint myself as a victim since I don't think I am, I just wanted to thank you and your community for giving me a little peace of mind.
Make love not war
is there any way to send a one-time contribution? i really enjoyed this video
❤❤❤❤💖💖💖💖
💗💜💙
what is with left tube and alcohol? It makes me worry as a recovering alcoholic when i see contrapoints coiffing cocktails in her videos.. now we have Tila Tequila ;_; I hope you are ok verily bitchie owo
“that’s a lot of responsibility for one tiny little bisexual” - me to every one of my problems from now on
“Crisis averted: the bisexual has chosen.” - Me whenever any of my bi friends makes even the most minor decision from now on
i will be quoting this in my head everytime a consultant nearly makes me cry on placement for the rest of the week
fellow mikey :D
Can I put this on a poster?
I don't think my 6'6" ass can say that
"shes a lesbian so technically, shes a dude" ah yes. of course. the infallible logic of homophobic dudebros lmao
Does that mean two lesbians in a relationship are both guys? Is that something you can relate to as a guy, Mr. dude bro? Sounds kinda gay ngl
Somehow I think they'd have at least as big a problem with a trans man ;-/
Weird to see a homophobic dudebro admit to being a lesbian on national TV, ngl
right wingers: lesbians are basically men, and gay men are basically women BUT trans men are women and trans women are men
nuance and the concept of spectrums are fully lost on them
"She's a dude"proceed to watch the lesbians kissing each other" hmm 🧐
when that guy was like “i don’t believe in being bisexual, you’re either straight or you’re not” YEAH SHES NOT STRAIGHT BECAUSE SHES BISEXUAL
LMAOO it was so funny
Hahahahhaahahhh that was the exact thought I had! Yourr straight or youre not - like no shit? She’s NOT hence why she’s bisexual 😂 I wonder what happens to these characters like do these ridiculous comments affect their lives
I think it’s pretty obvious that the guy thanks that if someone isn’t straight then the only other option is that they’re gay as if those are the only two sexualities to exist and people can only ever be attracted to one gender
You’d be surprised how many people think there’s only gay (as in homosexual and/or homoromantic and not as in umbrella term, although they likely wouldn’t believe in spilt attraction either) and straight and nothing else in between or completely outside of that
Accidental ally
@@shiannafoxx No, not even close. "You're either straight or you're not" in a conversation about bi people is an attempt to define bisexuality out of existence.
And even ignoring that, as well as the question of if we _should_ ignore it, there is nothing inherently ally-ey about defining a line between straight people and non-straight people. It can be an attempt to build a sense of solidarity among the LGBTQIA+ community, and just as easily to frame them as Others in straight society.
as an asexual person hearing the "I used to think I was bisexual too until." has the same energy as "you just haven't met the right person yet."
fr 😟 i'm on the ace spectrum and i've heard that far too many times
@@xaff0 it's like people forget there are nonsexual relationships and there are people who are completely happy being single.
@@Potatocrime24-7 exactlyy theres aroace people out there too and their getting invalidated too :((
As biromantic and greysexual, this hits double
I feel like bisexuals and asexuals understand each other surprisingly well
As a bisexual there's nothing I hate more than "you've picked a side" when I've chosen to enter into a monogamous relationship. I didn't choose "a side," I chose a person!
Every time it’s an assertion that men and women are forever two separate groups/sides/worlds. It’s such a strange concept to reduce people to their sex, which itself isn’t a big part of your brain. There is only very few negligible differences between the structure of the male and female brain.
This is why I date gender fluid people, every day they choose my side for me when they wake up 🤣
@@notyourjakey
"Alright honey am I gay or straight today?"
"Neither."
Agreed! I have never dated a girl before (just how life worked out). But i have dated a few men. I cant imagine being with anyone besides my boyfriend i adore him! Yes i do prefer men in general, but I chose my adorable amazing boi for who he is not because of his gender.
exactly...
“She’s bisexual! She’s got tattoos! She’s wacky, she’s wild!!”
Lmao, love how this was “scandalous” like 10 years ago and now it’s literally just every random Gen Z girl
Yep, being bi & non-monogamous with tattoos, piercings & purple-streaked hair in the 90s made me a "wacky hippie", lol, but now I'm deadset boring 🤣 So ofc I think Gen Z have pretty good taste in lots of things 😎🤣
@@annieliina how dare they eat hot chip
@@countryhumansreuploads523 Nah, Australia too... the land of confusion, where fries & crisps are both "chips" 😂
As it should be. Glad people see them as the basic bitches they really are.
(and no it's totally not cause I'm jealous/turned on by them and need to protect my ego by belittling their cute bi-poly-alt asses, shut up)
@@99sins 🤨
My favourite moment of bisexual reality TV is when the Love Island producers claimed bi people would pose a "logistical difficulty"
That didn't even make it to air 😅 - bisexuality was too difficult for them to even bother to include.
Forget bisexual, I identify as a logistical difficulty now
I am very proud of being a logistical difficulty
I'm not sure exactly what the setup of love island is, but I do wonder about a gay season of the bachelor. If contestants start pairing off with each other, does that make for good reality tv or does it undermine the premise of the show? I know there's been at least one pair of women contestants on the bachelor who began dating, but I believe that didn't come out until after. In a gay season, I imagine this woukd be a much more present possiblity.
@@NormalGayBroI’ve had the same thought about The Bachelor. And I do think it would pose an actual logistical problem. Part of what makes the Bachelor/Bachelorette work is everyone is vying for one person, and there are no other options, so if a contestant doesn’t like the lead, or vice versa, they get sent home. If a gay/lesbian/bisexual bachelor were to happen, it’s only natural that some of the contestants, who are spending far more time with one another than the lead, especially off camera time, and are getting to know each other much more deeply than the lead, would ultimately end up falling for one another rather than the person that is supposed to be this shining object everyone is chasing.
HOWEVER, Love Island is set up much more like Bachelor in Paradise than it is the original Bachelor shows, so those logistical issues are pretty null. And yes, there is a level there where couples are split up by gender, but we saw the Bachelor franchise adapt when Demi’s girlfriend came down to the beach. I believe they just had Demi’s girlfriend give out roses with the men, and Demi give out roses with the women, or something like that. So it can and would work on a show like Love Island
As a bisexual trans man I actually started crying when you started talking about The Bi Life. Seeing a bunch of bisexuals just thriving together was amazing. Despite its flaws, it feels so good to see bisexuals bonding over shared experiences and loving each other
That’s a lot of steps
YESSS
@@SavAJ23 Dancing takes a lot of steps.
I'd never heard of it before, now I'm excited to watch at least some of it.
❤️ 😍 💖
I hate when people think that bi people can't like trans/non-binary people. It's such a stupid idea.
fr im a fucking enby myself and im bi, like what??
AGREED
That's why I say... ABOLISH GENDER ALTOGETHER! EVERYONE IS SOMETHING AND NOTHING AT THE SAME TIME! PAN AND BI ARE THE SAME, EVERYONE AND NO ONE IS GAY, AND BI, AND STRAIGHT. LANGUAGE CAN CHANGE, AND SO CAN TIME. WE NEED TO LOOK AT SEXUAL ORIENTATIONS AND GENDER FROM A NEW ANGLE AND PERSPECTIVE.
