Making RWBY Volume 1 Better
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- My Patreon: / judgmental_critter
My Merch: teespring.com/...
My Twitter: / judgmentalthe
My Comic: www.tumblr.com...
How would YOU band-aid the volume? Any big crazy ideas on how you would completely change the story? Any small little details you would change? I'm curious what all of your cool ideas are! :)
![MISSING: SLIM SHADY [Expanded Mourner’s Edition Trailer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/xh8qgHrOO1g/mqdefault.jpg)
11:07 I would make Yang a year older. Maybe she slacked off and had to retake a year, but she still has more experience than Ruby. Yang has always been a badass and being "out of practice" doesn't sound like her at all. Instead, I would make her an individualist, uncoordinated, getting in the way of her team, and maybe someone gets hurt. That sounds a lot more like her IMO.
"Maybe if Huntress Law wasn't so BOOORING I wouldn't have flunked it the first time, did they ever think of that?"
I agree that Yang just being "Out of practice" isn't in character for her, so another way to fix it would be for them to be attacked by a different Grimm, one with a special ability or specific weakness that they would've gone over in one of the classes Yang Missed. Then, the hot-headed physical-force-first-brains-later approach she takes gets her beaten and saved by the rest of the group. Something like a Geist could work great for that.
I think that's a good idea. Her trailer shows that she gets into plenty of fights unprompted; that would keep her in practice.
@@alexhussinger3550 Put her up against another Nevermore. Or some other flying Grimm that keeps out of range of her fists and her shells can't easily reach.
We could also use that individualist, uncoordinated side of Yang to explain Weiss' grievances about Ruby's fighting style (attacking "out of turn", getting in other people's way). It's because Ruby picked up some of those habits from her sister. (possibly Qrow, too, since he's a loner and doesn't really fight with other people in mind for his combat strategies)
It is really weird that Oobleck never picked up on Blake Belladonna being the daughter of famous former leader of the White Fang Ghira Belladonna. Almost like they didn't know she would be related to a famous figure until they started planning Volume 4.
Nobody knows apparently, it’s so stupid.
Which shows that Ghira and Kali are characters forced into the series, without any real proposition to be used for jokes of "boyfriend knowing the in-laws"
@@AlexZ1012If the White Fang used a title for their leader, it wouldn't have been an issue. Or if White Fang factions across the nations weren't talked about as much outside their respective nation. Blake using an alias either when rebelling or to enter school could've also worked.
"Ah, yes, the Belladonas. That lovely family consisting of a panther man with a Middle Eastern name who wears Indian-looking clothes, a wolf woman with an Indian name wearing an assymetric eastern-asian nonesense for clothes, and their cat daughter with an Old English name who wears outfits vaguely inspired by french aristocracy.
The three of them have been living for quite a while in this world's version of Australia and Northern Africa.
So they gotta have an italian surmane".
small note I think Jaune falling asleep in class could work if it was played less as him not paying attention and more him lacking sleep from staying up late studying, like he's putting in the effort but its not paying off
Yeah he’s just exhausted that would’ve been nice.
Bro I can relate to that
Ruby robbing a store because dust prices are way too high is so simple yet so genius.
but nooooo
let's copy cowboy bebop and hope no one would notice
@@BarioIDLcowboy bebop did not invent theft. Or overpriced goods.
@@BookWyrmOnAString you didn't invent cherry picking
@@BarioIDL I don't understand. Can you give more examples please?
perhaps but her dialogue about the industry is kinda bad
I think the change I would make here is that Raven ran away from Ty after she learned she was pregnant (making it very clear she wasn't coming back), and in his depression Summer was there for him and she ended up pregnant with Ruby before Yang was born. The timeframe on that just needs to be planned out so that Yang ages into the next school age as early as possible, then Ruby ages into it as late as reasonable.
I would also later reveal it was not Raven who abandoned Yang with Ty, it was Qrow, stealing her away from the tribe. This helps explain their animosity to each other, and it sets Raven up as a coward who talks tough, but runs away from her problems. I would have this be a surprise to Yang, who always thought it was her mom who choose to ditch her, and her party girl attitude was an attempt to surround herself with people who wanted her around; an affect she trades in for focusing on becoming the best Huntsman ever so the whole world will need her.
This sets up Yang backsliding hard into carefree party girl mode after Blake abandons her in Volume 4. This could also tie in to her hesitancy to wear the arm, and probably imply following her uncles footsteps with alcoholism (ideally breaking out of the spiral with her dad's help, of course). It also sets up her confrontation with her mom, and then a confrontation with her Uncle when she learns the truth, leading to extra drama with Qrow that can replace some of the nothing that happens in volume 5 XD
Finally, it gives Raven's "good guy or bad guy" question a little more gray area, especially if she outs that she was involved in Summer's last secret mission (a twist I would absolutely keep, even if the circumstances would have to change for your Volume 9 prewrite XD). Having her drop "you didn't see what they did to Summer" before she runs away from Yang and the relic would blow up the fandom and imply there is more going on then we know; which also justifies Yang siding with Qrow on punching Oscar in the face (something the girls are divided on but eventually Yang and Qrow, seperately, apologize for).
Apart from that change, and all the twists it later plays out, I think all your suggestions were fantastic, and I would love to see what sorts of band-aids you apply to the rest of the seasons! Thank you for all the great content, can't wait for the next video! ^.^
Hot *dam* that is good
I think here, if the birthdays aren’t canonical, we can have Yang be born around the beginning of the year and Ruby born at the end, or at least have yang be born at least a month before Ruby in the same year. That way Yang is still technically the older sister by, technically, one year.
Oh that’s real nice.
That is actually damn good as well.
If you go the polyamorous route Raven would have loved Summer as more than just a friend. Summer's death would send her spiraling. Raven's disillusionment would have a deeper meaning.
Maybe it stray too close to comedy but I thought the idea of Jaune essentially being legacy student (essentially a nepotism enrollment) would have worked better than the document forging.
Yes
That’s basically what he is but with less steps and makes more sense, I don’t know why this isn’t even the case LOL
Ruby: we need to stop yang from spending all her time at the clubs
Blake: i'll go
*Next morning*
Ruby: what do you mean "your dating now"?
There i just saved us all 10 years of will they won't they
I would have honestly preferred that than all the ship baiting for 10 years. If it was planned from the beginning then they didn't want BB from the get go, as to tease the fans and wring it for years but they also wanted to avoid a Korra fiasco by only confirming the ship at the end of the series.
Blake: I'll go
**5 hours later**
Ruby: **What do you mean you couldn't stop her?**
Blake: *With a ton of lipstick marks on her cheek* I tried my hardest
Ruby: YOU CLEARLY DIDN'T!
Since that also means Sun "deserves better than aquaphobe Millhouse" Wukong is avaliable, I vote that he and Weiss hook up with each other. They would be brilliant together.
@@pickyphysicsstudent201to be fair regarding the legend of Korra, the creators originally didn't plan for her and asami to get together until a little later. They believe after theyve developed Korra and asami overtime it made sense to put them together, the reason it turned out the way it did is because LGBT wasn't as accepting back then as it is today so they weren't allowed to out right show romantic build up between korra and asami in a "kids show" so they instead approached it with very subtle hints overtime and because they couldn't confirm it on air, they had to confirm it in the comics. Given yang and Blake kinda followed a similar route as Korra and asami ( which was literally the only reason I realized yang and Blake were apparently more than friends ) I was under the impression the writers took about of that formula from Korra and applied it to yang and Blakes relationship.
@@spencermalley10Penny: Just as planned.
I think adding Oscar early on would also be beneficial to story too. He becomes a big player and it would be great for his character to show up early so we can see him before him and Oz start the merge. That way seeing him become more like Oz would affect us and the other characters more since we all know who he used to be beforehand. They could easily make him a life long friend of any of the main characters.
I saw someone on Tumblr have the amazing idea of making Oscar one of Ruby's old friends from Signal. That way when she's writing to him, we could be building up the idea of his character. I really loved that idea but since I made Ruby the same age as everyone else, I decided that idea wouldn't work for my re-write. I'll just have to do something else with Oscar down the line :)
@@thejudgmentalcritter6584I actually also saw the old friend idea in the RWBY Evermorrow AU in episode 3.
@thejudgmentalcritter6584 I had this idea of having Oscar's aunt foster/ take in Ren and Nora so then he could be family and mentioned whenever they get to talk about themselves. But using your idea could help connect him with the main girls more because he would then know both Ruby and Yang since Yang is already friends with Nora and Ren. Maybe be like pen pals or have him visit the festival in volume 3. I'd love for them to try and convince him to apply to Beacon and him wanting to stay at the farm.
@@orangemarissa50 Holy shit that’s actually a really good idea
What if he moved to either Vail or Vacuo so he’s a childhood friend of either Ren and Nora (if we move their hometown) or Yang and Ruby when that meet again
First Celtic Phoenix and now Judgemental Critter it's nice to see others people take on the story
rwby has the potential to go into so many different branches, honestly, I think I like this version more than that of Celtics, but both have their strengths
You're forgetting Jerry Freeman's chaotic take
@@danielpetersen2307 what do we want? Conflict. Where do we want it? EVERYWHERE!
An easy way to fix Ruby & Yang is to make Yang a year older because she was held back for her party girl ways and maybe one or two fires. This way you can keep the Summer-Tai-Raven aspect the same as the original, keeping Yang as the big sister and making them all the same year to go to Beacon.
