Free Big 5 Test: www.truity.com/test/big-five-personality-test Paid Big 5 Test (very detailed results, use code Willink for discount (not affiliated with me)): www.understandmyself.com/ My Big 5 Results: ruclips.net/video/i1KmRWAB9EU/видео.html The Truth About Being an Empath: ruclips.net/video/Kpd3gVA0ngc/видео.html
Oh Boy Franky! Well I didn't pay, but I took free test. Lol I don't think I'm very happy with results..lmao O= 81%, C= 50%, E= 37.5%, A= 73%, N= 50%...
I've been trying to push myself to be more logical, instead my empath abilities are skyrocketing. The caretaking I can understand, I am a mother most times, and not always to my own children; bad habit of mothering others who need help. With empath I feel others emotions like my own which is kinda right on, I can usually tell what a person needs, an I try to provide that support in most cases; using my judging to determine if it's true or not. Kinda okay with C & N being right on the 50% mark, cause ahh it could be worse...lol The extraversion I have been working on, but I can see with mbti having me at Infj why that wouldn't be high. Plus I spend most of my time alone inside my own mind. My skills in articulation have been improving, but I'm usually using it to relate to others, an seeking how they feel about a situation. Agreeableness is whatever, it is said in most science based studies women tend to dominate this personality anyways.
I've always said empathy is the greatest blessing and curse. We can see the beauty and good in everything, but are cut so deeply by the vile emptiness that also fills the Earth.
That’s a beautiful way to describe it. It does feel like a blessing and a curse. Especially when most of your family are not empaths at all. Setting boundaries has always been a problem until I started to resent myself for not standing up for myself enough. But I still struggle with it, because when I’m not agreeable, I tend to take it to the other extreme. I get angry when I sense someone is taking advantage of my kindness.
Learning boundaries and standing up for myself has been one of the hardest life lessons for me to learn as an Empath but it's gotten better since I've worked on it.
I am a very disagreeable infj. I score high in neuroticism and openness. I used to be the most agreeable person and now I have gone the opposite side after encountering so many narcisists and being bullied.
Chalk up another infj with lower agreeableness as I've gotten older. For most of my life, I was a pushover. It took being utterly decimated by a cheating partner for me to find my footing and learn how to stick up for myself. I'm probably still a pushover in a lot of ways, but I think you can be a disagreeable infj if you've developed your Ti enough to know that it doesn't make good logical sense to be so agreeable all the time.
@@DanielDavidAllenChannel Oh yeah true that. I believe it's when you have made peace with your darkness. If someone meets me they are probably going to assume I'm intp or intj, but nope got ni-ti.
Same. You can learn to be one of the least aggreeable people if taken advantage of enough. It's to the point now when I see someone who has controlling tendencies, I already know I'm gunna be their biggest pet peeve because I know how to lay boundaries and they see me as "extremely stubborn". They hate it
@@heatherleethomas4886 Haha yeah they do want someone to walk all over. I try not to be that person. But I also think it's about putting yourself in an environment where it's ok to be agreeable and people won't take advantage of you because of your agreeableness. I actually want to become more agreeable now. I felt for a while that I was turning into a mini Hitler (the most disagreeable infj) so now I'm trying reach a point where I can choose to be agreeable or disagreeable depending on the situation.
I score fairly high on agreeableness and really high on openness which makes sense...I hate confrontation and love discussing ideas and philosophies. However, I would not describe myself as a pushover, generally speaking. I have my limits, and my fault lies in maybe not making those boundaries clear enough to people. I've been working on that recently though. So much so that one of my new life mottos is: "if you don't show people where your boundaries lie, they will cross them." As a non-confrontational person, my way of showing them a subject is not to be discussed with me can be perceived as passive-agressive (my main strategy is to just leave the room whenever I feel uncomfortable, letting the person/people know why I am doing so), but it's proven to be surprisingly effective.
Yeah im infp-t and we are empaths but we also are confused with laziness The thing is we are not lazy We just do whatever our gut wants since we use more feeling instead of thinking The fact we are introverts gives me this unseen vibe about us..... Idk Like a silent rebel
These feel pretty spot on. As a young kid, I was always told I was “too sensitive” and it seemed like such a bad thing, but I didn’t understand what being an empath is. For a while as an adult I viewed it as a curse more than a gift, but I was talking to my younger brother one day and he was telling me about what he described as his “super power” to be able to connect with people because he could feel what they’re feeling- happy or sad. I hadn’t ever thought of it like that, but it made me appreciate having empathy for people.
All good but it would be great if we were living in a wonderful world filled with good people. People will chew you up if you don't watch out for yourself. Not everyone deserves help or even kindness from you. Be very careful.
Cool channel!! I a reformed hyper-empath, which can also be defined as a narcissists most desired meat puppet. 😳 people pleaser to the core. Everything changed when I decided to work with a therapist to fully understand narcissism and my role in co-creating and sustaining this dynamic with a few bullies from my past. Now that I understand the toxicity of narcissistic personality and their ridiculous antics, they don’t mess with me any longer. I now stand up and look them squarely in the eye when I lay down my analysis of their bs and my boundaries for any semblance of a relationship (co-worker, friend, partner) moving forward. Just had to reclaim my voice and take back my power to stand up for myself. Just starting to read Paul Bloom’s work about rational compassion vs empathy and it is resonating. But am beginning to realize my excessive care, concern, people pleasing etc etc as a health professional is ALSO ridiculous. Ultimately, i think growing up with an alcoholic narcissist and domestic violence contributed to my being a hyper-vigilant emotional sponge and rescuer…maybe? Who knows…hyper-empathy sucks and now that I am retired I can officially not give a 💩 about people who are not deserving of my love, time and attention.
Being an ENFP empath is so hard 😔 I always want to help everyone, but I can never help myself, but when I try to talk to my friends, I feel like I'm being a burden to them, and that makes me feel even worse about myself 😔💔
I hope things get better for you. Being an empath is soooo hard sometimes…but I guess I wouldn’t change it even if I could. PS How did you know that you’re an ENFP empath? Is there a test I can take to determine what kind I am? ❤
As an INFJ Empath and therapist who facilitates an Empath Group, this is all relevant. I really believe that connecting to and expanding your sense of self as an Empath is so helpful in setting healthy boundaries. You need to know where you begin and end to distinguish Self from Other. Thanks for the video!
Damn son, this is me. I just left a 2 year relationship with a Narc, which is apparently common for unhealthy INFJ/Empaths. It however has given me a spiritual awakening. I was swallowed whole but I'm coming back with a very different view on life 🌈🕉️
That's crazy bro... Me too same story it was a ride until I started seeking the truth cuz I could put my finger on it and It explains why I felt cursed all my life
@@zerobutim1009 what a good way to describe it, "cursed all your life". I never understood why I attracted or gravitated towards so many unhealthy and dangerous people until the pain separated me from myself so I could be objective. Interestingly enough my letters have changed as I've changed :). I am now INFP
This is exactly happened with me. 🥺🥺🥺 I went through so much pain because he dump me like this, that happened so sudden that i even couldn't figure out in the starting & i was thinking i am wrong so he left me, i was clinging to him to save the relationship but he said you're nothing to me and blocked me. And he called me narcissistic because i was calling him, I was very unaware and i become so sad by thinking this that i am narcissist 🙁.... but then i started reading about Human Pyschology and Sprituality then i understood that i wasn't bad but i was Manipulated* emotionally. But in this process i got my Spritual Awakening and Self awareness.. 🥲
One thing I can tell you, is that it sucks to be an Empath. Such people are prone to take other’s emotions as theirs. It’s draining to be that way. You are very correct. We have a very difficult time with setting our boundaries and we aren’t able to stand firm on our boundaries. People tend to take advantage of us. Yes. We dive deep into other people’s drama, almost losing ourselves in the process. High neuroticism is indeed a reality for Empaths. I’m battling with this and I can’t seem to not be that way. Thanks for sharing this video.
The most compelling part of being is the ability to direct my own life and not absorb all around me. I do not label myself and I am not critical of others or their uniqueness. I find you are a supportive person and feel for others. That is nice. As for myself , I have fought the empathy battle as an aware adult. I must look for the simplicity in life and find and accept the grace that flows from that simplicity. It is easy to become bogged down in layers of thoughts and perspectives....avalanches of intensities. The joy of life is sharing love and kindness with the ones who love you. It will come. It is simple. Embrace simplicity. Love to you and love to all who are here.
