These situations are so freaking stressful. I'm curious, how many other people have been burned because of a wording problem with their court orders??? It looks like Caleb Leveret's arrears issue is because of the wording on his court order. A similar thing happened to me with the retirement savings account. I had to cough up more money because of a mistake that would have cost me over $100k...
I like to think back to my religious days where the Old Testament talks about how it’s better to live on the eave of a rooftop than to live with a cantankerous woman. That author sounds like a wise person who learned that lesson the hard way. My solution is to do what I did at the end of the video and call all of the people out who assisted the biblical cantankerous woman all those years. Im prepared to drag all of them back through the muck because I won’t go down alone.
You were right when you were talking about the ONLY person that suffers is you and well the kids. Everyone else gets a pass. They get to go on with their lives and recover. I think that is the hardest thing about all of this. We get stuck in a moment in time and it is SOOOOO difficult to get away. When you have "the state" coming after you, seizing accounts, pulling passports, etc its just a constant reminder - a daily reminder - of the effect toxic evil people have had on your life. It's weird but my personal experience has been people MOST likely to not have ANY empathy and to do evil things are religious people... Not all of them BUT most...
And as always happens to you, your tantrum cost you. Your attorney dropped you and you no longer have any assistance from Robert at the AG. To add to that they probably have a dartboard with your face on it. I’m sure they will go out of their way now to make sure you NEVER get any relief and the penalties keep racking up. Stop being a 6 year old.
Yep! Wording is so important. In my court order about flights for our son we agreed to split the tickets 50/50. The word that was missing was ROUND TRIP TICKETS!!!!!!! He played so may games that in almost 2 yrs we haven't split a ticket yet. He's only been down for his aunt's wedding and she paid for it. He ignored his own sister about our son going down there. Our son is 15 and I let him read the court order almost 2 yrs ago so he knows the true. I feel so bad for my son and all kids going through this crap. Be careful with who you make babies with; it doesn't get better. I'm so happy I only had 1 child with him, because I saw the writing on the wall. Because he refused to help pay for tickets I put him on child support. I didn't want to, but he forced my hand. God bless the healthy parents out there ♥️
In my divorce I had limited representation up through the first round of mediation and had a lawyer draft documents but I still went over it to edit it. I guess it's the writer/editor in me 🤣I also don't like getting screwed. The next case, which was custody modification, I went through alone and did it pro SE. I typed up the petition and subsequent documents, reviewing it closely. By the end my ex's attorney learned how anal I was about wording and told me to type out the final order. Maybe he thought I couldn't do it but I did. Lol. I didn't want him drafting s***. He would end up only editing the format. Always make sure to go through those orders with a fine tooth comb. My ex husband has made the mistake multiple times of not looking over the order he signed off on and I use that against him.
That's great you did that. I *thought* I was going through things, and I was, BUT I just couldn't anticipate all the nuances. Had I understood *what* I was dealing with I would have made sure the Christmas things was firm and not "mutually agreed upon".
They always do, and generally it makes sense because if it’s too specific it can be a “problem” but the reality is if you’re dealing with a “normal” person it won’t matter because you will decide together to do what’s best for the kids. HOWEVER, when that isn’t the case without specifics you’re basically screwed. Hope this stuff helps you avoid the problems!
From my experience... My attorney had so many clients, half the time he couldn't even remember who i was or what my case was about. Most the time these guys just care about getting paid as much as possible as quickly as possible. They want to win, of course. But making sure you get the "best possible outcome" isn't always on their highest priority list... they dont really care about whos right or wrong, they've dealt with so many scum bags, after awhile we all just blur together to them i bet.
Great advice Duane. Whenever one receives an email from an attorney or lawyer in a toxic family break up case, that correspondence or communication could act as a trigger point for your emotions making our head spins etc. Sometimes if you got a best mate, great relative or someone close who could read your emails , documents from courts and lawyers that always helps because you know they would look after your interests and with that help it may make it easier to look at those legal documents yourself to check everything later to. And like you have said several times in past videos, when responding to texts , emails from the ex spouse - don't rush with a response... take a step back.. settle down ... and if a response is necessary.... and it's not urgent ... respond after you have had time to think about it .... the next day etc. Same goes for legal documents.... take your time before you respond to your lawyer so you can clarify things in your mind and this is where best mates, great relatives... will help you.
Hey Duane thanks , in my decree my ex threw in a little catch line “ at provision states: The parties acknowledge that there is currently a requesting (sic) pending by Defendant to modify custody. Nothing in this Decree shall act as a waiver of Defendant’s right to pursue said request. She basically hid that in there i did not see it . Judge did deny her requests to litigate custody further and ex now went and appealed to the Supreme Court over this “phrase “ i am currently waiting to see how they rule . Affirmed hopefully. Its been a 4 year slog to this point and its all so ridiculous now.