When was Yang ever a party girl? I just...never understood that.
@@nahte123456it’s established in her trailer and never again
@@vixshire3672 that's just dumb she went to the criminal to ask him a question, what does that have to do with a party?
@@nahte123456 it’s alluded
@@vixshire3672 how? By the fact she knows what drink she wants?
I wouldn't actually mind Ruby jumping a class or two...If you do something with it. Assume the fact she's essentially a prodigy, a tactical and combat genius. Maybe draw parallels with Pyrrha. Maybe part of the reason she's so confident about becoming a huntress, or really becoming a hero is that she is confident in her talent. So when Pyrrha, someone as talented and more experimented than her, is actually killed, and rather easily at that, it shakes her confidence, and in overcoming it she let the simple soul part of herself shine. Also, it would be fitting since she's supposed to be tactically minded in canon.
One thing that I would absolutely change is to have more Ruby/Blake, Yang/Weiss, and Weiss/Blake interaction. They're supposed to be a team but it feels like two duos standing next to each other.
Ruby and Blake have had two conversations that I can think of off the top of my head. In the whole series
I think it was brought up again ( all be it briefly) that Ruby was 2 years younger. Was on the field experience trip, and the other girls were mulling over the " why do you want to be a huntress" question. Think Weiss says, " she's just a kid," and Blake says, " she's only 2 years younger than us." Unless you meant never brought up again " in this season/ volume" and not in the show as a whole. Don't think it's brought up after that though to my knowledge.
Would love to give my thoughts on changes, but that be waaay to long. XD
While you say " it's just bandaids", with ( at time of writing) 8 more seasons/ volumes after this one, those little changes will have massive knock on effects to story down the line. So on its own, it might look like bandaids, but as a whole, for the show is surgery. Butterfly effect and all XD
You might be right. Because as I posted this video I realize literally the 2nd episode has Weiss say "Aren't you a little young to be joining beacon" and also in the Emerald Forest she says "congratulations, on being the best child to sneak their way into beacon." So just a huge L on my part lol.
@@thejudgmentalcritter6584 You're one person. Rooster Teeth had two writers, a director, and a bunch more staff. Ls happen and yours still pale in comparison to RT's.
@@ObsoletePerson especially since she's on a higher difficulty.
heya, amateur writer here, after watching the video and hearing about weiss and blake conflict about white and black, I desired to share my own rewrite surrounding the white fang:
in my version of rwby the wf stay mostly the same with one change: its not about racism, its about the grimm and the hunters system (remember when rwby was about that?), adam says that they have been dealing with grimm for centuries and that despite all the technological advance nothing has changed, people still live behind walls with fear and die in the wild and yet every year more and more fundings are expended on hunters, this isn't because hunters are bad at their jobs, but because they are greedy mercenaries with no actual interest in ending the grimm menace, just in perpetuating the status quo where they have power and fame, since no grimm means hunters lost their job and power. the government allows this because its the perfect excuse to have a totalitarian system that increases taxation at will, has a curfew, forced recruitment, etc. so the white fang has to commit terrorism in order to overthrow the current government and replace the hunter system by something better.
and this affect the whole worldbuilding, for example, the idea that grimm are attracted to negative emotions is just a theory backed by circumstantial evidence that is used by the governments to enforce censorship and control the narrative
edit: okay, people seem to like this idea so I'm gonna go into more detail.
-i based this version around frwby version of rwby.
adam in this version is more old (40 years approx when the series start) and he is a mentor figure to blake. blake is a runaway kid that leaved home at 15 years approx. bcs she wanted to join the wf and do something to fix the world instead of just trying to ignore things. she joins the wf alongside illia and wildbull (an oc that I created to fill a gap since no other named wf member could fill it). they were adams apprentices and formed team abiw with adam as the leader and master with blake as the second in command when adams gone and the best student of adam. the black trailer stays mostly the same but illia and wild bull are in there, when blake leaves she takes the staff of the train with her (unlike in the black trailer where she just leaves them to die since she doesn't stop adam), adam lets her go saying that once she realizes the truth about this world she will come back.
wild bull and moonriser (name of the liutant who in this version is a close friend of adam and the second in command, in case you were wondering, he's based on sundowner from mgr) get killed in v1 and v2 respectively by team rwby. in v3 he and blake fight for a brief period in a scene based on dante vs vergil on dmc3 when they fight under the rain, blake runs away thanks to yang who doesn't face off adam.
ruby doesn't faints after using her silver eyes but rather runs away with weiss where they regroup with blake and yang, they run into adam who fights the whole team head on until his mask gets broken and they see the scar, then adam starts to try to break them attacking both mind and body. separating them and fighting them 1v1.
first there is weiss "well, I gues they are right, if you wanna have something done..." "you are the one whose sent those killers after my family!" "bingo" "what have we done to you!?" "...*points at his eye*" "...ho right, stupid question *dodges stab* but neither me nor my brother have done anything!" "did you really tough that you could inherit the power, the money and the prestige without also inheriting the hate that the name schnee carries? the schnee are nothing but a parasite upon this world and today I contribute in getting rid of it!"" adam then scars weiss in the eye and then has to fight ruby:
"you monster! did you have any idea of how many have died because of you?" "pffft, you are the one to talk, your little involvement in the train caused the death of almost a hundred of my men" "they attacked us first! they gave us no choice!" "and that justifies everything, doesn't it? every single life that you took belonged to a person, with families, friends, hopes and dreams. all of that, gone in a single instant because you wanted to play hero! who do you think had to tell their kids that their parents weren't gonna come home?" they fight a bit more and when he sees yang approaching him he cuts ruby all over her skin "you killed my friends, so now im gonna break yours, and YOU cant stop me".
yang charges him and they start to trade blows "anyone would think to this point you would have realized what happens when people try to fight me one on one" "I just need to occupy you a few minutes and soon that wont be the case" "blake? the runaway kid who left her home for a tantrum? HA, she left us after years of camaraderie, and you think that just because you have know her for a few months she would die for you?" "she cares about us more of what she ever cared about you and your circus!" adam gets pissed off but keeps smiling "rats are always the first ones in abandoning the ship, but you should already know that. she has a new daughter you know?" (aclaration, in this version adam trained under raven, hence his opinion of the status quo) yang gets surprised by this "one that fits more her style, one that she can actually love" breaks her aura and knees her in the stomach, yangs drops to the floor and then blake appears to see the scene
blake gets shocked to see the state of her friends and adam takes advantage of this feeling "go ahead, run away! its the only thing you have ever been good at" blake then ran aways (i know this sounds terrible but this is a summary of a prototype, it makes more sense in context) adam then points to blake while looking at yang "willingly, unwillingly, at the end of the day, everyone abandons you... sad truth is, in the end, everyone's dies alone" yang activates her semblance and launches a punch and then adam cuts her arm, she falls to the floor and adam approaches her to perform the killing blow "that burning that you feel? it is shame" and then yang gets saved by the arrival of the other while adam has to escape.
i like this because it makes adam the personal villain of the team and in this case his beef is more than just obsession over his ex. blake is a traitor, weiss is a schnee, yang and ruby killed his men and teammates so now this is more personal.
Damn, this comment got deep, I like it^^
Im two paragraphs in and i LOVE IT. You can still have a racial bias/ prejudice angle with uneven treatment of the animal people(I forgot what their race is called). Fuanas I think. Thank you for putting the time to type this out. You can also still have elements of anti white fang propoganda as well.
@@josesosa3337 exactly, i mean, the wf is pretty much a terrorist organization and its not like those things are the most homogenous group ever, like, adam may be there bcs he's against the hunters while blake and illia might be there bcs the faunus racism.
in any case, glad to know that you liked my crazy ideas
I'd be a beta editor to that! Peak!
There better be a look at me schnee moment with Adam and Weiss where he takes off his mask. To me at least there’s nothing better in writing then a villain being right.
Also tbh I feel like you can have a main character be racist and have it change over time just not like a you change in 2 eps lol
The way you phrased that reminded of Homelander from The Boys. “WEISS SCHNEE! LOOK, AT, ME.”
No because I love the Weiss change so much because my brain is wilding with all of the cool character interactions that would bring (Especially with Magazine Thief Ruby, Banana thief/stowaway Sun, and Blake. Who is Blake.) and it would add so much to her agreeing to do things like stealing an airship later on because character growth and heck she might still be very openly against the idea and not happy about it at all, but she still can do it because she has to prioritize the many over her own personal morals, which can even set up for volume 7 and 8 with the iron wood stuff, and now im going down a rabbit hole of interesting ideas for this choice in Weiss's character-
And Yang acual being a party girl instead of us being told she is one? Yes. Incredible, I love to see it. Ruby calling out Yang saying she is abandoning her team? oof, that would hit like a train later when the mommy issues drop in. It's genuinely an interesting note that I really like. It kinda forms the beginning of a parallel to Yang and Raven, it opens up to opportunity for "like mother like daughter" things to pop up and could be so interesting, Yang can finally have stuff that isn't trauma and romance plotlines that overpower literally all else (Im sorry, I love Bmblb as a concept, I do not like how it was executed and thats just how it is-) hooray!
Final paragraph, since I have not so much to say about Blake (She is Blake, thats pretty much it.) I like how you made Rwby the same age as the others sure, I constantly forget that she is canonically two years younger anyways because they did nothing with it, but I really like her being a little petty criminal- that could also add to future interactions with Torchwick, since he would have seen her running from the store with the shopkeep yelling at her and calling her a thief, probably hearing what she responded with too? either way, it sets up what could be a really neat dynamic between the two of them for the future.