The pan agenda🙄 lmao
As a bisexual who has been lectured by Internet trolls on how bi means two (yes, but it's also older than our current concept of gender, so maybe Look at the History of the Term, thank you very much), i couldnt agree more.
Its one Thing to be only attracted to a specific type (e.g. very stereotypically masculine appearance). Thats sth that we cannot really Change, even if it's shaped by the world around us. but... Explain to me again, how you can only be attracted to certain genitals when youre already bi. Do you have laser vision? Do you think you can "clock" every NB and trans Person on the Planet? Cuz oh do i have News for you...
Phase 1: Bisexual people are shocking and exotic and vaguely villainous. Phase 2: Bisexual people are so wholesome as to be boring. I'm just waiting for Phase 3: 90% of bisexual people are relatable hot messes, because 90% of everyone is relatable hot messes.
I may be a hot mess, but at least I’m hot
ok but thats "are you the one", right? she talked about a show like that on here
I think maybe that’s why bi people love Jaskier, he’s such a hot mess and we love him.
“Chaotic bi” is practically the go-to meme now, at least in our bubble. I can’t imagine phase 3 is too far off. 🤞🏼🤞🏼
@@sprotte6665 i like jaskier but i do agree that the way the lute is played really pisses me off
It sucks when people say "you're either gay or straight!" its like telling someone "you either eat meat or vegetables you can't have both!"
"Omnivores need to grow up and pick a side"
love your pfp big mood
That's a pretty good comparison.
@@arempy5836 😂😂😂
And what about MUSHROOMS? Who eats them?
This is why it's really frustrating when you hear pansexuals come out and define bisexuality to bisexuals "oh no, *I* date people *regardless* of gender, unlike *you* who takes sides" I want to shake them sometimes for pushing such tired stereotypes as a fact of the bisexual experience
I've actually never dealt with that as someone who is bi and has pan friends. Or with pan people in general. I have seen bisexual people try to actively erase pansexuality or claim it's harmful or erasing or (somehow) transphobic, but never the other way around.
@@ameliasellers6396 the most common definition of pansexuality I've heard and you can find online is "attraction regardless of gender" when differentiating it from bisexuality. If you Google it that's what will come up and it's most often paired with some definition of bisexuality to contrast it. What does it mean to NOT be attracted to someone regardless of gender? You pick sides? You must have a "preference"? To me that just sounds like biphobic stereotyping. Do some people have preferences based on gender? Sure. But having a preference = being bisexual is not a correlation we should be making and comes off super biphobic
@@ameliasellers6396 good for you then! Wish I could have your same experiences lol
Now I'm very confused because I personally define myself as pansexual, and I never thought about it as being harmful. But at the same time, I never expected a bisexual to have or not a preference, there's other tags like omnisexual or polisexual that I just see as valid.
Please feel free to correct me if I'm saying smth harmful or ignorant!
im bisexual, i don't find it um, problematic. that's literally the DEFINITION of pansexuality. dating someone regardless of gender, while bisexuality is defined as liking more than one gender. what are you on about? haha
As a zoomer who’s only heard the name Tila Tequila a couple times before, I was not expecting that to be so depressing
Anything around that time period about gay people is gonna be
Zoomer 🥵😂
I'm a millennial and lived through this era as a bisexual in my early 20s, but was too punk to have a TV and damn...that was depressing. I knew very little about the name.
lol. Same… until I remembered that I’ve heard her name for her racist rants against black women. …… straight to the gutter she is.
@@fawn4271 I'm also on the older side of gen z and I didn't know her. It's not about age lol
Hearing Tila Tequila's story is horrifying and heatrbreaking. Like, holy shit. She's done and said horrible things and shouldn't be supported or given a platform, but just hearing the whole story and her downward spiral and everything she went through, it just... it hurts
Couldn't agree more
In situations like this, I think the reason finding out why and how horrible people became so horrible is not to ask "should this person be forgiven or platformed" but rather to ask "does this person deserve empathy and understanding". She could not be enabled to continue her harmful behavior but to just say she deserves to rot in the grave she dug for herself even though she was forced to start digging that grave long before she chose to continue just allows this behavior to repeat. To understand the tragedy of how she became like this is not to forgive her or say she doesn't deserve criticism, but to understand how to prevent it from happening to anyone else. I think a lot of people in todays generation who have this black and white sense of morality that doesn't allow for empathy or understanding of what went wrong in favor of saying 'you messed up, you dont deserve any sort of excuse, go fuck yourself'. It helps no one and tries to turn 'victim' and 'bad guy' into two clearly defined lines where the second you cross over to the latter, the former is no longer applicable, when the truth of the matter is we live in a grey world where you can very much be both at the same time and talking about one should not devalue the other. We shouldn't have to look at someone like this and choose 'Poor victim who doesn't need to be held accountable for her actions' or 'Horrible human being whos horrible past is completely irrelevant and doesnt deserve empathy' when I believe the correct answer is somewhere in between where she needs to be held accountable but also extended empathy for how her heartbreaking past pushed her to this point in the first place.
Sorry about the tangent but your comment brought that to mind and it's something I think about a lot. I feel like so many people nowadays don't want any empathetic discussion of bad people no matter what past they come from when I think that discussion is important. She's horrible, she doesn't deserve a platform, but she does deserve understanding. She deserves to have people know what has been done to her. How people have mistreated her. How her issues were exploited rather than treated. How she has led a lifestyle of being insulted, slandered, hated on a wide scale, having horrible things done to her and then having the entire world call her a liar the moment the news drops even when video proof exists. If we want positive change in the world, we have to make genuine efforts to actually see and understand that kind of trauma in order to prevent it from getting that bad, rather than just pointing at the aftermath and calling her a garbage human being. We need to start looking at the faulty, unmanaged, or even sabotaged train tracks and the people who destroyed them, rather than just ignoring them until theres another trainwreck we can shake our heads disapprovingly at and call it 'social justice'
Either nobody noticed or cared what was happening enough to do anything about it, or the behavior was actually encouraged because too many people were making plenty of money off of her and the wilder her antics the more money they made. It seems like that happens frequently with people who have that sort of instant popularity, especially when they're young. She was taken advantage of and honestly pretty badly mistreated because somebody was making money off of it--and I'll bet it wasn't her making most of that money.
She got pilled after the fame was gone.
@@windwaker407 well said
As a bisexual cis-man in a hetero-looking relationship with a pansexual cis-woman... my heart goes out to Tila for making that first bold baby step in the public eye.
Awww 🥺🥺🥺
Literally my exact situation lol
😂
That's so sweet. Happy life to you 2 (hoping this isn't ill placed as I am late.)
Your relationship isn't hetero-looking... It's literally a HETERO relationship.
Okay i know this show is problematic as f
But it really saved me. I was a confused teenage girl born and raised in Russia, a very homophobic country. I couldn't figure out my sexuality and was torn between being straight and gay. I thought there was something wrong with me. But A Shot At Love started streaming on MTV and that was the first time i ever heard about bisexuality. I can not even begin to describe how happy I was. I realized I wasn't broken, there was never anything wrong with me. I found out there are other people like me and the search for my sexual identity was over. I didn't have to decide on being straight or gay, because I was never either. And both at the same time. I am bisexual and proud.
