I guess the sound is messed up if you have headphones.. I lost my headphones sooo idk lol but if you can only hear it on one side while using headphones I apologize!
Been following you for a bit as my oldest son was sentenced last October. His charges were extremely similar to yours. He was just transferred FINALLY to minimum security yesterday. No one knows how bad the system is until he or she has personal knowledge about it. I told him about you and that I’m thankful you share all you do! Your transparency is admirable and I respect you so much, Jessica! ♥️
Moment I wanted to share with you. Somehow my teen daughters and I got on the topic of prison reform and the ideas they shared blew me away. I'm so proud of them for the way they see our world and in this topic specifically they want to fight for changes. They believe we need to support and help people succeed vs destroying people, create more trauma and you know..... correct the issues that lead to the problems. Most important create a system that lifts people instead of holding them down. They had a ton of thoughts that I know you advocate for so I wanted to share. We talked for 2+ hrs just about the way we are failing our citizens with our prison systems. Keep doing what you are doing. You're making a difference.
I have a teenage daughter and I’m so shocked and impressed at how informed and opinionated that generation is compared to my own. Of course I was a teen in the 90’s so current events were not on a phone in my pocket 24/7, but it’s amazing to me how much teenagers pay attention and CARE about these types of things now days. I think it’s great, and one of the (rare) positives of social media. I’m so proud of the opinions my girl has and how willing she is to fight for those opinions!
I just wanted to say kudos to both of you in this thread! You both seem like wonderful parents. A lot of parents are scared or upset when their teenagers are opinionated and passionate about subjects they may not agree with or don't know about. It's incredible that your kids feel safe to discuss these things with you. I'm 23 and don't have kids but I have a 12 year old niece and she teaches me things all the time. It's incredible. What a blessing it is to have kids who are constantly working to be better, kinder, smarter and more passionate than we are. To unlearn the things we or the world may have inadvertently taught them.❤️
I relate to these stories 100%. Unfortunately. You are correct, addiction is a monster. The hardest part of my recovery was realizing how many people I hurt and disappointed. Thank you for sharing your stories. You never know who may choose to not ever try drugs because they have heard from you what a nightmare it is.
On the bright side, no matter what happens in life, I know it could always be worse. I've been through a lot in the 7years I've been sober, but I was always grateful.
i will never forgive myself for the pain i caused my parents, boyfriend at the time, best friends and everyone who was around me. i was manipulative, angry, and hurting snd just wanted them to let me do my thing. i wouldnt let them get in my way. i dont know how to forgive that yk
@@bugstiverson7847 forgiveness is about accepting the way things are not as they should be. As long as you are no longer that person, no need to beat yourself up about it. Know better; do better.
I lost my daughter to addiction in October of 2020. She was 44 years old. I miss her every day. I am so glad for you and particular your mother that you have achieved sobriety. Stay sober. Your family loves you. I can guarantee you, your family will forgive you and continue in your recovery. Thank you for your honesty.
I'm so sorry for your loss! Please don't blame yourself at all. Addiction is more powerful than any one human. That's why a spiritual awakening or the correct treatment are the only things that help. I'm sure you did everything you could to try to help her.
So sorry for your loss. She’s in a better place now, and she’s watching over you. Her soul is still with you. And you’ll see her again. In the meantime, she wants you to live long and prosper. 💗
I watch you as a person who hasn't struggled with addiction. You give me so much more understanding, and i think the world needs more understanding and empathy. You honesty is incredible.
Your videos give me hope for my sister and her addiction. My kids don't even know that I have a sister. She isn't someone who is safe to be around. I'm hella proud of you.
I’ve been sober for over 8 years I got clean at 21 . I’m about to be 29 & my mother still hides her purse when I see her. She knows I’ve been sober & would never steal from her & she tells me it’s just habit now hiding her purse. It upsets me but I know I have to understand. Thanks Jess for your videos
I went through that for a very long time too and I think some of it was even my own insecurity of thinking people were thinking of hiding their purses hiding their purses but 8 years is a really long time to prove yourself and your mom needs to let that go
Some people really do just have a hard time breaking mindsets/habits sometimes...when I first got a cell phone(about 20 years ago!), I was really bad about answering my phone. Even though I broke that habit and have been diligently answering my phone for many many years now, my mom will still make jabs here and there about how bad I am at having a cell phone! I thank goodness I never stole from her during my active addiction otherwise she would never get past that either!
@@callthisnumbernow937 when you want it it’s a lot easier. I tell people don’t do it for your kids, family & friends . Don’t do it out of guilt,Do it for yourself & when you’re ready it’s a lot easier !
I, too, ditched people who cared, wrecked Thanksgiving dinner, etc…it sucks! So glad I’m sober now. I so cringe whenever I look back and remember the horrible decisions I made. Thank you for sharing!
This video was amazing this is why I love you , keep it 100 all the time. recovery saved my life 15 years ago and proud to say , I NVR went back to my old life. ❤
I enjoy, and religiously keep up with all your posts, but I particularly appreciate this kind of content. When I was first getting sober, I binged your channel like it was my own personal NA and I found your story times, and interviews with other addicts/previous addicts extremely relatable and helpful. I’m pretty socially awkward myself but if you ever find yourself in Rochester, NY or Clearwater, FL I would love to buy you some iced coffee and pick your brain!(grew up and regularly frequent Rochester, but currently live in Clearwater). Anyway, thank you for being brave enough to put yourself out there, I hope you realize how many people you are truly helping by doing so😊💚
This video jogged my memory, tremendously. It's also made me realize that I still feel guilty AF for some of the things I did- to the people who loved me the most. I just watched your last live, & you said "everyone needs therapy" I couldn't agree more! I think it might be a good time for me to seek some. I too am glad I'm not that person anymore. Thanks again, Jess for sharing.
It jogged my memory too of all the awful things I did while in active addiction! I'm so glad that isn't my life anymore! I make my parents proud now instead of putting them through hell and heartache and always bailing me out of jail.
your openness in your experience helps so much. i’m soon to be 24 and i notice how much i still relate to, when you describe your past self. i’m working really hard. thank you always!!!
The amount of shit I’ve done to people to “protect” my ED, I couldn’t even imagine w substance abuse. I was such an angry person deep in my ED, imagine if I was on substances too. It hurts.