On the whole, I really like this, I like what you have done with the characters, and the way each of them can be built off of in such interesting ways, It feels like a proper foundation for the rest now, and I would love to see more of these for the other volumes! I like how you have added more notes about Remnant on the whole like the currency, and other faunus rights groups. I like this a lot and would love more when you can, because banger after banger with this one-
One addition I would make is for there to be a small mention of Maria, or more specifically the ‘Grimm Reaper’.
Imagine if say when Jaune and Ruby meet and are showing off their weapons Jaune asks if Ruby uses a scythe because she was inspired by the ‘Grimm Reaper’ a legendary huntress who disappeared decades ago.
This doesn’t really affect the main story but it would help to flesh out the lore and it would make learning that Maria is the Grimm Reaper feel really cool
Maybe have her on the cover of a magazine Ruby is reading throughout the season?
PLEASE cover the other volumes! This was a great look into how this show could be better. I would honestly be down for hearing your full re write of the show if you would ever want to do that to yourself.
I love this rewrite. The only I would add would be a peek into serious Nora. Her and Yang being buddies is perfect. Add in a scene of Yang complaining to Nora and Rin about her team. Have a moment of Nora making a face when Yang playfully calls Weiss a bully. When JNPR notices their leader being bullied. Pyra can looked concerned, Nora could make that same serious expression, and Rin's eyes could be hidden. Nora gets her hammer ready, Rin could grab her hammer and tell her not to. Next we see, Pyra's spear is thrown into the tree. Cardin and his goons could either freak out or run away. Pyra asks if Jaun is ok as they approach. He says he's fine. Nora and Rin stand between them and Cardin. It's a silent for a moment before Rin suggests they get back to everyone. Nora mumbles to herself that next time she won't miss before going back to her hyper energetic self and joke about teaching Jaun how to fight. Eluding to Rin and Nora's backstory while establishing that JNPR aren't as close as RWBY but they can rely on each other without complication.
Writting down my own thoughts as I watch:
1.Not sure about Ruby having beef with Schnee company, I'd say their comming together as a team works better when Weiss's problem with Ruby is more one-sided. That being said yes to mentioning prices and such, and overall just defining the workings of the world. Even if they don't come into play often, author having an idea regarding how stuff works can be super helpful going forward. Also yes to giving Ruby more agency, helps define her personality and gods know Ruby of all people needs the help.
2.To me the whole 2 years younger feels mostly like a handwave, since something interesting could have been done with it, but little was. That being said this change would probably have significant knock-on effects such as Ruby being closer to Yang's circle of friends. Could actually work better than the original in making Ruby's social awkwardness more than an informed character trait.
3.While having Yang be friends with Ren and Norra ties things a bit more together, I feel it also makes the world feel smaller at the same time, something RWBY is already suffering from.
4.Yang doesn't neccessarily need to skip class to be a party girl, but having her doze off instead of Jaune would definitely help emphasize the fact that she has an active night-life.
5.YES please don't just bring live Grimm into the school, much less class. The show already has problems with consistently portraing them as threat.
6.Overall just have Ruby and Yang interact more when explaining both of their Semblances. They grew up together and learned how to use them during that time, besides Tai and Crow, they know the most about their Semblances, fighting styles and all that.
7.Yes to cutting out Jaune forging his way into Beacon, simply because it doesn't amount to anything in the end. Being simply not as good as those around him is enough. That being said, if you need to deliver the same exposition during the reworked scenes, simply have him say the stuff to show to Pyrrha that her tutoring of him is having an effect. This way he doesn't come of as so hopelessly ignorant.
8.Yes on cutting out friends not doing anything about a friend being obviously bullied, or just another student being obviously bullied, it really damages their characters if we don't just choose to ignore the scene. Also maybe just make Cardin a better bully(as in writting quality). If the bullying is more subtle and less cartoony, it allows viewer to sympathize with Jaune better and he needs to farm those sympathy points wherever he can get them.
9.I would keep from undermining Yang's skill till later, it's her strong point(one of few) so build her up more, before letting her crash down later for maximum effect.
10.Changing Weiss from racist to Lawful is probably for the best, would still keep the conflict more between her and Blake, rather than her and Ruby, since the whole Schnee/Faunus thing really serves well as a point of conflict between the two. I would like to see Ruby and Yang express their views on the matterm more(bring in a perspective of a sort of third party).
11.Please no edglordy lines for Adam, the less that character talks the better. I like seeing him earlier(just a menace in the background), helps to sell the stakes of what will be happening later. Also would hold of on having Neo fight(maybe just a few quick acrobatic moves), her first appearance there helped with the mystery regarding her Semblance.
12.I see your point in giving Yang an arc, though personally I would rather use Volume one to set up longer arcs for all of RWBY, inculding the ones you solved during this one(Ruby-leadership/Weiss-tolerance of other viewpoints/Blake-trust in others/Yang-overreliance on her strong points).
As a whole(and without reworking just about everything) I fell it would do a lot of good to establish role for the members of RBWY within a team. Not saying they need to be pidgeonholed, just less interchangeable. Something like:
Ruby-leader/heart of the team, long-range firepower
Weiss-support/brain of the team(her powerset is very flexible and I just have hard time see her rapier being of much use against big Grimm)
Blake-adaptability, stealth
Yang-heavy close-range combat(also tanking the hits others cannot)
Sorry if it comes out as a fixing of a fixing or whatever. Just had a lot on my mind regarding RWBY and more or less just used the video as an excuse to vent my own thoughts with some kind of guiding rail to lean on. Especially since I don't have it in me to actually make a video myself.
Also definitely a YES on making videos about other Volumes. RWBY may have it's issues, but there is so much potential in there, it never ceases to be enjoyable to hear different perspectives
I appreciate the in-depth explanations! :D
I like your general points, but I disagree with the team role segment. Ruby wielding a sycthe but not using it is a sin of the rule of cool. And she barely uses it in later volumes as it is.
Yang being the tanky brawler pulling aggro is fine. The other three should focus on a switch based system. It's how parties in Sword Art Online took down floor bosses. And the same hit and run trade off technique is how a team of skirmishers would fight in class based games like MOBAs.
You'd still have Blake being the most adaptive and sleath focused. Weiss being more utility mage focused with her rapier more of a death by a thousand paper cuts style. Ruby would focus more either on final kill slicing, using her speed as a distraction, or zipping around taking out minion fodder on the battle outskirts while the team focuses a larger threat.
Amd then they all can be adaptive and use range when necessary because every weapon is "also a gun".
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts
These bandaids would give so much healing to the future volumes of the story!
I hate Yang but having her be the one ruby has to look after would make so much sense in later seasons, where Yang doesn't care about ruby or how she's feeling and cares more for blake. Despite the writer insisting that Yang was like ruby's mom, the one who raised her. And yes it does make sense because if ruby was always the one helping Yang out and telling her what to do for the good of the team, she wouldn't focus on the times ruby needs actual help, like volume 9. She'd always expect ruby to be there and support her but not do the same for ruby. This would tie in to when she and blake spilled the beans to Robin but didn't tell ruby.
celtic phoenix did a great job with his series of fixing rwby regarding volume 1
I honestly really liked this rewriting of RWBY : every characters gets to shine in some way and have their moment to establish themselves, it feels good to see the characters don't get shafted and don't have a place holder function, also the characters and concept get introduced more organically (though on RWBY defense : most of the times, characters and concept were created at the last moment because he thought it was a good idea for a fight and so the writers had to improvise), same for the future plot point of the story that are introduced/hinted, also some of the touchy subjects in RWBY are handled in a more respectful way
My only gripe will be about this version of Ruby : some people said it before me but it's pointed in the show how young Ruby is to be a student at Beacon but also it's an important part of her character, at the beginning most of the cast of RWBY are closed to be major so they already have some degree of maturity but Ruby is still this young child who's full of fantasy about heroes being those perfect being who always save the day, she haven't face big failures yet so it's crushing for her when she failed to save Pyrrha, it's give us an interesting dynamic as she's the less mature/little sister of her team but she's also the leader which is possibly a reason why Weiss was infuriated at this decision, she's already given too much responsability but she proved to be worthy of it
I'm also not too sure about this idea of Ruby stealing a magazine, I understand the development behind it but it feels a bit weird for Ruby to steal something when she dreamed of being someone as righteous as her mother (even if it's just a magazine)
As for Jaune : while the plot of him cheating to enter Beacon can be replace, I think it's a nice way to reference his inspiration of Jeanne d'Arc
But yeah those are just the thing I disagree personally, overall I enjoy your take on RWBY
Okay so I was thinking how about Cardin bullies Jaune for being a "nepobaby" since he's from a prestigious lineages but sucks at being a huntsman
Okay when it comes to Oscar I think you could use the idea that Oscar and his aunt's farm was on patch and that he was friends with Ruby and Yang by having them be childhood friends maybe have that Oscar, Ruby and Yang were the only kids in their particular area. So they hanged out a lot and that over the years they sort of drifted apart with Oscar and Ruby sort of keeping in touch from time to time. Yang going to more parties, Ruby focusing more on training to get ready for beacon and Oscar focusing more on the farm but trains secretly so that maybe he could impress Ruby one day since he started developing a crush on her over the years. That way he's not a total novice upon meeting the others and can somewhat hold his own in a fight without Oz taking over without it being eyebrow raising that this kid who just started fighting can all of a sudden get in a few blows and knockout a headmaster.