You absolutely have to because if something is thrown in there it can mess up everything. Hopeful with further review they will determine that he appeal is not supported. It a funny twist when we were trying to negotiate I said I would agree to extended time in the summer so she could take the kids to see her family (out of state). When the final wording arrived it said we each only get one week in the summer and I was like “okay” and it wasn’t until later that she realized what she agreed to and signed. By that time she had been so evil that I had no desire to be “accommodating”. To be honest I was actually surprised she had zero clue what was in the document….
Yup. Wording is so important. Had this happen to me also. My ex would and will exploit any loopholes he can find. Have had to go back to court multiple times to clarify wording and my lawyer understood the situation and did his best to word things so they couldn’t be twisted. So stressful
You know what is so amazing is how these people just don’t stop. They “LOVE” the chaos so much that it is just lather-rinse-repeat…. A “normal” human would get tired of these games and want to “move on” but #thesepeople just don’t stop…. The really frustrating part is *MOST* of the time attorneys do NOT want to get specific in wording. But when you’re dealing with someone like this you just have to…
Have to add. Without me saying a thing, because the most important action I try to take is keeping my children as blind to this as possible, they both sent me articles on narcissistic abuse by a parent. Kids nowadays are so smart and have so many resources available to them. I’m sad that they have dealt with enough to recognize what’s happening but ashamed to say I felt vindicated. Trying to find information on how to talk with them about this without pushing any of my past trauma on them.
Also planning vacation FREE cancellations Aren't FREE They meaning hotels campsites or other outings be careful these places will keep your money where your going or not
Yeah so true... I realized early on that I would NEVER be able to plan any grand adventure because of this. I made sure EVERYTHING that I did was easily movable...
Yeah that's for sure... I was just chatting with him the other day and I REALLY hope he can get this last thing figured out. Family court has a unique way to corrupting every aspect of your life... I'm hoping that in under 2 years things calm down. There are still things like alimony that will be on going that I will ultimately have to fight I'm just biding my time and waiting to see what happens. Hope you're doing ok Melissa!
Lol!! My ex hasn’t used it in 2.5 years. But thank to the heavens my kid is 15.5 and close to aging out. I still use OFW bc last time in court he accused me of not sharing information. Dam if you do dam if you don’t. But I’m headed back to court this year bc he’s been breaking the order and turned our kid against me(alienation) and he’s still on drugs. I have photos. Smh
It’s amazing how they all play games with the “facts”. I’m glad to hear you have OFW to capture the “reality” of what is going on. You’re right, it’s always double (and triple) binds. No real good solutions because there are negatives to all of them.
You know Monica, I was thinking about after I made the video that the government SHOULD STOP enforcement UNTIL it is cleared up... But I don't think I've ever heard of them taking all of the holds off of someone for that - it would be fair though... But as we all know, nothing is fair in family court.
Duane, I am currently going through this situation in my Texas Enforcement hearing. The opposing counsel filed a Motion to Clarify and I filed a Request for Findings of Fact and Conclusions of Law. The judge granted my exe's Motion to Modify Support; however, the date that it is supposed to cease is the same date in the original decree. We shall see! This has been a nightmare! I ended up Pro Se after spending 12K. TOXIC TOXIC TOXIC
So are you saying that it erased arrears OR are you saying that he now "over paid" you? These situations are just designed to break your spirit and will AND your financial health... I mean how many people have an "extra" $12k just laying around...
@@DSD he tried to say that I was no longer disabled because I went back to school online and earned my degree. There weren't any arrears, he just doesn't want to pay support any longer because it's affecting his new supply.
Well I guess I can kind of relate since I no longer want to pay support either. But here’s the difference, I’m not fighting these issues any longer because I do not want to the stress nor do I want to “risk” my peace. I hope with your degree you’ve bene able to start to work and earn money. The problem I see with your situation is that you accomplished the degree (congratulations by the way) using the online programs but that doesn’t mean you can translate that into a new career. Honestly I think the best solution, especially if you are getting support, is to find a way to NOT be reliant on that. When someone knows you are “surviving” on them it gives them a “unique” ability to screw with your life. I hate to say it, but there was a period of time that if I had a different career and could have FORCED the issue I *might* have done it. The risk with doing that though is “the system” can come after you with a vengeance and destroy your life (kind of like with Caleb). ANYWAY Monica I truly hope your life is looking up and you are starting to see the light after this nightmare. It just takes WAY to long to find our path through all of this…
@@DSD here's the situation, Duane. I'm 58 and need a multilevel anterior discectomy in my neck. During the discovery process, he posed as a landlord and filled a rental application in my name to gain access to my credit bureau. At present, I am praying for an indictment. This has been a nightmare! I truly believe he wants me on my knees. So yes, the ultimate situation would be to "break free" of him and the support. This whole nightmare has taken a tremendous toll on me and even my family..
Been there done that! I was dating a guy who was divorced 10 years before I met him. She would call me a slut and other things sleeping with a married man. She'd call all hours of the night drunk and sit there gripping and yelling at him he'd get maybe a couple hours of sleep before he had to go to work. He'd try to set up visits with the kids an she'd call in sick in order to be there to yell at him. Every year she hauled him back to court and tried to get my paycheck for child support and things. She was a full time student! That was her job. She got free lawyers except he had to pay the full amount for hers and his! The back child support was a joke!. He already paid that and then some.