I've just decided to avoid most public places or look down, not into people's eyes when I take a walk outside. I just so tired of looking into people's troubled souls and picking up their emotions and hopelesness. I've had enough of it for 48 years. These days I just go home after work, spend tiime with my two dogs, work in the garden and try to avoid any urge to fix the world.
The whole compassion to a fault thing is a magnet to narcissists. I'm dealing with that fallout right now and it hurts like hell. Makes me want to shut down, become a hermit.
Icatz. The fault lies in ourselves. We need to know where our emotions stop, and others begin. We need to recognize other personality traits, and intent. Without protection, this is dangerous to us. It is a gift, not a fault. Gifts need to be tempered with wisdom. If its any help, most have been here. Work with your own abilities, and within them. Best wishes.
I'm so glad you mentioned that it's the negative emotions we feel the most. That's the roughest part because it's not my emotions so I have to remove myself from a lot of situations for my own emotional wellbeing. Also, I do believe there is a balance. I have become more disagreeable, confrontational and clear about boundaries as I get older - this for me was thanks to my faith. Now I feel more ME.
Highly neurotic INFJ here. You did it again. 😳 you explained neuroticism perfectly. I've just recently discovered your page and I've never felt so connected or understood.
You have basically described me in this video. I'm a sensitive person that was working in a very toxic place and it almost destroyed me. So I saw a therapist and was put on meds for anxiety and depression and have realized that I was so in tune with what others were feeling and trying to solve others problems throughout my life that I didn't really develop a separate identity. It's a blessing and a curse to be an empath. So I have pushed toxic people out of my life and it's definitely helping. Thank you for your videos
I found this video so encouraging because you described so clearly the way I experience the world. I have long suspected I could be an empath, but the only thing I'm still curious about is whether being a pushover is always inherent. I can be a pushover, but I also developed a rebellious skin around that and became fiercely independent. Also, I was diagnosed with OCD , and that feeds into the neurotic nature you so eloquently described. All in all, I like your down to earth, articulate style. I'm glad I subscribed, even though I'm an enfp instead of an infp, lol. I wish I could speak with you more to flesh out some of my questions. This is fascinating stuff
Frank, you're looking really good with the hair and the beard thing you got going on! I'm glad your vibe has been elevated, it's coming through in your videos lately.. nice job!
Yeah, I consider myself highly empathic. It's often frustrating being the only empath around many people. But I learned to hug loneliness instead of pushing it away. I found out that I'm in fact not really lonely, I have myself. And I have to further establish the feeling that I'm enough for myself. Filling my hole with myself and not with others. And also I'm in the process of learning getting unlimited energy from myself. This also protects me from energy vampires. I'm on a good way, I know how I get to these goals.
As an INFP who got into a relationship with someone I didn’t like so I didn’t hurt his feelings, this hits home hard. Edit: I was also in the 8th grade and broke up w him 3 days later. Yes, I regret it. Yes, I did tell him I wasn’t really sure w the relationship and wanted to just “try it out” and he took that as me flat out saying yes.
Feather i am literally going through this rn. I am doing the exact same thing, but I actually receive something from him in order to stick around. I wish to help him in his place, but I can’t.
I started crying when you hit every mark , I recently started noticing my issues and why I feel how I do, understanding why I am who I am makes me feel better
i only discovered this channel in a serious way about a week ago. i love Frank's more vulnerable videos, which give a much needed dose of unengineered humanity on youtube. but no matter what the video, i always get a smile at seeing what new cool way Frank has styled his hair..
I know this video is a year old. I just have to say your explanation of neurotisism is the best I have come across. It explains so much in my life. I always thought neurotisism was a mostly negative term. I'm 56 and finally understand why I've felt so different and sensitive all my life. You have beautiful eyes, Frank.
What you said about not really being able to say no because you put other's feelings before your own and not being able to stand up for your own feelings is so so true. I've definitely struggled with that a lot and am working on it right now. Also what you said about catastrophizing felt like a callout haha. I always got so mad when my mom said I did this but i've come to realize it's true.
You have such a huge insight into Empaths that I feel good watching your videos. I now know there are people out there who completely understand my empath traits and it feels great. Everything you’ve said in the past 2 videos is me to a T and I’m glad my traits can be defined so I have a better understanding of myself and can now manage my life accordingly. Thank you ❤️
it was great to find this video! I started reading into what an empath was, enneagram, Meyers Briggs, etc. about 6 months ago. I studied Psychology at Cal Poly, Slo (graduated last June) and took many science classes focusing on personality, but I was never once told what an empath or HSP was. I had never taken this test but paused the video, went online and answered everything very honestly, and came back to see what was most common traits were. I got those exact results. I am also an INFJ, but sometimes I can get confused and think I am potentially an INFP.
Almost 2 years later for me to comment... not surprising given the vastness of RUclips, and I cut across this video when I woke up early this morning (and had to watch it when I was more conscious). And while I've admitted to being an empath for more than 30 years now; I find myself at odds with the whole neuroticism part of it. Looking at how I would've answered the questions 20 years ago versus how I answered the questions today from the big five personality test; I get the impression that with the extended time of seclusion -- both thanks to COVID as well as my personal love of me (read: alone) time this has helped me establish my personality without being a constant pushover to external forces and allow me to being more extroverted than I was when I was a teenager. Thanks for the link and the information, and keep up the good work at the videos.
Hi there! I just wanted to reach out and say that it's been 5 years since you shared this, and I’m still following along. I really appreciate the helpful information, and I’m sure many others do too. Thank you for your continued insights!
It’d be interesting to see if there’s any correlation between children who were abused as kids who became empaths from that. Because I was abused, and I’ve always assumed my ability to pick up on negative emotions or danger stemmed mostly from me having to do that constantly as a kid. Also the agreeableness, grew up trying to keep people happy for safety reasons. And high openness, I’m an artist and I’ve always read to escape into other stories to avoid my own. But I also have terrible social anxiety which i don’t think is related to being an empath lol
I think you're exactly right. I think perhaps there is a natural tendancy towards sensitivity that becomes empathic when you have constantly had to take the temperature of the environment that you're in. I felt that it was as if my personality desires and integrity had to diminish away to make space for the explosions I was subjected to.
It is very similar to my life what you went through.. now having a narc ex and a abusive controlling husband married for 5yrs working on my way out it never gets better
Hey there. Been an empath my whole life. The past few years I’ve been trying to learn as much as I can about this gift I have. I have a million questions but that’s another cocktail hour. I really enjoyed your videos. Thank you.
What I learned from my experience is to think there is always a way to solve problems and to don't be afraid, sad, pessimistic because it gives us negativity and you'll finish to spread this energy to people we love too and this is something we don't want. Think positive and the good energy will reach the ones close to us too. Nothing is permanent, sadness too Thanks FJ for your videos, much love from Anna, an INFJ too
Dude. How do you get your hair so fking pretty? This video is perfect. I do all of this. Neuroticism. Catastrophic thinking. Agreeableness and openness. I have leaned to say no. I have curbed the worst of it. But I love the way you explain it. It sounds so factual.
You just helped me out so much the answer to my prayers. I am an empath and a medium and its awesome. I just needed to somehow IDENTIFY where intuitively the negative emotions, thoughts, energies, and feelings are coming from.
Being to agreeable is a trait I've been workin on lately. But i find tryin to change certain traits about myself is very difficult. Anyways, another great video bro
Same 😂 had a lovely conversation with my friend and a stranger who also suggested ' we' man up. As she could relate to being far too agreeable. To the point of not voicing her concerns on something she paid a service for.
I was upset cuz 3 friends told me that if I continued playing with another friend, they wouldn't be my friend anymore. I cried all the way home due to how unfair it was. Mom said... TELL THEM THAT YOU WILL BE FRIENDS WITH WHOMEVER YOU LIKE AND IF THEY DON'T LIKE THAT THEY WERE NEVER REALLY YOUR FRIENDS! The next day I boldly did just that! And only 1 out of 3 disagreed! It was the first time I chose to stand up for myself and for fairness! I love my mom!😉😊♥
I am an intj can't tell if you were a ENFJ and infj I can't tell cuz you have amazing acting skills brother it means a lot when I watch this videos so keep up the great work thank you so much
Thank you for your video @ Frank James. It cemented my thoughts. I've met several people who have this kind of personality. I understood them because I think I'm an empath to a certain degree. I never fully understood about an empath until it happened to me(with a real empath). I've realized how dangerous it could bring. Empaths solicit and even beg you to express your problems with them even if you are hesitant. The moment they'll know your situation, they are already on the streets looking for solutions. They would love to think that they are responsible for everything and that you have to listen to every word they say even if it hurts' you. They often end up being exhausted and worried. I have learned to avoid the situation by not dealing my problems with them because they will suffer more.