I have an idea for Oscar's weapons is he has armor plates on his body but each plate can transform into a different weapon and he can even combine them into other weapons to fight against grimm
@@erikroman1880 Kinda like Bloodsport from The Suicide Squad?
@@charliesnoopy1293 exactly like bloodsport
I like how Ruby immediately feels like more of a character in this version.
Ruby skipping ahead doesn’t factor into anything not that I’m thinking about it, you could remove it and nothing would change.
Giving faces to Yang’s shadow friends was nice but I wouldn’t make it people we know (or rather will know) it makes the world feel smaller in my opinion, everyone (in essence at least) knows everybody.
Yang actually going to parties is nice and another that could be done is that they could also serve as a way for her to keep asking about Raven.
Something I’ve seen people bring up and I’ve seen a few times in fan stories is that Ruby basically acts as the team mechanic: constantly tinkering and providing upkeep for their gear.
Other people have mentioned it but I wouldn’t flat out get rid of Weiss’s racism, it just needs to be written as an character arc, something she grows from organically instead of it just randomly being over.
Ren & Nora should've been more involved. I'd write them as tacidly unimpressed with Jaune being their leader but not maliciously. More so because they've been drifters for a number years and have joined groups only for them to break apart. The two work as a duo and can they afford to look out for someone else, if they are not reliable? But they also would like more friends.
During the Bully Arc Ren could have some guy talk with Jaune, explaining his & Nora's hardships of drifting around Remnant (also giving us insite of life outside of Kingdoms), while sympathising with Jaune's harsh upbringing. We don't need to the full Nuckleeve story but just some basic details, to explain their prior lifestyles. All they know what it is like to be frightened and weak. In the end, JNPR would come together through a shared desire to have a close friend group and not be alone.
It would also do good to showcase these survivalist skills Ren & Nora have, in preperation for team RNJR in V4. Jaune wants revenge for Pyrrha and Ren 'n' Nora know a lot more about travelling and survival. This makes their team-up much more justified.
Maybe Blake and Ren get friendship too. While Yang and Nora get some too. Not just Ruby and Jaune. And Weiss and Pyrrha. Nora and Ren get developed more with the rwby team.
Ever since the Pre-write, I was mulling over what to call your RWBY AU. Would it simply be "Critter's AU?" Or maybe "RWBY: Patchwork," "JC AU," "Judged AU," or "Teal-tint AU?" It's a small thing, I know, but thinking about the possible names was fun.
13:13
Foreshadowing the Penny Maiden story thread early? That hits a bit odd with me.
Sure, it adds more weight and payoff, but it also messes up the "Winter as the next Winter Maiden" story point.*
Personally, I see Penny as a sort of "Pet Project" for Pietro with Ironwood funding the research so the next generation of Atlesian Knights can have Aura capabilities. With Penny being essentially a prototype, entrusting her with the Maiden Powers when they aren't even sure it would work seems... short-sighted?
This is not a bash at your storytelling prowess Critter, I just see some plot-holes that you can easily smooth over when you get to them.
Overall, some great, minuscule tweaks to one of RWBY's best volumes. As always, I am excited to see what you do next!
Have a nice day everyone!
*Just realized that you can still have this plot point. After Penny died, Ironwood would see Project PENNY as a failure and assign his Second-in-Command Winter to be the next Maiden. When Penny is resurrected, that standing would still hold.
Edit:
Just rewatched Vol. 1 and I heard this come straight from Penny:
"One day, it will be my job to save the world."
So yeah, I'll have to eat my words...
Ahh! I'm fond of "Patchwork" and "JC AU"! :D
Let's go for RWBY Patchwork!
as a person that watched frwby from celtic phoenix I almost had a stroke when reading "Critter's AU"
I did think the same with the Penny Maiden plot point but I can also see it being a way to build into Atlas and Ironwood's stories too. That being making Atlas a culture with heavy reliance on technology which the show already had the bones of anyway but pushing it much further into total arrogance and a belief that technology will win against Salem and is better than any real magic.
Maybe play with the idea that Ironwood sees the mortal maidens as an inevitable risk to Remnants safety as eventually they will die and the powers will be passed on, possibly to someone that will not follow Atlas commands and in his mind that is a 'when' rather than 'if' eventuality. He could think - what if we with our advanced technology built an artificial maiden vessel that would never age, never get sick etc. I think this could also play on Ironwood's tinman inspiration and it could be an interesting prospect to have an 'Iron' form of himself made to transfer his own soul to later down the line.
Ironwood's tech obsession could be what sets the council against him and it could be them that command for Winter to take on that responsibility.
I saw the title and already loving it.
*EDIT:* After seeing all this, loved the little changes through season 1, make their connection and development more believable. Kudos for such creativity! I WOULD love to see more "Patching AU" series.
Honestly, I would like a see a sub-plot development between Pyrrah and Jaune's relationship; because at some point in RWBY 5 review you mentioned that Jaune's anger against Cinder made no sense, because those two were not a couple. It would be more heartbreaking to see Pyrrah and Jaune entering an actual relationship around V3, and give a push for Pyrrah's conflict story line -- between wanting to be treated like a normal girl VS I have a duty as huntresd to protect the world.
*As for your question, those are the changes I would add in V1 and future volumes.*
* Make the Grimm an actual force of nature. They are being of pure darkness, and heed no master. So no Salem.
* Since RWBY is a world abandoned by gods, let's said that Remmant is the ONLY continent that has managed to keep humanity united through strife and unity, yet keep a fragile alliance due the whole Maiden power debacle.
* The Grimm Brothers are the Big Bad. Why? Because they basically abandoned their "creations" and allowed darkness go unchecked (a.k.a the Grimm) to almost overtake the world, leaving humankind without guidance.
* Ozpin didn't offer Pyrrah a choice but an ultimatum, these raises the stakes of danger in V3, because from Ozpin (bias) POV Pyrrah is the "one" who can wield the power of the Maiden and they can not longer waste any precious time.
* Salem is STILL have role in the story but not a villian, but a tragic figure. Salem knew that the Gods that were not as powerful as they seem, and as sign of rebellion, she went to all kingdom to rebel against them and give humanity their freedom, only to end being reduced to ashes by the Dark God.
* In later volumes, team RWBY and JNR wear new outfit battle outfits. And I mean, practical outfits meant for battle, not fanservice that show skins.
Honestly, I like these ideas, especially having Pyrrha and Jaune being in an actual relationship to further drive his desire to kill Cinder and avenge Pyrrha. Perhaps have Jaune separating himself from his team in pursuit of Cinder and defeat her as opposed to Raven. This victory would come at a cost, as Jaune would receive burns, echoing the death of his namesake Joan of Arc.
Also, the idea of having the Grimm Brothers being the main antagonists harkens back to Chakravartin from Asura's Wrath and Ultima from Final Fantasy XVI. So, there's potential in that idea.
@@samzorn4656 Thanks you! I also like your take on Jaune being faithful to his legeng inspiration. That's what I loved about RWBY early chapters, the concept of fairy tales and what the characters take inspiration from. Honestly, it feels like a good way to create character development arc for the protagonists.
@@mariapazgonzalezlesme I also had the idea of Jaune being Ozma's next reincarnation, so as to further tie him to Joan of Arc (legend says that during the Hundred Years War between England and France when Joan was thirteen years old, Joan began hearing voices and seeing visions when she was thirteen years old. Believing these voices and visions were from God, they told her that it was her mission to free her country from the English and to help the dauphin, Charles, gain the French throne).
It would also give some explanation in canon as to why Ozpin accepted Jaune's falsified application documents despite knowing they were falsified, as Ozma may detect who his next vessel would be once the current one dies.
Of course, that would mean omitting Oscar, but I think there might be ways to include him in without being Ozma's reincarnation. Perhaps making him both the younger brother of Amber (the Fall Maiden) and the nephew of Hazel Rainhart, and then having Ozpin bring him into Beacon as his assistant so as to help keep watch over a comatose Amber.
I'm just throwing in ideas to utilize Oscar and have him at this point, so some of them may or may not take.
To Band aid the age problem at 4:00 we could move the birth dates around: let's say that Ruby skipped a year (due to whatever) and that her birthday is around december (instead of october) while everyone else is around august or before, that way everyone is 17 or soon to be while Ruby is actually 15 (soon to be 16) due to her birth being so late in the year. Idk what you think about this idea Critter. Btw, the Ruby stealing the magazine idea is genius, works for the present, future and as reference, simple genius.
We need to send this to some author and have them write this. I WANT MORE!
I can take that.
I think to help preserve Ruby seeming more childish than the others as well as the dynamic between her and Yang it would still make sense to have Ruby be a little younger even if it only by one year or so, at the very least establish she's the youngest of the team. Also with these changes it might be cool to add in a future band-aided volume 2 during the Blake and Yang talk that Yang wasn't just out partying when she was skipping class in volume 1 but also still trying to get info on Raven, and draw a parallel with Yang not wanting Blake to get hurt from running herself ragged the same way Yang almost did here from being too out of practice to fight the Ursa
tbh I actually kinda like the idea of Ruby being skipped ahead, but there has to be a reason behind it. And there already is in the show its just not used. Ruby has silver eyes, which are supposed to be this uber strong abillity but they are rarely used to tell an actual story, mostly being there to blast away some giant grimm at the end of a volume. i think it could be an okayish idea to have Ozpin choose to skip Ruby ahead because she has the silver eyes and Oz needs them in his fight against Salem. Maybe he always tried to have at least one user near him just in case, and the only one he can find at the moment is Ruby so he chooses to skip her ahead. That could also be the reason why he is watching over her team, he is making sure that she is safe
Things we could also add for each of them.