I was with a girl who had a sever ED. We were 17-18 years old. Still to this day she’s suffering the consequences of her ED from 18 years ago. I got to see that first hand.. that was so rough. 😔 I’ve been through the substance abuse myself.. for 17 years. Finally through all that now. Anyways, I hope you all are doing well. 🙏🏻
Jess, you understand me. I've been clean for about 2 and a half years. You are such an inspiration. Whenever I feel like I'm losing my mind, you seem to post a video. That helps me a lot. Thanks so much for all you do! ❤️👍💯
I’ve left like three comments already, but as I’m watching this video I have more and more to say. I just want to say I’m sorry. I hope you don’t still beat yourself up about this. You are so brave to share all this.
Your house at home looks like my house but with the porch half chopped completely off. It's amazing you went through that and are still in active recovery. That means so much! You're so lucky to be where you are now, Jessica.
Girl props and 👏👏👏 if we all shared the worst 10 things we've ever done....it would be endless. most of those things no one but me knows about. This was such a brave video to film. 💯💯💯
I’m really glad you’ve been able to mend these relationships. I’m sure there are a bit you couldn’t/haven’t (I won’t lie… I have the same thing and I haven’t been in your shoes) but still the fact you’ve fixed them is amazing. I’m really proud of you (I know stranger on the internet is proud… yay… 😂) and I love that you share your story and help others. Your advice helps people who are recovering, are addicts, those who are close with addicts (me), and those that aren’t connected at all. So thank you. 🖤 Lots of love from Alaska. 🥰🥰
Thank you so much for sharing this. I can relate to almost all I this, and more… it’s so hard looking back at the bad decisions we make while in active addiction, how heartless I have been and I cry about it and beat myself up over it all the time still. Yet I cant seem to stop making these awful decisions and feel pretty hopeless. I hope one day I can be as brave as you and become a better person an share my story. Xo
Damn Jess. One of the most relatable videos you've put out in awhile. As an addict I definitely relate to literally all 10 of those stories. I'm so proud of you, you are a huge inspiration to me and give me so much hope that I can break free from my addictions. 💖
It takes time and sometimes you have to lose everything in order to realize how much you’ve screwed up. I shared some of my story in an above comment and related too much to everything Jess said. As a former c*ke and m*th addict, sincerely hope you get the help you need. I don’t know you either but know that even those who don’t are rooting for your recovery. Recovery isn’t a straight line and relapse can happen but know that it does get better. Your effort is what matters.
@@virginiabear1177 I'm in recovery as well and I am taking a coaching certification for it. The coursework explains things so well. It's not so much that you even have to "hit bottom," as much as it's about making sure that you have a solid recovery plan before your "stinking thinking," can take over again. That's why AA/NA can be so successful. I don't personally go to meetings anymore myself, but I have to stay humble and have come to realize that my addiction is methodical and always lurking and ready to pounce. I'll have 3 years clean in November but this doesn't mean that I'm safe from my addiction.
@@hotflippinmess9178 I hope you’re doing well! It’s a hard path to stay on some days but I always remember where I was this time last year and how horrible of a person the drugs made me.
Admitting this stuff to millions of people cannot be easy. I've done some terrible shit too and I find it impossible to trust people enough because they seem to wait to use any little thing against me. Props for that honestly, to try and raise awareness for addiction. God bless
I have thankfully never struggled with addiction, but when you told the bus story it really reminded of moments when I didn't realise I was going to break a promise but everyone around me already did. That feeling sucks. Letting people down is never fun and neither is feeling powerless.
Love you jess!! I've had some very similar situations while in my addiction as well. It's hard to look back on those days, but it makes me feel good to see how much progress I've made. I'm no longer that horrible selfish person. My main priority is my personal and mental health, taking care of my son, and working my ass off to aggord to live. Thank you for always being you. You're a great person and I always love watching your videos and seeing your continued progress over the years♡
Something kind of related that I've recently been able to verbalize lately, but there's something truly beautiful that I find in redemption itself. More specifically, I mean redemption that involves an arc where an individual tragically begins going on a self-serving destructive path, but then fully focuses on serving something other than themselves after an absolutely humbling moment. Jess's overall story definitely fits this model, and gives me chills.
This is all so sad to hear, these stories are so crazy. Addiction is such a terrible and deadly disease. So proud of you for being sober now and getting your life together.
You create so many demons in addiction that follow you around forever, even once you’ve started recovery. I feel like the biggest step in becoming healed & free is facing those demons & forgiving yourself or they will haunt you forever
Ok it takes guts to take responsibility. Makeing amends and admitting my faults to these people i hurt was the hardest part of getting sober. Youre very admirable and the way you stood up and put all your effort into every step it took to get your daughter back... im pround to be a follower of someone strong enough to put in that amount of effort for the right thing
Girl I never miss a video. I just adore you. You have an amazing story to tell folks. I know you help so many and I’m so glad you made it out for good and most of all, you got Micah back!! 💕
I have learned so much about prison, jail, and addiction from you!! Your amazing and I love learning new things. The good and the bad, it’s good to have some knowledge about everything. So thank you for teaching me about all of this. I had a problem with pain medicine but it was prescribed to me. I was having to have so many surgeries that I got used to taking the pain medicine. It became a normal thing for me. I’ve been doing so much better and your videos have helped me to stay in that mind set. I’m only 29 and I’ve had over 20 surgeries. Open heart surgeries, a hysterectomy at 25 years old (not by choice), I almost lost my leg after knee surgery. There’s been so many surgeries and there will be plenty more heart surgeries. At first I didn’t know how to handle pain medicines because I literally always need them. So it’s hard to tell when I shouldn’t be taking them. Anyways, thank you again for being you and for sharing your story. I started a RUclips channel to try and start sharing all of my stories but I don’t think people want to hear it.