Hello! This is my first time on this channel. I loved your video! I felt like you were talking about... me! Someone else commented below that being an empath is both a curse and a blessing: you see the beauty and the good in everything and everyone, but are deeply cut by the vile emptiness that fills the Earth. (see comment below from CheckeredGreen) The odd time that I go out in public, I am so affected by what I see and hear that I stay home for long periods of time. The state of the world is worrying. Empaths can definitely feel the negativity and darkness out there. Thanks for your video! I will subscribe to this channel!
Frank, yep, you are RIGHT ON with this one. Pretty much everything you said was dead on accurate. Uh, thanks for staring into my soul, I guess! I have always had decent self-esteem, but since I figured out I am fairly high on the empath scale, I like myself even more. I care about other people, which in my opinion is sorely lacking in society these days. Guess I'm just saying I like myself for not succumbing to the pressures of society and becoming a complete money motivated/self absorbed jerk. I enjoy your channel, nice to be understood by at least one other human being!! Keep up the good work.
Wow thank you so much for this. I’m an infp and you described the feels so perfectly that now there’s no question I’m also an empath 🙈😅 Well spoken, riveting content! New sub, looking forward to binging your channel 💗
That's 💯 percent me... nothing like a lie... En am thankful to God for helping me discover myself more coz I was also questioning myself some unexplainable feelings in my life that I can solve others problems and endure with mine😌😌 I've been asking myself as time went on if that's what they call being empathetic...but I now know and able to make more meaningful and positive changes by myself. Thank you so much brother 🙏🙏🙏. Please go on.
On the flip side, a really bad aspect of being a neurotic person of any kind, empath or not, is that you create danger in your own nervous system that would not otherwise exist by empathizing with another. From the perspective of an empath, it does not help to solve the problems of others by taking on their vulnerability to the extent that it affects your nervous system. There is a middle ground to be found in health care and especially mental health care that allows us to feel what they are going through but without affecting us on a physiological level.
I think it is important to stress the fact that there are levels of each of the traits that you mentioned. I say that because although it may have been different when I was younger, I was stopped in my tracks at the word "agreeable". I am not agreeable yet I am an empath. Most empaths have a very strong sense of right and wrong and a high degree of authenticity. I may have been more agreeable in the past but my sense of right and wrong keeps me from just agreeing to agree. I do believe everyone should have the chance to do what they want to do but if I feel that there is something wrong with it I will not just go along to go along. Yes I second guess myself and ruminate over a decision but similar to feeling negativity in a room, we have the same instant reaction to what is right and wrong and we do not just agree to fit in. The ability to "feel" negativity in a room is instantaneous. This is a very valuable ability. Not only does it pin point negativity it also protects us from it as we are prone to being thin skinned and take things very seriously - on the flip side we immediate put up a wall to someone who is either negative or toxic. We have the ability through experience and our depth of vision to actually identify what kind of negativity we are dealing with and project how it will play out.
Love this explanation so much! I resonated with it pretty much completely. I often have a hard time understanding that most people don’t function like this, which made it easy to give too much to the wrong people before I learned some tough lessons. I also feel much better about enjoying-feeling out “negative” emotions/neuroticism after listening to your thoughts on this. Avoiding danger is exactly how I see part of the benefit of neuroticism. It’s important especially for empaths to be aware because we tend to be more vulnerable due to our natures. It’s important to find that things that need to be made better, too. It’s so satisfying helping others make discoveries and find solutions.
Wow. I just saw this. I knew I was an INFJ from doing the MB test. I found out 7 years ago (as an adult) that I'm on the autism spectrum. It felt great - freeing - to know why I always felt "different". I suspected I was an empath. Now I know for sure. More freeing. Thank you! 😸
I don’t know why, but as an INFJ, I can easily tell who are the good people, but I still attract the worst kinds-narcissists, sociopaths, frauds, obsessive friends, etc. and they corrupt my life. I’m turning 14 soon, but I’ve already encountered so many bad people who’ve ruined my life and who are putting me down a negative path. It’s wearing me down and I don’t know how to stop it.
You're really coming along way in your videos, and dialog, an growing your videos Franky. Must of been a tuff choice on what you're choosing now to talk about, and share what you've found, then wondering if other people are just as interested for views. I think you've built up a good flow, an cool picks for topics. Definitely agree on the empath thoughts. When I was young it was allot worse trying to "find" where emotions where was at a lost as to what was wrong with me. I didn't understand emotions, or what they where to be able to articulate it, or understand it wasn't me feeling. Something as simple as being a child in a store, an my mom would start talking to someone, an I'd look at there face an see big smiles as they both were in conversation. An see smiles, but no one was really happy, an I just knew how they were feeling, an I didn't understand the smiles. Smiling laughing sad people inside wearing smiles is a weird childhood to experience...lmao An internet wasn't a big thing for me growing up, I kinda just had to figure it out on my own, once I became old enough to understand it literally wasn't me. Now internet an the more I read, searched online, an ability to interact with people, an learn that much quicker, compared to back then.
Hey dude I had to come on here because you give the first trait of an empath is being agreeable and open and we are however not all of us just go along with people to keep the peace, some of us actually do stand our ground and speak up
Please to all empaths involved with narcissistic sociopaths please get out. No amount of love compassion will work. They will destroy you. Much love ❤️. Take the jump
I agree with you 100%. I wasted 24 years of my life with a narcissist. Because I now recognize the signs and traits, I am better able to protect myself. And, yes, I got out. :-)
@@CKnittingNewEyesQI wasted 14yrs in a relationship but still didn’t realise my traits would continue causing me problems. Only in the last week have I fully realised that I need to stop solving everyone’s problems!
I think I’m a sigma empath. This fits pretty well, but I have a stronger method of execution. I appreciate the neuroticism explanation. That absolutely fits. I can always pick up on negative emotions and have used that skill in many ways. Mostly to keep safe lol. Friends always worry I’m going to get hurt talking to homeless people or whatever. I approach them when I know it’s ok. It’s been difficult to explain that intuition, but now you’ve nailed it ! Thank you 🙏🏽!
In college psychology the instructor told us neuroticism is an outdated term much like hysteria. Have you heard this before? These theories are always evolving and changing. I really enjoyed this video. I enjoy most of your videos. 😁keep em coming
I'm falling over with shock. These are all true. I've taken professional personality traits as part of my job and it always points to empathy. I use to work with seniors to sit with them on hearing their life stories. I loved it! But I also laughed and cried with them. I would then go home and critique my own life and mistakes. I didn't know it was being neurotic! 😅
late to this video but love the hair/. The agreeableness, but just bc we agree to follow a path and go along with someone doesn't mean we think there right. For me most of the time I just follow along with others but I think " lets just see what happens ." My curiousness gets the better of me. Plus if shit hits the fan , I know ill be there to help my friends or anyone who needs help. Which if you think about I just stated all 3 facts. agreeableness, openness, neuroticism. They all go hand in hand, you cant have one with out the other. Love the vid, glad I know someones out there who gets it all. Keep up the great work.
I scored high in neurotisim and agreeableness, moderate in Openness and low in the other dimensions. I like this video and how you compared being empath to the big five traits.
100% Empath. It’s the absolute blessing and curse. We take so much joy in taking care of others and their needs that we neglect our own and as a result have a deep emptiness. We are a sensitive magnet to people’s desperation. We see their emotional distress as an obligation to be fixed.