Hi Lorrie, I really feel for the “new” person in these relationships. I think you all (my girlfriend included) come in thinking, “This can’t be THAT bad” and then once you’re in the middle of it you realize you’ve signed for something completely unexpected. So major props to you for sticking your toe in this foul water. Some states, to include California, are starting to get away from the “full time student” scenario and are forcing people to get back to work OR at the very least imputed wages. How long were you guys able to last before it got too much? Honestly, had I realized what I was dealing with I would have never got into a relationship. It is just not fair to the new person… The only way to make it “kinda” work would be to NEVER introduce that person to the kids or let the ex know about them. Which makes for a weird relationship…. The only reason Debby and I have been able too make it work is because we are older, don’t want to have any more kids, and we haven’t lived together.
I know you apologized on your video for the cursing but dude I understand. I would have flipped about the 401k thing and child support. Narcs and attorneys live for gray areas and loopholes. They will jump through every single one.
Hi Lady BoBannon! Yeah, you know me, I really try to keep the language off the channel but sometimes it's difficult. They really do, on the gray areas and loopholes...
When you brought up how her lawyer was just berating you - how do they always find the bulky lawyer who just tries to unhinge you? Do they get that from the ex or is the ex just good at sniffing out their own kind? My ex’s main lawyer went on maternity leave and her associate is even more insulting and ridiculously aggressive
Yeah I don't know but it sure seems right. But take this, later one of my co-workers got a divorce. The guy had my ex's attorney, and his wife had mine... And the behaviors swapped - it was really surprising (kinda). I think part of it is that some attorney's will (for effect) play the role their client want s them to. OR, the ex wrote most of the documents and the attorney just pushed them on... Either way it was very annoying.
@M M My ex fired her first lawyer after our VERY FIRST four way meeting. She didn’t like that the lawyer said to her that my initial offer was fair, and that “sometimes you have to give a little, to get a little”. So she hired a “shark”, and that woman started drama with my attorney on the first court date. In the end her attorney knew that I only wanted what was fair, and even complimented and thanked me when we signed the settlement. I could see the relief on her face, when she realized that she didn’t have to deal with my ex anymore.
Just had a hearing about her changing custody times vecause her lawyer said it was a typo! And they scheduled my protection order against her the same day the same hearing to save time, pro se didnt listen to a damn thing i said, at the end if the hearing the judge made a statement saying i should feel free to refile my protection order and come back with counsel...i was like wtf ...i filed this and testified that my next door nieghbor was contacted by her to keep tabs on me which my neighbir told me about, but because my testimony is hearsay and my nieghbir didnt want any part of this, i dont have 5000 dollars for a pro order after ive filed 5 of them and they do nothing to her...
Im.held accountable.for.every cent i.make and shes gambling and hustling and taking cash under the table and if that cash was accounted for id be paying nothing in support.
I have more.physical custody of my son, more over nights and bear more financial burden and every lawyer i talk to just tells me theres nothing they can do...but yet her lawyer is controlling everything. I get a panic attack everytime a new motion email shows up deviating form our agreed decree and now another change and i cant hire an attorney to defend me...im.over it....i now understand why men committ suicide, we lose constantly to a biased system. I have a friend whos baby mommy was using meth and other drugs caught arrested for negkect and abuse and that only put him on a level playong field finally, like wth!
My first lawyer forgot to put drug testing in to ours and he wouldn’t allow it to be added after - of course. But his lawyer said I had to move out “as soon as possible” and the judge said since he doesn’t know when it’s possible it’s unenforceable. So both sides kinda screwed something up - not this time though, I’m going over the next one with my fine tooth comb
I swear "they" (attorney's, judges, etc) want to make things so f'ing painful that it scares people to walk through their doors... Plus I always felt like it was all judicial theater where the attorney's met in the backroom, made the decisions on what was going to happen and then "got into character"...
@@DSD my first lawyer wasn’t getting paid up front so she literally did not care. And we didn’t have financial orders so to survive with two yr old twins I had to let him walk over me 70% of the time so he’d give us money to eat. No support locally, just brutal. Now we’re in negotiations because he doesn’t want to turn over his OBVIOUSLY doctored financials with blatant tax evasion, but he also cannot agree to everything I want because he’s a narc. We’ll see next week when my lawyer asks the courts to force them to give the records AND sanctions if he’s more reasonable, plus it’s the only way he’ll get the NDA he has always wanted so he can play good dad on his podcasts and shows and continue to be himself to me. Ahh, the show!! I think for once that need for a show will work in my favor
It’s so tough in these situations AND what I’ve noticed is that the toxic person always seems to get a pass in court. Whereas the target gets hosed… Well, at least initially. Over time things seem to come out so hopefully that will be your case. It becomes an exercise in frustration and we have to decide what is worth fighting for. For me I was just beat down and ran out of money so it wasn’t an option. I suppose in the long run it was good because it FORCED me to make my peace with this all to get my life back. Can you send me an email with his podcast and online presence?