Yes, Tila is problematic, as was this show. But I will forever be thankful for both of them.
I think plenty of us had problematic introductions to the concept-the relationship I idolized as a youngster was Brittana on Glee-a terribly flawed show and they never even called Brittany bisexual. But, I saw myself for the first time. It happens!
Honestly when we’re this lacking in bisexual representation sometimes we’re kinda forced to scrape the bottom of the barrel, y’know? It’s absolutely valid that the show helped you discover yourself, it’s not your fault it was problematic. This is why we’re so desperate for better portrayals lol but when you’re young and you’re just tryna figure out who you are and how to love yourself, you’ll take what you can get. It’s good to be critical but your experience is still valid
God the bisexual vs pansexual discourse on tumblr was wild for years. Now it seems to be pretty settled with the transphobic takes pretty firmly dismantled and everyone basically understands that bisexuality is also perfectly trans-inclusive, at least in my corner of the website. No idea how the rest of the internet is faring though
My corner of non-meatspace basically has it still raging on an extremely pedantic and philosophical level by people who obviously have taken too much stock into their own personal flag. The funny part is that usually neither party even want to come close to acknowledging that polysexuality exists and how that could effect their little hair splitting war.
I still see the discourse popping up from time to time, mostly with some holier than thou people saying people who identify as bi are transphobes who hate non binary or gender fluid people. But I'm in the non binary spectrum and I still consider myself bi because heck, it's the first sexuality that matched when I was discovering myself, I like all genders, and I like being bi. Let me bi, put intended.
It WAS wild. back when i still identified as cis and straight, even I had a conversation about it with a friend. I don’t even remember what stance i took tho. it’s such a dumb argument. I’m glad this argument was mostly put to rest
@@rigelestbit haha I also identify as both non-binary and bi!
I think it’s calmed down, at least. Very early on as a smol gay who is also autistic and thus very literal I too thought bi was for liking two genders (never thought it had to be men and women tho), but learned over time especially from older bi friends that it definitely ain’t that. I just grew attached to pan to describe myself, plus love the pastel flag hahaha
i want a non-monogamous bi dating show where people get as many or as few final partners as wanted
Yes and no. A "dating show" should explicitly allow for elimination...the very point of "Contest Reality TV" is people competing for the prize, with progressive elimination to narrow the contestant field for subsequent challenges. In very few instances can tension exist without the threat of elimination, as "The Bi Life" reveals. And if we take "Are You The One?" (which I haven't seen) as one which can keep tension without elimination, the necessity of keeping a relatively-small cast for financial viability generally entails that if one person gets two partners then someone else will get none.
However, it would be interesting to have a dating show which is pro-poly or non-monogamous.
Call it The Polycule or something like that. The premise is that everyone is dating everyone from the first day. The narrative is that, at the end of each week, everyone anonymously writes down a name. If enough people write down the same name, that person is kicked out of the polycule. There are various times/ways that people can find out some information about the voting, e.g. that they had the second most votes to get kicked out, how many times they've been voted for ever, whether or not a specific person voted for them, etc.
@@live4twilight4ever Ngl, I would love to be on a reality show like that.
Yes a show that never actually ends
There was a show on Fox called Utopia where the contestants were trying to build their perfect society with as few tools as possible. Several of the contestants were poly and it was used to stir up drama lol
The only thing I could think of when watching Tila’s show was this would NEVER fly if it was a show featuring a bisexual guy courting women and men.
Nope it would not
As a bisexual woman, I don’t understand the stereotype. I only was “confused”, because people kept telling me bi doesn’t exist. But no, I am genuinely attracted to men and woman. And I could definitely be in a relationship with either gender, in a committed relationship.
Exactly, I'm tired of people trying to push me to either side. I just want anyone who wants me
@*nayeonnies bunnies* Same. BI peep, get no respect. My friends are Old Grandad and Benniez.
It's so stupid because if I was "confused" I would just say I'm bi-curious, and there's nothing wrong with that either. Let ppl figure out who they're attracted to lol.
A lot of the stereotypes around bisexuality are just monosexuals projecting their own fears onto us. *They* are confused how someone could like people of multiple genders - *we* are not.
I will note, Tila suffered an aneurysm in 2012 (I believe). It was after that date that more and more of her statements and ideas started to devolve.
Oooh. Missed that
Yea she’s a “Christian”(?) nazi homophobe now. I dunno how much of her is left but I hope she finds peace and help
@@odysseus0990 Her yourube chanel "mrs jesus christ" is hard to watch... theres even a vid of her daughter saying some disturbing stuff for a small child :/
@@odysseus0990 dont forget racist
An aneurysm after a drug overdose which her housemate, who called 911 said was a suicide attempt.
"We're talkin about lesbians, technically they're guys"
Guarantee if any of them were trans men the dudes would be like "na you pretendin to be a guy"
LITERALLY.
fr make up ur goddamn mind.😶
"Lesbians are basically guys"
With that logic, two lesbians in a relationsionship are actually gay men? Or are we doing boy lesbian and girl lesbian?
@@Mordecai.Harris With these people It's whichever answer puts down women and/or gay people as a whole
So lesbians being two homo men does all of that I think, because "HAHA GAY GIRL IS GUY" and also "HAHA GAY MAN"
If only one lesbian is a guy, that makes it straight in their eyes, and it makes it harder to mock
Also trying to navigate around their thinking gave me an aneurysm
@@Mordecai.Harris But then, by that logic, gay men are basically women, so two lesbians are actually gay men, which makes them two women.
Something that did annoy me in the show was that the lesbians kept saying "you're figuring it out everyone starts bicurious in the beginning" essentially saying she's later going to end up a lesbian. Like no, she figured out her sexuality she's bisexual. She's just trying to find her person.
"kindness and compassion are my kinks"
I live by this quote until I die.
As a straight woman I agrees and maybe throw in a good spanking once in awhile
Reminds me of “My fetish is informed consent.”
I have to admit I projected my own internalized biphobia on her. I remember thinking that she was an absolute idiot. Turns out I was just not ready to accept that I found her attractive.
I think a little bit same? I don’t like her, as a person, anymore because she’s an antivaxxer and kind of a loon in general, but she’s definitely cute
@@alisaurus4224 absolutely, she is obviously a Deeply damaged and likely not very good person, bit I know that my dislike of her was more rooted in my own bullshit than in her.
I mean, she is an absolutely attractive idiot. So you were still half right haha no but I get what you mean, and she isn’t even that bad as far as entertainment standards go I guess
i know i sound idiotic but who are you talking about
@@mayavati912 not idiotic, we are talking about the tequila last
I just wanted to add, that non binary people don't have to "look" non binary whatever that means. If I don't really put in effort to look androgynous, I am always read as female.
Yup. Presentation isn't identity. Regardless of what I look like, I'm always genderQ.
then what's the point of saying you are attarcted to non binary folks?
@@haeymzmdlcccc I don't know. Do you mean saying you're attracted to mixed masc/femme presentations? Didn't that used to be called skoliosexuality?