🙏🏻 this gave me feelings to blurt out so excuse my lack of skill on writing good stories/readable sentences! might be hard to understand so i’m sorry but also whatever: i’m an INFP empath (high in first two points but very low on third point from this video!) and enneagram 9w1 who i feel was extremely lucky to be born to a single mother who’s a ESFJ 1w2. even though i ”lost” 6 years of my teenage life to following bad tropes and friends and going on with only and only what they were feeling/saying/doing, my mother still stayed right there beside me, giving me moral lessons when they were due (and i was around to listen) and also teaching me to stand up to myself - not really directly, but by showing herself doing that in her struggles time after time. and after i finally came back from my very unsuccessful teen adventure, we went back to becoming best friends again. i then healed from my friends and my mistakes, largely thanks to her and God. that then has shaped me to become this somewhat stable feeler who can follow people to the worlds end intentionally and not just because i don’t have my opinions on things. or alternativelu, i can not do that, if it feels more right - there’s no ’must’ to go with the flow anymore, no ugly need to be appreciated everywhere. i can now identify that i often get joy first from other people being joyous than my own favorite things and i can proudly follow that without feeling lost. and without feeling ashamed for not being the most individualistic person (even though i propably still am in my own way). i do sometimes joke that i don’t have any preferences to anything and while that was true when i was a teen, i actually now have very strict likes and dislikes - it’s just that i don’t let them chain me anywhere. if a new, seemingly uncomfortable thing doesn’t feel threatening and morally wrong, i can try it out and if i still don’t like it, i can say it out loud. that sounds like something that’s a given but really wasn’t to me for a long time. even if i shouted i didn’t like something, inside it felt really wrong and there was always this thought that i should just do whatever others wanted me to do. and funnily enough, when i was younger and tried to in every way please my friends i ended up being very bad at any personal relationships and then at school/work. now that i don’t give a heck i actually can have real, uncomplicated and deep relationships and can work around at work and school like the nice diplomat they say my personality types are... but i’m only saying that because i often get comments on it from my mom who has seen me grow from point a to d. to me being diplomatic and well mannered seems only right now, but i often tend to forget i didn’t used to know how to be like this at all. it’s weird. i think that, maybe, forgetting is part of living as a empath, it all gets a bit hazy even as you at the same time almost always know how things can be. i’m not sure. anyways, i wanted to blergh this out because everything is possible and anyone can change and it’s almost 1 am and i’m on a sick leave with flu. that means i’m watching all sorts of video eassays and talk stuffs and yours FJ are one of my favorites! i’m sorry for the long life-story-with-thougths-and-feels-ramble on an older video...gosh. thankfully i’m in a visual career path(and also in sales!) so i don’t have to write anything professionally. 😳
Very good points, Frank. I struggle with getting into other people's problems. I am a problem solver, so the part about neuroticism. Anxiety comes with that. I do head off certain things that could happen. Thanks again!!😚
this showed up at just the right time. I had an intense interaction at work today. this woman came into my line and she was all beat up from a car crash, or so she says. and she was saying she looked like death and was worthless. that shes been treated like she's worthless her whole life. I had help her with her transaction and she was getting flustered and started crying. I had to focus on helping her and not start crying myself. I gave her a hug even though she didn't initially want it cause she thought she didn't deserve it. I told her she was worthy of love and that she isn't worthless and that whoever told her that, they're ridiculous. just hugging her, I just felt that emotional energy flood through me and I had to go outside after she'd left to keep from bawling my eyes out in the middle of work.
OMG! I have been suspecting that I am en empath for some time now, but seeing you putting into words, exactly what I feel... it's so enlightening. Also it makes me realize that even if not a lot of people I know can understand it, it's normal to be this way. Your video is the confirmation I was kinda searching for. Great channel by the way :) (Also I did the big five test, and I can confirm, I'm high, so high on those three traits)
This entire video literally described who I am, and some advices, like the one on agreeableness, is something that people have told me constantly that it's almost uncannily familiar
Lol, I said all 3 out loud before you started the list. And you are completely right in the explanation of all traits. You are so good at this. You are great, thank you. I'm all highest in all 3 of those traits, and an enneagram 9w1 .... it's funny that I have so much balance clockwise on the chart... except the 8 ... 7 is slightly under developed but 8 (assertive) is just sad.... my agreeableness and my neuroticism has crippled my self expression in avoidance of conflict. My daughter is learning MBTI in school right now and I'm so excited. EQ is a gift, and teaching her my Interest in all things the mind can do for the body and society, gives me great confidence that she will do well in the future.
An INFJ, who undoubtedly developed some of that from having a volatile narcissist INTJ father, where it felt like I was always having to map out where all the landmines were to avoid the blasts. This-as you might assume-led to bullying at school and low self-worth, but there was another factor. My father had passed tick-borne diseases to me through my mother, and so my health was in a precarious position, especially as I got another loaded tick bite at age 9. During my teenage years my health went so far downhill that I had to leave school, and fell into a dark night of the soul that I barely made it through. But it forced me to heal emotionally, and never allow anyone to cross my boundaries, as my life depends on it. Although I have remained disabled, I know who I am and my own worth. When I am too tired, my energetic boundaries become far too permeable, so I have to practice self-care. But it gives me great joy when I feel strong enough go out in the world radiating love, and basking in the returned glow. Needless to say, not so much of the neuroticism at this point, but it absolutely was there during my childhood.
This reminds me of my former psychology courses at uni, makes me nostalgic (I couldn't go on with those studies unfortunately). Good to take out a scientific subject sometimes :)
Great video! Thank you for speaking about a topic that is backed by science. I think you’ll attract more sensors to your video with that title 😉😉. And, loving the edits! 🎞 I think I have become numb to negative emotions from other people. It doesn’t phase me anymore (unless it is someone I’m close to and they’re going through something difficult). I think that the military had something to do with that, as well as upbringing. You’re around angry people most of the time and you understand why they feel that way. Maybe you could do a video on how to master your emotions? It seems like the majority of people in this audience could benefit from that. Or, the importance of controlling your thoughts/feelings. Codependency is another topic that people might benefit from learning about, too. 🤷🏼♀️ Seeing as to how empaths/codependents always seem to end up with narcissistic people. A lot of people have mentioned that type of thing in your previous videos (...being the victims of toxic people).
Frank James 😂 I know, I know... I’m trying to help! 😇 Or, maybe I’m trying to force with my ISFJ ways 🤔😈... if that really is a thing 🙄. Speaking of mastering your emotions... why am I so volatile?!
Free Big 5 Test: www.truity.com/test/big-five-personality-test
Paid Big 5 Test (very detailed results, use code Willink for discount (not affiliated with me)): www.understandmyself.com/
My Big 5 Results: ruclips.net/video/i1KmRWAB9EU/видео.html
The Truth About Being an Empath: ruclips.net/video/Kpd3gVA0ngc/видео.html
Oh Boy Franky! Well I didn't pay, but I took free test. Lol I don't think I'm very happy with results..lmao O= 81%, C= 50%, E= 37.5%, A= 73%, N= 50%...
I've been trying to push myself to be more logical, instead my empath abilities are skyrocketing. The caretaking I can understand, I am a mother most times, and not always to my own children; bad habit of mothering others who need help. With empath I feel others emotions like my own which is kinda right on, I can usually tell what a person needs, an I try to provide that support in most cases; using my judging to determine if it's true or not. Kinda okay with C & N being right on the 50% mark, cause ahh it could be worse...lol The extraversion I have been working on, but I can see with mbti having me at Infj why that wouldn't be high. Plus I spend most of my time alone inside my own mind. My skills in articulation have been improving, but I'm usually using it to relate to others, an seeking how they feel about a situation. Agreeableness is whatever, it is said in most science based studies women tend to dominate this personality anyways.
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Hey will you check out this song please (martydome ,linkin park) just think you would injoy it
I miss the beard 🧔
not to be dramatic but you look so good with this haircut
the truth isnt dramatic lol
Absolutely goregous.
I agree...he is handsome
aw:)
Oh yeah definitely easy on the eyes . Total infj which is my kryptonite.
I've always said empathy is the greatest blessing and curse. We can see the beauty and good in everything, but are cut so deeply by the vile emptiness that also fills the Earth.
That’s a beautiful way to describe it. It does feel like a blessing and a curse. Especially when most of your family are not empaths at all. Setting boundaries has always been a problem until I started to resent myself for not standing up for myself enough. But I still struggle with it, because when I’m not agreeable, I tend to take it to the other extreme. I get angry when I sense someone is taking advantage of my kindness.
"people who are high-" "yes" "-in agreeableness" "...also yes"
lol everyone's ragging on me for my long pauses 😂
Same.
I am both high and agreeable. Empath confirmed.
@@FrankJames That pesky Ti
"Very high" also also yes
Learning boundaries and standing up for myself has been one of the hardest life lessons for me to learn as an Empath but it's gotten better since I've worked on it.
Im not an empath but i still struggle with this.
Same.
I am making baby steps. It's hard.
Yes it’s difficult but so worth the hard work
Any tips? I am in this season of life currently and I am learning how challenging this is.