So what do you say if the father just says “no” on taking my son for any holidays and never wants his child on any school breaks… I get 426 a month and he just will not allow me to work. His reasoning is that I have custody, Mon true Friday. He never takes him on holidays and when school was out during the pandemic he said no to helping me. I have a mortgage and bills. 426 is not close to what I need yo make it. What should I tell him?
This may or may not be what you want to hear but you have to work around the narc and find a job that will work with you or work for yourself to make more. I was doing food delivery for food apps for awhile and now I have to look for something else, which sucks because food delivery works with my schedule. My ex husband doesn't utilize his visitation more often than not and the kids are mostly with me. As you know this makes it very hard to work if I am scheduled and don't have reliable, safe childcare. In my experience the courts will just want you to "work it out" and won't force the other parent to take their visitation time. Still, document all the times he doesn't take the kids. I was able to modify due to my ex's work schedule. I didn't make it about what I couldn't do. I stuck to facts about his situation without disparaging.
Hi Lesley, well this is what I would suggest or have you consider. First lets assume that he isn’t the greatest guy in the world - and if he is narcissistic/toxic then the damage he can do to you and HIS son is pretty great. What I’ve seen, especially with mom’s, is they get really sick and irritated that their ex doesn’t even “show up”. Then you start looking for some way to “strike back”. Unfortunately the only way that seems appropriate is to go back to court and as for a change of custody and/or more money. The problem is when you “poke the hornet nest” it can be VERY unpredictable on what they do AND most of the time it is pretty devastating. Typically he launch a smear campaign again you with the kids and play the “alienated” parent. Sometimes, actually a lot of times, they can convince the kids that this is TRUE and it destroys the relationship with the other parent (you). So, he is my recommendation for you. IF you are making things work AND you have peace in your house just leave it as it is. You really have to ask yourself is it worth it to risk that relationship with your child and the peace in your house? As I said in the video I have NOT gone for a modification that I know I am “entitled” to because I do not want to risk that. I remember a friend at work in a similar situation who was paying support to his ex-wife and she would NEVER see the kids. I was like, YOU HAVE to change the child support. His comment was, “I’m paying her to stay away from us and minimizing the effect for the kids”. It took me a couple of years to fully understand what he was saying.
Hi sir. I'm really hoping that you're don't great. I know that what I'm about to write isn't relevant but I'm completely lost and shattered. My ex broke up with me before 2 months and 20 days now because I treat him badly but I truly love him and I can see my entire future with him but because I'm facing emotional, physical, and financial abuse from my family and they don't allow me to leave the house I tend to place all of my negativity on him. I love him with all of my heart but I'm making the mistakes over and over. I'm begging and pleading and he said it's over and find someone new. But before 10 days I made a huge mistake of sending pictures of my body to someone and talked about sex but then I stopped the conversation because i felt that I'm cheating and he found out later and blocked me and unblock then I block him and unblock him. Today we talked and he said that he wants to watch a movie together. I don't know what to do I want him back. He also reaching out constantly but doesn't want a relationship
Hi Rahaf no worries with the comment. Hmm, one of the things that typically happens is when we come from an abusive family we fundamentally (or subconsciously) do not believe you “deserve” anything good. What happens then is that you sabotage the relationship to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. The reality, at least in my opinion, until you are able to resolve those deep felt childhood wounds you’ll keep repeating this cycle. It is very difficult though when you can’t break free from that abusive cycle and even more chaotic when you’re thinking/feeling that “the one” (guy) can “save” you from that situation (not sure if that is what you’re feeling but my guess is probably). If you can slow yourself down then maybe proceeding with this guy could work - BUT you just have to be careful for yourself and for him. If possible try to see if you can get a therapist to help you with the family issues. If that doesn’t work then there are a lot of books that can help you - I list some of them on my website at www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/resources
These situations are so freaking stressful. I'm curious, how many other people have been burned because of a wording problem with their court orders??? It looks like Caleb Leveret's arrears issue is because of the wording on his court order. A similar thing happened to me with the retirement savings account. I had to cough up more money because of a mistake that would have cost me over $100k...
I like to think back to my religious days where the Old Testament talks about how it’s better to live on the eave of a rooftop than to live with a cantankerous woman. That author sounds like a wise person who learned that lesson the hard way. My solution is to do what I did at the end of the video and call all of the people out who assisted the biblical cantankerous woman all those years. Im prepared to drag all of them back through the muck because I won’t go down alone.
You were right when you were talking about the ONLY person that suffers is you and well the kids. Everyone else gets a pass. They get to go on with their lives and recover. I think that is the hardest thing about all of this. We get stuck in a moment in time and it is SOOOOO difficult to get away. When you have "the state" coming after you, seizing accounts, pulling passports, etc its just a constant reminder - a daily reminder - of the effect toxic evil people have had on your life. It's weird but my personal experience has been people MOST likely to not have ANY empathy and to do evil things are religious people... Not all of them BUT most...