@@haeymzmdlcccc kind of depends how your attraction works/what it's based on ? people tend to act like it's just about gender but it's not that simple and there's no real consensus as to what that even means exactly
Yes they literally have a video about this already lol
The idea that someone is “being bisexual just for attention” or because “they haven’t decided yet” is what confused and invalidated me for years.
As I’m 31, and just came out, feel like I’m not allowed to talk about it because I’m not exclusive one way or another, and seen as greedy or indecisive.
I can relate, for years I thought I was gay and denied my attraction to afab people, because I wasn't visibily "straight" enough.
Same here
Hey I'm 31 and bi too! I've only came out to a few people over the years but I'm still building up the courage to date/flirt with women, and ironically the longer I wait the less likely I imagine women will put up with my relative lack of experience
@@christmastiger Congratulations on your recent coming out ! 🥳 🏳️🌈
I may be crazy, but I believe that if connect with someone, and they truly care about you, your experience level won’t matter and they will be willing to go at your pace.
Meeting a new person, if they told you they were a virgin or didn’t really have experience dating because of XYZ, unless it’s because they did something bad, I doubt you or most people would judge them.
As long as they were willing to put that effort in while dating YOU, it wouldn’t really matter how many people they had experience with.
So, I’m sure that you’ll be treated with such respect, regardless of age or experience. ♥️
Anyone who judges you based on such probably isn’t someone you want to explore or spend time with anyways 😎
Keep being YOU! You’re awesome. You’re deserving. You’re worthy. You’re accepted. Be Free in who YOU are because that’s the best version of you. 🏳️🌈💕🏳️🌈
@@richardmetcalfe920 It makes me happy to hear that you have been able to figure this piece of yourself out, instead of keeping it shamefully in a blind spot because of everyone else’s ignorance. 🏳️🌈 You and however you feel or whomever love or are attracted to is valid and totally cool - hugs & cookies 🍪🥰🥳
Stay fabulous 🥳
"I think there's a lot to you."
"There's not."
Truly iconic
😈 let's go bicons
Its always a fun Easter egg when two RUclipsrs I love follow one another's content! I really liked your most recent video Tara, but that cow really needs to show themselves or I might be convinced it's been a scam all along!
Thank you Tara! Love you! 🥰
We are legion! 😘
Say hi to the cow 😘
@@iamjustkiwi she *might* appear in the next one
Some straight women are butch too, that’s even more unacceptable. If you’re anything less than feminine as woman, you’re just not good enough. It’s really sad.
I'm a cis heterosexual woman, but I gravitate towards a more masculine gender presentation sometimes, and I honestly feel guilty when I do, like I'm posing as something I'm not
@@supergrasshoppergirl you can't pose as yourself my friend 💜
I hate seeing people describe being pan as, "Like bisexuality, but I'll date trans people."
It makes pan people like me seem shallow and holier-than-thou.
Yeah
my bf identifies as pan and is trans and i'm honestly shocked {i have pan and bi friends too} but some pansexual people have said that ?? omg bi people date trans people too 😭👎
Exactly! I'm panromantic and it sucks.
@@arithmomania1237 yea :((
Not only that, but it's also transphobic as it puts trans men and women in the "other" category rather than counting them as men and women. In fact, many pansexual people do not approve of that definition of their label because of the transphobic connotations.
"Crisis averted - the bisexual has chosen!" ... That line made me cackle LMAO
Never heard of her before, but damn... Was not expecting the "becomes an alt-right Nazi sympathizer" at all. Really makes me think about how that community so effectively recruits people in mentally unwell and lonely statuses, bolstering them to adopt their idealology by giving them both a community and the mentality that they are better than the "sheep that can' see that truth".
She had a traumatic brain injury.
She is very ill. It’s horribly sad. I’m not sure what you mean by “that community”-bisexuals or reality stars?
@@gogogoregon2152 Facists
@@gogogoregon2152 - They were referring to the alt-right.
in her case its pretty clear its in no small part also the result of how awful the queer community was to her, always important to remember we can be the asshole to so we can avoid being the asshole in the future, everyone turned on her she had nowhere left to go and its human nature to need approval, community, especially when you struggle with mental illness, while i'd like to think i could never become the way she has as someone with bpd and who easily experiences crippling loneliness i understand where it comes from (TW) if i were in her position id see it as be what shes become now or kms, humans are social creatures, everyone deserves more empathy than she was given
"Put that lil butt on these knees! 😏"
What an absolute legend of a Grandma lolol
What I find very interesting about Kai's situation from the perspective of a fellow trans masc-nonbinary person is that he's shamed for doing something cis men are normally praised for (consensual promiscuity) while he's going through changes that make those desires understandable in the most ideal possible situation for it. He's 100% correct when he says he is experiencing a second puberty. That's what is happening to his body. T changes make you uncomfortably h*rny (censored just in case YTube doesn't like it) all the time. Because of this, trans masc people (I am only including us rn bc I don't want to speak out of turn abt other trans experiences) often describe this part of their lives like a second social puberty, too. Personally, I felt like my own adolescence was pushed back to post-coming out. Learning to navigate dating in a body that finally feels like you is like feeling for the first time. Couple this with the fact his time on the show is probably the very first time in his life since he started T that he's existed in a space where everyone both acknowledges he's trans and finds him attractive? His frequent desires and for multiple partners is completely understandable. But this context makes the show pushing idea he needs to "settle down" like the rest of them even more ridiculous because, while the rest of the cast has had their chance to do this stuff when they were younger, this is Kai's first chance in a body he loves.
this!!!
I'm a trans lady, and in my experience, my doctor first put me on t blockers which killed my libido, but then when I went on estrogen too, I got a lot more horny. I hear that when you get a vaginoplasty (which I haven't gotten but I hope to), its the "third puberty" because it changes you radically all over again.
I completely agree with this, but I think the part that you (and this video) are leaving out is that the cast wasn't really upset that he was hooking up with a bunch of people, it's that he was doing that while trying to convince people that he was in love with them and that he wanted to be with them. He refused to let Jenna go even when it was clear they were incompatible. His fling with Nour would have been fine had it just been a hookup, but he told her that she was his first choice, leading to jealousy issues.
I do think that the cast was a bit harsh and not understanding of what Kai was going through that caused him to be that horny, but the bigger issue they pointed out was the way he was manipulating the girls he was with in order to continue hooking up with all of them.
Partner of a trans woman here: yeah, estrogen causes the big h*rny too
@@bookbook9495 your partner is really lucky to have you! Romantic (heck even run of the mill interpersonal relationships) are really hard to come by for a lot of trans folk. Knowing that a fellow trans sibling has a relationship makes me happy.
god, i remember watching the first season of a shot at love so eagerly and being so disappointed when dani wasn't chosen. excellent video! well-researched, well put together and it's helped me make sense of shows that i almost thought were some childhood fever dream
YOOOOOO ITS YHARA
Thank you so much, Yhara!
When a lot of these shows came out I was at the height of my depression at the time, and I remember watching this among most MTV and VH1 shows like Rock of Love.
I recently researched all the seasons of Rock of Love and Daisy of Love. And knowing the girls on the show were kept so plied with alcohol so they would be aggressive and embarrass themselves for views.
I felt like they were all fever dreams, like that we even allowed this on TV
Daniiiiii
@@verilybitchie I would like to have such a wife.
gentlemen and ladies who are not jealous.