A) Why not make Yang older? She could be like three years older, but failed a lot, either because of bad behaviour, skipping classes or something else. Considering that she has connections and can enter a bar while still being a minor, her being older than the main cast would also make a lot of sense. That would fix the age problem and also show us just how reliant on her semblance she is, something that would be important down the line.
B) If we're removing Jaune faking transcripts, then we can also add an explanation why Blake chose Beacon? Her parents could know one of the staff and even Ozpin and allow her to enter to escape the White Fang.
C) Ruby could also have trouble prioritizing, choosing to upgrade her and Yang's weapons and sometimes skipping meals. This could also further show Weiss that Ruby can be a good leader if she focus.
D) In order to get along with her teammates, Weiss could try and buy gifts for them. Ruby complains about Dust prices? Weiss buys a case of each one and gives it to Ruby. Blake wants to buy a new book, but it's sold out everywhere in Vale? Weiss orders it from somewhere else. Yang needs a place to train privately without the team finding out? Weiss rents out a gym. She could also buy their outfits we see in Volume 2.
P.S: I might be remembering wrong, but wasn't Weiss only badmouthing the White Fang, claiming they were all criminals, not wanting to understand their motivation, which was what angered Blake? It's been a while since I saw Volume 1.
I need you to do the rest of the show now!
I don't know if this is brought up in the video so before I watch: IOne of the main things I'd fix about about Vol. 1 is make Beacon as a setting MATTER! As in, use the setting as a way to naturally give the audience info about the world and a way to develop the characters. Have RWBY and the other students have training sessions ON-SCREEN to use Aura/their Semblences better so that the Vol 3 tournament arc down the line is less pointless because the audiences get to see that the girls have improved their fighting styles from Vol. 1. And as a way to flesh out the ill-defined power system.
Use geography/history classes to develop Remnant for worldbuilding so the audience gets the sense the world is lived in and not a cardboard cutout where things just happen.
Combat class could've easily been used to flesh out Yang's conflict with how flawed her fighting style is,instead it being something only brought up in Vol. 3 and the Vol.2 finale,since Glynda's supposed to be a combat teacher.
The other students,like CFVY could've easily been used as mentors for RWBY/JNPR,which also would've lead to more interesting character interactions as CelticPhoenix's own rewrite shows.
Also,most importantly, have classes that specifically deal with the skillset that Huntsmen are required to have. it's stupid that 9 Vols. in, the audience still doesn't really know what Huntsmen DO outside of "kill Grimm" And it's the core thing the show's premise is built on.
Beacon's one of the most underultized schools setting I've seen and I think a decent chunk of the issues the show has could've been avoid had the writers had the sense to take advantage of it.
Ya know it's pretty funny that making some small tweaks here and there in RWBY would make some very interesting improvements
RWBY as a series has the building blocks of something great but it’s put together like someone who just did a shit ton of brown acid.
@thomasraines1396
Hmmmm yeah, you got a point.
Moving stuff here and there and slight adjustments can make lots of improvements
Nice to see Yang have something to do in Volume 1, and for her friends to be actual characters.
Yeah I had it pointed that Yang at the beginning was really just “there” and didn’t actually do much so she could’ve very easily be replaced.
0:17 - I'd probably do the exact same thing. It'd just be a COMPLETELY different story. Same setting and stuff (aura, semblances, Dust) but... yeah. Lot of things different. As much as I like the world and characters of 'RWBY', the actual story is something I just don't like.
0:39 - "It's OVER, Rooster Teeth! My Stand, [Band Aid], is INVINCIBLE!"
1:20 - Hm... That leaves a bad taste in my mouth. But this is your band aid and you can do what you like with it. It's a unique take. :D
2:07 - Y'know, that actually makes a lot of sense.
2:52 - Okay, you've sold me on this. I don't PERSONALLY like it but I can definitely appreciate how it all ties together.
6:28 - Probably not necessary but it would establish that having students fight Grimm in classrooms is a part of the curriculum (unless you'd like to change that). Could also be used to establish that, despite the omnipresence of Grimm outside of establishments and the need of hunters, the world is quite peaceful and Grimm can be considered safe even for a classroom setting if isolated and caged like that.
?:?? - I thought you'd mention this at some stage but I figure this would also be decent to have Yang also throw in looking for Raven at the same time. She still parties but she also still asks when the opportunity arises.
12:26 - Tee hee hee hee hee. :D
13:15 - Oh that's actually brilliant.
14:55 - I did! You've done a really good job of sticking to the original story while changing a lot of smaller details to make a greater whole. I applaud you.
Honestly my idea for a small rewrite is when Blake is explaining the white fang to sun. I would have Yang be there in order to want to help out in order to make it up to Blake for skipping school and making their team look bad. Blake starts to talk about the white fang and have yang be confused about certain details and then have Blake explain that they covered the information about the white fang in some of the classes she missed. This feels more natural and is a nice consequence for Yang's actions.
You could also have Blake explain the WF and Menagerie to just Yang. Sun is a faunus, he should know that stuff already (apart from Blake being in it).
I was thinking about having Qrow be the real father and hiding it because he was too ashamed of himself for having Summer's child when he knew she loved Tai. But Summer doesn't resent him for it and keeps Ruby, vowing to love the child no matter what. Qrow begins to improve and starts visiting Ruby more but then comes an incident where Summer and him go out on a mission to exterminate some Grimm in a village in Mistral. They succeed, albeit not without some injuries. However, after finishing the job Summer's Silver Eyes finally cause her to break and she loses her sanity. In my rewrite, Silver Eyes are extremely powerful (and function more as an empowered state and not a screen nuke) but the more they're used, the more they drain the user's sanity. And Summer had been using her Silver Eyes for nearly ten years. And if a user reaches the threshold, they will gradually mutate into a new, extremely powerful Grimm. She goes crazy and starts killing innocent people in the village, her eyes causing her to confuse them for more Grimm. Desperate to stop her, Qrow kills her by impaling her through the heart. Summer dies in his arms, her final words being, "take care of Ruby". Raven hears of this and turns away from Qrow, angry that he couldn't have found a better way. Qrow could never forgive himself for what he did and distanced himself from Ruby again. He lied and told her and Tai that Summer had died as a hero in battle against the Grimm. He was so depressed by the events that he chose to join the Hunter Academy's underground assassin organization to assist in their plans for a 'perfect world' to atone in some way for what he'd done. Because, you see, the Hunter Academy Headmasters were well aware of the consequences of Silver Eyes and knew that if Summer were left alive she could pose a serious threat to them later on if her Grimm transformation were completed. One of the Headmasters, Leo, insists that she take the new mission with Qrow, knowing that she'd lose control. Turns out, the village attacked by the Grimm was made up of a smaller faction who opposed his own plans and he secretly wished for them to be eliminated. What better way than having Summer go berserk during the last breaking point battle and then covering it up? If not, he could always have the Grimm kill the faction or send in some other forces to clean up afterwards. Qrow knew that Leo had other plans and was basically sending Summer to her death, but he couldn't oppose it.
The truth of this incident would later be discovered by Ruby after having a near death experience with Salem (who in my version is a guy) and being saved by Raven. This could be a catalyst for Ruby going down a darker path and seeking revenge against Leo and the organization that toyed with her mother's life. What do you guys think?
Yang makes friends with black blobs. I'm glad the show established that xD
How could we have the cafeteria scene differently? We need to see our characters eat in lunch. Nothing is worse than a school setting show doesn't have a cafeteria scene. It would have been refreshing to see.
Ruby stepping in to help Velvet, then give her friends the "I'm disappointed" face while escorting Velvet to either her team or the infirmary.
If the cafeteria scene stays, I'd use a first-year Faunus instead of Velvet and have at least some members of RWBY/JNPR intervene.
If you want to remake magic please make magic to be able to do every semblance that we know, because semblance is just a semblance of magic, the more a maiden understand a semblance, they'll be better to master it.
And make Ozpin to create a protective shield over beacon to limit salem control over the grimm, (outside the protective shield salem can control grimm make them more organized, but inside the protective shield Salem can't do that) so it will make sense as to why Ozpin says "the tower cannot fall" in volume 3 to Pyrrha, because that will make beacon vulnerable to salem control.
It's only minor thing i like for you to include in your fixing RWBY video😊
I think that for Volume 2, the biggest change should be in the climax with the Breach. It shouldn't happen dead center of the city, it should be at a border wall, where the train blows up a section of it. Now, there's a visual representation for Volume 3 of the growing fear of Grimm attacks and mistrust in the Hunter/Huntress academies, and a strain on resources of a constant patrol of the broken wall to prevent another breach. This would also create raised tension in volume 3's climax because there's never been Grimm in the heart of the city before, just a battle on the outskirts. It would also create much more panic for the defense in that climax, since there would be 3 different fronts to defend: The school, the wall, and the heart of the city.