I love these stories because it reminds me that I am not alone I don't have a lot of friends in addiction now Even though I still struggle But when I talked to some of my normal friends about some of the interactions I've had in life they talk to me like it's the craziest story they've ever heard and I love talking to another addict who gets what you mean who gets how fucking ruthless you can be but have such a good heart at the same time only another addict understands that
Yikes, it breaks my heart that you had to act this way at the time, knowing how kind and gracious you are now. You’ve come a long way and I’m so proud of you. Thank you for your perspective ❤️
I'm not sure if this is a fixable issue because I'm very tech illiterate. But I regularly listen to your videos on my Bluetooth headphones while I'm cleaning/driving/going to sleep/ect. And there's several videos, this one included, that only play through one side. It's not my headphones because the ads play through both. It's not a HUGE issue by any means, I usually keep one side on ear and one side off to keep my bearings and sometimes I'll have to swap sides depending on the video. No big deal. Just figured it was worth mentioning just in case. Lol. Ride or die crew. I've been watching you for ages. You've come SOOOO far and you're truly an inspiration to those of us still struggling. ❤️
This is such a great idea for a video, so many people do awful things when they aren't in their right mind and I really hope that speaking openly about it will help to break that shame spiral.
i relate to a lot of these stories 😢😢😢 going through active addiction is hard and we can’t judge ourselves so harshly for things we did. we were trying to figure out how to survive. what matters is how we choose to move forward❤️ ps. the “i’m just very tired” excuse never worked for me when i was nodding out either 😭💀
Video idea- structure of prisons(what’s a teir,dorm, how it is all set up,etc). I’ve never been to prison so therefore I’m a little confused on how prisons are set up. I love you so much and these are 10 insane stories. Stay safe 😊
Oh my do I relate to these feelings. I have 6 years clean from hardcore opiate addiction. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t relive some situation where my addict self did something awful and am wracked with guilt and disgust. Been in therapy x 5 years and is a big issue we work on. When you’re in active addiction you are not in the driver’s seat. It’s a never ending nightmare cycle where you are just trying to function and not be thrown in w/d . Am still to this day in disbelief that my parents have forgiven me for the hell I’ve put them through in the years of my addiction. And they say how proud they are of me. I feel very unworthy of that.
You sound exactly like myself! My boyfriend and "friends" came to pick me up from jail at 3 a.m.!! I was extremely sick and they had brought H with them, and I did it in the jail parking lot !!! I smoked it in the jail parking lot!!!!!!
❤️🙏 Thank you for your honesty, Jess. Hilarious and disturbing at the same time... Looking back on the mad addict days. Totally relate to the insanity of it all...Cool and normal 🙄😂 Keep on being your beautiful self ❤️🙏
I love your videos so much...they help me stay on the right path. This video reminded me of all the fucked up shit I used to do while I was using...addiction is a bitch and makes good people do truly heinous things. Thanks for reminding me even more how much better it is on the sober side of life. My sober date from H is 4/20 thought you would appreciate that being a fellow smoker 😉 keep up the great content!
Was locked for 3 years for a attempted and honestly your stories help me realclamate to society just to lisen to people who have been to prison and been through the struggle help me
I used to comfort myself when I was in the worst of my addiction and people would tell me, "keep this up and you're not going to have a single friend left in this world!" I would joke, "hey, I got friends I haven't even used yet!" I was a jerk, and am still embarrassed when I think about those days.
I just wanted to say I really like your channel. And as a fellow recovering addict I must be honest because I really wasn't sure with the first video I watched. But then i got to the end and you mentioned recovery and it stood out to me so much that I had to find another video. Well now I'm watching the 5th one in a row so i just wanted to give you a thank you for doing what you do and reminding so many others that they are not alone.
Jess I just want to say thank you so much for making these videos! 💕 I’ve been binge watching all of your videos and it’s really helping me cope and get a better understanding about my dad who lost his battle with addiction a few months ago. You are so awesome 👏
I think a lot of addicts can relate to this, I know that I can relate, on a personal level. In active addiction I hurt my dad more than anyone else and it’s painful to even think about because he was the one who cared the most. He is my best friend and If it wasn’t for him, I would still be using. I feel like he completely trusts me now and I wouldn’t do anything to change that.
Earlier this month I contacted Groups Recover. They wouldn’t help me detox off of my prescribed pain medication because I don’t have substance abuse disorder. It’s a shame that we have all the recovery programs and the only way I can get help from them is lie about my symptoms and ruin my clean record with the DEA or who ever keeps track. Getting help through a program is faster than going to primary care to request a detox medication. I’m not upset but instead I’m disappointed. It feels like no one is able to start helping me just as fast.
Amazing video, I love the background and I absolutely love your accountability it's really inspiring!! I hope and pray that you mended all these relationships
I have so many of the same stories….I still feel horrible for how shitty of a person I was. I love your videos so much, I just recently lost my best friend of 10+ years to fentanyl and it’s so hard. Watching your videos definitely reminds me I never wanna go back to that life ever.
I have been clean for going on 5 years. I still struggle with the anxiety and depression from it. I was the girl that would never try it but I'm struggling with anxiety and depression from screwing up my brain. I'm proud of myself. Do i have a lot of regrets yes but I'm happy I got clean. It is worth it, I am worth it. Here's to many more years of sobriety.
@@GodlyEddy the first time might have been fun, but waking up sick, going to work sick, having to find money to get some so I would not feel sick, in my book is not fun. I don't want anyone reading what you said as truth. I was miserable. It also accentuated the pain. I started out with pain management because I have lupus and fibromyalgia and could never really find relief. Just walk down skid row and ask them how much fun they're having. In both my uncles cases they had so much fun the killed themselves. So no I'm sorry it's by no means fun.
Every single story u told I've had such a similar situation, almost exactly the same sceneros with the holidays and leaving friends and justifying it/: it was almost like hearing myself talk about my own life it's crazy/: very happy for u and how far youve come. You should be so proud Jess! Hope to get there myself one day. Love ya!
All of your stories seem to have one thing in common: shame. I get the feeling you were ashamed of talking to people, letting them see how deep in it you were. You were definitely a really crappy friend, but I also feel for past you. It breaks my heart! I'm so glad you're here and you're doing well! 😭🖤
Thanks Jessica I really needed this video more than all of the rest of your videos. And yes you have produced a lot of great videos. I have never been high but my girlfriend has been many times. Like you she would blow me off and I would not see or hear anything from her until she was back in prison. I really want to give her another chance and hope that she will choose my love instead of drugs. She is your age and I am much older than her. I have never been in any kind of trouble. Like you she is a very beautiful woman in every way when sober. Thank you again. My prayers are with you and my lady.