I wish to live together with my partner many colors .
Sadly this confirms to me what I know through personal experience: skinny feminine bisexual women are more palatable because of bigotry, but being visible as a skinny feminine bisexual woman often comes at the expense of one's physical and mental well being as was the case with Tila Tequila and that woman who took her own life. If the acceptability comes down to straight men finding us attractive, I think most women understand it's a fragile privilege to be desired which can easily devolve into violence. Objectification of women leads to violence against women imo. That's why it's so heartbreaking when other queer people even other bisexuals will dismiss us and say we're all shallow and deceptive because that thinking excuses abuse.
Edit:I am what you might call a "futch" so maybe im not the best source on this. Tbh I feel like I see on both sides (lol) in that people objectify me for being "feminine" and mock me for being "masculine."
"most women understand it's a fragile privilege to be desired which can easily devolve into violence" yeah im gonna be thinking about this for a while
"futch" can I date you.
Thank you so much for this comment, it really puts into words what i’ve been trying to say for years.
"Fragile privilege to be desired" this puts into words what I've felt for so long. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I'm a fat AFAB nonbinary bisexual (lots of labels ik LMAO). I've never been "desirable", and that hurts a part of me a lot. Skinny women/feminine people DO have a privilege in the sense that they don't have to deal with rampant fatphobia, but I was also aware skinny women/feminine people deal with a LOT of issues: catcalling, sexual violence, harrasment, etc. It's a privilege, but an incredibly fragile one. Thank you so much for this phrasing, it helps me explain my feelings so much better! :)
This is the first time I've ever heard of the term "futch."
"This is definitely real therapy" over footage of someone falling over a hurdle and eating sh!t has to be the best thing to happen to me today.
1:00:37 for anyone wondering
I think it’s very problematic to have the only defining factor of pansexuality being dating trans people. I’m straight and would date trans men because… they’re men? But by that definition I’d be ‘pan’ despite having no interest in dating women.
I'm bi and have never understood the need for pansexuality to describe it being more for dating trans people because...doing so would kind of highlight that they see trans people as different? Like maybe you could make a point about it being more for non-binary or genderfluid people who don't specifically fall into male/female gender identities or switch between them but even then I feel that's splitting hairs a bit. People are people at the end of the day regardless of what's in your pants or what you call yourself and if I find you kind enough with a good sense of humour that's all I need, and I'll embrace whatever masc or fem traits you have for being attractive in the way unique to you.
Also this is not me trying to have a go at pansexual people as I understand that many don't see gender as a factor at all (which is the point), I just find those making distinctions about trans people being different somehow a bit disrespectful to trans identity.
Well, I’m bi and attracted to both genders for different reasons. However, I didn’t find myself attracted to trans people at all. Go figure.
thank you!!! as a lesbian i would date trans women because they are just as much women as i am, i don’t get how this is even still a topic of discussion 🙄
biphobia and transphobia for ya i guess :(
@@sydneyanastasia3053 Em... because I'm not attracted to trans people I'm transphobic? Interesting take, lol
“She brings back the last male reject and it makes her look fake..”
….. It’s *REALITY TV…* It’s ALL FAKE!
That's really heart breaking... She literally warned them that suicide was a possibility and then no one did anything and she took her life. There is no louder cry for help and it went unheard
i was on first dates a few years ago, and when i told my date i was bi, the conversation in real life just went on no biggie. but the edit.... dramatic music, a dramatic shot of his face, as if he was somehow shocked by this. it didn't really go anywhere with that guy, but when it aired he immediately texted me like "you know i wasn't upset or uncomfortable by you being bi, right?" but people responding normally to bisexuality doesn't make for good telly i guess, so they didn't want to show a guy's genuine chill and unbothered reaction. was a bit of a let-down.
Ugh, that's so disappointing to hear (about the show, not the guy, glad he was cool with it). First Dates seems like one of the better shows in that genre of television. Which country was that in? I know that there's Australian, British, and Irish versions, at least.
@@adultcontent18 i was on the dutch version! the netherlands was the first country (as far as i know) to legalise same sex marriage, but they apparently still felt the need to sensationalise bisexuality /:
@@florencianwhimsy Jesus! That's even more disappointing. I'm sorry they did that. Hopefully it's slowly changing, though, with more and more people like you being out and proud.
We've had bi folk on British version of First Dates too, one of them a conservative politician unfortunately. Remembering bi people can be entitled arses too (cough Sinema cough).
"attraction happens when two people meets and their unconscious mind says: yes please" i need to use this in my next discussion hahaha
I never knew about all that happened to her in 2010, that’s horrific. More people should definitely be talking about her in the discussion of how the 2000s and 2010s abused young women.
They probably won’t though, people like “good victims” and her spouting alt-right talking points would probably take her out of the conversation because people can’t see nuance.
All this means that we bisexual, polyam, trans folks need a show of our own. Maybe they could also only cast people who look like a potato so I have a chance. I would pay extra to watch a bunch of normal polyam trans nerds hook up over board games and not being able to open a pickle jar.
I'd love that kind of show!
Honestly, we don't even need "potato" (although that's obviously fine too and the potatoes out there would feel represented (P.S. Please note I'm using Jordan's use of the word "potato", and not as a means to body shame.)). There's a WIDE breath of body shapes and sizes between the average person and an ultra scupt athlete, model, movie star, etc., several of which are probably roided up to even look like they do. I'd love to see a shift in reality tv to represent some, oh I dunno, reality and have some cadt members that can be stylish, pretty, sexy, unique, charismatic, etc. without being fucking Jason Mamoa or Scarlet Johannson and no other type of person the lot of them.
And letting the contestants lead the interviews, or even interview each other, would be sooo watchable. Honestly, the shows seem like they never make screen time for letting the participants talk through their development.
Literally me, and my dating pool seems to also be limited to just other bi poly trans people. Thats okay though because we are statistically the hottest
bi poly trans solidarity !
NO WAY. I was watching Love is Blind the other day and I was just thinking about how freaking amazing and chaotic an all Bisexual version would be hahaha. The Universe aligned!
You would need a voice modulator to hide voice masculinity and femininity for it to be truly a mystery
@@voidify3 why would you need to hide those things?
@@voidify3 or a thing where they don't live there, but just go back and forth, real life vs cabines etc
Is that a dating show where everyone is blind? Because I despise dating shows, but as a blind bisexual, I'd totally go in for one consisting of all blind bisexuals. Including the camera crew.
@@hughcaldwell1034 No sadly, they aren't actually blind. It just means that you don't see how the person looks when you meet them and you try to fall in love with them without looks.
The part that really got me the most out of all this is the "bi vs pan" debate. It's been an issue for me as a bi person since I use bi as just the go-to term for myself but then there's some pan people that will come out of the woodwork to tell me how they're superior because "pan people don't care about gender at all sweaty :)" when I don't either? I don't mind the existence of the term but I feel like it was borne out of how people demonized bisexuals as "one-or-the-other" horndogs that only care about getting as much tail as possible which REALLY rubs me the wrong way. It feels like the community got divided further by those who cast their judgment upon us that also aren't us. Sick of it.
This!!!