And as always happens to you, your tantrum cost you. Your attorney dropped you and you no longer have any assistance from Robert at the AG. To add to that they probably have a dartboard with your face on it. I’m sure they will go out of their way now to make sure you NEVER get any relief and the penalties keep racking up. Stop being a 6 year old.
Yep! Wording is so important. In my court order about flights for our son we agreed to split the tickets 50/50. The word that was missing was ROUND TRIP TICKETS!!!!!!! He played so may games that in almost 2 yrs we haven't split a ticket yet. He's only been down for his aunt's wedding and she paid for it. He ignored his own sister about our son going down there. Our son is 15 and I let him read the court order almost 2 yrs ago so he knows the true. I feel so bad for my son and all kids going through this crap. Be careful with who you make babies with; it doesn't get better. I'm so happy I only had 1 child with him, because I saw the writing on the wall. Because he refused to help pay for tickets I put him on child support. I didn't want to, but he forced my hand. God bless the healthy parents out there ♥️
In my divorce I had limited representation up through the first round of mediation and had a lawyer draft documents but I still went over it to edit it. I guess it's the writer/editor in me 🤣I also don't like getting screwed. The next case, which was custody modification, I went through alone and did it pro SE. I typed up the petition and subsequent documents, reviewing it closely. By the end my ex's attorney learned how anal I was about wording and told me to type out the final order. Maybe he thought I couldn't do it but I did. Lol. I didn't want him drafting s***. He would end up only editing the format. Always make sure to go through those orders with a fine tooth comb. My ex husband has made the mistake multiple times of not looking over the order he signed off on and I use that against him.
That's great you did that. I *thought* I was going through things, and I was, BUT I just couldn't anticipate all the nuances. Had I understood *what* I was dealing with I would have made sure the Christmas things was firm and not "mutually agreed upon".
I’m so glad I heard of these issues while working on my order.
Lawyers kept saying I was being too specific with wording. Lol
They always do, and generally it makes sense because if it’s too specific it can be a “problem” but the reality is if you’re dealing with a “normal” person it won’t matter because you will decide together to do what’s best for the kids. HOWEVER, when that isn’t the case without specifics you’re basically screwed. Hope this stuff helps you avoid the problems!
From my experience... My attorney had so many clients, half the time he couldn't even remember who i was or what my case was about. Most the time these guys just care about getting paid as much as possible as quickly as possible. They want to win, of course. But making sure you get the "best possible outcome" isn't always on their highest priority list... they dont really care about whos right or wrong, they've dealt with so many scum bags, after awhile we all just blur together to them i bet.
Great advice Duane. Whenever one receives an email from an attorney or lawyer in a toxic family break up case, that correspondence or communication could act as a trigger point for your emotions making our head spins etc.
Sometimes if you got a best mate, great relative or someone close who could read your emails , documents from courts and lawyers that always helps because you know they would look after your interests and with that help it may make it easier to look at those legal documents yourself to check everything later to.
And like you have said several times in past videos, when responding to texts , emails from the ex spouse - don't rush with a response... take a step back.. settle down ... and if a response is necessary.... and it's not urgent ... respond after you have had time to think about it .... the next day etc.
Same goes for legal documents.... take your time before you respond to your lawyer so you can clarify things in your mind and this is where best mates, great relatives... will help you.
The files are giantic smart that's what attorney's do they ask for more time I'm still in court 9 months later
Yeah it's so tough with ALL the stuff they cram into there...
Hey Duane thanks , in my decree my ex threw in a little catch line
“ at provision states: The parties acknowledge that there is currently a requesting (sic) pending by Defendant to modify custody. Nothing in this Decree shall act as a waiver of Defendant’s right to pursue said request.
She basically hid that in there i did not see it . Judge did deny her requests to litigate custody further and ex now went and appealed to the Supreme Court over this “phrase “ i am currently waiting to see how they rule . Affirmed hopefully. Its been a 4 year slog to this point and its all so ridiculous now.
So yes read your decree final orders…
You absolutely have to because if something is thrown in there it can mess up everything. Hopeful with further review they will determine that he appeal is not supported. It a funny twist when we were trying to negotiate I said I would agree to extended time in the summer so she could take the kids to see her family (out of state). When the final wording arrived it said we each only get one week in the summer and I was like “okay” and it wasn’t until later that she realized what she agreed to and signed. By that time she had been so evil that I had no desire to be “accommodating”. To be honest I was actually surprised she had zero clue what was in the document….