I can relate to your Dad my daughter does the same thing to me because she's deep into her addiction so that when I do find her stopped in her truck and walk up to her she turns her head and very few words she says hey and bye in the same sentence I love her so much but she wants absolutely nothing to do with us right now I am waiting for the day that she does we aren't going to stop trying
Good ol T9 texting! I have a few of these stories too especially with family related events, important events. I feel so horrible for what I did and feel like all the apologies in the world don't fix it. Let's just say that I haven't missed one in 10 years now.
I'm so happy I found your channel! I can relate to so much of this. I know that you feel shame for many of the things that you did in the past. I don't think it's that your addiction outweighed EVERYTHING else in your life. It's more like you were possessed by your addiction so you would come to the surface every once in a while and then the addiction would take the wheel again. That's how it was for me at least.
I relate to a whole lot of these, Jessica! I may not have gotten high in jail after getting out but I sure did get high in a courthouse right before my court appearance! And the court parking lot!! Like WOW!!! HOW STUPID WAS I BACK THEN!!! I am forever blessed and grateful that I have will have 3 years clean on July 21st!!!!
I'm so proud of you Jessica. Every time I hear you talk about stuff, I always seem to be able to relate and feel like you are that one girl who sees the world like I do. All of these things are so intense and crazy to really think back on and be like, " oh my god... I really DID that..."- is such a powerfully insightful feeling. I know you know I know you know that I know that you know... We all make mistakes, and we both have the will to not give up on what we know is right. We both made similar mistakes, and I see a lot of me in you and you in me often. It's like looking in a mirror... I'm absolutely positive you have some *CRAZY* prison stories you obviously can't tell for the obvious reasons ✌🏻✌🏻... And I'm the type who wants to hear all those juicy *in* details.... I could imagine. Addiction is similar- I started doing crystal when I was 17 and quit when I was 20. I've been sober for almost 14yrs; not one relapse. I went to jail, and almost went to prison for a 15yr sentence but got off not guilty- for DV that I reported and got it turned on me. The system is evil. People inside are just lead wrong for the most part, and a lot of the women are mentally ill. I bunked with a woman who kidnapped her children, and she was Amish. Her story was so sad but from her point of view, I would had too. There was another woman I bunked with who shot a man on a reservation and her case was federal. Another woman I met had her case all over TV, and she was a librarian for the public schools- she threw her husband in a wood chipper after she shot him... She scared me; she had that dead look in her eyes that you see when you meet someone who has taken a life. That look is always an uneasy look to see, it makes me really uncomfortable around the person and she got bunked with the Amish girl eventually, and they became friends... So the Amish girl would tell me what she told her and I would see a totally different side on TV... It's so crazy. Her name is Hazelynn Stomps.
I teach child sex trafficking survivors in a group home, most of whom have been to jail and/or have serious addiction problems. Some of them barely make any progress because they are just waiting to get out so they can do more drugs. Some of my students AWOLed last year, and may or may not be back in jail or worse. I really hope they can eventually come out on the other side like you did, and not in the grave. I may even show one of your videos in class some day; I think some will be able to relate. Thanks for doing what you're doing.
Thanks for doing these videos Jess! Edit: Ignore below I see now you addressed this already! Just a heads up on the technicaI side. I think this recording, the audio only comes through on one side for headphone users... I have a pair of headphones where only the right side works most of the time and just static came through I had to play it through my phone speaker.
But in the end Jess, You overcame your addiction! You are inspiration. Addiction is an evil straight from hell. Not the addict, bc they are in misery. It's Addiction itself. I've written about Addiction as a live monster!
She has not overcome her addictions! She still drinks and smokes pot on a daily basis. How is that being in long term recovery. She is fooling no one but herself and maybe that Lush Reece. He’s in big denial also.
I don’t think the people in our lives realize that no matter how much they hate us that we hate ourselves 1000x more. We realize what we’re doing and we feel awful about it but it just proves how much of a hold addiction has on us and it’s terribly sad 😔
I guess the sound is messed up if you have headphones.. I lost my headphones sooo idk lol but if you can only hear it on one side while using headphones I apologize!
i was like dahh faqqq apple! these are less than a week old! ok ok ok, makes sense 🥳
Yes it is. I'll watch tomorrow :)
It isn’t just headphones it’s doing it to my phone without headphones too. But I’m glad you said this cuz I thought my phone was jacked 😂
Omg I thought my headphones were broken lmao
i was hearing it on the wrong side of headphones 🎧
Been following you for a bit as my oldest son was sentenced last October. His charges were extremely similar to yours. He was just transferred FINALLY to minimum security yesterday. No one knows how bad the system is until he or she has personal knowledge about it. I told him about you and that I’m thankful you share all you do! Your transparency is admirable and I respect you so much, Jessica! ♥️
Moment I wanted to share with you. Somehow my teen daughters and I got on the topic of prison reform and the ideas they shared blew me away. I'm so proud of them for the way they see our world and in this topic specifically they want to fight for changes. They believe we need to support and help people succeed vs destroying people, create more trauma and you know..... correct the issues that lead to the problems. Most important create a system that lifts people instead of holding them down.
They had a ton of thoughts that I know you advocate for so I wanted to share. We talked for 2+ hrs just about the way we are failing our citizens with our prison systems.
Keep doing what you are doing. You're making a difference.
I have a teenage daughter and I’m so shocked and impressed at how informed and opinionated that generation is compared to my own. Of course I was a teen in the 90’s so current events were not on a phone in my pocket 24/7, but it’s amazing to me how much teenagers pay attention and CARE about these types of things now days. I think it’s great, and one of the (rare) positives of social media. I’m so proud of the opinions my girl has and how willing she is to fight for those opinions!
I just wanted to say kudos to both of you in this thread! You both seem like wonderful parents. A lot of parents are scared or upset when their teenagers are opinionated and passionate about subjects they may not agree with or don't know about. It's incredible that your kids feel safe to discuss these things with you.