So agreed! As a pan person the "bi vs. pan" thing just feels like something meant to divide us...
what is this? bisexual representation in the form a youtube video about bisexual representation being sent to a bisexual audience?
I MUST CLICK, AND I LOVED ALL OF THIS
Christ, I know Tila wasn't exactly a perfect person, but it's really striking just how incredible toxic and hypocritical the American media coverage of her was. Did it ever strike anyone writing these ridiculous stories of the hypocrisy of accusing a person of being toxic and forcibly creating drama and then in the same breath suggest, based on no evidence, that they were somehow responsible for their fiancé's death, that they were lying about their orientation for attention, that they were making up their mental illnesses etc.?
Ye, its so shocking seeing all of this omg
I doubt that that occurred to any of them. Lack of self-awareness is like _the_ thing with people like that.
To be fair, she herself is suddenly saying her orientation was just for attention.
Brooke is a sweetie, but I don't know anyone here in Australia who isn't at least a little conservative that watches the bachelorette, so yeah, it was SUPER safe. After this show, Brooke was "hooking up" with non binary musical icon GFlip and is now dating a lovely lady who's a PT and dancer
Thanks for the update. Do you know why did Brooke and Darvid break up?
@@jdngo not sure, but in Australia most bachelor and bachelorette couples break up within a few months of the show airing and use the show to set up a career modelling, hosting tv shows, acting or radio. It's like the easiest way to launch a career in media here
@@jdngo Also Brookes sister passed away between the filming of the series and it airing. Which was super hard to cope with.
What's a PT? Physio Therapist?
@@dayalasingh5853 a personal trainer
It seems like both The Bi Life and Are You the One? suffered the same problem that many reality shows suffer - executive meddling.
Just throw a bunch of chaotic bis into a house and see what happens. The Bi Life ALMOST had it.
Those cut clips from bi life you shown just looks like some kind of lgbt heaven, where everyone is supportive and having fun. As some of us stuck in homophobic countries, struggling to connect with each other.
MTV should really never have been allowed to make dating shows… like… at all.
“Did you like this gimmicky stereotype fest? No? … You didn’t? …Well… um… then we’re sure you’ll love this one!”
I remember their other dating shows, and they were just as gross. Lol
@@Dave102693 It's like... they help pioneered the reality genera in the US with "Real World"... and then fell right over a cliff of shlock. They should have stuck with music content. I know we have this site for videos now, but they could have continued with music focused programing without having to resort to bullshit like this. Hell, I'm not even bi, I'm a lesbian, and this makes me sick to look at the way they treated being bisexuals.
Is this show horribly biphobic? Yes, of course!! And personally, I like that 😬 as it is validating to my struggles. One of the worst biphobic statements I can hear is "How are bisexuals even oppressed? Biphobia is a not a thing." I would hope that this show would show people just how real and disgusting biphobia can be!
It wont tbh. People don't talk to me anymore because I'm bi.
@@megumiselina1346 Lmao of course I don't like biphobia, I'm saying I like when biphobia is represented. Bi people actually do experience homophobia as well as biphobia on top.
@@megumiselina1346 You're totally right, heterophoria doesn't exist 🙂 However biphobia does.
@@megumiselina1346 I think both Ace and Bisexual people have the privilege of being straight passing, but that doesn't mean they still don't suffer discrimination. Is this what you are saying?
@@cocoacoolness We can’t ignore the fact some gay and lesbian people can also pass as straight based on any of their traits while bi people may not have that privilege. Some bi people are less straight passing than gay people.
"Broken jaws, broken promises, broken hearts" is an amazing catchphrase
So sad with Tila's history. She is deeply flawed but also really broken. Hope she gets help. She is just so warped by
I remember being really in love with Tila Tequila when I was around 12 lmao.
I'm glad you brought up the whole "pan means you like personality over looks" thing and how ridiculous it is. Identify as pan if you want, but don't tell me, a bi person, that I'm only into looks and can't be attracted to trans people. I feel like it really "others" trans too people, too.
After watching this vid I think I'm gonna give the Bi Life a go, I need some wholesome shit like that right now.
As an ace person, I wonder, is there not a difference between having attractions to multiple genders, possibly to different degrees, (how I've heard bi be explained) and being completly gender-indifferent (how I've heard pan be explained)? Or are you asserting that that is all bs?
@@Painocus yeah there's a difference, but to dictate that someone has to be a certain way to fall under a specific label is what I was talking about.
Yeah, Bi Life is enjoyable stuff, it was so great to feel seen and represented and like they got it. I spoke to a researcher and a couple of the production team after it, then met a few of them at Pride in London 2019 cos I invited them down for it (for my community group's parade group) and 3 of them showed up, they're as you expect and I heard a bit of BtS gossip and goings on too. Has been on Hayu after it dropped off E! Network.
@@Painocus bi and pan crossover and for some people mean effectively the same thing, for others not quite, or just they define it in different terms. And that's how language works across different cultures and groups and through time.
Yeah that’s such a weird take. I’m autistic and as a smol pan I took bi to very literally mean two (just any two, not men and women exclusively) but never thought my imagined distinction had anything to do with bi just being attracted to looks?? Just a very weird way of putting that. I use pan myself (unless explaining to people very unfamiliar with queer terms, then I use bi) but I have multiple friends who use bisexual and for us it’s entirely interchangeable.
Omg, my baby bi self had the BIGGEST crush on Dani when I watched this as a kid 😭💕 she was the best
She absolutely should have won.
I still gave a crush on her.
Lol my unaware 8th grade self had a crush on Brandi. At the time I thought, "if I was bi, WHICH I'M NOT BUT IF I WAS, I would date her". How did I not know then hahaha
Same!
these scenes also took me down memory lane haha. Had no idea yet that I was bi, but I obviously had a crush on Dani omg
I 100% was crushing SO hard on Dani, I was 14 at the time and I think it was one my first "oh" moments haha. Seeing her face on this video gave me VIVID flashbacks - She was so nice too, and a firefighter 🔥
the "if you put a trans person in a house full of bisexuals, what could possibly be the harm in that??? it's not like they'll be running around hooking up with almost everyone in a house. ....right?" joke made me litterally *scream* even before montage - as a pround queer enby it is. not a universal trans experience, far from my experience even - rather a fantasy, if you will, but either way this joke prolonged my life for like 5 years
also, second puberty thing kai is talking about? i see me rn as having my first proper puberty - the thing before was just a mild body horror with little self-discovery or forming as a person substance. i had zero romance with other people, i didn't even know myself before my 20s (i felt little smth, but most of it didn't have a name or place for and was pushed down), so now i have a lot to catch up with
also, the way you talk about bisexuality in the end makes bisexual people (or trans and nonbinary people) sound like walking uncomfortable truths, which makes me feel cool, but also in danger
This video randomly popped into my recommended and I clicked on it thinking it would be a short, 30-second type clip. I see that its 90 minutes and I go to click away, my attention span wont last that long type thing. But I stayed, something captivated me, and you held my attention for a very long time with an incredibly well researched topic presented in a well-paced, easy to follow format. I checked out a few more of your videos and its exactly what I need. I've been missing well made, queer focused content on RUclips.
I think I let out the most primal of relief screams when you brought up that you don't need to identify as Pan to want personality over gender expression/looks. YES! It's always made me uncomfortable how much that others people.