I am a very disagreeable infj. I score high in neuroticism and openness. I used to be the most agreeable person and now I have gone the opposite side after encountering so many narcisists and being bullied.
Chalk up another infj with lower agreeableness as I've gotten older. For most of my life, I was a pushover. It took being utterly decimated by a cheating partner for me to find my footing and learn how to stick up for myself. I'm probably still a pushover in a lot of ways, but I think you can be a disagreeable infj if you've developed your Ti enough to know that it doesn't make good logical sense to be so agreeable all the time.
@@DanielDavidAllenChannel Oh yeah true that. I believe it's when you have made peace with your darkness. If someone meets me they are probably going to assume I'm intp or intj, but nope got ni-ti.
Same. You can learn to be one of the least aggreeable people if taken advantage of enough. It's to the point now when I see someone who has controlling tendencies, I already know I'm gunna be their biggest pet peeve because I know how to lay boundaries and they see me as "extremely stubborn". They hate it
@@heatherleethomas4886 Haha yeah they do want someone to walk all over. I try not to be that person. But I also think it's about putting yourself in an environment where it's ok to be agreeable and people won't take advantage of you because of your agreeableness. I actually want to become more agreeable now. I felt for a while that I was turning into a mini Hitler (the most disagreeable infj) so now I'm trying reach a point where I can choose to be agreeable or disagreeable depending on the situation.
I score fairly high on agreeableness and really high on openness which makes sense...I hate confrontation and love discussing ideas and philosophies. However, I would not describe myself as a pushover, generally speaking. I have my limits, and my fault lies in maybe not making those boundaries clear enough to people.
I've been working on that recently though. So much so that one of my new life mottos is: "if you don't show people where your boundaries lie, they will cross them." As a non-confrontational person, my way of showing them a subject is not to be discussed with me can be perceived as passive-agressive (my main strategy is to just leave the room whenever I feel uncomfortable, letting the person/people know why I am doing so), but it's proven to be surprisingly effective.
Seems spot on. (INFP)
We be vidin
Yeah im infp-t and we are empaths but we also are confused with laziness
The thing is we are not lazy
We just do whatever our gut wants since we use more feeling instead of thinking
The fact we are introverts gives me this unseen vibe about us..... Idk
Like a silent rebel
♥️the clean cut hair and beard..... 🥰#crushing
😎
Same 😆 I almost didn't recognize him. I couldn't even look at him without blushing 😂 I'm okay now 👌🏼
Same 😆 I almost didn't recognize him. I couldn't even look at him without blushing 😂 I'm okay now 👌🏼
Oh. I’d date him... Iv always crushed on him..... but that look now..... yum.
People who are high..............in agreeableness. I see what you did there.
😏
I thought I was the only one who noticed it. Pretty narcissistic for an empath...oh lord am I a dark empath? :O
These feel pretty spot on. As a young kid, I was always told I was “too sensitive” and it seemed like such a bad thing, but I didn’t understand what being an empath is. For a while as an adult I viewed it as a curse more than a gift, but I was talking to my younger brother one day and he was telling me about what he described as his “super power” to be able to connect with people because he could feel what they’re feeling- happy or sad. I hadn’t ever thought of it like that, but it made me appreciate having empathy for people.
All good but it would be great if we were living in a wonderful world filled with good people. People will chew you up if you don't watch out for yourself. Not everyone deserves help or even kindness from you. Be very careful.
Cool channel!! I a reformed hyper-empath, which can also be defined as a narcissists most desired meat puppet. 😳 people pleaser to the core.
Everything changed when I decided to work with a therapist to fully understand narcissism and my role in co-creating and sustaining this dynamic with a few bullies from my past. Now that I understand the toxicity of narcissistic personality and their ridiculous antics, they don’t mess with me any longer. I now stand up and look them squarely in the eye when I lay down my analysis of their bs and my boundaries for any semblance of a relationship (co-worker, friend, partner) moving forward. Just had to reclaim my voice and take back my power to stand up for myself.
Just starting to read Paul Bloom’s work about rational compassion vs empathy and it is resonating. But am beginning to realize my excessive care, concern, people pleasing etc etc as a health professional is ALSO ridiculous. Ultimately, i think growing up with an alcoholic narcissist and domestic violence contributed to my being a hyper-vigilant emotional sponge and rescuer…maybe? Who knows…hyper-empathy sucks and now that I am retired I can officially not give a 💩 about people who are not deserving of my love, time and attention.
Yes!
Being an ENFP empath is so hard 😔 I always want to help everyone, but I can never help myself, but when I try to talk to my friends, I feel like I'm being a burden to them, and that makes me feel even worse about myself 😔💔
❤❤❤
I hope things get better for you. Being an empath is soooo hard sometimes…but I guess I wouldn’t change it even if I could. PS How did you know that you’re an ENFP empath? Is there a test I can take to determine what kind I am? ❤
I'm so agreeable that I'm going along with people before they even know where they're going.
Frank I'm 52 and even though my discovery was 6 years ago I'm learning so much from you and this was point on. Thanks for all you do !
3 traits:
1. Yup.
2. Yup.
3. YUUUUUP
Nodding along to everything lol
Meee
As an INFJ Empath and therapist who facilitates an Empath Group, this is all relevant. I really believe that connecting to and expanding your sense of self as an Empath is so helpful in setting healthy boundaries. You need to know where you begin and end to distinguish Self from Other. Thanks for the video!
If only I knew that
I have been told I'm an empath and I'm a injf
Damn son, this is me. I just left a 2 year relationship with a Narc, which is apparently common for unhealthy INFJ/Empaths. It however has given me a spiritual awakening. I was swallowed whole but I'm coming back with a very different view on life 🌈🕉️
That's crazy bro... Me too same story it was a ride until I started seeking the truth cuz I could put my finger on it and It explains why I felt cursed all my life
@@zerobutim1009 what a good way to describe it, "cursed all your life". I never understood why I attracted or gravitated towards so many unhealthy and dangerous people until the pain separated me from myself so I could be objective.
Interestingly enough my letters have changed as I've changed :). I am now INFP
I'm going through this now. It's a very valuable but very costly lesson. Takes a lot of strength to continue and learn to trust again ❤️
This is exactly happened with me. 🥺🥺🥺 I went through so much pain because he dump me like this, that happened so sudden that i even couldn't figure out in the starting & i was thinking i am wrong so he left me, i was clinging to him to save the relationship but he said you're nothing to me and blocked me. And he called me narcissistic because i was calling him, I was very unaware and i become so sad by thinking this that i am narcissist 🙁.... but then i started reading about Human Pyschology and Sprituality then i understood that i wasn't bad but i was Manipulated* emotionally. But in this process i got my Spritual Awakening and Self awareness.. 🥲
so awesome ♥️ @@Megha_Singh08
One thing I can tell you, is that it sucks to be an Empath. Such people are prone to take other’s emotions as theirs. It’s draining to be that way. You are very correct. We have a very difficult time with setting our boundaries and we aren’t able to stand firm on our boundaries. People tend to take advantage of us. Yes. We dive deep into other people’s drama, almost losing ourselves in the process. High neuroticism is indeed a reality for Empaths. I’m battling with this and I can’t seem to not be that way. Thanks for sharing this video.
The most compelling part of being is the ability to direct my own life and not absorb all around me. I do not label myself and I am not critical of others or their uniqueness. I find you are a supportive person and feel for others. That is nice. As for myself , I have fought the empathy battle as an aware adult. I must look for the simplicity in life and find and accept the grace that flows from that simplicity. It is easy to become bogged down in layers of thoughts and perspectives....avalanches of intensities. The joy of life is sharing love and kindness with the ones who love you. It will come. It is simple. Embrace simplicity. Love to you and love to all who are here.
Thank you for this video Frank💜
"now being high............................in openness to experience"
😏
This totally explains those moments I have when I think "This isn't my feelings, I just want to cry because my mum is feeling sad."
I've just decided to avoid most public places or look down, not into people's eyes when I take a walk outside. I just so tired of looking into people's troubled souls and picking up their emotions and hopelesness. I've had enough of it for 48 years. These days I just go home after work, spend tiime with my two dogs, work in the garden and try to avoid any urge to fix the world.
WOW.
The whole compassion to a fault thing is a magnet to narcissists. I'm dealing with that fallout right now and it hurts like hell. Makes me want to shut down, become a hermit.