Yup. Wording is so important. Had this happen to me also. My ex would and will exploit any loopholes he can find. Have had to go back to court multiple times to clarify wording and my lawyer understood the situation and did his best to word things so they couldn’t be twisted. So stressful
You know what is so amazing is how these people just don’t stop. They “LOVE” the chaos so much that it is just lather-rinse-repeat…. A “normal” human would get tired of these games and want to “move on” but #thesepeople just don’t stop…. The really frustrating part is *MOST* of the time attorneys do NOT want to get specific in wording. But when you’re dealing with someone like this you just have to…
Have to add. Without me saying a thing, because the most important action I try to take is keeping my children as blind to this as possible, they both sent me articles on narcissistic abuse by a parent. Kids nowadays are so smart and have so many resources available to them. I’m sad that they have dealt with enough to recognize what’s happening but ashamed to say I felt vindicated. Trying to find information on how to talk with them about this without pushing any of my past trauma on them.
Also planning vacation FREE cancellations Aren't FREE
They meaning hotels campsites or other outings be careful these places will keep your money where your going or not
Yeah so true... I realized early on that I would NEVER be able to plan any grand adventure because of this. I made sure EVERYTHING that I did was easily movable...
Your so right Duane good luck getting anything changed the court isn't going to clarify either me !!!!!
Yeah it's a huge problem... I know a lot of us get caught up in this mess and it is VERY painful...
It sucks when court orders and family court becomes a sick and twisted way of life
Yeah that's for sure... I was just chatting with him the other day and I REALLY hope he can get this last thing figured out. Family court has a unique way to corrupting every aspect of your life... I'm hoping that in under 2 years things calm down. There are still things like alimony that will be on going that I will ultimately have to fight I'm just biding my time and waiting to see what happens. Hope you're doing ok Melissa!
Lol!! My ex hasn’t used it in 2.5 years. But thank to the heavens my kid is 15.5 and close to aging out. I still use OFW bc last time in court he accused me of not sharing information. Dam if you do dam if you don’t. But I’m headed back to court this year bc he’s been breaking the order and turned our kid against me(alienation) and he’s still on drugs. I have photos. Smh
Get 'em! And I enjoy your channel. Don't worry about subs and views because you're out here helping people with your experiences. Good luck in court.
It’s amazing how they all play games with the “facts”. I’m glad to hear you have OFW to capture the “reality” of what is going on. You’re right, it’s always double (and triple) binds. No real good solutions because there are negatives to all of them.
Note to Caleb: Under Ex Parte Slavin (1967) the order is unenforceable if it is ambiguous.
You know Monica, I was thinking about after I made the video that the government SHOULD STOP enforcement UNTIL it is cleared up... But I don't think I've ever heard of them taking all of the holds off of someone for that - it would be fair though... But as we all know, nothing is fair in family court.
Duane, I am currently going through this situation in my Texas Enforcement hearing. The opposing counsel filed a Motion to Clarify and I filed a Request for Findings of Fact and Conclusions of Law. The judge granted my exe's Motion to Modify Support; however, the date that it is supposed to cease is the same date in the original decree. We shall see! This has been a nightmare! I ended up Pro Se after spending 12K. TOXIC TOXIC TOXIC
So are you saying that it erased arrears OR are you saying that he now "over paid" you? These situations are just designed to break your spirit and will AND your financial health... I mean how many people have an "extra" $12k just laying around...
@@DSD he tried to say that I was no longer disabled because I went back to school online and earned my degree. There weren't any arrears, he just doesn't want to pay support any longer because it's affecting his new supply.
Well I guess I can kind of relate since I no longer want to pay support either. But here’s the difference, I’m not fighting these issues any longer because I do not want to the stress nor do I want to “risk” my peace. I hope with your degree you’ve bene able to start to work and earn money. The problem I see with your situation is that you accomplished the degree (congratulations by the way) using the online programs but that doesn’t mean you can translate that into a new career. Honestly I think the best solution, especially if you are getting support, is to find a way to NOT be reliant on that. When someone knows you are “surviving” on them it gives them a “unique” ability to screw with your life. I hate to say it, but there was a period of time that if I had a different career and could have FORCED the issue I *might* have done it. The risk with doing that though is “the system” can come after you with a vengeance and destroy your life (kind of like with Caleb). ANYWAY Monica I truly hope your life is looking up and you are starting to see the light after this nightmare. It just takes WAY to long to find our path through all of this…
@@DSD here's the situation, Duane. I'm 58 and need a multilevel anterior discectomy in my neck. During the discovery process, he posed as a landlord and filled a rental application in my name to gain access to my credit bureau. At present, I am praying for an indictment. This has been a nightmare! I truly believe he wants me on my knees. So yes, the ultimate situation would be to "break free" of him and the support. This whole nightmare has taken a tremendous toll on me and even my family..
Been there done that! I was dating a guy who was divorced 10 years before I met him. She would call me a slut and other things sleeping with a married man. She'd call all hours of the night drunk and sit there gripping and yelling at him he'd get maybe a couple hours of sleep before he had to go to work. He'd try to set up visits with the kids an she'd call in sick in order to be there to yell at him. Every year she hauled him back to court and tried to get my paycheck for child support and things. She was a full time student! That was her job. She got free lawyers except he had to pay the full amount for hers and his! The back child support was a joke!. He already paid that and then some.