@@Jane-ow7sr a lot of discourse around pan vs bi pushes the idea that bi people care about gender while pan people don’t which is incredibly stupid
So, like, not trying to be offensive just trynna understand things but.
What's is the point of pansexuality then?
"would you sleep with a Guy for 1 Million Dollars"
My straight Boyfriend: before or after taxes?
Thank you, 2022!
I feel so bad for Christy. If you've never publicly been in a relationship with the same sex it's a very scary thing. It means facing a whole lot of biphobic/homophobic shit that she may not have experienced much of before. I don't blame her. All of this is assuming that this was her real feelings.
I love how whenever I look in your comments section, it's like the biggest bisexual party ever. (one could also call it a... bisexual reality show? but should one?)
The Italian guy is definitely a producer plant: he sounds not at all like an Italian guy speaking English, but rather like a character playing up an Italian American accent
As a man, all of my early life experiences with biphobia were overshadowed by the still-present and vicious homophobia where I lived. Only once I got out into the broader "real" world did I get booped in the face with biphobia. It's a weird feeling being reviled by "both sides" on a social issue. All of these videos about bisexuality, representation, and history have been really helpful in contextualizing my experiences and reactions to them. This channel is a real treasure!
Totally unrelated, but I loved your look in this vid, Verity! That red lipstick! *Chef's kiss.* The side swept hair, the outfit. Be still my bisexual heart.
As a teenager I was GLUED to the screen watching a shot of love, it was the first bi representation I ever saw, and despite all the cringe it was incredibly empowering for me and helped a lot with my self-acceptance, honestly I'm very grateful for it
I think we should have a variety of bi shows. I want my raunchy Are You The Ones and i want my tame bachelorettes. Also i rly liked your final conclusion and thoughts on all of this.
Yes! If it's actually made from the bi gaze, I'll binge-watch the raunchy, tame, and everything in between because we contain multitudes.
I think there was one season of AYTO that was LGBTQ+
sexuality is so weird.. i describe myself as a gay man (but i guess i'm more on the male side of enby and the gay side of bi) but when presented with such binary options of hyper-masculine men and hyper-feminine women i really felt in the clips form 'a short at love' that i would have chosen Dani - not just because she seemed so much sweeter than everyone else, but bc i genuinely found her attractive. I"m becoming increasingly aware that my truest attraction is to androgyny. i have a special affinity with male androgyny, but female and enby androgyny are still more appealing to me than male masculinity (or female femininity or even very fem men or very masc women for that matter, though i guess those combos have their own kind of androgyny. gender is weird).
lol It's so complicated but bc the main vibe i'm into is basically 'guy but pretty' i still find gay the most accurate word i can muster..
anyway, cool video
There's probably a term for that, I hope you find it or make one up, and no matter what you are valid, I have varying changing s attraction to genders
You are me Rat Boy, except I'm AFAB enby and my attraction is 'lesbian androgynous girl, but soft and cute' - and some occasional men to whom conservatives and homophobes say to 'man up' because they have long hair and love petting kittens. I guess I'm attracted to feminine androgyny (?!??) with the very rare exceptions.
Ain't it weird to be us and to love people?
This is exactly me. I'm transmasc myself and I love androgyny. The people I'm attracted to are androgynous, I myself present androgynous and I only really use the transmasc label because I have dysphoria about my breasts and want to start T. And I spent so long convinced I was asexual because I wasn't ever physically attracted to men or women. It's such a bizarre experience having a sexuality and gender that exist completely separate from the binary.
@@organa1626 I'm also trans masc, i can really really relate. The ambivalence i feel to most men and women probably could have had me thinking i was ace as well, if i hadn't already had really strong crushes on androgynous guys in my childhood
im a bi girl who is also really into androginy/gender non-conformity (im GNC myself) so seeing other people like me is always nice, sometimes even some progressive people will act like its impossible to be attracted to anyone but hypermasc men and hyperfem women :/
I’m loving all of these videos really gives me as a cis white gay guy a better understanding of bisexuality. I also love that you included shows from all over the world! Can’t wait to binge more!
I'm glad that you told us the drink was apple juice, I love when people normalise fancy-drinking of non-alcoholic drinks! Though maybe you could mention what your drink is in the beginning of the video next time? I honestly thought you had a glass of whisky the whole video.
"Where are the butch women?" See, we don't actually exist, we're just something that was created by the creators of the L word and orange is the new black
Yeah ... the lack of varied presentation is annoying ... Where's the butch women and the really femme men
That checks
LMAO
@@someonesomeone25 I want my femboys!
I’m torn on bisexual reality tv because on the one hand, it’s a great opportunity for representation, but on the other hand, I don’t watch reality tv.
i still remember watching a couple of episodes of a shot at love when i was like 7 or 8, it was my first time seeing that women can be with other women, and it impacted my view of female sexuality in such a bad way. all the negative, homophobic talk and stereotyping honestly scared me so much. (it was even translated into my native language as 'sex with tila tequila', not a shot at love) i didn't really understand much from the show, but coming to terms with my own sexuality later on was not easy.
Your video was recommended to me by RUclips’s algorithm, and this has got to be one of the rare occasions where they got it right.
I’m twenty, college student, super stressed about my classes, and an open bisexual. And a lot of the things you say about bi representation and how it can effect young bisexuals or effect perceptions of bisexuals have never rung more true to me. I’ve experienced biphobia on a lot of levels- my parents are very accepting but they don’t quite understand what being bi means. My dad notoriously saying “you’ll figure out your preference by 30, all people do.” I’ve been fetishized by straight people who see my bisexuality as a quirky, fun way to introduce threesomes or poly elements into a relationship, and some queer members of the LGBT community don’t even see my sexuality as true and valid because I’ve been in a committed “straight-passing” relationship for the last year. And I can’t really talk about any of this with close friends or family members because they don’t really understand what bisexuality even means and how it impacts another person.
I’ve been really desperate for true bisexual representation in media for a while, but it never quite happens. It’s always under-toned by elements of choice or uncertainty. A bi person choosing to be in a relationship with a man or a woman is a political statement, and that hasn’t changed in 2022. I casually mention my attraction to women celebrities or men celebrities, and receive scrutiny like the people I’m around are trying to figure out if I actually mean it, or if I’m just joking. I love my partner, but even he gets a little freaked out whenever I bring it up, saying things like “what if you decide one day I’m not good enough and you’d prefer a women.” It’s his insecurity, but it’s also biphobia undertones that bother me and make me question all of my relationships.
I haven’t found a community yet. Not really, because I have a lot of unacceptable individualistic beliefs that alienate me from certain groups which embody a lot more than just queerness. So seeing your video, and seeing how you explain media representation and what it means to be bisexual and why it’s been like this, really helped me when I didn’t know I needed it on a Sunday afternoon.
Thanks for the video, and you earned yourself another subscriber. I hope you have a wonderful day, you beautiful human being!