I don’t normally comment on videos because I’m nervous I’ll say something stupid 😂😂, but I had to say something. Please please PLEASE, do the other volumes as well. Oh my lord these changes were so good and I agreed with nearly all of it! I’ve watched so much of your videos talking about Rwby’s writing, I ended up running a whole dnd campaign based off of its world as an alternate universe. Videos like theses and all the other ones you do inspire me to keep creating and doing what I can to make my creations better each day. 😊
Thank you so much!
Omg this was awesome! I love the concepts and little changes you gave V1!!! (Sorry if this becomes a pretty long comment, I'm excited about this video!)
Ren and Nora being Yang's friends? This works well because Yang and Nora share similar traits. The reason Ren's tagging along would be Nora. She drags him by the arm and they wander Beacon along Yang! Maybe another friend tagging along with Yang could be Velvet. You know, to mention CFVY and slowly giving them a real reason to be at the final fight of V2.
And Yang's overall storyline?? You made me love Yang again! I love that you actually showed her party girl side! Maybe a little scenes of Yang riding her motorcycle could be added. Maybe in a little montage of her skipping school or driving at night, going to parties nonstop! There's a comment here that gave a really good theory of Yang and Ruby being born that also connects with Raven leaving while she was pregnant, and then Tai and Summer got together after Raven left him. It also mentions that Qrow would be actually the one taking Yang to Tai and Summer, giving him and Yang conflict later on... I hope you read it! Because Ruby being the same age as Yang doesn't convince me at all. Maybe Ruby being one year younger, that would still keep the "young talented" huntress because you go to Beacon at 17, what's one year earlier?
Blake being more isolated is a good touch to highlight her lonely persona, good stuff. If you make a V2 re-patching, you could use Ruby and Blake's love for books to make them interact! I would love to see a more nerdy Ruby, and since she's a weapon maniac, books about weapons and dust would be a cool addition, that would help Ruby to also connect to Weiss since she's studious and knows about dust and its properties.
I love the heroic view you gave Weiss, this black and white view works very well with her "righteous" persona. I always found funny how she always mentioned the authorities when it came to anything! That also gives her this reduced view on things, this plays well with her discussion with Blake, both are literally the opposite on this situation: Weiss the Idealist and Blake the Realist. Weiss thinks she understands how the world works because of her grandfather and her isolated life, with total black and white, not in betweens. Whereas Blake had lived a harsh life when she was part of the White Fang. She understands the world is not how the books she loves describe it, it's cruel, has hope and has a lot of shades of grey... magnificent.
Making Weiss not racist? Good, that solves her weird fast development, but... the fact that the White Fang is the one attacking the SDC and its allies, they have probably killed more innocents than their main evil objectives, they've been robbing to authorities and Weiss is Jacques' daugther... all of this sums it up. Weiss would be a good example of kids becoming racist because of their parents. With Willow drowning in liquor, Winter leaving home, Whitley being too young and Nicholas dying in Weiss' childhood (making her radicalize her idolization of justice), that leaves Jacques as her main source of viewing the faunus, even more when Jacques' job has to do with faunus being slaves. He despises them, thinks they're just cattle and property and the ones who rebel, they're terrorist and ungrateful beings.
Like it or not, unfortunately Weiss' character relies on her SDC heritage, and said heritage collides with the White Fang. This all would give Weiss a biased view on faunus, you can still make her lean into the "right/wrong" point of view, leaning more into actions rather than appeareance, but the biases she was exposed from her father would make her lean into assuming every little thief that happens to be a faunus is a dangerous criminal, giving Blake a reason to retalliate and exposing certain biases she has too against the Schnees... but oh well, I loved the White Fang storyline and potential on Weiss' and Blake's character, what a shame RT didn't know what to do with them...
And that reminds me... I love that you included Adam in your finale!! If you keep going with this re-patchings, please give him more consistence! I don't care if you end up killing him off, I would like to have justice for what he represented! Adam needed to be a neutral piece, retalliating against the hate the world gave him. He is the product of irrational hate, racism, slavery and abuse from humans... his view on the world is as biased as Weiss', he's broken and has anger issues. That would help Blake's character too. If she became part of the White Fang there must be a good reason. For example, Ilia lost her parents and she never got justice for them, alienating her and turning to violence to satisfy her resentment towards humans, but she was a kid that lost her parents, who happened to also be slaves from the SDC... Adam was a slave, as shown by his scar. And his short showed us how he became more prone to violence. He was good in the past, but resentment, hate, abuses and anger were slowly turning him into a monster.
That would be a good explanation on why Blake was her partner for the missions, they shared the same values, wanting equality. But time turned him bitter, making him verbally abusing until he became violent against her. He lost his way, and Blake realized she was walking the same path as Adam. So she left the White Fang before it was too late for her. Please, don't make him an abusive ex, that was so lame, make it like how Blake mentioned it in early RWBY, that he was like her mentor, after all, he kinda taught her how to fight. Involving romance between those two sounds so ewww. (Btw, if you keep going, you could also give Sienna an actual use on the story!)
Neo tagging along in V1?? Great! I love Penny too, and the fact that you made your V1 finale an actual team RWBY fight! We need mpre of those! Extra points for eliminating the Jaune bullying cafeteria scene, it was SO dumb that nobody did anything to help him! That and that Jaune is actually a slow learner here? Amazing! It gives him more reasons to look up to Pyrrha and train with her and his little bullying arc is actually meaningful! Really, you need more props for this, congrats on connecting side stories and merging them naturally!
But overall, I like the re-patching! I wish to see more of it because you gave a lot of fixes and good ideas! And you know? You could ask your sister and your friend Allison what would be their takes on this re-patching! You could all do a podcast sharing your ideas too!!!
Whild ice queendom ended up amounting to nothing the first few recap episodes actually added some scenes i really wish were in the actual show. In general i really think rwby needs a reboot, i feel like so many things were done wrong and there is so much room for an amazing story.
In my opinion, the best way to fix the Ruby and Yang issue is to just simply make Ruby the daughter of Qrow. Ruby is so similar to Qrow anyway and has a better relationship with him than with Tai. Ruby also looks absolutely nothing like Tai or even Yang, so it's no wonder that so many people thought Qrow was Ruby's actual father and still think that to this day, myself included. That way you don't have to overwork yourself in trying to come up with an explanation as to how Ruby and Yang are the exact same age, yet are sisters as well. The polyamorous relationship explanation makes things too weird and brings up more questions than answers and as a writer, I wouldn't want to deal with that. The only people I found that support the polyamorous relationship explanation on Reddit are those suffering from chronic pr0n addiction and pr0n brain syndrome, lmao. As for your other fixes, I think they're pretty good.
My brother and I tried to do a rewrite. We had Ozpin be a bit more sinister to explain how Ruby and Jaune got in. He was there at the onset of Aura discovery so he knows how to stitch a part of his onto someone else's and 'jump' his consciousness to that body which erases the original host's mind. So he's always on the lookout for new bodies. Jaune was changed to having famous Hunter grandparents one of which died in the line of duty to explain parts of his demeanor. It was a lot of fun to do
How to make Vol 1 better: explain what is dust & Semblance properly 😶🌫️🫠
Don't forget Aura and the Kingdoms
and Aura.
@@kidprime6863 YUP. These writers literally wrote 3 Power Systems(Aura, Semblances & Dust), didn’t explain anything and then decided to ADD MAGIC to the mix so they can forget about Dust which was essentially Magic Crystals😭😭😭😭
@@bryana.escaleralopez Sure, they did go into detail about Semblances, Aura and Dust and the Kingdoms in those WoR videos. But that can only get you so far. What they need to do is expand upon them more in the show as well. But to do that they need to do it during a moment that's relevant like a training session, or a classroom, or someone giving them a tour and not during a moment like in the middle of an epic fight or whatever. RT should not have not ditch the episodic approach too soon.
@@kidprime6863 WoR are expensive wiki articles. If you want to know Power System exposition done right: Naruto, Bleach, HxH. Thats why i sometimes say RWBY feels like Eden Zero at the beginning: our powers come from Aether Gear? What's that? Magic but not really and is unique to everyone.
Id love to see more of these bandaging rwby videos! :)
this is pretty good "rewrite", i wonder what you have planned for the next volumes.
also at 10:18 i never realize how it is kinda dumb how ren tells them what actually happened in noras dream, weird. i also thought it was referring/hinting to how they probably had to survive in the wilderness after the nuckelavee destroyed their home.
Honestly this was a great rewrite concept, i don't often comment on videos, but i really liked the ideas for Weiss in particular, and as someone who really liked Edea's character in Bravely Default, it positively surprised me that you referenced that
Dang this made me happy to see, I really hope you do the other volumes. Rwby could have been so good with just small changes like these... Every time you would plant a seed for later plotline I would audibly gasp like damn that's so smart- lmao
Really goes to show how interesting Yang's character could be
I write a RWBY fanfic. I’ll definitely use some of these ideas and give credit
i will start by saying. “hindsight is 20/20.” Now that being said i wish this was how vol 1 actually went, and i would be very excited to see how you would rewrite future volumes maybe up untill at least three? because i think the farther this goes the more drastic changes would need to be made as changes start to compound, eg, dropping the word maiden with Penny. But again, Please do more of these i want to see this example of how things “should” have been.
loved this video! if you covered the other volumes too it would be awesome
I think that your interpretation is EXACTLY what V1 shouldve been. If we had the chance to rewrite RWBY from the ground up and reanimate it, your bandaids are what I would slap on.