I'm 23 and don't have kids but I have a 12 year old niece and she teaches me things all the time. It's incredible. What a blessing it is to have kids who are constantly working to be better, kinder, smarter and more passionate than we are. To unlearn the things we or the world may have inadvertently taught them.❤️
I relate to these stories 100%. Unfortunately. You are correct, addiction is a monster. The hardest part of my recovery was realizing how many people I hurt and disappointed. Thank you for sharing your stories. You never know who may choose to not ever try drugs because they have heard from you what a nightmare it is.
my mom used to say the worst part of getting sober was having to acknowledge when she fucked up & having to fix it (or accept that she can’t fix it)
The sounds messed up for me on speaker too :x when I tried earphones it was just static
On the bright side, no matter what happens in life, I know it could always be worse. I've been through a lot in the 7years I've been sober, but I was always grateful.
i will never forgive myself for the pain i caused my parents, boyfriend at the time, best friends and everyone who was around me. i was manipulative, angry, and hurting snd just wanted them to let me do my thing. i wouldnt let them get in my way. i dont know how to forgive that yk
@@bugstiverson7847 forgiveness is about accepting the way things are not as they should be. As long as you are no longer that person, no need to beat yourself up about it. Know better; do better.
It is so hard to come to terms with the destruction I caused by my addiction. It’s even harder to talk about. Props to you for being open about it!
I lost my daughter to addiction in October of 2020. She was 44 years old. I miss her every day. I am so glad for you and particular your mother that you have achieved sobriety. Stay sober. Your family loves you. I can guarantee you, your family will forgive you and continue in your recovery. Thank you for your honesty.
I'm so sorry for your loss! Please don't blame yourself at all. Addiction is more powerful than any one human. That's why a spiritual awakening or the correct treatment are the only things that help.
I'm sure you did everything you could to try to help her.
So sorry for your loss. She’s in a better place now, and she’s watching over you. Her soul is still with you. And you’ll see her again. In the meantime, she wants you to live long and prosper. 💗
I'm so sorry😢 that must be hard♥️ sending all my love and prayers?, stay safe and healthy
Really sorry but at least she was able to live for Forty four years ❤
Sorry for your loss
I watch you as a person who hasn't struggled with addiction. You give me so much more understanding, and i think the world needs more understanding and empathy. You honesty is incredible.
Your videos give me hope for my sister and her addiction. My kids don't even know that I have a sister. She isn't someone who is safe to be around. I'm hella proud of you.
wishing you the best ❤
I’ve been sober for over 8 years I got clean at 21 . I’m about to be 29 & my mother still hides her purse when I see her. She knows I’ve been sober & would never steal from her & she tells me it’s just habit now hiding her purse. It upsets me but I know I have to understand. Thanks Jess for your videos
I went through that for a very long time too and I think some of it was even my own insecurity of thinking people were thinking of hiding their purses hiding their purses but 8 years is a really long time to prove yourself and your mom needs to let that go
Some people really do just have a hard time breaking mindsets/habits sometimes...when I first got a cell phone(about 20 years ago!), I was really bad about answering my phone. Even though I broke that habit and have been diligently answering my phone for many many years now, my mom will still make jabs here and there about how bad I am at having a cell phone! I thank goodness I never stole from her during my active addiction otherwise she would never get past that either!
Was it hard for you to get sober?
@@callthisnumbernow937 when you want it it’s a lot easier. I tell people don’t do it for your kids, family & friends . Don’t do it out of guilt,Do it for yourself & when you’re ready it’s a lot easier !
I’m about to go to treatment in a few days wish me luck and thanks for the advice
These are the stories that people need to hear.
I, too, ditched people who cared, wrecked Thanksgiving dinner, etc…it sucks! So glad I’m sober now. I so cringe whenever I look back and remember the horrible decisions I made. Thank you for sharing!
This video was amazing this is why I love you , keep it 100 all the time. recovery saved my life 15 years ago and proud to say , I NVR went back to my old life. ❤
I enjoy, and religiously keep up with all your posts, but I particularly appreciate this kind of content. When I was first getting sober, I binged your channel like it was my own personal NA and I found your story times, and interviews with other addicts/previous addicts extremely relatable and helpful.
I’m pretty socially awkward myself but if you ever find yourself in Rochester, NY or Clearwater, FL I would love to buy you some iced coffee and pick your brain!(grew up and regularly frequent Rochester, but currently live in Clearwater).
Anyway, thank you for being brave enough to put yourself out there, I hope you realize how many people you are truly helping by doing so😊💚
This video jogged my memory, tremendously. It's also made me realize that I still feel guilty AF for some of the things I did- to the people who loved me the most. I just watched your last live, & you said "everyone needs therapy" I couldn't agree more! I think it might be a good time for me to seek some. I too am glad I'm not that person anymore. Thanks again, Jess for sharing.
It jogged my memory too of all the awful things I did while in active addiction! I'm so glad that isn't my life anymore! I make my parents proud now instead of putting them through hell and heartache and always bailing me out of jail.
your openness in your experience helps so much. i’m soon to be 24 and i notice how much i still relate to, when you describe your past self. i’m working really hard. thank you always!!!
The amount of shit I’ve done to people to “protect” my ED, I couldn’t even imagine w substance abuse. I was such an angry person deep in my ED, imagine if I was on substances too. It hurts.
same, i used to insult my family and isolate myself in order to keep my ed intact, to keep getting worse
I was with a girl who had a sever ED. We were 17-18 years old. Still to this day she’s suffering the consequences of her ED from 18 years ago. I got to see that first hand.. that was so rough. 😔
I’ve been through the substance abuse myself.. for 17 years. Finally through all that now.
Anyways, I hope you all are doing well. 🙏🏻
@@ianloyd6384 what are the side effects she’s going though??
having dealt with both I can definitely say it’s not a fun combo
Sorry what is ED? Thanks
Jess, you understand me. I've been clean for about 2 and a half years. You are such an inspiration. Whenever I feel like I'm losing my mind, you seem to post a video. That helps me a lot. Thanks so much for all you do! ❤️👍💯
I’ve left like three comments already, but as I’m watching this video I have more and more to say. I just want to say I’m sorry. I hope you don’t still beat yourself up about this. You are so brave to share all this.
Me too
Your house at home looks like my house but with the porch half chopped completely off. It's amazing you went through that and are still in active recovery. That means so much! You're so lucky to be where you are now, Jessica.