As a bisexual, A Shot at Love was my bisexual/ gay awakening. It gave me a language for my experience of not caring about the gender of people within my attraction towards them (I was only 12 but I had been so confused about people being so insistent on the gender of their partners and crushes). It gave me a tiny escape out of heteronormativity. I didnt even notice the male gaze of it all, and the biphobia and homophobia that was rampant. I was just so happy to have any queer women represented and introduced. Looking back, biphobia was so much worse than it is now. Lots of erasure, homophobia and its no secret that loads of lesbians were and are incredibly biphobic. So much internalized homophobia and misogyny paired with their insecurities can create such an intense, misguided hate for bisexuals. Its horrific and its still rampant in a lot of spaces. Sigh. Thank you for this video
Really appreciated the part on the muddiness of attraction and gender/sexuality labels. It can be frustrating that so much online discourse seems intent on creating and policing well-defined boxes rather than being open to the porousness and grey zones and liminal spaces!
ETA: not saying labels themselves are bad, btw. Just the intense policing of the borders of those labels
Labels can be very nice and helpful for understanding yourself and others and feeling normal and belonging, but they definitely become a problem when enforced harshly and divided extremely strictly. Just like anything, too much of a good thing isn’t good anymore!
She made it possible for me to search the term “bisexual” and actually find some information. If not for her, it would have taken me a lot longer to understand myself.
Watching the queer season of Are You The One? as a thirtysomething was just...absolutely mindblowing. Never in a million years could teenage me have imagined something like that.
The Bi Life was a lovely plain of respite amid a rollercoaster of nightmarish proportions. I have never been into these kinds of shows but I love the idea of the foundation/core being wholesome at heart, if that's boring then I will happily call myself boring too.
Other thing about the ratings, often producers don't consider what the audience (in particular about reality tv) wants to see in the show, we could be very bisexual, but maybe the bi community doesn't want to see this type of content.
Amazing and based content as always
Kai is the best representation of tboy swag you could find. Absolute legend.
i feel this video is made for me as a bisexual with a bisexual boyfriend and bisexual ex girlfriend
I loved the bi season of Are you the One! I didn't know it had such terrible ratings. I was kinda hoping for another season tbh
Yess I loved the season I felt representation that I hadn't felt with other reality tv
Same! I literally only watched that season because I heard of the premise from a youtube comment and that interested me. Seriously, it was so interesting to watch and I stayed up all night to watch it. I wish all seasons of are you the one was all bi because it makes so much sense with the premise of the show
I lived in an all-queer household at the time, and we watched it together. It was a total riot, and such a bonding experience. I'd figured it must have been just as popular among the general queer population... alas...
Omg I didn't even know they had a bi season!!
THEY HAD A BI SEASON?????
I’d argue Tim Bayliss on Homicide: Life on the Street was American TV’s first bisexual protagonist. It’s an ensemble cast but if the show is about any one person it’d be him, the show starts on his first day at work and ends on his last. It’s also my favorite portrayal of bisexuality on screen, I really love how they showed his journey through dealing with internalized homophobia/biphobia, realizing he was bi, and coming out.
I f****** love Homicide Life on the Streets!!!
When and where did this show come out?
@@Dave102693 It ran from 1993 to 1999 on NBC.
@@Dave102693 In the early 90s! CBS or NBC. I honestly don’t know the network. It was before Oz. I use to watch it on reruns on another network late at night. It’s gritty, f’d up, and heartbreaking.
that cut to "softball coach" really got me 😂
I remember watching a Tila Tequila marathon with my friends one sleepover. It was wild. And a lot of us agreed Dani should've won. But also sad to see that Tila's mental health just got worse and worse. Even though it sucks she's on the alt-right. She needs help.
I never knew about the Bi life, and it looks really cool! Yeah reality TV shows may have to become a bit boring, but you're right, I can't enjoy a wild reality TV show at the expense of others' health
the whole Nazi thing was so shocking to me but apparently she suffered an aneurysm induced by a drug overdose in 2012 (the start of her alarming tweets) and that her housemate who called 911 supposedly said it was a suicide attempt?
Wow, I can't believe I hadn't noticed until I watched this video that monosexual people don't need to come out to their dates! This is earth-shattering and really has opened my eyes about a lot of things.
Also, I'd like to say that as much as I know it would horrible, I kinda would like to see a version of A Shot of Love / The Bachelor but with a bisexual man.
I wouldn't mind a male-lead shot at love. I know it's probably harder for ratings because of society's "man love is icky but woman love is hot" thought process, but I think it would be neat to see the comparisons.
I don't know which I like more, your look or the room's. And if you knew how deeply I love dark interiors, gold metallic accents and heavy plant themes in decorating, you would understand the extent of that compliment.
I.
The open bowtie.
I die.
Ok now I can go back to listening to your incredible insights, this channel is THEE place for bisexual content on the internet and you have no idea how much I rely on it. ❤️
I’m getting NBC Hannibal vibes-that dark blue dining room!-but not in the cannibal way
This was super interesting!
I'm asexual so I never really understood any of these shows and the advertising made me think bisexuals were like extremely horny people, but now I get how wrong I was and this has really helped me understand that perspective better.
I recently watched the Thai drama 2gether and even though it is definitely Boy's Love cheese and definitely for a (most likely straight) female audience the main character genuinely likes both genders. That one is one of the most successful thai dramas. It's so big that it's thought of as a major factor in Thai soft power in the region.
Even though it is definitely supposed to be the guy ending up with the boy, he had other female love interests that he did really like. (of course the audience is not supposed to support him with a girl)
It's got its own very much for the straight female gaze narrative bits in it, but the success of that kind of story shows that I think audiences do like bisexuals, or at least its not something to give up on.
I'm not sure exactly how or why BL has such a huge audience and popularity (I have a few theories) but man do the bisexual BL stories get really popular. (in Japan the manga section is always divided into: manga for men, manga for boys, manga for girls, manga for women, and BL manga. I've been in book stores where BL took up 3 aisles and girls manga only 1)
Tila Tequila was such a formative experience for the MTV generation.
Extremely problematic, but very much ground breaking none the less.
This was a wild ride and something I didn't know I needed as much as I did. Dog bless.
I remember when The Bi Life first aired me and my circle of bi friends would all watch it together and have a fun wholesome time. I wish it got renewed. It would have been great if some producers or casting directors sat down and went "Wait a minute there's a lot of bi trans people and we missed some demographics the first time."
i honestly didnt think i would make it past the first ten minutes, long form content can easily be more boring than short form. But you writing is so good, commentary interesting and complex and the pacing is also very well done! Good video!
“In real life cis gay and straight people don’t need to come out to their dates and be ready for the person who fancies them to suddenly see them in a completely new light and start spouting stereotypes and reject them.” Unless you’re disabled and you have to essentially come out by ‘making your partner aware of your disability’ in a world which negative preconceptions of disability are the norm. I’ve had perfectly great relationships with guys until I told them I was disabled which many of them see as the ‘dealbreaker’.
I recently came out as bi to my husband and my mom and am so happy i found your channel. Very informative, confirming, and entertaining.
How's the bisexuality coming along?
It wasn't until 26 minutes into the video I realised 'a shot at love' was wordplay because of the name Tila Tequila
39:18 "One of the reason why coming out as bi can difficult is because no one takes them seriously" this is actually why I've never had an official coming out to my family. I've only verbally told my parents where as my siblings simply saw it through school, social media (where I'm VERY open) or mutual friends