Icatz. The fault lies in ourselves. We need to know where our emotions stop, and others begin. We need to recognize other personality traits, and intent. Without protection, this is dangerous to us. It is a gift, not a fault. Gifts need to be tempered with wisdom. If its any help, most have been here. Work with your own abilities, and within them. Best wishes.
Exactly 💯 well don't be anyone's fool. Stand up for yourself no matter what label you're wearing at the time. Think for yourself.
I'm so glad you mentioned that it's the negative emotions we feel the most. That's the roughest part because it's not my emotions so I have to remove myself from a lot of situations for my own emotional wellbeing.
Also, I do believe there is a balance. I have become more disagreeable, confrontational and clear about boundaries as I get older - this for me was thanks to my faith. Now I feel more ME.
Highly neurotic INFJ here. You did it again. 😳 you explained neuroticism perfectly. I've just recently discovered your page and I've never felt so connected or understood.
You have basically described me in this video. I'm a sensitive person that was working in a very toxic place and it almost destroyed me. So I saw a therapist and was put on meds for anxiety and depression and have realized that I was so in tune with what others were feeling and trying to solve others problems throughout my life that I didn't really develop a separate identity. It's a blessing and a curse to be an empath. So I have pushed toxic people out of my life and it's definitely helping. Thank you for your videos
I found this video so encouraging because you described so clearly the way I experience the world. I have long suspected I could be an empath, but the only thing I'm still curious about is whether being a pushover is always inherent. I can be a pushover, but I also developed a rebellious skin around that and became fiercely independent. Also, I was diagnosed with OCD , and that feeds into the neurotic nature you so eloquently described. All in all, I like your down to earth, articulate style. I'm glad I subscribed, even though I'm an enfp instead of an infp, lol. I wish I could speak with you more to flesh out some of my questions. This is fascinating stuff
Frank, you're looking really good with the hair and the beard thing you got going on! I'm glad your vibe has been elevated, it's coming through in your videos lately.. nice job!
Yeah, I consider myself highly empathic. It's often frustrating being the only empath around many people. But I learned to hug loneliness instead of pushing it away. I found out that I'm in fact not really lonely, I have myself. And I have to further establish the feeling that I'm enough for myself. Filling my hole with myself and not with others. And also I'm in the process of learning getting unlimited energy from myself. This also protects me from energy vampires. I'm on a good way, I know how I get to these goals.
Energy Vampires well Said.
5:55 Wow! It's amazing how you got it right about the issue of us feeling responsible!
As an INFP who got into a relationship with someone I didn’t like so I didn’t hurt his feelings, this hits home hard.
Edit: I was also in the 8th grade and broke up w him 3 days later. Yes, I regret it. Yes, I did tell him I wasn’t really sure w the relationship and wanted to just “try it out” and he took that as me flat out saying yes.
Feather i am literally going through this rn. I am doing the exact same thing, but I actually receive something from him in order to stick around. I wish to help him in his place, but I can’t.
Thank you 😌
Before we make such a choice it is great to ask ourselves: would I recommend this choice to my beloved friend? If not - welll ;)
I started crying when you hit every mark , I recently started noticing my issues and why I feel how I do, understanding why I am who I am makes me feel better
i only discovered this channel in a serious way about a week ago. i love Frank's more vulnerable videos, which give a much needed dose of unengineered humanity on youtube. but no matter what the video, i always get a smile at seeing what new cool way Frank has styled his hair..
I know this video is a year old.
I just have to say your explanation of neurotisism is the best I have come across.
It explains so much in my life.
I always thought neurotisism was a mostly negative term.
I'm 56 and finally understand why I've felt so different and sensitive all my life.
You have beautiful eyes, Frank.
What you said about not really being able to say no because you put other's feelings before your own and not being able to stand up for your own feelings is so so true. I've definitely struggled with that a lot and am working on it right now.
Also what you said about catastrophizing felt like a callout haha. I always got so mad when my mom said I did this but i've come to realize it's true.
Thanks!
You have such a huge insight into Empaths that I feel good watching your videos. I now know there are people out there who completely understand my empath traits and it feels great. Everything you’ve said in the past 2 videos is me to a T and I’m glad my traits can be defined so I have a better understanding of myself and can now manage my life accordingly. Thank you ❤️
it was great to find this video! I started reading into what an empath was, enneagram, Meyers Briggs, etc. about 6 months ago. I studied Psychology at Cal Poly, Slo (graduated last June) and took many science classes focusing on personality, but I was never once told what an empath or HSP was. I had never taken this test but paused the video, went online and answered everything very honestly, and came back to see what was most common traits were. I got those exact results. I am also an INFJ, but sometimes I can get confused and think I am potentially an INFP.
Almost 2 years later for me to comment... not surprising given the vastness of RUclips, and I cut across this video when I woke up early this morning (and had to watch it when I was more conscious). And while I've admitted to being an empath for more than 30 years now; I find myself at odds with the whole neuroticism part of it.
Looking at how I would've answered the questions 20 years ago versus how I answered the questions today from the big five personality test; I get the impression that with the extended time of seclusion -- both thanks to COVID as well as my personal love of me (read: alone) time this has helped me establish my personality without being a constant pushover to external forces and allow me to being more extroverted than I was when I was a teenager.
Thanks for the link and the information, and keep up the good work at the videos.
Hi there! I just wanted to reach out and say that it's been 5 years since you shared this, and I’m still following along. I really appreciate the helpful information, and I’m sure many others do too. Thank you for your continued insights!
I stood up for myself today (kinda) and I was like so proud of myself because we all came to an agreement and virtually hugged it out :D
For two INFP-T Emphatic Idealists this is all very recognizable... For me, especially the neuroticism. Sometimes it drives me crazy...
As an ENFJ and a highly sensitive person, I am not even surprised that my scores indicate I am an Empath. 😅 Thank you for the awesome videos, Frank!
It’d be interesting to see if there’s any correlation between children who were abused as kids who became empaths from that. Because I was abused, and I’ve always assumed my ability to pick up on negative emotions or danger stemmed mostly from me having to do that constantly as a kid. Also the agreeableness, grew up trying to keep people happy for safety reasons. And high openness, I’m an artist and I’ve always read to escape into other stories to avoid my own.
But I also have terrible social anxiety which i don’t think is related to being an empath lol
You might have social anxiety because you’re picking up on everyone’s feelings all at once and it’s overwhelming?
Great Question.👍😎☝️I would say Yes.You are correct.& I think it's both.You also naturally pick up vibes .
I think you're exactly right. I think perhaps there is a natural tendancy towards sensitivity that becomes empathic when you have constantly had to take the temperature of the environment that you're in. I felt that it was as if my personality desires and integrity had to diminish away to make space for the explosions I was subjected to.
It is very similar to my life what you went through.. now having a narc ex and a abusive controlling husband married for 5yrs working on my way out it never gets better
I’m an empath and I had a fantastic childhood.
Hey there. Been an empath my whole life. The past few years I’ve been trying to learn as much as I can about this gift I have. I have a million questions but that’s another cocktail hour. I really enjoyed your videos. Thank you.
What I learned from my experience is to think there is always a way to solve problems and to don't be afraid, sad, pessimistic because it gives us negativity and you'll finish to spread this energy to people we love too and this is something we don't want. Think positive and the good energy will reach the ones close to us too. Nothing is permanent, sadness too
Thanks FJ for your videos, much love from Anna, an INFJ too
Completely agree. Those were same 3 I guessed you would say when you showed the list. I struggle with the neuroticism.
Dude. How do you get your hair so fking pretty? This video is perfect. I do all of this. Neuroticism. Catastrophic thinking. Agreeableness and openness. I have leaned to say no. I have curbed the worst of it. But I love the way you explain it. It sounds so factual.
You just helped me out so much the answer to my prayers. I am an empath and a medium and its awesome. I just needed to somehow IDENTIFY where intuitively the negative emotions, thoughts, energies, and feelings are coming from.
Being to agreeable is a trait I've been workin on lately. But i find tryin to change certain traits about myself is very difficult. Anyways, another great video bro
Mom taught me to stand up for myself when I was in third grade.
Same 😂 had a lovely conversation with my friend and a stranger who also suggested ' we' man up. As she could relate to being far too agreeable. To the point of not voicing her concerns on something she paid a service for.