Hi Lorrie, I really feel for the “new” person in these relationships. I think you all (my girlfriend included) come in thinking, “This can’t be THAT bad” and then once you’re in the middle of it you realize you’ve signed for something completely unexpected. So major props to you for sticking your toe in this foul water. Some states, to include California, are starting to get away from the “full time student” scenario and are forcing people to get back to work OR at the very least imputed wages. How long were you guys able to last before it got too much? Honestly, had I realized what I was dealing with I would have never got into a relationship. It is just not fair to the new person… The only way to make it “kinda” work would be to NEVER introduce that person to the kids or let the ex know about them. Which makes for a weird relationship…. The only reason Debby and I have been able too make it work is because we are older, don’t want to have any more kids, and we haven’t lived together.
The big problem is that the kickbacks incentives to states for child support collect needs to be rescinded
The problem is the toxic ex treats the kids as cattle not children. Your ex wants your love as a substitute because that's the only connection left.
They backdate the order education in lawyering we should be the attorneys
It is very stressful
It really is... Like I mentioned Caleb's video was stressful to watch... at least for me
The court looks at marriage different then couples that have kids that never married...
I know you apologized on your video for the cursing but dude I understand. I would have flipped about the 401k thing and child support. Narcs and attorneys live for gray areas and loopholes. They will jump through every single one.
Hi Lady BoBannon! Yeah, you know me, I really try to keep the language off the channel but sometimes it's difficult. They really do, on the gray areas and loopholes...
My ex controlled my entire divorce...Attorneys, psychiatrist, cpa...He has taken our kids. My ex didn't care what anything stated...Be Careful!!
When you brought up how her lawyer was just berating you - how do they always find the bulky lawyer who just tries to unhinge you? Do they get that from the ex or is the ex just good at sniffing out their own kind? My ex’s main lawyer went on maternity leave and her associate is even more insulting and ridiculously aggressive
Yeah I don't know but it sure seems right. But take this, later one of my co-workers got a divorce. The guy had my ex's attorney, and his wife had mine... And the behaviors swapped - it was really surprising (kinda). I think part of it is that some attorney's will (for effect) play the role their client want s them to. OR, the ex wrote most of the documents and the attorney just pushed them on... Either way it was very annoying.
@M M My ex fired her first lawyer after our VERY FIRST four way meeting. She didn’t like that the lawyer said to her that my initial offer was fair, and that “sometimes you have to give a little, to get a little”. So she hired a “shark”, and that woman started drama with my attorney on the first court date. In the end her attorney knew that I only wanted what was fair, and even complimented and thanked me when we signed the settlement. I could see the relief on her face, when she realized that she didn’t have to deal with my ex anymore.
Duane, are you still offering coaching? Your website shows no available dates for the entire year.
I do I have to update the availability. I’ll be adding new times hopefully later today.
@@DSD Great, thank you!
Just had a hearing about her changing custody times vecause her lawyer said it was a typo! And they scheduled my protection order against her the same day the same hearing to save time, pro se didnt listen to a damn thing i said, at the end if the hearing the judge made a statement saying i should feel free to refile my protection order and come back with counsel...i was like wtf ...i filed this and testified that my next door nieghbor was contacted by her to keep tabs on me which my neighbir told me about, but because my testimony is hearsay and my nieghbir didnt want any part of this, i dont have 5000 dollars for a pro order after ive filed 5 of them and they do nothing to her...
Im.held accountable.for.every cent i.make and shes gambling and hustling and taking cash under the table and if that cash was accounted for id be paying nothing in support.
I have more.physical custody of my son, more over nights and bear more financial burden and every lawyer i talk to just tells me theres nothing they can do...but yet her lawyer is controlling everything. I get a panic attack everytime a new motion email shows up deviating form our agreed decree and now another change and i cant hire an attorney to defend me...im.over it....i now understand why men committ suicide, we lose constantly to a biased system. I have a friend whos baby mommy was using meth and other drugs caught arrested for negkect and abuse and that only put him on a level playong field finally, like wth!
My first lawyer forgot to put drug testing in to ours and he wouldn’t allow it to be added after - of course. But his lawyer said I had to move out “as soon as possible” and the judge said since he doesn’t know when it’s possible it’s unenforceable. So both sides kinda screwed something up - not this time though, I’m going over the next one with my fine tooth comb
I swear "they" (attorney's, judges, etc) want to make things so f'ing painful that it scares people to walk through their doors... Plus I always felt like it was all judicial theater where the attorney's met in the backroom, made the decisions on what was going to happen and then "got into character"...