I personally wouldn't change Ruby's age. Maybe you don't want her to be a Mary Sue, but if she's a prodigy, it not playing a major role isn't offensive to me. It's a factoid that just is, and to me, that's fine. Maybe in later volumes she has to kind of be parented out of any childish behavior, and it could explain her interrupting the fight between Tyrian and Qrow in Volume 4. However, I *love* the idea of making her mischievous, since it will make her later... well, crimes, more understandable, the other best option giving her a crippling hero complex that gets worse over time. I've even played around with both ideas in my head (without getting far in either, though).
I like what you added for Yang.
As for Oobleck giving little information on the White Fang, I just assumed he explained it to the students (and not the audience, I guess) during earlier classes since about a month had passed, but I like your idea with the other factions because it just makes sense. I respect you wanting to get rid of racism within our main cast. While I personally like your privileged backstory for Weiss, I would keep her at least a bigot so that she'd be forced to see the consequences of a mindset like hers but also to exemplify how widespread racism (via familial attitudes, widespread propaganda, etc.) can sadly affect a portion of general public, and this would give us a route to (hopefully non-toxically) explore the White Fang better. Maybe Weiss could try to get to know Sun better. I think a story could handle keeping racial tension within the team. Weiss can be a toxic personality put through the wringer, like how in Volume 8...... she pointed a sword at her own brother to be let in the house as a maybe war criminal (at least for all he knows). Is she truly toxic or does she just have deep-seated issues? Yes, it'd take a lot of exploring and conscience writing to not imply anything bad, such as justification for hate, but we could, through Weiss, explore prejudice in someone maybe willing to change.
I always thought the white fang should have been some kind of robin hood situation instead of a group of discriminates people blowing up buildings, like there tactics and once righteous goals being cruptued by a guy going crazy over his ex, i dynno just an idea
So many simple and elegant solutions here. I've toyed with doing a rewrite, and you've untangled a lot of knots I've had with volume 1 (including how episodic volume 1 is).
I would like to see more of this. Though Honestly, the "Fixing RWBY" genre is more interesting to me than the actual show.
Though it could be worth borrowing something from Celtic Phoenix and do a short response to some of the ideas posted below here.
I had a scrapped Rwby Au idea called “Grim Reaper” where basically I took away all of the Ozpin Salem plot, Semblances, changed how aura worked, Grimm, and made the story a revenge tale from Ruby’s perspective on her mother’s death. I wanted to focus on Ruby with the story and focus on more intimate fights between people. Is actually had two versions of a Rwby AU and the other version I decided to change into my own original story that I’m currently working on rn! I don’t know if I’ll pick up grim reaper again.
I love this, your ideas add so much to the character dynamics already that just has me thinking about all the ways that they could interact with each other going forward! Every character actually has a character arc, flaws to overcome, and potential conflicts with other characters. Season one did very little to look into where the show was going in the future seasons, all it needed was a little bit of groundwork to build off of, and I think you nailed it! There is one thing you didn't touch on much that I'd throw in as well: take all the lore that was put into World of Remnant and sprinkle it into classroom scenes and other early conversations. There was really no need to make a whole other show just for a little bit of extra lore! Little things for world building go a long way, like your idea of setting up that 30 Lien is a lot of money, so just having more stuff like that would have been amazing for setting up the next few seasons.
Seriously though, I haven't actually kept up with RWBY for a good few years now and seeing this is making me want to watch it again, only now I'm disappointed because I know that this version doesn't actually exist lol. Hope to see you do these rewrites for other volumes as well!
Making Ruby a chronic cheapskate is really funny.
This is so good!
I barely agree with any of it, but some of the ideas are absolute genius!!
I’ve been working on a total overhaul of RWBY for a while now, integrating the themes better, working the story and characters, etc., and your videos have been a great help!
When I actually get some of the scripts done: I’d love to find a way to find you doing videos reviewing them, or even just getting your thoughts.
Alas: I am a broke college student with no money and no talent. *dramatic swoon*
I’m all up for the poly fam for ruby and yang lol
13:15 Penny drops in, calls the group maidenless and skedaddles away
Ok, I do have a cleaner idea for that opening scene: We see Ruby shoplifting a few items (such as the magazine), but as she is heading out of the store, she sees the store being robbed--in which she decides to intervene. After the fight is done, we see her walk over to Glenda asking for her autograph--where the stolen items from earlier slip out of her pockets right in front of her.
Could be cool if Jaune recited how aura/semblance works to himself as some lesson he learned from his family instead of learning from Pyrrha
I think you did an excellent job rewriting this, and I would love to see the other seasons done this way. In reference to Ruby being 2 years younger. I think it shows that Ozpin knew, in a way, what was coming. He also knew the power Ruby's eyes hold and growing desperate he asks Ruby to come to Beacon. I think if that was any other huntress in training at Signal that did what Ruby did would at most get a public thankyou and a spot at Beacon in two years when they graduated Signal.
I actually would have changed it a bit more drastically. I would have kept ruby younger or aged her up to but I would also age up Yang and make her more like her father in terms of emotional maturity(she still would rage but it be more intimidating that way because you know you f up). Basically instead of ruby being the core emotional support it would instead be yang which would help put her more in the story. I’d imagine the entire team would feel more cohesive this way as for me I remember feeling like if they weren’t forced together they wouldn’t stick together and that Yang really served no purpose other to be the tough one. Plus it would be a great way to really shake up the team when Yang is in her depression, ruby would struggle with being the sole emotional heart of the group especially because she is the youngest and would deeply missing her sister and her guidance, Blake being upset and running away after what Adam did would hit more as not only was Yang the closest to her but the rock of the team helped keep them stable. Weiss is a bit harder to figure out especially because it’s been so long since I’ve watched the older seasons. Granted im not a writer at all so idk.
I have my own story I'm basing off the base concepts of RWBY. But a lot of things are very different. Effectively I'm just keeping the bones of the story, with the themes of the girls being outcasts and found family playing a major aspect in the early parts of the story as they rub against each other and learn to get along, then later on as they spread out after Beacon's fall they spread the messages and feelings and experiences they learned while at the school to those in need they meet while on missions in their respective parts of the world until they meet again.
10:13 instead of Noras story being a dream, I would've made it something that actually happened to both her and ren while on their journey as little kids after their town got destroyed. Nora would be exaggerating what actually happened, and ren's corrections would've made actual sense.
It could also be a way to set up their arc in V4/5 (I forgot lol), maybe even have them become super awkward when someone asks how they got in that situation or when it happened
For Jaune falling asleep in class, I'd personally keep elements of that, but have it be explained that he is working extremely hard, to the point he's pushing his body to the point where he could collapse from exhaustion at any moment. Oobleck notices this, and keeps Jaune back for two hours after classes are finished. Not to punish him, but to lecture Jaune on how a proper sleep schedule is important before basically instructing Jaune to have a nap.
It'll give payoff when he becomes a very good fighter and leader later on, because he had people supporting him and helping him from the very beginning.
this is really fun and actually sets up more reveals later so muchh better !!
would love to see your version of the narration thing fully of Ozpin and Salem talking at the start. That would be kind of cool and would honestly be something I'd listen to.
I like most of your adjustments. Here's a list of mine 👇
- Ruby, Weiss, Blake and Yang are all thirteen years old, with only few months differences between them. Same goes for their schoolmates at Beacon Academy, Oscar, Emerald, Mercury and Adam (or at least ages close to thirteen).
- Cinder is in her thirties and is a powerful crime boss and femme fatale.
- Professor Ozpin is not the reincarnation of an ancient warrior but a true ancient god, and he founded the Beacon Academy to protect the world of Remnant from the Grimm as Lord Raiden forms in Champions of Earthrealm to protect Earth from the forces of Outworld in Mortal Kombat.
- The Grimm are Lovecraftian-like creatures from another world who want to dominate Remnant to impose their imperiality there too. Salem is the creator of the Grimm and their world, as well as Ozpin's eternal arch-enemy/female and evil counterpart.
- Oscar is a former farmer who gets chosen by Ozpin as his personal sidekick so that he can later become his successor. He forms a father-and-son-like relationship with Ozpin and mutual romantic feelings for Ruby.
- Adam is Blake's former foster older brother by the time she was White Fang and actually supports her having a romantic relationship with Sun (he ships them, basically).
- Everyone wears their original Volume 1-3 outfits, except for Salem, Ironwood and Oscar who instead wear their current ones.
- Huntsmen and Huntresses are hidden to the pubblic in oder to prevent people to panic about the Grimm and their plans.
- The Aura and Semblance show up like the Auras in Dragon Ball.
- Emerald is Cinder's adoptive daughter and one of the very few people Cinder truly cares about.
- An idea I'm taking from you, starting the friendship between Team RWBY and Team JNPR by having Yang befriending Ren and Nora.
- Ironwood never turns evil.
- Both Ozpin and Salem are overall morally grey characters.
- Roman and Neo are a duo of gentlemen thieves who are not allied with Cinder or Salem (unless they are paid by them), and sometimes even collaborate with the heroes.
- Blake's parent aren't rich.
- The tone is usually comedic, but it does have its time where it gets serious (example: every moment Cinder and/or Salem are in).
So i really like this rewrite. there are a few things i would change:
I would have more contex with weiss and yang & blake when they got to school. I like how you said weiss is feeling disappointed with the team instead of just ruby. Like yang skipping but also arguing with her. Also blake condescending her and her belifs.
Also i would have cardin actually have a gride against both phyra and blake to give a little more character without too much to keep the mysterious vibe with her character.