Girl props and 👏👏👏 if we all shared the worst 10 things we've ever done....it would be endless. most of those things no one but me knows about. This was such a brave video to film. 💯💯💯
I’m really glad you’ve been able to mend these relationships. I’m sure there are a bit you couldn’t/haven’t (I won’t lie… I have the same thing and I haven’t been in your shoes) but still the fact you’ve fixed them is amazing. I’m really proud of you (I know stranger on the internet is proud… yay… 😂) and I love that you share your story and help others. Your advice helps people who are recovering, are addicts, those who are close with addicts (me), and those that aren’t connected at all.
So thank you. 🖤
Lots of love from Alaska. 🥰🥰
Thank you so much for sharing this. I can relate to almost all I this, and more… it’s so hard looking back at the bad decisions we make while in active addiction, how heartless I have been and I cry about it and beat myself up over it all the time still. Yet I cant seem to stop making these awful decisions and feel pretty hopeless. I hope one day I can be as brave as you and become a better person an share my story. Xo
You will we will gods promise
Damn Jess. One of the most relatable videos you've put out in awhile. As an addict I definitely relate to literally all 10 of those stories. I'm so proud of you, you are a huge inspiration to me and give me so much hope that I can break free from my addictions. 💖
It takes time and sometimes you have to lose everything in order to realize how much you’ve screwed up. I shared some of my story in an above comment and related too much to everything Jess said.
As a former c*ke and m*th addict, sincerely hope you get the help you need. I don’t know you either but know that even those who don’t are rooting for your recovery. Recovery isn’t a straight line and relapse can happen but know that it does get better. Your effort is what matters.
You can do it!!
My grandfather has 34 years sober. It is possible but it’s a difficult road! Surround yourself with positive people who only want the best for you. ❤️
@@virginiabear1177 I'm in recovery as well and I am taking a coaching certification for it. The coursework explains things so well. It's not so much that you even have to "hit bottom," as much as it's about making sure that you have a solid recovery plan before your "stinking thinking," can take over again.
That's why AA/NA can be so successful. I don't personally go to meetings anymore myself, but I have to stay humble and have come to realize that my addiction is methodical and always lurking and ready to pounce.
I'll have 3 years clean in November but this doesn't mean that I'm safe from my addiction.
@@hotflippinmess9178 I hope you’re doing well! It’s a hard path to stay on some days but I always remember where I was this time last year and how horrible of a person the drugs made me.
Admitting this stuff to millions of people cannot be easy. I've done some terrible shit too and I find it impossible to trust people enough because they seem to wait to use any little thing against me. Props for that honestly, to try and raise awareness for addiction. God bless
It's a very mature thing to do. I'm so proud of her.💕
I have thankfully never struggled with addiction, but when you told the bus story it really reminded of moments when I didn't realise I was going to break a promise but everyone around me already did. That feeling sucks. Letting people down is never fun and neither is feeling powerless.
Just started watching and we can never have too many stories. Love you guys! ♥
Yay!! Early. Love you jess!! Thank you for opening up about addiction. It makes me and other addicts feel not so alone!
Love you jess!! I've had some very similar situations while in my addiction as well. It's hard to look back on those days, but it makes me feel good to see how much progress I've made. I'm no longer that horrible selfish person. My main priority is my personal and mental health, taking care of my son, and working my ass off to aggord to live. Thank you for always being you. You're a great person and I always love watching your videos and seeing your continued progress over the years♡
Something kind of related that I've recently been able to verbalize lately, but there's something truly beautiful that I find in redemption itself. More specifically, I mean redemption that involves an arc where an individual tragically begins going on a self-serving destructive path, but then fully focuses on serving something other than themselves after an absolutely humbling moment. Jess's overall story definitely fits this model, and gives me chills.
I’m so beyond proud of you for overcoming so much! 💜
I'm glad I don't have an addiction because I was angry enough person as it was. You came long way from where you were. I'm glad you made it
This is all so sad to hear, these stories are so crazy. Addiction is such a terrible and deadly disease. So proud of you for being sober now and getting your life together.
Love this, it's different and so relatable, plus I think it helps show non-addicts the kind of behavior to look for in their loved ones.
You create so many demons in addiction that follow you around forever, even once you’ve started recovery. I feel like the biggest step in becoming healed & free is facing those demons & forgiving yourself or they will haunt you forever
you’re literally so strong. you’re so cool, keep going 💪🏻✨
Ok it takes guts to take responsibility. Makeing amends and admitting my faults to these people i hurt was the hardest part of getting sober. Youre very admirable and the way you stood up and put all your effort into every step it took to get your daughter back... im pround to be a follower of someone strong enough to put in that amount of effort for the right thing
Girl I never miss a video. I just adore you. You have an amazing story to tell folks. I know you help so many and I’m so glad you made it out for good and most of all, you got Micah back!! 💕
I have learned so much about prison, jail, and addiction from you!! Your amazing and I love learning new things. The good and the bad, it’s good to have some knowledge about everything. So thank you for teaching me about all of this. I had a problem with pain medicine but it was prescribed to me. I was having to have so many surgeries that I got used to taking the pain medicine. It became a normal thing for me. I’ve been doing so much better and your videos have helped me to stay in that mind set. I’m only 29 and I’ve had over 20 surgeries. Open heart surgeries, a hysterectomy at 25 years old (not by choice), I almost lost my leg after knee surgery. There’s been so many surgeries and there will be plenty more heart surgeries. At first I didn’t know how to handle pain medicines because I literally always need them. So it’s hard to tell when I shouldn’t be taking them. Anyways, thank you again for being you and for sharing your story. I started a RUclips channel to try and start sharing all of my stories but I don’t think people want to hear it.