I was upset cuz 3 friends told me that if I continued playing with another friend, they wouldn't be my friend anymore. I cried all the way home due to how unfair it was. Mom said... TELL THEM THAT YOU WILL BE FRIENDS WITH WHOMEVER YOU LIKE AND IF THEY DON'T LIKE THAT THEY WERE NEVER REALLY YOUR FRIENDS! The next day I boldly did just that! And only 1 out of 3 disagreed! It was the first time I chose to stand up for myself and for fairness! I love my mom!😉😊♥
a good lesson
Your mom sounds awesome!
My parents tried to teach me that but it didn't stick for some reason and I always sucked at it 😅
I am an intj can't tell if you were a ENFJ and infj I can't tell cuz you have amazing acting skills brother it means a lot when I watch this videos so keep up the great work thank you so much
Thank you for understanding me better than anyone else.
Love your posts.
You forgot one tiny point regarding open, giving, sacrificing empaths... no good deed goes unpunished.
I'm an empath but I have boundaries. I learned when to draw the line
That’s good, I recently realized I have none so I need to develop them!
I used to have no boundaries at all. Now I'm better at setting them.
Thanks for this video :) I've noticed in my life that it's really hard to be completely free from toxic people and say NO to them.
Thank you for your video @ Frank James. It cemented my thoughts. I've met several people who have this kind of personality. I understood them because I think I'm an empath to a certain degree. I never fully understood about an empath until it happened to me(with a real empath). I've realized how dangerous it could bring. Empaths solicit and even beg you to express your problems with them even if you are hesitant. The moment they'll know your situation, they are already on the streets looking for solutions. They would love to think that they are responsible for everything and that you have to listen to every word they say even if it hurts' you. They often end up being exhausted and worried. I have learned to avoid the situation by not dealing my problems with them because they will suffer more.
#relatable for empaths .😄 🎯This was spot on !
hey, thanks!
This is so accurate! I’m an empath and could really sense your care in your describing this and your understanding it exactly you must be an empath
Hello! This is my first time on this channel. I loved your video! I felt like you were talking about... me! Someone else commented below that being an empath is both a curse and a blessing: you see the beauty and the good in everything and everyone, but are deeply cut by the vile emptiness that fills the Earth. (see comment below from CheckeredGreen)
The odd time that I go out in public, I am so affected by what I see and hear that I stay home for long periods of time. The state of the world is worrying. Empaths can definitely feel the negativity and darkness out there.
Thanks for your video! I will subscribe to this channel!
You have had a massive glow up, i love your eyes, beard and hair
Frank, yep, you are RIGHT ON with this one. Pretty much everything you said was dead on accurate. Uh, thanks for staring into my soul, I guess! I have always had decent self-esteem, but since I figured out I am fairly high on the empath scale, I like myself even more. I care about other people, which in my opinion is sorely lacking in society these days. Guess I'm just saying I like myself for not succumbing to the pressures of society and becoming a complete money motivated/self absorbed jerk. I enjoy your channel, nice to be understood by at least one other human being!! Keep up the good work.
Wow thank you so much for this. I’m an infp and you described the feels so perfectly that now there’s no question I’m also an empath 🙈😅 Well spoken, riveting content! New sub, looking forward to binging your channel 💗
That's 💯 percent me... nothing like a lie... En am thankful to God for helping me discover myself more coz I was also questioning myself some unexplainable feelings in my life that I can solve others problems and endure with mine😌😌 I've been asking myself as time went on if that's what they call being empathetic...but I now know and able to make more meaningful and positive changes by myself. Thank you so much brother 🙏🙏🙏. Please go on.
On the flip side, a really bad aspect of being a neurotic person of any kind, empath or not, is that you create danger in your own nervous system that would not otherwise exist by empathizing with another. From the perspective of an empath, it does not help to solve the problems of others by taking on their vulnerability to the extent that it affects your nervous system. There is a middle ground to be found in health care and especially mental health care that allows us to feel what they are going through but without affecting us on a physiological level.
I think it is important to stress the fact that there are levels of each of the traits that you mentioned. I say that because although it may have been different when I was younger, I was stopped in my tracks at the word "agreeable". I am not agreeable yet I am an empath. Most empaths have a very strong sense of right and wrong and a high degree of authenticity. I may have been more agreeable in the past but my sense of right and wrong keeps me from just agreeing to agree. I do believe everyone should have the chance to do what they want to do but if I feel that there is something wrong with it I will not just go along to go along. Yes I second guess myself and ruminate over a decision but similar to feeling negativity in a room, we have the same instant reaction to what is right and wrong and we do not just agree to fit in. The ability to "feel" negativity in a room is instantaneous. This is a very valuable ability. Not only does it pin point negativity it also protects us from it as we are prone to being thin skinned and take things very seriously - on the flip side we immediate put up a wall to someone who is either negative or toxic. We have the ability through experience and our depth of vision to actually identify what kind of negativity we are dealing with and project how it will play out.
You are so great at explaining this stuff!. Wow, it makes me understand myself so much better. Thank you, thank you..
thanks for watching! 👊🙏
Love this explanation so much! I resonated with it pretty much completely. I often have a hard time understanding that most people don’t function like this, which made it easy to give too much to the wrong people before I learned some tough lessons. I also feel much better about enjoying-feeling out “negative” emotions/neuroticism after listening to your thoughts on this. Avoiding danger is exactly how I see part of the benefit of neuroticism. It’s important especially for empaths to be aware because we tend to be more vulnerable due to our natures. It’s important to find that things that need to be made better, too. It’s so satisfying helping others make discoveries and find solutions.
Wow. I just saw this. I knew I was an INFJ from doing the MB test. I found out 7 years ago (as an adult) that I'm on the autism spectrum. It felt great - freeing - to know why I always felt "different". I suspected I was an empath. Now I know for sure. More freeing. Thank you! 😸
I don’t know why, but as an INFJ, I can easily tell who are the good people, but I still attract the worst kinds-narcissists, sociopaths, frauds, obsessive friends, etc. and they corrupt my life. I’m turning 14 soon, but I’ve already encountered so many bad people who’ve ruined my life and who are putting me down a negative path. It’s wearing me down and I don’t know how to stop it.
You're really coming along way in your videos, and dialog, an growing your videos Franky. Must of been a tuff choice on what you're choosing now to talk about, and share what you've found, then wondering if other people are just as interested for views. I think you've built up a good flow, an cool picks for topics. Definitely agree on the empath thoughts. When I was young it was allot worse trying to "find" where emotions where was at a lost as to what was wrong with me. I didn't understand emotions, or what they where to be able to articulate it, or understand it wasn't me feeling. Something as simple as being a child in a store, an my mom would start talking to someone, an I'd look at there face an see big smiles as they both were in conversation. An see smiles, but no one was really happy, an I just knew how they were feeling, an I didn't understand the smiles. Smiling laughing sad people inside wearing smiles is a weird childhood to experience...lmao An internet wasn't a big thing for me growing up, I kinda just had to figure it out on my own, once I became old enough to understand it literally wasn't me. Now internet an the more I read, searched online, an ability to interact with people, an learn that much quicker, compared to back then.
thanks so much!
There's a book called the Disease to Please that addresses the boundaries issues. It has a test with it. Great video! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you. I needed this today 🖤
Hey dude I had to come on here because you give the first trait of an empath is being agreeable and open and we are however not all of us just go along with people to keep the peace, some of us actually do stand our ground and speak up
Dude you gave me answers that I was asking myself, why this, why the other. Thank you very much, god bless you
Please to all empaths involved with narcissistic sociopaths please get out. No amount of love compassion will work. They will destroy you. Much love ❤️. Take the jump
I agree with you 100%. I wasted 24 years of my life with a narcissist. Because I now recognize the signs and traits, I am better able to protect myself.
And, yes, I got out. :-)
@@CKnittingNewEyesQI wasted 14yrs in a relationship but still didn’t realise my traits would continue causing me problems. Only in the last week have I fully realised that I need to stop solving everyone’s problems!
Is empath the opposite of sociopath?
I'm happy to see your channel growing so fast!!
hey thanks!
I think I’m a sigma empath. This fits pretty well, but I have a stronger method of execution. I appreciate the neuroticism explanation. That absolutely fits. I can always pick up on negative emotions and have used that skill in many ways. Mostly to keep safe lol. Friends always worry I’m going to get hurt talking to homeless people or whatever. I approach them when I know it’s ok. It’s been difficult to explain that intuition, but now you’ve nailed it ! Thank you 🙏🏽!
Your new look is a winner!