2:16
I thought she just got inspired by Roman after the events of volume 3 with his big monologue about who he is and what he does to survive
Little fixes like this (especially with the benefit of hindsight) are always really fun thought exercises.
If I was to change anything, it's have to be something with Blake and the WF. A tall ask, but I think you can fix it by leaning more into Blake's "sort of princess" status. Make Menagerie a kingdom of primarily faunus that, a decade or so ago, underwent a coup backed by the SDC for a giant dust deposit. Conflict! Blake's family survives the coup and form the White Fang. She goes with Adam for a bit to lead a faction within the WF but breaks away because, well, Adam. The bow now in this version is for hiding her identity as Princess Belladonna of Menagerie and Blake of the White Fang. You can even say she ran to Beacon as a personal penance for letting Adam's faction go so far. There's a lot of things to iron out, but I think this fixes the whole "Fantasy Civil Rights" and "Blake is a princess" thing to a degree.
I’ve actually been working on my own RWBY rewrite. After seeing other people’s takes on RWBY I was inspired to dive into doing one myself I’ve even created some new characters and added some new bits of world building to certain kingdoms Atlus having thr biggest additions.
Imo we need more of this
Awesome notes, i really like how you focused on setting up future plot points and connecting dead ones.
The only issue is the format of the original release of volume 1 would not lean well towards that. being at max 14 min long per ep per week; adding so much more content that has later payoffs would probably limit or slow the more immediate plot progression, making the pacing slower, and each ep feel less satisfying.
Also if we're being real, all those things you setup early on (Maidens, Neo, Ghira) Werent even a twinkle in Monte Oum's eye at the time LOL
To add on what you did in regards to Yang, if you another one of these videos to Volume 2, when Yang speaks to Blake, Yang explains that she goes to the club as an outlet to let herself go as she's actually looking for clues in regards to finding Raven only to come across dead ends in her search.
these changes actually make sense and are really fitting for the series and characters
id love to see this for the other volumes too
New Madoka news coming on September 9th ANIPLEX Online Fest!!!
Schnee dust company overprices dust.
Reminds me of rooster teeth overprices their merch.
Finally. I have been waiting for this so long.
I wonder how much the story would change if Ruby knew hand to hand combat. It probably won't change much, but I usually think how awesome that'd be.
It truly is fascinating in how a few small adjustments can do wonders for the overall package
I for one would love to see you give the other volumes the same treatment
"I wouldn't blow up Beacon"
I strongly disagree, the Fall of Beacon is a great way to make the main villians a threat and establish stakes, though I would've made the school days section last longer(let's say into their third year), and have some episodic one-off villains and lesser Grimm battles to help provide contrast.
I feel like Ruby's love of and proficiency at building weapons could've been a subplot during their time at Beacon. Ruby did design and build Crescent Rose herself after all, and this is considered a normal practise at Signal Academy meaning Yang and others from Signal presumably also built their own; This is notable because Weiss is from Atlas and Blake was wrapped up in the White Fang prior to defecting and attending Beacon. With their respective backgrounds Weiss' weapon is almost certainly a high quality custom build but she wouldn't have made it herself, and Blake's is the most believably jury-rigged out of Team RWBY as a pistol, folding sword, and elastic rope. Granted Blake's basically Faunus royalty so she could probably afford quality, but it fits if she scrapped it together during her time in the White Fang post Sienna takeover while working violent missions with Adam.
Ren and Nora are native to Vale afaik so could have also attended Signal, which would be where they know Yang from, but Jaune explicitly didn't and Pyrrha's a top class student from Mistral. Given the history of Jaune's sword & shield I could see him getting the choice to build a new weapon and needing to sit on the choice for an episode or two to think it over, Yang chipping in at some point when she's hanging out with JNPR with advise to consult Ruby if he does go for making a custom build; Maybe Ruby actually helped Yang with the design & construction of her gauntlets back in Signal.
It'd be a believable plot point if the students gradually found shortcomings in their weapon's original designs or old craftsmanship during their time at Beacon and make revisions and new models. If Ruby had a hand in helping people with that it'd be a good way for her socially awkward self to make bonds with her peers while showing off her competence in an area of expertise the others wouldn't normally see, which could help form a basis for their respect towards her as a team leader despite being relatively childish. If Ruby was often seen tinkering with Crescent Rose doing maintenance and making adjustments based on in-field performance it'd play into her engineering skill and Ozpin's comment about Crescent Rose being "one of the most dangerous weapons ever designed", with her sniper scythe being regarded that highly by Ozpin of all people not just for being very deadly and difficult to use effectively, but also for being extremely well made and finely tuned even by professional huntsman standards.
There is one interesting aspect I don't think I've seen a rewrite explore: that Weiss should be *afraid* of Blake.
The White Fang *hate* the Schnee. So if the heiress finds out that one of her friends is secretly a member of the White Fang, it would not be difficult at all for her to think that Blake was there to kill her or something.
At the very least, it would make sense for her to reach for her sword and maybe even draw it on Blake.
One thing I'd change is to add the CLASSES! I mean, think about it, considering their duties, it doesn't make that much sense for their classes to just be focused on combat and regular school stuff!
* Survival (That Expedition with Oobleck sort of hit that itch, but not in the right way
* Engineering (Not just because "It's also a gun" but they made it themselves!)
* Search and Rescue
* Communications & Negotiation
* Medicine (One thing Naruto, specifically, the Hidden Leaf did, that I think the Hunter Teams would benefit massively from, was to make sure every team had a single designated medic/doctor)
* Chemistry
* Policing & Investigation (Would'be helped Cinder a lot)
* Childcare (early arrival of Jaune's oldest sister, also, certain people agree to allow the academies to watch their babies for an extended amount of time. Also, in dark times, Hunters and Huntresses DEFINITELY would've needed this skill after rescuing orphans)
Another thing I'd like to change (and something that I implement in my debut novel series, The Sovereign Species, is that those who succeed at the qualification exam: those who succeed get to form teams, those who fail, or don't fit in easily with any other team arrangements, are assembled in their own teams, but as Spares, IE: replacements for vanquished Hunters and Huntresses in pre-existing teams, who will disband to join older Hunters and Huntresses once training is complete, Cardinal (however you spell it) could be one such Spare team, and though they don't mind their fate that much at first, they grow closer to eachother and start excelling in later years to prove themselves so that they won't be split up upon graduation, and even become one of Beacon's heaviest hitters in the Vytal Tournament that Beacon falls in!
The Fall of Beacon would take place when RWBY's class is on the cusp of graduation, IE: after four years are almost done, rather than at the end of what's presumably a single school year. This would make the plot involving Cinder's faction into a slow burn shadow war, with wins and losses on both sides (but nobody dies until the aforementioned Fall of Beacon, so that Cinder's faction doesn't raise concerns) lots of sneaking and the occasional battles. Also:
Cinder's Faction are actually enrolled in Beacon since the beginning, and Cinder actually intends to use the school to train Emerald, Mercury, and the soft spoken, gentle, ray of holy light that is Nessie (DON'T BE FOOLED! It's Neo pretending to be a gentle, soft spoken dame who NOBODY would guess is actually Neopolitan), Cinder's faction would use Beacon the same way Qrow and Raven did. Emerald's a good thief, Mercury's an excellent assassin, and Neo's unbalanced, and Cinder's the most well-rounded of them, but every single one of them is overspecialized to the point of them being almost one-trick ponies, so they grow organically alongside team RWBY, but at a faster rate due to taking it seriously since the beginning, making them all stronger, and the next goal to overcome.
One final change is that all the fairytale motif characters would be unique just to Vale, for other characters, it could be different!
Atlas: MEMES! The Nyancat is already a child of that nation, just go all-out ham on this one! As a side note
*A certain Atlesian Fleet rolls in.*
Ozpin: Ah, Ironwood, you better have an explanation.
Ironwood: HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN? ALL YOUR BASE, ARE BELONG TO US!
On a serious note, I love Ironwood as a hero, please don't make him a villain after how he was treated.
I eagerly await what sort of character interpretation would arise from the Skibidi Toilet and Pharaoh's Curse!
Mistral: Warrior/Heroic stereotypes.
It just fits, I mean, we already have Achiles (Pyrrha) Mulan (Nora) Thor (Nora) and Jaune (Jaune De'Arc) Why not go all in and make it a huge Empire with all sorts of flavorfull characters!
Pirates, Bandits (Raven's tribe and others), Greeks (as in Spartans, Makedonians, Athenians, Syracusans, Alaxandrians aka Ptolemaic Egypt), Native Americans, Indians, Chinese, Japanese, Knights, the Vikings could be this race of winged Faunus who use their flying ability to rule the skies as a major military power, and have extremely potent magic enchanting abilities (surprise, Nora's their princess! Who got her wings sealed by her brother, Loki, so she may never return and reclaim the throne that was rightfully hers, she looks fully human, but isn't! And guess what? LOKI'S PART OF CINDER'S FACTION, and plans to take over Mistral's capital and become its Emperor! This would also add colossal connection to the White Fang)
Vacuo: Movie characters, straight up. Mad Max, Aliens, Avatar, Kill Bill, Sun and SNNN could be made to fit with this theme easily, I imagine.
geez, i love all the changes you made!! i especially like how you reconstructed weiss' character. it makes a lot more sense, and would call for even better development for her. nice work :D edit: and yes!! i'd love to see more of these videos for other volumes
Thinking about THE Ruby Rose shoplifting is funny af for some reason.