@@DSD my first lawyer wasn’t getting paid up front so she literally did not care. And we didn’t have financial orders so to survive with two yr old twins I had to let him walk over me 70% of the time so he’d give us money to eat. No support locally, just brutal. Now we’re in negotiations because he doesn’t want to turn over his OBVIOUSLY doctored financials with blatant tax evasion, but he also cannot agree to everything I want because he’s a narc. We’ll see next week when my lawyer asks the courts to force them to give the records AND sanctions if he’s more reasonable, plus it’s the only way he’ll get the NDA he has always wanted so he can play good dad on his podcasts and shows and continue to be himself to me. Ahh, the show!! I think for once that need for a show will work in my favor
It’s so tough in these situations AND what I’ve noticed is that the toxic person always seems to get a pass in court. Whereas the target gets hosed… Well, at least initially. Over time things seem to come out so hopefully that will be your case. It becomes an exercise in frustration and we have to decide what is worth fighting for. For me I was just beat down and ran out of money so it wasn’t an option. I suppose in the long run it was good because it FORCED me to make my peace with this all to get my life back.
Can you send me an email with his podcast and online presence?
@@DSD I sent you an email through your website
@@MM-zs7rp outstanding! I’ll check it out later tonight when I get back!
So what do you say if the father just says “no” on taking my son for any holidays and never wants his child on any school breaks… I get 426 a month and he just will not allow me to work. His reasoning is that I have custody, Mon true Friday. He never takes him on holidays and when school was out during the pandemic he said no to helping me. I have a mortgage and bills. 426 is not close to what I need yo make it. What should I tell him?
This may or may not be what you want to hear but you have to work around the narc and find a job that will work with you or work for yourself to make more. I was doing food delivery for food apps for awhile and now I have to look for something else, which sucks because food delivery works with my schedule. My ex husband doesn't utilize his visitation more often than not and the kids are mostly with me. As you know this makes it very hard to work if I am scheduled and don't have reliable, safe childcare. In my experience the courts will just want you to "work it out" and won't force the other parent to take their visitation time. Still, document all the times he doesn't take the kids. I was able to modify due to my ex's work schedule. I didn't make it about what I couldn't do. I stuck to facts about his situation without disparaging.
Hi Lesley, well this is what I would suggest or have you consider. First lets assume that he isn’t the greatest guy in the world - and if he is narcissistic/toxic then the damage he can do to you and HIS son is pretty great. What I’ve seen, especially with mom’s, is they get really sick and irritated that their ex doesn’t even “show up”. Then you start looking for some way to “strike back”. Unfortunately the only way that seems appropriate is to go back to court and as for a change of custody and/or more money. The problem is when you “poke the hornet nest” it can be VERY unpredictable on what they do AND most of the time it is pretty devastating. Typically he launch a smear campaign again you with the kids and play the “alienated” parent. Sometimes, actually a lot of times, they can convince the kids that this is TRUE and it destroys the relationship with the other parent (you). So, he is my recommendation for you. IF you are making things work AND you have peace in your house just leave it as it is. You really have to ask yourself is it worth it to risk that relationship with your child and the peace in your house? As I said in the video I have NOT gone for a modification that I know I am “entitled” to because I do not want to risk that. I remember a friend at work in a similar situation who was paying support to his ex-wife and she would NEVER see the kids. I was like, YOU HAVE to change the child support. His comment was, “I’m paying her to stay away from us and minimizing the effect for the kids”. It took me a couple of years to fully understand what he was saying.
Great advice Lady BoBannon!
Hi sir. I'm really hoping that you're don't great. I know that what I'm about to write isn't relevant but I'm completely lost and shattered. My ex broke up with me before 2 months and 20 days now because I treat him badly but I truly love him and I can see my entire future with him but because I'm facing emotional, physical, and financial abuse from my family and they don't allow me to leave the house I tend to place all of my negativity on him. I love him with all of my heart but I'm making the mistakes over and over. I'm begging and pleading and he said it's over and find someone new. But before 10 days I made a huge mistake of sending pictures of my body to someone and talked about sex but then I stopped the conversation because i felt that I'm cheating and he found out later and blocked me and unblock then I block him and unblock him. Today we talked and he said that he wants to watch a movie together. I don't know what to do I want him back. He also reaching out constantly but doesn't want a relationship
Hi Rahaf no worries with the comment. Hmm, one of the things that typically happens is when we come from an abusive family we fundamentally (or subconsciously) do not believe you “deserve” anything good. What happens then is that you sabotage the relationship to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. The reality, at least in my opinion, until you are able to resolve those deep felt childhood wounds you’ll keep repeating this cycle. It is very difficult though when you can’t break free from that abusive cycle and even more chaotic when you’re thinking/feeling that “the one” (guy) can “save” you from that situation (not sure if that is what you’re feeling but my guess is probably). If you can slow yourself down then maybe proceeding with this guy could work - BUT you just have to be careful for yourself and for him. If possible try to see if you can get a therapist to help you with the family issues. If that doesn’t work then there are a lot of books that can help you - I list some of them on my website at www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/resources
I'm glad I avoided this. Bs
⭐⭐⭐Hi Duane~ You may want to contact Tina Swithin~ One Mom's Battle. She's in Cali and handled her divorce pro se. 💞💞💞 Blessings!!