I love these stories because it reminds me that I am not alone I don't have a lot of friends in addiction now Even though I still struggle But when I talked to some of my normal friends about some of the interactions I've had in life they talk to me like it's the craziest story they've ever heard and I love talking to another addict who gets what you mean who gets how fucking ruthless you can be but have such a good heart at the same time only another addict understands that
It means so much to see someone like you coming out of such a dark place. Thank you for being a voice of a very scary world 🥰
Yikes, it breaks my heart that you had to act this way at the time, knowing how kind and gracious you are now. You’ve come a long way and I’m so proud of you. Thank you for your perspective ❤️
I'm not sure if this is a fixable issue because I'm very tech illiterate. But I regularly listen to your videos on my Bluetooth headphones while I'm cleaning/driving/going to sleep/ect. And there's several videos, this one included, that only play through one side. It's not my headphones because the ads play through both. It's not a HUGE issue by any means, I usually keep one side on ear and one side off to keep my bearings and sometimes I'll have to swap sides depending on the video. No big deal. Just figured it was worth mentioning just in case.
Lol. Ride or die crew. I've been watching you for ages. You've come SOOOO far and you're truly an inspiration to those of us still struggling. ❤️
Jessica, I love your honesty, accountability, and your beautiful family!❤️😊
Love you Jess you've come so far 😘🖤🖤🖤
Fun fact (Aussie) driving 7 hours from my house and I'm still in the same state.
Also you’re so fucking awesome for owning up to past mistakes like that, you will help so many people deal with the guilt of past errors.❤️
This is such a great idea for a video, so many people do awful things when they aren't in their right mind and I really hope that speaking openly about it will help to break that shame spiral.
i relate to a lot of these stories 😢😢😢 going through active addiction is hard and we can’t judge ourselves so harshly for things we did. we were trying to figure out how to survive. what matters is how we choose to move forward❤️ ps. the “i’m just very tired” excuse never worked for me when i was nodding out either 😭💀
I can't imagine how proud your parents must be of you and your recovery 💕
Video idea- structure of prisons(what’s a teir,dorm, how it is all set up,etc). I’ve never been to prison so therefore I’m a little confused on how prisons are set up. I love you so much and these are 10 insane stories. Stay safe 😊
Hey. What questions?
Oh my do I relate to these feelings.
I have 6 years clean from hardcore opiate addiction. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t relive some situation where my addict self did something awful and am wracked with guilt and disgust. Been in therapy x 5 years and is a big issue we work on.
When you’re in active addiction you are not in the driver’s seat. It’s a never ending nightmare cycle where you are just trying to function and not be thrown in w/d . Am still to this day in disbelief that my parents have forgiven me for the hell I’ve put them through in the years of my addiction.
And they say how proud they are of me. I feel very unworthy of that.
Rochester NY lady right hurrrr
Thank you for sharing your stories, they're really helpful! :)
You're a perfect example of making the best of a bad situation! Congratulations on your success 🙌 👏 ✨ 👍 🙏 👌
You sound exactly like myself! My boyfriend and "friends" came to pick me up from jail at 3 a.m.!! I was extremely sick and they had brought H with them, and I did it in the jail parking lot !!! I smoked it in the jail parking lot!!!!!!
❤️🙏
Thank you for your honesty, Jess.
Hilarious and disturbing at the same time... Looking back on the mad addict days.
Totally relate to the insanity of it all...Cool and normal 🙄😂
Keep on being your beautiful self ❤️🙏
I love your videos so much...they help me stay on the right path. This video reminded me of all the fucked up shit I used to do while I was using...addiction is a bitch and makes good people do truly heinous things. Thanks for reminding me even more how much better it is on the sober side of life. My sober date from H is 4/20 thought you would appreciate that being a fellow smoker 😉 keep up the great content!
I really love your honesty and open-ness. So appreciated !
Was locked for 3 years for a attempted and honestly your stories help me realclamate to society just to lisen to people who have been to prison and been through the struggle help me
Jessica Kent da 🐐 no 🧢
I used to comfort myself when I was in the worst of my addiction and people would tell me, "keep this up and you're not going to have a single friend left in this world!" I would joke, "hey, I got friends I haven't even used yet!" I was a jerk, and am still embarrassed when I think about those days.
I just wanted to say I really like your channel. And as a fellow recovering addict I must be honest because I really wasn't sure with the first video I watched. But then i got to the end and you mentioned recovery and it stood out to me so much that I had to find another video. Well now I'm watching the 5th one in a row so i just wanted to give you a thank you for doing what you do and reminding so many others that they are not alone.
Jess I just want to say thank you so much for making these videos! 💕 I’ve been binge watching all of your videos and it’s really helping me cope and get a better understanding about my dad who lost his battle with addiction a few months ago. You are so awesome 👏
I think a lot of addicts can relate to this, I know that I can relate, on a personal level. In active addiction I hurt my dad more than anyone else and it’s painful to even think about because he was the one who cared the most. He is my best friend and If it wasn’t for him, I would still be using. I feel like he completely trusts me now and I wouldn’t do anything to change that.
Earlier this month I contacted Groups Recover. They wouldn’t help me detox off of my prescribed pain medication because I don’t have substance abuse disorder. It’s a shame that we have all the recovery programs and the only way I can get help from them is lie about my symptoms and ruin my clean record with the DEA or who ever keeps track. Getting help through a program is faster than going to primary care to request a detox medication. I’m not upset but instead I’m disappointed. It feels like no one is able to start helping me just as fast.
Amazing video, I love the background and I absolutely love your accountability it's really inspiring!! I hope and pray that you mended all these relationships
I have so many of the same stories….I still feel horrible for how shitty of a person I was. I love your videos so much, I just recently lost my best friend of 10+ years to fentanyl and it’s so hard. Watching your videos definitely reminds me I never wanna go back to that life ever.
I have been clean for going on 5 years. I still struggle with the anxiety and depression from it. I was the girl that would never try it but I'm struggling with anxiety and depression from screwing up my brain. I'm proud of myself. Do i have a lot of regrets yes but I'm happy I got clean. It is worth it, I am worth it. Here's to many more years of sobriety.
Shit, at least you had fun while doing drugs, don't regret a thing baby.
@@GodlyEddy the first time might have been fun, but waking up sick, going to work sick, having to find money to get some so I would not feel sick, in my book is not fun. I don't want anyone reading what you said as truth. I was miserable. It also accentuated the pain. I started out with pain management because I have lupus and fibromyalgia and could never really find relief. Just walk down skid row and ask them how much fun they're having. In both my uncles cases they had so much fun the killed themselves. So no I'm sorry it's by no means fun.