In college psychology the instructor told us neuroticism is an outdated term much like hysteria. Have you heard this before? These theories are always evolving and changing. I really enjoyed this video. I enjoy most of your videos. 😁keep em coming
I'm falling over with shock. These are all true. I've taken professional personality traits as part of my job and it always points to empathy. I use to work with seniors to sit with them on hearing their life stories. I loved it! But I also laughed and cried with them. I would then go home and critique my own life and mistakes. I didn't know it was being neurotic! 😅
late to this video but love the hair/. The agreeableness, but just bc we agree to follow a path and go along with someone doesn't mean we think there right. For me most of the time I just follow along with others but I think " lets just see what happens ." My curiousness gets the better of me. Plus if shit hits the fan , I know ill be there to help my friends or anyone who needs help. Which if you think about I just stated all 3 facts. agreeableness, openness, neuroticism. They all go hand in hand, you cant have one with out the other. Love the vid, glad I know someones out there who gets it all. Keep up the great work.
I'm an ENFP and an empath (or HSP). Great video!
Hsp?
I scored high in neurotisim and agreeableness, moderate in Openness and low in the other dimensions. I like this video and how you compared being empath to the big five traits.
100% Empath. It’s the absolute blessing and curse. We take so much joy in taking care of others and their needs that we neglect our own and as a result have a deep emptiness. We are a sensitive magnet to people’s desperation. We see their emotional distress as an obligation to be fixed.
🙏🏻 this gave me feelings to blurt out so excuse my lack of skill on writing good stories/readable sentences! might be hard to understand so i’m sorry but also whatever:
i’m an INFP empath (high in first two points but very low on third point from this video!) and enneagram 9w1 who i feel was extremely lucky to be born to a single mother who’s a ESFJ 1w2. even though i ”lost” 6 years of my teenage life to following bad tropes and friends and going on with only and only what they were feeling/saying/doing, my mother still stayed right there beside me, giving me moral lessons when they were due (and i was around to listen) and also teaching me to stand up to myself - not really directly, but by showing herself doing that in her struggles time after time. and after i finally came back from my very unsuccessful teen adventure, we went back to becoming best friends again. i then healed from my friends and my mistakes, largely thanks to her and God. that then has shaped me to become this somewhat stable feeler who can follow people to the worlds end intentionally and not just because i don’t have my opinions on things. or alternativelu, i can not do that, if it feels more right - there’s no ’must’ to go with the flow anymore, no ugly need to be appreciated everywhere. i can now identify that i often get joy first from other people being joyous than my own favorite things and i can proudly follow that without feeling lost. and without feeling ashamed for not being the most individualistic person (even though i propably still am in my own way).
i do sometimes joke that i don’t have any preferences to anything and while that was true when i was a teen, i actually now have very strict likes and dislikes - it’s just that i don’t let them chain me anywhere.
if a new, seemingly uncomfortable thing doesn’t feel threatening and morally wrong, i can try it out and if i still don’t like it, i can say it out loud. that sounds like something that’s a given but really wasn’t to me for a long time. even if i shouted i didn’t like something, inside it felt really wrong and there was always this thought that i should just do whatever others wanted me to do. and funnily enough, when i was younger and tried to in every way please my friends i ended up being very bad at any personal relationships and then at school/work. now that i don’t give a heck i actually can have real, uncomplicated and deep relationships and can work around at work and school like the nice diplomat they say my personality types are... but i’m only saying that because i often get comments on it from my mom who has seen me grow from point a to d. to me being diplomatic and well mannered seems only right now, but i often tend to forget i didn’t used to know how to be like this at all. it’s weird. i think that, maybe, forgetting is part of living as a empath, it all gets a bit hazy even as you at the same time almost always know how things can be. i’m not sure.
anyways, i wanted to blergh this out because everything is possible and anyone can change and it’s almost 1 am and i’m on a sick leave with flu. that means i’m watching all sorts of video eassays and talk stuffs and yours FJ are one of my favorites! i’m sorry for the long life-story-with-thougths-and-feels-ramble on an older video...gosh. thankfully i’m in a visual career path(and also in sales!) so i don’t have to write anything professionally. 😳
Very good points, Frank. I struggle with getting into other people's problems. I am a problem solver, so the part about neuroticism. Anxiety comes with that. I do head off certain things that could happen. Thanks again!!😚
5:50 was so spot on. He explained it so well
this showed up at just the right time. I had an intense interaction at work today. this woman came into my line and she was all beat up from a car crash, or so she says. and she was saying she looked like death and was worthless. that shes been treated like she's worthless her whole life. I had help her with her transaction and she was getting flustered and started crying. I had to focus on helping her and not start crying myself. I gave her a hug even though she didn't initially want it cause she thought she didn't deserve it. I told her she was worthy of love and that she isn't worthless and that whoever told her that, they're ridiculous. just hugging her, I just felt that emotional energy flood through me and I had to go outside after she'd left to keep from bawling my eyes out in the middle of work.
OMG! I have been suspecting that I am en empath for some time now, but seeing you putting into words, exactly what I feel... it's so enlightening. Also it makes me realize that even if not a lot of people I know can understand it, it's normal to be this way. Your video is the confirmation I was kinda searching for. Great channel by the way :) (Also I did the big five test, and I can confirm, I'm high, so high on those three traits)
This entire video literally described who I am, and some advices, like the one on agreeableness, is something that people have told me constantly that it's almost uncannily familiar
Lol, I said all 3 out loud before you started the list. And you are completely right in the explanation of all traits. You are so good at this. You are great, thank you. I'm all highest in all 3 of those traits, and an enneagram 9w1 .... it's funny that I have so much balance clockwise on the chart... except the 8 ... 7 is slightly under developed but 8 (assertive) is just sad.... my agreeableness and my neuroticism has crippled my self expression in avoidance of conflict.
My daughter is learning MBTI in school right now and I'm so excited. EQ is a gift, and teaching her my Interest in all things the mind can do for the body and society, gives me great confidence that she will do well in the future.
I think being high in agreeableness is a sign of weakness and desperation, I used to be this way, but I got out of it. I refuse to be used anymore
An INFJ, who undoubtedly developed some of that from having a volatile narcissist INTJ father, where it felt like I was always having to map out where all the landmines were to avoid the blasts. This-as you might assume-led to bullying at school and low self-worth, but there was another factor. My father had passed tick-borne diseases to me through my mother, and so my health was in a precarious position, especially as I got another loaded tick bite at age 9. During my teenage years my health went so far downhill that I had to leave school, and fell into a dark night of the soul that I barely made it through. But it forced me to heal emotionally, and never allow anyone to cross my boundaries, as my life depends on it. Although I have remained disabled, I know who I am and my own worth. When I am too tired, my energetic boundaries become far too permeable, so I have to practice self-care. But it gives me great joy when I feel strong enough go out in the world radiating love, and basking in the returned glow. Needless to say, not so much of the neuroticism at this point, but it absolutely was there during my childhood.
Frank, I love your new haircut. It makes you look very handsome and in-charge!
This reminds me of my former psychology courses at uni, makes me nostalgic (I couldn't go on with those studies unfortunately).
Good to take out a scientific subject sometimes :)
Great video! Thank you for speaking about a topic that is backed by science. I think you’ll attract more sensors to your video with that title 😉😉. And, loving the edits! 🎞
I think I have become numb to negative emotions from other people. It doesn’t phase me anymore (unless it is someone I’m close to and they’re going through something difficult). I think that the military had something to do with that, as well as upbringing. You’re around angry people most of the time and you understand why they feel that way. Maybe you could do a video on how to master your emotions? It seems like the majority of people in this audience could benefit from that. Or, the importance of controlling your thoughts/feelings. Codependency is another topic that people might benefit from learning about, too. 🤷🏼♀️ Seeing as to how empaths/codependents always seem to end up with narcissistic people. A lot of people have mentioned that type of thing in your previous videos (...being the victims of toxic people).
thanks, Sam! Yeah a video about mastering emotions would be good. Just have to get a handle on it myself xD
Frank James 😂 I know, I know... I’m trying to help! 😇 Or, maybe I’m trying to force with my ISFJ ways 🤔😈... if that really is a thing 🙄. Speaking of mastering your emotions... why am I so volatile?!
I think I found my answer for now... www.sowhatireallymeant.com/2013/01/25/emotionally-volatile-people-he-can-be-so-charming-and-then-so-defiant/
💯 % correct 😮 I’m always feeling for other’s emotions 😮 and feel an overwhelming need to bring them comfort 😮 Who am I ??
i am always so amazed with learning about traits from u! 🥺