Every single story u told I've had such a similar situation, almost exactly the same sceneros with the holidays and leaving friends and justifying it/: it was almost like hearing myself talk about my own life it's crazy/: very happy for u and how far youve come. You should be so proud Jess! Hope to get there myself one day. Love ya!
All of your stories seem to have one thing in common: shame. I get the feeling you were ashamed of talking to people, letting them see how deep in it you were. You were definitely a really crappy friend, but I also feel for past you. It breaks my heart! I'm so glad you're here and you're doing well! 😭🖤
I hope you are extremely proud of how far you have come 💕
Thanks Jessica I really needed this video more than all of the rest of your videos. And yes you have produced a lot of great videos. I have never been high but my girlfriend has been many times. Like you she would blow me off and I would not see or hear anything from her until she was back in prison. I really want to give her another chance and hope that she will choose my love instead of drugs. She is your age and I am much older than her. I have never been in any kind of trouble. Like you she is a very beautiful woman in every way when sober. Thank you again. My prayers are with you and my lady.
Can’t wait to see what is coming to Patreon 👍😍
ur my inspiration in recovery
You’re the best!!!! ❤️ we love you and all your stories! You’re a badashhh bishhh! Thanks for all the content!
Jess you are such an inspiration 💓
I can relate to your Dad my daughter does the same thing to me because she's deep into her addiction so that when I do find her stopped in her truck and walk up to her she turns her head and very few words she says hey and bye in the same sentence I love her so much but she wants absolutely nothing to do with us right now I am waiting for the day that she does we aren't going to stop trying
Well done jess for your journey of recovery!!!so proud of u!!!sure it was very difficult!!!but u didnt give u!!!wow!!!u are remarkable!!!!
Yay, first! Love you Jess!!
You are seriously amazing!! You give me so much hope for the future!💜
This is so hard, so inspiring to see you now
This is my favorite video!! You make me feel normal
Good ol T9 texting! I have a few of these stories too especially with family related events, important events. I feel so horrible for what I did and feel like all the apologies in the world don't fix it. Let's just say that I haven't missed one in 10 years now.
I'm so happy I found your channel! I can relate to so much of this. I know that you feel shame for many of the things that you did in the past.
I don't think it's that your addiction outweighed EVERYTHING else in your life. It's more like you were possessed by your addiction so you would come to the surface every once in a while and then the addiction would take the wheel again. That's how it was for me at least.
I'm glad your doing better.
I relate to a whole lot of these, Jessica! I may not have gotten high in jail after getting out but I sure did get high in a courthouse right before my court appearance! And the court parking lot!! Like WOW!!! HOW STUPID WAS I BACK THEN!!! I am forever blessed and grateful that I have will have 3 years clean on July 21st!!!!
I'm so proud of you Jessica. Every time I hear you talk about stuff, I always seem to be able to relate and feel like you are that one girl who sees the world like I do.
All of these things are so intense and crazy to really think back on and be like, " oh my god... I really DID that..."- is such a powerfully insightful feeling. I know you know I know you know that I know that you know...
We all make mistakes, and we both have the will to not give up on what we know is right. We both made similar mistakes, and I see a lot of me in you and you in me often. It's like looking in a mirror... I'm absolutely positive you have some *CRAZY* prison stories you obviously can't tell for the obvious reasons ✌🏻✌🏻... And I'm the type who wants to hear all those juicy *in* details.... I could imagine. Addiction is similar- I started doing crystal when I was 17 and quit when I was 20. I've been sober for almost 14yrs; not one relapse. I went to jail, and almost went to prison for a 15yr sentence but got off not guilty- for DV that I reported and got it turned on me. The system is evil. People inside are just lead wrong for the most part, and a lot of the women are mentally ill. I bunked with a woman who kidnapped her children, and she was Amish. Her story was so sad but from her point of view, I would had too. There was another woman I bunked with who shot a man on a reservation and her case was federal. Another woman I met had her case all over TV, and she was a librarian for the public schools- she threw her husband in a wood chipper after she shot him... She scared me; she had that dead look in her eyes that you see when you meet someone who has taken a life. That look is always an uneasy look to see, it makes me really uncomfortable around the person and she got bunked with the Amish girl eventually, and they became friends... So the Amish girl would tell me what she told her and I would see a totally different side on TV... It's so crazy. Her name is Hazelynn Stomps.
LOVE THIS ❤️🔥 YOURE AMAZING 💕
Jess, thank you for this!
I teach child sex trafficking survivors in a group home, most of whom have been to jail and/or have serious addiction problems. Some of them barely make any progress because they are just waiting to get out so they can do more drugs. Some of my students AWOLed last year, and may or may not be back in jail or worse. I really hope they can eventually come out on the other side like you did, and not in the grave. I may even show one of your videos in class some day; I think some will be able to relate. Thanks for doing what you're doing.
Yesss story times!! 💕
(COMPLETELY UNRELATED) Happy birthday RILEYYYYYYYYYY!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥
I really want to honor all the work you've put in to be where you are
I’d be mad as hell if I drove 7 hours to give someone a ride and they ditched me 😂
So glad to see that you’ve changed!
you are my comfort youtuber
Thanks for doing these videos Jess!
Edit: Ignore below I see now you addressed this already!
Just a heads up on the technicaI side. I think this recording, the audio only comes through on one side for headphone users... I have a pair of headphones where only the right side works most of the time and just static came through I had to play it through my phone speaker.
But in the end Jess, You overcame your addiction! You are inspiration. Addiction is an evil straight from hell. Not the addict, bc they are in misery. It's Addiction itself. I've written about Addiction as a live monster!
She has not overcome her addictions! She still drinks and smokes pot on a daily basis. How is that being in long term recovery. She is fooling no one but herself and maybe that Lush Reece. He’s in big denial also.
Trust takes years to get and seconds to lose
I don’t think the people in our lives realize that no matter how much they hate us that we hate ourselves 1000x more. We realize what we’re doing and we feel awful about it but it just proves how much of a hold addiction has on us and it’s terribly sad 😔
Thank you for sharing. You’re very relatable and I’m glad you’re well. :)
I got nothing but love for you & your family. 💞
I can relate to your #7 and I had a good friend from school pick me up to do the same. I feel ashamed